Life in Fusion - Ethan Day

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Life in fusion

The Sequel to Sno Ho

ethan Day

mlrpress

www.mlrpress.com

MLR PRess authoRs Featuring a roll call of some of the best writers of gay erotica and mysteries today! M. Jules Aedin

Maura Anderson

Victor J. Banis

Jeanne Barrack

Laura Baumbach

Alex Beecroft

Sarah Black

Ally Blue

J.P. Bowie

Michael Breyette

P.A. Brown

Brenda Bryce

Jade Buchanan

James Buchanan

Charlie Cochrane

Jamie Craig

Kirby Crow

Dick D.

Ethan Day

Jason Edding

Angela Fiddler

Dakota Flint

S.J. Frost

Kimberly Gardner

Roland Graeme

Storm Grant

Amber Green

LB Gregg

Drewey Wayne Gunn

David Juhren

Samantha Kane

Kiernan Kelly

J.L. Langley

Josh Lanyon

Clare London

William Maltese

Gary Martine

Z.A. Maxfield

Patric Michael

AKM Miles

Reiko Morgan

Jet Mykles

William Neale

Willa Okati

L. Picaro

Neil S. Plakcy

Jordan Castillo Price

Luisa Prieto

Rick R. Reed

A.M. Riley

George Seaton

Jardonn Smith

Caro Soles

JoAnne Soper-Cook

Richard Stevenson

Clare Thompson

Marshall Thornton

Lex Valentine

Haley Walsh

Stevie Woods

Check out titles, both available and forthcoming, at www.mlrpress.com

Life in fusion

The Sequel to Sno Ho

ethan Day

mlrpress

www.mlrpress.com

This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. Copyright 2010 by Ethan Day All rights reserved, including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form. Published by MLR Press, LLC 3052 Gaines Waterport Rd. Albion, NY 14411 Visit ManLoveRomance Press, LLC on the Internet: www.mlrpress.com Editing by Kris Jacen Cover Design by Deana Jamroz ISBN# 978-1-60820-237-9 Issued 2010 Trademarks Acknowledgment The author acknowledges the trademark status and trademark owners of the following wordmarks mentioned in this work of fiction: Lady and the Tramp: Disney Enterprises, Inc. Star Wars: Lucasfilm Ltd. X-Files: Twentieth Century Fox Film Corporation Shrek: DreamWorks Animation L.L.C. Starbucks: Starbucks Corporation Prozac: Eli Lilly and Company Shake-n-Bake: General Foods Corporation The Da Vinci Code: Dan Brown Twilight: Summit Entertainment, LLC Crayola: Crayola Properties, Inc. Kool-aid: Kraft Foods, Inc. Cocoa Puffs (coo-coo for cocoa puffs): General Mills, Inc. Trapper Keeper: The Mead Corporation Queer as Folk: Channel Four Television Corporation Ferrari: Ferrari S.P.A. YouTube: Google, Inc. Mr. Potato Head: Hasbro Inc. Minnie Mouse: Disney Enterprises, Inc. Scooby Doo: Hanna-Barbera Productions, Inc. Honda: The Honda Motor Company Doritos: Frito-Lay North America, Inc.

PaRt one

The Honeymoon Period

ChaPteR one Buck Caldera methodically inched his way across the thin ledge, grasping at any bump or crevice in the steaming cliff rock wall he could find to help maintain his balance. He took in a tense breath, knowing one misstep and he’d plummet to his death. The intense heat would have been more than most could handle. Even for him, born on the volcanic planet of Voldaire, the blistering dry wind that ripped through the vast chasms of Pluternica were nearly enough to make him lose hold of his senses. It required total concentration to maintain his balance and stave off disorientation. The shrill shriek from the Darten Beasts living among the caves throughout the canyon whisked by, as if riding on the wind, and serving as a reminder he was in constant danger. Even the light from the three suns that kept this wretched planet drenched in constant daylight was severely diffused by the dense fog, which whizzed past him, trapped in the straight-line winds. He tightened his grip, his fingers burning as another large stone bounced down the side of the cliff, missing his head by mere inches.

4 Ethan Day

“Fucking dung beasts!” Buck growled. Dirt and rock particles rained down upon his head and shoulders, shaken loose by the larger stone. He carefully continued making his way closer to the large vent in the wall. “I’m looking forward to slicing open as many of you as I can.” The only advantages he had were his cunning and the Caldemantian sword, forged from the hardest metal known in all the galaxies. It was rare indeed, and could only be found on Voldaire. Many had perished trying to relieve him of the sword, which could cut through anything, even the thick hide of the Darten Beasts. All he needed to do was open up one of them. The sickly, sweet stench of the beast’s blood would be enough to disorient and ward off the rest of their kind. He’d have maybe thirty clicks from the time he spilt the first drop of the Darten’s blood to search the caverns for the Halo. If he were unable to vacate before the effects wore off, he’d be left open to attack once again. Buck was just outside the opening. He steadied himself before removing the sheath from its holster on his belt. He held it out, pressing the lever that released the blades from the openings on each end. The sound of the metal scraping as the blades shot out never failed to give him a bloodlustful thrill. A sensation of power shot through

Life in fusion 5

his chest and into his loins. He was ready to do battle—ready to kill. Keeping his back pressed firmly against the rock, Buck yanked one of the two remaining plasma grenades off the other side of his utility belt. He hesitated, counting off the time before tossing it around the corner into the shaft. The blinding light went off and a thunderous clap vibrated the wall, jarring one of his feet loose. Several shrieks erupted as the air was forced out of the tunnel, and Buck jabbed one end of the sword into the cliff side to balance himself until he once again had his footing. Buck shook his head, spitting out more of the dust and debris he’d been showered with. He grinned, pulling the sword back out of the rock, knowing he’d eviscerated the beasts that had been laying in wait for him. It wouldn’t do anything to ward off the others, as they had been instantaneously burned to dust, but it would give him time to get his bearings and prepare for battle. He swung his body around the corner and jumped into the pitch black opening. He retrieved the pair of goggles from the utility belt and slipped them on. Tapping the button on the side caused them to hum as the green glow from the night

6 Ethan Day

vision flickered on. He was now able to see through the darkness.

Buck tried to regulate his breathing, settling

himself into heat. His long scruffy black hair stuck to his face and neck in clumps. He licked his lips, they were cracked and as dry as the air around him, burning from the single bead of salty sweat that ran down his cheek to the corner of his mouth. The cavern was larger than he’d expected,

opening up once inside. The deep purple rock

seemed to pulsate, though Buck knew it was

merely the heat vapors creating the visual effect. He didn’t have to wait long, having barely made his way inside before the first Darten was screeching toward him. He could make out the thick, matted silvery hair and long fangs dripping with venom as the thirteen foot beast hurtled itself toward him. The venom was a highly toxic paralytic. You were still alive when they started to eat you. One drop on his skin and he was as good as dead. He twirled the blade, readying his stance. “Come on you mongrel piece of shit, time to die for the greater good.” His nerves were hard like the metal in his

hands. He jettisoned himself forward, closing the

Life in fusion 7

distance between himself and the beast. The Darten’s long arms extended, ready to strike as Buck propelled his body up into the air and sailed over the top of the monster. The beast made an attempt to redirect its powerful yet lumbering large arms into the air to grab hold of him, but it was already too late. Buck slashed the Darten across its lower back and it shrieked in pain as its intestines spilled out onto the floor. He landed into a roll and was quickly up on his feet. The beast took two more steps before falling face first to the stone floor of the cavern. Buck turned from the twitching body, the scent of its blood filling his nose. He forced his own nausea back, taking solace in the fact that the remaining Dartens, which had been headed in his direction, were now fleeing. Their battle shrieks replaced with awful highpitched moans. “Fucking animals,” he muttered, spitting onto the ground in an attempt to get the taste out of his mouth. He turned back to the carcass and raised the sword, slicing off a large chunk of the intestine. Buck staked the chunk of meat with the tip of his blade, placing it into a satchel constructed from a gauze-like netting. He slung the strap over his

8 Ethan Day

shoulder before turning toward the darkness. The blood was already saturating the fabric, hissing as it dripped and boiled on the cavern floor. It was disgusting, but Buck knew keeping a piece of it on his person would buy him the most time. He tapped his earpiece, turning on the com

device and static blew into his ear as he began

running down the corridor.

“Activate the timer, Gostric,” Buck commanded. “And get the damn ship into position.” Gostric’s voice crackled through the com.

“You got it, Captain.”

Buck continued to sprint down the cavern as the timer in his goggles put up thirty clicks, before immediately commencing the countdown. His adrenaline level was beginning to regulate, and he once again felt the heat pressing in on him as he searched up and down each side tunnel he came upon. Twenty-four clicks. The atmosphere on Pluternica was hotter and more acidic than his home planet. Despite the unusual insulation property of his skin, Buck’s chest was beginning to tighten as the sulfuricleaden air became thicker and dryer the deeper he

Life in fusion 9

went. Twenty-one clicks. “Watch your heart rates boss,” Gostric said. “You watch my fucking heart rates, asshole,” Buck choked out as he rushed down another dead end cavern. “I’m a kind of busy looking for something no one has ever laid eyes on before.” “Sure thing, Captain.” Seventeen clicks. “Damn all the gods to hell! I don’t see any…” Buck froze, grabbing onto the wall before hissing in pain from the intense heat of the stone. There was a soft glow coming from an opening in the cavern wall just ahead. He could feel the grin spreading across his face as he ran toward it. He knew he’d found the Halo; he could feel it. This was one sizeable bounty he intended to collect. Turning into the room, his mouth fell open at the sight before his eyes. “Son of a Nebulon whore,” Buck muttered under his breath. “What is it, Captain?” Gostric asked, his voice crackling into Buck’s ear. “Did you find it? Did you find the Halo?”

10 Ethan Day

Buck looked up and said, “Hey buddy, we’re here.”

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The tapping on the keyboard of my laptop came to a halt. I sat up straight in the back of the taxi. “Hey buddy,” the cabby repeated, ripping me the rest of the way out of my head. “Huh?” I asked, perturbed at being interrupted when I’d been on such a roll. I realized the cab was pulling down Tulane Drive toward my humble little adobe abode. Reality began to slowly seep back in, along with the knowledge that only hours before, I’d told a near complete stranger I’d relocate and move in with him in six months’ time. Have I gone stark raving mad? A sudden stab of nostalgia ripped through my gut at the panicked thought of leaving New Mexico. I’d lived in Albuquerque all my life—had never imagined living anywhere else. This place was my home and had always felt that way. I belonged to this city and it belonged to me. The taxi pulled into the drive of my two bedroom 1939 Pueblo style home in the Nob Hill area, not too far from Bateman Park and the UNM campus. The house sat a few blocks off Central Avenue, part of the famed Route 66 from back in the day, a fact that was now more of a charming anecdote used on tourist brochures. I saved my word document and shut down my computer before getting out of the taxi. I hated having to stop writing, especially when I’d been having one of those moments where the story seemed to take hold, almost as if possessing me. I tried telling myself I’d be able to get back there once I made it inside, but I knew that wasn’t likely. Real life had already worked its way back in.

Life in fusion 11 I took stock of my home while waiting for the driver to pop the trunk so I could retrieve my luggage. Surveying the exterior, it became clear to me that my place was looking kinda rough around the edges. Despite having been lovingly owned and restored by my uncle Barry and his lover Steven, both of whom had passed away years before, the stucco exterior now required some attention. If nothing else, a new coat of paint. I was ashamed of myself for a good three or four seconds at having allowed it to happen, before shrugging it off. “I’ve never been much of a handy man,” I mumbled as the cab driver set my bags on the pavement next to my feet. “Me either pal.” He folded his arms as if waiting for something. “Money!” I said, holding up a hand. “I need to pay you.” “That’s usually how these things go,” the driver smirked. “Sorry, I knew that—I did.” I reached back, taking the wallet out of my back pocket. Fishing out some bills, including a nice tip, I continued rambling about not having suffered from any recent head injuries. The cabbie nodded, though it was obvious he didn’t give a damn if I’d cracked my head open or not. He retreated to the car, sneering as he backed out of the driveway. “The cabbies treat you a whole lot better in Summit City!” I yelled as the car pulled away from the house, tires squealing. “Nosy as hell—but friendly!” I now felt like an idiot, standing in my driveway, fist in the air and screaming at no one. Snatching my bags up, I noticed my neighbor, Rosa Diaz, stepping out onto her front porch to watch me. She was wearing the same look of pitied disapproval that came over her whenever I had the misfortune of stumbling into her line of sight. It had been unnerving the first time I met her, as she appeared to be a sweet, motherly type on the outside. Then again, I never had been the best judge of character. I instantly plastered on my most neighborly smile as I sauntered toward my front door, fighting with my luggage. I never knew exactly what it was about me that garnered

12 Ethan Day her pity-looks. I did, however, assume it all stemmed from my mouth. The things that came out of it were certainly part of the reason. I suspected the fact I was gay was another, so once again my mouth, or what I liked to put into it, had her concerned. Rosa was also the neighborhood neatnik—always after me about repairing something. Her husband had died the year before, a sweet old man, and while I’d been very sad for her loss, I was shocked that he’d dared do anything without her permission. And if I knew one thing for certain, it was that Mrs. Diaz would have never given him leave…to leave. “I kept a good eye on your house while you were gone,” she called out with a wave. “Thank you.” I walked as fast as I could with my arms full as I said under my breath, “Not that I asked you to.” “And that big piece of trim that fell off is still leaning against the side of your house!” She called out. “Not that I mind, but I thought I’d bring it up in case you forgot about it.” “I haven’t Rosa, but thank you so much for the reminder.” Dropping a bag, I wrestled the keys out of my pocket, cursing my gay ass for bowing to the peer pressure of my culture and wearing the tight jeans, merely because they showcased my unmentionables. I unlocked the arched front door, one of my favorite architectural features of the house. It was solid oak, stained dark, and had one of those peek-a-boo openings covered with decorative wrought iron that matched the ornate latch and hinges. Tossing my bags in as quickly as possible, I stepped in and slammed the door shut behind me. Despite the fact the door had a latch that locked itself automatically upon closing, I fumbled to also lock the dead bolt, taking no chances that the outside world could get to me for the remainder of the day. I leaned back against it, exhausted. I let my gaze wander as the familiar scent of leather and wood filled my nose. It struck me as similar to Wade’s house in a way; except the smell from the wood in my house carried with it an

Life in fusion 13 aged quality. The living room and its kiva fireplace with the brick and tile surround welcomed me. The creamy stucco walls and rough hewed beams that stretched across the low ceilings mixed harmoniously with the warm hues of the leather and earth tone fabrics, providing a coziness that had all the muscles in my shoulders finally relaxing. I was home. It felt good, which surprised me considering I was still experiencing tiny pangs of sadness at having parted ways with Wade. It wasn’t debilitating, but there none the less, lying just under the surface of all my other emotions. It was strange, having that ache slowly ripping through my chest over a man I’d known for such a short amount of time. Stupid ass emotions—nothing but trouble. His mojo was strong, grasshopper—making me feel like a bug, being crushed under the weight of it. I tried shaking him out of my head as I stepped away from the door and weaved around the bags scattered across the terracotta tile. I’d genuinely missed my house, which was more modest than Wade’s mountain lodge and its spectacular views. But my place felt more like an actual home to me. I could sense it, passing over the threshold, that this house was lived in. I slipped off my parka and tossed it across one of the matching leather club chairs that sat across from a small faux suede sofa. There were plants everywhere, green and lush, spilling out over large pots and cascading toward the floor. Daylight cut through the windows, which were covered in rich, velvety rust colored panels that pooled onto the floor. From the front door I could see clear through the house to the sliding glass doors that led to a small covered patio. The backyard was nicely landscaped with shade trees, and the stucco wall that wrapped around the property line made skinny dipping in the pool possible. I stepped up into the intimate dining room and walked past the round mahogany pedestal table I’d rescued from a flea market,

14 Ethan Day tossing my wallet and keys onto it. The dark stained wood floors that ran through the bulk of the house creaked under my feet as I kicked off my shoes. I pulled my cell out of my pocket and turned on the smart phone. I frowned, realizing Wade hadn’t called. I knew it was dumb, since I told him I’d call the instant I made it home, but the new silly-school-girl side of my altered personality had half hoped he wouldn’t have been able to wait. “He did say he thought he loved me.” I nodded at the display as if that justified my infantile disappointment. I scrolled through all the numbers, realizing most of the missed calls I’d collected were from my best friend, Gabe. The rest were from dear ole Mommy. Passing through the kitchen I paused at the small refrigerator from the fifties, and retrieved a bottle of water. It was the second old-ass fridge I’d been forced to search out since the cutout in the wall was too small for today’s modern appliances. Everything was smaller in the hobbit kitchen, as it had become dubbed by Gabe. I stepped down into the den at the back of the house and plopped down on the tufted burgundy cushions of the Morris chair. I leaned back, setting the water down on one arm of the chair, and my phone down on the other. The built-ins surrounding the fireplace had been filled to capacity with books of all shapes, sizes and themes. The den was slightly smaller than the living room, but had the same tiled floor and dark wood beams. The walls were covered in dark, solid wood paneling, giving it a more masculine feel. People were often surprised by my home, commenting on how tasteful it was. I assumed they were shocked as I, or what came out of my mouth, wasn’t usually all that tasteful. I liked to say that I didn’t want anything in my home to be more colorful than me, since one’s home should be the last place in which one needed to compete. In reality, I believed it to be a revolt against growing up in my parents’ house, which was the antithesis of what I now craved in terms of design. Sitting up, I snagged the remote off the coffee table and

Life in fusion 15 turned on the flat screen that hung above the fireplace. I turned the volume down till it was barely audible, and stretched my body out in the chair. I scowled listening to my back cracking and popping. Either I was getting old, Wade had fucked me out of alignment, or the stress of the past week had taken more of a toll than I’d previously allowed myself to imagine. “I’ll take all of the above.” I closed my eyes for a moment. “Well, except the old part. I’m much too vibrant a personality to ever be dimmed by age.” My mind immediately went back to the Quad, the four ladies who’d been the best friends of Wade’s mother back in the day. They’d all but adopted him and Jackie after she died when they were kids. I reminded myself that getting older was now looking even worse than I’d ever imagined. “All that sniping.” I opened my eyes and smiled. “It was fabulous.” I laughed and reached for the phone. I wondered to myself if Wade had any idea what they’d done. And if he didn’t know and I brought it up, would the Quad wind up holding it against me for the rest of my life, making me miserable whenever possible for telling on them? I thought back to that morning, after the shuttle bus had picked me up at Wade’s house in the mountains. I was supposed to be on my way to the airport in Denver. I closed my eyes again, recalling the way I felt in that moment, the exquisite agony of it.

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In the back of the otherwise empty shuttle bus carrying me farther away from Wade Walker, I continued taking one deep breath after another. My chest ached terribly, as if my entire being, right down to the very core of my soul, was screaming; Turn the fuck around, Boone Daniels! All but ordering me to stop before it was too late. I smiled, relaxing my body into the seat; head nestled into the curve of the head rest. My eyes were shut tight in an attempt to

16 Ethan Day keep myself from crying. I’d never realized such misery could make me so deliriously happy. But it made me believe the feelings I had for Wade were real. They had to be. The way they cut through me, making every inch of my skin burn. I’d finally found the one thing I’d spent my entire life looking for, despite all the apparent self-sabotaging I’d committed at every opportunity. “It just might be love,” I said under my breath, smiling as a tear escaped the corner of my eye. The shuttle bus jumped, like we’d run over a pothole, and I opened my eyes. It took a moment for them to adjust to the bright sunlight as I reached up and wiped my cheek. We were pulling into a small parking lot, and I wondered how I could have been so lost in my own thoughts to have not noticed we’d slowed down. What the hell were we doing back in town…back in Summit City, Colorado? “Um, excuse me?” I sat up a bit in the seat. The driver glanced back at me through the rearview, but didn’t answer. “What the hell is going on here? Where are you taking me?” We pulled to a stop alongside a single story cabin-esque wood-sided building that had a steep pitched roof. It was rather grand in scale, and had steps with thick iron railings that led up to a concrete landing from the front and sides to the main entrance. I jumped, just beginning to open my mouth again, startled by the driver opening up the sliding door of the shuttle. I scowled, wondering if he’d come in after me should I refuse to get out. “Please, mister.” He held out a hand for me. “I’d really appreciate it if you could go inside. It shouldn’t take too long, then we’ll be on our way to Denver.” He looked barely old enough to drive and I figured whatever the hell was going on here, it was doubtful he was anything other than an innocent bystander. I rolled my eyes as he looked at me pleadingly, then pulled myself off of the seat and out onto the pavement. The guy was smiling again, cheerful—as if we’d had a spat and finally made up. I shook my head and marched up the

Life in fusion 17 steps, grabbing hold of the railing as I stepped onto a patch of ice and my foot slipped out from under me. “Careful,” I heard from behind me. I turned and smiled sweetly, and the kid grinned back, taking a seat on the floor of the van where the sliding door was open, his legs dangling over the side, his shoes scraping at the salted cement. I continued my ascent toward the door and decided I was physically going to kill Wade if I walked into this building and found him inside. The selfish, spoiled brat was not going to keep me from leaving! It didn’t matter that I didn’t want to leave. I’d made a decision, and by God I was going to stick with it. I laughed a little over my own hypocrisy, and pulled open the heavy wooden door, letting out a grunt. I hadn’t anticipated it would be so thick and difficult to maneuver. I strode across the threshold, realizing it was pitch black inside once the door closed behind me. “Hello?” I called out, afraid to move. It was dead calm and I could’ve heard a pin drop as I stood there frozen, feet cemented to the floor. I felt my heart rate pick up slightly and I started to turn back to feel for the door when I heard a flick. A rush of bright light cut through the black, shooting a spotlight down onto an empty chair. I assumed I was supposed to sit, but I didn’t make a move. “Why yes, I’d love a seat…thank you for asking,” I called out in my very own sarcastically sweet lilt. I began to move toward the chair, hoping I wasn’t going to trip over anything on my way. “What lovely gracious manners you have.” I heard a giggle coming from somewhere followed by a shushing sound. I stopped a few feet away from the chair as more lights came on, flooding a decent sized stage. There sat the Quad, all lined up at a long table, looking down at me from above. “Take a seat,” Rita, the ring leader and high-school drama teacher said in a flat voice that I was sure was meant to intimidate me. I bit my lip to keep myself from laughing. This entire scene

18 Ethan Day looked like something out of a reality TV show. “Is the Donald firing me—no wait—you’re voting me off the island?” I took a seat in my light bath. “You can try ladies, but you’ll never extinguish my flame.” I winked at the one who giggled again, Sandy…if I remembered correctly. She smiled back at me until Rita reached over and smacked her. “That really hurt,” Sandy whispered. “Zip it.” Wade’s aunt, Deloris or Del as she was known, spoke from the side of her mouth. Maggie winked at me, but managed to keep the rest of her person rigid and stoic. Aside from the nagging irritation I had at the thought of missing my plane, I was finding this all very entertaining. I should’ve been nervous. I’d been ducking this foursome over the past few days and now they had me right where they wanted me. I smiled, feeling a bit like a spoiled child, making a solemn vow to not tell them a damn thing. They’d been prying into my affairs enough as it was, getting the employees of the lodge to spy on me. Despite the fact I knew they’d meant well, the invasion of my privacy pissed me off. We all sat in silence for a few more moments as I looked them each over, smiling as if I were the sweetest little boy that had ever walked the planet. “What’s all this, Peggy Sue?” I smiled and offered wide-eyed. “I don’t have a whole lot of time girls. I just can’t be late for the sock-hop…gee that Bobby Darrin’s drrreamy.” Del let out a snort, then seemed to catch herself. Rita leaned forward across the table. “We’d like to speak with you about Wade.” I looked down and held up my hand, as if blushing. “Girls… really, I already told you he tried several times at the drive-in Saturday night but I wouldn’t let him touch me in my special place!”

Life in fusion 19 They all laughed, including Rita. “I’m onto you kiddo.” Rita pointed her finger at me. “I let him pin me, that’s it!” I said, earnestly. “I’ll just bet you did,” Sandy said before placing her hand over her mouth as if embarrassed by having insinuated something naughty. I raised my eyebrows, having a newfound respect for the sweet, innocent looking Sandy. I’d have that one wrapped around my fingers in no time, I thought. Rita shook her head, glancing down at me. “You might be able to charm most of the people, most of the time with your joking around and little comedy bits—but we aren’t most people.” “All this drama over my bits? Well, I hate to bring this up,” I said, looking at them seriously, “but me and all my bits were on our way out of town until the four of you hijacked me. Boynapping is a very serious offence.” “Why are you leaving?” Del asked. “I know for a fact he asked you to stay.” “Look here, now.” I felt my skin get all creepy-crawly at the thought of having a serious discussion about my feelings. I desperately wanted to make a run for it. “I can’t just…it’s only been a week.” “So you’re planning on coming back?” Maggie finally jumped in excitedly. She looked at the other women. “See, I told you he wouldn’t just leave. He’s coming back.” “You didn’t even let him answer!” Rita said, seeming overly irritated with Maggie. I rolled my eyes and sighed. “I just need some time—” “You don’t have to be so snappish.” Maggie retorted, cutting me off. “They’ve fallen in love with one another.” Maggie smiled as she placed her hand over her heart. “It’s so romantic.” “For God’s sake, Maggie,” Rita huffed, “I swear one of these days I’m going to beat you to death with one of those silly romance novels you always have your nose stuck in.”

20 Ethan Day The other two women began laughing as Maggie tossed an angry scowl in Rita’s direction. Maggie placed her hands flat on the table and sat up a bit in her seat. “It is a pity that we can’t all be just like you—screwing them senseless before tossing some cash on the nightstand.” Sandy’s mouth fell open, but her eyes widened, obviously enjoying this new tiff immensely. Del let out a sigh. While I was enjoying the first act as well, I began to wonder if I’d be allowed to live should they start revealing the big secrets. “It’s my fault I can’t seem to find anything interesting about them aside from their penis?” Hello…TMI people! “Would you two please cork it,” Del said, trying not to laugh. “Oh Del,” Sandy complained. “Can you for once stop trying to be the peacemaker? You always stop them just when it’s starting to get good.” I noticed a bloodthirsty expression steal over her face. This Sandy was revealing herself to be a whole lot more lethal. “Do you have to be such a callous slut?” Maggie tossed back at Rita. I gasped before catching a hold of myself. No! She! Didn’t!

“Maggie!” Del’s mouth fell open. “That’s rich!” Rita squealed. “I’m sorry Del, but she’s constantly on my case and I’m sick

of it.” “Yeah keep out of it, Del.” Sandy agreed. Oh yeah, that one’s trouble! “Please remind me.” Rita scooted her chair closer to the table. “Exactly how many husbands have you gone through? Men are like Kleenex to you—callous slut indeed!” “I loved each and every one of my husband’s dearly!” Maggie declared.

Life in fusion 21 “We’re supposed to be examining Boone!” Del flung out her arm toward me. The room got very quiet and I smiled up at them as images of alien probes flashed through my mind on hearing the word “examine.” “What’s the point?” Sandy shrugged and looked me over. “He’s running out on Wade anyway.” That bitch! “I never said—” “At least I’ve never killed any of my men with my vagina!” Maggie said, pointing at Rita while looking at me and nodding her head. Scandalicious! “Right…like the boy is just supposed to drop everything and jump in face first?” Del asked, cocking her head to one side while shooting Sandy a nasty look. I raised my hand up to Jesus. Finally, someone was on my side! “Thank y—” “He had a heart condition!” Rita squealed, screaming it as if she’d grown tired of defending her man-killing vagina, already. “He’d stay if he really loved Wade!” Sandy snapped back. Ouch. Okay, that one stung, I thought as feelings of guilt rushed over me. “Will you shut up you silly, pot-stirring…hippy-dippy!” Del yelled. on.

I stood slowly, raising a hand into the air waiting to be called “Why are you always on her case?” Rita asked Del.

“Because she’s constantly trying to stir up trouble,” Del fired back. “Um…I, excuse me?” I called out. They continued to snipe at one another while ignoring me. “And don’t be jumping in over here, we may let you pretend

22 Ethan Day like you’re in charge, but we all know I am!” Del folded her arms and nodded while the other three ladies began either screaming or laughing at the absurdity of it. I shrugged, dropped my arm back to my side and turned before heading toward the crack of light I spied coming from under what I prayed was the exit. As I pushed on the door, the shuttle driver looked up from his cell phone, cocking his head to the side, able to hear the women going at it from inside. “I swear, I didn’t—” “No, they’ll be at it for hours,” he interrupted, seeming to be

unfazed. “Let’s get you to Denver.” I climbed back into the shuttle. He slammed the door shut and I laughed, now knowing full well who was to blame for spoiling Wade. “I can’t believe the audacity—they totally kidnapped me.”

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I wiggled around in the chair, staring at the cobweb hanging from the wood beam in my den. Once I settled into a new spot and felt comfortable, I nodded, deciding I shouldn’t bring up what the Quad had done, unless Wade did. Even though they couldn’t really do anything to me now, considering I knew about the man-killing vagina and all…no sense making unnecessary enemies, right? It had taken Wade mere minutes to work out how to use my cell. I’d had the damn thing for weeks and could barely manage to get online. I hit one on my speed dial and shook my head, slightly disgusted. In place of his name he’d typed in, Love of my Life which pissed me off since I couldn’t figure out how to change it. Even more irritating was instead of using my name on his phone Wade had decided to get creative once again. I could feel my stomach flutter as the phone started to ring. One and a half rings, to be exact, before Wade answered. “You have no idea how hot I get seeing, ‘Sno Ho’ pop up on my caller ID.”

Life in fusion 23 “Please fucking change that, Wade.” I leaned back in the chair, resting the back of my head against the cushion. “I have a slutty enough reputation in Summit City as it is.” “No way, you’re my Sno Ho.” Wade sighed, seductively. “So… what are you wearing?” I burst out laughing and hit the button he’d pointed out the day before, which turned on the speaker phone. My ear was already starting to get hot, and I hated that. “The same thing I was wearing when I left this morning, you deliciously dirty bastard.” “That’s just cruel—why’d you have to go and bring up our bad time?” I laughed again; taking note it wasn’t plural, at least not yet anyway. “So what have you been doing all day?” “I’m still in bed.” That same intense pressure shot through my chest at the thought I’d made him sad. “You need to get up and out of bed then, its late afternoon already.” “Fuck you, no.” I could hear Wade rooting around in the sheets through the phone. “I can still smell you on the sheets. I’ve been lying here all day with a hard-on from hell.” I felt the heat as my face flushed even though there was no one around to be embarrassed in front of. I sighed, closing my eyes for a moment, picturing his massively-muscled, superhero sized body lying there all naked and hard. My jeans began to feel a teensy bit tighter. “Fuck, I’m sorry, Wade.” “You should be. I’m completely miserable and it’s all your fault.” “Technically, you picked me up in the first place, but I’ll go ahead and take this one on the chin.” “I think you should take off your clothes instead.” “Do you, now?” I asked. “I want to hear you scream my name as you shoot. Did I

24 Ethan Day happen to mention how turned on I get hearing you say my name when I make you come?” I took a deep breath and cooed. “No, you neglected to mention that, Wade.” “All I can think about is sliding my cock inside you and slowfucking you into a frenzy.” I was suddenly finding it difficult to swallow so I set down the phone and snagged the bottle of water. “Jesus, babe.” “Take off your fucking clothes, Boone.” I sat up straighter, hearing the serious tone in his voice. “Do it, now.” I set the water on the floor next to the chair and slowly stood, wondering why I was feeling all shy and goofy all of a sudden. “I put the phone down but I have you on speaker.” “That’s good,” Wade said, clearing his throat. I could hear him rustling around as I pulled off the loose fitting sweater and t-shirt, tossing them on the floor. I hadn’t worn a belt because I wanted to be comfy on the plane. I grinned as I unbuttoned my jeans. I knelt on the chair, getting my crotch as close to the speaker as I could before slowly pulling the zipper down. Wade groaned and my smile widened knowing he’d been able to hear that. “I’m sliding my jeans and briefs down over my hips.” “What I wouldn’t give to bite into that ass.” I felt my dick get harder, remembering the way it had felt when he’d done exactly that the day before. I reached back, running my fingers over the slight bruising on my left cheek. I slid my pants down, kicking them free along with my briefs. I decided to keep my socks on since my feet were freezing. It wasn’t like he’d ever know. “My ass will be online later tonight ordering the two most expensive and highest quality web cams I can find,” Wade said.

Life in fusion 25 “I don’t know about that idea.” I lowered the back of the Morris chair until the wooden dowel slipped into the last groove. “What if someone saw us?” I sat down and reclined back, stretching my body out, remembering how much I loved the way velvet covered cushions felt against my naked skin. “No one’s going to see it but you and me. I can’t take not looking at you for two weeks until I make it down to Albuquerque. Besides, it’s not like you’re planning to run for office someday or anything.” “I think you just like the idea of bossing me around. Besides, I can’t figure out how to work my phone, what the hell makes you think I can hook up a video feed?” “Are you naked yet?” “Oh, shit, yeah…sorry.” I laughed, feeling awkward all of a sudden. “And I thought your best friend was part of the geek squad or something?” I sat up in the chair. “I can’t ask him to do it! He’ll know exactly what it’s for!” “Just calm down, baby.” “He’s like the world’s biggest prude. I’ll never hear the end of it.” I grinned, listening to Wade’s deep laugh. “You’re the strangest man I’ve ever met. Do you do everything backwards?” “Tammy, tell me true—is my new boyfriend already lodging complaints about my backdoor policies?” “Oh damn it, here we go,” Wade growled. “Forget I said anything and let’s get back to you being all naked and stuff.” “And so soon after upgrading your weekend pass to one of the few coveted season ticket holders to my ass?” “Hey!” Wade yelled. “And this is the thanks I get for my generosity. I could have

26 Ethan Day sworn you met the height requirement to ride this ride?” “I’d better be the only season ticket holder to your ass,” Wade added grumpily. “Selfish, greedy man.” “Damn straight—and stop trying to change the subject.” “Why do you say that?” I asked, having forgotten what the original topic had been. “Here I am, the guy you’re dating, and you talk about your ass like it’s a relief organization.” I scowled, looking down at the phone. “Yeah, so what?” “Yet you’re uncomfortable for your best friend to know you’re jacking off online with your boyfriend.” I chuckled, looking down to see I was still hard as a rock. “I’ve known him since I was little. We aren’t your typical friends, he’s more like a brother—a very protective and judgmental brother.” I felt sick to my stomach at the thought of telling Gabe I’d agreed to move. “I swear you’re turning into the biggest girl, Wade Walker.” “What the hell?” “You get me all naked and now you want to have share time?” I asked. “Well sure, blame me for getting sidetracked.” Wade’s deep voice cut through my chest, even when coming through the phone. “Now is when I’d be lifting your legs into the air, taking your ankles into one hand and pushing your legs back as I force the head of my cock into your ass.” I grinned, chewing on my lip. “My you do say the sweetest things, Wade Walker.” “I love watching your face twist all up as I push deeper inside you.” I reached down and began stroking my now leaking cock. “You do have one big dick, baby.” “I’m stroking that big dick now, remembering the way you

Life in fusion 27 open up that tight ass for it.” I cleared my throat. “Keep talking like that and this isn’t gonna last very long.” “Oh, fuck.” Wade sounded breathy. “Your ass is so hot, so fucking tight, clamping down on my dick like a vice grip when I pound into you.” I let out a groan, feeling the perspiration beginning to collect on my forehead as I pumped my own cock. “Fuck yes, Wade.” I took in a deep breath, my fingers sliding up over the head of my dick, teasing, causing the muscles in my abdomen to tense. “I love having you inside me, the way I continue to feel you there, long after.” “Fuck yes, Boone, I’m close.” I moaned, my upper body lifting up off the back of the chair. “That’s right, baby, pound my ass.” Wade was getting louder as well. “I’m gonna shoot.” I thrust my head back, letting out a long throaty moan as the first shot of hot semen spattered up my stomach and across my chest. With each of Wade’s loud groans, another stream came across my fingers until I began to shake and quiver, the head of my dick too sensitive for me to touch any longer. Wade let out one last scream and I imagined him, twitching slightly, his hips still lightly thrusting. “This is going to be the longest two weeks of my life,” I said, trying to get my wind back. “You and your giant cock have ruined me for life.” “Good,” Wade said, breathing heavily. “I like being your ruination.” “You would, you shit head.” I glanced down at myself, unable to believe my cock was still bone hard. “I think I want a pre-nup that says you can’t leave me after ruining my ass for normal size dick.” “I’ll sign anything you want, babe,” Wade said. “But your ass is mine, so don’t you and your pretty little bubble butt start

28 Ethan Day fretting over silly thoughts like that. And I’d appreciate you not thinking about any dick other than mine, regardless of size.” “I love it when you get all possessive and clingy.” I squirmed down the chair, reaching under the arm and grabbing my water. “Fuck Boone, how the hell am I going to fall asleep tonight without having you here to wrap up in my arms?” “I’ll call you back at bed time and we’ll do this again,” I offered. I listened as he let out a long sigh but decided not to remind him I wasn’t exactly thrilled to be away from him either. Mainly because he’d be sure to remind me it was all my fault. The one time I try being a responsible adult and I get berated instead of receiving praise for my cool head. So much for positive reinforcement! “It’ll get easier, right?” Wade finally asked. Christ, I hope not. “Sure,” I said, even though I had no idea. I

felt the cum on my stomach and chest beginning to cool. “We should clean ourselves up, and I need a shower after that plane ride.” “I’d lick you clean if I could,” Wade said. I could practically hear him smiling. “You’re a rotten, teasing bastard, you know that?” Wade groaned, deeply through the phone, the sound somehow managing to cause my nipples to harden. “Nice to know you crave me as much as I do you.” I blew out a puff of air. “Puh-lease! I don’t crave you. I’m just slutty, remember?” “Do I ever.” I felt a grin spreading over my face and I bit into my lower lip. “I’m hanging up now, but promise me you’ll get out of bed and do…something.” “I suppose I could go downstairs and masturbate on the couch.” I shook my head. “That’ll leave a stain, babe.”

Life in fusion 29 Wade laughed, which caused me to do the same. “You know that wasn’t what I meant. Miss you,” he finally said with a soft sigh. I felt my chest tighten, and my eyes began to sting. “Love you,” I tossed out, quickly hitting the end call button like some ignorant ass tweeny-bopper. I didn’t want to hear him say it back, making my chest ache more, but I knew damn well he was lying in his bed right now, smiling from ear to ear because I actually used the “L” word. My face was burning hot, though I had no clue who the hell I was supposed to be embarrassed in front of. Common sense was telling me I couldn’t possibly love him. I’d barely scratched the surface, knowing next to nothing about the man. At the same time, I couldn’t deny the fact that something had definitely happened between us over the past week. I immediately regretted saying I loved him, while simultaneously justifying the fact that I’d done so, since it was what I was feeling. I exhaled slowly, wishing the achy pressure would let up. I reached up to massage my chest and cringed. I pulled my hand away, shaking my head seeing the smeared semen. “Classy, Boone—real classy.”

ChaPteR two I walked out of the bathroom, wrapping the towel around my waist before running my fingers through my shoulder length damp hair. Once I had it brushed back off my forehead, I dug through the bureau, looking for a pair of briefs. It was the only other piece of furniture aside from the bed that fit into the cozy bedroom. I always found it odd that the smaller bedroom was the one with the attached bathroom. It was tiny a bath at that, but considering they weren’t all the rage back in the thirties and forties, I was happy there was one at all. My queen sized bed appeared to be larger than it was. I had one of those four poster beds with the mattress set that made it look as though the bed had been jacked up. It was kind of an oldtimey style, had actually belonged to my uncle, who’d had quite the exceptional relationship. I’d hoped it might one day perform the same magic for me. Probably silly, I realized. But it had the added benefit of being just the right height to be bent over and fucked from behind. Don’t judge me…we all have different ideas of what it means to be a good hostess. My phone started to ring so I dashed around the bed and snagged it up off the night stand. I’d barely gotten hello out before I started laughing as Wade’s sister, Jackie, squealed in my ear. “I just talked to my brother, and I’m so excited,” Jackie said in a hushed voice. What a coincidence, I just talked to your brother and he had me all excited. “We must expose his secret powers at once!” “Huh?” Jackie asked, confused since she was unable to hear the running commentary going on in my head. “Never mind, Jackie.” I shook my head at myself. “Well, I can hardly stand it. I can’t believe you’ll be here for good in a few short months.”

32 Ethan Day I felt my jaw clench, irritated that Wade was still working the angles, like he could manipulate the terms and conditions. “I’m not so sure about that.” I grinned, liking the way defiance tasted on my tongue when Jackie went silent. Finally I heard her breath blowing softly into the phone. “Please don’t tell me Wade imagined the whole thing?” I sighed. “No—it’s just, well, I’m not sure I can deal. Being tagged Uncle Butt Boy for the rest of my life?” Jackie laughed, her voice quickly going back to a hushed whisper. “I was under the impression it wasn’t all that far from the truth.” I took in a sharp breath. “Hey, I refuse to be pigeon-holed…” “Only corn-holed. I get it.” I laughed, hopping up onto my bed. “I’ll have you know my range stretches far beyond mere ass-play.” “Of that I have zero doubts.” I positioned the phone between my shoulder and ear so I could open the towel and slip on my briefs. “Why the hell are you whispering?” “I snuck down to the laundry room in an attempt to hide from my Children of the Corn. Some days they just creep me out, you know?” I didn’t know, but it felt wrong to contradict her. “I woke up to the four of them standing at the edge of my bed watching me sleep, and I’ve been wigged ever since.” I felt myself smiling, knowing full well she was being slightly melodramatic for my benefit. Glancing down at my feet, which were dangling several inches above the floor, I said, “Granted I’m no expert, but aren’t kids supposed to fear their parents?” “I’ve given up on that ever being a reality. I’ve switched to guilt and telling them they’ll go to hell and burn into little crispies if they don’t do what I tell them.” “Oh my God!” I burst out laughing. “That’s terrible!”

Life in fusion 33 “It’s all I have left.” She hissed into the phone. “I used to have Santa and the whole coal thing, but between Wade and their father, the little shits get whatever they want. They no longer feel like they need the fat bastard!” “I’m sure that’s not true,” I said, before remembering how spoiled Wade was. “No, seriously—one of them actually said, What do we need Santa for?” I lay back onto the bed, running my hand over my abs, which were still slightly sore from all the crunches I’d done after my run. “I think I’m going to enjoy having a sister.” “Ah ha!” She gasped, cursing under her breath before dialing it back down to a hushed whisper. “So you are planning on being my big brother’s boy-bitch.” “We have a deal, of sorts…” “Shhh!” Jackie cut me off. “I think I heard something.” I rolled my eyes, wondering why I had to be quiet. It wasn’t like her litter could hear me. I sat up, practically jolted off the bed as Jackie let out a blood curdling scream. I scrambled for the phone, which I’d dropped when my entire body tensed in reaction. I quickly placed it back up to my ear in time to hear the chorus of voices all giggling as they yelled, “There you are!” The line went dead and my mouth fell open. I started to call her back, but thought better of it, feeling as though any semblance of an adult conversation would now be impossible. I paused for a brief moment, wondering for her safety, after that whole, Children of the Corn reference. I rolled my eyes at having gotten sucked in. I turned and looked over at the clock. It was only about a quarter till seven, but I was friggin’ exhausted. I decided it couldn’t hurt to lie down for a quick nap, before calling Gabe and my mother. I smiled, knowing full well I was merely trying to avoid answering their slew of nosy questions, which would inevitably end with me telling them all about Wade. I played with the buttons on the side of my phone until I stumbled across

34 Ethan Day the one that operated the volume of the ringer. I tapped it until it said silent, and tried to make a mental note of which button controlled that function. I pushed the damp towel off the bed and onto the wood floor and paused momentarily before relenting, sliding my fresh pair of undies right back off. I tossed them as well, and yanked down the blankets, crawling underneath. I grinned, letting out a soft sigh as I curled up with the two pillows I’d placed together and buttoned Wade’s stolen-from-the-laundry blue flannel shirt around—it smelled so fucking awesome, and I felt all tingly from my nipples down to my cock. I fumbled behind me until I found my sleep mask on the night stand and slipped it on. I pressed my face into Pillow-Wade, inhaling deeply, and felt my head get all fuzzy as I drifted off to sleep.

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“What the fuck?” My entire body went rigid, ripped out of sleepy time by the loud bang of my bedroom door slamming into the wall. I reached up, searching the room in a haze after pushing my sleep mask up onto my forehead. My gaze settled on the fuzzy form standing in the doorway. “Wade?” I asked, in my husky morning voice, blinking until my eyes came into focus. “Thanks for calling me yesterday to let me know you made it home safely,” Gabe said in a none-too-happy tone. “And who the fuck is Wade?” I placed the palm of my hand to my chest, breathing steadily in an attempt to get my heart rate down to normal. I turned to the clock, seeing it was almost seven a.m. “You practically gave me a heart attack, asshole.” “Good!” Gabe folded his arms, his face all contorted with angry lines running across his forehead. “Next time you’ll at least pick up your god damn phone when I call you.” I couldn’t believe I’d slept for almost twelve hours. I whipped the blankets off me only to cover myself once Gabe pointed, yelling “Boone boner!” and averted his eyes toward the ceiling. He’d done that ever since we discovered exactly what a hard-on

Life in fusion 35 was. “You’ve seen me naked before, Gabe,” I scolded, desperately trying to force myself fully awake while thinking I could probably handle another twelve hours after that week with Wade. “And why is everyone suddenly so set on taking away sleepy time!” “What the hell are you going on about?” Gabe asked, peeking down at me again to see if it was once again a boner free viewing zone. “And naked is one thing, fully engorged is quite another— and who the hell is Wade?” “A sleep deprivation conspiracy,” I grumbled. “All part of his evil plan to get me weak and pliable, caving in to his…” I cringed slightly, realizing Gabe hadn’t forgotten about that whole Wade comment in all his anger. I ripped the blankets off again, flashing my woody. “Aw man…damn it, Boone.” His gaze flashed back up toward the ceiling. “I’ll call and schedule my lobotomy now, thank you very much.” “Me and my big swollen Boone boner are getting out of bed, now.” I smiled, seeing the slight panic rush over his face as he took a step backward. His voice cracked slightly and he reached up to adjust his glasses. “And why in the name of hell do you have a blue flannel shirt buttoned around that pillow? Good lord, it’s finally happened, you’ve snapped and lost your mind.” I hopped out of bed, feet thumping onto the cold wood floor. I cursed, tossing the blankets over the pillows I’d dressed up in Wade’s shirt—a good idea at the time, despite feeling somewhat silly in retrospect. “Please don’t tell me you’ve named the pillow Wade, having made up some imaginary lumberjack boyfriend.” Gabe laughed. “Well I suppose I could just grab hold of you Gabe, rip those jeans down around your ankles and bend you over my bed?” I took a few steps toward him, causing him to retreat further back toward the door. “Fuck you with my big, hard Boone boner?”

36 Ethan Day Gabe let out a low guttural sound, placing a hand over his stomach, which was already making little creaking sounds of protest. “Stop that! You’re like my brother, you sick-o pervert.” I started laughing as I continued to advance on him, forcing him back out into the hall after he backed into the door jam. His eyes were still on the ceiling as I took hold of the door and slammed it shut in his face. “And you’d better have coffee if you know what’s good for you!” I yelled. I held my ear up to the door, listening to his muttering fade as he disappeared down the hallway. My erection may have vanished, but torturing Gabe had put a spring in my step as I headed for the toilet. Gabriel De Luca had been my best friend for so long I was no longer able to remember a time in my life when he wasn’t in it. His mother, Roberta, had left New York City when he was four, apparently the gun moll of a real life Mafioso, who’d been murdered by a rival family. I say gun moll because it sounded more dramatic than the truth, which was that she was, in reality, the stereotypical good little Catholic girl who’d married a low level hood. And I don’t really know who killed his father or why. But I enjoyed embellishing things and inserting them into Gabe’s family mythology. Something Roberta never really appreciated about me. After the death of Gabe’s father she decided to leave the city, in fact the entire state. But apparently not even that was far enough, as she continued working her way across the country, stopping only when she believed her own son would be safely tucked away from the sins of the father. To look at him now, it seemed near impossible that Gabe could have ever wound up a gangster. Aside from the fact he was gay, he was a bit of a nerd; kind of a cute one, but a nerd all the same. The very same thick, black framed glasses that were so trendy at the moment somehow managed to come off geeky on him. But he had the most beautiful, light olive toned, model perfect skin which was, and always had been, completely blemish

Life in fusion 37 free. His hair was velvety black, and had an enticing sheen when it caught the light. It was thick, wavy, and practically screamed, Run your hands through me! At only five-six, he was on the short side, but when he looked up at you with his big brown eyes, you melted. Unless he was doing it without glasses or contacts, then he came off like a squinty eyed dork. Poor boy was blind as a bat without them. Anything outside of a four or five foot radius went all fuzzy on him. We were Lady and the Tramp, minus that whole spaghetti scene. His altar boy attitudes on sex and relationships were right out of the stone ages. Gabe was old fashioned. He disapproved of my little adventures, as he liked to call them. It was slightly annoying as I never judged him for being a tight assed, priggish Pollyanna. Well, okay—so maybe I judged him a teensy bit—but he started it! The thing that really got to me was that I believed he was honestly jealous. Not of me or my appearance, necessarily, but at some point during our senior year of high school I magically transformed from awkward teen to full-blown hottie. Suddenly I was getting all this attention and after we both came out, I became pretty popular, and he didn’t. I think he was afraid I’d move on and leave him behind for some new clique of hottie friends. My sudden popularity never meant anything to me, other than I was now getting laid on a routine basis. Gabe was still my family and the only friend I had that I trusted completely. He knew where the bodies were buried. And nothing, short of threatening the destruction of his mint collection of Star Wars action figures, would ever make him talk. Gabe’s biggest problem was that he couldn’t seem to find a way to get comfortable in his own skin. He was totally adorable when he wore his contacts and let me dress him. He simply couldn’t figure out how to settle his nerves long enough to land a boyfriend. Mutual disapprovals aside, he was my best friend—my homo-

38 Ethan Day brother from another mother. And while I often wondered if we would’ve become friends at all had we met as adults, I knew he’d always have my back, just as I had his. Despite having no recollection of the actual event, historians—otherwise known as my mother, Dixie—often retold the story of our first meeting. Knowing the way Dixie liked to embellish, I’d normally mistrust any information that came from between her brightly painted red lips. However, the fact that Roberta had never contradicted my mother, and she most certainly would have, left me with no alternative than to make like the X-files—still Gabe’s favorite TV show ever—and believe it to be the truth…which was, most certainly, out there. It would seem that one fateful late summer morning at the very mature and ripe old age of five and a half—the half was very important at the time—I stood, clinging to Dixie’s leg, desperately unhappy at the idea of being forced through the doors of Monte Vista Elementary. With its terracotta tiled roof and Spanish stucco exterior, the building practically gleamed in the bright sunshine. I always thought the Spanish/Mission revival architecture was misleading, as it didn’t seem like a school to me from the outside. Instead, like a Venus flytrap, its beauty drew you in until it was too late to escape. I was okay with going in until I realized my mommy wasn’t coming with me, at which point I turned into a spider monkey, with a death grip on her leg. I was begging and pleading for Dixie to take me back home with her, making quite the scene until I was upstaged by Gabriel, who was apparently giving the performance of a lifetime. Tears, gnashing teeth and screaming were all part of his repertoire, while all I had was my death grip and some sorry ass begging. Dixie said that I became so enraptured by the tantrum Gabe was throwing, that before she knew it I had let go of her leg and wandered over to him. He was down on his knees—this was usually when I tossed in some sort of crude comment about foreshadowing. Dixie always enjoyed my added commentary, something Roberta seemed less enthusiastic about. She inevitably

Life in fusion 39 wound up doing that whole Catholic, kiss your fingers, making the cross sign from shoulder to shoulder as she muttered things under her breath while glancing up into the sky. I’d been jealous of that as a kid, like they had some secret club or handshake I wasn’t allowed to be part of. We’d never been a religious family. All my mother ever said was be nice to people, don’t do anything wrong and I’d get into Heaven. Having grown up with a gay brother, Dixie had zero issues with my being gay. Roberta on the other hand hadn’t ever been much of a cheerleader. To her credit, though, she never stopped loving Gabe, and she never treated me badly, well unless I said something she found crude, which let’s face it, happened frequently. Her favorite comment to me was what a lovely boy I’d be, if only I wouldn’t speak. Our moms were like night and day, but they both knew Gabe and I would be there for one another forever. It likely had something to do with that very first meeting. When Gabe was kneeling at his mother’s feet, his tear stained face covered with his tiny hands. I tapped him on the shoulder and he lifted his gaze up to me, his black framed glasses (he apparently wore them even then) sitting slightly crooked on his face. Gabe took in several deep breaths, as if gulping for oxygen, then got up on his feet. I removed the bandana from around my neck, which I wore like a cowboy—even I was surprised to find out such fetishes began so early on. I wiped the tears off his face and picked up his backpack, handing it to him as he straightened out his glasses. Dixie had come over, helping me on with my backpack, thinking we were about the cutest things she’d ever set eyes on. She and Roberta smiled at one another, obviously lost in some sort of motherly, aw-shucks type of moment, until I took Gabe’s hand in mine, and he and I began walking toward the doors of the school together. Mom said Roberta’s face slowly went pale, and she appeared to be more than a little embarrassed. It’s right around this time Dixie always adds that having been an ex-beauty queen, she was used to being stared at. My mother never misses

40 Ethan Day an opportunity to reference her beauty pageant days. Once Gabe and I were about to cross the threshold into the school, we both turned—glaring back at the two of them, wearing the betrayal of our mothers’ deceit on our faces. It was apparently very melodramatic, and after that day, Dixie said she no longer harbored any doubts I was queer as a three dollar bill. My, she did have a way with words, didn’t she? It took nothing more than a trip to my parents home to remember exactly where my own lack of tact came from.

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I was holding my breath as Gabe stared blankly back at me from across the dining room table. I was already getting nervous, as evidenced by my tapping finger, which I immediately ceased. Having patiently sat there, listening to the story of how Wade and I…came together, Gabe’s voice shot up an octave. “But you just broke up with Phillip!”I’d ignored the condemnation of his sigh when I told him about Chip and the Irish Coffees. Looked past the rolling of his eyes as he nodded, frustrated that I woke up in a strange bed with a strange man I couldn’t remember fucking—aside from the obvious pain in my ass. Gabe’s shocked gasp when I mentioned the way I practically molested Wade after he insulted my lovemaking had me taking a deep breath, letting him know I was no longer enjoying his judgey body language and snippy commentary. I made it all the way through that last week after Phillip dumped me, right up to the point where Wade had me promising to move to Summit City in six months. Gabe had listened more intently the further along I got, hanging on every word. Of course, I skipped over The Promise, and ended my retelling with me driving off in the shuttle. “Wow,” he said, taking a sip out of his coffee cup, realizing after the fact that it was empty. “That is just like you, Boone, jumping from one guy—inadvertently landing onto the next.” I was doing my best not to be upset by the fact he made me sound like a blood sucking flea. “Yeah.” I stared at him blankly, not wanting to give anything else away.

Life in fusion 41 “Wait…you don’t…” Gabe leaned across the dining table to get a closer look at me. “You actually like him, don’t you?” I shrugged, trying to play things cool, only failing, I soon discovered, as a goofy-ass grin spread over Gabe’s face. He pointed at me. “Holy shit, you do like him! A lot. I’ve never seen you this quiet before.” “Don’t be ridiculous.” “You’re turning an awfully bright shade of red.” Gabe smiled as he leaned back in his chair. “Too bad he lives so far away, though. What a bummer. And he’s a world famous Olympian. You’re so damn lucky, I hate you! The last time we went on vacation together the only thing I picked up was salmonella.” “Um…hello…silver lining.” I shook my head at him. “As far as things one could pick up on vacation go, salmonella isn’t so bad. Beats crabs or the clap. Plus you looked so svelte after all that vomiting.” “Gah! You are so nasty.” Gabe frowned, getting up from the table and heading round the corner into the kitchen to pour himself more coffee. I smiled, fairly certain I’d dodged the whole relocation bullet after all. Gabe called out from the kitchen, “It’s so not fair. I’m practically pure as the driven snow yet you, the wicked slut from the Southwest, constantly have hunky men falling for you.” I slammed my hand onto the table. “Okay, the fact I both partake in and thoroughly enjoy sex does not make me unworthy of finding love.” “R-r-right,” Gabe stammered. “I know that, Booney.” I smiled, knowing he only called me Booney when he felt he needed to right some wrong—his way of saying sorry. “Any chance he’d consider moving here?” Just drop it, dude! “No, he’s practically the town mascot. There are menu items named after him and shit.”

42 Ethan Day Okay, so I skipped over the way the entire town sort of got involved in our romance as well, but I wasn’t prepared to drop the relocation bomb on anyone just yet. “Right,” Gabe called out as I listened to him open the fridge door for the cream he’d already forgotten I didn’t have, since I’d been out of town for two weeks. I listened to him curse under his breath, remembering he’d have to settle for the powdery stuff I kept in the cupboard for emergencies. I closed my eyes and rubbed my stomach, which now felt queasy. “I suppose the likely scenario would be for you to…” I sat up, almost rigid in the chair, hearing Gabe drop what I presumed was his spoon, having stopped mid-sentence. I turned and he peered around the corner at me. His eyes widened, nearly as big and round as his glasses. He was definitely trying to read the expression on my face as he sort of stumbled around the corner, never breaking eye contact. “You’re moving?” He managed to get out in a squeak. “Well, not right away,” I said in an attempt to go for the positive. Gabe’s eyes started to well up, which wasn’t something I’d been prepared for. I shot up out of my chair and stood to face him. It was as if I’d slapped him, and the sting of this new reality settled over him. “But…you can’t go away.” He bit down on his lip which was beginning to quiver “We won’t see each other anymore.” I’d only seen him this upset twice before, the first time was when his mother announced she was getting remarried. The second was when he discovered Roberta would be giving him a new baby brother or sister to watch over. My mother refused to have another child, her figure too important to ruin by bearing children. My dad, Rocky, enjoyed saying it was her fault anytime she was mad at me, claiming that if they’d had a spare they’d be less dependent on the love of one child. I never knew if he’d been upset by her decision, but he certainly never lodged any complaints about her figure; he still

Life in fusion 43 pawed all over her like a teenager in heat. It’s what I inherited from my parents. I was horny like my father and worried entirely too much about my appearance like my mother. Roberta wound up having two more children, with Gabe’s step father, Frank Jones, who was actually a decent guy, despite Gabe acting as if he was the wicked stepfather out of some twisted fairytale. Frank had even offered to legally adopt Gabe. I smiled, remembering the way Gabe had reeled at the thought of exchanging the beauty of Gabriel De Luca for plain old Gabe Jones. “You’re my best friend—my family.” Gabe looked up at me all big-eyed like Puss-In-Boots from Shrek. My stomach churned again, and I thought I might puke for a moment. “Colorado isn’t that far away,” I heard myself say, much the same way that I’d said the opposite to Wade the previous day, before taking my leave of him. “I have to go.” Gabe walked around me headed for the front door. “Please don’t go, Gabriel,” I said as he all but sprinted for the exit. I jumped when the door slammed shut behind him, sinking slowly back down into the dining room chair while I listened to him peel out of the driveway. “That went well.” I placed my chin in my hand and sighed, having no clue how the hell I was going to fix this. “I don’t know that I can fix it,” I admitted to myself. Realistically, I had a pretty good idea he’d be this upset, considering I had no intention of telling him for another five… five and half months. “Who am I kidding?” I sighed, defeated. “I’d have slithered out of town without facing him at all, had I thought I could get away with it.” In the twenty-eight years that we’d been best friends, hardly a day passed in which we hadn’t seen one another. When we

44 Ethan Day were kids we’d been inseparable, making elaborate sheet tents for indoor camping as we house swapped for sleepovers. Even now, while there were several other friends in our clique, no one had even come close to fully breaking into our twosome. If the situation were reversed, while I was fairly certain I would’ve handled it better than Gabriel had, there were zero doubts I’d be anything other than devastated at losing him. “Fuck!” I yelled out, my arm falling with a thump as it stretched out across the table. I realized for the first time that I would, in fact, be losing him too. As if on cue, my phone started to buzz, vibrating across the dining table. I scowled at it, unable to figure out how it got on vibrate. Seeing Love of my Life pop up on the caller ID, I snatched it up off the table and punched the answer button, lifting it to my ear. “I can’t talk to you now, you…you friendship killer!” I nodded defiantly, briefly hearing the sound of Wade’s voice before disconnecting the call. It infuriated me more that the sound of Wade’s voice, even the tiny bit I’d managed to actually catch, had me yearning to hear more. I slapped myself in the face. “Stupid freak!”

ChaPteR thRee Kicking my laundry basket down the hall, I still had that ache in the pit of my stomach. The basket slid across the wood floors toward the closet that housed the washer and dryer. Twentyfour hours had come and gone and Gabe still hadn’t called me back. I’d texted an apology to Wade after crawling into bed the night before, curling up with his plaid covered pillow stand-in. I’d barely settled in after turning off the lamp when my phone started to buzz. Even though I was happy to see it was Wade, I’d half hoped it would be Gabe. I gave him the cliffs notes version of Gabe’s reaction, and was taken aback by the fact Wade was genuinely concerned. I’d expected some sort of cocky retort such as, “You have me now, baby. Who needs him?” I’m not sure why it was I didn’t think Wade would understand or give a shit about my friendship with Gabe, but it brought out this whole other side I hadn’t witnessed during the week we spent together. We’d had some serious conversations, or he tried to while I deflected with sarcasm and my boy bits. So I knew there was actual substance underneath the ripped, muscley exterior. It was sweet that he cared and it made me miss him that much more, which in turn only wound up depressing me further. I tossed the last pair of jeans in the washer and shut the lid. I reached up to pull the chain that turned off the light in the closet, and caught a good whiff of yesterday’s T-shirt that I’d thrown on earlier when I ran out to grab some coffee. My lip curled as I yanked it off and added it to the wash. Heading back down the hall toward the kitchen, my first double caramel macchiato had kicked in and I could feel the haze lifting. That was something to be thankful for, I thought as I snatched the second of my Starbucks to-go cups off the countertop, sitting next to my keys and wallet. I stepped down into the den, feeling a chill travel over my

46 Ethan Day bare skin. I considered putting on a shirt and reached under the waistband of my jeans to satisfy the itch niggling at my hip. It was nearly ten-thirty in the morning and I was already dreading work the next day. “How the hell am I supposed to go back to the ho-hum of everyday life after a week with Wade Walker?” I placed my iPod into the docking station and scrolled down the playlist until coming across the remix for J-Lo’s Louboutins. I turned the volume up as loud as it would go, and stepped back into the center of the room while taking another long sip of my caramely-espresso goodness. The R&B riff slowly built into the thumping club back beat. As Jenny from the block sang about taking back her love, the rhythm of the music started to lift my spirits. My hips began to sway, my foot tapped from side to side, and by the time she was ready to throw on her Louboutins, I was full on dancing around the den. I closed my eyes and allowed the pounding beat to pulse through my body. I bounced around, gyrating my hips as my shoulders swayed back forth. There was something about the way my body moved when I was dancing, the muscles tensing—the thin layer of sweat that was already beginning to form over me, warming my body from the inside out. It always managed to make me feel better. I wasn’t positive, but I was fairly certain that dancing was nature’s Prozac. “Christ, now I sound like Wade.” I laughed as I continued to work my way around the room. “You ain’t gettin’ me Mr. Granola!” “I bet I could, though!” My eyes popped open and I yelped, startled into a frozen mass of shock. The sippy-lid popped off my Starbucks cup, flying straight up into the air as I’d inadvertently squeezed too hard. Warm liquid splashed onto my hand and ran over my fingers, dripping down onto the tile. I could feel it splashing onto my bare feet and saw the plastic lid out of the corner of my eye on its descent toward the floor. I stared at Wade standing in my kitchen, looking me over as if he’d just finished tasting every last

Life in fusion 47 inch of my body and was now demanding seconds. It amazed me that one man could instill such an incredible sense of safety yet somehow manage to seem kind of dangerous at the same time. “Baby, I do love the way you move!” Wade yelled over the music, proving to me that I wasn’t hallucinating after all. I felt my face flush as I smiled, my knees going slightly weak at the sight of him. I opened my mouth to speak, then high tailed it over to the docking station to turn the volume down. I sat my coffee cup next to it onto the shelf. “Wha…um, how?” I bumbled as I turned, watching him slide the coat off his thick, massively delicious shoulders. Christ on a cracker, he is beef-noodle-hearty-hot. “Well, will you look at that?” Wade smiled all cocky-like as he stepped down into the den. “I’ve left you speechless—for the second time since we met, if I remember correctly. Nice chair by the way,” he added, nudging his head toward the Morris chair as he tossed his coat over it. I nodded in agreement with his opinion of my furnishings and he shook his head at me while crossing the room. He rolled his eyes and stared down at me. “That devious brain of yours is going a mile a minute isn’t it?” I nodded again, feeling his hand on my hip. I let out a faint groan, my eyes rolling back the tiniest bit from breathing in his scent. I nearly came in my pants as Ke$ha started to sing, You’re Love is My Drug. “Truer words,” I whispered. “Who let you in?” Wade looked at me inquisitively. “I think you’re about to.” His voice cracked slightly, exposing a weakness for me. “But you probably meant your house, huh?” I nodded and he lifted my hand to his lips. “Your front door wasn’t closed all the way, guess the latch didn’t catch,” Wade said before he began licking the macchiato seductively from my fingers.

48 Ethan Day I took in a sharp breath, my cock going instantly hard as his tongue licked down one finger, easing along the inside curve before heading back up another. I lost any and all ability to maintain a coherent thought. I pulled my hand away and stared into his bright blue eyes, desire running rampant throughout my entire body. “You gonna invite me in?” Wade asked, the corner of his lips curling up. Some sort of undecipherable noise escaped from my mouth when our lips made contact. I felt a smile forming as his tongue found its way inside my mouth. The heat from his breath, his scent and the way he liked to take control all came together like a secret combination to the lock on my body and soul, which only he now held. My hands, still slightly sticky with spit and macchiato, were weaving into his hair while his arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me to him. Wade ground into me and his fingers dug into the naked skin on my back. His impossibly large hand was unsuccessfully trying to work its way down the back of my jeans. “I’ll try getting…jeans that aren’t…so tight,” I managed to get out between kisses. “The hell you will,” Wade said, after pulling his lips away. His face was slightly pink and the skin around his mouth was already red, as I hadn’t managed to shave yet that morning. “I have to be back at the airport by five,” he got out before I kissed him again. I loved the wet smacking sound our lips made and I did my best to ignore that last statement. “Shut up and take off your pants,” I said between breaths. Wade moaned; that deep sound that somehow managed to vibrate through my entire body. “Yes sir,” he said between kisses. I practically went off the deep end hearing the clinking sound his buckle made as he took to his task. I followed suit, undoing

Life in fusion 49 my fly, quickly sliding my jeans and briefs over my hips. Wade’s hands were on my ass before I had a chance to shove them any further down my thighs. “You take my pants off.” He was licking and biting along my jaw on his way to my neck. “I’m busy.” I yelled out his name when his fingers began rubbing over my hole. “Fuck, I missed you, Boone.” Wade dug his teeth into my neck and started sucking. My vision blurred, the lights seeming to dim from the assault of his mouth on my neck and his fingers, which were roughly attacking every inch of my ass. “I love you.” Wade pulled back, looking over my face. The heat and passion on his face told me the same. But he seemed to require the visual proof written across my face before he deemed it fact. I opened my mouth to say the words again in an attempt to reassure him, and he leaned down and kissed me silent. I was all but helpless in his arms, with my pants half off and one of his digits halfway up my ass. An odd moment for such a declaration, perhaps, but I’d suddenly realized there wasn’t anywhere else on earth I wanted to be at that moment. I could have stood there kissing him like that while life slowly and methodically drained from my body.

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Wade’s clothes lay in a rumpled heap next to mine on the floor of my bedroom. He’d managed to get me onto the bed and the weight of his body now pressed down into mine as I spread my long legs, wrapping them around his waist. I loved the sensation it created, that he might crush the life out of me. His skin was so warm, and I didn’t think it possible for me to get close enough. Wade forced my arms up above my head, his long, thick fingers digging into me, almost to the point of being painful, as if he too felt he might not ever be able to fully have all of me. I could feel the head of his cock pressing into my ass, his hips thrusting slightly, wanting to push his way in—to invade me

50 Ethan Day with his full length. The only thing stopping him at this precise moment was the fact we’d not managed to obtain a condom or lube. I knew it was taking everything he had to not enter me, as I was gyrating my hips in an attempt to force him inside. I wanted him to fuck me so badly, my entire body felt red hot from the need of it. Wade’s tongue was plunging down my throat and I sucked him in. I’d been worked up in the past, quite a bit in the past week I’d spent with Wade, but as I pleaded for it with my grunts, my body writhing under his, I thought I might lose consciousness. The large head of his dick was slick with precum. I could feel that he was sliding easier as we continued to hover there, one tiny thrust away from Wade being inside me. I was way past delirium, no longer able to think clearly, feeling Wade’s precum begin to run down the crack of my ass. He was so wet it was making me burn even hotter knowing how much I turned him on. I slid my hand down and began slowly twisting his nipple. He groaned into my mouth and thrust his hips a little more as I attempted to force my ass onto his thick, hard cock, using my legs to pull him in. I let out a whimper as the head of his dick popped in, just past the muscle. I sucked in air when he removed his lips from mine, his eyes closed tight as he froze, not pulling out, yet not going any further either. Wade had never looked sexier than he did in that moment. Sweat was dripping off his chin onto my neck and the expression on his face was somewhere between ecstasy and pained guilt. If I were a nice boy I would have put him out of his misery. As it was I knew he was fighting with himself, wanting to slide all the way inside, but knowing that bare backing me wasn’t the right thing to be doing at this stage in our relationship. I was so turned on I wanted him to cum all over my face, in my mouth, up my ass and over every inch of my body. I twisted his nipple again and his body started to shake. I shifted my hips and tweaked his nipple once more and he forced his dick further inside me. Wade’s eyes were still closed tight and he was mumbling something. I begged in a raspy voice, “Please fuck me.” He let out a full throated moan and thrust his hips, forcing his

Life in fusion 51 cock all the way inside me. I arched my back, yelling out in pain, feeling every bit of his nine inches. “Sorry baby,” he whispered, opening his eyes and looking into mine. I didn’t know why the hell he was apologizing considering I’d done everything in my power to get him to do exactly what he’d just done. “Wade, I…” “My God, you feel so incredible.” Wade bit down on his lip. “This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, but…” Wade lifted his upper body off me and slowly, almost torturously, pulled out, his entire body twitching as the head slipped out. “Where the fuck are the god damn condoms, Boone?” I pointed desperately at the bedside table and Wade leaned over, ripping open the drawer. I let my legs fall to the sides, still finding it difficult to breathe as he rolled on a condom and lubed his dick up. “Scoot back,” he ordered. I did as he asked, allowing him room to get up on his knees. He grabbed my legs behind the knees, forcing them up into the air. His hands slowly slid up to my ankles, bundling them into one hand. He forced my legs back, lifting my ass up further. I felt Wade pressing into me once again. I hissed in pain and pleasure, my head turning from side to side as I grabbed fistfuls of bedding. I could tell he’d reached the end of his sanity. There was no slow start, he went right in to full on fucking. I could feel my body being forced across the bed with each thrust. Wade paused long enough to release his grip on my ankles. He leaned forward, forcing my legs into my chest, before returning to the deliciously punishing assault on my ass. He took hold of my hips with his hands. The smack from his body slamming into mine and his grunts mixed with my pleas for more as he cursed very foul things to me under his breath. I quickly began to reach the pinnacle and knew he was close, his hands gripped me tighter. About to take my own cock in

52 Ethan Day hand, Wade smacked it away, beating me to the punch. He was ready to blow and needed me to get there quickly. He got more vocal, slamming his cock into me while jacking me off. I came with a force like none I’d ever experienced before, shooting clear over my face, into my hair and along my cheek. Wade drove into me once more. His face was red and a bead of sweat rolled down the center of his chest. He held me there and continued lightly thrusting, as if trying to prolong his orgasm. We were both near exhaustion, staying like that, chests heaving. Wade smiled down at me, kissing my ankles, first the right then the left. “Did I hurt you?” he asked, a look of concern coming over his face. “I completely lost myself, I’m sorry.” “That was gold medal fucking,” I said and Wade tried to laugh despite not having the lung capacity for the follow through at the moment. “Seriously, babe…you have the judge from New Mexico wrapped right around your big ass dick.” Wade eased his grip on my hips some. “You look mind numbingly hot with that string of cum across your cheek.” “That might have been the single best orgasm I’ve ever had.” Wade frowned. “I didn’t like feeling so out of control. I could’ve really hurt you.” “That’s probably my own fault. I don’t know what the hell got into me…aside from you, that is.” “Can we…I mean, if this is way too soon to be talking about stuff like this I totally understand, but if we were to get tested…” I was already nodding. “I think that’s a must considering what we almost…” “I can’t believe I allowed that to go as far as I did.” “At least you stopped.” I bit my lip as he pulled his cock out of me. “Left up to me we wouldn’t have, which is totally not like me. I’ve never not been safe. Even those times when I drank too much…” “Which is what, like two drinks for you?” He asked.

Life in fusion 53 I sneered at him. “Shut it, smart ass.” Wade lowered my now shaky legs. I pushed myself up to a seated position, cringing as I felt the side effects of his dick. Wade tossed the condom over the side of the bed onto the floor and I laughed, shaking my head. Note to self, buy a trash can to put next to the bed. “I did hurt you, didn’t I?” he asked. “No, I don’t think so, at least not seriously, but I’ll be plenty sore.” Wade kissed me, softly—his lips still moist and warm—the taste of him shooting right through my body to my dick. I pulled my lips away and glanced down between my legs. “That is so friggin’ amazing.” Wade laughed, taking my swelling dick into his hand and massaging it. He grabbed a wad of my hair in his other hand and pulled my head back, before leaning down and slowly licking the cum off my cheek. “I think it’s hot as hell.” “I don’t think I can handle you again.” Wade smiled. “You taste so fucking good.” He pulled me further back and licked more of my seed from my chest, playfully sucking on my nipple before biting the nub, pinching it between his teeth. “So many other things we can do,” he whispered just before taking my now fully erect dick into his mouth. I smiled, lying all the way back on the bed, running my fingers through Wade’s hair. “Thank the lord for airplanes.”

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Wade pulled a pillow out from under the comforter and propped his head up. I’d draped myself over him, one arm dangling over the side of the bed, the other still busy, as if refusing to throw in the towel to exhaustion by continuing to lightly stroke the soft skin that ran down the center of Wade’s chest.

54 Ethan Day I certainly didn’t need to feel bad about not going to the gym today after the workout we’d just provided one another. I was doing my best to avoid the clock on the bedside table, though I could tell by the light in the sky outside my bedroom window that it was creeping into afternoon. “I can’t believe you flew all the way here for the day.” I knew it was sort of clingy but I asked anyway. “Are you sure you can’t stay the night?” “I wish I could,” Wade said. I thought I could hear him smiling so I peeked up to discover I was correct. “And I’d travel a hell of a lot further to do the things we just did.” He dropped a hand over mine, which had moved from the center of his chest and was slowly inching toward a nipple. “I’m stopping your ornery fingers right here. I’m going on record and saying I don’t think I have another one in me.” I laughed as he peered down at me, like he was worried I might be upset by being rebuffed. “What can I say, you bring out the animal in me.” “I’ll say.” Wade cleared his throat. “I was afraid I’d wind up getting too pushy for you. I can see now I had nothing to worry about on that score.” “You callin’ me a pushy bottom, pal?” I did my best at pretending to be pissed. “I don’t have to take such abuse.” “I’m beginning to think you get off on it!” Wade said, slightly astonished. “And I thought I was picking up a sweet boy next door type.” “You liar.” I yanked my hand free from his and poked him in the side. “I can guarantee the only thing you thought you were picking up was an easy lay.” “And just look at all the trouble that’s gotten me into.” He sighed. “Rearranging my schedule yet again, so I could fly down for the day.” “I liked that part,” I said with a cheesy grin. “And you certainly

Life in fusion 55 got your money’s worth. I’ve turned into quite the Wade slut.” Wade looked up at the ceiling and mouthed the words thank you, as if speaking to the heavens above. “And I wasn’t even planning on the sex part.” I glanced up at him, letting him know by the expression on my face that I was calling big-time, major bull-shit over that lie. “I wasn’t!” Wade laughed, almost pulling off innocent. “You sounded so down on the phone last night. I got worried.” I watched him, not saying anything for a moment as his face turned red, obviously embarrassed. I crawled on top of him and leaned in for a kiss. His mouth opened for mine, for once allowing me to take the lead. I could tell he was worried about divulging how deep his feelings already ran, as if it might have the opposite effect and scare me away. Even when he was asking me to move in with him after a week, he did so with a pretense of the anger and frustration of not getting something he wanted. But when he told me he thought he loved me, I felt like I’d caught a glimpse at something deeper. I pulled away, staring into his bright blue eyes, praying it was all real, that everything could stay as it was now and that I wouldn’t wind up breaking his heart at some point down the road. I winked at him. “You were still thinking you’d be getting some while you here.” Wade smiled, and appeared to be somewhat relieved. “I am only a guy at the end of the day.” “Guys are good.” I smiled as I lay down on top of him. “Particularly the one currently underneath me.” Wade spread his legs so we could fit together a little better and wrapped his arms around my waist. “I’m kinda partial to the one on top of me too.” I snarled up at him. “That asshole? He’s a fucking prick, dude. You have really shitty taste in men.” Wade smacked me on the ass, causing me to raise my eyebrows at him and grin.

56 Ethan Day “Jesus, I’m beginning to think you’re trying to kill me.” I gave him an evil look and raised my hand up, shoving two crooked fingers in his face. In my creepy Gollum voice, I said, “You want to fuck me up the butt.” Wade laughed and poked me in the side, causing me to break character for a moment as I twitched. When I opened my mouth to continue he poked me in the other side, causing my body to contort. I tried once again and Wade dug all his fingers into my side and started tickling me. I twisted and turned as I tried to escape but he was too fast. I finally managed to roll off of him but he wrestled me onto my back, sitting on top of me while I begged for him to please stop. My eyes were watering a little when he finally did. He was staring at something at the head of the bed and smiling like a goofy ass kid. I felt my face flush when I wriggled around so I could see what he was looking at. “That’s my shirt.” He looked down at me in an accusatory manner. I laughed nervously, wondering what the punishment for hoinduced larceny would be. I held up my crooked fingers in his face. “You see nothing.” Wade raised an eyebrow, poking me in the side. “I have a much better idea where you can stick those fingers.” I gasped, as if he’d truly shocked me. “Dirty, dirty!” Wade grabbed my hand and started sucking on two of my fingers, slowly licking and lubing them up. He grinned, nearly stopping my heart he was so fucking sexy. He lowered my hand between his legs, using his own finger to press mine into his opening. He shut his eyes as the silky heat enveloped my fingers. As I began to ease my fingers in and out I smiled, watching his dick slowly begin to swell. “So damn dirty.”

ChaPteR fouR I stood impatiently at the caffeine kiosk run by the Service League, doing a rotten job at hiding my impatience as Stella shot me a look that unmistakably said, Don’t make me carry my black ass over there and knock you on your gay one. I guessed Stella to be in her mid to late sixties, her full head of grey hair was combed off her forehead and clipped in the back as usual—her make-up simple and understated. We had a long running shtick that consisted mainly of her casting judgment over me for the amount of coffee I drank. I wasn’t sure what it was about her particularly, but I seemed to get off on the abuse. Perhaps it was merely the fact that it came with the caffeine I craved, that had me addicted. I fired my own gaze back at her, my best attempt at innocence while quickly placing my hand on my leg to remind me to stop tapping my foot. “I’m sorry!” I finally added when she refused relent. “It’s way past three o’clock, I need my fix, Stella.” She shook her head and went back to preparing my triple shot mochaccino. “There is something severely wrong with you boy, you know that?” I shrugged, not really caring what her opinion of me was so long as she continued to make my chocolaty-infused caffeine-a­ go-go. It had been a particularly brutal day at work. They were still trying to work out the bugs from the massive software upgrade they’d implemented over the past weekend. The computers had been down twice, which had pushed everything that much further behind. I was beginning to wish I’d quit and moved my stubborn ass in with Wade already, never to set foot in this hospital or see another medical record for as long as I lived. Of course, that thought triggered my inner panic-boy, who subsequently decided to remind my loser ass that I still had zero ideas with regards to exactly how I was going to make a living in the tiny ass town of

58 Ethan Day Summit City. I knew I couldn’t have no job at all, despite Wade urging me to write full time. Snapping out of my haze, realizing Stella was standing there holding my coffee and staring at my tapping finger with a massive amount of attitude on her face, I ceased all movement and plastered on a smile. “Did I mention how ravishing you look today?” I asked. “Something seriously wrong with you, boy,” she said, obviously trying to decide if she was indeed going to continue to enable me by handing over the steaming cup of black-liquidgold. “You mean, aside from you holding my will to live hostage, right?” She started laughing and set the cup down on the counter in front of me. “If I was your momma, I’d hope someone like myself would step in and put a stop to the madness, for your own good.” “Stella, if I were my momma I’d have lunged across the counter at you five minutes ago.” I tossed my debit card on the counter for her. “It’s totally, like genitical and stuff.” I snatched up the cardboard cup, plastered my lips to the plastic sippy-lid and sucked down a scalding hot mouthful. It burned, but I didn’t give a damn. I held the cup to my chest as if it were my most special friend while feeling the instant affect the coffee had on my mood and I smiled. “Hello lover.” Stella handed my card back to me. “That is wrong on so many levels.” I giggled like a carefree kid and swallowed another mouthful. “Oh Stella, you’re the best, I just love you.” She looked at me like I’d just sprouted horns. “The transformation never ceases to amaze me.” I winked and turned to go find myself a quiet corner so I could be alone for a few minutes with my beloved before I had to go back to work. Taking another sip I let out a grunt as I ran

Life in fusion 59 into someone. “Christ,” I began, “I’m so sor…” “Another caffeine binge, I see,” Phillip said, shaking his head

as he smiled. I held my breath momentarily, shocked by the sight of him. I hadn’t run into him since I’d been back at work. Hell, I hadn’t seen his ass since he’d broken up with me over the phone while I was in Colorado, which felt more like years ago than it did weeks. Now here he stood, all blond and beautiful—that long body, thin and hard underneath the baggy scrubs. Dr. Phillip Rawlings had an air about him—one that could be sensed immediately—that he’d always been attractive. He was the type of man who was used to having the things he wanted, but never really needed to work very hard in order to get them. “Some things never change,” I said with a shortness I hadn’t intended as I began to walk away. “I wouldn’t say that.” Phillip grabbed my arm, halting my escape. “Slow down, Boone. I realize you’re probably upset with me but I—” “I’m not upset with you in the least.” I was staring down at his hand on my arm until he removed it. “You did us both a favor. I should actually be thanking you.” Phillip looked every bit as surprised as I was over the sincerity of that last statement. I watched as his gaze moved over my frame, seeming excited by me now that it appeared I didn’t give a shit about him. “Perhaps we should have dinner, Boone.” Phillip now smiled, as if he was ready to revisit the idea of an us. I took another sip from my coffee cup, allowing myself a breather. It was very irritating to me, him wanting me again now that I no longer wanted him. “It’s all just a game to you, isn’t it?” He looked surprised. “It’s just dinner, Boone.” “Yeah right, that you see ending with your cock in my mouth.”

60 Ethan Day Phillip laughed. “You always did give great head.” “And I’ll continue to—just not for you.” With that I winked before walking away, laughing coolly over my snide little dig. I could feel he was still watching me as I sucked down more coffee. I didn’t give him the satisfaction of turning back around. I was more irritated that he’d wasted five of the last ten minutes of my break. I decided I’d better head back to work, freezing in place while attempting to adjust my eyes as she turned the corner. I wondered if I’d gone off the deep end. When she smiled and made a beeline for me, I knew I wasn’t imagining it. Wade’s aunt was actually in my hospital, and she appeared both friendly, and most definitely on a mission. “Del?” I said when she paused momentarily, as if trying to decide whether hugs were indeed appropriate between us. I shook my head and opened my arms, giving the go ahead. She leaned in and gave me a quick squeeze. “Hello dear, you’re looking well.” “What are you…thanks…um…is everything okay?” “Of course, I just wanted to…well, sorry to ambush you Boone, but after that whole debacle with you trying to leave town and all.” “Oh, you mean my kidnapping?” I tortured for her a few moments before I finally smiled, letting her know she was off the hook. “Honestly, it was almost an appropriate end cap to what had already been a very bizarre week.” Del placed a hand over her eyes, obviously embarrassed. “Can we…do you have time to sit for a few minutes?” I glanced at the clock on the wall and knew I was supposed to be back at work in less than five minutes. What are they gonna do, fire me? “You wanna grab a coffee first?” I took a quick sip as I pointed back toward Stella, the coffee-crypt-keeper. “There’s no extra charge for the attitude.” Del looked very confused suddenly and I laughed, taking

Life in fusion 61 her by the arm and heading back toward the kiosk. “Don’t feel bad, the only people who can keep up with me are crystal meth addicts. I’m a very lonely boy.” “I, uh…yes dear,” she said as I strode back the direction I’d come from, practically dragging her behind me. I was happy to see Phillip was nowhere to be found. Once I had Del locked and loaded with her own cup of java juice we found a secluded section of the café and gift shop in the Pavilion. I followed her lead, sliding into the opposite side of the dark rusty-brown colored booth. She seemed on edge, but not unpleasantly so as she fiddled with where to place her purse. She was well put together in a long denim skirt with a modest slit in the back, paired with a white blouse and a button-up knit, baby blue sweater. She appeared every bit the mom, with her sensible brown boots and her grey hair well coiffed despite the plane ride. “I really am sorry to ambush you like this,” she started. “Again,” I interrupted, feeling slightly evil for making her blush. “Yes well, that’s part of the reason I came, Boone.” Del took a sip from her cup and made an appreciative moan of approval. “I’d certainly never forgive myself if we, the ladies and myself that is, wound up being responsible for you and Wade not working out.” I smiled, thinking it was very sweet that she actually came all this way, yet silly on her part to think anyone other than Wade could keep me away. “Thank you for that.” “The girls and I are so very sorry.” She paused, blushing. “I still can’t believe we melted down like that, in front of you no less. We’ve become very much like sisters over the years, especially after losing Wade’s mother, Maddie.” Del paused for a moment as if lost in a memory, so I cleared my throat to snap her out of it. Normally I’d have sat, patiently waiting, but I was already late for work and I didn’t want to get fired before having the opportunity to actually quit my job. “Sorry…again,” she added. “It still seems odd that she’s gone

62 Ethan Day at times. You grow up with someone, spending every day with them, then one day…it’s like she vanished.” “I think I get that.” I nodded, reaching over and squeezing her hand as thoughts of Gabe flashed through my mind, bringing with it a little sadness of my own. “Anyway, as I was saying,” she started up again, “I also wanted to have a frank discussion with you about Wade, dear.” I began to squirm in my seat. “Now nothing to go getting all wiggly over.” She smiled, noticing my obvious discomfort. “I’ve never been able to have children of my own, you know. Wade’s cousin, Sarah, was adopted. Both Wade and Jackie have been like that to me as well, very much like my own. Helping to raise them was a gift. And I for one appreciate that you’re giving this relationship some time and space to breathe.” “I don’t want to uproot my entire life for something that might be all spark and no flame.” I scooted up in my seat and propped my elbows on the table. “I certainly don’t want to hurt him, but he sure does seem so certain of everything.” Del took another drink from her cup and nodded. “Wade’s a bit infectious like that, I know. Difficult to dissuade once he’s made up his mind about something. That’s all those years of training. He’s a goal-oriented person, but that doesn’t mean his feelings aren’t real.” “I get that.” “I know he’s been spoiled rotten,” Del admitted. “All that time in the spotlight, the media attention when he came out. What he means to the entire town. He’s treated like a king, and to a certain degree it’s well deserved.” “And he’s not the type of man to abuse that,” I added. She smiled back at me. “No, he isn’t. But don’t let his size fool you, either. There’s a fragility to him…to his heart. He’s not always as tough as he lets on. He lost too much, too early in his life. That’s likely the other reason he pushes so hard when he sees

Life in fusion 63 something he wants. No one understands how precious time can be more than he and Jackie. Wade just doesn’t want to waste any of it if he doesn’t have to.” I folded my arms, looking down at the laminate table top as all of that information settled in. “That being said, I wanted to make sure you understand what you’re getting yourself into.” Del set her cup on the table. “The entire town of Summit City does, and likely always will, have an interest in him.” “I’m fairly certain I had a taste of that when I was there, Del.” “A taste, yes.” Her forehead crinkled up. “But if you were thinking it was something that would go away once everyone got to know you…” “I see.” “Everyone means well,” she assured me. “But he is very much the heartbeat of the town…the life blood, if you will. I’d hope that maybe you could simply get used to it, but—” “I’ll always be sharing him.” Her face relaxed, as if relieved I said it first. “I kinda figured that part out already,” I added. “I think you’re probably the best thing that’s ever happened to my boy.” Her eyes lit up as she began to play with her foam cup, pushing it back and forth between her hands. “I’ve honestly never seen him smile or laugh as much as he did the week you stayed with him. He’s transformed—so relaxed. Happy.” I smiled, so help me, I couldn’t seem to stop myself. “And you obviously feel the same for him, or so says that smile on your face.” She sighed, glancing down at her watch before meeting my gaze. “A breath of fresh air, you are.” “Thank you for coming, Del.” “I’m rooting for the two of you, son.” She patted the top of the table. “Well, I suppose I need to head back to the airport and you likely—”

64 Ethan Day “Will be very late getting back to work, I know.” “Sorry,” Del said, cringing. “Hopefully you won’t be in too much trouble?” I slid out of the booth, waiting for her to do the same. “If all goes according to plan, I suppose it shouldn’t matter too much one way or the other, huh?” “From your lips, Boone.” Dell let out what sounded to me like a slightly nervous sigh. “From your lips.”

ChaPteR five I shut the drawer once I’d emptied the contents of my duffel bag into it. I’d been stunned that Wade had already made room for me by emptying out half his dresser. He’d done it in the bathroom too, clearing out two drawers along with half the shelves in the linen closet. The walk-in closet was next on his list, he’d told me. I shouldn’t be surprised, as I was fairly certain it was all part of some evil plan to circumvent my decision for us to hold off before diving into a relationship that had me uprooting my life and moving to the arctic seventh circle of hell. As if on cue, a shiver passed over my body. It seemed like this huge thing, as I imagined what his closet would look like, just sitting there, half empty. It was a lot of pressure. I felt perspiration beginning to collect under my arms. That’s all I needed—the added strain from his half empty closet, taunting me as it sat there waiting for me to fill it up. Stupid closets—enemy of gay men the world over! I could hear Wade rummaging around in the kitchen downstairs, and I turned, glancing out the huge picture window that looked out over the mountains and the valley below, where Summit City sat, nestled into the snow. I wondered, briefly, exactly how much of the year this town spent covered in frozen water. I snarled, quickly deciding that might be one of those questions I’d be better off not knowing the answer to. I walked over and took in the scenery. The lights created a soft glow as they radiated off the white powder, making the entire scene below seem cloaked in a golden hue. That managed to settle my nerves, strangely enough. I breathed in that scent of timber from the wood beams combined with the crackling fire Wade had going in the living room. It was strangely familiar being back in Wade’s house. Of course, it had only been a few weeks since I’d driven away in the back of the shuttle, leaving an irritated and disturbingly hot

66 Ethan Day mountain of a man sulking in the very living room that sat at the bottom of the stairs I was now walking toward. I meandered down the creaking wooden steps and was struck by the fact Wade hadn’t come upstairs to molest me. It was obvious he had an evening planned, considering the lit candles burning throughout the living room and kitchen. But still, normally we’d have already had each other naked and in the midst of another sex-a-thon. I cleared the last few steps and smiled over my commentary of what was supposedly normal behavior for a three-and-a-half-week-old relationship. “’Cause we’ve been together so long we’ve already settled into a routine?” He had the TV cabinet open, his huge ass LCD exposed as if we were going to be watching something. The lights were dimmed and Wade had music going in the background, a female singer belting away, and while she sounded familiar to me I couldn’t quite place her. A small stack of DVDs and one giant remote control were sitting out on the coffee table. The logs popped and crackled in the open fireplace, and the soft hum of the fan blowing the heat out into the room created a constant stream of white noise in the background. “Who’s the chick singing?” I asked, smiling as he glanced up at me. Wade somehow managed to be adorably sexy. You just wanted to pinch his cheeks when he grinned—both sets of them. “Rosemary Clooney,” Wade said, tapping his fingers on the countertop, keeping beat with the music. “She was my mom’s favorite.” I nodded, thinking I should hug him or something despite feeling awkward about doing so. “All settled in?” Wade asked as he crossed the kitchen and went into the pantry. “Yes sir, I am indeed.” I strode around the island and waited until he came back out, carrying a box of microwave popcorn. “I guess, though I’m a little surprised you didn’t come upstairs and settle yourself inside me.”

Life in fusion 67 Wade grinned, obviously enjoying the imagery. “Since I was wrongfully accused of flying all the way to Albuquerque for a booty call last week…” Wade fired a he-done-me-wrong look my way. “I figured tonight we could try going without it and have a movie night.” “No sex?” “Nada,” Wade said, freeing the bag of popcorn from its plastic wrapper before tossing it in the microwave. “Not even after the movie?” Wade shrugged as if he hadn’t thought that far in advance. “It’s happened already.” I walked in a circle and tossed my arms up into the air. “What’s happened?” I sighed, leaning against the counter like it was the only thing

holding me up. “Our heat has evaporated—the desire is already gone. You can’t even pretend to want me.” The corner of Wade’s mouth began to curl up. “You’re the one who insisted on a six-month trial period to see if there was anything of substance under the sex.” The corn began popping as the microwave hummed. I scowled at him, but decided not to give him the satisfaction of addressing the issue he was now attempting to wield like a weapon from his smart-ass arsenal. I reached back with both hands, turning as I groped my own ass. “My butt has lost its youthful bounce—the once perky mounds, now so sad.” I squeezed and Wade watched, eyes plastered to my ass. “I’ve caught a case of the saggy butt.” “Your ass looks fine,” Wade said as the microwave dinged. I took a few steps, stumbling acting like I might faint. “Just fine!” “Wow, you are so needy with the compliments.” Wade shook his head and pulled out the bag of popcorn. “It’s a smokin’ hot, damn near irresistible ass that I wanna sink my cock into every

68 Ethan Day time I lay eyes on it. Happy now?” I grinned, faux preening and said in my girlie voice, “Oh Wade, I do declare—what a silvery, sweet tongue you have.” “Wouldn’t mind sinking that into your ass either,” Wade added, tossing in a second bag of popcorn and punching in the time after closing the door. “Now I feel loved.” I sighed, laughing after he reached over, poking me in the side. Wade snatched the already popped bag off the counter and opened it, dumping the contents into a large bowl. “What’s with the teeny, tiny bags of corn, dude?” I asked. Wade glanced at the empty bag and shrugged before wadding it up into a ball. “So much for size not mattering.” “Said the abominable snowman,” I added. Wade pulled up his shirt, looking down at his mouthwatering six-pack. “That some sort of crack about my abs?” “Seriously dude.” I reached over, patting his tummy. “You’re huge, like a hairless Yeti.” “Why are cursing at me in Yiddish?” Wade opened the microwave, removing the second bag, which he dropped onto the counter after burning his fingers. “Your hand is bigger than that bag.” “It’s the snack size.” “For who—the lollipop guild?” “I’m usually just popping for one.” “And now there are two to pop for.” I stared off into space looking all dreamy-eyed. “I’m your bigger-bag boy?” “A very tiresome bigger-bag boy.” Wade dumped the second bag into the bowl and frowned. “I hope I’m not just an excuse…you…you’re not using me merely to justify the bigger bag right?” I gasped, placing my hand over my heart. “Oh my god, I’m your bag-hag, aren’t I?”

Life in fusion 69 Wade smiled at me. “Is that enough or should I pop another one?” “I couldn’t possibly eat. I’m still reeling from the shock.” He picked up the box of popcorn and smacked me in the shoulder with it. He then nodded toward the box. “See how much trouble you are. It clearly states the individual size bag pops in half the time of the three and half ounce bag.” “Well duh—it’s a smaller bag.” I snatched the box out of his hand. “They actually listed that as a selling feature?” “You’ve cost me an extra ninety seconds.” “Not even hitched yet and already sucking the life out of you.” I shook my head as I read the box. “There’s actually a marketing department out there who thought it necessary to point out a smaller bag will pop in less time?” “Looks that way.” Wade snatched the box back. “I should pop one more, right?” “That is so sad,” I said, completely ignoring him. “And who are these lazy people whose lives are so inconvenienced that they can’t waste an extra minute waiting for a bag of popcorn?” Wade removed another pouch from its clear plastic film and tossed it into the microwave. “What I must have done in a past life to deserve you?” I marveled at the way he could artfully word things so they could go either way, being compliment or insult. I opened my mouth to speak and Wade shoved several pieces of buttery goodness into my mouth in an obvious hope it would silence me. I snatched the box away from him, holding it up as if I was Susie Homemaker, giving my testimonial. “Now I can solve world peace thanks to all the time I’ll save no longer waiting for my popcorn.” “You’re deranged, you know that?” “Well yeah…but in that hot and sexy Mickey Rourke before­ the-drugs-and-alcohol kinda way, right?”

70 Ethan Day “Will you go wait on the couch please?” Wade asked, leaning over and giving me a peck on the cheek. I pooched out my lip, trying to look wounded as I said in my best backwoods southern accent. “But it…it’s Shake-n-Bake, and I helped.” “Go.” Wade pointed toward the sofa. “You’re mean.” I headed into the living room. “Grab us a couple of beers on your way in there,” Wade said

as the bell sounded that the last bag had finished popping. “Don’t think you can get me drunk and take advantage of me.” I smiled, hoping that was his plan, not that he needed the alcohol to do it. I sauntered over to the fridge to do his bidding. “Like I need liquor to do that.” Wade snickered under his breath. I shook my head as I passed him on my way to the sofa. “You wound my puritanical pride.” “I’ve screwed you how many times now?” Wade glanced up at the ceiling, concentrating as if the number was so great it was near impossible to count that high. “I can honestly say there is nothing puritanical about you, babe.” “I’m ruined.” I set his bottle on the coffee table and twisted the cap off mine. “I’ll never be accepted into polite society again.” Wade strolled into the living room with the bowl and sat down next to me. “You imply polite society once did?” “You plied me with cheap hooch, tempting me into a life of butt sex and sin.” “Works every time,” Wade said, reaching for the remote. “So you have talked to my ex’s.” I smiled evilly when obvious irritation swept over him. I took a sip, trying my best to not laugh. “Just for that I’m making you watch old videos from my competition days.” I sat up straight. “I actually saw some!”

Life in fusion 71 Wade sat back into the sofa, seeming slightly amused. “I searched for you on YouTube and some crazed stalker fan had loaded some videos of your Olympic events.” I straddled him. “Of course it could have been anyone for all I could tell. You wear way too many clothes in that event.” Wade laughed. “We do at that, something about the cold temperatures, flying down the side of a mountain that’s covered in that white, powdery frozen water. They don’t want any of our bits to freeze off.” “Mmm,” I nodded, gently grinding my ass into his lap. “That would be bad.” Wade slowly ran a hand up my stomach and over the center of my chest. I did my best at looking innocent, but who was I kidding. Wade seemed to agree as he lightly smacked me upside the head. “Stop trying to seduce me you little shit,” Wade grinned. “We’re doing that whole substance thing tonight, remember?” I lifted myself off his lap and flopped back into the sofa, defeated. “Dude, you suck.” “Not tonight, I don’t.” Wade shoved some popcorn into his mouth, crunching away smugly. “But sweetie, nothing says I love you like an erection.” Wade choked on the popcorn, coughing as he leaned forward to grab his beer off the coffee table. I patted his back while he twisted off the cap and sucked it down in an attempt to clear his throat. “You really are a severely twisted man.” I smiled, continuing to rub his back as he coughed a few more times. “Sure you don’t need mouth to mouth?” “Like a dog with a boner.” Wade shook his head. “I do enjoy doggie style,” I added, winking at him and sinking back into the sofa. Wade wiped his eyes, which were watering from nearly choking to death. “You’re a mess, Boone.” He shook his head,

72 Ethan Day staring into my eyes. I smiled at him and my chest felt like it might explode as fireworks sparked and sizzled between us. Whatever it was Wade had, I most definitely wanted it. And I somehow knew that once I finally had it, I’d never want to let him go. That still scared the shit out of me, but as he leaned over, moving in for a kiss, I realized my own fears were no match for Wade’s will. I opened my mouth for his. My eyes clamped shut, loving the taste of him, mixed with beer and popcorn. His kiss was soft and slow, but filled with the potency of Wade’s intent to love me, along with his warning that there was no getting off this train now that it had left the station. In Wade’s mind I was already his and he belonged to me. Don’t ask me how I was able to get all that from a kiss, as I’m not sure how to answer that question myself. But when he pulled away from me, his gaze never faltered. I could feel the heat from his breath brushing across my cheek as he held me there, trapped under his intensity. “How ‘bout that movie?” I asked, my voice cracking, making me wonder if I was experiencing a second puberty. I watched him grin and knew I’d failed miserably at hiding the fact he’d had such an effect on me. “What would you like to watch?” he asked, still hovering over me. You, taking your clothes off. “Whatever.” Christ does the man never blink? “I’m easy, remember?” “I do indeed.” Wade finally pulled away, sitting back up. “God love you for that.” I knew he’d just managed to emotionally molest me without saying a single word and it threw me way off kilter. Worst of all was the realization that I wasn’t even pissed, because I’d enjoyed every second of it. As uncomfortable as actual feelings usually made me, and this experience was certainly no exception, I found myself already wondering if it would happen again. And if so, I was looking forward to when.

Life in fusion 73

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We wound up watching a couple of the Donald Strachey films since I’d never seen them, and Wade had a pizza delivered from the lodge. One of those thin, all wheat crust jobs covered in veggies and chicken. I started to balk, thinking it was a good thing we were already not having sex that night, considering I no longer wanted his health-food, nutty ass. As if he could read my mind, he pointed out it had extra cheese and that the white sauce, while not exactly unhealthy, did have a considerable enough fat content to be considered worthy of my delicate junk food palette. I did actually enjoy it, plus I made sure I picked off just enough vegetables to maintain my independence, making sure he understood I wasn’t going to be one of the converts to his demented, granola-boy lifestyle. He could posture all he wanted, but no amount of food-Nazi rhetoric would break me down. He’d never take me alive! Snuggling up together on the couch was by far the highlight of the evening; though I quickly realized we were gonna need a bigger couch. Being the massively muscled hunk of beef that he was didn’t leave a whole lot of extra room for me. He held me tightly against him, which was a good thing, considering I’d have been dangerously close to falling off the sofa otherwise. It gave me a whole new perspective to living life on the edge. I tried my best to not laugh when I realized Wade would squeeze me tighter each time Strachey and his on-screen boyfriend would show up in a scene together and get all lovey-dovey. The giddiness quickly subsided as I wondered if he was merely one of those guys who was ready to be a couple and I’d just been in the right place at the time. Could my very hot and supple bubble butt have been more interchangeable with the next guy’s than I’d previously allowed myself to think? Just as my inner ravings threatened to boil over into a fevered rant on why the fuck he wanted me so badly, Wade began to softly snore. I immediately began to theoretically kick each and every fear I had in the ass. I attempted to push myself back against his body, getting closer still, and he reacted by squeezing me tighter—

74 Ethan Day as if it was something we’d been doing for so many years it was now instinctual. I was ingrained into his muscle memory, a force so strong I’d become a habit. And I wanted to be Wade’s habit. I loved that his tired, get out of bed way too early ass had done his best to stay awake for me. I lay there wondering if I’d be able or willing to change anything about myself in order to make him happier. How far would I need to bend to become the guy he deserved? Or was I already enough for him—fresh out of the box and completely compatible with his hard drive, so to speak? I could hear Gabe lecturing at me in the back of my mind that I’d best be hoping for the latter, since anything beyond plug and play would be out of my skill set. I pictured myself poking Gabe in the eyes and knocking him over a sofa a la The Three Stooges, since I didn’t like what his imaginary, discombobulated voice in my head had to say. Eventually I allowed my own eyes to close. The heat from Wade’s body had me slow baking from behind, and the fire, which was still going, was warming me from the front. Like someone switching off the lights, one by one, every last thought zipping through my overactive brain was shut down. A final yawn was the last thing I remembered before slipping into my very own sleep haze.

ChaPteR six I was thinking I would lose my mind, sitting in Del’s kitchen, sucking down a beer like it might be my last. Jackie’s four monsters had just torn through the room, screaming their heads off in unison as Wade and Shep, Jackie’s husband, chased after them. It was odd, seeing two grown ass men yelling “Arg,” as if they were Captain Hook and cohorts chasing after the Lost Boys. Jason Shepherd, or Shep as everyone called him, had been a skier like Wade in his day. He was ruggedly handsome, with light red hair, almost blond. He was shorter, thinner than Wade, but as Wade’s gym buddy, very fit. He was about six years older than Wade, and the guy favored to win gold for his third consecutive Olympics, until Wade had knocked him off the podium to take gold in their final event that year. When I asked her how they’d started dating, Jackie had told me that Shep only asked her out as a way to screw with Wade’s head, though Shep denied it like a seasoned pro. But apparently she screwed Shep instead and he liked it. They’d been together ever since. Wade told me that Shep wound up taking over where his father had left off by mentoring him, crediting him for pushing Wade to next level. The train of insanity whipped through the kitchen again, the four red-headed minions all squealing in delighted horror as Wade and Shep snarled and growled, chasing after them. Jackie’s annoyance was like the icing on the stress cake as she screamed to please keep the boys out of the kitchen. I felt fairly certain her vehement objections were the main reason they continued on a loop, returning over and over again. Thankfully Shep decided to take things a step too far by slapping Jackie on the ass, and calling her a silly wench before asking her when the grub would be ready. It was definitely the fear of Jackie finding a hatchet that finally had Wade, Shep and the Corn kids vacating for good. Del and Uncle Pete were currently laughing at

76 Ethan Day me, which told me I wasn’t doing a very good of a job at hiding my horror over the lot of them. leg.

“Boone looks practically nauseous!” Pete said, slapping his

“It’s what I’d always imagined a nut house would be like,” I said. “Why couldn’t I have had girls?” Jackie whined under her breath. “You’d have given birth to your very own Quad,” I said with an evil grin. “Never mind, that would be worse.” “I heard that,” Del said, obviously irritated, standing there in

her hot pink apron that had Mighty Kitchen Aphrodite bedazzled across the chest. The three of them laughed as the boys all started yelling butt boy off in the house somewhere. I joined in after hearing Shep and Wade doing their best to shut them up. “You need to whip those boys in line, young lady,” Pete said. “It’s indecent, allowing them to talk that way,” Del added, throwing in her two cents. “Then why are the two of you laughing?” Jackie asked. Pete and Del briefly glanced at one another as if they’d been busted and found guilty under the new hypocrisy laws. They straightened themselves up. “I’m going to need more of these.” I wiggled my near empty bottle in the air. “I thought Wade said you couldn’t handle your liquor very well?” Dell asked, causing me to choke on the last of my beer. I decided to leave that topic alone despite Jackie and her snickering. I held back my urge to walk over to her perfectlycoiffed, white-spandexed snow bunny ensemble and sling the tomato sauce she’d been steadily stirring on the stove all over her. I was amazed how pulled together she always managed to

Life in fusion 77 be, with that bone straight, shiny black hair and never a wrinkle to be found. I secretly suspected she had a cage she locked those kids in during the day. I surveyed the almost all-white kitchen. From the cabinets to the subway tile that went halfway up the walls, it was white and stainless steel as far as the eye could see. There was a glossy black tile border along the top of the wall and another running along the edge of the floor. I stepped out of the way as Del lifted the large boiling pot of pasta off the stove and maneuvered it to the sink, where she strained off the water. “So where’s Sarah tonight?” I asked. “Date,” Pete said, not appearing all that thrilled. I’d already decided to leave the topic alone as Del breezed by me, handing me a new beer and saying, “We don’t care for the boy.” I nodded. “Got it.” I was assuming that the “we” in her statement meant I had to hate the mystery guy as well. They seemed like an all for one, one for all kinda family. I turned around and surveyed the large corkboard on the wall behind me. It was covered with family pictures, cards from every possible special occasion, along with multiple children’s drawings, and it was about the only thing that kept the kitchen from feeling cold and sterile—that and the warmth of the people currently inhabiting it. Uncle Pete, who I hadn’t seen since the unfortunate night I ran out of his restaurant like a freak, was as relaxed in his home environment as he had been at his business. There was an overall sense about him that led me to believe he was now, and always had been, extremely easygoing. He was also kind of a hottie, for an older dude, dressed in jeans and a crisp red button down that made his full head of white hair practically glow. He was opening several bottles of wine while Jackie pulled out a tray of hot garlic bread from the oven. She slid the pan across the granite countertop before using her foot to kick the oven door shut.

78 Ethan Day It was like a ballet, which made me very conscious of the fact that this was a family that had spent many years working in confined spaces with one another. They instinctively knew where to stand, when it was okay to move, taking a step or two in any given direction when needed, and most of all when to stop and smile at one another—as if that were their reward for a job well done. Even after Wade and Shep came back in, filling the room up with more bodies, it never felt cramped. And Wade kissing the top of my head and massaging my shoulders while they all talked at the same time, still managing to understand one another perfectly, eased the tension I felt as the lone wolf interloper. It wasn’t that I didn’t belong, so much as they were all so at home. It was a slight distinction that made a huge difference in the way I perceived myself among them. I kept on smiling as they volleyed comments back and forth while carting the food and wine from the kitchen to the dining room. It was as chaotic as any given evening at my parents’ house, but in a totally different way. Here it felt like anything uttered among them would be enjoyed, appreciated and welcomed wholeheartedly. At home it felt like anything might be uttered at anytime, whether enjoyed and appreciated or not. His family had manners, and was all polite and shit—quite the contrast from mine. I brought up the rear, following Wade into the dining room while Shep sat the kids down at the dinette table in the kitchen. Jackie breezed past me and helped Shep arrange the fries and chicken nuggets onto plastic plates for the boys. Jackie mentioned the boys were no longer allowed to eat anything that could stain, such as tomato sauce, while at Del’s. Apparently there had been some incident in the past. I wasn’t sure why she decided to inform me of this, as if I, of all people, would judge anyone else’s nutritional intake. I was however beginning to think these tiny humanoids were a lot more trouble than they were worth. Wade motioned for me to take the chair next to his while

Life in fusion 79 Del and Uncle Pete sat at either end. My stomach rumbled and I realized how hungry I was as I joined them at the table. The dining room wasn’t huge to begin with. The fact it was crammed full of furniture between the table, sideboard and large china cabinet didn’t help matters. An oversized brass chandelier dangled above our heads and the back wall was covered with framed photos of the family. I was sure to all of them it was cozy, but to me, who’d grown up having dinner on the floor in front of the TV, it was kinda claustrophobic. The open archway at my back that led into the living room was the only thing that kept me from totally wigging out. I could hear giggling coming from corn-kids in the kitchen and Jackie insisted they stop whatever evil they were up to. Shep immediately backed her up and silence fell from the other room. Del caught me smiling over the kids getting into trouble. “Would you like to have children, Boone?” she asked. I started laughing, at first because I thought it was a joke, then morphing into my own nervous giggle when I realized she was serious. I knew my deodorant was beginning to fail, feeling a bead of sweat run down my side. “Um.” I turned to Wade, who was shaking his head at Del. “Christ woman,” Pete said, laughing. “Start off with the easy questions, why don’t you.” “Oh, I’m sorry.” Del was now blushing every bit as much as I was sure I had to be. Jackie poked her head into the doorway. “Don’t say anything good until I’m at the table.” With that her head disappeared back into the kitchen. Wade snickered while taking his napkin and placing it in his lap. “We should all burst out into fake laughter just to drive her nuts.” With that the four of us all glanced back and forth at one another before bursting into real laughter over the orneriness of Wade’s intent to torture his sister. “Damn it!” We heard Jackie grumbling from inside the kitchen

80 Ethan Day before she shot into the dining room. “You can finish with them, honey,” she called back at her husband. “Kids suck sometimes,” Jackie huffed, plopping into a chair. “A ringing endorsement,” I said to Del. “I think I’ll pass, if it’s all the same to you.” She insisted everyone go ahead serve themselves as Shep came striding into the dining room. He gave his wife a none too pleased grin and she smiled back, as sweet and innocent looking as the day she was born—a look both she and her brother had perfected. “You need to stop saying things like that about your own children,” Del berated Jackie. “They hear a lot more than you think and they may not understand you’re just kidding around.” “Who was kidding?” Jackie asked, oozing sarcasm as she forked some linguini onto her plate. “I’m not going to be one of those mothers who pretend her children are little angels while they terrorize the entire town. And it’s difficult to parent them when their daddy and uncle give them whatever they want.” She stared down Del. “I wonder where their uncle got that from.” Del frowned while Wade smiled, sneering at his sister and repeating, “I wonder where he got that from,” in a mocking tone. I choked on my beer once again when a piece of garlic bread sailed through the air, popping Wade in the chin before ricocheting off and landing on his plate. “Jackie, really,” Del said in a disapproving tone as she stared across the table at her husband. “Don’t look at me, they’re grown men and women now,” Pete said, twisting some pasta around his fork. “Thanks for the bread, sis.” Wade grinned at Jackie as he delicately patted his chin to remove the butter. Shep was laughing until Jackie reached over and pinched the hell out of his arm. “Damn it, baby,” Shep whined, rubbing his arm. “Got the pinchers of a lobster, this one.”

Life in fusion 81 Wade sat back in his chair and laughed at Shep. I was beginning to feel like I’d been transported back to high school, seeing a whole new side of Wade. He straightened up a bit when he saw me watching him, which I found even more amusing…like he was afraid he might be grounded once we got back to his house. “So Boone,” Del asked, winking at Jackie, who kindly poured some red wine into her glass. “What do your parents think of Wade?” I shrank into my seat. “Well, they haven’t actually met him yet.” Del glanced at Wade then back to me. “Oh, I…are you not close then?” I shrank down into my seat some more. “No, we’re very close.” Jackie appeared to be enjoying watching me squirm. “I just figured—” “He’d wait until he knew for sure I wasn’t a freak before telling his parents about me.” Well thanks for emphasizing the fact I have yet to even mention any of this to them, cock sucker. “I’m going to tell them this week,” I blurted out, in order to defend myself. I hadn’t actually planned on doing so, but I suppose it had now been bumped up to the top of my to-do list. “We have a great relationship, actually… very um…open with each another.” Understatement of the century. “So I’ll be meeting them?” Wade was grinning from ear to ear as he now had me backed into a corner. “Soon,” I said, like he was totally over-reacting. “I for one can’t wait to meet them,” Jackie said, just before

shoveling a fork full of linguini into her mouth. “Man this sauce is really good,” I said while chewing—my desperate attempt at trying to change the subject, even though it was true. “My mother’s secret recipe,” Pete said, proudly.

82 Ethan Day “About the only good thing that woman gave us,” Del muttered. Pete set his wine glass down, staring down his wife. “That’s really nice, Del. She’s dead now—perhaps we can allow her to rest in peace.” Del shrugged like she hadn’t a clue in the world to what he was referring. “Still anxious to meet mom and pop?” I asked Wade. “Desperately,” Wade replied, refusing to let me off the hook. “Just remember you said that when she starts re-decorating your house.” Jackie set her fork down before wiping her mouth with the napkin. “Oh I won’t let him forget.” “I think that sounds like a lovely gesture,” Wade lied, “I’d be happy if she liked me enough to offer.” “Good! I’ll be sure to tell her you said that.” I turned to Del and Jackie. “My mother has the most…unique taste.” “I don’t care what you say.” Wade sat up in his chair. “You can’t scare me off.” “I wouldn’t dream of doing such a thing. Scare you? What would you possibly have to fear…stealing away the only child of an ex-beauty queen…dragging him hundreds of miles away… locking him away in your castle hidden in the mountains.” Wade took another bite, though he now appeared to be less confident than he had moments before, keeping one eye on my face while he chewed. “Every parent’s dream,” I began, wistfully staring off into the distance. “Having their children move away so they can see even less of them than they already do.” “Heaven.” Jackie sighed, now also staring off into space as well. Everyone began laughing accept Wade, who was trying to muster the joy required to join in, though now obviously

Life in fusion 83 rethinking his position on meeting my parents. “You’ve got a bit of an evil streak, don’t you?” Shep asked me, nodding his approval. He turned to Wade. “Maybe you can meet Boone’s parents next weekend?” Wade held up his hand. “Just simmer down there, buddy. Whenever Boone’s ready.” I laughed. “Such a patient man you’ve turned out to be.” Wade sneered at me, not enjoying the way I worked him over that last topic. “Well, the ladies and I did want to ask you both,” Del started, seeming unsure of how or if she should proceed. “We had an idea, that perhaps sometime over the next couple of months, once the tourist season dies down, we could throw you both a big party, invite the whole town—give everyone a chance to meet you—as a couple.” My mouth went dry suddenly, and I tried to smile. I just wasn’t sure if I’d been able to really sell it. “Wow, um.” I turned to Wade. “I think that’s so nice of you to offer, thank you so much. We’d be delighted.” Oh, hell no! He did not just accept for us! “Sure you wouldn’t like to ask your boyfriend, there?” Jackie asked, obviously enjoying the look on my face. Wade got a good dose, before I adjusted myself and slid the mask back on. “That really is nice of you,” I said. “A month or two, huh?” Hell’s bells, what if we aren’t even together in a couple of months? More pressure to add to the pile. “It’s too much, right?” Del asked, obviously feeling awkward. “A tiny bit sooner than I would have imagined, perhaps,” I began, reaching over and placing my hand over Del’s arm. “But so thoughtful.” Okay—fairly sure I dodged a bullet on that one. “And we’d be happy to accept.” Wade placed an arm around

84 Ethan Day my shoulders and kissed me on the cheek. “Wouldn’t we sweetie?” He looked so damn cute, that playfulness back, now that he’d found a way to pay me back and keep The Wade and Boone: Together Forever Train chugging along at a nice, leisurely, break-neck speed. I smiled and turned back to Del. “We most certainly would, thank you so much. It really is very kind of you think of it.” Wade kissed me on the cheek again, that deep, rumbley laugh gurgling up from his chest. My gaze locked with Jackie’s who appeared to be enjoying herself immensely. He is so not getting any for the remainder of this weekend. Wade’s hand landed on my lap and he squeezed my leg, a little closer to my crotch than he should have been, considering we were sitting at his aunt and uncle’s dinner table. Well, okay…no sex for the entire weekend is just stupid…but he’s definitely not getting any tonight. I cleared my throat, feeling his pinky finger lightly rubbing my dick through my jeans. I grabbed my beer bottle and smiled as Del was now in full party-planning mode, tossing out ideas the way a person with Tourette’s volleyed curse words. Wade nudged my crotch once more before sitting back and removing his hand from my lap. I was now half hard and Del was insisting I invite my parents and all my friends and family to the soiree, making me both nauseous and horny all at the same time. So maybe I’ll let him fuck me…but I sure as hell won’t let him know I’m enjoying it…so…take that a-hole. I hate being a slave to the cock, I thought, shoveling in another forkful of linguini. I sighed, chewing my food slowly, deciding I shouldn’t be so hard on myself. Why should I need to suffer for Wade’s bad behavior anyway?

PaRt two

The Consequences of Falling

ChaPteR seven Buck stared down in disbelief; he’d never actually seen one in person. Things just got a hell of a lot more dangerous than he’d been led to believe. Simple snatch and grab, my ass. Twelve clicks. “What is it?” Gostric asked. “Did you find the Halo?” “It’s a human,” Buck said, already feeling the effects, being in such close proximity. “A what?” Gostric asked. “I’m sorry, for a second I thought you said a human?” “You’d better have the fucking ship into position, asshole, or so help me if I survive this I’ll blow your scrawny ass out of a missile portal.” “I’m almost there, Captain, just tell me when to release it.” There was a reason he kept far away from the slave trade. Trouble. The fact that it was a human made this the worst kind of trouble. Fucking slaves were useless, and those of the sex trade variety, such as the one before him now, were usually the worst.

88 Ethan Day

Buck could feel his desire growing as he walked toward the unconscious man whose pale skin had turned pink from the heat. His thick, damp golden locks of hair gleamed in the bright light that poured forth from of an old lava tube. He was shackled to the wall. The so called Halo was thin in build and he was strikingly handsome, even near death, as he surely had to be in this punishing environment. None of this made any sense. “Why would

anything this valuable be kept in such a place?”

It was disheartening that there were so few humans left, though they really had no one to blame but themselves. Still, Buck hated the thought that an entire species could be wiped out of the heavens. The pheromones humans produced were like a drug, an aphrodisiac that drove most other species of red-bloods to distraction. He knew now that this was the real reason they were paying him so much for this mission. Voldaireians were one of the few red-bloods who could maintain control while in their presence. Not that their scent had no effect, Buck thought, feeling his erection straining against the fabric of his trousers.

He licked his lips as his eyes ran over the

Life in fusion 89

naked flesh, which looked firm yet supple. It too glistened in the light as he was covered in sweat, which only made the pheromones more potent. He reached out to touch… “Captain? You still there? What the hell is going on?” Gostric snapped over the com. Eight clicks. He lifted the blade, cursing himself for succumbing to his lust, and easily sliced through the Moranite chains. The human slumped further down the wall, but was mumbling in delirium, so Buck knew it wasn’t a complete lost cause. Despite the fact that a dead human was still potent, as their organs could be harvested, meant they were still valuable, but a live one was practically priceless. That didn’t mean Buck wanted to see the life die out of the beautiful male that he now picked up and slung over his shoulder. “Gods Captain, where the hell are you? You’re running out of time!” Six clicks. “Always there to state the fucking obvious, aren’t you Gostric?” Buck growled, rounding the corner. Buck ran as fast as he could down the

90 Ethan Day

cavern. He knew the effects of the dead Darten were wearing thin. He could once again hear the screeches off in the distance behind him. He could tell he was getting closer to the opening as the

corridor got wider.

Four clicks. Their battle shrieks were getting louder and Buck knew there was no way he could outrun the beasts in a foot race. It was all going to come down to luck and he prayed that timing was on his side. “Release the grappling hook Gostric!” Buck

screamed over the com. “And I pray to the gods

you’re there.”

Two clicks. Buck rounded the corner, able to see the massive opening of the shaft that led to the canyon below. He had one shot. If Gostric was off by even a fraction of a centient both he and the human

would plummet to their deaths.

He ran as fast as his legs would carry him, but the shrieks were now so loud he felt they were already upon him. All he could do was keep running despite the fact he could now hear the large padded footsteps of the Dartens slapping against the stone floor behind him. He jumped over

Life in fusion 91

the lifeless carcass of the beast he’d slain and with the last bit of renewed vigor, sprinted toward the ledge and leapt off. He felt the harsh wind on his face as it blew the goggles completely from his head. He grinned, grabbing hold of the cable while tightening his grip on the soul he had dangling from his shoulder. “Gostric you stud whore, I could fuck you senseless, you gods damn sweet assed mother fucker!” “I take it you’re gonna live?” Gostric asked, laughing. Buck looked back as the cable stopped, having swung out like a pendulum, only to begin swinging back toward the opening. His eyes widened. Two Dartens stood at the edge of the ledge, swinging their long thick arms out in an attempt to grab hold of Buck and his new cargo as they got closer. “Take the fuck off Gostric! Go! Go! Go!” Buck felt the claw nick the fabric of his trousers. He swung his blade, slicing through the arm of the beast that shrieked in horror. He grunted from the violent jerk that yanked them away from the opening to the cavern and up into the air.

92 Ethan Day

Buck laughed, yelling out a cry of victory. He was invigorated by the near escape and happy to have gotten another piece of the filthy fuckers. He could tell the cable was now lifting them and glanced up, able to see the bottom of his ship. He was surprised to discover his erection had also managed to remain intact throughout the entire ordeal. He smiled, another wave of relief washing over him. “You are a potent little fucker, aren’t you?” Once they were finally lifted up inside the loading dock, Buck waited, straining to hold on to the cable until the bay doors were completely shut. He groaned, letting go, and landed on his feet. His body was weak, and he crumpled, falling to his knees. He carefully placed his newest acquisition onto the cool metal floor, listening to the young man moan as if in great pain. Buck collapsed onto his back, out of breath and weakened from the heat and exertion. He lifted his head and looked around, hearing the quick, repetitive knocking sound. “Do not come into the docking bay, Gostric!” Buck ordered. Buck looked over to hatch door and saw no one standing on the other side of the viewing pane. “Who the fuck is knocking?” Buck asked,

Life in fusion 93

shaking his head in disgust. “Fucking writers. You gonna get that Boone? I’m sort of busy here at the moment.”

qqq

“Damn it!” I said, hearing the rapid knocks on the front door. Every time I get on a roll with the writing I get interrupted. I frowned, looking back and forth from my laptop to the front door. The rapid fire knocking resumed, followed by someone trying the doorknob to see if it would open. I could tell it was the twins from the sound of their arguing. I closed the Word document, saved the changes and signed off the computer. “I’m coming!” I yelled as loudly as I could since the rude raptap-tapping had yet to cease. “Well hurry up, bitch!” Lonny yelled back as I ripped open the door. Both his and Donny’s irritable expressions simultaneously morphed into sweetness and light as they smiled up at me. “Kisses!” They both sang out, pushing past me to get inside the house. “Ouch,” I said, getting shoved from one side to the other. “Do come in.” “We’re already in…hello,” Lonny said, making his way toward the kitchen, or to the booze, I should say. “But thanks,” Donny added, as usual providing what little manners one could expect to receive from either of them. Gabe stepped up and gave me a kiss on the cheek and a big squeeze before handing me a bottle of wine. I winked at Tommy, who was standing in the background, where he always seemed the most comfortable. He smiled and stepped forward as if he’d been waiting for my acknowledgement before deciding it was okay to make a move toward the entryway. I pulled Gabe further inside so Tommy could pass, finally relenting and letting loose of the boy. Gabe stumbled off into the house and I took in a deep

94 Ethan Day breath. I exhaled slowly before closing the door behind us. Tommy Russo was tall like me, though just under my six feet. He was attractive, in that stable-partner sort of way. He screamed dependable. He was thin, almost skinny considering his height, with black hair and that same beautiful olive toned skin with which Gabe had been blessed. Tommy owned the computer repair shop where Gabe worked, and had been in love with Gabe since the moment he’d found out the boy was gay. Combined with the fact Gabe was nearly as computer savvy as Tommy would have been enough in and of itself. But the fact Gabe was also Italian made him almost too good to be true—the trifecta of perfection, if you will—at least in Tommy’s world. He told me once that his grandma, who often told him he was going to hell for being a queer, usually followed up her bigotry by adding that it was still no excuse for Tommy to settle for anything less than a nice Italian boy. Unfortunately for Tommy, Gabe wasn’t ever going to be that nice Italian boy. I knew Gabe well enough to know he would never love Tommy, not because there was anything wrong with the man. They were simply too much alike. Tommy couldn’t seem to give up for whatever reason. Maybe he thought Gabe was the only other gay Italian computer nerd out there—if not in the world, then perhaps at least in Albuquerque? “Where the hell is Wade Walker?” Donny asked, lifting a throw pillow as if to look under it. “He certainly wouldn’t fit under that,” I said, taking Tommy and Gabe’s jackets to hang on the hooks next to front door. I wondered momentarily if all computer techs wore the same thin cotton windbreaker type of jacket. Was there some secret orientation that took place behind closed doors? A secret society, perhaps? I could write an expose, instead of The DaVinci Code, I could call it The Alphanumeric Code. I shook the ludicrous ramblings out of my head as Lonny came back into the living room with two frozen raspberry margaritas, for himself and his other side of the same coin.

Life in fusion 95 “Wade had to take a later flight,” I said, heading toward the kitchen since the sight of those cocktails now had my mouth watering. “He should be here anytime, though.” The twins looked at one another and pouted, followed by a shrug letting everyone know they’d already overcome their momentary, life shattering disappointment. Lonny and Donny Campbell were most often described as adorable. They looked like expensively wrapped candy, sort of glossy and sweet—always perfectly put together. They made quite the striking entrance wherever they went, and they knew it. As a matter of fact, they made it their mission in life. They were fun to be around, and funny. Together, they could prattle on every bit as fast as I did, though it took both of them to do it. They each kept their dirty blond hair perfectly coiffed and parted to the side. They tanned more than anyone in this day and age should, but their dark complexions complemented them well. After a few too many cocktails, they loved to demonstrate their flexibility, showcasing their slim, tight build. The twins also enjoyed sharing conquests and liked to refer to themselves as the New Mexican Wonder Twins—kind of like a Vegas sex act that traveled around the Albuquerque gay circuit. They were from a wealthy family; their father was a surgeon and one of the hospital big wigs. They didn’t rely on their daddy’s money, though. They were both nurses, working at the same hospital I did. You either loved them or you hated them. There was no in between, and they didn’t give a damn as to which side anyone happened to fall, which was pretty cool, in my opinion. The best thing, for me, about being friends with them, was they had a way of making me seem less outrageous, hell, almost normal—which let’s face it, was at times a very good thing. The worst thing however, was they were almost always a horrible influence—like having two precious looking little devils whispering the same naughty things in either ear. The three of us didn’t have standing invitations to come back to the Gay Rodeo Circuit for nothing. I poured margs for everyone else and passed one to Gabe

96 Ethan Day and Tommy. The twins hopped down the steps into the den and immediately began to argue over the remote. “Play nice children.” They each laughed, innocently blinking and waiting till I turned around before continuing to argue, though they at least had the decency to do it in hushed whispers. “So,” Gabe asked, looking at me with his big brown puppy dog eyes. “You been okay?” I wanted to slap him, since he’d been intentionally avoiding me the past few weeks. I’d never gone this much time without seeing him before. The last time I’d called him, mentioning that fact, he’d snapped at me, saying I better get used to it since I was running off and leaving him behind. I could tell he was feeling bad about that, and I wanted to make him suffer. But when he stared up at me all sweet and sorry-eyed, I caved every time. “I’ve missed you.” I said, though I scowled at him to let him know I didn’t appreciate it. Tommy sort of politely stepped away, obviously figuring things were about to get all mushy or tense, neither of which Tommy cared for. “Yeah.” Gabe glanced down at the floor. “Sorry I’ve been kind of a jerk butt.” “Kind of ?” I asked. He glanced back up at me, working his I’m sorry mojo. “Gonna forgive me?” “Forgiven!” I yelled, laughing as I threw my arms around his neck, causing the twins to berate me for sloshing some of my margarita onto the floor. “Stupid wasteful bitches, acting like the world is their oyster,” Lonny scolded. Gabe really squeezed me hard, letting me know he still felt bad. “Yeah,” Donny added, “like frozen margaritas just grow on

Life in fusion 97 trees.” We both started laughing at them. “They don’t know what it’s like, growing up, never knowing where your next cocktail might come from,” Lonny said, causing Gabe and I to stand up straight. “You’re father’s a surgeon and you grew up in a freakin’ fifteen thousand square foot mansion,” Gabe said. “My entire house could fit in your parents’ dining room.” “Unbelievable.” I shook my head and snatched some paper towels off the dispenser before bending over to wipe up my spill. “You two are so rude.” “What?” Donny asked, like he couldn’t for the life of him figure out why we were offended. “And the last issue you two struggled with was Edward vs. Jacob,” I said. “Oh great.” Tommy groaned, slurping down the rest of his cocktail. “Now you’ve done it.” “No I didn’t? Wait…what?” I asked, already lost. “Fucking fang whore!” Lonny pointed at Donny. “Jacob could totally kick Edward’s ass!” “More like take Edward’s cock up his ass,” Donny snapped back. “God damn flea baggin’, fur fucker!” Gabe shook his head at them. “They argued non-stop about this the whole ride over here.” I wasn’t all that up on the whole Twilight saga, but I had to admit, Donny’s version sounded better than Lonny’s. What can I say? I’m a lover not a fighter. “Hello? Boone?” Wade called out, from the front door. “Anybody home?” Everyone froze, and the room got quiet, like teens that’d been busted having a party after their parents came home early. “Major manly voice,” Lonny whispered with a wink, like he was telling me job well done.

98 Ethan Day I jumped slightly when the door slammed shut and started to smile listening to Wade curse under his breath. He kept forgetting he needed to hang onto the door when closing it, rather than pushing it shut. “Stay here,” I warned, giving the twins my evil eye. I did my best to ignore the fact that the smile on Gabe’s face had evaporated the instant Wade called out my name. I was too excited to see Wade to let that irritation get to me. We’d both been tested for HIV along with the whole other gamut of STDs, and had each gotten our results back since the last I’d seen him. Despite the initial worry that crept into the back of my mind from getting tested, I knew, somewhere deep down, that the results would be no different this time. Funny that no matter how careful I was, that fear still managed to creep in, getting under my skin each time. Of course, even though we’d promised to wait for one another and read them together, I’d already cheated by steaming mine open, then re-gluing it. Don’t judge—the devil made me do it! I set down my glass on the kitchen counter and rounded the corner as Wade let out a grunt, dropping the bag off his shoulder and onto the floor. A smile spread over his handsome, chiseled face, creating those dimples that still made me feel all goofy inside. He reached out for me, but I dodged his hands, dancing around him in circles like I was two and my daddy had just come home from a business trip. “Did ya bring it, did ya bring it?” Wade laughed at me, shaking his head and trying to act all innocent. “To what are you referring, sir?” I dodged his hand again, twirling just out of his reach as I hopped around the back of him once more. “Please tell me you have it. I’m dying to see it…mine’s waiting for you on your pillow.”

Life in fusion 99 “I do have it,” Wade finally said, putting me out of my misery. “I can’t believe you’re this excited about it though.” “Me either?” I said, stopping long enough for him to grab hold of me. “But I’ve hardly been able to think of anything else all day. I mean,” I dropped my voice to a whisper, “I’ve never done it without, you know.” Wade kissed me and I immediately opened my mouth for his tongue, my hands sliding up over his wide shoulders before I wrapped them around his neck. I started to laugh, hearing the whispers coming from behind me as my friends were arguing on the other side of the wall about who was going to peek first. “Does he have what?” Gabe called out. I ripped my mouth away from Wade’s and yelled back at them, “None of your business—away with you!” Wade pushed me away, licking his lips as if he was savoring the taste of me, which was turning me on. So much so that I was considering telling all my friends to fuck off as I kicked them out one by one. I’m moving away anyway, so screw ‘em! “Plenty of time for that later,” Wade said with a low huskiness that told me he knew what I’d been thinking. “Bitch, can we come out yet?” one of the twins whined, the suspense obviously killing them. I was surprised those two had waited that long. I’d prepared them, by telling them all who Wade was—Olympic golden boy and all. I knew they were secretly hoping Wade had turned into a dog over the years, as opposed to the manly hunk of beefcake I now stood face to face with. Before I had the chance to tell them it was okay to come out, I heard gasping—in stereo. I turned to see the twins both staring wide-eyed, mouths hanging open. Gabe and Tommy were standing behind them, one with a friendly smile, the other not so much. I held my tongue since we’d just made up and I didn’t want to piss Gabe off, afraid he’d disappear again for another two or three weeks. I told myself they just needed to get to know one another and everything would be fine.

100 Ethan Day “Holy Mammy Yokum’s Yokumberry tonic,” Donny finally said. Wade laughed, seeming to get the musical theater reference to Li’l Abner. I introduced everyone and before I could usher them all toward the back of the house, the twins had shoved me aside, each taking one of Wade’s arms and gleefully leading him toward the den. I followed as Tommy and Gabe fell in line. They sat Wade in the center of the loveseat, taking the places on either side of him. Wade didn’t exactly hate the attention, though he did wink at me, letting me know I had nothing to worry about. I hadn’t been worried, though perhaps I should have been since they were each cooing and preening over him. I thought it was cute that he felt the need to put my mind at ease, though. I shook my head as I went into the kitchen to get Wade a drink and retrieve my own. “Could you two be any more trashy?” Gabe asked. “Christ, please don’t answer that,” Tommy said. He smacked Gabe in the arm. “You know better than to ask them shit like that.” “So, Wade,” Gabe asked, taking a seat and leaning back into his chair, “Met Boone’s parents yet?” “No, not yet.” Wade looked my way as I came down the two steps. “That’s tomorrow night, right?” “Yes sir,” I swallowed, making a loud gulping noise, like he was gonna be in trouble when that happened. Wade shot me a dirty look for taunting him since I knew he was majorly nervous. “Boone’s parents are the greatest,” Donny said, running a finger over Wade’s bicep. “Paws off the merchandise, Donny.” Donny ripped his hand away. “My bad, sweetie. It’s just so huge…it called to me.”

Life in fusion 101 “They dressed extra slutty for you,” I said, passing Wade a margarita. “I’ll just go sit over here.” Wade thanked me as I gave the twins a dirty look, since neither one of them took my hint and offered to move. “Well, we’re both very happy for Boone,” Donny started. “Naturally,” Lonny added. “But it never hurts to be prepared—” Donny interrupted. “Just in case Wade has second thoughts about monogamy—” “—and wanted a last minute three-way with The New Mexican Wonder Twins.” Lonny finished. Wade’s eyes widened slightly. He looked a little more nervous and took a sip from his glass. I watched Gabe sort of offer a pathetic half-smile, either liking the fact that Wade was now squirming or that he too found the three-way comment a bit much. His smile faded and I turned to see Wade watching me. His desire to be near me was written all over his face. Every now and then, as if I’d forgotten, I was reminded how into me he really was with a stare like that. It always managed to steal my breath away. I turned, feeling Gabe’s gaze on me, and I winked at him. The corners of his lips curled up slightly in a half hearted attempt. That hurt worse than anything, that he couldn’t be happy for me. And it screwed with my head, wondering if he could sense something I wasn’t able to see. “So how did you two meet, Wade?” Lonny asked. “I already told you.” I said, becoming irritated. “We want more than ‘we met in a bar.’” Donny snatched his margarita glass up off the coffee table. “I picked his very intoxicated ass up at a bar.” Wade grinned as if he loved that fact more than anything else. “That much is true.”

102 Ethan Day Lonny gasped. “Slut!” Hi pot…meet kettle. “You know you shouldn’t drink without one of us around,” Gabe scolded, while obviously wondering if this entire mess, meaning mine and Wade’s relationship, could have somehow been avoided had he been there to keep me in check. “Yes dad.” I reached over with my foot and shoved his knee. “Though I’m beginning to think all you assholes ever did was cock-block me. Look what I fell into all on my lonesome.” Wade laughed and for an instant, the twins appeared slightly guilty, as if I’d stumbled onto some long hidden truth. I decided to let it go for the sake of harmony. Well that, and I didn’t think Wade wanted to listen to our greatest-slutty-hits—or maybe I didn’t want him to. “Then I innocently, all in good fun mind you, teased him about his lovemaking skills while under the influence.” “Translation…called me a lousy lay!” I accused. Everyone laughed, even Gabe. Wade winked, very cheeky, and a low rumbly laugh rolled up out of his chest. “Then I molested him and he was helpless to resist me.” I nodded, as if I were the big stud. “Like putty in my hands.” “More like confused me with that mile a minute mouth,” Wade said as our gazes locked. “You hooked me, but good.” And there went my heart, traveling straight down the express elevator to, Fuck me, I’m yours! “You’re not what I’d go around referring to as a slacker in that department, either.” “Aww, it’s like an x-rated Disney film,” Lonny gushed. Gabe blew out a puff of air as if disgusted. I told myself it was Lonny’s comment that turned his stomach, and not me and Wade. “So when’s the wedding?” Donny asked, batting his eyes. “And please tell me there are more up there just like you, Abner.” “I call dibs!” Lonny screamed.

Life in fusion 103 “Sorry boys, but he’s a one of a kind,” I said as Wade put his arms around the twins and leaned back into the loveseat. I burst out laughing when they sighed simultaneously. “I think it’s great,” Tommy finally said. “I’m really happy for you both.” Gabe laughed sarcastically. I closed my eyes, deciding to once again let it go, even though it felt like a punch in the gut each time he slighted me in some way. Wade shot a sympathetic, hang-in-there buddy, look. “Well you’re all invited up for the big welcome to Summit City party the mayor and my mother’s best friends are throwing for Boone in a few weeks.” “That should be something to see.” I was completely freaked. I reached over and put my hand on Gabe’s arm. “I can’t wait for you to see the place. I think you’ll really like it there.” Gabe shot up out of his seat and glanced from side to side with panic in his eyes. He focused in on Tommy. “I think this is nuts and you know it. And you two are seriously insane for thinking this is going to work out.” Gabe turned to me and I slowly stood. “You know you’re just going to break his heart or he’s going to break yours! You barely know each other! This is merely the latest in a long line of very pretty toys for you, Boone. I honestly can’t believe you’d actually go through with this. It would almost be laughable if it weren’t so damn sad.” Wade started to get up, but Lonny, surprisingly strong for his size, shoved him back down before rounding the coffee table. I jumped, completely taken aback when Lonny slapped Gabe across the face. I felt sick to my stomach and sad watching Gabe’s eyes began to well up. Lonny stood his ground as Gabe took a step forward. “You should be ashamed of yourself.” Donny had a hand over his mouth and Tommy looked like he might vomit in his own lap. Lord only knew what all this drama would do to his psyche. I turned away when Gabe tried to look

104 Ethan Day my way. Wade appeared to be sad as well, likely for me, as I’d spent so much time going on and on about what a great friend Gabe was. “I think you should leave,” Lonny added after Gabe lowered his head. “And I promise you one thing, Gabriel De Luca. Regardless of what happens between those two, you’ll regret this moment for the rest of your life.” Gabe spun around and stomped his way toward the front door. He was trying to pull off angry, as if trying to stay committed to his cause, but I could tell he was already beginning to buckle under the weight of his guilt. “Don’t even,” Lonny said to me when I opened my mouth to call out to him. “You need to let that mess go and don’t you dare try calling him until he’s at your door with an apology.” Lonny turned to Wade. “For both of you.” “I’ll go after him,” Tommy said to me. I nodded a thank you and flopped back down into my seat,

sucking down some of my now mostly melted cocktail. “Maybe I should try talking to him?” Wade suggested. “No, Lonny’s right.” I said it, despite wanting to run to my phone and call him. “We should let him go—for now.” Wade nodded his agreement and the four of us all settled back into our seats. To their credit, the twins kept the conversation moving right along. But to be perfectly honest I was only half listening at that point. I eventually excused myself to pee once everyone decided it was time to head out to the restaurant. I was standing at the vanity and staring at my phone, which I’d snuck in with me as if it were some sort of contraband. Rationally, I knew I should be angry, but fear was the emotion plaguing me more than anything. I wanted to call him and chew him out; at the same time I feared Gabe held some mythical or magical weapon that could shatter the whole illusion, if that was indeed what I was currently suffering from, with regard to my relationship with Wade. I didn’t

Life in fusion 105 want things to end with Wade—it was nice and I liked it. I snatched my phone up and started to punch in the numbers, then paused. I glanced up at Lonny through the reflection in the mirror. “Don’t do it gurl,” he said with a wink. “You need to pretend like that phone is your best friend’s husband’s dick—now drop it.” I started to smile, then laughed as he slipped in and shut the door behind him. “Do you…” I examined my face in the mirror. “Think you’re making a mistake?” Lonny asked. I nodded, avoiding his eyes, since I knew that regardless of the words that came out of his mouth, they would be the one thing that might reveal the real truth. “Honestly sugar tits, would it really matter if you were?” I cringed hating that expression. “Wouldn’t it?” “Look here.” Lonny forced me to face him. “Would you give up one minute of the time you’ve already had with him if you found out it was a mistake?” I knew instantly that I wouldn’t, and the thought I could lose him sent a tiny shockwave of panic through my body. “No.” “Then regardless of what happens, this could never be a mistake could it?” I cocked my head to side and shrugged. “I never thought of it like that.” “These lips are good for more than bj’s, bitch.” I smiled at him, then leaned over and gave him a hug, nearly squeezing the life out of him as I lifted him up off the ground. I set him back down and released him once he’d begun gasping for air. “Jesus!” He was feeling himself up as if I’d cracked a rib. “And if it makes any difference at all, I hope it does work out

106 Ethan Day for you.” “You do?” “Of course.” Lonny shoved me out of the way and began preening in front of the mirror. “If a tramp like you can land a husband then there’s hope for me and Donny.” I placed a hand on my stomach as if I might lose my lunch. “Please don’t tell me you two plan on sharing a boyfriend?” “Don’t be nasty,” Lonny said. “We only share conquests.” “That is wrong on so many levels.” “What is the big deal? We’re identical fucking twins,” Lonny said, scowling at me. “It’s like watching yourself in a porno, only in person…duh.” I felt my face contorting as I tried to suss that one out. Lonny threw open the bathroom door and disappeared down the hall, leaving me to my queasiness.

ChaPteR eight I was the slightest bit tipsy now that we’d gotten home from dinner and dancing. I needed a shower. Hell, we both did after an hour or so of the bump and grind at the club, for which the twins had been most grateful. Seeing Wade without a shirt nearly sent Donny into a lusty-man-haze, standing in the middle of the dance floor with his mouth hanging open. I was very aware of all the men who’d been eyeing Wade all night long. But strangely enough, I never caught his eye wandering, not even once. He was either very adept with the stealth-leering, or he only had eyes for me. The latter of the two sounded better to me, but not very realistic, so I was leaning toward stealth over rapture. But dancing with Wade had been fucking hot. I’d always been more of loner on the dance floor, sometimes letting guys jump in briefly, long enough to be flirty, but then moving away to be on my own once again. But tonight had been different; erotic was an understatement. It had been like extended foreplay or a really long and torturous tease. My skin still tingled from having had his hands on me for so long. He’d rubbed me silly. It was being manhandled in the best possible sense. I couldn’t get enough. And I was now hornier than I’d been since hitting puberty. I’d had a good time, but Gabe and his stupid, whiney tantrum had cast a bit of a cloud over the evening. I thought all my friends understood that I was the only one allowed to have tantrums! I felt a smile forming at my blatant selfishness. He had to get over all this at some point, right? This couldn’t possibly be the end of me and Gabe. I refused to believe it, that anything could drive a wedge between the two of us—even one as large as Wade. Wade came out the bathroom in nothing but his briefs. It was an eye catching view, and he paused for a moment, examining me. I was still sitting on the edge of the bed, completely dressed, minus my shoes. I smiled up at him but he was frowning. “I hate seeing you so upset, Boone. I know it probably doesn’t

108 Ethan Day feel like it now, but give it time. Gabe will come round.” I shut my eyes as he sauntered over to me. I was suddenly very happy we hadn’t showered, as his man-stink was awakening other parts of my person. I tried to control myself so I could come to a conclusion as to whether or not I liked the fact he seemed able to read me so well at times. I sighed when his hand cupped my cheek, before his fingers slowly worked their way into my hair. “Thank you for being so good about Gabe.” I opened my eyes and stared up at him. “He’s behaving like a total shit. If I were you, I’d be livid.” “Luckily I’m not like you then.” Wade smiled, laughing when I scowled at his backhanded compliment. He sat down on the bed next to me and pulled me to him, planting a soft, warm kiss on my lips. “I want you happy, and making Gabe miserable isn’t ever going to accomplish that.” “Well I’m sure as hell not giving you up just to satisfy his selfish, inconsiderate, and completely distasteful behav—” Wade silenced my rant with another kiss, this time opening my mouth with his tongue, only stopping when he felt he’d calmed me down. He then kissed the tip of my nose before moving on to my forehead. “You love him, Boone. And that means that despite the way he’s treating me at the moment, I don’t want to do anything extra to add to the problem. Underneath all his anger…there’s a really great guy that I have no doubt I’d like to have as a friend some day. And even if that never happens, I’d never want you to lose what you have with him.” I stared into his eyes in complete and total shock. “You’re a prince. No, not far enough…a fucking saint, you’re…not real?” I leaned back, really taking him in while trying to think back over the past few weeks in order to pinpoint the precise moment I’d had the stroke that had obviously sent me into the coma that led to the dream world where I was clearly now residing. No man was this perfect—could ever be this understanding. “I must have had a stroke and this is all a hallucination.” I

Life in fusion 109 hopped down off the bed when Wade started laughing at me again. “It’s the only logical explanation.” Wade grabbed me by the arm and yanked me back toward the bed, pulling me back up next to him. He kissed me a few more times while whispering that he was real. “Remember how annoying I am, always wanting things my way, plus I come with an entire town full of insane busybodies, and four nephews who call you my butt-boy?” “Right,” I said, nodding, though I was still watching him suspiciously. Wade sighed and lay back onto the bed, pulling me down with him. “I’ve never had a Gabe, you know. I always wanted a best friend, but like a lot of things normal kids have, when you’re so focused on one goal like I was with my skiing, the only people who can really understand you are other athletes.” “Why didn’t you make friends with any of them?” I asked, feeling sad for him, unable to truly imagine what growing up being Wade Walker must have been like. “The only other athletes I saw on any regular basis were the ones I was competing against.” I scrunched up my face. “I suppose that isn’t prime breeding ground for bonding.” “And that’s probably somewhat of an excuse.” Wade grinned, as if catching himself in a lie. “Maybe I had myself convinced the only way to win was to cut out any and all emotions. There were a few guys I was friendly with, but it’s not the same, really.” “It would be hard to trust someone that wanted you to fail so they could win, I can see that.” “I did have my dad, for a long time. I suppose he was my best friend.” “And then you lost him.” I reached over and Wade took my hand and smiled. “You know, I wouldn’t change any of it. Even if I had the power to go back in time and do things differently. What I gave

110 Ethan Day up in order to have the experiences I did was worth it.” “Only a handful of people get to experience the things you did.” Wade nodded, pressing his lips into my hand, kissing the palm. “But once it’s gone and all over, and all you’re left with are the memories—you do feel more acutely what it is you gave up to be the best in the world. And some give that up and never get the rewards and accolades I did because they never reach the podium. I was lucky.” I scooted across the bed in order to be closer to him, tossing a leg over his. The change in him was noticeable, and I hated seeing that sadness come over him. “It is weird how certain relationships are better now, like with my aunt and uncle…Jackie, who used to resent me for monopolizing so much of our father’s time. I think she truly hated me for a while, after he got sick. But she wound up being the one who took care of him most of the time. The whole town really rallied around us, but Jackie sat with him constantly. I’m not sure she’d have been able to forgive me had he passed away, and she hadn’t had that time with him.” “It’s difficult to imagine that, you guys seem so close now,” I said. “The screwiest part of it all—those very relationships which I now treasure, hurt the most because they remind me what it is I’ve missed out on.” I smiled, thinking about my parents and even Uncle Barry and his lover, Steve, whose relationship always managed to torture me in a weird, but blissful way. I’d always wanted the kind of relationship they had, but I think the difference between Wade and myself was that he went looking for it, while I assumed it would simply fall into my lap at some point. I was strolling though my life with a sort of blind faith. Wade, on the other hand, behaved as if I were a miracle. His once in a lifetime that he’d long since given up on ever finding. Even I had to admit to myself that what I felt with him—no, for him—was more than

Life in fusion 111 I’d ever imagined. “The way Aunt Del and Uncle Pete smile at one another or laugh at some hidden joke only the two of them seem to understand.” Wade stared up at the ceiling. “Or Jackie’s husband, Shep, who is very much like me in some respects, though he managed to have it all—the gold medals, plus the friends and relationships to go along with it. The way he treats her when he thinks no one is watching…with such tenderness.” “Like a knife in the gut.” Wade turned to me, smiling. “Can be, yes.” “When you meet my parents tomorrow night…they’re very handsy with one another, like two teenagers in heat, and they’ve been together forever.” “I’m excited to meet them.” “Christ, I’m not!” I took in a deep breath. “I’m terrified you’ll run screaming and I’ll never see you again.” “Everyone thinks their own parents are horrible.” “Oh, you sweet, trusting man.” I sighed and rolled onto my back. “We often discuss things—in a very embarrassing, no filter needed way.” “So it’s a learned behavior then.” I shook my head and smacked him in the side with the back of my hand as punishment for his attempt at snark. “I’m not saying that they’re horrible people, they’re quite nice—once you claw your way past the absurdity…I should stop there. Part of me knows I should prepare you in some way while the other parts fear you’d refuse to go if I did.” Wade sighed and took my hand in his. “Just be glad you have them, no matter how absurd you think they are. The same goes for Gabe, Boone. Don’t ride him too hard. Eventually he’ll remember that he loves you and wants you to be happy. You wouldn’t have been friends for so long otherwise.” I smiled, rolling onto my other side and wriggling my back

112 Ethan Day into his body so he’d spoon with me. I felt bad for bitching about my parents, forgetting for a moment that he no longer had his. “You really are Captain America, you know?” Wade squeezed me tight against his body. “You think so, huh?” “Totally selfish at times but still—” “You’re actually picturing me in tights aren’t you?” Wade asked, cutting me off. “Sir, yes sir, Captain.” I laughed as he tickled me. I was happy he couldn’t see my face at that moment since I was slightly embarrassed. “Hey pal, don’t think you know me.” “I would never assume to, though I do think I know you better than you’d like me to.” Wade tugged on my arm, signaling he wanted me on my back, so I obliged. “I will not however,” Wade leaned in, giving me a soft kiss, “pretend to understand you.” “That’s good, because I’m all mysterious and stuff. An unsolvable puzzle…whose pieces are always moving and shifting…like our rapidly melting polar ice caps.” I could tell Wade was amused by my rambling, and apparently turned on since he was now grinding his crotch into my hip. “A riddle for the ages—like the origins of the Sphinx or the popularity of reality television.” He was nodding as if to placate me while he slowly unbuttoned my shirt, gently folding the fabric back, exposing more skin as he worked his way down. “A hard nut to crack,” Wade said, his gaze plastered to my torso now that he’d finished peeling open my shirt, exposing my upper body. “Exactly,” I added, feeling the air hit my bare skin, causing my nipples to harden and my pulse to quicken. “I’m a… an enigma.” My chest was heaving, watching his hand float just above the surface of my abs. “Like Lady Gaga or that actor from Last of the Mohicans and My Left Foot.”

Life in fusion 113 “Daniel Day Lewis?” Wade asked. I took in a sharp breath when his hand made contact, pressing into the ridges of my stomach. “Ya-huh,” I said, my voice quivering. I shut my eyes and his hot, wet mouth began to suck on the crook of my neck, just above the shoulder. “A puh…puzzler or a bewildering, um—” I stopped, losing my train of thought. Wade licked and nibbled his way up my neck while his fingers toyed with the button on my jeans. “Per… per…a perplexity.” My entire body ran amuck when Wade started to suck on my ear lobe, causing chills to wreak havoc from his warm breath that tickled my ear. “Sure wish I could get you to open up,” Wade whispered into my ear in a deep husky voice as the button of my jeans popped open. I was now near hysteria, feeling my zipper slowly being pulled down. Wade’s fingers brushing over my erection had every muscle in my stomach constricting. “I guess I could make an exception.” I tried to swallow. “And open myself up for you.” Wade smiled, briefly brushing his lips over mine. “You meant to me, right?” My back arched, lifting off the bed. His hand slipped under the elastic waistband of my briefs and began to slowly massage my cock. “Holy shit.” My eyes rolled back into my head as the pad of his thumb circled the head of my dick, smearing the precum. “Anything you want, honey.” “I love hearing you say those words,” Wade said just before covering my mouth with his, silencing my moans. My body began to shake uncontrollably from the sensation overload. As much as I hated my own weakness, having thrown in the towel so easily, I couldn’t fault the man, considering he used the most deliciously, bliss-inducing torture techniques for bending

114 Ethan Day me to his will. Self respect and rock hard determination are totally overrated anyway. Wade climbed on top of me, grinding his own erection into mine. He continued to assault my mouth with his tongue and my hands made their way across the soft skin of his hard, muscled back. I’ll trade ‘em both in for my rock hard boyfriend.

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Wade rolled off me, and we each tried catching our breath. I’d just been blissed, all freshly fucked with my legs splayed open. My entire body continued to tingle as I reached over the side of the bed and yanked four or five tissues out of the box on the nightstand. I sneered, doing my best to wipe myself off, annoyed by the tiny pieces getting stuck to my skin. My abs tensed when I rubbed the tissue over the head of my still sensitive cock. I wadded up the tissue before placing it on the nightstand, then turned to Wade, frowning at what I saw. “Dude, you really need to stop throwing those just anywhere.” I said. Wade looked down at the condom he’d just tossed onto the wood floor next to the bed. “What are you, some kind of germaphobe?” I started to laugh. “It’s just gross, pig-boy. I stepped on the one you used the first night we…you know.” “You’ll kiss me after I rim you.” Wade sat up a little so he could stare me down. “But a used condom on the floor you have a problem with?” “Yeah…so?” I sneered at him. “I have to kiss you after you rim me, because you do it very well. It would be rude of me to not reward such good behavior. Sheesh—you act like I was raised with no manners at all.” Wade gazed at me as if he was going to laugh, yet still seemed half afraid at the same time. “Speaking of child rearing…when you said your parents have no filter, you didn’t mean in a, advising

Life in fusion 115 you on the do’s and don’ts of rimming kind way, right?” “Well yeah,” I said, pulling him down so I could give him a peck on the lips. While my parents, in fact, hadn’t ever broached the subject of rimming, it was quite possibly one of the few topics they’d not de-sanctified. He continued to scrutinize my demeanor. “No, they didn’t!” I burst out laughing as he playfully shoved me. “I’m actually honing my ability to determine when you’re bull-shitting me.” Wade settled back down, lifting an arm so I could snuggle up against him. “Don’t think you know me, buddy.” “Mmm hmm,” Wade said. “Keep on talking smack if it makes you feel better.” I tossed my leg over and between his, draping my arm over his hugeness. He pulled me to him and I began to run my free hand over his chest, loving the way his body felt against mine. I began chewing on my lip, thinking about the condom on the floor once again. “Are we weird for not doing it without a condom—I mean, what do you think that means?” Wade brushed the hair back off my forehead. “That we’ve been conditioned to use them for so long it feels funny to not.” “You think?” I asked. “It doesn’t say anything about us—a lack of trust or anything awful like that?” “Is that what you think?” Wade asked. I could tell he’d lifted his head off the pillow, attempting to examine my facial expressions. I shrugged. “Well…I don’t know…maybe?” There was a long pause and he finally laid his head back down after I neglected to make eye contact. What he’d said made sense. Safe sex had been emblazoned upon my brain from the moment I’d first uttered the words, I’m gay. Condoms had played a huge role throughout my entire adult life. The premeditated nature of

116 Ethan Day it felt anti gay…going rogue. It may have been silly, considering only a few weeks back Wade and I had nearly done it without, but it was easier to imagine, somehow, in the spur of the moment. Wade sighed. “Perhaps we’re just placing too much pressure on ourselves. We should stop forcing things and let them happen organically.” I sat up now, and glared at him in disbelief. Wade started laughing. “Okay, fine…you’re right, I’ll rephrase…I need to stop forcing things.” I was still chewing on my lip. Wade brushed the tips of his fingers over them as if to stop me. “I suppose, the important thing is we did it. We got tested and we’re both good to go. So the next time we find ourselves carried away, we can move forward if we want to without having that fear niggling in the back of our minds.” I grinned at him like I’d just won a prize. “Very well said, baby. You spin good.” He shook his head at me, then ruffled my hair as the playfulness returned to his face momentarily. He gazed up at the ceiling and I followed his line of sight, wondering what was so interesting up there. “Are you sure you’re okay?” I fingered the wrinkle that had formed from years of dimple wear and tear, and he forced a smile. “I really want to fix this thing with Gabe,” Wade said, genuinely disturbed. “I thought he’d be over it by now.” I felt myself pouting, then forced myself to stop, as the punk ass bitch didn’t deserve my sadness. “I would never treat him like this. His good for nothing, selfish fucking happiness would be the most important thing to me.” “Because you love him,” Wade said. “Are you quoting Celine Dion songs to me now?”

Life in fusion 117 Wade placed a hand over my mouth. “And that’s not going to change because you’re quarrelling at the moment. I understand why he’s upset, because he is losing you to a certain degree.” I pulled his hand away so I could speak. “He’s not losing me; things are just…changing slightly.” “He’s losing what you guys had, seeing each other every day. I’d be a shit head too if the shoe were on the other foot.” “You wouldn’t give me up to make me happy?” I asked, feigning shock. “Hell fucking no!” Wade yelled at the top of lungs. “I’m never letting you go.” I busted out laughing. “Well don’t sugar coat it for me, lover.” “I’m way too selfish for that,” Wade said. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t feel for the guy.” “Sheesh—what a prick.” I settled back into him. “Can’t believe my happiness doesn’t rate higher to you.” “Your happiness—you, you, you,” Wade said. “My asshole boyfriend.” Wade tossed an arm up into the air before allowing it to fall like a dead weight onto the mattress. “I thought my asshole was what you loved most about me?” Wade burst out laughing, shaking the entire bed. “You certainly spend a lot of time attending to it,” I added. “Are you lodging a formal complaint?” he asked. I sat up, making sure I appeared near panic. “Um, no sir. I

most certainly am not.” Wade cupped my face in his hands and he sat up enough so he could kiss me. I placed my hand on his stomach for balance. I loved the fact that despite my six foot, long legged frame Wade was able to make me feel small. It was the weirdest thing, but the sheer size of him turned me on. Plus, a guy that made me feel skinny? That had to be, totally, like the gay Holy Grail or something. I could feel his smile forming as my hand slipped under the

118 Ethan Day sheet and over his soft cock. It took about five seconds before my fingers had him beginning to swell. He pulled his mouth away from mine and let out a groan. “You are one horny little boy.” Wade laid back, a soft sigh escaping from between his lips as my hand worked him over. “And you haven’t even seen all I can do yet,” I said, feeling my own lust building as his dick got thicker and harder in my hand. Wade’s mouth was hanging open, eyes shut tight as he whispered, “Thank you, God.” I shimmied down the bed, pulling the sheet back with my teeth. “I’m not sure God had anything to do with it baby. I’m fairly certain he’s got better things to do with his time.” Wade’s entire body went rigid when I wrapped my lips around the head of his dick. “Oh shit…but in all fairness…oh hell yeah that…more…you do call out his name a lot when I’m inside you…that feels incredible.” I slowly pulled my mouth off his dick, laughing as the suction caused that cork popping sound. Wade’s hard-on snapped back, slapping him in the abs. I looked up at him and he glanced down to see why I’d stopped. “I’m referring to you being a god when you’re inside me, baby. Not the big guy upstairs.” “Fuck that’s hot…” He managed to get out before I swallowed him once again, causing his entire body to tense. His hand went to the back of my head and he started to thrust into my mouth. “So…fucking…blessed.”

ChaPteR nine I was sitting quietly in the passenger side of Wade’s rental car on our way to my parents’ house. I was trying to stave off my nerves by holding onto my irritation over Wade’s reaction to my car. I wasn’t surprised by it, as most everyone I knew loved to comment on what a piece of shit it was. Even I recognized that the nearly fifteen-year-old BMW that I’d personally driven for just over ten was on its last leg. It was more rust than anything else at this point, but it was fine for errands and got me to and from work. Despite knowing I needed one, I couldn’t reconcile myself to having a car payment, not to mention the higher insurance rates that getting a new car would mean. But Wade had gone way over the top, going on and on for like thirty minutes about what a safety hazard it was. The thing that really got under my skin was the hint of snobbery laced within his objections. He didn’t say it, but it was obvious he didn’t want me moving into his neck of the woods with my trashy piece of shit automobile. Going on and on about how irresponsible it was for me to drive it, risking my own life as well every other driver on the road. I mean seriously, it was one friggin’ rust bucket, and therefore couldn’t possibly be a danger to every other driver in the world. He could be so melodramatic sometimes. I grinned, thinking how hypocritical that last thought was, especially coming from me. I finally had to tell him to please shut the fuck up already; funnily enough he didn’t seem to appreciate that. I don’t know why…I’d said please. Pulling into the drive way of my parents’ pueblo style ranch with its reddish brown stucco, I silently prayed they would like Wade as much I hoped. And in turn, that Wade would recognize the underlying kindness of my well-meaning mother and father—hidden under the layers of too much make-up and tacky southwestern décor.

120 Ethan Day I love my parents. They are good people with huge hearts, but the Cosby’s we are not. My family is a somewhat disturbing yet slightly addictive reality TV show in the making. And I worry we are a little too close for most people’s comfort. There was no subject that was taboo. And as much as it mortified me to have my dad asking me if I enjoyed anal sex as he passed me the bowl of mashed potatoes, it was difficult to protest considering he was genuinely interested, in a wanting-his-son-to-behappy sort of way. That wasn’t even the worst of it. He’d followed up my timid and hesitant answer of yes, by informing me that he hadn’t particularly cared for it. Talk about a head spinning, mind numbing revelation. I was beginning to think I hadn’t had a chance in hell at coming out straight, between the dead gay uncle that my fag-hag, ex-beauty queen mother had been devoted to, and an apparent, newly out and proud father. Who knew finding out that your parents had purchased a strap-on would wind up being such an overwhelming relief ? Even more horrifying was, before I could seem to stop myself, I’d asked how big the dildo was, as the size could have had something to do with my father’s unpleasant anal experience. This apple apparently didn’t fall too far from the freak tree, after all. I contemplated the bright turquoise painted trim and garage door, thinking they stuck out like a sore thumb against the earth toned stucco, almost blindingly so. I took in a deep breath to calm myself as Wade stared blankly at the old covered wagon sitting in the gravel to the right of the driveway. It was just the frame, and was beyond weathered. The giant wagon wheels looked as if they’d grown tired of holding up the bed and rickety old bench. Wade turned, seeing I was watching him and he grinned, beginning to open his car door. “Hey,” I said, grabbing his arm and forcing him to face me. I leaned in, planting a kiss on his lips, holding his chin in my hand as I shoved my tongue in his mouth. He let out a few quiet moans while I assaulted his mouth, putting everything I had into it. I wasted no time with sweetness or seduction, and was already half

Life in fusion 121 hard by the time he pushed me away, needing to catch his breath. “What was that for?” Wade asked, half smiling as he licked his lips and cleared his throat. I watched as he reached down, adjusting himself in his jeans, and nodded. “Just a reminder of what you’ll be missing should you be tempted to break up with me after tonight.” Wade smacked my shoulder. “Will you stop that, already? I don’t care if they’re completely whacko. I’m too worried about whether or not they’ll like me.” Can I get that in writing, please? “Me too.” I shook the stress out of my hands. “You could at least attempt to make me feel at ease here. I think you’re more nervous than I am—and that’s putting me more on edge.” I sighed, taking a few deep breaths. “You’re right, I am…I’m sorry, Wade. It’s not really that big of a deal though right?” “Um, well kinda,” Wade said, acting as if I’d just sprouted a horn. “I’d really love it if your parents didn’t hate me.” “That’s impossible.” I reached over and took his hand. “I’m only wigged because I’ve never brought anyone home to meet them before. I don’t exactly know what to expect.” “That’s awesome!” Wade said, obviously not meaning it. “I love being the sacrificial guinea pig.” “The price you pay for being my sex pig.” I smiled from ear to ear and Wade shook his head while white knuckling the steering wheel. “My father’s a sports fanatic. Surely you can bond with him on some level.” I reached over and squeezed his knee. “Bring up your Olympic stuff, he’ll eat it up. And my mother will take one look at you and be completely hooked. All you have to do is embrace it. But listen Wade, they…well they’re not your normal…they’re likely…to say what some might consider, highly inappropriate things.”

122 Ethan Day He sat there for a moment as if taking that information in while mulling over the ramifications. We each pulled the door handles, allowing the dry New Mexico air to infiltrate the interior. “At least I now know you come by it honestly,” Wade muttered as we each got out of the car. “I heard that, fucker.” I gave him my evil eye and shut the car door, then walked around to the painted wood gate that led into the private courtyard. “Are your parents moving?” Wade asked, shutting the gate behind us. “No.” I watched as he surveyed the gravel terrain, dotted with the small shrubs and cacti landscaping. “What made you—?” “Thought I saw a real estate sign.” Wade shrugged. “Must’ve misread it.” Stone pavers cut a curved path to the small covered porch trimmed with rough hewn log posts and beams. Wade surveyed the collection of brightly painted pottery shaped like animals, and copper garden accents that spun and whizzed due to the wind setting them in motion. I was chewing away on my lip, thinking he hadn’t seen anything yet as we made our way to the front door. I took in a deep breath and let out a long sigh. Wade began to massage the back of my neck. “Go on, sexy,” he whispered. “Open the door, already.” I was counting to ten while I reached for the door knob, only to jump when it swung open. I felt Wade’s hand practically rip itself away from my neck as my mother started to squeal. “Get on inside here already,” my father happily bellowed. My parents, Rocky and Dixie, took my breath away slightly with their exuberance and I smiled, happy to see their faces. My mother snatched me up, digging her bright red fingernails into my arms as she pulled me into an embrace. I smiled, giggling as goose pimples ran over my arms. My mother looked like the illegitimate love child of Peg Bundy and Dolly Parton, wearing bright, berry colored, form-fitting

Life in fusion 123 capri pants that sat low on her hips. The pants were paired with one of my father’s baby blue denim button up shirts she’d tied into a knot, showing off her toned tummy. It was unbuttoned to show off more of her cleavage than I’d have hoped to have seen. Red sandals adorned her feet, with matching painted toenails, and she had a bright yellow gauzy scarf tied around her neck, a la Laverne and Shirley. I knew it was more camouflage than fashion statement since I could see the bright red hickey poking out from underneath the scarf on the side of her neck. Her dark brown hair was piled up on top of her head and had been teased into a poofy bouffant. She was fully painted for war, her make-up perfectly applied, despite having more of it on than any one individual ever should. “Seriously Mom,” I whispered, as Rocky was vigorously shaking Wade’s hand. “I’ve known drag queens who wear less make-up.” I yelped when she violently pinched my arm before shoving me out of the way to get to Wade. I was laughing despite rubbing the soon to be bruised spot. “And just look at you,” Dixie said, eyeing Wade more intently than I liked. She turned to me. “Christ almighty, its Rock Hudson…on steroids!” “Simmer down woman,” Rocky said, already sensing my rapidly rising discomfort. “Give the man some space.” “He’s a handsome hunk of a man, Boone,” Dixie said, obviously choosing to ignore my father altogether as she wrapped an arm around Wade’s, leading him into the living room. “Please do come in—” she added, sounding hoity-toity before ruining it all by tossing in, “—and take a load off.” “Thank you, Mrs. Daniels,” Wade said, causing my mother to laugh in her fake, flirty girl way. “Please call me Dixie, sugar.” I rolled my eyes at her and my dad grabbed me up in a hug, ruffling my hair as if I was still a kid. He was wearing jeans, brown leather moccasins and a deep wine colored cotton button

124 Ethan Day up that contrasted his dark complexion and black hair nicely. He’d donned the same Rick Springfield style hair cut that he’d had since the mid eighties, as if it were too awesome of a look for him to ever consider parting with. And just like Mom, he too was showing off too much cleavage, I thought, wishing he’d do up a few more buttons. He was thin like me, but shorter. Other than our body types, I was never able to see the resemblance that other people inevitably did. He squeezed me up until I began chuckling and gasping for air. “Love you too, pop.” “You look good, son,” he said, finally releasing me. “And I can see why,” Dixie said, winking at Wade, who was now turning red. Wade cleared his throat. “I’m very happy to meet you both.” “For God’s sake, Mother,” I crossed the room, signaling for Wade to take a seat if he wanted. “Behave yourself, and try to remember you’re my mother and this isn’t an episode of Sex in the New Mex-City.” “Always were too smart for your own good.” She scowled at me before directing her attention back toward Wade. “Quite the mouth on this one; you sure you know what you’re getting yourself into?” My father grabbed her up, causing her to squeal again as he tickled her while growling like a beast. I placed a hand over my face and began laughing, realizing they weren’t going to make any attempt to dial things down for my sake. They settled down and let loose of one another after a few eye rolls over my obvious embarrassment. “I’m well acquainted with his mouth, yes.” Wade began to sit and the redness in his cheeks returned after realizing the way that had sounded. “I mean…well…he sure is chatty.” He looked to me for help as Mom and Dad stood there minus any and all expression as they stared at Wade. “You wouldn’t be doing anything dirty with my boy would

Life in fusion 125 you?” Rocky asked, causing Wade to squirm around on the sofa. “Of course…n-no sir.” Wade glanced at me and noticed I was doing my best to not crack up. “Oh hell, you’re all messing with me.” Mom and Dad both lost it, clinging to one another as they cracked up. I shook my head and rounded the blond pressed wood coffee table with its glass center and brass trim, before taking a seat next to Wade. “You might be the worst liar I’ve ever seen,” Rocky said, trying to catch his breath as he confronted Wade with that particular revelation. “That’s a good quality in a man, monkey,” Dixie said to me, placing a hand on Rocky’s shoulder for balance. I patted Wade’s leg and he let out a sigh of relief. “We’re just yankin’ your chain, son.” “Though not nearly as much as Boone has been from the look of guilt on that one’s face,” Dixie added, pointing at Wade, and they both cracked up with renewed the vigor. “I’m getting hazed by your parents.” Wade nodded, smiling like a good sport. I forced an empathetic grin. “Welcome to the family?”

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Mom and Pop were a QVC programmer’s wet dream. They never saw a piece of cheesy southwestern home décor they could resist. Even the things that could’ve been used tastefully, such as the bull’s skull that hung on the wall above the fireplace, went one step too far, having been repurposed into a wall clock. But it was actually the blatant overuse of accent pieces, like the Terracotta wolves howling at the moon, the bad hotel-room desertscape paintings, the switch plates and outlet covers with a painted plastic green lizard crawling across them, and the table lamps doubling as plate holders that came with hand painted wolf collector plates and matching scenic lamp shades, that really

126 Ethan Day pushed things over the edge. I could tell Wade was doing his best not to pull an openmouthed stare as he surveyed the jam-packed room. It was almost more than the average individual could handle. And God love him, despite the fact he was drowning in it, Wade maintained a level of composure that impressed me. Especially considering, had it been the other way around, I’d have likely been pointing around furiously while offering up yet another rant of epic proportions. “You boys want a beer?” Rocky asked, rubbing his hands together. “Yes, please,” Wade blurted out. I tried not to snicker, but obviously failed, considering he

smacked me playfully on the leg. “I’ll get ‘em,” Dixie said, pushing Rocky toward his pleather lounge chair that had the cup holders built into the arm rests. “Baby boy can give me a hand. Come on monkey.” “Be right back.” I winked at Wade, who settled into the sofa, seeming to relax a bit more. “You need help with four beers?” “I made snacks, too!” she snapped back. “We’re pullin’ out the red carpet for your man.” I paused in the doorway to the kitchen and made a mental note to do everything humanly possible to prevent Wade from entering this room. It was as if the Crayola factory had exploded. The cabinets were turquoise with rust colored lizards stenciled on all the doors. There were ceramic red chili peppers and green bell peppers on a string, dangling from hooks along the dark yellow walls. The dinette set would’ve been enough to revive the dead; the table was painted bright orange and had an Aztec themed mural painted in the center. Each of the four matching chairs had been painted a different color of the earth-toned rainbow, and the counters were cluttered with kitsch as far as the eye could see. “Damn, Boone,” Dixie said, her back to me as she crossed the

Life in fusion 127 long galley kitchen in order to get to the black fridge on the far side. “You neglected to mention he was so hot. It’s unlike you to leave out such details. I almost wet myself.” I came up behind her, hearing the clinking of bottles as she began passing them to me one at a time, while trying to get over the fact she’d just insinuated what a brag-hag she thought I was. “Your uncle Barry would have had a coronary at the sight of Wade.” I nodded in agreement, amazed that she still managed to consider her brother and how he’d react in any given situation all these years later. It made me sad for her. To continue to miss another person so strongly after so many years seemed more like a punishment. I wasn’t sure I ever wanted to love anyone that much. An ick shot through my gut, like a warning sign that I was teetering on the edge of falling into that kind of love already. “You don’t think it’s weird, right?” Dixie stood and stared at me blankly. She seemed to realize I was referring to the speedy nature of our relationship because she rolled her eyes before rummaging through a drawer, pulling out a bottle opener. “I knew your daddy was the one the first time I laid eyes on him.” She paused momentarily after the last metal cap bounced across the countertop. “The way he smiled and the sound of his voice, repeating my name back to me. All he had to do was say Dixie, and my panties practically fell right off.” “Okay, that’s quite enough torture-by-mommy story time.” I felt a cold shiver run roughshod over my body as I attempted to reject the disturbing mental picture she’d attempted to force upon me. “I find it difficult to imagine really knowing so soon.” I sighed, picking up a beer and taking a swig. “To be perfectly honest, it all scares the shit out of me.” She laughed and shook her head as if to say, poor silly, silly boy. She placed her hands on my shoulders. “That tells me everything I need to know.” “What do you mean by that?” I scowled as she pointed at the

128 Ethan Day other three bottles, signaling me to grab them. “Your only child is frightened and you think now the best time to hold back?” “If you didn’t love him you wouldn’t care what happened one way or another.” I sighed, taking one more drink before gathering up the other three long necks between my fingers. I was trying to process the informational wisdom my mother had imparted when she yelled at me to quit dawdling and follow her, for Pete’s sake.

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When I came back into the living room I heard my father saying, “With Dixie’s brother being gay and all, I’d long since gotten over most issues of my own. And I really wanted to understand all aspects of my son’s life, especially the one or two that continued to weird me out. I wanted my boy to be able to come to me about anything. So his mother and I went on over to the adult bookstore down on…” “Dad!” I thrust his beer at him and smiled weakly at Wade. “Can we not share that story?” “Boone’s always been modest when it comes to frank sexual discussions,” Dixie said. I could tell Wade practically shat himself, his eyes bugging out slightly hearing my mother referring to me as modest. I could tell he now realized that my family had their very own special scale with which we used to measure one another’s share-a-bility ratio. Dixie placed a tray full of cream cheese stuffed black olives on the table. They’d been shaped to look like tiny penguins, utilizing carrots for the feet and beaks. “Your father only tried it in the first place because he wanted to have some understanding of what sex…” “We don’t need to share everything on the first visit, guys.” I exhaled, faux sobbing. “And I do not have issues talking about sex.” “What’s the big deal?” Rocky asked, looking at Dixie with a nonchalant shrug.

Life in fusion 129 “I’d really like for there to be a second visit, if it’s all the same to you.” Dixie shook her head at me. “You try connecting with your son…” I couldn’t tell whether or not Wade was wigging out, which I both loved and hated at the same time. I plopped myself down on the sofa next to him. So much for not being a good liar. Wade leaned forward and picked up one of the tooth picked penguins and smiled. I realized I neglected to mention my mother had an unnatural infatuation for food shaped to look like animals. “Kids don’t always appreciate what they have until it’s gone.” Wade took a sip from his beer. “I was lucky to have had a lot of one-on-one time with my own dad.” “I was sorry to hear you’d lost both your parents so early,” Dixie said, practically preening as Wade chewed on his penguin, making moans of approval. “I think that’s just so awful for you and your baby sister.” “We were very close.” Wade awkwardly held onto the used toothpick, as if wondering what he was supposed to do with it. “He and I discussed everything.” “See there,” Rocky said, pointing at Wade. “Just set it on the side of the tray,” I whispered to Wade before addressing my father. “He doesn’t mean everything in the literal sense.” “We’re talkin’ anal intercourse and strap-ons, here.” Rocky said with a curt nod. “I don’t see what the big deal is.” Wade coughed, choking as he attempted to swallow his food. He forced a smile and nodded while I patted his back. “So, you guys planning a move?” Wade asked. “I told you already, that was probably a sign for a neighbor’s house or something.” I shook my head as if to say, he never listens to me, and I leaned back into the sofa, realizing it was likely his desperate attempt to steer the conversation away from all things anal.

130 Ethan Day “We are actually,” Rocky said, rocking back and forth in his recliner. “We’re selling the house and we’re gonna buy an RV!” I sat back up, wide eyed. “Since when?” “Settle yourself down. We were going to tell you tonight. We’ve always wanted to travel more and with you moving it seemed like the right time.” “What about all of your…” I glanced around the room, “… stuff ?” “Hell, we’ll sell it,” Rocky said. “Or you two could take it for your new home together!” Dixie said excitedly. Now Wade sat up on the edge of the sofa. “Wow…um…well that’s really generous of you…but.” “The desert motif doesn’t actually fit in well with the snow covered mountains, Mom.” I held back a smile at hearing Wade exhale in relief. “But thank you for the offer.” “That’s true,” Wade nodded, doing his best to hide his joy. “Besides, you should take the money from selling your… collection, and treat yourselves to something extravagant.” I gasped, reaching over and grabbing Wade’s knee. “And just think, honey. They can pull the RV right up to your house when they visit for Christmas!” “Plug it right on it!” Dixie squealed. “Instant! Square! Footage!” Wade popped another penguin into his mouth, nodding as if he were too excited for words. I leaned over and kissed his cheek and gave him a big squeeze. “I’m picturing all the beautiful holiday memories we’ll be creating already—aren’t you, sugar bear?” “Mmm hmm.” Wade smiled, squeezing me back as he continued to chew. “Well ain’t that just the sweetest thing you’ve ever seen?” Dixie said, her eyes welling up.

Life in fusion 131 “Don’t go getting all mushy, woman.” Rocky stopped rocking and grabbed Dixie’s wrist as she got up out of her chair. He yanked her over, pulled her into his lap, and she squealed again. “Last thing we need is for you to spend the next hour fixin’ your make-up.” “Well you don’t have to announce it like that.” She turned to Wade. “I don’t know if Boone happened to mention it, but I was the reigning Ms. Texas at one time.” She turned back and shot her husband a dirty look. “So it wouldn’t actually require that long to fix my face.” “Ah, but it’s a nice face.” Rocky tickled her and she screamed as he growled like a beast, pretending to rip into her throat with his teeth. I started to laugh as Wade stared at them, wide eyed, obviously wondering what the fuck he’d gotten himself into. I knew I was supposed to be embarrassed by them, but I wasn’t really, at least nothing beyond skin deep. On some sick and twisted level, I’d always found them to be adorable…despite being the train wreck I knew they were. They were happy. And there was something to be said about the fact they had lived their lives not pretending to be anything other than who they were. I’d never realized how important of a role model they’d been until coming to grips with the fact that I was gay. I was very lucky to have them and I knew it. Wade had started to grin at them as they finally began to settle back down. He absentmindedly shoved another penguin into his mouth and I leaned into him, happy to see his instincts kick in as his arm went around my shoulder. We settled back into the sofa and I whistled, getting my parents’ attention. “Will you two stop acting like teenagers in heat?” “Goodness me, woman, we’ve humiliated our son again!” “He can get the hell over it,” Dixie said with a snort. “I’m more worried why they aren’t acting like teenagers in heat.” I pointed at my neck after catching my mother’s attention. “You’re hickeys showing, Momma.”

132 Ethan Day Wade let out a loud rolling laugh as he looked between myself and my parents. I knew he was half embarrassed I’d mentioned it, but had been unable to keep himself from losing it. Her hands shot up to her scarf and I knew she was blushing, despite not being able to witness the evidence, due to the pounds of make-up. She pinched my father, who was belly laughing. “Dirty ass man.” “You weren’t complaining last night when I…” “Okay,” I said, cutting my father off as Wade started to lean closer to me. “Let’s try a new game called, we don’t share everything.” “Oh hell, monkey,” Dixie said climbing off my father’s lap. “He’s family now. We need to treat him that way.” She winked at Wade, who nodded a thank you in her direction. “And I do believe I’m owed one photographic trip down memory lane,” Wade said, getting all serious. “We can do that some other time,” I said, shooting my mother a death by homo look should she so much as dare. “What little we’ve managed to salvage, you mean,” Rocky said, casting an equally nasty expression back at me. Wade’s eyes widened as he turned to me. “You promised to provide evidence of these so called awkward years.” He glanced back to my parents. “I find it difficult to believe, despite his insistence, that he was once geeky.” Dixie burst out laughing, then sat on the arm of my father’s chair. “He has such a complex about that. I swear I have no clue where that comes from.” My mouth fell open. “Hello…from you, is where it came.” “Why do children always blame their mothers?” she asked as if completely shocked by the accusation. “You called me monkey so often, I thought it was my name!” Wade was staring at me, trying to hold back his amusement.

Life in fusion 133 “A silly, totally innocent pet name,” Dixie said. “He had these long, skinny legs and arms and I thought he was so cute…like a little monkey.” I placed my hand on Wade’s knee. “My first words were, Monkey want juice!” Rocky was full-on laughing, while nodding his head and pointing at me, like I was right. Wade was attempting to hold back his laughter as he cocked his head to the side. I rolled my eyes at him, knowing he desperately wanted to tease me. “The worst part was the betrayal of having my own mother responsible for tagging me with the nickname, Ba-Boone.” “It’s not my fault!” Dixie squealed, trying to defend herself. “A name which stayed with me all through elementary and most of high school, mind you.” She folded her arms, defiantly. “I never once called you that.” “Well sure, it only took what, five minutes, before a nonetoo-clever first grader turned Monkey into Ba-Boone?” “So wait…” Wade wiped his eyes which were now watering. “Are there pictures or not?” “I got up one night to find that one,” Rocky pointed at me, “standing in front of the fireplace burning all his baby pictures.” Wade smacked me in the arm. “You didn’t!” “I was fit to be tied,” Dixie said. “Can’t ever remember being so angry with him.” “How old were you?” “He was twenty-four!” Rocky said. “Snuck back home in the middle of the night like a cat burglar and set fire to all of them.” “That’s really awful,” Wade said, shaking his head at me. I folded my arms and settled back into the sofa, making sure they all knew I wasn’t the least bit sorry. “I’ve found a few since then, though.” Dixie winked at Wade.

134 Ethan Day “I’ll show them to you some time when he isn’t around. He’s sneaky that one—I don’t want him to know where I’ve hidden them.” “I’d like that,” Wade said, smirking as if he’d beat me at some game I wasn’t aware we’d been playing. “Get up off your butt Rocky and go fire up that grill,” Dixie ordered, getting up off the arm of the chair. “Let’s cook up the burger-dogs.” “I’m gonna need another beer then,” Rocky announced, like it was condition of his surrender into doing her bidding. I squeezed Wade’s leg and got up as well. Wade followed my lead. “Anything I can do to help?” “You can tell him all about that Olympic stuff,” Dixie said

thumbing toward Rocky, who got up out of his lounger. “He’s been like a little kid all excited to meet a real life Olympian.” “Geez-us Dixie!” Rocky slapped his leg. “Now the poor boy’s gonna think I’m one of them stalkers.” I laughed, realizing my father had no clue what being a stalker actually meant. “We’re family now, right?” Wade shrugged. “So we’re supposed to tell each other everything.” “Christ, he’s been drinkin’ the Kool-aid,” I muttered. My mother smiled before walking over and giving Wade a big hug. “You young man, are like Christmas and my birthday all rolled into one.” Wade was grinning and looking very cheesy when she let loose of him. “Sweet, sweet man,” Dixie added as a condemnation of my snark. “That, and he adores talking about himself,” I added. “Huge ass ego on this one.” “Then he’ll fit right in,” Rocky said as Dixie reached over and pinched the hell out of my other arm.

Life in fusion 135 “Ouch!” I frowned, rubbing my arm. At least both sides will match, now. “Serves you right,” Wade said, all but sticking out his tongue at me before leaning over and kissing my arm where my mother pinched me. “He’s been jealous ever since he found out I have a sandwich named after me.” “Wow!” Rocky said, staring at Wade as if he’d just been handed the Nobel Peace Prize. “That’s impressive.” “Yes, yes,” I said as my parents started walking toward the kitchen. “You now have a son in law you can really brag about.” “Oh my,” Dixie said, looking at Rocky. “I hadn’t even thought of that.” Rocky tossed his arm over her shoulder. “Me either.” “Let’s hope the house doesn’t sell too quickly,” she said. “I can hardly wait to rub a few people’s noses in it.” I laughed as they disappeared into the kitchen tossing out the names of their lifelong friends who constantly bragged about their children and grandchildren. Wade came up behind me and wrapped his arms around me. “They’re…” He trailed off as if searching for just the right word. “Certifiable—coo coo for cocoa puffs—sick-n-twisty?” “Sweet.” Wade kissed me on the cheek. “I love them, and I love you.” “You don’t have to lie, sweetie.” I sighed. “They’re a lot to take.” “That’s true,” Wade chuckled. “But they accepted me with open arms and without condition. And I love that they’re like you. They don’t hold anything back.” “I can’t believe my parents are going to be mobile.” I felt a teeny pang of guilt thinking I was holding back the nagging fears I had. “You realize they’ll be able to drop in at a moment’s notice. We may never have any peace.”

136 Ethan Day “Like peace is possible with you in a room?” I gasped, shocked for about two seconds, before realizing he

was right. “I’m afraid to ask but I feel like I must,” Wade said, swaying back forth, rocking me. “Okay?” Here it comes, the something awful I’ve been expecting. The other shoe. The jig that’s now up. “What the hell is a burger dog?” I grinned, turning around in his arms so I could face him. I could tell my Mr. Anal-eater, no pun intended there, was fretting as to what the hell he was about to put into his body. “It’s just seasoned hamburger they roll up into the shape of a hot dog.” Wade shook his head, obviously confused, and I gave him a quick peck. “Why?” he asked. “So they’ll fit on a hot dog bun, silly.” Wade laughed under his breath. “Well that explains it.” “I would certainly hope so,” I added, knowing he was being sarcastic. He stared into my eyes for a moment, trying, I assumed, to decide whether or not to push for more or let it go. He settled for another kiss. “Aww, that’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever seen.” We both smiled hearing my mother, but I could tell Wade was the slightest bit uncomfortable because he pulled away. It was nice to see him vulnerable and unsure of himself. It was usually the other way around, and the tiny crack in his armor made him even sexier. Don’t get me wrong, I knew it was Wade’s unwavering belief that we were meant to be that was powering this relationship. Not that I didn’t want it…us…him. It was his conviction that had a way of quelling all of my own fears, most of the time. But it was nice to see him slightly off kilter, making me feel as though

Life in fusion 137 I could be there for him once in a while as well. It was like he was on a constant state of alert, as if keeping watch for anything off in the distance that might be headed our way. He didn’t want anything to derail us on our path. I felt bad for him, as I was well aware he was doing most of the heavy lifting. Dixie suddenly snapped out of her trance and started shoving Rocky toward the sliding patio doors. “Go fire up that grill, you hear me?” “Yes Momma.” Rocky said back at her, while making a whip cracking sound as he spun around on his heel. Wade laughed, nodding his head toward the door to signal he was going to follow Rocky outside. Left alone in the living room, watching Wade slide the door shut, I folded my arms. Even though a part of me still worried he was pulling off an Olympicworthy acting job and I’d wake up in the morning to find he’d vanished, never to be heard from again, I felt closer to him now. Realistically, I knew my parents were the kind of people who would treat any guy I brought home with kindness. Hell, even Phillip, who neither of them would have particularly cared for. But I liked to think Wade was special. I loved him scary at this point and I knew it. Life without Wade would feel empty, less than, nowhere near enough. I was afraid of having him and afraid of losing him. But perhaps my fears were only coming from that place inside me, telling me I wasn’t good enough—that I didn’t deserve someone like Wade. “You may have thought you rid yourself of the shy, gangly, and insecure teenager you used to be, Boone Daniels,” I mumbled to myself. “But I think he might still be in there somewhere, fucking around with your shit.” Rational or not, I shut my eyes and said a little prayer, asking whoever might be out there listening to please, for once, steer me right and keep me from becoming the one thing Wade was never able to see coming our way. And he was sure to miss it, because he was too busy looking off into the distance, not realizing the

138 Ethan Day big scary demons were hiding in plain sight the whole time— from inside the man he was holding in his arms.

ChaPteR ten I leaned against the door jamb between my bedroom and the attached bath. Wade was completely naked and turning down the bed. He was quite the sight to behold. I smiled when he picked up the pillow that had his t-shirt over it. He mumbled something about me being a klepto. He turned around upon hearing the click as I flicked off the bathroom lights. “I was looking for this the other day,” Wade said in a sexy, accusatory manner. I walked toward him. “Seeing you, all naked like this, makes my ass twitch.” He tried not to smile. He was obviously irritated about the fact his clothes kept disappearing after my trips to Summit City. He dropped the pillow back onto the bed. “That mouth of yours.” “Turns you on, makes you moist, gets you hot, does it not?” “Lips of lightening,” Wade grumbled as I kissed his chin. “Never in all my life have I met anyone who could ramble on as fast as you.” I preened, as if it were an irresistible quality. “Well babe, it’s not something just anyone off the street can aspire to. I’m verbally double jointed.” “I’ll say.” Wade leaned over and placed a soft kiss on my lips. I got a tiny shiver every time he slid his hands around my waist. “You’ll say what?” I asked as soon as he removed his lips from mine. “How lucky you are to have found the boy next door, your boy-Friday, the boy with a nice, tight—” Wade cut me off with another kiss, this time opening up my mouth with his tongue. The instant he pulled away I added, “How could you have survived so long without a boy like me? You must be so thankful

140 Ethan Day that your nights are no longer filled with that hollow, staggering silence.” “Because you never shut up?” I place a finger over his lips to shush him. “Don’t do that sweetie. It only cheapens what we have.” Wade grinned and opened his mouth to suck on my finger, a sensation I didn’t altogether hate, as evidenced by the reaction happening between my legs. “There’s no need for you to cover up your feelings with sarcasm and faux snarkitude.” Wade nodded, obviously ready to placate me as he continued to lick and seductively suck on my finger. I was damn near hard feeling his fingers slide from around my waist and over my ass. “Because real men say I love you.” My voice cracked as his hands began squeezing my cheeks. “Or if they can’t say it, they wear it on a t-shirt.” A low chuckle escaped Wade’s lips as he released my finger, covering my mouth with his, this time kissing me with more intensity. He turned us around and I could feel his hard-on poking me in the leg before he pushed me back onto the bed. He retrieved the lube and a condom from the bedside table and I spread my legs for him. He paused for a moment, swallowing as his gaze made its way over my body before locking with mine. The humor had drained away from his face and Wade wasted no more time before climbing on top of me. He was looking so intently into my eyes it unnerved me, yet I wasn’t able to turn away from him. I could hear the lid to the lube clicking, and I let out a moan as he went about lubing me up. When he started to rip open the condom with his teeth, I found my voice once again. “Don’t,” I said, placing my hand over his to stop him. “Are you sure?” His voice was softer, a deep whisper. I nodded and he positioned himself between my legs while working the slick gel over his cock. “We’re really going to do this?” Wade asked.

Life in fusion 141 “It’s the only way I’ll be able to keep you from littering my bedroom floor.” Wade smirked, then took hold of my hard-on with his lube laced hand. I moaned, my head falling back as he worked over my cock. My breathing had become ragged from the anticipation. “I want you…just you, inside me.” I watched as Wade lifted my legs over his shoulders, pulling me closer. I closed my eyes and bit down on my lip, feeling the head of his dick sliding back and forth over my hole. The sensation drove me near the edge, taunting me into begging for more, uttering the word please. Wade began to force his way in. The initial pressure of his dick, the size of it as it inched further in, was consistently painful. “Fuck, Boone.” His arms were shaking as he held himself up, doing his best to take it slow. “I can’t begin to explain how incredible you feel.” It was different for me as well; there was something…the texture maybe. I let out a gasp as he lost control and thrust the last few inches in. Wade quickly kissed me, almost like an apology. He gently sucked and nibbled on my lips. My body was flushed and I could feel the sweat beginning to form. Wade continued to gently thrust his hips, massaging me while I became accustomed to having his full length inside me. His mouth moved from my lips to my neck and he whispered “I love you” several times before he began to slowly fuck me. I quickly lost my senses as his cock worked in and out of me. It was hotter, knowing there was nothing between us. His hands seemed to be everywhere at once, and I rolled my head back when he took my hard dick into his hand. I began moaning Wade’s name and I couldn’t concentrate on any one thing. It felt like my entire being was screaming for the inevitable release. I could see it on his face that he got off on what his body did for mine more than anything. Making me squirm and beg, losing

142 Ethan Day myself in him—driving me to the point that I was willing to offer him anything and everything I had to give. And it was only when he had me there that he too lost control. It was frightening and beautiful…and it was all mine.

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I felt completely content wrapped up in Wade’s big, beefy arms. His warm breath brushed across the back of my neck, sending tingles over my skin. I’d never felt as close to anyone as I did to him in that moment. We’d shared something, and maybe it wasn’t that big of a thing to some, but it felt monumental to me. I’d have never even considered doing that with Phillip, and we’d dated for a year. Yet there I was, having known Wade such a short amount of time and already giving up the pieces of myself I’d subconsciously clung to for my entire adult life. As amazing as it felt while it was happening, I was sure I’d be freaking out the instant he came inside me. That I’d be panicking—wondering what kind of an idiot would let a guy bareback him after only dating for three months? But all I felt was good. That had to mean something, right? “What’s going through that twisted brain of yours?” Wade asked, sounding half asleep, as if my thinking was the only thing keeping him awake. I sighed, the tips of my fingers lightly grazing the soft black hairs on his arm. “We just…what we did…we really committed ourselves to one another, like seriously.” “I thought we did that a few months back?” Wade said, the tone in his voice sounding more alert. “We did,” I said, nodding, knowing he wasn’t wrong. “But that was,” I grunted and turned around in his arms so I could see his face, “I mean you just—you know.” Wade smiled. “I most certainly did.” “Like inside me, babe.” I exhaled, feeling the weight of it. lip.

“Are you regretting it?” Wade asked, starting to chew on his

Life in fusion 143 “No,” I assured him. “Nothing like that. It’s just…big…huge, you know?” “I am well endowed.” Wade smiled. I rolled my eyes and ran the pad of my finger up and down the divot in the center of his chest, thinking it my favorite spot on his entire body. “Of that, my very sore ass is well aware.” Wade laughed as he reached over and ran his fingers through my hair. “I feel closer to you too though, is that what you mean?” “Well, I feel that too.” I scrunched up my face as I searched for the right words. “But also, I feel…well I feel so…married.” Wade lightly shoved me. “Gee, once more with feeling, please.” I laughed, realizing it had come out with little to no enthusiasm, if not outright disdain. “Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that, but… that’s it ya know? We had sex without a condom. That means we can never have sex with anyone else.” Wade grinned like he was quite happy about that. He then began to frown. “No you big, dumb ape.” I shook my head at him. “I don’t want to have sex with anyone else. But there’s a subtle difference between knowing and acknowledging that fact, and physically placing your health and well-being into another person’s hands. The door is no longer open—even though I would have never used it.” “If it helps at all, this big dumb ape is crazy in love with you.” I beamed as he poked me in the side, making me giggle. “It does.” I leaned in and kissed him. “And this hot, sexy, charming—” “Loud mouthed,” Wade added, poking me in the side again. “Socially gifted,” I corrected. “Never a dull moment, ‘cause he never shuts up,” Wade interrupted again. I slapped him in the chest with the back of my hand. “Who loves you right back.”

144 Ethan Day He winked and kissed me again, seeming satisfied with the way that conversation turned out. “Tonight felt like being part of an actual family again,” Wade said, not looking me in the eyes as he toyed with my fingers, intertwining them together. “You and your parents…man, Boone, how I wish you could’ve met my dad.” I immediately began to feel like a complete asshole, watching Wade’s eyes begin to well up. “I think he’d have really liked you, Boone.” Here I am going on about never fucking anyone else and he’s

having a breakdown over actual real issues. “You’ve always had a family, Wade. Hell the entire town looks after your very fine ass.” I was trying to lighten the mood, and he did smile a little, nodding his agreement. “I know, and I am grateful, but it’s—” “Different, I get that.” “After my mom died…” Wade sniffled a bit and rolled onto

his back, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. “Dad tried to explain it to me once, said it was like some of the brightness went out of his life. That she made everything more.” I didn’t know what the fuck to do. I assumed he’d rolled onto his back because he didn’t want me to see him cry. I reached over and began softly rubbing his stomach. I didn’t know if it was right, but it always made me feel better when my mom did it for me when I was little. “You’re like that to me,” Wade said, staring up at the ceiling. “You make everything more.” I exhaled, feeling myself begin to slip. I scooted across the bed and threw an arm and leg over his body. His arm squeezed me, crushing my body into his—a sensation I particularly enjoyed. I liked to imagine the force of it was enough to squeeze out any and all negative thoughts running through the back of my mind, the ones telling me he deserved better than anything I’d ever be able to provide.

Life in fusion 145 As if to prove myself wrong I whispered, “I’m going to make you very happy.” And if sheer will were enough, I knew it was true.

PaRt thRee

Just When You Thought It Was Safe To

Get Back In The Water

ChaPteR eLeven Pistons of air hissed as the door to the med bay opened. Buck entered the room, walking around the large central table where he’d hooked the human to an IV in order to re-hydrate him. It now sat empty. He looked around the room with its shiny, cool metal and frosted glass paneled walls. Buck picked up the bloody needle left connected to the IV from the table. He looked up, hearing a noise coming from the bunk room meant to be used by the medical staff he didn’t bother keeping on board. He glanced down at the grated metal floor, noticing the few drops of blood leading in that direction. He let out a sigh, figuring the human woke up, disoriented. He went around the table and back into the bunk room. Buck froze, clearing his throat to alert the human of his presence. The young male turned, not seeming to notice or care he was completely naked. “You bounced back quickly.” “A little trick I was forced to master, powering down all but the most basic systems required to maintain survival. Having sensed I was out of

150 Ethan Day

danger, I simply rebooted, for lack of a better term. The fluids you provided helped speed my recovery, so thank you for that.” Buck was finding it difficult to avert his gaze. “It is quite safe,” he said. “I’m strong enough to once again maintain control over my body.” Buck cleared his throat, forcing his eyes to the man’s face. “It’s not your pheromones I’m worried about, kid.” The man’s creamy white skin looked soft and supple, now that he was hydrated, making the redness that remained around his wrists appear that much sexier to Buck. “Then it is my state of undress that has made you uncomfortable?” Buck placed his hands on hips, unable to get a read on the enticingly hot slave that stood before him. “Dress, don’t dress. I couldn’t care less.” “My name is Halo,” he said, taking several steps closer to Buck as the door to the bunker timed out and hissed closed behind them. “I suppose I should say thank you for rescuing me.” Buck watched as the young man slipped one of the gauzy white robes on, pulling it closed. “By all means, kid—don’t strain anything doing it.”

Life in fusion 151

“I’ve offended you,” Halo said, smirking. “I’m shocked.” He looked Buck up and down, as if appraising him. “Of course they’d send someone like you, I shouldn’t be surprised.” “What the hell is that supposed to mean?” “It’s obvious you’re nothing more than a mercenary,” Halo said. “How much are they paying you?” “What the hell does that have to do with anything?” Buck sniffed, making a face like something very beautiful had just rotted right in front of him. “I got you out didn’t I?” “You’ve no honor—merely a hired hand.” Halo began to rub at the three or four bruises on his arms. “Not very careful hands at that.” “Oh, well forgive me, oh sainted one.” Buck held up his large calloused hands. “You’re awfully mouthy for a slave. Would you prefer I put you back where I found you?” “Of course that’s how someone like you would view me,” Halo said, leveling the accusation. “Part of the skin trade, a possession or worse…your cargo?” “Hey, you watch your mouth, kid.” Buck pointed, taking a step forward, then stopping.

152 Ethan Day

Buck could sense his own anger boiling over like the molten hot blood that now pumped through his veins. “I don’t deal in that shit. You fucking slaves are more trouble than you’re worth. And rest assured, had I known that the Halo was a human, I wouldn’t have risked my neck for any amount of money.” “Of that I have no doubt,” Halo fired back,

anger flashing over his youthful face for the first

time. “How nice to see you have some moral code, no matter how twisted.” Buck swallowed hard as Halo slipped the robe back off his shoulders, letting it fall to the floor. He stepped right up to Buck, who towered over the boy at just over seven feet, their gazes ever-fixed. “Is this better, more what you had in mind for a reward?” Halo took Buck’s hand, running it over his chest toward his cock. Buck ripped his hand away once he felt the

tingle from the golden hair of Halo’s bush. “You

can cut that shit out right now.”

Halo grinned, glancing down to see Buck’s large erection running down the leg of his form fitting Folskin trousers. “By the laws of the Galactic heavens, I am in your possession. Therefore I do belong to you, no?”

Life in fusion 153

“I don’t keep belongings, aside from my ship and my blade. I don’t have slaves, for any reason. Carnal or otherwise.” “I can use my musk to awaken your lust?” Halo offered. “Or perhaps you require assistance in maintaining arousal?” Buck snapped. “None of that shit…there’s no musking allowed on my ship, got it?” Buck took Halo’s hand and placed it between his legs. “You feel that? I’m more than happy to ride your sweet ass from one star system to the other. But it won’t be because you belong to me.” “It certainly wouldn’t be offered for any other reason,” Halo said, looking Buck up and down with disdain. “You are some piece of work!” Buck turned to head for the door. “I’m nobody’s charity fuck, so don’t flatter yourself. It’s not like I’d remember your name the next morning either.” Halo yelled out in pain and hunched over, his hands on either side of his head. Buck spun around, running to his side. “Damn it, what now? You okay?” “A…vision.” Halo began to convulse slightly as Buck grabbed hold of him, trying to keep the

154 Ethan Day

naked man in his arms as still as possible. Halo’s eyes rolled back into his head and a peaceful type of trance settled over him. Buck’s eyes widened, realizing he had a lot more than a mere human. Halo was a seer. “Son of a Nebulon whore,” he said when Halo began speaking in tongues. Every gods damn fleet in the Federation would be after them if word got out he had a seer on board. “They know we are here!” Halo screamed as Buck lifted him up off the floor. “We must leave at once.” Buck got him up and into a bunk, covering

the human up with a blanket since he was now

trembling. He noticed the golden band of light

coming from underneath the skin around Halo’s

wrist.

“You’re fucking tagged?” “Time is running out, they are coming for us now.” Buck ran to the com on the wall by the door. “Gostric! Come in!” Buck was praying he’d be in the cockpit and not gallivanting around the ship somewhere.

Life in fusion 155

“Here Captain.” “Fire all engines you gorgeous hunk of meat. Bring up all shields and engage cloaking. We’ve got a tracker on board so we need to scramble the signal as best we can. I’m on my way up.” Buck punched the wall and the door hissed open. He tore through the med bay and into the corridor, feeling the engines firing as he ran toward the cockpit. “Captain, I think it might be too late!” Gostric’s panicked voice screamed from the overheads. “I’m tracking three Intergalactic Patrician Cruisers bearing down. They’ll be within firing range in less than five clicks!” Buck could hear Halo’s screams coming from the med bay behind him that the Black Death was coming for them, and his hearts sank in his chest. “Fucking, we’re fucked!” Buck looked around, stopping in his tracks as he heard the pattering of tiny feet. He stumbled about as four red-headed human children ran past him down the corridor, giggling. He was fairly certain the IPF wouldn’t send kids to stop them. Buck shook his head in disgust. “Gods damn it, Boone…who let the fucking spawn onto my

156 Ethan Day

ship?”

qqq

“Damn it!” I screamed, listening to their giggling as the four sets of feet took off tromping back down the hallway screaming, “Butt boy!” I was about to lose the minute amount of patience I’d been born with, wondering where their fucking uncle was. He was supposed to be watching them while Jackie was at the salon getting her hair cut. I stared down at my laptop, sitting on the desk in Wade’s office. I was trying to get my head back into the scene when they came clomping back down the hall. “That is it!”

I turned, seeing the shadows from their legs under the door as

they snickered on the other side. “One of you, open that door, this instant.” I demanded. I watched the knob turn, then stop as whispering commenced. It finally came flying open, as if it were meant to frighten me. “Will you four please go run any place else?” Like perhaps into some oncoming traffic? “You are driving me mad with the constant back and forth.” “We want to run here,” Mason said, who I’d come to realize was the main instigator of all the trouble and pretty much the mouth piece for the entire herd. “How ‘bout I take each and every one of you over my knee and tan your hides till you can’t sit down for a week?” “You and what army, butt boy?” Mason asked. “Yeah,” Clinton said, giggling. “You and what army?” The four of them were now all snickering, until I shot up out of the chair, startling them. They immediately took off down the hall. “I have a great big paddle that I use on your uncle when he misbehaves!” I yelled. The kinky bastard. “So don’t think I can’t

Life in fusion 157 get to you!” “We’re telling our mommy,” I heard from somewhere down the hall. “I wish you would!” I snapped back, sounding as infantile as they did. She’d love hearing it, the dirty minx. “Of course she’d likely want to borrow it herself if she knew!” I heard them each gasping, before the now panicked patter of little feet ran further off into the distance. I sank back down into the chair. She’d wanna borrow it alright. Just not for the reasons they obviously feared. Hell, I’d likely never get the damn thing back. I could hear Wade’s deep voice saying something off in distance and felt fairly certain I wasn’t going to be hearing from them anymore today. I tried clearing my head, taking deep cleansing breaths, then I just about leapt right out of my chair again as Wade said, “Almost time to get ready for our luncheon.” “Jesus!” I slapped my hand over my racing heart. “Could you try making some noise there Creepy McCreeperson? You’d make an awesome serial killer.” I took a breath. “You giant freak of nature…who’s surprisingly light on his feet.” “The delicate prose you use to seduce me is damn near irresistible,” Wade said with a deadpan delivery. I smiled, getting out of the chair and pulling off my t-shirt. I threw it at him. “Shut that door and take off your pants stud. I’d be happy to remind you why you fell for me.” He grinned, those slash-dimples cutting into his cheeks as he arched one eyebrow. He walked backward, fumbling blindly for the door, and he licked his lips as I slowly began to lower my cotton gym shorts, revealing more nakedness. “Christ almighty, I am one lucky son of a bitch,” Wade mumbled as he finally got the door shut. I smiled, shoving my hand down the front of my shorts and fondled my rapidly swelling cock. “And about to get luckier.”

ChaPteR tweLve I was standing out on the sidewalk in front of Sandy’s one and a half story Victorian, waiting with Wade as Jackie parked her monster Escalade across the street. The sun was shining high in the noontime sky and I once again marveled over the crystal clear blue, dotted with puffy white clouds. I was used to amazing vistas and the breathtaking colors of the desert sky. Even still, there was something special about the sky when viewed from the mountains of Colorado. There was a kind of clarity to it, the bluest of blue. Perhaps it was just a trick I was playing on myself, thanks to the company I was keeping. I was doing my best not to complain about the supposed June heat wave that was rocking Summit City, since it was only in the fifties outside. I surveyed Sandy’s house, which was like any of the others lining each side of the street. Not that they were all the same architecturally speaking, but each one had been kept up, meticulously. My neighbor back home, Mrs. Diaz, would have been in heaven. I made a mental note not to tell her where I was relocating to, as she’d likely try warning everyone I wasn’t the meticulous sort when it came to pride of ownership. The wood lap siding was painted a bright daisy yellow, while all the trim, like the milled porch columns and the saw tooth shingling adorning the peaks, had been painted a crisp, clean white. I felt Wade take my hand and I became all giddy on the inside, while trying to keep my cool on the outside. It was odd to me, participating in PDA with Wade in a tiny town like this. I kept expecting to hear someone yelling Faggot! Not that I was wishing for it, but I had this perception of what small town life for gays would be like, and standing on the street in broad daylight while holding hands with my boyfriend wasn’t included. But I loved that Wade was so incredibly comfortable in his own skin. And even though it required constant reminders on

160 Ethan Day my end, I’d decided to let him set the tone of what was acceptable. “Can you believe it’s so warm out?” Jackie said, as she walked up to us. “It is odd, but nice,” Wade said, squinting from the bright sun. “I’m totally laying out later this afternoon.” I nodded. “Can’t wait to soak up those rays.” “The smart mouth on this one,” Jackie said, looking at her brother. “You’re one to talk, lady,” I declared. “Afraid he’s got you on that one, Jackie.” She giggled, as if enjoying her reign as the Sarcasm Queen of Summit City. “Whose idea was it to have this lunch at the bird lady’s house?” Christ, I hate birds. “Apparently Sandy insisted.” Wade shrugged. “Wouldn’t take no for an answer.” Maybe it’s only a nickname that comes from her crazy taste in birdthemed wallpaper? “I’m shocked, since I’m fairly certain she’s none too keen on me,” I said, frowning. “And I thought for sure she’d be the first one to hop on the Boone bandwagon when I met her.” “You don’t actually seem all that surprised at being wrong.” Jackie pointed out, pulling off her sunglasses. “Of course not,” I said, matter-of-factly. “I’m a horrible judge of character.” “That’s for sure,” Wade teased. I punched him in the arm, which I believe actually hurt me more than it did him considering he didn’t even flinch while my knuckles popped. “You could at least wait thirty seconds before heartily agreeing with me.” “Please,” Wade said. “Thirty seconds in Boone-time and God only knows where the conversation would be.”

Life in fusion 161 “He’s got you on that one,” Jackie said and I nodded, reluctantly. “Real birds?” I asked. “Huh?” Wade asked, shaking his head as if to rid himself of the cobwebs. “Yes, real birds.” “Fucking things drive me nuts,” Jackie said, heading up the sidewalk toward the porch, causing Wade and I laugh as she made loud shrieking and squawking noises. “Will you please try to control yourself, Jackie?” Wade asked, doing his best to sound disapproving despite laughing his ass off. “How many does she have?” I asked, following Jackie after Wade let go of my hand. Wade shrugged and placed his hand on the small of my back, nudging me forward. “I don’t know—a dozen or so.” “Too many,” Jackie snapped. I felt my lip snarling up as climbed the steps that led to her front door. I’d hated birds since the third grade, when Samantha Jacobs brought her vicious, killer parakeet for show and tell. She’d defied the teacher, Mrs. Venable, by taking it out of its cage. The psychotic, yellow viper flew right out of her hand and dive bombed the top of my head, digging its tiny talons into my scalp. It kept pecking me as I screamed, running around in circles while all the other kids pointed and laughed. Only Gabe and Mrs. Venable attempted to rescue me; Samantha Jacobs shrieked at the top of her lungs while Gabe tried to whack the tiny demon with his bright orange Trapper Keeper. I plastered on a smile when Sandy opened the front door. I could spy a cage through the front window and I wasn’t sure, but it seemed to me that the closer I got to crossing the threshold the noisier the birds became. Jackie gave Sandy a quick peck and pushed on ahead, disappearing into the vortex of Ornithophobiaville. With each step I took, I could hear Alfred Hitchcockian music swelling in my head, the rustling of feathers and the rattling of cages getting louder, as if they could sense my presence and were readying themselves to attack.

162 Ethan Day “You okay?” Wade whispered. “Mmm hmm,” I squeaked, realizing my entire body had gone

rigid.

Wade began softly massaging my shoulders.

“They already all love you, so relax,” Wade whispered, planting a discreet soft kiss on my neck just below my ear. “Well, all but Sandy, I guess.” I resisted the urge to smack him upside the head since I suspected that would do nothing to endear me to Sandy, who was now smothering Wade with adoration. “Oh Wade,” Sandy cooed as she hugged him, her eyes shut tight, an expression of bliss having taken over her face. “You’re just the best thing to ever come out of Summit City, you handsome, dear sweet boy!” I stood there smiling, invisible. Wade was profusely thanking Sandy for always taking such good care of him. It was all I could do to keep from vomiting, thereby hosing her down in Exorcistesque flair. “Oh, hello Boone,” Sandy finally said after releasing the Ninja death grip she had on my man. “I didn’t see you there.” I was opening my mouth to thank her and she knew it, yet she turned to help Wade out of his coat as if she didn’t care to hear it. “Thank you for offering up your lovely home to us today,” I said, way louder than necessary. “I’m not deaf dear,” she added, before leading Wade down the hall by the hand. “And would you mind getting the door.” No please, I’ll hang up my own coat. “So sorry, I could have sworn you had a hearing problem,” I mumbled under my breath as I shut the front door behind me. I took off my coat and hung it on a peg from the coat rack. The real reason I’d yelled it was so others would hopefully overhear it, and she couldn’t try lying after the fact by saying I’d rudely not bothered to thank her.

Life in fusion 163 As I turned to go down the hall, where all the chatter was coming from, I heard a loud squawk. Followed by Sandy sweetly asking something called Peanut to settle down and be quiet. The hallway began getting longer and darker as I mumbled, “Sounded bigger than anything named Peanut should.” Wade stepped back and peered down the hallway at me. “You coming?” “Mmm hmm,” I squeaked, forcing my leg, with every ounce of sheer will I could muster, to take that first step. A high pitched shriek came from my right and I ducked down, tossing my arms over my head for safety. I slowly turned and peered into a small sitting room with an upright black piano and a small settee. I spied two yellow parakeets in a white metal cage that hung from a wrought iron stand. There was a cat sitting on the floor staring up at them as if it were making plans. Kill kitty, kill! The parakeets squeaked and began fluttering around in the cage and I felt my eyes widen. I took off down the hall, fearing for my life. I could hear the haunting laughter of my classmates echoing all around me. Wade cocked his head as I continued to make strides across the wood floors, which creaked under the weight of each footstep. Just keep your eyes forward and walk toward the man you love. “Are you sure you’re okay?” Wade whispered once I reached him. “You’re acting weird.” Del came up and shoved Wade out of the way, giving me a good, solid hug. “Wonderful to see you, my boy.” She ushered me into the room and sat me in a chair next to the one Wade plopped down into. The family room was too small for this many people, I thought, taking in my surroundings. The furniture was dainty, covered in feminine floral fabrics—like something you’d expect to see in a dollhouse. And there actually was crazy bird-themed wallpaper. A porcelain tea set sat on the coffee table, along with a few

164 Ethan Day matching cups and saucers, including the regular accoutrements one would expect to find, such as lemon and cream. For some reason I wasn’t quite able to focus on the actual conversations going on around me. There was the clinking of the china, and the rustling of fabric as everyone settled down. I’d plastered on a smile, glancing around the room, making eye contact while nodding my greetings. But couldn’t have repeated a single word anyone had uttered. I was too busy making sure I kept my gaze away from the one area of the room I knew held evil. Del was to my right, followed by Rita, the drama teacher. The Mayor’s wife, whose name I couldn’t recall was next, along with Jackie, then Maggie the romantic, and finally, Sandy the nut bag bird lady. They were all dressed up as if ready for Sunday service, hair perfectly in place and make-up flawlessly and tastefully applied. I cursed myself after my gaze flitted over to Wade because that’s when I caught a good glimpse of it. A huge ass, mother fucking Cockatoo, on one of those T-posts, sat in the corner behind Sandy and Wade. It was salmon pink and white and kept bobbing its head up and down as it sat perched on the stand. Stupid thing looks like it’s trying to give head. “Asshole,” the bird said, as if having been able to read my thoughts. Rita, Jackie and Mrs. Mayor all started laughing. “Honestly Sandy,” Del said, “can’t you do anything about that?” “He’s a rescue, Del,” Sandy snapped. “Peanut’s come a long way in the past year, but some habits he just can’t seem to break himself of.” “It is difficult to stop with the asshole once you start,” I said under my breath with a grin. Wade coughed, obviously pretending to choke as he reached over and grabbed my knee, squeezing harder than necessary.

Life in fusion 165 “What was that Boone?” Sandy asked, pointedly. “I didn’t quite catch that.” “So sorry, I was too loud before,” I replied. “And I’m too quiet now. Aren’t you just a little slice of Goldilocks?” I patted Wade’s hand. “I was simply saying that I’ve heard worse terms of endearment.” “Worse than what?” Sandy asked, obviously lost. “Than asshole, dear.” I smiled sweetly, as did she since everyone was already cracking up. Of course, I could tell she didn’t appreciate the insinuation. “So when are your parents getting here, Boone?” Mrs. Mayor asked. “We’re all excited to meet them.” I was cursing my bad memory while making a mental note to have Wade remind me of her name at some point. “They’ll be in tomorrow afternoon. My friends are arriving today, so we can all go out tonight for dinner and drinks.” “His parents will be staying on for a few extra days after the party to see the town and spend some time with us,” Wade interjected. “I can’t wait to meet them,” Jackie said, tapping her fingers together as if she instinctively knew they would be the train wreck she suspected. “I’m practically dying from the curiosity.” I took the cup of tea Del offered me, wishing it were coffee. “They’ll likely not disappoint.” Wade accepted one as well, the delicate tea cup appearing smaller in his big hands. “They’re very sweet, don’t let him convince you otherwise. Made me feel right at home.” “They put you through a parental hazing,” I said. Del was tickled at that thought and I could already tell Jackie wanted details, but restrained herself considering we were in mixed company. “They were just messing with me, teasing really.” Wade smiled, clarifying for everyone else.

166 Ethan Day “I for one, am so happy you agreed to the party tomorrow night,” Maggie said, placing a hand over her heart. “I really think we’ve outdone ourselves, and it was so much fun planning and organizing it.” “Of course, Maggie has a twisted sense of fun, mind you,” Rita elaborated. “But it is going to be beautiful.” “It did make sense to do it this way,” I said taking a sip of tea. “I hope you haven’t gone to too much extra trouble,” Wade scolded. Jackie scoffed, raising an eyebrow as she stared down her brother. “Like any of us believe you meant a word of that.” Everyone laughed, knowing Wade adored having a fuss made over him. “Asshole,” Peanut said, bobbing its head up and down. “I couldn’t agree more,” Wade added, glancing around the room at the rest of us. Maggie sighed. “It’s going to be a magical evening, I just know it.” Jackie rolled her eyes and put her arm around the hopeless romantic. Sandy got up and went about topping off everyone’s tea. “You’ve all been so wonderful, making me feel welcome here. It’s made the whole idea of leaving my home to start over here much easier.” Liar! “Thank you all for taking the time to organize it. I for one think it was an awesome idea—kills two birds with one stone.” Sandy spun around to stare wide-eyed at me, the tea pot sort of dangling from her hand. This expression came over her face— one would have thought I’d just pulled out a machine gun and opened fire, riddling her bird cages in a rain of slow-mo bullets. The parrot on the stand behind her screeched and said, “Asshole.” Del, Jackie and Rita all started to laugh, though they did their

Life in fusion 167 best to contain themselves. “Well…I just meant…you know…figure of speech and all. Easier for everyone to meet me in a more festive party-like atmosphere, you know?” Sandy continued to stare at me in horror until I began to squirm uncomfortably in my chair. “Not that I condone bird murder…I mean.” I glanced at Wade, hoping he’d jump in and rescue me. I was beginning to perspire and realized he was enjoying my discomfort. I was on my own. “I’ll admit I don’t really like birds—they freak me out when they get all flappy with the bird wings and make all the chirpy, screechy noises with their pecker…pa-uh p-peckery things… beaks!” I shouted, pointing at Sandy like I was a contestant on a game show. Everyone but Sandy was now near hysterics and I took to fanning my face with my hand, sure I might melt right out of the chair at any moment. I forced a smile, offering a half hearted laugh of my own. “Seriously though, I don’t wish them any physical harm. And yes, I realize I’ve digressed way far away from the topic…which was?” “Oh goodness,” Rita said making an attempt to gain control over herself. “Things are certainly not going to be dull with you around, Boone.” “Won’t that be a welcome change,” Mrs. Mayor said under her breath. Sandy excused herself to go refill the tea pot, pausing to check out Peanut before exiting the room. “You’ve really done it now,” Wade teased. Jackie snorted. “She’ll be next to impossible to win over.” I sighed and shrugged. “Everyone needs at least one mortal

enemy, right?”

168 Ethan Day Del sweetly patted me on the knee. “We’ll bring her around once she sees how good you are for Wade.” “She always had a thing for your daddy,” Rita said to Wade. “I think some of that transferred over to you when he passed.” “Scandal,” I whispered, hearing Sandy humming as she came down the hall. “I’d keep her away from my mother, though.” “That’s likely very good advice,” Wade agreed. “I wouldn’t care to see Dixie angry.” “More tea?” Sandy asked in a singsong voice, all traces of her sour mood now vanished. Hello, Sybil! Everyone but Maggie declined, and I sure as shit wasn’t going to put anything else from this joint into my mouth for fear I’d keel over dead. Sandy struck me as having a distinct Arsenic and Old Lace type of crazy vibe that I didn’t care to investigate any further. “I do wish your parents were here to see you both.” Maggie patted Jackie’s knee while smiling at Wade. “I’m sure they’d be as thrilled as we all are to witness you each happily settled and so deeply in love.” Jackie rolled her eyes at Maggie, yet she patted the woman’s hand. “Remember how in love Bill and Maddie were, girls,” Maggie added, clutching her pearls, which had me holding back a giggle. “Maddie was a complete wreck the morning they got married,” Rita chimed in. “I thought it was nerves at first, you know…cold feet.” “But it wasn’t that at all,” Sandy said, glancing into her tea cup as if trying to read her tea leaves. Sandy was positively melancholy all of a sudden, only smiling after Wade reached over, patting her shoulder. “She was practically pink, hot flashes or hives,” Del said, smiling. “Looked like a fresh boiled lobster.”

Life in fusion 169 “We had to get her half drunk in order to get her down the aisle.” Rita said, pushing on Del as if to say, remember that. Maggie sighed. “They’d been together all through high school. They’d even waited to have se…um, well…never mind that.” Del and Rita laughed. “I think that’s why they got married so young. They were practically bursting to do the nasty.” Rita wiggled her eye brows. “That might fall under the TMI category,” Jackie said. “But it was really…she just loved him so much,” Sandy said. “Too much, I think.” “That she did,” Rita agreed, her smile fading slightly. “God I miss that girl. She had a laugh that could fill an entire stadium.” “I actually remember that,” Wade said, smiling. “She loved a good time,” Del said. “She was responsible for so many of them,” Rita said, wiping her eye with the back of her finger. “Then I think we’d have gotten along famously.” I winked at Wade. “I’ve no doubt of that.” Del reached over and squeezed my arm. “I wish I’d gotten to know her better,” Mrs. Mayor said. “Me too,” Jackie said, seeming sad now. “I do manage the occasional sensation that comes over me from time to time when I try to imagine what she was like. Almost as if she’s right there, like I can feel her.” “Of course, dear.” Mrs. Mayor reached over and brushed Jackie’s bangs off her forehead. “That’s right, I forgot that, you’d just moved here with Gordy,” Maggie said. “I can’t believe she was half drunk on her wedding day,” Wade said. “Well, dear,” Rita said, in her best molten, husky voice. “She

170 Ethan Day wasn’t alone in that.” All the women burst into laughter, and I watched them, the history they all shared and the secrets that only they knew about one another, was something to envy. I said a little prayer in that moment that Gabe would somehow be different once he arrived in Summit City. That he would find his way around to supporting me, because I could really use a little of that right about now. I could see Wade and Jackie hanging onto every word as the women continued to share stories about their parents from back when they’d been kids themselves. It made me sad, yet grateful I still had my mom and dad. I couldn’t imagine my life had they been taken from me. I was a mess of a man as it was, but without them I’d likely be certifiable. I noticed Wade smiling at me, and came out of my haze only to realize I’d reached over and been rubbing the back of his neck. I pulled my hand back, unable to believe I’d done that, subconsciously or not. He winked, letting me know he hadn’t minded in the least. All I could think was that I’d wanted to comfort him somehow. I purged all thoughts like that out of my head and turned my attention back to the tea party. But I could hear that tiny voice in the back of my head whispering, you love him more than you thought. I smiled, hoping it was true.

ChaPteR thiRteen I was sitting in the giant Jacuzzi tub, in Wade’s master bath, soaking away and not particularly wanting to get out. He’d had the monstrous thing made special, due to his size, so I was able to stretch my legs all the way out. For some reason that seemed extra cool to me. The room was humid, the picture window fogged over. I was sweating because the water was so hot. Wade had taken a shower in the massive walk-in with the multiple shower heads instead of joining me in the tub. I enjoyed the show, watching him shower, the water ricocheting off his hard body. I was still half hard, and he’d been done for a good ten minutes now. Wade came out of the closet, whistling something, and the scent from the cedar that lined the walls seemed to follow him. It irritated me that he was in such a great mood. Made me feel even more alone considering I was still pissed Gabe hadn’t shown up yesterday with Tommy and the twins. And I wasn’t buying the whole family emergency bit. They’d kindly attempted to lie about it, to spare my feelings. But I’d invited Gabe’s mom and stepdad and I knew for a fact they were here. I’d called up to the lodge today, making sure they’d checked in. I was trying to get over it, but I found myself continuously being pummeled by random waves of desperation. I couldn’t figure out why he was still being so mean. I hadn’t seen or heard from him for weeks, since the night they’d all met Wade the first time. It hurt that he was letting all the time we had left pass us by. Maybe it was his way of punishing me, but if that was the case, and he was going to miss having me around, it seemed like a counterproductive form of punishment. I now had this fear permeating my thoughts that he’d been secretly in love with me for years. I didn’t want to believe it, because I wasn’t the type to have missed something like that. Yes, we’d had the friend pact…that if nothing else we’d be there for

172 Ethan Day one another in our old age…two bickering old queens hollering at one another as we adjusted our hearing aids. But I couldn’t reconcile myself to the fact that he truly loved me…not in that way. Of course, at this point, I was desperate for any answer as opposed to none. I watched Wade pull the towel from around his waist, placing it on the heated towel bar, before heading over to the sinks. I reached over and wiped the condensation off the window, watching the water run down the pane of glass. The sky was now near dark. The sun, whose light was still creating a slight pink haze off in the distance, had disappeared over the horizon. The shadowy tree tops swayed in the breeze, looking more menacing that they did during the day. “You gonna get out of there anytime soon?” Wade asked. “Nope.” I began fiddling with my hair, using the picture window to assist me in shaping it into a faux-hawk. “What are you doing?” “Damn, I’d look good with one of these.” “I beg to differ.” I turned to give him a piece of my mind, but lost my train of thought seeing him standing naked at the vanity, putting some sort of product into his hair with his fingers. I was once again taken aback by the size of him. The thick muscled legs that led up to his round ass, the way his biceps bulged as he played with his hair, and the visual effect his sculpted abs cut into his stomach, leading down to his waist, which looked tiny in comparison to the rest of his upper body. His dick was resting against his balls and I grinned, realizing how deceiving it was. Even hard, Wade’s cock didn’t seem as big as it was, comparatively speaking. I was almost hard again, so I sank down, holding my breath as I dunked my head under the water. When I came back up, I shook my head, flinging water everywhere, like a wet dog. I ran my hands through my hair, slicking it back. I bit down on my lip, taking in Wade’s full length of naked hotness. Damn it all to hell, but that man is fucking fine.

Life in fusion 173 “Wanna join me? I’ll let you sink your battleship.” I saw the smile spreading across his face and my dick responded, finishing its ascent like some evil dictator, bent on destruction and mayhem. “Come on, Captain Ahab. Can’t Moby Dick come out and play?” Wade turned toward me, the dimples cutting creases in his cheeks. “What’s gotten into you?” “Nothing…yet.” I lifted my body until my erection broke through the surface and poked out of the bubbles. I could tell he was contemplating the possibility while weighing the time factor. “Your parents are waiting for us downstairs.” “You do remember that whole strap-on story, right?” I started to jack myself off, giving him my best dirty-boy smile, and added, “It’s not like they can start without us.” Wade was mesmerized and I knew I was winning him over to my slutty dark side, since his cock was growing and expanding by leaps and bounds. “I want you to fuck me hard, so hard I’ll remember the way it felt having you inside me, all night long.” I propped my back up against the side of the tub and slid my other hand below the water, in between my legs. Wade was now fully erect. “So hard I’ll barely be able to sit down.” Wade swallowed, then licked his lips and cleared his throat. “I think you’d better get out of the tub now.” I slowly sat up while grabbing the edge of the tub, then pulled myself up. I ran a hand over my slick, wet chest and slowly back down to my hard-on. “Anything you say.” As Wade crossed the bathroom I stepped out of the tub. He took me by the wrist and forced me up against the wall. I felt my body reacting; my heart raced and my breath became shallow and frequent—my limbs taught. I hadn’t felt this kind of heat or intensity between the two of us since the day we’d had sex in my cabin, after my first skiing

174 Ethan Day lesson—when he’d called me a lousy lay. We felt new again, and dangerous. I did my part, attempting to resist his advances, making him work a little harder for it, and likely pissing him off slightly for teasing him then putting up a fight. Mere moments later my ass was spread open and the head of his cock began to press into me. The things he was now whispering into my ear were just plain foul—in the hottest, most orgasm inducing sense possible. I closed my eyes, thanking whoever might be out there watching over me for bringing me the kind of guy who gave me exactly what I asked for. His hand covered my mouth, stifling the vocal objections to having his dick forcing its way inside me. I spread my legs more in an attempt to make it hurt less, considering the only lube was his pre-cum and the soapy water running down my back. My eyes rolled back into my head as he continued to punish my ass, pushing me toward delirium. Damn my friends to hell and screw anyone in Summit City who didn’t like it, because if nothing else, this man was worth the trouble.

ChaPteR fouRteen I sat in the car outside the very same single story cabin-esque building with the steep pitched roof the Quad had had me delivered to when they’d abducted me all those months ago. That was the first time I’d left Wade, I thought. Jeez, was it really only months? It was funny suddenly, realizing that leaving him had become progressively more difficult each time I found myself needing to do it. Getting out of my parents’ rental car, I breathed in the scent of wet leaves and pine needles. There was a dewiness to the air now that night had fallen, and I found it oddly refreshing. I cringed slightly, looking around at the half empty parking lot. “Not a whole lot of people here.” Wade took me by the arms and gave me a quick peck on the cheek before saying, “Most people walk here.” “Oh…right.” I nodded, feeling slightly embarrassed for allowing myself to get upset over a lack of attendance, especially when I hadn’t really wanted this party in the first place. “Sure is beautiful here,” Rocky said, helping Dixie out of the car. “Could see myself settling here.” “Hear that sweetie?” I grinned evilly. “My parents wanna move here. We could put in a RV pad next to the house.” Wade wore his disapproval well, eyes squinting as he shook his head at me. “I think that would be great if your parents were to move here.” “Sure, sure,” I said, shoving him playfully. “Ruin all my fun.” “You two coming anytime soon?” Dixie asked. “Come on then.” Wade took me by the arm. “Try and stay out of trouble.”

176 Ethan Day I looked at him innocently, like I would never, and he rolled his eyes, pulling me behind him. Most of the snow in the valley had melted over the past few weeks, and the lodge had thinned out in terms of vacationers. I could hear the music getting louder as the door to the building swung open, only to fade again once it closed. The parking lot was well lit and several teen townies were hanging out at the bottom of the steps that led up to the entrance. They were all laughing and carrying on as the boys tried to impress their female counterparts with displays of their aptitude with skateboards. Wade and my father strolled along in front of Dixie and myself, chatting away. I was wearing a smile that didn’t exactly match my mood, but was genuine none the less, thanks to the pounding my ass had taken an hour ago. Dixie took me by the arm. “You sure are handsome, monkey.” “Mother, I’m begging you…can we please retire the monkey for the night?” She frowned, but nodded her agreement anyway. A pang of guilt ripped through me for snapping at her, especially when she looked so elegant. Her hair was all swept up into a simple Audrey Hepburn style up-do, and I was beyond thankful she’d decided not to wear one of her tiaras. Her dress had enough bugle beads to make her the envy of drag queens everywhere, so it sparkled in the light. You could probably see her from space, I thought. It also clung to her figure like a Marilyn Monroe frock, but it was at least all black, and came off as somewhat tasteful. She and my father cut a striking pair, with him dressed to the nines in a black suit. Of course, I hadn’t had the opportunity to check yet, but considering Rocky was sporting a bright red tie that had a vintage western design to it, I suspected his socks were equally wild in color and design. I found it somewhat comforting that no matter what situation they found themselves in, there would always be a tiny bit of their personalities slipping through the cracks, as some sort of rebellion against the bland and banal.

Life in fusion 177 “I’m happy you guys are here,” I said, causing her to smile once again. She patted my arm. “He may still show up, you know.” I felt my chest ache as that sadness crept in. “I won’t hold my breath.” Rocky turned, taking her hand to help her up the steps. “Hey Wade,” the teens all said in a chorus. “Hey Charley, Scott, ladies,” Wade said, grinning at them. “You guys did an awesome job helping out at the lodge this past winter.” They all thanked him as I followed my parents up the steps. “Hey Boone,” I heard one of the girls say from behind me. I turned, and smiled, searching faces until I spotted Theresa, the red head who’d served Wade and I at the diner several months back when we’d had our second, first official date. “How’ve you been Theresa?” I asked. “Great,” she said with more enthusiasm, as if she were excited I’d remembered her name. I winked and waved. “See you inside?” “You bet!” she replied, waving back. I turned when Wade took me by the arm. My heart stopped seeing him bathed in the light coming from the large utility lamp hanging over the doorway. He looked amazing in his sleek black suit with the white shirt and thin black tie. His black hair shined in the light and I wanted to eat him right up. “I think you have a fan,” Wade whispered. “I better watch myself, she might try stealing you away.” “The way you look in that suit, she doesn’t stand a chance.” “Are you two coming?” Dixie asked as Rocky pulled opened the door. “They sure do dawdle.” Music came blaring out at us, causing me to laugh. “I never realized what head bangers y’all are up here.”

178 Ethan Day “That’s the Summit City Band,” Wade said to me and my parents as we entered the building. “They play everything, literally—from big band to Buddy Holly and all the way up to Belinda Carlisle.” “Heaven really is a place on earth,” I said, and Wade nudged me with his shoulder as if to say, try to behave yourself. It was kind of funny, for the members of the hottest band in town to all be middle-aged Joe Normal’s off the street—rockin’ out in jeans and t-shirts. I was already lining up commentary on the fact they could memorize that much friggin’ music but couldn’t come up with anything more original for a name. “Save your breath, son,” Rocky said when Wade started to open his mouth to speak. “He’s probably already making fun of their name or their appearance, or some other such nonsense, in that head of his.” I felt my face flush and I shoved Rocky, who was now laughing. “At some point, Rocky, you’re going to have to teach me how you do that.” Wade said. “It takes years and years to hone that talent my boy.” Wade’s eyebrows inched up. “Sounding better and better already.” I rolled my eyes. “Could the two of you be any cornier?” The band finished up the Def Leopard rock ballad they’d been performing when we arrived, and the lead singer, who could definitely sing—even though he looked to be about fifty— said into the microphone, “This next one’s for all the lovers out there.” My mouth fell open when the fiddle player and guy on the piano started in with the melody for, I Will Always Love You. “Oh come on,” I said, wide eyed and staring in disbelief. “It’s too easy.” Wade began dragging me away, back toward the bar. “It’s even the Whitney Houston version, for the love of God.”

Life in fusion 179 “Behave yourself, young man,” Dixie said, helping Wade usher me away. “Bittersweet—” I started to sing in sync with the singer as I stared longingly off into the distance, causing Mom and Dad to crack up. “Memories—” I laughed, swatting Wade’s hand away when he started to poke me in the sides. “Cut that out.” “I will if you will,” Wade said in a singsong, teasing tone. I snarled up my lip and growled at him like a dog. He poked me again, and I giggled. “Fine, I’ll behave myself,” I agreed. “I’ll do the best I can at any rate.” We made our way toward the bar and I asked Wade to get me a beer. I knew it was kinda trashy of me to order a beer at an event like this, but it was the least likely to fuck me up, thereby preventing me from jumping up onto any tables and dancing a la go-go boy. I surveyed the room, which was much larger than I’d previously thought. Of course, I was kept practically in the dark on my first visit, so it was an honest mistake. The ladies hadn’t lied at lunch the day before. It was decorated beautifully. Though the building was rustic, with a lodge-like design aesthetic, they had managed to pull off mountain-chic with large candelabras, and flower arrangements utilizing local greenery that filled the room with that fresh cut pine scent I was quickly growing to love. The tables were scattered all around the dance floor, covered in crisp white tablecloths and candles. A long and very elaborate buffet was set up along the back corner of the room next to the bar. It was a very elegant spread, and obviously a huge amount of work had been put in by somebody. I stopped and smiled, looking around for Dixie, who had already vanished. There was a huge arrangement of her Kermit-cakes at the dessert end of the buffet—chocolate cupcakes that had white icing decorated to look like the face of a frog. They’d been my favorite when I

180 Ethan Day was a kid, Gabe’s too. Of course she wouldn’t be able to show up empty handed, and I loved that she thought of this whole ordeal as if it were a giant pot luck. Seeing that a little piece of my family had managed to infiltrate this Summit City soiree settled my nerves, and made me feel as though I might just belong here after all. I noticed a couple of people coming out of a doorway with chafing dishes, and figured there must be a kitchen back there somewhere. Dangling from the ceiling, there were four large and very elaborate antler chandeliers that ran down the center of the room. They’d somehow managed to suspend some sort of netting across the ceiling throughout the entire room. Christmas tree lights had been woven into it and were on a slow motion twinkle setting, making the ceiling seem to pulsate as different sections dimmed while others brightened. “That is seriously cool,” I said, staring up at it. Wade handed me my beer. “This is our community center. We hold town meetings here, wedding receptions, little theatre and high school plays. Any type of function, actually.” I was squinting, and blinked several times, certain I was seeing things. “Am I drunk off one sip of beer or is the entire wall missing on that side of the building?” Wade pointed over to it. “That wall is two large doors that slide open on a rail. Each section collapses onto the other, then tucks into the wall.” “Pretty nifty.” “We should go peek outside while we have the chance.” I turned to look for Mom and Dad once more and found they were already deep into a conversation with Del and Uncle Pete. “Guess they won’t miss us.” I let Wade lead the way. He politely weaved a path through the crowd, making sure to say hello to each person who caught his eye. He had an artful way of being kind and courteous while

Life in fusion 181 maintaining a demeanor that let people know that it wasn’t the best time to approach him. I found that impressive. No one ever seemed to suffer hurt feelings at his hand, at least when it came to social settings. Work was a whole other animal. I knew how grumpy he could get when things weren’t up to snuff with the lodge. And had firsthand experience of his impatience with a student who didn’t progress as quickly as he felt they should on the ski slopes. He wasn’t perfect, but I sort of enjoyed his imperfections in a weird way. They were manageable and if nothing else he was consistent. I’m sure I came off like part of a three-ring circus in comparison. I was the ball juggling act. I knew he found me, and all my balls, charming and endearing now, but I worried he might not in a year’s time. Let’s face it, most people liked the circus, but they wouldn’t want to live with it. “Wow!” I said, rounding the corner and stepping out into the courtyard area off the back of the building. There were large umbrella-like outdoor space heaters spread out every few feet along the perimeter, and a roaring fire in the large round fire pit that sat in the center of the brick and stamped concrete patio. Off in the distance, in the middle of the huge park-like setting, sat a white gazebo, lit up with clear Christmas tree lights. A brook cut a path across the land to the right with several foot bridges that stretched over the gurgling stream, giving people access to both sides. There were Adirondack style chairs set up throughout the grounds, creating random seating vignettes. And all the tree trunks were up-lit, creating a soft glow due to the slight haze of a fog developing. “It’s pretty.” I noticed a second bar to my left, built into the patio area, that was already surrounded by townies. Small speakers hung under the eaves, piping the live music outside. “Care to take a walk?” Wade asked, sporting a half grin. “I suppose,” I said, glancing back inside. “If you think it’s alright to skip out on our own party.”

182 Ethan Day “There’s plenty of time for that.” Wade took my hand and led me across the courtyard into the grass. “We’ll line up dutifully for the meet and greet later.” “Are you being serious?” I asked, enjoying the softer cushion of earth that was now under my feet. “We really have to do that, like some sort of processional?” “The whole point of this was for you to actually meet everyone,” Wade said, his hand tightening around mine. “Sure, but in a fun party-like atmosphere. We’re not royalty, dude.” It was nice, the music fading the farther away we went. The fog seemed to be enveloping us, as if to say, welcome. “I may be a queen but I’m not the queen.” Wade led the way up the few steps into the gazebo, taking the beer out of my hand and placing his next to it on the bench that stretched along the circumference. “Pity we can’t just enjoy a few quiet moments, huh?” “That your way of telling me to shut it?” “Pretty much,” Wade answered. “Always the gentleman, huh?” I asked. “I don’t know.” Wade shrugged, meeting my gaze as he took me in his arms. “I feel safe in saying the guy that was fucking your brains out an hour or so ago, was most definitely no gentleman.” I gave him a quick kiss. “I really liked that guy.” Wade laughed. “You did, huh?” I nodded. “He was smokin’ hot.” “In that case.” Wade returned the favor granting me a quick peck. “Shut the fuck up.” I gasped, feigning shock. “Wow…so fucking rude, dude. You should treat me with a little more respect.” He shook his head at me while pulling my body into his. We started to slow dance and I felt silly all of a sudden, but I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why. It finally dawned on me that I’d never slow danced with a man before. I’d done the whole prom

Life in fusion 183 thing in high school with Brenda Blackman. And I’d done the bump and grind on the dance floors of clubs countless times, even once with Wade during the weekend he met my parents. I grinned, remembering that evening. That was hot! I couldn’t say for certain what the song was as we could barely make out the melody from where we were. But I quickly fell into the rhythm of us, sliding my arms around his waist. I started to tell him I was diggin’ it, then stopped myself, realizing he likely already knew. I put my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes, wishing we’d done something as simple as this tonight, instead of the madhouse that awaited our return. The fog had wrapped around us, creating a golden hued mist in the light from the gazebo. It was like being locked away from the rest of the world, cocooned. I pressed my nose into his neck and inhaled. Wade smelled so good, familiar yet still exotic, or possibly just erotic. This was something I could do indefinitely, I thought. I resisted the urge to once again tell him that, tightening my grip around his waist for a moment instead, hoping the message made it through loud and clear.

ChaPteR fifteen We slowly made our way back toward the party after a few other couples wandered out to the gazebo, breaking up our party for two. Wade had introduced us, and I pulled out the giant piece of paper in my head and placed four slash marks on it. With any luck those four wouldn’t feel the need to line up in the processional later for a second intro. It was in that moment that I had the bright idea of introducing myself to as many people as I could, whittling down the list as much as possible. “Well what do you know,” Wade said, stopping in his tracks. I followed his sight line, searching for what he was staring at with that goofy ass grin on his face. That’s when I spotted Gabe, pacing back and forth at the edge of the courtyard. He glanced up, spotted Wade and I, then shoved his hands in his pockets and stood there. Wade patted the small of my back before gently nudging me forward. We stopped in front of Gabe, who was doing a somewhat spotty job at making eye contact. “Hi,” I said, hopeful he wasn’t about to be an ass. “Really happy you came, Gabe.” Wade was still smiling from ear to ear. I knew it was because he was happy for me. “Thanks Wade,” Gabe pulled a hand out of his pocket, like he was maybe going to offer it to Wade, before allowing it to dangle lifelessly at his side. He never had been very good at apologizing. “I appreciate the invitation—fairly certain I didn’t deserve one.” “You’ll always be welcome here, Gabe.” Wade placed a hand on my shoulder. “I think I’ll give you two a few moments?” “Thanks.” I nodded that I was okay being alone with Gabe, no one needed to worry about his safety. I stared Gabe down, trying to make him as uncomfortable as possible until Wade disappeared inside the building.

186 Ethan Day “I know you’re pissed, and you’ve every right to be,” Gabe said. I sort of fell into him, wrapping him up in a big hug. I smiled, hearing him laugh into my chest, my chin resting on his curly mane of thick black hair. He was mumbling a muted apology, saying he was sorry over and over as I continued to hug the life out of him. “You’re here…finally,” I said, once he pulled away from me. “You completely ruined the last twenty-four hours for me, by the way.” “I’ve been a real shit, I know.” His forehead scrunched up. “I…I’m still worried that this is a mistake, Boone. I’m afraid for you, being cut off from everyone up here. Regardless of my own fears, I had no reason to ostracize you the way I did.” “That hurt, Gabe.” “I’m a shit, I know.” He sighed. “I can’t lie and say a lot of it isn’t personal, either. I always imagined us being together until the bitter end. You moving away—” “I never imagined my life where I didn’t see you on a daily basis either, Gabe. It’s the only sucky part of all this.” “He deserves a chance, if for no other reason than you like him.” Gabe nudged his head back in the direction Wade had gone. “I never gave him one.” “I really think you’ll love him if you’d give him a chance.” Gabe straightened himself up. “Let’s not go overboard, here. He is stealing my best friend away from me.” I smiled, feeling particularly lucky to have so many people who liked having me around. “Okay, so I could totally learn to live with your toleration of his existence.” Gabe laughed. “That I could do…for you.” He sighed, as if it had been painful for him to give that up. I shook my head while wrapping my arm around his shoulder. “How ‘bout a drink?” I asked, leading him back toward the

Life in fusion 187 community center. “Please tell me you’re not drinking,” Gabe said, slipping his arm around my waist. “Just beer,” I said, rolling my eyes when he gave me the look. “Isn’t that how this whole thing got started?” “No,” I said, scoffing at him. “Irish whisky was responsible

for that. Beer is completely innocent and let me just say that beer does not appreciate the insinuation.” Gabe laughed, resting his head on my shoulder. “My sincerest apologies, beer.” “Beer said it will have to get back to me.” We got in line at the outdoor bar. “You have wounded beer and it must now go lick its wounds.” “I no longer feel bad for beer if it’s able to lick itself,” Gabe said. “That is so unfair,” I said. “You can lick yourself.” “Not in any of the good places,” Gabe quipped. “I’d be willing to lick you in the good places,” a voice said

from behind us. Gabe and I spun around and I immediately smirked, seeing Chip standing there wearing jeans, a partially un-tucked skin tight green Lucky Charms t-shirt, and a black corduroy jacket, accessorized with an illicit grin. “Why is it every time I see you, something dirty is coming out of your mouth?” I asked, shaking my head at Chip. “And thanks for taking the time to dress up for the party.” “Oh sure, blame me.” Chip placed a hand on Gabe’s shoulder, slowly massaging him with the pad of his thumb. “For all you know, I only ever say dirty things when you’re around. Maybe it’s actually your fault, and you just bring out the animal in me.” He looked down over his ensemble and shrugged. “I put on a jacket.” “You’re blaming me for your innuendo issues?”

188 Ethan Day “Seems plausible,” Chip added. “Then why are you molesting my friend with your thumb?” “The better question is why is your friend allowing me to?” Chip asked, all but licking his lips, looking like the hungry wolf out of a children’s fairy tale. Gabe shrugged Chip’s hand off his shoulder, turning bright red. I could tell Gabe was flustered, since his mouth was open but nothing was coming out of it, aside from hot air. “Your name, sexy?” Chip asked. “Gabe meet Chip,” I said, grinning evilly. “He’s the bartender who got me drunk on those Irish coffee’s…you know, on that fated night all those months ago...that lead to me having sex with Wade. Without Chip none of us would likely be here right now.” Chip’s smile faded slightly, as Gabe was now looking him up and down with disdain. “So this whole gay mess is really all your fault?” Gabe asked, hands now on hips. “Well I hope you’re really happy with yourself, pal.” “It brought us together, didn’t it gorgeous?” Chip asked, trying to regain the ground he’d lost, thanks to me. I was about to throw in another fifty cents, considering my two-cents worth had exploded in Chip’s face so beautifully, when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around and began shoving on Chip to get his attention before he said anything lewd in front of the Mayor. I straightened myself up as if readying for inspection. “Hi Mayor Nelson!” “How are you Boone?” he bellowed heartily, greeting Chip before shoving his hand at Gabe and introducing himself. “And it’s Gordy, remember?” “Of course,” I said. “So nice to see you again, sir.” “I was hoping I might steal you away for a few minutes, Boone?” “Oh well, I would love to Gordy, just let me get my friend

Life in fusion 189 settled—” “I’d be happy to show Gabe around,” Chip offered, looking totally innocent. “Thank you so much, Chip,” Gordy said, before either Gabe or myself had a chance to protest. “Such a nice young man, isn’t he? Too bad you don’t have a brother.” I watched helplessly as he took my arm and led me away while I reluctantly agreed out of politeness that Chip was anything but a hound dog. “Quite a turn out,” I said, as the Mayor led me back inside the building. “Yes, well we support our own here in the SC.” I had to work really hard to not laugh at that one, but the cracks and comparisons to the OC were running amok in the back of my mind. The OC from the TV show, obviously, as I’d never been to the real Orange County. “We’re all very excited for you and Wade,” he said, finally stopping once we were far enough away from the crowd. It was difficult to concentrate on what I assumed was about to be a serious conversation with the Summit City Band singing Love Shack as a soundtrack. “I for one am very eager to see Wade settled down,” Mayor Nelson said, an expression of genuine relief sweeping over his face. I was slightly confused since Wade wasn’t exactly in any danger of being labeled the Rocky Mountain party boy. “I hate to seem simple, but Wade’s not all that wild.” I shrugged. “I can’t imagine him giving anyone a moment’s pause to worry.” “Are you kidding?” Mayor Nelson took me by the arm and leaned in as if he were about to reveal state secrets. “A single gentleman of Wade’s standing? I know for a fact being gay isn’t always as homogenized as they like to portray in the media and on television.”

190 Ethan Day I felt my eyes widening and my mouth fell open thinking the Mayor had been a very bad boy, indeed. “Well, no, not from actual experience,” Mayor Nelson scoffed. “But I have seen the other side, like on that Queer as Folk program with…stuff…going on in back rooms.” I did my damndest to hold back a smile, but could tell I’d failed by the expression that came over his face. “You can mock me all you want, but we’ve always kept a watchful eye over Wade. All this town needed was some sort of sex scandal to ruin all the man’s hard work. And believe me, Boone, Wade has given an unimaginable amount of himself over to Summit City. We’ll likely never be able to fully repay that debt.” I cringed, chewing on my lip for a moment. “I’m not sure if I should be flattered or insulted by the fact I wasn’t considered sex scandalous.” Mayor Nelson stood up straighter, clearing his throat as his face turned crimson. “Holy Moses, the Quad wasn’t kidding around; you really do just lay it all out there, don’t you?” “Hey pal, you’re the one that brought up sex scandals. Like it’s my fault I’m slightly vain. Ugly kids who get hot when they grow up become total whores for compliments.” He stood frozen for a rather long and uncomfortable moment, before bursting into full blown, laughter…make that cackling. “I’m probably not exactly what you had in mind for Wade,” I said, nodding as he settled himself down. “But despite my lack of tact, I don’t wish to come here and turn the town on its ear.” “I know that, son,” he reassured me. “And very wrong. I think you’re exactly what we all always hoped Wade would find. Perhaps not as colorful a version as you’ve turned out to be, I’ll give you that. But any idiot can see you two are gaga for one another.” As in Lady Gaga? Because I do enjoy riding Wade’s disco stick and playing our own version of poker face. And even though I’m terrified we’ll wind up having a bad romance, leaving me to just dance while watching Wade ride off into the sunset with Alejandro as the paparazzi followed in

Life in fusion 191 a frenzy, I can’t seem to stop myself from loving him. I shook the nonsense out of my head. “What it is you’re trying to say to me then?” I asked, searching

his eyes for clues as to whether or not it was going to be good or bad, while trying to keep a straight face. “Man, for a politician I’m doing a horrible job at this.” I sighed. “It’s likely due to no fault of your own. I have a tendency to run conversations amok.” “I really just wanted to say welcome, Boone. And that I hope you’ll feel at home here in this nutty little town the rest of us love so much.” “Is that it?” I asked. “You’re afraid I won’t like it here?” He shrugged. “Well, I uh…wouldn’t say anything as strong as fear, but some form of very mild worry, perhaps—” “Look, Gordy, I can’t honestly say while I’d never choose to move here if it weren’t for Wade, I think I’ll be quite happy here.” Hope and pray…perhaps even some begging thrown in for good measure. “New Mexico is my home, always has been and I love it there. But aside from Wade, this place does have a magic all its own.” I watched the Mayor nod in agreement. “That, and you’re all completely crazy, which only serves to make me seem more normal.” “There is that, son.” He slapped me on the back heartily. “Though I prefer to think of us as distinctive, fostering strong individuals who have a live-and-let-live mentality.” I grinned. “There’s the spin-master general back at the helm.” “I am sincerely happy Wade has found someone to love. He’s a good friend as well as a good son to Summit City. God knows the boy deserves some happiness after all he’s been through over the years.” “I hope I can make him happy.” “Keep him happy, Boone,” Mayor Nelson said. “I think it’s safe to say you’ve already made him happy.”

192 Ethan Day “Aww, you ole softy.” I winked, pinching the man’s cheek, realizing after the fact I’d once again pushed it just past the point of becoming overly familiar with a next to total stranger. “Yes, well…um, thank you there, Boone.” He patted me on the shoulder and I spun around to keep from laughing in his face. I needed to hire someone to follow me around and slap me upside the head when they saw me heading down the road to icky town. Of course, it would help if I didn’t find it so amusing when it happened. Really should sit down someday and try pinpointing where my lack of boundaries stemmed from. That being said, I was flying higher…well okay, floating a couple of inches off the floor if nothing else. This was going to work. Wade and I were going to make a go of it. I felt more secure than I had at any previous point in our relationship. It was as if all my doubts had been eviscerated by love. Love will conquer all. “You look particularly floaty,” Gabe said, appearing slightly more genuine than he’d recently been. “I think I’m really and truly happy, Gabe.” I thought I was going to cry for a moment, then realized my eyes were just dry from not having blinked during my entire conversation with the Mayor. “You showing up has really helped get me there.” “Sorry again for being such a jerk-butt.” Gabe took a sip of his wine. We both smiled as the twins passed by, blatantly stalking Chip and his twin brother, Dean. I’d already tried to tell them Dean wasn’t gay, but they couldn’t seem to get it through their perfectly coiffed heads. “Hey guys,” Chip said, looking Gabe up and down like a snack cake…or a Ferrari as the case would more likely be. His brother excused himself, and Donny and Lonny seemed torn for a moment, not knowing what to do as they watched Dean walk away. It took everything I had to not suggest they simply split up. They cursed at one another, fighting while they

Life in fusion 193 tried coming to an agreement. “Twins creep me out,” Gabe said, fidgeting under Chip’s persistent leery-glare. “Hi Boone,” Theresa said, strolling up to me with her rosy complexion and perky attitude. “Have you ever dated a twin?” Chip asked, turning to watch Lonny and Donny for a moment as they finally came to realize they weren’t conjoined. Lonny whispered into his brother’s ear before heading off into the crowd to look for Dean. I decided that was the smart choice, as Lonny was the bolder of the two. They’d have zero chances at reeling in a straight man, even a drunk one, without his charisma and persistence. “How are you doing Theresa, having a good time?” “I most certainly have not.” Gabe said it like he was repulsed by the idea, despite the fact his gaze betrayed his mouth, eyeing Chip’s package. “Twins are hot!” Donny blurted out, causing Theresa to giggle and turn red. “I’m having a great time!” She now stared back and forth between all of us boys, waiting with bated breath, practically on the edge of her seat. “We are at that, Donny,” Chip said, taking a step closer to Gabe. That made Donny frown in obvious disappointment. I knew, as did Donny, having figured out that Chip didn’t want the thing he could easily have, nearly as much as the thing he couldn’t. And Gabe fit the couldn’t have bill like no one probably ever had in the past. Of course, that didn’t mean Donny was ready to throw in the towel. Gabe had a long history of saying no to men. Donny was willing to wait around and pick up the pieces. I took Theresa by the arm. “Perhaps you and I should go somewhere…where the conversation is less…gay.” “You are seriously wasting your time here, buddy,” Gabe said,

194 Ethan Day taking a step back from Chip in order to keep a suitable amount of inches between them. I couldn’t help but think all Gabe really needed was a solid six or seven inches to turn that frown upside down. “Oh no, please,” Theresa said, attempting to not seem panicked at the thought of missing any of the gay drama unfolding in front of her. She whispered under her breath, “This is fascinating.” I was beginning to wonder if she and the Mayor had been having secret, underground Queer as Folk watch-parties. “Gabe really is the world’s biggest prude,” Donny added, obviously hoping to dissuade Chip from his foolhardy attempt at storming the Gabe-gates. “He never has any fun.” I witnessed the transformation as Chip’s jaw set with renewed determination. Theresa grabbed my arm, like she might squeal with delight at any moment. It was obvious she knew what was going on, and stranger still was the fact she was so delighted by it. Personally, I blamed reality television and YouTube; life in general had been turned into fodder for the average American. This was like The Hills: The Homo Edition. We are a country that liked to watch, kind of a pervy bunch, I know. Chip took another step forward. “I’m always up for a challenge.” I glanced down, checking out Chip’s crotch to see if he was telling the truth. I quickly recovered, thankful Theresa had at least missed that, considering Gabe and Donny hadn’t. Gabe’s face went bright red, realizing he’d been busted checking out Chip’s chip off the old cock-block. Chip was now smiling, licking his lips. “You’re just about the cutest thing I think I’ve ever seen.” I scoffed, insulted since he’d tried to pick my ass up at one point, but then caught myself. You don’t always have to be the center of attention, bitch. I took note Gabe was staring at me, likely thinking the same

Life in fusion 195 thing. I shrugged an apology. “You’re wasting your time.” Gabe was now apparently feeling quite brave, or at least the wine was beginning to speak for him. “But it’s your time to waste.” Donny reached over, pushing my chin up to close my mouth for me, though he was equally stunned by Gabe’s cheeky invitation. It was very un-Gabe-like behavior, inviting Chip to please continue trying to get into his pants. Chip was grinning from ear to ear as he slowly rubbed at his chin. “I appreciate the invitation, stud. I should warn you that I almost always get what I want.” Theresa gasped, quickly covering her mouth as she realized she’d outed herself. She stood there all wide eyed and deliciously shocked, yet wishing she hadn’t fucked up by drawing attention to herself. “The taste of disappointment should be a refreshing change for you, then,” Gabe said, eyebrows raised in defiance. “Not nearly as refreshing as the taste of your co—” “Okay, then,” I cut him off, feeling my own face burn. “Good golly,” Theresa whispered, clearly more excited by the whole exchange than I felt she should have been. Gabe now had his full, Doris-Day-Assault-Gear up and in place, doing his best to portray anger as opposed to the lust I could see on his face, plain as day. Jackie walked by, stopping briefly as she checked out Gabe and Chip, glancing back and forth between the two men. “They gonna fuck anytime soon, or are we settling in for the long haul?” I lost it, covering my face with my hand in an attempt to not make any more of a scene. Thank God the music is so damn loud, I thought. Jackie shook her head and moved on, walking away without getting an answer, though I assumed she’d already made the call in her own mind. I had to squelch my urge to chase after her and drill her for an opinion.

196 Ethan Day My heart sank for Tommy, seeing him and Lonny standing several feet back. Lonny took Tommy by the hand and held it until he came back to his senses. He shook Lonny loose and walked off in the direction of the bar. I stood there, wondering why the happiness of one person was so often followed by the sadness of another. “Looky there,” Sandy said, causing me to jump since I hadn’t noticed her sidling up to me. “Isn’t that Robbie standing there talking to Wade?” I followed her line of sight, while trying to recall who the hell Robbie was. I felt my lips curling up seeing Wade, the mere sight of him elicited my inner happiness. “Who’s Robbie?” I asked, trying to remember even though I was fairly certain I’d not heard the name before. “You don’t know?” Sandy asked, a pity-look taking over her face. “That’s Wade’s ex,” Theresa said, an apparent tone of disapproval in her voice. “What’s he doing here, anyway?” I’d like to know the answer to that question as well. There he was—the one that almost was, the analog version of the all-new digital me. Not exactly what I would have imagined, even if I weren’t so self involved that I actually thought about the ones who came before. He was too pretty, I thought, kind of a Rob Lowe type…rolled in sugar. Well fuck him, I have better hair and his ass is flat. I smiled at my own silliness, somehow knowing deep down that I had nothing to fear from this dude. I spied Sandy out of the corner of my eye and could tell she felt all smug, loving that I knew nothing about this Robbie person. Wade had mentioned he’d tried the relationship thing a time or two in the past, but never with any success. We’d not gotten into any of the details, though. I could feel the cracks forming in the happiness vase filled with the florally water I’d been swimming around in all evening long. I was more bugged by the fact I knew nothing about the man than I was his mere existence. I didn’t appreciate having my nose

Life in fusion 197 rubbed in the fact that there was a hell of a lot Wade and I didn’t know about one another. Especially when the pile of shit came from my arch-nemesis. Sandy strolled away, humming some creepy sounding tune— like a psychotic serial killer. And me without my electric chair. I felt Gabe’s hand on my shoulder. “You okay?” “Sure!” I yelled, just as the song ended. I immediately plastered on my fake-ass grin, as if I were Mr. Potato Head with my stockin-trade big red lips. “That was loud, wasn’t it?” Lonny and Donny were each enjoying a laugh at my expense as the group of twenty or so folks within my scream-radius began to turn back to their own conversations. “What the hell is his ex doing here, anyway?” Gabe asked, sounding irritated. “That’s Wade for you,” Chip said, reminding me of the fact he was no fan. “Not the saint everyone likes to pretend he is.” Must remember to find out why those two hated each other, I thought, enjoying the momentary distraction. I wasn’t however, happy to see Gabe newly interested in Chip, having found someone else on the planet who wasn’t too keen on Wade. Just great, and right when Gabe was finally starting to come around. “I doubt very seriously Wade invited him,” I reminded everyone. I’d bet my tight, sweet ass that Cruella DeBirdville would be the guilty party, I thought. Wonder how she’d enjoy a taxidermied Peanut for Christmas? Theresa grabbed my arm in a squeeze. “Nobody liked Robbie.” She nodded with a huff as she shot Chip a dirty look. “So don’t let any of the talk about Wade’s past get to you.” Chip rolled his eyes at her then glanced back at Gabe, seeing he was staring across the room at Wade, distrustfully. It was as if I could see the evil-wheels turning as Chip realized he’d found

198 Ethan Day an in with Gabe, and he was likely silently cheering it was due to their mutual dislike of my man. I was about to open my mouth when Gabe turned to me in disgust. “I knew he was bad news. I came here anyway, and I’m now very happy I did. I can see firsthand that I was right.” Gabe stormed off as Donny and Lonny rolled their eyes. Lonny flourished his arm into the air in a pageant-esque manner. “And the award for the drama-queen of the year goes to…Gabriella!” “Do excuse me,” Chip said, smiling like a greedy child. “Chip, damn it,” I said as he walked off, hot on Gabe’s heels. I glanced up at the ceiling. “Deliver me.” The twins were now staring at me and Theresa, who was still clutching my arm like we were a couple. “Don’t you two need to go find a new unfortunate soul to stalk?” Donny huffed, making a squeaky noise in his Minnie Mouse voice. “We still have the other brother, thank you very much.” Lonny reminded me. “You mean the straight one?” With that, they each cut into me with matching withering stares before hauling ass toward the bar. “They are fabulous…like pretty, little gay dolls,” Theresa said aloud, though I was certain she hadn’t necessarily meant to. I took her by the shoulders and shook her gently. “Please, sweetie…promise you’ll stay away from the twins. I don’t want to find you hunkered down in a corner later bleeding from your eyes and ears.” She giggled, twisting her hips, which caused her poofy skirt to bounce. “You’re so funny.”

Life in fusion 199 “Thank you, dear.” I sighed, throwing in the towel since I had more important things to worry about, namely me. “Now go play nice with the other kids.” She stopped twirling, and a frown took over her face. I tossed her a wink before high tailing it toward Wade, who did appear to be behaving in a somewhat overly familiar manner with his ex. I was guessing things hadn’t ended too badly between them since this Robbie dude was smiling and chattering away as if they were long lost BFFs. Robbie met my gaze briefly as I approached the two of them. They were talking about Robbie’s new job in some boutique hotel in Denver, so I’d already deduced how they’d likely met one another. Robbie must have worked at the lodge at one point. “There you are!” I yelled, laughing when Wade nearly jumped out of his skin, startled by my loudness. “Jesus, Boone.” Wade clutched his chest. I was staring at Robbie, patiently waiting for an intro. “Turn my bubble-butted backside for one minute—” Okay Vainella, you can refrain from referencing how hot your ass is now. “—and I find you trying to pick up a matinee idol.” “Speak of the mouthy devil,” Wade said. “Boone this is an old friend, Robbie.” Robbie finally held out his hand, which I accepted. “Nice to meet you,” Robbie said. I wasn’t all that sold on the authenticity of his statement. Old friend my ass. “He’s your ex boyfriend, babe. The two of you shared orgasms…not game night.” Wade smiled, like he thought I was jealous, which wasn’t actually the case. Well, okay, maybe a little, but not particularly so. “Who told you that?” Wade asked. “Your biggest fan, Sandy.” I wanted to smack that grin off his face. I returned one right back to him instead before turning to Robbie. “I knew he was lying about being a virgin…telling me I

200 Ethan Day was going where no man had gone before.” Wade coughed, choking on his beer after trying to take a drink. “That seems odd,” Robbie said, appearing to be genuinely confused. “The Wade I knew never lied.” Was he serious? Amber alert, amber alert! Can I get security on aisle five…Rob Lowly’s lost his sense of humor. “You were joking.” Robbie nodded as if he was finally tuning in to the amusement channel. “He does that a lot,” Wade said, not sounding quite so full of himself anymore. I sighed, staring off into space, doing my best to portray soap opera worthy melancholy. “So sad when all the mystery fades.” “Very difficult to get this one to be serious about anything,” Wade decided to add. “This one? Forget my name there buddy?” I smacked him in the shoulder with the back of my hand. “And hello…I was totally emoting mere moments ago.” Robbie was doing his best at projecting positivity and cheer, but I could tell it was just a veneer. There was a sadness there whenever he looked at Wade, like he’d lost something and he knew it. I figured he came here because he wanted it back. Unfortunately, Robbie had come back to the party way too late in the game for that. I think he knew that too. “It’s great to see you smiling so much,” Robbie said, nodding as he watched Wade. “You never used to do much of that.” Wade smirked, before taking a quick sip from his bottle. “I think we can lay all the blame for that at your feet, huh?” “Well…” I faux preened, like I was staring in my very own romantic comedy movie montage. “Go me!” Wade was staring me right in the eyes. “See what I mean, never serious about anything.” “I think I’ll go find our Sandy and say hello,” Robbie said.

Life in fusion 201 I assumed Robbie didn’t enjoy watching Wade eye-fucking me, which was the real reason he decided to depart. I couldn’t quite tear my gaze away from Wade’s so I didn’t exactly get a chance to read the man’s face or body language. Wade’s however was unmistakable. He looked like he was ready for a sequel to our bathroom shenanigans from earlier that evening. “Not so fast buddy.” I shot Wade my squinty Clint Eastwood impersonation. “Thanks for inviting your ex without bothering to prepare me for it.” Wade downshifted from lusty goodness to shocked innocence. “I didn’t…he just happened to be passing through town.” I rolled my eyes while laughing at the ludicrousness of that statement. “Well sure, ‘cause Summit City isn’t at all out of the way from everywhere else on the planet—tucked away in the friggin’ mountains and all.” “Why are you mad at me?” Wade asked, though I could see plain as day that he hadn’t actually believed Robbie’s story himself, now that I’d poked at the very obvious holes in its validity. “It’s okay to be jealous, but I don’t think you should take it out on me.” “I’m not actually jealous,” I said, trying to grasp what it was that irritated me about the situation. “Well, that’s disappointing,” Wade blurted out. “Nice,” I said, shaking my head at him. “I didn’t mean it like that.” “I don’t enjoy having Nemesis Sandy know shit about you

that I don’t, that’s all.” I waved at Curley, the nosy, gossip-fueled cab driver, as he passed by with a mounded plate full of food from the buffet. “We can talk about this later. I don’t want the whole damn town to know we’re…” “Arguing?” Wade finished my sentence for me. I sighed, then leaned over and gave him a peck on the cheek. “I love you.” Wade winked at me, then gave me a quick peck on the lips just

202 Ethan Day before I added, “Asshole.” He laughed, taking me by the hand. “Let’s get you drunk, that way I’ll win the fight we’re gonna have later.” “You get me drunk and there won’t be a fight later.” “Even better,” Wade said, tugging on my arm until I succumbed, allowing him to pull me along with him.

ChaPteR sixteen I turned my back for an instant to find that my man had once again been descended upon by a pack of townies. I was contemplating inserting myself into the group, finally instituting operation meet and greet, but I was actually over the stupid party now that Sandy had struck. My mother passed by, chattering away at break neck speed, completely surrounded by The Quad. I rolled my eyes at hearing the words “Ms. Texas” come out of her mouth. They were all laughing and having a grand ole time, and I nearly lost my marbles seeing Dixie squeezing Sandy’s arm as if they were old pals. Why couldn’t I have Kathleen Turner from Serial Mom for a mother? Take a hatchet to her, Dixie! Okay…time for some air, I decided. Between Sandy and her innocent bystander, Peanut, I’d become nothing but murder and mayhem on the inside. I looked around for a moment contemplating the parking lot out front as a suitable escape. I wondered if it would seem ungrateful or anti-social were I to do that—as if they’d all gotten on my nerves and I had to get out. I became suddenly unsure of where I wanted to go, before deciding on the monster fire pit outside. I’d hopefully get the breathing room I needed without coming off like an asshole. I’d smiled and hello’d my way through the crowd, taking a sip of beer whenever anyone acted like they were getting ready to attempt an actual conversation. I was humming along with the band, who’d just transitioned from Free Bird into MMMBop, and was wondering what the hell ever happened to Hanson. I finally made it to the promise land. The night air was tinged with a chill, and I jiggled from the momentary goose pimples. I strolled over to the fire, warming myself. I hadn’t seen Gabe since Chip went chasing after him. I’d half hoped to find him

204 Ethan Day outside. “Hey there sailor,” Jackie said from behind me in a breathy voice. “Hello beautiful,” I said turning to face her instead of the flames. “You weren’t contemplating leaping into the fire just to avoid moving here, were you?” Jackie asked. “Not hardly. I appreciate the idea, though.” I laughed at her as she handed me another beer. “That your brother’s doing?” “No, why would it be?” “Nothing, just silliness, really.” I followed suit as she sat down on the brick and stone ledge that wrapped around the fire pit. “Wade teasing about getting me drunk so he can win a fight.” “Robbie, huh?” She asked, nodding as if she’d already suspected. “Yes and no.” I shrugged. “Do you think it’s crazy? Me moving here in a few months, considering all the shit we apparently still don’t know about one another?” “Not if you love each other,” she said, smiling when she saw the shock on my face discovering her hidden romantic streak. “So, not the surly, sister-to-be comment I was expecting.” “You have your whole lives together to swap useless stories from one another’s past, Boone.” She stopped as if searching for the right words. “Knowing those things shouldn’t change the way you feel if you really do love him.” “You go, Dr. Philomena.” “I can be profound when it’s important.” I got suddenly excited, and waved frantically at Cotton Candy from the ski lodge as she walked by. She smiled and waved in return, though somewhat taken back by my vigor. “You know her well?” Jackie asked. I felt my face flush with heat. “Not particularly.” I rolled

Life in fusion 205 my eyes, figuring I should go ahead and lay it all out there to somebody, if I were going to expect to have any friends here. “Not at all, actually. Apparently excited merely to have recognized anyone, I guess.” “You’re a bit of a spaz sometimes, huh?” I nodded my agreement. “Pretty much.” “You see those four over there by the bar?” “The ones who look like the love children from the unholy union of Heather Locklear and George Hamilton?” Jackie waved back at them when they all smiled and waved at her in unison. “So fake and cheesy,” she said through her own cheesy smile, while never needing to move her lips. “How did you do that?” I asked, leaning forward to look at her mouth. “Do it again.” She smacked me. “Stop that, you look like your checking my teeth.” “I’m sorry, but that was mad-skilled and freaky.” She rolled her eyes at me then took a sip from her cocktail. “Okay, fine…I’m all settled down now.” I patted her on the knee. “Tell me a story, mommy.” “Don’t make me smack you again.” She shot me a dirty look before nudging her head back toward the table filled with feathered blond hair and too much self tanner. “That’s Summit City’s version of the Adams family.” “They don’t look quite that creepy.” “Their last name is Adams,” she explained. “And they most certainly do look that creepy.” I laughed as she was obviously not joking around. “Once upon a time they were the first family of Summit City. Had their greedy hands in everybody’s business and they liked to lord it over the rest of us. As if this place was their very own feudal land and we were their obedient group of serfs.”

206 Ethan Day “Big shots, huh?” I asked, doing my best to not crack up. Oozing with sarcasm she said. “I’m sure it seems silly, as we’re such a small community.” “Maybe just a smidge. Let’s call ‘em big shoots instead, since they’re all mean and stuff ?” Jackie smiled, shaking her head. “Rita had quite the torrid affair with the father, Tony Adams back in the day, before she left to pursue the stage and screen. Patricia Adams had it bad for my daddy, tried to steal him away from our mom when they were all back in high school. But the kids are even worse. The daughter, Tilly, married Jake Mason, then got caught having quite the illicit affair with Pastor Dan a few weeks later. They were into the weird shit, apparently…pretending to be farm animals or some such.” I lost myself, laughing suddenly as I pictured her crawling across seedy motel room carpet on all fours, making sheep noises. Jackie smiled, though she was glancing around to make sure no one else could overhear our conversation. “Baaa,” I said under my breath like a goat, causing Jackie to burst out laughing as well, despite doing her best to shush me. “Oh my, what a cry for help that had to have been.” My mouth fell open slightly, seeing Wade and Jackie’s cousin Sarah, walk up to the Adams table and lay a kiss on the son. “That’s Sarah’s boyfriend that everyone hates?” “We don’t hate the kid,” Jackie shrugged. “I mean, he could be the one good apple of the bunch as opposed to another piece of their family fruit…that rotted.” I laughed, trying to keep myself under control. “That brother of yours is lucky to have you for a sister. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be half as okay as I am about moving to this gin joint.” “The point of my story…” Jackie paused as if searching for the right words. “Just keep in mind that all your business has been and will continue to be spread around for the entertainment and amusement of others.”

Life in fusion 207 I snarled up my lip, no longer finding it all that funny. “They still hold influence, but Gordy getting elected back in the nineties, due mainly to all the family’s scandals, along with Wade and all his Gold Medal good fortune, they sort of fell out of favor, so to speak. But I think they’re biding their time, waiting for any slip up on our part so they can pounce—full of nothing but fake ass empty praise and plastic smiles.” “I can see that,” I said, squinting at them. “You think the son’s latched onto Sarah for PR?” Jackie shrugged. “Maybe? I hope not.” “Me too,” I said, feeling a solidarity with the Walker family’s Anti-Adams cause. “It’s really that big lug of a brother of mine,” she added. “Everyone loves him. It’s as if he emits some sort of likeability pheromone.” “That, and he’s hot.” “Ew.” Jackie said, taking another drink. “Sorry lady, but my guy is hot, sexy, and then some.” “Sick.” Jackie cringed, jiggling as if she’d fought off a wave of nausea. “You know, it was the Adamses that always wanted to put in the luxury, five-star ski resort. The townies never liked the idea. It was Gordy and Wade that convinced them. Of course, the entire town shares in the profit from the lodge as opposed to one family, which is all the Adamses were after. That Mayor of ours is something of a finance and marketing wiz. He’s taken Wade’s Olympic career and turned it into a birthright.” “So I need to watch myself, I get it.” “No that’s not what I’m saying at all.” Jackie seemed momentarily frustrated with me. “You know, our daddy was like Wade, very handsome and everyone wanted a piece of him. And all Daddy ever wanted was my mother.” “Very romantic.” “It’s easy to get lost in the sadness of our family’s history

208 Ethan Day when you think about it from mine and Wade’s perspective. But having your parents star in this epic local love story, filled with one-trues and tragic loss, it’s a lot to live up to.” Jackie waved at my dad, Uncle Pete and her husband as they came outside. Shep steered them over toward the bar as if Jackie had just communicated telepathically that this wasn’t a good time to interrupt. “People like you and Wade because of the way you met,” she continued. “It’s a nice story and has a bit of that star-crossed, two souls colliding feel to it.” “The collision part’s true enough.” “They eat that shit up here,” Jackie said. “You should think of it as theatre for the masses with the entire town playing a role.” “And I’m the new character brought in to spice shit up and increase the ratings?” Jackie smiled and leaned back, taking a long drink before setting her empty glass of ice down. “I wanted to make sure you understand because I like you Boone. There is every possibility I’ll wind up liking you more than I do my own brother.” I was slightly shocked by that admission. “What?” She smiled, slightly evil-looking. “Wade can be a bit of a goody-goody. You’re someone I can see myself getting into a lot of really fun trouble with.” I winked at her. “I’m likely your guy.” “So don’t let this town force you into fulfilling a role. I think you’re more like me. I had to force all of them to accept me on my own terms, as opposed to becoming who they thought I should be. You make sure you do the same. After all, that’s the guy my brother fell in love with—me too, for what it’s worth.” I slung my arm around her shoulder and gave her a squeeze, laughing when she acted all grossed out, like she wasn’t into that sorta thing. “Don’t go getting all handsy, you big brute,” Jackie said.

Life in fusion 209 I knew I’d found at least one friend in the normally snow covered, odd little hamlet that was to be my future home. I grinned, thinking it was more than I had when I showed up. “Don’t you two look cozy,” the pharmacist lady from Sullivan’s Drug Store said, her voice soft and raspy, like verbal-velvet. “He won’t stop molesting me,” Jackie said, grinning. “That is going to be a problem,” Wade said, coming up behind her. I bit my lip, seeing the twins hot on the heels of Dean Staggs. I had to appreciate their mindless dedication to achieving a goal. If we could somehow harness that and refocus those two, they could probably solve global warming in less than a week. Jackie had now changed her tune, clinging to me as if she liked it. “I’m irresistible, brother, he’s swapping sides for me.” “I can’t fight it any longer,” I said, nonchalantly. Wade shook his head at us. “I’ll be sure to pass this news along to your husband, sis.” “He can have the kids,” Jackie said, causing everyone to chuckle. “We insist,” I tossed in. As if on cue, the Summit City Band started another set, and I Can’t Fight This Feeling, came power-ballading from the speakers— the new soundtrack for our illicit love affair. “Not to interrupt your rather disturbing new love affair,” Pharmacist Lady began. “Please, you’ll be doing us all a favor,” Wade interrupted. “Have you two met?” “Not officially,” I said standing up and shaking her hand. “Lynn Washington,” she said, smiling. “I own the drug store.” Her perfectly manicured hands were soft as silk. The cut and fit of her grey pin-striped pant suit reminded me of Marlene Dietrich from the thirties. Her beautiful cocoa-mocha skin was light on make-up, with good reason. She simply didn’t need it.

210 Ethan Day Her long black curls were bunched up in the back, cascading over her shoulders. “I was hoping to talk to you about helping me with a little project, Boone.” “Oh, well I’ll be happy to if you think I can help.” Lynn sighed, smiling as if newly refreshed. “Amazing the way the newbies just agree to anything without waiting to hear the details.” I laughed, not having realized I’d done that. “I need to be beloved, damn it. That takes work and sacrifice!” “It would really be more of a job opportunity than it would a favor,” Lynn said. “Hopefully one that comes with a company car,” Wade said under his breath. Lynn was obviously confused by that seemingly random comment from Wade until I sneered at him, pointing my two crooked fingers his direction. She suddenly smiled, realizing she’d stumbled over one of those random points of contention most couples have in their arsenal, ready to whip out and wield whenever the opportunity arises. She cleared her throat and continued. “I can’t remember from whom exactly, but I heard you worked in medical records with one of the hospitals in Albuquerque?” “Yeah, still do in fact.” I said, as if reminding Wade I hadn’t moved in just yet. “Why do you ask?” “I was hoping to approach the Mayor about dragging the SC into the twenty-first century, taking Dr. Jacob’s and the pharmacy’s records, and making a move toward becoming digital. We’re so into the environment and reducing waste, I think we’d have a shot at selling it as a way to go paperless. It would also be nice to link up to the hospital in Denver.” “We medi-vac our residents there for emergencies,” Wade said. “This is a good idea.” “And a lot of our graduating seniors wind up going to one of

Life in fusion 211 the universities there.” Lynn took a seat next to me, placing her hand over my arm. “You moving here seemed like the right time, unless you had other plans for work.” “I do need a job of some kind.” Christ will I never escape medical records? “I can’t just live off Mr. Money Bags.” “You can actually,” Wade reminded me, though I could see he was excited by this idea. “I did offer to support you while you write.” I cringed, not being able to reconcile myself into becoming a house husband. “I’m interested.” “Boo!” Jackie said, poo-pooing the idea. “Who’s going to play with me all day? I was hoping you could help me with the kids.” I felt my eyes bugging out. “And sounding better by the minute.” Lynn and Wade started to laugh as Lynn got up and said, “We can talk details another time. For now, I wanted to see if you’d even be interested. But being in charge of the whole thing, you could certainly work at your own pace. Set your own hours. Should make it somewhat more desirable for two newlyweds such as yourselves.” Another woman came up, putting her arm around Lynn. “Boone this is my partner, Jessica Sullivan.” “Jess,” she said, smiling. “Very nice to meet you. We’ve heard a lot about you.” I stood up, taking her hand. “That’s right, I totally forgot. Wade mentioned the two of you to me.” “There are an impressive total of five whole gay people in Summit City now that you’re joining us.” Lynn said. “We could have a parade,” Jackie said, sarcastically, cracking herself up. “Five out gay folk,” Jess reminded. “Intrigue,” I said grinning. “We’ll have to get together so you can tell me who the closet queers are.”

212 Ethan Day “I wanna play that game!” Jackie protested, obviously not enjoying the feeling of being on the outside of anything. “Sorry,” Wade said with a shrug. “That’s official Homo-Intel. And you have loose lips, lady.” “You may wanna reconsider telling me then,” I said, grinning as Wade shook his head at me, disappointed. Jackie leaned in and whispered into my ear that I needed to shut up so I could find out who they suspected and tell her later. “You have no idea how nervous the sight of you two whispering makes me.” Wade placed a hand over his stomach like he was nauseous. “Like an ill wind blowing through town.” “We’ll catch up with you all later,” Lynn said, then pointed to me. “I’ll get with you before you head back to New Mexico. You’re here for the week, right?” I nodded, getting first hand insight into what Jackie had described—considering someone I hardly knew was clued in to my personal itinerary. “Well that’s good news, right?” Wade asked, examining my face for what I assumed was any clue to what I was thinking. “It is, I guess.” “You don’t look too happy to me,” Jackie muttered. “To be honest, I wasn’t exactly thrilled hearing the words medical records.” I sighed, letting the idea sort of settle over me. “I need a job, though, and I like being useful. That wouldn’t exactly suck as the new kid on the block.” “You’re such a sweet guy.” Wade grinned, lovingly, like he was proud of me. I didn’t exactly hate being looked at that way, as if I was his hero. “Plus you can tell me who’s had crotch critters and boob jobs.” Jackie’s eyes glassed over, like she was happier than she ever knew possible. “Sorry, sister,” I said, bursting her bubble. “That would be

Life in fusion 213 illegal.” “My man, the sexy new records sheriff.” I laughed at the corny cheese-fest that was my boyfriend. “Sheriff indeed,” Jackie scoffed, rolling her eyes. “He’s probably hoping you’ll get handcuffs.” Wade’s face pinked up, embarrassed by his sister. “Like I wouldn’t already own a few pairs?” I asked, pointing out how ludicrous that would be. Wade’s faced reddened a shade or two darker, but his eyebrows arched, revealing a playfulness, and betraying the fact he was intensely interested in this new discovery. “Okay, I’m out of here,” Jackie said. “Before I wind up hearing something that scars me for life.” I felt Wade’s hand on my hip. “You’re still not off the hook for earlier, buddy.” “Does that mean you’re gonna punish me?” Wade asked. I almost came in my shorts as he stared at me. I knew he was mentally molesting me and I was suddenly ready to forgive and forget. I cursed my slutty libido for not being more willful and defiant as I lost myself in the crystal clear, deep blue of his eyes. I was already struggling to recall exactly what I’d been pissed off about to begin with. I didn’t mind the drug-like addiction I felt in Wade’s presence, I rather enjoyed it. But I did fear waking up one day in the near future to find that Wade had taken me over completely. That I’d allowed little pieces of me to be slowly whittled away until all that remained were the parts of me that Wade liked the best. Feeling his warm hand on my cool cheek, I closed my eyes for just a moment. The thing that frightened me even more was the fact that like any other junkie, I couldn’t seem to stop, even though I knew he was killing me—or at the very least a version of me. When I opened my eyes again he was still there. Like the mountains that surrounded me on all sides, Wade seemed eternal.

ChaPteR seventeen I fell back onto the bed, desperately out of breath and soaking wet. I glanced down, admiring the stream of cum strung all the way up my torso. Wade collapsed onto the bed next to me, also gasping for air. My ass was sore. Between the rough ride he’d given me before the party and the one I’d just taken on his monster cock, I was fairly certain we wouldn’t be doing that again for another day or two. “I think,” Wade got out between gasps of air. “You can think?” I was wheezing and my voice cracked. My

head was still buzzing from the orgasm and lack of oxygen. Wade laughed and rolled onto his side, inspecting my body, which lay lifelessly stretched out before him. “You look amazing.” I turned my head toward him and smiled. “I do enjoy having that freshly fucked glow.” He reached over and ran his hand over my chest, smearing my cum around. “You get me so hard. I get dizzy just looking at you sometimes.” “Well sure, it takes half your blood supply to operate that bad boy,” I nudged my head toward his cock. Wade let out a loud belly laugh, rolling onto his back. His hand remained on my chest, lightly stroking my skin. We lay there like that for several minutes, our breathing settling into a rhythm with one another. “Are we going to talk about it or pretend like it didn’t happen?” I sighed, staring up into the rafters. “Considering my first instinct leans toward ignoring it, we should probably talk about it.” “I love that about you, you know.” Wade said, toying with my nipple. “That you know yourself so well in certain ways.” I could feel my forehead scrunching up. “Only in certain

216 Ethan Day ways?” “That wasn’t a criticism, babe.” Wade cleared his throat. “I think you’re amazing, have an amazing clarity about yourself most of the time. It’s a huge turn-on.” “But?” I asked, trying to keep my cool. “I just think when stuff like what happened with Robbie comes along…you kind of overreact. You have nothing to be insecure about.” “Wow,” I said, sitting up. “I can’t believe you’re turning this into my problem…an issue I have.” “You think it’s mine?” Wade asked, as if he hadn’t even considered the possibility. “I think it’s ours,” I said. “Not mine, not yours…ours. And I never said it was even a problem, Wade. It’s not an issue that needs fixed, so much as corrected.” I felt myself getting angry, so I stopped and took a deep, calming breath. I shook my hands and groaned my disapproval. “Call me crazy, but considering we’re supposedly months away from moving in with one another, I don’t think either of us should ever be blindsided the way I was earlier tonight.” “Great,” Wade said, sitting up as well. “Now we’re back to supposedly moving in with one another?” “That’s not what I meant.” I rolled my eyes. “And stop trying to change the damn subject. You have to admit there’s still a whole helluva lot of shit we don’t know about one another.” I had Jackie’s words running through my head from earlier, about pasts not mattering if you truly loved someone. I knew she was right, but I was pissed, and it was something I was able to now wield as a weapon. “Ask me anything,” Wade demanded. “I’ll tell you anything you want to know.” That pissed me off further. I hated it when people said that, like they were an open book as long as you asked the goddamn questions. I shook my head at him and shot up off the bed,

Life in fusion 217 storming into the bathroom. He was right on my heels as I took a wash cloth out of the linen closet and went to the sink. “How the fuck did this turn into a fight?” he asked, as if dumbfounded. Because I’m a crazy person…duh! I soaked the cloth with warm water and went about cleaning myself off. “I don’t want to fight with you, Wade. But it would be nice if the first conclusion you leapt to whenever anything negative popped up wasn’t…Boone’s fault!” Wade took a deep breath, nodding. “You’re right—it wasn’t fair for me to just automatically dump that all on you without even bothering to consider some of the blame might lay with me.” “Thanks,” I said, turning off the faucet. “I feel you pulling away from me sometimes, and it scares me. You’ve been skeptical that this was going to work from the damn beginning.” “I am so sick of hearing that.” I patted myself on the chest. “Me having concerns about us isn’t skepticism, Wade. That’s just being logical—the way any rational person would react when a guy he barely knows—despite being super duper awesome—asks him to move in together after a week! I refuse to allow you to color me the crazy one over that anymore. I hate to burst your bubble, but most people would consider you to be the insane one out of the two of us.” “But you seem to forget that this is love, babe.” Wade closed his eyes and took a breath. “Since when has love ever been logical? I wasn’t walking around, looking for the next hot guy to pass by so I could club him over the head and drag him back to my cave.” I nodded, letting him know I could see that he too had a point. “I wish you could see how awesome you are, Boone.” Wade ran a hand through his hair before allowing it to settle on his

218 Ethan Day waist. “Hey pal,” I said, folding my arms, “I think I’m plenty awesome.” “Sure, as a friend, a conversationalist, hell even as a lover.” Wade looked at me, positively stricken, as if he were desperate for me to see myself through his eyes. “But for some reason you can’t seem to imagine yourself to be a wonderful husband or partner…whatever the fuck you want to call it. And oh, how I wish you could see that version of yourself, babe.” I stood there speechless and stunned for a moment, partially because I knew to some degree he was right, and I had no logical come back lined up at the ready, since no one else had either dared or cared to call me out on that before. “And I realize you don’t remember the first time we had sex.” Wade smiled. “That night I picked you up at Staggs. I didn’t realize how drunk you were. You seemed so lucid, and when we made love?” He laughed. “Seems odd to call it that considering we were total strangers. But we shared something that night. I gave you shit about it, because I thought it was incredible you couldn’t even remember it. I enjoyed torturing you with it. And you were so angry, which I thought was kind of adorable.” “Well, that I remember,” I said, smirking. “It was like you gave yourself over to me that night, Boone.” Wade came over to me and placed his hands on my shoulders. “It was more passionate than anything I ever…you…you took my breath away. I woke up the next morning and you were gone. I was so pissed and afraid I might not ever see you again.” “And the next afternoon…” Wade nodded. “There you were, tripping over your skis.” “Like a damn freak.” “It was instantaneous. I wanted you again, right there.” Wade slid his hands up either side of my neck, caressing my cheeks with his thumbs. “To bend you right over the reservation desk and experience that magic all over again.”

Life in fusion 219 “That I remember as well.” I ran my hands up his chest and behind his neck as he leaned in and kissed me on the forehead. Wade exhaled a long slow breath of air. “So when I feel you pulling away from me—little pieces at a time—it scares the hell out of me, Boone. It’s like you’re keeping score somewhere inside that amazingly sexy head of yours, and I never know exactly where I sit on your pros versus cons list.” “I never meant for you to feel that way, Wade.” “I know. And I realize I’m asking a lot from you, but it’s not as if I’m not taking a giant leap of faith here too. And I get that you’re giving up a lot more, Boone. I really and truly do. But I think you took a piece of me away with you that first night.” “And you want it back?” I asked, trying to crack a joke. From the look on his face I could tell he wasn’t in the mood. “Not the right time, I can see that now.” “Just don’t act like I’m crazy for falling in love with you…for asking you to stay with me. You may not remember, but I do.” It was like the wind had been knocked out of me, which was why I’d tried to squelch the intensity with sarcasm. I detested the fact that I couldn’t remember what he did—he’d experienced something with me and I missed it…falling in love with me while I was sleepwalking. “I’ll make a deal with you,” Wade began, shooting me a dirty look when I rolled my eyes. “Ignoring you.” He smiled. “How ‘bout I stop judging you for being scared and concerned about whether or not we’re going to work, and you stop condemning me for trusting that we will?” I nodded, giving him a peck on the lips. “I’m sorry.” He gave a no-biggie shrug. “Me too.” “I wish I could remember.” “Me too,” he said again. “I don’t suppose you happened to have recorded it?” Wade grinned, kissing my forehead again. “You’re a sick man.”

220 Ethan Day “I’m just saying…it would be kinda handy in this particular situation.” Wade shoved away from me and headed for the door. “I’m going to bed, asshole.” I stood there, feeling good and guilty, also relieved as I turned and rinsed out the washcloth. “Come to bed, damn it!” he yelled at me from the bedroom. “Be there in a minute, Mr. Bossy-butt.” I laughed, hearing him grumbling something about the fact I wore his ass out. I wore his ass out, I thought, wondering if I’d even be able to sit down tomorrow. I stared at my reflection in the mirror as I shut off the water. I got as close as I could, stopping just before my features began to blur. Gazing into my own eyes, I reminded myself that it was okay to be happy. That maybe…just maybe, the world wouldn’t spin off its axis should Boone Daniels get what he wanted. “Quit starin’ at yourself and come to bed you egomaniac!” Wade yelled from the other room. I grinned, winked at myself, and, for probably the first time ever, did what I was told.

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I was milling around the drug store, which somehow managed to successfully merge the modern conveniences of today with the old-timey spirit of the building it inhabited. I made my way up and down the aisles while waiting for Lynn to take a break so we could talk records. I was quite thankful at the moment; happy that I might be able to make another new friend and colleague in the Summit. The extra benefit with Lynn was she’d be more likely to oblige me when I handed her a list of all my preferred products to order and keep on hand. I laughed at my own, self centered, evilness as I made my way down the final aisle, smiling when I came across the condoms. “Back for more latex?” Chip’s voice called out from behind me.

Life in fusion 221 I turned to face him, seeing he was dressed in his stock and trade jeans and t-shirt ensemble. “What’s it to you?” I asked, not wanting to discuss this topic considering Wade and I had pretty much been screwing without condoms for weeks now. I felt my face flush, realizing I was still embarrassed by that fact. “I’ll take that as a yes considering your face just went beet red.” Chip seemed half interested, though I couldn’t imagine for what reason—unless he was now Gabe’s spy? “And hey…thanks by the way for pitting my best friend against my boyfriend in your quest to get laid, asshole.” “You picked up on that huh?” Chip smiled, not bothering to even fake remorse. “The people up in the International Space Station picked up on that,” I said. “He really hates Wade,” Chip said, snickering. “Lovely.” I sighed, getting more frustrated by the minute. “He’s kinda hot, your friend,” Chip continued, grinning like a giddy little girl. “Hope he’s planning to visit more often.” “If you hurt him I’ll kick your ass from one side of this valley to the other, you get me?” Chip dropped his basket onto the floor and held up in hands to surrender. “Don’t try to out smart-ass me, either, punk.” I squinted at him and shoved two crooked fingers in his face like I was about hex him. Must put that on top of my to-do list. Learn how to hex. “And I wouldn’t know if he was planning a trip back, since he left without saying goodbye.” Chip rolled his eyes and let his arms fall to his sides. “I’m sorry about that. I actually like you, which is saying something.” “Lucky me.” I smirked, wondering what I’d done in a past life to deserve a friend like Chip. “If you wanna be friends, then

222 Ethan Day you might try not theoretically kneeing me in the crotch in your future attempts at getting your cock sucked.” “I said I was sorry,” Chip said, getting huffy as he snatched his basket back up off the floor. “And you’d better have returned the favor and sucked his socks off.” I poked him in the chest with my two hex-fingers. “He might be complete and total brat-shit at the moment, but he’s not the type that normally sleeps around, so I hope you made it worth his while.” “He might have mentioned that…a few hundred times.” Chip was grinning again. “I never do this, I never do this. Seriously, I really never do this.” I was trying not to smile, but Chip did a dead-on impersonation of Gabe. “You’re a nice guy,” Chip said, as if it hurt him to dole out a compliment of any kind. “All worried about your friend’s sex life when he’s on your ass the way he is.” “I happen to enjoy a little ass play,” I said, not wanting to accept his begrudgingly given compliment. “So I hear,” Chip said under his breath. “Unfortunately for you, hearing about my ass is as close as you’re ever going to get.” I turned, sticking it out as I walked off, listening to Chip laughing under his breath. I saw him giving me a diva-snap through the reflection of one of the round shoplifting mirrors hanging up in the corner of the aisle. I rolled my eyes at the gesture, but didn’t stop to argue with him over its accuracy. Considering I wanted to diva-ram his head through one of the metal shelves for fucking around with the very precarious nature of me and my BFF’s relationship, a snap would be the least of his fucking problems had I not vacated his presence.

ChaPteR eighteen “Don’t forget your cake!” Julie said, chasing after me with it as I strolled down the hospital corridor carrying the small box of personal items from my desk and locker. They’d tied the entire bunch of fifteen red balloons to my duffel strap, which I had over my shoulder. I looked like a damn hot air balloon, ready for takeoff. I stopped in my tracks, laughing as I fell back against the wall. “I almost made it.” “You meant to leave it?” she asked, cringing. “It’ll go right to my ass, lady,” I said, laughing when she blushed. “Please, you’ll run…or fuck,” she said dropping her voice to a whisper, “that frosting off in no time.” I pouted, looking down at my best work buddy. “You’re about the only thing I’m going to miss about this place.” I contemplated as she jumped up to give me a kiss on the cheek. “Well, you and that gym membership.” She gasped, smacking me on the butt. “Dirty ass man, don’t think I don’t know what you liked doing in that locker room.” “I was referring to the equipment,” I said, innocently. “So was I,” she said, looking me up and down as if she had my number. I laughed, knowing how much she loved giving me the whatfors. “Promise me you’ll visit?” I begged, giving her my puppy dog eyes. “You’re not moving for another few weeks, Boone. We’ll see each other before you go.” “I know, but I miss my friends already. Moving sucks.” I could tell I was getting zero sympathy. “You know, I have some pull

224 Ethan Day with the guy running the new medical records department up there. Could probably get you hired on easy breezy.” “Now I know you’ve lost your mind. Like I’d ever move my ta-tas to the North Pole.” She wedged the cake on top of my box filled with power bars and snack food, which, for the most part, made up ninety percent of my personal belongings. “All that damn junk food and you’re worried about a little cake-ass.” Julie scolded. “Well yeah,” I said as if she were a complete moron. “Calories don’t count for salty, only sweet.” “That explains my big booty.” She sighed, trying to look back at her own junky-trunk. “Another reason your skinny ass needs to get that cake outta here.” She started to shove on me to get me moving. “Go on, get out of here hombre, before I put you back to work.” I smiled at her then rolled my eyes as I turned back around and started walking. I panicked for a moment thinking I’d left my keys, then remembered they were in the side pocket of my duffel bag. I stumbled along the corridor, making my way further from my past and hurtling closer to my new future with Wade. I was still simultaneously exhilarated and terrified by that fact. I knew at some point that feeling of excitement would go away, but I was now convinced that when that time came, there would be more than enough left that I loved about him to build a future on. I rounded a corner, catching the familiar heavenly scent of steamy black java juice. “My dark mistress is calling to me.” I grinned, realizing there was no way I could leave without one last confrontation with Stella, the coffee crypt keeper. By the time I made it up the kiosk, the few people standing at the register had left and I frowned. It was unnatural, like the timespace continuum had imploded. She wasn’t behind the counter staring me down all surly and judgmental. I’d never seen her not behind the counter the entire time I’d been coming to this kiosk. “That is so wrong,” I said aloud, not realizing it.

Life in fusion 225 “Excuse me,” the woman said, looking confused. “What happened to Stella?” I asked. “She had to have knee replacement surgery,” the woman said,

cautiously. I realized how ludicrous I likely seemed, piled high with cake, snack food and balloons. I ordered a coffee, though I somehow knew it wouldn’t taste as sweet, not having to work for it. I sat my box up onto the counter so I could get to my wallet while she went about making me a cappuccino. “Is she, I mean do you know how she is?” “Good, I think she’s going home today or tomorrow.” “That’s good,” I said, already tapping my fingers, having gotten the contact high off the scent wafting through the air and up into my nose. I’d thought about chucking my so-called career in records at one point, convinced I should be working at a Starbucks or a coffee kiosk like this one. I then imagined myself being discovered on the floor behind the counter, twitching in a pool of hot liquid while laughing maniacally, and thought better of it. I paid and took a quick sip, before wedging the cup down in my box so it wouldn’t spill. Yep, I was right, doesn’t taste as sweet. “Will you tell her Boone said goodbye?” “You must be one of her regulars?” I nodded. “I was. I’m moving in a few weeks. She was always on my case about my coffee.” “You’re that one.” The lady smiled. “She warned me about you.” I laughed, loving the fact I rated a warning—made me feel dangerous, like some sort of sick and twisted coffee fiend. I picked up my box and turned to leave. “She’s upstairs if you wanted to pop your head in and say goodbye.” I turned back and smiled, realizing I was already running late.

226 Ethan Day Now how could I resist an offer like that?

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“Oh lord Jesus,” she screamed at the top of her lungs. “You’re so desperate for a fix you’ve hunted me down while I convalesce?” “Did not,” I said, defending myself. “Your replacement—” Stella pointed at me all serious. “She’s just filling in and don’t you forget it.” I laughed, knowing she wouldn’t give up her evil throne of piety so easily. “She gave me a cappuccino…a double. And there was no lippy attitude to boot.” “And just look at you—all jittery.” She shook her head and looked away dramatically, like she couldn’t handle witnessing it firsthand. “Well you’re in luck, you ornery woman. Today’s my last day, so you may never have to lay eyes on me again.” She glanced back over at me, eyebrow hitched high, like she didn’t trust any Intel that came from a caffeine abuser such as myself. “That explains it.” She eyed the red rubber cloud hanging above my head. “Thought you might be one of those fairy floats, gone rogue from one of those parades you all like to have.” I busted out laughing and made my way over to a chair, dropping my box on the floor before taking a seat. “I guess you’re staying for a while,” she said in a snarky tone. “I don’t know why, you ill mannered, little hate monster.” I smiled after she chuckled under her breath. “Be nice and I’ll give you a piece of my good-riddance cake.” “Oh?” She sat up and glanced down at it. “I bet that tastes real good.” I shook my head at her, wondering why the hell her family wasn’t here enjoying her verbal abuse, as opposed to me. “So where the hell are you going that’s better than what you have now?” She eyed the cake again. “You gonna open that or

Life in fusion 227 continue taunting a weak and defenseless old woman?” I scoffed, reaching down and picking up the cake box. “Weak my ass,” I mumbled as I looked around for something to put a piece onto. “Better just give me the whole box,” she said, holding out her hands and motioning with her fingers to give it. “I could be dead before you come up with some kind of solution.” I rolled my eyes, leaning over and handing it to her. “Looks like somebody has an addiction all her own.” “Like it matters for me, I’m old.” She flipped open the lid and smiled, sniffing the sugary goodness. “I’ll be dead soon anyhow.” I shook my head as she picked up the plastic knife left inside the box and hacked off a rectangle. She picked it up with her fingers and took a bite, moaning as if she were having an orgasm. “Should I leave you two alone?” I asked, garnering a dirty look. “Don’t get fresh with me.” She took a second bite and quickly cut off another chunk. “So where you going?” “Met a mountain man—who stubbornly refuses to leave his stupid mountain for me.” I said. “Sounds like a smart man.” She smiled, showing me the cake and icing in her mouth. “Hopefully he’ll be able to get your ass lined out.” “He’s certainly gonna try,” I said, innocently, doing my best to keep a straight face. “Don’t be dirty in front of old Stella now,” she scolded, shoving another sliver into her mouth. “You’d like him,” I added. “He’s bossy, thinks he knows everything, and gives me shit for drinking too much coffee.” “Hell, had I known you were into that I’da married your skinny ass.” “Good lord, woman.” I placed a hand over my chest. “Don’t scare me—ripping my innocence away with heinous threats of

228 Ethan Day attack by girlie bits.” She laughed, throwing her head back, and tiny chunks of food flew out of her mouth, looking like volcanic cake ash. I noticed the clock on the wall but hated to leave her by herself. “I’m gonna be so damn late. But I had to poke my head in and say goodbye—you getting out today?” “I think so. If the damn doctors are done trying to suck Medicare dry by leaving me sitting here when I should be at home.” “You got family here, anyone to give you a ride home?” “My kids are all up north, and my Herbert passed several years back.” She seemed to soften momentarily, a sadness passing through her before she collected herself once again. “But I get transportation.” I reached down and tore off a piece of my box and dug out one of the stray ink pens I’d inadvertently stolen. I scribbled down my cell number and got up, laying it on her table-tray. “I’ll be in town for a few more weeks; you call if you need anything?” “Don’t think that changes anything.” She winked at me. “I’m not gonna get all sweet and sappy just ‘cause you brought me some cake and offered me a ride.” “I’d likely fear the end of the world was nigh were you to get all warm and fuzzy on me.” She nodded, as if glad we got that settled. I slung the duffel over my shoulder and picked up my box. “You want my pretty balloons?” “Hell no.” She sat up, looking even sassier. “I’m not some damn ten-year-old. Why do young people always treat us old folk like we’re children? I gave birth to three kids and each one came out dumber than the other. Now they all act like I fell and hit my head and don’t know up from down or right from left. And here you come…walking around like a loon offering me air wrapped in red rubber, like that’s supposed to make all my troubles go away.”

Life in fusion 229 “You can keep the cake, you crazy lady.” She smiled. “Now that sounds better. Maybe your momma didn’t do so bad by you after all.” I stopped, feigning shock, like she’d already gone too far. “Get on out of here,” she flicked her hand at me dismissively. I turned, leaving her to the sugar coma that was sure to follow, and made my way back into the corridor—embarrassed by the ruckus my balloons made when I passed through the doorway. It took me a moment to reorient myself to which was the best direction to go. I headed right, back toward the elevators I’d ridden up on. Wade had probably already landed and made it to the house by now. I smiled, loving the thought that I had a man at home, waiting for me to get there. “Christ almighty.” I shook my head. “Could I be any more domesticated?” I laughed, flashing a mental picture of Wade dressed like Donna Reid, holding a freshly baked apple pie. “Boone, wait up!” I heard from behind me. I cringed, glancing back to see what I thought I’d heard. Phillip chasing after me, smiling like he was my long lost bestest friend. I kept walking. “Come on, man,” Phillip said, realizing I wasn’t going to stop and wait on his pompous ass. I rounded the corner to the elevator bay and kicked my foot up into the air, pressing the down button with the bottom of my sneaker. “Jesus, Boone,” Phillip said, catching up to me. “You can’t give me five minutes of your time?” “What do you want?” I asked, sighing to let him know I was bored already. “I heard you were leaving and I just wanted to say goodbye.” He shot me that look, the one he loved to dole out whenever he’d

230 Ethan Day decided I was being immature. “How the hell did you find me?” I asked. “Been stalking security footage?” He was still out of breath. “I was just in my patient’s room finishing up rounds…the one with the cake…it had your name on it.” I stood there staring at him. “She said you’d just left. I didn’t realize you knew her.” I laughed at him. “Really? Stella…the woman from the Espresso Café downstairs? I only mentioned her to you what, like a few hundred times while we were dating? You get your coffee from her too, you know?” “Right, I knew that.” He nodded, standing up straighter, noticing the expression on my face. “I did!” The elevator doors opened and I moved to get on, waiting for the other people to exit. “I don’t care, Phillip. Honestly, it’s so not a thing to me at this point. I sincerely hope you find some happiness for yourself someday, but right now, I need to go.” I groaned when he took me by the arm. “Can you just hold on for one damn minute?” I started to faux weep when the elevator doors closed before

I could make it inside. “What if—” He stopped, his forehead crinkling up. “What if I wanted to give us another shot?” I laughed, quite loudly until I realized he wasn’t kidding. I stood there, shocked. Not only did he mean it, but I was fairly certain from the look on his face that he believed himself to have a decent shot at getting me back. There was something else there…something I hadn’t seen before in him, so I wasn’t sure what it was. Then I remembered. I didn’t care. Like a burst of light, all the relationships I’d had over the past several years flashed before my eyes. I listened to the elevator doors on the opposite wall ding behind me as they opened. I

Life in fusion 231 was too stunned to move, like I’d been hit over the head with a two-by-four—wham. It was amazing that all it had taken was meeting Wade to pull back the curtains and uncover my truth— that everything I’d gone through in the past had been nothing more than a series of almosts and not-quite-theres. An acute sensation of sheer bliss ripped through my entire body, because there was something about Wade. He was like running away, but in a wild abandonment sort of way. I felt safe with him and that…set me free. I felt my eyes beginning to sting as they welled up on me. It was so out of character, and uncontrollable, that I wound up laughing in Phillip’s face. The elevators in front of me opened up again, and my desire to flee was great. But I realized I needed to set some shit straight before I walked away from Phillip for what would hopefully be the last time ever. Phillip’s demeanor changed slightly, as if he’d been able to witness what had just washed over me. I felt his hand sliding over my ass, and couldn’t believe he was being so brash. “We could at least head over to my office for a proper goodbye.” I could hear the doors behind me opening and saw people walking out of it through my peripheral vision. His hand slid more to my hip, so as not to raise any red flags. I’d have decked him had my hands not been full, but I didn’t want to create a scene, in case no one had noticed. “Remove your hand from my ass,” I whispered. He consented, but took a step closer to me, still smiling in a way that told me he still thought he had a chance. Once the doors closed shut behind me and I could tell we were alone again, I shoved him away from me using my snack box. He was now most definitely clued in and seemed surprised. “Don’t give me that look,” I said. “Like you really thought something was going to happen here?” “We were always really good in the sack.” Phillip shrugged off my assault, straightening out his scrubs.

232 Ethan Day “I don’t know what the hell is going on with you, Phillip, or why all of a sudden you’ve decided to embarrass yourself. But do us both a favor. Whatever it is you’re running from or attempting to screw up by screwing me, just stop. If the guy, whoever he is, doesn’t feel like the one you can see yourself with, then get rid of him and start over.” He started to balk at me in protest. “Tell me you don’t think so little of me—like I didn’t realize you’d already had another guy lined up before you dumped me? Your reputation is legendary in this hospital.” There was now some perspiration forming on his brow but he folded his arms, taking a solid stance, as if his body was attempting to inform me I could push him no further. “You know what?” I shook my head. “I don’t even care anymore. Breaking up with me was the single greatest thing you ever did for me. Meeting Wade…I never imagined it would be… no that’s not right, that it could be this good.” His demeanor appeared to soften. “That’s great, I guess.” “Take a lesson from me, Phillip. Because funnily enough, I think we’re a lot alike. We each enjoy our independence, and keeping others at arm’s length has become more like a life-goal than merely a bad habit.” “Then why do people always like you more than they do me?” he asked, obviously confused. “Because you use your education—that elitist, I’m-betterthan-you attitude to keep people at a distance, while I use wise cracks.” He nodded. “You make people laugh.” “And you make them feel inferior.” “That’s not…I don’t mean to, you know?” He let his arms fall to his sides. “But you know you do it, so stop.” I laughed at his complete lack of common sense. “It’s that simple, dude. And if this guy, the one you’re already running from, makes you as uncomfortable in

Life in fusion 233 your own skin as Wade did me—if he scares the ever-loving shit out of you, then don’t let him go.” I could tell I’d hit the nail on the head when he refused to look me in the eye. He wiped his mouth with the palm of his hand. His eyes appeared dodgy and a little wild. I knew that expression because I’d felt the desire that went with it. He still wanted to bolt. I smiled and got into the elevator and he followed me in, pushing the first floor button for me. As the doors closed and we began our descent down, I turned to him once more. “Whoever he is, he’ll eventually stop trying. He’ll no longer care, because you let too much time pass you by. So you have to decide now— do you want a future that exists without him in it?” He didn’t say anything, but he shook his head. “Then there’s your truth, Phillip.” He glanced my way once more before the doors opened onto the main floor of the hospital. “Be happy, Boone.” “That’s the plan, man.” I winked and walked away, leaving him behind in the elevator. I liked that idea. The thought that the doors would once again close, separating me from Phillip once and for all, carrying him back up into the sky. A realization of how lucky I was swept over me. I was happy to have my feet on the ground for real, and in more ways than one.

ChaPteR nineteen I was beginning to worry, now that I’d paced a groove into the floor. Wade’s bags were lying there just inside the front door, taunting me. He’d beaten me home alright, but now was nowhere to be found, and I was beginning to fear the worst. I was cursing myself for not being the kind of paranoid guy who had one of those annoying police scanners, like my neighbor Mrs. Diaz had. I was damn near swallowing my pride and heading next door to beg her for any info she might have about terrorists, traffic accidents, or convenient store robberies gone wrong. I’d called his cell the minute I got back to the house only to discover he’d left it on the kitchen countertop along with the key to my front door from the hide-a-key plastic cowboy frog—a gift from my parents. I swore to myself that the instant I found him, I’d drag his hunky ass to the nearest veterinarians to have one of those damn locater chips implanted in his ass. Scooby Doo and the gang could keep the fucking mysteries, from here on out. I was one hundred percent sold on knowing where my man was from this point further. I let out a loud groan, hearing his rental car screeching into the driveway. “Oh thank God, the mother fucker’s alive.” I took in a deep cleansing breath and exhaled, slowly. Okay, calm yourself down now, freak of nature…don’t be acting like some raving lunatic when he walks through the damn door! I jumped suddenly as Wade came banging through the front door, my mouth falling open when I saw the carved iron-work handle cutting a gash into the wall as the two came together. “What the—” “Where the fuck have you been?” Wade asked, pushing the solid wood door closed, as if it were made out of marshmallows and weighed nothing. I jumped again as it slammed shut, vibrating the entire house.

236 Ethan Day “What’s your damage, Heather?” I asked, pointing to the gash in my wall. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you.” Wade crossed the room and took me by the arms in his vice-like grip. He shook me a little. “Were you with him?” I wrung my body around, grunting, until he let go of me. “What are you talking about? Are you on something?” “I was at the hospital, Boone, and I saw the two of you together.” “Two of…?” It dawned on me who the, he in question was. “My flight was early so I thought I’d swing by the hospital, try and catch you before you left. I knew you were there because that piece of shit car of yours was still in the lot. I followed your trail, from Julie to the café, and was riding up in an elevator to find this Stella lady’s room when the doors opened.” “They tend to do that,” I said, still trying to figure out what the hell had crawled up his butt and rotted. I noticed the gash in my wall again, and felt my temper rising. “This is all really interesting, but will you be getting to the fucking point anytime soon?” “I was patiently waiting for the people in front of me to get out when I noticed you and your ex, who was pawing all over you.” “Oh.” I cringed, having already apparently blocked that rather disturbing part out. “Yeah,” Wade said, tossing his hands into the air. “He had his hand on your ass!” I felt guilty for about a half a breath before remembering I had nothing to feel bad about. “Well I didn’t tell him he could put it there!” “You could have stopped him!” Wade accused. “I did!” “You sure took your sweet time in doing so.” Wade turned

Life in fusion 237 away, like he was looking for anything other than me he could punch. “Can’t believe you let him put his hands on you.” “I kinda had my hands full, asshole,” I reminded him by pointing to my box, gym bag and balloons on the floor next to the coffee table. “You didn’t see me push him away?” “Well…” Wade turned red. “The stupid doors closed on me before I realized what was happening, and I didn’t hit the damn button to re-open them in time.” “I’m so confused,” I said, shaking my head at him. “I couldn’t find the stupid ‘open doors’ button—” “Not about that, you nit wit. I know how a damn elevator works.” Now he seemed confused. “How the hell did you even know it was Phillip? You’ve never met him.” “Do you really think I wouldn’t, at the very least, Google the guy who’d dumped you right before we met? That I didn’t consider he might try weaseling his way back in? That I wouldn’t keep an eye on him, of all people?” “Wait so…were you Googling out of curiosity or suspicion?” “I’m not the type of guy who leaves things to chance Boone. Don’t pretend to be shocked by that fact.” “Goddamn it, Wade. I can’t believe you think so little of me.” I spun around, so angry that I didn’t know which way to turn for a moment. I settled on my bedroom and subsequently stormed off down the hall, wanting to put some distance between the two of us. I was muttering about the fact he didn’t trust me, listening to him clomp along hot on my heels. “Hey, I trust you plenty. It’s that guy I don’t trust. And from the look of things I wasn’t exactly wrong.” “Bullshit!” I tried to slam the door shut so he couldn’t get into the room, but he shoved past me like I weighed nothing at all. I stomped my feet like a two-year-old having a tantrum. “That

238 Ethan Day excuse is utter bullshit! What was he going to do, Ruffie me? Because any other scenario I can come up with would require my willing consent and participation. So I say bullshit that you trusted me.” “I…I wanted to wrap my hands around his throat and choke the life out that prick!” It wasn’t lost on me he’d decided to ignore my apparently right-on-the-money accusation. “So basically you didn’t see shit!” “When I finally got back to the right floor you were both gone.” “So you just assumed I went off and fucked him?” “I didn’t know where you’d gone, I panicked…I mean the thought that—” “That’s the first place your mind went?” I asked cutting him off now that he was all stuttering—trying to back pedal. “I came back here and realized I left the key and my phone in the house,” Wade tried to explain, “and you have that stupid door that automatically locks when it latches unless you click that damn button.” “Not that I would never do that! Not that you have absolutely nothing to worry about!” “I waited for what felt like forever before I went back to the hospital to search for you.” “Not that you fucking trust me! But that I’d betray you in such a horribly heinous way?” “Well I…” “That’s just fantastic Wade. I can’t tell you how secure in us I feel right now.” “Don’t put that off on me, Boone. You’ve been waiting for the other shoe to drop for months—ready to bolt at the first goddamn bump in the road.” “If you really think that…” “Oh come on! Don’t insult me by denying it.”

Life in fusion 239 I felt my sanity slipping slightly off kilter because I knew he was a teensy bit right, but that had been months ago, right? it?

Well maybe weeks, but still…it didn’t mean that I didn’t love him, did

“Well this all sounds like a solid base for a budding relationship to me.” I finally snapped back. “You don’t trust me and I don’t trust us?” I flung my arms into the air and turned away, punching the door. I immediately wanted to yelp like a little girl as I shook my hand, but I held myself. I could see Wade placing his hands on his hips out of the corner of my eye. He was breathing deeply, as if the room was running out of oxygen and he could no longer catch his breath. “I just got scared…I…I’m sorry, baby.” He reached out for me, but I stepped away. My hand was already throbbing from the force of flesh and

bone versus the wood door. “I can’t believe I almost uprooted my entire life—” “Don’t Boone,” I heard him say, his voice was shaking. “Don’t you say that.” “I need to go.” I stepped back into the hall and made my way toward the front door as Wade chased after me, yelling for me to stop. I felt his hand close around my arm again as I reached down and snagged my keys and phone off the coffee table. “Stop, damn it!” he screamed. “Please.” I jerked my arm free, surprised I’d actually been able to. “I need to think—stop fucking smothering me.” I swung the front door open. “Don’t go,” he said as I pulled the door shut and all but raced to my car, my feet crunching into the tiny gravel. My chest felt like it might implode and I knew that if I got away from him, some distance from his person, that I might have a chance in hell at figuring out what I wanted—what I needed do.

240 Ethan Day I wasn’t sure where to go as I started the car and hit the gas. I pulled away from the curb and sped off, certain Wade would come after me if I gave him enough time to collect his thoughts. That realization almost made me feel better; believing I knew him well enough to know what he’d do in any given situation. Then I remembered his accusation and it cut me all over again. The sharp pain of it twisting in my gut that he’d thought, even for an instant, I’d be capable of doing that to him. He doesn’t know me at all. I was about to move away from everyone I knew and loved for a man that couldn’t possibly love me, because he didn’t even know who I was. I turned onto Central Avenue, my tires squealing as my beat up, piece of shit, decade old Beamer strained under the force. “How can you love someone if you don’t know them?” It was over, I thought, feeling my eyes begin to well up. Helplessness spread over me like a flesh eating bacteria as I pushed down harder on the gas pedal. My chest tightened and I felt dizzy. I’d lost him, and I hadn’t even seen it coming.

ChaPteR twenty I glanced down at the phone sitting on the passenger seat after it started ringing again. I picked it up, poking different buttons, trying to figure out how to turn the damn ringer off. I didn’t even know how the hell to power it down. “Fuck!” I tossed the phone onto the passenger side floorboard and it finally stopped ringing. “Read the goddamn manual—you idiot!” I peered out the windshield as Gabe came out of store with Tommy, who was locking it behind them. Gabe and I had met up about a week after I returned to Albuquerque. At the time, we hadn’t spoken since the night of the party in Summit City, when he’d vanished with Chip. He still hadn’t told me exactly what had happened between the two of them. I had a pretty good idea of course, thanks to Chip’s insinuations, but it was as if we’d been observing some unspoken new rule over the past month not to talk about boys. It had thus far kept the peace between us, but I hated that we were now friends with conditions. I watched as they slowly crossed the parking lot, laughing and talking while they headed in my direction. I’d parked next to Gabe’s black Honda and opened my car door after they spotted me. “Hey Boone,” Gabe said, forming a smile that quickly dissolved once he was close enough to see my face. “What’s wrong?” I pushed the car door shut. “I need to talk to you. I really need my best friend right now, Gabe. And that’s supposed to be you.” “It is me,” Gabe said, dropping his leather book bag to the pavement. He looked guilty, feeling the accusation I’d leveled. He grabbed at my arm and lifted my hand to his face, examining it.

242 Ethan Day “What the hell did you do to your hand?” I shrugged, shaking my head to let him know it was nothing. “I should…” Tommy pointed toward his car with his thumb.

“You know.” Gabe rolled his eyes at Tommy but neither of us asked him to stay. I watched as he got into his small pickup. “I need for you to hear me out, Gabe. And I need for you listen carefully, thinking about things from my point of view here, not yours.” “You two are fighting aren’t you?” he asked, dropping my hand as Tommy pulled out of the parking space and crossed the lot toward the street. I shot him a look to let him know he was correct. “I knew it! I told you he was an asshole!” I resisted the urge to slap the shit out him—mainly because I figured he’d be less likely to help me if I did. I took a deep breath and started from the beginning, going though the entire story. Gabe sneered, shaking his head the instant he heard Phillip’s name. I recalled that Gabe had always hated him as well. A fact I’d forgotten until that very moment. That same sickening notion that perhaps Gabe had been in love with me for all these years snuck back in. Was he really such a prude, or had his condemnation of my sex life been something more? He listened dutifully, not interrupting and even reached over to take my hand again, gently squeezing it when he saw how upset I was getting. I cursed, hearing my phone ring again. Gabe moved toward the car door like he was going to grab it for me. “It’s him, don’t bother. He’s been calling incessantly since I stormed out of the house.” Gabe sighed and leaned back against my car next to me. “I’m scared.” I turned to Gabe. “Do you really not like Wade, or are all your objections simply about my moving away?”

Life in fusion 243 He was frowning as he stared down at his shoes. “I think you’re probably allowing your fears to create problems where there are none.” “Damn that fucking phone,” I said as it started going off again. “And maybe some of those problems are there, but I don’t think they’re the kind that warrant walking away. Obviously you guys have some trust issues. You are still new. That combined with the back and forth of the whole long distance thing.” “So you do like him?” “Please,” Gabe scoffed. “Let’s not go overboard. I think he’s pushy and kind of a bully. But in all fairness, you probably need that—someone who’s strong enough to stand up to you and your big mouth.” “So my fears about it all going to shit—” “Is your self defense mechanism kicking in, thanks in large part because you spent your formative years being relentlessly teased about your appearance, creating feelings of unworthiness that taught you to expect little and to covet even less.” Gabe finally took a breath, then added, “Which only became further cemented into your psyche due to the untimely death of your uncle and his lover.” “You are so good at this shit,” I said, constantly amazed by his ability to cut through everyone else’s bullshit. “I know.” Gabe shrugged. I sighed, relieved and feeling kinda stupid while already

laying all the blame for my current situation on my high school classmates, as opposed to shouldering any of the responsibility myself. Hello…old dog…new trick? I’m thinking no. “So that means all his jealousy was—” “A knee-jerk reaction to seeing another man fondling what he perceives as his goodies.” Gabe sighed.

244 Ethan Day “I don’t get that,” I said. “Surely he has to know I’d never—” “His goodies—another man fondling,” Gabe blurted out. “Strip away all of Wade’s save the planet, healthy lifestyle, and man of the people crap and underneath you’ll find,” Gabe lowered his voice to sound all brutish, “Me, Tarzan! You Johnnysuck-my-cock!” I laughed, realizing I liked being Johnny-suck-his-cock. “So, love the sinner, hate the sin?” “Very funny.” He smirked, not appreciating my dig at the Catholic Church. “They’ll get it right someday.” “Not as long as they keep hiring grandpa-Popes.” I said, winking at him. “Old people are mean! They can’t have fun anymore so they wanna ruin shit for the rest of us.” Gabe’s eyes went all squinty, looking evil. “You are wrong and low, blasphemer.” I clenched my fists and sighed, the throbbing in my hand returning. I hoped I hadn’t broken anything. “Shit…I’m fucking things up aren’t I?” “Probably.” “Damn it!” I shot my fists through the air having a hissy. “I hate it when I do that!” “Add in you’re likely freaked about moving away to a place where everyone loves him and you have next to no built-in support system of your own. It’s only natural you’d be looking for any excuse to bail, because you secretly fear it’s all going to fall apart.” “That sounds like me,” I said, cringing. “It hurts that he’s felt that from me this entire time.” “Everybody loves you, Boone.” Gabe moved so we were standing face to face. “You’re fun and funny and hot. You always were fun and funny, but you only really trust me and your parents, because we’re the only ones who loved you before you got hot.” I was practically frozen to the ground, because I never realized anyone but me knew that about myself.

Life in fusion 245 “Looks will fade—” I started, wondering if I was enough for Wade without them. “But love shouldn’t,” Gabe interjected, pulling me out of my inner-ravings. “Not if it’s real.” I was staring into his big brown eyes and felt like I might get sick, so I knew he was right about everything. The thought that I might never see Wade again made me sicker, desperately so. I was still terrified that everything might fall to pieces around me, but not as much as I now was, thinking I might lose him before ever having given us a chance. I turned my head, hearing the phone begin to ring again. “Do you believe what you have with Wade is real?” Gabe asked, placing his hands on my arms to draw my attention back to him. “It’s as simple as that.” I felt the corners of my lips begin to curl up and Gabe smiled back at me. “I gotta go.” I threw my arms around Gabe and laughed as I started to kiss him all over his face. “Cut it out, you freak,” Gabe laughed. “I know where those lips have been.” I slapped him on the ass before pushing him away and jumping back in my car. “I do love you the most, you know,” I called out to him. Gabe nodded as he picked up his book bag off the asphalt. “Love you too.” I shut the door and started my car. I rolled down my window, which squeaked in vehement protest as I pulled out of the parking spot. “To the moon and back again, baby!” I heard him laughing and glanced in my rearview to see him waving before turning to get into his car. I waited before pulling onto the street to make sure he got into his car okay. I yanked on my seat belt, hearing it click. The instant his head lights fired up I peeled out. I was practically giddy all of a sudden, laughing like an idiot

246 Ethan Day as I sped down the street. “Please let him forgive me for being such a butt munch.” I made two turns and noticed the next light was red. My phone started to ring again and I cursed myself for not rescuing it from the floor board before driving off. I slowed to a stop when I came to the light and leaned over, now thankful for my long limbs as I was able to grab hold of the phone with my fingers. I hit the green button. “I’m on way back to the house.” I noticed the car pulling up behind me, flashing its head lights as Wade was yelling at me for not answering my phone. “Well I’m not coming home until you calm the fuck down and stop yelling.” I rolled my window down as the car started flashing his lights again. “It’s green asshole!” I heard him screaming before glancing up at the traffic light. I flipped the jerk off, even though I was at fault. He whipped his car out and squealed his tires as he drove around me. “Get off your phone and drive your car,” he yelled as he passed me. “Who the hell is that?” Wade asked. I rolled up my window. “Some asshole.” I took my foot off the brake and the phone slipped out of my hand, hitting me in the nuts. “Ouch…mother fuck that smarts…damn it,” I cursed under my breath as I hit the gas, and scrambled to pick up the phone. I was shaking my head as I pulled the phone up to my ear. I squinted, noticing the headlights coming toward me as a horn went off. Shit. I slammed on my brakes and heard a loud pop, followed by metal scraping. Sparks shot up into the air as my car spun around,

Life in fusion 247 the tires squealing in protest. I felt a sharp pain in the side of my head as crumbles of glass rained down upon me. My vision blurred momentarily and it was almost as if they twinkled—the tiny edges of glass reflecting light as they fell. I was dazed when everything finally came to a stop, and my vision blurred again while I blinked. “Wade?” I asked, hearing him like he was somewhere far away calling my name. I felt something warm running down the back of my neck. Wade’s voice was still calling out to me and I could tell he was screaming, but he sounded so tiny. I opened my mouth to answer him and everything went black.

ChaPteR twenty-one It was pitch black and I could hear whispering coming from all around me. Then from out of nowhere I’d get these flashes of lights, in beautiful reds, blues and whites. I could hear voices screaming at me, loud cracks and pops along with the screeching alarms. It seemed to build into this fever pitch and I became more and more terrified. Then just like that, it would once again go dark…becoming quiet, like I was disappearing into someplace else—someplace safe. Strange faces passed before me and flickers of light came and went, providing these brief glimpses. Then someone familiar would show up only to fade away—Mom and Dad along with Gabe and the twins—then Wade. They kept disappearing before I had the chance to call out to them. It was now so dark I couldn’t see my hand in front of me. The whispers had come back, but I couldn’t get anyone to answer me. There was something on my face, I could feel its weight. I kept trying to reach up and rip it off, and that’s when I realized I couldn’t move. Why the fuck couldn’t I move? My head felt funny, it was aching—a dull throbbing sensation. The fucking whispering was starting to piss me off. I hated having people talk about me behind my back. What the hell were they saying? Where the fuck am I anyway, and can someone turn off that incessant beeping noise? I tried turning my head in an attempt to remove whatever was on my face. I heard a pop and a white light flooded my eyes while my ears filled with a loud ringing. I sucked in a deep breath of air and my eyes flipped open. Everything was hazy and a bright light was coming from somewhere above my head. I blinked until things started to come into focus. The fuzzies transformed in to faces. I was confused seeing Gabe, Tommy and the twins all hovering over me.

250 Ethan Day “What are you guys doing?” I asked, startled by the raspy quality of my voice. I swallowed and tried to clear my throat as Tommy vanished from my line of sight. “What happened? Where the hell am I?” “He’s awake again, and speaking!” I heard Tommy yelling out. “You were in a car wreck.” Gabe seemed half relieved and half sick. “You don’t remember?” The guys moved out of the way and a doctor moved in, hovering over me. That’s when Wade and my parents moved into my sightline as well. I became aware of the fact I was in one of those hard plastic crash collars. “How are you feeling, Boone?” the doc asked. “I’m Doctor Richards. Donny, you wanna help me remove the cervical collar?” Donny came back into view as Wade moved out. “Why the fuck am I in a cervical collar?” I asked, cringing as they carefully removed the contraption. “Ow, that hurts” “Sorry,” the doctor said. “You’re going to be plenty sore for a few days. You’ve been in and out of consciousness since they brought you in. We’ve stitched up the laceration on your scalp, and your CT and x-rays came back clear.” “All clear on the CBC and chem panel,” Lonny said. The doctor was poking around on me, checking my vitals. I shut my eyes, feeling my heart rate race as I remembered the headlights coming toward me, the horn blaring and tires screeching. “I remember being frightened.” My eyes flipped back open. “Dude, that hurts.” He was asking me something but I wasn’t listening to him anymore. I was beginning to freak out. I was fucked up, I knew it. I could feel my eyes beginning to well up so I took a deep breath in an attempt to calm myself, imagining the worst. I’d be unable to walk or was missing half my face…something mind numbingly wretched was wrong and they just hadn’t told me yet. I glanced over my parents’ faces to Wade’s. They were all exhausted, I could tell that much. I couldn’t read Wade, didn’t

Life in fusion 251 know whether it was relief or pity on his face. Then he smiled. It was like a dam breaking—relief washed over me. He nudged his head toward the doc, as if to tell me I wasn’t paying attention. “We made sure you got the cute, gay doctor,” Lonny said, smiling at the man, shamelessly flirting. He probably would be considered a little slice of hotness in another place and time, with his tall, dark and handsomeness. At the moment, I wasn’t all that impressed by his package as I was worried about my own. God forbid my current situation, whatever that might be, prevents the twins from man-hunting. “He doesn’t remember the wreck?” Wade asked, looking at Gabe. “You hit your head—smashed the driver side window, Boone.” The doctor was shining a pen light in my eyes. “You do have concussion, but the scans didn’t show any bleeding or swelling in your brain. From what the paramedics told us, you were lucky the other driver only clipped the front end of your car.” Mom started crying and Rocky put his arm around her. I knew this had probably been particularly hard on Dixie, remembering her devastation when the police came knocking on our door all those years ago to inform her that Uncle Barry and Steven had been killed in a car wreck. I could tell she’d been terrified. “It’s okay Mom,” I said. Please, please let it be true. “I’m fine. I remember the wreck now.” I turned to the doctor. “I am fine, right doc?” “Nothing’s broken.” “And the other driver?” I asked. Dr. Richards smiled. “Already been discharged, he’s fine.” “I can’t believe you were involved in a car wreck,” Dixie said through her Tammie-Fayed, bleeding-mascara covered eyes. It had been every bit as much an accusation as it had been an exclamation.

252 Ethan Day I knew I needed to hold it together, if for nothing else but to keep my mother from going any further off the deep end than she obviously already had. “I know, how cliché, right. If this were a TV show, I’d be rolling my eyes at the cheap ploy—pandering for sweeps.” Dixie looked down at me as if in shock, then exhaled dramatically, obviously disgusted. “Please don’t tell me I was in a coma, ‘cause that would just be overkill.” “Stop that!” Dixie snapped at me. “Stop making jokes.” Wade reached over and rubbed her shoulder. “It’s what he does, you know that.” I could tell she was legitimately pissed, but I decided that was way better than sad and upset. I tried to wink, though wasn’t sure that it happened. “Yeah, what he said.” “How do you feel?” the doctor asked, becoming visibly annoyed by everyone else in the room as the bed hummed—the back lifting me up. “Everything aches.” “That’s good, right?” Wade asked as if needing to have his

own worst fears relieved. “Not for you, buddy, I’m a major whiner,” I answered before the doctor could, while trying not to be the big baby I secretly wanted to be. “Can you move?” the doctor asked, smiling now as he shook his head at me. “Anything other than your mouth, that is?” “’Kay, the cute doctor’s a bit mouthy.” I sighed, glancing down over my body before turning to Wade. “I’m afraid to try.” “You should be fine,” Dr. Richards said. “Go on.” I started with my toes, wiggling away, then lifted a leg, eyes widening at how stiff I was. Instead of complaining about the discomfort I turned to Wade. “By the way, who the hell are you?” I heard my mom gasping for air as Wade’s face went ashen. I

Life in fusion 253 immediately felt bad, since he looked like he was now about to go off the deep end. I squeezed Wade’s hand. “Relax, I’m just kidding.” Wade let out a long sigh of relief and shut his eyes momentarily,

as if saying a quick prayer of thanks. “Such an asshole,” Gabe said, shaking his head at me. “Damn it, Boone, you nearly gave the man a heart attack,” Dixie said. “Again,” Wade mumbled. “Let that be a lesson to you. Next time let me win the argument.” The doctor smiled as Gabe and the twins laughed under their breath. “This isn’t the time to be making jokes,” Dixie scolded again. “Is that true doctor?” I cringed, hissing in pain when he softly poked and prodded the back and sides of my neck. I could feel every muscle in my body, and they were all really pissed. “Is comedy hazardous to my health?” Wade’s eyes popped back open. “Marry me?” “I thought I was the one with the head injury?” “Stop being all lippy and say yes,” Wade demanded. “So damn bossy.” I looked at the doctor who was testing my ribcage. “That really hurts dude.” Wade squeezed my hand, pulling my attention back his direction. “I wouldn’t be so bossy if you’d do what I wanted you to.” “You could at least pretend to be joking when you say stuff like that,” I said. “From the seatbelt,” the doctor interrupted, “there will be some bruising.” Wade was standing over me, holding my hand. “Marry me?” He seemed like he wanted to touch me but was afraid to,

254 Ethan Day which was starting to freak me out again. “It’s the least you could do, for making me cry in front of your parents and friends.” “That’s true,” Gabe said. “He even hugged me. It was quite disturbing.” I started to laugh, then winced as a sharp pain shot up my side. I cursed under my breath after turning my head. “I’m really fucking stiff.” “Okay, people that’s enough,” the doctor demanded. “You all need to leave so I can finish up here.” He turned to Donny. “Let’s get four milligrams of Morphine and a dose of IV Ancef, we want to make sure we don’t get any infection from that scalp wound.” Donny quickly exited the room to do the doctor’s bidding, but I could see it on his face that he was irritated at being ordered out just when things were getting good. “Simmer down there, buddy.” I scowled at my cute doctor. “I realize you have an obligation to be all surly and disapproving, but I can tell you’re half interested. And I haven’t answered the man yet.” “Yeah doc, cool your jets.” Wade grinned. “He’s in a fragile state of mind. I may never get another chance like this. So what’s it gonna be, Boone?” “Was it like, one of those serene, single tear cries or…” “It was the full on nasty kind, gurl,” Lonny chimed in. “With snot-blubbering and everything,” Tommy added, as if having witnessed it had scarred him in some way. “I was afraid of that.” I sighed and I peered over at my parents. Dixie winked at me and Rocky put his arm around her. “I guess I don’t have much of a choice then do I?” “Not if you care at all about my manhood,” Wade said. “Oh, I’m all about your manhood.” I glanced toward the doctor, making sure I didn’t move my neck. “Sorry if that was

Life in fusion 255 an over share.” “Don’t mind me.” He shrugged, shaking his head at me as he went back to his chart. “I’m just the guy in charge of your well being.” “I’m happy to hear you understand where your place is in all of this,” Wade said, causing me to laugh again, followed quickly by that soreness shooting through my body. Okay, so maybe comedy is hazardous to my health. Dixie was wearing a smirk as if to say, I told you so. I could tell my doc was quickly losing patience with his patient so I winked at him before turning back to Wade. At least my eyelid doesn’t hurt, that’s something. “I guess I will marry you, Wade Walker.” Wade leaned in and very gently pressed his lips over mine, and the room erupted in clapping and cheering. “That fight…I’m sorry,” I whispered when he pulled away. “Almost dying in a car crash means never having to say you’re sorry.” Wade smiled as the doctor began ordering people out of the room. Donny rushed back in, his hands full, only to frown, realizing he missed it. “I almost died?” “Well, I was afraid you might,” Wade said, while Donny asked if I accepted. “Seeing you unconscious—” “A dream come true, I know,” I said, cutting Wade off and ignoring Donny, assuming he’d get his info from one of the others that were already filing out one by one. “Am I still pretty or am I gonna be saddled with some awful nickname like, The Mangler?” Wade shook his head and smiled. “I’d have caught the first plane outta here if that were the case.” I laughed, only to stop myself while watching the doctor and my father all but forcibly removing Dixie from the room. “I love you,” Wade said, carefully brushing a few strands of hair off my forehead.

256 Ethan Day His touch soothed me, and I was suddenly glad to have not died. It would totally suck, never being able to feel that again. “You’re dreamy.” I stared into Wade’s eyes, listening as the doc asked Lonny to go and check on labs for another patient. “Wow, she is surprisingly strong for her size.” Dr. Richards came back to the bed with Donny hot on his heels. “We’re scrawny, but we’re wiry.” I squinted as the doc shined the pen light in my eyes again and patted Wade’s arm. “Is it okay if he stays?” “If you’re okay with that,” Dr. Richards said. “Good.” I sighed, half afraid to ask. “So how bad is it, really?” “Some cuts and bruising for the most part, but it’s the concussion we’re going to want to keep our eye on over the next twenty-four to forty-eight hours. We’ll want to check your alertness every hour or so throughout the night. But barring any unforeseen complications I’d say you could be walking out of here as early as tomorrow.” “Hear that baby? I’m going to walk again.” I was going for melodrama, but I was beginning to wear down. “If I weren’t so slutty, this entire incident could be turned into an after school special about driving while using cell phones.” “I’ll want to refer you to physical and occupational therapy,” the doctor said, “have them evaluate you to see what, if any, continuing treatments they think you’ll need. But you look fit. If you work out regularly you’re more likely to bounce back quickly.” “Ha.” I nodded, my lip curling up from my neck pain. “I’m not unfit after all.” “Will you be quiet,” Wade said, shaking his head. “You’ll wear yourself out.” The doc asked Wade if I normally talked this much and I scowled, thinking everyone’s a critic. Dr. Richards turned toward the door. We followed his sight line and there was Phillip, standing in the doorway in his blue

Life in fusion 257 scrubs. Donny sort of groaned. I was just about to tell him to beat it when Dr. Richards said, “I’m with a patient now, I don’t have time to talk to you.” There was coldness in the tone of his voice and I realized they were involved, or had been, at any rate. I was pissed for about two seconds, realizing this was the guy Phillip had likely been seeing behind my back. I quickly conceded, as I didn’t really give a damn anymore. Phillip was someone else’s problem. “How’s the patient?” Phillip asked. Not coming any closer, having taken note of Wade’s body language. Dr. Richards started flipping through the chart, then looked down at me. He smirked, realizing I was the ex. “Why do I get the feeling he’s in this bed because of you?” he asked glancing over the chart at Phillip. I squeezed Wade’s hand when I felt he was about to throw in his two cents. “Hey buddy, you’re supposed to be paying attention to me.” Wade smiled, turning his back on Phillip and kissing the palm of my hand. “Sorry, sexy.” “Well,” Phillip started, “just wanted to see for myself that you were alright, Boone.” “He’s great,” Richards said, leering at Phillip. “They just got engaged.” “Oh.” Phillip nodded. “Congratulations.” “This is better than TV,” I said, wondering what Dr. Richards was going to say next. “Gives a whole new meaning to doctors without borders.” “Would you mind closing the door on your way out?” Richards asked, likely further irritated by my commentary. Phillip nodded, pushing his body away from the door jamb he’d been leaning against. “Call you later?” Richards exhaled. “Whatever.” He turned back to me, and the chart he was holding, as Phillip

258 Ethan Day pulled the door closed. The doc’s face scrunched up, and he seemed slightly uncomfortable. “Sorry about that.” “So my own doctor is the other woman?” I asked, feeling a little tired. “This is just like one of those old Susan Hayward melodramas. The man who stole my man saves my life.” Wade lightly tapped my arm. “I’m your man, thank you very much.” “In real life, yeah…but for the screenplay it’d be more dramatic if I’m all alone.” Dr. Richards was now laughing. “Does he ever stop?” “No.” Wade shook his head. “He even talks in his sleep.” My mouth fell open, completely disgusted. I couldn’t hold back a yawn. “Must make it difficult to sleep?” the doctor asked. “Not really.” Wade glanced down at me, all sweet and serious. “I’ve gotten used to the sound of his voice. I think I’d kinda miss it if he went away.” I felt my eyes welling up again. I smiled at him, afraid I might start to cry if I opened my big fat mouth. “That’s nice,” the doctor said. Wade peeked over at him. “That was partially a hint for you to not let anything happen to him.” Dr. Richards went around the bed and reached over, patting Wade on the shoulder. He headed toward the door. “Heard it loud and clear, Walker. Keep that one quiet.” He pointed at me before turning to Donny. “You can go ahead and push the meds.” He waved at me before exiting the room. Wade sighed, closing his eyes for a moment, as if attempting to finally allow the relief in. I wanted to reach over and touch his face, run my fingers through his hair. Poor guy was completely exhausted and it showed all across his face. I assumed the doctor allowed everyone to come back in two

Life in fusion 259 or three at a time for short visits. Either that or the twins were sneaking them in, like human contraband. Mom and Dad were first; luckily Dixie had settled herself, having taken the time to touch up her make-up. I knew at some point I’d catch hell for creating the situation that led to a former Ms. Texas looking the way she had in public. The vanity hadn’t fallen far from the tree considering I was still trying to figure out a way to ask for a mirror without coming off sounding like a vapid, shell of a human being. I could feel the morphine kicking in as the achiness throughout my body began to fade. Despite my mangler comment sounding like a joke, I’d been half serious when I asked. I was shocked to hear my mother commenting about all the blood. Wade mentioned that head wounds can bleed like a son of a bitch. Rocky kept interrupting Dixie’s ramblings by reiterating how torn up Wade had been. Each time she got the conversation turned back to how it had affected her, Rocky would ruin it by mentioning the way Wade had been like a caged animal in the waiting room or that he’d practically worn a path in the linoleum pacing back and forth. It was endearingly funny, as it was definitely pissing her off, but I refused to laugh again, recalling how it had hurt earlier. “Honey, we should let the boy rest,” Rocky finally said. “The little bastard gave me a whole new set of wrinkles tonight,” she said, sarcastically, only to frown when it became evident Rocky wasn’t going to throw in the towel on this one. “Oh all right. Guess I’ll have to save my torture for when they release you from the hospital.” She seemed very young to me for a moment, as she stood over me, staring down—or maybe just more fragile. Her fingers brushed over the left side of my face. That touch was still so familiar to me, even after all the time that had passed since I’d last felt it. Within an instant, I was once again a child, sick with a cold or down with the flu, with my mommy hovering at my side. It took everything I had not to break down right there, but I didn’t want her to worry about me any more than she already had.

260 Ethan Day It was quite apparent by the physical appearance of everyone around me that they’d all done enough fretting. “Don’t you worry,” Wade said, as if he knew exactly when to intervene. “I’m not leaving his side tonight.” Dixie nodded. “Well, you call if you need anything at all, you hear me?” “Yes ma’am,” Wade said, smiling at her. “We’ll see you in the morning, kiddo,” Rocky said, tugging on my mother’s arm. “Night Dad, sorry again for all this.” “Nothing to be sorry for.” He winked at me. “You’re okay and that’s all that matters now.” “I mean anything at all, now.” Dixie had Wade pinned under her laser beam “or else” gaze. “I promise, Dixie.” She rolled her eyes at Wade before walking up to him and throwing her arms around his neck. I thought she might squeeze the life out of him, which would be a feat unto itself. “You call me ‘Mom’ from here on out you understand?” “Yes ma’am,” Wade said. “Thank you for loving my boy.” She’d whispered that last comment, but I’d picked up on it anyway. They finally let go of one another and Mom carefully reached over and rubbed my leg, like she was afraid I might shatter at any moment.

Wade sat down once again after my parents departed.

“You look tired, baby. You should go home and rest.” Wade laughed, like it was an absurd thing for me to say. “I never wanted to see this joint from this perspective.” I

glanced around the room, intensely disliking the fact that I was a patient. “You scared the hell outta me, Boone.” Wade scooted his

Life in fusion 261 chair closer to the bed. He reached through the guard rails and took my hand in his. “I nearly got arrested.” “For what?” I asked, wondering what in the heck he’d been up to while I was in and out. “Overheard them releasing the guy who hit you. He was asking about your condition.” Wade lowered his head. “I would have killed him with my bare hands had I gotten a hold of him.” “Jesus, Wade.” I could see it on his face suddenly, as all the anger and terror he’d experienced played out there briefly, captured like a moment on film. “It wasn’t his fault, it was mine. I wasn’t paying attention to what I was doing.” “It took Gabe, Tommy, your dad and a couple of orderlies to keep me off the guy.” “It’s not like he was aiming for me.” I sniffled, trying to make a joke. “I was distracted. All I was thinking about was getting back to you.” “I know.” Wade let go of my hand for a moment and rubbed his eyes. “I went a little crazy.” “You need to go home and take a shower, get some sleep. You’ve had a rough day.” He scooted the up in the chair, resting his head on the mattress next to my pillow. “I’m not leaving until you do.” “Babe, at some point you’re going to start to stink.” “I don’t care.” I sighed. “I love you.” “Thank you for that.” He took my hand in his once again. I squeezed it, noticing Gabe and Tommy hovering in the doorway. “Hey guys.” They smiled, then looked around the hallway before the twins ushered them in, closing the door behind them. “Your dad took your mom home, but said they’d be back bright and early in the morning,” Donny said.

262 Ethan Day Gabe sat on the edge at the bottom of the bed. “We’re both on duty tonight,” Lonny said. “So we’ll be here to satisfy each and every whim,” Donny

added. “I’ll hang till you get back, Wade, if you wanted to run home and grab a shower or a quick nap?” “He’s refusing to leave,” I said. “Yep,” Wade said, matter-of-factly. Gabe cocked his head to the side and looked at the twins. “They aren’t going to let you stay over—” “They’ll have to drag me out forcibly, then,” Wade said, cutting Gabe off. “Sweetie,” Lonny said, appearing slightly disgusted all of a sudden. “Eventually you’ll begin to smell.” “That’s what I said.” I lifted my right arm. It seemed heavy to me and a faint, almost phantom achiness was still there. “I feel like I’ve been put through some kind of boot camp workout from hell.” “Take it easy, Boone. What do you need?” Wade asked. “Something to drink—” Donny was up and out the door before I could even say please. “I might get used to this. Will you buy me a butler?” Wade laughed, lifting his head so he could see my face. “Absolutely not.” I pooched out my lip as if he’d just ruthlessly ripped apart all my hopes and dreams. I was already wondering how much time needed to pass before I could start working the sympathy card without landing in the express elevator to hell. I felt Gabe’s hand on my leg, gently patting it. “Really relieved you’re going to be okay.” I nodded my sincere agreement as Donny came back with some water.

Life in fusion 263 “And I’m especially sorry to you too, Wade,” Gabe said, glancing down, sheepishly. “I see how much you care about our guy here. I hope you’ll forgive me for being such an a-hole.” Wade smiled. “Nothing to forgive.” Gabe worked a half smile, as if he were vying for a spot on the cutie-of-the-month calendar. He then sat up straight looking like he’d just gotten the best idea ever. “They have showers and stuff here at the hospital, don’t they?” “Yeah?” Lonny asked, his eyes widening as recognition swept over his face. “I’ll run to your house and pick up a change of clothes for Wade, then.” “I’ll go with you,” Tommy said, all but lunging at the prospect of getting away from the hospital. Gabe seemed suddenly elated that he had something to do. He hopped off the bed and I squeezed Wade’s hand, seeing he was about to say something that would likely ruin it. Wade laid his head back down on the pillow next to mine. “Thanks Gabe,” Wade said. “That would be great. I’d really appreciate it.” “Good,” I said, “the least you can do is maintain your studly appearance. Motivate me to get better faster so we can fu—” “You’ll have to suck on this for now, slut,” Donny ordered, cutting me off and causing Wade to laugh. The cup of water and bendy straw didn’t look as appealing as Wade’s cock. “I’m tired.” I took a sip while Donny held the water steady for me. “Yummy good, thanks.” “I’ll be back shortly,” Gabe said before heading out the door with Tommy. “You need to rest,” Lonny said as he and Donny both followed suit and vacated. I closed my eyes, exhaling. “Thanks for letting Gabe do that.”

264 Ethan Day “The doc said you were supposed to keep quiet.” I stuck my tongue out him. “I saw that,” Wade said. “And you’re welcome.” “You were right.” I purposely didn’t finish the statement despite listening to

Wade sit up. I knew he was watching me, wondering if I’d fallen asleep or was merely being a shit head. A few more moments passed before Wade finally said, “I’m always right.” I opened one eye and he was grinning all evil-like. “About Gabe, I mean.” I closed my eye again. “He finally came around.” “Just took you getting run over to do it.” I heard Wade lay his head back down. “Almost worth it, then.” “I wouldn’t go that far. But it is nice that something good came out of it. Make that two things.” The sound of his voice was relaxing me, the deep timber of it soothing. “What’s the second thing?” “That rust bucket, piece of shit car of yours is finally toast.” “Mmm,” I said, feeling myself dozing off. “Thanks for loving me.” “You’re welcome.” “I am sorry, you know.” “You will be if you don’t close your mouth and sleep while you can.” Wade ordered. “They’ll be in here waking you up every couple of hours to test your alertness.” I felt my lip curling at that prospect. “Well that’s just rude.” “You be nice,” Wade said, laughing. I moaned softly, feeling his fingers gently brushing the hair off my forehead. It was all I needed, slipping off into a haze as sleepiness took me over.

Life in fusion 265

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Taking in a sharp breath, I stirred slightly. I could hear voices but couldn’t seem to force open my eyes to see who was in the room with me. A groan escaped from between my lips and I became aware that the talking had ceased. “You sure you’re okay?” I heard Gabe ask. I listened to Wade groan slightly, then he blew his nose. “I’ll be fine. I don’t even know why the hell I’m crying. He’s gonna be fine.” “Probably just from the relief,” Gabe said. “Relief crying?” Wade grumbled. “That’s a new one. I haven’t been this much of a mess since my dad died.” The room went quiet and I felt incredibly sad that I’d put him through all of this. It wasn’t anything I’d done on purpose, obviously, but the poor man had been through enough sadness for one lifetime. I was supposed to be his reward. The whole lotta happy he was gifted with for losing his parents at such a young age. “I really hope you can forgive me for being such an asshole,” Gabe finally said. “I’d like to say I had some sort of excuse, but—” “Honestly Gabe,” Wade cut him off, “it’s nothing. You love him, I get that more than anyone. But, if you feel so horrible that you just can’t seem to help yourself, you can make it up to me by visiting…a lot.” “I can do that,” Gabe said. “If you could even come up and stay with us the first week or two after Boone moves in—” “Really? You don’t have to do that, Wade.” “You’d be doing me a favor. I think it would make him less nervous about the move if you could be there.” I felt a smile forming, or at least I thought I was smiling. “I’ll ask Tommy if I can take the time off, but I’m sure it

266 Ethan Day wouldn’t be a big deal.” “Is he smiling?” Wade asked. Gabe chuckled. “Looks like it.” Silence seemed to fall over the room and I figured they were likely watching me. My eyelids felt heavy, like they were weighted down with lead. I wanted to reach out to Wade, wanted to feel his body against mine so I could feel warm and safe again. “You have an open ended invite Gabe, seriously. You’re welcome as often as you like.” “Thanks man. I don’t deserve that from you, but I appreciate it. I’m going to miss him.” “I understand.” I wasn’t sure if I’d remember any of their conversation later, but I hoped I would, ‘cause I wanted to give them both a big hug. Wade’s fingers brushed through my hair once again and I was already at home in my mind. It was unimaginable to me that I’d ever considered letting him go. My entire body reacted to his touch and I could feel myself falling back into the haziness as sleep once again took me over.

PaRt fouR

Love Conquers All…or Some Such

Nonsense

ChaPteR twenty-two Buck fell back into the captain’s chair in the cockpit, his brow moist from the determined sweat that had formed over the last twelve jumps. The tiny jet black hairs surrounding his face were damp and he rubbed his hands together in an attempt to release the stress. He stared into the vast blackness at the canopy of stars that stretched out endlessly all around them. It managed to relax him, even though he was aware it was a false sense of security. He knew they’d burned an excessive amount of fuel, making so many jumps in such a short amount of time. But the beauty of having a smaller vessel like the Zephyr was in her ability to outmaneuver and outrun the larger Federation Flag Ships. Buck knew he could continue to win the race, but they needed to rid themselves of the tracker in the kid if they intended on staying lost. The kicker was, the Federation now knew his ship was transporting Halo, considered highly illegal contraband. Before, they were way off the radar, now this simple snatch and grab for some quick coin had become more difficult, and a hell of a lot more dangerous. The Zephyr had certainly

270 Ethan Day

been flagged and there was by now, no doubt, a very large bounty placed on all their heads. “Damn it,” Buck cursed. Gostric turned to look his way, similarly worn out, the stress showing around his eyes, as the wrinkles there seemed to cut deeper than before. He was smaller than Buck, but well developed and strong. He could be every bit as stubborn but never allowed his personal beliefs to prevent him from doing what was asked of him. Buck had grown to depend on him, despite what he knew to be true, that there was no one he could trust in all the galaxies outside of himself. The fact that their sexual proclivities each lay in the separate sexes, had only aided their bond. Whatever the species, Gostric preferred the female to male, which prevented any drunken brawls during their excursions in between jobs—no fighting over a piece of tail. Despite the fact Buck wanted nothing more than to sink his cock inside the piece that was currently hiding out in his medical bay, he knew damn well what a mistake that would be. He’d heard many a tale of how manipulative humans could be. It was another thing that made them dangerous. How something so beautiful managed

Life in fusion 271

to also be so ruthlessly cunning was beyond Buck’s comprehension. He knew taking this job had been a mistake the instant Messiah had contacted him. Anytime the colonials dangled that much coin, it was a bad idea. His greed had finally fucked him. “This is why I never get involved in all this colonial, freedom fighting shit.” “Of course not,” Halo said, standing in the open doorway leading to the cockpit, his hands behind his back. “Heavens forbid you stick your neck out for anyone other than yourself.” “It’s a nice neck, kid. I’ve grown attached to it.” Halo stepped into the cockpit, visibly disgusted by Buck’s penchant for self preservation. “You’re more trouble than you’re worth,” Buck said. “And that’s saying something considering what his ass is worth,” Gostric said, rubbing the back of his neck. Buck laughed. “If I had any sense, I’d blow him out a damn airlock and be done with it.” “You’d probably do it too, you miscreant.”

272 Ethan Day

Halo shook his head, but he didn’t act as though

he actually feared for his life.

“Miscreant?” Buck lifted a leg and pushed on Gostric with his foot. “Who the fuck talks like that anymore?” “Never mind that, as a seer, I’m the very last of my kind.” “Which is exactly what makes you

dangerous.”

“Spineless,” Halo spewed, in contempt. “I

come from a royal lineage.”

“That ruled a race that tried to enslave all

others with your skunky kink-musk.” Gostric

accused.

Halo sighed. “That was several millennia ago. Since then we have been hunted down, enslaved and nearly eradicated. You’re Mamarian, correct?” Halo asked Gostric, who nodded that he was indeed. “Your people suffered the worst at human hands, yet you continue to flourish. Meanwhile, doing your best to wipe out mine and for what…the sins of our ancestors?” “Don’t lump me in with that lot,” Gostric said. “I’ve never raised a hand toward you or any of your kind.”

Life in fusion 273

“Yet you have also neither offered me or any of my kind a hand, I would venture to guess.” “We just saved your ass,” Gostric mumbled, smiling at Buck, who was obviously enjoying the debate. “Because it was your job,” Halo pointed out. “Not by choice.” “This is all fine and dandy, your eminence,” Buck said sarcastically. “And I hate to be the one to break it to you, but you don’t have any humans left to rule. The eight colonies are long destroyed.” “Yes, but not the ninth colony,” Halo said, folding his arms. “Son of Nebulon whore,” Buck said, sitting up straight in his chair. “I am most certainly no such thing!” Halo snapped. Buck stood up. “I’ve never heard anything about a ninth colony.” “It was meant to be that way. It’s time to wake up, Captain,” Halo said. “A resistance is forming which will eventually be large enough to take on the Federation.” Buck pointed at Halo. “Nothing but trouble!”

274 Ethan Day

“It may not be this year, or even the next, but eventually even the likes of you will have to choose a side.” “Damn the heavens above and the hell I had the misfortune of dragging you out of. You’re trouble!” Halo shook his head, disappointed. Gostric now looked pale, as if he’d heard

more than he wished he had.

“I have no intention of getting sucked into your senseless cause, Halo,” Buck said. “Of that, I hold no illusions, fly boy. I assure

you.”

“Well…good!” “All I ask is that you get me to the Jenatar Star System.” “So that’s where your fool’s errand is taking me.” “You know as well as I, that prejudices still abound. I am likely the only one who has any chance at unifying the resistance. Without me—” “The bickering will never cease long enough to organize a rally let alone an attack.” Buck shook his head. “I get it kid.”

Life in fusion 275

“So you’ll do it,” Halo said, smiling—looking very much like a young, carefree man for the briefest of moments. “First thing’s first,” Buck said, pointing at Halo’s arms, which were still hidden behind his back. “We need to cut out that tracker.” Halo grinned, holding up his hand to reveal the blood stained bandage wrapped around his wrist. “It went down the incinerator four or five jumps back.” Buck was impressed. For a slave to remove their own tracker was a punishment most often met with death, not to mention the fact the kid had the balls to actually cut it out himself. A weaker man wouldn’t have been capable. “Let’s face it,” Halo said, as if reading Bucks thoughts. “I’m dead either way, should the Federation get their hands on me.” “You’re alright, kid,” Buck said slapping Halo on the shoulder, nearly knocking him off balance. “Strap that lily white ass of yours in, your eminence.” “You’ll be a hero to many for this, Captain,” Halo said, strapping himself into the second row of seats behind Buck.

276 Ethan Day

“Get your holier-than-thou britches out of their moist little bunch, boy.” Buck clicked his own straps into place and began flicking buttons across the panel, firing up the massive engines, bringing the Zephyr rumbling to life. “I’m in it purely for the payday, sweet cheeks.” Buck spun his chair around, letting his gaze run up and down Halo’s body, clearing his throat. “And nothing else.” Gostric was snickering, enjoying the fact that Buck seemed to have put Halo in his place. “If you say so.” Halo shrugged as if he

couldn’t care less. “Though for a man with no

interest in it, you seem awfully preoccupied with

mentioning my ass at every opportunity.”

“Oh just…shut up!” Buck spun back around. Gostric glanced back and forth between the two of them with a disapproving smirk on his face. “Eyes forward, Gostric,” Buck snapped. “I

can’t fly this bird alone.”

“Yes sir, Captain.”

qqq

I stretched my back as a warm breeze passed over me. I took the laptop and set it down on the iron table in between the two chaises on the back patio of my house. I stared at the Sandias, able to catch glimpses of the mountains between the trees. I fanned my lap as I got up, which felt like it was on fire. I smiled, thinking

Life in fusion 277 about the book I was working on. It was a strange sensation, coming to the realization that for the first time in all my years of writing, I knew exactly where the story was going. I could see the entire arc, laid out perfectly inside my head. I danced around like a kid, elated by that fact. It was like magic inside my head, and I loved it. I went into the house, ducking as I passed under the colored sheets hanging throughout the den before hopping up the step into the kitchen. I strolled into the dining room, surveying my now nearly empty house, and a pang of sadness swept over me. I still hated leaving this place. It had always been my very own homo Shangri-La, an oasis that sheltered me from any ugliness that might lie just on the other side the front door. It had never even occurred to me, before Wade, that I’d wind up not growing old in this house. Having Wade here made it more difficult to leave, since his presence made it feel more like a home to me. I could easily imagine us living here together, happily. But the spot on the map wasn’t the important thing, I knew that. What mattered was being together. I sighed, happy at least that Gabe was moving in. I refused to sell the place. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I’d rent it out to a stranger before I’d let it go for good. He didn’t say so, but I think that hurt Wade, like he was afraid I was hanging on to it as a safety net. That wasn’t the case, but he couldn’t understand it for some reason. Maybe he’d traveled so much that he simply couldn’t grasp the pull that one piece of earth could hold over a person? It didn’t really matter, we had the rest of lives together for me to make him understand. “All in good time.” I headed back into the kitchen and grabbed my soda off the countertop, taking a sip. I grinned, looking over the elaborate sheet tent that Wade had helped me set up in the den before leaving earlier that morning. It looked like something out of Arabian Nights, different colored sheets in rich reds, oranges, purples, and blues all suspended from the ceiling with invisible

278 Ethan Day string. We’d taken two air mattresses and covered the floor before tossing down more sheets and blankets, along with about twenty pillows in all. The tent was open at each end so we had access to the backyard as well as the kitchen and rest of the house. I thought I might want to take one more dip in the pool before we left in the morning. I checked out the clock on the stove, excited that Gabe would be here any minute. I was glad Wade understood why I wanted to spend my last night here, just me and Gabe. I could tell he wasn’t altogether happy about it, but he got it. I felt bad enough that Wade had barely been back to Summit City since I’d gotten out of the hospital. He had responsibilities there, which he’d neglected in order to stay with me. The whole town was probably ready to throttle my ass over the whole car wreck by now. A thought that had me thankful Gabe had taken two weeks off, so he could help with the move and getting me settled in. I suspected Chip might have had something to do his quick offer to help. I still hadn’t weaseled any details out of Gabe with regard to what had happened between them the night of the party, but I was beginning to feel damn certain it was more than just a trick. That being said, knowing Chip the little I did, I wasn’t getting my hopes up for any kind of real love connection. I was fairly certain I’d used up all the good luck I had coming to me finding Wade—well, that and the whole not dying and all. If that was the case, he was worth it. I took another long sip from the straw and placed the cup down before heading down the hall toward the bathroom. I flicked on the light and felt my lip curling up at the sight of myself in the mirror. The five cuts on my face were healing nicely. They were still light pink in color, but the stitches were out and the scabs had fallen away. The plastic surgeon said they’d fade over time to the point they were no longer noticeable. It was really my hair that depressed me more than anything else. They’d had to trim the hair around the long S shaped cut along the back left side of my scalp to keep it from getting into

Life in fusion 279 the sutures. I turned so I could take a look at the area. It had been more severe, though it too had healed up nicely. I let out a frustrated whimper, taking in my once lush and thickly coiffed head of hair. It was all gone now, my entire head now buzzed short. There hadn’t been any way around it; I looked like I’d had a patch snatched off the back of my damn head. It had made me sick at the time. Wade said it turned him on, like he was having an affair with a hot military dude on leave. I felt plain and ordinary. Then, I of course reminded myself I could be dead, and to stop whining about something that would grow back…eventually. I went to the toilet and unzipped, peeing while continuing to berate myself for being such a vanity queen. I was still stiff in spots, mainly my neck and back. My physical therapy had been a nightmare. I’d gone through five therapists over the past four weeks, thanks to Wade, who kept running them off. None of them were good enough, or they weren’t doing things the way he thought they should be done. Naturally, Stella happened to be around having the PT on her knee. She was plain evil, agreeing with anything and everything Wade said, which only aided in further inciting the insanity. He was like Jim Jones, with a disciple of one—the ornery little witch. It was so humiliating, and he’d been so belligerent to the last one, I’d had to intervene. He’d since been banned from the therapy gym altogether. “Damn crazy ass man,” I flushed the toilet and zipped back up before washing my hands and heading back out into the kitchen. I heard the front door opening as Gabe yelled out a hello. “Kitchen!” I said. Rounding the corner, he froze his eyes widening as he took in

the tent. A smile spread over his face. “Sweet!” Gabe looked at me, mouth hanging open—his eyes all lit up, taking me back to when we were just kids for a nostalgic flash of a moment. “That is an awesome sheet tent!” “The awesomest,” I said.

280 Ethan Day “Tonight is going to be so cool,” Gabe said, bending over to peek inside before glancing back up at me. “It’s still freaky seeing you without hair.” “Thanks!” I smacked him in the ass. “Exactly what I don’t need to be thinking about.” “Aww.” Gabe grabbed me up in a hug, poking me in the side till I started to laugh. “Never fear, you’re still all hot and sexy, Booney.” “Stop!” I yelled, trying to wiggle away. “No tickling—tickling bad.” Gabe relented, squeezing me tighter. I rested my chin on top of his head, hugging him back. We both settled into the other, the room getting quiet aside from the sound of each of us breathing. The only thing I truly hated about all of this, falling for Wade and the move, was being separated from Gabe. If I thought I could get away with it, I’d abduct his little ass and force him to move to Summit City with me. “I’m really gonna miss you,” Gabe said. “I’m just happy to have prolonged it.” I kissed the top of his head. “Thanks for taking some time off and spending the first few weeks up there with me.” “Not to mention helping you move.” I laughed. “That too.” “Man, I’m such a boy scout,” Gabe said. “Yeah, and lucky for you I’m too self involved to think Chip might have anything to do with it.” “Shut it!” Gabe smacked me on the ass. “Baby,” I said, smiling. “Never knew you were into the kink.” “Don’t be gross.” “You get me so hot, stud,” I added. “I’m gonna puke all over you,” Gabe said, getting obviously irritated. “I think…have we like hugged for too long?”

Life in fusion 281 “Like to the point it’s become slightly uncomfortable?” I asked. “Yeah, like that.” Gabe answered. “Yeah, kinda.” We both laughed, shoving on each other. “You’re so slutty…coming on to your best friend.” Gabe

scoffed. “That’s sick, man.” “A hole’s a hole, baby.” Gabe was now visibly sickened. “You’re so dirty!” I reached over and shoved on his shoulder. “You’re too easy.” “Am not.” Gabe shoved me back. “Ow!” I stumbled back a step, holding my shoulder as I hunched over. “Oh, damn it Booney, I’m so sorry! Shit—are you okay?” I stood back up, pointing at him all evil-like. “Gotcha—like I

said, too damn easy.” I jumped back when he took a swing at me. “Asshole.” Gabe grumbled. “Oh, don’t go all pouty on me.” I pulled off my t-shirt and tossed it at him. “Race you to the pool?” “I didn’t bring any trunks,” Gabe said, disappointed, like he wished he’d thought of that. “I don’t have any either.” I shrugged, starting to undo my jeans. “Skinny dipping?” Gabe’s eyes got all wide behind the black framed glasses. “Kinda weird just being us?” I rolled my eyes as I peeled my jeans down over my hips, jiggling my legs till my pants fell around my ankles. “Oh my, I just don’t know,” I said in my faux, high-pitched girlie voice. “My name’s Gabriella and I’m a proper little girl! I couldn’t possibly take off my clothes!”

282 Ethan Day “Shut up, wank-tard,” Gabe said, his lip snarling up. I widened my eyes and opened my mouth as if I were shocked. I yanked down my briefs and stepped out of them. “Oh my goodness, boy bits!” I screamed like a girlie, then ducked through the tent and out the back door. I laughed, hearing Gabe piss and moan from inside the house as I ran across the yard and jumped into the pool. The force of the warm water against my skin as I crashed through the surface was amazing. I stayed under for as long as I could, enjoying the sound of the bubbles rushing past me. Then the silence came. I liked that moment of quiet peace. It was always my favorite part of being underwater. I noticed Gabe’s body heading toward the surface from the opposite side. He splashed through, all bundled up into a cannon ball. I pushed off the bottom of the pool having nearly run out of air. I broke the surface and gasped, sucking in a deep breath. Gabe followed suit, and I splashed him once he’d opened his mouth to breathe. “Shit head,” he said, his dark eyes squinting at me. I shook my head as I glanced back at the house, treading water. “I’m gonna miss my house.” Gabe swam over toward me, grabbing me by the shoulder. He never had been the best swimmer, so I wrapped my arm under his and we dog paddled to the side. “Well it’s not like you can’t visit whenever you want.” “I know.” I cringed when he rubbed the top of my head. “It was my first place—my uncle left it to me.” “I’ll take good care of it, I promise.” I nodded, smiling as I leaned over and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “I know that.” “And hey,” Gabe added, “I don’t even need the second bedroom, so we could set that up as a guest room, then you and Wade can stay when you visit.” “You might want a roommate or something.”

Life in fusion 283 “For what…you won’t let me pay you any rent, so it’s not like I need the financial assistance.” “Well a boyfriend maybe?” “And he’d be sleeping in the second bedroom because?” “When he’s mad ‘cause you won’t put out, for one.” Gabe tried to shove me off him. “Don’t be mean—like I wouldn’t want to have sex with my boyfriend.” “I’m just teasing Sally Sensitive, sheesh.” “I do actually like having sex you know.” Gabe frowned. I gasped, placing a hand on my chest. “Lordy mercy, my little Gabe’s all growed up.” Gabe laughed at me. “Finally ready to stuff his Italian sausage where the sun doesn’t shine!” “Ew!” I made a grab for his bits, but he pushed away just in time. “Is that what happened with Chip last month? Did you stick it in him or did he fuck you?” “That’s not…I’m not telling…we aren’t going to discuss that…not that there’s anything to discuss!” I tried to make another grab for his goods while he laughed, yelling at me to stop it. “Oh yeah, Chip…take that cock…you like your Italian Stallion?” I said, pretending I was Gabe fucking Chip. “You and the damn twins…always going on about sex, like nothing else exists in the world.” “Oh, really,” I said wigging my fingers in his face just before shoving my hand back under water to make another attempt to grab him by the balls. “So sweet little Gabriel bent over and took a chunk of Chip up the ass?” Gabe was grunting, trying to hold my hands away. “I don’t bottom and you know it.”

284 Ethan Day “Did he compare you to a car?” I grinned when he stuck his tongue out at me, while we continued to struggle. “He was awfully fond of the automobile reference when he tried to work me.” “Shut up, and no he did not.” “Just tell me.” I finally started to whine. “Did you do him up the butt? I wanna know, I wanna know!” “Christ, fine…yes!” Gabe said. We froze. My mouth fell open and his face went red. “You dirty whore!” Gabe shook his head just before he slapped me hard on the upper arm. “You are not my friend anymore, I hate you.” I laughed as he turned, climbing up the steps to get out of the water. I followed him out, reaching up and pinching his ass just before he cleared the last step. He swatted at my hand but I jerked it back to quickly. I was feeling really evil now that I got that much out of him. “I can’t believe you fucked him…you just met him.” “Glass house much?” Gabe tossed back at me as he strode toward the house. “And we didn’t fuck…I made love to him.” “Does he know that?” I asked, watching Gabe get more pissed. “Okay, Studly Do-No-Wrong, simmer down there.” Once he reached the patio, he chucked one of the towels I’d laid out for us back at me then picked up the other. He began drying himself off. “Just don’t make it into something dirty, okay?” I held up my hands signaling my surrender and Gabe sat down on one of the lounge chairs. I’d decided to leave them with the house considering there wouldn’t be much need for them in the snow covered mountains. Gabe finished running the towel over his hair, dropping it onto his lap to cover his man parts. I grinned, finding his shyness endearing in a weird way. I suppose it reminded me of when we were younger. There were aspects of his personality that hadn’t changed much since high school.

Life in fusion 285 “Will you hand me my glasses?” he asked, pointing in the direction of the table where he’d left them. I passed them to him before flopping down into the chair next to him. “I didn’t mean for it to happen, you know.” Gabe leaned back into his seat. “He worked me good.” I laughed, placing a hand over my tummy. “Don’t lie, now. I saw the way you looked at him.” “Shut it.” He tried to smack me again, but I jerked my arm away, causing him to rack his knuckles into the wrought iron. He cursed, holding his hand as if he’d broken it. “Just admit you wanted to plug his hot little ass,” I said, laughing when he shot me a dirty look. “Denial is not your friend, dude.” “I may have found him attractive, but he was very persistent, like seriously. He wouldn’t let up for an instant.” “So he wore you down to the point you no longer had the energy to say no? Gee, that’s romantic.” Gabe frowned. “Why do you always have to push so hard with me?” “Because I love you, and it pisses me off when you lie to me about things that would never change or alter our friendship to begin with.” “You shouldn’t take that personally.” Gabe sighed, not bothering to deny it. “Considering I tell myself the same lies.” I growled my frustration. “You’re crazy mother really did a number on you.” Gabe laughed. “She means well you know.” “She’s certifiable.” “No she’s not, she’s just an Italian momma. She worries a lot.” “Dude, whenever she knew you had a date, she’d call during the day while you were at work, leaving you those disturbing messages—reading off detailed descriptions of what Jeffrey

286 Ethan Day Dahmer did to his victims.” “She actually still does that.” Gabe cringed, looking over at me. “She only wants me to be safe. The whole gay thing wasn’t easy for her.” “Boo hoo,” I said, “You’re queer, not cancerous. She’s had plenty of time to get the hell over it.” “She’s a lot better about it now,” Gabe insisted. “You have to admit that. You’re mom helped her a lot. Besides, you were lucky. Your mom was actually happy you were gay.” “I don’t know about happy,” I said. “She did a little victory dance in the middle of her kitchen.” I laughed, remembering that. Gabe and I had been downright stunned. We’d agreed to go with one another when we told our parents, for support and all. While I’d expected my parents to handle it okay, I hadn’t been prepared for the sheer glee Dixie seemed to exhibit. Dad was more in shock from my mother’s reaction than he had been by the fact I was gay. “Well your mom…cheered too,” I said. “She yelled, cursing in Italian to be more exact,” Gabe corrected. “Nice attempt to spin it though.” “Hey, at least she wasn’t cursing directly at you, right?” We both lost it, and I became further tickled, remembering the way Roberta had looked with her hands flinging through the air while her mouth ran amok. It was the first time I’d ever heard anyone speak faster than me. I watched as Gabe settled back down, staring out into space and chewing on his lip. “Just be careful with Chip, okay?” “I don’t have any expectations.” He’d said it, but he wasn’t looking me in the eyes when it happened so I was skeptical. “Well I’m not buying into any of them,” he finally conceded. “I promise.” I sighed, hoping he meant it. It wasn’t like I knew Chip well

Life in fusion 287 enough to know he’d ruin Gabe if given the chance, but it was sitting there in the back of mind…a fear in waiting. “Wanna smoke a joint?” I finally asked. Gabe smiled then glanced my way. “That sounds like a horrible idea.” “I’ll take that as a yes,” I said getting up out of the chaise. “The twins got it for us.” “In that case, I know it’s a horrible idea.” Gabe stood up, wrapping the towel around his waist. I reached over and ruffled his hair before I followed his lead with my towel. The way he looked up at me tugged at my chest a little. I followed him into the house, thinking I still had one last fear gnawing away in the back of my head. Hopefully the pot would give me the courage to bring it up in some way, and I could once and for all leave New Mexico behind, with no regrets.

ChaPteR twenty-thRee It was now dark outside, the only illumination coming from the light above the stove in the kitchen. I was laying flat on my back, surrounded by throw pillows and staring up at the dulled jewel tone colors of the sheets hanging above me. Glancing over at Gabe, I smiled as he too was rubbing his full tummy. We’d already gone through the giggles and the munchies, which I’d had the forethought to prepare for. I’d purchased what had been the staples of our early-teen diet: gummy bears and Doritos. They mixed quite well with the pizza we’d ordered, having each downed a couple of beers on top of it all. I’d already switched back over to soda considering how tipsy I was from the combo of drugs and booze. “I still can’t quite believe you’re going,” Gabe said. “I mean, I look around this house and I see all your stuff gone, so logically I know you’re leaving—” “But it doesn’t seem real?” I asked, cutting him off. “Not even that so much as…unimaginable? Is that the right word?” I turned my head so I could see his face. “Don’t look at me, this is your rant not mine.” He chuckled under his breath. “It’s the end of an era, an end to our era.” “Jesus, maudlin much?” I asked, not sure if I should laugh or cry. “I’m moving one state away, not being shipped off to a galaxy far, far away.” “I know, but it won’t be the same, you know that, right?” “Why does everyone keep asking me if I know shit?” I sat up, propping myself up on my elbows. “Like the obvious is now lost on me?” Gabe sat up as well, obviously wondering where the hell I was going with this.

290 Ethan Day “Am I suffering from memory loss from the wreck?” Gabe rolled his eyes and lay back down. “You idiot.” “Well it’s not like I’d be able to remember if I was…hello, I wouldn’t be able to remember that I didn’t remember.” “This is exactly why I said I’d never smoke pot with you again.” Gabe sighed, sounding exasperated. “Your twisted brain gets even more bizarro.” I grinned, relieved. “I remember that.” I lay back down, wiggling around until I got myself comfortable again. My eyes were burning from want of sleep. The pot had worked its magic. I felt more relaxed than I’d been since the accident. All the tension and soreness from my body had bled away, leaving only me and my thoughts. “Can I ask you something without you getting weird or upset?” I asked. “Probably not,” Gabe said, snickering. “But that’s never stopped you before.” “This isn’t a conceit thing, so don’t even go there, but was there ever a time…I mean you weren’t pissed off over my leaving because—” “You think I’m in love with you?” Gabe asked, grinning at me as he lifted his head up. “Okay, it sounds really awful when you say it.” “Gee, thanks,” Gabe said, laughing again. “I just meant, less plausible.” I rolled onto my side so I could see him better. “I’d want to know if it were the case, that’s all.” Gabe rolled onto his side as well. “There were times over the years when I thought, maybe it could work.” “Right, like there was a reason we’d been brought together at such a young age.” “You used that line back when we were in high school and you were horny,” Gabe accused. “Like we’d been brought together so we could jack each other off.”

Life in fusion 291 I busted out laughing, remembering that. “Well it did seem awfully convenient, that’s all I’m saying.” “Pervert.” I was squinting, doing my best to gauge whether or not he was being honest with me. It was difficult to tell with Gabe, since he often admittedly lied to himself. I thought he was telling the truth, but I had this bug up my butt and I needed to know one way or the other. I felt my eyes widening and I reached over and shoved him. “We should kiss.” “What!” Gabe squealed, his voice shooting up into a high pitched girlie shriek. I was now laughing so hard I couldn’t breathe and he retaliated by shoving me. I fell over onto my back trying to get my breath, until I snorted like a piglet. Gabe started laughing harder and he poked me in the side. “Uh oh, little piggy coming out to play?” I was sure I was going to die, barely able to catch my breath, my eyes watering as I snorted again. “Little piggy is coming out to play,” Gabe yelled, poking me in the side once again. It only happened when I laughed extra hard, and Gabe had dubbed me piggy when were kids after the first time it happened. “Stop,” I begged, hunching over, my stomach cramping up. Gabe began to settle down, finally relenting. I settled back down and we each stared at one another. I knew Wade would probably have a friggin’ cow, but damn it I needed to know Gabe wasn’t secretly in love with me, so he’d just have to get the hell over it. Dixie had always said a man in love could still lie to your face but he could never hide the truth in a kiss. Gabe finally rolled his eyes and moved in to kiss me. I put out my hand to stop him. “Dude, could you not roll your eyes when you start to kiss me?” “Are you serious?” Gabe asked.

292 Ethan Day “It’s way rude.” Gabe laughed. “This is silly.” I grabbed him by the back of the neck and pressed my lips

onto his. Our lips parted for one another and our tongues met. I could taste the gummy bears from his mouth which wasn’t bad, so much as odd. Then we pulled apart suddenly, each sitting up. “That was…” Gabe trailed off. I was trying not to visibly cringe. “Creepy.” “Pretty much,” he added. “But good to know.” Gabe nodded. “True.” I sighed, relief sweeping over me. “BFFs we were meant to be.” “This goes to the grave, right?” he asked. Panic swept over me. “Um, if you know what’s good for you.” “Man, that kiss was really—” “Embarrassing,” I said, cutting him off. “Just a smidge.” Gabe frowned. “I blame the twins and their creepy, incestuous-laced cannabis.” We each started to laugh over that one as we settled ourselves back down into the pillows. “Stupid twins,” Gabe mumbled in an I’ll-get-you tone. We both snickered, as if newly united in our desire to seek revenge against the twins. We lay there, quietly for a moment, yet there was no awkwardness to the silence. I closed my eyes, which now burned, as if begging me to relent already and give up the fight. I sighed again, feeling the smile spread over my face, thanking anything and everything out there in the universe—eternally grateful that whole scenario had ended the way it did. Could have been way worse had there been anything deeper there, I thought.

Life in fusion 293 “Why are you smiling like that?” Gabe asked. I shrugged, realizing he was now frightened. “Cut it out, dude,” Gabe said. “You’re freaking my shit out.” I shut my eyes tight and did my best to reign in my joy that my best friend wasn’t in love with me. I felt Gabe take my hand in his. “I think you’re really brave, by the way.” I opened my eyes and turned to him, just barely able to make out his features in the low light. “For picking up and moving like this.” Gabe sighed. “I could never do it. I’m kinda in awe of you Boone. Honestly.” I pulled his hand up to my lips and kissed his palm. “Thanks for saying that, Gabe. And you’ll be surprised by what you’ll do when you fall in love with someone. I’d like to take the credit but it’s not bravery—merely the consequences of falling. You’ll see.” “I hope so,” Gabe whispered. I kissed his hand once more before holding it against my chest. “I promise, someday you’ll see.” With that, he pulled my hand and I scooted over, wrapping him up in my arms while he snuggled into my body. It was the last time we’d probably be able to be like this with one another, and I think we both felt that. It was a little bit sad, but in a good way. I think we both understood how lucky we’d been to have had each other in our lives. And while that was something no one could ever take away from us, we also knew it couldn’t remain as it had been. As we fell over that edge into sleep, I couldn’t help but think there was something sort of bittersweet in that.

ChaPteR twenty-fouR The drive from Albuquerque to Summit City had been a good one. We did a lot of laughing, chatting about our past escapades, and accusations of who’d started what were leveled. It amazed me Gabe still tried to blame everything on me. Granted, much of what had gotten us into trouble growing up had been instigated by me, but not all of it. A multitude of really horrible singing had occurred by the time we hit Colorado as we listened to the greatest hits of our early twenties club days with songs like, Genie in a Bottle and Bye Bye Bye. And I, of course, pissed and moaned until he relented, stopping so I could buy more trashy road-trip food whenever the whim struck me. Gabe drove the cram packed SUV the entire trip. Wade had surprised me with it one day after I’d finished my rehab. I was anything but happy he’d bought me a fucking car, and I insisted he take the thing back. He refused, saying he’d paid cash for it and once they’d driven it off the lot it was too late, claiming the value had decreased or some such nonsense. I told him hell would freeze over before I ever got behind the wheel. He said he wouldn’t be able to return it and get all his money back, so I might as well shut the hell up and keep it. I believed that to be the single worst excuse I’d ever heard and I cussed his ass good for doing it, especially since we’d discussed the topic on more than one occasion and he knew how I felt. My turncoat parents backed him up, which pissed me off more. Everyone, for that matter, acted as if I was being stubborn and ungrateful. Wade had a way of working the system to get his way, acting as if my car wreck provided him carte blanche to do whatever the hell he wanted. The prick. Thus far, I had yet to relent, since I still hadn’t actually driven it. We argued so much that Dixie finally threatened to murder us both in our sleep if we didn’t shut

296 Ethan Day up about it. It wasn’t even actually about the car for me. It was the blatant disregard for my wishes, treating me like a child who didn’t know what was good for me. As Gabe and I rounded the winding road that led to Wade’s house, I was happy to see the moving truck was no longer there. I smiled, figuring Wade was fit to be tied over the mess his house now had to be in. I was smug for all of thirty seconds before realizing I had to help unpack it all. “Moving sucks,” I said, suddenly in a crummy ass mood now that I’d worked myself up over the whole car debacle. “Sheesh, what crawled up your butt, crankers?” Gabe asked, backing the SUV up to the front door. I snarled up my lip at him and he shook his head, cutting the engine. “Never mind, forget I asked.” I got out of the car, twisting and stretching out my body in an attempt to work out the kinks. Gabe came around the front of the car, patting me on the back. He followed me to the front door. “Want me to carry you over the threshold?” Gabe asked sarcastically. I pushed the door open and looked him up and down. “Like your scrawny ass could lift me.” Satisfied, having wiped the smirk from his face, knowing he was sensitive about being a small guy, I went through the front door. My eyes glazed over at the sight of all the boxes and furniture crammed into any and every corner. “Whoa,” Gabe said from behind me. “You’ve really got a lot of shit.” “Yeah,” I said, heartily agreeing with his assessment. “That you, babe?” I heard Wade call out from somewhere in the back of the house. “We’re here,” I answered, listening to Gabe shut the door behind me.

Life in fusion 297 I could see the top of his head bobbing up and down over a wall of boxes. Wade’s smiling face popped into view and he waved at Gabe, looking happy as a clam. Not even a hint of stress over the current state of his house, which was a complete and total wreck. What an asshole! “What’s wrong with you?” Wade asked, then looked at Gabe. “Tough drive?” “Beats me,” Gabe said, “he was fine until about five minutes ago.” “I’m in the room, people,” I snapped. Wade started to move through the boxes to get to me, then stopped and scowled. “Son of a bitch, this is about your goddamn car isn’t it?” “That would be impossible, since I no longer own a goddamn car.” “Fucking hell!” Wade spun around and went back in the direction he’d come from, cussing like a banshee. “Huh?” I felt a smile forming as I turned to Gabe. “I totally feel better now.” Gabe laughed. “You’re a prick, sometimes.” “Why thank you.” I grinned, going for extra cheesy. “Don’t get your panties in a bunch. Besides, fighting’s great for fucking.” “Real nice,” Gabe said. “Can hardly wait for you to finish writing that relationship advice book.” “I’m gifted, I know.” I sighed, savoring my own brilliance. “I can title it, Boone’s Bits: A Guide to Taming the Shrew in all of You.” We both headed toward the door to go unload the car that didn’t belong to me. “You know what, asshole,” Wade yelled, causing Gabe and I turn back. He seemed stuck for a moment as he stood there looking me over all surly-like. “Well…you’re a fucking asshole!” I was grinning, quite pleased with myself as Wade stormed off,

298 Ethan Day heading back into the house somewhere, muttering something about what a piece of work I am. “See what I mean,” I raised my hand into the air as if offering proof. “He’s pissed and all he can think about are assholes. It’s like two prizes in one.” “You’re sick.” “As in rad?” I asked. “Like…you’re totally sick, dude.” “As in demented,” Gabe said. I scoffed, watching as he opened the gate on the SUV.

“Everyone’s a critic.”

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After several hours of moving boxes from one room to another, I wasn’t sure whether or not we’d made any actual progress. I suspected all we’d done was move the mess around, thereby redistributing things. But we had gotten the living room mostly cleared out, so the illusion of making headway was alive and well. The stupid movers had just tossed shit anywhere. There were boxes of clothes downstairs, clearly marked bedroom, and I found a box of dishes in the master bath that had kitchen written in big, bold, black magic marker on the top and all four sides. So the movers were either lazy or illiterate. Gabe was unloading the last box of movies, cramming them into Wade’s built-ins that surrounded his flat screen. He’d very annoyingly decided to announce it, like a breaking news headline, each time he noticed Wade and I had the same movie. “Jurassic Park!” Gabe shoved the DVD into the cabinet. “But Wade’s is Blue Ray.” I took a breath, reminding myself he was my best friend, not to mention free labor. Wade winked at me, silently saying he was with me on this one. I placed my hands on my hips and pouted. Damn it—now all I wanna to do is watch Jurassic Park. I huffed and glanced around begrudgingly. Completely cutting off the fabulous view from the giant picture window was

Life in fusion 299 my jungle of potted plants. I never realized how many I had until seeing them all together like that. Surrounded by all the boxes that held my kitchen stuff stood my dining room table. Thankfully Wade had never purchased one, so there’d be no argument over whether we’d be keeping his table or mine. Half his cabinets also stood empty, so there was certainly plenty of room to store the paltry amount of stuff from the Hobbit kitchen. “This kitchen is gi-normous,” I said, cutting open another box while he mixed up a marinade for the sea bass filets he intended to cook. I unwrapped my blender and hand mixer, setting them onto the countertop. “Were you planning for some imaginary future where you had a wife and two kids? Thinking of running a soup kitchen or intimate bistro?” “Season one of Gilmore Girls?” Gabe turned, looking at the two of us like we were big ole nell’s. “Bite me,” I said, chucking a ball of rolled up newspaper at Gabe. “That’s quality television.” I then, very hypocritically, looked at Wade like he was big ole nell. “You have it too!” he proclaimed. “And I do have extended family, you know.” He reminded me, glancing around his oversized kitchen. “I’m not the lone wolf you like to think I am.” “Don’t remind me.” I scowled at him. “Oh hey, Boone…this is an old friend, Robbie,” I added, mocking the nonchalant way he’d introduced his ex at the party a few months back. Wade was now grinning, pleased at hearing the tinge of jealousy in my tone, I imagined. “There’s nobody for me but you, baby.” “Better not be.” I picked up the hand mixer and pointed it at him like I might blend him to death. “Why are you making fancy food, anyway? Couldn’t we just order a pizza or something tonight?” “You know what, you little asshole.” Wade gave me a sour faced sneer. “You don’t have to hate things merely because they’re healthy. You could, say…I don’t know…perhaps wait until you’ve tasted it before panning it.”

300 Ethan Day “What fun would that be?” I shot Gabe a nasty look, hearing him mumbling something from the living room. I didn’t need to hear the exact words to surmise it was negative and directed toward me. “If I’m able to get you to eat something decent even half the time…” Wade licked his finger to suck off the sauce. “…It’ll give me a few extra years with you before you drop dead from a coronary at a young age.” “At least I’ll still look good when I kick the bucket.” “That’s not funny,” Wade scolded, which made me laugh. “You’re completely rotten on the inside.” “Swoon.” I fanned my face. “Keep talking like that and I’ll be bent over the island with my pants around my ankles in no time.” Wade’s eyebrows arched and I could tell he was already lining up more snarky criticisms. “You two can stop right there,” Gabe warned. “Any ass play will be confined to the upstairs while I’m staying here, thank you very much.” “Here that baby?” I shot Wade my best come hither and fuck me senseless look. “It’s forbidden.” Wade was now laughing at Gabe who was making overly dramatic yuck noises from the other room. Gabe then morphed into faux spitting and gagging sounds. “All that gagging…reminds me of the first time I tried sucking cock.” I glanced up at the ceiling wistfully. “Good times.” I felt my smile fading as a wad of newspaper beaned me upside the head, before ricocheting off into the dining room. Gabe was laughing so hard he was holding his belly, like some scrawny ass Santa wannabe. I grabbed the trash bag I’d been placing the newspaper in as I emptied out boxes. I immediately began firing the wadded up balls into the living room as I ran toward Gabe, who dived behind one of the leather club chairs for cover. I hunkered down below the arm of the sofa, wiping my brow

Life in fusion 301 dramatically as though withering under the heat of the battle. “You’ll never take me alive, Gilmore Girl!” Gabe yelled. “Now you’ve gone too far!” I yelled back, saying it in slowmo. I sprung up and into action, firing more paper his direction. “Take that you Trek-Shrek!” Gabe rolled across the floor, taking direct fire before hopping up, snatching a box of his own wads, which he then began tossing back at me. “Eat lead you mouthy bitch!” I heard Wade laughing over that one, and was dutifully impressed by Gabe’s mix of testosterone fueled action dialogue, which had been artfully blended with anything from Pricilla Queen of the Desert. I dove across the fireplace, dodging wads before landing on the floor with a thud. “Son of a…” I trailed off, gasping for air as my side began to burn. That’s gonna leave a mark. I began laughing, hearing Gabe say, “Kewl!” I noticed the puff of black ash coming out of the fireplace, looking like smoke from a tiny explosion as the newspaper wad that missed me landed in there. “Watch it,” Wade yelled. “You’re both making a mess.” I scrambled across the floor, getting pelted twice. Once I was safely tucked behind a chair I took note that I was low on ammo. “Come out from behind that chair, pardner,” Gabe said, using the single worst John Wayne impersonation I’d ever heard. “Bite me, bitty bitch!” I screamed, jumping up and going for broke as I chucked one wad after another at Gabe, who retreated past the front of the island where Wade was still fussing with the stupid fish. “Hey!” Wade yelled, reaching down and pulling a newspaper ball out of the bowl of marinade that had incidentally splattered up and all over his shirt. Gabe ran over next to me, obviously feeling we were now in deep shit.

302 Ethan Day “Well I certainly hope you two will settle down, now,” Wade growled, pulling off his shirt. “It’s not like we don’t have enough stuff to do.” “Sorry General Poop-meister,” I said, with a salute, garnering a smirk from Wade, who was carefully blotting his shirt with a damp cloth. “Your dude has no sense of humor,” Gabe said. “Very true…but just look at him dab?” I pointed, like a proud parent. “That is one mean dab he’s got going on,” Gabe agreed. Wade started to grin, though I could tell he was fighting it. “You do realize how difficult it is to dab while maintaining any semblance of masculinity?” I folded my arms after Gabe tossed one of his over my shoulder. “That’s true.” Gabe was quite serious. “His butchness alone is gold medal worthy.” “You can both shut it right now, you shit heads,” Wade said, laughing. “We’re sorry mean daddy,” I said in my girlie voice. “Yeah, we’re sorry,” Gabe added, mocking the way I did it. We were cracking each other up as the doorbell rang. “Who the hell is that?” Wade grumbled from the kitchen. “Hopefully someone willing to help us unpack,” Gabe said under his breath. “Oh my goodness…my very first guest since becoming FirstHomo of Summit City,” I gushed, shrugging Gabe’s arm off me before smoothing out my shirt and readying myself for company. I cleared my throat and smiled, wishing I had hair. I turned after the bell rang a second time, looking at Gabe. “Go on…get the door, Jeeves.” Gabe scowled, smacking me hard with the back of his hand as he went to the door and yanked it open.

ChaPteR twenty-five There stood Chip, holding two large brown paper sacks, wearing a long sleeve t-shirt, tight jeans and a smile. Gabe sort of fumbled with the door for a moment, like he’d just had a miniseizure, and Wade was already grumbling something negative from the kitchen. “Uh, hi,” Chip said to Gabe, who just stood there like a stupid boy-lump. “Look honey!” I started to jump around excitedly while clapping as if I’d just been given a pony. “Someone left a bartender on our doorstep!” Gabe was staring at me like I was nuts and Chip was laughing. “Way handier than a silly ole orphan.” Chip lifted the two bags into the air. “And I brought dinner from Pete’s—” I cringed, hearing Wade slam a few pans around in the kitchen. I turned slowly, trying my best to hold back a grin. Wade was already muttering to himself as he melodramatically retrieved the Saran wrap from a drawer in the island so he could wrap up the fish. “Guess you didn’t need dinner after all?” Chip said, stepping inside while eyeing Wade cautiously. “Nonsense.” I took one of the bags from him. “Close the door, Jeeves—before you let the bears inside.” I turned hearing Chip saying, “Jeeves?” “Don’t ask,” Gabe answered back. “It’s his fantasy world and we’re all just living in it.” “Got it,” Chip said. “So rude,” I commented, not looking back at them. “Talking behind my back. Then again, the view is pretty great back there.”

304 Ethan Day Wade was sliding the tray of marinated fish back into the refrigerator when I slung the bag up onto the counter. “You wanna grab some beers while you’re in there, babe?” “It would be my pleasure.” Wade reached in, clinking bottles around as he pulled out four. I noticed Gabe smiling at Chip, who was grinning like a little kid himself. Wade appeared next to my side, setting the contents of his hands onto the counter. It was as if someone flipped a switch, Gabe seemed to suddenly light up from the inside, obviously smitten. I allowed my mind to briefly wander, contemplating the possibility before attempting to reel myself back in. Of course, it was now too late. The theoretical cat in my head had been let out of the bag and I knew I’d never get kitty back in. It took everything I had, but for once in my life I curbed my instinct to add any of my snarky commentary. I figured that would be best, if they were to have any chance at all. “You always cook half naked?” Chip finally asked, taking a beer from Wade while eyeing my man’s naked torso. It was written all over his face that he thought Wade was merely attempting to show off. “Of course,” I said, as if Chip were insane for asking such a stupid question. I reached over, patting Wade on the ass. “He might be hot shit down in the valley, but up here…he’s just daddy’s eye candy.” “You are in rare form,” Wade said, still acting all surly as he glanced from me to Chip. “And thank you for stopping by with the food, Chip. Done out of the kindness of your heart, no doubt—no ulterior motives anywhere in sight.” Wade’s gaze drifted over from Chip to Gabe, whose face went beet red. Zip it dude! Before you jinx things and break up the band! “You know, I’ve been meaning to ask all this time, but somehow managed to keep forgetting—probably due to the fact it didn’t actually have anything to do with me.” I placed my hand onto my chest. “But exactly why is it the two of you hate each

Life in fusion 305 other?” The room went quiet as Wade and Chip sort of stood there looking at one another. Chip opened his mouth like he was about to say something, then stopped, glancing down at the countertop. Wade cleared his throat, folding and unfolding his arms before staring into the living room and taking a drink from his beer. Un-fucking-real. “I mean ‘cause honestly, I get the whole turf war bit,” I said, placing my hand on Wade’s arm. “I could see how Chip’s life would be something you might occasionally envy, no responsibilities beyond his bar business—being free to come and go, while you can’t really ever leave here.” I turned to Chip. “And of course you’re vain like me, so the fact Wade gets all the attention, having the entire town bending over backwards for him.” I shrugged. “And he’s a goody-goody who does it gracefully, never actually taking advantage. You’d definitely hate that about him.” I turned to Gabe, who now seemed to be waiting for something more from the two of them as well. “There is more right?” Gabe finally asked. “Well there’d have to be,” I said to Gabe. “Those other reasons, while valid…” Wade and Chip still remained silent, and I could tell they were each frantically riffling through their memories, trying to find that one incident or insult. “Couldn’t possibly be enough…” Gabe added. Still searching like mad for that one straw that broke the camel’s back. I couldn’t believe there wasn’t anything more to it than that. No great mystery or long standing family feud? “Because that would make both of you kinda…” Their eyes were now darting around the room, avoiding one another like two starlets on the red carpet who’d worn the same dress. “Petty.” Gabe said, and he and I nodded back and forth in

306 Ethan Day total agreement. “Well,” Wade finally said, peering into one of the bags. “I’m starving.” “I could eat,” Chip said, setting down his beer for a moment so he could help Wade pull out the to-go containers filled with steaks and potatoes. I shook my head at them both. “That is so wrong.” “I can’t believe there aren’t more people up here helping you guys unpack,” Chip said to Wade, acting like they were now BFFs. Wade nodded, rolling his eyes as he thumbed over in my direction. “Somebody forgot to mark which boxes he’d packed the porn and dildos in.” Chip choked on his beer. Gabe patted and rubbed Chip’s back while we all laughed at his misfortune. “It would have been too much of a shocker for some innocent townie!” I said, defending myself. “Plus, I think it’s all strewn out, packed in three or four different boxes.” “I don’t know why you kept most of that stuff,” Wade said, getting all cranky again. “You have me now.” “Who says I kept them to use on me?” I said, smiling innocently at Wade, who was shaking his head at me. “A vibrating butt plug for you, while you’re fucking the hell outta me…leave no hole unfilled, I always say.” Wade blushed everywhere, his entire upper body went bright pink. “Plus they were all in perfectly good condition, so I couldn’t bring myself to throw them away. And used dildos really aren’t the kind of thing you see all that often in garage sales. Not the type of item one wants to purchase second hand, so to speak.” Gabe was laughing out of embarrassment, no doubt due to all the sex talk. And Chip was near hysterics. “We should go find you a shirt, sweetie.”

I took Wade by the arm and dragged him up the stairs to

Life in fusion 307 our bedroom. He was obviously not coming willingly and I literally had to pull and yank on him to get him to follow me. I whimpered, seeing all the boxes stacked throughout the bedroom. Wade moved a few of them out of his way, so he could get into the dresser and grab a t-shirt. “Can I please inquire as to why you’re being so damn pissy?” I asked, taking in the view before he ruined it by putting the shirt on. “You act like a giant man-child when your nephews are around, yet this afternoon you were all…” “Yes?” he asked, sarcastically after I trailed off, trying to find the right words. “Warden Wade,” I accused. He sighed, rubbing at his temples as he went and sat down on the edge of the bed. “I have an awful headache and man Boone…” I went over to him and climbed up behind him on the bed. I got up on my knees and began massaging his neck. “That feels nice,” he said, his shoulders slumping a bit as he began to relax. “Please tell me you’re going to forgive me at some point over this whole car thing.” “It might help if you’d at least admit that you knew it was wrong, or if not wrong in the larger sense, since it was kind of a nice thing to do, that you realized it was bad because you knew I didn’t want you to do it.” “I’ll sell the stupid thing tomorrow, hell I’ll set fire to it and send it flaming down the mountain side if that’s what it takes.” I smiled, enjoying the mental picture that came with that last scenario. “I don’t like fighting. But you need to respect my wishes. Even when you know you’re on the right side of things, you can’t force me into seeing things your way.” “Well that really sucks.” I laughed, moving down to his shoulders. “I don’t expect you change your spots, little leopard,” I said, kissing the back of his neck. “Hell I don’t really want you to

308 Ethan Day change, but you need to afford me the same respect. I enjoy having you get after me over what I eat and fussing over my physical therapy, because it shows me that you care. But we won’t make it if you can’t treat me like an equal.” “Okay, I guess I can do that.” “Well don’t go straining anything,” I said, snapping at him. He started to laugh. “And I’ll keep the stupid car—” “You will!” he shouted, cutting me off. Before I knew what was happening he had me flat on my back

and had climbed on top of me. “It really is a great little SUV, very safe, airbags galore!” He kissed me on the lips and cheeks, my forehead and eyelids. “I wasn’t finished,” I reminded him, which put a halt to smoochie-time. He looked me right in the eyes, trying to suss out whether I was going to say something good or bad. “All you have to do is say you’re sorry,” I said. “I’m very sorry, babe.” The corners of his mouth turned up slightly just before pressing his mouth onto mine, giving me a deep, passionate kiss that just about curled my toes by the time he pulled away. Breathing heavily, he looked hot enough to melt the clothes right off my back as he stared down into my eyes. “And you have to mean it,” I added. Wade leaned in, lightly sucking and nibbling on my ear lobe. He paused for a moment, whispering, “Let’s not start lying to one another now, baby.” “Asshole, jerk-butt,” I said, my eyes rolling back into my head as Wade sucked and licked his way down my neck. “Holy fuck, baby.” My legs spread instinctively as Wade ground his cock into

Life in fusion 309 mine. “Too bad we don’t know where that butt plug is hiding,” Wade said between his sucking. I was already trying to pull his shirt back off, moaning softly as my back arched up off the bed. “We need to make finding it a priority.” “What’s going on up there?” Gabe asked from downstairs. “Just unpacking one or two things up here,” I said, unbuttoning Wade’s jeans and shoving my hand inside his underwear. He hissed as I squeezed the head of his dick. “Seems awfully quiet up there, to me,” we heard Chip say. “I still hate that guy,” Wade whispered, his mouth falling open as I started to slowly jerk him off. “I hope you two aren’t doing what I think you’re doing,” Gabe said, his voice laced with disapproval, which only served to turn me on more. Wade now had my jeans and briefs down over my hips, his fingers pressing into my ass. “We’ll be right down, I swear,” I called out, causing Wade to laugh when my voice cracked slightly. “They wouldn’t be messing around up there while they had company and dinner waiting downstairs,” Chip called up, clearly knowing that’s exactly what we were doing. Wade rolled me onto my stomach, the head of his cock massaging over my hole. “That is rude!” Gabe yelled up at us, clearly offended, which caused Wade and I to each crack up. I wasn’t laughing for long, though, since Wade’s cock began to force its way inside me. I was rubbing my face and forehead into the mattress, trying to keep my lips shut and my moans to myself. “Why don’t you show Chip our DVD collection,” Wade called out, causing me to laugh again, despite the wicked pain and pleasure ripping though my body from Wade making his final

310 Ethan Day approach. I heard Gabe huffing, signaling he and Chip had finally decided to throw in the towel. I couldn’t get my legs spread very far since my jeans were still around my thighs. I felt Wade pushing my shirt up, exposing the naked skin on my back. “Fuck, you feel so good.” His fingers dug into my body. He slowly worked his cock in and out, driving me insane with heat and pressure. “So, you still gonna marry me?” I bit down on my lip as his cock slid all the way inside my ass in one long, smooth stroke. “Yes sir, I believe I will.” “I’m so glad you’re finally here,” Wade said. “Thank you for coming.” And just like that, I actually did. My entire body shuddered and I held back the usual loud signs that signaled my own orgasm. I knew it wasn’t what he’d meant, when he thanked me for coming, but I couldn’t seem to hold myself back any longer. What else could I say, really? I mean sure, I could slather it over— sugar coating it with all of the love that I felt for him. Get selfrighteous, justifying it with all the pride I had in the fact that he was mine. But at the end of the day, I was still, at the heart of it all, a bit of an ass-whore. I smiled as Wade thrust inside me a few more times, his massively thick, muscled body going rigid before he too thankfully came. I was content…as well as now sore in the best possible sense. He collapsed on top of me, clearly winded. He kissed the back of my neck, whispering how much he loved me. I knew I’d never know exactly what the future might bring, but I was now certain of one thing. Whatever life wound up dropping at our doorstep, I wouldn’t be facing it alone. We’d have one another to lean on from this point forward, and that was, most certainly, no joke.

about the authoR ETHAN DAY lives in Missouri. He is currently single but always looking for that special someone that makes his heart skip a beat. He was the youngest of four children and the only boy. After a few stints in college, he eventually signed up for a Creative Writing course. He took the class because there were no tests. For once his scholastic laziness paid off, and he found an outlet for all the fantasies running amuck in his head. It was love at first write, and he’s been doing it off and on ever since. Visit Ethan on the internet at: http://www.ethanday.com http://groups.yahoo.com/group/EthanDay/