The Evolution of Us - D. Kelly

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The Evolution of Us Copyright © 2017 D. Kelly Editing by – Tiffany Fox, Beyond DEF Cover design by – Kassi Snider of KassiJean Formatting and Design Formatting by – Brenda Wright, Formatting Done Wright

This book is a work of fiction. Any references to historical events, real people, or real places are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, places, and events are products of the author’s imagination, and any resemblance to actual events or places or persons living or dead is entirely coincidental. All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form whatsoever. For information contact

Dee Kelly www.dkellyauthor.com

This book contains mature subject matter and is not appropriate for minors. Please note this novel contains profanity, sexual situations, and alcohol consumption. ISBN – 978-1-64136-534-5

Table of Contents books by d. kelly dedication quote one two three four five six seven eight nine ten eleven twelve thirteen fourteen fifteen sixteen seventeen eighteen nineteen twenty epilogue Acknowledgements Sneak Peek to Just an Illusion Sneak Peek to Breaking Kate Author Bio

books by d. kelly The Acceptance Series – Breaking Kate – Book One Catching Kate – Book 1.5 Releasing Kate- Book Two Loving Kate – Book Three Christmas with the Houstons – Book Four

Stand Alone Novels Chasing Cassidy Sharing Rylee The Evolution of Us

The Illusion Series Just an Illusion – Side A Just an Illusion – The B Side Just an Illusion – EP Just an Illusion – Unplugged (Coming January 2018)

http://www.dkellyauthor.com/all-books http://www.dkellyauthor.com/mailing-list/

dedication For my readers – After The Illusion Series, you asked for something lighter and I said I would try. This is me trying. I hope you fall in love with Declan, Holly, and their friends as much as I did.

Nothing weighs on us so heavily as a secret. ~ Jean de La Fontaine



one Holly

I woke up with one thing—or rather, person—on my mind. Declan. Two years after our breakup, he’s the last person I should be thinking about. No one frustrates me more or gets under my skin as much as he does, but Declan threw down an invisible gauntlet last night and my mind hasn’t stopped spinning since. Deciding some exercise is exactly what I need, I throw on a cute pair of flip flops that match my sundress and take a final, approving glace in the mirror. With my sunglasses on and my purse in hand, I’ve decided to walk to the store. Hopefully, the walk will help clear my head and provide a much-needed clarity after my ex’s public declaration of love and devotion to me late last night. An hour later, I realize walking to the store was the first in a succession of three rapid-fire mistakes. Juggling three bags of groceries in front of my face while entering the elevator would be my second. Not lowering them to make sure the coast was clear before the elevator doors closed behind me was my third. An unfortunate trifecta, to say the least. “Hey, Holly.” The smoothness of his voice drizzles over my body like hot, melted butter. “Declan,” I reply coolly as the elevator ascends. I’d prefer to call him an asshole, but I do my best not to engage. Then, as if Satan himself is laughing at me for being stupid enough to get in an elevator with my ex, everything begins to shake, rattle, and sway. “Fuck!” I scream, scrambling to put my groceries down and take hold of the safety rail. The lights flicker on and off as the elevator comes to a sudden halt. Soon, we’re in total darkness as we continue to shake. Declan knows better than anyone how terrified I am of earthquakes and is by my side instantly. His hand covers mine, and for once I don’t push him away. If I’m going to die, being touched by Declan James is not a bad way to go. The shaking only lasts about a minute, and the backup lights have already come on. I reach over to push the emergency button and rattle off our building information to the dispatcher. I’m not sitting in this elevator with him any longer than I have to, but I’m told it could be up to an hour-long wait.

“Relax, Holls, it’s just another day in Cali.” I try not to look at him because those cerulean eyes and jet-black hair of his make me weak in the knees and wet in places Declan shouldn’t affect me anymore. “Look,” he says, weakening my resolve not to look at him, “they’re saying it’s only a 4.6. That’s nothing. We’ll be out of here in to time.” Taking the phone he’s holding out to me, I’m looking at the webpage he’s got up when it rings and a photo of a beautiful blonde pops up on his screen. No matter how long it’s been since we’ve been apart, seeing other women with him always stings. “Take your booty call hotline back,” I grumble as I shove his phone at him. With a casual shrug, he dismisses the call. “That was just work.” “You don’t owe me any explanations, Dec.” “What if I want to?” Gripping the rail of the elevator car, I take a deep breath. Losing my shit on him is not going to be productive. “You lost that right two years ago.” He loosens his tie, something he does when he’s stressed. It’s a sexy fucking move and always turns me on, and he knows it. “We both needed a break.” “Says the man who’s slept his way through half the state.” “That’s not true and it’s not fair.” “Sorry, maybe I should say half the co-eds in the state. Would that make it more accurate?” My anger is growing by the second. I hate how much I continue to let him get under my skin. “You’ve had your fair share of one-night stands, Holls.” “Says who?” I snap back. With wide eyes, he inches closer. “Says all those guys going into your apartment.” “For someone who knew me so well, you don’t seem to know me at all. I may invite someone in, but that doesn’t mean I spread my legs and offer them an all-night pussy buffet. I have standards, Dec. Maybe you should get some of your own.” He laughs and flashes me a brilliant smile. His dark-framed glasses give him this whole sexy geek vibe, making him even hotter. God, I hate him … almost as much as I used to love him. “You said pussy. You must be really pissed at me right now, you hate that word.” He continues laughing, and it annoys the hell out of me. If we’re going to be here a while, I might as well get comfortable. Kneeling down, I dig through my groceries and pull out two bottles of water. I’d rather keep them to myself and let him suffer, but I don’t want to give him a reason to talk to me more than necessary. Then I find the chocolate chip cookies and open them up. These he doesn’t get. “Water?” I ask as he sits down next to me.

“Sure, thanks.” He waits for me to offer him a cookie and shakes his head when I don’t. “I’m good enough for water but not for cookies?” “You said it, not me.” “Come on, Holly, you know they’re my favorite.” “Are they? I thought blondes with big boobs were your favorite?” Bitter much? Yeah, I am. After we broke up, Declan seemed to develop a type—a very specific one: big-busted blondes with long legs and teeth too white to be natural. Considering I’ve got dark-auburn hair and green eyes, I’m not sure what he was even doing with me in the first place. I used to consider myself pretty until the one man I thought loved me more than anything started dating the complete opposite of me. I know I’m self-deprecating, and no man should tear down my self-confidence, but Dec isn’t just any man. Once upon a time, he was my world. He bumps my shoulder with his, and his eyes reflect a rare sincerity that catches my attention. “You’ve always been my favorite, Holly. Chocolate chip cookies are a close second, and shapely blondes, while nice, are nothing in comparison.” Groaning, I hand him the bag of cookies; he can have them all if it will shut him up. After he takes a bite, he moans appreciatively, reminding me of the sound he used to make when he was turned on. I wonder if he still sounds that way … Dammit! I hate him for making me think of those times while I’m stuck with him and have no escape. “Holly, for real … are you ever going to forgive me? I miss you.” As his words trail off, the regular lights kick back on and the sound of the elevator coming to life is music to my ears. The voices of the LAFD come through the intercom letting everyone know the building and elevators have been cleared. We both stand, and before I have a chance to grab my groceries, Declan scoops all three bags up and holds on to them. “Why do you always have to try to be such a gentleman? I already know your true colors, Dec, you don’t need to impress me.” The doors to the elevator slide open, and he follows me down the hall to my apartment. When I open the door, he takes the bags to the kitchen and hops up on my counter. He’s so annoying. “When are you going to stop acting like you don’t care about me anymore? I made a mistake, I fucked up and misread a situation, but I still think it was for the best. I’ve grown, Holly, and so have you. I’m not trying to impress you, I’m being the same Declan I’ve always been.” He jumps down and heads to the door. “I’m not giving up, Holls, and the sooner you realize that the better.” When he closes the door behind him, I release a frustrated scream. Declan James is

going to be the death of me.

“Go across the hall and ask Declan for some batteries,” Sage, my best friend, says as she laughs hysterically. “Don’t be a bitch, Sage. I’m not in the mood. Besides, it’s his fault I’m horny in the first place.” “Come on, Holly, you know Declan would give you a mercy fuck if he knew your vibrator was out of juice.” She’s still laughing. “So now I need a mercy fuck?” I screech into the phone. “Stop it. You know I didn’t mean it like that. You and Declan may be over but your sexual chemistry is still hotter than ever. Both of you should stop being stubborn and at least agree to be friends with benefits.” The doorbell rings, and the thumping of packages hitting the ground echoes through the hall. My delivery guy sucks—he could at least wait for me to open the door. When I do, I glance quickly into the hall to be sure no one is around and bend down and pick up the boxes. “Damn, I miss that ass.” Declan. Who did I piss off to deserve the karmic retribution of seeing him twice in the same day? “See!” Sage screeches into my ears. “Now, tell him your vibrator is out of juice and you need a fix.” While Sage is screaming, Declan is trying to take my packages from me, his smirk more than proving he heard Sage through the Bluetooth in my ear. “I’m going to have to call you back,” I say, effectively hanging up on her. Declan is tugging on the boxes, so I let him carry them inside. The sooner he gets his way, the sooner he’ll go home to his revolving door of tramps. Declan James is my kryptonite. He’s the asshole who used to be my best friend until he broke my heart. He’s also relentless. After the lease was up on our old place, he tracked me to my new building and discovered the terms of my lease. Don’t ask me how; he probably fucked the leasing agent, too. The next thing I knew, he was my new acrossthe-hall neighbor. Asshole. “Where do you want them?” he asks, flashing me his dimpled smile.

Bastard. “On the table would be great.” After he sets them down, he takes a seat and looks up at me with his sex gaze. It only fuels my already super-charged hormones. This is going to be a long freaking day. “You know, Holly, I’m much better equipped for your needs than a vibrator. Want me to help you out of your bind?” “Not even if you were the last man on earth and my vagina would atrophy without you.” His laugh makes me tingle all over. The laugh I fell in love with at fifteen, the one that used to make me smile. Until he broke up with me to be a manwhore. Now that laugh reminds me of all the reasons Declan James needs to stay out of my life. “I did it for us, Holly. I know you’ll never believe it, but I swear we needed time apart so we could be better together.” With a roll of my eyes, I pour myself a cup of tea. “Keep telling yourself that, Declan. In the meantime, get out of my apartment, okay?” He steps behind me and pins me between him and the counter. Dropping his mouth to my ear, his husky voice washes over me like a million rays of sunshine. “I still love you, and I always will.” My hands tremble against the counter, but I won’t let him suck me in. I’ve tried so hard to get over him. “You can love me from afar, Declan. Don’t let the door hit you on your way out.” He caresses my arm as he backs away slowly. I hear the door open, followed by his words, “I’ll follow you to the ends of the earth if that’s what it takes.” “Yeah, and what about all the other women? You’ve got a rotating succession of them at the snap of your fingers.” “You’re the one who owns my heart. All you have to do is tell me to stop, Holly, and I will.” I flip around to face him, nailing him with a steely gaze. “Are you saying you won’t have sex with anyone else if I tell you not to?” “If there’s a chance for us to be together again, I won’t.” “Prove it.” I’m pissed, finally letting my anger lead the discussion. “Sure. Define sex and name the terms,” he says, shrugging casually with his hands in his pockets. “Fondling, penetration, stroking, oral, and anal. Also, no dating, kissing, or flirting. Other women in general are completely off limits.” Declan needs women and sex like he needs air; I can’t see him agreeing to my demands.

“Porn?” he replies with a smirk. “No live webcam porn where you can interact with the people on camera.” His mouth drops. “Do you think I do that?” “Wouldn’t put it past you.” “Do you do that?” he asks with a slow, decadent smile. “Ew, Declan, don’t be so nasty.” Laughing, his eyes light up. I hate the way he makes me feel inside when he does that. “You’re the one who brought it up, Holly. But okay, I’ll play. What do I get in return?” This is where it gets tricky. Once I let him back into my life, I’ll never want to let him go. Even worse, I’m not even sure I want him back in the first place. “What would you want in return? Not saying I’ll give it to you, but hypothetically speaking.” “You in my bed, every night for the rest of my life.” “Not happening,” I retort, but he’s not fazed in the slightest. “Didn’t think it would, but I had to aim high, right? How about your friendship, and at least one date a week, plus sex with each other when you need it?” “When I need it?” I ask with a raised brow. Leaning against the doorjamb, he crosses his feet in front of him. “If I asked for sex when I need it, we’ll never leave the apartment.” His words make me blush. “How long do we play this game?” Stalking toward me like a man on a mission, Declan grabs my hand, placing it over his heart. “As long as it takes for you to realize you’re the only one who has ever owned my heart and you’re the only one who ever will.” The frantic beating of his heart under my palm makes me want to fall in love with him all over again. The truth is, I miss him. I’ve never missed anyone the way I miss him and he only lives ten feet away. “Holly, the two of us are meant to be. What will it hurt to try again?” “You … I …” Releasing a frustrated sigh, I pull my hand away from his chest. I can’t think with Declan touching me. “If we try this and it doesn’t work out, you need to move. Those are my terms. When it ends …” “It won’t,” he emphasizes. “When it does—” “If it does,” he corrects, moving further into my personal space. “You’ll move and leave me alone. Losing you once nearly killed me, Dec, losing

you twice would …” “Holly,” he says, his lips hovering a breath above mine, “I’m not stupid enough to lose you twice in a lifetime.” His lips cover mine in a soft, quick kiss. When he pulls back, he smiles bigger than I’ve seen in ages and walks away. “Tomorrow night, seven p.m., my place, for dinner, friendship, and our first grownup date,” he says before closing the door behind him. I’m still standing in the middle of my living room, stunned, when there’s a knock at the door a few minutes later. Through the peephole I see Declan standing there holding another box. When I swing open the door, he passes the box to me. “We didn’t discuss my rules. You can’t date, either. The rules you set for me apply to you as well. Selfsatisfaction is important, you should find something in here that will fit your vibrator. Unless you’ve changed your mind. I’m happy to take care of your intimate needs, Holls.” Pulling a pack of AA batteries from his box, I hand it back. “I can take care of myself, Dec, I have been for a long time now. See you tomorrow.”



two Declan

Some people call me an asshole. Others, a scrumptious piece of ass. Without a doubt, I’m both of those, but I’m also an idiot. Two years ago, I lost the love of my life, and tonight I’m going to explain to my followers how I got myself into this ridiculousness in the first place. Call it step five thousand and fifty of my “Get Holly Back” campaign. “Welcome to another edition of The Funhouse. Today is Tequila Tuesday, and our topic of the night, ladies and gents, is passion and women. Not just women, but the woman, my woman. That’s right, you heard correctly. Before we get started, it’s time for you to catch up because this is shot number six right here,” I say, tossing back the prelude to my seventh shot of Patrón. I’m pretty sure from some of their comments already, they’ve been hitting the bottle longer than I have today. Either that, or I’m drunker than I thought. “The worst part about the process of dating anyone are the mistakes we make along the way. That’s what dating is, right? Trial and error until we either fuck up too much, get fed up with someone else’s shit, or if we’re lucky, we find the person who adores us in spite of our idiocy. I had one of those once … a girl who loved me despite my stupidity. “Until I made that one relationship-altering mistake. It was a fuckup of epic proportions. I cannonballed into the conclusion pool like a MoFo. Instead of listening to reason, I swam in the deep end for a while. By the time I realized what an idiot I was, the love of my life had already slipped through my fingers.” Pausing momentarily, my eyes flick down to watch all the comments pouring onto my live feed. I guess you could say I’m a bit of an internet celebrity. Back in college, I started talking to the world about my thoughts and opinions, and people started listening. The next thing I knew, I had millions of followers, advertisers, and groupies. The whole thing is very strange, but the money and perks have by far exceeded any job I could ever land. In fact, if I live modestly and invest wisely, I’m completely set for life at the ripe age of twenty-five. Now that live-streaming with comments on social media is the new trend, I give my fans at least one live feed a week. If they want anything else, they need to hit up my channel because that is my bread and butter.

“‘You’re one of L.A.’s most eligible bachelors under thirty. How drunk are you tonight? Did you hit your head?’ Good observation, Wet4Dec. I’m quite drunk tonight, which is why I’m being truthful. I’m a bachelor for a reason. I haven’t had feelings for any of the women I’ve fucked in the past two years.” As they process that, I read some of the earlier replies. “Seems like some of you know where I’m coming from, so I’ll elaborate. The night of the big mistake was one much like tonight. Fun time with a friend, too much alcohol, and then instead of getting the sex I was hoping for, I overheard a conversation I wasn’t supposed to. I took it to extremes instead of, you know … talking it out, and I suddenly found myself single. It took me about six months, but I eventually owned up to my mistake, did everything I could to make it right, but nothing worked. I’d already blown it. It’s been two years now, to the day, in fact.” Lifting my shot to my watchers, I toss back number seven. It goes down smoother than the six before it, and I push the bottle away, hoping to avoid spending the night with the porcelain god. Or even worse, drunk texting Holly. Hot Holly. Smoking Hot Holly. Love of my life Holly. Fuck … which is what I want to do to Holly. “Holly, if you’re watching, you know I’ve been trying to make amends. I’ve apologized relentlessly for my mistakes. It’s time to forgive me.” My bleary eyes scan the comments and settle on one that makes me laugh. “Hm, DeezNutz says ‘only pussies admit mistakes.’ Everyone makes mistakes, asshat, and calling yourself DeezNutz probably isn’t your first.” The anniversary of our breakup is hitting me harder this year than last. I’m realizing going live while drunk and talking about Holly isn’t one of my finest moments. I’m drowning without her and hoping somehow this will encourage her to throw me a lifeline. “The question of the hour seems to be, why am I pouring my drunken soul out to you guys at nearly midnight? It’s a valid question. Ladies and gentlemen, you might want to sit down for this. I’m in love. Have been since I was a teenager. Yes, Baxter Ross, I’m still single for now, don’t have a coronary. And Baxter, despite your many messages professing your undying love, I’m still straight, too. Sorry, buddy, but I understand your pain. See, I fell in love with my best friend, the girl next door, my prom date, the girl who popped my cherry, you get where I’m going with this.” I quickly glance at the comments until I find a good one. “Yes, Shari Pryor, I did fuck it up and I’m an idiot. I thought time apart was what we needed to find ourselves and experience the world. Like I said before, it was an epically stupid mistake.” They’re getting heated, and it excites me. This is why I started doing videos in the first place. I tend to get overly passionate about things and I wanted to interact with others who do, too. I don’t care if it’s because you’re passionate over what toppings go on your hot dog, just find some fucking passion and show it. Granted, my usual focus is more in line with politics and social injustices, but considering passion, or lack of it, is partially what got me in this mess in the first place. It’s also the topic of the day. Holly and I had

become complacent, and that’s never a good thing, especially at twenty-three. “What the fuck does this have to do with you? Good question, Paulie Green. The answer is nothing, but this is my fucking livestream, so I’m piss-ass drunk and pouring my heart out to the world tonight. You’re free to go watch something else, but I’m pretty sure you get off on watching me make a fool out of myself or you wouldn’t be here.” Some nights I like to get on here and talk shit. You’d think my viewership would drop when I’m being an asshole. It’s the opposite—when I really fuck up, my audience grows. Go figure; the world loves watching people self-destruct. “‘Does she know?’ That’s the best question I’ve seen yet. Yes, Debbie Briggs, she knows and she acts like she doesn’t care, but I know better. She knew I was an idiot when she fell in love with me, so she must know I’m still going to have my moments. I’ve pushed myself into her life every way I can, done things I don’t even want to admit. Women who don’t know me might call it stalking, but Holly knows I can be excessive at times.” This is where I’m going to take a chance, but it’s worth it if it works. “If I know Holly as well as I think I do, I’m sure she’s watching tonight. Listen up, Holls, this is important. I miss the fuck out of you, and I’m upping my game from here on out. You guys are my witnesses and I expect you to hold me accountable. Start an internet campaign DecNHolls4ever and yeah, I already see you smartasses making Christmas jokes in the comments. Trust me, it’s nothing we haven’t heard before.” I rapidly scan the comments for some that will help me in my plight. “‘Is she worth it?’ Why yes, Raising2babiesonmyown, she’s the only woman I’ve ever met who is. Keep your fingers crossed for me. This is a game I’ll never get tired of playing. My girl is smart, but if I can find her weakness, the tiniest of wormholes, I’ll work my way in and never let her go again.” “‘If you love her so much why are you calling it a game?’ Amy Rhodes, you look like a sweetheart so I’m going to give you the real answer. I hurt Holly, more than I ever thought possible, and I hurt myself in the process. Strategizing this like a game is the only way I feel I’ve got a shot. Games are winnable and fun. I won’t accept defeat because if I do, I’ll die old and alone.” The next comment I see makes me laugh. Fucking Baxter. He’s not only my number-one follower but he’s also my best friend. “Baxter, I see you, and it doesn’t matter how big of a stick you’re swinging, I’m not switching teams. On that note, where are all my single, gay, male followers? Do I have any other than Baxter? If so, and you’re in the Southern California area, send me a headshot and tell me why you should get a date with Baxter Ross. If I’m going to play a game with my love life, I think I should play one with his as well. Until next time … Declan out.” My phone rings immediately after the feed goes dead. “Yes, Bax, what can I do for you?” “You’re such a fucker, Declan, but you’re going to send me those headshots,

right?” I’m laughing; Baxter knows the kind of headshots I’m going to get from this. “You know that was all for you. Make sure you check those messages diligently for the next month. I don’t want any dick pics getting through.” “Yes, boss.” Baxter is my personal assistant. He has a real job, but the twenty bucks an hour I pay him to help keep up with my email and social media pages is worth every penny. In exchange for the help, he swoops in on the perks and either takes them for himself when offered or has first dibs on being my plus one. “Do you really think Holly was watching? Tonight of all nights?” “Especially tonight of all nights. She misses me as much as I do her. I see it in her eyes every time she looks at me.” “Are you sure you don’t need your eyes examined? I’m pretty sure that’s disgust, Dec.” “Nah, she hates me for sure, but I can still tell she loves me more than the hate. Love always wins in the end, right?” Baxter sighs at the unsureness of my tone. “Man, I don’t know. I’ve loved you since seventh grade and you still won’t give up the D for me.” Only he could make me laugh like this. Baxter does love me and has had a crush on me for years, but he knows I could never go for the D, just like he’ll never sink into a hot, wet pussy. “God put us on opposite teams for a reason. We’re much better friends than lovers, even if you are a sexy piece of man meat.” He cracks up on the other end of the line. “That was such a fun night. Memories like that almost make me regret getting you in the split instead of Sage and Holly.” “You like your employee perks too much to regret ending up on my team, which is where you’ve always wanted to be anyway.” “True. All right, I’ve got to be up early for my real job, but do me a favor and don’t go knock on her door or drunk text her, okay?” “No promises.” “Declan …” “All right, I won’t go to her door.” With an exaggerated sigh, he replies, “You’ll regret it in the morning. You always do.” “Warning noted. Night, Bax.” “Night, Dec.” As soon as he hangs up, I text Holly. Can I come over?

Holly: Sleep it off, Declan I miss you. Holly: Should have thought about that before fucking anything with two legs. I haven’t fucked sexy piece of man meat yet. Holly: The operative word in that sentence is yet. Be fair, Holls … Holly: Why? You never are. Let me go, Declan … it’s time. Never. Holly: Then at least let me go to sleep. Some of us have to work in the morning. Come work for me. Holly: Not if I were starving and you held the key to all the food in the kingdom. Sleep well, love Holly: I’m not your love. Bullshit—always and forever—that’s what we promised. Holly: We also promised to only be with each other. I never cheated. Holly: You might as well have. Happy Anniversary And that’s where I lost her. I’m surprised it took so long; she usually cuts me off sooner. I’m wearing her down, I can feel it.



three Declan

“Holy shit, Baxter!” I exclaim the second we’re in my room. There are boxes everywhere from our move, but the first thing my mom did was make the bed, so that’s where we sit. “Your mom is going to be pissed if she hears you cussing,” he points out with a know-it-all grin. “Yeah, I know, but dude … Holly Ryan lives next door to me!” “Um, actually, I think you live next door to her. She’s been here longer.” Shaking my head at his ridiculous correction, I jump up from the bed and peek out my window, which has the perfect view into Holly’s bedroom. “What is it about her you like so much anyway? I mean, she’s got braces and acne like every other girl in our grade.” Sometimes I don’t understand him; he never gets excited about girls the way I do. He’s right about Holly, too. She’s sort of in this ugly duckling phase right now, but that just means she’ll turn into a swan later. Right? “She’s nice, Bax.” Shrugging, the heat creeps into my cheeks. “So is your mom, but I’m not all out of breath and blushing over her.” “Totally not the same, and why did you have to take it to my mom?” He laughs. “Aside from the fact your mom is the town MILF and completely single?” In less than three seconds, I’ve got Baxter pressed up against the wall by the throat. “Uncle,” he gasps, and I ease off a bit.

“Don’t ever talk about my mom like that again. I’m not playing, Bax, I will hurt you.” Baxter is small for our age. He’s a preppy dresser and hates playing sports but kicks ass on video games. There’s just something different about him, but like Holly, he’s nice and has been my best friend since third grade. We moved to California to be closer to my mom’s family after my dad left us. Meeting Baxter was one of the only good things to

happen that year. “I’m sorry,” he whispers, and I release him. “I know you’re protective of your mom, and besides, she’s not my type.” Finally. Now we can talk about girls. “What is your type? If it’s not my mom, and it’s not Holly, what the hell do you go for?” “Um … dark hair and light eyes?” “Like Sage …” “No, not like Sage.” His eyes dart around my room, looking anywhere but at me. Eventually, he sighs and looks me in the eye. “I’m gay, Declan.” Holy shit! I’ll never forget the fearful look in his eyes as long as I live. I mean, I get how telling someone something like that could be scary, and I did just have him pressed up against the wall, but … “Okay … so definitely not like Sage,” I reply, taking a seat next to him. His mouth opens and closes like a guppy until he finally finds his words. “You’re not angry with me?” “Why should I be? Are you angry with me for liking Holly?” “Maybe, but I know I shouldn’t be,” he whispers, sadness filling his eyes. Leaning against the wall, we’re quiet for a bit, and I know whatever I say next is going to be something Baxter will never forget. I’m guessing the night you come out to your best friend is something that would be unforgettable, so I decide to take a line from my mom’s playbook. “Dude, I’m proud of you. We’ve been best friends for six years and I’m sure that wasn’t easy to say. Do your parents know?” He nods. “Yeah, my mom said she’s known since I was three, but she was just waiting for me to feel comfortable enough to acknowledge it myself. I told them last year.” “Well, think of it this way … we’ll never fight over girls.” He laughs until he’s almost crying. “Definitely not.” “Here’s the thing … I know I’m hot, and you can totally crush on me if you want to, but it would be a waste of time. I’m not gay.” “I know, and what sucks is I am sort of crushing on you. I’m sorry if that’s TMI.” “You’re my best friend, Bax, and always will be. Once we find you a boyfriend you won’t even remember why you ever crushed on me in the first place.” Turning to me, Baxter holds my gaze. “You’re really not pissed? You’re still going to be my friend?”

“Why the fuck wouldn’t I be? Who you like has nothing to do with what kind of friend you are. Is that why you didn’t tell me last year?” “No, I didn’t tell you because I was still kind of letting it all settle. Now that we’re going into high school and I’m not worried about my family freaking out anymore, I wanted you to be the first to know. Keeping secrets from my best friend sucks, and I didn’t want that barrier between us anymore. But I’ve read horror stories online about kids who lost their friends because they’re gay. People they never thought wouldn’t have their back. I guess I was afraid things would change between us.” Poor Baxter. “Sorry, but you’re stuck with me and all of my hotness.” “Fuck you, dude. Don’t let it go to your head or anything. You’re not the only hot guy on my list, just the one I have the most access to.” “Who else is on your list?” “Uh, isn’t this weird for you? You don’t need to feel like you have to talk to me about this kind of stuff.” “You going to stop letting me talk to you about girls? Especially about Holly?” “No, but this is different. It’s not—” “Don’t you dare fucking say normal,” I snap at him, and he blushes. “I was going to say it’s not common.” “It’s not uncommon, either, Bax. What kind of gay are you? You have just as much right to love who you want as I do. I just don’t want you wasting your time loving someone who can’t love you back the way you want them to. Do you understand?” He nods. “When did you become such a gay advocate?” I shrug. “My dad’s brother is gay. I haven’t seen him since my dad split, but you know how my mom is. She’s all about equality and treating people right.” My mom sticks her head in my door at that exact moment. “That’s right, and what else do I always tell you two? Looks aren’t as important as how someone treats you. Inner beauty is much more attractive than outer beauty.” “Yes, Mom.” “Yes, Mrs. James,” Bax echoes. “Baxter, I’m proud of you for finally telling Declan.” Baxter’s jaw drops. “Mom! You knew and didn’t tell me?” “Don’t be angry, boys. After you came out to your parents, they came over and had a talk with me. They wanted to be sure it wouldn’t be an issue for Declan and me. They were trying to protect you and wanted to be sure when you did feel comfortable talking to

us about it you’d be in an environment where you’d be accepted. You’re like a son to me, Baxter. You’ll always be accepted in our family.” “Thank you, Mrs. James.” “You’re welcome, but your mom is outside, so it’s time for you to go. Thank you for helping us move today.” “I was happy to. I’ll be back tomorrow to help finish. Later, Dec.” “Later.” After the front door closes, my mom sits next to me on the bed. “I’m proud of you. I’m sorry I eavesdropped, but I was about to tell Baxter his mom was on her way when I heard his confession.” “He’s still Baxter, Mom, there’s nothing to be proud of.” “Sweetie, you know that’s not true. Your best friend just confessed he has a massive crush on you and you handled it with amazing grace and acceptance. You’re growing up to be a remarkable man.” “Unlike my sperm donor.” She sighs and pats my thigh. “We all make mistakes. Someday you’ll make one of your own. What defines you as a person is if you learn from them. If you can right your wrong, even better. Your father falls into the other camp and never seems to learn from his mistakes. It doesn’t make him a bad person, Declan, but it does make him one I can’t be in a relationship with. Your father loves you, but he doesn’t know how to be a parent. I hope someday, when he learns, you’ll let him in with an open heart. His sins against me have nothing to do with you.” I don’t even need him in my life anyway. Mom is the best example of humanity I could ever have. “Thanks, Mom. I love you.” “I love you, too, Declan. Don’t stay up all night making googly eyes at Holly.” “Mom!” “What?” She crosses her arms and leans against the door. “She doesn’t even know I exist,” I mutter. “Then figure out a way to become her friend, we can all use one. Once you’ve established a friendship with her, you can see if you still like her that way.” “Maybe. Goodnight, Mom.” “Goodnight, Declan.” After my mom leaves and closes the door, I take off my shirt and start digging through boxes looking for my pajama bottoms. When I stand again, the lights are on in Holly’s room and she’s staring straight at me. Her mouth drops, but she moves to her

window and opens it. There’s no fence blocking this part of our yards, and her window is only about six feet from mine. Popping off the screen, I sit on my windowsill with my feet hanging over the ledge. “Hey, I’m Declan.” Surprisingly, she pushes her screen off and mimics how I’m sitting. “Yeah, I know, we go to school together. I’m Holly. So … uh … you live here now?” she squeaks out, and it makes me laugh. “Yup, we’re your new neighbors.” “Cool.” We sit in silence for a few minutes, each of us swinging our feet. “Sage is coming over tomorrow and we’ve got a pool. You should come over with Baxter and swim.” She smiles and then quickly covers her mouth.

“Why are you covering your mouth?” “I hate having braces. If I don’t want to see them, I’m sure you don’t, either.” I shrug. “Who cares? Like, half our class has them … it’s not a big deal.” “Ugh, it is to me. Luckily, I’m getting them off in three weeks.” She leans back inside and pulls a calendar from her desk and shows me. “I’m marking off the days. I can’t wait to have them off. You’re so lucky you don’t have them.” “I guess I’m weird. I think they’re kind of cool, especially all the different colors and stuff. I was sort of bummed when the dentist said I didn’t need them.” She cocks an eyebrow at me and looks me over. “I think we’re going to be good friends, Declan.” “Holly!” her dad yells from inside. “Oops, gotta go! Come over tomorrow, two o’ clock. Bye, Declan.” She spins around on her windowsill and hops back into her room before I can say bye. I’m left sitting by myself, smiling. I think I just became Holly Ryan’s friend.

We moved into our house almost three weeks ago and since then, Baxter and I have become inseparable with Holly and Sage. We’ve been swimming almost every day

and Holly’s dad, Sean, has even been teaching me how to barbecue. I think he’s hot for my mom, though, and I’m not sure exactly how I feel about that. Holly’s mom isn’t in the picture. I’m not sure why, but she doesn’t seem too sad about it. Her dad is the principal at the elementary school down the street, but he’s not stuck up and stuffy. “Declan, are you going out for any sports?” Sean asks when we’re all sitting at the table for dinner. “Yeah, I’m on the football team. We’ve been on dead period, but practice picks up again next week.” “What position?” “Long snapper mostly, and wherever else they put me.” “Well, we’ll have to come see you play. Sally, will you go to all Declan’s games?” he asks my mom, turning the attention to her. “I hope to, but it depends on my shifts at the hospital. I’m supposed to be on nights from now on so it shouldn’t be an issue.” Sean’s brows bunch together and he wipes his mouth. “Who stays with Declan while you’re at work?” “He used to stay with my parents, but he’s old enough now to stay by himself. The house has an alarm, and I’m only a phone call away.” Sean nods politely but doesn’t say anything. I can’t tell if he thinks she’s a shitty parent for leaving me alone or not. Hopefully not; my mom is a great mom. Dinner passes quickly, and Baxter walks Sage home afterward while Holly and I clean up. Sean went to my house to help my mom get into the attic, so it’s just the two of us for now. “It sucks you go back to football next week. The past few weeks have been fun,” Holly says, passing me the leftover burgers to put in the fridge. “Yeah, they have. Hopefully, we’ll at least have some classes together when school starts.” “Are you nervous?” she asks, leaning against the counter. “Nah, it’s just school. Are you?” “A little bit?” she answers shyly. “The school is so much bigger, and my dad expects greatness.” “Is he hard on you?” “Sort of. Mostly overprotective. Ever since he and my mom split up, I think he’s worried she’s going to come steal me or that I’m going to act out like she did.” “Why did they split?” She hesitates, and I feel like a jerk. “I’m sorry. You don’t

have to tell me, I shouldn’t have asked.” As I turn to get the trash, she grabs my wrist. I like the way her skin feels against mine and I turn around. “It’s okay, just kind of embarrassing. My mom is a drug addict. Getting her next fix was more important than raising her kid.” “I’m sorry.” I lace my fingers through hers and squeeze. “It’s okay, I barely remember her. She left for good when I was five. Sometimes she tries to reach out, but my dad never lets her talk to me. I think that’s why he doesn’t like leaving me alone.” I move closer, and she looks up at me with those pretty, green eyes. Before I lose my nerve, I kiss her—just a quick brush of my lips over hers. I want to do more, but not now. When I pull back, her cheeks are pink as she brings her fingers to her lips. “What was that for?” she asks quietly. “I’m going to ask you out next weekend because I like you, with your braces or without them. I just wanted you to know they don’t matter to me.” “You can’t ask me out.” “Why not?” “Because I’m not allowed to date until I’m sixteen.” You’ve got to be kidding me. “Are group dates or outings allowed?” She chews on her bottom lip. “I think so. I’ve gone to the mall and movies with friends before, as long as he knows where I am.” “All right then, problem solved. We’ll do a lot of group outings just the four of us.” “Sounds fun.” The front door slams, and I release her hand quickly and grab the trash bag so I can take it out on my way home. “Goodnight, Holly. Goodnight, Mr. Ryan,” I call out on my way out the back door. “Goodnight, Declan,” they reply in unison. I know I’ll see Holly in a few hours. After her dad goes to sleep and my mom leaves for work, we sit on our windowsills and talk for hours. I’ve never been able to talk to a girl like I talk to her. There’s something about Holly Ryan that makes everything easy. Some girls only want to talk about clothes or their friends, but Holly isn’t a typical girl, which is good because I think typical is boring.



four Holly –

“What were you thinking?!” Sage screeches across the table. We’re at a bar down the street from my building and I’m filling her in on the deal I made with Declan earlier today. “Obviously, I wasn’t thinking. He had me so worked up both temperament-wise and hormone-wise, I just lost it.” “Well, you’re backing out, right? Pleading temporary insanity? Something …” “He looked really good.” “Holly! So does that tool over by the bar, but you don’t see me making a bet to date him.” With a heavy sigh, I take a sip of my beer. “I miss him.” She sips her drink while shaking her head. “I do, too, but have you forgotten how badly he hurt you?” “No, but …” “Are you ready to tell him the part of the story he still doesn’t know? I’m not saying this to be mean, but you’re at least fifty percent responsible for your break up by not telling him the truth.” The weight of my secret has weighed heavily on my heart for two years. I’m not sure Declan would ever forgive me for not telling him. “At some point, yes, I have to tell him. This may not even work out. He’s a manwhore now, and what he thinks he wants and what he actually wants might be two very different things.” Sage leans back, drinking her margarita quietly. After putting her empty glass back on the table, she locks her eyes on mine. “We both heard his drunken confession to his fans last night. Declan is honest to a fault when he’s drinking. It’s partially why you broke up in the first place. He wouldn’t have confessed his undying love to millions of people if he didn’t mean it. You’re going to have to come clean, Holly, and the sooner the better.”

“Don’t you miss them?” “Of course I do. They were our best friends. But I would’ve missed you more. I’m not even sure why it had to be a choice anyway.” “Me, either, not anymore.” “Well … look who it is,” Baxter says, appearing out of the crowd as he slides into the booth next to Sage. “Speak of the devil,” I mutter. “What was that? Sexy piece of man meat? Why yes, I am, thank you.” Sage laughs, and I roll my eyes. “You don’t talk to us for two years and suddenly you’re here? What do you want, Bax?” Sage demands. “Hey now, put the claws away. I thought we were under a cease fire. Aren’t we waving the white flags?” Chuckling, I flash Baxter a welcoming smile. I really have missed him. “That’s more like it. Now, tell Papa all about it.” Sage snorts. “Is that how you lure men to your bed?” “Unlike you, I don’t need to lure anyone. They come of their own free will, and my tight ass keeps them there.” “Come on, Baxter, TMI,” I tell him through my laughter. “Change of topic. What did Declan tell you?” He looks up at me and flutters his eyelids. “You mean other than what he told the world last night? Only that you agreed to a series of dates, and he gave you some batteries to help you release all that built-up sexual frustration from being trapped in the elevator together.” “Haha! He’s even claiming the orgasm you got from your vibrator because he gave you the batteries. Holly, you’re fucked, chica.” Sage flags down the waitress and orders another round as I bury my face in my hands. “You act like an orgasm is a bad thing,” Baxter says as he peels my hands away. “How did you know we were here, Bax?” He and Sage exchange guilty glances. “I knew it! I knew you two still talk.” “Not talk,” she hedges. “We check in.” He nods in agreement. When our drinks come, Baxter holds his up in a toast. “To Holly, for finally deciding Declan has groveled enough. Thank you for putting me out of my misery.” We clink glasses, but I correct him. “We haven’t decided anything yet. There’s a lot of pain and anger to wade through. I’m just … tired of missing my best friend.”

“Well, if it’s any consolation, he’s missed you, too.” “Kind of hard to tell with his pussy parade.” Baxter chokes on his drink, and Sage whacks his back. “Damn, Holly, I remember when you used to hate that word. Guess some things have changed in the past two years.” “That’s what happens when I get to have her all to myself. I’ve inducted her into my depraved world,” Sage adds with smug satisfaction. Baxter’s eyes widen. “Holly, you needed me around more than you even knew. You can’t let the Queen of the Damned lead you into her debaucherous lair.” Sage snorts, and I try to hold back my laughter. These two could go at it all night if I let them. Hoping to get some answers, I turn to Baxter. “So what’s the grand plan?” “Pretty sure winning you back is the end game here. Getting a ring on your finger, white dress, church, couple of kids for me to corrupt.” “Come on, Bax, you know what I mean. Declan is all about the grand gestures, and I want to know what to be ready for.” He reaches over the table and gives my hand a squeeze. “I’m not sure he even knows. He was stunned you agreed. I know it’s asking a lot, but whatever it is … have faith in him, Holls. You might see a pussy parade, but all I see is my best friend searching for something he’ll never find.” “What’s that?” “You, sweet thing. We all fuck a few frogs before we find our prince.” “Amen,” Sage pipes up. Baxter puts his arm around Sage before turning his attention back to me. “Dec found his princess a long time ago, he’s just passing time waiting for you to come back.” “This isn’t a fairy tale, and I don’t need saving. What I need is a man who isn’t going to assume things on my behalf. We wouldn’t even be in this mess if he’d only listened to me.” Baxter raises a well-plucked brow at me. “Think about his career. He talks his ass off, but he also listens to his followers. He pays attention to their words. He’s learned his lesson and he’s ready to repent. I think you’re going to be pleasantly surprised at Declan’s evolution.”

A few hours later, I stumble into my apartment and glance over to my desk at the pile of work waiting for me. Shrugging it off, I kick off my shoes. I’ll have to catch up over the weekend. Now that my head is swimming in alcohol and I’ve had time to talk to Sage and Baxter, I’m more settled with my decision to date Declan. After all, we dated for seven years before things went haywire. It’s not really that unexpected to try again, is it? “Shit!” I hop up and down on one foot. “Motherfucker!” My leg is absolutely throbbing from where I just whacked it on a stack of boxes. Yelling does nothing for the pain, but it makes me feel better somehow. Within seconds, there’s a knock at my door. I hobble over and swing it open without even looking to see who it is. “Holy shit, Holly, you’re bleeding. What happened?” Declan steps inside and grabs my hand, leading me to the closest chair. Why does he have to live within hearing distance, and why does he have to look so good? He’s in pajama bottoms, a white t-shirt, and his hair is all messed up. His glasses are even crooked, but I swear it only adds to his appeal. “Were you sleeping?” I ask, slurring a bit. “Sort of. Baxter texted me and woke me up. I’m glad he did or I wouldn’t have heard you. Stay put,” he cautions, and walks into the kitchen to wet a paper towel. “He’s still got such a nice ass,” I mutter to myself. “I heard that, drunk girl,” he says, flashing me a seductive smile on his way back. The last thing I want right now is him in my apartment with me when I’m drunk. “I can handle this, Declan, you can go.” “Not on your life. And why do you have all those boxes in the middle of the floor like that? What’s in them?” “Books.” “Since when does Natalie send you books? Especially that many books?” “It’s a special project I’m working on. Don’t worry about it. They were fine until I forgot they were there.” As his hand slides up the back of my calf, I quiver involuntarily. Even after everything, Declan’s touch still lights me on fire. He places pressure on the paper towel for a minute, and when he pulls it away, it’s no longer bleeding. “Do you have a bandage and ointment?” “Yeah, in the bathroom, in the first aid kit under the sink.” “I’ll be right back.” He slides his hand slowly down the back of my leg and smirks when goose bumps cover my skin. It shouldn’t surprise him. Even though we’ve had our ups and downs, it’s impossible to be immune to him. I only wish he felt the same way about me.

Within a few minutes, he’s got me bandaged up and good as new, but he continues caressing my skin. “What are you doing?” “Enjoying the feel of you while I can.” Declan moves his hand against my cheek, and I momentarily forget why this isn’t a good idea as I lean into his touch. Pulling back, I look him dead in the eyes. “Talking to Baxter tonight made me reminisce a bit, and I have a question to ask you.” “Shoot,” he says, staying crouched in front of me. “What’s the most romantic thing you’ve done with one of your pussy posse?” He chuckles. “Is that what we’re calling it now?” “Yup.” He stands, then takes the seat next to me. “Dinner, I guess.” “Dinner?” I snort, and he nods seriously. “Mr. Grand Gesture … I don’t buy it.” With a sigh, he turns to me and props his arm on the table. “It’s your prerogative to believe me or not, Holly, but the one thing I’ve never done is lie to you.” “Why?” With an astounded look, he replies, “Because I love you, and you don’t lie to the people you love.” “No, not why about the lie, why about only taking them to dinner?” After a thoughtful pause, he answers, “Because I’m an asshole. I’m one of those guys, Holly. I don’t take girls out for romance. I take them out so at the end of the night I can fuck them hard and fast. I figure they at least deserve a meal because they’re never getting a follow-up call.” “Declan Ian James, that’s awful!” He only shrugs at my shocked expression. “I’m not looking to justify my actions. I don’t even need to explain them to you, but I will always be truthful and answer any questions you have. Without you, shit doesn’t matter. I don’t want a relationship, but I need sex.” “Yeah, I know, it’s always about the sex with you.” “With you it wasn’t.” “I call bullshit on that, but we can save that argument for a later time. Be honest, are you going to be able to date me and not fuck anyone? Not kiss anyone? Not touch anyone?” “If there’s a chance I’ll have you back in my arms at the end of it all, I can wait as long as it takes. I’ve done it before. My dick will be getting real familiar with my palm again. Unless you want to let me make us both feel good. You have no fucking idea how

much I miss hearing you call out my name.” “All right, enough sex talk. I’ll see you tomorrow night. Thanks for checking on me.” I stand, and he walks over to all the boxes in the middle of my floor and starts moving them against the wall and out of the way. “Next time come get me.” “I can move them myself. They arrived when I was on my way out. I forgot they were there.” “You shouldn’t move boxes that heavy. Tell Natalie to make the shipments lighter or call me.” Damn, he’s sexy when he’s bossy. “Goodnight Declan,” I say, holding the door open for him. “Goodnight, stubborn girl. See you tomorrow.” After I lock the door behind him, I lean against it and exhale. Declan James is going to ruin me, I just know it.



five Declan

“Happy Birthday!” Holly blushes at my enthusiastic greeting. “Thanks. You want to come in?” “Sure. Are you almost ready?” “Um, yeah. But here’s the thing … my dad’s not here. He had to run to the store and said we aren’t allowed to go out until he gets home.” “Why?” She tugs at the hem of her shirt and shrugs a shoulder. “He’s just being dumb. He said because it’s just the two of us going out without Sage and Baxter, it’s a date. He wants to have a talk with you.” “Oh, um, well … okay.” Still blushing, she looks back up at me. “I’m sorry. I tried to explain to him that you have a girlfriend. He didn’t seem to hear me, though.” “Well, I don’t. Have a girlfriend.” “What? When did that happen?” she asks, taking a seat on the couch. “She was never my girlfriend, Holly. I told you that. We were just dating casually, and we’re not anymore.” “Why? I thought she really liked you.” Now it’s my turn to shrug. “She did, but I didn’t feel the same.” The door opening interrupts our conversation. Mr. Ryan has flowers and a cake in his hands. Holly rushes to him to help lighten his load, and he kisses her on the cheek. “I still can’t believe my little girl is sixteen years old.” “Dad …” she whines, obviously embarrassed. “Holly, go put those in the kitchen and give Declan and me a few minutes to talk, would you?”

She looks between us with a nervous glance. “Sure,” she mutters as she walks away. Sean takes a seat on the coffee table directly in front of me. My palms are beginning to sweat, and when I rub them on my jeans, he smirks at me. “Nervous, Declan?” “Should I be?” I’m trying to act normal, but I’m nervous as fuck. “No, son,” he says with a chuckle. “I like you, Declan, and I know you have feelings for Holly. I’ve watched the way you’ve treated her the past few years, and she could do a lot worse.” “Uh … thanks?” “Look, Declan,” Sean sighs, “Holly is my little girl, and you need to move at her pace.” “Yeah, sure … I mean, of course. I would never do anything to make her uncomfortable.” “I know, and I appreciate that. I’m going to try to switch hats here for a minute and be a friend, not Holly’s dad. Do you have any questions? I know you’re close with your mom, but sometimes there are things a boy needs a man to talk to about. I’m happy to answer some of your questions if you have any.” This feels like a trap. Sean and I have gotten close over the past few years, but there’s no way I can talk to him about sex with his daughter. Maybe he can help with another question, though. “How do you know?” “Know what?” “When you love someone?” Surprisingly, a smile spreads across his face and he nods. “I suppose it’s different for everyone. When you’ll do anything to make her happy, even if it’s not something you want to do. Or when you’re sad to be apart, but the second you’re together you’re happy for no reason. When you can’t think of anything else but her, or when you’re ditching your friends just to spend time with her alone. Those are all signs. If you walk into a room and your heart races when you see her, and you can’t imagine going a day without talking to her. All signs.” “Yeah … okay.” “Declan, do you love Holly?” My eyes dart around to make sure she isn’t in sight, and my head bobs of its own accord. “I think I do.” “I think you do, too, so let me give you a bit of advice. When you fall in love, it’s new and exciting. People tend to move fast because they want to experience every part of

this new emotion all at once. Try not to do that. Take it slow and cherish each experience as it comes. The thing about love … real, true love … is that it isn’t going anywhere. True love grows and strengthens each day. And when you find the right person to share and reciprocate love, it will be timeless. She’ll be your best friend, your biggest confidante, and the only thing that makes you feel complete.” Damn, he’s romantic as fuck, but it’s pretty cool. “Thanks, Sean.” “Can I come out now?” Holly yells from the kitchen. “Yes, sweetheart,” he calls out as he pats my shoulder. “You’re welcome. The two of you have fun tonight. Have her home by eleven.” “Yes, sir.”

The drive to the creek is silent. I can’t get Sean’s words out of my mind. I thought I loved Holly, but after talking with him I know I do, and I’m dying to tell her. After we park, I pull the picnic basket out of the back of the car. The sun is starting to go down, and the crickets and frogs sound like they’re having an animated conversation. “Did your mom make you bring the basket?” she asks knowingly. “Yeah, but I packed all the food.” We sit across from each other, and I unload the basket. After we’re both loaded down with sandwiches, chips, fruit, brownies, and water, Holly looks up at me with her bright-green eyes. “Declan, why did you and Rachel break up?” “You can’t break up if you weren’t together.” “You know what I mean.” She nervously pulls her bottom lip into her mouth. If we’re going to talk about this now, I want to be next to her. After straddling the bench beside her, I inhale deeply. She smells like apricots and vanilla, and it makes me happy. “Do you want me to be with Rachel?” She turns and faces me, her hair falling in front of her eyes. I reach for it and push it behind her ear before she gets the chance, and she stares up at me with wide eyes. “I want you to be happy, Declan.” “I’m the happiest I’ve ever been right now, sitting here with you.”

“Why?” she asks on a gasp, and I scoot closer to her. The sound of her rapid breathing makes my heart beat faster. “Because I’m in love with you, Holly.” Her breath catches as her eyes flutter open and shut. I’m dying to kiss her. I’ve wanted to kiss her again since that day in her kitchen. The timing has never been right, until now. “Declan, I …” “Be my girlfriend, Holly.” She nods, and I cup her cheeks in my hands and lower my lips to hers. I listened to what Sean said, I swear. But tonight, for just this one thing, I can’t go slow. Now that our lips have met, I have to taste her. We part slightly, foreheads touching, before I kiss her again, slowly parting her lips with my tongue. She’s hesitant; I know she hasn’t kissed anyone other than me. The thought makes my heart beat faster. I want to be her first and only everything. After gently coaxing her with my tongue, she reciprocates my kiss. It’s everything I’ve always imagined and more. After our kiss, she pulls me into a hug. “I love you, too, Declan.” I never realized before now how much those five words could make me feel so alive.



six Declan

“So … what’s the plan for tonight?” Baxter is waggling his eyes at me and making kissy faces. “You act like a teenager.” “Who cares? So do you half the time. Now spill. What are you going to do to win her back?” “Nothing,” I say, pushing his feet off my table and wiping it down with cleaner. “What do you mean nothing? You’ve waited two years for this and you’re doing nothing?” After washing my hands, I sit in the chair across from him. “I’ve fucked a lot of other women, Bax.” “You have indeed.” “I’m not sure she’s been with that many guys.” “And that’s a problem because …?” “Shit, I don’t know. I mean, I guess the whole point of this breakup was to date other people. But now, I don’t know what to say or how to act with her. I think I went too far, Bax, and now I’m not sure how to make it right.” “Do you remember Bobby?” “Your douchebag ex? How could I forget that asshole?” Sadness fills his features. “Declan, be nice.” Bobby is the love of Baxter’s life, and I hate him with every fiber of my being. “What about him?” I ask with a resigned sigh. “Last time we broke up, he explained things to me. Things I didn’t understand before, but I get it now. I get him now. He broke my heart when he cheated on me, and taking him back was hard. Then, when he broke up with me a few months later … well, you know how that went over.”

Hearing Bobby’s name makes me wish he were here so I could punch him again. “Anyway, you’re not like Bobby. I know you’d never cheat on Holly, but she’s going to have doubts and questions, and you’re going to have to answer her honestly or this will never progress to where you want it to.” “I know, and that’s why I don’t have plans. I need to be her friend again, and part of that is going to be discussing the hard stuff. The last thing I want to hear about is how many guys she’s fucked, but there’s a definite conversation that needs to be had.” “So that’s what all the cleaning is about? You’re just bringing her here?” He leans back and props his feet back up on the table. “I’m making her dinner.” Baxter blows out a breath and looks at me like I’m stupid. “I thought this was your first real grownup date?” “Shit, Bax, am I fucking this up already? I feel like if I take her out I’m not treating her special or different than any other girl. She deserves so much more than that.” “She does. Look, Dec, you fucked up a lot the past few years. Taking a girl to dinner before you fuck her doesn’t mean you can’t ever take Holly to dinner. You’ve got to separate what you did with her and what you did with them. You also have to tell her the truth.” “Which truth is that?” I’m starting to feel like shit about this whole thing. “When we were at the bar last night, Holly said something about you only dating blondes. I didn’t press, but when she went to the bathroom, Sage’s drunk ass spilled how much Holly’s self-esteem has taken a nosedive because of your dating habits.” “Her self-esteem took a hit because I couldn’t stand to be with someone who reminded me of her? How does that even make sense?” Baxter laughs and slaps his knee. “God, sometimes I wonder if your mom dropped you in a stupid tree or threw you from one. You fucktard, she thinks she was never your type to begin with and that’s why you went straight to blonde bombshell-ville. Holly doesn’t think you find her attractive.” “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.” “I don’t know, man, think about it. Really, think about it.” As I flip the remote around in my hands, I consider what he said. It drives Bax crazy, and it only takes a minute for him to pull it away from me. “Should I let her go?” “What?” he screeches. “I’m serious, Bax. Maybe I’ve been hurting her more than anything.” “You’ve been hurting each other. We both know you may have ended things, but there’s something deeper Holly never told you that night. Maybe she couldn’t admit to

herself that you were right about dating other people … I don’t know. Regardless, it’s now or never, Dec. Get your girl back because neither of you will be happy until you make peace.” “Yeah, which is why I’m starting with dinner and friendship. Last night, I remembered a talk I had with Sean the night I took Holly out for the first time. He told me if it’s real love, not to rush it.” “Sounds like good advice.” “It was, so get your ass up and help me make some lasagna.”

The house is clean, dinner is warming, and candles are lit. I’m wearing blue jeans and a black button-up shirt with the sleeves rolled. I haven’t been this nervous for a date since the night I lost my virginity. Nerves aren’t my thing. I can pick up a woman and fuck her within minutes if I want to. I’m cocky, arrogant, and self-assured, except when it comes to Holly. With her, no matter how hard I try not to let it, my inner sixteen-year-old self tends to rule my thoughts. When I open the door, her hand is raised and about to knock on my door. “Hey,” she says with a slight chuckle. “Come in. I was on my way to pick you up.” “From across the hall?” she quips, looking around my apartment. I realize it’s the first time she’s been in here since I moved in. Which only makes me realize how onesided my pursuit of her has been. “What can I say? I’m a gentleman.” “I think that remains to be seen.” She looks sexy in a pair of tight, white jeans and a green, low-cut shirt. She’s got a pair of black heels on that would look amazing wrapped around my neck at the end of the night, and my dick agrees. “Would you like a glass of wine?” With a surprised look, she nods slightly. “Far cry from beer in a can.” “Well,” I say, handing her a glass and motioning for her to have a seat, “we’re not broke, struggling college kids anymore.”

“Ha! Speak for yourself. You might not be struggling, but every spare penny I have goes straight to my student loans.” “I can help you out with those.” She holds her hand up, halting my words. “Absolutely not. I’m doing fine, Declan, I’m just not rolling in the dough like you.” Holly always wanted to be a writer. She was writing when we lived together and working as a PA for an author. “What happened to your book? Why, after all this time, are you still working for Natalie?” She opens her mouth to answer before pausing, instead bringing her wine glass to her lips and sipping slowly, her eyes darting nervously at everything but me. “Actually, before you answer that question, can we set some ground rules?” Her eyes light up and the corner of her mouth pulls into a smile. “What kind of ground rules?” “Look, I know this is going to be hard. It’s hard for me, too. But I think the only way we can make progress in our relationship is to be completely honest with each other. I know some of the things you want to know may hurt you, and vice versa. I don’t think I can move forward without some answers, and I don’t think you should, either.” Draining her wine glass, she sets it on the table, and I promptly refill it. A little liquid courage can go a long way. “You’re right. Let’s not ask all the hard questions in one night, though, okay?” “I can deal with that.” “Well, this is a shit question to start with, but you asked. After we broke up, I lost my spark. I didn’t want to write anymore. Instead, I threw myself into my work with Natalie, picked up some hours with a few other authors, and it was enough to get by. When Natalie got her publishing contract last year, she hired me full-time.” “So you’re not writing at all?” “No, I am now. I started about ten months ago. I’m not getting my hopes up or anything, but it’s going okay. What about you? You’ve always been self-employed, but when that girl called yesterday, you said it was work-related.” “It was. Justine is my PR person. We met the night I came over to your place and you were going out with Luke.” With wide eyes, she gasps. “You remember his name?” “I’ve never wanted to kill anyone with my bare hands before that night. Yeah, I remember his name.” “So how did she end up doing your PR?”

“I was drinking at a bar, and she recognized me and started talking about how I could grow my brand. I was too drunk to care, so we fucked instead.” “Oh.” “It’s not like you think. It was just once and we never had sex again.” “Why?” “I’ve never had sex with anyone twice.” She kicks off her shoes and tucks her feet up underneath her on the couch. “You’re going to have to explain this to me because I’m lost.” I refill both of our glasses again and get comfortable. “Sex is important to me. Having that connection with someone is addictive. But it’s a means to an end. An endorphin rush, a stress reliever. I could work out for hours and never achieve the same sort of relief.” “Tell me how you really feel.” Scooting closer to her, I rest my hand on her thigh. “The only person I’ve ever wanted a connection with is you. Sex with you is so much more than a relief or a means to an end. We connect in a completely different way. Mind, body, and soul. It’s how I always knew we were okay. I don’t want that with anyone else. I never have. One-night stands are all anyone ever gets, Holly, because as fucked up as it may be, my heart still belongs to only you.” “Maybe you should be the writer, you seem to have all the words,” she says, a hint of sadness lacing her voice. I’m sure I’ll see much more of her sadness as we try to work our way back together. “Was it worth it?” “What?” I ask, pulling her from the couch and leading her to the table. “Ending our relationship to be with other women,” she states calmly. As I bring our plates to the table and work on gathering the salad and drinks, I think about how to answer that. For someone not wanting to talk about it all in one night, she’s addressing a lot of tough questions. “It wasn’t worth it. I’ve missed you, but I try not to regret things in life. That night was messed up, we were both drunk and not thinking clearly. You were holding something back, and I moved forward with what information I had. Answer something for me. Were you cheating on me? Is that why things changed so much so fast?” She pauses with her fork mid-air. “Is that what you think? That I cheated on you?” “I’ve never known what to think, but it’s the only thing that made sense. Especially after hearing you and Sage discussing being with other men.” “I never cheated. You know how I always said my least-favorite trope in romance novels is when the couple has a ridiculous misunderstanding and doesn’t talk for years because of it?”

I laugh. “Yeah, and you feel like it’s such a waste of time because real people would discuss things.” She nods. “Well, I sort of get it now because that’s us. I’m not ready to talk about what was bothering me back then. It’s going to make you angry, and if you’re serious about being friends again and working our way forward, I can’t risk making you angry until we’re on better footing.” “I guess that’s fair. You will tell me eventually, right?” “Of course. Since we’re already talking about uncomfortable topics, let’s keep going.” She’s smiling at me, but my stomach is churning. I didn’t think she’d want to get into this kind of stuff on our first date. “Sure, you’ve never held back before. Ask me anything.” “When was the last time you were tested for STIs?” My salad goes down the wrong tube and I’m coughing, my eyes watering, as she stares at me and waits patiently for an answer. “Last month.” “And before that?” “Jesus, Holly! I don’t have diseases. I’m careful.” She rolls her eyes at me. “Anyone can get diseases, Dec. If you’re so careful, why did you get tested?” “I was doing a public service series. I got paid a lot of money to get tested and share my results live. It was rigged, though. I got the results the day before.” “How many girls have you been with since you were tested?” I pause long enough to refill both of our wine glasses. “None.” “Why?” “When I was sitting in the doctor’s office getting tested, all I could think about was if we’d never broken up I wouldn’t be going through that in the first place. It made my resolve to get you back even stronger. When were you tested last?” “When you were. Sage and I still follow you, and she really wanted a chance to win that trip to Jamaica they were offering to anyone who got tested and sent in proof.” That makes me laugh. “Fucking Sage, always looking for an angle to get free shit. Have you been with anyone since?” “No, but I haven’t …” “You haven’t what, love?” Her cheeks flush a pretty shade of pink with my words, and I wonder if her pussy is as wet as it used to get when I’d call her that. My cock is hard just thinking about it.

“This separation wasn’t as experimental for me as it was for you. I can still count the men I’ve been with on two hands.” I push away from the table and scrape the rest of my plate off in the trash as I try to rein in my anger. I have no right being mad at her, but I am. The thought of one other man with her makes me want to kill him, but the thought of eight or nine other men … I can’t even handle that kind of rage. “How many?” I ask through gritted teeth. “Including you, six. You don’t get to be mad about this, Declan. You broke up with me for the sole purpose of sleeping with other people.” “Because that’s what you wanted, Holly!” “That is never what I wanted, but you wouldn’t believe me! And besides, can you even count how many women you’ve been with since we broke up?” Her eyes are flashing with anger now, and her arms are crossed over her chest. She looks fucking hot when she’s pissed. I move toward her, pull her arms apart, and lead her to the couch. “Yes, I know,” I answer in a low tone. “Why keep track of your bedpost notches?” Her words are pained. “Because I know you, Holly. You can be a bit self-sabotaging at times, and I knew the only way you’d ever consider taking me back was if I told you. Since I refuse to ever lie to you, I kept track.” “So tell me.” “Why can’t we just have a nice night tonight? I thought we weren’t going to do all of this?” “Why are you trying to hide it?” I throw my hands in the air. “I’m not hiding anything. That would be you. You’ve kept a secret from me for two years, and you still won’t tell me because it will make me angry, but you expect me to tell you how many women I’ve fucked! Dammit, Holly!” I stand and walk over to the window to look out at the pool below. The lights are on, and the shimmering water calms me down. “Maybe I should just go.” When I turn around, she’s slipping her shoes back on. “Please don’t.” I walk back over to her and pull her into my arms. “I hate fighting with you,” I murmur into her ear. “I don’t like fighting with you, either,” she replies, returning my hug. “Seventy-eight.” She inhales deeply, tensing in my arms. “I’m not proud of it, okay? I don’t know what it was like for you with the guys you were with, but it could have been one hundred and seventy-eight and none of them would have come close to you.” “I don’t like your number, but it’s actually less than I thought it would be.” She releases me and takes a step back. She seems extremely conflicted, which makes me feel

like shit. “I’m having a difficult time reconciling the couple we used to be and the people we’ve become. Let’s focus on the friendship part of this night to work through the rest. Pour me some wine and let’s have some fun with this, okay?” “Anything for you, love.” With a light kiss to her forehead, I collect our glasses from the table and open a second bottle of wine. When I hand her a glass, she holds it up in a toast. “To new beginnings.” “To new beginnings.” “Have you ever had sex without a condom?” she asks. “Only with you.” “Same.” “Did you ever fall in love again?” If she says yes, I’ll die inside. “Not even close. What about you? Was there anyone you were tempted to have sex with twice?” “No. It’s odd how easily I was able to separate my feelings from the need for sex. Worst sexual encounter?” She blushes and shakes her head. “You really don’t want to know.” “Now I have to know. Come on, spill.” “There was this guy, he was nice, cute, and we went out for about a month before we had sex. I thought maybe he could be my …” Her eyes meet mine apologetically. “My first try at a relationship after you. Anyway, Sage convinced me I couldn’t be in an official relationship without trying out the goods first.” “Fucking Sage.” “Yeah, well, she was right. We were having sex, and it was getting good when he suddenly called out ‘I’m … I’m crossing the finish line!’” Holly is laughing so hard she has to set her wine down, and I follow. “You’re joking.” “Hand to God, Dec. He, like, pushed up on his toes and took on almost a mermaidbreaching-the-water pose and came right as he was finishing saying it. It took everything I had not to laugh. Then he didn’t even finish me off. I mean, not that I was really in the mood after that, but he could have offered, you know?” “That’s wrong. A real man never leaves a woman hanging.” “For real! I blew him off after that, but he didn’t get the hint. Finally, I told him I’d gotten back together with my ex. I couldn’t tell him the truth, I didn’t want to shatter his ego or anything. I’m sure somewhere out there is a girl who would be happy to … cross the finish line with him.” She can barely get the words out with a straight face. I love hearing her laugh; it’s

been a long fucking time. “Your turn to spill. With such big numbers under your belt, you’d better have at least one good story in there.” Shit, I could give her stories for days, but I’ll try to stick with the worst. “There was this one woman. I didn’t know it before our date, but she was obsessed with cats. She wore cheetah print on our date and took me back to her place afterward. She had at least ten cats in her house. It wasn’t dirty or anything. She was pretty wealthy, so it was actually a lot cleaner than I would picture someone’s house being with that many animals.” I chuckle when Holly shivers—she hates cats. “Anyway, we worked our way to her bedroom. There were cats everywhere. Photos, paintings, statues, knick-knacks, you name it. Her underwear was leopard print. The throw on her bed was a big fucking lion. I knew right away I was fucked. And I’ll spare you the details of how she talked about her vagina, but she took pussy to a whole new level.” “Is this the worst of it?” she asks, laughing. “God, I wish. She started meowing at me and, like, purring. Her hands turned pawlike and she started batting around my dick. Like it was a fucking toy or something.” “She did not!” She’s full-on laughing now. “Yeah, she did. I know everyone has their own brand of kink, but she was overkill. I knew I wouldn’t get out of there without fucking her, and she wasn’t bad looking or anything, so I tried to overlook the strangeness of it all.” “I would have run.” “I wish I would have. I’m so embarrassed to even tell you the next part.” “Oh no, you can’t stop now. I told you mine, you have to finish yours.” I’d kill to keep that smile on her face, so I continue with my humiliating story. “Well, I couldn’t stand to see her face at that point, so I got behind her. Each time I entered, her she meowed louder than the time before. Suddenly, and quite wickedly, she turned her head and snapped at me that I wasn’t doing it right.” “How were you supposed to be doing it?” “I had to roar at her like a lion or a tiger.” “Shut the fuck up!” “It was the most awkward and embarrassing moment of my life. As soon as it was over, I got out of there and never looked back.” “I would hope not.” She places her glass back on the table. “Well … I should probably be going.” All this talk about sex is freaking her out; I knew it would. Even with our friendship hats on it’s funny but sort of uncomfortable.

“Don’t you want dessert?” Her eyes brighten. “You have dessert?” “Unless you want me to be dessert.” A pink blush creeps into her cheeks. “No, that’s okay.” With a raised brow, I counter, “You want to be dessert instead? Works for me.” “Declan, no, just bring the dessert over here. The edible kind.” “Are you saying I’m not edible?” “The kind you eat with a fork,” she clarifies, laughing more. “Ouch, I’d prefer a tongue, so I guess you mean the cheesecake.” “You’re incorrigible.” She’s still laughing at me, which is a great sign. Holly doesn’t laugh at just anything. While I plate the cheesecake for us, I steal glances at her. For the first time all night, she begins to wander around the room to look at the photos on the wall. When she makes her way to my desk, she stops and picks up a frame before turning to me. “Why do you still have this up?” “Why wouldn’t I? It’s my favorite picture of the two of us. There’s more over there if you want to see them.” I point to the table in the corner of the room. As she looks at them all, her eyes dart back and forth between me and the photos before she finally makes her way over to eat her dessert. I leave her with her thoughts until she’s ready to talk. Holly’s always been introspective; it’s one of the many reasons I love her. “Sometimes, I’m amazed at how different we are, Dec. My photos are in a drawer. It hurts too much to look at them.” “It hurts occasionally, seeing what I don’t have anymore. Mostly, they keep me going. These photos remind me of being happy and why I moved here. Even the smallest interaction with you is better than no interaction at all, Holls. I can’t envision a future that doesn’t have you in it.” “Is that why you bought cheesecake? To win me over?” “Well, it is your favorite.” After we talk a bit more and finish our dessert, Holly yawns and I know our night is over. “I really have to go, but this has been … nice.” “It was more than nice. Let me walk you home.” “I live across the hall, Dec. I’ll be fine.” Taking her hand, we stand and I walk her across the hall to her apartment. “This was fun. Thank you for dinner,” she says lightly, and I lean in. If she thinks I’m letting her go with a few well-placed platitudes, she’s sorely mistaken.

“You’re welcome. I had a good time. And Holly?” “Yes?” She lifts her eyes up as I lean even closer. “I’m going to kiss you now.” Before she has a chance to pretend she doesn’t want this as much as I do, my lips brush against hers and my tongue caresses the seam of her lips. She releases a soft sigh and I pull back. “You taste better than I remember.” “That was nice.” She’s killing me with this nice shit. “It was more than nice, it was right.” She moves her fingers to her lips as if trying to hold onto the sensation, and I know I’ve won this round. Declan – 1, Holly – 0. “I’ll call you tomorrow to set up our next date. If you want my assistance or need more batteries before then, just let me know.” “Goodnight, Declan,” she says, laughing over her shoulder as she closes the door behind her. “Goodnight, love.”



seven Holly

“Spill! How was it?” Sage squeals as she jumps onto my bed. The movement alone makes me wince in pain. “It was nice.” Her jaw drops in surprise. “Nice? That’s it? Declan finally nailed you with his massive thunder cock and all you can say is nice? Please tell me you didn’t tell him that and wound his ego.” God, I wish I’d never mentioned how large Declan is. “Everything was perfect. It was romantic and loving and everything I’d ever wished for. I just didn’t think it would hurt so much.” She eyes me thoughtfully. “It hurt when I lost it to Eddie and he was only like the size of my pinky,” she says, holding hers up for emphasis. “Did you bleed?” “Still am.” “Shit, maybe you should go to the doctor. Is it a lot? I’m sure Declan’s mom could help.” “Oh my God, no, Sage! That’s not happening. And it’s not a lot, just a little bit when I wipe.” “You’re so lucky your dad is out of town. Could you imagine if he were home and saw you walking around like you just got done riding a horse?” She laughs at herself. “Well, I guess you sort of did, or he rode you.” I can’t help but laugh. “I am glad he’s not here, but I’m eighteen now so there’s not much he could do about it.” “True. I still can’t believe you waited until you were eighteen to lose your V card and that Dec waited for you.” “He loves me,” I reply, smiling at just the thought of him. “Yeah, I know. You’re a lucky bitch. You got the boy with the massive cock, and I got a gay BFF out of the deal. It works in an odd way.”

“Oh please, you change boyfriends almost as much as you change your underwear. Baxter is the only stable relationship you’ve ever had. You more than lucked out. Besides, Declan is hardly your type.” “True. Now, are you really not going to spill any more details from last night? Aside from the fact he’s at least a nine on the dickter scale.” She blows her bangs out of her face with a massive huff and then turns her puppy dog eyes on me. “Nope, no details. This wasn’t just some guy, Sage. It’s Declan. If we ever break up, I’ll share my next sexcapade with you, I promise.” “Fine, I guess I understand. It’s a love thing. Speaking of, where are the chocolate chip cookies I smelled when I came in? It’s sweet you’re walking around like you still have a massive cock in your vag, but you took time out of your day to make Declan’s favorite cookies.” She ducks when I throw a pillow at her head. “You are so crass. Just for that I shouldn’t tell you the cookies are in the pantry. But since there’s a whole container with your name on it, it would be mean to keep them from you.” She jumps up and runs to the kitchen and back in a flash. “You’re the best! What time are Declan and Baxter coming over?” “Soon …” She looks at me expectantly until I blurt out what’s on my mind. “Sage, I’m really not walking funny, am I?” She holds her fingers up a half inch. “A little. If your dad asks, tell him you slipped and fell, but I’m sure you’ll be fine by tomorrow. Are you guys going to go at it again tonight?” My horrified look is answer enough. “You’ll feel better in no time, and it won’t hurt as much next time. With a guy as big as Dec, though, it may take a few times before it’s actually pleasureful.” “It’s already pleasureful, he takes care of me.” She rolls her eyes. “You two are way too lovey-dovey for me. Mark my words, it’s a whole different sensation when you come with his cock inside of you.” “Now this sounds like a conversation right up my alley.” Baxter’s smirking as he walks into my room. “Coming is always better with a cock inside of you,” he says, and Sage high-fives him. “So … Declan finally popped your cherry last night.” “Actually, Bax, she popped mine.” Declan’s wearing a shit-eating grin as he walks toward me with a vase full of sunflowers. “Aww, I need a boyfriend like Dec. No one ever brings me flowers,” Baxter says with a pout. “Me, either,” Sage echoes. Declan places the flowers on my desk before squeezing between Baxter and me.

“Why don’t you two go pick a movie and order the pizza? We’ll meet you out there in a bit.” “We’d rather watch the two of you,” Sage replies, fluttering her eyes. “Come on, Sage, give the lovebirds some space and take advantage of being able to pick the movie for once.” “Fine, but you’re paying for the pizza, Declan,” she calls out as Bax pushes her out of the room and closes the door behind them. “How are you feeling today?” Dec asks as he lies down next to me and pulls me close. “I’m fine. A little sore, but I’m sure it’s normal. I made you cookies.” His smile could light up the darkest heart. “You didn’t have to do that, but thank you.” He brushes his lips against mine and I kiss him back eagerly. “I wanted to,” I reply breathlessly as we break apart. “No regrets about last night?” “What? No! Do you have regrets?” “Never. It was the best night of my life to date.” He laces his fingers through mine and brings my hand to his lips. “To date, huh?” “Well, yeah,” he answers while tracing his fingers across the contours of my face. “We still have prom and graduation, college, our wedding, some kids, lots of other great nights will be coming our way, love.” I snuggle closer and kiss him sweetly. “You always know just the right things to say.” “How many kids do you want?” Just as I’m about to answer, the doorbell starts ringing incessantly. “Holly, you need to get out here!” Sage calls frantically. Declan helps me up and we rush to see what all the commotion is about. Baxter is peeking out the peephole and Sage’s expression is worrisome. “I think it’s your mom, Holls. I haven’t seen her since we were little, but I’m pretty sure that’s her.” My chest tightens. My dad would probably call the cops if he were here, but he’s not. There’s no way I can let my mom know he’s out of town. “What do you want to do?” Declan asks cautiously. “There’s only one thing to do,” I reply as I open the door. “Can I help you?” She looks up at me with a smile, and my anger at her takes over. “Holly? It’s me.”

“I’m sorry, do I know you?” “Shit, that’s cold,” Baxter whispers in the background. Her eyes meet mine and she smirks. “I suppose I deserve that. Are you going to invite me in?” “Are you insane? You may have given birth to me, but I haven’t seen you in thirteen years. You’re not coming into my house. What do you want?” Declan rests his hand against my lower back; the gesture means more to me than he could ever know. “You’re eighteen now, Holly, and I want a relationship with my daughter. The court ruled in your father’s favor, but you get to make the decisions now that you’re of age. I’m clean, baby. I have been for the last eight years.” Eight years? “Eight years and all of a sudden you want to get to know me?” I’m yelling now. Dec wraps his arm around me and squeezes me tight. “Holly, please. Let me explain.” “Why should I?” As I throw my hands in the air, a man steps out of a car at the curb, holding a little girl. My stomach rolls like an ocean during a storm. I’m going to be sick. “Who is that?” I’m seething and praying I can keep my nausea at bay. We step out onto the porch and she steps off the porch, back onto the sidewalk. “Sweetie, this was a bad idea. We should go.” His sympathetic voice is soothing. Mentally, I’m thanking him for trying to be the voice of reason. They should go, but the little girl propped on his shoulder is staring at me. She’s maybe four or five; she’s a cute little thing, but when my eyes meet hers, my heart races. Her big green eyes are looking right into my soul. It’s like looking in a mirror. This little girl is my sister. Suddenly, I’m gasping for air and clutching my chest. I can’t breathe. “Sage, go get my mom!” Declan yells while helping me sit down on the steps. My eyes flutter closed as my breaths become shallower. When I look up, Declan is talking to me, but my ears are ringing so loud I can’t hear a word he’s saying. The man has his arm around my mom, and the little girl is still staring at me. Soon, Declan is gone and Sally is crouched down in front of me. Someone presses a cold cloth against the back of my neck as Sally begins to speak. “Put your head between your legs, Holly.” I follow her instructions, hoping I’ll be able to pull more air into my lungs. “Deep breath in, Holly, and then exhale.” Her words are making their way through, and I follow what she’s saying. “Focus on your foot, Holly, count your toes. One, two, three, four, five. Say it with me, Holly,” she repeats again. “Come on, sweetie, count with me.” “One, two, three, four, five,” I count.

“Good job, Holly, again,” she says, relief flooding her voice. After a few minutes, I’m breathing almost normally, and I look up at Sally. “Hey, sweetie, you doing okay now?” “I think so,” I whisper, and she smiles. “It was just a panic attack. I know they can be scary, but you’re going to be okay. I’m going to call Sean now and let him know what is going on.” “Wait, Sally, please don’t. Not yet. Can you stay for a little bit?” She looks over my shoulder at Declan and nods. “Whatever you need, Holly.” When Sally stands and moves to the side, my mom steps forward. “I’m sorry, Holly. I didn’t mean to upset you. I thought you’d be happy to see me and to meet your sister.” “How old is she?” “She’s four, actually, five next month. Her name is Heather, and this is my husband Ken.” Ken steps forward still holding my sister. She looks down at me, and I can’t help but smile at her. “Are you okay now?” she asks timidly. “I’m fine. My name is Holly.” She smiles and tries to scoot out of her dad’s arms. When he sets her on the ground, she steps closer to me. “Mommy and Daddy said you’re my big sister.” “Yeah, I guess I am.” “Why don’t we all go in the house and get something to drink. I can put some snacks together at home and bring them over,” Sally offers. “Actually, Holly made a ton of chocolate chip cookies. As long as Declan will share, you can just stay here with us, Sally.” Baxter’s suggestion is perfect. I’m sure Heather loves cookies, and I need all the support I can get right now. “I’m happy to share my cookies with Holly’s little sister. Come on in, Heather. Why don’t I show you where I keep my secret stash?” She giggles and follows Declan and the rest of the group into the house. It’s just me, my mom, and Ken out here now. “Holly, I’m so sorry,” she says again. “For her. I’m only doing this right now for her, not you.” “I can handle that. I want the two of you to have a relationship, even if we never can.” “Good. At least we can agree on something.”

When my mom and her family left, so did Baxter and Sage. Our day was ruined, and I’m not very good company at this point. “Holly, are you sure I can’t call your dad? He’s going to be upset with me.” “I don’t want you to do anything that makes you uncomfortable, but he lied to me for years, Sally. How could he not tell me I had a sister? That my mom was sober and remarried?” The indecisiveness on her face is apparent. “I don’t know, sweetie, I really don’t. Declan, stay with Holly tonight. I have to go to work and I don’t want her in the house alone. Holly, I’m not going to call your dad because I think you need time to figure out how to handle this with him and to let your anger settle down. Ultimately, you’re of age even if you are still in high school, so I’m going to defer to your request. Call me if you guys need me.” Sally kisses us each on the cheek before she leaves. As soon as she’s gone, Declan pulls me into a hug. “Spill.” “I’m so angry and so fucking hurt. I don’t want to have a relationship with her, but I have a sister! God, Dec, how could my dad keep that from me?” Declan gently wipes away the tears streaming down my cheeks. “I’m not sure, love, but is it technically a lie if he didn’t tell you?” He did not just say that. “A lie of omission is still a lie.” “She’s sober and has a whole new family. Maybe he was afraid you’d leave him for her.” “Maybe …” He runs his fingers through my hair as we talk, completely relaxing me. “I think the bigger question is, what are you going to do now that you know?” “I’m not sure. It’s not like they live around the corner.” He chuckles lightly. “No, but they don’t live in Siberia, either. Pasadena isn’t even an hour away.” “I just don’t know. It’s not fair bringing Heather here and getting her hopes up for a sister. We’re done with school in less than two months. After summer, we’re off to

college. She’s turning five in a month and I’m already eighteen, but damn, Dec, she’s so sweet.” “She looks like you. She has your smile, eyes, and hair, she’s adorable. I know how much it sucks to lose a parent to their shitty choices, but if I had a brother or a sister show up, I’d be happy, Holly.” I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him to me. As our lips meet and our heartbeats sync, the love I have for him fills my heart. I don’t know how I would have gotten through today without him. “I am happy, Declan. I’ll figure out a way. Right now, I want to lose myself in you. Make love to me.” “Are you sure? I know you were in pain earlier.” “I’m fine. I haven’t been in any pain in hours. You’re spending the night, my dad is out of town, your mom is at work, and we should make every second count.” “Your wish is my command. I love you.” “I love you, too. So very much.”



eight Holly

“Good morning, sunshine.” “Baxter, what are you doing here?” He hands me a latte, of which I immediately inhale the scent with great appreciation. “Thank you for this, come on in.” Opening the door wider, I motion for him to come inside. “Nice place. Much homier than Declan’s apartment.” “I don’t know, I kind of like his place. It’s more modern. Take a seat and tell me what brings you by.” Baxter moves to the couch and smiles like the cat that ate the canary. “So … how did it go last night?” He props his feet on my table and makes himself comfortable as I take a seat. “Shouldn’t you be across the hall asking Dec that question?” “Come on, Holly! I’ve missed you. Besides, I need to know your side before I can advise him on his next move.” As I shake my head, I tuck my feet up underneath me. “It was fine.” “Fine? That’s all you’re going to give me is fine? What the hell? Where are the butterflies? The glassy lovebird eyes? You’re going to have to do better, girl.” “Look, it was nice. I’ve missed him, but it was strange, too. We were buzzed and started talking about difficult stuff. Which I was okay with as a friend … I think. But as his ex it was strange, uncomfortable, sad even.” “Who brought up the difficult stuff, you or him?” “Me.” He shakes his head at my sheepish response. “Tread those waters carefully, Holls. This is supposed to be you and Declan starting over, not living in the past. Obviously, you have things to work out.” “Obviously.”

“You can’t let those things control your future. When Bobby and I got back together, we had the same issues. I wanted to know everything. At first it was innocent. How many guys, how often, what position. Then as our relationship progressed, I couldn’t help but take his words and turn them on myself and then ultimately back on him.” “How do you mean?” “All right, so one time he was fucking me up against a wall and pulled a move he’d never done before. I remembered him telling me he and an ex did it against the wall all the time. So while we were going at it, my mind started racing, I asked if he’d learned that move from him, which turned into an argument, which turned into me thinking he was cheating again.” “I’m so sorry, Bax.” He waves it off, but the sadness in his tone is more than evident. “It’s water under the bridge now. My point is, sometimes it’s better to let sleeping dogs lie. Knowing how many girls Declan was with or what he did with them isn’t going to help you. Vice versa for him.” “So you have talked to him.” His know-it-all smirk is present. “Texted. But I told him the same thing I’m telling you. To move forward, you both have to forget the past two years happened. Let the questions and the anger go. Focus on now.” “Why are you suddenly so invested in us?” With wide eyes, he snaps, “Are you serious right now? I’ve been vested in you two since we were fourteen years old when you stole him from me.” I’m laughing now; it feels good. “You can’t steal someone who doesn’t want to go. Besides, if I remember correctly, he pursued me.” “Psht, girl, please. He would’ve eventually succumbed to the allure of my sexy man meat.” “Oh my God, Baxter, stop.” Tears are streaming down my cheeks I’m laughing so hard. “Fine, back to my original point. Once you two hit that whole seven-year itch thing and broke up, I was suddenly persona non-grata in your life. Even so, I still kept hoping the two of you would finally come to your senses. I’ve never seen a couple better matched than you and Dec.” “Seven-year itch, huh?” “You doubt?” he asks with an arched brow. “Come on, Holly. It was literally seven years to the day the two of you got together that you broke up. Declan jumping to conclusions and you keeping big-ass secrets. I suppose it was bound to happen, but taking two years to work it out is plain stupid.” He stands and leans over, kissing me on the cheek. “Don’t waste two more years. I

could be an uncle by then if you two get your shit together fast.” I’m practically choking on my coffee as he points a finger at me. “I’m not joking, Holls. Kids might not ever be on my radar, so I’m sure as fuck not going to miss out on my favorite uncle status. Think about what I said. Life is way too short for dr-a-ma,” he says with a flick of his hand as he closes the door behind him. Not two minutes later, my phone is ringing. “How did it go? Did you fuck?” Sage asks, and I can hear her typing away on her keyboard at work. “Good morning to you, too. Sorry to burst your bubble, but there was no fornication last night.” With a sad sigh, she asks, “Did you at least kiss those full lips of his? Please tell me yes. Declan has the best lips of any man I’ve ever seen.” “Sort of. It was more than a peck but not quite a kiss.” “Aww, he’s trying to make you want it. Score for Declan.” I can’t help but laugh. “I’m scared to want him, Sage.” “No, you’re scared to tell him the truth because you know he’s going to be angry. Holly, I’m going to tell you something and I want you to truly hear the words. He’s going to be mad, but his anger with you will be fleeting. His anger with your mom … well, let’s just say it’s a good thing she’s off the grid.” “I covered it up, though. A lie of omission is still a lie.” She sighs loudly. “Maybe, but sometimes you read too much into things, Holls. After what happened … it was only natural for you to need some time. If you’d been able to have an actual conversation with Dec before everything went to shit, you would have worked everything out. Trust me on this. I’ve known him just as long as you have. Things will be okay. Have faith in him.” “Thanks, Sage. What is your schedule like today?” “I’ve got a few new clients scheduled. Get this … one of my consultations is a man who wants to sue his parents for circumcising him as an infant.” “Are you going to take his case?” “If he’s got good medical documentation as to why he has an issue, maybe. I was too intrigued to turn down the meeting.” “Good luck. Come by tonight for dinner if you want to. You can help me pack up some swag packs.” I look over at all the boxes in my living room and hope she’ll say yes. “Will you make me chicken tacos?” “Anything you want. I’ll grab some margarita mix, too.”

“Deal. Besides, you’ve got to get those boxes out of your apartment before Declan and Baxter start asking more questions.” Groaning, I reply, “Don’t remind me. There’s so much to catch them up on. And I have to tell Dec before Baxter finds out.” “Hell yeah, you do. Okay, I gotta go. I think the dick guy is here and if that’s him, he’s fucking hot.” “Go get him, tiger. See you tonight.” When I get out of the shower and finally settle down at my computer to get some work done, I have two text messages waiting on my phone. One from my dad asking me to come to dinner this weekend and one from Declan. Declan: Good morning. Good morning. Declan: Do you want to go out tonight? I thought we agreed to take this slow and go out once a week. Cement our footing, you know? Declan: Can’t blame a guy for trying. I had a really good night with you. Are we okay today? This is stupid. Meet me in the hall. When I open my door, he’s already waiting outside. His eagerness fills me with something I haven’t felt in a long time. Hope. “Would you like to come in for something to drink?” “Sure, coffee would be great.” I point to the coffee pod holder while grabbing a mug. “Pick your poison.” After handing me the pod, he leans against the counter. “Was that a no on the date tonight?” “Sorry, I have plans with Sage. She’s going to help me with some work, and I’m going to cook her dinner in exchange.” “I could help,” he says as I hand him his coffee and we walk to the table. “It’s okay. It won’t take us long, and I sort of need a girls’ night tonight.” “Holly, am I wasting my time? Would you rather not do this?” He’s clutching his coffee cup with pleading eyes. “I … Look, I’m going to tell you exactly how I’m feeling. I want this. More than I’ve wanted anything in a long time. But I’m scared, and I think we should proceed with caution.” Declan’s blue eyes lock on mine. “Why are you scared, and what can I do to ease

your fears?” “You said you aren’t stupid enough to lose me twice. I’m not sure I could survive losing you again. What happened the first time around was awful enough. That kind of pain …” “Is indescribable.” “Yeah.” He scoots his chair closer and takes my hand in his. It’s more comforting than I want to admit. “I love you, and I’m going to do whatever I can to not hurt you. If that means dating for the next five years, I’m all in.” Chuckling at his words, I squeeze his hand. “Baxter told me this morning he wants to be an uncle in two years.” A wide smile takes over his face. “Baxter is a troublemaker, but I’m happy to work from his timeline.” “How about we work off one of our own?” “Sounds good to me.” He releases my hand and pulls out his phone. “What’s your schedule like the next few days?” “You need a calendar to keep track of your schedule?” He rolls his eyes and shows it to me; every day is filled with appointments. “Wow, Declan, that’s crazy.” Leaning back in his chair, he sighs. “You’re telling me. The money is great, but I’ve got three radio appearances this week, two talk show interviews, and a movie premiere. Not to mention, I still need to do one post on my channel and one more live post.” “I knew your career had taken off, but it seems like this is just the beginning.” “Or the end.” He runs his hand through his hair and I wish it was my hand instead. Flashes of me tugging his hair during sex hit me hard, but I shake them off quickly and refocus on him. “What to do you mean? You’re only twenty-five. What else are you going to do?” “I’m not sure. This was never my career goal. After we broke up, I put more and more of myself into the videos because it helped me keep my mind off of us. When things took off, I was happy. I could afford what I needed and didn’t have to work a typical job.” “And now? What’s changed?” “A lot, actually. There’s a lot more pressure on me now. I’ve turned down a few offers for hosting or co-hosting shows on television. My fans are more demanding. Interacting with them is fun, but it’s time consuming. I think I’m ready to move on, I’m just not sure to what.” When we were in college, Declan wanted to be a college professor. He wasn’t sure what he wanted to teach, but he wanted something with a focus on political and social

injustice. He’d also considered going to law school for a while so he could work for Legal Aid. “Maybe go back to school? Work toward your law degree or get your teaching credentials like you always wanted?” He shrugs. “Who knows. I’ll figure it out eventually. If I do my live post today, I could take you out Friday night. Does that work for you?” Today is already Wednesday; that’s bumping our date up by four days. “What would we be doing?” “It’s a surprise. Is that a yes?” I bite down on my lip and nod. God help me. “Good. Wear a sexy dress and those heels you had on last night.” “That’s extremely specific. Why those shoes?” Groaning, he stands, pulling me with him and into a hug. His massive erection presses against me, and the knowledge I still turn him on hits me hard. “Because I can’t get the vision of you wrapping them around my neck as I fuck you out of my head.” “Declan,” I gasp, and he places a chaste kiss against my lips. “A man can dream, Holly. I’ll pick you up at seven.”

Later that night, after Sage and I had drunk a few too many margaritas, we were relaxing on the couch once we’d finished packing up all the boxes for shipping. “If I were you, I’d go put those heels on and text Declan to meet you in the hall because I’m about to leave. Tell him you have something to show him.” “We haven’t even kissed properly yet. I’m not going to show him anything.” “You should … before someone else does.” Her words hit me like a bucket of ice. “Do you think he’ll miss his pussy posse so much he’ll change his mind?” She realizes the effects of her words and pulls me into a side hug. “No, babe, I don’t. Between what you told me and how Baxter talks, I think Declan would wait forever if you’d forgive him completely.”

Maybe it’s the alcohol, but I’m suddenly melancholy. “They’re all so pretty, Sage. All blonde with perfect tits and hourglass bodies. I can never compete.” “Holly Ryan, stop it. You’re gorgeous. Every time we go out, someone hits on you. We’re two sexy bitches, and if Declan is stupid enough to mess this up, you’ll just have to find someone hotter and better.” “Speaking of other men … Stephan called today. He’s back in town.” “What did he want?” “To see if I’d changed my mind about giving us a second shot.” Sage releases me and clumsily puts on her shoes. “Why can’t he get the hint? I mean, he’s hot as fuck, but he’s kind of boring.” “He’s not that bad. If I weren’t trying this thing with Declan, I might have even said yes.” Now she’s fumbling to pull up her Uber app. “Well, thank God you are. Seriously, he’s not the right guy for you, Holls. That’s what you told him, right?” “Pretty much. I told him I’d recently started seeing someone and I wanted to see where it went. Then I wished him luck and that was that.” “Good. I’ve got to get out of here. I’ve got a booty call waiting for me.” I’m laughing as I walk her to the door. “Thanks for your help. Tell Jon I said hi.” “How did you know it was Jon?” she asks as I open the door. “Because he’s one of the only guys who rocks your world enough to even get booty call status.” “True,” she says, and we hear a laugh from across the hall. When we look over, there’s another blonde waiting in front of Declan’s apartment. “Oh, hell no,” Sage says loudly as he opens his door. “Don’t make me take my earrings off.” “Shh, Sage. It’s fine.” It’s anything but fine, but I’m not going to make a scene. “What’s up, Dec?” she calls out, making me cringe. He says something to the girl and sends her inside his apartment while he walks over to us. “Looks like I’m not the only one with a booty call tonight, huh?” Sage fires off sarcastically as her phone goes off. “Go, Sage. Have a good night. Text me when you get home.” “I’ll do that, and you,” she says, turning to Dec, “you’re on my list.” “It’s not what you think,” he says, but she walks away with her middle finger trailing behind her. I turn to go into my apartment, but he grabs my elbow. “Come over.” I spin around to go off on him, only to find the sweetest expression on his face. “Please, Holly. Come over so I can prove to you this isn’t what it looks like.”

“All right.” His hand finds my lower back as he guides me into his apartment. The blonde has made herself comfortable on his couch with a drink. “Justine, meet Holly. Holly, this is Justine, my PR manager.” “Nice to meet you,” I say, offering my hand. She takes it, but not before looking me over from head to toe. There’s no doubt in my mind she’s assessing her competition. “You, too,” she says before turning to Declan. “I thought we were going to have a business meeting.” He leads me to the loveseat and takes a seat next to me. “We are. You can say anything in front of Holly. I trust her with my life.” Anger flashes in her eyes, but she quickly schools her features. “You must be Declan’s ex-girlfriend Holly. I’ve heard a lot about you.” “All good, I swear,” Declan says, squeezing my hand. “That would be me.” “What was so important you wanted to meet tonight?” he asks her as his thumb rubs over mine reassuringly. “You have an offer for a new show and I think you’d be a fool to pass it up.” His body tenses next to mine, and now I’m rubbing my thumb over his to help calm him. “You know I’m not interested in any shows, Justine.” “I know, but this is different. Slammed Inc. wants to add a new show to their social media platform. They watched your show the other night and were impressed with your plea to Holly. They want you to run a one-hour, monthly segment to help get their social media platform trending.” “Why? They’re one of the biggest companies out there already.” “Because you’re on fire, Declan. Everyone wants you for something. You’re intelligent, attractive, and say whatever is on your mind. They don’t care what you post … well, within reason. They just want you to be a part of their brand. The offer is extremely lucrative.” “What’s the offer?” he asks in resignation. “Two hundred and fifty thousand an episode with a one-year contract. With the agreement to make an appearance at three of their company events.” “What kind of events?” he asks with more interest than before. I’m still stuck on 250k an episode. That’s three million a year to do what he’s essentially already doing. What the hell kind of money is he making? “A Christmas Party, their annual New Year’s event, and that huge summer concert they put on.” She looks damn proud of herself, and I wonder how much money she makes

off this if Declan accepts. His fame is only growing at a time where he isn’t sure he wants it. My heart aches for him, and it aches for me, too. Can I handle being with him at the height of his popularity? “Are there any mandated videos I have to do at these parties?” “Nope, they’re strictly like one of the premiers. You’re just going to schmooze and look pretty.” “A plus one is included?” “Of course.” She just rolled her eyes at him. Why does he put up with this bitch? She works for him, not the other way around. “How long do I have to decide?” She releases an exasperated sigh. “Really, Declan? What is there to think about? This is an incredible offer. Low stress, low obligation, high pay.” “How long, Justine?” “Only a week. If I were you, I’d take it. People are talking, Declan, and you’ve turned down more offers than you’ve accepted. You know as well as I do that today’s it boy, is tomorrow’s has been. Fame is fleeting. Take it and the money while you can.” With a glance at me and then to her and back to me, he mutters, “It’s not that easy.” She glares at me, and it pisses me off. “It’s not that hard, either. Twelve hours of your time. Twenty, if you count the appearances. Twenty hours for three million dollars. It’s a hundred and fifty thousand an hour, in case you want to know the math.” “When you put it like that …” She grins in victory. “I’ll email you the contracts in the morning. This is a good offer, Declan. Even if it’s the last thing you do in this industry, you should take it. Your sponsors on your own pages will skyrocket. It could be an extremely lucrative year for us both.” And there it is. At least she isn’t shy about what’s in it for her. “I’ll think about it and call you tomorrow.” Declan stands and walks her to the door. She turns around and looks at me, slightly shaking her head, then turns her attention back to him. She slides her hand down his arm and squeezes it. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” Her seductive tone lingers in the air like sex. Eventually, she releases him and he closes the door behind her. That fucking bitch. Declan locks the door and turns around. “She wants you.” “Is that so?” “Like you can’t tell.”

I want to wipe that sexy smirk right off his face as he stalks toward me. “Well, guess what?” “What?” He pulls me to my feet, and in one swift motion his mouth covers mine. It catches me off guard, but it feels so damn good. My body is now putty in his arms. When I whimper in pleasure, my lips part, and his tongue finds mine. Tingles flood my senses from head to toe as our tongues engage in the most carnal of dances. “Declan.” I’m gasping for air as his lips leave mine, until he has me moaning when he wraps my hair around his fist. Pulling my head back, he lowers his mouth to my neck. The edges of his teeth scrape against my throat, lighting me on fire. When they sink into my skin, I’m soaring. Overwhelming sensations flood each of my senses as the swipe of his tongue against my tender skin soothes the burn. Our lips meet again as he releases my hair. This kiss is slower, decadent, and filled with want. Within minutes, the tenderness ignites a deeper passion between us, each of us grasping at the other and moaning our mutual desire. When he releases me, he shoots me a dazzling smile. “You’re the only one I want, Holly Ryan. Don’t you ever forget it.” It takes a moment for me to get my bearings. That kiss was like being brought back to life. We’ve always had chemistry, but this was so far beyond our norm I don’t even know what to think. When I look at him, he’s deep in thought. “Are you going to take the job?” I ask, finally pulling myself out of the post-kiss haze. “That depends.” “On what?” “Will you be my plus one to the three events?” And just like that I’m reminded, no matter my fears, he wants to be in this together. “I’m pretty sure Baxter likes being your plus one.” “You’re avoiding the question. But if you’re really concerned about Bax, he’ll be fine. He was just holding your spot.” “That’s mean.” He pulls me in for a hug. “No, those are Bax’s words. Well, not exactly. His exact words were more along the lines of no money-grubbing whore is taking your place and he’ll hold it until we come to our senses.” “I think I owe him an apology.” “For what?” As I lean into his embrace, I let myself believe this could really be a new beginning for us. “I wasn’t nice to him after the breakup. I shouldn’t have cut him out the

way I did. I just thought … Well, it doesn’t matter. The point is, I need to tell him I’m sorry.” Declan steps away and goes to his desk. He pulls out an envelope and passes it to me. “Give him these. It will break the ice.” “Lady GaGa tickets?” I ask after peeking inside. He shrugs. “He loves her. I was saving them for my next get out of jail free card, but I think he’ll appreciate them from you more.” “I can’t. These tickets are expensive.” Declan laughs and shakes his head. “You’re cute. I didn’t pay for those, they’re just another perk of the job. Speaking of which, you didn’t answer my question about being my plus one.” “If we’re still dating, can you ask me then?” “There’s that nasty if word again, but fine, I’ll ask you closer to the event. What else is bothering you?” “Nothing.” “Liar.” I take a seat on his couch and he follows. “Fine, a few things, but some of it isn’t my business and some of it is jumping the gun.” “Nothing is off limits to you. Tell me what’s wrong.” “How long have you worked with Justine?” “Officially, about fourteen months.” “Do you have a contract?” His brow furrows. “For pricing, yes, for duration, no.” “Is it fair? I don’t want to get into your finances. Your money isn’t my business. I just want to know you’re not getting raked over the coals. Like, with this new deal, how much of your money does she get?” He flashes me a goofy grin. “What?” “You’re worried about me. It’s cute.” “Whatever.” “It’s fair, Holls. She was starting out the night we met. I’m one of her first clients. I pay her a monthly salary, and she gets fifteen percent of any new paid opportunities I sign up for that she initiates.” “How did she know about me?” “Aside from the video from the other night?” A blush heats my cheeks, and he turns my head toward him. “You’re my emergency contact, too.”

“Really? She still wants to fuck you.” “Yes, really.” He brings his lips closer to mine and whispers, “It’s too bad the only person I want to fuck is you,” before bringing our mouths together again. Our kiss is slow and sweet, and I hop up when he pulls away. I have to get out of here before I do something I’ll regret. “I should go.” “Before you go, what else was bothering you? What didn’t you want to jump the gun about?” “Um, don’t worry about it. If it’s an issue later down the line, we’ll talk more about it. Goodnight, Declan.” “Goodnight, Holly,” he says, laughing as I close the door behind me. What am I doing? How can I let myself get involved with him when he’s turning into a celebrity right before my eyes?



nine Declan

“Are you shitting me?” “Nope.” “Dec, you’ve got balls of steel, buddy. I can’t believe you introduced Justine to Holly.” “Why?” I ask, surprised by Baxter’s response. “It’s not like I’m interested in Justine.” “Not now, but you did fuck her, and she’s been trying to get into your pants ever since. If I remember correctly, you said she’s one of the few you’d consider giving a second go ‘round because the sex was great.” “So? The sex was good, but not as good as the sex with Holly. Besides, Justine needs to know this obsession she has with me is over, and Holly needed to know Justine means nothing to me. You should’ve seen Sage getting ready to pull her earrings out.” Baxter laughs. “Attorney by day and scrapper by night. I can picture her getting ready to throw down. How did it go over? Introducing the two of them?” I spin around in my desk chair and kick my feet up on the table. “I’m not sure. I used the meeting to my advantage to kiss the fuck out of Holly after Justine left. She’s convinced Justine has a thing for me, and I’m pretty sure instead of getting Justine to back off, it only fueled the fire.” “Oh shit. What are you going to do?” “What should I do? I don’t have feelings for Justine, and if I need to fire her I will. I’m not going to do anything to jeopardize this thing with Holly.” “This thing? Is that what we’re calling it now?” “I don’t know what to call it. We’re sort of dating, sort of getting to know each other. We’re not fucking around with anyone else, but we’re not calling it a relationship.” “Right, and you’re not hitting it with your python of love, either.” I throw a pillow at him from the chair next to me. “Someday, I want to be a fly on

the wall when you’re getting fucked. I can imagine it now … ‘Fuck me harder with your steamin’ semen sword.’” “Well, if you’re really interested, I know a guy who’s down for a threesome. Say the word, Dec, and you can join in and learn all my dirty bedroom lingo.” “That’s a negative, but thanks for the offer. Have you found yourself a date yet in all those headshots that have been coming in?” “Actually, you know what’s funny? There have been more literal headshots than dick pics. Some of these guys seem interested in dating versus a Grindr-type hookup. I’ve got three so far I’m going to go out with.” “Wanna go live and talk about it?” Hearing Baxter talk about his dates is the perfect topic for a video, and with Justine and Holly over last night I never did do one. “I’m game. What’s the plan?” “Just follow my lead.” We take a few minutes to set up my laptop so we’re both in the shot and, of course, Baxter has to check his hair first. I text Holly to turn it on and then we’re off. “Welcome to another edition of The Funhouse. I’m Declan James, and this is my best friend Baxter Ross. Long time Funhouse subscribers are probably familiar with my constant banter with Baxter, especially since this isn’t his first video.” We quickly scan the comments, and Bax points one out and laughs. “2tight4you says, ‘Baxter and Declan are the men wet dreams are made of.’ Well, that’s something you don’t hear every day. Thank you.” Baxter points out another one, and I decide to take it. “‘When are the two of you finally going to hook up? Your sexual chemistry is insane!’ That would be never, Kyle K., but if you’re still watching and you’re single, you might want to reassess your gaydar, dude. Baxter and I have years of friendship under our belt, but I’m as straight as they come.” “Don’t be hard on poor Kyle, Dec. He’s probably picking up on my unrequited feelings for you. I’ll tell you guys a secret, though. If Declan wouldn’t have fallen in love with our BFF Holly eons ago, I’m positive I would have had a piece of his sexiness already.” “Baxter is so sure about that, but we’ll never know. As we recapped the other night, there’s only one love in my life and she’s all woman. However, that show also brought an interesting turn of tides, which is why we’re here today. I asked for headshots so I could hook Baxter up on a date. I did this once before about two years ago and was flooded with dick pics. This time we got actual headshots.” I see a comment from one of my favorite users. “NotURSugarDaddy wants to know if there is still time to send in his info. What do you say, Bax? Want to keep the submissions coming?”

“Snarky user name, I like that. Why not? I’ve been looking for love in all the wrong places, might as well try to find Mr. Right or Mr. Right now, at least.” “Speaking of Mr. Right, tell us the top five things you’re looking for in a man.” Baxter blushes slightly as I put him on the spot. “In no particular order … He needs to have his shit together. You don’t have to be rich, but you need to at least have some work ethic. If you’re sleeping on your mama’s couch, don’t bother. A nice cock. I know it might be stereotypical, but if things work out I’ll become intimately acquainted with your dick, so get your manscaping on.” He taps his lip with his finger and hums. “What else? A sense of humor. He’s gotta be able to take a joke because I’m full of them and I don’t have time for someone to be getting salty on me. Someone who has no problem taking control in the bedroom, but also someone who doesn’t mind give up control on occasion. And lastly, someone I can chill with and who won’t have a problem hanging out with Declan, Holly, and Sage.” His eyes light up with mischief. “Speaking of Sage, maybe we should use this platform to find her a man we approve of. She’s a hot and spicy Latina and is our other best friend. What do you think, Dec?” My phone is buzzing across the desk; I’m sure it’s Sage with her own opinion. “I know it’s called The Funhouse, but maybe we shouldn’t turn it into a dating show. I’ll leave this one up to Sage. If she’s interested, we can talk about it.” My eyes have been constantly scrolling the comments while Baxter has been talking. “All right, you guys, I see one consistent question flooding the feed. Let me put you out of your misery. I went out on a date with Holly and it was fun. We’re taking it slow and rebuilding our friendship.” “Here’s an interesting comment, Declan. Katie Pearce would like to know your level of commitment to this Holly thing. Are you in it for the fun or are you in it for marriage and kids?” Fuck, he had to put me on the spot. “First of all, Katie, you should know what Holly and I have isn’t a ‘thing.’ You guys already know I’m a flirt with a fuck ‘em and leave ‘em reputation. Get pussy or go home has been my motto for a long time. The only person that has never applied to is Holly.” I look at the camera as if I were looking Holly directly in the eye, and hopefully I am. “Whatever Holly wants, I’m down for it. Friendship, dating, sex, marriage, kids, any or all of those and I’m there in a heartbeat. I probably shouldn’t have gotten drunk and talked about her the other night. It wasn’t fair to her, so from now on we’re going to focus solely on Baxter’s love life instead.” “My love life is a lot more interesting than his, anyway,” he quips, putting his personality on display. “One last question from Donna Q. She wants to know if Holly will ever make an

appearance on our show. The answer to that is no. When I first started this channel, Holly was all for it, but she’s shy and wanted to keep my show and our personal lives separate. If things continue to progress with us, that will always be my goal. Thank you all for joining Baxter and me today on The Funhouse. Don’t forget to send in your info if you want a shot at a date with Baxter. I’ll keep you updated if there’s a love connection. We’re out.” There’s a knock on the door, and Baxter lets Holly in. “On a scale of one to ten, how pissed is Sage?” My gaze travels the length of her body as she answers. Wearing a pair of short shorts and a t-shirt with a plunging neckline, Holly looks smoking hot. “Surprisingly, she’s not. Check your phone. She’s all for playing dating game on your show.” Lifting my attention from her breasts, Baxter snickers as I finally reply, “Huh. Well, okay then. We could have some fun with this. Maybe Sage and Baxter should go out on a double date and compare notes on camera.” “That would be funny as hell,” Baxter says before popping some chips in his mouth. “Did you miss me? Is that why you stopped by?” The mischievous glint in her eyes quickly transforms to tenderness. “Actually, I wanted to say thank you. For apologizing, and for making whatever this is between us off limits to your fans.” “You know you’re still going to get stalked by his hardcore fans while you’re out. It happens to me all the time.” Even though Baxter is teasing her, it’s still true. I mean, I’m not Justin Timberlake or anything, but I’ve definitely got a fan base and get asked for selfies and dates often. Holly cringes but tries to cover it up. “Guess that’s a bridge we’ll cross when we get there. I’ve got to get back to work, but come by before you leave, Baxter, I have a present for you.” I stand and cross the room quickly before she leaves. As I place my hand against her lower back, my pulse quickens. Holly flashes me a sweet smile as she steps out of my grasp. “Will do,” he calls out as I close the door. “That girl wants nothing to do with your fame, Declan.” “Yeah, I’m beginning to see that for myself.” Baxter cocks his head to the side and looks at me with a dare in his eyes. “What are you going to do about it?” “I’m not sure, but I’ll figure it out.”

I’m lying on the couch reading a book when my phone goes off. Holly: Don’t hate me, but I have to cancel Friday. I hit the call button and she answers right away. “Please don’t cancel. We need this time, Holly.” She sighs softly into the phone. “I know, but Heather needs a place to go this weekend and I haven’t seen her in almost three months. I told her we could spend the weekend together.” My heart slows down a bit. “What’s going on?” “Nothing. Ken is going away for the weekend and needs a place for her to go. She asked to stay with me instead of her grandparents and I said yes.” “Maybe I can bring dinner over instead? I’d love to see the little squirt.” “I think she’d like that.” “What about you? Would you like that?” This is so stupid. She lives across the hall and we’re talking on the phone like two lovesick teenagers. “I would, I think it will be fun.” “Okay.” “Hey, Dec, you know what else I’d like?” “What?” “For you to open your front door.” She doesn’t have to ask me twice. I’m off the couch and at the door in record time. “Hey,” she says as I pull her inside. Her hair is pulled up in a ponytail, and she’s wearing a tank top and a pair of sleep shorts. All I want to do is rip them off and bury myself in her. “Do you have any idea what you’re doing to me right now?” I groan. She glances between us, where my dick is tenting my sweats, and bites her lip. “That’s so hot.” Her husky voice is music to my ears. Fuck the niceties and forget going slow, I want her wrapped around me right now. I

lift her up and she instinctively wraps her legs around my waist. I’ve got her ass cupped in the palms of my hands and walk us to my big, cushiony chair. Sitting down with her on top of me, she crushes her mouth to mine. Fuck yes With my hands planted firmly on her ass, I squeeze and pull her closer. She grinds against my cock, and it’s all I can do to keep from coming like a twelve-year-old in my pants. Groaning as her tongue meets mine, I pull her tighter to me. Her kiss ignites a fire between us. We’re frantically grasping at each other like two long-lost lovers. Which, in a way, I guess we are. With one hand, I wrap her ponytail around my fist. When her head falls back, I sink my teeth into her neck. “Declan!” “Yes, love,” I murmur against her skin while sliding my hand into her shorts. She’s wetter than I ever remember her being. “Fuck, Holly, your pussy is drenched.” With a slight adjustment in our positioning, I’ve got her neck against my mouth, my thumb against her clit, and my finger is about to slide home, right where it belongs. As soon as I dip inside of her, I tug on her hair, and she screams in pleasure as her pussy quivers around my finger. “You’re so fucking tight.” As I work a second finger inside of her, she sucks in a deep breath. “We’re going to have to work up to fitting me back inside of you, aren’t we, love?” “Yes, oh God, Declan. I want you so much.” Pre-cum drips from my cock as she writhes against me. With each tug of her hair and thrust of my hand, she falls further and further into hedonistic pleasure. As she detonates around me, I swallow her cries as our tongues meet in an erotic reunion. Her walls continue clenching my fingers, but as our kiss slows she begins to back off, and my fingers lose their temporary home. Our eyes meet as I bring my fingers to my mouth. Holly watches in a sexual daze as I suck one into my mouth and then a second. Surprising me, she slides off my body and gets on her knees between my legs. Her eyes never leaving mine, she pulls my cock out of my pants—that is, until she looks down. She must like what she sees because she licks her lips and flashes a lascivious look my way before lowering her mouth and licking the tip like a long-awaited treat. When her tongue flicks against my sensitive head, a hiss escapes my lips as my fingers dig into the arms of the chair. I’m trying to enjoy the pleasure she’s giving, but I’m so close to coming it’s ridiculous. She works my length with her hands as she lowers her mouth onto me. Immediately moving my hands into her hair, she works me with her tongue. “That’s it, Holls, suck it like you own it.”

With my words, she goes to town with a passion I’ve never seen from her. When I tug on her hair, she responds with even more fervor, my balls tightening in response. “Holly … I’m going to come.” She doesn’t stop, and I can’t hold on any longer. “Holls, I can’t … Fuck, Holly!” My hips buck of their own accord, pushing me further down her throat. My vision fades, and I explode into her talented fucking mouth. While she’s aggressively sucking down every last drop, my heart is about to burst. That was fucking everything. “Holy shit…” I’m gasping for breath as she pulls away from me, wiping off her bottom lip with her thumb. “Jesus, love.” I pull her up to me and drown out my breathless words with a kiss. She’s never swallowed before with me; I’m blown away. Her hands cup the sides of my face tenderly as she pours her heart into kissing me. As we break apart, she gives me a shy smile. “I think we might have skipped a few steps,” she says. “What was that?” “Grownup foreplay?” she answers with an arched brow. I wrap my arms around her and squeeze. “I think I’d be okay with skipping a few more steps if it gets us to grownup sex.” She laughs; it’s a full-bodied happiness. “I’m not sure what came over me. I felt bad about our date and I was thinking about earlier. I guess I was on emotional overload. This doesn’t have to mean anything if you don’t want it to. I know I’m not really your type.” And there it is—the insecurity I never even realized existed until Baxter pointed it out. “Okay, butterfly master, let’s reel that yo-yo in, shall we? Let us address these issues one at a time. Whatever came over you, you feel free to let it come over you again and again for the rest of our lives. That was insanely fucking hot. You don’t need to feel bad about our date because we’re still going to have it, just in a different form.” When my eyes catch hers, she tenses in my arms. This needs to stop now. “As far as my type, I’m attracted to all kinds of women. Looks aren’t the only thing that pulls me in. Personality, body, smile, I could go on. The only specific type I have is you.” “Declan, you don’t have to—” “Stop. It’s still my turn. Never in a million years would I have thought you’d look at me and think based on who I’ve been fucking that I’m no longer attracted to you. Or never was. As you might have just witnessed, I almost came in my pants from merely a kiss. What you don’t seem to understand is my ‘type’ the past two years has been the exact opposite of you for a reason.” “What reason is that?” The hesitancy in her voice is almost heartbreaking.

“I couldn’t stand being reminded of you. If they didn’t have long, auburn hair, I couldn’t ache to touch yours. If they didn’t have full, pouty lips, I wouldn’t let myself dwell on how much I missed yours. If I didn’t give them a second date, I’d never compare them to you. All I was doing was trying to avoid additional heartache until I could finally get you back in my arms. I’m never letting you go again, love, so please don’t make me.” “Declan …” A single tear streaks down her cheek. “I didn’t have a clue. I thought … I thought you regretted our time together and were happy to be moving on to something more up your alley.” “Silly girl, you’re beautiful, but your looks aren’t all I love about you. If you remember, I was an awkward fourteen-year-old boy, who had a massive crush on the girl next door with acne and braces. Your mind and your heart drew me in, but your looks didn’t hurt, either.” “Asshole,” she mutters against my chest. “Maybe, but I’m your asshole. Even still, I want to date you the right way. The two of us could easily fall into old patterns and maybe a few new ones based on our chemical explosion tonight.” “Mmhmm,” she hums. “It wouldn’t be fair to either of us to do that. I want to know you, who you are now, what’s been happening in your life. Date me, Holls, exclusively. Not out of anger or because of a game, but because you miss me as much as I miss you.” “Yes, I’d really like that.” “Me, too.” We stay in the chair talking for what seems like hours until Holly falls asleep in my arms. I should move her and take her back to her apartment, but I’m a selfish bastard. Instead of what I should do, I lean my head against hers and close my eyes. If she’s angry in the morning, I’ll deal with it.



ten Declan

“Can you hand me the other stocking holder?” I ask Holly after she puts the plate of Christmas cookies down onto the table. “What do I get in exchange?” Grabbing the mistletoe from the top of the fireplace, I hold it over my head. Her answering smile is worth keeping it close by. She brings me the stocking holder and leans in for a kiss. “Look, Sage! They just got back and Dec and Holls are already DecNHolls,” Baxter cries out gleefully. Holly pulls back from our kiss, and I turn my attention to him. “Haha, isn’t that joke old yet? Shame on you for making fun. I was even thinking this might be the year you finally get a kiss from me under the mistletoe.” “Someday, Dec, we’re going to get drunk and you’re going to kiss these irresistible lips of mine.” “That would be kind of hot, you have to admit. Right, Holly?” Sage says, mockfanning herself. Holly steps back, looks between us, and shrugs. “I’m not sure if it would be insanely hot or like watching two brothers make out.” “Brothers,” I answer at the same time Baxter says, “Hot.” “Did you two enjoy your stolen night away before coming home?” Sage pries in the way only she can. When Holly blushes, Bax whistles. “Mmhm, at least Dec is giving it up to someone.” “Leave us alone. Not living next door to each other and being in separate dorms sucks.” “Yeah, because we don’t see you and Baxter every day, anyway,” Sage adds sarcastically.

We’re all on the same campus and even share some classes. I wanted us to share an apartment, but Holly’s dad said he wouldn’t help her with school if she did that. He said he’d give us his blessing after sophomore year, but until then she’s to stay on campus in the dorms. I think it was kind of a dick move, but Holly swears he’s just trying to give her the full college experience while hoping she doesn’t get knocked up. “Holly, Dawn, and Ken are going to be here soon to drop off Heather. If you have any presents out, you should hide them,” Sean calls from the kitchen. Holly and Sean’s relationship took a significant hit after she found out about her mom and Heather. Sean didn’t have much justification for keeping Holly from her sister, other than wanting her to have a normal life without Dawn’s influence. They’ve gotten to the point where they’re all cordial, and Holly sees her mom occasionally for lunch or dinner. Ken and Dawn let Heather stay here sometimes so she and Holly can build a sisterly bond. It’s been an interesting year and a half. “They’re all wrapped, but thanks, Dad,” Holly calls back to him. “We did good today, you guys. This house finally looks like Christmas.” There’s a knock on the door, and Holly rushes to answer it. We haven’t seen Heather since Thanksgiving weekend, so I know she’s excited to spend time with her; it’s all she’s been talking about. “Holly!” Heather cries as she runs into her arms for a hug. After she releases her, she runs straight for me. “Declan! Dad, look, Declan is here!” Ken laughs from the entryway. “He sure is, sweetie.” As Heather hugs me, Ken talks to Holly. “Someone else in this family has a crush on Declan, too.” Holly turns to us with a teasing glimmer in her gaze. “Uh-oh, am I in trouble? I’m not sure I could fight her, she’s awfully cute.” As they’re chatting, I realize Dawn isn’t here. Maybe she didn’t want to run into Sean. I’d imagine that could be awkward, especially with the new husband. “Declan, I got Holly a really good Christmas present, and you, too,” Heather says, bringing my attention back to her. “You did? That’s awesome. I love presents, but Holly hates them, so you can just give hers to me.” “You’re such a liar,” Holly says, and Heather giggles like crazy. “Heather, come give me a hug and I’ll see you tomorrow night, okay? We’re going to spend Christmas Eve at Grandma and Grandpa’s house.” Reluctantly, she releases me and says her goodbyes to Ken. Sage comes up beside me and whispers in my ear, “That little girl is adorable. Don’t break her heart, Dec.” “Have I ever been a heartbreaker?” “Yes!” Baxter answers emphatically.

“Never, and he could never be, either,” Holly states with such unwavering faith and love, it stuns me for a minute. I would cut off my own leg before I hurt her, but it’s a head rush knowing she gets it. She gets me. I’ll never understand how my dad left us. Surely, he felt this way about my mom once. “You okay, man?” They’re all looking at me, but Bax seems worried. “Of course, I just spaced out wondering what Santa is bringing me for Christmas.” “Bye, Daddy!” Heather waves to Ken before turning to me with an excited twinkle in her eye. “Declan, I asked Santa to bring me a puppy and a kitty so they can play with each other. And a little brother since I already have the best big sister ever. Oh, and for some puzzles and movies, and for Mommy to be happy because she’s been really grumpy lately.” We all exchange concerned looks, and out of the corner of my eye I see Sean shaking his head before going back into the kitchen. Under the guise of getting us all drinks, I make my way in there to talk to him. “What do you really think about Dawn?” We’ve been around each other long enough to not bullshit one another. It was especially uncomfortable when he asked me point blank if Holly and I were having sex. After that conversation, pretty much nothing has been off limits. I’ve never asked about Holly’s mom before, but I need to know what we could be dealing with. “Not sure, Declan. When I knew Dawn, she suffered horrible mood swings. They were typically an indicator she was going to start using. In the twelve years we were together, she fell off the wagon at least five times.” “I’m sorry.” I can’t imagine dealing with an addict. I don’t even know how my mom was able to deal with my cheating bastard father. “It’s water under the bridge, and she’s Ken’s problem now, but my concern is for Holly and Heather. If this is her getting ready to go on a bender, there’s not much I can do. Holly is an adult, and Ken will hopefully protect Heather, just like I did Holly.” “Would she do anything to them? Something I should be looking out for?” “Dawn isn’t abusive, if that’s what you mean … at least not with her fists. The woman has a wicked tongue and can give a verbal lashing quicker and dirtier than I’ve ever seen. Let’s hope I’m wrong and she’s just dealing with some holiday stress.” “Sure thing.” For Holly’s sake, I hope he’s overreacting. When I start gathering drinks, Sean joins me at the counter and puts his hand on my shoulder. “Declan, I want you to understand something. When I said Holly couldn’t move in with you, I wasn’t only doing that for her, I was doing it for you as well.” “How so?” While I take a swig of my water, a smile flickers over his face. “College can be fun, but it can also change people. The stress of classes, the freedom of being away from home, and experiencing the ups and downs of adulthood is

life-altering. I didn’t want either of you to feel like you had to make things work because you rushed into living together.” “Is that the only reason?” “No, but it’s the main one. You two should enjoy being young a little while longer before putting that kind of pressure on yourselves.” He throws his hands up in surrender at the seething look I give him. “I know … it doesn’t seem like a hardship right now, and maybe it never will, but if there is one thing I’ve learned in life, it’s that age makes a difference.” “How so?” I ask, intrigued. “It’s hard to explain, but you’ll understand when you’re older. You grow so much between eighteen and twenty, twenty and twenty-two, twenty-two and twenty-five … hell, even between twenty-five and thirty. I look back at things now with a clarity I never had back then. You will, too, eventually. I want you both to have minimal regrets. As parents, we can’t stop you from making mistakes … they’re how you learn in life. What we can do is try to keep you from repeating our mistakes. You’re part of this family, Declan, and I figured it was time I gave you the explanation you deserved.” With a slight nod, I let his words sink in as I pass out everyone’s drinks before returning to the kitchen to grab my own. If we’re telling secrets tonight, I think I owe him one. “Sean?” He looks up at me from his newspaper. “Yes, Declan?” “I think it’s time you and my mom tell Holly you’re dating.” The shock on his face is comical, and his face is beet-red. “I’m not sure what—” “Cut the crap, I’m not mad. You two have danced around this for years. There’s no reason for my mom to avoid coming over so your secret doesn’t come out.” “Did she tell you?” “Nope, she thinks she’s as sly as you are. I came home a few weeks ago to get a book I left here over Thanksgiving. Mom’s car was out front, but she wasn’t inside. When I went into the backyard to find her, I saw the two of you making out on your deck.” His embarrassed groan makes me laugh. “You didn’t tell Holly? Why?” “Because you asked me to wait until the holidays so you could tell her yourself. At least I’m pretty sure you did. Otherwise, I can go tell her now …” Sean catches on quickly that I’m giving him an out, and a relieved expression replaces his apprehensive one. “Oh, you’re right. I did mention something along those lines.” “Yeah, that’s what I thought.” Holly will probably be pissed and a little creeped out at the idea of what this could mean for us. “If you want to repay the favor, it would be cool

of you two to hold off on any wedding plans. Holly and I would appreciate being husband and wife someday before our parents beat us to the altar.” “Declan … I’m not…” With crossed arms, I stalk toward him. “You’re not what, Sean? Not going to make an honest woman out of my mother someday?” “No, that’s not … I mean … maybe I could …” His awkwardness is hilarious. “I’m totally messing with you. That was funny as hell.” Sean sags into his chair with a sigh of relief. “Seriously, though, you have to tell Holls. She’d break up with me if she knew I lied to her.” “Withholding the truth is hardly the same as lying.” “Tell that to your daughter.” This is the only secret I’ve ever kept from her and I feel shitty about it. It’s been the longest month of my life. After Sean kept Dawn and Heather from Holly, it took a long time for her to begin trusting him again. If I’d have told her what I saw, it would have done irreparable damage to their relationship. Instead, I kept it inside, not even telling Bax or letting on to my mom that I knew she had someone special in her life. Sean won’t hurt her like my dad did; he’ll treat her with the love and respect she deserves. That’s all I care about. “Thank you. Oh, and before you go … Just so we’re clear, it would make me a very proud father to see you and Holly get married one day.” With a huge grin, I turn to go find my girl just as the opening notes of “All I Want for Christmas Is You” by Mariah Carey begin playing loudly. In the living room, Sage, Baxter, Holly, and even Heather are dancing and singing at the top of their lungs. “Dance with me, sexy,” Baxter says, sidling up to me and pulling me onto their mock dance floor. “Only because you asked so nicely.” “Should I be jealous?” Holly yells over the music. “Very,” I mouth as I pull Baxter close. “You’re such a tease, Declan!” Sage calls out. “Yeah, put up or shut up,” Bax taunts. Fuck it, I’ll give Bax a Christmas present he’ll never forget. Tugging him over to the fireplace, I pick up the mistletoe where I left it and swing it in front of his face. “Yes! I’ve been waiting my whole life for this,” Sage screeches, and pulls out her phone. Wrapping one arm around his waist, I pull him close and smack a huge, juicy kiss on his lips as I hold the mistletoe over our heads. It’s quick, but it’s a good one. Keeping it PG is a necessity with a little one in the room. When I pull back and release him, he’s smiling brighter than I’ve seen in a while.

Especially since Bobby broke his heart when he cheated on him. “Totally worth the wait.” “Did you doubt it wouldn’t be?” I ask as Heather giggles in the background. “Not for a second.” He’s giddy, and I’m happy to see him in a better mood. “And … I got a picture of it so Baxter has proof he knocked it off his bucket list.” Sage shows us her phone, and Bax squeals with delight. “Forward that to me, please, so I can post it everywhere,” Bax tells her as Holly peeks over my shoulder. “That’s a cute picture, but it was cuter seeing it live.” She kisses my neck, and I snake my arm around her waist. “I love you,” I whisper “I love you more,” she murmurs lightly against my neck. “Can we watch The Little Mermaid?” Heather asks no one in particular. Baxter claps his hands. “I love that movie!” “Me, too. Doesn’t Ariel look like Holly? And Eric look like Declan?” “Aww,” Sage, Baxter, and Holly reply in unison. I grab the cookies and plop down next to her. “You know, Heather, you look like Ariel, too.” “I do?” “Of course you do. You look just like your sister. You’re both beautiful.” She looks at Holly and nods. “True, and when I grow up, I’m going to have a boyfriend that looks just like Prince Eric, too. “Oh no, she’s talking about boys. Hush, little one, you’re far too young to even think about boys. Enjoy your Disney movies and Barbies for a few more years, at least,” Bax pleads with her. “Oh, I know. Daddy says I have to go to college before I can have a boyfriend. But when I do get one, he’s going to be just like Declan.” As the movie begins to play, I kiss the top of her head. “Thanks, munchkin.” This little girl is the sweetest thing, just like her sister.

A few hours later, Holly and I are in my room, just like old times. After pizza, cookies, a movie, and games, Heather finally knocked out. She fell asleep in Holly’s room, and Holly came in through my bedroom window shortly afterward. Both windows are cracked open so we can hear Heather if she wakes up—one of the many perks of our rooms only being about six feet apart. “I can’t believe we haven’t lived here in almost two years,” she says, cuddling closer to me. “Only six more months and we can get our own place.” “I know. I’m so excited. I’ve got a good amount of money saved up already. If we get a place with Baxter and Sage, we could stress less about bills.” Not happening. “I’d rather stress than share an apartment. I want our lives to start, Holls. Bax and Sage can get their own place together.” “Yeah, I guess—” With my finger, I tip her head so our eyes meet. “Hey, if you’re not ready, we don’t have to do this.” “It’s not that. I just feel bad, like we’re ditching our friends.” “You’ve got the biggest heart. We’ll all look for places together. I’m sure we can find something in the same building. Or maybe even a duplex.” With bright eyes, she agrees. “That would be perfect.” Holly kisses me lovingly, and I wish more than anything we could pause time and live in this moment for a while. “Dec, do you ever want kids?” “If I’m having them with you, the answer is yes.” She props herself up on my chest, looking me in the eye. “What if we break up? You don’t want kids?” “I’m not sure, but come on, Holls, could you ever see us breaking up? It’s always going to be me and you. It’s a pretty sweet deal when the love of your life is also your best friend.” Worry lines appear on her forehead. “It is, and I don’t see us breaking up, but it makes me sad to think you might not have kids if I weren’t in the picture. You’d make an incredible father. Is it because of your dad? You’re not him, Declan, and you never will be.” “No, love, I’m not worried about him. I’m just not sure I could ever feel for someone else the way I feel about you.” She traces my chest with her fingertip. “You’re such a romantic. I’d like to think if

something happened to me, or to us, you could fall in love again.” I pull her finger to my mouth and bite it. “Not me, I’m not that nice. If I die, sure, you can find someone else. If we break up, I want you so miserable the only choice you have is to come back to me.” “Gee, thanks.” “Well, don’t break up with me.” “I don’t plan on it.” She climbs on top of me and silences my groan with her lips. This girl is crazy if she thinks I’d ever be stupid enough to let her go. My heart knows hers intimately, and no one else will ever compare.



eleven Holly

“Jesus, Holly! You go, girl. I can’t believe you were bold enough to go after what you wanted. I’m impressed.” “Well, it wasn’t exactly what I wanted. I wanted to fuck him until I passed out, Sage. Still, it’s not smart to rush this. We need to take things slow, and I sort of feel like I crossed a major line even doing what we did.” She shakes her head and snorts. “You’re being ridiculous. You’ve had a thing for Declan before he ever moved next door to you. He knows you better than I do and probably loves you as much as I do. Maybe. Anyway, my point is, you two have done the slow thing. You grew up together … hell, you lived together, for fuck’s sake.” “True …” “Hell yeah, it’s true. If you want Declan to pound you with that massive anaconda in his pants, tell him! He’s not going to turn you down. In fact, he told you to let him know when you’re ready. You started his engine last night, now you need to keep that fucker revved and ready for action.” “I think you’ve been spending way too much time with Baxter lately,” I reply, laughing. “There’s no such thing. Us single folks have to stick together. Some days I wish Baxter was bi … it would make my life so much better.” “I’m sure Bax says the same thing about Declan.” Sage snorts. “Speaking of, he was really happy you gave him those concert tickets and an apology. It meant a lot to him.” “It was an apology long overdue.” “I’ve got to get going. I’ve got a hot date tonight with someone my mom set me up with. If I’m late, she’ll kill me.” She rolls her eyes. “Maybe he’ll be cute?” “Yeah, I’m sure. Instead of the ugly duckling parade she usually sends me out

with, this time she’ll finally give me a swan?” “Good point. You two just have different opinions of sexy. For her, it’s stability and a good job. For you, it’s all that plus six-pack abs, a voracious sexual appetite, and a sarcastic sense of humor. Be thankful you got her down to a set-up once every six months. Those weekly dates she was trying to set you up on were brutal.” “Ugh, don’t remind me.” I pull Sage in for a hug and kiss her on the cheek. “Try to have fun. I’ll be around all night working, so if you need an emergency to get out of the date, text me. And no matter what, text me when you get home so I know you’re alive.” “Will do. I’ll try to stop by tomorrow to see Heather.” “Sounds good. Love you.” “Love you, too,” she says as she waves goodbye. “Is it wrong for that to make me jealous?” Declan asks from where he’s propped against his doorway. His words make my heart flutter, and then I see Justine smirking at me from over his shoulder and it stops cold. “Not wrong, maybe premature, though. I’ve gotta get some work done. Have a good night, Dec.” I try to ignore the stunned look on his face as I close my apartment door. They’re only co-workers; I understand that. My mind gets it, anyway, but it pisses my heart the fuck off. That’s the bigger issue at hand—I’ve already fallen for him again. For a year and a half, I’ve kept him at a distance, pushed back every time he pulled, and avoided my feelings hoping to keep the hurt at bay. Now we’re here, falling for each other all over again with two lost years bridging the gap between us. Two years of him fucking random women, and two years of me holding onto secrets I wish I never had to keep. When my phone immediately vibrates across my desk, it doesn’t surprise me. Declan: Did I do something wrong? No Declan: Is it Justine? No … I don’t know … maybe Declan: Can I come over for a minute please? I really have to get some work done. Declan: Please, Holly. So do I. Fine, door is open. A minute later, he walks in and takes his time appraising me.

“I knew you were angry,” he says, pulling me from my chair. “I’m not. Frustrated maybe, but I don’t even have the right.” “Fuck that,” he growls. “You most definitely have the right. I’m going to fire her.” “Declan, no.” Anger mars his features. “Yes. She’s getting on my nerves, anyway, and now she makes you uncomfortable. Besides, I don’t really need her anymore and she knows it.” Sighing, I lean back against my desk. “It’s not really her. It’s what she represents. I have so many mixed emotions about this whole thing.” “Then talk to me about them,” he pleads. “If I were working with someone I’d fucked, would you be okay with it?” “Hell no.” “Even if I swore we were over and it was only sex between us?” “I’d trust you but not him. I see your point, Holls, and I already said I’d fire her.” I reach for his hand and squeeze it in mine. “That’s the thing. You shouldn’t have to. We’re going to have to get to a place where I can let your history with other women go, or this is never going to work.” Declan pulls me into his arms, hugging me tightly. “We’re just getting started. Give it some time. Neither of us are going to get over the past immediately. Letting Justine go isn’t a hardship.” “Maybe not, but I saw your schedule, Dec. You need someone like her to help keep you organized and to keep you at the top of your career.” “The same career I’m not even sure I want anymore?” “How long have you been feeling like this about your work?” “About a year. I’m trying to find a balance, and I keep telling Justine that’s what I want, but she keeps pushing these new opportunities at me. I can still do The Funhouse without all the other stuff coming my way.” I think Justine is a money-grubbing whore, but I don’t dare tell him that. “Look, I don’t want you to fire her because of me. Especially since we don’t know where we’re going with this right now.” “Love, we’re going down whatever road leads us to spending the rest of our lives together.” The tenderness in his gaze has my heart fluttering again. This man loves me, I know he does. I just need to keep reminding myself of it. “My advice for you is to think about interviewing other managers. Not because you fucked Justine but because it sounds like she does the opposite of whatever you ask of

her. Granted, she’s gotten you some incredible opportunities, but at what cost? If you’re not happy, Dec, change it. Interview people until you find someone who meshes with what you want, your style, your passion. Honestly, I’m surprised you didn’t give Baxter the job in the first place. This is something he’d excel at, and between you and Justine, you’ve set him up for success if he did take over.” He lowers his lips to mine and kisses me passionately before answering. “You’re so fucking sexy when you talk business to me.” “Well, on that note, you should leave because you have work to do and so do I.” “Yeah, I know. We’re still on for tomorrow, though, right? I’m bringing you and Heather dinner?” “Absolutely.” After working for a few hours, I decide to call it an early night. As I crawl into bed, my phone goes off. Sage: Another date, another frog, I’m home safe and sound. Love you! Bummer – but at least you’re off the hook for six months. Love you, too. As I lie in bed, I can’t stop thinking about Declan. I haven’t told Heather he’s going to be here tomorrow, but I know she’s going to be thrilled to see him.

“Hey, you guys! It’s so good to see you two!” Heather and Ken laugh at my excitement as they hug me hello. “Thanks for letting her spend the weekend with you. It’s our one-year anniversary, and with all the crap Melanie puts up with, I figured I owed her something special.” Melanie is Ken’s girlfriend. They met the day Ken and my mom broke up and struck up a friendship. After his divorce was final, they started dating. I like her a lot. “Please, having my sister here is hardly a hardship. She can fill me in on junior high, and I can fill her up with junk food.” “Junk food sounds amazing. Dad and Melanie have been on a kale and fish kick. Give me a burger or pizza, or anything that doesn’t have fins or grow from the ground, and I’ll be happy.” Ken laughs at his daughter and kisses her goodbye. “Have fun, I’ll see you on Sunday. I love you.” “Love you, too, Dad. Have fun this weekend.”

Heather closes the door behind him and breaks into a smile. “I’ve missed you so much. I brought all the stuff so we can have a spa night.” “I’ve missed you, too. Three months seems like forever. We can do spa night tomorrow, tonight I have a surprise for you.” “I love surprises. You’re not pregnant, are you?” “Heather!” “Oh my God, Holly, your face is so red. It’s hilarious.” “You shouldn’t say that to people, and no, I’m not pregnant. Come on, help me make some cookies and catch me up on life.” We’ve got this down to a routine, and after everything is on the counter, Heather begins measuring out the ingredients. “Mom called me a few weeks ago. She was crying, and I got in trouble for accepting the call. Dad took the phone away before I actually got to talk to her for real.” That woman is never going to learn. “I’m sorry, sweetie.” “Does it ever get easier, Holly?” “It can. My dad kept Dawn away from us as much as he could. Your dad is trying to do the same, but Dawn doesn’t seem to get the hint. After everything that happened, would you want a relationship with her?” She looks down briefly, and then faces me with tear-filled eyes. “Maybe? Not the drug-addict version of her but the one who used to take care of me and love me … I miss that mom.” “Yeah, I understand that. It’s a hard thing to cope with. On the bad days, just remember you have Ken and me, and we love you the most.” When she smiles, it lightens my heart. “Does Declan know what happened that day?” Shit. I forgot he hasn’t seen her other than in brief passing since then. “Not yet, but I decided I’m going to tell him soon.” In a flash, her arms are around me. “I’m so glad. Maybe it will help you guys get back together.” “We’re actually dating exclusively. I wouldn’t say we’re back together yet, but we’re not seeing anyone else. It’s time he knows the truth, I’m still working up to it.” “That’s awesome, Holly! You two have always been perfect for each other, and seriously, just tell him. It’s not that big of a deal.” If she only knew.

She turns her attention back to the cookie dough and starts dropping spoonfuls onto the baking sheet. The doorbell rings and I know it’s him. I swear he’s got some kind of ESP and senses when people are talking about him. “Wanna get that for me?” I’m putting the first tray of cookies in the oven and trying to hide my smile as she sets the spoon down and answers the door. “What the hell happened to my munchkin? You’re huge!” Heather squeals gleefully as Declan picks her up and swings her around. It’s a precious sight and brings instant happiness to my heart. “Declan! You’re here!” “Oh, come on,” he says, putting her back on the ground. “Did you really think your sister was going to be able to get rid of me?” “Not really, but geez, it took you long enough.” “Tell me about it. Your sister is a hard nut to crack.” “So … are you guys back together for good?” Dec defers to me with a slight nod. “We’re working on it, Heather,” I answer. “Really? Come on, Holly! He loves you.” I’m pretty sure my sister still has a raging crush on him. It’s adorable. “Listen to your sister, love, she knows what she’s talking about.” “Declan …” My cautioning tone only makes him smile and raise his arms in surrender. “I know, we’re taking it slow.” “Oh my God, s-w-o-o-n. You two are adorbs.” Declan laughs in earnest. “I’m not sure anyone other than Baxter has ever called me adorbs. Or swooned at me, for that matter.” “Women swoon at you all the time,” I say, laughing. “Hmm, I must be too blinded by your beauty to notice.” His husky tone lights me on fire, but it’s completely inappropriate as Heather looks between us with a smug look. “Totally knew you two were going to get back together. In four years, I’ll be sixteen, which is the perfect age to babysit my nieces and nephews. I’ll even give you the family discount.” What is with her and babies today? “Hear that, Holls? We’ll get the family discount. How could we possibly pass up an offer like that?” Another knock on the door saves my ass. “That might be Sage. Can you grab it so I can get the cookies out?”

“I’ll get it,” Heather says. “Oh my God! It’s Holly’s mini-me!” “She is, isn’t she?” Sage replies to Baxter. “Declan, it’s good to see you … alone,” she adds coolly. “Oh, come on, Sage. That’s no kind of greeting. Give me a hug.” Declan envelops her before she has a chance to mock him or turn away. “Holly, this is so cool. Did you invite everyone over to see me?” Heather follows Baxter into the kitchen. “Actually, no. Declan was supposed to bring dinner over tonight, and Sage said she might stop by but was supposed to call me and let me know.” Sage stops squirming in Declan’s arms and finally returns his hug. “It’s about time you come to your senses, you big oaf.” Bax laughs at her grumbling. “Pretty sure it was Holly who finally came to her senses.” “I think we both finally came to an understanding,” I reply. “Agreed,” Dec concurs. “Sounds good to me. Now, what’s for dinner, brother-in-law?” Heather quips. “Oh shit, mini-Holls has jokes,” Bax says as he throws his arm around me. Declan feeds off her comment. “Whatever you want, sister-in-law.” Heather giggles uncontrollably at his response. “You’re totally fucked, you know that, right?” Sage asks as she runs her finger through the dough and licks it. “I’m beginning to see that,” I reply, scooping out my own taste of cookie dough. Even though they’re all sort of mocking me, I haven’t been this happy in a long time. “Can we have pizza? No anchovies. If I have to eat any more fish, I’ll cry,” Heather says, pouting. “Sure.” Declan pulls out his phone to order. Baxter puts his arm around Heather’s shoulder and tugs her close. “Who the hell actually puts anchovies on pizza? You’re hanging out with the wrong crowd, Heather. Stick with us, we’ll steer you the right way.” “I don’t know anyone who does, I was just hoping you don’t,” Heather replies, happily leaning into Baxter. “Okay, pizza is ordered. Holly, can you come help me grab some drinks and stuff from my apartment?” Eyeing him suspiciously, I reply, “Sure, keep an eye on the cookies, you guys. Don’t let them burn.”

“Got it, babe. No burnt cookies on my watch.” Sage winks as I follow Declan. When we get into his apartment, he closes the door behind us. “What’s going on, Dec?” “This.” He slams his mouth onto mine and pushes me into the wall. When I squeal in surprise, he slides his tongue into my mouth. Roaming my body with his hands, he steals my breath with each stroke of his tongue. I’m dying for more, but there’s no time. As we break apart, I’m dazed and out of breath. “Holy shit, Declan.” “That was incredible,” he pants, trying to catch his breath. “With Heather here, I figure I may not get to do that again until she leaves. I couldn’t let what might be my only opportunity pass me by.” “We wouldn’t want that,” I whisper. “Was I wrong? Should I not have done that? Shit, Holls, I hate being apprehensive about us. I want to be able to kiss you without second-guessing your feelings about it.” His pained words tug on my heartstrings. “Don’t worry about kissing me. In fact, you should do it as much as you want, when it’s appropriate.” “Good,” he says. “Does this seem different to you? Our chemistry? Nodding, he says, “It’s intense, and please don’t take this the wrong way, but I’ve been …” “Around the block?” He smiles at my euphemism. “Yeah, that’s a good way to put it. I’ve never felt this, with anyone, not even you the first time around. I’ve always loved you, but this is like …” “Love on crack?” “Something along those very lines, yes.” A knock on the door pulls us from our private lust fest. As I quickly straighten my hair, Declan answers his door. Baxter looks between us and nods his approval. “Mmhm, just what I thought. There’s no time for fucking, you’ve got a delivery, Holly. Sage and I think you need to come deal with it personally.” Oh shit. I wasn’t expecting any packages. Did I forget about something? The last thing I need is Declan seeing my stuff before I have a chance to talk to him about work. Fuck! We’ve never kept secrets before and now I’m keeping two of them. This has to stop. We gather some drinks and go back across the hall. The apartment is quiet, and it’s clear why when we reach the kitchen. “Stephan.” He looks uncomfortable as I set down the drinks. There’s a vase full of roses on the counter, and I feel awful. “Holly, hi.”

Heather is on the couch texting and glancing surreptitiously at us. Baxter and Sage are huddled next to each other waiting for the show, and Declan is guarded, pissed. “What are you doing here?” “I was hoping we could talk. That I could convince you you’re making a mistake by dismissing our relationship so quickly. I see now it was a mistake, I should have called first. I’ll get out of your way, but maybe we can have lunch next week?” My heart aches for him. It must have taken a lot out of him to come here and put his heart on the line like this. How can I tell him no? I look at Declan, hoping he’ll see the apology in my eyes before answering Stephan. “We can have lunch and talk things out. Stephan, you should know it’s not going to change my mind, but we should have a conversation. How about Wednesday. We can meet at our usual spot at noon?” “I’d like that. Thank you. I’m sorry for interrupting your evening. Have a good night, everyone.” Once he leaves, you could cut the tension in the air with a knife. Declan storms out right after him, and I hear his apartment door slam shut. Sage’s arm is on my shoulder immediately. “Go to him, Holly, or this will only get worse.” “Damn, girl, that guy was smoking hot” Baxter says. “Right? I thought it was just me,” Heather adds. As I walk to the door, I hear Baxter reply, “Girl, you’re twelve. Leave the men for the grownups and find yourself a Beckham brother.” Knocking on Declan’s door doesn’t get me any results but turning the knob does. It’s an asshole move, but I know if the situation were reversed he’d do the same to me. I find him sitting on his couch, bent over, head in his hands. Perching myself on his coffee table in front of him, I pull his hands from his head and hold them in mine. “Talk to me, Declan.” When his baby blues meet my eyes, it’s heartbreaking how gutted he is. “Tell me about him.” “There’s not much to tell. Stephan and I went out a few times. He wanted a more serious commitment and I didn’t. We ended things. After the two of us made our arrangement, he called wanting to try again and I told him no. Actually, I told him I was seeing someone else.” “You did?” “Of course.” He blows out a breath. “Did he know about me when you were dating? How long

did you date?” He’s jealous; it’s more of a turn-on than I would’ve expected. “He knew a little bit about you. That we had been in a long-term relationship and that I’d been hurt. I guess we dated for about three months?” “So it was a relationship?” “No, we dated casually. There was no exclusivity, no expectations.” “But you had sex.” “Yes, we had sex. He’s a nice guy, Dec, but he isn’t you. That’s the problem, no one has ever been you.” A glimmer of hope sparks in his eye. “Then why did you agree to lunch?” “For the same reason. He’s a nice guy who stood awkwardly in a room filled with my closest friends and my date. Poor Stephan doesn’t know we’re already exclusive, so he put his heart on the line and tried in his own sweet way to get me back. That man came armed with flowers, dressed to the nines, and a plan to woo me. I can’t give him my heart, but I can give him my time and an explanation.” He inches closer to me, and I bite down on my lip. It’s a nervous habit and he knows it. With his thumb, he pulls my lip away from my teeth. “Why can’t you give him your heart, love?” “Because it’s always belonged to you.” He reaches around me and palms the back of my head. The look in his eyes is one of pure adoration as he pulls me to his lips and kisses me tenderly. It’s slow and innocent and exactly what I need from him. As the love simmers between us, his kiss becomes more passionate. His tongue greets mine in a languid stroll of reconciliation, pouring his heart into every stroke. “Wow.” It’s the only word I can say when we part. “Do you have any idea how much I love you? I wanted to throttle him. Jealousy isn’t an emotion I enjoy, Holly.” “I don’t like being jealous, either, Declan, but you have to trust me, just like I have to trust you.” “Yes, I know. It would be easier if I knew what the fuck you were keeping from me, though.” He mutters the last part, but it stings nonetheless. “Can we go have a nice night? I feel like we’ve made huge progress tonight and I don’t want to spoil it with things from the past.” “Of course.” When we stand, he pulls me into a hug. “Declan, just give me a few more dates before we delve into the painful stuff, okay? I want to enjoy us for a bit longer.” “You can have as much time as you need. Don’t worry, Holls, there’s nothing you

can tell me that will make me love you any less.” It’s not his love I’m worried about. It’s his anger at the lying that has me scared.



twelve Holly

“I can’t believe you talked me into going to a gay bar to celebrate moving day. I love you, Baxter, but not having the opportunity to get laid after a night of grinding on the dance floor sucks.” “I love you, too, Sage. Besides, if you really think about it, Declan probably won’t be the only straight wingman there. Plus, bi guys totally go to gay bars, too.” “Oh fuck, that’s a good point. How hot would that be?” “Really hot,” Declan says, wagging his eyebrows at her. “You’re such a jerk, Declan.” “You love me, Sage, admit it.” “Yeah, yeah, but you’re still a jerk.” When we make it into the club, the place is hopping. Baxter is in eye candy heaven. A couple of months ago, he and Bobby broke up again because the guy is a cheating whore. Bax has been in a serious funk ever since. Today, Baxter and Sage finally moved into the apartment next door to Declan and me. We’ve been in the same building for a while, and the office promised us as soon as a vacancy became available one of us would be moved next to the other. As we climb onto our bar stools, we pair off. Baxter wanted to use Declan as a pretend boyfriend in case he decides he’s not ready to hook up with anyone. Sage and I are on Bax’s left and Declan on his right. It kind of sucks I won’t have his flirting or his constant touching tonight, but I know he’ll make up for it when we get home. Sage is moving in her seat to the steady thumping of the music. “Let’s get drunk and dance our asses off!” I don’t bother screaming back at her; instead, opting for a thumbs-up. My phone vibrates, and I pull it out of my pocket. Declan: You look fucking hot tonight. Hell yeah. He’s going to flirt after all.

I miss your touch already. Declan: You won’t be missing it later when you’re begging me to let you come. Promise? “Are you two sexting right next to me?” Sage asks, feigning disgust. “Maybe.” Looking over my arm, she reads the thread. “Holy shit, that’s hot.” The bartender lines up four shot glasses and fills them with tequila. We all toss them back at the same time, and he refills them immediately. “I haven’t seen you here before. Is it your first time?” the bartender asks Bax. Baxter flashes him a beaming smile. “First time in a while. I used to come here with my ex until I needed some breathing room.” The bartender returns the smile and leans over the counter, closer to Baxter. “That explains it.” “What time are you off tonight?” Bax asks, and I admire his forwardness. Get em, Bax! “That depends,” the man drawls. “Hmm, on what?” “What time I’m getting you off,” he answers. For once, Baxter seems shocked. “That’s totally hot, but I’m not that easy. I’m more of the dating type.” “Too bad,” he says, licking his lips. “You could always change,” Baxter sasses. “So could you,” the bartender replies flirtatiously. “Ha, not likely. I like you, though. We could be friends. If you want my number, let me know. We could have fun together.” This guy is seriously hot. Sage and I are watching their exchange with baited breath. He’s tall, dark, and handsome, with some serious muscleage going on. He could toss Bax around and do him dirty just like he likes. If only he gave off the monogamous vibe. “I’ll keep that in mind. Another round in the meantime?” We toss our shots back once more, and he refills them before checking on his other customers. My phone buzzes again. Declan: Was it just me or was that guy perfect for Bax?

In all the ways except the one that counts. Declan: We’ll find him one eventually. Anyone is better than that asshole Bobby. True. So are you done flirting with me? Declan: Do you have any idea how nice your ass looks perched on that stool? Probably not as nice as yours does considering the group of guys behind you haven’t taken their eyes off of you. Declan: They can look but they can’t touch. The only one who gets to touch is you. And Baxter, you are his boyfriend tonight. Declan: True, but Baxter doesn’t make me hard. You on the other hand already have me thankful I’m tucked up under the bar. My eyes dash over to him and he smirks at me. Fucker. “Ready to dance?” Sage asks. “Yeah, sure.” “We’re going dancing, save our seats. Unless someone hot comes up and you have to have him. I’m all for that, but when we come back we get to sit on your laps instead.” “Or the hot guy can sit on my lap,” Bax counters. “Yeah, or that, too. Remember, find a hot guy with a bi friend.” Sage is already slurring her words a bit. She’s always been such a lightweight; then again, Declan can be, too. When he tips up his fifth shot and winks at me, I’m pretty sure he’s heading to the drunk side. We’re not three feet from the bar when she grasps my arm tightly. “Oh shit, Holls. Fuck, look who’s staring this way.” I’m peering out into the crowd and my eyes lock onto Bobby’s almost immediately. “Shit, this is so not good. Let’s get out of here.” We turn around to find Declan and Baxter with their heads together—probably so they don’t have to yell—but if anyone didn’t know them, it would look extremely intimate. One of the problems Baxter and Bobby had was Bobby always thought Declan had a thing for Bax. It probably didn’t help that Bax told him he’d been in love with Dec when we were younger. Sage and I walk over and tuck ourselves into their huddle. “Don’t turn around, but Bobby is here and he’s staring right at you. He looks pissed.” Baxter’s eyes fill with fear at my words as Declan’s fill with anger. “Bax, play this cool. Bobby is not going to wreck our night. Let me lead on this one. Don’t let him get to

you.” Sage and I move off to the side a bit, and Declan turns their bar stools sideways. He places one hand on Bax’s knee before covering Baxter’s hand with his free hand on the bar. “Is it wrong that I’m totally getting off on this?” Sage whispers loudly in my ear. “No, because I am, too.” I know it’s all a farce, but it’s hot because Declan is a good man who will do anything to protect his best friend. Thankfully, Baxter has long been over Declan. They may joke, but at the end of the day, Baxter loves Dec and me being together. Bobby moves toward them, and Dec sees it out of the corner of his eye. They laugh at some joke and Declan brings his fingers up to trace Baxter’s lips. Sage and I move closer, captivated by what is going on. Baxter’s face flushes, and when Bobby is within hearing distance, Declan practically growls at Baxter. “You’re a fucking sexy piece of man meat, Baxter Ross.” Bobby’s face contorts angrily as Declan’s hand moves to the back of Baxter’s head. Before my mind can process what is going on, Dec’s tongue is in Bax’s mouth and they’re going at it. I’m decidedly turned on, and so is Sage. “Fuck me, Holls. Think it would be that hot if we kissed?” “Nope,” we both say at the same time. Baxter is playing along, weaving his fingers through Dec’s hair. They look like they’re really into this kiss, and for a split second my heart drops. “What the fuck is going on?!” Bobby screams at them. Dec moves away slowly, licking his lips in the sexiest way before turning his attention to Bobby. “I’m not sure that’s any of your business.” “I knew there was something going on with you two. The whole time you denied it up and down. Explain yourself, Baxter.” Baxter looks up at him in a lust-filled daze and shrugs. “What I do with my life is none of your business.” Yes! He’s finally sticking up for himself. Declan stands, looking smug, and the bartender is watching it all play out. He seems highly amused. “Bobby, I think it’s time for you to go,” Dec says, moving in front of Baxter. Bobby shoves Dec out of the way, but Declan has lightning-fast reflexes. He punches Bobby and has him laid out on the floor before Bobby knows what hit him. Baxter looks proud but also torn. Declan is pissed. “It’s me or him, Baxter. Don’t you dare go back to him, I’m not joking.” Sage grips my arm. To anyone else it looks like a lover’s quarrel, but that’s not what this is at all. Declan just put everything on the line to protect Baxter; if he goes back

to Bobby, it will kill their friendship. The bouncer comes up and the bartender points to Bobby. “Only him. He started it.” With a nod, the bouncer escorts a screaming Bobby to the door. “I wasn’t going to go to him,” Baxter says as the bartender brings ice to Declan for his hand. “Yeah, I figured,” Declan says as Baxter pulls me to him. “Your man can kiss.” Declan smiles, and the bartender looks at him in amusement. “You’re not gay?” “Nah, just helping my buddy out tonight. Bobby is an ass.” “Bi?” he asks with a raised brow. “Don’t I fucking wish,” Sage says. “How about you, sexy? Are you bi? Maybe bicurious?” She flutters her eyelashes at him, and he releases a full-bodied laugh. “I’m as gay as they come, sweetheart.” Then, he writes on a napkin and passes it to Baxter before going to help another customer. I read it with him since he’s still got me wrapped in his arms. “Any enemy of Bobby is a friend of mine. Call me for friendship, and maybe more … Zander.” “Holy shit, Bax! He’s got a Z name. Isn’t that like the holy grail for you?” I’m so excited for him, I kiss him on his cheek. “Well, kissing Declan used to be the ultimate holy grail, but this is now since I can scratch that off my list.” Declan and Sage are chatting, so I pull Bax into a huddle-type hug. “Are you okay after that? I know you used to have feelings for him, and I’d hate to think—” He places his finger to my mouth to hush me. “I love you, Holls, and thanks for worrying about me, but you don’t need to. Declan can kiss, but his rod of steel didn’t even make an appearance while he kissed me. I know he’s not gay, and even more, I’d never want to be the cause of breaking you guys up.” “How do you know his rod of steel didn’t make an appearance?” Baxter feigns an exhausted look. “Come on, Holls, you know me better than that. I couldn’t let my one shot slip past me. Before we broke apart, my hand accidentally-onpurpose ghosted over his cock.” I bust up laughing. This is the Baxter we all love. “Really, nothing?” “Not even a teepee tent,” he adds sullenly. His tone concerns me. “Are you sure that you’re fine with this?” “Sweet cheeks, I’m more than fine. Declan not rising to the occasion might be a slight blow to my ego, but it was to be expected. Even so, I’m not sure there’s a better feeling in the world than knowing your best friend loves you enough to do what Declan

just did. We hit the lotto with him, didn’t we?” “We sure did, but we also hit the lottery with you and Sage.” “What the hell, Bax? You going to hog my girl all night? She should be over here kissing me and making me all better.” “Excuse me, and here I thought you were a tough guy.” Sage snorts and swaps places with me. Declan wraps his free arm around me and pulls me close. “Need some TLC, sexy?” I ask him. “Like you wouldn’t believe,” he murmurs as he nips my ear. “I’m sure sexy piece of man meat is willing to help. What do you say, Bax?” This time, Declan blushes as Sage and Bax laugh with me. “That was the best fucking line ever. We’re going to be old and gray in our wheelchairs still laughing at this story. But in the meantime, you tend to the big baby while Sage and I hit the dance floor.” As they shimmy away, I lift the ice pack off Declan’s hand. He must have hit Bobby harder than I realized. His knuckles are bruising, and one of them is popped open and bleeding a little. I bring his hand to my lips and kiss him carefully. “Are you okay? I don’t think it’s broken or anything.” “I’m fine. It’s just a little sore, but it was worth it to lay that fucker out once and for all.” “What about the kiss? Was that worth it?” “Hmm, I don’t know. Maybe you should kiss me so I can be sure I’m still playing for the right team.” He weaves his fingers through my hair and fuses our lips together. Our tongues meet in an explosive dance. The music and the club fade away, and it’s just the two of us and our ignitable passion. He moves my hand to his dick and he’s hard as a rock. Groaning, I pull back from our kiss. “Yup, pretty sure I’m still Team Holly.” “Tell me the truth and I won’t be mad. You felt nothing when you kissed Baxter?” “It was like kissing anyone else for the first time. A little awkward, until we found our groove. I got more of a rush from knowing we were pissing Bobby off, though. It wasn’t bad, and I could even see enjoying it if it were someone other than Bax. I’d do anything for him, but as far as sexual favors go, kissing him is where I draw the line. I was more worried I was hurting you.” “Nah, I knew what and why you were doing it. It was hot in a strange kind of way. Baxter is a little too close for comfort. If you’d been kissing Zander, I could have been really into it.”

“You’re such a dirty girl.” “What can I say? Sage must be rubbing off on me.” “I was hoping that was my influence rubbing off on you.” Declan is borderline drunk and staring at me with salacious eyes. “Come dance with me, Declan James, and then take me home and make me scream your name.” “Okay, but you have to walk in front of me. Otherwise, everyone is going to be staring at my dick.” “Well, if there were ever a place to show off your impressive cock, this would be it.” Laughing, he pulls me close, my back to his front. “The only place I want to show off my cock is in our bedroom.”

We stumble into our apartment drunk and laughing. While I lock up behind us, Declan heads into the kitchen. “I’m going to get us some ibuprofen and water, and you should go into the bedroom and get naked.” Following his request, I take it one step further. As I walk toward our room, I strip as I go, leaving a trail of clothes for him to follow. When I’m fully naked, I lie down on my stomach and wait for him to come in. It doesn’t take long. “Damn, Holly.” He whistles appreciatively as he puts the water and medicine on the dresser. I’ve got my head turned toward him so I can watch him undress. In record time, he’s kicked off his shoes, shrugged out of his shirt, and dropped his pants. While he slowly peels off his boxers, I watch in fascination. Taking his glasses off, he places them on the nightstand, but my eyes are on his beautiful cock standing at attention. The bed dips as he climbs on and lays his body over mine. Nothing has ever felt more right than the firmness of his body against my soft curves. Dipping his fingers between my legs, his lips caress the side of my neck. The warmth of his breath trails over my skin while his tongue dances along the curve of my shoulder. As his fingers trail through the wetness between my thighs, I hiss as he teases my most sensitive spot. “Declan.” One whispered word is all it takes before he slides a finger inside of me.

“Yes, love?” The huskiness of his words floods me with need. “More, baby, I need more.” A second finger slides in as he brushes my hair away from my neck. He sucks my skin into his mouth and it feels heavenly. “So good.” My body arches against his fingers, trying to pull him deeper, but his body is holding me down. I’m at his mercy. “Please, Declan.” A third finger works inside of me, and I release a cry. “Is this what you want?” He bites my shoulders and nips across my back. “I think it is. You’re fucking drenched, love.” “You, baby,” I gasp between thrusts. “I need you inside of me. I’m ready, please.” He pulls his fingers out one at a time and growls. “I fucking love it when you beg, Holls. Do it again.” “Declan, please fuck me.” The tip of his dick is poised at my entrance. He’s careful as he nestles himself inside, but once his head is in, he laces his fingers through mine while holding my hands above my head. In one swift move, he slams into me and it’s pure sensation overload. “Ahhh … don’t stop, baby, don’t stop.” “Shit, Holly, nothing feels as good as your pussy gripping my cock.” “Declan …” I warn, even though I’m almost beyond caring. “Come on, love, your pussy is a beautiful thing. Be proud, Holly.” I can barely keep my eyes open. Each time he thrusts inside me, they roll back into my head. He’s positioned at the perfect angle to stroke my g-spot, and I’m not sure I can hold back much longer. “Oh shit, God, ah … yeah … right there, baby.” Each calculated thrust comes harder and faster. I’m gripping him tightly, but I’m teetering on the edge of a blissful freefall. “Fuck, Holls!” “Come with me, please,” I cry before losing my breath as he slams into me harder and harder. “Declan!” “Holly!” I’ll never get tired of feeling his pulsing release inside of me. Birth control pills are the greatest invention ever. His lips are immediately against my skin, and I release a contented sigh. There’s nowhere in the world I’d rather be. When he pulls out of me, he rolls us over and kisses me sweetly. “That was so fucking hot. I’m pretty sure Sage and Baxter probably heard us

through the walls.” “Whatever, they can be jealous then. I don’t even care right now.” “Love you, Holls,” he says as his eyes flutter closed. “I love you, too,” I mumble as I fall into my own contented sleep.



thirteen Declan

It’s been about six weeks since Holly and I started dating again. Other than the issues we had with Stephan and Justine, things are going great. No sex yet, but we’ve had no other arguments, either. Holly had her lunch with Stephan and explained it was well and truly over, and I fired Justine. I took Holly’s advice and hired Baxter to be my PR guy. Justine was pissed, but once I signed the paperwork for the Slammed Inc. show, she was fine. She just wanted the last little piece of my money if she wasn’t going to get my cock again. We parted with well wishes for each other, and I’ll hopefully never see her again. “Hey, Dec, your box just came,” Baxter says, bringing the box inside. “Perfect, I need that for my date with Holly tonight.” “Did you order sex toys to stroke the slow-burning flame you guys have?” “Shut it, asshole. There’s nothing wrong with going slow.” “If you say so. It all seems boring to me. You live in separate apartments and you’re not having sex. In fact, your last date was dinner with your parents. Are you twenty-five or forty-five?” To hear him say it, we do sound boring as fuck. “Maybe I’ll take her to The Scene next week. A night of dancing could lead to some fun.” “You mean to some fucking, and hell yeah, it can. What are you waiting for, anyway? I’ve heard that girl scream down apartment walls while you’ve fucked her with your massive man muscle. I don’t think she’s going to turn you down.” “We’ll see. I just want her to be sure. I don’t want to push her into something she isn’t ready for.” Baxter sits down across from me with a stack of paperwork in his lap. “Is there such a thing as being ready? I understand you two are working through things, but this is Holly we’re talking about. Out of all the people reuniting in the world, the two of you are

the ones I thought would jump headfirst into the deep end. No hesitation, no lost time to worry about.” While he works, I think about what he said. Maybe the problem is we can’t get out of our own heads. The two of us should take a trip—somewhere we won’t be distracted or interrupted by the outside world. A little while later, as I’m researching beachfront rentals and lakefront cabins in the mountains, trying to decide on a course for our getaway, Baxter gasps. “More dick pics?” “Not even close,” he replies, and I turn around to see him frantically texting on his phone. “Are you going to tell me what’s going on or am I going to have to guess?” There’s a knock at the door, and when I answer it, I’m faced with a concerned Holly. “What’s going on?” “Your guess is as good as mine. Baxter, what the hell are you freaking out about?” “Sit down and read the email I have pulled up.” We sit next to each other on the couch and Baxter passes us his laptop. As my eyes begin scanning the words, my stomach plummets. “Nope, not reading this.” As I let go of the computer, Holly balances it on her lap. “Declan, you have to,” he says. “No, I don’t.” Holly squeezes my knee and looks at me with sympathy. “Do you want me to read it to you?” “Yeah, okay.” Dear Declan, My name is Candace Barnes, and I live in Phoenix Arizona. Last week, my son Thomas was home for the weekend and brought you to my attention. Tom is eighteen and a freshman at UC Riverside. While Tom was visiting, he watched your debut show on the Slammed Inc. social network. You’ll have to forgive me if I’m not making much sense yet. This is a difficult email to write. Nineteen years ago, I met a man, your father, Adam James. He was charming and charismatic and swept me off my feet and into the most exciting love affair of my life (at that time). A few months into our relationship, I found out I was pregnant. At the time, I was only eighteen myself. I was inexperienced in the ways of the world. I had been homeschooled and came from a strict Christian family. When I found out I was pregnant, your father tried to do right by me. He helped me find a job, got me into my own apartment, even helped me enroll in school. It was everything I could have possibly wished for. He traveled a lot for business, and we never

lived together, but I never wanted for a thing. Our age difference wasn’t a big deal to me; the love we had was more important than the fourteen years separating us. One day, when I was about eight months pregnant, I was visited by a woman. To this day, I still don’t know who she was. Back then, I thought she’d wrecked my life, but today I think of her as my angel. She saved Tom and me from a horrible situation. The woman told me Adam wasn’t who I thought he was. That he had a wife and a seven-yearold son, but that wasn’t the worst of it. He also had other women he was seeing. Although, as far as I know, he had no other children. When I confronted your father, he admitted all of it was true. He didn’t seem bothered by how upset I was. In fact, he was almost dismissive. He confessed your mother was the love of his life and even though he loved her, he didn’t have the capability of remaining faithful. Adam swore to me you were his only child. When I told him I wasn’t interested in sharing him with another woman, that was the last I ever saw of him. I never knew your name, nor your mom’s. Not once did I research him or try to find him again. He sent a cashier’s check each month and always seemed to know when we moved. We’ve had a good life. I married a wonderful man and have three other children. As I watched my four kids grow, the one regret I always had was that Tom never got to know his brother. I’m sure this is a lot to take in, and I apologize for reaching out this way. Having survived an ambush by a stranger myself, I thought an email would be better than a visit. When Tom was home, he was riveted by your show. He explained some kids from school raved about your videos and your channel and convinced him to watch this new one. After watching your video, he came to me with red-rimmed eyes and asked me to watch it. Right away, I knew who you were. It’s striking how much the two of you look alike. You both have Adam’s eyes, dark hair, and the need for glasses, though Tom chooses contact lenses. Between your shared looks, and the same last name, I knew it was time to come clean and tell Tom the truth about Adam … and you. I feel like I owe you an apology, Declan. The same one I owed my son. Even though I knew about your existence, I did nothing to try to facilitate a relationship between the two of you. I never told Tom he had a brother, and he’s quite angry with me for it. In all fairness, I didn’t know if your parents were still together. Breaking up a marriage wasn’t high on my list of priorities. I felt guilty enough for the affair, even though I didn’t know I was the other woman, or one of many other women. I didn’t want to blow up your world, or your mother’s, the way mine was. Sometimes, Declan, ignorance is bliss. Before I knew about Adam’s lifestyle choices, I’d been happy. I wouldn’t ever want to be the cause of taking that away from someone else. I’ve no right to ask you for any favors, but Tom would like to meet you and get to know you. He’s an amazing young man who is hoping to become a doctor. I’m attaching a photo of him so you can see the resemblance, as well as the only photo I have of Adam and me that was taken while I was pregnant. You don’t know me, and you have no reason to believe me, but I hope you do.

Tom wanted to seek you out, but I convinced him to let me try to contact you first. I’m not sure which is worse: for you to be living in a happy family and I’ve just killed your perception of that, or for you to have known about the man your father is all along. If you’d like to talk to me, or directly to Tom, our contact information is enclosed. I know it’s a big thing to ask, but I would appreciate it if you could please reply with your intentions. I can hold Tom off if I know definitively that you may or may not be open to a relationship, but if you don’t answer either of us, he’ll likely track you down. I hope that doesn’t come off like a threat; he’s a determined eighteen-year-old boy who wants to know his family and legally doesn’t have to listen to his mom anymore. If it’s worth anything, I’d like to know you, too. My home is always open to you if you’d like to get away and get to know an extension of your family. Kind Regards, Candace

Time passed slowly after Holly read the letter. We looked at the pictures, and then I shut down. Without a word to her or Baxter, I came to my room and laid down. I’ve been here ever since. It’s becoming dark in my room, so I know the day has slipped past, but I just can’t find it in myself to care. When the front door closes, I wonder which of them has left. It doesn’t take too long to get my answer when Holly slides into bed with me. With an easy grace, she wraps her arms around me from behind and holds me. “You don’t have to talk to me, but I’m not leaving you alone.” Placing a kiss against my neck, she tucks her chin into the crook of my neck and shoulder. I’m so fucked in the head right now, and even though I want her with me more than anything, I’m terrified. My shoulders tremble, and the sobs I’ve been holding in for hours escape. “Oh, baby, it’s all going to work out, you’ll see,” she says, trying to soothe me. When she releases me, a wave of panic floods through me, but she only moves long enough to face me. Brushing away my tears with her thumb, she kisses my cheeks lovingly. “Declan, we’re going to get through this together. Remember when Dawn showed up with Heather? I was so angry, but you got me through it. What’s your biggest fear about this whole thing?”

“That I’m just like him.” Her shocked expression rapidly turns to anger. She scoots closer, cups my cheeks, and kisses me with all her heart. “You are not like him. We are not our parents.” “All the women, Holly, you don’t know that’s the case.” Fuck, I’m so torn up over this I just want to throw up. “I do know, Declan, because I know you. You are the same man who nursed me through chicken pox when I was fifteen. The same man who danced with Baxter at prom more than me because he didn’t have a date. The same man who helped me shower, went to all my classes and took notes, fed me, and dressed me when I broke my arm.” “Those are just things, Holly.” She sighs in frustration. “No, that’s love. So was the time you rented out the pizza place where we had our second date so we could celebrate our first anniversary of living together in candlelight. How about the time you came to my apartment to beg me back because we made a huge mistake in breaking up? Or the time you broke up with me because you thought I needed to experience more before we could be happy together.” “Exactly, Holly!” “Baby, I’m not making light of that situation at all. You did something that was inherently against everything you wanted because you thought I wanted it. Who does that?” “Me, apparently.” She answers with a smile. “That’s right, you do. Come on, Declan, we’re just getting started. We could nip this in the bud right now and come out relatively unscathed. Is that what you want? Do you want to go fuck another seventy-eight women?” “You know I don’t.” “Do you want me to go fuck another five guys?” Is she trying to piss me off? “If anyone else touches you, the outcome won’t be good for them.” “The only person I want touching me is you. You’re it for me, Declan. I’m done fighting it, I’m done going slow. You’re the only man in my heart, and you’re the only one who ever will be. For the love of God, admit to yourself that you’re not him, you could never be him, and make love to me.” “I’m not sure I can do that. I’ve only ever made love to my girlfriend. Are you ready to take back that role in my life again and everything that goes with it? I need you all in, Holls, or we need to wait.” “What is everything?” The tenderness in her voice pushes me further. As I comb my fingers through her hair, I think about what I want from her. “I’m tired of sleeping alone, and if you don’t

want to move in, I get it, but sleep in my bed at night. Or I’ll sleep in yours.” “I think we can manage that.” “No more dancing around our feelings. We have to stop being afraid of hurting each other. I’m an open book to you, Holly, but you have to open up to me soon.” “Soon, Declan, but not now. One crisis at a time.” “Fine, if you agree to start being my date. I know you don’t want to be in the public eye, I get that. But unfortunately, it’s my job to be in the limelight. You belong by my side, love. Parties, premieres, award shows, my date should be you. Do you want other women throwing themselves at me?” She cringes, and I’m glad. “That’s exactly what happens when I go alone, or with Baxter. If you had a work function, I’d go with you. One of Natalie’s book signings? I’m there. Want me to be eye candy to get more readers to her table? Done.” I feel like I’m pushing her away, but I’ve got nothing else to lose. We’ve lost two years already; we can’t afford to lose any more time. “How long do I fill this exclusive girlfriend role?” “As long as it takes for me to convince you to turn it into a permanent position as my wife.” Her smile is wide as she brushes her thumbs over my cheeks. “There you are, Declan James, I knew you were in there somewhere. You’re not your father and you never will be, and you know what else?” “What?” “I love you, and I’d be happy to fill whatever role you want me in as long as I’m with you.” Finally! Today has been shit, but hearing her say she loves me makes everything better. “I love you, too. Come on, out of bed. I owe you a date tonight.” She seems disappointed, but as much as I’d like to have sex with her, my head isn’t in the right place. I want to give her all my attention, but this brother thing is really fucking with me at the moment. When we stand, I pull her close and hug her with everything I have. “When we do make love, I want you to be my sole focus. I don’t want this family stuff swimming around in my head.” “I understand. You sure you’re in the mood for a date?” “I am. This one is kind of different, but I think you’ll enjoy it.” She tilts her head up and I lower my lips to hers. My cock begins to stir. “Someone didn’t get the memo,” Holly says, giggling. “He got it, he’s just reminding me how much he wants to get back in his home.”

When our lips meet, our kiss is slow and gentle. This time, there’s no rush. We’re not afraid it will be the last time, or that we’ll somehow screw this up. No matter what happens, I’ll never make that kind of mistake again. “Come on, I have a surprise for you.” I grab a pair of scissors from the counter and lead Holly to the box on the table before passing them to her. “Open it.” Inside the box is another smaller box. She gives me a side-eye glance, but I’m not having it. “Just open it, love.” “A date box?” She excitedly starts removing the contents. “Yes, it’s a subscription box service. I’m supposed to try it out and give them a shout out on my channel to let them know how it went.” “Ten easy questions to get to know your date better … and everything you need to make homemade cookies, minus fresh ingredients.” “I have the butter, eggs, and milk.” “Declan! This is amazing! Cookies are so totally us, too. Look, there’s frosting and sprinkles and everything.” Seeing that smile on her face again is worth the two years I spent in my personal hell working my way back to her. “Cookies first and questions while they bake?” My voice is drowned out by her opening and closing cabinets, looking for everything we need. Right in this moment, I know she meant what she said about being back together. Holly is too well-mannered to dig through someone’s cabinets—even mine. Not that I thought she wasn’t serious, but having it cemented in my mind is a huge wave of relief. “Sounds good. Did you get to pick the kind of cookie? Or was chocolate chip a fluke?” “I didn’t get to pick anything. They just sent Bax an email telling him what to have on hand to make the date go off without a hitch. Maybe he told them? I’m not sure.” “That would make sense because the card in the box says sugar and chocolate chip cookies. Sugar explains the need for frosting and sprinkles. My guess is, if Bax didn’t tell them, someone over there did their Declan James research and doubled you up.” “That could be. Or maybe they ran out of sugar. Chocolate chip cookies are a classic just the way they are. Only a pregnant person would put frosting and sprinkles on them.” With sparkling eyes, she replies, “Actually, I think it could be good, and I’m definitely not pregnant. Not to change the subject, but are you hungry? You were in the bedroom a long time. You have the makings for spaghetti, and I have some garlic bread in my freezer.” My stomach growls at the mention of spaghetti. “I’d love some. Want me to help?”

“Sure, I’d love that.” Holly and I work side by side. She browns the meat and gets the bread going, while I work on the noodles and sauce. When the water boils, I drop the noodles in and stir them. After putting the spoon down, I move behind her and wrap my arms around her before lowering my mouth to her neck. “I’ve missed this.” “Me, too,” she says as I push her hair aside, kissing my way up to her ear. “Are you sure you don’t want to move in? I’ll go pack your stuff right now. Hell, I’ll move everything over one piece at a time if you say yes.” “Let’s see how this goes. We only have a few months left on our leases. Maybe after that we can find a new place and make new, untainted memories there together.” Pulling us away from the stove, I turn her in my arms. “We could buy a house.” “I don’t have that kind of money, Declan.” The hesitancy in her voice worries me, but I persist. “If we’re going to be together, we should share everything. What do you think I’ve been working so hard and saving for? It’s all been for our future, Holls.” “Still, that’s … It’s a lot.” “If we wouldn’t have broken up, would you have an issue with it? If we’d gotten married?” “We did break up and we didn’t get married. As much as I’d like to, we can’t erase the last two years of our lives. We’re moving fast, and I don’t regret getting back together, but there are some things we should still take slow.” As I brush her hair away from her face, we lock eyes. “We’re doing both, going slow where it’s important and moving fast to catch up where we can. Life is an adventure, Holly, let’s make the most of it.” With a small kiss on my cheek, she shakes her head slightly and turns her attention to the rapidly boiling noodles. “What am I going to do with you?” “For starters, take a trip with me. Before Baxter got that email, I was trying to decide between a beach vacation or a cabin in the mountains.” “Really? I’m in, and I vote for a secluded cabin in the mountains. Maybe by the lake? It’s starting to get cooler, so we could swim in the daytime and relax by the fireside at night.” My cock begins to stir thinking about Holly wet in the lake and naked by the fire. “Sold. When can we go?” She drains the noodles as I turn off the sauce and take out the bread. Once we’re seated at the table with food and wine, we resume the conversation. “I’m going away for work this weekend and next weekend, but any time after that would be good,” she says, breaking off a piece of garlic bread.

“You’re going away two weekends in a row?” I’m pouting, but I don’t care. I just got her back. “Yeah, I thought I told you.” “I’m pretty sure I’d remember if you had.” Ignoring my sarcastic tone, she continues, “Sorry, you know how it goes. I have to travel with Natalie a few weekends a year. A PA’s work is never done.” “I know. If I schedule a trip for three weeks from now, can you go?” “I’d love to, but what about your brother, Declan? Have you given any thought to him?” Other than how to break this to my mom, he’s all I’ve been thinking about since the email came in. I want to know him—what he’s like, how we’re alike, how we’re different. “I want to meet him. I’m not sure about his family yet.” Her compassionate gaze reminds me of all the times she’s been there for me. We’ve known each other for almost twelve years; there’s nothing she doesn’t know about me. “I’m glad, and I’ll help you any way I can.” “Will you go with me to meet him?” “Of course, as long as it’s not when I’m supposed to be out of town. I can’t leave Natalie stranded on such short notice. Besides, I could use the money.” “Holly, do you need a loan?” The look of abject horror on her face as she drops her fork is enough for me to rethink my question. Shit. “I’m not a charity case, and I’m not poor, Declan! I’m a college-educated, selfemployed woman. Some months are more lucrative than others, and I’ve learned to save for a rainy day. My retirement plan isn’t going to fund itself, and I’m not willing to give up my flexible schedule so I can go work a boring nine-to-five job. Excuse me if I’m not rich like you, but I’m not someone you need to be pouring pity on, either. Would seeing my bank statement make you feel more comfortable?” Damn, she’s pissed. How in the world do I unfuck myself out of this? She continues glaring at me with her arms crossed over her chest. Lifting my hands in surrender, I decide to try for a humorous exit from this. “Hey, if you want to be my sugar mama, I’m cool with that, too.” A slight smile looks like it might be creeping up from the corner of her mouth. “Love, I wasn’t trying to upset you. I don’t need to see your bank statement unless you want to show it to me. I’m also happy to show you mine. I was concerned because you’ve mentioned money a few times now, and if there’s something you need, I hope you’d let me help you.”



Her hands fall back down to the table as she forgoes her defensive position. “Honestly, I don’t know why I’ve even mentioned money. You and your bank account make me nervous. I can’t help feeling somewhat inadequate next to you.” I’m stunned at her candid confession. “Come on, Holls. If anything, you’re the reason I have what I do. You encouraged me to do this, to fuck what anyone thought and put my opinions into the world. If you hadn’t pushed me, I’d have nothing.” “Declan—” “No, it’s my turn. Everything I’ve worked for has been for us. It’s why you’re my emergency contact, it’s also why you’re my designated beneficiary should something happen to me. Be pissed if you want to, but don’t compare me to my financial bottom line, because they’re two completely different things.” “I’m sorry,” she says contritely. “Me, too. Can we make cookies now and relax?” “I’d like that. Get the questions and we’ll talk as we bake.” After clearing the table and putting away the spaghetti, I pull out the little question book as she gets the baking stuff set up. “If you had to spend a million dollars in a day and couldn’t keep any of it for yourself, what would you do with it?” “Wow, they don’t go easy on you, do they?” Her brow furrows slightly as she considers her answer. “I’d send our parents on a trip around the world and pay off their mortgages.” I hop up on the counter so I can see her face while she’s mixing up the ingredients. “I’d pay for Heather’s college, and I guess my brother, too. Definitely pay off our parents’ houses and send Bax and Sage on the trip of a lifetime. After everything we’ve put them through, they deserve it. If there were any money left, I’d put it away for our kids.” “That’s really sweet. What’s the next question?” “What is the last thing you binge watched? That’s easy. I spent more time than I want to admit watching Lost.” She pours in the chocolate chips and laughs. “I did that not too long ago, but my last one was One Tree Hill.” “Again?” She blushes. “What can I say? Lucas and Brooke do it for me.” “Hmm, what else does it for you? What makes you Brooke yourself?” “Hush, we’re supposed to be having fun.” “Oh, this is fun for me, Holls.”

“You know what I mean. What’s the next question?” “Gin, vodka, or tequila?” “Tequila,” we answer in unison. “Would you rather hit snooze a bunch of times and wake up slow, or get that extra thirty minutes sleep and not hit snooze at all?” “Extra thirty minutes,” she says. “Bullshit. You’re queen of the extra snooze tap.” “Not anymore.” “Since when?” “Do you want the truth?” “I never want the lie. I’ve always been the non-snoozer. What changed for you?” “Not being able to cuddle up next to you in the morning. It was my favorite part of lingering in bed. It’s not so fun when your bed is empty.” After she puts the cookies in the oven, I toss the questions aside and pull her between my legs. “We’re not going to have any more mornings like that. You can go back to being the queen of snooze again.” “That sounds like a good plan.” “Do you want to stay here tonight, or do you want me to come to your house?” “I’ll stay here, it smells like us.” “Like us?” “The scent of freshly baked cookies always reminds me of us.” “That’s good. That means you’ll keep making me cookies forever.” “You’re such a dork,” she says before kissing me sweetly. “I’ve been called worse. Go get your stuff and I’ll watch the cookies.” “There’d better be some left when I get back.” “Then you’d better hurry up.” When she gets to the door, she turns back around. “Declan … I’m really glad we decided to do this. Thank you for being a stubborn ass.” She ducks into the hall before I can reply, which is probably a good thing because the only way I want to thank her is with my cock buried between her thighs.



fourteen Declan

“Are things any better with you and Holly?” Baxter asks as he cracks open a beer. “It’s not like things are bad with us just …” “Boring, unexciting, elderly,” he fills in. “Never elderly, at least not yet. I don’t know, Bax, ever since Dawn has started showing up more, and with my internet stuff taking off, she’s been distant. She even turned down my offer to go to Hawaii for our anniversary.” Holly has never had me more confused than these past few weeks. “Do you think she’s cheating or trying to get you to break up with her?” “No! Do you? Shit, Bax, the thought never even crossed my mind.” Shrugging, he sips his beer. “Dude, I don’t know, I have a hard enough time understanding men. Women are like a foreign language to me, but if my boyfriend were acting like that … yeah, I might wonder why he was pushing me away. I mean, come on, Dec, a trip to Hawaii is kind of awesome.” I slump even further into my chair and take a long swig of my beer. “I know, and Hawaii has always been a dream of hers. Plus, she disappeared for a week. I mean, okay … she didn’t disappear, but to go from dropping Heather off from the weekend to suddenly skipping classes and taking care of her for a week, that’s odd.” “Especially since she couldn’t let you come over. What was that all about? I know Dawn is sketchy when she’s tweaking, but you’d think Ken would have stuck up for you.” “You’d think Holly would have. Something isn’t adding up, but as much as I want to talk to her about it, she just got back this morning and it’s our anniversary. I don’t want to blow it.” Baxter grabs a couple more beers and tosses me one. “How was she this morning?” “She was fine, a little quiet.” “Holly is always quiet. If she doesn’t have her head stuck in a book, she’s thinking. So she was more quiet than normal?”

“Hell, I’m not sure. Maybe it’s just because she’s been gone. I tried to get her to go back to bed with me, but she brushed me off.” “Ding, ding, ding, you’re sexually frustrated. It’s been a week or two since you’ve had sex and you’re just being hypersensitive. Relax, Dec, I’m sure by tonight all will be well.” Smiling for the first time in a few days, I convince myself he’s right. “See, there’s that smile. I know proposing here doesn’t have the same romantic spark Hawaii would have, but Holly loves you. There’s no way she’ll say no, and you can do Hawaii for the honeymoon instead.” “That’s true.” “She’ll love the ring, too. You still haven’t told her how much you made in advertising royalties the past few months?” “Hell no. I didn’t want her to freak out on how much I spent on the ring or how much money I would have spent on the trip. I’ll tell her when things settle down, which will hopefully be by tomorrow.” A few hours later, Baxter looks up at me with hazy eyes. We just finished an epic Xbox battle and, of course, I had to rub his loss in his face. “Whatever, Dec. You’re slurring a bit, though. Let’s go on the patio and get some air, and then you can go next door and kick Sage out. Munch on some crackers, shower, and take your girl out for the night of her life. By the time you get home, I’ll have everything set up for your proposal.” “Thanks, Bax, I guess we should have stopped drinking a few hours ago. Some air will be good right about now.” I open Baxter’s sliding glass door and he follows me outside. There’s a gorgeous full moon in the sky, and I can hear the girls laughing from our patio next door. A thin, wooden fence separates the two patios. We’ve joked for months that we’re going to cut a hole in the middle. “You should just tell him the truth, Holly,” Sage chastises, and Bax raises a brow. Both of us are immediately silent. We shouldn’t be eavesdropping, but I need some fucking air right now. “I can’t, Sage, especially not today.” “Whatever, you should stick with the original plan then and go fuck other guys. You should whore it up and really get a feel for what it’s like to be a single college girl before it’s too late. Graduation is in a month and you’ve been lassoed to Declan’s cock since high school.” “I wouldn’t say that was the original plan.” Holly is slurring, too, but my focus is on what she’s saying not how she’s saying it. “But it’s a great idea in comparison.” My ears begin to buzz as anger like I’ve never felt before takes over my body. I

slam open Baxter’s sliding glass door so hard I’m surprised it doesn’t shatter. Before I know it, I’m on my own patio. “Get the fuck out of my house, Sage!” With shocked expressions and wide eyes, they both stare at me like I’m insane. Right now, I might be. “Come on, Sage, give them a few minutes,” Baxter encourages, and Sage looks to Holly for permission. “I’ll be fine, go. I’ll call you later,” Holly says calmly. I’m not sure if they’re gone before I begin yelling at her. I’ve never yelled at Holly before. “If you wanted out of this relationship, you should have just said so.” “Declan, what are you talking about?” Both of us are drunk. The rational part of my brain knows that fact, but the rational part of my brain is also inebriated and doesn’t give a flying fuck. “We fucking heard you, Holls! You want to go out and fuck other guys. Be like one of those campus whores? Well, fuck you. I can be just as much of a whore if that’s what you want!” She pales. “No, that’s not what I want. Calm down and let me explain. But first, tell me why you guys were eavesdropping on us.” “Okay, sure, right after you tell me where you really were this week. Were you actually with Heather? Or were you getting a head start on spreading your legs for the closest fraternity?” My words are dripping with contempt, and it’s apparent I’ve flipped a switch in her—one I’ve never seen before. “Is that what you think of me? After all this time? Fuck you, Declan! You have no idea what’s been going on lately, and I’m not feeling one bit inclined to tell you right now, either.” “Since when do we keep secrets from each other? You’re my best friend, my girl, there’s nothing I can’t talk to you about! But you suddenly disappear, you stop fucking me, you stop talking to me, and now I hear you and Sage talking about going out and getting laid! Screw you, Holly Ryan. I can get laid, too, by someone who actually wants me.” Storming inside to our bedroom, I find my suitcase in the closet and start packing. I don’t need this shit from her. I won’t be second best. If she doesn’t want me, that’s fine. I won’t stay where I’m not wanted. “You’re packing? Declan, come on, we’re better than this. Baby, talk to me,” she pleads from the doorway as tears stream down her cheeks. After making a trip to the bathroom and gathering my stuff, I throw it in my bag. “Why should I? You haven’t talked to me in weeks. It wasn’t until Baxter mentioned cheating today that I even considered it, but I guess that means I’m the fool, right?” I

scoop up her ring inside my boxers in my drawer and toss it in my bag. God knows I don’t need to embarrass myself even more. I’m such an idiot. “There’s so much you don’t know, that you don’t understand.” “Tell me, then. Tell me exactly what I don’t know and don’t understand.” A fearful expression fills her features and she shakes her head. With determined steps, I cut the distance between us and wrap her in my arms. My lips meet hers, and she kisses me with a passion she hasn’t shown me in months. She clutches my shirt as we kiss, her tears falling heavily the whole time. I’m pouring my heart into this kiss, hoping, and praying she feels it because I don’t know what will happen if she doesn’t. “I love you, Holls.” “I love you, too,” she whisper-sobs. “Then tell me what is going on. Since when can you not trust me, Holly?” She shakes her head, her body trembling. Before she even says it, I know what’s coming. “I can’t, not right now.” “Then I can’t stay. I can’t live with someone, share my life with someone, give my heart to someone, who doesn’t trust me with theirs. Who knows? Maybe it’s better this way. We can date other people, fuck other people, and find someone we’re better matched with. I wish you would have talked to me about it before now. We could have at least ended this with some mutual respect for each other.” “You don’t understand!” “No? I think I understand perfectly. My nine-inch dick isn’t enough for you. Maybe you want to take a ten and a twelve out for a ride. It’s cool. College is almost over. Time for you to find a real man, right?” Her tears are falling at maximum force now, but that’s her problem. I can’t let myself worry about her anymore. “You’re angry, I know you don’t mean what you’re saying right now.” “Huh, that’s where you’re wrong. There’s nothing like hearing your girlfriend and her friend talking about fucking other men to put things into perspective. You’re right, Holly, you and Sage are a hundred percent right. We need to see other people.” “Declan, no. That’s not what I want. I want you.” I let my eyes rake over her one final time and zip up my suitcase. “Well, that’s a shame because I don’t want you. Not anymore.” She’s sobbing, and my heart aches so much I probably need medical attention. I’ll deal with my pain after I’m out of this apartment and away from her. With my suitcase in hand, I pause next to her and regretfully kiss her goodbye on her forehead. If I touch her lips again, I’ll never be able to walk away. I’m holding in all

my pain until I can get somewhere far away from here. “I hope you find someone who will make all your dreams come true. It’s all I ever wanted for you. I’ll send Baxter by to pack up the rest of my things when I’m settled.” As I reach the front door, it’s open, and Baxter and Sage are staring at me wideeyed from the hall. Holly screams my name, but I don’t look back. I don’t ever want to look back at this part of my life again. If I can’t have Holly, I don’t want anyone.

A week later, I’m still holed up in my hotel room. There are takeout cartons everywhere, and I really need to do some laundry. At least I managed to find an apartment this morning and can move in this weekend. When Baxter knocks on the door, I hesitate to answer. I called him over here, so I have to let him in, but all I want right now is to be alone. “Come on, Declan, I know your mopey ass is in there. Let me in.” I take my time getting to the door, and when I finally open it, he looks at me disdainfully. “You look like shit.” “Good to see you, too.” “Well, if it makes you feel any better, you look marginally better than Holly.” I pick up the bottle of whiskey next to my bed and take a swig. Thinking about Holly hurts more than I care to admit. Talking about her is going to kill me. “Yeah, not really, but Holly is the reason I asked you to come over.” “You mean you didn’t call because you missed your best friend? Yeah, I didn’t think so. What do you want to know?” “Nothing … everything … how is she?” “I’ve only seen her in passing. Somehow, she got this crazy idea in her head that because the two of you broke up, she and Sage can’t be friends with me.” “That’s insane.” What the hell is going on in her head? “Tell me about it. Sage and I talk when we can, but Holly’s been staying at my place the past few nights and I’ve been at yours.” “Hers, I got a new place this morning. I’m moving in this weekend.” “Declan, come on. Don’t you think you’re overreacting? Sage swears it wasn’t like

how it sounded.” “Really?” I take another swig of the whiskey. “Then how was it?” He shrugs with a troubled look on his face. “She won’t tell me.” “Well, there you have it. I’m over it, Bax. I’m going to move into my new place, finish school, focus on work, and fuck as many women as I can.” “This is your broken heart talking. You love Holly and she loves you.” “Ha! Not enough to tell me the truth. Not enough to tell Sage to fuck right off when she brought up sleeping with other guys.” “Jesus, man, stop for a minute. Do you hear yourself? Tell me you’ve never been curious about sex with other women. Never wondered what it would be like to be with someone other than Holly. You’re a man, Declan, and more than that, you’re human. We all wonder what it’s like. You and Holly just never let that wonder get ahead of your love.” “I didn’t, but I’m not so sure about her. I think you’re right, Bax. I think she cheated. It’s the only thing that makes sense. Leaving for a week, cutting off sex even longer, shutting herself off, hiding her feelings. She’s already been having an affair.” “You’re wrong.” “Tell me you know that for a fact.” He frowns at my glare. “I can’t.” “Exactly. She hasn’t even texted me, hasn’t apologized, nothing.” “Sage said she’s working up to it.” This conversation is just making me angrier. “She shouldn’t have to work up to anything. Holly should be able to say anything to me, and the fact she can’t just proves we have some serious flaws in our relationship.” “You’ve never thought that before.” “She’s never given me reason to. Maybe she’s right, we need to experience other people. If we’re meant to be together, we’ll figure it out eventually, I suppose.” He looks around my messy room, his eyes finally landing on my bottle of whiskey. “Whiskey makes you mean. Why don’t we go get some food and you can come back to your place with me for a few days and pack your stuff?” “Nice try. That is partially why I called you over. Would you mind packing my things and bringing them to my new place Saturday morning? I can text you the address.” Baxter blows out what can only be described as an inconvenienced huff. “Yes, I actually do mind because I think the two of you are being ridiculous. I’ve never seen two people more miserable and broken hearted.” “Does that mean you won’t do it?” “You know I will.” His answer is a softer, more placating tone of voice. I feel bad

for dragging him into this; Baxter doesn’t do well with discord in his life. “Thank you. I owe you one, seriously.” “What was the other reason you asked me here? And it better have something to do with how much you miss me.” That gets him a chuckle. “I don’t need to miss you, Bax. I’ll never go far from you. You’re the only person in my life who’s always had my back. Except my mom, of course.” “Of course.” There’s an envelope on the table that I pass over to him. “That’s enough cash to pay my half of the rent until the lease is up. Give it to Holly. Or keep it if she makes you do a permanent apartment swap.” “Wow, even with everything you just said, I didn’t think this was real. Holding this money makes it hit home for some reason.” I offer him the whiskey, and he shakes his head. “Your loss. It’s what’s getting me through right now.” “Declan, don’t rush into anything stupid, okay? It’s all just talk, you guys can work this out. The two of you can still talk it out when you’re both sober. Things could be different.” “It’s too late, Bax. I already fucked someone else last night.” His mouth drops, and tears fill his eyes as he hurries to stand. “Well, that’s disappointing to hear. I’ll see you Saturday. Take care of yourself, Declan.” About an hour later, I receive a text from Baxter. I’ve felt like shit since he left. No, I’ve felt like shit since Holly and I broke up. Last night, I just got too drunk to care anymore and fucked some random chick I met at the bar. I’m not even sure if she was cute, but I am sure sex with her wasn’t nearly as enjoyable as sex with Holly. I’m pretty sure I only did it so I wouldn’t run back to Holly. I know she and Sage meant what they said. They were shit-ass drunk and telling the truth. Everyone knows the real truth comes out when you’re drinking. If she’d been just a tad bit drunker, maybe she would have spilled her secret. At least then I’d know for sure she cheated on me and wouldn’t have this constant, nagging, “what if” voice in my mind. I finally hold up my phone and read Baxter’s message. Baxter: I’m sorry I left that way. You kind of broke my heart with that news. I ended up driving to my parents’ house so I could have some time to think. I’ll give Holly the money tomorrow. This might not make any sense, but you and Holly were like an institution. The light at the end of my single tunnel. With you two together there was hope for us all. I’m trying to process how this all works without the two of you as our anchors. It does make sense. I’m trying to process it, too. Last night with the girl, I cut the string anchoring me to Holly so I could give her what she really wanted. Her out.

Baxter: *sigh* I don’t think either of you realize how stubborn you’re being. I’m going to hope with all my heart you find a way to make this work for all of us. Until that day comes, the two of us will keep on truckin’. Love ya. Thanks, that means more to me than you could know. Love you, too. A few seconds later, my phone goes off and I pick it up thinking it’s Baxter. It’s not; it’s a message from Holly. Holly: I’m not sure if there’s anything I can say to make the other night go away. I know what you heard sounded bad, but you didn’t hear everything. Then tell me. Holly: I only want you in my life, Declan. Can’t that be enough? Not when you’re perfectly okay keeping secrets and distancing yourself from me. It proves our relationship isn’t as solid as I thought it was. I’m giving you what you want, Holly, the chance to experience other people. If you’re ever ready to open up to me and try again, let me know. Holly: So it’s really over? It’s for the best. I got a new place. Baxter will pack up my stuff and get it out of your way by the weekend. Holly: Already???? He has rent money for you to cover the rest of my share until the lease is up. Holly: Why are you doing this to us? Can we talk? I’m doing what you wanted. Please don’t make this more difficult. When you’re ready to tell the truth, I’m always here to listen. This doesn’t have to be forever, but you should see what’s out there. I don’t want to be the one holding you back. Holly: You could never hold me back. I love you. Me, too. Always and forever, love. After the last text, I turn my phone off, opting to drown my sorrows in whiskey. If I’m going to be alone, I can at least be numb to the pain.



fifteen Holly

“Are you sure you have everything?” Sage asks for the tenth time. “I’m sure, Mom.” “Hey, I’m being a good friend. It’s supposed to rain all weekend, which is pretty cool. The two of you can stay nice and toasty in the cabin and warm each other up.” “If he wants anything to do with me after I tell him what really happened before we broke up.” She looks sympathetic. “You have the book, right?” “Yeah, I do.” “Everything will be okay, Holly. Declan loves you. The two of you lost your way for a while, but I think you both have finally realized how deep your love for each other truly is.” I pull her into a massive hug. “I would have never gotten through any of this without you. And as much as I owed Baxter an apology, I owe you one as well, and a thank you.” “You don’t owe me anything. It’s what we do.” “Still, if you wouldn’t have helped me that day with … Heather, and covered for me, things would have been so much worse. I know losing your friendship with Declan and Baxter hurt, and I should have never made you choose.” Sage pushes me back at arm’s length. “Girl, you didn’t make me choose. You were so messed up back then I don’t even think you remember correctly. Baxter and I decided it was probably best to divide and conquer. We knew what that meant, and we cheated because we still texted for updates every month or so, but we also knew you guys would eventually come to your senses. It took longer than we thought …” “I was such an idiot. I should have just forgiven him when he came to me the first time.” “None of that matters anymore. You’re going to tell him tonight, and it might be

rough at first, but things will be okay.” When she releases me, I nod, firming up my resolve. “That’s the plan, anyway. We’re supposed to meet his brother for a few hours on the way. Depending on how that goes, it might waylay this whole plan. “I still can’t believe Declan has a long-lost brother. Sally took the news way better than I would have.” “Personally, I get the feeling she’s waiting for more kids to pop out of the closet. I think if Tom is the only one, she’ll be shocked. Did I tell you she found out it was Declan’s aunt who went and talked to Candace?” “No! How did you find out?” I take a seat across from her at the table to fill her in. “When Declan told her the story, I guess it was nagging at her. She remembered something the aunt had said to her one time after she and Adam broke up. I guess it was something like, ‘I thought I’d taken care of the issue.’ Anyway, I guess they still keep in touch via email, so Sally asked her and she admitted it was her and then apologized for not telling her sooner.” “Wow, that’s a hard line to cross. She kept her brother’s secret from his family but tried to help. It’s admirable and fucked up all at the same time. She should have told them both so they could have at least raised the kids as brothers.” “Well, we can all look back at things and pick out what we’d do differently. I’m the last person to judge anyone.” “Knock knock, anyone home?” Baxter calls out as he lets himself and Declan into my apartment. Sage hops up and grabs her purse. “That’s my cue. You’re going to take care of my girl this weekend, right, Declan?” “Always, but I’m pretty sure she’s my girl.” She waves her hand in a dismissive motion. “As if.” “Come on, pretty people, I’ve got a date tonight with NotURSugarDaddy, AKA Christopher. I think I’ll call him Topher.” “Ohh, I like Topher,” Sage says, giving him a high-five. “I know, right? Me, too. I’m a bit worried because he sent in an ‘info’ sheet but no headshot. This date might be over before it starts, but he sounds good on the phone. Familiar, even.” “Stop. Let the man take you out and show you a good time. Maybe he’s just shy.” Baxter looks at me like I’m insane. “Or maybe he looks like Freddy Krueger,” he counters. “Maybe Freddy has a cock like Declan,” Sage taunts. “And on that note, we’re going. Where’s all the luggage, Holls?” Declan asks,

looking around. “There’s not much, just the suitcase on my bed and my laptop bag right here.” Baxter blinks twice. “Where is the real Holly and what have you done with her?” “Things change, boys. I travel for work way too much to be an overpacker anymore. I’ve got it down to a science.” Immediately, Baxter’s hand is against my forehead. “She doesn’t feel feverish. I’m sure this is the same Holly who took four suitcases on our senior trip.” “That was hilarious.” Sage laughs. “She’s telling the truth, though, she’s a good girl now.” “Well then, I’m going to go get ready for my date. Sage, I’ll text you later when I get home. You two, have a great weekend and don’t you dare get married without us.” “That would never happen,” Declan and I answer at the same time. Baxter’s parting glance, indicates he’d beg to differ, but I’d never get married without my best friends. That’s crossing a serious line. “Bye, guys!” Sage calls as she follows Baxter outside. Declan rolls my suitcase out, and I can’t help but smile. I’m really excited to have some time away with him, even if I’m terrified. “Where’s your luggage?” “Already in the car and ready to go. Come on, love, your chariot awaits.”

When we arrive at the restaurant where we’re meeting Tom, Declan pales. “Are you okay? If you’re not ready for this, I can go tell him we’ll have to reschedule.” He laces our fingers together, brings my hand to his mouth, and kisses me lovingly. “I’m a bit nervous. We talked a little while you were on your trip last week. It’s just … strange, you know?” “Yes, I’m familiar with the sudden appearance of a sibling. At least Heather was still young enough for me to know her as she was growing up. You two aren’t really that far apart in age.” “Only seven years. Imagine, Holly … if I’d known?” “I know, but you just have to make the best of it now.” “That’s the plan. Don’t go getting any ideas of falling in love with the younger

version of me, either. You’re very much taken.” “Never. You’re the only man I want, Declan. He might look like you, but he isn’t you.” He leans over the console to kiss me before steeling himself to go inside. “Let’s do this.” They’d picked a quiet but upscale restaurant, hoping to have a low-key meeting as well as hoping none of Declan’s followers would be there. Our first dinner date at a restaurant was interrupted so many times, we gave up and went home. It was irritating, but as much as I thought I’d want to stay out of his work life, his followers were respectful. Most of them swooned a little over our love story and wanted to get selfies with him. For me, it went a little deeper. I had this huge surge of pride for Declan and what he’d become. I swore to myself right then that I wouldn’t begrudge him anything and would try to be more supportive. He holds the door open for me before lacing his fingers back through mine. We immediately spot Tom at a table off to the side. He’s impossible to miss because he looks so much like his brother. Declan squeezes me tighter and I squeeze right back. I’m with him all the way. When we reach the table, Tom stands and they both stare at each other. Finally, feeling sorry for them, I release Declan’s hand and hold mine out to Tom. “You must be Thomas, I’m Holly, Declan’s girlfriend.” He pulls himself out of his haze and shakes my hand. “You can call me Tom, everyone does. It’s nice to meet you, Holly.” They reach out to shake hands with each other, but Declan pulls him into a hug at the last second. They laugh, and after we all take a seat, Tom looks at us and then shakes his head. “Well, this isn’t awkward or anything,” he jokes. “I’m sorry, this is all still sort of new to me, I guess,” Declan replies. “You’re telling me. One minute, my roommate is telling me how amazing your show is and that it’s a must-watch. All the while, he’s gawking about how much we look alike. I never knew your name, he just kept calling it The Funhouse. I promised when I left for home I’d check it out. The next thing I know, I’m at my mom’s house learning a history I never knew existed.” “She seemed nice in her email. Regretful but sincere,” Declan admits. Tom takes a sip of his water as the waitress brings two more and some menus. “My mom is the best. It was the two of us until I was about six years old. That’s when she met Gerald, my step-dad.” “And you have brothers and sisters?” I want to learn more about him, but I also want to give Declan a chance to soak everything in without feeling like he has to keep up

a constant flow of conversation. “Three sisters, actually. Lily is nine, Rose is seven, and Magnolia is four. I’m sure you can tell my mom loves flowers. I’m not quite sure how I didn’t end up one myself, but I’ll take the blessing.” I like him. He’s open like Declan. “Wow, that must be fun having little sisters. Holly’s sister, Heather, is twelve.” “Teenage years are coming, those are sure to be fun. Are your parents ready to go through it all again?” Tom asks with a genuine interest. “Well …funny story. Declan and I are alike in more ways than one. My mom is a drug addict.” “I’m so sorry.” He looks from me to Declan, and I hope he doesn’t think Sally is an addict, too. I quickly amend my statement. “That’s not how we’re alike. Declan’s mom … Sally, she’s incredible. She’s a nurse, and she and my dad have been dating for a few years now. It’s sort of a long story, but my dad had custody of me. Shortly after I turned eighteen, my mom showed up on my doorstep with her new husband and my sister, who was almost five.” Declan smiles at the memory. “Just like me, Holly had a surprise sibling.” Tom doesn’t even try to hide his shock. “Now that’s something you don’t hear every day.” Declan laughs. “Let’s be thankful for that.” We browse our menus as the two of them make small talk. Once the waitress takes our orders, Tom asks Declan about work. “Did you always want to be an … internet celebrity? I’m sorry, I don’t know what you’d call it, but it’s pretty cool.” “I wanted to be a lawyer or a professor. Since I couldn’t decide, I figured internet celebrity was a good middle ground.” “Glad you found something that meshes so perfectly between the two,” Tom quips with a smile. “It wasn’t planned. One day, Holly and I were hanging out and I was worked up over something, I don’t even remember what—” “The removal of birth control from the campus clinic,” I interject. “You remember that?” he asks, admiration in his eyes. “Of course, it was a big change for you. I always try to remember the important things in our relationship.” “Okay, so I was worked up over birth control, or lack thereof, and I made a video,

uploaded it to one of those hosting sites, and tweeted it out. The reactions were intense, and it filled me with this renewed passion in something. Then, when the two of us broke up, I went at it hard and it all started spiraling from there.” Tom holds up a hand. “Wait, I’m confused. I thought you said Holly was your girlfriend.” Declan explains to Tom the history of our relationship as I listen attentively. I don’t even need to be part of the conversation; watching them get to know each other is an experience in itself. “So … you haven’t seen our father lately?” We’ve just finished lunch. I figured this question would come up, but from the look on Declan’s face, it still stings. “I haven’t seen him since I was about eight or nine. He sent checks, but that was the extent of it. He’s a real stand-up man, if you haven’t figured that out for yourself.” “Sounds like it. What’s it like with your parents dating?” Declan smirks and I laugh. “It was weird at first, but now … I don’t know, it seems like a natural progression somehow. Don’t you think so, Declan?” “It doesn’t bother me as long as Sean sticks to his promise.” “What promise?” I ask, giving him my full attention. “When I found out they’d been dating, I told him he better not think about marrying my mom before I married you.” Tom snickers as I pick my jaw up from the ground. “Why would you do that?” “Because I knew it would bother you.” It would have. “Thank you.” As I lean over and kiss him, Tom averts his gaze. “What about you, Tom? Are you seeing anyone?” Declan asks. “Nah, new school, first semester, I’m just getting the lay of the land. Enjoying college life mostly. I like being single and keeping my options open.” Declan tosses his napkin down. “Oh, so you’re a player like him.” “Declan, that’s not fair,” I caution. Poor Tom seems taken aback. “You’re right,” he grumbles. “I’m sorry.” “It’s cool. I’ve seen your videos and know how fast you can get heated. I’m eighteen, Declan, I don’t know what I am. My focus is on school, it always has been.” “You don’t owe me any explanations. I shouldn’t have snapped.” “I don’t mind. You’re my brother, right? This is the kind of stuff brothers talk

about. When I think about our dad and how he treated my mom, and yours for that matter, it pisses me off. When I think about anyone treating my sisters like that, I’d kill the bastard. So, no, I don’t think I’ll be like him. I just haven’t found anyone to make me want to settle down yet, and considering I’m only eighteen, I’m pretty sure it’s not uncommon.” “We’re uncommon, you’re pretty normal,” I say, trying to calm the tension between them. “You know, we’ve been here a couple of hours already, and as much as I’d like to hang out with you two, I know you’re on your way out of town. Plus, I have a study group in about an hour, so I need to get back.” Tom reaches for the bill, but Declan snags it from him. “I’ll expense it. I’m sure I’ll get some good talk time out of our new development.” The horrified look on Tom’s face has him backpedaling. “I’m joking!” “Gotcha!” Tom laughs, and I’m suddenly filled with love for the two of them and how they’re finding their way. “How about next time you come spend the weekend with us? You can have my apartment and I’ll stay with Declan.” He looks to Declan. “Would that be cool?” “Hell yeah, but you don’t want Holly’s apartment, it’s … quaint. You can stay at mine and we’ll stay at hers. They’re across the hall from each other, so it’s not a big deal either way. Mine has more of a man’s touch is all.” “So, in other words, Call of Duty lives at your house and the Kindle lives at hers?” “Declan has a Kindle, too, but for the most part you nailed it on the head. I’m sure I have more tequila, though. Not that you’re old enough to be drinking.” Tom looks to Declan. “Is she blushing? That’s cute.” Declan’s wraps his arm around me and pulls me close. “She’s extremely cute, and she makes the world’s best chocolate chip cookies. They’re like crack for my soul.” “I think she’s crack for your soul.” “That, too,” Declan says while signing the check. As we walk out of the restaurant, there’s a group of waitresses huddled together in the corner, glancing our way. Our waitress breaks away from the whispering group and heads toward us. “Excuse me, I’m sorry to interrupt, but I couldn’t let you leave without saying thank you.” Tom and I are clueless, but Declan casually dismisses her. “It’s was my pleasure.” “I’m sorry, but can I hug you? I know this is probably extremely strange, but my son has Autism. I work here when my husband is home so I can make extra money to pay for his ABA therapy. Your tip will pay his bills for two months.”

Before Declan gives her permission, she stands on her tip-toes and hugs him quickly. “Thank you again,” she adds before rushing off while she swipes away her tears. “Damn, that was cool.” Admiration radiates from Tom, but Declan acts like it’s not a big deal. After we’ve all said our goodbyes and promise to talk next week, we get in the car. We both sit unmoving, trying to process the day. While Declan is surely reflecting on meeting his brother, I’m stuck on what he did for that waitress. Once I’ve had time for it all to sink in, I turn in my seat and cup his cheeks before kissing him. “That was …” “No big deal.” “A complete fucking turn-on,” I correct. “Really?” he asks with a quirked brow. “Yes. In fact, it makes me want to do many dirty things with you.” “Would sex be one of those things? Because as much as I love sleeping in the same bed with you, I’d really like to finally have sex, love.” “Oh yes, sex would definitely be on that list of dirty things.” “You’re killing me, Holls.” “Get driving, hot stuff.”

When we finally arrive at the cabin, it’s dark and sprinkling. The clouds were growing darker as we drove up, but I didn’t actually think it was going to rain. Icy cold air pours into the car when Declan rolls down the window to grab the keys from the mailbox at the end of the driveway. “Did you think it was going to be this cold?” I ask as he rolls the window back up. “I hoped it would. Gives us the perfect excuse for wine by the fire.” “We don’t need an excuse for that. It was my plan all along.” “Good, then let’s get to it. You make a run for the house and unlock the door. I’ll grab the luggage.” With my laptop bag, purse, and keys in hand, I do as he asks. The porchlight comes on when I step up, which makes seeing much easier. Once I have the door open and step inside, I lose my breath. This place is beautiful. It looks like something that would be featured in a magazine. I put my bags down on the chair and take a look around.

There’s this perfect mixture of light and dark woods, granite counters, and stainless-steel appliances. There’s even a wine fridge, and it’s full. I know Declan said it would be stocked, but wow. I realize how far out he went when I open the refrigerator and see just how full it is. We wouldn’t run out of food in a month, let alone a weekend. It’s too dark to see anything through the sliding glass door, but I imagine with the floor-to-ceiling windows, this place has a spectacular view of the lake, and I bet it’s absolutely breathtaking when it snows. When Declan wraps his arms around me, I relax into them. “This place is gorgeous. How did you find it?” “You’re gorgeous, but the house is nice.” Pushing my hair aside, his lips warm my neck. “Mm, you didn’t answer.” “Someone Baxter’s mom knows.” Thunder rumbles and the lights flicker. “Let’s get naked.” “Let’s get the fire started and find some candles just in case. Besides, we need to talk before we get naked. I’m ready to tell you my secret, Declan. It’s time.”



sixteen Holly

New dress, check. Killer heels, check. Good attitude, not really, but I’m working on it. Terrified is more like it, but I’ve got to pop my cherry sometime, might as well be now. In a million years, I never thought I’d be going out on another first date. Even if my heart isn’t in it, at least I look good. Sage keeps telling me the only way I’m going to get over Declan is to get under someone new. I’m not so sure about that, but what I do know is being miserable while he’s screwing his way through the town isn’t accomplishing anything but fueling my anger and misery. I would have been fine if I hadn’t seen him with that bimbo at Chili’s. Then, to make matters worse, when I was at the store buying enough Ben & Jerry’s to drown the sorrows of a hundred brokenhearted women, I ran into Baxter and Bobby. I’m sure Declan doesn’t know Baxter is fucking around with Bobby again. Bobby was boasting about how I was lucky to get out before Declan went full manwhore. In the middle of his rant, he mentioned Declan hadn’t been talking to Baxter, either. Baxter wore an expression between shame and sadness and chased me out of the store, begging me not to tell Declan. What a joke. I don’t have plans to talk to Declan again and told him so. But then I showed my weakness and asked him if it what Bobby said were true. “Please don’t make me answer that,” he said. Instead of leaving and letting Baxter be the friend he’s always been, I sank to my lowest point ever and told him if he didn’t answer, I’d tell Declan about Bobby. Instead of Ben & Jerry’s, I went back in and bought tequila. It was the first time I’d ever been drunk by myself, and when I woke up on the floor next to the toilet the next morning, I vowed to be a better person and to never again let Declan James be the cause of my tears. That was last month. I wasted five months of tears and loneliness on someone who’d moved on so fast he probably has whiplash. Maybe he was cheating and had used Sage’s and my conversation to his advantage. I don’t know, but I can’t keep continuing to care.

When the doorbell rings, I give myself one final glance in the mirror. “You can do this, Holly. Luke is nice, he’s cute, and he asked you out, so he’s also interested.” As I walk to the door, I keep repeating “you can do it” to myself, hoping I won’t be sick. Putting a smile on my face, I swing open the door. “Hey …” “Hey yourself,” Declan says, his beautiful blue eyes never leaving mine. His hands are in his pockets and his shoulders are slumped forward. I’d almost feel sorry for him if I weren’t so angry. When I start closing the door, he puts his foot in the way. “Move it or lose it.” “Holly, please, can we talk?” “Now? Of all times, now you want to talk! It’s been six months!” “Six months, twelve hours, thirty-two minutes and … forty-six seconds. Please, Holls.” He did not just pull one of the most romantic movie, male lead, get-of-out-of-thedoghouse cards. While I’m thinking of what to do next, he slides inside and closes the door behind him. “Dammit, Declan! Why are you doing this to me? You ended us, that was your choice. I didn’t ask to be dumped and left behind like an unwanted toy.” “Holly, I didn’t leave you behind. I was trying to honor you and give you space for all the things you wanted.” “Honor? Please! You assumed I wanted those things! I never asked for any of it. The only thing I ever wanted was you, Dec.” He sighs and runs his fingers through his overly long hair. His frustration is evident, but it’s his own fault. If I give in now, he’ll just break my heart all over again. “I made the biggest mistake of my life letting you go, Holls, and I want to make it right.” My anger fizzles with the sadness he wears on his face. I’ve cared about this man almost half my life. Even if we can’t be together anymore, I don’t want to hurt him. “Maybe you do, but I’m not there yet, and I don’t know if I ever will be. It’s been six months and I still don’t know how to cook for one person. How hard can that be, right? Well, let me tell you … it’s really fucking difficult. Whenever I do laundry, I’m constantly checking to see if you need anything washed, and then I remember you’re not here anymore because you left me. Then, there’s chocolate chip cookies. If I want some, I have to buy them because the smell of them baking reminds me of you. Or how about when I’m running late after work and the first person I go to call is you, but then I remember you’re not here worrying about my safety anymore.” “I’ll always worry about your safety,” he interrupts, eyes brimming with tears. I

don’t doubt his sincerity, but I can’t let him pull me back into his vortex. “Maybe, but you know what I mean. You’ve been my person for ten years, Dec. The one I called when something amazing happened, or the one whose shoulder I cried on when something bad shook me to my core. Except this last time, when the person who shook me to my core was you. Perhaps it’s what I deserve for allowing my best friend and my boyfriend to be the same person.” He looks at me quizzically. “Sage has been your best friend forever.” Sadness overwhelms me hearing those words fall from his lips. “Not like you were. Your friendship has always come first to me. Yes, she’s my best girl friend but you quickly became my overall best friend. How could you not know that?” The little voice in the back of my mind nags at me, calling me a liar. If he were my best friend, I would have told him my secret. Sage knows, Ken knows … hell, even Heather knows to some extent. Why couldn’t I find the courage to tell Declan? Because I was ashamed and I still am. “You’re my best friend, too. I miss you, Holls, so fucking much.” He moves closer to me, but I back away slowly. “You miss your friend Holly, not your girlfriend. Not the woman you were supposed to one day marry. You’re too busy now getting laid by anything with a twat to want to settle down.” “That’s a low blow.” I shrug. “If the shoe fits.” “You were my first …” “You’re still my only! But that doesn’t matter, does it?” “Of course it matters! If I had known how wrong I was when I heard what you said, I would’ve never left. We could have talked it out, but I didn’t know … I didn’t realize … I thought you were being truthful because you’d been drinking.” “It would have helped if you hadn’t missed half the conversation. I wasn’t the only drunk one that night, Dec.” “I know,” he concedes. Walking toward me until I’m backed up against the wall, he cups my cheek in his hand. A content sigh falls from my lips before I can stop it. I miss his touch. He lowers his mouth to mine, but before our lips have a chance to meet, I shove my hand between us. I can’t do this, not with him. Leaning his forehead against mine, he pleads, “Let me in, Holly. It will be better this time, I promise.” “I can’t. Maybe I could get past it if you hadn’t screwed everything with two legs the past six months. The assumptions I could forgive, the stupidity even, but the thought

of you with someone else, your hands on her body … your head between her legs. I’m sorry, Dec, but I’ll never get over that.” He opens his mouth and closes it repeatedly. There’s an argument he wants to make, but he knows I’m going to shut it down. His eyes locked on mine, he nods with reluctance. “I’ll go, but I’m not giving up. I’ll never give up. I can’t take back what I’ve done, but you know my heart, Holly, and you know my apology is sincere.” A strong knock on my door signals what I’ve been dreading since he showed up. Dammit. He backs away slowly and looks me up and down with a heated gaze. “You’re going out.” That’s Declan for you. He’s laser-focused and so hellbent on getting his way, he doesn’t even notice half the shit right in front of his face. Some things never change. “Just a second,” I call out, and give my attention back to him. “I have a date. My first date since our first date.” His expression falls, and I hate feeling like I just kicked his puppy or something. This is all on him. “Holly, please don’t do this.” With everything I have, I want to fall into his arms and tell him how much I love and miss him. But I can’t. Now that he’s been with other women, I know if there’s ever a possibility for us to make our way back to each other I have to date other men. I have to be sure Declan James is the only man who could ever own my heart. “This is why you left me. Why you broke my heart. I have to see what else is out there. Otherwise, what is the point of all the heartbreak?” Turning from him, I open the door to Luke’s smiling face. When he catches sight of Declan over my shoulder, he tenses. “Declan was just leaving.” With one last pleading look, Declan brushes past Luke with an intense warning. “If you fuck with her or hurt her in any way, you’ll have to answer to me.” He pauses and turns around to catch my eye. “I hope you have a nice night, Holly.” I’m stunned at his words as he rushes off before I have the chance to say anything. “Should we do this another time?” Luke asks with a furrowed brow. “No, I’m ready to go. Sorry about Declan, he can be a little overprotective.” Luke seems to relax. “Oh, is he your brother or something?” “Ex-boyfriend and ex-best friend.” He frowns, and it makes me even more pissed at Dec. “Don’t worry, he’s nothing to worry about. It’s been over for a while. So where are we going?” “Dinner and a movie? Maybe dessert afterward?” Declan would hate this, which makes it perfect.

“Sounds good. How was your day?” Luke follows me out of the apartment, and I lock the door behind us. When we step out into the parking lot, Declan is leaning up against his car talking to Baxter. Baxter waves, but I ignore him as I get into Luke’s car. “Do you know him, too?” “He’s an old friend. He got Declan in the divorce so I try not to engage.” Frozen in fear, Luke stops what he’s doing. “You guys were married?” Oh Lord, he doesn’t know sarcasm. This is going to be a long night. “No, it’s an expression. You remember my friend Sage?” “The girl who sits next to you in English?” “Yes, the two of us grew up with the two of them. I got Sage in the split and he got Baxter.” Finally, he’s relaxed enough to start the car. I’m beginning to wish I’d stayed home. If Declan weren’t right there I might have faked a headache. Damn him again. “I’m not sure I understand why there was a splitting of friends in the first place.” “Me, either. If I ever figure it out, I’ll let you know.”



seventeen Declan

Just when I thought the two of us were going to finally reconnect in the most primal way, Holly drops the bomb on me. It’s not as if I haven’t been dying to know what her secret is, but I can’t believe she’s doing it now. I’ve poured us some wine and started the fire. I’ve got a second bottle on standby because I know she needs liquid courage to get going. I almost offered her some tequila, but considering that’s what got us in this mess in the first place, I refrained. We’re seated next to each other on the couch, and when she puts her wineglass onto the table, she leans over and gives me a peck on the cheek. “For luck,” she whispers. “You don’t need luck, love. We’re moving forward, and what’s in the past doesn’t matter now.” She picks up her laptop bag and pulls out a book. “You have no idea how much I hope that is true.” Holly takes a deep breath, exhales, sucks down the rest of the wine in her glass, and sighs. I refill her glass, topping it off completely before adding more to my own. “We don’t have to do this, Holly, it’s okay.” “It’s not okay, Declan, and it hasn’t been for a very long time. You should know I’ve been keeping more than one secret. They’re all sort of intertwined, and they snowballed out of control. It’s why I like the truth, I’ve never been good at keeping things hidden.” This isn’t what I was expecting her to say at all. She flips the book over and holds it out to me. “Stories of my Mother: An Anthology. All proceeds donated to Angels at Risk. Holly, what is this?” “It’s the end of my lie and the beginning of my truth. In order to go back, I have to start with the present.” She takes another gulp of wine as I hold the book. “You can listen to me talk or you can read. I bookmarked the page where my story starts.”

“Your story? You have a published story in here? Holly, that’s incredible. I’m so proud of you.” Tossing the book aside, I wrap her into a huge hug. “Why didn’t you tell me?” Sniffling, she replies, “I would have had to be ready to come clean, and I wasn’t.” “Tell me everything, love. I’m ready, but I don’t want to read it. I want to hear it from you first. But I will eventually read it because there’s no way I’m not going to devour every word of something you’ve written.” She pulls her knees to her chest and wraps her arms around them. “About a year ago, Natalie came to me with a project. She’d been approached to contribute a story to this anthology because one of the writers knew she came from an addicted mother. I should preface this with not all the stories are bad. Some of them are beautiful stories of rehabilitation and the reunification of families, healing stories that make your heart happy. There are other stories, stories like mine, that aren’t so happy.” The mixture of sadness and fear on her face is enough to break me. I just want her to get through this so I can prove to her we’re all right. “Go on.” “Right. Well, Natalie talked to them about me, and they invited me to write a sample story and submit it. I hadn’t been writing much and figured I could use it as a cleansing exercise. I never expected anything to come from it, but they loved the story and thought it was a perfect fit. Before I knew it, I was spending my days writing and purging all of this negative energy from my body, and it felt good.” Her eyes meet mine and she smiles. “The book arrived the day we made our bet. All I kept thinking was, maybe by getting all of that bad shit out of my soul, you could see it. Or maybe I could see you through the haze for the first time in a long time.” “I’ve always seen you, but whatever it was, I’m glad it happened.” “Me, too. All those boxes, they were all promotional items and books for the release.” “The trips, too?” “Yeah. I was dying to tell you, I swear. But with everything going on, I couldn’t risk melting down again if I lost you.” “You’re not going to lose me.” “That’s what you say now.” “Let me prove it to you. Keep talking.” With a deep breath, she continues. “In the months before we broke up, a few things happened. You already know my mom started doing drugs again. What you don’t know is she started showing up at the house asking for money when you were at school or running errands. She must have just sat outside waiting for an opportunity to get me alone.”

That bitch. “I had a feeling. I thought I saw her a few times, and there was this one time she came to the door. She played it off that she was looking for you and then told me she forgot her wallet at home and asked if she could borrow twenty bucks for gas. I knew what she was doing, but I gave it to her because you were on your way home and I didn’t want you exposed to that.” Her head drops to her knees and her shoulders shake. “I’m so sorry, Declan.” Her lip quivers when her gaze meets mine, and her tears start falling. “She’s not your problem. There’s nothing for you to be sorry about.” “God, how I wish that were true. I almost wish we hadn’t loved each other so much that we wanted to protect each other from her. It would have been better.” “Holly, you’re scaring me. What happened? What could be so bad you’re afraid to tell me?” With tears streaming down her cheeks, she says the words that slam into my heart. “I was pregnant.” The room spins, and I fall back against the cushions. “I’m sorry … what?” “We were going to have a baby. I hadn’t been feeling well and I was run down. I was convinced it was all the gearing up for finals finally catching up to me. I went to the student health center and found out we were expecting.” “Why were …? What happened?” Holy shit, I feel like I can’t catch my breath. “I called Sage right away. I couldn’t drive and needed to figure things out in my head. As soon as she got me a smoothie, we went to the park and talked. By the time we left there, I was excited. There was no reason we couldn’t have a baby. Sure, we were young, but by the time the baby came we would have both graduated. Plus, your show was taking off and I knew you were going to be a hit.” There is so much going on in my head right now, I don’t even know what to say. “Declan, are you still with me?” “Yes, keep going. Please,” I beg. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I was going to surprise you with the news on our anniversary. It’s why I didn’t want to fly. I hadn’t been feeling great, I was queasy a lot of the time, and I was super emotional.” “Is that why you pulled away? Why you were barely kissing me? Why we didn’t have sex as much?” She nods. “Between being sick and excited every time I touched you, I wanted to tell you. It took everything in me not to spill the beans before our anniversary. I knew you’d be so excited, even if it was an oops.” My stomach is queasy. We don’t have a baby, so this story doesn’t have a good

ending. “What changed?” “Everything. When Sage and I took Heather home on Sunday, it looked like we’d walked in on world war three. The house was a disaster, Ken wasn’t home, and my mom was inside tearing through drawers and cabinets like a raving lunatic. I’d never seen her so high. She stared right through me and Heather like we weren’t even there.” She shudders as if the memory still makes her skin crawl. “I told them we should go, and it was like my mom suddenly realized she could get something from me. She asked for money, but between Sage and me we only had forty dollars. It wasn’t good enough, Dec. She got this insane, glazed look and put her sights on Heather. She was mumbling about keeping her for money and making Ken pay for her. It wasn’t good. In fact, it was like pure evil incarnate.” Holly’s hands are trembling against her knees, and I reach over to steady them. “I started backing up toward the door slowly and waving my hands behind my back to signal Sage and Heather to get behind me. Dawn picked up on it and lunged for us. Sage managed to get Heather outside and move further down the hall.” Holly is full-on sobbing, so I pull her onto my lap and wrap her in my arms. “Shh, it’s okay, love.” “I’m so sorry, Declan, I’m just so sorry.” As I rock her back and forth and kiss her head, she cries until the sobbing subsides. Time passes slowly, but there’s no happy ending here, and I’m not sure I can stomach the rest right now. A little while later, she stands and goes into the kitchen. When she comes back with two bottles of water, I take one gratefully. “Holly, you don’t have to keep going. It’s okay.” “I need to get this out, I’ve held onto it for too long. I knew when I wrote the story I was going to tell you, and I was prepared as I could be. It’s time for this chapter of my life to close. And to give closure to others as well.” “Others?” “We’re getting there. Dawn and I started struggling in the hallway and Heather lost her shit. She managed to get away from Sage and tried to get Dawn to stop. We were right by the stairs when Dawn suddenly lunged for Heather. I’ve never felt that kind of fear before. It all happened so fast, but I jumped in to push Heather out of the way and then Dawn … she … she body-checked me, Declan. I went down that flight of stairs full speed ahead.” My body stills, my blood runs cold, and I feel nothing but hate for a woman I haven’t seen in over two years. “And that’s how …?”

“I thought for sure when I went down it was the end. I managed to take most of the impact on my back and my ass. I hit hard, but I was airborne for the first few steps. I only hit maybe five or six toward the bottom.” “Only?” “I know … but it could have been worse.” “Why wasn’t I called? How could you guys keep this from me?” “I begged them, pleaded with them. Ken came home right as I was taking a header down the stairs. He actually managed to keep my head from hitting the ground when I fell. I begged him to tell the hospital he was my dad.” “He hid this to protect her?” I’m going to kill him. “No, he did it to protect Heather and me. I was in shock and didn’t realize I was bleeding on the ground. They wouldn’t let me move. The cops took my mom after Ken told them she’d pushed me. They ran all kinds of tests when we got to the hospital. I’d lost the baby and had sprains, strains, and bruises, but other than that I was okay. “Ken, Heather, Sage, and I went to a hotel. Heather was freaked out and there was no way I could leave her. Honestly, I needed her as much as she needed me. I made Sage go home so things wouldn’t look suspicious. I was on pain pills and I was brokenhearted.” “Holly, why didn’t you call me?” I’m not sure I’ve ever been so hurt in my entire life. “Isn’t it obvious? I was ashamed, Declan, and I had been covering for her for weeks. I knew you’d be mad, I’d brought it all on myself. My dad told me she was bad news, but I didn’t listen.” I don’t even know what to say right now. Thankfully, I don’t have to say anything. “The next morning, I was an emotional mess and in excruciating pain. I was terrified of what was going to happen. I was mourning a child I’d become attached to, I was missing you something fierce, and I’d hugged Heather through her nightmares all night, or maybe she hugged me through mine. Ken agreed not to say anything and to cover my medical expenses. In exchange, I gave a statement to the police that my mom tried to kill us. He got an immediate custody order, and Sage stayed with Heather and me while he found them a new place to live and packed up their place. “It wasn’t ideal. Sage is still pissed at me for making her keep this from everyone, especially you. Heather never knew about the baby, she just understood I’d saved her because her mom was drugged out of her mind. I also made Ken promise, no matter what, to keep Heather away from Dawn. Since Heather was the intended victim, and because Ken is friends with the D.A., the file is sealed. She’s in jail for at least the next twenty years. They got her on attempted murder, assault, possession, and being under the influence. They didn’t charge her with killing the baby, but she got a plea deal in exchange and will never be eligible for early parole.” “You were okay with that?” I’m fucking stunned.

“Not at first, but when I thought about it as a whole, to have a guaranteed twenty years without her bothering me or Heather, it was a concession I was willing to make.” Fuck, I need to breathe. I need to get some air, but I have to hear the end of this story first. “The day you came home, it had been a week?” I manage to ask. “Yes, and I was a wreck. Sage got Baxter to get you out of the house under the guise of me having a surprise for you. I wanted to do something special for our anniversary, but I was torn up at the loss of my gift. Then I knew I couldn’t tell you because that would have just made everything worse. I was still taking the pain medication and knew I was going to have to tell you everything else because I still had bruises under my clothes.” “You were drinking and taking pain pills? After what had just happened?” She hangs her head and nods. “It was stupid, I know, but … I was so scared.” “Do you think I would have hated you?” “Why not? I hated me. Right before you came home, Sage was begging me to tell you everything. I said something to the effect of anything was better than that and to give me options. The first one was to go fuck other people. It was a joke, Declan, a bad one, but a joke nonetheless. Then she said something about going into protection, and then she circled back to the truth being the obvious choice. I’m guessing it was right around then that you heard us because after that she mentioned whoring it up around campus.” Fucking hell. This entire thing has been one huge misunderstanding after another. We lost two years because of this bullshit. “I need …” Standing, I look around the room, at her, and the roaring fire, but it’s dull compared to the roaring anger in my head. “I’m sorry, I need some air.” Before I know it, I’m outside in the pouring rain. It’s freezing, and I can’t see shit because the rain is covering my glasses, but at least I can fucking breathe. Bending over, I rest my hands on my thighs and breathe in huge lungfuls of air. I can hear Holly yelling, but I don’t know what she’s saying. Fuck! We were having a baby and that bitch took it away from us. I walk over to my car and start kicking the tires. “Motherfucker!” “Declan, please come inside. I know you’re angry with me, and I’m so sorry, but you’re going to freeze to death out here. Please, baby, just be mad in the house.” After pushing my glasses up on my head, I turn around. I swear she’s never looked so beautiful. Her eyes are bright and her clothes are clinging to her, but she’s glowing. “You think I’m mad at you? Fuck, Holly! That bitch could have killed you! You could have died!” I can barely choke out the words. Just the thought of losing her makes me emotional. Living without Holly would be a fate worse than death. “I’m right here, Declan, and I’m fine. I’m fine, baby.”

She reaches for my hand; she’s so warm. I pull her close and sob, “We were going to have a baby. Fuck, love, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry you went through it alone, I’m sorry I wasn’t there, and I’m so sorry the universe gave you such a raging bitch for a mother.” “It’s okay, it wasn’t our time …” “Our baby.” I’m sobbing; it’s not one bit manly, but I don’t care. “I know, Declan, I know.” In that moment, her mouth is pressed against mine and she breathes new life into us.



eighteen Declan

“She’s going to kill you when she sees you,” Baxter cautions. “Don’t care. I’m going to get her back if it’s the last thing I do.” “And how are you going to do that? “Not sure. Kill her with kindness? Piss her off until she’s so angry she kisses me? Traipse women in and out of my apartment until she lights it on fire?” “All those sound like real winners. Why don’t you be yourself for a change? Show her why she fell in love with you in the first place.” “Or I could try that.” “It would probably work better than fucking girls across the hall from your ex.” “I wouldn’t actually do that. I couldn’t fuck someone with Holly across the hall. I could make it look like it, though.” Baxter groans. “Good Lord, this is such a bad idea.” My door is wide open, and Holly’s front door is about six feet away from mine, max. The sound of Sage and her laughing echoes through the hall. “Oh look, you finally got new neighbors. I wonder if he’s hot.” As I stifle my laugh, I shake my head. Sage will never change. “How do you even know it’s a guy?” That’s my practical girl. “Women’s intuition,” is Sage’s flippant reply. Baxter and I move into the hall and each grab a box. “Your intuition is lacking asshole radar,” an irritated Holly tells Sage. Baxter laughs so hard he almost drops my box. “Nice to see you, neighbor,” I tell her as she unlocks her door. Once it’s open, she puts her stuff down and leans against her doorjamb. “Please tell me this is a nightmare.”

“I don’t know, your nightmare looks a lot like my wet dream.” Sage snorts when my words carry into the apartment. “He’s probably not lying,” she calls out to Holly. “You’re not helping, Sage.” Then, Holly crooks her finger and motions for me to come over. I’m happy to oblige. “What are you doing here, Declan?” I’m close enough to inhale the apricot vanilla scent wafting from her. It’s been a long time since I’ve been this close. “I’m your new neighbor.” She closes her eyes and exhales. “You know what I mean. Why here, of all the places you could live?” “Truthfully? I heard there was a sexy girl in the apartment across the way who recently got out of a long-term relationship and might be looking for love.” “It’s been a year, Declan,” she replies with growing irritation. “True, and I’ve been texting and calling you for the last six months. You’ve never once told me to stop. Admit it, Holls, you miss me and want me back as much as I want you.” “I want you about as much as I want a raging case of crabs.” Now we can hear both Sage and Baxter snorting, but it’s okay; she can hurl all the insults at me she wants to as long as she’s talking. “Don’t be coy. Tell me how you really feel.” “Come on, Declan! How did you even know where I live?” I’m waiting for her to stomp her foot like that girl from Willy Wonka. “Tell me your secret and I’ll tell you mine.” Flashes of anger spark in her eyes as she gestures wildly between us. “We’ve done this before. You and me … we don’t work.” “I beg to differ.” “Me, too,” Baxter calls out from the door. “I’m pretty sure when he strokes your flower with his fertilizing rod you’ve been known to scream loud enough to set off the seismometer.” Her cheeks and neck flush the sexiest shade of pink ever known to man, and Sage winks at me from the doorway. If Holly knew Sage was the one who outed her, she’d never forgive her. Sage wouldn’t have told me if Holly didn’t miss me; she’d never sell out her friend that way. Holly shakes her head in disbelief. “You two are insane. I can’t believe they’d rent an apartment to you.” “They rented an apartment to me. Baxter doesn’t live here.”

“Just … just you?” she stutters. “Wonderful, remind me to buy some earplugs. I can only imagine the ungodly noises that will come from your apartment.” “Oh, come now, love, you know exactly what those noises sound like. If you’ve forgotten, I’d be happy to give you a reminder course.” The rise and fall of her chest intensifies. I’m getting to her. “No, nope, nada, no thanks, pass.” My tongue traces the seam of my lips, and I swear her eyes are going to bug out of their sockets. This is what I needed to make me feel better. I needed my girl. I can play these games with her for as long as it takes until she’s back in my life and my bed. I lean close and inhale deeply. Her breath catches audibly, and the heat from her skin radiates up to mine. “Come on, Holly, you know you want to. It will be like riding a bike. You, me, a little wine, some conversation, maybe a cookie or two, and then mindnumbing, out-of-body-experience, curl-your-toes type orgasms. I’ll even let you take control.” She’s panting like she ran a race, her eyes are already glazed over, and our pheromones are melding together. It’s wearing her down. When she looks up at me with her innocent little eyes, I know I’ve got her. “You know the best part of living alone, Declan?” “Tell me,” I murmur against her skin. My cock is harder than it’s been in months just being in her proximity. “Learning all the ways to get myself off that I never knew existed.” Her eyes drop down to my dick and she smirks. “You should go take a cold shower and take care of that because he’s not playing at my house anytime soon.” When she ducks out from under my arm and shuts her apartment door, I can’t help but laugh. “That was rough,” Baxter says. “Are you kidding me? That was perfect. I knew Holly wouldn’t let me fuck her, she’s the kind of girl you have to work for. And I’m happy to work for it for as long as it takes.” “I’m lost. How was it perfect?” Through my massive smile, I answer, “Because she said we couldn’t play anytime soon. That wasn’t a no, Bax. On the contrary, that was her way of saying ‘bring your A game.’ It’s on, Baxter. I’m going to get my girl back or die trying.”



nineteen Holly

The rain is falling all around us as thunder rumbles through the sky, but my only focus is the way Declan’s tongue seeks mine like a missile seeking its target. The heat between us is scorching, even if it’s so cold I can see our breath. Gasping, I pull back, needing one final confirmation before I lose myself in him completely. “You’re really not angry?” His glasses have slipped off his head and are teetering precariously on the tip of his nose. Instead of fixing them, I take them off and hold onto them; I need to see his eyes. When his eyes meet mine, all I see is love. “I’m not mad, love, not at you. At the circumstances, at what happened in general, at all the time we lost, about losing our baby … Yeah, I’m pissed the fuck off about all of that, but if it weren’t for her it wouldn’t have happened. You saved Heather, you’re a hero, Holly. How could I be mad at that?” “Oh God, Declan.” I crash my lips against his and hike my leg up around his hip. He reaches down to steady me and pulls my other leg up until I’m wrapped around him like a pretzel. Kissing in the rain is insanely sensual, but when he begins to move us inside, the fire seems even more inviting. As I suck the water from his lips, he groans his appreciation. Declan moves up the steps as if I’m a feather, and once we’re inside, we’re both dripping water all over the floor. My hands go to his belt and unbuckle it while he’s tugging my shirt up. Once it’s over my head, he drops it to the floor. “Declan, bathroom, it’s going to mess up the floor.” “Fuck the floor, I’ll buy them a new one. Hell, I’ll buy the house if I have to, but your clothes are coming off now.” This time, I tug his shirt off and add it to the growing pile. We’re both pulling each other’s pants off. He gets mine down first, and while he takes over his, I manage to get my bra off. “Jesus, Holls, you’re so fucking gorgeous.”

The two of us are fully naked and looking at each other like we’re starving. I grab his glasses from the side table as he takes my hand and leads me in front of the fire. While he lays out a big, fluffy blanket, I put his glasses on the coffee table. When we’re settled, we curl up together and enjoy the heat while wrapped around each other. He brushes my wet hair back and kisses the tip of my nose. “I’ve missed you so fucking much.” “Me, too. I’ve never been closer to someone in proximity and so far apart in our hearts before. Don’t leave me again, Declan.” “Never.” He rubs circles against my back, and I repeat the motion for him. “I want you, Holls. Let me make love to you.” “Yes.” He moves to get up and I pull him back. “Where are you going?” “Condom?” “Nothing’s changed, right? You’re still clean and haven’t been with anyone since your test?” “Right.” “Then no, no condom, not with us.” His lips tell me everything I need to know. His hands glide over my body at a languid pace; I haven’t been this relaxed in a long time. My hands roam his body, getting reacquainted with every muscle and sinew. When I cup the curve of his ass, his erection presses harder against my thigh. Declan lowers his mouth to my breast and teases my nipple with his tongue. There are no words between us. Every pleasure one of us gives, the other reciprocates. Our sighs and moans fill the room as we learn how to please each other all over again. Once he’s given ample and equal attention to both breasts, he lowers his head and scoots down my body. Declan nips at my belly and chuckles as I squirm beneath him. “This is going to be more fun than I remember.” “Is that so?” I counter, and he flicks my clit with his tongue, making me jump. “Oh yeah, so much fucking fun.” His husky voice travels up my body, filling me with need. I’ve never been with anyone who can turn me on like Declan can. He reaches a part of me deep within that’s reserved for only him. He spreads my legs, his tongue circling my sensitive clit before he moves down. The tip of his tongue teases my entrance, and I move my hands to his hair, pushing to get him closer and tugging with frustration when he won’t give me what I want. “The more you buck and writhe beneath me, love, the more I want to drive you wild. In case you forgot how to play, this game ends when you come on my face.” “Declan, I need more.”

“Do you? Does this help?” He slides a finger inside me and flicks me again with his tongue. This is exactly where he needs to be, and I do my best to hold his head while voicing my approval of his position. “Yes, baby. Please … right there.” Another finger slides in. “Here, or maybe here?” he asks, hooking his fingers to curve toward my g-spot. “Oh, right there.” “Thought so.” He chuckles against me, and the vibration is incredible. Still teasing me with his tongue, I’m right on the edge. Just a little more and I’ll fly. He slides in a third finger and sucks my clit into his mouth. Holy sweet mother of God. “Declan!” My body detonates under his as he’s moaning and groaning with undeniable pleasure while he inhales every bit of my release. It’s the most hedonistic combination of sexy and erotic I’ve ever had the joy of witnessing. With a gentle ease, he slides his fingers out one by one and kisses his way up my body with such sensuality I’m ready to go again. His mouth meets mine, our tongues greeting one another with the same slow, sensual pace. I want to devour him. I’m not sure where these sudden carnal urges have come from, but I hope they stick around forever. “Are you ready for me, love?” “I’ve been ready for months.” “That’s what I wanted to hear.” He nips my ear and sucks on my neck as he works the head of his cock inside me. When he’s finally in, I gasp. “You okay? Should I stop?” “Don’t you fucking dare.” Wrapping my legs around him, I try pulling him closer, but he resists. “Trust me, Holls, I’ll get us there. Let’s take it slow.” With his fingers through mine, he rocks in inch by inch until he’s fully seated inside of me. This time, it’s him who sucks in a breath. “Feel good?” I ask while he remains unmoving. “It’s the best feeling in the world.” Declan moves with slow, calculated thrusts, lighting up every nerve ending I have. Moving our arms above my head, he keeps our fingers laced together as he drops his mouth to mine. Our tongues meet to the pacing of his hips. With our bodies pressed together, he’s deeper inside of me and my body is climbing toward another orgasm.

In a surprising move, he sits up on his knees and pulls me with him, holding me up as I ride him. He wraps his arms around my body as I throw mine around his neck. The base of his palm presses against my lower back, bringing us closer. Sweat trickles down his hairline, the muscles in his jaw are tense, and it’s the most beautiful sight. “Declan,” my lips press against his as my body unfurls, “I love you. Come with me, baby.” “Yes,” he grunts, thrusting into me and exploding with fervor. When his body stops trembling from his release, he holds my back and lays us down carefully. “I love you, Holls.” We stay together for a long while before he stands up and uses the restroom. He returns with a towel and another blanket. After cleaning me up, we wrap up with each other in the blanket. “Are you okay?” I ask, wondering if it’s all truly sunk in yet for him. “I think I’m still in a bit of shock, but I’ll be fine.” “What is bothering you most?” “Well, it’s either the part where your mom tried to kill you and your sister, or that you lost our baby. They’re both a bit of a mind fuck, wouldn’t you say? Plus, knowing what you were going through when we broke up … I’ve always hated what happened, but now it’s a thousand times worse.” It’s about what I thought he’d feel. At least there are no surprises, other than him not being angry with me. “Can I help somehow?” “You want to help make me feel better?” “Well, sure, if I can. It’s the least I can do.” “If you really want to do something for us, that will make me feel better, move with me.” “Move in with you?” “Yes, but also move with me. Let’s get a house. I’ll buy out both of our leases because the last thing I want to do is lose another second with you.” I have no reason to say no to him, but something is still holding me back. “Can I think about it for a few days?” “As long as your answer is yes when you’re done thinking, sure.” “It’s strange how much things have changed,” I say as I draw circles on his chest through the light smattering of hair. “Funny, I was thinking how even though time has passed, we’re still us, but better in a way.” “How so?”

“It’s going to sound strange, but I feel like we’re more stable. Grounded. Looking back, splitting up wasn’t the best choice but we did grow from it. Now I know there’s no one else for me but you. You’re my girl, love. Always have been and always will be.” “That doesn’t sound strange at all. I feel the exact same way.” “Now that we’re letting secrets out of the bag, there’s something you should know.” “What’s that?” “Sage is the one who told me about the apartment.” “That doesn’t surprise me at all. I have something to tell you as well. This one probably will make you mad, but not at me. About five months after we broke up, did you and Baxter have a falling out?” He tips my head up so I’m looking at him. “We did. He was angry with me for sleeping around and we had a huge fight. He was in your corner way more than he was ever in mine.” “What happened for you two to make amends?” “He came to me and apologized. It was strange but not. You know how Baxter is, he’s super sensitive. What do you know?” There’s nothing but love in Dec’s heart for Bax, but this one is still going to sting. I’m a bitch for even telling him, but we really can’t go forward with secrets anymore; they don’t bode well for our relationship. “I ran into him and Bobby one night and Bobby knew a lot about your extracurricular activities.” “What the hell?” “It was about a month before you came to the apartment, and it’s what pushed me to start dating again. I didn’t believe Bobby, so I asked Baxter, and he refused to tell me. So, I um … told him if he didn’t confirm or deny it, I’d tell you about him and Bobby. He was angry, sad even, but he ultimately confirmed it.” “I can’t believe he backslid with that asshole again, but I almost don’t blame him, either. I was a real jerk to him, to everyone. This explains why he was so apologetic. He wasn’t apologizing for our fight, he was apologizing for ratting me out. I just didn’t know it.” “We’re lucky to have such good friends. They cover our asses and save them when we don’t even realize we need saving.” I’m yawning as Declan kisses the top of my head. “You’re right, love. Maybe we should send them on that trip after all.” “That would be nice.”



twenty Declan

Baxter: I can’t believe she told you. Whatever, all kinds of stuff happened this weekend. You backsliding with Bobby a year ago isn’t that big of a surprise, but after I kissed you, you owe me this favor. Baxter: Don’t be a dick. I’d do the favor anyway and you know it. Besides, that was the best kiss of your life, even if you won’t admit it. You’re right, Bax, out of all the men I’ve kissed in my life, that was the best one. Baxter: Straight up. Now get this. The location you wanted was actually vacant, so tonight is a piece of cake. It will all be ready. You just have to show up and not blow it. Thanks, you’re the best. Baxter: Don’t I know it. But seriously, I’m glad things worked out. And wait until I fill you in on my dates. I’m waiting with baited breath. Baxter: You better be. I need my wingman for this ride. As long as it’s not Bobby. Baxter: IT WILL NEVER BE BOBBY Praying hands. Baxter: WTF? You don’t know how to send emojis? Not those. Baxter: *rolls eyes* I have so much to teach you. FYI there’s an emoji for those eyes, too. “The two of you are worse than Sage and me.”

Holly looks edible in a pair of tight jeans and a sweater. If we had time, I’d take her again up against this counter. But if we’re going to make it to my surprise on time, we have to get moving. “What can I say? Baxter is high maintenance.” “All right, I’ll give you that one. Why are you leering at me?” “Hey now.” I pull her in close and kiss her. “There’s a definite difference between leering and admiring. For the record, I’m admiring the hell out of you.” “Is that so?” Lowering her hand to my cock, I let her feel for herself. “Yes, it is very much so.” She licks her lips. “I can fix that. Make it nice and comfortable in your pants again for you.” Groaning, I shake my head. “Unfortunately, we have an appointment that can’t be missed. With the weekend traffic, we’ll barely make it as it is.” “Since when do we have an appointment on a Sunday night? Or appointments together, for that matter? Did you sync our calendars when I wasn’t looking? I’m not sure if I’m willing to take on that much commitment. Your calendar is like my worst nightmare, Declan …” My lips cover hers in an attempt to get her to stop. She mumbles against them for a few seconds and then laughs before giving into my charms. “I’m going to be sure we have joint appointments from now on. Syncing our calendars is a great idea.” “Remember that when my period app syncs up, too. I’m sure you’ll be real excited then.” Her smile has not left her face since she woke up Saturday morning. I love seeing her so fucking happy. “You’re wrong. I’ll get an alert to tell me when to watch out for torrential mood swings, the potential crimson floods, and when to bring home chocolate and wine. Sounds like the greatest invention ever.” “You’re such a jerk.” “Never claimed otherwise. Come on, hot stuff, let’s hit the road.” As we walk through the entryway, she grasps my arm. “Declan, the floor!” Unfortunately, the wood warped from our rain-soaked clothes during our heated reunion the other night. It will be some of the best money I’ve ever spent, though. The image of stripping her naked right here after such a long time has me seriously considering making the owner an offer on the house. “It’s okay, I talked to Baxter’s mom and told her we got caught in a storm. The owner called me this morning. He’s going to get an estimate and I’m going to pay to fix it.”

“I’ll split it with you.” “I’d rather you didn’t, but if it’s going to be sexist or misogynistic of me, or some shit along those lines, I’ll happily split the price.” Before I know it, she’s thrown herself into my arms. “Sometimes, I forget how much your financial and work situations have changed since we were together. The old you would have appreciated me offering to help, but the new you is offended for some reason. Why is that?” “The old me would have been offended but wouldn’t have voiced it because the money wasn’t exactly rolling in. The new me is finally able to put that quiet voice to use because I want to take care of us. Not you, not me, but us. We’re a we, Holls, so get used to it.” “Yes, sir.” “Damn, I like the way that sounds rolling off your tongue. Do it again in the bedroom tonight and see what happens.” “Yes, sir,” she repeats, this time in a sultry tone that does nothing to ease the ache in my dick. “I’m ignoring you.” “I’d like to see you try,” she says when we reach the car. “Seatbelt on?” I ask when I get in. “Yes, sir.” “Dammit, Holly.” “I love you, Declan. Thank you for this weekend. Sorry about your, uh … situation, but my offer still stands.” “Tonight, Holls. Your mouth, my cock, and a whole lot of nakedness.” “Shit, Dec. Remind me again, can girls get blue balls?” “Not if their man treats them right.” “Amen.”

After I park at the old apartment complex, I text Baxter to let him know we’re here and then I wake Holly. She fell asleep about an hour ago and I didn’t have the heart to wake her sooner.

“Wake up, sleepyhead. We’re here.” Covering her mouth, she yawns and looks around. “Did we go back in time?” “No, love. I need to see Baxter about a thing. Come on.” Stopping in front of our old apartment, I reach out to check the door. “Declan, you can’t just walk in to someone’s apartment. They’ll think we’re crazy.” “It’s a good thing I called ahead. Come on, Holls, where’s your sense of adventure?” “I think I left it in a rainstorm Friday night.” “Haha, come on.” “Oh my God, Declan, what is this?” Baxter did an amazing job. The floor is littered with red, pink, and white rose petals. White candles are lit and flickering throughout the living room and kitchen. It’s simple but beautiful, and with short notice, not bad at all. “This is the last memory we were supposed to have in this apartment. We had a lot of great times here, didn’t we?” “We absolutely did.” “It didn’t sit right with me that the last two memories we had here were not good ones.” I walk into the kitchen and open the drawer where Baxter put the ring. “You see, you kind of kept messing up my plans. Hawaii was part of the bigger picture, but I figured okay, maybe we’ll honeymoon there instead.” When I turn around, she sees the box and covers her mouth with her hands as I walk toward her. “When everything went awry, I kept the ring because, like you, it was one of a kind, and I thought I’d be able to put it on your finger someday. With a little bit of luck, of course.” Those beautiful green eyes of hers are shimmering with unshed tears as I drop to one knee. “Holly, I love you with everything I am. You’re the chocolate chip to my cookie. The beautiful girl with braces who stole my heart and swapped it with half of hers. I’m not complete without you, and I don’t want to be. We’ve had some hiccups and made some mistakes, and we aren’t perfect, but our love is. I want to grow old with you by my side. Dust off our kids’ skinned knees and yell at our daughter for hanging out of her bedroom window and talking to the boy next door all night. Wipe away your tears when they go to college and hold you close when they bring the first grandchild home. I want to yell at you to turn up your hearing aid, and I’m going to need you to always help me find my glasses. Grow old with me, Holly, spend your life with me, and I promise you’ll never regret it.” “Oh my God, yes, Declan, yes!”

Her hands are trembling when I slide the ring on her finger. “Do you like it?” Holding it up to her face, it glimmers against all the candlelight. “It’s beautiful.” “That ring is the first thing I bought when I got my first advertising payment from my site.” “Are you serious? You’ve really had it this whole time?” “Of course, you’re my girl, right?” “Absolutely,” she whispers against my lips. When she deepens our kiss and her tongue meets mine for the first time with my ring on her finger, it sparks something primal in me. And just when it starts getting good, Sage and Baxter make their presence known. “It’s about fucking time you two got engaged. We were seriously starting to wonder if we were going to have to propose for you,” Sage says as she slides open the screen door and pops open a bottle of champagne as they enter. “Holy hotness. The way Holly was screaming when she said yes, I thought you were working her over with your one-eyed monster. I’ve missed that, by the way. No one screams the walls down like you, Holls. It’s a compliment of the highest order,” Baxter jokes, and Holly is beyond red. “Enough, Baxter, we all know I’m anatomically gifted. You don’t have to keep teasing Holly about it.” “Hmm,” Sage murmurs. “This is true, she’s lassoed him in for life, Bax. Maybe Holly’s pussy has been the one deserving the props all along and not Declan’s wang.” “Enough, both of you. My … pussy and Declan’s monster cock are off limits from now on. We’re all adults, we’re getting married, and we’re going to have some kids someday. Those kids don’t need to know the mystical ways of their parents’ genitalia, okay?” “Look at her, Sage, our little girl is all grown up.” Baxter is beaming at us, but Holly is over it. “Both of you shut up already and pour me some champagne. We’ve got a wedding to plan!” “Does this mean we’re getting married sooner rather than later?” As I slip my arm around her waist, she nods. “No more wasted moments, remember?” “That’s exactly the answer I was looking for. How would you feel about going live on The Funhouse right now and telling everyone the news?” Bax and Sage both pause mid-drink and wait for the fallout. “Okay, if that’s what you want.”

“Holly, you don’t have to. I was just kidding.” “Do I get to show off my ring?” “If you want to.” “So … I get to officially claim you as mine?” “This is kind of sexy,” Baxter whispers to Sage. “Mmhm,” she replies. “If that would make you happy,” I tell her truthfully. “Would it make you happy?” “It would make me fucking ecstatic.” Smiling, she nods. “Then that’s what we’ll do. If I’m going to be your wife, things will have to change, right?” “Not if you don’t want them to.” “I do want them to. We’ll be stronger for it. I’m proud of you, Declan, and I want you to succeed.” “Let’s do it. You two want to have some fun? Maybe find Sage a date while we’re at it?” “Hell yeah,” Sage and Baxter echo each other. “Baxter, text my dad and Sally, please. Tell them to turn on Declan’s show.” Baxter’s fingers fly across his phone, and with a satisfied smirk when the phone pings back at him, he puts it away. “Done.” Pulling Holly to my side, I turn on the live feature. “Hey, everyone, welcome to The Funhouse. I’m Declan James, and you’re in for a special treat tonight.”



epilogue Declan

“Jesus, Holly, what are you doing?” This damn wife of mine is going to give me a heart attack. “I’m trying to straighten the name, it’s crooked.” “Let me help you, please.” Taking her hand in mine, I hold onto her as she steps down off the ladder. This crazy woman is eight months pregnant and thinks she can still do it all. “You’re overreacting.” “And you’re being needlessly careless. You’ve got precious cargo in there for four more weeks. Just stop with the mountain climbing until then, okay?” She snickers and rubs her belly. “Do you hear Daddy babbling, Cierra? I feel sorry for you. He’s going to be super overprotective.” “Damn straight. Do the letters look perfectly aligned now?” She tilts her head left and then right, and I can’t help but laugh. “If you don’t look at them head-on, of course they’re going to look crooked.” “Okay, smartass, they look good.” She turns around and starts fiddling with the changing table. “Holly, stop. Everything is perfect. Cierra’s room looks like a fairy tale come to life. The guestrooms are set up. The house is what we’ve always dreamed of. Besides, they’re not even technically family.” “Maybe not, but Tom is and you two have gotten so much closer in the last year. This is the first time his parents and our parents are meeting. Plus, with their girls, Baxter, Sage, Heather, Ken, and Melanie, we’re going to be at capacity.” “Breathe, love. Everything is going to be fine. Even if it’s not, we’ll deal with it.” “I know, it shouldn’t matter so much, but …” “You’re nesting, Holly. It’s what you’re supposed to be doing, but I don’t want you on your feet all day. I mean it. Leave everything to me and relax. We only have four more

weeks before we meet our little girl. I want to enjoy each minute of our remaining alone time.” As I caress her belly, I can feel Cierra swimming around in there. “Can you believe it, Dec? We’re really going to be parents.” Holly and I got married six weeks after I proposed. The live show I did announcing our engagement had the most views of any previous videos of mine—until we announced we were having a baby, that is. We suddenly had more wedding and baby sponsors for my show than we knew what to do with. Lots of things have changed in the last year and a half. Baxter and Sage are both seeing new people, we bought a huge house in a great neighborhood for kids, and Holly finally quit her job so she could focus on her own writing. That one took a little convincing. Once we were married and I forced her to compare bank accounts, she relented. My only expectation of Holly is that she finds her dream and achieves it the way she encouraged me to find mine. “I know, and with any luck, Melanie will be your nurse for the delivery.” After Holly and I got back from our weekend away, she slowly began to fill me in on details. Melanie was the nurse assigned to Holly when she had her miscarriage. It’s how she and Ken met. We both think it would be fitting for Melanie to be with us when Cierra is born, considering she got Holly through the trauma when she lost our other baby. The other thing we did was sit down with my mom and Sean and tell them what Dawn had done. Before that day, I’d never seen Sean cry, but he cried like a baby when he heard what had happened. I understood completely. He was angry with Ken but understood Holly can be persuasive. Sean also admired the fact he’d managed to get Dawn locked up. For eighteen years, Sean gave Holly the best life possible, and it’s sad to think the other person in her life who should have tried to do the same actually tried to take that life away and succeeded in taking away the life of her grandchild. I can only hope I’ll be as good a father to Cierra as Sean is to Holly. “Fingers crossed. I think it would be healing for us both.” “Me, too, love. We have some time before everyone gets here. How about you let me take your mind off anything other than me?” “You’re sweet, but I’m huge.” “I’m not sweet, I’m really very selfish. Come on, let me show you how selfish I can be.” There’s a small flicker of desire in her eyes, but it fades out. I know she’s not feeling like her best self, but it doesn’t stop me from wanting her. “Declan, I’m just …” “Tired, exhausted, bringing a human to life inside of you. Basically, you’re busy being a walking miracle, it’s cool. Are you hungry?” This time, her eyes light up and stay lit.

“How did you know?” “Cierra told me. We share a telepathic connection, weren’t you aware?” “Damn, I must have missed the memo. I bet it came one of those mornings I had my head in the toilet.” “Indeed, it did.” As we walk down the stairs, I hold her hand. I was adamant we not get a two-story house, but in Southern California it’s hard to find newer homes with enough square footage that aren’t two stories unless you want to spend a million bucks or more. I would have paid it, but Holly saw this one and fell in love. If there’s one thing I haven’t mastered yet, it’s telling her no. She doesn’t ask for much and gives so much of herself. The least I could do was buy her the home of her dreams. I loved it, too, just not the stairs. She understands my fears, so she lets me slide when it comes to assisting her down the steps. Her concession makes my life so much easier. “Anything else in those memos between you and our firstborn I need to be aware of?” “There may have been some fine print about me being her favorite parent, and not buying me a tie for Father’s Day, like, ever. Oh, and there was definitely a clause about sleeping at least two hours at a time so Mommy and Daddy can sneak in some alone time.” “Yes, alone time is a definite priority. Especially since Mommy and Daddy can’t keep their hands off each other. Good thing she’s got two aunts and uncles to pick up the slack in case she’s in violation of her portion of the contract.” Pulling out the kitchen chair for her, I steal a kiss once she’s seated. “That is a very good thing. Now, what do you want to eat? Grapes, watermelon, ice cream?” “Pancakes?” “Sure, I’ll make you pancakes.” The doorbell rings and she groans. “Stay put. No one is supposed to be here for hours.” I’m not surprised when I see Baxter on the other side of the door. “You’re early.” “Not only is he sexy, he’s observant, too. You hit the lotto with this one, Holls,” he calls out. “Besides, I come bearing pregnant lady crack.” “Donuts are crack?” “Oh ye of little faith. Hey, beautiful, I brought you something.” He puts the donuts on the table, and Holly’s eyes like up like a kid in a candy store. “Told ya.” “Baxter, you’re amazing,” she says through a mouthful of dough. “No pancakes?” “No pancakes,” she confirms, mumbling as she chews. I’ve learned a lot of general food consumption rules have left the building the past few weeks, and it’s best never to

mention their disappearance. “That shirt is kind of kickass, Bax.” Holly looks up at him and gives him a thumbs-up while she finishes her donut, then she reads it out loud. “Funcle. Like a dad, but more fun and way more attractive. What do you think, Dec? Is Baxter more attractive?” “I’m hotter, but Baxter’s always had that boy band vibe to him. It’s probably why he’s never really lacking for dates.” “Ah, I think the word your looking for is hookups. I’m never lacking for someone who wants to hook up. Someone who wants to date … that’s another story.” Holly looks perplexed. “What about …?” “Nope, we don’t mention his name today. He’s on my list.” “Well, okay, back to the shirt. You know my brother is going to give you hell over it, right?” “Dec, your brother can blow me. I’ve been your brother way longer than he has, and I claimed this child before he was a blip on our radar.” “True that,” Holly says, saluting us with another donut. She’s going to hate herself later, but for now I’m going to soak up her smiling, sugar-filled face. I’m sure as hell not going to argue the point. I love Tom, but when Baxter is right, he’s right. Besides, there’s more than enough love to go around for this little girl. “Where’s Sage?” Holly finally pushes the donuts away as I hand her a glass of water. “She’s been waylaid. Emphasis on the laid,” Baxter adds. “Good for her. I’d say the two of you using my show as a dating platform paid off.” “We’ll see.” Baxter picks at invisible lint on his shirt. “You’ll never guess who called me last night.” “If you say Bobby, I will take that shirt off of you and give it to Tom myself.” “Not Bobby, Declan. Actually, it was Zander.” Our favorite bartender. “Well, that’s a twist. Is that why you’re flying solo today, Bax?” Holly pats his hand, and Baxter soaks it up. He’s such a drama queen. “Yeah, you know how much I like Zander, and he’s only wanted to be friends up until now.” “Back it up, Ross, what do you mean ‘until now’?”

“Your husband is so bossy.” Holly bites her lip and nods. “I love him that way.” “I’ll bet you do. And yes, Declan, that’s why he called. He said he’s ready to try. When I told ‘he who shall not be named’ about the call, he flipped.” “Can you blame him? The two of you have had a rough start already, and it seems like you’ve finally settled into this domestic blissdom, and what? You told him you wanted to meet with Zander? Hear him out completely?” I’m not doing a very good job of keeping the anger out of my voice. Baxter needs to stop this shit. He’s the first one to bitch about lack of commitment and then jumps ship when a seemingly better opportunity comes along. “What’s wrong with that? We’ve been friends for years, and I’ve always wanted this from him.” Holly sighs sweetly. “Oh, Bax, what’s wrong is that Mr. Unmentionable loves you. It’s plain as day.” “Don’t bother, love. If Bax loved him he wouldn’t be considering Zander’s offer.” “I do love him, but what if this is my shot at true happiness and I miss it and this relationship doesn’t work out? I’m pretty sure Zander is a one-time shot.” “Baxter, you’re my best friend, you’re the funcle to my child, so I say this with the utmost love. Mr. Unmentionable has proven time and again how much he cares for you. Sure, you’ve had your issues, but … he who shall not be named is always the one who makes sure you know how much he adores you at the end of the day. If Zander is a onetime shot, is it worth it? Because I’d rather have the person who is going to swallow their pride and come after me than the person who dismisses me over a missed opportunity.” “Everything he just said. Listen to Declan, Bax, and call Mr. Unmentionable and apologize. Tell him to get his sexy ass over here and celebrate with us.” “He said some really mean things, you guys.” With crossed arms, I lean against the counter. This ought to be good. “Like what?” “That I was flighty, that I don’t know how to love with my whole heart, that I need to learn to give as much as I take, and that I need to choose him or Zander and that includes Zander’s friendship.” “I wouldn’t want Declan hanging out with someone I knew was interested in him as more than a friend.” “You let him hang out with me.” She laughs. “You’re the exception to every rule, Bax.” Softening a bit, I give him my take. “I disagree with what he said about your heart. You love with your whole heart, Bax, the problem is you don’t give it away easily. The perfect man is staring you in the face and you’re still wondering if Mr. Perfect Plus is out

there somewhere.” “You know, Holls, you’re by far becoming my favorite person today.” He shoots me the evil eye, but I’m not done with him yet. “As far as the give and take, I don’t think he means that in a generosity way because you’re one of the most giving people we know. He probably means he is forever asking you to forgive him, even when you should probably be the one begging him back.” The doorbell rings, and Baxter pops up to get it. “Saved by the bell.” “Go easy on him, babe.” Leaning down, I give her a kiss. “I only want him to be happy, and I’ve never seen him happier than with Mr. You Know Who.” “Sorry we’re late,” Sage calls out, her boyfriend following behind her, checking out her backside as she walks. These two are sexual deviants, but they’re perfect for each other. His call name on my show was Sirstrokesalot, and Sage sought it out like a heatseeking missile from the comments, and the next thing we knew … instalove. “What’s up, strokesalot?” “Fuck you, Declan.” Sage snickers as I pass him a beer from the fridge. “You know I’m messing with you.” “I bet if anyone is stroking it a lot, it’s you, Dec. Mounting that massive baby bump is probably a challenge,” Sage adds. “He’s not stroking anything. I know how to take care of my man,” Holly counters, and Sage high-fives her. “You guys talk about stroking like it’s a bad thing. Fucking heteros, if you knew the kind of fire stroking two cocks together could bring, you’d be batting for my team in no time.” “I volunteer Declan’s cockasaurus in tribute for sexy piece of man meat to show us how it’s done. Give us the visual to go with that description.” “Sage!” Holly admonishes her, and she shrugs. “I know, no more penis talk around the baby, but Baxter started it.” Tom is next to arrive, saving us from any more penis talk. He’s a little more reserved than us, but I think he’s getting used to our friends. “Nice shirt,” he says to Baxter. Baxter smirks and reaches into a bag by his feet and tosses Tom a matching one. I didn’t even notice he came in with a bag; guess I was distracted by the donuts. “The two of us have to stick together. Besides, we’re both way hotter than Declan.”

“Can you see the ‘fuck you’ in my smile, Bax? If not, look harder.” “Can you guys all stop picking on my baby daddy, please?” “Is that some kind of kinky code? Does he get to do you extra dirty if you call him baby daddy instead of husband?” Fucking Sage. I can’t help but laugh at this point. Poor Tom. Even the tips of his ears are red. I’m not sure he’s figured out quite how to handle her yet, but he will. He’s got nothing but time. “It’s not, but that’s a great idea. What do you think, Declan? We can make our own kinky language.” I pull her up and close to me so I can whisper in her ear. “I’d rather have you tell me when and how you want me to fuck you dirty, with explicit details.” Sage grins. “We so heard that.” “You were meant to, but Cierra wasn’t.” “What about me? Can someone flush my ears for me? Some things brothers just don’t need to know.” “Welcome to the family, Tom,” I reply. “We’re never going to be rated PG.” “Can you try? At least around my sisters?” There’s a chorus of agreement. We wouldn’t ever step over that line.

“Declan, that was … wow.” Everyone is in bed after the long day, and you’d think that appreciation was for me rocking Holly’s world. I guess I did, but with a foot massage this time, not my cock. She cuddles up against me as I wrap my arms around her belly. This is my favorite time of the day—when I get to hug both of my girls at the same time. “So what did you really think about today? Are you okay?” “I’m fine. I’m happy we got everyone together before the baby comes. Tom’s family is great, and I think Cierra is going to have three more aunts by extension, don’t you?” “Completely, and I’m pretty sure two extra sets of grandparents. Between Ken and Melanie, and Candace and Gerald, we’ve developed quite the familial brood, haven’t we?”

“True, but you can never have too much family, Holls.” “Sometimes you just get the wrong family,” she grumbles. I climb over her so I can face her. It’s much easier than her trying to roll over and face me at this stage in the game. “Hey, love, I know we’re angry with Dawn and the effects her addiction inflicted onto us. One thing we have to remember is without her, I wouldn’t have you, and we wouldn’t have Cierra now. I would never want to erase Dawn from our existence, but I would make her addiction disappear if I could.” Her green eyes fill with tears. “That is the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me.” “Maybe that means I need to step up my game.” “I’m pretty sure your game is already at full throttle, Dec.” “There’s always room for improvement, love.” Her fingers trace the lines of my face as she thinks. “You know what’s funny?” “Funny haha, or funny ironic?” “Ironic. We’ve been back together now as long as we were apart. Look at all that’s changed.” “We’re married, homeowners, having a baby, and have inherited an extended family. All good things, Holls.” She smiles. “Don’t forget you got your own satellite radio show, and you started law school.” After she told me everything that happened with Dawn, I knew I had to go back to school. More than ever, I want to work with people like Holly. Victims who have been hurt by the people who love them most deserve an attorney who understands. “We’re at the beginning of a great life, Holly. Thank you for being the person I get to love through it all.” Her lips meet mine in the sweetest of kisses. “You’re the one who fought for us. I should be thanking you. We’ve had a complete evolution, and I owe it all to you.” She places my hands against her belly. “I kind of like that.” “Like what?” “Our evolution. It would be a great book title, love. The Evolution of Us.” “Declan …” I silence her by covering her lips with mine. “Just think about it, though. You could dedicate it to your sexy-as-fuck husband, and with that dedication alone it would be a bestseller.” “God, I love you.”

I’ll never tire of those words or the sweet smile that always accompanies them. “And I love you both. Goodnight, ladies, sleep well.”

If you enjoyed The Evolution of Us, and would like to join Dee’s reader group Dee’s Dirty Divas, on Facebook you can join us here https://www.facebook.com/groups/239952459522719/ Keep reading for excerpts of Just an Illusion – Side A and Breaking Kate after the Acknowledgements.

Acknowledgements You know the saying “It takes a village”? It applies to so many aspects in life, but especially in the book world. Each book released has a team of people. Did you realize that? First and foremost are the readers because without you, our words would just be sitting on paper. We rely on you to be honest with us and tell us how our words made you feel. And, of course, if you liked or even loved what you read we hope you’ll share them with friends because—let’s be real here—book friends are the best friends. Your reviews are the highlight of our days— even the bad reviews—because it means we evoked something in you to put your words on a review site. I think I learn something new from each review, good or bad, and I want you to know how thankful I am when you leave them. After the readers, there are fellow authors, PAs, bloggers, editors, cover designers, formatters, proofreaders, photographers, bookstagrammers, PR teams, beta readers, street teams, reader groups … I could go on and on and I’d probably still leave someone out. Like I said, it’s a village, but it’s the best kind of village. I’ve never experienced the love and support like I’ve found in the literary world. It’s an incredible feeling to be a part of something so amazing. I couldn’t do what I do without each and every one of you guys. Thank you so much for being a part of my village. XOXO, Dee



Dear Readers – The most important thing you can do for the authors you love is leave a review and tell your friends how much you enjoyed their book. If you wouldn’t mind taking a few moments to rate and review this book, I would greatly appreciate it. Sincerely, Dee Kelly

Keep reading for a sneak peek of Just an Illusion – Side A

Amelia Present Day – Two Years After The Tour Stories are meant to be told. I firmly believe that, or I wouldn’t have pursued a career in writing. And yet, some stories should never be told for a variety of reasons. My story —OUR story—is on the cusp of both of those beliefs. When I first met them, it was quickly decided I would write their story. And their story is a great story, one I want to tell with all my heart and soul. One their fans truly deserve after all this time. The only problem is, in order to tell their story, I have to tell mine, too, since they’ve become so intricately entwined. I’m not sure I’m ready to share my story yet. My heart may not survive if I do. As I release an exhausted sigh, I pause momentarily and deeply inhale the scent of the Pacific Ocean. The beautiful sunset’s reflection shines on the waves, looking like a million shimmering suns. The silence in the house is all encompassing and allows me to take a few moments to appreciate life. It’s funny how so many things can change over the course of a few years. How one person’s life can go from private to public in the blink of an eye. How easily we transition beyond our humble beginnings, instead winding up in the lap of luxury. How fate always seems to find a way to intervene. When I started this journey, I lived in a small, one-bedroom apartment in Encino, California. And now, I’m living most people’s dream. My home—well, technically it’s their home—is a beautiful beachfront house with every amenity I could have ever dreamed of. But at the end of the day, it’s just a house, and a house isn’t a home until you make it one. Even though it’s been over two years since I officially moved in, making this house my home is still a feat I haven’t quite yet mastered. If I accept this house, I have to accept the realities that come with it—realities I’m not ready to acknowledge. Realities I should have long ago accepted. His ultimatum tonight threw me into a tailspin. He knows he’s making me relive the best and worst days of my life. It’s not his fault; they’re his, too, and he’s waited long enough. He genuinely wants to make this a home for us, but he’s worried my heart may not completely be his. Is it? I love him. I’ve always loved him, but being in love with someone is different than loving them. The only way to figure it out for sure is to write THE story—his, mine, theirs, and ours. I turn away from the window, fire up my laptop, and uncork a bottle of my favorite Pinot Grigio, filling the largest wine glass I own. It’s cool, and the alcohol warms me going down. If I’m going to do this, I need something to soothe me. Especially when I have to read his notes and pull all of Belle’s articles. I need those most of all for this story to be truly complete. It’s just a story, Amelia, you write them all the time. It doesn’t have to be published;

you’re just purging it from your system and getting it on paper. But if anyone ever got their hands on it … If they find out you finally wrote it, there’s no coming back. Closing my eyes, I wage the internal battle with myself. He gave me a deadline; I have seventy-two hours to answer his proposal. Three days. I’m not quite sure if three days is long enough for my heart to catch up with my mind. It doesn’t matter; he’s serious this time. The boys left and went camping, giving me time to do this, to gather myself. He was hesitant to leave me alone, knowing how hard it will be for me. Eventually, I convinced him I’d be fine. I’m not so sure now, but it doesn’t matter. It’s time to put on my big girl panties and give him an answer. Which leaves me only one thing left to do. It’s time to write our story.

Belle’s First BAD Announcement Three Years Ago Slammers! It’s your girl Belle here, and I’ve got some freaking amazing news to share with you! This girl and her best friend Mel are heading out for a night with BAD. That’s right, you heard me—Bastards and Dangerous are in town, and I’ve got a feeling I’m going to have a super scoop for you all tomorrow. Keep your fingers crossed these backstage passes will shed some light on the super-secret info BAD has been teasing us all with for weeks! Don’t forget, live today like there’s no tomorrow! Xs and Os, Belle

Chapter 1 The Day It All Began “Amelia! Are you really wearing that to the BAD concert?” Bastards and Dangerous, otherwise known as BAD, are all of the above from what I hear. I’m not a fan. I’ve got eclectic tastes in music, but they’re just a little too loud for me. Since I’m not a fan, I don’t feel the need to wear the overly obvious I’m a groupie BAD shirt Belle brought over for me. Instead, I’m wearing my best curve-hugging jeans, my favorite black Converse, and a dark blue V-neck sweater. The concert is at The Greek, an outdoor venue. Our nights have been hovering at fifty degrees all week, which is unusually cold for Southern California, especially for late August. Global warming at its finest, but I’m not going to freeze so I can fit in with the crowd. “Yes, Belle, this is exactly what I’m wearing. Don’t like it? I’ll happily bow out and you can give my ticket to someone else,” I answer with a smug smile. “No, it’s fine. You can come like that. I only hope they’re not offended when they meet you and you’re not supporting them,” she says while crossing her arms and giving me her best pouty face. “I don’t know why you think we’re even going to meet them. They’re the biggest band out there right now. Besides, I highly doubt they’ll care if one person out of the millions they’ve met isn’t branded in something they make a commission off of.” She rolls her eyes at me. “I’ve already told you it’s inevitable. Thanks to my kickass job as music editor at Slammed Magazine, we’ve got great press seats. And they sent VIP backstage passes so I can interview them.” I laugh, I can’t help it. “Belle, I love you, but their manager said ‘if they have time’ you can interview them. You know as well as I do bands don’t stick around the venue any longer than necessary. By the time we get backstage, they’ll be long gone.” “Nope.” She pauses to slick on her lip gloss before finishing her thought. “That’s how it usually works, but not tonight. Something big is coming down the pipeline, they’re getting ready to announce something. Everyone is talking about it. Slammed is the biggest entertainment magazine on the market and they want us there. They’ve never had someone hand deliver backstage passes to us before. That’s why I took them instead of giving them to some rookie reporter. And that’s why I want you there, too. Since you’re an author, you can help me craft an amazing story.” “One book, Belle. I’ve got one book out. Using the word author is reaching a bit.” She has way too much faith in me. “Amelia Greyson! Stop belittling yourself. You may only have one book out, but I know you have at least ten more on your computer you don’t think are good enough to publish. Your one book has been number one on the New York Times bestseller list for the last three weeks! That’s huge! It’s author status at its finest. You need to be proud of your accomplishment, I know I am. I tell everyone I can about my best friend the author.”

Belle is beaming, her smile is as wide as I’ve ever seen it, and I know she’s right. It is huge for me; it’s a dream come true. But it could also be a fluke, so I’m not planning on moving out of my cozy one-bedroom apartment anytime soon. “Alright, we’re wasting time being sentimental. Let’s get out of here and go meet your BAD boys.” She giggles. “I’m hoping I can get one of them to be bad with me tonight!” We both burst into laughter and head down to the limo; at least Slammed sends their staff out to events in style. Once we’re settled in our seats at the venue, Belle is bouncing around like an excited teenager, but then again, so is almost everyone else here. Thankfully, we’re in the press section, so it’s not teeming with overly excited fans. The people in this section at least pretend to tone it down a bit … that is, until the show starts. The opening act was good, but for the life of me, I can’t remember what they said their name was. I’ll have to ask Belle later. She’s having a blast, just like everyone else. I’m trying to act excited for her sake, but it’s hard to feign excitement for a band you don’t really like. When the music begins to blare and the lights start flashing at seizure-inducing speeds, the band runs onto the stage one by one. How in the world can they even see with all those strobe lights? “How the fuck are you doing tonight, Los Angeles?” The crowd’s response is deafening. Another band member picks up a mic. “I don’t think you heard Noah when he asked you how the fuck are you doing tonight, Los Angeles?” The crowd screams even louder, and I’m wishing I would have brought some earplugs to help take down the decibels a bit. I forgot how loud rock concerts are. Or maybe I just selectively blocked it from my memory. Another guy walks out from the side of the stage; he’s cute in a tatted up rock star kind of way. “Alright, we’re about to kick this bitch off, but before we do and you all are too drunk and hyped up to remember, Sawyer has some news we want to share with you.” One of the four takes his spot on the drums, the other guys are assembling themselves with guitars, and Sawyer—I’m assuming—takes the mic. He looks a lot like the cute one who came out first, just a little more sinful. I think Belle mentioned there were brothers in the band. I can’t say for sure from here, but I think he even has dimples. Witnessing their sex appeal up close and personal reminds me of Belle’s earlier wish, and I have to admit I agree with her. I wouldn’t be opposed to being bad with them for a night. Even if their music isn’t for me. “Los Angeles, are you ready to rock?” More deafening screams. I think a girl in the front row just passed out. Good God, it isn’t all that, and neither are they. They’re just men. Sexy as sin, granted, but still just

men, and self-proclaimed bastards at that. “First, I want to say thank you all for coming out to see us tonight. There aren’t any other California shows on our tour schedule since we’re winding up our current tour. However, we have some really big news to announce and needed to stop off to give Slammed Magazine an exclusive interview.” My eyes lock on Belle’s; hers are as wide as saucers. She had no clue the extent of their generosity when they gave Slammed tickets and passes. They must have really wanted to keep this a secret if Slammed didn’t even get a heads up, only an “if they have time” statement. It’s why the passes were hand delivered. They’re smart; they knew the hottest entertainment magazine on the planet wouldn’t flake on them. “So we figured two birds, one stone. We play for you in our awesome home state and then do the interview before heading back out on the road. Of course, it goes without saying we strongly encourage you to pick up Slammed Magazine in two weeks to read about our exciting news. Or at the very least, go to Slammedinc.com and check out the entertainment updates.” The crowd explodes into thunderous cheers and applause as the band kicks off the show. Belle has mellowed somewhat, and I know she’s wondering how she’s going to pull this off in just a few short days. I’ll definitely have to help her now. Slammed just went to print with next week’s issue, and it’ll be out in a few days. She’s got a small window of time to write and perfect this article before the following week’s issue goes to print. It’s kind of presumptuous of them to announce when the article will be out, but then again, any magazine worth their readers would do whatever they have to in order to scoop this story. Even if it means putting out a special edition, which is what is likely going to happen. Whatever her worries are, Belle’s over them in a flash, and she bounces back up to dance and scream the night away. Of course, I’m not a total downer, so I join her dance party and we celebrate her happiness. Even though I’m not a fan of the band, I’m a huge fan of Belle, and this article is going to launch her career even farther. I’m so proud of her. The band leaves the stage for a quick break, and before they come back onstage for their encore, Belle and I make our way down to the backstage entrance. We’re not the only ones with this idea, but we are the only ones with the passes granting us access to BAD. Thankfully, there are a few bodyguards posted who are able to guide us through the crowd of crazy bitches. I seriously thought one was going to fight me just to get my pass. Little does she know, I’ve been there and done that. I can take down a crazy bitch in a hot second if necessary. I left that all behind me for a reason. Hardcore fans are crazy; they’re constantly throwing their underwear and yelling out crazed delusions of having rock star babies. Or even worse, trying to act out that fantasy by drugging them and tampering with condoms. These women, and even some men, have no shame. Don’t they realize these men are just people? I don’t know how celebrities do it. People don’t realize all you give up to live out your dreams—the demons you take on, the heavy toll it takes on your life. How can anyone get used to that? How could you

ever trust anyone enough to forge a new friendship or fall in love? I’d always question if they truly wanted me or what I have to give them. We’re ushered down a long corridor, our footsteps echoing behind us. Up ahead of us, the band is huddled together getting ready to go back onstage for their encore. From the looks of it, besides the normal crew and staff, we are literally the only people back here with passes. Interesting … We’re greeted by a large man with a security all-access badge about halfway between the entrance and where the band is standing. I wouldn’t ever want to wind up on this guy’s bad side. He’s intimidating. “We have to go past the band to get to the green room where they’ll meet with you later. Please, don’t make me get rough with you two. If you have fangirl shit to get out of your system, do it in the green room. Don’t say anything to them as we pass, and don’t freak out or try to grope them. You’re here in a professional capacity, and I hope you’ll continue to act that way.” Belle and I exchange knowing glances, and I know she’s thinking exactly what I am. This guy is a dick. But he’s doing his job, and I’m sure it’s a difficult one. Belle is a fan, but she’s a professional first. As for me, I don’t fangirl over anyone, let alone a band I don’t even like. As we pass the band, their PA is giving them a two-minute countdown. One of the guys looks up at us as we walk by with an interested look on his face. He’s cute, and from the smirk on his face, he knows it. I still feel his eyes on me as we walk by; however, when I cock my head to the side, I find it’s the one with the dimples who is staring at my ass. These jeans were so worth the price I paid for them. Mr. Gruff and Serious deposits us in the green room and lets us know we can help ourselves to anything. Then he informs us he’ll be right outside the door as he closes it behind him. “Amelia! Pinch me! Can you believe this? BAD gave one, and only one, exclusive interview, and it’s mine! Oh my God! This is going to skyrocket my career as long as I don’t screw it up.” Her excitement makes me laugh. She has nothing to worry about; her work is amazing. “Belle, you’ve got this. Get your squealing out now, take some deep breaths, and get ready for the story of your life. I’m so proud of you, and I’m right here to help take notes, too.” “Thanks, Mel, I knew I could count on you.” After giving me a quick hug, she does indeed get her squealing out of her system while watching the band on the very large TV mounted on the wall. I can’t stop thinking about Dimples watching me as we passed by. The thought brings heat between my legs, even if I shouldn’t let it. He’s not relationship material, and I’m not supermodel gorgeous. Besides, all these men have a reputation for one-night stands and unemotional flings. Those are two things I can’t do, not anymore. When I’m sleeping with

someone, it’s because I’m invested in them emotionally. Which is probably why I haven’t had sex with a man in over a year. Don’t believe everything you hear, Amelia. You know better than most how things are blown out of proportion in this industry. After the encore, the sounds of the thunderous applause echo all the way into the green room. Even the walls are shaking from it. Belle’s nerves are starting to kick in because she’s simultaneously tapping her foot and picking at her nails, both of which are nervous habits of hers. “Belle, you need to breathe. They’re just people. You’ve interviewed tons of musicians before and I’ve never seen you this nervous.” “I know, Mel, but this is BAD, and they’re the holy grail of interviews. I can’t help but be nervous, and of course their excessive good looks only make it worse.” I can’t argue with her there, they are good-looking men. The voices resonating from the hallway are growing closer by the second until they’re suddenly upon us and the door is thrown open. “That was fucking awesome! One of the best shows we’ve done this entire tour. The outdoor venues are so much better. Don’t you guys think so?” As they talk amongst themselves, I’m drawn in by their enthusiasm. Seeing these men come in on their post-performance high is captivating. Their happiness is almost contagious. Belle and I are taking them in, watching in fascination. It’s been a long time since I was a part of this kind of excitement. I almost forgot how much goes into pulling off a successful show. They’ve got a posse of people with them. The PA I saw earlier is trying to wrangle them up while I assume their stylist is the one carrying a few extra shirts. The cute one with the dimples takes one of those shirts. When he pulls his sweaty shirt off over his head, I’m absolutely mesmerized by the way his muscles move. His abs are screaming for me to come and lick them, the beads of sweat crying out my name. I want to taste his essence on my tongue. Sadly, as fast as the mini porn played out in my head, it’s over as his shirt goes on. He catches me looking at him and flashes me a sexy smirk again. The flush I feel spreading over my face is nothing, I’m sure, compared to how it looks. Hoping to suppress the flush, I open my water bottle and try to cool myself down from the sudden heat enveloping my body. He’s eying my lips as they wrap around the rim of the bottle, and I wish I were wrapping them around him instead. I drink as slowly and seductively as possible, knowing he’s watching me. When I raise my eyes back up to his, he licks his lips. Holy hell. This is foreplay, yet, at the same time, couldn’t be anything further from it. The spell is broken when one of the crew calls for him. It’s just as well, musicians aren’t my thing… anymore.

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Keep Reading for an excerpt of Breaking Kate by D. Kelly

Chapter 1

3 years later Las Vegas, also known as Sin City, is my current job location for the next few days. How could anyone not love a city whose entire motto is “what happens here, stays here”? I’m staying at the MGM Grand this time around. When I come with the guys they like to stay at the newest hotels, but I like the MGM. It’s not that old, and you just can’t beat a hotel where there’s a bartender who not only knows your name, but also remembers your drink order no matter how long it’s been since your last visit. I checked in late last night after work and crashed as soon as I got here. Today is Friday and I don’t have to be back at the site until tomorrow. I spent most of the day at the pool relaxing. Vegas in January is usually freezing, but today it was seventy-three, and that was nice enough for me to babe watch from a poolside cabana. I need a new distraction— someone who can keep my mind off Katherine. It’s been almost four years, but lately I’ve been thinking about her daily. Hell, I have always thought about her daily, but now she haunts my mind every waking second of the day. I wish I were lucky enough to avoid her in my sleep, but it’s even worse then. My dreams are filled with visions of her laughing and of us making love; those dreams are the best because I can actually feel the emotion in them. Before the dream ends, it is always the same—the dream morphs into the day we broke up, the day I left her shattered in pieces, then all that happiness evaporates into a gut-searing pain. I wake up in a cold fucking sweat Every. Single. Night. Lately, the dreams are even more vivid, and they seem to last longer. I wonder how many times I can relive seeing the heartbreak in her eyes and feel the pain crushing my soul. It really doesn’t help that tomorrow is her birthday, but that’s why I volunteered to come out here this weekend—so I would be sure to stay far away from Los Angeles. I know, without a doubt, if I had stayed home I would’ve gone to Connor’s party and gotten drunk. Anytime an emotional anniversary comes up it seems like Connor is having a party that weekend. As much as I tell myself I won’t drink, I always do, to the point of oblivion. Well, up until six months ago, that is. That all changed after I fucked Vanessa right under Daniel’s nose. To be fair, I would’ve never been with her on a good day, sober or drunk. She’s a Grade-A bitch, and I still wonder if she didn’t slip something in my drink that night because even drunk, I have never not known who I was fucking.

The best thing that came out of that night was Daniel finally breaking up with her. It killed us all to see how much she continually used him for his money. I get that she comes from trailer trash, drug-addict parents who are barely conscious of what day it is, but she didn’t have to be vindictive and act like life owes her something. I grew up privileged, but I left it all behind and built myself up from the bottom after Katherine and I broke up. Leaving was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life, but it was the best thing that could’ve happened to me and helped me grow into the man I was meant to be. I need this weekend to be all about pleasure, my pleasure. Hopefully, that will keep Katherine Moore out of my head once and for all. I’m looking forward to just losing myself in someone. If there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s pleasing women in bed, but in order to do that I need to find the right kind of girl. I don’t want a girl who’s going to want to latch on, or one who wants to exchange phone numbers. Hell, I’m perfectly fine with not even knowing her name because half the time I don’t remember it anyway. It always amazes me how gullible some women are. They’re so easily excited when you call them by an endearing name. They have no clue I call them sweetie, sweetheart, baby, honey, sunshine, precious, beautiful, or darling because I have forgotten their names. My goal tonight is to find a hot girl with a nice ass and a great rack who I can bend over and fuck the living daylights out of. Preferably, one I can tie to my bed so I can have complete control. It’s not like I have a fetish or anything, I just don’t like to be caressed and touched a lot. I don’t like or want intimacy with my sex, not since Katherine. I just want to take them hard and rough. Believe it or not, girls love it. It doesn’t hurt that I’m great at giving multiple orgasms, which is a skill I’ve developed over time. That’s another thing I regret about Katherine; I never tried to give her multiples. That’s something I would’ve loved to watch. Even after all this time I have never seen anyone come the way she did. It was exquisite. Just thinking about it now, years later, still makes me hard. Damn it. I need to get drunk fast so I can push her to the back of my mind; I’m so tired of thinking about her. When the elevator doors open, my mood lightens up. I love casinos. Even the overwhelming smell of smoke is okay because it’s all part of the atmosphere. Vegas is truly the place where no one gives a fuck what anyone does, how they dress, or how they act. If you aren’t walking around drunk, you’re not doing Vegas right. Already, there are girls eyeing me up—I know they think I’m hot and tonight I play it up to my advantage. It’s not like I’m even slightly conceited, but I’ve been asked many times if I’m a long lost Hemsworth brother and I know girls think they’re hot. Tonight, I’m wearing a tight black t-shirt that grips all of my muscles, a comfortable pair of blue jeans, and my black Dr. Martens. The tattoos on my arms are visible and my hair is styled with just a little bit of gel in that way girls tell me is “just so hot.” Personally, I don’t really care how my hair looks. I’m more than happy to just buzz it off, but the one time I did, I seriously lacked in hookups for two months while it grew back. I take a seat at my favorite bar and throw some money in the video poker machine while waiting for the bartender to make his way down here. I love this place; by the time Dave comes down he’s already got my drink in his hand. “Hey, Mike. How’s it going,

man? I got your gin and tonic, Bombay Sapphire with limes, of course.” I take the drink and shake his hand. “Thanks, Dave. It’s been a while. How’ve you been?” “I’ve been good, thanks. It’s great to see you again. By the way, I’m placing my bet now. Judging by your appearance tonight, I give it forty-five minutes before you’re on your way back up with a beautiful girl, so I’m going to keep your drinks coming. I know you like a good buzz before leaving the bar.” I can’t help but chuckle. “Ah, the all-knowing bartender has placed his bets. You know I’d hate to disappoint you, so how about you pour me a double shot now so I can step up my game.” Dave gives me a knowing look and pours the shot. “Okay, man, you’re all set. You’re already getting an audience behind you. If I were you, I would hit the girl in red— she’s a regular and used to the no strings thing. You got condoms this time, or do you need me to hit the bar stash again?” Man, he really doesn’t forget a thing. “Nah, man, I’m good. I brought some this time. Last time, the airport lost my luggage and my condoms along with it; just another reason why I would rather drive.” “I hear you. Just nod at me if you need another. I gotta get back to the other end of the bar.” Sure enough, about fifteen minutes later, three girls walk up and sit next to me at the bar. One of them is stunning in a green, low-cut dress. Unfortunately, she looks a little like Katherine and is immediately not an option. There’s a cute girl in jeans, Chucks, and a nice button-down shirt. I would love to take her upstairs, but she’s shy, and shy girl equals needy girl. I don’t do needy girls; they’re too emotional and make me feel bad when I have to tell them I only want sex. I’m always honest, and it doesn’t always go over well, but I figure they should know the deal up front. The only exception to that was Misty and that’s a mistake that still weighs heavily on my mind. Another one to add to the “someday make amends” pile. That pile seems to be getting excessively large, but there’s no time to think about that right now. The girl in red is the first one to speak to me. She’s got a throaty, sexy voice, and she oozes sex appeal. She definitely isn’t the most attractive of the three, but she’s in no way ugly. Giving her the onceover, I can tell immediately she’s confident, probably well off—judging by the designer “come fuck me” shoes she has on—and she definitely looks up for a good time. This is exactly the kind of girl I can tie up. Her rack is okay, but her ass is to die for. Her strawberry-blonde hair is from a bottle for sure, and she has big, expressive, brown eyes. She’s just the kind of distraction I need tonight. “Hi, I’m Sara. Mind if I sit here next to you, or is your girlfriend in the restroom?” Smooth—getting the girlfriend question out of the way in the introduction. Yeah, this girl definitely gets around. “Sure, Sara, have a seat. There’s no girlfriend, just me. Can I buy you and your

friends a drink?” The girls giggle, and I flag Dave over to take their orders. “Bill them all to my room, okay, Dave? Whatever these three lovely ladies want is on me tonight.” “Gotcha, Mike.” “So, Mike, are you visiting, or do you live around here?” I flash her a smile, showing off my dimples which tend to reel girls in. “I’m here for work but just for the weekend. I decided to come down to the bar and see what kind of trouble I can get myself into tonight.” Sara’s friends are blushing and giggling, but Sara’s eyes are locked on mine—she’s definitely interested. “Well, I’m sure I can get you into all kinds of trouble if you’re interested.” Nice. She doesn’t beat around the bush. Leaning in real close, I whisper to her, “I don’t play games, Sara. I’m not the kind of guy that will give you my number, and no matter how good you fuck me, that won’t change. What I will do is give you multiple orgasms and pay for your cab home if you want to come up to my room and let me fuck you senseless.” Her cheeks flush with my words. She immediately pounds her drink and turns to her friends, and tells them she’ll meet up with them later. The girls thank me for the drinks and head off to the slots. When Sara turns my way, her eyes are burning with desire. Dave comes back and brings me another double shot. “Damn, thirty minutes, where does the time go?” Sara shoots him an odd look, but I just laugh as he walks away. Guess I have fifteen minutes left on the clock. “Mike, I like that you’re honest, so I’ll be honest as well. Here are the ground rules: I don’t need your number, I don’t even need you to remember my name. In fact, I might call you someone else’s name and you’re just going to have to be okay with it because old habits die hard. I don’t do anal, I won’t swallow unless it’s a relationship, and I won’t fuck without condoms. Deal?” Hell yeah, that’s a deal and a huge turn on. I’ve never been with a girl who’s this up front. “Deal, let’s go.” I throw a fifty-dollar bill down for Dave and nod my head when he looks at me with admiration in his eyes as I walk off with Sara. Walking to the elevators, I can feel the gin kicking in—definitely not drunk, but hella buzzed and feeling no pain. Sara is a class act, which is a welcome change. She isn’t groping me in the elevator, she’s not trying to hold my hand, and she isn’t trying to make out yet, all of which is fine with me. We exit the elevator and our fingers graze as we walk to my room at the end of the hall. After opening the door, I give her a few minutes to explore. “Nice room, Mike. Not every guy splurges on a spa suite.” Walking up to her from behind, I move her hair out of the way and kiss her neck. “Well, I like to have a nice room to bring the ladies back to. Sometimes they like to clean up after I get them dirty.”

Her body relaxes into mine, and I know I’ve got her right where I want her, so why do I suddenly feel nauseous? I’m sure it will pass. I turn her around and kiss her. Immediately, she thrusts her tongue into my mouth—it isn’t the biggest turn on, but whatever … different strokes for different folks. I back away and slow the kiss. It’s while I’m trailing a path of kisses along her neck to her earlobe, I’m struck by an overwhelming scent. An all too familiar smell—one I’ve missed so much—and now the nausea is coming in waves and I can’t hold it back anymore. Racing to the bathroom, I throw up repeatedly. Sara is standing in the doorway. “Um, Sara, I’m really sorry but I think you better go.” Looking down at me, she seems pissed. I can’t say I blame her. “Yeah, I think that’s a great idea. You didn’t seem drunk, but I hope you are because I don’t need to get the flu. Have a nice night, Mike.” I hear the door close as I vomit again. Once I’m done emptying the contents of my stomach, I take my clothes off and lie down in bed. I’m not sick and I’m not drunk, not even close, but the smell of gardenias was too much. How did I not notice it until now? The one weekend I need to have Katherine completely out of my head and away from my heart and she comes slamming back into my life like a hurricane in the form of some damn perfume. What the fuck? It all comes rolling back to me, and I curl up like a little kid and cry, finally letting it all out again after almost four years. I can feel all the emotions—how much I loved her, how what happened between us broke my heart, and how much I kick myself in the ass daily for ever letting my mom’s doubts consume my mind. I should’ve cooled down and apologized to her. I know I shattered her heart and soul. I was so cruel to her with the ring—taunting her, teasing her. Instead of throwing it in her face, I should’ve dropped to my knees and begged her to marry me. I should’ve told her life was too short, especially in light of what happened. I should’ve done a lot of things and I didn’t. I’m such a fucking dumbass. I deserve this pain. I deserve to ache for the one girl who ever loved me, the one I loved with all my heart and soul. I miss her so much. I just want her back. I want us back. I’ve spent three years in denial, three long years missing her and acting like a fool. I don’t know if it’s too late, but when I get home I’m going to make some serious changes. I’m going to finally call my mom back, but not until I talk to Katherine, not until I make this right. I have only ever wanted one girl. From the first day I met her in second grade I knew I would marry her someday. When I get home, I’ll talk to Daniel; he’ll help me figure this all out. If there’s anyone who won’t judge me it will be him. Daniel already knows how I am with women, he just doesn’t know the reason why. He doesn’t know I just use them to try and forget just for a little while. I don’t let them in—any of them—because my heart isn’t there, not anymore. I gave my heart away in second grade, and I’ve never gotten it back. It always has, and always will, be hers to keep.

D. Kelly, author of The Acceptance Series, The Illusion Series, and standalone companion novels Chasing Cassidy and Sharing Rylee, was born and raised in Southern California. She’s a wife, mom, dog lover, taxi, problem fixer, and extreme multi-tasker. She married her high school sweetheart and is her kids’ biggest fan. Kelly has been writing since she was young and took joy in spinning stories to her childhood friends. Margaritas and sarcasm make her smile, she loves the beach but hates the sand, and she believes Starbucks makes any day better. A contemporary romance writer, D. Kelly’s stories revolve around friendship and the bond it creates, strengthening the love of the people who share it. For all things D. Kelly, you can visit her website: http://www.dkellyauthor.com

Table of Contents books by d. kelly dedication quote one two three four five six seven eight nine ten eleven twelve thirteen fourteen fifteen sixteen seventeen eighteen nineteen twenty epilogue Acknowledgements Sneak Peek to Just an Illusion Sneak Peek to Breaking Kate Author Bio