Age of Consent and Outtakes by Littlesecret84

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Age of Consent and Outtakes by Littlesecret84

Chapter 1 - Wifebeater, tank

Bella I'm a pretty quiet person. I can be very shy and I certainly don't like being the center of attention. That's why I'm sitting cross-legged on my old bed dreading the walk downstairs, where my father has some friends over to watch a game. I'm assuming it's a baseball game since it's June and that's what they play in June, right? Among these friends is an attorney I'll be interning for at the Clallam County District Court this summer. He's supposed to be a young kid who used to volunteer at the police department in Forks, where my father is the Chief of Police. So at some point I have to go downstairs and meet him. I'm pretty sure he's going to be some loser with no life who has nothing better to do than drive a 16-year-old back and forth between Forks and Port Angeles every day for an internship. Nevertheless, I have to be nice. He's doing my dad a favor by hiring me. While I'm not getting paid anything except for a small stipend, this will look great on my college applications. I slip on my Converse and throw on a plain white tank over my dark jeans and take a deep breath. Breathe, Bella. It's just some guys watching a baseball game. You're going to have to meet this Edward character at some point. Maybe if I can be somewhat social, the two hours in the car I'll be spending with him every weekday for the next eight weeks will be less awkward than... not? Ugh. "Bells!" Bells. Yes, he calls me Bells. I‟m five. I smile at my dad, and see him sitting on the couch with another Forks police officer, Sam, who turns to me and waves. I guess this Edward person isn't here. Well, I tried. Before I can turn and walk away, my father calls after me. "Bells, let me call Edward, he's out taking a phone call." I shrug and sit at the bottom of the stairs, trying to follow the game. A few minutes pass before I see a tall guy with messy bronze (is that even a legit hair color?) hair walk in with a huge smile on his face. "Sorry about that, Charlie. What'd I miss?" No. This can't be my boss. He's too young. "Edward! Come meet Bella," my father says, waving me over. I stumble over to them, trying to keep a polite smile on my face.

"Hey there. We match! I can tell you're going to be my favorite intern, we have similar tastes." Edward laughs. He's right. We're both wearing white tops and dark denim with Converse. Wait--am I going to be some fashion intern? And I'm using the term "fashion" pretty loosely. I'm wearing an American Apparel tank and Seven jeans with sneakers. I wouldn't call myself a fashionista. "Nice to meet you Mr. Cullen," I say, not sure whether or not I should be calling him by his first name. He gets this serious look on his face as he clears his throat. "Mr. Cullen, wow. I'm pretty you can call me Edward, Bella." "Edward." I smile. This time he gives me a funny look. For a second it seems like he's about to say something, but then he just turns around to tell Charlie that he'll be here at eight tomorrow morning to pick me up. Umm, I'm right here. Whatever. I suppose I'm really not. I look over at them but nobody notices, so I just walk back up the stairs. At night I don't think much about Edward Cullen. I don't think about whether he was cute, or hot, or nice. I just go to bed hoping this whole thing will be over soon and I will get a chance to learn something. If not, I can always just mention the internship in my applications and during interviews. At around ten I fall asleep in my tank. No dreams, nothing. I don't really dream.

Chapter 2 - White tunic, flats

Bella A silver Volvo is parked outside at 7:57 the next morning. I make my way towards the car and smile, even though I feel slightly uneasy. I'm not sure I'm dressed properly for an internship. I'm wearing slim black pants and a white tunic with a heather grey cardigan and flats. As I open the door and slide into the passenger seat I almost gasp. What was I smoking last night? I'm sitting next to a gorgeous man with that same messy hair and a pair of wayfarers sitting on a perfect nose. He is wearing a periwinkle blue shirt and charcoal pants and his long fingers are tapping the steering wheel. "Isabella, you look very business casual this morning. Glad you decided to put away the Chucks for the day." He smiles. Is he for real? Maybe he's gay, or at least very metro. The two full sentences he has spoken to me have been about fashion. "You really have a thing for fashion, don't you? I didn't realize I‟d be working in the fashion capital of the Pacific Northwest." He gives me that same funny look from yesterday. "Sorry, can't help it. My sister Rosalie and I shared an apartment when I was in law school in New York, she'd talk clothes all day with her friend Alice. You'll meet Alice, she just finished her second year of law school and I got her an internship here for the summer." "Cool." "So, tell me, how old are you? Nineteen? Just finished your freshman year?" Does he mean college? "Errr... emmm," I blush, freaking out, "I thought my father told you. I'm going to be a senior in high school this year. If I'm too young or inexperienced, I'm sorry. Just drive me back. We're only five minutes from my house." "Bella, no. I mean, you're right, what was I thinking? Of course I knew you're going to be a senior. You're... seventeen then? Eighteen? Wow. Shit." Do I give off a Golden Girl vibe? Wow? Really? "I turn seventeen in September. Really, if you don't think I'm ready..."

Shock turns into... disappointment? "Bella, I apologize,” he says quickly. “You're ready. I'm sure you'll do fine. We rarely hire anyone who is still in high school, but we make exceptions. Charlie told me about you, you‟re really bright. Don‟t worry, though. It‟s easy stuff. I don't even give our college interns anything substantive. You'll mostly be hanging around." "Oh that sounds exciting," I blurt out sarcastically, immediately realizing I sound like a complete asshole. He laughs. "So, little girl, what kinda music would you like to listen to? You choose today." I start changing the stations and hear Creep playing. Ah, I don't know anyone who doesn't love this song. Pretty neutral. I leave it. I start humming and I guess at some point I begin singing along to it. "I guess this song is still popular with the kids." He looks over at me and smiles. "Ummm, yeah, I guess. I mean, who doesn't feel they don't belong at some point or another, right?" What the fuck are you talking about, Bella? Shut up. "Right... that feeling doesn't go away no matter how old you get." He's totally emo. Ugh. "Edward, umm, how old are you, if you don't mind my asking?" "I just turned twenty-six." "Oh." The rest of the ride over to Port Angeles is quiet. I fall asleep at some point and wake when the car comes to a stop. Edward walks me inside and after some preliminary ID stuff he brings me to a cubicle and tells me to make myself comfortable. He's all serious now, no small talk, no smiles. I guess this is boss Edward. As he walks away it hits me again just how good-looking he is. I realize that the entire time we were in the car I had been staring at my lap, or out the window and not looking straight at him. I better not form some sort of crush on Edward. That would be awkward.

Chapter 3 - Lacy white thing

Bella "Isabella Swan! Heyyyy! I'm Alice! I'm your neighbor here," a small girl with short, dark hair screams in my ear. "Hi, Alice. Nice to meet you." "Are you nervous, Isabella? I'm nervous. I know I basically work for Edward and I've seen Edward in his boxers eating ice cream sandwiches on his couch - that is a sight you want to see if you know what I mean - but this is a job! And with the economy being this terrible there is no way I can find anything after I graduate and I know I'd hate to leave Manhattan for Forks for good but coming home won't be that terrible you know, so I have to be on my best behavior, thank God there's another girl here. What law school do you go to?" She really needs to stop for a second and breathe. "I'll be a senior at Forks High School this fall." I shrug. "High School! Wow! So am I the only legal intern here other than Jacob Black? Where is he anyway? He's late. Alice-1, Jacob-0. Yes!" "Jake's interning here too?" I ask. "You know this Jacob Black?" "Yeah, ummm our fathers are friends. He's nice enough," I tell her… And pretty hot, in a bad boy sort of way. "Ladies." I hear the familiar voice and my heart skips a beat. "Jacob won't be here until two weeks into the summer program." Wait, back up there. My heart did what? I'm totally going to have a crush on the boss. The boss. Boxers. Ice cream. Something happens in my belly, stirs or something. Shit. I shift a little in my seat. It's a little hot in here. "Mr. Cullen. Alice Brandon here, reporting for duty." "Really, Alice. Chill out,” he says, rolling his eyes. “You guys just read the stuff I left on your desks, get a little idea of what's going on here, how things are done. I'll be back after my meeting." I sigh, my nerves are all over the place today. "So, how do you know Edward?" asks Alice.

"I don‟t. I met him last night, he knows my dad. He drove me here this morning." Alice‟s eyes grow big and she leans in. I feel like we‟re about to conspire to commit a crime. "Well, let me tell you a little about the boss. He's twenty-six. As you can see, he's totally gorgeous. Broke hearts left and right back in the city. That‟s not entirely true, but come on, look at him. He went to NYU, passed the NY bar, and had a job at a large firm after he graduated. Then he got laid off along with all the other first-year associates as soon as the recession hit. He came back to Washington in January and started working here after he took the bar exam again, this time for Washington. He got hired full time once he found out he passed. He lives in Forks now at his parents' home, it's gorgeous. They're in Kenya now where his dad works for Doctors Without Borders. His sister Rosalie is my best friend from high school and college. She's still in New York and just got engaged to my boyfriend's brother. Isn't that awesome? You'll meet Jasper, my boyfriend. He's coming here to visit this weekend. SO! Are you dating anyone? Any cute local boys or no! An older college man? Spill!" Wow, she can really talk. Usually I'd be annoyed and avoid this sort of person but there is something warm and genuine about Alice. So I smile and start talking. "No boyfriend. Nothing like that going on in my life. I moved here from Phoenix recently and I'm staying with my dad. I'd love to visit New York someday, it sounds great." Not as detailed and wordy as Alice, but a good start. "Omigod, so great!” she cries. “You'll definitely come to visit when I get back. I'll take you to the coolest places. I absolutely love hosting and I‟m the best tour guide! And we'll shop! Soho, Fifth Ave, boutiques in the Village… you'll love it!" I gulp and smile. I'm in the Twilight Zone or something, I've heard more about fashion and shopping in the past twenty-four hours than I have all year. The day goes by quickly and Edward and I don't really talk much. He seems busy and gives me some stuff to print out, copy, or organize. I mostly sit and play around with my iPhone, chat with Alice who is on her BlackBerry texting her boyfriend all day. This isn't that bad, I can get used to it. I spin around in my chair and giggle at something I read on a blog. "Earth to Bella. Let's take you home, little girl." This time my heart actually stops for a second. That voice. It's masculine but melts me, it‟s the softest thing ever. That thing in my belly comes back. It's almost like an ache. I feel a pulsing sensation between my legs. I blush. Breathe, Bella. Don't embarrass yourself. He's a 26-year-old man.

"Sorry, I ummm... was reading something, I'm ready." He gives me a smile that makes my stomach drop to the floor. I cannot describe how I feel. This is getting ridiculous. Get a grip. What is the age of consent in Washington? Oh. My. God. I'm losing my mind. I grab my cardigan and attempt to put it on but somehow can't manage. Ugh, he's probably regretting this whole internship thing already. I'm a 16-year-old moron who can't put on her cardigan. I quickly walk past him out the door, and hear him chuckling as he follows me out. I keep my phone out the entire ride back, pretending to read and text because I can't handle a conversation with this man. That's right, this man. Because he's a man, not a boy. He doesn't need to waste his breath on me; it's probably so annoying for him to attempt small talk all the time. I yawn and stretch and immediately realize the edge of my bra is showing and it's a lacy white thing which was the only clean bra I could find this morning. I glance over at Edward and he's looking at me. I'm pretty sure I'm bright red at this point but his face is the reddest I've seen any face in my entire life. Instead of acting normal, I jump up and cover my chest with my cardigan. Thank God we're almost home. As I‟m getting out I turn to say goodnight and see him sitting there with his eyes closed, breathing deeply. "Goodnight, Edward. Thank you for the ride, rides, everything. See you tomorrow, I guess." "8am. Goodnight." Right. The first thing I do when I get away from him is Google „age of consent washington‟. Sixteen.

Chapter 4 - Navy blue sailor dress

Bella Did I Google that last night? Did I actually try to figure out the age of consent in Washington? What is wrong with me? Even if I were the hottest little thing in Forks, Edward Cullen, a 26year-old attorney who "broke hearts" all over New York City - whatever that means - would definitely not be interested in me. As I'm sitting next to Edward this morning, I can't help but be disappointed. I decided to wear something cute today. I have on a navy blue sailor dress with a pleated skirt that my mom bought when she was in Los Angeles a few months ago, and a pair of metallic flats. I'm not really a dress person, but I figured that if he doesn't seem interested with me looking my best, it's a lost cause. And he doesn't seem interested. Now, I've never attempted seduction before. I've never even tried to be sexy. But I know that a straight guy would probably sneak a peek at a girl's legs if they're sitting right there. Just take a peek, Edward. I'm not asking for much. I used some overpriced lotion and it smells nice and my legs are super smooth, so just a glance? No? Fine. He is gripping the steering wheels with his long, beautiful fingers and staring straight ahead. I decide to give it one more shot. "So, ummm, tell me about New York?" "Hah, yeah, well,” he laughs, “New York. It was great living there when I was making $160,000 right out of law school. After I got laid off, not so much. I had the job for two months before they kicked me to the curb. Wow, listen to me, talking about myself. New York is great. I don't know if I'll go back anytime soon, but it's a great place to be a student." "Yeah, I want to apply to Columbia. I doubt I'll get in, but it's worth a shot." "Definitely. Don't forget NYU. I had the best three years of my life there." "Just three? Where did you go for undergrad?" I ask. "Dartmouth." He's smart too...

"Nice." "So, tell me a little about yourself, Bella." "I umm... lived in Phoenix. Now I live in Forks. I'm an intern?" He laughs and looks at me. I give him what I can only hope is a sexy smile. I probably get it wrong because his face becomes very serious and all conversation stops. It's going to be a long eight weeks. Edward Fuck. Day two and erection number...? Now I know the age of consent in Washington State is sixteen, but I'm pretty sure it's a little more complicated than that. I could go read the actual statute, but I‟d basically be admitting that I intend to do bad things with the 16-year-old next to me, and I don‟t. I also know that this "little girl" can't possibly be as innocent as she seems. I mean, those legs and the lacy bra and cleavage and that smile. Especially that smile. Most importantly, however, I know that Charlie Swan will come after me with his shotgun if I lay a single finger on her. That, and the fact that I'm her fucking boss who is nine years her senior are the two things I force myself to think about over and over again. Fuck. If she shows me any more of those creamy, delicious-looking legs I will grab her by the arm, pull over and either (a) force myself into her mouth or (b) drag her somewhere and fuck her senseless. Easy there, Cullen. You want to force yourself on your 16-year-old intern. Classy. You're quite the honorable gentleman, stand up citizen, aren't you? Come on, it's not my fault she's fucking stunning. It's not my fault her dad asked me to give her a job and a ride to and from that job all summer. A ride. Yes. I'll give her a ride. The first time I saw her in those tight jeans and the thin wife beater, not wearing a bra.... Shit. She had probably just put on the wife beater to come downstairs and say hello. Nipples standing upright looking straight at me, I instantly felt my cock harden and had to get the hell out before

Charlie saw my enormous erection which was pointing at his little girl telling me "take me there, Edward, take me to the girl." My cock talks to me and generally I listen. He knows what's up. What did I expect? All the teenage girls are looking like jailbait these days. Why would Bella Swan be any different? Just breathe, act normal around her and Alice, because Alice has a big fucking mouth. Oh, and find a distraction for the summer. Shit, did she just spread her knees? Bella I have been squirming around in my seat, trying to get more comfortable, when I notice that I have spread my legs a little wider. I automatically bring my knees back together. Edward has been doing this thing with his hands, gripping the steering wheel super hard and then running his fingers through his hair. I want to hold on to his hair while I... While I what, Bella? Nobody has as much as touched you and you're turning all pornstar now? Still, I can't get images of me on his lap, kissing him, my fingers in his hair, grinding. Did I mention we're naked in these images? Yeah. Oh, the shame. The embarrassment. He‟s right here. Get a hold of yourself. The second the car stops, I jump out and run inside to my cubicle. I avoid Edward for the rest of the day, helping Alice look through a bunch of documents to find every single mention of a name, a task which sounds simple enough but takes forever. I'll be wearing pants and a gigantic old-lady sweater tomorrow. Sigh.

Chapter 5 - Tiny navy blue sailor dress

Edward Okay. I'm just driving her home. I have managed to avoid all contact with Jailbait today and will remain quiet during the trip back to Forks. Thankfully, Miss Swan falls asleep the second she's buckled up. Perfect, I can relax and think about how to deal with a discrimination case I'm working on for a little bit. "Mmmhmmm." Really? Did Jailbait just moan? That wasn’t a moan, asshole. She’s just making sounds in her sleep. "Mmmhmmmm." Jesus take the wheel. Because I cannot drive while she's making these sounds sitting right next to me. "Bella, hey, wake up. You're having a ummm, ahem, bad dream." She wakes up and looks terrified. "Oh, shhi--- Edward, I'm sorry. Was I talking? I'm sorry." "No. Not talking, just, I don't know, you sounded ... I thought I'd wake you up." "I'm... fine, no dreams. Thanks. I'm sorry.” She sighs and lets out a deep breath as she slumps back into the seat. Her knees come apart like they did this morning. Except this time I smell... something. Unique, sweet, feminine, perfect. Fuck me. If that scent is coming from in between those legs I will throw myself under the next eighteenwheeler I see. "Edward? Are you alright?" "Yeah, just tired. I'm good. Are you cold? It's still pretty chilly here in the evenings and you're in that tiny dress."

Shit. Did I just say tiny dress? Fuck. I just noticed the nipples. Fuck. She thinks I'm talking about the nipples. Forget the nipples, Edward, you just said 'tiny dress'. "Oh. Umm. I'm sorry I guess this is totally inappropriate for work. I didn't realize. I just thought. I'm sorry, Edward," she apologizes again. Ugh, yes say my name Bella. NO. Charlie. Shotgun. Job. Intern. Sixteen. Twenty-six. Wrong. Predator. Dateline. Chris Hansen. YES. Jailbait. Hood of my car. Legs wrapped around my waist. Wet. Hard. Fuck. "Bella, I apologize. I didn't mean for it to come out like that,” I tell her. “You look wonderful. Forget I said that." She's biting her bottom lip (I need to bite that bottom lip) and blushing one second, and then smiling a coy smile and giving me an apologetic look from beneath her thick dark eyelashes the next. Thank God we are at Charlie's. Bella He noticed. Tiny dress. Wait, did he notice that my nipples can cut through glass? Ugh, what's going on with me? I've been turned on before, obviously. But never in my life have I felt this wet between my legs. I am mortified. It actually feels slippery as I rub my thighs together. The things I was doing in my dreams. Wait. Dreams? I don't dream. Why was I dreaming of my hand down his pants? Or his face in my... Oh God. I need to find a cave and hide forever. Thank God we are at Charlie's.

Chapter 6 - Dress/tunic/shirt

Bella I open my eyes and realize I have only twenty minutes to get ready. There goes the plan. I think – I think – Edward noticed me, and may find me attractive, or something. Or maybe he's just horny. I don't know. But I have to make sure. I need something cute. I can't think of a single thing I can wear. Frantically, I go through my stuff. I come across something I don't recognize. It's a shirt, no it's a dress. It's definitely a shirt. Oh, I remember this. Another gem from America's most annoying store - American Apparel. My mom bought it for me along with a bunch of basics. She said it can be worn as a tunic or a dress. Really? A dress? I try it on, since the sleeves are long and it looks like a shirtdress. It‟s modest on the top, and with flats it can actually be (somewhat?) work appropriate. Ok, probably not, but I just won't leave my cubicle all day. It's white with very thin pale blue stripes and since I'm 5'4 it doesn‟t look THAT short on me. Who am I kidding? After I'm all clean, I throw it on, put my hair up in a messy bun and find the only bottle of perfume I own. Stella by Stella McCartney. Thanks, mom. I hope this smells ok. I don‟t use too much of it, because I don't want the man to gag when I get into the car. By the time I make it down to the kitchen, Charlie is there, eating his breakfast. "You and Edward getting along? He's a fine young man. Be respectful," he tells me. "Of course, dad. What do you think I am?" "Just sayin', Bells. Try to make small talk once in awhile. You can be pretty quiet sometimes." Ummm, is Charlie calling me quiet? "Ok… Well, I‟m leaving now. He's probably already here." I take a deep breath as I open the door. I'm usually in my hoodies and jeans and walking around like a hunchback, so I try to straighten up as I walk over to the Volvo. I open the door to see him wearing a ridiculously sexy smile on his face. His wayfarers on, hair messier than usual. My knees go weak and I'm glad there's a seat I can fall into. "Miss Swan, good morning." "Mr. Cullen."

I consider crossing one leg over the other. That's sexy, right? But I don't want to make him uncomfortable with my right leg over my left knee basically all up in his face, so I decide my left leg should go over my right knee. I readjust, and of course my shirt/tunic/dress rides up. It rides up a lot. Edward's mouth opens and closes. Was he about to say something? Say it! I pull the shirt/tunic/dress down a little bit and take out my iPhone. There is a new email from this poetry website I waste a lot of time on. I had commented on a poem and had received a response to my comment from a woman who lives in South Dakota. "Whatcha got there?" "Oh, just a reply to a comment I made on some blog," I explain. "What kinda blog?" Uhh, stop talking like a kid, Edward? "Poetry blog," I mumble. "Really? Anything I might know?" "Cummings?" "Kisses are a better fate than wisdom." "Ummm, I guess you do know." I'm blushing, fidgeting with my hemline and biting my lip. He laughs. "Yep. I was an English major in college." "Is that your favorite?” I ask. "No, it's just the first one that came to mind." "Kisses are a better fate than wisdom,” I repeat. Hmmm. "I agree wholeheartedly." "I wouldn't know…” There I go mumbling again. And... did I just say that? "You what?" he asks, removing his sunglasses and turning to look me in the face.

"Nothing." "No, really. You wouldn't know?" "Are you going to mock me? Great. My first boss ever makes fun of my lack of... experience." "Bella, stop. Nobody's mocking you. You're just so ho--you're so pretty. I'm just surprised. All the girls your age are slutting it up everywhere," he's laughing. ‘Slutting it up?’ ‘You're so pretty?’ Wait what was that he was about to say before pretty? "This girl hasn't been 'slutting it up' as you so eloquently put it. I'm guess I‟m just not the most desirable teenager in Forks. The only people who seem interested are total losers." Oh, Seth. "Well, with that attitude, you'll never get l - ... errr. Well, I'm sure Chief Swan scares off all the boys. I know I'm scared." Edward smiles. "Of my dad? You guys are like... buddies,” I tell him, “It's kinda cute, actually. Random, but cute. Why would Charlie scare you?" Really. What is this fool talking about? "Bella, he's the Chief of Police. Everyone's a little scared." "Not you, Mr. Perfect. He loves you. You can do no wrong." Edward doesn't respond. He merely shakes his head, smiling this ironic sort of smile. I wonder if he runs a meth lab in his parents' house? I pretend to read stuff on my phone for a little longer and look up. "Let's play a game," I suggest. "Uhhh I'm driving, Bella. And we're going to work. You know, where you sit in that cubicle chatting with Alice and reading erotic poetry all day?" Erotic poetry? What is he talking about?

"First of all, I don't know what you're talking about,” I hiss. “Second, maybe you should be scared. Charlie won't like the fact that you used the word 'erotic' in front of his child. Third, I was merely suggesting a quoting game. We come up with quotes, awesome ones, until we run out." "Little girl, I was an English major. I won't run out." I look up at him. Wow. He has emerald green eyes. How had I not noticed how green his eyes are before? Hot. Too hot in here. Breathe, Bella, relax. You're a big girl. "Try me." Edward Try Me? This is where you shut the fuck up and pretend you didn't hear her. This is where you stop acting like a fool and saying shit like – "You're so pretty" "Slutting it up" "I'm scared of your father" "Erotic poetry" "I want to bury my face in your tits" Wait, I didn't say that, right? My verbal vomit didn't go that far. And since I'm apparently doing an excellent job keeping my thoughts to myself (hah) I tell her to start. "Okay.” Bella smiles. "The laws that keep us safe, these same laws condemn us to boredom." Palahniuk? Is she serious? What is she saying? Is she telling me something? Is she just being cute and trying to impress me because I'm a lawyer? I clear my throat and say the first thing that comes to mind. "He only employs passion who can make no use of his reason."

Oh that's great, Edward - Cicero. You rock. "There is no end. There is no beginning. There is only passion for life." Cut. I don't know this one. I signal to her. "What? Can't come up with anything, Mr. Cullen?" She laughs. "That's not a famous quote. Who said it?" "Fellini." "How old are you again? You spend your days reading Cummings and nights watching Fellini?" "The quote isn't from a movie, I don't think," Bella whispers. She's playing with her phone, tapping on it gently. I roll my eyes at her. What do I come up with? "Nobody, not even the rain has such small hands." Fuck. Nothing. "Bella?" "Hmmm?" "We're not playing anymore?" I ask her. "You can't use that quote,” she states, her voice cold and stern. “It's unfair. I'm a romantic teenager who has seen Hannah and her Sisters and read that poem over two hundred times. You're a man. I'm flustered." I'm flustered. She's blushing. Her hands are shaking a little bit. "I'm sorry, Bella. Just playing a game. I'll tone it down," I promise, giving her a big brotherly smile. She looks away, out the window. Fix this, Cullen. "Your first quote was good. Putting a legal spin on the game."

"Hmmm." "No? Not your intention?" I ask. "Just something I think about sometimes. The law interests me. And you know, it's so true. It also brings up the whole idea of how forbidden things are always more fun. So, the laws keeping us safe... ya know. Just a quote," she explains. "Forbidden fruit,” I repeat. "Apples.” "Yum." She's blushing again. Or maybe she never stopped. "We're here. Thanks for the ride Edward, I'll be in my cubicle, reading erotic poetry and chatting with Alice. Great hiring decisions you guys made for the summer." She smiles and runs out the door. What in heaven‟s name is she wearing? Is that just a shirt? Relax, Edward. Down, boy. You can't walk inside like this. Cock pointing towards Bella and her not-quite-a-dress dress. She's like a fucking GPS system for my cock. Follow Jailbait. Follow her to the ends of the earth. This kid is going to be the death of me. Bella "Bellaaa!" Not again. "Hey Alice." "Omigod, love the outfit! Is there an American Apparel around here?" "I wouldn't know, my mom sent me this dress a couple of weeks ago," I tell her. "You look cute,” Alice sings. “Who are you trying to impress, Bella? Oh! Is it that really cute guy working in the IT department? He's nineteen. He just finished his freshman year at ummm... I don't know where. He's interning for the summer – ” "Alice, I'm not interested in anybody. Really. I just wore the first thing I found in my closet." "Bella, Bella, Bella. I'm a woman, I can tell. Spill it."

"Really, Alice. We should get some work down before the boss sends us packing." "Tee-hee. Packing. Edward. Naughty, naughty little Bella.” Alice giggles. "Ugh Alice, you're gross." She must be high all the time. There is no other explanation for her behavior. I spend the day doing random things different attorneys ask me to do. I even make some coffee and slave over thousands of documents, making copies. I'm pretty important around here. I've got my earphones on listening to an angsty playlist I have that makes me feel like tortured and sad and lonely. I‟m definitely not all of those things, and since I need to be in a better mood, I put on some Black Eyed Peas. I can't dance, really. I mean I suck. I'd fall flat on my face if I tried, but I can't help but move along with the music. I'm so 3008, you're so 2000 and late... Why do I have this on my iPod again? Tragic. "Shit." I turn to see who just tapped me on the shoulder. Edward. Mmmm smells so good. I need to stop pretend-dancing with the copy machine. "Bella, psst. Can you come into my office for a second?" he asks. "Mr. Cullen. Edward. Sure. Sorry." I go into his office and just stand there. I look around. Lots of pictures of him with a hot blonde, some dudes, an older couple who must be his parents. Who the fuck is the Playboy bunny wannabe anyway? "Bella. I know you're probably really bored with the work we've been asking you to do. I mean, I'm not gonna lie - this is basically it for our high school interns. We usually don't even have high school interns. But I thought since you enjoy reading and such, maybe you'd like to take a look at some stuff I've got here. I'd like some of your feedback." "Is this... work related?" I ask him, not really sure why it matters, since I‟m not going to say no to my sorta-boss. "Well, not exactly. I'm on the board of this organization that promotes reading, writing among children from less fortunate backgrounds. One of the things we do is set up activities for them, classes, you know. I've got a bunch of things these kids wrote for a class they take as part of these activities. A creative writing class. Maybe you'd like to take a look? Make some comments?" "You teach this class?"

"Yes. I'm filling in for someone for the summer," he explains. "Sure. Umm. You're the boss." He finds a stack of papers and is handing them over to me, so I reach out for them and our hands touch. Electricity? Too cliché. What, then? How do I describe it? There really is no other way. Electricity. Through the knuckles of my left hand up my arm through my body and straight to my... down in my ... ummm? Right there? The place with all the warmth. Wetness. That stupid, embarrassing wetness. What is wrong with me? He barely touched my hand. But it's not just his hand. It's his eyes that possess me. The way he looks at me, like I'm the most fascinating thing he's ever seen. No wonder he broke hearts all over the place, if he can look at some intern this way... And the hair. All last night I dreamt - yes I actually dream now, all the fucking time - of my fingers in his hair as I brought his head closer and closer and closer to me, his tongue inside me. Where am I even getting these ideas? Those lips. Those fucking delectable lips. Why does my perpetual state of wetness surprise me? I have never felt this way before. I need to run out before I make a fool of myself. After handing me the papers, he doesn't say anything and I walk out as fast as I can. I sit in my chair, swirling around. "IT boy?" "Hmmm?" "You must've just seen your IT boy," Alice says. No Alice, I didn‟t see a boy, I saw a man. The man who has taken over my brain. I want to bring my hand down between my legs and close my eyes and touch myself, ease the tension. I want to imagine his fingers everywhere. I never had the desire to have anybody's fingers there. Now I want to take his hand, place it on me and pray he never lets go. Seven. More. Weeks.

Edward What the fuck was that? Did I just get hard touching her hand? We need an intervention up in here. Where is Candy Finnigan when you need her? Law school really makes you watch way too much weird TV. Good. Candy Finnigan. Cock forgot about Bella. Bella. Here we go again... I want to think I'm ashamed. Ashamed at wanting someone this much. She's a child. I've never been with anyone that young. Even when I lost my virginity, it was to 17-year-old. This is wrong. Edward, you're not having sex with her. Maybe you can just get to know her. Talk to her – she's so intelligent. Our conversation this morning was better than conversations I've had with adults with fucking PhDs. Just talk. Maybe hang out. Maybe keep in touch until she's older and no longer your employee. Eighteen, college, no longer an intern. That's over a year away. How do I keep my hands to myself for a year when I can't stop thinking about the first time I lick her? Or the first time I see her on her knees taking me in her mouth? Or the first time I have her bent over my desk at home? Or the first time I kiss her? Fuck. Kiss her. I hadn't even thought of that. My penis took over the minute I saw Bella, and I haven‟t even stopped to consider the possibility of kissing her one day. Now I feel butterflies. What am I, twelve? Images of Bella on my lap, kissing me. Bella lying by my side, kissing me. Bella in my arms, my hands cupping her face, kissing me. Dropping Bella off at Charlie's, kissing her goodbye in my car. Oh shit. Charlie. Fuck it, I don’t care.

Kissing her goodbye outside of Charlie's door. Bella kissing me in my room at my parents' house. Bella kissing me at that brunch place by Central Park where you take people who visit. Bella holding my hand, walking around Chinatown, on our way to eat some pork buns. Bella holding my hand just sitting in my car. Bella's head on my shoulder as we watch an old black and white movie on a Monday night in Bryant Park. What is wrong with me? She's jailbait. One: I'm clearly only interested in sex. My brain is coming up with these things just to make me feel better about deflowering Charlie's little girl. (I'm going to throw up. Did I just think that?) Two: I'm pretty sure taking a 16-year-old across state lines to fuck her is illegal. I should know this. Fuck, I don't care. Who are you kidding? Of course you care. You know you can't act upon any of your desires. I walk out of my office and look over at the cubicles. Alice is in Bella's cube, talking her ear off. I go over to them, thinking maybe my pork bun fantasies have more to do with hunger than with wanting to hold Bella's hand in Chinatown. "Hungry, girls?” I ask. “I can leave soon and I don't think I can make it all the way to Forks without grabbing a bite to eat first." Alice looks disappointed. "Edward, I can't! I told Jasper we'd video chat the second I got out." "Oh, alright. Tell him I said hello. Bella? Do you mind if we stop somewhere on the way back? You can tell Charlie you'll be a half hour late. I'll grab something quick.” "Umm, no I don't mind. No need to call Charlie, he won't be back until tomorrow morning," she tells me. Then stay with me all night? "Bella! If you‟re home alone tonight, you should ask IT boy to hang out.” Alice winks at her.

Wait, who? "IT boy? She's here to work, Alice. Stop corrupting her.” Shit. I need to control myself in front of people here. Bella rolls her eyes. "Oook Gramps, let's get out of here. Jeez." She walks ahead of me. Clumsy and childlike at first, but then swaying her hips just a bit. Is she doing that deliberately? Yes, yes I believe she is. Fuck her. Hold her. Do not touch her. Great, not only am I talking to myself, but I have suddenly developed multiple personalities, or identities. I take a deep breath and follow Bella to the car. Friends. I'll be her friend. I'll play the quote game. I'll even listen to her talk about this IT boy if she has to. Just as long as I keep her here for seven more weeks.

Chapter 7 - Plaid skirt

Bella He just wants to eat. He wants food. It's not a big deal. He's hungry and he is forced to drive you home. Don't get excited. If it weren't for Jasper, Alice would be joining us. Us. Look straight ahead, Bella. Don't trip, now is not the time to be clumsy. He doesn't need to be reminded of the fact that you're a child. Shoulders up, back straight. You've watched enough America's Next Top Model to know how to walk. It's not a catwalk, moron. Next thing I know I'm going to try to smile with my eyes. Ugh. I'm such a loser. "So Bella, what would you like to eat?" Edward asks. Shit. "Umm, I'm fine with whatever," I reply. "If you don't want to stop for some food, that's fine." "No, you're hungry," I say, trying to give him a reassuring smile. I expect him to stop somewhere on the way, maybe a McDonalds drive thru, something to eat in the car while we drive back to Forks. I decide I'll just get a small strawberry shake. My eyes go back to his hands on the steering wheel and I sigh. "What's up, Bella?" "Uhhh. Nothing, just tired," I tell him. "We can drive straight home, it's alright, I have some stuff in my fridge I'll eat." Noooo... "I'm actually feeling pretty hungry myself, Edward. Like, really hungry." He smiles, "Okay then, I know this place close by. Let's eat here in Port Angeles." We stop at a restaurant. Like a real restaurant, not some diner or fast food joint. I'm terrified at this point. I know this is just a meal with my boss who's kind enough to act as my chauffeur all summer, my dad's buddy, someone who at best looks at me like I'm his kid sister. It's going to be okay, he's just hungry and doesn't want to eat crap. That‟s all.

"Come on Miss Swan, we don't want to be too late. What's bedtime for kids these days?" he jokes. Really? Prick. The host sees us walking towards her, and her eyes become wide the second they‟re on Edward. She doesn't give me a second glance. She smiles and I think maybe flirts with him as she takes us to our table. Apparently I'm invisible, but it's cool. What did I expect? They probably assume I'm his sister and that he's the greatest older brother ever, taking his kid sis out for a nice meal. I feel really sad all of a sudden and slump down in my seat, no longer caring about how I look or what he thinks. "That bad, huh?" "Hmmm?" "Dinner with your boss. Boring old guy you have to put up with every day. I'm sure you have better things to do than humor me like this,” Edward says. He's kidding right? It is at moments like this one when I can decide to be bold, confident, show him I'm not some kid sulking across the table, or in the passenger seat. "I don't think of you as a boring old guy. I certainly don't feel as though I'm 'putting up‟ with you or 'humoring‟ you. If anything, I'm worried about how bored you are going to get having me around all summer." Edward Ahem. Is she being polite? Is she flirting? She's blushing again, it's sweet. She has to stop doing that thing with her lip. I'm starting to believe she's got this whole seduce-your-boss thing down to a science. She's playing with me. Bullshit she hasn't been kissed – this whole shy girl thing is an act. Now I can smile and just continue reading the menu, or say something myself. "Somehow, bored isn't what comes to mind when I think about having you around all summer," I tell her. Smart, Cullen. I see her eyes turn into huge saucers, she says nothing and starts reading the menu intently. Good. She's not even going to acknowledge that. Good girl. Stop saying that. What is she, your

dog? Bad girl. I wonder if her school makes her wear a uniform and if she would wear it for me as I spank her. She'd like that, who wouldn't? Some light spanking during foreplay... Maybe she'd put her hair up in pigtails too. Those will come in handy when I... "Edward? Have you decided what you're going to get?" Fuck, I can't keep doing this. Focus on something else. Anything else. But my eyes go straight to these freckles she has on her chest. A few of her top buttons are undone, and I can't help but stare at the freckles. I want to touch them and count them, follow them up to her nose and kiss them. Maybe brush my lips across her forehead before staring into her eyes, foreheads touching, breathing into each other‟s mouths. Did she actually have those same eyes yesterday? The day before? Chocolate. Deep. Smoldering. This is no little girl. And yet, they're so innocent. Innocent. At this point I know she realizes that I've been staring at her. I have nothing I want to say. There‟s really nothing I can say. She doesn't attempt to make small talk either. At some point I guess the waitress comes and we order some food, and I guess our food is served and we start to eat it, but I don't what the fuck is going on. I'm just staring at her. Her eyes, her hair, her fingers, her lips, her freckles, her jaw line. Bella, Bella, Bella. As we get back into the car, the tension is palpable. Neither of us has said a word since Bella asked me if I knew what I wanted to eat. When she lets out a sigh and stretches I am caught by surprise, and look at her. She's smiling at me. "Thank you, Mr. Cullen. Can we play again?" she asks. Is she fucking kidding me? "Rematch?" I smile. "Well, we never actually finished the last round,” she points out. “You couldn't come up with anything after my Fellini quote, remember?" "Actually, Miss Swan, I'm pretty sure you were all 'flustered' after my last quote," I tease, and give her my trademark smile. Silence. "Your slightest look easily will enclose me," she says, her voice shaking slightly. Breathe, Cullen. You know the next line. "Though I have closed myself as fingers."

She looks at me, this time I let my eyes meet her eyes. She looks pensive, and my heart clenches in my chest when her lips part to give me the next line, or another quote, but I don't let her. "Nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals the power of your intense fragility." "Cheater." Bella pouts. "I'm sorry." "Now the ears of my ears awake and now the eyes of my eyes are opened." Interesting. Come up with something. Let her know. Because she has to know. It doesn't matter that you will never touch her, that you will never have her, that she will never scream your name while contracting around your cock. Of course it matters. That's what you want. That's what you need. If this goes on any longer you're going to be jacking off in the bathroom at work with the image of her walking to the car swaying her hips in your head. Come on Cullen, you'll be able to think of better things than that. Just look at those pouty lips. You can think of those lips around your head. Soft. Wet. Warm. Fuck. Not even fucking necessary. Just those hips and how they hypnotize me. That will be enough. Come on Cullen, come up with something. Dazzle her. This is not right. I shouldn't even be thinking about „dazzling‟ her. What the fuck does that mean anyway? End the game now. Charlie. Gun. Chris Hansen. Innocent. Child. "I am not to speak to you--I am to think of you when I sit alone, or wake at night alone, I am to wait--I do not doubt I am to meet you again, I am to see to it that I do not lose you." "Oh." I feel a lump in my throat as I see her face fall. No, she's not stupid. She gets it. Bella Well, thank you Walt Whitman for those words.

Does he mean it? We can't speak? No, he doesn't mean it. Because if he meant it, he also meant the part about thinking of me... he doesn't think of me. He's playing. He loves poetry and we have two hours a day to kill in the car. Maybe it's the first thing that popped into his head and it means nothing. Maybe I should continue. But I know I can't. I won't even acknowledge my defeat, though. I just want silence. There is something in this car that we carried over with us from the restaurant. This blanket of... I don't know what it is. Tension? Is this what they mean? It is enveloping me, I feel like I can float away in it, but it's also too much. I need to breathe. "Bella. Did you get a chance to look at those papers?" "Ummm. Yeah." "Thoughts?" "Edward is it okay if I just rest until we get back to Forks? I'm ummm... tired." "Sure, of course. I'm sorry,” he says, clearing his throat. "No, it's fine." So we're speaking. Duh. I want to turn around and give him another one of my reassuring smiles, but I can't. I'm letting a line from a poem he used during a game break me. I had some hope that maybe he'd be interested. Since he's such a heartbreaker, I'm assuming this shouldn't be a big deal for him. But do I even want to be with someone like that? If I really think of him as a player, is that something I want? No. Yes. No. I don't know what this is. I want to crumple into a heap of nothingness in his arms. Just smell him and feel him. Is that okay? He doesn't have to do anything. Is that... okay? The car pulls to a stop in front of Charlie's and I get out. "Thank you," I tell him. "You're welcome. Eight o'clock?" I nod and run inside. Edward 8:03 Where is she? Should I knock on the door? Should I call the house? Why don't I have her number in my phone? Because, Edward, if you did, you would have acted like a moron last night and called her, or texted her. That's why.

I see the door open and Charlie comes out with a big smile on his face. "Edward, Bella will be right out. I told her I wanted a word with you first." Shit. "Charlie, how's it going? Of course. What's on your mind?" I ask him. "Just wanted to know how my little girl's doing. Is she any trouble? She doesn't talk much, ya know, so I'm left in the dark." "She's great, Charlie,” I answer truthfully. So great. “I have a hard time remembering she's in high school and isn't one of our college interns. She does a really great job and we all love her." Well, that can be interpreted in a number of ways. "Good, I'm glad. I feel good knowing you're here to keep an eye on her, wouldn't want her driving back and forth on her own. I really appreciate it. If she's ever any trouble - " "No trouble," I assure him. Charlie starts walking back to the house and Jailbait walks out, clumsy and hesitant this morning. Fuck me. Jailbait is wearing a plaid skirt. Now, it's not a schoolgirl skirt, but it's a plaid skirt nonetheless. She's covered up on top, but she's wearing a plaid skirt and my pants become tighter and it's getting fucking uncomfortable and I can't wait until she's in the car, because looking at her walking over to me with those legs that lead to what I can only imagine is heaven is torture. "Good morning." "Hey.” Jailbait decides to remove her jacket and she's wearing a tight white tank top, or whatever that thing is. Turn off the air conditioning now, Cullen. Turn it off. Too fucking late. I actually groan and sit back, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath. She knows what she's doing and there's no use pretending that it's not killing me.

"Is everything alright?" she asks me. "Oh, just peachy, Bella." Peaches. If someone had told me a few months ago that I'd be sitting in a car with a 16-year-old trying to control the most massive erection in the history of all erections while trying to not stare at the hardest nipples that have ever made their presence known under a white tank, I'd be pretty fucking offended. I'm not some kid who can't control himself around some nipple. That shit's not even exposed. I'm not some predator who takes little girls on rides. That shit's wrong. I don't have a fucking car because I live in a sick high rise in the city and meet girls my own age. Well, perhaps not my own age, but definitely not under twenty-one. But no, apparently I just a predator, and this girl does things to me that I never thought possible. And right now, I don't give a fuck if Charlie catches me banging her over the kitchen sink, I'm going to say the first fucking thing that comes out of my mouth. "You are here. Oh, you do not run away You will - " "No," she snaps. Shit. "Neruda is off the table. You can't quote him. The first time someone quotes him to me it will be because in my life he can see everything that lives." Her words don‟t make sense for a second, but then I understand. "You just quoted him yourself," I point out to her. "Off the table, Edward." "Fair enough, I understand." "Good." I look at Bella and want to tell it‟s not fair. I should be able to woo her using the hottest and most romantic poetry ever written.

"So I can't say what just naturally comes to mind?" I ask. "You're telling me that that's the first thing that comes to mind?" "It was two minutes ago,” I admit to her. "Have some pity on me,” she starts, “you should know what kind of effect you have on me. I cannot believe I'm saying this to you right now, I'm so embarrassed... Just, pretend I'm not here, or be my boss, or - " Or? "Bella, I'm so sorry. I don't want to upset you. Shit. I don't understand. I didn't know this was affecting you this way, you wanted to play... I'm sorry. I'm your friend. Don't feel bad." What am I even saying? She wants me. You're such a fucking asshole, Cullen. "It's alright Edward." She sighs. I watch her for a minute as she stares out the window, her expression blank. She squirms a little in her seat until she notices my iPod and looks at me. I nod, smiling. My iPod is in her hands, and Bella is going through my playlists. I want to reach out and show her where to go, what to listen to, but I absolutely cannot touch her. "What are all these untitled tracks?" "Nothing, recordings. Piano,” I explain. “Recordings of… you?” she asks. I nod. "I didn't know you played. May I?" No, you may not come into my car and listen to my music and make me fall in love with you. Hold up, what? "Sure. They're not that great, it's just me playing. It‟s mostly Mozart, some Chopin, maybe Debussy."

Bella skips around and settles on something to listen to. Of course it would be Clair de Lune. Bella in the moonlight. Bella in my arms in the moonlight. Bella. The melody is sweet, romantic. There is something so innocent, almost tentative about it. Bella has her eyes closed, she's smiling. My constant urge to fuck her brains out has disappeared. I want nothing more than to just hold her in my arms, have her head resting on my shoulder. I just want to hold her hand. I want to breathe deeply, savoring the moment. Just her in my arms. Bella. Like an idiot, I take a deep breath. How have I never noticed the scent of Bella before? It‟s intoxicating. I know she usually smells a little bit like strawberries, all fruity and girly, but it's more than that right now. It's not even the bewitching scent that came from between her legs the other day. It's heaven. I'm not a religious man, but I've thought about heaven one too many times this morning. Cullen: tonight, you tell Charlie this isn't working out. You tell him that you're staying with Alice in Port Angeles because the commute is too long and you have to work long hours. You tell him Bella will be fine driving over in her truck. You will even pay for expenses like gas or whatever for her commute. You will see Bella at work, refer to her as „Miss Swan‟ or „Isabella‟, be polite and friendly. But right now, you will breathe in her scent until you are forced out of this car. You will watch her sleep and steal glances at her legs. You will think of every poem ever written that describes what is going on in your mind, in your body, in this car, right fucking now. You will recite them in your head, repeating her name like a chant. You will pray that she turns around so you can look into her eyes again, so that she sees that you would succumb to all her desires, that you would make her yours, if only circumstances were different. You will be good. Bella He wants me. I think he does. I really think he does. Now what? I'd be lying if I said that I'm not terrified. I have no idea what happens next. He's not some kid from school. He's not ... he's like nobody I've met before. What do I do? I close my eyes as I hit play on the first track I find. It's melodic, so pretty. I'm so sleepy from staying awake thinking about him all night that I fall asleep, because there aren't enough hours in the day to dream about Edward. When I open my eyes again he looks so intense. He hears me move and looks at me. I gasp when I see the look in his eyes. All those things I dream about, all those things I desire - I see them

there. He turns and keeps his eyes on the road and I don't know what to do. I sit there, staring at my lap. "I'm looking forward to going through some more of those stories today," I announce. Nothing. "I came across some interesting stuff yesterday, but I hope to spend more time on it this morning," I inform him. Nothing. "I feel bad taking time from office work to do it, so I'll do it during our commute," I tell him. Nothing. "Bella, ummm. Maybe this commuting thing ... Not such a good idea." "Oh." "I mean, I know you have a truck and I'll pay for expenses. I mean the office will. I know it'll take longer for you to get there but you can come in later, leave earlier. It's fine," he says. It's my turn to say nothing. "It's just that I have this case I have to prepare for, so I will have to stay late sometimes,” he explains. “Charlie will want you back home early." Another one of those moments. I can smile and nod, and pretend that it's a good idea. I can tell him I agree, that he's right. Or I can just tell him what I think. "I can stay late with you. I can help." "I wouldn't want you to wait for me, Bella." Edward sighs. "Wouldn't you wait for me?" Shit. Shit. Shit. What does that even mean? "That's the plan."

I look at him, confused. "Patience, Bella." At this point I have no idea what this motherfucker is talking about. Maybe I was on to something with my meth lab theory. He's a little weird, isn't he? Patience. Plan. Ooook. "Whatever, Edward." He laughs. It's not a happy laugh. I realize I just said the most immature thing anyone can say. But what else am I supposed to tell this man who is sitting next to me, attempting to quote Neruda and then telling me to get the fuck out of his life? I realize this isn't an ideal situation. I realize that he's probably fucking terrified of what might happen if we do end up hooking up. (Eww, did I just refer to it as that?) I mean the age of consent may be sixteen, but that's not the only problem here. Ugh. I may be young, but I know that I don't care what the repercussions are. Or maybe I don't care about the repercussions because I am young and careless. Whatever, right? I think I will have to take matters into my own hands. Fuck this. Bella's a big girl now.

Chapter 8 - More plaid skirt

Edward "Mr. Cullen? May I come in?" Oh, little Alice. "Yeah, what's up? How's it going?" I ask. "Good, Mr. Cullen. I am having a great time so far. I'm really learning a lot." I roll my eyes at her; this Mr. Cullen stuff is only cute when Bella's doing it. Bella. "Okay Alice, tell me what you want." "Edward - I want to invite some people over when Jasper is here this weekend. He decided to fly in last minute, so it‟ll just be something small. You better be there! It's tomorrow night," Alice informs me. "Of course I'll be there, who else are you inviting?" "Just some people from high school, a couple of people from the office. Bella, of course. You don't mind do you?" she asks. "Why would I mind?" "Partying with your interns and all." "I'll be there Alice, you can even invite Judge Stanley if you'd like," I say dryly. "Haha, thanks Edward, but I don't think Jessica will have a good time if her dad's around." "Ugh, not her, Ali." "Stop, it's been years, she can't still be that annoying!" "I suppose. Alright, back to work. We‟ll talk later," I tell her. "Edward, you wouldn't mind dropping Bella off after the party would you? I'm taking her shopping right after work tomorrow, so..." "Ummm, sure. I guess, whatever."

"Edward, are you alright?" she asks, her voice softer than it normally is. "I'm fine Alice, yeah I'll drop her off." "Yay! Thanks Edward! You're the best!" "Back to work, Alice." "Yeah, yeah." Alice skips out of the room, forgetting to close the door behind her. Well, this is an interesting development. Bella at a party. Girls wear dresses at parties. Right? This isn't prom, Cullen. Prom. Good things happen at prom... mind out of the gutter, asshole. Discrimination case. Focus Edward. This is important. You're pretty new here, and still have to prove yourself, don't fuck it up. 42 U.S.C. § 1983. Civil Rights Act. Sex discrimination in the workplace, what subsection am I interested in? Let's see. Workplace, workplace... I'll let Alice do the research. Funny, Cullen, this is exactly the kind of shit you should be researching. At what point are you sexually harassing your intern? Is a comment about her tiny dress enough? Would quoting Cummings hold up in court? What would constitute harassment? Would I be harassing my intern if I were to walk over, place my hands on her hips, and whisper dirty, sweet, honest words in her ear? Don't have to pass the bar to know the answer to that, Eddie. Would it be harassment if I were to walk over, ask her to join me for lunch and then proceed to tell her just how pretty her eyes are? Okay, Cullen, now you just sound like a girl. Would I be harassing Bella if I did these things at Alice's party? Say, up against a wall, or in my car late at night as I drive her home? Ugh, you know the answer. Yeah, I do. You're missing the bigger issue, asshole. She's sixteen. Wait until her birthday – she'll be seventeen. Right. There‟s a big difference between sixteen and seventeen – seventeen is practically a woman. Right? Yes. Plus she won't be your intern anymore. Perfect. In the meantime, I‟ll have to make sure no other man touches her or even looks at her in any way. Obviously, only you get to spend all night fantasizing about how tight she's going to feel around

you. About how she's going to bite her lower lip when you’re on top of her. And the moans, whimpers, groans. Jesus. Not at work. Hello there buddy, you're back. "Edward?" Shit. Erection, meet Bella. "Bella, come in." "Edward, Alice told me about you driving me back from the party. I told her it's unnecessary. I know you don't want to be driving me around anymore. I was going to take my truck tomorrow. That was the plan, anyway,” she tells me. No, no, no, no, no. "Bella, forget that,” I beg, immediately realizing how desperate I sound. “Uhhh, I thought about it and you know, we should just continue carpooling, better for the environment. Plus, your truck can't handle the distance every day." "Edward, with all due respect, I don't think that's any of your business.." "Bella, the wasting of finite resources is everyone's business. I'm your boss. We're carpooling. Done." "So you don't find it, ummm, inappropriate that you'll be driving me home that late?" Bella asks me. How did she get so close to my desk that she's running her finger over the edge? Is she flirting with me? Is that a smirk on her face? "I don't think so, Bella. Just a favor for some friends. You, Ali, Charlie. Nothing inappropriate there." "Mmm. Young, handsome boss driving home from a party at say, two in the morning, with his underage intern? People would start referring to me as jailbait," she says. Oh fuck. Say it again, Bella. "Bella, don't... don't even go there. I think you're over thinking this. Unless you'd rather not have me giving you any more rides, I think we're good." "As long as you promise to let me reciprocate someday." She smiles.

There are so many ways I can take that comment. And my cock has decided to hear "as long as you promise to let me give you a ride." Yes Bella, please. I'd like nothing more. But right now why don't you just come over here and sit on me? This chair is perfect. Let me take your virtue right here, at 11am on a Thursday morning, with you in that plaid skirt. No need to remove the skirt. I think that's a wonderful idea, don't you? Flirt back, Cullen. Do it. Don't be a pussy. I didn't realize not flirting back with a teenager makes you a pussy these days. "That's the plan, Bella." "Maybe you'd like to enlighten me as to these plans of yours," she says. "Bella, I think you've got some work to do, little girl." Now that, my friends, is an excellent example of sexual discrimination in the workplace. Great job, Cullen. You should be proud of yourself. "Of course, Mr. Cullen. I'll see you later." Eyes off her ass. Well this day is just full of surprises. Bella is hitting on me. She wants me. Well, duh. I'm not the most unfortunate looking guy on the planet. Why wouldn't she want an older guy? Shit. Is that all she wants? Some summer fling with an older guy she can tell everyone about when she goes back to school? Hah. Of course. She has senior year ahead of her, college. She doesn't want a relationship. Wow, you're really being a fucking girl. Relationship? You haven't managed to have a single relationship since you were "dating" Tanya in tenth grade. It figures the first person you would want one with would be someone who probably wears a training bra. She's sixteen. What she's got does not fit into a training bra. No, sir. They look good enough to -"Fuck." "Yes, Alice? I see you're back. That's no way to greet your boss." "Edward, I'm sorry. You're going to kill me," she whines. "What did you do Alice?" "I told Rose about Jasper and the party and she and Em are flying in too."

"And why would I be upset about this?" I ask, genuinely confused. "I don't know... you know..." "No, I don't know." "Driving Bella back, hanging out with her..." Alice says. I raise an eyebrow. She keeps avoiding eye contact. "Hanging out with her?" Alice takes a deep breath and I know when she opens her mouth, I‟m going to be hearing one of her speeches. "Let's not beat around the bush here buddy. You like her. And if this was anyone else I'd be reporting him to the feds, telling them to come find his kiddie porn collection. But I know you. I see how you talk to her, how you look at her. I know this isn't the sort of situation you would normally get yourself involved in, and I know you haven't tried anything yet and you've had all the opportunity in the world to take advantage of her. Not that you'd be taking advantage of her, she's not a kid. She's a woman. She's smart, responsible, a hard worker, she's creative. She's not hard on the eyes either, but you know that - " "Alice, please keep your voice down. She's my intern. Have you lost your fucking mind? Charlie would kill me. I could lose my job, my reputation -" "Edward, I'm not saying start sleeping with her tomorrow. But you know the age of c-" I cut her off. "Alice, I do know. Good to know that you have also looked it up. She's sixteen. That's wonderful, it's the first thing I'll point out to Charlie when he aims his shotgun at me. Please, listen to me, don't bring this up again," I plead. "I knew it! You like her. Edward, she's not stupid. You're not stupid. You won't do anything stupid. I see how she stares at your door all the time hoping you'll come out, reading poetry all day, swirling around in her chair waiting for you to take her home. Come on, just some romance? Some love letters or notes, maybe? Light handholding? I need some romance in my life with Jasper so far - " "Alice - out. Get out now. And do not put any ideas into her head," I tell her. "I'm leaving, Edward, but don't worry, I heard that conversation you two just had and she doesn't need me – she's quite capable of coming up with all sorts of ideas on her own. Maybe some romance would be more appropriate than conversations about who gets to ride who first."

"OUT!" Alice runs off, giggling. Show me some respect, people. Great, Cullen, big mouth Alice is apparently also the most perceptive person on the planet. You need to focus, do your work. Think about this later. There's nothing to think about. Flirt if you must, nothing more. Maybe if I just brush my hand against hers, see how she reacts, see if I feel anything. Or just grab her hand as we're walking to the car after the party, you know, be a gentleman, a friend, keep her safe. Fuck it. I get up and adjust myself, making sure the entire office doesn't catch a glimpse of how happy Bella makes me, and I walk out the door. Walk? More like run. "Isabella, I want to discuss the papers I gave you. How about we do it over lunch?" Bella Errr, pretend you‟re not too eager. "Sure, Mr. Cullen." I nod. He looks disappointed. "I'd love to, Edward." Now he's blushing? "Excellent. We can grab sandwiches at the deli and come back to my office," he tells me. "I have my lunch with me, maybe we can meet back here after you grab your sandwich?" Mmm, he's running his fingers through his hair again. He looks like he just rolled out of bed. Lame, Bella, lame... Ugh, who cares? Why is he so perfect? "Sure, feel free to wait for me in my office." As Edward leaves, I grab my lunch and walk over to his office. Alice is right behind me. I love Alice, but I want Edward all to myself. Because two hours a day in his car just isn't enough.

"So Bella, excited about the party? Edward's sister Rosalie is going to be there you know," Alice tells me. "Cool." "That's her in those pictures, the blonde," she points out. Playboy bunny! So that's not some tramp he was dating back in New York. "Oh, she's pretty." "She is. She can also be very intimidating. Don't let her get to you." "Why would she try to get to me?" I ask. "You know... with you being so close to Edward and all." "I hardly know him, Alice." "It's okay, Bella. You can be honest with me," she says, placing a hand on my arm. "Ummm... about?" "Edward..." "Our boss?" "Yes, also the man you make goo-goo eyes at all day.” "Alice," I hiss. "Bella..." I'm probably really fucking red at this point. I can feel my cheeks burning up. Is it really that obvious? He probably thinks I'm pretty fucking pathetic, in love with someone so out of my league. Ugh. Wait, in love with him? I'm so screwed. "Alice, he's a good looking guy, what do you expect? Of course I find him attractive. But that's all." "Bella, come on. What do you guys talk about in the car?" she asks me. "We don't talk..." "Bella..."

"We play a game," I admit. "You what?" "We try to see who can come up with better quotes." "Quotes?" she asks, looking confusing. "Like, from poems." "You recite poetry in the car?" "It's not a big deal," I say defensively. Alice looks like a crazy person right now. She is practically jumping up and down. All of a sudden, she calms down and looks worried. "Whose idea was this?" she inquires. "Mine, I was bored and wanted to break the silence." "Is he ever... inappropriate?" "Of course not, Alice." "You'd tell me if he was, right?" she asks. "Listen, I can handle it. But you don't have to worry, he's a gentleman." Is he really, Bella? Not so gentlemanly today, was he? But you liked it, you loved it. Alice better leave soon because you know you want more Edward. More, more, more. I wonder if he'd do that thing with his fingers that Angela told me Ben does to her? Fingering, moron? It's an actual term, you know. Mmmm, long, piano-playing fingers... "Okay Bella, I'm going now. Just be careful. And umm... have fun." I really should be careful. I‟m not sure what I should be careful of, but yeah... careful. "So about those papers..." I look up and watch as Edward makes his way behind his desk. "Yes, the papers. Some of these kids are pretty talented." "Uh huh. Any you'd like to share with me?" he asks, taking his sandwich out of its bag.

"Sure, let me show you this one. He's fourteen, and it's this story based on some local legends. Vampires and such. It's actually really interesting, you should take a look. I especially like the local legend aspect." "Ummm. Right." "Edward, do you care at all about the vampires from Forks?" I ask. "Nope,” he tells me. "Thought so." I smile. He looks like a little boy, grinning from ear to ear. He doesn't say anything. Why am I here? "Isabella," he starts. My heart is beating really fast; I hold my breath, wondering what he is about to say. "Thanks for helping me out with this, I just don't have the time to do it myself right now," he tells me. That's it? Ugh, what did I expect? Fuck this, I'm not even responding to that. Focus on your pb&j, Bella. "Is that what I think it is?" "Excuse me?" I ask, looking up from my sandwich. "Pb&j?" I nod. "You're - that's so cute. Did you make that all by yourself?" OMFG. Yeah I watch Gossip Girl. Also, did he ask you that? Play along, Bella. "Yes, all by myself," I say in a singsongy voice. "Good girl, very impressive." Oh no he didn't. "Yeah, I'm a big girl now." "Are you?" he asks. His voice. Careful, Bella.

Big girl my ass. Keep your legs closed. You are wet. Ridiculous, silly little girl getting wet every time he looks at you with those eyes. Edward. Fingers. Mmmm. I wonder if he would like to feel how wet I am. Gross, probably not. Focus, Bella. "Uh huh, I'm almost seventeen. That's a year older than you need to be in Wash - " He looks like he's about to choke on his sandwich and cuts me off. "Google?" "Uh huh, Wikipedia lists all the states..." I start. "Now why would you Google that?" "That's the sorta thing a girl should know, don't you think?" "I suppose. Always good to educate yourself. Any potential ummm, 'friends' Charlie should know about?" he asks me. "I wouldn't tell you, you guys are buddies.” "No, I suppose not. Afraid I'd tell him?" "Maybe,” I lie. "I wouldn't tell him, Bella." He's looking at me intently. I want this to go on forever, but I'm visibly shaking at this point. Am I scared? He's not going to do anything to me but I'm terrified. Not of anything physical, just... being in his presence. He can be intimidating. Am I leading him on? You know you are, Bella, and you know you want to. I do, I want to, but it's too fast. That voice, like honey, melting me. It's taking all the strength I've got in me to stop myself from hyperventilating. Just don't let him know how freaked out you are. He'll stop. He must not stop. "I know Edward, I trust you." "You trust me," he repeats. It‟s not really a question… more like a statement. A fact. It calms me, I trust him, and there is nothing to be afraid of. He's the man my father trusts his little girl with, he's good. You practically throw yourself at him by wearing plaid and pleats and shirts as dresses and he hasn't even touched you once. He's good. And isn't that the most important thing? Yes, looks don't hurt. Oh god, he looks so good. Neither does that voice. Honey. Or his ability to quote my favorite poets. Ugh. But the fact that he‟s good… that‟s all that matters.

"I should get back to work," I tell him, not ready to leave, but knowing that I shouldn‟t stay right now. "I'll see you later, Bella." I walk out, and almost trip right outside his door. My knees are wobbly, I don't know what just happened in there, but the atmosphere was so intense that I cannot even imagine what it will be like when he finally touches me. When he touches you? Yes, when. I know it's inevitable. Just breathe, Bella.

Chapter 9 - New clothes

Edward Five more minutes. I can't leave before 5:30. I shouldn't be leaving until much later since I have a lot of work to do but I can't sit here anymore. It's been hours since my lunch with Bella. I got a decent amount of work done for a couple of hours but at around 3:00 I started thinking about our conversations today and dissecting every word she said. Then I tried to picture her at Alice's party tomorrow night and yeah, I've just been fucking around since then. At around 3:30 I had an epiphany. She must have a Facebook account! Yes, she definitely has a Facebook account, right? Is that just for college kids? No, everyone has one these days. So I searched. Yep. Bella Swan. No picture. Private. Ugh. After about twenty minutes of staring at the computer I decided to add her as a friend. Great idea, show your interns how productive you are during the workday. It took Bella thirty-four minutes to accept my request. Was she just making me sweat it out, or did she not obsessively check her profile? Should she even be on Facebook on the office computer? She has an iPhone, of course she checks obsessively, right? But then why did it take her so long to accept? Cullen, you're such a girl. She has sixty-three friends. I have over 300. Not bragging, just saying. She clearly doesn't use it much, no quizzes or applications, just her information and interests, some wall posts from friends. I've been stalking her since she added me, and have learned nothing about her. Except that she has more male than female friends (fuck) and likes LOST. We have so much in common. I need to bring it up sometime to see what her thoughts are on Ben and Jacob and Claire. Okay, time to go. I feel nervous, almost sick as I walk out of my office and towards the cubicles outside. Relax, Edward, just driving home from work with Charlie's daughter. "Ready Bella?" She turns around and nods. "Yes." "Let's go," I tell her. I let her walk ahead of me, because I'm a gentleman. Also because I want to be able to stare at her ass. Alice notices and rolls her eyes. Bella has hips. Bella has an ass. Things start getting tight in my pants so I start walking a little faster and get into the car. Bella opens the door and slides into the passenger seat, playing with her phone. I consider bringing up the whole Facebook thing but she's too into whatever the fuck is happening on her screen. The next time I decide to look at her (forty seconds later), her jacket is off and she's in her tank again. It’s not that warm in the car, Bella. In fact, her nipples tell me it's a little chilly this evening. Or maybe she's turned on. Is someone texting her? Is Bella reading dirty texts? Fuck.

"Bella, wanna play some more?" I ask her. "Play what?" "Our game.” "Quotation is a serviceable substitute for wit," she says. What the ...? I stare at her. "Oscar Wilde," she murmurs. "I know. Are you trying to tell me something?" "I'm sick of that game," she tells me. "Fickle." "Wanna play true or dare?" Her voice is light and playful. "Are we in 7th grade?" "I guess that's a no then," she says, pouting. No, baby don't pout. „Baby‟? You need help, Cullen. I take a deep breath, thinking what the fuck? Why not? What‟s the worst that can happen? "Truth or dare, Bella?" A smile spreads across her lips. I can think of other things I'd like to spread across those lips. The doesn't even make sense. "Truth!" Fuck, what do I ask her? "When was your first kiss?" I ask, determined to find out the truth. "Ummm. You're joking, right?"

"Come on Bella, spill it." "I told you, I've never been kissed," she tells me, blushing. "Never. Not even a peck." "Why would I lie about this?" "Hmmm, that ought to be remedied.” "Oook.” Where did flirty Bella from lunch go? She looks terrified. "Just saying, Bella. You're almost seventeen. I'm sure there are lots of boys out there who wouldn't mind helping you out," I explain. "Boys." She sighs. "Girls too, I'm sure, if that's what you're into." You're a great boss, bravo. You set a fine example. "Sure, Edward,” she says, her tone sarcastic. “I'll kiss the next person I see, just to get it over with. Good idea." "Let me know how that goes." She's scowling. "Truth or dare Edward?" "Truth." "When did you last have sex?" she asks me. "Uhhh Bella, I don't think that's appropriate. Or any of your business." "Really, Edward? You just told me I need to be kissed by a random dude to put myself out of my misery!" "Three weeks ago," I mumble. "Ew." "Ew? That shows how much you know." I laugh. She‟s not amused.

I give her my sex-smile. It's the panty-dropper smile. The ladies love this smile. "Ugh, you're gross." Not quite the reaction you expected, huh Cullen? "Truth or dare, Bella?" "Dare,” she decides. Shit. "I dare you to dance with your boss at Alice's party," I blurt out. Better practice that smile to charm the jurors in your sexual harassment trial, Cullen. My heart starts beating really fast and it's so loud I think Bella might hear it. "That's your dare?" she asks me. "Yes. Do you think you can handle that?" "That was the plan, Edward," Bella says. I look at her, she's staring at me with those chocolate eyes, my cock is pushing up against my pants, attempting its escape. Let me out of here! Does she know I'm here? Tell her I'm right HERE. Bella. Bella. Bella. Ugh. I look straight ahead to avoid eye contact. "Truth or dare, Edward?" "Truth," I say, thinking anything is better than a dare at this point. "Ummm,” she considers, before speaking again, “is that an erection?" Is that an erection? Is she fucking kidding me? Breathe, Cullen. Let's see what your options are: Yes, Bella. You may also refer to it as a hard on, or a boner. Yes, Bella. Would you like to take a closer look? For educational purposes only. Yes, Bella. Now will you finally cut the bullshit and sit on it? I think it's about time you two were formally introduced.

"Big word for such a little lady," I say, my voice tight. I see her face from the corner of my eye and she's blushing. Blushing. Deep red. Cheeks like a rose. Cullen you fucking suck at poetry, that's really fucking original. "Uh huh. It is,” she whispers. Oh. My. God. Did Isabella Swan, Charlie Swan's kid, just say I have a big cock? "Bella. Let's change the subject before this gets out of hand." "I was just asking you a question, Edward." I sigh. "Yes, Bella.” "'Yes Bella', what?" she asks. She‟s just fucking with me at this point. "Yes Bella, this is an erection." "Oh." Oh? "So..." "Yes, Bella?" "You get those when you're turned on, right?" she inquires. "Generally, yes," I reply. "So..." "What is it, Bella?" "Are you?" "Am I what?" "Turned on," she breathes. "Bella... you don't really want to do this…"

I expect for her to fight me, to ask more questions, but she just sits back and starts playing with her phone again. Just like that. I'm disappointed, but relieved. This is not how I'd imagined things. Things can't progress this quickly. What the fuck is supposed to be progressing anyway? Nothing can happen. Then what's all this BS about a plan? The plan where you wait for her to grow up, fuck her like there's no tomorrow, and then... Then what, genius? I turn on the radio and that American Idol chick's stalker song comes on. I dig this song. It's so white trash and it's kinda hot how she messes up his ride. We listen to generic pop stuff until we pull into Charlie's driveway. I expect her to make one of her quick getaways. She opens the door, but instead of getting out she sits back and leans into me – fuck she smells good, don't move, Cullen. She then brings her mouth close to my ear, ugh, cupping her hand over her mouth. "Just so we're even. I was really, really wet." Before I can react, Bella is halfway up the driveway. "8am Edward!" she cries. Fuck. Bella I run into the house and slam the door behind me. I did not just do that. I did! Oh my God. Yes! Yes! Yes! He looked terrified. The look of shock on his face was priceless. It is going to be so awkward tomorrow. So awkward. Ugh. What did you do, Bella? He was so hard. He looked big. Not that I have anything to compare it to. Charlie's not home and I can't sit still. I'm freaking out. I go through my closet, trying to figure out what I want to wear tomorrow. Jeans, definitely jeans. Alice is supposed to take me shopping after work but I don't think I want anything new for this party. Maybe I don't have to change after work. Yeah, I'll just go in whatever I'm wearing. So what am I wearing? After an hour in front of my closet I decide to wear a simple black dress I have. It's a baby doll dress with quarter-length sleeves and it hits right above the knee. Cute but suitable for work. Not sexy, but playful.

The phone rings. Who's calling Charlie? "Hello?" "Bella?" "Yes, this is she. Who's speaking?" "It's Edward." "---" "Bella, are you there?" "Yeah, I'm here." "---" "Ummm." "So you'll be ready at eight?" "Yeah." "Cool. Sweet dreams, Bella." "Uhh bye." What was that all about? I can't think anymore, I go up to my room and throw myself onto my bed. Tomorrow's a big day, Bella. Better get a good night's rest. *** I jump into Edward's car in the morning and yeah, it's really awkward. He mumbles a hello and turns the radio on again and my heart sinks. Nothing. I totally grossed him out last night. Who wants to hear that? But knowing he's hard turns you on. I'm in way over my head. Halfway to Port Angeles, Edward speaks. "So first big girl party tonight, huh?"

I roll my eyes at him. "Come on, you're not even a little excited?" he teases. "I don't know anyone there." "You know me and Alice." "Yeah, Alice will be busy," I point out. "I'll keep you company, introduce you to people. You can mingle." "Thanks." "And when you get bored, we'll leave," he says, looking over at me. "That's not necessary, you should enjoy the party. I'll be fine." "I know... We're going to have fun." We. "You should take my number, Edward. It's more convenient than calling the land line," I tell him. "Sure." "Want me to add it to your address book?" I offer. "Sure." He takes his phone out of his pocket and hands it to me. I make sure our hands don't touch. Not yet. Tonight. Tonight? You're crazy, Bella. He is definitely not interested. He completely ignored you. You told him you were wet and he said nothing, did nothing. But I never gave him a chance. Maybe I should bring that up, apologize. Not in broad daylight. I'd rather die. I program my number into his phone under „Bella‟. "Here,” I say, holding out his phone. “Now you don't need to call the house number." He smiles. I hesitate before I add, "this way I can call you if I get bored at the party. I can find you."

"No need. I'll never be far enough from you for that to be necessary." There are some words that take on whole different meanings when used by a specific person. "Never" is one of them. He'll never be far enough... I want to believe that he's acting like more than just a good boss, friend, big brother. But let's say he is. That's pretty scary. That's all you want, Bella. It's everything you dream of, all night. Edward. The second things change he'll notice that I'm just a kid and he'll regret it. Regret what? This is all in your head. "So, what do you think?" "Hmmm?" "I asked you if you want to leave early today since it's a Friday. Most people do,” Edward says. “You and Alice can go shopping and relax before the party. No need to rush." "Thanks Edward." He smiles at me again. "You haven't brought a change of clothes with you," he points out. "I don't think I want to change for the party. Wait… do you think I should?" I ask him. "I think you look great." I'm blushing again. Edward She's blushing again. I have this ridiculous urge to reach out and touch her skin. I'm sure it's incredibly warm under her blush. She's so beautiful, with her hair a mess on the top of her head. Her pale skin and red lips in stark contrast to the dress. Since her revelation yesterday I'm fairly certain that anything she feels is purely sexual. I'm pretty sure it's the same for me, but I have this uneasy feeling about the whole thing. I no longer think she's this innocent being I can't touch. But I don't want to touch her in the way I wanted to touch her yesterday, or the day before. Okay, I'm not gonna lie. I do. But it's more than that. The images that flood my brain are of us just sitting together, holding each other. I‟m placing chaste kisses all along her jaw line, her cheeks, her forehead. I am holding her tiny hands. I think about her every second of the day. I feel this pull towards her, and I can't describe it. This calms me, because I no longer feel like I'm nothing more than a disgusting predator, preying on Bella. But it also fucking scares me, because at the end of the day, what can we ever be? She wouldn't want to be with me, she has her best years ahead of her. She has to live, experience life, forge her own path, do her own thing. She doesn't want to be stuck with an old man in Forks. What's the point of starting anything, unless

it's completely sexual. But it can't be, Edward. That's not what this is. That's not what this can be about. I know. Just so we're even. I was really, really wet. I sigh. She's wet for me. Well, she was wet for me. The second I got home last night I collapsed on my bed and had the most intense orgasm imagining that wetness on me. Actually, the first thing I imagined was feeling her wetness with just the tip, that first touch. The best fucking feeling in the world. The moment that makes you shudder, where you forget to take your next breath. Intense. Now, imagine all that, but with Bella. Bella, whose scent hits you with a force that leaves you breathless, grasping for more. Bella, whose eyes you lose yourself in at least ten times a day. So yeah, I came hard. All over myself and my old comforter. It wouldn't fucking stop. Afterwards I felt gross for a second, thinking I just jacked off to images of a 16-year-old girl whose father entrusted her in my care. But as I fell asleep with dreams of her, the guilt faded away. Waking up an hour later I decided I had to call her, just let her know what she's doing to me, but that I can't do anything about it until she's older, until she's no longer my intern, until she's ready to make a decision about what she wants. But all I could come up with was something about picking her up in the morning. Smooth, Cullen. I wanted to say she looks beautiful, wonderful, incredible. But „great‟ will have to suffice. She still looks worried, and I wonder whether it's about this stupid party. Who the fuck knows? For all I know she has tons of shit going on in her life, friends, a boyfriend maybe, school stuff. This isn't her entire world. Then why has she become my entire world in five short days? Like the pussy that I am, I'm just resigned to this at this point. In Bella's own words, „whatever‟. If this is how I'm supposed to go down, so be it. We get to the office, and I notice her shoulders are slumped and she looks upset. I just want to comfort her. I don't know what to say. I quicken my pace until I'm walking alongside her and place my left hand on her right shoulder. A simple gesture. Hey, I'm here. No worries. I'm your friend. I feel this wonderful surge of warmth inside me, and more warmth emanating from her body. It's hard to take normal breaths. I half expect her to jump, to pull away, but she looks up smiles. The smile doesn't reach her eyes. It's almost a sad smile. I read my own words into her smile. I know we can have something, that we do have something, but what can we do? This is all we'll ever know, some flirting and banter and tension, a smile and a look and some gestures, maybe a touch or two. It's all we can have for now. I know that this is what she is telling me with her smile, and it kills me. I squeeze her shoulder and drop my hand, letting out a breath I had apparently been holding. The fact that she

understands how impossible the situation is kills me, because I need for her to take charge, do something. I can't be responsible for anything that happens. I am one hundred percent ready to go with the flow, to follow her, wait for her if need be, just do whatever she thinks she wants, whatever she thinks we should do. And if that smile was an acknowledgement of the impossibility of the situation, then fuck. There is nothing else I can do. As we walk down the final hallway leading to our section, I feel the slightest of touches on the back of my hand. Her tiny fingers have brushed up against my skin. It's deliberate. My heart bursts with joy in a way it never has before. Instinctively, I scratch her palm. She wraps one finger around one of mine for a second, and lets go. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how I fell in love with Bella Swan. Bella I'm on cloud nine. He acknowledged my fingers on his hand. He wants this. I feel like I should write this on post it notes and stick them all over my cubicle to remind myself, because it's really fucking easy to forget. I have absolutely no idea what "this" is, but that doesn't matter. I sit in my chair and bring my knees up to my chest, swirling in it, closing my eyes, remembering the scent of Edward, his fingers scratching my palm, his voice as he said never and you look great. "Earth to Bella!" I think someone uses that phrase at least once a day to get my attention nowadays. "Hey Alice." "I'm SO excited that Jasper is coming tonight. And it‟s going to be an awesome party. I can't wait! What are you wearing?" "I was thinking this dress, Alice," I tell her. "I love the dress, Bella, but not for tonight. Let‟s go shopping and see what we can find. We can keep it casual, but I want you to say you trust me." "I trust you, but I think I can choose my own clothes,” I say. Alice frowns and makes me agree with letting her help me. Whatever, it'll be cool. I'll veto anything I find appalling. I daydream some more, try to get some work done, read a few papers, and check out the new Harry Potter trailer on the computer. But I'm basically just thinking about Edward, wondering whether he will try to touch me tonight, or say something, or... I don't know. Alice catches me reading about The Half Blood Prince online and squeals.

"Omigod, we're so seeing that together! Midnight! Yes! We'll go to Seattle and see it in IMAX." "Uhh, sure.” I shrug. “I don't think we need to go all the way to Seattle, or see it at midnight, but I'd love to see it with you." "Not just me, Bella. Edward LOVES Harry Potter. He's obsessed with all of the books and all of the movies except for the Goblet of Fire, he kinda hates that one. It's weird." "Yeah,” I agree. “That was one of the better ones." Alice nods. "Cedric‟s hot, I never know what‟s going on with the magic and that big castle or school." Wow. Not too bright, as we? "Hmmm. Cedric is cool. He and Harry had mad chemistry." "You're so odd sometimes, Bella." "So I've been told." At around noon I realize Edward probably doesn't want to have lunch with me today. I'm a little disappointed, but I take out my sandwich and start to eat it, thinking I have the entire night and seven weeks ahead of me. My disappointment only increases when he passes by my cubicle with barely a nod in my direction. He chats with Alice for a while, mostly talking about about HP. Are all these adults closet Potter fans? It's fools like them who give the rest of us a bad name. He leaves the office and returns twenty minutes later. Alice is gone, and the only other cubicle is empty, because this Jacob character hasn't started yet. Edward walks up to me and sits on my desk, biting into his sandwich. I can't help but smile at him. "So..." he starts. "What are you eating?" I ask him. "Tuna melt." He grins. "Smelly." "You're just jealous." "Maybe a little, but I have my pb&j," I say, showing him my sandwich. "Let's share." "No.”

"Come on Bella, just one bite," he begs. "Fine." I hand him the second half of my sandwich. He bites into it. He has a perfect set of teeth, they look sharp. He licks a little bit of the grape jelly off his bottom lip. I feel the wetness returning and squeeze my thighs together. "Fucking delicious." I smile. "Ooops. I shouldn't use that sort of language in front of my intern." He smirks. His right hand is flat on my desk. I take a quick look around to make that no one is around and brush my fingers against it. Just barely, but I hear him gulp. "Bella..." "Edward," I tell him, "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good." I get up quickly and walk to the bathroom. My heart is racing and my brain is working at crazy speeds and I have to hold onto the wall when I'm finally inside because my knees are weak. Edward She is the fucking girl of my dreams. The rest of my life begins tonight. This is a fact. Bella Alice and I leave at four. We go to the mall and she picks out a pair of very dark skinny jeans for me. They are too expensive, but I put them on the credit card my mom gave me. when I left Phoenix. Since she married Phil she has been more comfortable financially. She wants me to wear cute things, and encourages me to buy them. So thank you Renee, you have played a part in the seduction of Edward. We look for tops. She makes me try on a lot of silky ones, flowy ones, off the shoulder ones. I don't know, they are not me. Some simple tanks, some shirts. Nope. I see a light blue tube top that is not something I'd ever wear, but the color catches me eye so I grab it. Alice looks at it, disapprovingly. I frown. As I get ready to put it back on the rack she stops me. "Actually, wait… that's promising. I'm not pro-tube tops like that, but I like it," she says.

It has an empire waist and hits me at my hips. There is nothing special about the front, but I love the back. The part covering my boobs actually ties in the back and is separate from the rest of the material, which scoops down low, so that there are about three to four inches of my back exposed between the two strips of material. It's very simple and casual, light blue jersey material, but it‟s also cute and sexy. Alice grins, I smile. I try it on over the dark skinny jeans and it's perfect. "Do I need shoes?" I ask. My black flats don't really go with the rest of the outfit, even though they don't clash either. "Bella, do you own tennis shoes, sneakers, anything casual?" "I have some beat up Converse that I carry around in my bag everywhere." "I think that will work," she tells me. I'm surprised, but happy. Those old things make me feel comfortable. Everyone has a pair, there is nothing original about a teenager – or anyone, really – wearing them, but who cares? Haters better shut the fuck up. When we get to her apartment she piles my hair up higher on my head into an even messier bun, mahogany strands falling here and there. It's important to leave my back exposed, and the look is pretty sexy. Some mascara and a little bit of lip gloss, and I'm done. "Omigod, Bella you look PERFECT." "Thanks, Alice," I mumble, but I'm genuinely pleased with how I look. Jasper, Rosalie and her boyfriend or whatever he is are supposed to show up at around nine. People have already started to arrive, so I go stand by a window that looks out into an inner courtyard area. Alice is running around, opening the door, greeting her old friends, making sure that I'm ok. I tell her that I'm fine. I am playing with my phone and looking out the window once in awhile. It's a beautiful night. It rains a lot here, but tonight is one of those rare clear nights, so I can see stars. All of a sudden I feel a presence. I'm normally pretty jumpy and would just turn around to see who's there but I don‟t. I feel something hit the back of my neck, pleasant, like a gust of warm air. I know what it is. It's Edward‟s breath. He is standing very close behind me, but we are not touching. I arch back a little, and feel a jolt of electricity as my body is that much closer to his. I feel his breath again, this time against my left shoulder, and I feel his hair brush up against my ear. For the longest time we just stand there. I don't know what he's looking at. I mostly have my eyes closed. He is leaning forward, his head bowed down, his right ear right by my left one, his hair tickling it. The rest of our bodies are not touching. I don't know what's next. I have no idea what will happen after this. I don't care. I know that when I look back at my life someday, I will remember the stars, his breath on my neck and shoulder, and the pain in the fingers of my right hand as I clutch my iPhone tightly. Terrified, but blissful.

Chapter 10 - light blue top, dark denim, converse

Edward I got a decent amount of work done in the afternoon after Alice and Bella left for the day. I had some difficulty concentrating when Bella was in her cubicle, because I kept trying to come up with excuses to speak to her, or walk by her, to see if she would do anything again. When Alice came to tell me that they were leaving I had to fight the urge to walk out with her just to see Bella one more time. At around five-thirty I jumped out of my chair and got ready to leave. I somehow forgot that Bella wasn't outside waiting for me, and when I finally realized that we wouldn't be in the car together in less than five minutes I was bummed. I kept trying to remind myself that I'd see her soon, and that I'd be driving her home tonight. Like you don't spend two hours every day in the car with her anyway. So what if you're dropping her off at Charlie's a few hours later than usual? It's not like you're going to take her back to your place at two in the morning. A man can dream, right? I changed into jeans and a grey t-shirt before leaving the office and grabbed a bite to eat on my own. I found a bookstore and read works by some of Bella's favorite poets. I mostly read Neruda, wondering whether Bella would still object to me quoting him. I ended up buying a few volumes of poetry, thinking there's nothing wrong with having more books. I was trying to kill time since there was no point in me going back to Forks before the party. I‟m finally walking up the stairs to Alice's apartment. I hear some music playing inside, it's not too loud. Alice sees me and gives me a hug, telling me to mingle. She doesn't mention Bella, and I'm surprised, because I've known Alice for years and she's not the type to stand aside and just let things happen. She's been pushing people together ever since I can remember. I sigh. I see a bunch of people from high school and really want to avoid talking to them. Normally I would be making the rounds, being polite to the annoying kids, reminiscing about fun times with old friends, but these days when I think about high school I'm thinking about a certain high school student, and right now I need to find her. And there she is. She's looking out the window, her back to me. She is wearing a blue top, jeans, chucks. I smile. I feel better about my own casual look, and I walk towards her thinking about what I want to say. Her hair is piled up on the top of her head, and my eyes go down her neck to her back and I see that most of it is exposed. It's fucking sexy. Her pale skin looks so soft, delicate. I want nothing more than to kiss every inch of her neck and shoulders, her back. Or maybe just run my lips over her skin, inhaling her scent as I go along. I'm instantly hard. I stop for a second, because I really don't know what to do once I‟m standing next to her. I can't just walk up to Bella and press my hardness into her back and make her grind herself on me. I really want to, that would be fucking awesome, but that's not happening tonight. No? Maybe not just right now.

I find myself a few inches behind her. I don't think she's noticed me yet. I move another inch closer and I see her body tense up. She doesn't turn around, and I just stand there. I'm too scared to touch her, and I have no idea what I want to say. She is too beautiful right now for me to ruin the moment by giving her a standard greeting, or making small talk. It's a clear night and there are stars in the sky. She's probably staring at the stars. I let out a deep breath, and it hits her on the back of her neck. I know this because she leans back, barely, but is just that much closer to me. I start taking more normal breaths now, her scent hits me, and I just want to bury my face in her neck. I know that once I do, I'll never want to leave. I lean forward and bring my head down closer to her, by her left ear. I'm still behind her, and we are not touching, until I feel my right ear brush up against her left. We stand like that for a few minutes, and I realize just how hard I am. I don't know what comes over me, but I bring my mouth closer to her ear, I can hear her breathing, I can almost feel her. She doesn't move, she doesn't say a word. I know what I want to do, but I'm a fucking coward. Do it. "I want to do with you what spring does with the cherry trees." She doesn't move, she doesn't say a word. Just the other day she told me I wasn't allowed to quote Neruda to her under any circumstances, because the first time she would let a man do that he'd have to mean it. She knows I mean it. She wants that man to be me. I reach out to touch her hand, and caress her fingers with my own. She leans back and rests her head on my chest. I've never felt more alive in my life. This isn't about an erection anymore, or Chilean poets. My mind and body have finally met and are telling me, Bella. "Edward," she breathes, breaking the silence. I bring my face down and bury it in her hair. Fuck. It only gets better. She smells better, she feels better, my life is infinitely better. She lets out a low sigh. I don't want us to be here anymore. But I'm too afraid to be alone. I can't allow myself to think about Charlie, work, society, high school, college, Forks, the world, stares, whispers, gossip, bullshit, threats. But those are things we should both be thinking about and discussing. At this moment, however, I make a firm commitment that if Bella wants me Bella has me. Fuck everything else. I may be naïve, unwise, whatever. I cannot be unless I'm with her. It's a simple truth. I know that soon the horniness will come and turn me into an animal, and that's fine. Because the things I want to do to this girl, fuck. But right now, feeling her soft hair and breathing her sweet scent are the only things I care about. I can feel her shaking and I snap out of it. I'm scaring her. Perhaps I'm being too intense, reading too much into her silence, her willingness to be so close to me. "Bella, are you okay?"

I step away from her and start running my hands through my hair because I'm somewhat nervous, anxious. Usually I don't notice this sort of thing but I'm very aware of my own actions right now. I stick my hands into my pockets, waiting for her to answer my question. "I'm fine Edward," she murmurs, still looking out the window. "You're shaking," I observe, and take a step closer. "I said I'm fine," she says in a louder voice, and spins around. "Maybe you should go talk to your friends, I can entertain myself." She gives me a small smile and walks down a hallway, presumably to the bathroom or Alice‟s room. Shit. What did you do, Cullen? She doesn't want to be around you. This was too much. She's a kid, so she touched your hand a few times – big deal, why'd you have to get all emo about it? You don't have to go around accosting her, blocking her way back from the window, reciting poetry, and sniffing her hair like a maniac. What were you thinking? Fix this. Tell her you're sorry and it won't happen again, she's around for another seven week. She can't be scared of you. "Edward! Where'd your lady friend run off too?" I turn to see Emmett walking toward me with a beer in his hand. "Emmett, how was the flight?" I ask. "Great, Rose is back in the kitchen if you wanna say hi. So, who is she? That was some Romeo & Juliet shit, should've seen the look on your face," he chuckles. "It's nothing like that, she's just a friend." "Sure, who is she? Coworker? Local hottie? Not bad." I try not to smile and agree with him, and I‟m very happy to see Jasper standing next to his brother. "Emmett, leave him alone. Go find Rose. Ssup Edward?" Jasper raises an eyebrow. Yep, he knows. Emmett says he‟ll be right back and goes looking for my sister. My sister. She‟s the last person I want involved in any of this. Scared, asshole? Embarrassed? You should be. "Hey man," I say to Jasper.

"That the infamous Isabella?" "What has Alice been saying?" "That you're fucking fucked." He laughs. "That sounds about right." "Why'd she go into Ali's room?" he asks me. "I fucked up, I don't know." He raises his eyebrow again, he doesn‟t say much. "I should go talk to her..." "Yeah, you should,” he agrees. “Maybe find your sister first, before she finds you in Alice's room with fair Isabella." No need, Rosalie's right here. "Sis, good to see you." I give her an affectionate hug. We've always had an interesting relationship. It's not that Rose and I don't get along, but things can be weird sometimes. She has always resented my relationship with our parents. I don't think they love me more – they obviously adore Rosalie – but she's always been cold. That's the fucking problem. It's not about Mom or Dad, or me… it‟s about her attitude. Things have been better since she met Emmett, and I don't want to fuck it up with her going ballistic over the Bella situation. What situation? Sniffing her hair, stalking her. That situation. "Who was the girl, Edward?" my sister asks. Not now, Rose. Let me go talk to her first. She's been in there too long. "A friend,” I reply. “She's one of our interns." "Do I get to meet her?" "Sure, but right now I have to go talk to her. Catch you later sis? I'm around all weekend." She smirks. Rose isn't stupid, she probably suspects something's off but I doubt she knows that her brother is preying on a 16- year-old, scaring the shit out of her.

Though the door to Alice's room is open, I still tap it as I enter. I'm nervous and I haven't planned what I want to say. All I know is that I have to go in there and do something. Make her feel safe again. She's probably worried about having to spend so much time with me and I have to make sure she's comfortable with having me around this summer. I tell myself that I have no reason to be upset, since I knew that I‟d have to wait. I‟ll do whatever Bella wants, whatever she needs. I won‟t freak out if she‟s crying or upset. I can do this because I need to do this. It's safe to say that I'm very surprised when I see Bella stretched out on Alice's bed, looking ecstatic, a huge grin on her face, oblivious to my presence. Bella I had to break that whole thing up. I needed a moment to myself. I had to breathe. I had to think for a quick second because it's impossible to form coherent thoughts around him. I had to pinch myself. I had to breathe some more. I walked into Alice's room and flung myself on the bed, thinking about everything. I can't even describe my thoughts. He whispered my favorite line from my favorite Neruda poem, the poem we were quoting from the other day. No man will ever live up to this, no dream will ever be this perfect. He touch, his smell, his breath on my bare skin. Like fire. Like fucking fire. I will never have a night like this again. Be smart Bella, take advantage of the chance you have been given. Live in the moment. He wants you. Edward Cullen wants you. "Ahem." Breathe, Bella. I sit up, and try to wipe what I can only imagine is a really silly grin from my face. "Bella, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable, or to scare you. I want you to know - " "Edward, I'm fine,” I assure him. “I just needed a moment to myself. Don't apologize for that. Don't." "You're sure?" "Yes." Now what?

Remember, Bella. You're a big girl now. I walk up to him and stand in front of him, looking up into his eyes. This is a bad idea, because the moment our eyes meet I am lost. I can't form a coherent sentence, I can't move. I just stare, like a moron. But who the fuck cares? Edward Cullen wants me. "Say something," I plead. "Charlie is going to fucking kill me." "Charlie doesn't have to fucking know," I tell him. "Say it again." "Hmmm?" I know exactly what he means. "Say that word, again." "Fuck." I smile. "Mmmm, Bella." He chuckles, bringing his face into my hair again, still not touching me with his hands. "Fuck, Edward." "Bella I need you to be good." "I'm good, Edward," I tell him. "Uh huh, you're my good little girl," he breathes into my hair. Oh, what those words do to me. Something happens, I lose control, I inch closer to him and bring my nose to his throat, rubbing it against his skin, wanting to taste it. Terrified. Excited. Alive. He groans. I elicited a groan from Edward. Heaven. "Bella, my sister... outside... mmhmmm... talk.... she's gonna freak out... need to talk." Is it possible I have the same effect on him that he has on me?

I want him to shut up, so I raise a finger to his lips. They are so soft that I feel my knees go weak, I feel myself losing control again. But before I know it he has me in his arms and throws me onto Alice's bed. Edward Cullen is on top of me, hovering above me. "Bella. You. Must. Behave." "What if I don't want to?" I challenge. "You'll do as I say." Yes, please. Anything you want. Just, please, kiss me. This is all nice, but I want to "put my mouth on his mouth" as Liz Lemon would say. I want to go to there. I try to bring his face down to mine, but he resists. He brings his hand to my chin and makes me look straight into his eyes. "If you think that you're going to experience your first kiss on Alice's bed during one of her parties, you are mistaken. The first time I kiss you, the first time I lick you, the first time I suck you, the first time I touch you, the first time I taste you, are going to be the most special fucking moments of your life. We aren't half-assing any of this. Do you understand me, Bella?" Mommy. There is a faint buzzing in my ear and I‟m probably going to pass , I speak, and the words that come out of my mouth surprise me. "What about the first time I touch, lick, suck and taste you?" He is glaring at me, he almost looks furious. "You play dirty, Swan." "Don't even pretend you don't love it.” I smile. He chuckles, brings his lips closer to my face, I get excited, but he quickly brings them by my ear. "Are you excited now Bella?" Shit. That voice. I'm breathing so hard now, my head is spinning. Words, Bella, those things you must say out loud if you want him to hear you. Speak, you fool. “Yes…”

“Are you wet like you said you were yesterday?” he asks. Somehow, I'm able to utter, "I'll tell you if you let me feel you." "I think I have my answer, Miss Swan." He's up on his feet before I can protest, grinning at me as he walks out the door. Yes, party. Alice. People. Jasper. Rosalie? Must act normal. Skirt age issue. Pretend you're foreign. Or mute. "Bella! Come meet everyone!" Ugh, Alice. You need to chill the fuck out sometimes. How much Adderall can one person snort? Stop being a bitch, Bella, Alice is awesome. I pull myself together and manage a smile as I approach the group of people Alice is standing with. "Bella,” Alice starts, placing a hand on my shoulder, “this is Jasper. Jasper, Bella, she's an intern, like me," God bless you Alice, "and this is Rosalie, Edward's sister, and her fiancé, Emmett. Emmett and Jasper are brothers. Everyone this is Bella, Edward and I adore her." I'm the same color as the soles of Rosalie's really expensive looking shoes. Edward is looking away, so I can't really see his reaction. Everyone is very nice, everyone talks to me, smiles, blah, blah. They're great. Ok, I just want Edward. I catch his eye, and he smiles. Please take me away, I want you, you, you only you. Loser, how needy and pathetic are you? The second I think I can finally get away from all these people, Rosalie puts her hand on my arm. "Let's talk." Gulp. I nod. Edward is walking over to us, but Emmett gets in his way, and Emmett's fucking big, so I no longer see Edward. "Don't worry, you'll see your boss again." Uhh...

We are back in Alice's room, only this time I'm not grinning like a fool or reliving my bliss with Edward. I'm fucking scared. Bitch has at least four inches on me PLUS those shoes. "How old are you?" I just stare at her. "Bella, I can go outside and ask anyone, and they'll tell me,” she says. "Seventeen." "Holy shit." "When do you turn eighteen?" she asks. "September..." not a complete lie, I do turn eighteen in September... 2010. She lets out a breath. "Alright, jailbait. Listen. You. Do. Not. Fuck. My. Brother. Stay away from the goods. This isn't just about him and his life, it's about you too. You seem like a good kid, Ali and Edward like you, so you can't be that bad. But he's not some boy your own age, and you don't want to get into something you can't handle. Be patient, if you two still want to go at it like animals later, good for you." Okay, then. "Ummm. The age of consent in Washington State is sixteen," I tell her. She starts laughing. Wow, Edward's sister is hot… "You're funny. Why didn't you say so? You two should have been fucking a LONG time ago, then." She's obviously being sarcastic, it pisses me off. I look up and into her eyes, you don’t scare me, Rosalie. "2010." "What's that?" she asks. "My eighteenth birthday. September 2010." It takes her a second to respond. "Are you telling me you're sixteen?" I give her an apologetic look, but maintain eye contact, because I won‟t let her scare me.

"Does my brother know?" "Of course he knows!" "EDWAAAAAAAARDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!" "Rosalie, please..." "Jailbait. Shut it." Edward walks in, the look on his face is priceless. He must have been right outside, the bastard. I‟d feel bad for him because he looks terrified, but I have my own ass to worry about. Rosalie is not done with me. "Edward, tell me she's not sixteen. Tell me you haven't fucked her," she says, clearly trying to control her temper. "What do you want me to say? She‟s sixteen. And I most certainly have not." Oh but you will... "Okay. I'm only gonna say this once. I'd like to say this isn't any of my business, but it is. You're my brother. You have always been successful, and made our family proud. Don't fuck it up. I'm sure Bella is great, but think, be smart. If this gets out, Edward, you can lose your job, your reputation. This sort of thing tends to follow people around. Think about how mom and dad will react. She's only sixteen. Shit, I'm pretty sure she has parents. What about when they find out? I know Alice told me you guys aren't in a relationship yet, but the emphasis was on „yet‟. You cannot consummate any relationship until the internship is over, or until she's AT LEAST seventeen. Don't give me your age of consent crap either,” she says, glaring at me. “Edward, you‟re a smart, responsible guy. You need to consider her age, feelings, and maturity too. I was sixteen once, I remember how it was, I'm sure she's nervous and a little scared...” Rosalie stops and takes a deep breath, running her fingers over her temples before she continues. “Bella, I'm not saying you have nothing to lose, but right now, Edward has much more. If you care about him, you‟ll let this go for now. And if you‟re both idiots, at least be very, very careful.” No one says anything. I stare at my shoes and try not to think about all the points she made. “Bella, if you fuck this up I'm coming after you. Edward, if you fuck it up Alice with fuck you up and I may have to help her too, you fucking pedophile. Now go." She turns on her heels, straightening her back, and calmly walks out of Alice‟s room. I look up at Edward, who looks incredibly tired. "Bella, she's right." "She didn't say anything we didn't already know," I point out.

"True, but she's right." "So, that's it then?" I hear the frostiness in my voice, but don‟t care if it upsets him. I knew it was too good to be true, my heart sinks. I don't want him to see me upset, though. There's plenty of time to feel sorry for myself once I get back to Charlie's. "Don't be absurd,” Edward says. “You are my life now. Fuck. That came out a little different than I thought it would. Am I freaking you out?" I giggle. Yeah, giggle. That‟s the strangest thing anyone has said to me. "No, you're not"--well, maybe just a little--"don't worry. Charlie won't find out, nobody will." "Bella, we need rules," he states. "Okay, tell me the rules." He rolls his eyes at me. "Bella, you set the rules. This is about you being comfortable. I want you to be honest with me." I don't know what to say, I just want him. "I just... want you?" Honesty should work. "Is that a question, Bella?" "Ummm, no. I want you." "Okay, we need rules, though. For instance, we can't..." "Hey, buddy.” I smile, well aware of how hot my cheeks are. “Who said I wanna?" omg, I so want to. It's all I think about. He blushes, looks confused. His beautiful eyes open wide. "Sorry, I didn't mean to presume anything - " "Edward, shut up. Of course I want to. But you're right..." "When you're seventeen, the internship will be over, we can talk about this again - " he tells me. Wait. I thought I was setting the rules… Edward walks over and sits next to me. It occurs to me that I‟m not exactly sure what he meant.

"Edward, wait. Are we talking about... sex? Or about...? I'm confused..." "Yes, Bella," he whispers, bringing his mouth closer to my face, brushing his lips across my jaw, oh my god. "We're talking about sex. Do you think we can talk about that? Does that make you feel uncomfortable?” His voice is sex. I can't control my breathing, his scent is intoxicating and I'm ready to spread my legs for him right now, if he'll have me. Of course I‟m uncomfortable, the stuff happening between my legs… I‟m uncomfortable, but not in the way he thinks. I'm actually disappointed, because there are so many things I dream of doing to this man. So many things I want him to do to me. I want to ask him what falls within the definition of "sex" but I'm embarrassed. Fuck it. I need to know. "Edward?" He covers my hand with his."Yes, baby?" Baby. "What... can we do?" His mouth begins to drop open but he quickly turns it into a sexy smile. That crooked Edward smile that makes me want to... "What are you asking me, Swan?" Mmmm... That single eyebrow raise. "You know…" Does he? I‟m not sure I know. I bite my bottom lip; I've noticed how he stares at my mouth when I do that. "No, I don't know. So tell me," Edward says, breathing heavily. Okay, Bella, you can drag this out, and try to be as tasteful as possible, or... "Can I go down on you?" I blurt out. Stop blushing, stop blushing. "Bella, umm… I haven't even kissed you yet. Let's see where this goes." Cute, he's all flustered and shit. Let's fuck with Mr. Cullen. "Will you go down on me?" I ask sweetly.

"Bella..." "Simple question..." He places his hands on my shoulders and pushes me down on my back, lying beside me on his side. He brings his lips to my ear, blows into it and whispers. "I will go down on you every day of your life, Bella, if you'll have me. Be patient, little girl, I'm not going anywhere." His finger draws a line from the corner of my mouth down my throat and comes back up to my mouth, running across my lips. I forget to breathe. "I want you," I mumble. "You have me, Bella." "Show me," I breathe, I want to feel him. Everything. Nothing else. Him. "Shhh, baby, be patient," he whispers. I don‟t want to be patient. I‟m not a baby. I‟m not a little girl. "You make me so...wet," I say, struggling with the words. "Bella, you've been making me hard since I first saw you in your living room." Really? Is that possible? Why won't he just lose control then? I need to feel him, at least some part of him, between my legs. Anywhere. I won’t be picky. "Show me," I plead. His eyes have that fire in them and he looks angry again. For a second I'm frightened that I crossed the line and that he's mad at me, but then suddenly he takes my hand and brings it to his crotch. I gasp, and his mouth drops open. He quickly tries to pull my hand off, but I don‟t let him. He doesn‟t try again. He is so incredibly hard under his jeans. I don't know what takes over me, but I press down on it, and Edward lets out a loud moan. It's so incredibly sexy that I do it again. "Bella..." He grabs my hand and puts it down on the bed. "Bella, stop it before I fuck you senseless over Alice's desk." Please, please, please. "I'll stop, Edward."

"Good girl. I have so many things planned for you, for us. That sounds… I just mean that I'm not leaving your side for the next seven weeks... and longer, if you'll have me. Whatever you want..." "I'll stop, Edward, but first..." I take his hand and bring it between my legs. He doesn‟t fight me. I know he has plans. I know he wants everything to be „special‟ – but fuck special. Right now I need Edward's fingers on me. Even if they don't stay there for long, and even though there are two layers of clothing between me and his hand, I need his touch. I want him to know that I‟m… that I want him. That I know what I want. At least my body does. "Ahh..." "Oh God,” he says, looking at me with wide green eyes. “You're wearing jeans but I can feel it… they're damp. Heaven, your pussy is fucking heaven. Baby, I swear to you I'm going to make you come so soon... plan... I need to kiss you. We're leaving." I wanted to push myself onto his hand, grind on it, something... I wanted so much, but the power of that first touch has left me frozen. I‟m speechless, I‟m not sure what just happened. I jump off the bed and grab his hand, because we‟re leaving. I would go to the ends of the earth with this man. Edward Car. Home. Bella. Room. Bed. Kiss. Kiss her all night until you have to return her safely to Charlie. Kiss her until her lips are swollen and you can't take anymore. She's sixteen, I'm twenty-six, but it's the summer and I think maybe I‟m in love. I'm going to give Bella her first kiss, and nothing has ever made me happier.

Chapter 11 - First Kiss

Edward I can't believe I'm doing this. I practically carried Bella out of Alice's apartment, everyone staring at us with various levels of amusement and shock on their faces. You'd think I was going to throw her against my hood and pound into her, I was so excited. Not my style, though, but neither are 16-year-olds. Her cheeks were bright red and the smile on her face was victorious, proud, so fucking sexy. We got into the car, and I realized we have a fucking hour on the road ahead of us. Next time, Cullen, think things through before throwing a girl into a car promising her her first kiss when you're an entire hour from your fucking destination. There won't be a next time, she's the girl. Okay, Romeo, enough with the dramatics. Talk to her. She hasn‟t said a word since you started talking about her pussy. She‟s probably terrified. "Bella - " "Edward, are you really going to make me wait until we get back to Forks?" she asks me. Are you really going to make me wait until you're fucking seventeen? "What do you propose we do, Bella?" "Mmm, maybe just fucking kiss me already?" Wow. "In my car, that's special." "For someone who is fairly intelligent, you really don't seem to get it," she tells me. "Get it?" I ask, seeking clarification because I have no idea what she‟s talking about. "It's not about where, Edward. It's about... okay, it's about just doing what we want to do when it feels right. If it doesn't, just tell - " I interrupt her. "Shut up, Bella. Of course it does. I'm dying to kiss you, I just didn't want it to be somewhere random or awkward where people can walk in on us. We might as well wait until we're..." We're what? She's right. "Edward. Stop being annoying. This isn't the most conventional – relationship, for lack of a better word – that ever... existed. A lot of this is going to be weird, different, and hence inevitably 'special', so maybe, for my first kiss I want to do something completely... normal.

Like, typical teen behavior. First kiss in a car, maybe not parked outside my house as Charlie watches from behind the curtains, because that's still an hour away and you'd end up dead. But first kiss in a car right after we left a party..." She's looking at me with those big brown eyes and I think she's right. She's always right. She always makes sense. She's so much smarter than you, Cullen. So much wiser. Do what the girl wants. Just fucking kiss her. "Bella, I think you‟ve made an excellent point, but I want to institute a rule." "Of course you do." She rolls her eyes at me. "I'm in control." I smirk. She leans in, her eyes open wide and she gives me a seductive smile. "Edward, you are always in control." Yes. She‟s a liar. She‟s not sixteen. She‟s – she‟s… Look at that smile. Just how I manage not to grab her, pull her onto my lap and grind her onto my ridiculously hard cock ... we'll never know. Why are you hesitating, Cullen? Just fucking kiss her, and stop thinking about your cock. Cock cock cock cock. Ugh. "Bella, one kiss in the car," I tell her. "Ughhh, I feel like I‟m negotiating with my parents,” she snaps. I laugh and she joins me. I take her hand and stare at her fingers. She opens her mouth to say something, and I can tell from her expression that I probably won‟t want to hear it. "Shhh, baby. Be a good girl and come here," I tell her. Big, big eyes. Round, pretty face. What am I doing? Why won‟t I stop? How do I make this better? How do I make this okay? I think about saying something, quoting a favorite poet, making this really special, but Bella wants a typical, normal first kiss and that's what she's going to get in this car. I know she's expecting a long kiss, probably with tongue, you're officially twelve, but right now I just want to be innocent with her, like her. Our faces are two inches apart, and I can feel her breathing, I feel the warmth emanating from her skin, she's blushing and it's both adorable and sexy at the same time. Right now, I'm seventeen again - note to self: never admit to Bella you saw that movie - and I'm going to kiss her like it's the first time for the both of us. She's biting on her lower lip again, she's nervous, but this doesn't freak me out or make me hesitate. It's completely normal. I'm nervous too, my heart is about to explode in my chest. She moves her face closer to mine and our foreheads are touching. I remember fantasizing about this, I smile. Our noses touch, and she giggles.

I bring my hands up to her face to cup her cheeks with them, and breathe her in. I hate the cliché thoughts running through my head, oh she's perfect, this is so right, blah blah. We are anything but clichéd or ordinary. We are… Stop thinking, just kiss her, loser. "Bella," I breathe. She brings a tiny finger to my lips, staring into my eyes. I have this urge to bite it, but before I can bite it or move it away, the finger is replaced with two warm, full lips. So much for being in control, Cullen. My lips part, instinctively, and so do hers. She cries into my mouth, like she‟s surprised. I pull away for a split second, and then kiss her mouth, a small, chaste kiss. I continue kissing along her jaw, back to her lips, the tip of her nose. She tastes like sunshine, she makes me smile. Her lips seek out my own and kiss me again before she pulls away. She slumps back into her seat and I watch as she brings her fingers to her lips. She's breathing hard and has the most beautiful smile on her face. "Edward, drive," she says. "You can go really fast tonight." Bella His lips are incredibly soft. And warm. As I sit next to him, watching him watch the road, speeding along to Forks, I discreetly pinch myself to make sure this is real, that this is happening. It's only been two minutes since the kiss, and he still has the same silly smile on his face. I don't think I mention enough just how beautiful Edward is. It is impossible to pick one feature. Right now, I can't even think. I just have to remind myself to breathe. I'm terrified that come Monday, he will realize how ridiculous this whole thing is and tell me I'll be better off without him, that I'm young, need to meet people my own age, that I'm great and we can hang out when I'm older. I have the entire conversation in my head. He is kind, but very matter-of-fact about the entire thing, I smile and pretend it's fine, that I understand. And then I go back to Charlie's and cry all summer and never meet anyone like Edward until I die, old and alone in Forks. Yep. I've got it all figured out. I don‟t like it. But at this point, I'm too far gone to care. If that's what's coming, so be it. I will make every second in between count. I close my eyes and touch my lips. They are still feeling tingly and I am almost embarrassed at how excited and happy I am from such a simple kiss. Simple, but perfect. Stop thinking, Bella. Relax until you get back. God, or someone out there, has other plans.

I feel Edward's hand on mine. I look over at him, he is staring at me intently. He takes my hand and brings it to his mouth, placing a warm kiss into my palm. Electricity shoots from my palm through my body and I feel a pulse between my legs again. I want nothing more than to take his hand and place it between my legs, show him how warm and welcoming it is for him, but the sweetness of the moment, coupled with my nerves, stops me. Edward's phone buzzes, he lets go of my hand and looks at it. He smiles, shaking his head. I guess he has received a text. I wonder if it's from the girl he slept with three weeks ago, and I become irrationally angry. Be mature, Bella. It's none of your business. Of course it is – he's mine. Stop deluding yourself into believing that. Whatever, I can't help myself… "It's Alice,” Edward informs me. “She gets overly excited about things." "Oh, I know. What is she excited about now?” He shakes his head, telling me it‟s nothing. "Edwaaard," I whine, hoping sad puppy eyes will get him to talk. "Bella, that's not a good look for you." He laughs. Grrrr... "Fine, keep your secrets from me,” I say. "Jealous, much?" What an asshole. "Silent treatment?" he asks. Uh huh. "Okay, fine,” he finally says. “Alice thinks you should tell Charlie you're staying in Port Angeles with her tonight, and wanted us to know she'll cover for you." "Why would I do that?” I ask. “We're not in Port Angeles anymore." He smirks. "Oh." No… I can’t stay with him. But I really, really, really want to stay with him. He looks at me, trying to assess my reaction to the whole thing. I'm actually not sure what my reaction is myself.

"Bella, don't worry. I'll take you home tonight, Alice is being Alice, she will never learn to mind her own business." I‟m disappointed, yet so relieved. The only way I can maintain any of my sanity now is if I know that at some point tonight I will be in my own bed, alone, thinking. I look at this virtual stranger next to me and know that although I may have just felt his penis through his jeans, I can't spend a night with him. Not yet. It doesn't matter that I know nothing will „happen‟, I just need some normalcy in my life. I smile at Edward and take his hand, squeeze it. I decide to be less of a stranger, and rest my head on his shoulder. He kisses the top of my head. I find this to be the most affectionate gesture, and my heart flutters with joy. "Bella, Bella, Bella." "Yes?" "Can't a guy just say your name because you're all he thinks about all day?" Oh. My. God. "Just during the day, Edward? Not at night?" Good one, Swan, you're really getting the hang of this. "At night I dream, Bella," he says. "Tell me about your dreams," I breathe. I feel like I'm floating, I can't describe it, I am hanging onto his every word, losing myself in the moment. "How about I show you instead?" he asks. "Yes. When?" "Eager, Miss Swan?" "Yes,” "I have forever to show you, Bella. In a way I'm living my dreams." I shiver, sometimes he‟s too intense. He looks down at me, a look of horror on his face. He looks confused and shakes his head, and places another kiss on top of mine. He looks nervous now, almost upset. I want to ask what's wrong, but I don't want to be annoying. I stare at his fingers in my hand, touching them, memorizing them. I need all this for the days I won't have Edward. I close my eyes and breathe him in, again, so that one day I can live on the memories. I shouldn't be this pessimistic, I should just be happy to be here, with him. And I am. I sigh.

"Bella, if I get too intense, say things that sound a little crazy, I'm sorry. I'm not usually like this, I don't know what came over me,” he says. Somehow, I know what came over him. That same feeling that has taken over all of me. I'm still not comfortable with it, because it's different, and it scares me. But I know there is nothing else I want to feel, no other state in which I want to be. I can only hope that he realizes this himself, and soon. "Never apologize for giving me a life worth living," I murmur. Hah, now I know how he feels. Sometimes I don't know where these words come from. Edward Wow. Does this little girl really feel that strongly about me? What do I feel? I want to roll my eyes at her words, and get annoyed, freak out, but I can't. Because if I turn them around, and ask myself whether that is how I feel, I know she's right. She has given me the same thing. Every time I get into my car to drive over to Charlie's I have a purpose, a goal. Whether it's to get to know this exquisite creature better, or just to make her smile, there is a reason to be here now. Not that my life sucked before, or had no meaning. It always did, but I guess I had no idea just how wonderful it could be. Now I do, and it terrifies me to think about life without these car rides, the banter, and now the hands I want hold forever and lips I want to worship. While I want to focus on the way my body responses to her and how hard she makes me, and while my obsession with her skin and body and lips is a huge part of this „thing‟ between us, I can't focus solely on that anymore. Fuck, what am I doing? All rational thought has left me. Reason, logic, please… Who needs any of that? I think back to how she pressed her hand down on my cock earlier, and can't help but imagine all of the things I want to teach her. I realize this sounds a little dirty, well, it sounds almost vile, and maybe it is, but there's so much I want to do, and I don‟t mean to be vile. I don‟t know what I want. It‟s probably easier to focus on tonight. Tonight is about kisses, and I will kiss her in every way she'll allow me. And then, one day… I plan on doing a lot with Bella Swan, if she wants me. I plan on showing her, really showing her how hard she makes me. I plan on touching her between her legs over cotton or maybe even lace, and then again when she is completely bare.

I plan on feeling her wet for the first time on my fingertips, and showing her how sweet she tastes, how wonderful she feels. I plan on watching her as she touches my cock for the first time, I mean really touches it, wrapping her hand around; I plan on guiding her on her first pump. I plan on never letting go as I make her come for the first time, staring into her pretty eyes, showing her how amazing it can feel, promising her that I will make her feel that way for as long as she wants to keep me around. I plan on looking into her eyes as she watches me come. I plan on tasting her on my tongue. I plan on praying that she swallows. I plan on hearing moans, screams, groans, squeals, murmurs, whispers, sweet nothings. I'm breathing very heavily, and I get harder as these thoughts swim around in my head. "Edward, one more time?" Bella asks. "What, baby? Tell me," I tell her, squeezing her hand. "May I please feel you again?" "One more time?" "Yes, please," she nods, eagerly. "No." Her face falls, she looks away. I can‟t help but laugh. "Bella, if you want to feel me again now, you better plan on feeling me again, and again, and again, and again. I don‟t want to hear this nonsense about „one more time.‟” She blushes and giggles, and I take the soft hand that I have been holding and place it over me. Fuck it feels so good, so perfect. I want to thrust up against it, I want her to release me and start pumping with wild abandon. Control, Cullen. You're not half-assing any of this. She looks so excited, she moves her hand around, feeling me. I know I can't take much more.

"Bella," I look into her eyes, placing my hand over hers, "this belongs to you. Be a good girl and I promise we can try anything you‟d like. Now take your hand back before I fuck this up, because I sure as hell can't remove it for you. Trust me." She's a smart girl, she knows what's good for her and she removes her hand, bringing it to my cheek. "Faster, Cullen, stop driving like an old man."

Chapter 12 - More first kiss

Edward I hold Bella's hand all the way to Forks. I'm just fucking happy. I really like this girl, a lot. She's funny, beautiful, intelligent, really hot. If we'd met three or four years from now nobody could say shit about the age difference, and right now I just choose to be happy about the fact that we were lucky enough to meet each other earlier, and because I get to have her in my life for longer. I keep getting these thoughts about how this is completely crazy, that I should stop, that she's too young to understand how big a deal this is, that I'm probably just fucking horny, that this can end really badly… but tonight it's way too easy to push all these thoughts aside and just appreciate her warm hand in mine. I'm not gonna lie, my cock is happy too. It's a little pathetic that he's this excited about being touched for a grand total of twenty seconds over my boxers and jeans, but he gets it. This is Bella, this is going to be good. He can wait. Wait? Are we really waiting until September? How is it going to make a difference whether it‟s June or July or August or fucking September? Aren't we getting a little ahead of ourselves? Yes, we are. I mean, I am. Shit. Control, Edward. Just don't lose control, don't fuck this up. "We're here, B,” I tell her as we pull into the driveway of my parents‟… err my place. "B?" "You don't like that? I kinda do." "Uhhh, sure. 'B'." She smiles at me. "Now I need to come up with a nickname for you." "Try to be a little more creative than I was." Bella laughs. "I won't have to try too hard." She's so cute when she jokes and flirts with me. I bring my hand to her cheek, it's so soft. She blushes and brings her own hand to mine and brings my hand down from her cheek, kisses my fingers. She's so perfect. I bring her close to me and hold her for a few seconds. I have to remember when we're out in public that I can't do shit like this. It's not going to be easy. Control, Cullen. Whatever, we're alone now, we're at my house. Your parents' house, loser. That's perfect, actually. I'm bringing her back to my parents' place after our first party and our first kiss in the car after the party. I smile as we get out of the car.

She is silent during the "grand tour" and I can tell she's impressed with the place. Yeah, mom and dad have done pretty well for themselves. It's a beautiful home and much larger than the average home in Forks. I don't want her feeling all weird and intimidated, so I drag her into my room. Now, I know this is weird, and probably way too soon. I realize this after I notice how tiny and nervous she looks standing there, a few feet from my bed. I want to comfort her, so I jump onto my bed, and sit on it cross-legged, motioning for her to come sit across from me. She smiles and I can tell she's comfortable with this. "Mr. Cullen." She smiles, looking at me from under her lashes. “Is this part of the Clallam County District Court Summer 2009 internship program?" "Yes, Miss Swan. I bring all my interns here. In fact, it's a very important part of the program." "Is this supposed to be more of a learning experience for me, or is the purpose of this visit for you to evaluate my… skills?" She's blushing again, and playing with the hem of her jeans, not meeting my eye. "Bella, look at me." She looks up, her blush intensifying. "This is whatever you want it to be. Tell me what you want." "Okay." She takes a deep breath. "I want to know what you want." I don't know whether I should be completely honest, or just make sure she's totally comfortable. Because if I tell her every single thing that's going through my mind, she'll probably be running down the stairs and through the woods before I can say cockblock. Don't block your own cock, Cullen. Let things progress naturally. Don't freak her out. "Bella, I don't want to freak you out or scare you, or offend you." "If you tell me, I'll tell you," she says, her voice seductive, throaty. And we're back. Discretely place a pillow over your lap. I take a deep breath. "Okay, B. Let's begin. Feel free to interrupt me at any point." She smiles and nods. "Long term: I want you in every way. I won't go into details, but I want you. All of you. Use your imagination, Bella.

Tonight: I just want to spend time with you, and kiss you. I basically want to kiss you until your lips are swollen, and your hair is all crazy. I want to feel your body against mine and I want to hold your hand, a lot." She looks at me like I'm crazy. "Really? That's all you want?" she asks, looking skeptical. "Bella, shut up. It's your turn," I tell her. She chews on her lip and wiggles her way closer to me, and our knees are touching. "I want to kiss you." I smile, encouraging her to go on. "I want to feel you," she says softly. I think I may be blushing. "I want to do whatever feels right and feels good, and ummm… I want you to keep an open mind..." Fuck. This girl is going to drive me crazy. "Bella, we promised Rosalie," I remind her. "Edward, no offense, but Rosalie is not my sister. I had just met her and wanted to be polite, and she‟s so bossy. I'm not making any promises to anyone." "You're a bad girl, Bella Swan. Didn‟t we agree on rules? Trust me, remember?" She nods. "Edward?" "Yes, Bella." When do we stop talking and start… Don't even think about that word. Nobody is fucking. Hah, you said the word. Get used to it, Cullen. No pussy for you. "You said earlier... thatI should plan on feeling you again and again - " "Bella, come o - " "You said it belongs to me," she murmurs, getting up on her knees, bringing her face close to mine. "Please?" I have to shut her up, so I attack her mouth. She falls back onto the bed and her legs come out from under her, I fall beside her, over her, I don't even know. I bring my lips down onto hers and

kiss her more thoroughly than I had earlier. She brings her arms around my neck and pulls me closer to her. Bella is so warm and my tongue parts her lips. I see heaven when I taste her mouth for the first time. She moans into my mouth and my cock gets harder. I shift myself away from her, wanting this to be about the kiss. Our tongues gently play, it‟s so nice. I pull away from the kiss and stare into her eyes. I want her to know how fucking hot she is, how fucking perfect she is. My brain isn't working so I decide to continue kissing her. I kiss her mouth over and over again, not letting her prolong any of the kisses. I am worshiping her lips, loving them, telling them how much I appreciate them. Next thing I know, Bella is grabbing my hair and pushing me down onto her, kissing me fiercely, intensely. I try hard not to bring my body down onto hers, I really do. But her tongue in my mouth and hands in my hair, her scent and her taste take over and I cover her body with mine. She brings her hands down from my hair and places them on my cheeks. She stops the kiss and looks at me, grins this mischievous grin that goes straight to my cock. "Mmmhmmm, hi." Yes, Bella, talk to him, he adores you. "Hi, Bella." "Shut up, I'm not talking to you," she breathes. "No? Is there anyone in this room other than the two of us?" She nods, with that sexy fuck-me smile on her face. "Edward. I feel... you on my belly." Oh God. You’re punishing me for every sin I’ve ever committed. I rub myself against her. So good. "Is this what you're referring to Bella?" "Uhhmmm." I attack her mouth again. Her legs part and I'm between them. Control. Fuck you, this is too good. She'd end up doing this with some other guy soon, anyway. So I'm a little older, whatever. Don't fuck this up.

I feel her breasts against my chest. I start kissing down her jaw to her neck, placing kisses on every inch of her skin. She likes this, because she is making these delicious sounds as she brings a hand into my hair, her other hand going up and down my side. I finally lose it when I realize how hard her nipples are. I have to break this up now, but I can't. "I'm wet." No, tell me I'm hearing things. "Edward, did you hear me? I said I'm wet." I start kissing her throat and hear her cry out. She's so responsive that I can't help but think of her reaction when I finally get to fuck her. And ugh, I really want to fuck her. I need to have her screaming my name by the end of the week. September. September. September. Me inside Bella now, now, now. And then my phone rings. We ignore it, our lips have met again and Bella is becoming more and more playful. After I first bite her bottom lip and suck on it, she starts experimenting. I let her take over and she's trying different things, I can't complain. It all feels wonderful. Her phone rings. "We should..." "No talking,” she tells me. Anything you say, Miss Swan. When my phone starts ringing AGAIN, I pull myself off Bella and answer it. "Yes, Rose?" "Where are you?" "Home." "Are you alone?" "No." "It's midnight." "So?"

"Alice was trying to call your intern to remind her to be home before her dad freaks out, her being a child and all." "Fuck off, Rose." "I'm just trying to help. Alice was also going to invite you and Jailbait to dinner tomorrow, the six of us. I don’t think it’s a good idea, but it’s going to be entertaining. Tell her to get daddy's permission." I chuckle, of course my sister has nicknamed her Jailbait too. "I'll ask if she's free." "By all means, I'm sure 16-year-olds have very busy social calendars these days." "Enough, Rosalie." "I wasn't kidding, they do. You're not the only thing in her life. I'll see you tomorrow." Ugh, she's a good sister. She's fucking with me, but she's reacting way better than I could have hoped. "That was interesting... „fuck off Rose‟ „enough Rosalie‟… Fill me in." Bella smiles. "Well, that was Alice calling you to remind us to get you home. We're all having dinner tomorrow, if you're free, of course," I explain, she's blushing, "and umm yeah, it was Rose, she's annoying." "She said something funny." Perceptive little minx. "She calls you jailbait." "Yeah, I noticed that.” I grin at her. "What?" "Nothing, baby. Let's make out some more before I have to take you home." She squeals and attacks me. Bella

...... Edward This feels so good, it's gotta be wrong. Twenty minutes after starting our "last" kiss of the evening I'm between Bella's legs again, this time kissing her and grinding into her like there's no tomorrow. She's moaning and pushing up against me, her nipples so hard on my chest. I'm going to need a long, cold shower after I get back home from dropping her off. Bella's phone rings again. "Hey dad... no, we're coming home ... Edward and his sister... no, we‟re in Edward‟s car… I‟m not running, why?... Am I really? I don‟t know, maybe because I couldn‟t find my phone and…okay, don't worry, I won't forget to thank them... really? That late? I thought it was midnight... I'll be there soon, sorry dad." You haven’t heard that kind of conversation in awhile. “Omigod, he asked why if I was running. He said I was breathing hard.” Her hands are on her face, she look mortified. I chuckle. "I have to go, Edward." "I know, baby," I breathe into her neck. I really don't want to let her go. "Maybe..." "Mmmm, yeah B?" "Maybe we can do this again after dinner..." Don't freak out, Cullen. She's Bella, you want this. "Forget it, I'm sure you're busy,” she quickly says. “Come on, Charlie wants me back." She does a decent job of hiding her disappointment, but I know better. "Bella, Bella… tomorrow, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday... I'm there if you are." What kind of promises are you making to her? They're not promises, they are little things you whisper in your lover's ear, they mean nothing.

Yeah, they do. She's kissing me again, I guess she liked what she heard. Maybe she wants to be my lover. I pull her up with me and give her an Eskimo kiss. Yeah, I said Eskimo kiss. Bella Uhhhh. I don't know what happened tonight. Can you actually lose brain cells just by making out for hours with a really hot man who says shit that makes you forget to breathe? Uh huh, it's safe to say you can. We get into Edward's car and I know that I'll be sans Edward in a few minutes. I noticed the hesitation on his face when I asked about tomorrow. I know he made up for it when he finally spoke, but that shit gets to me. I have been trying really hard not to be annoying or clingy, or to pester him with questions like "so do you like me?", and I hate it when I slip. It‟s just been one day, Bella. If you can't handle it for one day, what are you going to do all summer? And then it dawns on me. Summer. Is this over the second my internship ends? Am I his summer fling? Fuck. I'm in love with him, this can't just be a fun summer affair. Stop being silly, you're not in love with him. Right. "B." "Mmmhmmm..." "Let's tell Charlie you have to move in with me to save money on gas and shit," Edward suggests. "Yeah, he'll go for that,” I try to joke. He has to stop doing that! this is all so casual for him, he doesn't know what he's doing to me. I want to grab him and kiss him and say YES YES YES I'll live with you. Ugh, pathetic. "Did you have a nice time tonight?" he asks. Nice? I kept feeling it all over my body and your tongue in my mouth… nice doesn't begin to cover it.

"Very nice," I assure him. "Bella, what did you do on your first date?" "I don't date, Edward,” I mumble. "Come on, you must have gone out with someone at some point." "Well, this kid Eric… Just to a school dance, but as friends." "You know what? I'm taking you out on your first real date." Swoon. "You don't have to Edward, we're past that." Are we? "Pffft. Bella, 'we' haven't even started." He is so sexy. Touch him, touch him. "I disagree. We started a lot of things tonight," I manage to say. This whole acting older and staying calm thing is difficult. "Uh huh..." He nods, with that smile that shoots straight to my ... you know. Ok I'll say it. Pussy. Ugh… no. Practice that word, Bella, so that you can use it in front of Edward. No way. Never. I‟m not auditioning to be on American‟s Next Top Pornstar. "I told you something tonight,” I hear myself say all of a sudden. "You told me lots of things, baby. Care to elaborate?" "I told you I'm..." "You're...?" "You know... are you really going to make me say it?” I‟m quickly getting annoyed. "No I don't know, Bella. Let's not play this game now.” Asshole. "I'm wet, Edward,” I inform him. Jesus, what does it take to get a guy to touch you? He freezes, duh. "Ummm, Bella, you know what big girls do when they're wet and excited, right?" he asks.

My face is the color of the Chinese flag. "When you do that, Bella, think of me." Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. He stops the car down the block from my house. "Cat got your tongue?" Uhhhhh... "Bella, baby, there is nothing more in this world I want to do than to feel how wet you are right now. And B, this won‟t be the only time you‟re like this... And one day I‟ll feel it, taste it. You're fucking delicious." "You wouldn't know - " He is kissing me, harder, softer, better than ever before. His kiss tells me this is for more than a summer, it‟s more than a fling, more than a year, or two, or three. While it might actually last a few hours, or days, or weeks, what I'll carry with me is enough to last me a lifetime. I can live on these memories for a lifetime. I tangle my fingers in his hair, and lick across his bottom lip. He groans and pulls away. "I kissed her again and again under the endless sky." He's looking into my eyes, asking me for permission. It's silly, because he has permission to quote anything, anyone. I thought he had understood that earlier, by the window. I place a small, soft kiss on the corner of his mouth. Then a second on the other corner. One on his nose. "Tomorrow," he says, but it's barely audible. "Dinner?" "Yeah, dinner. but more than dinner - " I silence him with one last kiss and he drives past the last few houses and stops in front of Charlie's, smiling. As I make my way into the house and into my bedroom, I think about him. Big surprise, given the fact that he's all I think about no matter where I am these days. In the bathroom I notice my lips, they are in fact swollen and red. I‟m very excited.

I take out my phone and take a picture of my lips. I like it. It looks as though I'm pouting. This is what you do to me. - B Edward I receive Bella's text and soon start stroking myself looking at her lips, replaying the evening in my mind. But before that, I take a picture of my erection through my jeans. You can tell I‟m hard. I‟m not sure if this is okay, but I want her to know. I want… I just want. This is what you do to me. You are stellar. - E. Yeah, I wrote that. Fuck it, if I can't say that to Bella, I'll never be able to say it to any woman I meet. I start thinking about tomorrow, and the ideas that pop into my head make me come quickly, hot in my hand.

Chapter 13 - White eyelet

Bella Stellar. My heart is beating so fast. I have never been this excited. There is no way I can sleep tonight. I am in my bed with my phone in my hands, looking at what Edward sent me, what he wrote. The second I sent the picture of my lips I started feeling really nervous. What if he thought I was clingy because I couldn't wait more than ten minutes after spending the entire day together to contact him? What if he thought it was lame? When my phone buzzed my heart jumped out of my chest, my hands were shaking. Oh my God. He sent me a picture of his... Crotch? Boner? Junk? You know what I'm talking about. And he wrote, "this is what you do to me" or something like that. And then... You are stellar. I love the picture. I really do, every time I look at it I squeal. Nobody has ever done anything that hot. And the idea that I can turn him on ... I still can't believe it completely, but I don't care. I did that to him? Even after he dropped me off? Was he hard because he was thinking of me? Was it the picture of my lips? When do I get to touch it again? Ahhh, I am going crazy. So yeah, I love the picture, but I can't help but reread the message 500 times. Especially the last part. You are stellar. Stellar. Sigh. I guess I am tired from all the excitement and the long ass day, because I eventually fall asleep with a big smile on my face, dreaming of kisses and touches and Edward's voice and Edward's eyes. *** I wake up in the morning and go downstairs to find Charlie sitting at the kitchen table. He looks genuinely happy to see me.

"Hey kiddo, look at you. Came in late last night, hope you didn't give the Cullens any trouble." No, but I gave Edward a boner. Or two, or three. Gross, Bella. "No trouble, dad. They're really cool. I had a good time." I smile. "So this Alice, is she your age?" "No, a little older," I explain, hoping he doesn't ask too many questions. I hadn't thought about it but I guess I've been hoping he thinks she's closer to my age. "I'd love to meet her, see who my little girl is spending all this time with. I'll ask Edward what he thinks about her when I see him tomorrow." Umm, say what? "You're seeing Edward tomorrow?" "Barbecue, Bells. At Billy‟s. You're invited too. You'll get a chance to see Jacob again. He‟s a good kid, twenty-one and already in law school. Billy's real proud." Ohhh, I'll get to see Jacob. I had such a crush on him when I was a kid. "That's nice. I think he starts his internship next week, Edward mentioned it." "Oh, I forgot about that. Maybe he can drive you to work instead, won't have to rely on poor Edward for the entire summer. I'll ask him myself." "NO!" Shit. Relax, Bella. I will kill the Blacks, Charlie, and anyone else who tries to keep me away from Edward this summer. Kill. "Don't worry about it, I'm sure Jake will be happy to help," Charlie tries to assure me. "Dad, I don't want Edward to think I don't enjoy riding with him., or that I don‟t appreciate it… He's my boss. I'll take care of it, okay?" "Sure, Bells. Whatever you say." Thank God.

"So I think I'm going to hang out with Alice again tonight in Port Angeles, if that's ok." "Sure. Careful driving the truck there,” he tells me. "Ummm they'll probably be picking me up," I mumble. "Sounds good. Have fun, don't be too late." See, it's at times like these when I love the fact that my mother lives all the way in Arizona. She would be asking questions and would figure shit out just by looking at my face. Charlie isn't the most perceptive guy on the planet. He better not be, especially tomorrow at Billy’s. I run up to my room, thinking about tonight. I have no idea what the plans are. I want to talk to Edward but I decide to wait until he calls me. He's probably still sleeping, or out, doing whatever it is he does. What if you don't hear from him? Ugh, 'what if' indeed. At around one o‟clock, my phone vibrates. My heart skips a beat, two, three, who knows? It's on the table and I almost trip on my way to see who emailed/texted/called. Did you ask Charlie if you can come out? Pick you up at around 4:45? - E He's cool. Sounds good. - B Four more hours ... - E 240 minutes ... - B She can do math, too. Perfect. - E I smile. I have no idea what to write back. I decide to clean my room, the kitchen, the bathroom, basically the entire house. 2:21 I look through my closet to find something to wear and find the white eyelet dress I wore to my mom‟s bridal shower last summer. It is very sweet and girly, with thin straps and a bow in the back. It hits right above the knee. The skirt gets a little full and the bodice (now you sound like Renee and Alice) is sort of like a corset. It may be a bit much, but it's summery and I'm running out of dresses to wear and I need to wear a dress because I want... What do you want? Easy access? Eeep.

You're such a skank. I try it on and it looks good. I guess I grew an inch or maybe it's not as long as I remembered. Perfect. Perfect. I think he called ME perfect in that text. 2:48 I take a shower and dry my hair. 3:21 I put on some mascara and lip gloss and the dress. 3:29 Ugh, another hour!! My phone buzzes, I lunge at it. Pathetic. 75 minutes - E Bored, Mr. Cullen? - B Very, Ms. Swan - E What are you wearing Mr. Cullen? - B I'm about to throw up. Just throw up. I toss my phone onto the bed, pace up and down the hallway. I'm freaking the fuck out. Did I just write that? He's going to think I'm some crazed sex maniac or worse, a total loser. Nothing. One minute. Two minutes. Fuck. Three minutes. Buzzzzzz... Not a text.

Edward Cullen "Hello?" "Hey." He sounds like sex. I feel that thing again. I close my thighs and squeeze them. Completely normal reaction to your boss saying „hey‟. "..." "Bella?" "Yeah, I'm here," I breathe. "Jeans, black t-shirt." "Oh." "Thought you asked..." "Umm, yeah. Thanks. Sounds nice." And YOU sound like a moron. "Bella, is everything ok? I'm just playing around, although that text did get me a little excited." Excited how? "Yeah, everything's fine. You're dressed already?" "B, I'm driving around trying not to get to Charlie's too early, because that would be embarrassing." "You live less than ten minutes from here, do you plan on driving around for another hour?" "I was hoping you could help me out with that..." I could help you out with anything... Gross, Bella. "Well, I would like to ummm, talk about those papers..." "Yes, of course. They're very important. We should discuss them soon." "How soon is 'soon'?"

"However long it takes for you to walk out your front door." Because I have no self-control or any brain cells, I hang up on Edward, grab my purse and run out the door. No, that wasn't completely desperate and sad, not at all. I try to walk instead of run to his car but I end up skipping to it. I open the door and my heart melts, I forget to breathe, and I lose myself in Edward's eyes, his smile, his touch. Edward Bella hangs up on me and next thing I know my car door opens and she literally falls into the passenger seat. I feel her touch and her breath on me. I'm instantly harder (because let's not kid ourselves, that 'what are you wearing?' thing had already done the trick) and I pull her into a kiss. Her hands are in my hair, my hands are in hers, she smells like all sorts of wonderful shit and her tongue against mine is the best thing I've felt in my entire life. I have been saying that a lot recently, but it's been true every single time. Every little thing with Bella feels better than the last. You're fucked, man. You're so fucked. I suddenly remember where we are and I pull myself away from the softest pair of lips I've ever felt, tasted. "Shit, is Charlie home?" She rolls her eyes, "What am I, stupid? Of course not." "Then come here," I say. I kiss down her neck, up her neck, bite her bottom lip, feel her tongue attempt to make its way into my mouth, allow this, of course, and hear and feel her moaning into my mouth as my hands slide down her back, pushing her closer to me. "Edward," she breathes. She is flushed and her eyes are on fire and she's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. "Bella. Fuck dinner. Fuck Port Angeles. Let's park this car somewhere and let me kiss you all night."

"Okay." Really? She is fucking perfect. "But we can't be parked here, Charlie will be back soon." I nod but kiss her again anyway, until we are interrupted by my stupid phone. Jasper? "Hey man." "You guys on your way? I know it’s really early, but Alice is driving me crazy, she wants to know where you are exactly." "Umm, about that..." "You better not back out of this, Rose and Alice will flip." "Come on, Jazz." " Don’t start things off on the wrong foot with Rose. And it’s been too long, man. Come on, bring your girl. See you in a bit." I hang up and look over at Bella. "So I guess we're going to dinner, then?" she asks. "I think we should," I say, giving her an apologetic look. "Yeah, it'll be fun. And then we have the entire car ride back..." "Oh, so you're backing out of our post-dinner plans?" I smirk. "Why, Mr. Cullen, what plans are you referring to? I wasn't aware of any plans." So fucking cute. "Ms. Swan, I believe you wanted to spend some more time with me..." She does that whole lip-biting, silent, confused thing. I know that she loves the banter but gets flustered sometimes. I love that, I can't get enough of her eyes when she's like this. I want to pull over and place tiny kisses on each eye, her nose, her mouth.

She grabs my iPod and starts playing with it. I'm curious about her taste in music, and wonder if she'll play one of my tracks again. She doesn‟t, but it‟s okay, because my girl is singing along to Incubus. "Like this song, B?" "Uh huh." She smiles. "I think it's about you." I reach out to hold her hand. Bella giggles. "I'm sure they wrote it with me in mind." I will hold you close, if you're afraid of heights. I need you to see this place, it might be the only way that I can show you how it feels to be inside of you. She laughs. "I guess this doesn't really apply to me..." "B, you are..." "I am...?" I squeeze her hand. I love that she knew what I was referring to when I sent that text last night. You don‟t usually go around telling girls they are stellar, but I love this song and I think the word defines Bella. My brain stopped functioning after I came last night, and all I thought about today was Bella in various positions, Bella in the car smiling, Bella quoting strange shit, Bella watching Star Trek with me. Yeah, that sounds pretty weird, but I was watching some Next Generation and wondered if she'd appreciate it as much as I do. We are mostly silent until we get to the restaurant. Holding hands, her head on my shoulders, my hand on her knee, warm kisses on my cheek and jaw, little kisses all along her arm. Fuck dinner. I need her in my bed. You're a sick bastard, you're not fucking her tonight, Cullen. Of course not, but I want her there to hold. Hold, huh? Sure.

She steps out of the car and I suddenly notice just how stunning she is in this white dress. Pure, sweet, sexy, perfect. "Bella, you look amazing." "Umm, thanks. You look beautiful," she says. Pffft, right. I wish I'd put in a little more effort tonight, she's fucking perfect. Perfect, is that the word of the day? Sure is. "Bella!!!!!" Ugh, Alice. Everyone hugs, says hello, whatever. Or not, if they are Rosalie. I'm just staring at Bella like some crazy stalker. We walk inside and she sits next to me. I hold her hand the second we sit down. She draws tiny circles in my palm, and sometimes squeezes my fingers too hard. I keep looking at this spot right under her ear that I really want to taste, but I know I can't while I'm sitting here with everyone, she'd be embarrassed and I don't want to give Rosalie any reason to start lecturing again. The waitress asks us what we'd like to drink. Beer, beer, wine, wine, I blurt out COKE before Bella can speak. "Thanks for jumping in, Edward, but I can speak for myself. Diet coke, please." "Oh, the coke is for me," I explain. "Come on, Eddie, since when do you order a coke at dinner?" Emmett laughs. Fuck you, Emmett. "Since I'm driving tonight, asshole. And unless all four of you took public transportation to the restaurant, I suggest that one of you also orders a coke." "Relax, Edward." Rosalie smiles. "It's cute, you don't want Bella to feel bad." My sister is evil. Bella squeezes my hand, I squeeze back. I only let go when my phone vibrates in my pocket.

You should get a drink - B I smile, I love that she wants to have this private conversation about it. I'm good, B. Thanks :) - E Don't thank me. I want you tipsy, I wanna take advantage of you later - B I stifle a laugh. The rest of the table doesn‟t have to know what we‟re up to. You don't need to get me drunk to take advantage of me - E I don't get a text back. Bella is talking to Jasper about some movie they've both seen. Emmett is making jokes about the actress who played the love interest, and Bella is teasing him about something. Everything is going well until Bella's hand is on my crotch. She is still in the middle of what seems to be a very lively conversation with Emmett and Jasper. Fuck she's good. She's not even hesitating or blushing. The things I want to do to this girl… I notice my phone is flashing. Like this? - B Uh huh, just like that baby. Ahem. Cool it, Cullen. She's touching me, running her tiny hand all over me, I'm so hard it fucking hurts but it feels so good, there is no way I'll stop her. "Bella, let's go to the ladies room. That is, if I'm not interrupting anything." Rosalie "cockblock" Cullen strikes again. "Food's here, Rose. Go later," Emmett says. Rosalie stares at Bella. Poor Bella. No, wait. Bella stares back. Bella‟s got some balls. Alice giggles and Jasper gives me an amused look. Boy, I'm fucked. We eat. It's great. Bella has long removed her hand from my crotch. They're all discussing what dessert to share and I see my phone just hanging out on the table. I think about her last text and smile.

I bring my hand to her knee. She jumps a little, but nobody seems to notice. My hand goes higher and higher, then back down to her knee. Bella is bright red, squirming in her seat, staring intently at the dessert menu. I keep my hand on her knee, because I want her to feel comfortable, just brushing it with my fingers here and there. She brings her own hand and pushes mine up a little higher. I continue caressing her leg with my fingers. She looks at me, smiles. I smile back and gently squeeze her thigh. She puts her hand over mine again, this time bringing it higher. Much higher. I feel the dampness of her panties and I freeze. So does Bella. I run my finger over them once, then promptly remove my hand. Bella I think I die a little when he touches me there. It lasts a second and is over my underwear, but I've never felt anything like that before. I have this weird urge to force his hand to stay there so I can ... rub myself against it, like push myself onto his fingers. I think that would feel really good, so good. "So, my place? We can hang out, talk, have some more wine?" Please say no, Edward. Pleeassseee? "Actually, I promised Bella I'd get her home early. I need to go to bed early too, long day tomorrow." "Come on, Eddie, we leave in the morning," Emmett whines. I like Emmett but what I've learned in the very short time I've spent in his presence is that he doesn't get it. Ever. Jasper saves the day (night). "I think we'll see these two again soon, let Edward take Bella home," he winks at me. "Yeah, Edward, I think Bella needs to go home. Now," Alice urges. Rosalie just continues to stare at us. "Rose, great seeing you sis. Come back again soon." Edward hugs his sister. Her demeanor changes as she says goodbye. "See you around. Don‟t forget our conversation. And keep practicing the under-the-table stuff, you can be a little more discreet," she says. I hate her. Stupid blush. Everyone is smiling. As we get into the car, Edward looks so happy. "Rose approves."

"Um, really? Did you not see her giving me the evil side-eye all night?" "Yes I did, but if she really wanted to be a bitch, she would have done more than give you the side-eye.” “Sure, whatever,” I mumble. “Hey, if we have her on our side, it will be easier to break this to my parents,” he tells me. "Uhhh... what?" "Eventually…" He avoids eye contact. "Oh, sure. And let's tell Charlie now." "Bella..." I attack him. In his car in the restaurant's parking lot. I'm on my knees in my seat pushing myself against his chest. I feel my nipples get hard, rubbing up against him. He groans. His hands start wandering up my legs. He stops short of the place where I'd really like them to go, and stay. His one hand is in my hair now, steadying me. The other hand is on my inner thigh, and in a moment of pure genius I jerk my body and sort of slam down onto it. The sound he makes in my mouth is like a growl. His hand is now touching me, grabbing, caressing, rubbing. I'm like an animal, just moving my hips around trying to feel better and better there. Not that I need to work too hard, he seems to know what he's doing. But I can't help it. I want more, more, more. And his tongue on my neck and throat and his other hand roaming all over my body are driving me crazy. "You're fucking perfect, B... it feels so good...so good. Your skin…" I think his words are going to drive me completely crazy so I kind of move my body away from his hand. He's breathing so hard and I can see that the sweat forming on his face from our umm... activities. He places a few more kisses on my mouth, runs his hands up and down my arms. I sit back. "You... ummm. We're going home. I'm going to finish what I started. You need to... yeah." I laugh, he's so cute. All flustered and hot and apparently really hard. I swear I think I just salivated by staring at it. I am so excited. I think I want him to give me an orgasm. I've never had one, and I want one. I know he was talking about masturbation last night, and I kept thinking about it in bed. I touched myself for a little while, thinking about his fingers, but ultimately decided to see what he does to me. Clearly, I've put a lot of thought into this. Edward

You know this is going way too fast. What about your doubts? Where did they go? What doubts? As I drive us back to Forks, kissing Bella's fingers and rubbing them across my lips, I realize that this is getting out of control. I'm not sure whether it's the fact that I can't keep hands off of her while we're together, or the fact that I don't want to be away from her for a second, or that I have really dirty thoughts about this girl who is a child (no she's not... yes she is) all day and night. Or maybe it's just the bigger picture I have to look at. The fact that I'm spending the better part of tomorrow with her father, that she's supposed to be under my supervision, that I'm responsible for her wellbeing while she's around me. And if keeping a teenage girl away from a horny 26year-old man isn't part of being responsible for her wellbeing, I don't know what is. I suppose I feel a little bit of guilt, and that creeps up sometimes. Like when Billy called this morning to remind me about tomorrow's cookout and mentioned that Charlie and Bella would be there. Or when Alice gave me scary looks every time Bella shifted in her seat, probably thinking that I was up to no good, or that Bella was uncomfortable because of me. To be perfectly honest, I don't know what I'd think if it were any of my friends instead of me in this situation. I know that I'm crazy about Bella and want the best for her and honestly believe that I will be good to her, good for her, that I will never hurt her intentionally. But other people won't see that. Shit, I would probably not see that if I were on the outside looking in. They will see me as some sort of predator, some will think I'm awesome for scoring such a young, pretty thing, others will think I'm disgusting and that I'm just using her. It's easy to brush it off and say, 'who cares what other people think?', but I know better than that. And what about my fucking job? I‟ve managed to forget all about that. Of all the shit that could go wrong because of my relationship with Bella, my job is the least important right now. I can live off my trust for at another year or two without making a dime. Not that I‟d consider that – I wouldn‟t even stay in New York when I lost my job because it would have been irresponsible to waste all the money on rent and an expensive lifestyle. People thought I was crazy, and maybe I was, but right now it looks as though I made the right choice. Is it totally girly and pathetic that I think everything in my life led me to Bella? Cullen, you know this is ok because you really like this girl. If you didn't care this much it would be pretty fucking wrong to practically finger a 16-year-old in your car. How does caring make it better? Doesn't caring mean you should be willing to wait? Control your urges and just show her how much you adore her? Do I adore her? And who gets to judge just how I choose to show her? i Ultimately, her. She may eventually assume you just really want her because you're attracted to her and not think that that's enough. She may one day agree with the majority of society and look back at this and see you as a predator. She could one day regret this. And that would kill me.

I guess I'm a coward, because there's a lot of shit to think about, talk about, that I‟m avoiding like the plague. I just want to live right now. I want things to go on this way, I can't lose her. "B, I want to know what you're thinking right now,” I tell her. "Ummm... I guess I'm excited about hanging out with you tonight." "B, you know that you can stop me, say no, right? I mean, if the stuff that just happened isn't something you're comfortable with, just tell me." "Edward, I practically forced myself onto your hand,” she laughs. “I'll be honest – I don't think I'm ready for sex, but I like this right now. Let's just see what happens?" "Good answer, Bella. I'm happy now." She leans in, places her hand over my cock, her head on my shoulder, and sings along to some ridiculous hip hop song. Her breath that sometimes hits my neck gives me goose bumps. Bella We only kiss tonight. We kiss a lot. We roll around on the bed, we feel each other's bodies and don't take a single article of clothing off. Even our shoes are on. He whispers things in my ear that make me shiver, giggle, sometimes moan. He is obsessed with this spot under my ear that he licks and kisses repeatedly. I am so wet at one point that I‟m worried about it seeping through my dress or something. I don't care. Although I kept thinking about the orgasm, things aren't really like that. This is just incredibly sweet, it is different from last night, different from the car. At one point, Edward says something about tonight being another starry night and we go outside, sit on the grass. We stare at the stars and the sky and feel the cool breeze. I shiver a little and he holds me closer to him. His body is warm. I am lying down on top of him, like he's my mattress. I can feel his hardness, and I want to do so many things, but I feel absolutely calm, like there is no sense of urgency right now. Like I can just lie here, listening to the beat of his heart, feeling his chest against my cheek, forever, because he is never going to let me go, because we have all the time in the world. As foolish as this may seem, tonight I choose to believe it. There are times when you can choose to be realistic, and most of the time, you should be. There are times when you can be a total pessimist and make nights like this sad, difficult. Then there are times when you can choose to be happy, to believe that the man you are clinging to is yours for all time, and that is tonight for me. When I point out the time, he sighs. He seems sad. "'Ssup E?"

"Nothing, lover. Just don't feel like driving you back. You know, turning on the car and stuff." Lover. It's like his new thing. I kind of love it. It's sorta grown up, sexy. His voice when he says it convinces me that this is a good word. But then he could say anything and I'd smile like a loser just because he said it. "I know, annoying, right?" "So annoying." He smiles. I get up and reach down for his hand. He reluctantly stands up but then holds me close. He sways his body back and forth and mine sways along with his. Another kiss, or two, or three later we walk back to the car. I remember the whole Jacob thing and bring it up. "What?" he asks, looking alarmed. "I know... I told him I'd take care of it, I need an excuse to stay with you… if that's what you'd like." "I'll talk to Charlie. I don't know what I'll come up with but I'll think of something, don't worry. Nobody is taking you away from me, B." I smile big. He kisses my smile. I kiss him back aggressively. "Baby?" "Hmmmm?" "No pictures of sexy lips, tonight. I'll be taking a very cold shower when I get back," he tells me. "Deal. No pictures of... errr.. erections." "No promises, B," he jokes, nodding towards his lap. I feel silly and good and deliriously happy and love what's in his lap and after I give him a kiss on his neck and he brings his hand to my head, pulling me closer to place a kiss in my hair, I drop down and kiss him where I love him the most, over his jeans. It's a quick kiss, as chaste as one in that general vicinity can be. "Bella," he breathes. I look into his eyes, trying to decipher what he feels. "You shouldn't have done that, baby."

My face falls, he hated it. "Bella," he struggles. "Bella, that is the sexiest thing... I have two images in my head right now. One is you, doing that again, with nothing between your lips and my skin. The other is my mouth between your thighs." I gasp. There is something so raw about what he says, how he says it. "Tomorrow during the barbecue at the Black's I'll need someone to drop me off at the bookstore so I can find some stuff for the paper I'm writing about my internship. And I think you will need to leave early to ummm, say goodbye to your sister and friends. Be ready, Cullen," I tell him. Edward I laugh. "I was born ready, B. Wear a skirt, and a top. No dress. Sunday funday." We're at Charlie's already, she is careful not to kiss me, but squeezes both my hands in hers, blowing a kiss that I "catch" with my lips. A few hours later I wake up from dreams of Bella that felt so real I swear I might be losing it. I loved tonight, and felt so scared, vulnerable, happy, excited, and so certain, all at the same time. I am giving everything to her and can only pray she takes it. Be gentle, little girl, I think. Just because I've been around the block a couple of times doesn't mean you can't break my heart. I find these thoughts weird but I think of a poem by Yeats that I love. I take out my phone and text her the last two lines.. She'll get it in the morning, probably, but it doesn't matter. Just as long as she knows. Knows what? She knows what. 'I have spread my dreams under your feet; Tread softly because you tread on my dreams' - E.

Chapter 14 - FORKS HIGH SCHOOL

Edward I wake up pretty late and the first thought in my head is how Bella seems to enjoy licking my bottom lip between kisses. The second thought is how warm she felt between her legs and how difficult it was to not slip my fingers under her panties and slide them inside... Ok, good work. You're rock hard now and she's not here. And what would happen if she were? I'm definitely not doing anything she's not comfortable with. But she's comfortable, Cullen. She wants it. Stop being stupid and just enjoy what you have. After my shower I find a pair of navy cargo shorts and throw on a green t-shirt that an ex in New York told me brings out my eyes. You're a fucking girl. Uh huh, I'm well aware of that at this point and don't give a shit. I pick up my phone and see that Bella has texted me. I dreamt of you last night – B I smile. We have so much in common, B – E Oh yeah? You had dreams of yourself last night? – B Well yeah, you weren't alone in my dreams – E You're silly – B Run away with me today? – E Bella Yes, yes, yes. I'm rolling around in bed giggling while I‟m reading Edward's texts. When I woke up to his little Yeats text this morning I clutched my pillow and did a little dance in bed. What do I wear to this thing today? Ugh. Alice. "Hey Alice, it's Bella." "Bella, hey! What's up?"

"Nothing much Alice. I need your advice on something if you're not busy." "Of course! Tell me - does this have to do with our boss?" "Sort of. Actually, I don't know what to wear to this barbecue today. Edward will be there too." "Cut offs, t-shirt, hair down, flip flops or tennis shoes." That was fast. "Errr, not too casual? Cut-offs like shorts?" "Yeah, like denim shorts. If you don't have any, use an old pair of jeans. Make them short. It's not too casual because it's super sexy, but it's also playful, fun." "Okay, thanks Alice, I actually have a pair I could make a little shorter." "Anytime, Bella. Oh, Jasper says hello. I gotta go and drive them to the airport, but I'll see you tomorrow!" I hang up and remember that Edward told me to wear a skirt, but I don‟t care what he told me because I really like Alice's idea. I try on the shorts, make them a little shorter, slip on my Chucks and stand there in my bra thinking about what top to wear. White t-shirt, boring. Pink t-shirt, too girly. Black, nah. Boo. I need more tops. FORKS HIGH SCHOOL Hmmm... I smile thinking about what Edward's reaction would be to this. I always wonder if my age is a turn on for him. I'm thinking yes? Maybe he'll like the high school t-shirt. I put it on and tie a little knot on the bottom left, exposing a sliver of skin right under it. It's a loose t-shirt so I don't look skanky but it's cute – navy with white letters. I realize my shorts are actually really short but I'm sure Charlie won't care, and that Edward will like it. We drive to Billy's house in La Push and my heart starts beating really fast, I get those little butterflies in my stomach when I think about whether or not Edward is here already. As we make our way to the backyard I catch a glimpse of a tall, lean man in a green t-shirt laughing. Do I approach him? Avoid him? Definitely don't approach him. Just relax. Two strong arms suddenly raise me off the ground and I'm terrified. "JellyBelly! You got so big!" Umm, Jacob…

Really? I think that's more of a reflex than anything else at this point. Some sort of automatic reaction I get whenever I see Jacob, my first crush. But right now, I'm almost annoyed. "Jacob!" He puts me down and gives me a big hug before moving on to Charlie. "Jacob, she's not ten anymore. Hands off my baby girl," he warns. I know Charlie is joking but I feel very uncomfortable and weird all of a sudden. Jacob's not THAT much older than me. He's five years older and that's old enough. My good mood sort of dissolves and I keep thinking about Charlie's reaction to a simple hug, the whole 'who's going to drive Bella to work?' thing, and before I know it I'm obsessing over all the negative shit that is bound to come up. Charlie and Jacob are talking about me and work and La Push and cars and fish. Blah, blah, blah. Edward, Edward, Edward. Edward... He's walking towards us and I try to keep myself from smiling and giving away the fact that I'm unconditionally and irrevocably in love. Uh, what...? I think I must've read that somewhere... Edward I'm fucking excited because this weekend has been awesome. The weather has been great, which is unusual for this region, even in the summer. Oh yeah, this weekend has been awesome because of the weather. Jailbait has nothing to do with it. Bella and Charlie should be here soon and I know that soon enough I'll be able to drive her to the "bookstore" and spend some time getting to ummm, know her better. I hear a familiar voice scream "Jacob" and turn around to see Bella in his arms. She looks scared at first but then starts laughing and they're hugging. Jacob Black isn't the cool, smart kid you interviewed anymore. He's a fucking asshole. I watch them all laughing, talking. Jacob has his hand on Bella's shoulder at one point and she gives him a beautiful smile. As I walk over to say „hello‟, I have to shake off this feeling of... ugh fuck I'm really annoyed. "Charlie, Bella. Great to see you both."

"Edward,” Charlie says. “Thanks for bringing Bella home Friday night, you know I really appreciate it." "No problem, Charlie. It was on my way back… anytime." I notice Jacob's eye on Bella, and realize I haven't really looked at her yet. What the fuck is wrong with you Cullen? She's here and you're too obsessed with how some other guy is looking at her to look at her yourself. Bella is wearing the shortest shorts I've seen in a while and her legs are amazing. I've never seen so much of her skin exposed. Her hair is down around her shoulders, so soft. I want to run my fingers through it like I was doing last night when we were kissing outside. Then I notice it… FORKS HIGH SCHOOL. Oh my God. It's wrong just how much this turns me on. Jailbait. Isabella. Schoolgirl. I remember the plaid skirt. And fuck. She's tied a knot and I see her stomach and yep, I'm harder than I was this morning and in the car and I need to get her out of here. Jacob and Charlie are blabbing on about driving to work but of course I'm not listening because I'm thinking about my hands going up under the t-shirt and to her tits and... "Jacob you should drive Bella to work once in awhile, give poor Edward a break here." "Dad..." "Sure Charlie, next Monday bright and early Bells." The fucker grins. "Jacob, that won't be necessary. I really don't mind, Charlie, she's great company," I assure him. I notice Bella's blush and I'm having a tough time not reaching out to touch her. "Sure she is," Jacob mumbles, giving me a look. I pretend I don't notice. This kid's going to be trouble. Charlie walks away and it's just the three of us. "Bells, want to go walk on the beach for a little bit? I can't be gone for too long since I'm helping Billy with the burgers, but I'd love to catch up." "Sure,” she agrees. “Edward, would you like to come with us? Aren't you bored among all the old people?" Duh I'm coming with you. Where does he think he's taking you? "If Jacob doesn't mind."

"Not at all boss." He grins, then turns to me. "Come on let's go." We walk down to the beach and Jacob and Bella are talking about Billy and Charlie and telling stories, catching up. I'm just walking behind them trying to memorize every little thing about Bella from behind. The curve of her tight little ass, the freckles on her legs, the scar on her left elbow. Yeah, maybe I'm walking too close and should put a little some more distance between us. That's always a bad idea, you don't want that. No, I don't. Jacob is talking about law school and classes and stupid oral arguments he won some lame award for and I feel my phone buzzing. When do I get to run away with you? – B She wants me. Let's pretend to eat something and tell Charlie you've gotta go – E Mention leaving so he suggests us going together – B She's a genius. "Jake, let's head back. I'm hungry." She's rubbing her tummy and her t-shirt rides up with her hand and I see her bellybutton and I have no self-control left. She catches me staring and I look away and try to calm my cock down before Jacob notices anything. They start heading back and I walk behind them again. This doesn't help my situation. See something you like? – B Something tiny on your tummy that I'd like to taste – E Care to elaborate? – B How about I show you? – E She turns her head, mid-conversation with Jacob, gives me a mischievous grin and purses her lips together in an almost-kiss. I will never get used to the butterflies that appear every time she does something new. Or something old. Bella "Dad, I wanted to get to the bookstore in town before it closes for the day. Do you think it's a far walk?" I ask, biting into some pretty gross cornbread.

"It would take you around twenty minutes – I don't want you walking there alone. Wait for a little longer and I'll drive you myself. I'd ask Jake but he's got guests." "Charlie, I can drop her off on my way to Port Angeles," Edward suggests. Please say yes. "Bella, is that okay with you?" Okay? Is this man blind? "Sure, I guess. Thanks, Edward.” I smile. I find Billy and Jacob and thank them for having me over. Jacob gives me another hug and makes me promise to hang out with him during the week. We exchange phone numbers and as I'm about to walk back towards Edward and Charlie, I see a beautiful girl take Jacob's hand. "Hey, you must be Bella, I'm Leah," she says. Jake has the goofiest grin on his face."Bells, this is my girlfriend Leah." "Hey Leah, do you guys go to school together?" "No, I'm still in college, but we met back in high school," she explains. "Oh, cool. Well I better go, see you soon Jake. Nice to meet you, Leah." A couple of days ago I would have been so jealous of this girl, but right now I don't give a shit. Not that I ever really liked Jake, but I would have been envious. Still in high school, no boyfriend, my childhood crush with some girl. But now… I have Edward. He's my... ok, I don't know what the fuck he is but I'm getting into his car now and that's pretty much all I care about. As soon as I‟m seated, Edward's hand goes to my knee, up my thigh, and he's mumbling to himself. Odd. I grab it and bring his fingers to exactly where I want them and he starts rubbing me furiously over my jeans. "What are you mumbling? I can't make out a word you're saying." "Hmmm, I think that's safer right now. B, you're fucking beautiful in those shorts. And that shirt. And the knot. You're just here to drive me crazy. I'mgoingtomakeyoucometoday." "What was that?" I ask. "You heard me, smartass. Now be good and maybe I can drive faster," he says. As soon as we're far enough I lean in and start kissing his neck. He tastes delicious there, a little salty today. Soon I'm licking his neck, and I find out that he loves it when I bite him. I could stay here forever and I'm beginning to think that he wouldn't mind so much.

"You taste so nice, Edward," I whisper as his grip on my knee tightens. "Mmhmmm." His moan excites me more than anything else, and I intensify my kisses as my hand travels down to his zipper. I press my palm against him and he is incoherent, mumbling, sighing. I'm not sure how he is able to drive and I think I should stop but curiosity and I guess plain horniness win and I fumble with his button and pull down his zipper. I slip my hand in and begin touching him over his boxers. I can't describe the heat emanating from him and how hard he feels in my hand. I want to touch every inch. "Bella baby... oh God, yes. Not in the car, we're almost home. Fuck, yes. Mmmmhmmm..." Having him in my hand and hearing his words make me wetter and I lose myself in the moment. He is now gripping the steering wheel with both hands, and I miss his touch on my knee, between my legs. I slip my free hand under my shorts and touch. I whimper when my fingers brush against this really sensitive spot and I imagine how it will feel when Edward touches me there. I'm so wet that it's very slippery and I'm in the car and it's tough to touch him and myself so I remove my hand. He looks at me. He knows what I was just doing and starts grinding against my other hand. "Bella, did you just touch yourself?" "Yes." "You smell divine." My face is so hot, I look away. He touch my face and forces me to look at him again. I'm not sure what comes over me but I bring my fingers to his lips. He opens his mouth and catches them between his teeth and then proceeds to lick them. I gasp. I've never felt anything so erotic in my life. My hand stops working around his package and I fall back into my seat. We are already at Edward's house. We both sit back and take some deep breaths. "Edward..." "I know, B." "We can't..." "I know," he repeats. "I mean this town is so small, we can be seen..." "Oh, that. Yeah, I'm sorry baby,” he tells me.

What did he think I was talking about? "My fault, Edward. I started it all. We can't do this until we're outside Forks, 'k?" "Why are you the one with common sense in this relationship? I should know better," he says. "Hmmmm." "What?" "Nothing." I giggle. Relationship. I suppose it's a relationship. Employer/employee, mentor/mentee, family friends, good friends. Lovers. I can analyze this for hours, days. Right now I just want more, more, more. Over and over and over again. I jump out of the car and run to his front door, ahead of him. He laughs as he comes up to open the door and I can't help but throw my arms around his neck and pull myself closer to him. He opens the door and in an instant he has his hands on my ass and lifts me off the floor. I wrap my legs around him and we begin the longest, hottest kiss we're ever had. I'm clumsy at first in this position but he's strong and keeps me steady. Soon I begin grinding myself onto his hard-on and we've made it into his room and he throws me onto his bed. I'm breathless, he's breathless. I kick off my shoes and he does the same. I bring myself closer to him and force his tshirt off. I see his chest and slump back down onto the bed, I sigh. "Something wrong, Bella?" "Shut up, I'm staring at my... at your chest for the first time. You've got all that…hair. I would‟ve thought that I'd find chest hair gross, but I kinda like it..." He smirks. “So you're staring at your boyfriend's chest for the first time?” Ohmygod. I blush crimson and take my eyes off his chest. His hands are on my cheeks and he makes me look up at him. "Because it's not really fair that I can't stare at my girlfriend's while she stares at mine." He brings his finger down my chin, throat, my neck. It continues its way down the letters on my t-shirt and makes it way to the knot. His fingers skim the bottom of my t-shirt and go under it for a few seconds. I notice his hesitation but I'm not exactly sure what to do. Just pull it off? Let him proceed? I've never taken my shirt off in front of anyone and I'm pretty nervous. I decide to do it myself. I know I overthink things, but as he continues placing soft kisses on my cheeks, forehead, jaw, mouth, and as his fingers play along the edge of my t-shirt, I realize that

he is probably worried about crossing lines and freaking me out. I don't want that. I'm grateful for it, and I'm glad he's not too annoying about it, and I just want to show him that this is ok. I move back a little, smile at him, and untie the knot before pulling my t-shirt over my head. His mouth opens a little and I laugh because I'm pretty sure he's seen a lot more than some kid in her bra and shorts before, but he seems to like it. I feel very exposed because my shorts are super low rise and I'm practically naked, but I also like the feeling of his eyes on my skin. He looks at me, and I notice that he's not staring straight at my chest. He's looking at my arms, my stomach, and I see his eyes go to my bellybutton before he pushes me down. "I told you I'd show you..." He brings his mouth onto my bellybutton and kisses it. I now get what he was saying earlier on the beach. It feels... ugh it feels... I feel like I've lost control of all my movements and I just become a blob of nothingness under him. But when his tongue licks me there my body starts squirming around, and I let out a sound that seems so alien to me, like it's coming from someone else. "Edward," I say breathlessly, "did you just lick my bellybutton? That's so random." He starts laughing and I feel it on my belly. He places kisses all over my belly, my stomach as I play with his hair. "Is this... okay?" he asks. "Shhh..." "Bella, mmmm honey." "Ew, did you call me honey?" I laugh. "You taste like it. The sweetest thing in the world." He stops and comes up to me, bringing his face to mine. "I want you to guide me," he says. Say what? "What do you mean 'guide you'?" "Bella, you tell me what you want. For the next ten minutes. Where my hands should go, where my mouth should be. You decide." Hmmm, I don't know, you're doing a decent job.

"Ummm..." I think carefully, and probably for too long. "B?" "Umm. Okay." I sit up on my knees, and he does the same. I take his hands in mine and hold them for a few seconds, swinging our arms. He tries to suppress a smile, and I blush. He probably thinks I'm chickening out. And for a second, I think I am too. I don't think I want to have sex with him yet. I can't even think about that. What if he loses control? Oh come on, Bella, you're the one constantly losing control. I take his left hand and kiss his fingers. He's staring at me like a child stares at something brand new that has captivated his interest. A sort of look of wonderment. You probably have that same look on your face all the time. I bring his hand and place it over my right breast. I stop breathing for a few seconds. His other hand is now caressing my face. He pulls me closer to him. "So soft. Tell me what you want," and he nibbles on my earlobe. I bring his other hand to my other breast and our foreheads are touching. I know Edward loves this, he always smiles when we end up like this. It feels really nice to have his hands on my breasts. I feel my nipples get hard and they feel sorta stiff. He pinches them softly over my bra. We are breathing into each other's mouths and my hands go down to his hips. I start moving backwards and indicate that I want to be on my back. He's above me, his hands still caressing my breasts, playing with my nipples. He's so gentle. I know he wants me to get used to the feeling. I love hornball Edward with his dirty talk and wicked smiles but the feeling I get when I'm with this Edward is sublime. I bring my hands up to my bra straps and drag them off my shoulders. "I want you to take this off. And I want you to touch me some more. And then I want to feel your tongue on them. Okay?" He starts kissing my throat, my neck. My hands are in his hair. I hear him murmuring "yes" and "please Bella." Who knows what he's talking about. Right now he can do anything he wants. I'd never stop him. He probably doesn't know this and this keeps me safe. Silly Bella, you're always safe with him.

I know this, but I'm still really nervous. All these annoying thoughts disappear as I feel my bra coming off. He presses a thumb on each nipple and makes small circles over them. I start feeling so good, that knot in the middle of my belly deep inside starts doing things and I feel all sorts of hot. He cups my breasts and kneads them, sorta like you knead dough. The thought makes me giggle. He looks up at me and smiles. I play with his hair some more and with a quick movement bring his head down onto my left breast. The moan that escapes him as his lips capture my nipple is exquisite. He comes up for air or something. "Sweet Bella. You're perfect." And then has me in his mouth again. I don't know what the fuck is going on. All thoughts disappear. Edward Forget just how hard my cock is. Forget everything that's going on. Bella's little nipple is in my mouth and my hand is playing with her other nipple and her hands are in my hair and I've entered through the gates of heaven. I met her a week ago. Exactly a week ago. Should I be panicking that she's already in my bed with my mouth over her breast? Probably. But again, I remain calm. If this is wrong, fuck it. I will go to hell with a fucking big grin on my face and tell whoever is waiting for me there that it was worth it. And judging by the reactions Bella is having to everything, I think she feels the same way. Because I'm a loser I keep having these thoughts and the one that gnaws at me the most is the one that will never go away. Let's say I... really care for Bella. That I want her to be with me, like, sort of permanently. What do they call that? A relationship. Boyfriend/girlfriend, whatever. Wow, that sounds juvenile. I'm young but I'm not that young. I'm twenty-six, most people start thinking about settling down around my age. So yeah, suppose I know this is something I want to do. Does Bella? She probably wants me, likes being with me, but does she have the emotional maturity to be in a serious relationship? I'm not saying I'm some sort of emotionally mature motherfucker, let's not kid ourselves here, but I sorta know what I want. And her left tit is in my mouth. I know I want her, and this tit in my mouth, for the foreseeable future. Her foreseeable future is change, new experiences, all this shit I've gone through. So, does she know what she wants? That's not the question, Edward. No, it's not. Is she capable of knowing that this is what she wants? Is she capable of making this determination? Wow, that was deep, Cullen. Now perhaps you'd like to suck on her other tit? Yeah, you're going to wear this one down to nothing if you continue. Nipple #2 is just as divine. "Edward," she breathes. Her voice makes me harder.

"Yeah, B?" "Kiss me, 'k?" "'K, baby." She's adorable. And so I kiss her like our lives depend on it. And at this point, they probably do. I'm determined to give her an orgasm today but I lose myself in this kiss, forgetting everything that isn‟t her tongue and lips. I'm breathless when she pulls away. "Edward, I want more. It's six o'clock. I can stay until eight max. I want more." Give it to her Cullen, she wants it. So warm and tight. She doesn't want me to fuck her, she just wants a little more. I lie back down on the bed and pull her to my chest. "B, you've been a good girl today..." "Mmhmm." That's the sexiest sound I'll ever hear. "I think it's lesson time now," I tell her. "Huh...?" She looks at me with wide eyes. The shock is almost immediately replaced with excitement, her eyes flashing. I lean down and kiss her full lips, and smile when I hear her say, "Okay Mr. Cullen, I really want to learn."

Chapter 15 - Simple black cotton

Bella My heart is racing and I'm having a difficult time forming words. This incredibly beautiful man is holding me and I'm not wearing a shirt, or a bra, and he's not wearing a shirt either and my skin is touching his and it feels wonderful. I tell him that I want him to teach me, and he smiles, but his smile quickly turns into a scowl. I know his mind goes back and forth between wanting this as much as I do and wanting this as much as I do but worrying about making me uncomfortable or not doing the right thing. I know that for the time being until he realizes that this is okay, that this is right, I have to try and make him see just how much I want him. "Edward, teach me. Show me how to... show me how to care for you," I mumble, sounding young and stupid and clueless. I was about to say 'show me how to love you' but I was able to stop myself because that would totally freak him out. "How to care for me?" he asks. “What were you about to say?” Ugh. I ruined this. I blush and take a deep breath, "I was going to say, show me how to love you." He touches my face and brings his cheek to mine. "Bella I can't teach you that. That's something you have to feel." "That's not what I meant. I meant... physically. Show me how to love you in a physical sense," I tell him. "No." My heart sinks and I can't look Edward in the eye anymore. I start staring at the bedside table behind him. I wiggle a little, trying to escape from his hold. He doesn‟t let me. "No?" I whisper. "If you mean sex, no." "Is this about the rules?” I ask, starting to get annoyed. "Not the rules, B, fuck the rules," he murmurs into my hair. "But you said it yourself. It's about love. Okay, well, it's not always about love, but I want it to be for you." "So you won't have sex with me until you fall in love with me?" That doesn't seem fair.

He laughs and holds me closer, if that's even possible. "Ummm, I'm well on my way. It's about you, B. Wanna hear a secret?" "Uh huh." I nod. He lets go of me and brings his lips to my ear. "I fantasize about being inside you so often sometimes I think it has actually happened. You are all I think about. You are all I want. When you get to where I am I will umm... show you 'how to love me' and then possibly fuck you senseless." Obviously I can't speak because his lips are on my neck and then his tongue, and his hands are all over me, and I feel nice, wet, wet. When his tongue starts circling my nipple I hold my breath and grab his hair and force his face down harder. He bites down on my nipple and I exhale as he removes his mouth from it. He is kissing my stomach, down to my bellybutton, further down to the top of my shorts, kissing along the clearly delineated border... "So until then baby..." Kiss "Let," Kiss "Me," Lick "Teach," Kiss "You." And then he proceeds to unbutton my shorts. Edward No, I'm not going to fuck her but there are many things I'm going to do to her in the meantime. Her little 'show me how to love you' thing freaked me out a little, but only because that would be the normal, expected reaction. There is nothing normal about us, and none of this was ever expected. So after my little revelation (big secret, Cullen... no shit you want to fuck her) I ask her

one more time. She has stopped speaking and I see her tits falling up and down with each breath she takes, and I have to make her feel more and I have to make her feel good. I unbutton her shorts and see a pair of simple black cotton panties covering the part of Bella I want the most. You're a fucking gentleman, aren't you? I have to stop fighting this bullshit in my brain. Yes, I want that the most. Show me one man who wouldn't when his face is a few inches from that wetness and that scent. "Edward." Stop what you're doing and listen. If she says stop, just go back to kissing her until you have to take her back to Charlie's. "Yes?" "Not fair. Take off your pants," she tells me. Did that just make me harder? Not possible. I do as she asks, struggling a little because I don't want to move an inch from where I am. She giggles and I look up at her and smile. She blushes. Her blush goes down to her chest and she looks more beautiful than ever. I climb back up and kiss her again. Her tongue is so soft against mine. She pulls away and runs her hand down my body, it's on my cock and I thrust myself against it. She looks into my eyes, it's like she's asking me for permission, or maybe she's asking me for guidance. I don't know. I bring my forehead to hers and then feel her hand go through the opening of my boxers. Bella touches me for the first time with no barriers between us and it's a gentle, curious touch. She caresses me with her fingers. Caresses me. I bury my face into her neck. "Teach me," she says. "Me first." "No, show me," she insists. While I want to touch her and taste her more than anything, I won't say no to this. I bring my hand to hers and take it out of my boxers. "Edward -" "Let me show you." I hold her hands and bring them down to my lap, indicating that I want her to remove my boxers. She bites her bottom lip as she slides them down. My hard on springs out and Bella giggles. Not

quite the reaction one would hope for, but it's adorable and I can‟t even be annoyed, because now her hand is wrapped around me. I close my eyes for a second, focusing all my senses on my cock and her hand, and sigh. "That feels very good, B." She‟s blushing again, but looking into my eyes. I cover her hand with mine. It feels absolutely divine. Is it wrong to use that word when I'm talking about my cock? Probably. I let her stroke me, her thumb instinctively goes to my tip and I smile when her finger gets wet. She is curious, and does it again. I gasp when her hold on me becomes tighter. "Show me," she repeats. "You're ummm, doing an excellent job, baby." "I want you to..." So do I. I lean over and kiss her. As much as I want that too, I decide that I want to come first tonight. I bring my fingers to her and sigh when I feel the heat emanating from her. She is ridiculously wet and I rub her a little over her panties. She looks at me and cocks her head, giving me a halfsmile. I look at her intently and she nods. I slip my fingers under her panties and can't suppress the loud moan that escapes from my lips when I finally feel her. My plan to teach her and be gentle fails because my fingers become frantic and I want more and I lean in and kiss her lips and lay her down on my pillows, unwrapping her hand from me. She whimpers and reaches out for it again; I whisper in her ear and tell her she can play some more later, she blushes. "Bella, lesson time." "Are we just starting, Mr. Cullen?" She grins. "Good girls stay quiet." I wonder if she will try to stifle her moans now, just to get back at me. I hope that even if she does, she fails. "Bella..." "Mmmhm?" "I'm going to take them off," I tell her. She nods, eagerly.

I slowly slide them off. The anticipation is going to kill me. And then I see her, all of her, and it takes all the strength I have in me not to bury my face in between her lefgs. She's a perfect pink, her clit is tiny and beautiful and glistening with her wetness. Just like before, all my plans and ideas go out the window. I have no idea what to do, where to start. I'm kneeling in front of her, naked. She's naked. She looks at me and panics, because she starts to bring her legs back together. I shake my head and she stops, smiles. I'm so hard now and my hand instinctively goes to my dick. She turns a bright red, I feel bashful too when I look at her. She takes my hand off my cock and in a quick, sudden movement brings it to her. She rubs my hand against her and throws her head back, smiling. Her tits are in my face now and I want them but all of my focus is on my fingers, slowly caressing her, sliding up and down. Nothing has ever felt this soft. She is staring at my fingers, captivated by their movement. She is making tiny sounds and moving her hips around. "This is your clit," I explain as I brush my thumb against it. She lets out a loud moan, bites down on her lip. I bring two fingers to her opening. "This is where I'll be soon." "Now," she insists, her eyes big and pretty. "No, not now." I smile at her impatience. I lean in and kiss her on her closed mouth. "These are my lips kissing your mouth," I tell her, kissing her again, feeling a smile form on her lips. My fingers start moving faster, my thumb now against her more delicious spot. Bella is pink, perfect. I stop touching her and she looks devastated. "These are my lips kissing you." I place a tiny kiss on her clit and her hips thrust up against my face. Fuck it. I place my lips around it and suck. Bella is getting louder. Her fingers in my hair. "Omigod, Edward stop. Oh God." I look up her, almost angry that I had to let it go from my mouth. "I ummm... first... uhh..." "What is it baby?" I ask, my heart beating faster and faster in my chest.

"I want to feel that the first time with your..." "Bella - " "No I mean can't we just...?" What is she getting at? "Baby tell me what you want, anything you want," I say. "Maybe you can like, rub up against me? You know, like the other night when we were kissing, but this time you won‟t stop until…" My baby wants to dry hump, I think.. I laugh, and Bella frowns. "It's not funny," she mutters. "It is, B. We can do that, but not if we're both naked. That's not going to work," I tell her. "Then put on your boxers. Or I'll put on my - " "Wait a sec, why do you want this?" I ask, genuinely curious. "Umm... is it stupid for me to?" "No. No, not at all. Just curious." "I told you,” she says. “I want us to umm, enjoy this together and ummm... that's what I want and I thought I got to decide." Go Bella. She knows what she wants, and who am I to deny her? She is basically asking me to cover her with my body, grind myself against her until we both come. She's fucking perfect and I love this idea. "Well, I've never actually done this with this level of premeditation before," I admit. I don‟t think a lot of people just wake up and think, it‟s a beautiful day for some frottage. Bella looks at me."Is my boyfriend going to dry hump me or not?" She grabs her panties and pulls them up. She winks at me. Winks. I scramble back into my boxers, spread her legs and place myself between them, and start thrusting like I'm sixteen in the back of my first car. Except the woman in my arms is the most wonderful thing I've ever experienced and as I see her naughty smile and the warm look in her eyes, I know that I'm completely in love with her, and that I'm really and truly fucked.

Bella He's grinning at me one second and looks bewildered the next. But right now is not the time to care, because the sheer ecstasy of feeling him against me and feeling his random kisses on my throat, neck, in my hair is just too good to ruin by analyzing Edward's bewildered look. I've never felt this close to another person before. I've never felt somebody's body covering mine in this way. As much as this new level of intimacy intimidates me a little, it is the most amazing thing I've felt. My senses are overloaded, I am smelling Edward, breathing him in, feeling his body against mine. Edward's lips are everywhere, his hands are all over me. I feel him grinding against me and I'm watching his expressions, or just watching him watch me. And it all feels so good. I want to describe what this is like, the heat of our bodies as we rub ourselves against each other, no judgments, no hesitation, no questions. Just anything to feel the maximum pleasure. All I can say is that is feels really, really good. Yes, I‟m really fucking eloquent. And I hear him grunting, moaning, whispering ridiculously dirty things in my ear between nibbles on my earlobe and then ridiculously beautiful things from poems I've read over and over again in my bed, never imagining that I would be able to share them with another person in this way. At first I mostly just move along with him slightly, not quite sure what to do. But after a minute or two I am raising my ass off the bed trying to meet him, it's like my body knows how to move and where to go to get the most feeling, to drive me crazy. And then there is his body. He feels so strong above me, at first I feel like I could suffocate but he alternates between shifting his weight onto his arms or holding me or just covering me completely and thrusting and thrusting himself onto me. I know if there were no barriers between us he would be inside me right now and I fail to see how big a deal it would be, but I don't dare freak him out. Because as good as this feels I can only imagine how that heat will feel on me. I'm dizzy with anticipation and the thought just gets me dizzier. I feel this beautiful agony, this want between my legs that wasn't there before, things begin to build up and I'm not sure what I'm feeling. I'm sort of in frenzy, losing myself, breathless. I'm frantic and I'm moaning and he looks into my eyes and tells me to let myself go. Go where? But I know what he means. And he's rubbing up against me in a place that makes my body go completely crazy and I bite down on my hand because I need to stop myself from screaming. Why do I need to stop myself from screaming? And he sees this and is looking at me so intently with this look of determination mixed with pure lust and his one hand grabs mine from my teeth and I latch onto his shoulder instead and his other hand grabs my ass and pulls me closer. Closer. Closer. My legs spread wider and I'm making unrecognizable sounds and I erupt and I'm having spasms and I feel like I'm exploding and I am breathing harder than I have in my entire life and as this is happening my hips are grinding harder against him, because I just want more and more, and I've lost all control, and I have never felt heaven like this before. He has been saying things throughout, asking me to come, to let go, that I look beautiful, and that he wants to taste me again but the rush of excitement is too much and his words are almost like

background music but they have helped me get here because his voice is like another hand, or the part of him that is making me feel so good. Ugh Bella, you're making no sense. But I am making sense, nothing has ever made so much sense before. As I am coming down from my high his body tenses up and his hips push down on me harder, faster. And he loses all control and is chanting my name, pulsing hard. I feel this warmth oozing onto my belly and it feels incredible and he has collapsed on me. I run my fingers through his hair and can hear his heart beating and his warm breath coming fast onto my skin. His face is in my neck and I brush away some hair that is stuck to his forehead; I look down and see him just sprawled between my legs. Edward is stunning and this is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. "Bella." "Mmhmm?" He looks up at me and there is a little boy's smile on his face. "That was the best idea ever." I laugh. He wraps me in his arms and covers my face and hair with kisses. "B, you just had your first orgasm." I blush and look away from him. "Oh, so you're shy now?" he teases. He tickles me until I start squealing and I end up on top of him, straddling him. "B, I should clean up. You should clean up. Let's clean up. Otherwise we're going to find ourselves in an even stickier situation than the one we've got here and you'll never want to do this again. And that is just not acceptable." No, not acceptable. We clean up and dress and he sits me on his lap and kisses my nose. "I have to take you home now?" "Uh huh." I frown. "Can I call you tonight?" "You're joking, right?" I ask. "Bella, you're going to be sick of me."

Now I know he's joking, because if anyone is going to get bored soon, it's him. I get up and he gets up. He stops me by the door and starts playing with my hair. I melt into his arms again and groan, this is getting absurd. But I feel so sexy, so good. "Edward, if you don't stop we're never going to leave. Then Charlie's going to start looking for me and then he's going to find us here with your head between my legs and he'll kill you and who's going to make me come like that again.” He smirks. "My head between your legs? Damn Swan. Is that what you want? You weren't so keen on it earlier..." I swat away the hand that is approaching my left breast and run downstairs. He runs after me to the car and catches me before I get in. I'm faster than him. Hah, old man. "I want to take you out on a date," he murmurs into my neck. "Ugh. We've had plenty." "Not a single date, B." "Fine, whatever." I shrug, finally getting away from him and into the car. "Wow, that's romantic." "You want to romance me, Mr. Cullen?" "It's all part of the plan, Ms. Swan," he says with a cocky grin. "Here we go again with the plan..." I roll my eyes at him and he laughs. We are driving to Charlie's and he is holding my hand. It takes no more than a few minutes, I wish it took hours. "This outfit Bella, there are no words." I smile. "I was hard the entire time at Billy's." I smile big. "I came harder than ever and loved feeling your hips lose control." I start giggling.

"Not funny, B." "'Harder than ever', huh?" I tease. "Uh huh." "I liked feeling umm... you all over my belly. It was warm and yummy." "Yummy?" Edward asks. "It felt very yummy." "Yummy means delicious and describes how something tastes." "I don't care. It was yummy," I shrug. "I'll show you yummy," he smirks. "Is that you asking for head?" "Oh yeah, some road head please." "Ew." He leans over, steering with his left hand, and puts his right arm around me. "B, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship." "Oh, Rick." He laughs, and we quote some more Casablanca, and he loves it, and that makes me smile, and I love him.

Chapter 16 - Yellow gold thing from H&M Edward Kissing Bella is my new favorite activity. We‟re going to be late for work but only by a few minutes. I can't get enough of her lips and her tiny bites, nibbles. And her tongue. Just a few more seconds. *** After dropping Bella off at Charlie's last night, I went home and flung myself onto my bed. It smelled like Bella and I got hard and started thinking about her – mostly about her body. I've been with very beautiful women before. Tall ones, petite ones, curvy ones, and really fucking thin ones. I don't consider myself a player or a manwhore by any means. I feel good about the number of women I've been with. I‟ve had a few one-night stands, but they‟re really not my thing. I tried thinking about who the hottest girl was. I tried picturing all of them. A cups, D cups, blondes, brunettes, redheads. Ummm redheads. A really sexy one came to mind. But every time I tried, I felt a twinge of guilt and the memory of Bella's perfect tits in my hands and her perfect belly and her legs in those cut-offs came back and I groaned into my pillow. I wanted to call her, text her, but I thought I should give her some time with Charlie. I also didn't want to come off as the most clingy, pathetic guy on the planet. I closed my eyes and went through pictures of Bella under me, clinging to me, feeling so good. I like these memories. They're hot and make me grin like a fucking moron. Then there are the memories of us in the car, talking about old movies and holding hands. Bella's voice and her eye-rolling. Get a grip. Get a fucking grip. You really need to act more normal around her, especially at work. People can't find out about this. Just because your best friends seem to be okay with this doesn't mean anyone else will approve. Your friends know you – coworkers and strangers don‟t. They know I wouldn't start anything if I didn't have good intentions. Especially Alice. Oh yeah. What Alice thinks is what you should go by – because Alice is the most rational person you know. Rose seemed like she was fine with it too. Well maybe not fine but she's not freaking out. And Rose would definitely freak out if freaking out was necessary. She freaked out with the whole Victoria thing. Ugh. That was unpleasant. And that was just because she thought Victoria was disrespectful towards her and bitchy. She was right on both counts, but I really didn't care, Victoria was the best sex I'd ever had. Still is, buddy. Whatever, not for long. Come on, nothing will compare to that. Bella will. It's not just about sex with Bella. Wanting to fuck Bella is not just about the act itself. Keep telling yourself that. I can‟t stop thinking about this. In my mind, it‟s inevitable. But when? I'm certainly not having sex with Bella in my car, at work, or before Charlie gets home from work. So weekdays are a no-go. I'm not really the rose petals and champagne kind of guy... thank God because you shouldn't be giving her alcohol... so I'm not planning on anything like that. I don't think she's that type of girl either. She thinks everything is special just because it's us. Right, Cullen, every girl says that. She probably expects more. Then I'll give her more. But the kind of "more" that means something to us, not fucking cliché shit that will probably earn me a raised eyebrow and eye-roll from Bella. Us.

What are we? I called us boyfriend/girlfriend but I hate those labels. I doubt she loves them either. I love calling her my lover, but I don't want her thinking that our relationship is purely sexual in nature. It's sad that the word has that sort of connotation to it, since it really is the perfect word. She's my friend and my lover. She's the only person I want to love, the only person I want to love me. The only person I want to share the act of love with right now. Right now. Because we all know there's a fucking expiration date to this thing. She's going to go to college. Who knows where she'll end up? I can wait for her, I will wait for her, but she will probably want to live her life, experience shit, and I don't want to be clingy. That's your new nickname, Clingy Cullen. At the same time, I certainly won't be a fucking martyr and "give her up" when it's time for her to go. I guess I can wait for her to do it when the time comes. Maybe she'll hook up with some guy, or just give me the good old break-up talk. Whatever. Maybe we'll grow apart and have really bad fights. Maybe she'll get into Columbia or wherever on the east coast and just leave. That'll do it. Yeah. I guess I've made the decision to face whatever comes when it does. I feel so alive with her in my life that I'm holding on to this for as long as she'll have me. Maybe I'm being really selfish, but every breath I take is the breath of a new man, and every second I have with Bella in my life, even the ones I spend away from her, is a second worth living, because she's mine. Wow. So this is what all those poets and writers felt when they were writing those words. I've wondered for years just why I never felt that way. I just assumed that while I enjoyed reading poetry, I never had the talent for it, or that I was fundamentally different than the type of people who are able to write it. I got it, because on some level I really wanted it, but I don‟t think I ever really got it. Now I sorta get it, the need to express myself in any way possible. I used to think that times have changed, love like this just doesn't happen. It doesn't exist. You're in love with her. I guess I am. I spent the night just thinking. Somehow I was able to skip over the whole thing about her spending an entire year in high school. How the fuck do we explain hanging out and going out when we're not working together? Do we keep it all a secret from Charlie? I'm not really comfortable with that but telling Chief Swan is not something I want to put on my to-do list. "Chief Swan, Bella is seventeen. We both totally Googled the age of consent, this is kosher." Boom. Cullen out. My thoughts of death at the hands of Charlie made me hesitant about texting her in the middle of the night, but I have no self-control. Let's go to Paris – E We had been talking about Casablanca so much I had images of Bella as Ilsa in my head. Apparently sometime during this past week my dick was replaced with a vagina. Let's. I'll wear an imperméable and a fedora with a wide band – B I smiled.

She speaks French... – E Mais oui... – B Don't wear the trench and hat. She leaves him in that outfit – E He sends her away. And never… - B Never? Ah, good point. Never? – E Nothing :) – B Tell me. Never what? – E Six minutes later, she still hadn‟t texted back. I was checking obsessively. I'd never leave – B A comforting warmth passed through my veins, throughout my body. I felt so happy. I had to call her. We spoke for about an hour. Mostly about New York. It was random, but she had so many questions, she really wants to visit. I want to take her. I kept thinking about Bella with me in the city, the images excited me; I decided to make this happen somehow. The first thing I told her when she picked up was that I'd never leave either. There was silence for a few seconds. "So then what are we saying?" she asked me. "Does it matter? We're not leaving." "It's never that easy." "This certainly won't be easy, B." "Whatever, if we know we're not leaving, we're good," she whispered. Ah, simple child. "Right?" "B..." "Don't say we'll always have... Forks." "Bella, I'm never leaving. I'll never get to use that line." "Good, although it‟s kinda sad that we‟ll never be using that line. It's romantic."

"My girl likes tragedy. Tragic romance, rather." "Doesn‟t everyone? Doesn't something have to be somewhat tragic or difficult for it to mean anything?" "I know what you're saying, B. It certainly seems so sometimes. But we've got our difficulties, so don't worry too much about our unfortunate lack of tragic romance." "Hmmm. You're an optimist." "I just like thinking of having you around." "Yeah?" she asked. "Always." "Don't say things that you don't mean. Things that are easy to say, that you wanna say and I wanna hear," she told me. "I'm not. Always," I repeated. "Edward..." "Bella, right now I want you always. I'll want you always. So, don't fight me." "Ok. I need you to preface that with 'right now' because..." "Anything, B." "So tell me. Is Central Park super romantic?" "It can be. Depends on who you're there with," I told her. "Hmmmm..." "I hate horses and carriages, Bella. I‟m not too keen on the rowboats either." "I was thinking more along the lines of just sitting there with you." "Then baby even my Volvo is fucking romantic." "Uh huh," she laughed. "But B, if you want horses and carriages and rowboats and shit, it's all yours." "Shut up. Tell me about your favorite places in New York." *** "Edward, breathe. Must breathe.” She breaks away from our kiss. "Ok then I'll kiss your neck."

"Edward. Work," she protests. Ugh. "Just one kiss...here..." I breathe into her neck, pressing my lips onto her warm skin. She moans. "You – “ Kiss. "Can't – “ Kiss. And kiss. "EDWARD STOP! I'm so wet. You're evil! Work, now." Yes. "You really shouldn't have said that." Bella is wearing a grey skirt and I do what I've been telling myself not to do for the past hour. I slip my hand under it and touch her. She wasn't lying. She's wet. I push my palm onto her clit and she's grinding against it. I slip a finger into Bella, she throws her hands around my neck, kissing me furiously. I've never actually had my finger inside Bella and I am in awe of just how tight she is. My finger barely fits,and this makes me so painfully hard, I wince. She's making delicious sounds in my ear and I want to make her... "Edward, mmhmm..." She bites my neck and my eyes fly open. I see the time. It's fucking 9:20 and we have to stop. I remove my hand from under her skirt, breathe, and start driving again. We're only a few minutes from the office. "Oh my GOD, Edward, you can't do that!" I give her my best wicked smile and bring my finger to my mouth. "Best breakfast ever, B." "Gross. Fuck you." She frowns. "Gladly." "You're evil." "You bring out the worst in me, Jailbait." I laugh. "Edward, you did not just call me that."

"But that's what you are." I smirk. "Thanks. You just want me because I'm young and innocent." "Oh sure, innocent," I say, rolling my eyes at her. "You corrupt me, putting your finger in places where it doesn't belong..." She takes the hand that was in my mouth and sucks on my finger. That finger. Her eyes are wide open and she's looking at me seductively. She pulls her lips away and the popping sound it makes is the hottest thing I've ever heard. "You really want to try the road-head thing out don't you?" I tease her. "Hah." "Admit it, baby. There's nothing for you to be ashamed of. You want my – “ "Ew." "… cock… " "Ewwww." "…in your beautiful, sexy, warm, wet, delicious, soft mouth," I finish. "You wish, Edward." "And while we're on the subject. Did I hear you correctly earlier when you said my finger doesn't belong in a certain beautiful, sexy, warm, wet, delicious, soft place I love?" "You did, Cullen." She smiles. It‟s a sexy smile, but Bella is blushing nonetheless. "That's gonna be a problem. Because I intend on doing that a lot," I inform her. "Oh, all part of the plan huh? Finger-fuck the jailbait in the car." "An essential component of the plan. You're smart. Also, lose the article. It's just „Jailbait‟ – capital „J‟." "Thank God we're here. I hope breakfast lasts you a long, long time. See you at five, Mr. Cullen. Thank you for the ride." She runs off into the building and I'm left here with a massive hard-on and a small part of my brain worrying about whether Bella is serious about the "long, long time" – she better not be. I'm obsessed with how tight she felt. I can't believe I'm doing this. Forget the part that Jailbait's sixteen. Right now, that's not my biggest problem. Jailbait's a virgin. This makes me ridiculously happy and also freaks me out, a lot. Jailbait has never had sex. She is mine. I want her to be mine for the foreseeable future, and then for as long as she'll have me. If I'm the luckiest motherfucker that ever lived, maybe always... That's pushing your luck, Cullen. But if is mine, always, I'll be the only man... You're a fucking caveman. So what if I am? I want her to belong to me. I don't want anyone else touching her. Unless perhaps another girl... Stop, and let's not get ahead of ourselves. I will not have a threesome with Charlie's little girl. Not yet, anyway. I

just wish I could give her something as special. It's 2009 – virginity is not considered 'special.' Of course it is. Hers is, and I have nothing special to give her back. I'll have her in a way she'll never have me. She'll be sharing me with the other women who have had me before, right? Right, like the redhead who has had you about forty times now? Ugh, Victoria. Why the fuck is she in Seattle this summer? I can't keep avoiding her forever. I was considering maybe paying her a visit in August because she's so damn good but since I met Bella, I haven't given Tori a single thought. Until today. Yeah because all I can think about is sex. With Bella. Uh huh, with Bella. Soon, soon, soon. I'm her boss, never mind the age difference, the virginity. Well, technically, Mr. Thompson is her boss. I'm just the one who gives her assignments. She works under you. Yes, soon. Man, I need to grow up. I walk into my office, but before I can sit down and start doing something productive, my phone rings. It‟s Rosalie. "Didn't we just see each other?" I ask. "Fuck you too." "I love you, Rosie. What's up?" "Just wanted to talk about Bella." "You don't beat around the bush, do you?" "Nope." "Alright, shoot." "Edward, I'm not going to tell you not to... date her. I'm done lecturing about how this will potentially have very negative consequences for your career, as well as your life. It's your decision, but you must be careful. I‟m sure you will be careful. What I'm more concerned about – “ "I love her Rose, don't worry about her. I'll be good to her." Did I just say that out loud? And to Rose?

"First off, wow. That's huge. Congratulations and my sympathies because you are fucked. I'll ask about the big 'I love you' reveal later. Actually, save it for Alice. Secondly, I'm not concerned about Bella right now. You're my fucking brother. I care about you. I don't want you hurt. And this will not end well." "You're assuming it will end, Rose." "Let's be real, Edward. How many relationships make it?" "Well with that logic, why are you with Em? And let's tell Alice and Jasper to break up because these things don‟t last." "Don't do that, Edward. You're not being rational and you know what I meant. I meant her parents finding out. Mom and dad freaking out and telling you to stop thinking with your dick. I meant work finding out, or Bella leaving for college. Or just fucking cooling off or falling apart when she starts school again." "Well I'm glad to see you've given this so much thought." "Well the three of us had nothing else to talk about on the flight back, and conversation was also scarce at Isabella's where we had dinner, so Bella came up again." "Oh shit, I should take her there..." "You guys are coming here?" "Yes, no. No, we haven't made any plans but she wants to apply to schools there. I thought it would be cool to visit with her." "Alice." "Huh?" "I'm helping you out, bro. She has to become good friends with Alice. Her father should meet Alice and know that they‟re close. Maybe he'll let her visit Alice and look at schools out here." "That‟s actually a good idea, thanks man." "Man? Thanks, Eddie. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know we are all worried. I remember fighting with you about Victoria and Em told me to stop because you just wanted to keep fucking her. I told you she's bad news. Luckily, you realized that yourself. Em didn't tell me to stop this time. He's worried too. We all see how much you care about her. Make sure she does just as much and it's not a little girl crush or puppy love. I'm sure she's great, Alice is a great judge of character. I‟m not saying you‟re not, but you‟re pretty biased. All I‟m asking for is that you tread cautiously." "I will take your advice, sis. Listen, I know all of this. I know that I'm not leaving her and she'll probably be the one leaving me. Right now, though, I'm so fucking happy. I feel alive. I absolutely adore her and it's worth it." "Worth it?" "Rose, if you knew that you and Emmett had an expiration date, would you stop dating him now, or take back all the years you guys were together?"

"Of course not." "Thank you." "I see your point, wise one. Fine, I'll butt out... for now." "No, Rose. Come to me with your concerns. I appreciate it.” "Well, right now my biggest concern is what you‟re going to tell our parents when they‟re back in Forks in two weeks.” Mom and Dad in Forks in two weeks. Kill. Me. Now. Bella I can't get any work done, so it's a good thing my boss hasn't given me anything to do. It's pretty unhealthy how I can just sit here for hours, staring at the ceiling and thinking about him. Alice pops into my cube every half hour and smiles when she sees that I haven't moved, and that I still have what I can only imagine is a very vacant expression on my face. Always. He's such a romantic. It's totally unexpected. Who knew people like him exist nowadays? The things he says make me forget to breathe even when hours have passed since I heard them. I think he really likes me. That sounds so lame, but I really think he does. People don't say shit like that just because, right? I want to talk to someone about this so badly. I see Angela is online and I consider asking for her opinion, because there‟s no one else I can really discuss this with. Not that I can tell her who I‟m talking about – I mean, it's a small town, and word gets around. I know that Angela would keep this between us, but I don't want to betray Edward's trust. Bella_Swan: yo Ang Angiex92: bella! Bella_Swan: Having a fun summer? Angiex92: it's ok, just hanging out with Ben. How's work? Bella_Swan: Good. Ang... Angiex92: yea? Bella_Swan: I'm in love!!!!!!! Angiex92: hold up. who? what? where? when? Bella_Swan: Let's hang out soon so I can tell u. I need your opinion. Angiex92: I'm coming over tonite. When do u get back from work?

Bella_Swan: Depends... Angiex92: ooo depends on whether you get to meet ur boy? Bella_Swan: Uh huh Angiex92: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Bella_Swan: hehe Angiex92: g2g now but call me when ur home! Bella_Swan: Will do. Angiex92: wait what's his name? Bella_Swan: Rick Blaine :P Angiex92: LOL Bella_Swan: ... ;) Angiex92: someone's keepin a secret, I see how it is Bella_Swan: See you tonight, Ang. Angiex92: ttyl Bella I wish he'd come talk to us more often. He's always in his office. Sometimes I wonder if he wants to see me at all. I know he has to work, but I wouldn't mind spending every possible second with him. I can't tell him that, he will think I'm immature. I'm glad it's almost lunchtime and I wander over to Alice's cubicle. "I'm hungry.” "Not eating with your boyfrienddd?" she asks. "Alice, hush. He's not my boyfriend." "HAH! What is he?" "Alice, not here. He's my boyfriend outside this building," I explain. "Is that what he wants you to say?" "We haven't discussed it, but we're keeping this on the DL." "Good idea. Bellaaaaa, this is too cute! Edward never falls in love!" "Uhhh, Alice. I don't think he's in love yet,” I whisper. "You're adorable, Bella. You're blushing. You're in love TOO!"

"Aliiiiceeee, stop!" "Come on,” she urges, “you haven't talked about the future? About your status?" "It's too soon. But I mean, sorta? We did a little last night." "Go on..." "It was nothing, Alice. We were being silly talking about Casablanca, and I sorta told him I'd never leave him like Ilsa left Rick." "First of all,” Alice interrupts me, “Ilsa didn't..." "Alice, that's beside the point. You know what I mean." "Fine, but we'll discuss later. So what did he do? Did it freak him out?" I'm fucking nervous about talking to Alice about this. I realize I've said too much, but at the same time it feels so good talking to someone. I know ultimately her loyalties lie with Edward, and I can't rely on her completely, but for now I know that I can trust her and talk to her. "I don‟t think so? He said... he said he'd never leave either." "Omigod. OH. MY. GOD. No he did not." "Gee, thanks Alice. Glad to see you think I'm lying." Alice grabs my arm and looks me in the eye. "Edward Cullen made a promise?" "Not exactly a promise. He just said he likes having me around," I explain. "Uhhh, and?" "And nothing... he said he'd like for me to be around for awhile." "What did he mean by that?" she asks me. Alice looks like she's about to burst, she is so excited I want to be standing at least ten feet away from her at this point. "Always?" I mumble. "WHAT?! OMIGOD I'M CALLI –“ Alice is cut off by a soft cough. "Ladies, you're at work. Am I going to have to bring you into my office and teach you a lesson?" I freeze. Did he hear anything? "Gross, Cullen,” Alice says. “I didn't need to know you enjoy giving spankings."

"Ew, Alice!" "Ms. Brandon, that is highly inappropriate.” Edward smirks. “Also, you definitely would not be getting a spanking." His voice is very authoritative. It's very sexy. I wonder if I'd like a spanking. I'm not sure I would. I know lots of people find it very sexy. I wonder if it's like a real spanking or just playful. Hmmm... I'll ask him later. Don't do that, you'll look like a loser. Maybe, but it will most definitely turn him on. "Are you saying someone's getting spanked? Good thing you're wearing a skirt, Bella." Alice giggles. "Brandon, Swan. My office. Now." He doesn't look amused, and this worries me. I follow him meekly into his office. He gives me a weird look, almost like he‟s confused, doesn‟t know what to do. My heart starts beating really quickly in my chest. I knew I shouldn't have been talking about us in the office –he's probably really upset. What if he doesn't want to continue now? Always... he said always. I kind of want to cry at the thought of Edward yelling at me. Big girls don't cry. Guess I'm not so big. "B, Ali,” Edward starts, “I love you more than anything in this world. Please, for the love of God, keep it down. I don't know if you guys are talking about the Backstreet Boys or the season finale of Grey‟s, but you‟re fucking loud. If I didn't have my iPod on, I'd hear every word. My hearing every word is fine, but anyone else? Come on, let's just pretend we all have shit to do and care about our jobs. And the less you guys get out of line, the more work I can do so we can all play later." Thank God that's all it is. I let out a loud sigh and Edward smiles at me. He loves me more than anything in this world. Eeep! Yes, and Alice too. Ugh, he likes Alice like a little sister. Great. At least he didn't hear anything. Phew. Ummm... wait. There was something else he said. "Backstreet Boys?" I blurt out. "Bella, I‟m glad that's all you took away from my little speech. Are they not cool anymore?" "Ummm, Edward, no," I tell him, shaking my head. "It's the Jonas Brothers now, Edward. Keep up. Also, I'm not playing later," Alice states. "Thank God. B, are you into the Jonas Brothers?" Edwards asks me. "I barely know any of their songs. They can‟t be that bad since everyone loves them, but I wouldn't know." "Ok lovebirds,” Alice says, “I'm out. You two discuss your favorite boy bands while I grab some lunch. It's so cute, this whole 'getting to know you' thing."

She winks at me, and leaves. "Bella, its' been hours. Eat with me?" I nod. “‟Kay.” He smiles. “‟Kay, let‟s eat outside.” Edward and I bring our sandwiches outside and sit under a big tree. It looks like it's about to rain the entire time, but it never does. I get some mustard on my face and he cleans it off with a brush of his thumb. I feel a burn where his finger touched my skin. His eyes are very green and his smile leaves me breathless. I hang on to every word he says. At one point I mention a Beatles song I like, and he sings a line. His voice is so soft, it's almost a whisper. Like a secret. As we get ready to go back inside he places a hand on my shoulder. "Bella, I love the Beatles," he tells me, like it‟s some sort of confession. "Who doesn't, Edward?" "I just sang a line from a really awesome song." Is he drunk? "Yeah, you did. I liked it. Thank you." "I've never done that before," he says. He looks almost pained. "Nobody has ever sung a Beatles song to me before," I confide. We start to walk back inside. Odd. In all my reverie I guess I hadn't noticed how the whole thing came up. I was too busy staring at him and wanting lunch to last forever. "You know how sometimes you confuse songs in your head even though they are nothing alike? Like they don't sound alike or anything.” He laughed, "Yeah, I know. It happens to me all the time. You probably associate the same thing with both songs." "Yes! Like the Beatles. There's... Oh my God, I can't separate them now. Ahhh. George Harrison. 'Something'. And, and. SHIT. That's not even the one I'm thinking about. Or is it? Another really romantic one." "Let me guess..." "By all means, Edward. Try to read my mind. This is embarrassing, who forgets the most beautiful songs ever written?" " 'Bright are the stars that shine, dark is the sky...'"

Hearing him sing made me blush. He cleared his voice and changed the subject before I could tell him I totally remembered what songs I confuse all the time that are nothing alike. My heart skips a beat when I realize what song he was singing. Durrr. But that probably has nothing to do with his strange behavior. He's not a boy – he can be straight with me. He doesn't have to sing lines from songs to tell me anything. I think about the lyrics, repeating them in my head. It's a short song, a simple one. But not simple at all. I know that he was just trying to help me remember, and that breaks my heart a little. I want to see what he‟ll say if I text him the next line or other lines from the song, but I can't. It's all about love, and we aren't there yet. Well, I am, but he doesn‟t know that. My phone buzzes. I'm listening to your songs – E My confused-person songs? – B Yeah. Song, not songs, actually – E I love that song – B I'd like to sing it again – E Wait...really? I'd like that too – B :) – E Sing those lines again? – B Bright are the stars that shine, dark is the sky – E Do it, Bella. I know this love of mine will never die – B Breathe, breathe. You're just sharing lyrics And I love her – E I stop texting. I put my head on my arms on the desk and close my eyes, trying to breathe in the moment. I want to remember this second forever. The way the air smells, the way I feel. I look at my fingers; I want to memorize what my nails look like at this moment, which ring I'm wearing. They are cut short, no polish. The ring is a yellow gold thing, from H&M, and it has a small butterfly on it. We may or may not have just told each other... that we love each other? I don't know what just happened, but I close my eyes and wait for the next four hours to pass so that I can get my answer. I'm also dreading seeing him again and realizing that this was nothing, and that he probably didn't even think twice about what I wrote and what he wrote back. We do this stuff all the time. Alice sees me and I frown at her. Her face falls until I give her a half-smile.

"Is everything okay?" she asks. "Confused." I sigh. "There, there," she whispers as she gently brushes some hair away from my face. "It's gonna be ok, Bella. Confused is ok." "It's only been a week," I protest. Protest what? "Bella, in matters of the heart a week, a day, a month, a year... None of this matters. Just give your love. That is what life is about. Don't doubt. Just love." "Alice, that was really corny.” "Maybe, but giving yourself like that is the best feeling in the world." "What about when...?" "We are all strong and resilient. Time heals all wounds," she tells me. It's like Alice knows exactly what I'm thinking and what I'm about to say. Most of the time she sounds completely ridiculous and I have a hard time taking her seriously, but everything she says right now makes sense. I just want to throw myself into loving Edward and dealing with the rest later. It really is the best feeling the world. I don't hear from Edward until he stops by my cubicle on his way to the car. I get up and we walk side by side until we get to the door. The air is heavy between us, neither of us says a word. He lets me go through the door first. I really want to touch him for a second, but know I must be patient. We get to the car and I slide in before he does. When he's finally inside he turns and faces me. He doesn't smile, or talk, he just looks at me with a look of wonder in his eyes. I think I‟m probably doing the same. I'm incoherent again, duh. I kind of want to reach out to him but I'm scared. But I know from what I see in front of me that he knows exactly what we did, and I know, somehow, that he does not regret it. He backs out of the parking space and five minutes into the ride home he takes my hand into his. Sometimes he squeezes it. He doesn‟t let go. Twenty minutes later I put my head on his shoulder. When we are a few minutes from Charlie's, he starts humming the melody. We both squeeze each other‟s hands at the same time. I love this silence between us as much as I love our conversations. As I open the door and turn to look at him before I leave, he grabs my hand tighter and stops me. I turn around and look at him, my eyes fixed on his lips. He opens his mouth to talk and I'm not sure I'll understand a word. But then he speaks and my bones melt. "Tomorrow I'm taking you on a real date. And I love you."

Chapter 17 - Yellow dress Edward I get absolutely no work done all afternoon. Again. All I can think about is sitting outside with Bella, listening to her voice, her words. Half the time I had no idea what we were talking about because I was too consumed by her presence. When I sang those lines to her my heart was about to explode. I tried to keep it cool, like I was just helping her remember the song. It seemed to work because she didn't react at all. It was like she didn't notice that I was pouring my heart out to her. But then again, it was a pretty lame attempt. I chose the only lyrics in the song that wouldn't reveal my feelings towards her. Then I tried saying something, getting some sort of reaction from Bella as we were walking in. She was in her own world and just smiled at me, saying something like 'nobody has even sung to me before' – how is that even possible/ Of course I was too chicken to continue at that point. I decided to put this off, tell her when we are out, when we are completely alone, definitely not at work. Maybe after the date I've been thinking about. Maybe I'll let her say it first, so that she can feel comfortable. No… I know it has to be me. Or not. I thought perhaps saying the words would be stupid. Let her just know... How can she not know what she does to me? How she makes me feel? But something kept bugging me, and I knew it was the lack of communication between us. Everything with her is so perfect. But between the kisses, touches, and jokes, every important thing we have to communicate is either left unsaid, or transmitted via quotes by dead people. There's something wrong with that. We need to talk more, so a real date is necessary. I can't help but obsess over how perfect the moment had seemed, though. The most beautiful, simple song. I can tell Bella I absolutely adore her over dinner, see her blush. I can tell her when we are in my room again and I am holding her. I can use my own words, perhaps just those three simple ones. The problem is, I wanted to do it then. I wanted to have said those words already. Hell, I realized, I had said them already. She just didn't realize. Neither did you. I turn on my iPod and search for the song. Less than two minutes long. I listen to it twice. I close my eyes and see Bella. Bella that first day I met her and her firm handshake… Bella's shy voice during our first 'game' and Bella's laugh. Bella's little run from the car to Charlie's, her bounce. Her hair. Bella touching me for the first time. Bella's lips. Sunshine. She tastes like sunshine. So I decide, fuck it. If she's avoiding this, I'll know by her response. Worst-case scenario: she ignores it by turning it into a joke. Best-case scenario: just the possibility makes me smile. So I text her, telling her that I‟m listening to the song, and that I‟d like to sing it to her again. She tells me that she‟d like that too. I hope she doesn‟t just want to hear me sing. I can‟t sing. And I have absolutely nothing I want to say other than I fucking love you, Bella Swan. Instead, I text a lame smiley face. We send each other lyrics, like we‟re thirteen. I know this love of mine will never die – B Ummm did little girl just beat me to it? No. Yes. Fuck.

This is Bella. She doesn't just say/type/quote anything. This is real. And I love her – E It doesn‟t worry me that I don‟t hear from her all afternoon. Bella didn't have to say “I love you, Edward” – the line she used made those three words a given. They keep repeating over and over in my head until I feel like I'm losing my mind. I listen to every song that reminds me of Bella, mope around, feel so good it's like I am on a high, mope around some more, feel totally fucking bipolar, I even get hard a few times. I take a long nap, because I can. I take out Bella's little resume, run my finger over her name and smile. I take out my phone and change her contact info. Isabella (Charlie) becomes B, and then it changes to Bella, because I want to see her name and repeat it in my head every time she calls or texts. I send Carlisle and Esme an e-mail. Mom, Dad. It's your boy. How are things in Nairobi? Excited to be back in a few weeks? Let me know if you want me to pick you up from the airport. When do you get in exactly? Bring me back something fun. Edward Well that was a warm, loving email. They call less than an hour later. Odd, since it‟s probably past midnight in Kenya. "Edward! Honey, there you are!" "Mom, hey. What's up? Is everything alright?" "Yes, why wouldn't it be? We saw your e-mail and wanted to speak with you about our visit." "Cool, so when do you get in?" I ask. "Sunday. Not this Sunday, but the next one. We don't need you to pick us up; we'll take a cab. You enjoy your Sunday, Edward." "Mom, it's cool. I want to pick you up. I've missed you." "Don't be silly. Now Edward... Rosalie tells me – “ "Mom, I wouldn't listen to Rose if I were you." "Edward, I'm your mother. You can tell me anything. You've met someone. I want to hear all about it." My sister is every four-letter word I can think of right now. I should have expected this. "Mother, it's midnight where you are. I'm at work. There's nothing to tell," I mutter.

"Edward I can tell when you're lying. Just a hint for your mom, please?" "Fine." "Well..." "She's perfect. You won't approve. I don't care." "Perfect, huh? Why wouldn't I approve of perfect? Is she much older than you? I had a feeling that it was something like that from my conversation with your sister. It's alright, Edward, there's nothing – “ "No mom, she's not older than me. We can talk about this when you get here." "Edward, I can't imagine why you think we wouldn't approve. Does she have a child? Children? Is she divorced? I'd never ju – “ "Mom! She has no children, she's never been married. Please let this go." But something keeps telling me it's safest to just say it when they're thousands of miles away and have two weeks to obsess over the information. "I hope you don't think I'd care if she were... from a different background, or religion? Edward, your father and I are very li – “ "Ummm no. I'm not calling you guys racists. Jesus, Mom, please let this go," I beg. "Edward?" That‟s not Mom. "Dad, hey. Mom getting on your nerves too?" "Come on, son. Just spill it, or she'll call you ten times a day, bother your sister, and drive me crazy." "Not my problem, dad." "Alright. I think it's pretty obvious that this isn't something too serious. It will probably be over by the time we get there. Good. Case closed. Ah, but your mother looks disappointed." What did he just say? I close my eyes and take a deep breath before I raise my voice. That‟s not something I want to do. He‟s my father. "Dad, this will certainly not be over in the next two weeks." "Struck a nerve there, Edward?" "If I thought you guys could handle it, and not be judgmental, I'd tell you, but I can't have this conversation now." "You can tell me, son."

"Even if you were to understand, I don‟t think Mom will." "Esme – I'm taking this inside. Father-son bonding." I hear my mother's loud protests over the phone. "Go ahead, Edward. I won't tell her anything I don't think she can handle. I'll try to keep my judgments to myself." Fuck, he's such a manipulator. Did I ever say I'd tell him anything? "I met a girl. She works with me. For me, rather." "Edward. You're not dating Alice, are you? I could see why that would be something you would like to hide – “ "No, Dad. Alice and Jasper are still very much together," I tell him. "Well, then another intern? Since you're pretty low on the totem pole there yourself..." "Yeah, thanks for reminding me. Yes, another intern." "And you are worried about getting caught? Are there rules in place that discourage fraternizing?" "I am very much afraid of getting caught, but it's more than that." "Ah." I take a deep breath. "She's seventeen." Silence. "Oh." "Almost..." "Jesus, Edward." I can hear the rage in his voice. "Yeah, see? Now go tell Mom that." "I'm not telling your mother that last part. I'll tell her that she's your intern. Edward, this is… this is not what I expected of you. " "Expected? What do you mean?" "That you'd take advantage of – “ Wait, what?

"Don't you dare, Dad. I am not taking advantage of her. I love her." "Well, that's convenient.” "See, I knew you'd react this way. Whatever, I told you I'm not having this conversation right now." "Very mature. Well we know Rosalie knows, what about Alice?" "Alice loves Bella." "Bella... wait a minute. You're seeing the girl you carpool with? Chief Swan's daughter? Edward, this has disaster written all over it. She's a child." He's freaking out. He doesn't freak out. Ever. "Ummm, no she's not. Dad, I just told her I loved her earlier today. I‟ve had this conversation with myself – and with Rosalie – repeatedly over the past few days. I've heard it all, I've considered it all. I have never felt this way about anyone, and I‟ve come to terms with the possibility that I may lose my job, that Charlie will kill me, and that Bella will go off to college. I don't care. I've made my decision. I wish I could say that I want to talk this over and make you guys understand, but I don't feel like I should have to. I'm happy." "Edward, I don't even know where to begin right now. Have you been sleeping with her?" "No." "Edward, I'll ask you one more time," he tells me, his voice trembling. "No. But that doesn't mean I won't. The age of consent is sixteen here in Washington." "You disgust me, son. You are giving me information about the age of consent? What, the fact that some legislators wrote a law saying you can sleep with a child just because she turned sixteen, and not have to face any legal consequences makes you think that this is ok? You may not remember Isabella, but I do. She was a toddler when you were going out for ice cream with girls in your sixth grade class. The idea that you have even laid a finger on her disturbs me. I understand girls these days are having sex, and I'm not here to play morals police, but you're my son and you know better. She probably seems mature. Ready and willing. Let her be ready and willing with someone her own age, on her own terms. She is your intern. You have a responsibility towards her. Not to mention that her father trusts you enough to leave her in your care. You are betraying that trust." "Right. And the fact that I'd do anything for this girl, that I absolutely adore her is of no significance. I disgust you? Dad, I'm gonna go now, I can't do this. Don't tell mom, or tell her, I don't care at this point. "You really aren't thinking rationally. Nothing I said worries you?" "Dad, I've been torturing myself for over a week – " "A week. A whole week of torture, son?" The sarcasm in his voice makes me shudder. I have never heard him like this before. "Dad - "

"Listen to me, Edward. I can't do anything about this sitting here in Nairobi, but I'll be there in two weeks – " "No, Dad, you can't do anything about this period. It's my life." "Stop acting like an annoying teenager, Edward. But you're right. It's your life. Well then act like the responsible, mature man you seem to think you are and come clean to the girl's father." "Come clean... Dad, I don't want to say anything I'll regret. But please mind your own business." "My son's pedophilic tendencies are certainly my business." I feel like I am about to throw up. My father just called me a pedophile. He has managed to taint all the feelings I have towards Bella. "Fuck you, Dad. I tell you I'm in love with her and this is all you have to say?" "You are a changed man, Edward. You are being very disrespectful." "Dad, please put mother on the phone. I'm sure she heard it all." "Indeed she did, for the most part." ... "Edward, what did you say to your father?" My mother‟s voice is full with worry. "Mom, did you hear everything?" "Not everything, I'm confused... intern? Chief Swan?" "I'm umm... dating Bella. Isabella. Charlie's daughter." "Edward!" "Mom, I just told dad to mind his own business. He said some shitty things. I don't want to fight with you." "Edward, it's just... isn't she too young?" "Mom, I love her." "Love her? Edward, are you sure?" "Mom. Please, I really – " "Edward, does her father know?" "No." "I see. I think he should know. I hope you two haven't..."

"No, Mom. Not yet." "So you plan on..." "That‟s none of your – mom, this is for always. Dad doesn't seem to get that." "Edward, she's so young." "You were nineteen when you met Dad." "I was." "She's just a little younger." "Your father and I are almost the same age. I don‟t know what to say, Edward. We will have to discuss this when we get back." "Ok Mom, thanks for being the more understanding parent. I apologize for having doubted you." "I didn't say I'm okay with this, but, Edward?" "Yes?" "Could you send me a picture of Isabella all grown up? I want to see...” she whispers, sounding a little too excited. "Errrmmm... sure. I'll ask her for one." She clucks her tongue. "You should have a picture of the woman you love with you always. I love you Edward, be smart. I'll speak with you soon. Ignore your father, for now." "Love you too, Mom." After I hang up, I think of the picture of Bella I have on my phone. Her lips after that night. So beautiful. While the idea of more pictures of Bella on my phone excites me, I am disturbed by my father‟s words. They keep running through my head as I walk over to her cubicle on my way out. We don't say anything in the car, I just look into her eyes and know that my father was wrong. This is real. This is everything. So I hold her hand and think about my parents' visit, about Charlie, about the mess we will have to deal with. I think about Carlisle's judgments and the disgusting word he used. While I‟m obviously hurt by his reaction, I know that I am not wrong. When Bella puts her head on my shoulder I have a hard time keeping it together. The last thing I want is to cause her any pain, or shame, but I know that ending this, leaving her would make absolutely no sense. Like in all those books you read, where the guy leaves because he thinks it's a good idea. I have decided already that I won't be playing the martyr. Well, I won't play the hero either. I‟m not leaving Bella "for her own good.” I'm too fucking selfish and I know her own good, my own good is in being together. I want to throw my hands out of the window, flip the world off and scream „fuck you‟ to everybody. Very mature, Cullen.

Bella smells so good. She feels so good. Just her head on my shoulder. This is it. I know it. I long to kiss her, feel her hair under my lips. Then her forehead, her nose. Her mouth. Something makes me stop. I know as she sits here next to me that she likes the silence, her hand in mine. I realize that if this is all I could have, I will take it. I know I have all of her, but it feels good knowing that just this would be enough. I start humming the song when we are minutes away from Charlie's. She me, but you can barely hear her. It‟s perfect. My lover humming a beautiful, timeless song with me, the song we used to convey our feelings towards each other. I pull into her driveway and she opens the door. I have to stop her before she is gone. I tell her I want to take her out. Then I tell her that I love her. Bella smiles, tilts her head towards me, and mouths the words that have been running through my head all day. This is enough. My life is complete. I let her go and watch her hop and skip her way to the door. My life is complete. Bella My heart is hammering in my chest and all I want to do is to curl up in bed, stare at the ceiling, and think about today, especially the last words out of Edward's mouth and my response, but Charlie is sitting at the kitchen table with a big smile on his face. "Bella, come keep your old man company for a little while." Strange, Charlie rarely seeks company. "Hey dad, you're home early," I say cheerfully. "That's right. Thought I'd come home, spend some time with my little girl." Umm... I'm beginning to freak out. "Oh... that's nice, dad." "Did you have plans?" he asks me. "I was supposed to meet Angela, but my plans were tentative." "Oh don't let me bother you, go ahead and see your friends." "Umm, dad, it's alright. Let me make us some dinner." I smile. I want Charlie as happy as possible. He cannot be annoyed, cross, hurt, or angry… ever. "You sure, Bella?" "Positive,” I insist. “I've missed you." "Missed you too. You ran off so fast from the cookout yesterday. Did you find what you were looking for?" "Yeah, I did."

"And Edward dropped you off? I thought I heard a car," he says. "Uhh, yeah. He knew I didn't have a ride back so he offered to wait." "That's nice of him." "Yep, that's Edward. Always the gentleman." "Don't impose on his kindness, Bella,” he tells me. “He'd never say no to you, you're my daughter, but he can't be your chauffeur." "Don't worry, dad. I won't," I try to assure him. It doesn‟t seem like he‟s suspicious. If anything, he thinks I'm taking advantage of Edward's kindness and feels bad. "Good girl.” "Dad... umm. Speaking of Edward. He wants to hang out after work in Port Angeles tomorrow night. He said I should join him, is that ok?" Well, he did mention a date… Might as well make sure it won‟t be an issue. "Bella, I can pick you up from the office if that's what you're worried about. Or take the truck, it's just one day. Let Edward have his fun." Careful, Bella. "I don't think I'd be intruding. I mean, I met his friends at Alice's party." Now I guess I'm implying that there will be third parties present. It's called a lie, Bella. "Well Bells, normally I'd have to think about it, since they're all so much older than you, but if Edward's there..." Guilt trip... "Thanks dad, you're awesome," I tell him. "Bella, if Edward drinks, you drive." "Dad, I wouldn't worry about that. But sure, anything you say," I promise him. "Say, Bella. We've got a new girl down at the station now; she's around twenty-two, twenty-three. Do you know if Edward would be interested?" I want to punch my own father in the face. "Ummm... I don't know. I uhhh think he's seeing someone." And by "someone" I mean me… And by "seeing" I mean we are in love. Right? "Really? He's always showing up to things alone." Ugh. Yes, I'm invisible.

"Maybe I got the wrong impression... but I'm pretty sure. What's her name? I can find out if he'd be interested." Hah. "Claire. I think they'd get along." Claire. Ew. I nod. "Cool. What's up with you playing matchmaker?" "Edward's like the son I never had, and Claire‟s a nice girl. Just trying to help." Ah, Edward as my brother. Let's make this whole thing even weirder, shall we? "That's really nice of you, dad." "Karma," he says, giving me a warm smile. I text Angela about the change of plans and start dinner. Charlie's quiet again, thank God. I'm tempted to text Edward about Claire, just as a joke, but don't want to ruin the "mood" between us. Plus, I am still blushing every time I think about how I silently mouthed, "I love you" instead of saying it out loud. "Oh Bells, forgot to tell you – you got a package from your mother. It‟s by the door." Ugh, what now? The package is big - maybe clothes? This could be interesting. The pasta is still boiling when I open it. The box is full of clothes. Jeans, a few tops, two cute skirts, and a yellow dress. Really, mom? Yellow with my complexion? There's also a note. Bella - I found a couple of things I thought you'd like. Wear the skirts to work! The yellow dress is adorable. Don't roll your eyes at me - I know it will look great on you, it's the perfect shade of yellow for your skin. Love you - Mom. I place everything on the couch and decide to try some of it on later. Dinner is not too exciting. Lots of silence. Charlie said more before dinner than he has all year, so his silence doesn't surprise me. After washing the dishes I take the clothes up to my room. The jeans and tops are pretty cool, and the skirts are great for work, so I‟ll get a lot of use out of them. I can't help but imagine Edward's hands going up, up... Mmmmhmmm. His finger inside me today was one of the most intense things I've ever felt. I wanted it to last forever. I think about how it would feel to have a finger inside me, and another one on my ... Buzzzz. My heart is racing again.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how pathetic is it that I miss you so much that I've been staring at your lips for the last twenty minutes? – E Ummm. 7. Almost as pathetic as how my thoughts immediately go to how your fingers feel on (and inside) me no matter what I'm doing at any given moment – B You're dirty – E You love it – B Sure do, beautiful – E Come to me – B More wonderful words have never been spoken (or texted). Alas, we don't want to incur the wrath of Chief Swan – E What he doesn't know ... – B Don't tempt me – E Come to me, Edward – B How? – E Ummm... love will find a way – B I adore you – E Mmmhmmm, I'm waiting for you – B I'm half joking, obviously. He can't just show up at the door. But maybe this will result in a phone call, or something. I‟m still a little shy about initiating these things. I know I have to get over it. Unfortunately, Edward doesn't call. He doesn't text back. I frown and decide to try on the yellow dress. Mom was right, it‟s adorable. A little too short for work, but I've worn shorter. Ahem, the shirt/dress/whatever. It's sleeveless with a scoop neck, and it also scoops in the back. It has a gathered skirt which stops midthigh. It will look cute with some flats and a cardigan. I twirl around and feel silly. I untie my hair and twirl around again, this time my hair twirls with me. I giggle. This happy calm that I have been feeling all day is wonderful. If only Edward were here. I look for something to wear to bed and find a white tank. Tank and underwear to bed… classy. Whatever, it's comfortable and nobody will see me. I tie my hair back and take out Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, because a girl's gotta read it again right before the movie comes out. I hear some noise outside and it freaks me out, but it's probably the wind. Stupid Forks weather – It's June! A few seconds later I hear a different noise. It's like a tapping sound. Terrified, I walk to my window and open it. A pair of green eyes and a mess of bronze hair greet me. "You're fucking stunning." "Oh my God. Are you crazy? You're going to fall.”

"Totally worth it if I do. Let me in?" he asks. "Ssshhh, Charlie." "You're the one who invited me." He's in my room, kissing my face. Yeah, my face. All over. "I didn't ask you to... scale the walls... what the... fuck?" I manage to say. "Climb a tree, actually." "Edward!" He shuts me up with a soft kiss on my lips. "Quiet, babydoll. Tonight's not the night for bloodshed." "No? What's tonight for then?" "Oh, I plan on continuing what we started this morning," he tells me. "I thought I told you..." He takes my hand. "Shut the fuck up, Swan. Feel me," he breathes into my neck. "Don‟t pretend that you don‟t like it." He has placed my hand on him. He's so hard and I feel wet, wet, wet. It still embarrasses me just how much he can turn me on, and how there is absolutely no way to hide it. I close my legs and hope he doesn‟t see what‟s going on. "I love it... love your... mmhmm..." I can't speak when his lips are on my neck. Ever. "Love my what, Bella?" he asks. "Your mmhmmm..." "Say it." "I love your penis? Edward. Love, love, love." My face is red. "You're amazing. Bella, I love you." He sounds so sincere, like those words mean life or death. I proclaim my love for his penis and he comes back with that. Of course I love his penis, it's a part of him. I love every single part of Edward Cullen. Every atom that makes up his body. I love the intangible parts of him. All of him. "I love you. You. All of you," I whisper.

"I can't get enough of that. I want to say it all fucking day. And hear you say it back," he murmurs into my hair. "I love you." This time I look into his eyes as I say it. I want to fall into their depths and I don't want anyone to catch me. "You're my life, Bella. You taste divine." My knees go weak and I'm glad the bed is right here because I let myself fall onto it. Edward falls on top of me. We just stay like that for a while, looking at each other. "Edward, every second I'm with you is better than the last. That's... not normal." "Seems crazy, right?" Kiss "Uh huh." I nod. Kiss "Just when I think I've experienced the greatest pleasure, you prove me wrong just by a stroke of your hand," he says. It makes me giggle. "Cullen, you want me to stroke you?" He smiles sheepishly. "Yes please.” But we forget this because I wrap my legs around him, and he starts grinding, and I push up against him and we're having a repeat of last night until the bed starts creaking and we stop. Stupid Charlie downstairs. Edward laughs as he rolls off me and pulls me closer to him. "Charlie, I apologize. I was having way too great a time fantasizing about fucking the shit out of your daughter while rubbing myself against her incredibly wet – " "Ewwww. Edward!" He begins to laugh, but abruptly stops. "I‟m sorry. That was a bit much wasn't it?" "So you fantasize about me?" I ask him. "You're joking, right?" "No." "Bella, all day. You are all I think about," he says. "Oh I'm sure you've had other thoughts."

He looks away, blushing. His smile is gone. "Ah, caught red-handed, so to speak." He tries to distract me with kisses, and I put my hand down his shorts and pull them down a bit. "You. Will. Only. Think. Of. Me." I swirl my finger around the tip with each word I say. "Yes, ma'am." "Only. Me," I repeat. "Yes, baby." "This is mine.”" "What's yours, Bella?" I give him a little squeeze. "This." "What is this?" I let my hand slide down and then back up again, staring into his eyes. "Yes..." he moans, breathing hard. His eyes are darker, he makes me blush. "Good boy." I smile. In one quick motion I bring my mouth to him and lick his head which is poking out of his shorts. His fingers are in my hair, but then he pulls me up. "Bella..." Ummm, is he kidding? Are we being shy now? I remove his hands and do it again. His hands are on my head again, but this time he pushes me down. I have him in my mouth and all of a sudden I'm terrified. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do. I enjoy how hard he is, but soft at the same time. I like his taste and I'm a little embarrassed because I'm not sure just how much I should be enjoying this. I decide to go with my instincts. I let my tongue swirl around him. He makes these sounds that make my nipples hard. I'm so excited. I look up, he smiles. "Teach me." "You're amazing," he says. "Show me, Edward." "Bella... do what you enjoy. Explore. Your mouth is heaven."

"I want to make you feel good," I tell him. "Baby, everything you do is perfect. Just love me." I smile. I know what he means. That's what works best with us. Just love him. I take him into my hand and start kissing him. By him I mean his... Edward makes a lot of sounds. He plays with my hair, runs his fingers over my neck. I just do whatever feels right, and some stuff I‟ve seen in porn. I want to touch every inch of him, I want to taste every part. I start licking and notice that Edward is getting louder, whispering my name, his grip on my hair becomes stronger. I take him and run him over my lips, like I'm applying lip gloss and he lets out the sexiest groan. "Oh my God, Bella. What was that? You're killing me. I can't be quiet. We have to stop." I don't stop. I take him into my mouth. Edward controls my movements with his hands on my head. It feels amazing, I love how he's guiding me, showing me what he wants. There's something so sexy about it, although I should probably not like this so much. Is it okay? Yes, so okay. I get the hang of it and start licking him as he basically... fucks my mouth. I realize that I‟m moaning too. I guess he feels this because he comments on it, asking me to do it more. I kinda don't want this to end but I'm so curious about how he really tastes. "Bella, baby, move I'm ..." I shake my head and take him in deeper. I lose myself in the act until I feel him shaking and something warm is hitting the back of my throat. I try hard not to choke on it and barely manage. I taste a little of him on my tongue as I lick his head. I moan and he laughs. "I'm very sensitive now, Bella. Oh Jesus." "I told you you're yummy.” I smile as I wipe a little Edward off my bottom lip. "Bella..." He wraps me in his arms and kisses me. And kisses me. And it's wonderful. And I have to breathe, so I pull away and take a quick breath and then attach myself to his mouth. Soon, I feel him grow harder against me and I smile. I rub up against it and he starts kissing my throat. "Edward..." "Bella, I want to touch you, make you come.” “Yeah?” I ask breathlessly. “Yes.” His hands are on me and – "Bella? You ok?" Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. "Fine Dad, on the phone!" I yell.

"Must be hearing things. I'm going off to bed, Bells. Tell Edward to call me tomorrow. Sam has some tickets to a Mariners game. And mention Claire,” he says. His voice is coming from the other side of the door. I can feel my heart beating wildly. "Will do, goodnight dad!" He can totally tell how my voice is shaking. "Goodnight Bells.” I take a deep breath and let Edward hold me. "Claire?" he whispers. "My dad's trying to set you up with some girl who works at the station," I explain. He has this haughty and dismissive look on his face. "Ew. What kind of reaction is that?" "I'm not dating some girl who works at the Forks police station," he tells me. "Well, la-di-da, Edward." "Come on, Annie, let's quietly make you come." "Mmmhmm... so you don't want Claire?" I ask. "I want you, silly." "How much?" He opens his arms wide, as wide as he can get them. "This much." I throw myself onto him, and he falls back onto the bed. We freeze, hoping Charlie didn't hear anything. I lie down on top of him, my back to his chest. His fingers are on my belly. He hums a tune I'm not too familiar with. I love him so much. Suddenly I'm exhausted, so I curl up into myself, my head on his chest. I play with the hairs that are peaking out from under his shirt. He kisses my hairline repeatedly. He whispers “I love you” whenever he's not kissing me. His breath on my face is intoxicating. "I was watching you," he whispers. "Hmmm?" "I was walking around aimlessly when I texted you. I was a few seconds away. It hadn't occurred to me that I could actually climb up… I just wanted to be close to you. When you told me to find a way, I noticed the tree. Fuck, I'm such a stalker." "Mmmhmm, wait right here for a sec, I'm going to go get Charlie," I tease.

He laughs, hugs me tight. "I was watching you, Bella." "What was I doing?" "You were twirling around in a yellow dress,” he says. "Oh." I blush. "You were glowing." "You make me glow," I confess. "Do I?" "Every thought of you. Yes." "What am I going to do with you, Bella?" he asks. "I thought it was obvious." "Is it?" His eyes are wide and they‟re mine, mine, mine. "You're supposed to love me." "I do." "Mmmhmm..." I want more Edward, I want him to touch me, to get me to that wonderful place again, but I'm so tired. I close my eyes as he starts humming again. "Edward..." "Yes, sleepyhead?" "What are you humming?" I ask him. "It's silly." "Tell me.” I'm barely awake. "Moonlight Serenade. Glenn Miller. Sinatra is great, but I just love the melody, no words." Maybe he‟s not twenty-six. Maybe he‟s sixty-two. Who is Glenn Miller? "You're serenading me..." "Always," he whispers.

"That makes no sense..." "Sleep, Bella." "Don't stop humming, please.” He holds me closer and we sigh together. "I won't, lover. I told you, I'll be here to hum, sing, serenade, always." "Then don't leave..." "Never.” "Good..." Edward Bella asks me not to leave. I'm not sure whether she means tonight, or... ever. It doesn't matter because I can't leave tonight. It physically hurts to think that I won't be able to do this every night. She's asleep and I just watch her for a while until fall asleep myself. I wake up and find her in my arms, her hands gripping my shirt. She's holding on to me. I see the time and realize that Charlie will be up soon. I have to run to my place, get ready, and come back to pick up Bella for work. I am able to get out of Bella's bed quietly, and she's still asleep. I don't want her to think I wasn't here all night. I want her to know that this was the most wonderful night of my life. So I search for a piece of paper and a pen, and when I find them, I hope I get this right. I'm pretty sure I remember it. I double-check by googling it on my phone. Bella loves Neruda. I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where, I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I don't know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep it is your eyes that close. I add a line, or two. You gave me the best night of my life until the next night you choose to spend with me. I'll be back soon. Wear the yellow dress and glow for me. Edward

Chapter 18 - Yellow dress, again Bella I open one eye and look around. What happened? Why is it morning? Was he really here last night? When did he leave? Did he really climb the tree? I obviously know he was in my room. I remember talking to him and feeling really tired, but that's about it. I'm pretty sure he stayed for a bit after I fell asleep because I remember feeling him under me, hmmm... He‟s definitely not here now. This is a good thing, because I can hear my father downstairs. I force myself out of bed, and the first thing I notice is a piece of paper next to my pillow. I hear the sharp breath I take when I realize what it is. He leaves me poems on my pillow. He leaves me poems I love on my pillow. Do I cry because he‟s sweet, or jump up and down on my bed because I‟m excited and happy and have a really, really hot boyfriend who leaves me poems on my pillow? I read it over and over again although I already know the words. The lines from the sonnet are beautiful, but they don't compare to what Edward wrote. You gave me the best night of my life until the next night you choose to spend with me. I hope he knows I've chosen to spend all my nights with him. I wonder if there is any place he'd rather be, because there definitely isn't for me. Alas, it's not left up to me. I live in Charlie's house and can't risk this every night. Or can I? No, you can‟t. It can't be too comfortable for Edward anyway, sleeping in a small twin bed. My bed smells like him. Now I know why he was so happy about his sheets Sunday night. I have to tear myself apart from them and take a quick shower. As cliché and pathetic as it sounds, it feels like I'm floating. I put on the yellow dress, as requested, and find a navy cardigan in my closet. I leave my hair down; it's still damp from my shower. As I wait for Edward this morning, the butterfly attack in my stomach is in full force. I can't eat anything and Charlie keeps giving me looks. "You feeling ok, Bells?" he asks. What's up with communicative Charlie these days? I've been sick before and he has always failed to notice. "Yeah, just sleepy.” "Late night phone calls do that to you." Ugh. Right. "Yeah, Angela and I had a lot to talk about since we didn't end up hanging out last night."

Hate lies. Hate hate hate. "Angela, huh?" "Uhhh. She's more or less the only person I know in Forks," I say. I can lie through my teeth. Good to know. "She's a good kid. Her father's a good man." "Yep." "Remember to tell Edward to call me,” he says. "Yeah, don't worry. I'll tell him." "And forget about the whole Claire thing, Bells." "Uhhh. Okay..." "They don't need old Charlie's help." Please. If it wasn't for "old Charlie" and the internship idea... "Yeah, you'd think..." Did I just say that out loud? "What's that?" he asks. "Oh nothing, sorry dad. My brain's fried this morning." "Maybe you ought to come home early and get some sleep tonight instead of staying in Port Angeles." As long as I get to bring him back with me and fall asleep with my head on his chest. Ahh... yes, that's exactly how I fell asleep. "It's too late now, I already said I'd hang out...we won't be out late," I promise him. "My little girl is all grown up, wearing dresses, hanging out with older kids. I should have a talk with Edward, tell him to keep an eye on you." "He does, dad." "Not that kind of eye, Bells.” I blush and pretend to look for something in the cupboard to hide my face. He must suspect. He definitely suspects. "If I didn't know any better I'd say the Cullen boy has a crush on you,” he continues. Oh my God. And when did Edward become „the Cullen boy‟?

"Ummm, dad, he's like way older than me. That's ridiculous.” Way to go Bella! You just told your father your boyfriend is way older than you! "He is older than you, and he's not stupid. Edward‟s a good kid, so I'm not too worried. Shoulda seen the way he was looking at you at Billy's, though. We had a good laugh over it when you two left." He's actually laughing now. Is he... slow? Does he trust Edward that much? Does he know? "This is really embarrassing..." I mutter. The strange thing is that every time "boys" have come up in the past, Charlie has stammered and avoided eye contact, changed the subject. He's enjoying this – there's no way he suspects or knows. There is absolutely no sternness, no warnings. He thinks Edward has a crush on me and probably suspects that I have one on Edward, but he doesn't want to further embarrass me. Ugh, he's smiling. "I'm gonna go..." I say, making my way towards the door. "Oh, Bella..." "Yeah?" "Tell Angela she can use the front door next time she plans to pay you a late night visit. I won't tell her dad." I freeze. I can say something, tell him he's crazy and that "Angela" wasn't there. Oh my God. He can't possibly know. I'd be dead by now. OH MY GOD. Is Edward dead? "Dad... what are you talking about?" "I'm the Chief of Police, sweetheart. You think I wouldn't know if someone broke into my house?" "Nobody 'broke in'..." "Bells, I won't tell the uh, Pastor that his daughter snuck out. Just be honest with your old man," Charlie says. "Ummm. Okay, I'm sorry. Won't happen again." "Good. Let's not make it a habit." His voice is serious now, and he gives me a stern look. It scares me. I know he's not talking about Angela but I find it hard to believe he knew Edward was in my room last night and didn't say or do anything about it. He loves Edward, but something tells me he wouldn't approve of our shenanigans. And that 'let's not make this a habit' comment was so not Charlie. "K, ummm. Bye, dad. See you later." "Have fun, Bells. I'll be working tonight. Be good."

Be good? I try to remain calm until I'm outside. Then I throw myself into the passenger seat and wait for him to start the car. "He totally knows something is up," I blurt out. Edward‟s eyes almost fall out of their sockets and he looks paler than ever. "Are you serious?” he asks. “Why would you say that? What happened? Shit." He grips the steering wheel so hard I wince. "He kept joking about you having a crush on me, and then he said something like, Angela can use the front door next time and told me the whole tree climbing thing can't become a habit. Oh God. Drive, Edward,” I tell him. "Angela?" "Remember? I told him I was on the phone..." His left leg is shaking, and he is pulling at his hair. Don't pull out your wonderful hair... I reach up and pry his hand away, holding it tightly between both of mine. "Fuck, okay. Bella, calm down. If Charlie knew anything, we would not be here in this car now," he says. "Ugh I know, but I'm freaking out." "I'll find out..." "What?! No!” "Sam. I'll call Sam. We grew up together," he explains. "Edward, Sam can't know. He'll tell Charlie." He shakes his head. "Bella... don't worry, he won't. Nobody has to know yet." "Right, nobody. Just Alice, Jasper, your sister and her fiancé." "Uhhh, yeah…” "Edward...?" "Yeah baby?" "Who else knows?" I ask him. He looks away. “Edward…” I start again.

"My parents." "WHAT? Oh my God, Edward!" "Bella, relax, it's fine. They'll come around, and my mom wants a picture." "Of WHAT?" I scream. "You." What did he smoke before picking me up? "Why would she want that?" "I told her that I‟m in love with you, and that this is for always," he explains. How can I be mad when he says things like that? "Edward..." "Bella, give me a minute." He pulls out his phone and dials a number. "Sam... yeah it's me... good, things are great... how's Emily?... cool, cool ... Uhhh I have a weird favor... hehe yeah, no, not this time ... that was fun, though, good times... umm yeah so Bella is here with me, Charlie's daughter? ... yeah I'll tell her you said hi... actually, she's sort of freaking out ... can you do some recon for her? ... with Charlie... she thinks Charlie suspects that she had someone in her room last night... well she did, a friend... I don't know, Sam it's none of my business, but if I‟m guessing... yeah... maybe find out what he suspects? ... Oh I know he trusts her ... Just want to put her mind at ease... hehe... yeah ... she's my best intern, I can't have her worrying over this ... you're the cop, figure it out... she says thank you... I'll tell her that... who? ... No, he starts on Monday... Will do, I'm sure he's great... your Leah? ... oh yeah... well that's a relief... cool man... thanks a lot... call me with any info... oh shit, haha... tell him I'm down for the game... Bella?... err... I'll ask her and let you know... thanks man, bye." "So...?" "Your dad just walked into the station. Sam will call me back if there's anything to report." "Thanks, Edward," I tell him. "Shhh, Bella." He places his hand on my knee. "I promise it will all be okay. Even if the event of Charlie finding out…” "Yeah?" "Even if he finds out, I‟m here.” "Yeah but I'll be... there," I say, signaling towards Forks, now somewhere behind us. Edward smiles. "I'm here, Bella." He gives my knee a squeeze and then takes my hand.

Everything is okay. "Mmmhmmm..." "So can you still come out with me tonight?" he asks. "Yeah, he told me to have fun." "Ah, fun. If he only knew..." Edward‟s smile is sex. Or what I imagine sex to be like. I melt a little. I like just talking to him, about us, about stuff. And while I still get so shy sometimes when we're not kissing, or touching, or quoting, this feels nice right now. I laugh. "He said that he wants to tell you to keep an eye on me, but ummm... not the kind of eye you've been keeping," I say. "He said that?" Edward obviously finds this amusing, because he is smiling like a little boy. "Yeah." "What else?" "That umm you were looking at me... at Billy's..." Ugh, now he's grinning. "They noticed, huh?" "Yeah, they found it funny, apparently." Edward laughs, my butterflies start fluttering. "Nice." "Yeah umm... he said he trusts you and you're a good guy," I tell him, bringing his hand to my mouth. His face falls. "What's wrong?" "Nothing. Just after the conversation with my parents yesterday, being reminded of Charlie's trust in me... I fucking hate lying." "I don't want to lie either, but right now..." "I know. The thing is, my parents would feel more comfortable with the idea of us if Charlie knew."

"Edward... Charlie will know. But umm... right now I want to spend every second I can with you. Even if you'll still be 'here' if something happens, I want you physically, I want your voice and touch. I don't want that taken away from me." "Ugh Bella, I know. I know. I'm sorry. Hopefully we can keep this from Charlie at the very least until my parents arrive in two weeks." "Two weeks? Wow. I was thinking, umm, about Charlie finding out when school starts... I'll be seventeen so he can't yell „YOU'RE SIXTEEN‟ when he finds out. And that way our time together is longer, and umm... we'll have the summer..." I want to cry. He senses this. "Bella,” he starts, “there is no expiration date.” "Right..." I laugh and roll my eyes. "Bella, If in your mind there's an end date, you have to tell me. No pressure, but I love you and I want to know if this is temp – ” "In my mind? One of my first thoughts this morning was that I choose to spend every night with you. My next thought was whether or not you'd rather be anywhere else, because there's nowhere else..." The tears fall down my face and Edward looks so sad. "Bella...don't..." "I'm so sorry," I tell him. "No, no. It's okay, baby. This is supposed to be a happy day. We‟re going on our first real date tonight, no crying." "I'm sorry. I'm scared. I keep thinking, what if he realizes there's somewhere else he'd rather be?" Edward takes my hand and kisses it. He kisses my fingers, my palm. I want to see his face but I can't. "Bella, sshhh. Don't be scared. Nowhere else. You look so beautiful. I want to kiss your tears. I'm so sorry. So sorry. I shouldn't have asked you... there is no expiration date. Please smile. Or don't. You're so beautiful. I'm scared too... but umm... I will take you to school every morning. I will... well, you'll have to find someone to drive you home after school. I will spend every hour outside of work with you. B, if I'm not allowed to see you I will wait for you. I'll watch you, and I'll wait. Or I'll fucking take you with me. Just... don't cry." "You wouldn't..." I tell him, shaking my head. "Wouldn't what?" "Take me with you."

"I'm so selfish and I care so little about anyone else that I would. Baby if you'll have me there's nothing I wouldn't – ” "What about when I go to college? There's a big fat expir – ” "I'll come,” he says, interrupting me. "You'll... come to college?" "I will retake bars, I will be where you want me to be. If you need for me to stay in Washington, I'll wait for you here. If you want me in New York, I'll drive you to the airport, get on the plane with you, and never leave your side." I start laughing. He looks so serious. He is saying crazy things he doesn't mean again, but it's ok. I understand. He wants all these things. Making them happen is another thing, but I won't blame him for wanting to be with me and believing that he can. "Something funny, Swan?" "Nothing... just. You basically told me I have a personal stalker until the end of time and we haven't even gone on our first real 'date' yet.” I giggle. "Well, lucky me. Most stalkers don't get dates." I look up at him through my tears. He‟s smiling, so I smile back. "Ugh. I'm sorry, I overreacted. I'm usually not this crazy." "You're just a better communicator than I am,” Edward tells me. "Umm, I just cried like a baby over nothing." "You cried because you vocalized your fears. I wouldn‟t call that nothing. I'm scared too, Bella." "What scares you?" I ask. "Everything,” he replies. "Care to elaborate?" He opens his mouth once, twice, and runs his hand through his hair. He finally speaks after the third attempt. "Well, not to put an even bigger damper on the day, but, you know – Charlie finding out and not letting me see you is my biggest fear. You getting into trouble. The inevitable college thing... that's also a big one. And my need for you to make your own choices independent of me, not be held back. I'm afraid I'll break my biggest promise to myself and let you go thinking it's the right thing to do. You have to remind me... I have to remind myself... I don't know..." He's making little sense towards the end. Letting me go? I know what he's talking about and that terrifies me more than anything. The stupid idea of letting someone you love go. I don't get it. I'm glad he seems to think it's stupid too. Taking a deep breath, I start to speak.

"Umm... all the parental drama aside. I ... it's not ...I have no choices independent of you. You wrote the words this morning... but this, in which there is no I or you... And they... extend to... You are ... me. I will consider you no matter what I'm deciding. I won't even pretend... God, if I can't even form coherent sentences I'll never make it to college... what I mean is, you can't hold me back, Edward. Right now, as fucking crazy as I sound, I breathe because of you, for you. Any decision... choice... is about you, it has to bring me towards you. Everything else is transient, passing... you are... always... and so I can never be 'held back' by you... do you understand? Am I making – ” Wow, you couldn't complete a single thought you started. "Yes." But he looks so serious, almost terrified. "I'm sorry, that was..." "Bella. It's everything I needed to hear. I won't let you go. You can leave, but I won't be the one..." "Same here, Cullen. I'll never..." He laughs. "Are we making a pact not to break up, ever?" I smile. "No. I'm saying, and I think you're saying, that we won't make decisions based on our ideas of what is good for the other person.” "Uh huh." I have a hard time believing that he understands everything I‟m saying, since I did a pretty bad job attempting to explain it. But maybe he just understands... like I understand. "No notes saying... this is for the best, I had to let you go so that you can live your life..." I tell him, trying to give him a clearer idea of what I mean. "I'm no martyr, B, I'm no hero. When you're done, you just say it." "You too.” I nod. "Fuck, I want to throw up." "Scared? A little commitment-phobic, perhaps?" I tease, smiling as I brush my finger over his cheek. "Bella, the thought of you possibly saying you're done one day makes me want to throw up." "See? You can communicate.” "I try. Anything, B..." I rest my head on his shoulder. I'm so tired, worn out. I am glad we had this talk, as intense and scary as it was. For a second I am able to forget about Charlie, his shotgun, and a dead Edward. That's good, right? There's something else I want to ask that seems silly at this point, but I must.

"Do you think, like, maybe... it's not worth all the drama because ummm we barely know each other?" I ask Edward. He doesn't think. He responds immediately, and his voice is a little harsh. "No." "Good." "Bella…" he says, his voice suddenly shaky. "I don't either, Edward. I know you want to ask..." "I don't think that we 'barely know each other,‟” he tells me. "Neither do I, but..." "I know…” "I want a kiss. Just one. Stop where you did yesterday?" I ask sweetly. "Anything." Edward She wants me to kiss her. I just had the most intense conversation in my life. Yeah, it was even more intense than the one with my father yesterday. This conversation was sort of, life-changing. I‟m mildly terrified, and still in shock. This is probably the first serious talk we‟ve had since we first met. Certainly the longest of its kind. You realize you met her nine days ago, right? I don‟t like the doubts I have in my head, and while I‟m glad we talked, the gravity of the situation became more clear to me. Her words were perfect, though, and I understood everything she was trying to say. Everything else is transient. She's my constant. Or at least she will be. She'll be my Penny. “You watch Lost, right?” I ask. "I think we've had this conversation before." “Hmm, I'm pretty sure we haven't,” I tell her. “You've been talking to too many guys." "You're right, I can't keep track. And yes, I watch Lost. In fact, I try to watch each episode at least twice." "Closed-captioning with a twenty minute delay?" She laughs. "That sounds about right.”

"Marry me.” "Done." She looks up at me, biting that bottom lip. She grins. She is glowing. I can't form any words. I'm too distracted. Her dress scoops low, I can see cleavage. If I could get her on my lap, bouncing on top of me, her tits would fall out of her bra, I'd see her nipples. I want to bury my face in her tits. Bouncing...lap...Bella...tits. Concentrate, Cullen. She's talking. "Okay,” she‟s saying, “so after you kiss me and leave me breathless, we have to discuss all five seasons. Oh! I was planning on watching them all over again this summer before you umm... distracted me." I distract her too... Let me leave you breathless, Bella. Fuck work. "We'll watch together. Are you free this weekend, or have you already made plans with one of the many men in your life?” "Just one little plan..." she says. "Care to share?" "Well, one day, I think it was last week, this really cute older guy with a beautiful mouth promised to ummm... pleasure me every day of my life. I think I want to start collecting..." I become incomprehensibly hard. So after burying my face in her tits... I get to bury my face in heaven. "Not during Lost, Bella," I tease. "As if..." We both laugh. I stop the car and turn around to kiss her, but I'm apparently too addicted to talking to Bella. "I was just thinking about what you said..." "Soooo... you'd like to continue our conversation instead of just fucking kissing me?" she asks, arching an eyebrow. "Shut up, you have no idea what I'm planning for tonight,” I tell her. "I don't fuck on the first date." "Don't flatter yourself, B," I tease. "Ew. Stop rejecting me," she whines, sticking her tongue out at me. Precious. "As if. Anyway, before you interrupted me, I was about to say that I really appreciated your comment on how everything else is transient. And we're...not."

"Ah." "Yeah and ummm, I was thinking you're like my – “ "I'm your PENNY!" She grabs my face and plants her mouth on mine. She's perfect. She's mine. She's brilliant. She's everything. "Uhh, something like that." "Ugh, Edward,” she says, throwing up her hands. “You know how difficult it's been for them... and we don't even know what – “ "But they reunited and had baby Charlie,” I remind her. "I'm not having any babies anytime soon, Mr. Cullen." Her index finger goes down my chest. Her hand covers my cock. Stupid pants. Stupid boxers. "Thank God, even though I do have a thing for pregnant – “ "Ugh, Desmond, just kiss me," she says in a bad British accent, as she gently squeezes me. My cock is smiling. I lose myself in this kiss. More so than in other kisses, if possible. I think this is because I feel like she's a part of me now. I kiss her like I have all the time in the world. It's still a hungry, passionate kiss, but I can let it go on forever. She's mine. She's perfect. I'm going to watch five seasons of Lost with her. I hope she hates Jack, too. That could be a dealbreaker. Ummm... she smells so good. I can't wait for tonight. Be good, tonight is just a date. Of course my fucking phone has to ring. If it's Carlisle, Esme, or Rose the phone is going out the window. "Baby... I need to – “ "Nooo..." she whimpers, slowly rubbing me over my pants. "Sam, hey." "Just had a little conversation with the Chief." "That was quick. And?" Her hand is gone. The world goes dark. "She's right. He's suspicious because he heard voices last night. Definitely a guy's voice." "Does he suspect anyone in particular?" "Sorta. Is Bella there? Let me talk to her." "No man, she's not here right now. So who does he suspect?"

"You know that Tyler punk? Yeah well, that's why he's not too worried. That idiot is always up to this kind of shit, climbing trees and what not. He doesn't think Bella's interested. He's pretty much a clueless dad. Says she probably kicked him out." "Cool. Well, thanks Sam. She'll appreciate it." "Cullen, he doesn't think Bella's interested because he thinks she has a little girl crush on you." Yes, she does. "Come on, man." "It's cool. He thinks it's funny." "Uhh... poor Bella." What am I supposed to say? "I'm gonna go now. Did you ask Bella if she wants to come to the game?" "I forgot. I'll ask her later and let you know." "Enjoy your evening, Cullen." I plan on it. Wait, what? "You...too, Sam." "I've known you for 20 years, Cullen. Maybe if she comes to the game don't stare at her with your tongue hanging out,” Sam laughs. "What – " "Talk to you later." Fuck me. "Edward... what did he say?" "That Tyler kid," I tell her. "Huh?" "Apparently he's always up to no good. Charlie thinks that Tyler probably climbed up into your room and you kicked him out because you're not interested." "Uhh... He told Sam this?" "I guess." "That makes no sense," she says.

"I don‟t think it does either. But you‟ll love this, B. You're not interested in Tyler because you want me." I smirk. She looks horrified. "He told Sam that too? Of course." She's blushing. Is she embarrassed? "It's okay, B, Sam basically told me that I was drooling all over you at Billy's." "Ughh... we are so transparent," Bella cries, her face in her hands. I reach out and run my fingers through her damp hair. "This is a good thing. Planting something in their heads. Maybe then - " She cuts me off. "Yeah. Ok. Now shut up. Kiss me." "You're insatiable,” I whisper against her skin. Bella kisses me and licks me, and proves I'm right. Then she stops. Fuck. "I said one kiss. We had two. I'm good. We're gonna be late.” "You're a tease." I lick her neck, she shivers. I kiss her throat, she moans. She places a finger in between my lips, I suck on it. Her eyes are on fire. "I'm your constant,” she tells me, “I'm the love of your life. I'm the one who is going to lick, kiss, and suck you until you scream tonight." She removes her finger and my mouth drops open. She's blushing now and looks timid, doubtful. I don't understand how she can be blushing after that. She owns me. Other women would look triumphant, or attempt sexy after saying those words. "You are,” I assure her. “I'm yours." "Drive, Cullen." "Only eight more hours, Swan." "Only... ***

This day will never end. It's 11:39 and Edward just texted me to tell me that he can't eat lunch with me today because he has things to do. I was a little cross at first, but I got over it when he came over to give me an assignment and discreetly ran his fingers down my arm. Yeah, that's all it took. Pathetic. Alice wants to take me shopping during our lunch hour and while I don‟t particularly feel like lunch with Alice, I agree. I have nothing better to do, and she‟s Edward‟s friend. She also talks a lot. Especially about her friends. There is a serious lack of decent stores, so we give up fairly soon. Thank God my mother sends me clothes all the time. I tell Alice this, and she tells me she‟d like to come over and see my closet. We agree that Friday would be best, and she suggests a sleepover. I think she's kidding at first, because she's an adult, but she's serious. I try to change the location of the sleepover to her place, thoughts of spending the night with Edward swimming in my head, but she's not stupid and puts her foot down. "So, where do you think he's taking you tonight?" Alice asks. "Ummm... no idea. A restaurant?" She rolls her eyes. "Typical Edward, no originality.". Huh. That‟s a little surprising. "Is that what he usually does on dates?" "Pretty much. When he dates." And this is why I agreed to lunch and shopping. "What do you mean?" I ask. "He's more of a... meet someone while you're out sort of guy." "Like...one night stands?" "No, not all the time. He‟s just not a big dater,” Alice explains. “Oh.” "I wouldn't worry, Bella,” she quickly tells me, “Rose says he really likes you. And I can tell he does, too." Rose? "Yeah he says he does." "You've had the talk?" "The talk?" "Have you discussed your feelings?" "Yeah..."

"Omigod Bella, tell meee!" she squeals. I roll my eyes at her. But as much as I don't want to have this conversation because it's so personal, I‟m just really excited about the chance to talk to someone about Edward. "We ummm, it was kind of... cryptic, the way we told each other." "Well don't be cryptic now! How did it happen?" "Through...a song. It's lame, I know.” I duck my head in shame. "Aw, that‟s kind of adorable. What song?" "Some Beatles song," I mumble. "Which ONE? Bella!" "And I love her... he sort of sang a few lines when we were having lunch outside, then we were texting back and forth and he said he'd like to sing it again, I said I'd like that too... and then I sorta texted back a line from the song, and he texted back the next line. Then he told me..." I am staring at the floor, blushing. "That's all very confusing. He told you?" "He said he ...you know." "Yes?" Alice can barely contain her excitement. I can't help but smile. "Loves me..." "He TOLD YOU THAT HE LOVES YOU?" Alice is so loud that I cover my ears. She takes out her phone and is punching a bunch of keys before I warn her with the look of death. She quietly slips her BlackBerry back into her bag. "Yeah..." "Already?" "Yeah, like on Monday," I tell her. Alice looks puzzled, almost upset for a second, but then gives me that infectious smile again. "Bella... that's so exciting. Did you say it back?" "I sorta did, at the moment. But later on we both said it... a lot." "Omigod! Rose was right! He told her, you know, that he loves you. We didn‟t think you guys had, you know, discussed things yet.”

Apparently Edward has an even bigger mouth than I do. His parents, Rosalie. Who else? "Yeah ummm..." "Bella, are you uncomfortable talking about this?" A teeny bit... "Not really... it's just a little private. I don't know if Edward wants me to,” I lie. Perfect. Blame it on Edward. "Bella, don't worry. He won't care. The man's an open book. I'm sure he's sooo excited." I blush, and smile. The man... "I think he is," I agree. Alice gives me a big hug and manages to hurt me. "Alice, you don't think it's too soon?" I blurt out. "Are you kidding, Bella? I thought we went over this already." "Yeah I know. I sorta took your advice." I smile. "I can see that… So tell me about romantic Edward." "He uhhh, climbs trees. And hums to me. It's silly. He 'serenaded' me last night. Leaves poems for me to read..." "Awwww. Bella that's great! I've known him my entire life, and the only time he was..." Her voice trails off. Interesting. "The only time he was what?" "Oh, nothing. This thing way back in high school. Nothing important." She laughs, with a wave of her hand. I feel a little sick. She sounds so dismissive of the idea of a high school relationship. "I see..." "Oh Bella, I'm so sorry! I don't mean this isn't important, just because you're... No, no. I meant he was young. Edward was a kid. Ahhh I'm making things worse!" I laugh. “Yeah, maybe you should trying. So, who was she?" "Her name is Tanya. She's married with kids now. I think she lives here in Port Angeles, actually. They hang out occasionally now that he's back in Washington."

"Oh." "Bella, don't worry. It was just puppy love. I think she was his first, and he was definitely her first. Prom, blah blah. Not like you guys." Nope, definitely not like us. I wouldn't be Edward's first for anything. "I'm not worried. Whatever.” I shrug, but Alice can tell that I‟m no longer in the best of moods. "Bella, Edward is an adult who is putting a lot on the line for you. You may be young but you're no Tanya or Edward at sixteen. I can't begin to explain how different you and Edward are – “ “It‟s ok, Alice,” I stop her. “You don't have to try and make me feel better." It‟s not like I can blame him – we're just beginning to get to know one another. And who the cares about other women? When I'm with him things are... mhmm. My mind wanders from this Tanya character to Edward's smile. Naturally, his smile reminds me of his lips, his lips remind me of that kiss between my legs. His tongue... His tongue on my neck while he's moving against me. Ugh, Alice is saying something. "I'm glad you're not upset. It was such a long time ago, it's silly that we're even talking about it." "I don't know about that... you did compare them to us. You implied that it was the only time he was 'romantic'... that's pretty big. What kind of stuff did he do?" I ask her. "He'd sing to her and bring flowers and stuff, the usual.” I actually feel the scowl that is forming on my face. "It was his first romance, give him a break!" Alice laughs, throwing her hands in the air. "I'm not mad, Alice! I'm just curious!” I'm actually not mad or upset – I just want to know more. When I'm not around Edward, my favorite activity to talk about Edward or think about Edward. Duh. Sad, sad, sad. "So, who else?" "Umm... let me think,” Alice says, closing her eyes for a second. “There were some random girls in college, but not a single one stands out. Tanya was at UCLA so they had broken up already. He was at Dartmouth. Jasper went to school with him and always jokes about Edward breaking hearts because he was never interested enough to start a relationship." "You met Jasper through Edward?" "Yep, and that's also how Rose met Emmett. Edward is the accidental cupid. Jasper came to visit Forks with Edward over winter break when I was still a senior in high school," she winks at me, "and Edward and I ran into each other at the diner. I saw Jasper and forgot that Edward was standing there. That was it for me."

"Wow." "Yeah, the second he was done with college he moved to New York to be with me. I had another year left at that point. Edward also moved to New York, for law school. Emmett was visiting Jasper, and Rosalie and I had been roommates throughout college, which Edward totally set up by the way. They met, fell in love, got engaged. And th – " "Rest is history." "Wait, I'm not done, Bella! Ahem. And then, Edward got laid off and decided to move back home for awhile, and I couldn't find an internship, so I had to beg him for one. Edward met this other intern and then... you can say it now." She grins. "I love you, Alice." "Save it for Edward, Bella." We walk around and talk some more. On our way back to the office, I bring up Edward again. "I want more dirt on the boss,” I inform her. "Ask me anything. He has no big secrets or anything. Not that I know of..." I laugh. "Funny, Alice." "Oooo, haha. I didn't even think of you! I guess he's got some big secrets now!" "He said he slept with some girl a couple of weeks ago, I'm so curious,” I tell her. Hint: tell me everything you know. I want a full name, social security number, last known address. Alice's face goes blank. She looks pissed. "I'm sorry, I didn't meant to be nosy...” I quickly say. "No, you're not being nosy. It's just that if it's who I think it is, we all hate her." I start feeling a little queasy. Who knew I was such a jealous little bitch? "Uhh... so she's... a regular?" Alice laughs, but it's not a real laugh. "You could say that. I know he hasn't contacted her the past couple of weeks. She texted me to find out what he's been up to. Anyway, the whole thing with her was a mistake,” she tells me. "How so?" Alice takes a deep breath, I can tell that she's not longer excited or enthusiastic about our conversation.

"Oh, alright. They met back in New York at an event while he was still at his old firm. They were... very attracted to each other. But that's all it was. She became clingy after a while, but then it turned out that she had a boyfriend the entire time. Edward found out and was repulsed by the whole situation. He stopped seeing her." "Oh, was he upset? Like..." Like did it break his heart? "Oh he wasn't jealous or anything,” she assures me. “More like... he didn't want to be a part of it. Cheating, you know? It‟s messy. They hooked up once or twice after he found out, just sex. No big deal. He moved back here around that time. We were all glad she was out of our lives." Just sex. No big deal. Of course not, not if you've actually had sex. "Why, were things getting serious?" "Not even for a minute. But she would come out with us sometimes, or be at Edward's. We didn't like her. Skank," she scowls. "So then she was here a few weeks ago?" Alice nods. "I'm assuming it's her because I know she's in Seattle for the summer. I remember him mentioning something about going up there to see her. Poor Eddie probably needed to get some.” When she realizes what she just said she freezes and covers her mouth. I laugh to show her it's fine, also because her facial expressions are hilarious. "What does she look like?" "Ugh, Bella. Are you upset?" "No, just curious,” I reply honestly. “Come on, you knew I'd ask!" "Of course. You can Facebook-stalk her through my account. Give me your phone, it's easier to access Facebook on an iPhone." I laugh. I realize that this person is probably friends with Edward on Facebook and that I've probably seen her in his friends list. Let's be real, I've been Facebook-stalking Edward since he added me. I hand over my phone and wait until she hands it back. "That's her, the redhead.” Oh. My. God. She has to be like, 5'10, model figure, huge boobs, long, wild red hair. She has sexy smile on her face. She's a woman, you can tell. Definitely not some girl. Alice looks at me, I glare at her and then frown. "Bella. Edward fucked her. I promise you, you have nothing to worry about." Nothing at all, except that when he fucks me after having fucked her last, he'll realize that he was fucking a model before he met me.

"Yeah, I know." Bella, you do know. "Are you sure you're okay?" I feel bad, because Alice looks very concerned. So I give her my brightest smile. "I'm fine." Alice raises an eyebrow. Am I? I don't doubt Edward or his feelings for me, but wow. He had that and he wants me? I know he finds me attractive, or is attracted to me – are those the same thing or totally different? – but who knows what this girl did for him in bed. "Alice, fuck this. Honesty is the best policy, right?" "Out with it, Swan." "Alright. Homegirl looks like she's been around the block a few times. She also has the body of a Gisele or a Bar. Her sex-hair rivals Edward's. How do I not freak out?" "Because homegirl never heard Edward hum, she never held his hand, and Edward definitely didn't climb any trees. I want details on that, by the way,” Alice tells me. “The biggest effort he probably made in that 'relationship' was sending a BBM asking her if she wants to fuck. Bella, I'm going to say this once. I didn't want to influence your decisions concerning Edward before, or encourage you, but I see now that you've made your decision. That night at my party, I saw how he came up behind you and how you two just stood there. I saw the look on his face after you went inside. It was, like catching a glimpse into the most wonderful romance. I see it every time he walks over to your cube at the end of the day. There's something there. And you know this. You are incredibly confident for your age. Don‟t let this get to you. Plus, when you put your hair up in that messy bun and then let it loose you're one hot virgin with sex hair." I can't help but laugh. "You're right – forget Red. Okay, now I need nice stuff..." I tell her, hoping she understands. "Stuff?" "To properly seduce the boss," I grin. Alice's eyes are like saucers. “Oh…” "Like... undergarments,” I explain. "This is so wrong, but yes, you do.” Alice giggles, shaking her head. "Alice, if you think I shouldn‟t…” "I‟m not your mother. You want to go shopping? We‟ll go shopping. Are you free this Saturday?” "Ummm, actually no, Edward and I – ” LOST! LOST! LOST! "Edward can suck it, or join us.”

What about Charlie and the baayyyybeee... I have to find out his thoughts on Claire's whereabouts. "Ew, I'm not going lingerie shopping with Edward. Anyway, I don't know if he'd want to come," I tell her. "I don't think he'd pass up the opportunity to be in a big city with you where nobody knows you guys,” Alice points out. “He'd be really stupid to.” Mmmhmm, maybe he will hold my hand when we walk around, and kiss me if we stop somewhere to eat. "I'll ask him." This isn't necessary because Alice is already on the phone with Edward and he says he's down, but that he's disappointed that he won't get to watch LOST all day. I smile. The rest of the afternoon at work is pretty lame. Edward calls me into his office and introduces me to another attorney who also needs my help doing things a monkey could do. After the other dude leaves, Edward sticks his head out of the door and looks around. Making sure that there are no witnesses, he pulls me into a kiss. One small kiss on my mouth. I feel lightheaded as I walk back to my cubicle. Edward I'm worried that Bella will think the date tonight is lame. I want to take her to the restaurant we went to last week. Just a week ago, I was worried that I'd be forced to take the little girl with the freckles on her chest and fuck her on the side of the road because I was in permanently hard state around her. Now I'm worried that I won't be able to breathe if that same girl is taken away from me for more than a few hours at a time. I still want to fuck her and maybe one day if she's cool with it come all over those freckles, but I also want to kiss every single one, name them, talk to them, tell them I adore the skin they are splattered on that covers the chest I worship that belongs to the girl I live for. Come to think of it, she'd probably be into that. She said feeling me all over her belly was yummy. I smile because I think she's utterly absurd when she uses that word in reference to my jizz. Especially from that mouth which sits a little south of those big, innocent eyes. I went to buy Bella flowers over lunch but couldn't do it. None of them were fresh enough, or beautiful enough. I saw a bunch of tulips and asked if I could buy just one. Back in college a really hot Iranian student told me her name meant tulip in Farsi. Laleh also explained that yellow tulips symbolized being hopelessly in love. Laleh was hopelessly in love with some guy back home who she ended up marrying upon her return They had a few years ago, and I‟m pretty sure they also had a son recently. I hope they are safe now with all the craziness going on back there. I decided to send Laleh an e-mail to make sure all is well with her and her family. The florist was a little annoyed when I asked for a single yellow tulip. She told me to just take it, and turned her attention to a couple who had walked in after me. Smiling, I thanked her, and was on my way out when she called after me, asking why I wanted a yellow tulip. I explained to her what Laleh had told me and received a funny look. Work kept me busy all afternoon, but I was able to steal a single kiss from Bella, and my heart hammered in my chest for two minutes after she left. Everything was great until I received two awkward phone calls that I wish I could have avoided. The first caller was Charlie Swan, to ask me about the Mariners game Sam had mentioned earlier. I told him I‟d be there, and couldn‟t really argue with him when he said Bella wouldn‟t want to go. He referred to her as his “little girl” and it was hard not to vomit all over the documents I was working on. The last part of our conversation was pretty fucking uncomfortable.

"Make sure she doesn't drink tonight. She's probably safer with you than those hooligans her own age, but I just want to make sure you remember that she's not twenty-one yet. Hell, she's not even eighteen." Like I could forget that. "Don't worry, Chief, I'll take good care of her." "I know you will." Right after Charlie hung up, I received a call from Jessica Stanley, who wanted to remind me of dinner plans we had made weeks ago. That call was more annoying than awkward. “Yeah Jess, about that – something came up, I don't think I'll be able to do dinner," I told her. "Oh no, Eddie. I'm so sad. How come?" "Friends from out of town crashing at my place, you know..." "Oh, okay, we‟ll just reschedule." "Well, I‟m actually sort of seeing someone." "Oh." "I meant to tell you about dinner at Alice‟s party, but I didn‟t see you there,” I said. "I saw you at Alice's party. You ran off with a girl. Mousy-looking little thing." I ended our conversation there, not even bothering to acknowledge her request to call her if thing didn‟t work out with the girl I‟m seeing. I‟m not sure why I had made plans with my high school stalker, Jessica Stanley. Not only is she clingy and not too bright, but her father is Judge Stanley, the man I work for. But what can you do? It‟s slim pickins‟ in Forks, and Jessica has always been cute, in a cute puppy sort of way. And she always gave me decent blowjobs after gym class, both before I started dating Tanya, and during every Christmas, winter, spring, or summer break in college. See? I‟m a one-woman kinda guy. Usually memories of the blowjobs of my youth bring me to a state of pleasant hardness, but not today. The only memories that still manage to excite me include a certain redhead I fucked very recently. Images of 5'9 Tori in platform pumps, naked and bent over my desk with my cock in her ass will probably result in mild erections until I'm ninety-one. This cannot be helped. And if I replace Tori with Bella in my head… Now my erection is beyond painful, it's unbearable. I decide that I can never think about Bella's ass and my cock together again. I‟m a fucking masochist. This is torture. "Edward?" I hear a sweet voice call. Fuck. "Bella.” I look up to see her standing right outside my door. "It's almost five-thirty,” she says “Are you staying late today?"

"Oh shit, Bella. I didn't notice the time. Come in." She smiles and walks over to my desk. Her yellow dress is perfect and makes me think of the perfect yellow tulip I have on the passenger seat. I really hope it hasn‟t wilted. After logging off and making sure I‟m good to go, I notice that Bella has closed the door behind her. I quickly grab and kiss her wrist. She smiles at me. "It's like in movies. Men paying visits to women they want in drawing rooms, quickly kissing their exposed wrists." "Mmmhmm, women they love, B," I correct her, placing a few more kisses on her soft skin. She giggles. I feel something new and strange in my stomach. It's pleasant. "Wow, what were you thinking about that got you this excited?" she whispers. "Hmmm?" She nods towards my dick. Just images of you in naked in high heels being fucked in the... Stop it Cullen. My face is burning. She smiles seductively. "Oooh... you were being bad." I give her an apologetic look. I won't lie to her. "Thinking about your tall redhead, big boy?" Bella teases. What. The. Fuck. "Come again?" "Alice is quite the gossip. And Facebook-stalking is my hobby." Fucking Alice. I wonder if Jasper knows about her nose job. Jobs, rather... "You know I‟m into brunettes these days, B,” I tell her. "Are you?" " Yes, and for all the days to come.” "Spill it, Cullen,” she snaps. Feisty. “I want to know why you‟re so hard right now.” "Bella, I was thinking of doing really dirty things to you that I won't even say out loud until you're actually eighteen. Maybe twenty-one.” Sure, that‟s all you were thinking about. You‟re a saint. Her eyes are huge, and she bites her lip. "I think I don't want to know, then,” she tells me.

"Good,” I say, reaching out to hug her. She gives me a searing look. "I'm kidding, asshole. Tell me." Wow, my girl has a temper. "Well," I start, taking a strand of her hair and tucking it behind her ear. Her expression softens. "I just canceled a date I had made with a girl before I met you, and realized that memories of really naughty things with other girls are no longer interesting because I only think of you." "Sure. And that's why you looked like I caught you watching kiddie porn." I think I like this bitchy side of Bella. I think. It definitely turns me on. "Okay, fine, Swan. I remembered something and got hard. Then I imagined doing that thing to you and was about to explode." She grins, brushes two fingers over my cock. Yes. "Fine. Now tell me what," she whispers. "No." "Yes." "No." "One… two… don't make me say it, Edward. Three – “ I grab her ass and dig my fingers into her incredibly soft flesh. How can something that looks so fucking tight in jeans be so soft? "This." "Grabbing my ass?" she squeaks. "Use your brains, B. You're a smart kid." "Uhh..." I massage her ass a little more and she moans. Then she looks up into my eyes. "Ewwwwww." I laugh, a lot. I can't stop laughing until I see the look in her eyes and realize I'm about to get my ass kicked. "Baby, I'm sorry. I'm just a dirty old man.” I laugh. “Do you still want me to take you out?"

"Yes. You're fucking disgusting but it's too late. I love you.” She frowns. "Oh, B. You're a funny kid." "Hands off my ass, Cullen. I'll be watching you.” "Bella, Bella. The things I want to do to you..." She takes a quick look around the room, even though she shut the door herself and there is no one in here but us, and places her hand on me, rubbing me over my pants. She stands on her toes and brings her mouth as close to my ear as possible. "I would never deny you anything,” she tells me. “My ass belongs to you. But there are sooo many things we can do before that. Now feed me, because I was too busy thinking about how good you taste to remember to eat lunch. I love you.” Gulp. I'm a saint, I really am. Because that little speech she just gave should have resulted in Bella on top of my desk, legs spread, ankles in my hands, getting fucked until the entire office hears her scream my name. Instead, I give her a gentle kiss and bring her head to my chest. "I love you so much I sometimes doubt my sanity,” I confess. She hugs me tight, and I kiss the top of her head. I'm dizzy again, breathing her scent in deeply. "Bella, would you like to have dinner with me?" "Uh huh.” She presses her lips to my shirt. My heart jumps. "Bella, we can tell our children that we fell in love before our first date.” She hugs me tighter. "Mhmmm." Yeah, I sound fucking crazy. I really don't want any kids anytime soon – certainly not in the next ten years – but if and when I do, Bella better be their mommy. Because I intend on being madly in love with the woman who has my babies, so it's sort of a given. Yep, absolutely certifiable. No need to mention any of this to Carlisle, Esme, Rose, Charlie, Jasper, Emmett, or Alice. Especially not Alice. Even Bella doesn‟t really have to know yet. Too late now. I smile into her hair. "Edward, will you stop being a girl and just feed me?" I can think of a few things I'd like to... Focus.

"Run along, Isabella, I'll meet you by the car.” Bella slides into her seat and examines the flower I had left on the dashboard. She looks like she‟s lost in thought. She looks a little sad. "Bella?" " Is this for me?" she asks. "Of course, baby. You don't like it?" She examines the flower, brushing a finger over the petals. She takes a deep breath and puts it back down. "Bella?" Bella stares straight ahead. "So you think this… we... are hopeless,” she finally says. "What?" "Hopeless love, Edward." The tulip is back in her hands, her eyes are frozen on it. "Bella, that's not what it means,” I tell her. "Oh? What does it mean?" "It means I'm hopelessly in love,” I explain. It sounds so cheesy that I feel my cheeks burn. She looks up and smiles. She smiles like she is feeling sorry for me. It‟s a sad smile. "You're wrong,” she tells me. “It symbolizes hopeless love. As in, there's no hope for us." Crazy words are coming out of her exquisite mouth. Crazy? Or just not what you want to hear? "Bella…” "But if that's what you thought, thank you. It's beautiful," she says. "Bella, I'm pretty sure I'm right. I was told it symbolized being hopelessly in love by a girl whose name means tulip in Farsi. She'd know." "Misunderstanding, Edward. It's fine. Drive now, I want to kiss you soon." Right. And it occurs to me that the two of us sitting in my car staring at a flower would look strange to any of my coworkers who could be walking to their cars at any time.

She puts the tulip in her lap, and takes my hand. "How do you say tulip in Farsi?" "Laleh,” I tell her. "Laleh. That's pretty." "Yep. I wanted to get more than one flower, but there was nothing right." "Thank you Edward, I love it.” "You don't have to..." "Shut up, I love it." Bella‟s laughter is loud and genuine when I pull up to the restaurant. "Alice was right, you're not very original,” she tells me. I roll my yes at the mention of Alice. "I'm not very original, B. I'm an attorney. We're pretty boring people." I smile at her. Bella shakes her head „no‟. "You're not boring." "You just can't think straight around me." I smirk. "You'll soon discover just how boring I really am." "Ugh, you're so full of yourself. You can't think straight around me." I pull her into a soft kiss. She's right. I can't. That burn on my lips that results from her kisses feels incredible, and her tongue across my lips makes me smile. I open my mouth and she slowly licks my tongue with hers. She's a quick learner. I do it right back to her and she sighs into my mouth. I bite down on her bottom lip and she squeals. "Come on, Jailbait. It's date time." We talk about random things, and she asks me 500 questions about Lost. Bella's obsessed and it's very cute. She gets so serious when discussing her theories, which are generally very interesting and pretty complex. Some I agree with, others I hate. She thinks Jack is annoying. I tell her that I love her more because she said that. She says her favorite characters are Ben and Sawyer. I wonder just how sane she really is. "Ben. Benjamin Linus?" I ask, to make sure I heard her correctly. "He's incredible." "Bella, he‟s evil.” "That doesn't take away from how interesting his character is. Plus, Michael Emerson is genius," she says.

"I agree with you on that. But Ben? He‟s just not likeable as a character." "Whatever, Edward. When we watch together you'll get it." "About that, B. What's this Seattle trip Alice was telling me about?" "We wanted to go shopping. You don't have to come," she says. Bella‟s top lip is in her mouth and her eyes are everywhere but on me. “Would you rather be alone with Alice?” I ask her. “Of course not! I just need some time alone with Alice.” “May I ask why?” I‟m just curious. I wonder what their plans are. Alice would want to take her to a spa. Maybe they‟re buying lingerie. Or getting waxed. Everywhere. That‟s totally inappropriate. Inappropriate? She's your girlfriend. She's sixteen. She gave you a blowjob last night. A blowjob you thoroughly enjoyed. You weren't thinking about her age then. I certainly wasn't. "Edward?" "Hmmm?" "You have that look on your face again,” she informs me. “Spill it." Aggressive Bella makes me hard. "You're like the Gestapo. Stop interrogating me,” I laugh. "Stop incriminating yourself!" She's so fucking adorable and sexy and smart. I like playing with her. "You have three guesses," I tell Bella. "Hmmm... I don't know. Hints?" "No hints, B. Three guesses.” "Obviously, something dirty." I laugh. I can‟t take my eyes off Bella‟s eyes.

"Ummm..." She blushes. "Are you thinking about red?" "Red?" I ask. "You know, the redhead." “The redhead…” “Yeah, Victoria,” she says, looking straight into my eyes. “You were thinking about her earlier, in your office, right?” Why the fuck did you confess to have anal sex fantasies? Stupid, Cullen. Fucking stupid. You never admit to shit like that. And from now on, Bella needs to be kept away from Alice. "Bella, no. Definitely not thinking about her.” "Hmmm..." She looks a little ticked off. "Jealous, huh?" I tease. She sticks her tongue out at me. That tongue was touching me last night. I want to leave and make her use it again. "Not using your two guesses?" "I give up. Tell me," she smiles. I can't resist. I want to tell her. I like talking to her. I like watching her reactions to things I say, things she learns. "I was thinking about what you would need time alone with Alice for." She blushes and looks up at me through her lashes. Her eyes are pure lust, desire. I feel Bella's foot on my leg through my pants. She must have taken off her shoe. Bella wants me. "Be good, Bella," I tell her. "When did you first realize you wanted me?" she asks, gently caressing my leg with her foot. It takes quite a bit of effort on my part to concentrate on anything else. "We've discussed this.” "No,” she says. “Tell me when you first realized that you were attracted to me.” Wifebeater, nipples, jeans. "When I walked into your living room and saw you for the first time. You know this." "I want to know what you were thinking," she breathes.

"I was thinking I better get out of here before the Chief of Police sees how hard I am, staring at his kid. Then as I was walking out the door, I was trying to control myself, because I really wanted to turn around and hold one of your nipples between my teeth.” Bella looks like she does right before we do something new together. Her chest rising and falling quickly. Her eyes begging me to do bad, dirty, filthy things to her. "And what was the first fantasy you had of me?" she asks. I think hard, what was the first fantasy? "Well, I just told you – the nipple…” "No, apart from that. Did you… do you ever fantasize about me?" "B, it's all I ever do. I should add it to my list of hobbies on Facebook," I joke. "You really should,” she agrees. “You know, if we were really dating we'd have to change our statuses to „in a relationship.”‟ "I didn't realize this was make-believe.” "You know what I mean…" I sigh, I know what she means. I take her hand and place mine against it, watching them together. "My first boyfriend, and we can't legitimize our relationship on Facebook," Bella says. "First?" Bella blushes. "Yeah, first.” Cute, she thinks I'm surprised that I'm her first boyfriend. "And you plan on having how many…?” "Oh, at least a dozen, naturally," she teases. “You managed to distract me yet again, Mr. Cullen. Tell me about your first fantasy." "I think... after the nipple... let‟s see, I probably fantasized being in your mouth when I was on my way home that same day. And then there‟s the recurring „remove Bella from the car and fuck her over the hood until she screams‟ fantasy." By the end of my confession I'm almost blushing, and Bella is staring into her plate. "When did you first... you know," she asks softly. Ah. "Does little Bella want to know when I first touched myself while thinking about her?" I tease in a whisper. Bella shivers, and nods.

"Remember that little revelation you made in the car?" Bella grins. "Be more specific.” "You may have said something about the state of your... arousal." She laughs. I take her hand and kiss her palm. "Did you... think about something in particular when you did it?" Bella asks. I remember exactly what I was thinking about when I came that night. "Feeling you against me for the first time," I admit. I croak, actually, and avoid her eyes. "Ummm... like... during sex?" I immediately look at her face when I hear „sex‟… Oh Bella, stop doing the lip-bite thing. "Not necessarily,” I tell her. “No? So we can just feel that now, even?” I laugh, watching squirm a little in her seat. “B, do want us to try that here?” "We're in a public place! Shut up, Edward!” “I was joking. I know what you meant… In theory we could definitely try it now.” “You‟re being so cryptic. So I‟d feel you against me, right?” she asks. I nod. “Ok, so dry-humping but not dry at all? You know, since we‟re actually touching…” I bury my face in my hands and laugh and laugh. “You‟re such a dick, Edward.” I reach out and pinch her nose. She immediately tries to slap my hand away, and ends up hitting herself. “Ow.” She frowns and starts to play with the food she has been ignoring for the last twenty minutes. “Your fault. I just wanted to touch your nose. It‟s a cute nose,” I smile. She continues to ignore me. “Ignoring me on our first date, B?” She looks up and smiles. “We‟ve hardly been having appropriate first date conversation. I forgot it was out first date.” “You asked questions, I answered them,” I smile back. Bella softly laughs. “So, why did you say we can do it „in theory‟?”

“A lot of reasons,” I tell her. “But I think it comes down to the fact that I don‟t know if I can touch you like that and not feel the need to be inside you.” I watch Bella as she thinks this through, her chin resting in her palm, her fingers on her cheekbones. “Also,” I continue, “feeling me against you like that, B… you‟d be so wet, and it would feel so good. Maybe the first time we feel that should be when…” She actually licks her lips. "Maybe,” she says. “Or maybe it doesn‟t matter and we can try tonight.” “Or maybe you can shut up now, before I bend you over this table and give the fine patrons of this establishment a show.” “Oh Edward, you wish! You‟re too chicken.” "You're funny, B. I love you." “You can‟t tell me you love me on our first date!” Bella protests. "Tough." I pinch her nose again, this time she just smiles. "Why'd you bring me here?" Bella wants to know. I roll my eyes dramatically. "More questions?" I ask her. "Last one, promise," she smiles. "I brought you here because we were here the first time I start counting the freckles on your chest." "How many?" "I lost count fairly quickly because I looked into your eyes." "Edward, let's go."

Chapter 19 – Shirt Bella He's laughing. "Go where, Bella?" "Somewhere more private,” I tell him. “We, ummm... we need a recount." "Recount," he repeats. "Uhhh yeah, you messed up last time," I say, pointing to my freckles. His smile is so sexy, his eyes are on my chest, and he's mouthing one-two-three-four-five... "Edward..." "You're demanding a recount, huh?" "Yes." He continues to count, his brows furrowed in concentration. "How old were you during the 2000 recount Bella? Eight?" "Shhh. That was the first of many, Edward. Coleman-Franken, 2008," I remind him. "Yes, interesting race. Democrat or Republican, B?" "I'm not old enough to vote.” "Regardless. No political persuasion?" "If I could, I'd register as an independent.” He raises an eyebrow. "Oh, that could be a dealbreaker." "Oh?" "I'm a registered Democrat, I take politics seriously." "Damn New York liberal," I tease. "What can I say?" "Obama?"

"Pffft. You need to ask? Of course,” he tells me. "Kerry?" "I'm offended by that question. Of course." "Bush or Gore?" He laughs. "I was too young.” I start laughing too. A lot. Edward, too young. Funny. "What? I'm not that old. I was seventeen. And to answer your question – Gore. Clinton. Clinton. Dukakis. Mondale. Carter. Carter. McGovern – ” "Okay, okay,” I cry, waving my hands around to shut him up. “Stop showing off. I get it." Edward asks for the check and gives me a stern look when I reach for my bag. I don‟t know how this works, so I try to insist on paying for my food. I lose the argument, and we leave the restaurant hand-inhand. The familiar jolt of electricity I feel when he touches me still takes me by surprise. "Where do you get your news from?" Edward asks me. "Uhh... World News Tonight with Charles Gibson?" "Hmmm." "Charlie likes him,” I explain, “but I suppose I get my news online. Sometimes I watch CNN. You?" "MSNBC. Huffington Post. The New York Times. NPR. The Daily Show." "The Daily Show, Edward?" I laugh. "Hey, it's legit." I roll my eyes. "Whatever you say." "I never knew what was going on in the world at sixteen," he mentions. "Oh? So when did you become interested in politics?" "Around the 2000 elections,” he tells me. “I really got into politics in college. I also spent some time in the Middle East and later Africa after my parents started moving around a few years ago. Two fascinating regions. Interesting conflicts." "Hmm. I saw this awesome documentary about the Arab-Israeli conflict. I'd love to go to the region one day. Maybe learn more about it," I finish, staring at my glass of water. I feel exposed. Like he‟ll see right through me and figure out that I‟m just a kid. "I'd love to ask for your views on that, but that conversation always tends to get a little tense," Edward says.

"I'm not sure I could offer much of an opinion yet, I need more information to form a proper one." He looks at me intently, the way he did when we first met and he had his little mood swings. It's like he's studying my face. His fingers caress the skin on the back of my hand. "What's your favorite subject in school?" "English Lit and History. Tie,” I answer. "What would you like to major in?" "Ummm. I'm not sure yet. I think maybe comparative literature. Or philosophy. Or classics. Minor in history no matter what I do." "Columbia or NYU would be perfect for you,” Edward murmurs. "You're perfect for me," I tell him. "True. Come on, let's get out of here." I realize I knew nothing about Edward and his interests before tonight. Even now, all I know is that he probably hates Sarah Palin and Rush Limbaugh, and that he finds different cultures and parts of the world interesting. I'm not stupid or ignorant, I think I am well informed of what's going on in the world, but compared to him I know nothing. Somehow I don't mind that so much because I'd like to learn from him, with him. Maybe explore places he hasn't been to together. Finding Edward hot and wanting to put my hands all over him is awesome, but knowing that he has interests and opinions, and that he wants to discuss them with me makes it so much better. Edward has his hand on my hip as we walk to his car. He leans over and kisses the side of my head. I can hear him sigh as he pulls away. "Do you think maybe we won't have so much to talk about because of my age?" I ask him, not quite sure where that came from. He rolls his eyes and runs his fingers through my hair. "B, you just joked about recounts and mentioned Norm Coleman. You brought up the Arab-Israeli conflict, but refused give me an opinion because you want it to be informed and balanced. You say you don't know what you want to do in college but really you know more about your interests at sixteen than I do at twenty-six. You quote poetry like you were born reading it. Your intelligence and potential intimidate me." I've spent the most wonderful moments of my life kissing Edward, touching him, learning from him. They don't quite measure up to what I'm feeling now, having him talk to me like I'm his equal, having him listen to me, care about what I think. The happiness I feel tonight is indescribable. "Intimidate you." He nods. “Yes. In a couple of years you'll wonder what you're doing with some boring lawyer from Forks." "Silly Edward. If you're a boring lawyer from Forks, I'll be the boring lawyer's lover, doing something equally boring. If I get a chance to go somewhere else, you'll come be boring with me there." "I'd go anywhere with you,” he says. “Your dreams… aspirations are mine."

"This conversation is dumb right now. I may end up at the local community college and we can grow old on Charlie's couch." I smile, resting my head against his chest. "Or you'll end up in New York City, or Chicago, Boston, DC, London, Paris, Dubai, Tokyo. And I'll be right there with you. I can work anywhere, if I have a reason to be there." "I can't drag you around the world!" "Well don't join the State Department and ask to be sent around the world." Edward laughs. He cups my face in his hands and starts placing tiny kisses all along my jaw. "But I want to see the world, Edward,” I tell him. "So do I," he breathes before letting me go. He opens my door, and I slide in and wait for him to sit. I take his hand and hold it tight. "You've seen so much of it already, no?" "Yeah, a lot. I'd see it all over again, and not just for you. If I had it my way I'd just travel forever." "Then let's travel forever,” I suggest. "Done. Choose your first destination, B." "Well, this may sound pretty boring, but Europe first." He looks so pensive, again. I want to dive into his brain and listen to his thoughts. He becomes very silent sometimes and I tonight I just want to talk. And listen. And then talk again. "If you could take me anywhere in Europe – " He cuts me off. "London to explore, because it's fucking amazing to walk around and it's my favorite city in the world. You'll have to be eighteen because we would have to drink, a lot. I'd feed you Paris, and then we‟ll go to Normandie. We'd go to the Rouen Cathedral and see what inspired Monet. You like him, I noticed the prints in your room. I'd want to drive through the French countryside, probably in Provence, but maybe we'd have to switch up our itinerary because geographically it doesn't make sense. We'd see the clock in Old Town Square in Prague and I'd feed you Viennese pastries in Vienna and we'd go to the opera before running off to Salzburg, because I know you love The Sound of Music. Facebook,” he explains. “We would go to the Amalfi Coast and drink limoncello and take a boat to Capri. We'd see nothing because I'd keep you in bed with me the entire time, maybe walking out to our balcony to watch the sunset, or kiss in the sun. Fuck. I forgot Barcelona. I'd kiss you in every single city and town. I'd hold your hands while pointing out every sight, eating every piece of chocolate, drinking every glass of local wine. I would – " "Edward, breathe." It's not really Edward that I'm worried about, although I'm a little startled by his lengthy speech. I'm concerned because he has left me breathless. I need silence now, at least a second of it. I can't even imagine how magical it would be to experience all these things – especially with him. I don't want any of it

if he's not there. I'm perfectly content to just stay by his side, but Paris, Capri, London with Edward... I refuse to even consider the possibilities. He squeezes my hand before kissing my knuckles, and looks at me with an apologetic smile. "I got a little carried away. I had at least thirty most destinations on that list." "Mmhmmm... and this is just Europe," I point out. "Uh huh. But for now, B there are more important matters to discuss. We've got the Swan-Cullen recount, 2009." "That doesn't even make sense! It's the Swan freckle recount, if anything." I laugh. "None of this makes sense." It doesn't. I make my usual "move" and put my head on his shoulder. He rests his head on mine until I tell him to sit up and pay attention to the road. He laughs and places our hands on my knee. I get all excited thinking about him touching me later and then panic, wondering whether he's taking me straight home or to his place first. "The British Museum, Tate Modern, Musée d'Orsay, the Uffizi galleries, the Museo del Prado..." I think he's finally lost it. "Is there a reason why you are listing the museums of Europe…?” "These are some of the essentials for the Swan-Cullen Euro Tour, B. Keep up." "Oh is this after the Swan-Cullen recount of 2009?" I ask. "Yes." "You're absurd.” And I love you. "Why would you say that, Bella?" "Hmmm, 'Charlie, Edward and I are going to Europe together. See you next Sunday!'" "We're not going tomorrow. It's one of the plans,” he says, looking at me like I‟m crazy for not picking up on that. "You make too many plans and refuse to share any details." "Ask, and I'll share." You asked for it… "Okay, when do we, you know?"

My face feels warm and I know I'm blushing. He brings a finger and touches my cheek. "Ah. You have a one-track mind, Jailbait… but you're still blushing because you know you're being a bad girl." "You know I'm a good girl, Mr. Cullen. I've been so patient," I whisper into his ear. "Bella..." I run my tongue up the side of his neck and catch his earlobe between my teeth. I look down and can see something looks bigger than it was a few seconds ago. "May I touch you, Mr. Cullen?" "You don't need permission to touch what belongs to you." I continue to place kisses on his neck and sneak a hand into his shirt, placing it on his stomach. It feels so hard. I play with the hairs I love so much and relish the warmth of him. "You distracted me again. Answer my question, Edward." "Why are you so eager?" He wants to know. His voice is flat and his lips are drawn into a straight line. "I want to feel you.” I can tell he is purposefully avoiding eye contact and is probably glad he's driving. Driving gives him an excuse not to look at me. "So what we have, isn't that enough?" he asks. Don't push it Bella. "Enough for now.” "Good." To show him I'm not upset, and also to bring him out of his Bella-is-begging-me-for-sex-and-I-must-resist induced funk (shouldn't he be really fucking excited?), I bring my hand up and run my fingers through his hair, kiss his right cheek. He exhales. It's loud. "You know I want you more than anything," Edward tells me. "So you say." I chuckle, kissing the corner of his mouth. "Will you come to my place for a little bit before I drop you off?" "Given the chance, would you kick the shit out of Cheney?” I ask. He looks at me now, shaking his head and smiling. "So tell me, beautiful, what were your thoughts on Prop 8?"

Ugh, I've created a monster. Edward I turn on my laptop to see what's going on in the world today while Bella is upstairs in my bathroom. I told her I would meet her up there in a few and she told me to take some time because she had to call Charlie and give him an update. I have an e-mail from a travel website, which makes me think about my conversation with Bella about Europe. I realize we can't go anytime soon, and I'm that‟s fine. Maybe I can take her when she graduates from high school. Suddenly the fact that I finally have access to my trust fund gets me really excited. I had to wait until my twenty-sixth birthday, which was ten days ago. I met Bella just a day later. She was like the ultimate birthday present. The extent to which you have turned into a girl is appalling. You should be glad the guys back in NY can't see you now. It‟s not like I have an unlimited source of wealth – I most certainly don't. But with this money I can live a little more lavishly, take more trips, get a place of my own someday. I have no intention of moving out of the house for now because owning real estate is a big deal, yo. It makes me nervous. And there is no point in paying rent when my parents are gone most of the year. You could also live off some of the money with Bella if she gets accepted to schools in New York, or anywhere, until you find a job. I could definitely do that. Slow down, Cullen. Fine, I'll go slow, but she's so fucking awesome. I was actually pretty nervous about talking politics with her. I guess I've been subconsciously avoiding any real conversations about our likes, dislikes or anything that isn't immediately related to us, because I was afraid of disappointment. She says she'd register as an independent. Whatever, she could be the spawn of Karl Rove and I'd still count the seconds until I got to see her again. Ah, I should go upstairs. I sit on my bed and listen to her voice as she talks to her father. Her little Prop 8 speech earlier was adorable. Trying to balance the legal aspect with what she thinks is right. Bella doesn't know it yet, but she's as liberal as I am. I explained what is meant by the fundamental right to marry and discussed some important constitutional law concepts relating to marriage and fundamental rights. She asked a lot of questions, struggled with some of her own thoughts, bit down on that lip. She said she thinks she'd be interested in constitutional law and that made me smile, because it was my favorite class in law school. It's not like I haven't had interesting conversations with women before. In college and law school I was friends with many amazing, intelligent women, and we'd spend hours talking. Sometimes we'd have sex too. I'm just really relieved that the biggest fear I had concerning Bella, apart from the fucking obvious ones, was just stupid. Not that I thought she wouldn't be intelligent, because I obviously knew she's smart. I guess I just feared we wouldn't have much to talk about, that she wouldn't be interested in any of the things I am interested in. Just because she lets you prattle on and on like the pompous asshole you are doesn't mean she thinks you're interesting.

Whatever, she's smart, and beautiful, and interesting, and mine. I'm thinking about the different conversations I've had on dates over the years. Many of them were fine. Some girls made me want to run out after telling them how fucking boring and stupid they sounded. Ah, then there were the girls who didn‟t even bother trying. Gems like Jessica or Tori. "Edward I'm bored." "Come over." "You're too far uptown, you come." “I‟ll give you money for the cab, Tori.” "Fine." And Jessica. She would just smile and give me the 411 on high school peeps. When she was actually able to speak, that is. Speaking of the inability to talk... I wonder if Bella will give a repeat performance of last night. Not until you make her come. I'm instantly hard at the thought of Bella's mouth on me and her face as I suck her clit. I jump when I hear the bathroom door open. Bella is the sexiest fucking thing I have seen in all of my twenty-six years. "I‟m sorry, that took longer than I thought it would,” she apologizes. “My friend Angela called before I got a chance to call my dad." Silence. What am I supposed to say? Am I supposed to have the ability to form proper sentences? Bella is standing here in my shirt, the shirt I wore to work yesterday. The shirt is held together by just one button. "Edward, is this okay? I just needed to get out of that dress, it's been a long day. I found this on your bed." Silence. "Umm... of course, Bella." She smiles. That weird fluttering thing happens in my stomach again. I recognize it this time. Bella gives me butterflies. Like I‟m fourteen. "Come here, B." She comes and is about to sit next to me, but I bring her to my lap. She had been kissing my neck the entire way from Port Angeles to Forks and I had been aching to do the same to her. She smells amazing in my arms, eau de Bella and sexy perfume and a little bit of me. Small kisses turn into licks and Bella is making sounds that make me moan. I start sucking on a spot she likes. It makes her pull hard on my hair

and grind herself against me. Delicate hands come down and tug on my zipper. I let them tug away as I grip her ass to bring her closer to me. "Help me, Edward." "What do you need Bella?"I ask. "Your pants..." "You need my pants?" "I want...to take them...off." “Bella… fuck.” I don‟t know what to do. Right thing. Wrong thing. The only thing. She giggles. "That's the idea.” Ugh, I need to make her wear one of those chastity belt things. Like Maid Marion in Robin Hood: Men in Tights. "I want you," she tells me. Her kisses are getting deeper. Her hips are going wilder. When my pants finally end down by my ankles, I feel how wet she is through her panties and my boxers. I can't help but thrust up against her and she gasps. "You have me.” "Edward, more." "Always more," I promise. When Bella bites down on my neck I lose all control. I pick her up and she wraps her legs around me. I don't know what possesses me, but I slam her against the wall. She tries to push down my boxers with her feet. I don't stop her. My cock escapes and is pushing up against her. Her face is in my neck and I hear her whispering against it. Please. I want you. Let me feel you. But even if I wanted to I am too far gone to stop and do something about it. With Bella clinging to me, biting, nibbling, licking, legs wrapped tight around me, nipples hard against my chest, I know I'm about to come. "Edward...so good... I feel...Oh my God." My thrusts become more frantic. I may as well be fucking her. My cock is drenched in Bella. With the last few thrusts Bella's moans are so loud, it's like she's screaming. "Bella..." I feel her coming. She pushes against me so hard that I whimper. I come all over us, pressing up against her because it feels so fucking good. I take a few steps back and tumble onto the bed, and Bella falls on top of me. She's humming against my neck. I'm smiling big. "Your shirt is covered in...you. Shirts, rather," she pants.

I laugh. We never bothered to remove our shirts. I hadn't expected to love this whole not-so-dry humping thing so much. I wanted Bella in my mouth tonight. But that was hot. Very, very hot. "That's quickly becoming a habit, huh?" "Well, that's because you won't fuck me," Bella says. I raise an eyebrow at her as I take off my shirt. I do this because we‟re a sticky mess, and I need to clean up. Bella watches me and throws the shirt she is wearing off as well. My mouth drops open at the sight of her tits. Ah, youth. Perfection. "Hey, stop staring. It's rude!” "Has anyone told you how perfect your tits are, Bella?" My mouth waters. "Ugh, don't call them that. And no, I'm pretty sure no one's ever seen them." The caveman in me rejoices. Nobody's seen her naked. Nobody will see those tits but me. It's sad just how much I love hearing it, and I want to be told often. I take a delicious Bella-nipple into my mouth, press my tongue flat against it. Then I suck on it so hard she yelps. I kiss it and let go. "No, no. Love your mouth..." Of course you do, and who am I to deny you the pleasure? "You. Taste. So. Good. Never. Want. To. Stop." I push her tits together with my hands and bury my face between them. She laces her fingers together behind my head and pushes me closer. "I love you. Don't go." Where would I ever go, Bella? I look up and try to catch my breath. Her hair is everywhere. Her lips are swollen. Her eyes are closed and she looks like a goddess. My heart aches with this need. I want her so much. The thought of returning her to Charlie tonight kills me. "Bella..." "Edward, come back." She brings my head back to her breasts, kissing the top of my head. Her fingers are in my hair and I feel her nails scratching me. I struggle out of her grip, fuck she's strong. I move down and kiss her everywhere. I taste myself on her where I had come and my shirt hadn't covered her up. I look up and her hands are above her head, like she's stretching. My cock is so hard now that I‟m rubbing it against my bed.

I kiss every inch of Bella between her legs, over her panties that are so, so dark where she is wet. She raises her hips to meet my kisses. I take this opportunity to take them off. I run my tongue up from her entrance to her clit and need so much more that I bury my face in the most perfect pussy that has ever existed. Bella I wonder for a second whether Edward has died between my legs – he‟s so still. But then I feel his warm breath against me and my body just shudders. He lifts his head and spreads my legs wider. Ugh, his face is covered in me. It's so embarrassing, but he doesn't look grossed out by it. He uses his fingers to open me further, like he‟s separating me. He licks me up and down – I can't breathe anymore. It feels so good. I grab onto the sheets. I move my hips because I want more. I moan, I gasp, I cry out. Good. So good. Oh. My. God. "Your clit is perfect. Have I told you that?" he asks. His finger enters me, fills me up. "The first time I saw it I knew I'd be fucking obsessed. So pink. So round. I could suck on it all day." "Do it,” I tell him, unable to use my brain, his words doing things that make me feel so lost. I just want to never think again. Just feel and feel. He said he could suck on it all day and I told him to do it and he does. And does. And does. Then a finger is inside me. I cover my face with my hands, I feel so helpless, but it feels so good. So fucking good. "You like my finger Bella? You're so tight that I don't think I want to do this with more than one finger right now. I want you this tight when I fuck you." And he says my name over and over again. His mouth is on my clit. He's moaning against me, the vibrations from his moans drive me crazy. My legs are tight around his head, I better not kill him. Charlie, can you come to Edward's? I sort of strangled him with my legs. That finger. In. Out. In. Deeper. Pumping. Fuck. Oh God. My clit. He has to stop. Or else. I can't. Don't scream. Faster. Deep. So good. So good. Tongue. Stop licking. Don't stop. Never stop. Jesus. Now. Ugh. Yes. My body begins to shake, he sucks harder, his finger fucking me furiously. Twisting. Curling. I grab his hair and push him down further, closer. I know I'm about to come again. Edward Bella's hands are no longer on my head. I look up to see them tangled in her own hair. Her back is arched off the bed and she‟ saying Edward, Edward, Edward. I run my tongue over her clit, take it into my mouth. She is warm and wet and nice around my finger. I feel her fluttering, tightening. Oh fuck. Just one finger, and she‟s so, so tight. It goes on for what seems like forever. I kiss her and taste her until she pushes me away. I collapse on the bed, drunk off her scent and taste and orgasm. "Bella, Bella."

"Edward I can't...." "Alright,” I tell her. “Shhh, baby." I move up and hold Bella in my arms. She's silent for the longest time, breathing deeply. A faint blush covers her body. I kiss her shoulders, hair, arms. She curls up into me and sighs. She's humming something familiar that I can't make out. "What is that, B?" She giggles, stops. Bella‟s soft, delightful voice tells me about fellows she meets who tell her she‟s sweet. I burst out laughing and she joins me. I can‟t take my eyes off her nipples as her beautiful tits bounce with her laughter. I bring my mouth to her neck and mumble "you need someone older and wiser" but she pushes me off, giggling. "Don't. We‟re defiling the song." "We're doing no such thing," I breathe onto the delicious skin under her ear. We stop being silly and I throw on a pair of jeans and the shirt Bella was wearing because who the fuck is going to see me tonight? She goes into the bathroom and comes back in the yellow dress. Her face looks sad. She tells me she just realized we won‟t be able to go to Seattle on Saturday, because it‟s the Fourth of July. She‟s right, but I cheer her up by promising to go on Friday, since we have a day off. Then I remind her that Saturday is the office picnic, which means we can see each other again. She skips ahead of me to the car and twirls around, runs to me and kisses me hard on my lips. The drive to Charlie's is full of laughter and conversation and I tell her I love her at least six times. After she disappears into the house I wait a few minutes before driving off. We know we can't spend the night together because Charlie is suspicious, but we talk on the phone until Bella's voice fades off and is replaced by soft, regular breaths.

Chapter 20 – Hoodie Edward I open my eyes and immediately realize that I feel like shit. Fucking sinuses. I know that this is one of those days. I get out of bed and try to take a shower, but realize that I'd probably be more productive if I worked from home today. So what happens to Bella? I can‟t drive her to work, and more importantly, I won‟t be with her. Not that she‟d want to be with me – I‟m not the most pleasant person when I feel like this. I text Bella to tell her that I'm taking a sick day and that she shouldn't bother going in either. It shouldn't be a problem, since they know that I'm her ride to and from work. After taking something to clear up my sinuses, I call the office to notify them of our absences. Bella up against the wall is all I can think about as I pull up my covers and close my eyes. Hopefully I‟ll feel better when I get up. If she‟s not busy I‟ll steal her away. The wall, my bed, her tits, and skin…. I‟m instantly hard and have to take care of business before I fall asleep. Bella I'm already up by the time I get Edward's text telling me he is too sick to go to work. My heart sinks and I think I'm going to cry. Not because he's sick, because yes, that sucks, but sinuses? Really? Deal with it and come pick me up! I just can't imagine not seeing him today. I guess I can sleep until noon and never leave my bed. I decide to tell my dad I‟m not going in to work so he doesn't come knocking on my door to wake me up. Just like every other morning, he‟s sitting at the kitchen table, drinking coffee – except I don't get to run out and see Edward in a few minutes. "Why aren't you dressed, Bella? You're gonna be late," he says, looking alarmed. “Are you sick?” "I'm not going to work today. I‟m fine, but Edward's sick, so he can‟t drive me." "You can take the truck, you know.” I shrug. "Yeah, but he said I can take the day off. I'm going back to bed." I start to head upstairs, looking forward to going back to a yummy dream I was having before I woke up. "So, no Edward today, huh?" Here we go again... I turn around. "Well, I guess not since I'm not going to work,” I respond. "You've seen the boy every day since he was over to watch the game with Sam." Yeah because I can't stay away from his magical penis. "Yeah, because I work with him.”

"Did you have a nice time with him last night?" my dad asks me. That sounds a lot like something parents ask their kids after a date. "It was alright,” I reply, doing my best to remain calm. "I had to drive by the Cullens' on my way to check out a domestic disturbance. Thought I saw Edward's Volvo drive past me pretty early on in the evening, right before you called to tell me you were still in Port Angeles." Great. Explain that. "Weird." Oh, Bella… aren't we articulate? "Guess someone else in town has a similar car," he says. “Yeah, I guess.” I shrug. "So are you coming with me to the Harry‟s on the Fourth? Seth's in your grade, isn't he?" "Umm, there's a work picnic I have to attend." Lies, lies, lies. You don‟t have to attend anything. The smirk on my father‟s face is what finally does it. I crack. No more questions, please? Deep breaths. "What?" I snap, when I notice he‟s still smirking away. "Nothing. You okay there, Bells? Edward taking you?" "I suppose I can drive myself,” I mutter. "Don't get all flustered. I know you've got a little crush on the Cullen boy, but I'm your dad, you don't have to hide it," he tells me. "Ummm, no." "If you say so..." he smiles. "Dad, I don't have a cr – so what if I did? Ugh, we're not talking about boys." "Bells, I trust you, you're a smart girl. I trust Edward, too. But maybe outings in Port Angeles should be kept to a minimum,” he says, the smile gone from his face. "Umm, Dad… this is embarrassing enough as it is. Edward is not interested in me. He dates women his own age. I really enjoy hanging out with him and Alice. Please don't bring this up again." Nothing is worse than lying to Charlie. I know he trusts me and Edward, and lying is not going to help matters at all. But I don't know what to do. I can't tell him the truth without telling Edward first. Also, I‟ll need to write a will, and make sure Edward taken care of things on his end as well.

"I'm going back to bed,” I quickly say, wanting this conversation to be over. "Have a good day, Bells. Let me know what your plans are for the day when you sort them out." I‟m up again at ten-thirty, and the first thing I do is call Angela. It turns out she's free, so we make plans to meet at noon. I shower, throw on a pair of jeans and tank, stuff my hoodie in a bag, and head out. We talk about school, Ben, random people like Seth – who is obsessed with me – and Lauren – the HBIC in our grade. “So Bella,” Angela starts, “you need to tell me about your mystery man.” "I will, but you have to promise that this stays between us," I tell her. "That top secret, huh?" I nod. "Okay, Bella. You can trust me," Angela says. I know I can. "So it's someone from work…" "That's what I had guessed. You‟re not allowed to date coworkers? Do they have rules against that? I mean, if he‟s another intern…" Hah. "He's not an intern," I tell her. "Oh." Angela‟s brows are furrowed and she‟s thinking hard. I just wait for her reaction. "OH!" "Yeah..." "Okay, Swan. I want deets, now." "Don‟t freak out,” I beg her. “You know how my dad arranged for this guy he knows to drive me to work?” "No. You are not hooking up with Edward Cullen,” Angela informs me. Her hand quickly covers her mouth. "Umm Ang, how do you know about Edward?" "You told me his name when Charlie told you about the carpooling, and everyone knows the Cullens. His parents support the church, school, community center, and they are loaded. Bella, Edward's like some playboy-bachelor-hot-young-thing. Oh. My. God. Isn't he like almost thirty? He's – " "You didn't think to tell me any of this when you recognized his name?" I ask.

"You're not much of a gossip, and my parents were in the same room when we were talking. Bella, wait. Tell me." "First of all he's only twenty-six," I tell her, watching her roll her eyes at me. “And we're not 'hooking up' – well, we are, but not like just hooking up. It's... ugh I can't." "Bella, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to overreact. It‟s just… Omigod, he's so hot. I used to have such a crush on him when I was a kid. He'd come to church stuff with his parents and sister when he was in high school. Everyone would drool over him." "I can see that,” I admit. I'm in a constant state of drooling over him. "I have so many questions to ask you,” Angela cries. “Is he a good kisser? Who initiated things? You said you're in love with him, like for reals in love? Are you crazy? Omigod Charlie will kill him! He'll end up on To Catch a Predator. Can I tell Ben? Even the boys had crushes on him." "Angela Weber! That's really offensive. I'm old enough and you know it. There will be no creepy Chris Hansen shit. Ben can't know yet if this is how you're reacting to! Anyway, things just... happened. We talked and stuff just happened, like in the car, we'd talk about poetry and he‟d quote – " "Edward Cullen quoted poetry to you." Quiet, level-headed Angela is sitting here, her mouth wide open in shock. "Yeah..." "No." Nuh-uh. Who are you to tell me 'no'? “Um, yeah. I have texts and stuff to prove it,” I tell her. "OH MY GOD SHOW ME NOW!" "Settle down, Ang. You're not acting like yourself." "How do you expect me to 'act like myself' when you are telling me you're doing god-knows-what with Mr. Sex Hair himself?" "Mr. what? Ugh Angela, you're freaking me out." "Ok, ok. I'll shut up. Can I just ask one question at a time and promise you'll answer?" “Fine,” I agree. Angela sits back, cools down, and is back to her normal self. "Is he a good kisser?"

"There are no words..." "Eeek! So exciting. Ok. Are you guys... dating? Exclusive? Just, you know…?” "Um, well, we did say we love each other…” I whisper. "NO!" "Angela calm down or this ends now." "Ok,” she says, taking a deep breath. “Bella, did you just say you guys told each other you...love each other?" "We did," I nod. "In like a week?" "Umm... don't mock me." "I didn't mock you, Bella. But it's pretty fast, don‟t you think?" "Ang, I know this sounds ridiculous, but like... I love him. And he loves me. He's amazing. Everything about him. Ugh, I can't explain." I'm blushing and when I say it out loud this all sounds pretty stupid. "You don't have to explain, Bella. I'm happy for you. Just be careful about Charlie and other stuff. Are you guys...?" "No, not yet,” I tell her. "When you do..." "I know, mommy, I'll use protection." "Bella, I'm serious,” Angela says. "Ang, I am too. So, my turn." She looks like she's about to protest, but I stop her. "Fine. You can ask me about my fascinating love life," she sighs. "Do you and Ben...?" "No, we're sort of waiting," she tells me. "But I know you guys, do other stuff..." "Yeah, we do. Everything but. I know it seems hypocritical, but we decided not to do... that."

"So... marriage?" I ask. "Yes," Angela nods excitedly, only to add a roll of her eyes at the end. "Mmmhmm, I don't think that'll work out for us." "Work out?" "Yeah, like, I'm sure he wants to do it... he's like twenty-six," I point out. "I'm sure he does as well. But that doesn't mean you have to!" "I know..." "I mean if he can't wait and respect your wishes, then he's not the – " "Ang, I know what you‟re trying to tell me, but it's not just that. I can't control myself around him. It's never enough,” I explain. "Wow, that much?" "Yeah, don't you ever feel like, shit, I want more, I can't stop..." Angela considers this. “Hmmm... Ben and I are great together, and it feels really good, but I've never felt like... I'm losing control or anything." "Maybe I'm just a whore.” Yeah you are, you just met the guy, he's your boss, and you had his dick in your mouth the other night. Because I love him. That's what they all say... "Bella... maybe Edward just knows what he's doing," Angela suggests with a smirk. I nod, my eyes wide, thinking about just how much Edward knows what he's doing. "Okay, so I have to ask..." "Ugh.” "Come on, Swan." She laughs. “Just a rough estimate.” "Uhhh, really Angela?" "I'll tell you about Ben!" "No thanks. Please keep that info to yourself. TMI, Ang, TMI,” I tell her, shaking my head „no‟. "Fine but I don't think it's TMI if you tell me about Edward. Is he... big?"

Fuck it! Of course I want to discuss this. "I mean... yeah? I don't have any others to compare it to... but from pictures I've seen and stuff I've read. Yes. I think." Her eyes are like saucers behind her glasses. "Have you..." "We've done everything but," I tell her. "Wait, ew, not..." "No, gross!" "Thank God!" Angela says, her hand over her heart. "But he wants to," I whisper. "WHAT?" "Like not tomorrow, but he said he fantasized about it once?" Stop with the verbal diarrhea, you are telling Angela about Edward's anal sex fetish! " Bella Swan, how do you not DIE when he says stuff like that to you?" "I've died many, many times these past 10 days.” Angela nods solemnly. "Oh shit, Bella. Keep it down." I turn to see Seth Clearwater walking over to where we are sitting. Oy vey. "Bells!" You're not Charlie, Billy, or Jake, stop calling me that. "Hey Seth." "'Ssup Angela? Bella, how've you been? No work today?" Of course he knows my schedule. "Not today,” I tell him. “I'm good. And you?" "Good. Mind if I take a seat?" "Not at all. Ang?"

She shakes her head and smiles, Seth sits. Now, Seth is a great guy. He's pretty cute, smart, and really fun to be around. Tall. I really, really liked hanging out with him until he became my #1 Stalker. "Bella, are you coming over Saturday? You're more than welcome to come too, Ang,” he tells her. "Thanks..." "Actually, no. I really want to, but there's an office picnic I have to attend." "Yeah Jake told me about your job. He said your boss is your personal chauffeur until he starts working there," Seth chuckles. "Ummm, I didn't know Jake makes my decisions for me," I snap. "Yeah well why would you ride with anyone else if Jake's available? I mean you know I would drive you myself if I could every day..." "Err, thanks Seth. That's nice of you. And umm... I'll let Jake know I'm good." He shrugs. "Whatever you say, Bells. Disappointed about Saturday, though." "Sorry. Next time! I promise." "Okay well, I'm heading out. Oh shit, isn't that your boss there? I recognize him from Billy's cookout. I'm out, ladies. Peace." My heart does a bunch of those annoying little flips. Edward? Here? This shouldn‟t surprise me, since we are hanging out at one of the four establishments that serve edible food in Forks. But wait a minute. If he‟s here that means he‟s up. If he‟s awake, then why hasn‟t he called? Texted? I don't even look in the direction Seth pointed to as I search for my phone. Four missed calls. Three new texts. Oh… Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen Edward Cullen B, I'm up. Call me, miss you – E Bella, is everything all right? You're not picking up your cell or your home phone. Hope I didn't wake you – E

B, I guess I'll go grab some lunch, call me back. I'm a little worried – E Now my heart does that melting thing. Although somewhere in the back of my head I'm thinking, dude, four calls in an hour? What could possibly have happened to me? I text back. I just saw all your calls and texts. I'm at the diner. I‟ve been told you are here too – B I look up and see a huge grin on Angela's face. "Earth to Bella. He's over there. You ok?" she asks. And yes, there he is. Wearing dark, low slung jeans with no belt. A thin white t-shirt that shows off his perfect upper body. Oh Jesus, Bella, control yourself. You sound pathetic. He's reading something on his phone and looks up, looks around. He sees me and smiles. I smile. He takes a step toward us but hesitates. I nod and smile at him. He walks over. "Hey, I'm Edward,” he says, smiling at Angela. “It‟s nice to meet you." So sweet, introducing himself to Angela first. "Angela. I remember you. I'm Pastor Weber's daughter." "Oh of course, I thought you looked familiar. How are you, Angela?" Blushing, she responds. "Great, thanks.” When his eyes are on me my insides melt, he looks so hot today and I'm blatantly staring at him, thinking about just how low his jeans are sitting on his hips and what I would see if he were to stretch a little. Maybe his boxer or maybe nothing... those yummy hairs going down... Oh God. "Hello, Bella." "Hey." Snap out of it, moron. "Feeling better, I see." "Yeah ummm... I'm better now. Glad I took the day off, though," he says. "Yeah, me too." Angela mumbles something about using the restroom and is gone. "Hi." Uhh, you just said that. Edward laughs. "Hey B.” A finger discreetly brushes the back of my hand.

"I'm sorry I missed your texts and stuff. I was talking to Angela..." "No worries. Umm... I know you probably have stuff to do with your friends and I shouldn't be hanging around you here. But... maybe if you're free la – " "Yes." I'm so eager. How sad. "Good. The weather's nice today," he points out. "Errr, yeah." Really, Edward? We're back to discussing the weather? "Call me when you want to meet up?" he asks. "K." Edward doesn't move. He just stands there, smiles, and starts texting. A second after he stops my phone buzzes. You are stunning. I love you – E I smile back at him. I thought I was 'fucking' stunning – B His phone buzzes. He reads. He laughs. He walks away and goes to the counter. I can't see what he's doing anymore but right now I'm living just on the sound of his laugh. I can make him laugh... "Hey, sorry,” I hear Angela say as she approaches our table. “I wanted to, you know... give you guys some alone time." "'Alone time? What is this, a dating show?" "Bella," Ang whispers, "he's so hot. I feel really dirty now. If Ben knew what I'm thinking..." "Ew, forget Ben. I don't want to know what you're thinking!" She sticks her tongue out at me. My phone buzzes and we both jump. I want to eat the sunbeam flaring in your lovely body – E Gulp.

"You're blushing." "Yeah, no shit," I manage to say. I notice that my hand is on my throat. "Let me see." "No!" I take a deep breath and type back: I want to eat your skin like a whole almond – B "You're no fun, Bella," Angela whines. "Do I ask to see the texts Ben sends you?" "None of Ben's texts make me blush like that." We start giggling and decide it's time to head out. I want you – E I stumble on my way out of the diner because I'm too busy reading Edward‟s texts to look where I'm going. He wants me. Now – B Angela and I hug and promise to hang out soon. She says she wants updates and that nothing is TMI. I get into my truck and sigh. I need to control the way I act when I am with Edward, speak to Edward, see Edward, find myself in the general vicinity of Edward, receive a text from Edward, think about Edward... Okay, I basically need to calm the fuck down. Where? – E Anywhere with you – B Jesus, Bella. Stop texting like you're writing a romance novel. I'm leaving the Volvo by the gym, pick me up from there? – E This is a brilliant plan. Me, driving, with Edward next to me. I will get pulled over and will have to plead guilty to driving under the influence. Sorry Charlie, I'm drunk off the mere presence of this man. Your fault, you shoulda seen this coming. It takes me less than three minutes to get to the gym and I am staring at my lap, getting really nervous/excited. What if Charlie sees us? What if anyone else sees us and it gets back to Charlie? Not that there is anything wrong or gossip-worthy about Edward getting into my truck. Right? Even if someone saw us, why would they even mention it to anyone else? Right? Right.

I guess I don't notice the Volvo pull into the lot, because I'm really startled by the sound of someone tapping on my window. The butterflies start flapping around and I feel that familiar pulsing thing between my legs and it's sort of getting warmer and I think that when he is finally sitting next to me with his hand on my thigh it's better than all the orgasms in the world. You won't be saying that when he gives you another one later on. If he gives me another one later on... Oh, he will. "Let's get away from the busy part of town and then I'll drive," Edward tells me. "No, I can drive." "Bella, I want to take you somewhere," he insists. "Like, your place? I know the way..." "I know you do, but no, not my place. The weather is great, let's stay outdoors." "Ummm, I don't think that's such a good idea," I say. "We'll be all alone, trust me." Apart from the hand he keeps on my thigh, Edward doesn't touch me or kiss me until we are on a road heading out of Forks. It's almost possessive, the way he keeps it there, gripping it. When he squeezes my thigh he is almost rough. I think I like it, but it's very different from how his hand usually feels. "Stop here,” he tells me, “I'll drive the rest of the way." "You can just tell me where we're going." "I kind of like it when you're sitting next to me with your hands free," he says. "But then I'll lose the death grip you have on my leg." "Huh?" "Nothing,” I mumble. "Am I hurting you?" he asks, quickly removing his hand from my leg. He looks so concerned, upset. "No! I was kidding, I liked that you were holding onto me like that." "Ugh I'm sorry Bella. It's just… last night and this morning really sucked." "Hmmm?"

"I was fucking losing my mind because you weren't there, I couldn't touch you," he tells me. "I know. I dreamt of you, you were touching me in my dream." Edward smiles. "We must have had the same dream, then." "You're really corny, sometimes. Tell me about your dream." "You first." "No way, I asked first." I laugh. "Fine. Well I had several. But one involved you – " "Uh I certainly hope so!" Edward bites down on my shoulder. "As I was saying – one involved you... sitting onmyface." His face is hidden from me and his lips are warm enough for me to feel through the strap of my tank. "Ummm like..." Stop blushing. It's getting old. Stop blushing. "Uh huh..." he whispers. "Like last night... but me sitting on your face." "You're an excellent student, Ms. Swan. So smart." "Hah. That wouldn't... hurt? Like wouldn't I be... heavy? How would you breathe?" Edward‟s laugh is infectious. "No, no, and there is nothing more that I'd like to breathe in than Bella. You smell really good." Oh God, he's evil. "Errr... if you say so." "Wow, look at you," he says, staring at my nipples. He brushes a finger over one and I shiver a little. “Last night after I dropped you off I couldn't wash my face,” he tells me. “You were all over me and I smelled you all night. Fucking. Hot." "Oookay, Romeo," I mutter under my breath. Edward‟s eyes flash to my face. "B, are you okay? You're not embarrassed, are you?" Does the fact that my face is the color of a fire truck give that away, Einstein? "No, I'm not embarrassed..."

"Shh, don't lie to me.” He caresses my cheek with his thumb. "I'm fine, Edward. Don't you want to drive now?" "We're actually almost there. Just make a left when we get to the end there." I make the left and then drive until he tells me to make another left, and then to park on the side of the road under a tree. I get nervous about this whole thing. What if Charlie randomly ends up out here? What if someone sees my truck and tells him it's been abandoned at the side of the road? You are in the middle of nowhere and there hasn't been a vehicle in sight for miles. Relax. "Edward, are you kidnapping me?" "Yes." "Okay." I smile. He takes my hand and we walk a lot. Just as I start getting annoyed about our impromptu nature hike, we stop. We're in a small clearing in the woods and the sun is shining and everything is green. "Nice." "I had this dream, or some might call it a fantasy, a couple of days ago. It involved you, naked, here. Your hair was down," he takes down my hair, "and you were lying on the grass next to me.” I smile, and he continues. "And we kissed and touched and engaged in numerous activities with various degrees of dirtiness, and then I was inside you and – " My heart stops. He was... where? "Bella – shit. Baby, I didn't bring you here to have sex with you. Not this time anyway." He smirks, and kisses my left temple. "Tease." "Shut up. I brought you here because I knew I wanted to do everything else out here." He kisses me, a tiny kiss on my mouth. My lips instantly burn and don't stop burning when he pulls away. "Talk to me, B.” "I don't have to." I don't. All I have to do is be here. All I want is for us to make up for the hours we were apart, for the fact that he didn't hold me all night long, kiss me before I went to sleep. I sit down on my knees and he sits a few inches away from me, facing me. He takes my face into his hands and starts kissing my forehead, nose, and cheeks. That's not fair. I want to kiss him too, so I do. Except I go straight to his lips because I miss his tongue. We both sigh into each other's mouths and the kiss gets deeper, deeper until he starts sucking on my tongue. Like just sucking on it. It feels weird for a second or two, then I feel like I'm falling into the kiss but I guess I'm actually just falling back because he

grabs me and pulls me closer until I'm straddling him. He is still on his knees and I'm worried that this is uncomfortable for him, but as I try to move he brings his hands to my ass and pushes me up against him. He is so unbelievably hard and I'm so angry about the fact that I'm in jeans. He pushes my tank and bra down together and I'm leaning back and he's leaning forward and I'm bouncing all over the place in his face. His mouth is on my nipples and there is something greedy about the way he attacks them, going back and forth, biting, nibbling, sucking. Sucking... I start moving my hips, trying to feel more of him, wanting to come again like yesterday. He starts thrusting up against me. His hands cover my breasts and he squeezes, hard. I almost scream. And he starts kissing my neck and oh my God I can't take it anymore. I struggle but finally succeed to unbutton his jeans and he's so beautiful that my mouth waters… and I want to taste him again. This can't be normal. But instead I just grind myself against him and he lets out a grunt that startles me. Then he stops. "I can't. Fuck..." "I want you, Edward." "Bella, fuck. Shut up. We can't now." But his actions don't match his words, because next thing I know my pants come off and I'm in my panties and he is touching me, breathing hard, eyes closed. "Sit on my face." Edward I realize I'm being rough and totally out of control. From the second I got into that truck it was as if I turned into some kind of animal, a monster. Images of throwing her onto the seat and tearing her clothes off, and fucking her over and over and over took over my brain. Flipping her onto her stomach and fucking her again. And again. I guess I was letting all my frustration out onto her thigh. She even made a comment about it. Great, now I'm what Carlisle refers to as a "pedophile" and some sort of violent, abusive boyfriend. When Bella takes my cock out of my pants and starts that little grinding thing she does, I know I'm done. In one second I can get her jeans off and fuck it, leave the panties on and to the side and I'll be inside her. I need to calm down. I need to not be alone with this girl anywhere. "I want you, Edward." What's so wrong about being with her here? It's pretty romantic. I just assured her that coming here wasn't about sex. Right, and she‟s stupid enough to believe that. I don't have a condom. You can pull out.

You're a fucking idiot. And please, please don‟t make me pull out. "Bella, fuck. Shut up. We can't now." Go ahead, tell her to shut up. That's not mean or abusive. I'm. Not. Abusive. I just have no self-control. She has to understand that I don't mean to be a jerk when I cut her off or stop her. It's for her own good. She should decide what she wants. Does she even know what she wants? UGH. I know what I want. The only way I will calm down is if I focus on something. And right now I'm going to focus on fantasy # 232983. Off come her pants. Shit, this was a bad idea. How is Bella in her panties supposed to calm me down? "Sit on my face," I tell her. It comes out sounding like a command, but I have no time to regret it, or apologize. She's positioning herself above me within a second of my request. "Such a good girl, B." "I'm your good girl," she tells me. Bella rocks her hips, rubbing herself all over my face. Her panties feel so soft against me, somehow it's even hotter this way. Her tits are still hanging out of her top, her hair around her shoulders. She moans. You are so fucking lucky, Cullen. So fucking lucky. "Edward, should I take them off?" I mumble "yes" against her. She struggles with the panties, I can tell she's embarrassed, or shy. I pull her down to me and kiss her. She melts into my arms. "Hey." "Mmmhmmm," she breathes. "We don't have to do this." "I want to do this, Edward. It felt so good last night." She sits on me. She tastes like heaven. I lick up and down. She's trembling. I press my lips to her, I find her clit and suck it persistently when it's in my mouth. She starts rocking again and again and again. Back and forth. Front and back. Then she stops and moves but before I can protest she's back on my tongue again, this time facing away from me, leaning forward. My cock is in her hands and my brain can no

longer function. My fingers dig into her hips, then her ass. Her fingers are around me, she's pumping me. I'm licking and sucking her, drinking her. She bends over more and I feel the softest, wettest mouth around me. I moan, and she must feel it against her skin because she pushes back against my mouth, and moans around my cock. Shit. So good. I start humming against her and her hips go wild. Bella is sucking me, licking me, touching me. I feel her hair brush up against my thighs, my balls even. It takes every ounce of self-control I possess not to thrust up into her mouth and fuck it. My lips find her clit again and I suck it until I feel her coming, she's coming all over my face,, my cock slips out of her mouth but who the fuck cares, she's grinding herself onto me and finally she lets out a scream. A scream. She moves down until she's straddling my chest. I look up at her beautiful, arched back, her curves. I can see how heavily she's breathing, her hair hanging all around her. Perfect. I wrap my arms around her waist, clinging to her, burying my face in the small of her back. "Edward." I finally let her go and she's immediately on her knees in front of me. When I'm done and she releases me, she kisses my cock once, twice, looking into my eyes. Aside from the lust that emanates from them I see love. She fucking loves me. "Bella." She gives me a half smile. "Come here, baby." Bella in my arms. Fucking lucky. "It's like you're my human bed," she says, sounding younger than she‟s ever sounded. Sweet. Innocent. Playful. "Uh huh, I love it when you cover me like this." "Are you comfortable?" she asks me. "B, you're lying down on me. This feels incredible. You shouldn't get up, ever." "Mhhmm. Love you." "Say it again, B." "I love you," she repeats. Our perfect moment is interrupted when my phone rings. I smile apologetically at Bella. She smiles back and rests her head on my chest. "Hello?" "Hello Edward." Perfect timing, Mom. "Mother. How is it that you and dad are always up at all hours?"

Bella's eyes pop open and her mouth forms a perfect "o". Ah, that mouth. "‟Mother‟? Edward, show me some more love. I'm calling you all the way from Africa." "I know Mom, I'm sorry. How are you?" "Good. I'm actually calling now because your father is finally asleep. I wanted to speak with you." "Oh. What's going on mom? Keeping secrets from your man?" "Darling I just wanted to talk about Isabella." "Mom, not now,” I tell her. "Are you busy now? I know you're at work, but it‟s already pretty late here, I couldn‟t wait much longer to call." "I'm actually not at work today, sinus attack, but – ” "Oh no, honey. Are you all right? Are you taking good care of yourself? It's at times like these when I wish you weren't all alone. At least you had your sister and friends back in New York. This whole Washington idea..." "I'm not alone." Bella presses her lips over my heart. "I know, I know. I just worry. Wait – do you mean there is someone there with you now?" "Yes, Mother. But I meant I'm not alone, like, in life." "That's nice, Edward..." Hah, typical Esme. Something shiny probably grabbed her attention. That's nice... "Oh, Edward! Are you with Isabella?" Hah, she's back. "Yes." "Oh, and I wanted to talk about you two. I suppose I can call back tomorrow..." "Mom, speak." "Not with her there, Edward. I'll just call back." "Mom, you called. I want to know what's up." "Alright, Edward. Well, you know how upset your father was the other day... I think you should try talking to him again. I think he'll come around."

"You know? You were right, I don't want to discuss this right now." "Edward, listen to me. You want to have him on your side. Unless your father is right and you're over the whole thing already – “ "Mom, if that's what it will take, fine. Let me know when you guys are in New York so I can call and have a long father-son bonding session with him. Turned out well last time, didn't it?" Bella has been staring at me, confused. I run my fingers through her hair and then my thumb over her lips, but I don't think my attempts to distract her are working. "He will be more understanding this time." "Sure, whatever you say." "Good. Edward, you promised me a picture..." "I remember, I'll send one in a few." "Good. Don't keep your poor mother waiting for too long. Rose and I were Skype-ing earlier and she was telling me about a conversation she had with Alice. Bella has everyone rooting for her. I can't wait to m – " "Mom, calm down." "Is she right there with you?" "Yes, she's right here with me." "Tell her I am looking forward to meeting her soon." "Bella, my mom says she's looking forward to meeting you soon." Bella blushes, I bring an arm around her waist. She smiles and hides her face from me. "I look forward to meeting you too Mrs. Cullen," she whispers. "Was that Isabella? I couldn't hear her well. What did she say?" "She said she looks forward to meeting you too, Mrs. Cullen." "Tell her it's Esme." "Why don't you tell her that when you guys hang in two weeks?" "Alright, alright. I can tell you're getting impatient. We will be in New York this Sunday. Call your father." "Love you, Mom." Bella is giggling, I slap her ass. "I love you too, Edward. I'll see you soon. Bye Isabella!"

Thank God that's over. My minutes are fucking gone this month. "You okay, baby?" Bella asks. "Fine, B. Parents are fucking annoying. It doesn't get any better with age." "I'm cool with mine. They usually mind their own business." I cock an eyebrow. "Usually being the operative word.” She laughs. “Charlie is sniffing around, obvi." "We'll be fine as long as we‟re careful. Maybe putting on our pants would be a good start." "Nooo... I'm never getting up, remember?" She kisses me. The ache in my chest is back. Do I have to let her go soon? "Edward, are you fighting with your dad?" Bella asks. Perceptive little thing. "No." "Uh okay, that was convincing." "Whatever, B. It's not important." "Is it about...me?" "Definitely not about you. It's about me." My father just said I'm a pedophile because I'm with you. Yeah, I‟m not sharing that with Bella right now. "Tell me," she insists. "He just doesn't get it, and I don't want to deal with that." "Edward, it's not like we weren't expecting bad reactions. We have been very lucky so far,” she reminds me. Why is she the more mature one? I want to sulk and be annoyed about this for a little while longer. "I know, but he was just a jerk. Anyway, I promised my mom I'd talk to him once they‟re in New York. I can't be bothered with having this conversation on Skype." "Your parents Skype?” she asks. "Yep."

Bella laughs, she gets up and pulls on her jeans. I button mine up. She pulls out a hoodie from her bag and puts it on. It's navy blue and really soft. I zip it up for her and then kiss her throat, neck. "You're so beautiful," I tell her. "Stop it, you‟ve already been in pants." "Eh, I didn't 'score', B." "Please, that's your own fault," she teases. "Bella, come here," I say, holding out my phone to take a picture. Bella jumps out of the shot. "Hey, come on!" "No, no pictures." "For my mother,” I explain. “Don't you want to get on her good side?" "Edward, I look like crap. My hair and my clothes..." "You're perfect. Just one picture. You have veto powers." "Fine, whatever," she agrees, reluctantly. I pull Bella close to me and we both look up to the camera. I bring my free hand to her side and tickle her. She giggles... Edward stop... her voice makes me smile big. Click. We look at the picture. Bella is silent at first, but eventually smiles, giving the picture her approval. It's a picture of a boy and a girl. You could never tell that the boy is so much older than her, that he's her boss. There is no exploitation here, only love. Adoration. Fun. Friendship. Bella's smile is breathtaking. Her hair messy, sort of blowing in the light wind. She's leaning into me, it looks so natural. But what gets me the most is my smile. I don't really recognize myself. I'm not posing, there's no Blue Steel shit going on, no half drunk grin, no stiff smile. I enter my mom's number and hope it goes through. I e-mail it too, just in case. Bella and I walk back to her truck, hand in hand. She is explaining why Milk was so much better than Slumdog Millionaire and complaining about the travesty at the Oscars. I barely remember the Oscars, since I was studying for the stupid Washington bar that night. "I mean yeah, it was a good movie. It was fun, and sad, and everything. Awesome. But you can't compare it to Milk. Milk perfect. The acting, the screenplay. I mean, it really deserved to win Best Picture. Sean Penn, James Franco, that annoying kid from the wilderness movie, Diane Lane's abusive husband. And I'm obsessed with Dustin Lance Black. That acceptance speech was beautiful. Ugh, I'm still feeling bitter about the whole thing..." I smile. Wow, she's passionate about movies. I'll let her go on. She doesn't have to convince me. I think she's totally right. I agree with all her assessments.

"Edward, you're so silent." "Baby, I just want to hear your voice. If I told you I loved Milk and think Sean Penn is fucking awesome and that watching the acceptance speech on YouTube got me all teary-eyed and shit, I wouldn't be hearing your voice." "Hehe, you cried? That's so cute." She laughs. "I didn't cry... But hey, I'm a sensitive guy." "I want to see movies with you. You know, experience them with you. It's my favorite thing, going to the movies," Bella tells me. Just when you think someone is fucking perfect as is. "I've never missed a preview. Or the previews of the previews,” I confess. She laughs. "Please, I'm there at least thirty minutes before the previews start," she tells me. "Let's see a movie now," I suggest. What I really mean is, let's do anything that means you're here with me for another hour, two hours, three hours, for all of eternity. Cullen is a girl, Cullen is a girl. "Nothing exciting is playing this week, unless you want to see the new Transformers." "What about the Johnny Depp one?" I ask. "Is that out already?" "Hmmm..." "No Transformers, then?" "We can do that if you'd like. We can be super loud in there, Michael Bay movie and all," I point out. "As if. Hands off, buddy. When Shia's on the screen the only thing that could make me look away for a second is James Franco." "So that's why you're so into Milk," I tease. She elbows me. We're in the truck at this point and I'm a little annoyed. Shia LaDouche? Really? James Franco? Ugh. "Next thing you're going to tell me is that you're actually into the metrosexual vampire.” "He's got Edward Cullen sex hair, of course I am."

I can't wait for you to give me sex hair, Bella. "What?!" Bella is laughing hysterically. Nice, I said that out loud. I pretend I'm deaf and check my phone. Edward, Isabella is so beautiful, and you're my handsome boy. You both look so lovely and happy. I woke up your father to show him. He wasn't pleased, but he smiled when he saw how happy you look. Thank you for the picture. Tell Isabella that I love her already. (You still need to speak with you father.) Love, Mom I show Bella the e-mail, she blushes but looks excited. At this moment everything is perfect. We decide to go watch the fifth Harry Potter movie at my place since Charlie is working late, and I get excited thinking about chilling on the couch with Bella. Maybe I can get her mouth on me again at some point during the movie. Nah, she loves The Order of the Phoenix too much. It's one her top three books. Maybe I can get her to use me as her 'human bed' again. Yep, that sounds nice. "Has anyone ever gone down on you during a Harry Potter movie?" Scary. Bella reads minds. "Ummm, no." Silence. "Are you offering?" I ask. Silence. Her right hand is on my thigh, I take it into my left. It‟s my turn to rest my head on Bella's shoulder.

Chapter 21 - The Killers, a romper, and black lace Edward "It's just really sad. I mean, they barely had any time together. He doesn't have a mom, or a dad, and then he finally gets to know his godfather, and then he's off with the stupid muggles during the summer and at Hogwart's during the school year. And then the one person he can call family dies. It's just so tragic. I don't get why people don't see how wrong it was to kill Sirius..." Holding a crying Bella in my arms, I'm a little conflicted. I'm not sure whether I want to continue to nod and agree with her and try to calm her down, telling her Sirius' death was necessary for Harry to become the man he errr, is now, or whether I want to burst out laughing because she looks so fucking cute. I know better than to laugh. Unfortunately she catches me cracking a smile. The look of sheer indignation on her face is priceless, and I‟m laughing so hard that she almost falls off me. "You are so insensitive,” she huffs. So cute. "Me? B, I told you when this conversation first started like half an hour ago that I actually shed a tear or two when I read about Sirius dying." "Really?" "Yeah, you weren't listening. You were too upset." "You're such a girl,” she says. “This is the second time today you admitted to crying over something." Wow, bitchy Bella is back. I raise an eyebrow, and she gives me an apologetic half-smile. "I'm sorry, Edward. I'm just having serious mood swings." "PMS?" "Ew. I'm not discussing this with you." Adorable. "Bella, baby, you're probably about to get your period," I tell her. "EDWARD!" "It's okay, I'll still love you. This is huge. We'll see if our relationship is strong enough to make it through the duration of your – " I can't finish my sentence because I'm getting beat up with a pillow. "You're freakishly strong." "Don't fuck with me, Edward."

"Baby that's a dealbreaker if there ever was one. That's all I ever want to do." I laugh, pulling her to me. She nuzzles my neck. Horny Bella is back. "We're all alone here, you know…” "B, we're always alone. No one else lives here but me." She places small kisses up and down my neck. "Your parents will be back soon and then..." "For two weeks, B. I think we'll survive," I assure her. "I don't think I'll survive. I want you now," she breathes against my skin. Kisses turn to little bites and licks. Evil little thing. "You've survived your entire life, I'm not too worried." Wet kisses. So nice. "But," kiss, "I didn't know," lick, "you," kiss, "or your," kiss, "amazing cock." Oh Lord, help me. She didn‟t just say that. "You mean this cock?" I grab her ass and pull her down against me. "Uh huh." "Does Bella want him to come out and play?" She bites her bottom lip and nods her head, her eyes wide open. "You know the magic word..." "Please, Edward?" "Are you going to be nice to him?" "So nice." "Then here you go." I grab my cock and pull it out of the basketball shorts I changed into and place it in Bella's hand. She moves down my body and kisses it. "You're such a good girl." "You keep saying that, but I'm going to prove you wrong."

Yes, please. There is nothing better than Bella's lips around me. But when I catch a glimpse of her nipples through her top, I have to pull her back up. "Edward, I want to – " "Then make me come, B. You don't need your mouth." Oh, if my dad were to ever find out what we're doing on the very expensive too-white couch he bought for mom two years ago... I laugh thinking about his reaction. Serves him right. I pull down her top and take a nipple into my mouth and bite and suck it until Bella is practically screaming. So good. She's so good. Her hand moving up and down. Her thumb playing with the wetness over my head. So determined, her brows furrow for a few seconds between my licks and kisses, but then her face relaxes again. So beautiful. I bend my leg a little, Bella straddles it and starts grinding herself on it, whimpering. I let go of her nipples and her tits are bouncing in my face. I start a game of catch-Bella's-nipple-in-your-mouth. Her tits brushing up against my face feels like heaven. "So. Good. Edward. Yes." Ah, we've got a talker. "Are you going to come on me, Bella?" "Touch. Me. Fingers. Please. Mmhmm." I want to come badly, but I try to last a little longer. Just a little longer, Cullen. You can do it. I bring two fingers into her pants, find her clit, and start rubbing. Wet wet wet. With all the grinding, and rubbing, the fucking perfect handjob and Bella's tiny nipple in my mouth, next thing I know I‟m coming all over myself, the couch, Bella's hand, and Bella is humping the shit out of my leg chanting my name, finally collapsing. "Wow." "What am I, Edward?" she asks. I smile. "Say it. Out loud," she demands. "You're a bad girl, B." She curls up on top of me, in a fit of giggles. More kissing and cuddling ensues. "I have to go..." "No." I pout. "It's past ten," she whispers, kissing my pout. "Stay."

"Charlie." "Ugh." "Don't „ugh‟ my dad." "I'm ugh-ing our situation. I'm not used to the whole curfew thing." "Fuck you." She stomps off and pulls her hoodie back on, looking around for her sneakers. "Isabella..." "I'm not listening!" "Okay, be a child." "I hate you!" she yells. She's definitely PMS-ing. No one is this unreasonable. She finds her sneakers and is pulling them on, a major scowl on her face. I get up and kneel in front of her, tying her laces. She fights me off at first, but then looks away and starts tapping her other foot. I look up and raise an eyebrow. "You're mean," she tells me. "I'm not mean, Bella. I was kidding." "No, you weren't." "It was a joke. I know that in your condition your sense of humor may tend to disappear – " She tries to stifle a laugh. I wrap my arms around her knees and rest my head against her thighs. She plays with my hair. "Edward, you weren't joking," she says softly. "It's just... you have to remember my age. If you're not cool with it, and don't like curfews and all the shit that comes with dating a teenager, tell me now. You have to decide." "I'm not "dating" you, Bella. There are no decisions to make. I'm with you, always. And if I get frustrated, I apologize, but you have to remember my age." "It's not the same,” she says, “you have a choice. I don't have one until I graduate or turn eighteen. I won't accept your age as an excuse for anything. In a few months if you get 'frustrated' and decide to ditch me to go drinking with people your own age because I can't, I won't be pleased. If you decide my curfews are too early and that I should sit it out at home, I'll say fuck you. If you realize that you don't want to wait around for me to graduate from college or to grow up and settle down, I'll die." Her serious, no-nonsense expression changes towards the end.Her face just crumples and I see tears.

"Come here." I stand up and hold her close to me, inhaling her scent. My heart breaks when she is sad. Earlier she was emotional, watching her favorite character die for the twentieth time. This is not the same. Bella is scared and looks vulnerable now. Between the kisses and orgasms we have been sharing I think it‟s been easy to forget how scared we are of the fact that everything can collapse, disappear, if Charlie finds out and doesn't approve. But Bella has to understand that the fears she has that involve me are unfounded. "Bella, I will say this to you a hundred times a day if it will make you smile. I'll never tire of saying it. I'm here. I'll wait. I live for you, so 'waiting' isn't even an issue. As for the rest, I'd never ditch you or leave you behind. If I make plans to hang with friends, you'll know in advance, and they'll never interfere with our plans. And I expect the same from you, young lady, when you're off doing hood rat stuff with your friends." "What if you get sick of me?" she asks. "Okay, what if you get sick of me?" "I won't." "Neither will I," I promise her. "You say that now..." "Don't be a hypocrite. You're allowed to declare eternal love, but I can't even say I want you for always." "Ugh, you win today. You're making more sense,” Bella laughs. "Stick with me kid, I know what's up." "Stop trying to sound young and cool, gramps." She places a kiss on my chin and walks towards the door. I slap her ass and she squeals. "8:00am, B." "Are you going to call me and be all awkward on the phone later? Oh, Bella, it's Edward, let's pretend I didn't just see you and tell you I'd be at your place at eight... I just realllyyy wanted to hear your voice but didn't have the balls – " I grab her and start tickling her. "You little shit, you ARE evil. Making fun of me like that... as if you weren't sitting by the phone waiting for your hot older boss to call you and ask you out and give you your first kiss... admit it, Swan: I made you swoon." She looks up at me and her eyes are on fire. I let her go. She grabs my face and gives me the hottest kiss I've ever experienced, grabbing my cock through my shorts and squeezing it once. "You still do." Bella

I'm convinced something bad is going to happen. Yesterday was the best day of my life. But I said the same thing the day before yesterday, and even the day before that. And tomorrow we go to Seattle, and Saturday I get to be with Edward again at the picnic. You'd think I'd get used to having him around, but I still forget to breathe for a few seconds every time he touches me, and every time I get into his car. I was able to run out of the house this morning without having another awkward conversation with Charlie. I beat him home last night by an entire minute. I can only imagine how terrifying another Charlie interrogation would be. Honestly, if he actually flat out asked if there is something going on between us, I would probably die for a second, but then it would all be over, right? No more creepy stares and haunting Charlie eyes. This whole "I trust you guys, you wouldn't lie, you are good kids, I know you know better" thing is driving me crazy. And of course he called me while I was still in the car with Edward to ask me how I'm doing. Charlie normally goes days without asking. That's what I love about him. He doesn't hover. He's the most chill dad ever. But lately, ahhh. I can't deal. At work, Alice announces that she will be sleeping over tonight because it would make sense to leave for Seattle together. I tell her not to mention that Edward is coming to Charlie. She gives me the whole "don't lie to your parents" lecture, but it doesn't take much to get her to agree. We decide to make Charlie dinner together. It's part of my "keep Charlie as content as possible" plan. When I tell my dad about Alice and dinner he seems really excited. He tells me to ask Edward to join us for dinner. Not wanting to seem too informed of Edward's schedule and life, I tell him to call Edward himself. Apparently Edward sucks at saying no (generally a good thing), so this is going to be the most awkward night of my life. I tell Edward that he has to eat really quickly, talk about sports and fishing, and leave immediately after he swallows his last morsel. No dessert. I ride with Alice on the way back to Forks, since she wanted to stop by her place to grab some things on the way. Edward was a little whiny about not being together and I wasn't too pleasant to Alice at first, but she was having none of that. We get home and I start making mushroom risotto and prepare the salmon. Alice makes some brownies, sort of. Thank God for Betty Crocker. Charlie comes home and he and Alice hit it off. They start talking about Alice's shenanigans in high school and I go upstairs to change. I'm not sure what I want to wear. First I try on a high-waist skirt with a bright floral pattern. I tuck in a white boy tank. This is way too much for dinner chez Swan, so I take it off. I see the cut-offs I had worn to the cookout and put those on. Super short, but casual. I find a concert t-shirt I like. The Killers are cool, and I wear it gathered with a knot on the side. Halfway down the stairs I hear the doorbell, and a few seconds later, Charlie and Alice and Edward are talking. "Be right back, let me get us some beers. Alice?" "No thank you, Chief Swan." "Where's Bella?" I hear Edward asking. I'm right here. Fuck dinner, let's run away. "She's upstairs changing, try to control yourself. No looking at Bella, no touching Bella, no thoughts about Bella. He's a cop, so he's very perceptive." "Whatever." I make my way down and quietly approach them.

"Stop talking about me behind my back." "Bella." He smiles. He's beautiful. "Hi." "Bells, there you are. You've been gone for so long I thought you were getting ready for a ball." My dad hands Edward a beer and settles down on the couch. "Funny, dad. I really needed some quiet time because you and Alice are so loud." They laugh and start talking about Sam and Emily and their baby or maybe they're going to have a baby or something. A few minutes later Alice announces that dinner is ready, and asks me to help bring out the food. I carry the risotto out in a bowl and set it on the table. Apparently I'm sitting across from Edward, next to Charlie. The conversation is friendly. I'm mostly silent. "Did you catch the Mariners game yesterday?" Edward asks. "You see that? Those damn Yankees. Don't tell me you're rooting for the Yankees now, Edward." "Absolutely not, Charlie. If anything I was a Mets fan when I was in New York." The conversation turns to New York. Charlie says he has no desire to visit such a big, loud city. "I do," I announce. "What's that Bells?" "I want to go. To New York." "We discussed this once, Bella. I'm sure your mom can take you to visit schools out east." "She won't leave Phil for that long," I tell him. "I'll take her!" Alice is practically jumping up and down in her chair. "That's very nice of you, Alice," Charlie says. "Alice, there's no way he'll let me go without a chaperone." "Chief Swan! I'm twenty-five. Wouldn't you trust me as Bella's chaperone?" Alice opens her eyes wide and frowns. Well played, Brandon. "Of course I would, Alice. And call me Charlie. How 'bout we see which schools you get accepted to first, Bells?" "I just think that I should see New York before spending so much money on applications. If I hate the city, I just won't apply to any schools there," I explain.

"Charlie, she's right. Please think about it. I have a nice apartment there. Edward's sister Rosalie lives in New York as well. You can trust Bella with us. We'll take good care of her." "I'm sure you would, Alice. Edward, what do you think?" Edward has been staring at his salmon this entire time. He looks up at Charlie and clears his throat. "I think it's a great idea. It's very mature of Bella to want to make informed decisions, especially when it concerns something as important as college. You should take advantage of the fact that Bella knows people out there. Between Alice, Rose, her fiancé Emmett, and Alice's boyfriend Jasper, Bella will be safe. And consider the amount of money you or Bella‟s mother would be saving on a hotel room.” "Always the voice of reason, son,” my fathers says. “Alright Bells, let me know if you find an affordable ticket. We'll take it from there." I can't believe my ears. Edward is suppressing a smile. "Omigod BELLA! We're going to have so much fun. I'll take you to NYU, Columbia, Fordham. It's gonna be so much fun showing you around. We'll take her to the Village, she'll love the Village! Right, Edward?" Edward smiles politely. Charlie raises an eyebrow. Alice keeps babbling on. "Oh! I'll take you to the Dakota and the Lennon memorial in Central Park, Strawberry Fields. You like the Beatles, right? You mentioned them the other day. What was that song?" "Yeah I like the Beatles," I mumble. "Bella, didn't know you liked the Beatles – your old man's always been a fan too. Your mom used to listen to that song, Something, all the time. She thought it was real romantic." "That's not the song you were talking about, was it Bella?" Alice asks. Shut up Alice. Shut up Alice. Shut up Alice. "Errr, no." Edward blurts out something about fish. Good boy. Charlie starts talking about his last fishing trip. At one point Edward catches me staring at him and smiles, I smile back. He spills some water on his shirt. I laugh. "Edward, what did you spill?" "Just some water, Ali. Don't worry about it," he tells her. "Actually, I'm sad. That shirt... not a good look." My dad and I laugh at Edward's shocked expression. "Alice you picked this out for me at the outlets upstate!" "In 2004 Edward, 2004."

"2004? That's like ancient times, I was ... twelve! And a white shirt with thin stripes is bordering on total douchebaggery," I comment. Edward's mouth drops open. "Isabella, did you just call your boss a douchebag?" Edward asks, smiling that crooked smile. He's mine. "I'm sorry Mr. Cullen." I avoid eye contract with Edward and my dad until I start clearing the plates. Alice follows me into the kitchen and throws her arms around me. "Is that what you call him in bed?" "ALICE!" "You should have seen his face when you called him that. Mr. Cullen. He was adjusting himself when you walked into the kitchen. Oh, check your phone – he was texting someone." "Oh my GOD, Alice! Shhh. My dad's inside." I check my phone. You are all I want for dessert – E Alice gives me a knowing smile. "Fine, I'll be quiet. Omigod your dad's poker face is so freaky! I can never tell if he's suspicious, annoyed, angry. I'm taking the brownies inside. Oh, and Edward loves cold milk with his brownies." I grab a couple of glasses and the milk before heading to the dining room. "Alice, these brownies are delicious," Charlie exclaims. He totes has a crush on Alice. "Thank you Charlie. I used Betty‟s recipe." She winks. "Who wants some milk?" I ask, looking at Edward. "I'd love some milk, B. Bella." Charlie's head snaps up. "Charlie milk? My brownies are way better with milk. Not even a little? Okay, then." Sweet Alice. At least she tried. A little more baseball conversation and my dad gets up. "Time to head back to the station for a couple of hours. Edward, want to head out together?" No, no, no.

"Sure, Charlie. I have a few things to work on from home that I should get back to." "Edward, what about my laptop? You said you'd check it out,” Alice whines. This is the first I‟ve heard of a broken laptop. "Ali, can‟t it wait until Monday for the IT guy?" "That's like, four days away. Pleeease?" "Sure.” Edward sighs. “I'll take a quick look." "Alright then," my dad says. "I‟m off. Goodnight kids. Be good, Bells." I go back into the kitchen and start the dishes, waiting for my dad to leave. "B." I turn around. Edward is leaning against the wall, looking at me. His voice is honey. "B, I think your dad's outside waiting for me to leave. But…” I walk up to him and he places his hands on my waist, lifting me up for a single kiss. He puts me down and I stand between his legs, my head on his chest. We both sigh. He unties my hair. I hear his heartbeats. My eyes are closed. He holds me tight, placing a hundred tiny kisses in my hair. "I never want to be that close to you again without touching you." I nod. I just want to feel him. I hold onto him tighter. "Ahem, guys, Edward should go. The cruiser's still parked outside." I go back to the sink and Edward thanks Alice with a hug. Alice comes up to me, throws an arm around my shoulders and squeezes once. I smile at her. We do the dishes, watch some bad TV, talk. She confesses to having made an appointment for a wax and a pedicure tomorrow. I roll my eyes. I hate it when people make decisions for me, but I actually want both a pedicure and a wax, so there is no use arguing over the fact that she made an appointment without having consulted me first. And it‟s not like it hadn‟t come up in conversation this week. It‟s exciting, hanging out with Alice, being with Edward. I fall asleep thinking of the boy who still likes cold milk with his brownies, whose lips are always warm against mine, whose eyes hold every truth, secret, emotion I will need in my life. Edward I think about Bella all night, all morning. About her legs in her shorts and the t-shirt she wore. She likes The Killers. I picture her in my arms at MSG, mouthing the lyrics to All These Things That I've Done, her favorite Killers song. I think about writing to Bella, writing about Bella. Sometimes I almost believe that I could be a poet, because of how much I need and want to write about her. From the second I woke up this morning I felt an ache in my chest. I know it will disappear in about five minutes when Alice and Bella come to pick me up. In the meantime, it teams up with the butterfly dance in my stomach, making me count the seconds until I hear them pull up.

I walk outside and see Bella standing outside the car, looking at me. She‟s wearing something odd. Shorts, very short ones, and a strapless top, but it's all one piece. Sort of like those onesies babies wear, but not at all. She's practically naked. The material of her... outfit is a deep emerald green. Her hair is loose around her shoulders. I pick her up and swing her around a few times. She giggles and squeals. The sounds of Bella make my heart hammer. Her skin under my hands allows me to breathe again. "You're beautiful." "I match your eyes." Her legs are wrapped around my waist and I look into her eyes and see love. I'm convinced I don't ever have to look away. I will never tire of the affection Bella shows me, the look of complete adoration I find in her smile, the lust that seeps through every pore of her body. "Come on, children. We're running late." "Morning Alice." "Alice... can Edward and I sit – " "Yes, I'll be in the front, alone, like a motherfucking private chauffeur. As long as there is no exchange of bodily fluids back there, we're good." I lie down in the back with my legs bent and my head in Bella's lap. She feeds me brownies and brushes the crumbs off my lips and chin with her fingers. I kiss them and she smiles, playing with my hair, caressing my face with the back of her hand. "B, what is this thing you're wearing?" "You don't like? It's a romper. I can romp in it. Frolic, prance..." "I do like it, but it makes it difficult to access..." I trace a line across her belly with my nose. "Cullen, anything difficult to access in that tiny piece of cloth should not be accessed in my car!" Alice barks. "Ignore her, B. Back to the matter at hand. I'm curious, are you wearing a bra? I notice that I can just pull this down and – " "CULLEN, if you pull down her topm next stop is the Forks Police Department. Let's keep things PG back there." I groan and bury my face in Bella's lap. She brings her mouth to my ear and whispers. "I'm not wearing a bra." She licks my earlobe. I can smell Bella, she must be so wet. I kiss her belly and stomach through the thin material of her romper over and over again. She continues brushing my hair off my forehead, loving me. "I want you," I confess.

"I'm here." "I want to taste you." "Ah." She runs a finger over my lips, down my jaw. "Be more specific," she says. "Hmmm?" "You said you want to taste me." I prop myself up on my right elbow and bring my left hand under her shorts, into her panties. She gasps. I run a finger up and down, and then remove my hand. I taste Bella. Her eyes are closed, her head is thrown back. I catch a strand of her hair between my fingers and it feels like silk. I kiss the strand and place my head back into her lap. It's close to noon by the time we arrive in Seattle. We've talked, joked around with Alice, pissed Alice off, listened to Alice talk to Jasper for over an hour, talked to Jasper ourselves on speakerphone, kissed. We discussed our favorite songs but none of us could come up with one ultimate favorite song. We had to tell Alice that Wannabe doesn't count. Alice mutters something about Bella's choice of attire being unwise because of a spa appointment and I think I hear the word "wax" - my ears perk up. I imagine Bella bare, pink, delicious. My tongue on Bella's delectable pussy… bare, pink, delicious. My cock rubbing up and down said bare, pink, delicious pussy. I'm so hard my brain stops functioning and Bella gives me an odd look as the girls say goodbye and head to the salon. I walk around for a while and head into a bookstore because I need to entertain myself for two hours. I'm in the poetry section and I think about texting Bella, but I don't want to bother her while she's getting girly shit done. A few minutes later my phone buzzes. I'm feeling pretty goth right now but Alice won't let me get black polish on my toes – B Alice is scary, I wouldn't piss her off. Is my baby getting a pedi? – E Did my baby just say 'pedi'? Yes. I'm bored – B Fuck it then, come back to me – E Okay, I'll just forgo my wax as well - B Wax huh? – E Uh huh – B I think I'm fine here on my own for a little while longer – E Is someone excited? – B

Someone is very excited – E Kiss that someone for me? – B I can't kiss myself, B – E I wasn't referring to you, Edward – B Jesus loves me. He has blessed me with the sweetest girl with the dirtiest mind. You know he loves the little kisses – E And I love him – B Calm down, Cullen. Deep breath. Don't scare the old ladies in the bookstore with your massive hard-on. Isabella Swan did not just tell you she loves your cock. Oh yes she did. You drive me crazy - E Good – B I want so much of you – E Me too. I want more and more and more – B You have all of me and you will have more and more and more – E Muah lover, I should go. See you soon – B Her words make me smile and the dull ache is back. I scratch the back of my head and think about how Bella told me she reads all of her poetry online. I pick out Twenty Poems of Love and Despair, the complete poems of EE Cummings, and Frank O'Hara. Although I haven't really discussed O'Hara with Bella, he is one of my favorites and I have a feeling she'll like him too. I also buy a pen, and find a bench to sit on outside the bookstore. I pick up Twenty Poems first, thinking about what to write inside the front cover. 7/2/2009 Thank you for letting me quote Neruda to you on a clear June night. EC I'm thanking her for letting me love her. I find a verse I like and I dog-ear the page. I circle the verse, hoping she'll like it. Yeah, I wrote in a book, so what? In my sky at twilight you are like a cloud

and your form and colour are the way I love them. You are mine, mine, woman with sweet lips and in your life my infinite dreams live. Next, I pick up Cummings. I think hard about what I want to write. The first thing Bella ever quoted to me was from one of his poems. 7/2/2009 I knew from the moment I heard you quote Cummings that I want to play with you forever EC O'Hara is tough. Maybe I should just give it to her, no inscriptions. Yeah, that's what I'll do. There's this poem I read for a class in college that I always found fascinating. What was it called? Morning. The last few lines make that ache intensify. Something I want to tell Bella, something I may have to tell her one day. Something that will be difficult to say without sounding needy, without begging. So I decide to write it and maybe I won't ever have to say it and guilt her into staying. if there is a place further from me I beg you do not go I don't sign my name, or write a date. The ache is so bad now that it's coupled with anxiety. I count the minutes again, waiting for Bella and Alice. I had also purchased this week's New Yorker, which keeps me entertained until they finally call and tell me to meet them at a restaurant down the street. The name of the place sounds familiar. Bella looks miserable, but smiles when she sees me. I sit next to her and pull her in for a kiss. Her lips are softer than ever and I have to stop the kiss when her tongue enters my mouth because if I don't, I'll never stop. Alice clears her throat to get our attention. "Edward – Bella and I have some shopping to do after lunch and you're not invited." "Fuck that, Alice. I'm bored. I'm staying with my girl. Girls." "You can't be around 'your girls' the entire time. We need some more female bonding time," Alice says. "I think Edward can come with us, Alice." Her voice is low and throaty. It's one of my favorite Bella-voices. I'm intrigued. "What is it you guys have to buy?" I ask. Bella's smile tells me. Whatever it is, I'll like it. "So Edward, do you like surprises or would you like to help me pick out certain things today?" The look on Alice's face... Shock? Horror? "Bella, Bella, Bella... didn't know you had it in you.” We all start reading the menus and then it hits me.

"Alice, do you know where we are?" "Seattle, Washington?" she responds. "No, I mean this restaurant." For a second there I thought Alice is playing a game, but why would she do that to Bella? I'm pretty sure Bella doesn't want to be eating at the restaurant where the girl I used to fuck on a regular basis works. But we're here now, and if we‟re lucky, maybe Tori's not in yet. It would be tough to miss her, so tall with all the crazy hair. I look around. Nope, no Tori. "Victoria works here,” I tell them. “She's the manager. Or one of the managers. James got her a job out here, remember?" Bella stiffens next to me for a second. I want to calm her, but I also don't want her to feel as though there is any need to calm her. Does that make sense? "Oh my God, Edward. I'm sorry. But it doesn't look like she's here. I really had no idea. I had just heard that this is a trendy new place so I made reservations..." "No big deal, Alice. It's just Tori.” I shrug. Bella's silence makes me uncomfortable. I give Alice a look when Bella is staring at her menu and Alice excuses herself to use the restroom. I take Bella's fingers into my own and ask her what she thinks looks good. "Umm... I guess I want to try the steak tartare." "Feeling adventurous, are we?" Bella shrugs. "Hey, there's no raw meat on any menus in Forks.” I laugh and tousle her hair, kiss the top of her head. She gives me a look through her lashes that makes my heart leap out of my chest and my cock harden in my pants. "I don't mind that she works here,” she tells me. “I'm actually curious and kinda bummed she's not around." Say what? "Curious, huh?" "Yeah, I'd like to see what your 'type' is," she says. "I don't have a – she's not my type." "She must have been your type. And you don't have to tell me I'm your type. I'm much, much more than that." She is.

"You are,” I assure her, “you're..." "Alice is back, Romeo. Save it for the ride back." She's my everything. I want to tell her that. Does she know? What does that even mean? How is Bella so confident? Why does nothing faze her? Why can‟t I seem to get it together today? "Errr, kids. Victoria's here,” Alice announces. “I just saw her. So... Edward find a hat and hide the trademark 'do." With a wave of her hand, Bella responds. "It's cool, I don't care. I don't think Edward does either." "Oook, then. Bella, you're scaring me today." I laugh because I know exactly what Alice means. "Edward Cullen,” a familiar voice says. “You could've called or texted to let me know you're in town. Alice! You're here too. It's been too long." "Hey Victoria." Alice smiles. Good girl, Ali. "Ssup Tori?" "Nothing much. It's good to see you guys. Oh hello, I'm Victoria," she says, looking Bella up and down. Bella extends a hand, Victoria shakes it. "Bella. Nice to meet you." "Likewise. Alice I didn't know you had a little sister." Alice‟s voice is cold. "I don't.” Don't do that Ali, play nice. "Oh, I could have sworn… Edward, I know Rosalie is your only sister." "Bella's definitely not my little sister, Tor,” I tell her with a smile. "I know that tone of voice and smirk. Robbing the cradle, huh Cullen?" she teases. I smile at Victoria. She grins. This is what I like about Tori – she‟s pretty cool. No big deal. "I hope you guys are enjoying the food. Alice, let's get together for some shopping and gossip soon. Bella, it was great meeting you." Bella and Victoria stare at each other and it lasts a second longer than it should. Tori puts her hand on my shoulder, leans in and whispers, "Your girl is lovely, Hubbell." She messes up my hair and walks away.

"Well that was less awkward than it could have been," Bella says. "Yeah. You okay, B?" "She's pretty cool. I mean, quoting The Way We Were." "Bella, something tells me she was quoting Sex and the City quoting The Way We Were. Red there hasn't seen anything made before 1985.” "Alice, come on. She was perfectly nice to you and Bella. You can make fun of her once we leave her restaurant.” "Ew, Edward. I hope you never talk about me that way!" Bella cries. What is this fool talking about? Like I'd ever say anything remotely bad about her. Like I'd ever not be with her. "Bella, I'm going to pretend you didn't just compare yourself to Tori.” "All I‟m saying it that while I understand that you weren‟t in a relationship with her, respect is a great thing to have towards someone you chose to spend so much time with." Wow, she's giving me a lecture. "Bella, I respect her. I actually like Tori..." Bella gives me her signature eye-roll and I look down at my plate. Wow, she's got me by the balls. Break away, Cullen. Don't let anyone own you. Hah, I just bought her poetry and inscribed that shit, I'm in way too deep to even consider breaking away. I tentatively put my hand on her thigh. She gives me the evil side-eye. I pout. She sighs. Her hand covers mine and moves it between her legs. Come on Cullen, fuck this shopping shit. Bathroom. Now. Not taking Bella to the bathroom. She just put your hand over her pussy, she wants you. "Ughh." "Edward, you okay?" she asks. "Nope.” "What's wrong?" Bella applies more pressure to my hand, pushing it harder against her. It's my turn to give Bella the side-eye. "You're borderline evil, Swan." "Oh, I know. Now on to shopping. Hands off, Cullen." I pay for lunch after protests from Bella and Alice and we head out. I listen to Alice go on and on apologizing to Bella for the lack of department stores in Seattle. Apparently if a city doesn't have a Bergdorf Goodman it's worthless. That makes every city but New York City pretty much worthless. I want to say something, but I know that a) I don't care enough, b) it's pointless to argue with Alice. After a

couple of hours in Nordstrom with Bella trying on some cute dresses, jeans, tops, and skirts, an infinite number of erections, and about a dozen groping sessions, we are done. "Okay, time for Edward to disappear," Alice says. I look down at the three enormous bags full of clothes and shoes I‟m carrying for Bella. Aren‟t we done yet? But Bella doesn't look like she's done and Bella's the boss. Whipped, whipped, whipped. Bare, soft, pink, delicious pussy mine all mine. Oh so tight. Still whipped. "Edward can come if he wants," Bella says, biting that bottom lip. "Fine. Whatever you two want. I'm done arguing. Okay, Bella. Then which would you prefer? Bellefleur? It's a small boutique and has some great stuff. Or just plain old Victoria's Secret?" How have I been so dumb? Of course they are going lingerie shopping. And Bella wants you there. I'm conflicted, yet again. "Edward, do you want to come or not?" "I uh – " "HAH! Edward Cullen flustered. Wait till I tell Rose and Jasper and Em. I should text Victoria too, since you're all BFF now." I glare at Alice, but she continues to giggle, pawing her stupid phone already. "Bella of course I want to come. Unless you want to surprise me..." That's good, smart answer. "Presumptuous much?" Huh? "I'm getting some bras and underwear. Of course you'd assume I'm buying stuff to seduce you. I'm sixteen, Edward. I shouldn't even have to try." You certainly do not have to try. My cock is erect in your presence 99.99% of the time. "Bella – " She laughs and gives a giddy Alice a high-five. "He's too easy. I'm kidding, Edward. You get to pick what you want to see me in."

Fuck. Me. Now. Bella Edward is holding my hand as we walk into the boutique. Alice and I decided that we'd buy a bunch of essentials from Victoria's Secret online. I squeeze his hand and smile at him. He's less grumpy now that all the bags are in the car. All except for the bag he's been carrying around since Alice and I got back from the spa. The spa. The pedi was great. It was nicer than most of the pedis I've gotten, and we settled on a bright red that I love. Turning Heads Red. Alice started screaming when I suggested black. I think her exact words were, "You only get black if you have Black Satin. No black unless it's Chanel! I'll give you my bottle tomorrow if you must!" Lunch was pretty wild. Okay, not wild. I'm not gonna lie, though. Victoria was... intimidating to say the least. Tall, stunning, confident. I did my best to seem confident myself and I think it worked, but I was almost shaking when I held out my hand. And it sorta bothered me how comfortable Edward was around her, like she was just some random person. But I guess that's what she is. A random person. I know I say that I understand that sex isn't a big deal for him, that he was just enjoying his time with her, and nothing more. But I can't help but think – isn't our relationship just based on sex? Yeah, we haven't actually had sex, but it's always about touching and kissing and grinding. That's not fair, you know that's not true. Fine, but I can't help but wonder whether or not everything we do means as much to Edward as it means to me. Clearly months of sex with this girl meant NOTHING to him, although he was still fantasizing about her until a couple of days ago. Maybe he still is. I wouldn't be surprised, she's hot. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. "You're thinking too hard. I can tell." "Is that your nice way of telling me I'm stupid and thinking doesn't become me?" "I'm not even going to acknowledge what you said. What's on your mind, B?" he asks. "Ummm... I'm thinking I should let you pick something out for me." Not really, but I‟m not in the mood to talk right now. "Baby, I'm not picking out lingerie for you until you're... a little older." What a fucking moron. "Uhhh, okay. That makes perfect sense. You finger me, go down on me, come all over my belly, in my mouth, but I'm too young to wear lingerie. Got it." Alice hurries off, hands over her ears. She‟s so tiny that I forget she‟s around unless she‟s making some noise. "Bella. Jesus. Let's just say, I want to keep some things special. I want to buy you many, many naughty things. Soon. Rules, remember?" I roll my eyes at him. He rarely makes any sense, why would he start now? "Fine, you can wait outside and read your... books, seeing as you can't seem to part with them," I say, waving my hand in the direction of the bag.

He raises an eyebrow. Puts a hand up in surrender, and mutters something that sounds a lot like "period...PMS...hormones" and I go looking for Alice. "So asshole over there wants to be a prude and won't help me pick anything out," I tell Alice. Silence. "Alice, he's so fucking annoying sometimes. Why are we even here? Let's go." Nothing. She hands me a few things. Simple things. Soft lace bras and matching soft lace high waisted panties and boy shorts that will probably leave some ass hanging out. There is a navy set, a cream set, a black set. "Yeah ummm each set costs almost $80." She waves a credit card in my face and I shake my head no. She puts the cream set back. "Okay, here's the deal. Everything here is too old. I want innocent. I know where to find innocent yet utterly sexy. We'll do that online. Shopbop, Bella. A girl can find everything needs there. For now, we buy these. They‟re Cosabella soft lace panties and bras. They are fucking awesome because they are innocent but sexy. Plus they're very comfortable and they're not the type of lingerie gramps there is worried about. We're stopping at my place on the way back. You'll change into the black set. The high waist is very in now, as is the retro-looking bra. Did you get your period yet? Okay, good. You'll wear that plaid shirt over it and the skinny jeans with the holes on the thighs. It's getting chilly so there's your excuse. This romper is a joke, we don't live in Southern California. I'm calling your dad and he'll agree to let you spend the night at my place because the picnic is tomorrow and it makes more sense. You're not staying at my place because I'm having phone sex with Jasper and you're... doing whatever it is you and Edward do to entertain yourselves. No objections, please. It's settled." Again, no one can tell me what to do, but when Alice decides things that I‟m completely on board for, there is no reason to argue. I pay for both sets because I‟m not letting a friend pay for my lingerie, and find Edward leaning against the wall outside the store. Alice hits him with the bag. "Cullen, you look like a perv. Why are you standing like that outside a lingerie store?" "Nice to see you too, Alice. I'm glad that didn't take long." Alice walks towards the car, leaving us behind. "I'm sorry I snapped,” I tell him. “I hate the rules, and I hate your little speeches on keeping some things special.” "B, it's fine. I don't know what came over me. You're right. If we're equals, we decide shit together, or for ourselves, not for each other. No more fights." "That wasn't a fight." "That was definitely a fight,” he tells me.

"No." "Yes." "NO." "Bella..." "You said it yourself, I'm hormonal. By the way, I'm staying with you tonight, Alice is dealing with Charlie." The second I tell him this I realize that he might not want me to stay over. I open my mouth to say something but he covers it with his hand. "Don't take it back." "I just didn't think – “ "B, I'm so fucking happy I can't begin to tell you. Come on, get in. Ride in front with Alice, she's been awesome today I don't want her pissed about being alone in the front again." Edward is constantly touching me until we get to Alice's. I change into my new jeans, and the last hour in the car is spent with Edward's hands on my neck and in my hair. It can't be comfortable for him, leaning forward like that in the back, just so he can touch me and be close to me. I kiss his fingers and hands over and over again. At one point I catch Alice looking at me while I'm doing this and she blushes. I feel bad about the massive PDA. It can't be comfortable. I also wonder if she misses having Jasper around. Alice drops us off at Edward's. We get all our bags (errr... my bags) and head inside after round after round of hugs and goodbyes with Alice. We feel bad that she has to drive all the way back to Port Angeles herself, she's been driving all day. She assures us that it's all in the name of fashion or something. I don't think it even makes sense. The second we are inside the bags are dropped and I'm kissing Edward hungrily. Nibbles turn to bites and I know my lips will be swollen tomorrow. We run up the stairs and I notice that Edward remembers to bring that damn bag up with him. I sit back on my elbows and smile, he comes over and kisses my neck, my throat, my neck again. I bring his hand to the zipper of my jeans and look into his eyes. He stares into my lap as he slowly brings the zipper down. He sees the black lace and a smile plays on his lips. My jeans come off even more slowly, Edward's eyes are on the lace the entire time. He practically rips off my shirt and grins when he sees my bra. I stretch out in front of him, he looks away. "Dangerous, Swan." "Hmmm?" "You're dangerous. I can see the merits of the lingerie... Yes, I take back anything I said at the store. But I really want to do you right now." "So, do me." He knows I'm not serious (well, not totally serious), and he shakes his head, laughing. He gets off the bed and returns with the stupid bag. "Before we forget about everything else in the world…"

"Are you going to teach me something about the law?” I ask. "Fuck the law. I got you something." "Ugh, I hate presents. Okay, I'm lying, who hates presents? I fucking love presents." He laughs and lies down next to me. Edward takes a book out of the bag. It's a collection of poems by EE Cummings. I smile. I open the book and immediately see the inscription. I swear I feel tears coming. "I want to play with you forever too,” I tell Edward. I move closer to him, with the intention of making him my human bed again. He gets it and pulls me on top of him. "Thank you, this is amazing." "I got you something else." He takes out another book. Frank O'Hara. I like O'Hara. After watching the first season of Mad Men I borrowed Meditations in an Emergency from the library. I'm not too familiar with his stuff, though. I read the inscription. I notice that Edward looks away. "Is that from one of his poems?" He nods. "Those are perfect words. I wish I'd found them first..." "Why would you say that?" he asks me. "Because... I feel that way. I don't want you to go." "I'm here, Bella." "I know. Thank you, I love this. You're..." He silences me with a finger on my lips and places another book in my hands. Ah, yes. Of course. My favorite. "Edward..." The inscription makes me cry. He's thanking me, I should be thanking him every day for that night. I think about it all the time, the sky, how clear it was, my phone in my hand, feeling him behind me, his scent, his voice and the words. I wrap my arms around his neck and just stay like that for a while. His soft breaths and heartbeat are all I need to hear. His skin against mine is all I need to feel. "I love you."

He smiles at my words and kisses the tip of my nose. I roll off him and onto the bed. It's his turn to say something. "Let me worship you." I'm not sure what this entails, but I nod, thinking I'm very lucky that my period hasn't started yet. Edward starts with soft kisses on my shoulders. He goes back and forth between my shoulders, throat, collarbone, neck, chest. I feel almost overwhelmed by the kisses until he starts kissing up and down my arms. Then my fingers, my palms. Next he kisses my bellybutton, and goes up and down my stomach, my belly, my sides. He lingers for a while on my hips as his hands finally come to my breasts. I feel a little dizzy and thrash around a little, I need some control, or maybe I just need more. Edward's kisses become more frantic, a little rougher, quicker. After a few dozen kisses on and between my legs, behind my knees, he collapses onto the bed, burying his head between my legs. I moan. He kisses me a million times over the black lace, even turning me around and covering my ass with kisses. Just when I'm about to beg him for more, he looks up and hooks two fingers into the lace. I nod, encouraging him. He brings them down and lets out an audible gasp. Edward's lips and mouth on me tonight are like something I've never experienced before. You could say he loves the wax, but I know it's more than that. This is part of 'worshipping' me. He doesn't have to use his fingers, I'm moaning and writhing and then almost screaming, and I lose control and enter a state of bliss I didn't know existed. "Your moans," he breathes, when it's over. "Huh?" "My favorite song."

Chapter 22 - Loose shirt and fuck-me toes Edward I was thisclose to just saying fuck it and defiling Chief Swan's baby girl around six times last night. While fingering a very turned on Bella who was sitting on my lap, I almost lost control because she started making the hottest little sounds directly in my ear while rubbing her palm on my cock over my boxers. I know she did this on purpose because I had just told her what her moans do to me. When Bella decided to surprise me in the kitchen by dropping to her knees and taking me into her mouth I almost lost control because she started moaning around my cock and I wanted nothing more than to just throw her over the counter and... ugh. Later when Bella was leaning over said counter while making us dinner I almost lost control because she was still just in her bra and panties and her ass looked good enough to eat and she was licking sauce off her fingers and looked so innocent and didn't know I was watching her and I wanted to grab her and surprise her and rip those evil panties off. Sometime before we went to bed she asked me to play something for her and she decided to fucking straddle me on the bench, clinging to me and humming along to the melody. I almost lost control because I imagined the sound the keys would make if I were to push her onto them and thrust into her and she was kissing me all over my neck and I pushed her panties aside and she grabbed me through my boxers and pulled me out but then I saw her bite her lip and I could tell she was nervous, so I just touched her until she came and she touched me until I came and I solemnly swore that I will fuck her senseless on the piano if it's the last thing I do. Then Bella decided – and yes, she makes all the decisions around here – that sleeping topless in my arms all night would be a good idea. 'Nuff said. Waking up at three, I heard Bella talking in her sleep and she's saying my name and asking me for more and more and more just like in the text she had sent me when she was at the spa. She was so wet I could smell her and my cock was hard against her ass and her nipples were so hard and tiny and perfect I had to quietly leave the bed. Of course I just watched her from a safe distance until she was quiet again. That's when I noticed a text from Alice. Call me asap. I‟m freaking out. Couldn't sleep so researched some law stuff. Are we sure you're not going to get into trouble re: Bella? She's only 16... you're in a supervisory role. Read statutes more carefully. CALL ME I took 30 mgs of adderall can't sleep! Okay, now I hope the Adderall has finally just fucked up her brain because that text freaked me out. I decide against calling her because Alice + addy are a frightening thing to behold. I remember her jumping off the walls during her law school finals. I turn on my laptop and hope Bella doesn't wake up. I Google the statutes again and read them carefully. Yeah, I should have read them more carefully in the first place. I'm over sixty months older than Bella and I'm in a supervisory position. But the statute does say that I have to be taking advantage of my position in getting her to engage in sexual conduct with me, which I'm definitely not. But I can see why Alice is concerned. There is definitely cause for concern. Furthermore, since she's a minor Charlie can decide that I can't have anything to do with her; and if we do anything to go against his wishes I'd be in trouble. And then the one thing that I've been kind of trying to conveniently

forget hits me again. As if I didn't know. Of course I knew. I might as well be having sex with Bella because yeah, all the oral is definitely not okay if I actually fit into the aforementioned category. Edward Cullen. Graduated in the top ten percent of my class, graded onto Law Review. If I hadn't gotten fucked in the ass with the firm going under or been unwilling to bum around New York looking for another firm job, I'd be on the partner track in no time. I've been told I have a brilliant legal mind and should consider a career in academia. Just how fucking easy is it to overlook entire sections of statutes that aren't remotely difficult to comprehend? Pretty fucking easy. Don't beat yourself up – Bill Clinton knew he was committing perjury. I'm assuming they teach you what that means at Yale or that he would've picked it up somewhere between law school and becoming the fucking 42nd President of the United States. Yes, by all means, compare your situation to Clinton's. I close my laptop and decide to return to bed. I can still have tonight with her. But I turn to find Bella standing behind me, frowning. "Hey." "Go back to bed, Bella. I was just about to join you." "What's wrong?" "Nothing, just couldn't sleep." "You cursed out loud. Tell me," she insists. "Bella, we'll talk in the morning baby." Please let me just hold you tonight. "You don't have to tell me at all if you don't want to. But if there's something to tell, you have to say it now. I won't be able to sleep." "Okay, come on. We'll talk in bed." She can tell this is serious because she throws on her shirt before joining me. We lie down on our sides, facing each other. I want to touch her, hold her, forget about all the shit that's going on in my head. She looks worried, nervous. "Bella so I was just reading about the laws in Washington – " "Why? Why tonight?" "Alice texted me and told me to read the statute carefully, and I couldn‟t wait until the morning." "And?"

Her voice is cold, harsh. I see her withdrawing and it makes me nervous. "So you know how I hired you and you work for me? The thing is, although the age of consent is sixteen, when there's a sort of supervisory relationship between the parties, and one party is over sixty months older than the minor, that's basically not okay." "Hey asshole, I can read statutes. You don't have to explain things to me like I'm five." Deep breath, Cullen. I raise an eyebrow and point to my laptop. "You can read it yourself, then." She hops off the bed, brings the laptop, and places it between us. A few minutes later she closes it agai and places it on the floor. "Okay, but you didn't abuse a supervisory position within our relationship in order to engage in sexual intercourse with me. I'm not a victim." Are we sure Bella hasn‟t gone to law school? She is able to dissect a statute and rephrase it in her own words in less than five minutes, something seasoned lawyers I've met have trouble doing. She's bright, she's quick. I'm in awe of her intellect. "Okay, Bella. I know that, but – " "I can see why you're worried. I can quit." "Bella, don't be so willing to give things up in life for someone else." She looks livid. "Oh, is that what I'm doing? Good to know where you stand. Just remember to take your books back when you tell me you can't give things up in life for me." Jesus. "Bella.” "No. Is that what this is about? You're worried about your job. I get that, but... you'd just end things because of that? Like, end them?" What the fuck is she talking about? "Of course not." "You hesitated." "Jesus, Bella. What are you talking about? I didn't say I'm ending anything." "I'd give up everything for you, you can't give up your lame Port Angeles court job.” Ouch. Tell me how you really feel, Bella.

"You'd be giving up an unpaid internship, Bella," I remind her. "That's not the point. I can say with complete confidence right now that if I had to, I'd give up everything for you." "I'd never ask you to." "Then you don't love me enough,” she says. Calm down. She's just upset. "I think you don't understand that that's just how much I love you." "No. Love is a very selfish thing. How could you not want me to be completely yours?" "You are completely mine. Bella, love is a selfless thing. You've got it ass backwards." "Sorry,” she says, her voice dripping with sarcasm. “I'm probably too young to understand. Whatever. Ummm, I think I want to go home." Cullen, do not raise your voice. "Bella." "Edward." "You're not going anywhere. Don't do this right now. What part of I'm crazy in love with you don't you understand? I was just worried. I am worried. This wasn't even what truly worried me." She suddenly looks even paler than usual. "There's more?" "Nothing that isn't completely obvious,” I tell her. “Charlie is your dad, you're a minor. He can decide to stop us from seeing each other. Legally. Not just, 'oh you can't hang out with Edward.‟" She sighs and stares up at the ceiling. Her shirt is open and I see her chest, she's breathing heavily. Her panties come up to her waist and I just want to put my head in her lap again because I want her to comfort me. I love how she comforts me, but I think Bella needs comforting now, so I bring her on top of me like she likes, her head on my chest, and I kiss the loose strands of hair. "I'm sorry." "Why are you apologizing?" I ask her. "I'm acting like a crazy bitch." "Just a little bit. I do enjoy it in moderation." "Yeah?" "As long as it doesn't involve you leaving me. I can't have that,” I admit.

"As if, Cullen. I'm here." That's usually my line, but hearing it from her calms me down and I can relax a little bit. I hold her close to me and she whispers sweet nothings in my ear, making me feel so fucking happy I could sing. I think she's finally asleep when she's quiet, but she speaks. "I think we have to tell my dad. Like, soon. Maybe when your parents are in town." "Yeah." "What if he…?” "Not now, B." She nods and rests her head against my chest. I hum some Beatles songs to her and she falls asleep in my arms. I pretend not to notice the single tear that escapes from my eye. *** I wake up to breakfast being made and I smell bacon and Bella's not here so she must be the culprit. I make it downstairs after brushing my teeth and washing my face. She has found my “FORKS HIGH SCHOOL Class of 2001” t-shirt and her hair is piled up on the top of her head, it looks messy and she's beautiful. "Hey baby, you're a Cullen for the day I see." She blushes, looks confused. "The t-shirt. My last name is on the back.” "Is this your way of telling me you want it back?" she asks. "No, although feel free to take it off..." "No naked breakfast! I want to feed you, though." I sit at the table and watch every move she makes. "Bella Cullen," I say out loud. SHIT. "Uhhh, Edward. That officially scared the shit out of me." No it didn't, you totally loved that, it's written all over your face. "I like how it will sound in ten years," I tell her. Or ten days, or hours. You're fucking crazy, Cullen. "La La La La La..."

"I'm joking, Bella." Am I? "Too late. I just a vision of me knocked up with your babies walking across the stage for graduation at the school gym." "Hah, the still beats the image yours just gave me of you knocked up at prom." "Ew, Edward!" "Let's not get you pregnant.” But let's do that thing you have to do in order to get pregnant? A lot? I wonder how Bella would feel about going on the pill. I can get tested. It's only fair, we'll be even. You're the greediest motherfucker on the planet, aren't you? It's not enough that you'll be the first person who gets to be inside what I can only imagine is the sweetest place that ever existed. No, you also want to do that with nothing between you and Bella. Nothing. "We don't have to worry about that anytime soon, do we?" she mutters. "B – you make it sound like I'm depriving you of something." She climbs onto my lap with a plate of bacon and eggs and a fork. "The Constitution doesn't give me a fundamental right to fuck whomever I please?" "Language, Miss Swan. As your supervisor, I'm pretty sure this conversation is verging on highly inappropriate." She feeds me some bacon, then brings her mouth close to my ear. "I like highly inappropriate, Mr. Cullen." "You are so fucking inappropriate, Miss Swan." She giggles and continues to feed me. She talks to me like I'm her little boy, doing little airplane tricks and wiping my mouth. The food is delicious and I don't want to go to this stupid work thing because I want another day of just Bella. Like yesterday. Neither one of us has discussed the fact that we probably won't be seeing each other tomorrow. I don't want to bring it up. I'm confident that Bella will once she comes up with an excuse for us to meet. Resourceful, smart Bella. "Is it okay if I take a shower?" I love how soft her voice gets when she asks me for permission to do something. I smile because she doesn't realize that this is also her home. "Of course, baby. Let me show you where everything is."

I take her up to my bathroom and give her a fresh towel. I let the water run and adjust its temperature because it takes some getting used to, and I don't want Bella to be cold. "So you've got everything you need. Enjoy the site of the many cold showers I‟ve had to take after dropping you off." She smiles and gives me a small kiss before pointing to the door. I start walking towards it before she stops me. "Wait." I turn around, and Bella is standing there, her bottom lip between her teeth. She has taken off my t-shirt. Her left arm is across her chest and she flings the t-shirt at me. "Don't go. I ummm, think that I wantyoutocomeinwithme." I take a step towards her, she takes a step back. I stop. Her arm is still covering her tits and she isn't looking at me anymore. I put my hand under her chin and tilt her face up. "Talk to me, B." "I don't want you to see me naked." She blushes. I kiss her cheeks, nose, forehead, adoring the blush that makes Bella, Bella. "Bella, I'm pretty sure this has happened before. Your tits were in my face all night." "Not like that, asshole. I've been naked here and there on your bed, but I haven't stood in front of you like totally exposed. My hips are wide and my boobs are small compared to them. My left one is slightly smaller than my right one, so I'm practically deformed, and I'm so fucking pale – " Okay, time to shut her up. "I promise to love the smaller one just as much as the bigger one. This way I get a little variety, and variety's always a good thing. Your tits are wonderful, Bella. Your skin is beautiful. And your hips. Your hips have had a starring role in my Bella-fantasies since the day I met you. Why do you think I walk behind you all the time? They're fucking hypnotic. I'm going to continue. I'm obsessed with your ass. You know how much time I spend thinking about it, we've discussed this. And your pussy. Your pussy Bella. It's the prettiest, softest, sexiest thing I've ever seen..." I drop down to my knees and place a kiss on the part of Bella that I was just describing. She gasps. Her arm drops to her side. I look up into her eyes and she nods. I know what she is saying. I slide off her panties and place another kiss. Same spot. Just wetter. I get up and she places her hands on my hips, and looks down. I nod at her. She removes my boxers. I step out of them and we are standing in front of each other, completely exposed. The water is running behind us and I step into the shower. I don't take my eyes off her. She follows me. The water is lukewarm and we're under the shower's spray and the droplets I see on Bella's nipples call to me and I take one into my mouth, licking and licking and licking until those tiny sounds come, straight from her throat. So sexy. My palm is flat on her other breast and her hand is on my cock and then she's gone because she's on her knees. Kisses up and down my shaft. Her hand is wrapped around me and she's stroking me furiously and the wetness and her warmth and the kisses… I'm loud, I'm never loud during handjobs or blowjobs and I don't even know what this is, but it's Bella and her mouth is magic and her hands are killer. I think

about that KOL song and wonder for the 100th time if they are talking about a handjob. Who the fuck cares? My knees are weak and I lose myself and I'm coming and saying her name. Her name. I steady myself by placing a hand against the wall. I open my eyes and see the hottest thing ever. But the hottest thing ever doesn't look too pleased. "Bella I'm – " "No. Stop. I'm thinking." "I'm really – " "Edward shut up. I'm not sure whether or not I want to be angry. Because I think I like it, but I'm not sure." She likes facials. Please, God, tell me she likes facials. I smile. "No, don't smile. Don't talk. I'm thinking. That was... vile. But. Ugh you should've seen yourself lose control. You just exploded and you hit my face. It was very... Fine I liked it. But you can't just do that when you feel like it. Really uncool." "Okay, Jennifer Aniston,” I joke, immediately realizing how stupid I sound. “It won't happen again like that. No surprises. But I'm getting the feeling that you love me all over your face, because you haven't washed it off." Bella starts to laugh. She doesn't stop. Her body is rocking back and forth and she almost slips. I catch her. We wipe all the jizz off her face together and we're both laughing. Her hair is hanging wet around her shoulders and her tits are bouncing with each laugh and her eyes are sparkling and once I see her eyes I see nothing else because they are the essence of Bella. I love her. Love her. Fucking love her. We laugh and kiss and wash ourselves and when we get out she starts shaking her head wildly so that her hair is flying around, spraying water everywhere, getting me wetter, and my bedroom walls are wet and I throw her onto the bed. We are out of breath and we are laughing again. She tells me to pick out something for her to wear from the shopping bags. I toss her another pair of panties similar to the ones I just took off and a pair of torn-looking denim shorts that Alice had picked out for her. They remind me of the ones from the other night and from the cookout, but these are even sexier. I pick out a tank but she shakes her head „no‟. She points to a shirt and I'm not sure I like the look because it looks like a man's shirt, very loose, but when she puts it on I get it. She rolls up the sleeves and looks a little messy and effortless but flawless and I love how comfortable she is dressing in front of me. "Are you wearing your Converse?" "No, there are some flip flops in the small bag." "Showing off those toes? Cute. I noticed them in the shower before I came – " "All right, that's enough. We're not discussing 'the incident' anymore. Hurry up and dress." Jailbait/boss lady picks up the Frank O'Hara book and my life is officially perfect with her on my bed with her bright red toes and poetry and delectable braless tits under her new men's shirt.

Bella Edward is in the bedroom getting all pretty. I knew that hair didn't just happen. I'm reading and humming to myself. I'm not gonna lie, I'm getting a little impatient. Edward's phone rings and it's his sister. I let him know and he tells me to pick up. "Hey Rosalie, it's Bella. Edward's inside – " "Bella?" That's not Rosalie. "Yeah... Rosalie is that you?" "No, dear. This is Esme. Rosalie's mother." Oh. "Oh." "It's lovely to hear your voice Bella. How are you?" What is she talking about? Relax, Bella. "Yes. I'm – I'm well, thank you. And yourself?" My voice is shaking. I sound like a moron. This is his mother. His mother. "Wonderful. We arrived in New York yesterday. I told Edward to call his father, but he hasn't yet. Is he there now?" "Yes, he's here," I manage to say, before calling out his name. He walks in looking confused. "It's your mom." I notice how my hand is shaking as I hand him the phone. He notices too and takes it into his before sitting next to me on the bed. "Mom... Yeah that was her... Sorry I was inside dressing... Oh God, no I just took a shower... No Mom, nothing - ... I told you already... We're just heading to the office picnic... Shit, I forgot... Sorry, yeah... I'm sorry, we were in Seattle with Alice... I'll call him tomorrow then, I wouldn‟t want to bother him during golf, God forbid... I apologize for not utilizing the correct terminology, but the day I start playing golf... Well Rosalie is your son then... Mom, we're late... Wait, why?... Alright Mom, love you." He shrugs and hands me the phone. "Bella, I just wanted to tell you that Carlisle and I are both looking forward to meeting you." "I look forward to meeting you too, Mrs. Cullen."

"Esme. Will you join us for dinner on Saturday evening? We'd love for you to join us." "I'd love to." "Perhaps your father would like to join us as well?" "I'll have to speak to him about that." "Do that, Bella. I‟ll see you soon." Edward is reading my book now, and I climb on top of him. "I think your mom just told me to tell my dad." "What do you mean?" "She asked if he'd like to join us for dinner. Yeah, we're dining with your parents next weekend. And I said I'd have to speak to him and she said 'do that' – your mom's scary." "She's not scary. She can be intimidating sometimes, but I wouldn't worry," he tells me. "‟Kay." "So dinner, huh?" "Ugh, Edward!" He laughs and hugs me. "We've got a week. That's like a fucking eternity. We'll be celebrating our three-week anniversary." "The word anniversary ... Anniversaire. There's that Charles Aznavour song, Bon Anniversaire. It's sad but a sweet sad. So beautiful. Anniversaire means birthday, anniversary, obvi. It comes from 'annus' in Latin. Which means year, obvi. Anniversarius – " "Bella please stop that. You're such a little nerd." He kisses my neck from behind me, but he can't shut me up. "Anyway, since three weeks isn't a year, we can't use the word and I hate that word. No anniversaries." "Je t'adore, Bella." His accent is perfect, at least it sounds perfect to my American ears. But I've heard bad French accents before, and Edward's isn't one of them. Why didn‟t he just say „je t‟aime?‟ Does it matter? No. "Stop being perfect,” I tell him. “Let's get out of here. Allons y." I hope he gets that reference, but if he doesn‟t, that‟s okay. We grab all the bags and my books and it hits me that I don't get to spend the day with him tomorrow. Charlie will be around and I usually make him

dinner on Sundays. The last two weeks have been an anomaly. I try coming up with excuses to see Edward, but I can't think of any. It's just one day. We have phones. I'll survive. I fall asleep in the car on our way to the picnic and he wakes me up when we get there. I see Alice waiting for us in her car. We look at each other and realize we are almost matching. The three of us find the picnic area and put our things under a tree. Then, out of nowhere we are attacked by two females and I know who they are. Judge Stanley's daughter Jessica was at Alice's party. She's pretty, but there's something mom-ish about her. She has HUGE boobs, though. I notice the way she looks at Edward, I don't like it. Her sister, Kate, goes to school with me. She's a mini-Jessica, skinnier, very tan, lots of highlights. "Edward, you made it! Alice, I haven't seen you since your party." They exchange pleasantries and talk a little. Edward is playing with his hair a lot, looking away and mentioning how hungry he is. "Bella, right?" "Hi. Kate, right?” "Aren't we in the same grade? We had a couple of classes together last semester. What are you doing here?" she asks. "I'm an intern." "Oh. That's all you're doing this summer?" Hmmm, I'd love to tell her about all I'm doing this summer, but then I probably wouldn‟t be doing it anymore once she told her father. "Yeah. It's pretty cool. It's going to look great on my college applications." "Wait, you're in high school? Edward, I'm shocked," Jessica says. "Shocked? We take high school interns. Your dad thinks it's a great idea." Edward gives her that crooked sex smile. Ah, great use of your skills, Cullen. But not good enough. Bitch is not that easily distracted. "That's not what I meant," she says, turning to me. "Weren't you at Alice's party?" "Yeah..." "I thought so. You two left together. Is she the new girlfriend, Eddie?" Alice and Edward look frozen in their spots so I have to take charge. I laugh. "Ew. Edward's not my boyfriend. He drove me home that night because I told my dad I'd be home early." Kate and Jessica giggle.

"That's so sweet," she coos, and turns around to Edward. "Maybe we can reschedule that dinner then." Dinner? Edward say it isn't so. You were dating her? "Jess, we can grab dinner, but I am dating someone." Uhhh, Edward? "Oh?" "She lives in Seattle. I was actually there yesterday, to see her," Edward lies. "Do I know her?" "No, I met Tori in New York." Don't cry, Bella. He has no choice. We have no choice. Her dad is the judge. Edward's job. Charlie. He has no choice. "Bella, I‟m hungry, let's go grab some burgers, I'm hungry. Later, Edward," Alice says. As Alice and I walk away, I hear Jessica laugh. "Oh that makes more sense. I knew you couldn't be dating her." Alice leads me to the food; I'm kind of in a daze. "She's a stupid bitch who‟s been giving Edward head for almost a decade now and hasn't been able to get him to go out with her once." "Wow, that makes me feel better.” "Are you okay?" Alice asks. I grab a bun and try to squirt some ketchup onto it ,but it doesn't work and I get frustrated. "Alice, whatever. It's just weird." "Listen, it's not going to be easy." "Yeah, no shit." "Bella, we're at a work function,” she points out. “What did you expect?" "Alice, I don't want him to touch me or declare his love for me. It's not even the whole Tori thing." "Then what is it?" "Did you not hear what she just said?" I ask. "She's a jealous skank. Look at her, she looks like she could be your mother."

"Come on, she's what, nine years older than me?" Alice laughs. "Exactly. And she looks like she could be your mother." Point taken. It's true. Plus she's wearing a tube top my mom bought in 1999 and a Tiffany chain necklace. And her French tips make me want to gag. We take our food back to our spot under the tree, where the Stanley sisters have permanently parked their asses. I wonder where Edward went. "Bella, isn't that shirt... a little too big? Is that Chief Swan's shirt?" Kate giggles. "It's Elizabeth and James." Yeah, like that's going to help, Alice. "Are we supposed to know what that means?" Jessica asks. "It's a brand. Pretty popular right now. Bella picked it out yesterday in Seattle." "I didn't realize everyone was in Seattle yesterday." Ah, Kate is perceptive. "Yeah, Alice and Tori are friends from New York. We all went shopping together," I tell them. "So, Bella, Alice. Tell me about Tori." Of course you want to know about Tori, Jessica. Let‟s fuck with you just a little bit, shall we? "She's really cool. And hot," Alice says. "Oh yeah? Is she blonde?" "Nope. Brunette. Hair sorta like mine." That's right. I said that. Alice raises an eyebrow and mouths “Facebook.” Who the fuck cares? Let Jessica log onto Facebook and find out Victoria isn't a brunette. "What does she do?" "Student. Majors in English lit, right Alice?" "Right. But she's also interested in law school,” Alice says. We can't help but grin. "Student? So she's a child.” Jessica seems quite pleased about this.

"Hey, Edward likes them young," Alice jokes. "And she's actually not that young. They're perfect for each other." "I don't understand people who go to school to study literature. It's like, what's the point? Just buy the book." Kate nods, agreeing with her sister. "I hate the lit classes at school. All those stupid poets. I don't get anything they're trying to say. It makes no sense." "Oh my God, I know! I never got it either. Edward used to love that stuff, remember Alice?" Jessica cries. "I was never in your classes, Jess. You guys are older than me." "You mean we're not the same age? I could have sworn..." Before Alice can point out to Jessica that she‟s delusional about her age, Edward is back with some food, looking very content. "Am I bothering you ladies?" Of course not, those hos are beaming. "Bella, I have some sad news,” he tells me. Umm no. What is he talking about? "What's wrong?" "Nothing's wrong. I was just talking to Peter over there, who clerks for Judge Stanley. He needs some help, so I offered him your services. They're really busy and could use an extra hand." "Ew. You pimped me out!" Jessica chokes on her hot dog. "What can I say? He asked if he could borrow someone, I said things are really slow with us. You‟re no longer part of the team, kid." Oh. OH. He's no longer my boss. This is good. "So you're not my boss anymore?" I ask. Alice gives me a look to warn me. I don‟t blame her – I sounded almost flirtatious. "No, Bella. Our relationship has been severed. I'm just a guy at the office." I shrug and continue to eat my burger. I want to discuss this with him later. He's a genius. But isn't it just a technicality? I mean, he did say we are absolutely not working together anymore, so that's good. That's perfect. Definitely not just a technicality. He's definitely not my supervisor.

"Awww, Bella. You look disappointed." Awww, Kate. Fuck you. "Just nervous. I don't know Peter," I explain, smiling sweetly. The conversation shifts to boring stuff, and it's basically just Jessica and Kate talking to each other. I look at him with his Ray Bans on and take out my own, put them on. He sees me and smiles. "That's definitely a fuck-me color you've got there on your toes," Kate tells me. "Cute, no?" "Not really my thing. Does Seth like it?" Off come Edward's Ray Bans and he's suddenly very interested in the conversation. "Seth and I don't discuss trivial things like nail polish colors." "Oh, you guys are way too deep for that. Plus I'm sure you've got better things to do." "I wouldn't be too sure about that. I haven't seen him in ages," I say. "No? You were with him at the diner the other day. And that nerd. Pamela." "Angela,” I correct her. “She's pretty cool. Seth just happened to be there." "Come on, Bella. Share some of the details about you and Seth. Everyone knows you guys are together. You were under the bleachers with him at the last game.” My face is on fire. I don't look over at Edward. "Yes. Smoking a joint,” I tell her. Who knew admitting to substance abuse would be better than the alternative? The alternative being Edward thinking that I had lied about past experiences with guys. Alice starts giggling uncontrollably. Edward smiles. "Didn't know you had it in you, Swan," Alice says. A few minutes of silence follow. When Jessica and Kate start whispering about something on the other side of the lawn, I blow Edward a kiss, wink, and pretend that I'm about to show him my tits. "I'm ready to get out of here. Isabella? Come on, Charlie probably wants you back." "‟Kay, Mr. Cullen. I'm ready for my ride home." He gives me a look and I know that I'm going to get punished in some sort of delicious way when we're alone. Jessica and Kate are staring.

"Wait, you just got here! There's ice cream, watermelon, fireworks. People stay all night." Desperate, much? "Sorry, I'm just tired. The trip to Seattle was grueling, and Bella here has to get home soon. Great seeing you Jess, Katie. Bella, I'm going to go say goodbye to Peter and a few people. I'll meet you by the car." Alice gets up with me and says goodbye to Jessica and Kate. "Hope you get over your little crush on your ex-boss, Bella. See you in school." Jessica pretends to reprimand Kate for being an asshole, but she's snickering. "Jess, see you around. Sorry the date with Edward didn't happen. It's been ten years, huh? That's dedication. Bella here has had dinner with Edward at least three times since they met a couple of weeks ago. He's really not that busy. I mean dinner with his intern? Kate, Tory Burch flats are so 2007. Maybe even 2006. But they look adorable on you! Bye, girls!" When we are far enough away, I give Alice a fake shove. "That was immature, Alice. Not nice." "I couldn't help it. Kate is such a little bitch. Those weren't even real Tory. And I just feel sorry for Jessica, someone has to tell her to get over him already." "Ugh, that was so awkward," I say, shaking my head. "It wasn't so bad, Bella. Anyway, I'm out. Late for my Skype session with Jasper!" "You're gross." "Hah! I saw that little stunt you pulled back there! You're no better! Love you, Bellaaa!" I lean on the car and look up at the sun – the weather isn't terrible and maybe I can get some color on my face until Edward gets back. As nice as it is to be told that I have "beautiful skin" I wouldn't mind a little pigmentation. The only time there is any color on my face is when I'm blushing. Blah. I think about how Edward came all over my face earlier and I'm a little disturbed by how little the whole thing disturbed me. I always thought it's the most degrading thing. Also, disgusting. But... eh. It wasn't the most pleasant experience and felt a little icky after it was there for a couple of seconds, but there was something really sexy about how he completely lost control. About how I was on my knees. I kind of liked how it was between us in the shower today. How it was all about him. I guess I really enjoy pleasing him. I'd never thought about it that way, I guess so far I've been trying to learn, experiment. I still have a lot I want to try, but at least now I'm starting to figure out what I enjoy. I loved that although it was all about him, I was sort of in control. But I wasn't, because he marked me. Huh? He marked me? Now that sound wrong. This is too confusing. I hear the little beep that tells me Edward has unlocked the doors. "Hi." "Hi."

I get in and the second he's inside the car he grabs my hand and leans back into his seat, closing his eyes. "That was so painful," he whines. "Oh come on, your old flame hitting on you for a couple of hours? I'm sure you revisited many awesome blowjobs in your mind." "Sure. Every single one." I glare at him and he starts to laugh. "Jealous of Miss Stanley? Come on, you barely reacted when you met Victoria. Jessica makes you jealous?" "Not jealous. I just dislike her sister and the little comments, and ugh Edward, you were going to have dinner with her? We need to discuss your standards, or lack thereof. What were you thinking?" "Bella. You have many things to learn, my child,” he tells me. “First, let's get this dinner business out of the way. I was at a reception in honor of her father and she cornered me in front of him. Plus, I've known the girl all my life, one dinner wouldn't have been a big deal. She's a friend. Next. Bella, when you're a young man and you're single and a pretty girl with decent skills, or even no skills, offers her services, no questions asked, you smile and say thank you. It's simple." "You're disgusting." "I don't disagree with you there, but I was a kid when it all started, and it became a thing. Come to Forks, get head from Jess. It hadn't happened in awhile until I moved back." "You're still doing it?" I scream. "Not since I met you." "EDWARD!" "What? It was depressing. Just laid off, studying for the bar, then I was waiting for the results, I hated my job. We hung out. Don't judge, B." "I'm judging, Edward," I tell him. "You didn't say anything when I told you about Victoria. I have slept with Victoria, you know." "I know, dipshit. Victoria's hot. You were attracted to her. She wasn't some needy girl who gave herself to you repeatedly, to... UGH. You don't see what's wrong with the entire thing? She likes you, and you used her." "Bella..." He isn't taking this lightly anymore. I can tell he's annoyed. "Did you ever reciprocate? Take her out? Anything?"

"She knew exactly what to expect. No, I never did. I fingered her a few times years ago but that's it,” he tells me. "You're a douche." "Bella, you can be harsh." He is taking deep breaths, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel. He's trying to stay calm. "You deserve it," I respond. "Don't feel sorry for her. You think I'm the only guy she does this with? I'm not special." I can‟t handle any more of this side of Edward. "We're going to play a game. It's called shut-the-fuck-up-until-I-want-to-talk-to-you-again." He sighs and shakes his head. "I didn't leave early for us to fight." Why do I immediately want to hug him and tell him I‟m not mad? "I'm sorry. I have a temper. I really don't care about Jessica. I just say whatever comes to mind." "I realize that. Bella, you can say anything you want to me, just don't expect me to react well to everything. Like I said, you can be harsh." "I don't mean to be. I'm sorry." "Don't be." He squeezes my hand and I snuggle up to him. He hands me his iPod. I play around with it a little. There are too many genres to choose from, too many songs. I give up and he smiles. I turn on the radio. I raise an eyebrow when he asks me to leave a news station on. He asks me if I want to see the fireworks, I tell him I don't care. I mean really. Fireworks. They're fun, exciting I suppose. But you know how it all ends. And then you go home. I suppose I do enjoy the way my stomach reacts to them. Boom. Boom. Boom. Followed by that flutter that Edward gives me. I wonder if that flutter will end. Not anytime soon. It still burns where he has just kissed me. I feel his touch the second it's gone and ache for it to come back. Ache. I repeat the word in my head, emphasizing the "kuh" part. I guess I say it out loud. "What's that baby?" "Nothing. I was just thinking,” I answer. "I thought you said something. I'm probably going a little crazy." "You're not hearing things," I smile, touching his chest. "I was thinking about the word „ache.‟”

"Hmmm. Interesting word." "Yeah." We roll our eyes when we hear Sex on Fire come on. "They're so popular now, this song is always on the radio.” He nods, then starts moving his head to the beat of the song. I close my eyes, listening. "There is something so raw about their music. This raw passion. Does that make sense?" I ask, immediately regretting the words, because I sound like a moron. He doesn't respond so I open my eyes to look at him. His jaw is tight, hands gripping the steering wheel tightly. "Sometimes what I feel towards you is raw like that. It scares me." "Scares you?" I ask. "Yes... It's almost animalistic." I put a hand on his thigh, squeeze. He‟s staring straight ahead. "It takes over me I want to consume you. It makes me ache," he says. His words make me ache. Everywhere. "I ache." He nods. "All the time, Edward." I close my eyes and breathe him in. I clutch his chest. His breathing is so heavy. "If we met and had a chance for just one night. No chance of forever – " "Yes," I breathe. "Bella." "Edward I want you to just, I want us to just feel from now on. Stop thinking. I want all of you and... if bad things happen and we can't be... I need to have had all of you. I think I... I want you to consume me." "Bella..." "I want to be a part of you," I tell him. "You're part of me. Bella. You're inside me..."

I kiss his jaw, the song is almost over and I make it a little louder. He reaches for his iPod and plays True Love Way. "This is their best song." "It's pretty good, not my favorite. But I was thinking of it earlier. In the shower. " "Yeah?" I want to know everything. Why was he thinking of this song? How do I make him feel when I'm with him? How do I make him feel when I touch him? Does he dream of me like I dream of him? "He sings about a smart mouth and killer hands." My hand goes to the warmth in his lap. "Yes," he tells me. I whisper my favorite lyrics from the song into his ear. He smiles. A real smile. It reaches his eyes. We laugh and roll our eyes again when Sex on Fire is the next song on his playlist. He reaches out to change it, but I don‟t let him. We‟ve heard this song ten thousand times in these past few months, one more time won‟t kill us. I feel a little crazy. I feel a little wild. Edward makes me feel like I'm on fire. Edward brought me to life. And there is nothing more awesomely cliché than giving your boyfriend roadhead to this song. So I pull down his zipper and before I part my lips his hand is in my hair, pushing me down.

Chapter 23 - Brown Ribbon Edward 9:41 am. Fuck. I need to go back to sleep. Today is my day without Bella and I need to be unconscious for as much of it as possible. I've turned into a total pussy whose life revolves around a little brunette. Great. Thinking back to pre-Bella Sundays, I draw a blank. What the fuck did I do? Right, I watched whatever game was on with a beer, or two, or three, or four. Hung out with Sam sometimes. Touched myself. But I have no interest in any of these activities, except perhaps the masturbation. Yes, the masturbation. Because that's the only activity that involves Bella. I feel a little bit of a tug in my stomach and don't like it. To be perfectly honest, I felt a little guilty yesterday. Every time anything happened it was all about me. In the shower, in the car, even in the living room before I took her back to Charlie's. The living room I don't feel so bad about. She got her period and I wasn't about to start fingering her. But her hands were all over me and we had a repeat of the shower minus the surprise ending. The car. Ah, finally. My dreams came true. Bella decided to give me head while I was driving. Thank you Kings of Leon, thank you. Now, I'm not complaining. I would never complain about having her mouth on my cock. I would take back every blowjob any girl has given me just for one lick from Bella. But I probably should've said "Bella, you don't have to do this" or "Bella, we're in the car, this is probably not a good idea.” I could have asked her if she's sure, or said SOMETHING. No, even before I was even 100% sure of her intentions (hah), I had my fingers in her hair and was pushing her onto my cock. She didn't protest, she seemed to enjoy it. She was moaning while I was in her mouth and gave me the most glorious smile when she was done. She looked proud and excited. Still, for some reason, I feel bad. What do you feel bad about? That was definitely not the first time she went down on you. Definitely not, but I still feel a little guilty sometimes. If she's your equal and you're going to go ahead with this relationship, you can't keep going back and forth between feeling guilty and feeling like everything is fine. Right. Ugh. I try to keep the question that continues to bug me out of my thoughts. Is this right? Because that wonderful question brings with it these equally brilliant questions: Am I taking advantage of her? Of the situation? Is she ready for this?

Then come the questions that I really hate: Is she too young to appreciate what we have? Will she find a new flavor of the month and move on? Is this as real for her as it is for me? Too much to think about. This is why I need to be around Bella – these thoughts mostly disappear and I'm lost in the experience of being with her. I plug in my iPod and listen to the songs from yesterday. I will probably get an erection every time I hear Sex On Fire. Twenty years from now I'll be in the car with teenagers screaming at each other in the back and I'll hear the opening chords and I'll be as hard as I was when I felt her lips brush my head. As hard as I am now. Three very distinct thoughts pop into my head in rapid succession: Twenty years from now? Will Bella be right next to me in the car? Will she remember what she did while that song was playing yesterday? Is it something we'll still be doing? Will she look at me and smile? Will I lose myself in her brown eyes? I better not have any trouble getting erections like that when I'm forty-six. Teenagers? Like Bella. Like I could have a sixteen-year-old daughter in the back who has heard the song and its lyrics and who has done that with some guy in his car. Oh hell no. Would I be ok with my sixteen-year-old performing oral sex on a guy nine years older than her in his car? No. There are a lot of things wrong with that scenario which I won't get into it. For example, it doesn't matter whether it's in his car or her car or the fucking White House. But what if he worships her? What if she is all he dreams of? What if the connection between them is the most wonderful thing they have experienced? I'm giving myself a headache. I open my eyes and I see my phone is flashing. Only 22 hours left until I see you – B I feel like I'm about to vomit. That's not acceptable – E Charlie is here all day. Jake and his dad are coming over for dinner. No escape – B I'm taking three Ambien to pass the fuck out. It's been real, B – E Stop being a drama queen, give me sweet words – B

I'm serious – E Nothing. Fine. I crave your mouth, your voice, your hair – E Really? Too easy – B Hmmm... I've got to tell you how I love you always - I think of it on grey mornings... – E I read that last night. That's not the entire verse – B That's the part that counts. Reciprocate, B – E No. I don't feel like poetry anymore. I just love you – B Better than any poem – E I somehow manage to get another hour or so of sleep. I finally get up, take a shower, and head into town. I grab a burger at the diner and hit the gym. I think about calling her. She doesn't pick up, I don't leave her a message. What's the point? Ten minutes later, when I'm on my way back home, I receive a text. what are you doing now where did you eat your lunch and were there lots of anchovies in it - B Another fucking butterfly attack. I need her so much. She's at home reading from the books I gave her yesterday. I wonder where she's sitting. Is her hair up? Will I one day sit behind her on a couch untying it while she reads, holding her on a Sunday afternoon? The impossibility of the situation makes me want to slam my car into a tree. Hold up – Impossibility? I think I'm just nervous about telling her dad. We don't know what will happen when he finds out. I‟m just trying to be realistic. It is entirely possible that Charlie will forbid me from seeing Bella. I take a deep breath and think of what to text back. You are perfect. I need to hear your voice – E Charlie is here in the living room with me. But I'll call you when I'm grocery shopping? – B

Grocery shopping. Bella in the frozen foods sections with her nipples... Focus. I'm out of ice cream sandwiches and cheese – E Twenty minutes? – B I ask which store she is going to and I'm there in less than five minutes. My parents are going to be here in less than two weeks, so I should stock up the fridge with things they like. This reminds me that I promised to call my father. Hey, no time like the present. Bella won't be here for at least another ten minutes. "Edward." "Hey Dad, welcome back." "Thank you, son. It's good to be back and to see your sister. How have you been doing since we last spoke?" "Good. Great, actually." "I'm glad to hear that." Awkward silence. "So I was talking to Mom and I thought maybe we should..." "I take it you and Isabella are still seeing each other?" "We are." More of that awkward silence. "And does her father know yet?" "Not yet, but we have decided to tell him soon." "I'm glad to hear that. I'm going to be honest with you, Edward, I still have misgivings. I'm not sure this is a good idea, and I don't think you should be risking so much. However, your mother insists that I keep an open mind, so I will try." "That's all I can ask for." "Your mother means a lot to me and I want her to be happy. She truly believes that Isabella makes you happy and although she is also somewhat apprehensive about the situation, she is very excited about meeting Isabella. I just hope you are being honest with me about telling Chief Swan. I will support you, son, but only if you are being responsible and smart about this."

"I'm being honest. I don't want to lie about my relationship." "I'm glad you're being more mature about this than the last time we spoke. I hate to have to ask you, again, but have you two been intimate?" I want to tell him to fuck off. Instead, I a deep breath. "Dad, I don't have to answer that question every week until Bella turns eighteen. I can't do that." "Thank you Edward, I think I have my answer." "No, I don‟t think you do. Bella and I haven‟t had sex." "That's a relief." "Right. Well, I'm meeting Bella now so I have to go. Thanks for... your support. I'll see you soon." "Take care of yourself, Edward." I'm twenty-six years old and my dad wants regular updates on my sex life and my girlfriend's virginity. This is exactly what Bella was talking about, having to deal with things I wouldn't be dealing with if I were dating someone my own age. I obviously don't like it, it's fucking annoying. It's going to be even more annoying when we actually have sex and I have to lie about it. I shouldn't have to lie about it. One thing that I know now is that I can't have sex with her before we tell Charlie. Because when Charlie finds out we have to be able to honestly say, "no Charlie, we haven't had sex" – that's pretty important. "Psst." Yes. I turn around. She's wearing a Marauder's Map t-shirt and it reminds me of Bella touching my hand in her cubicle the day of Alice's party. I smile at the words "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good" and her eyes sparkle because she knows that I am thinking about that day. "Cool t-shirt." "Thanks. I had it made because I wanted a longer, narrower cut. I'm getting one for The Half Blood Prince too, but I'm not sure what I want it to say." "We have to get tickets for that. Make me a t-shirt too." "Ugh, you love Draco and you said you'd want to be a Slytherin. I can't make you a t-shirt," Bella tells me. "I don't love Draco, Bella. And I have one thing to say in regard to your hatred towards everything Slytherin: Severus Snape." "Yeah, yeah. You have a man crush on Draco. Admit it." "Maybe just a little. Those posters are awesome. Plus, you have Ginny Weasley fantasies. I don't know which is weirder," I say.

"Hah! Ginny kicks everyone's ass." Bella does a little high kick and my cock is hard because she is pretty fucking flexible and those yoga pants are so tight and I wonder if she can get that leg up on my shoulder while standing up against a wall. "I still think she likes girls," I tell her. "You read too much fan fiction." I have no idea what Bella is talking about, but I smile. I want to get rid of one of these carts. I want to share a cart with Bella. I want to be able to put my hand on the small of her back and kiss her as she throws things in our cart. "Can I kiss you?" I ask. "Edward, the kid at the register was in one of my classes last year, and I'm pretty sure I saw the school nurse parking her car as I was walking in." Ugh. I need to figure out how I'm going to kiss her. "Come on, help me. I can't reach the Cocoa Pebbles," Bella complains. "Ummm, everyone knows Fruity Pebbles are better." "Please. I didn't ask for your input. Cocoa Pebbles. Now." I reach up and grab a box of Cocoa Pebbles and I hear her sigh. She stomps her foot. "What's wrong?" I ask. "You. I just saw some skin and I want it." I decide to tease her a little. I pretend to yawn and stretch my arms so that my t-shirt rides up and she can see my abs. I have a decent body, she seems to like it. She looks straight into my eyes and raises her arms above her head, stretching. Her stomach is perfect. I need my tongue in her bellybutton. The low ponytail over her right shoulder moves and I see a bite mark from last night. She's done it again. I lose. I shake my head, she laughs. "I'm so tempted to take you into my truck right now." Yes, please. "Why won't you?" She tosses a can into her cart, swaying her hips as she walks ahead of me. I close my eyes and see her walking like that, yoga pants off. I want to bite into her ass, hear her scream. I want to spend hours with her on her stomach while I play with her, I want to do things to her ass I've never wanted to do with anyone else. Things that make me blush, things I can never admit to Bella.

"Maybe I should..." We walk up and down the aisles, I can tell she's not 100 percent with me and I ask her if anything is wrong. "Oh, nothing. I'm just worried that my dad and Jake are going to insist that he pick me up for work starting tomorrow." Oh hell no. "I thought that was settled." "It was never settled," she says. "Okay, so you‟re saying ... " "I don't know, Edward. I'm just worried, no big deal." Nope, no big deal. Not having the two hours a day together is no big deal. "This is your boyfriend talking right now. Bella: you are not spending two hours a day in a car with some guy." "This is Bella talking right now. Edward: you don't tell me what I can or can't do." Sometimes she infuriates me. Sometimes I just want to react, tell her exactly how angry she makes me. But I know better, I know I have to stay calm. "Alright, Bella. Then don't you ever try to tell me what to do." She looks at me and raises an eyebrow. "You can just yell at me, you know. If you're mad at me… I can tell when you‟re about to lose your temper. Then you probably repeat some mantra or something in your head because you're all calm and collected." "I wasn't about to lose my temper. You're the one losing your temper all the time." "I can see it on your face. You're about to explode. Let go,” she urges. "Not here, Bella." "That bad, huh?" Is it that bad? "No,” I admit. “I just don't want unnecessary fights." "Oh, no. Let's never fight. Let's keep it in until we resent each other and then one day we will explode and –“

"Except I'd never resent you." "Stop being naïve." I laugh, this kid is telling me I'm naïve. "Whatever, B." She shrugs. "I'm telling you to be honest with me. I don't want to snap at you and tell you how I feel all the time, but I hate keeping shit in. I know how unattractive I must be when I'm angry and bitter but I don't want to hide shit from you. You can't always be this understanding. It's unnatural." "Right. Except this time, you were right. I had no right to tell you what to do. And let's rewind a little. I just told you exactly how I felt and you didn't like it." "There's a difference between making decisions for me – telling me what I can or cannot do – and telling me how you feel. Just because you're older than me doesn't mean you get to – " "No, B. You can't say shit like that. It has nothing to do with that. Anyway, aren't girls supposed to love it when their boyfriends are jealous?" Bingo. Her expression softens and she tries to suppress a smile. Too easy. "I love that you're jealous." I quickly look around and bend down to kiss her on her forehead. "Edward, that was a failed attempt at distracting me. But I'm done shopping and don't want to fight and maybe you can sneak into my truck for five minutes." We pay for our groceries and put them in our trunks. Five minutes later, when I‟m positive that there is no one around, I jump into her truck in the parking lot of the gym. She immediately lies down and brings me down with her. "This way nobody can see us." "You're just trying to seduce me," I tell her. "That too." I kiss her. And then I kiss her again. And even though it's nasty and wet and cloudy outside, I taste that sunshine I first tasted when we kissed in the car across from Alice's apartment. Everything is bright, everything is clear. That's it. With Bella, everything is clear. I stop kissing her because I want her to know this. Her eyes are round and dripping with love and endless. "When I'm with you, everything is clear." "Is that an Edward Cullen original?" she asks. "Thanks, but that hardly an attempt at being poetic." "I think it was beautiful."

She places tiny kisses all along my jaw. "I don't want him to drive you tomorrow," I say. "I know." She sits up, bringing my head to her lap. She smiles at me, plays with my hair and whispers that it's going to be okay. At first I want to laugh, tell her to lighten up, that it's cool, but I slowly fall into her trance and don't want to leave the most wonderful place on earth. "I have to go, baby. I'm cooking tonight." I know I can't kiss her when I sit up so I pull down her pants and pull up her Marauder's Map t-shirt and place a kiss on the inch of skin I have just exposed. She holds my head there for a few seconds. I hear a loud sigh. Her eyes are closed and her hands are on the steering wheel. I bring her hand to my lips and kiss the inside of her wrist. "I'll say she looks as clear as morning roses newly washed with dew." Bella He quoted Shakespeare and he left. I had so much to say. I hate pushing him, I hate starting fights. But he infuriates me sometimes. Always trying to remain calm, always trying to be the more mature one, always forgiving me no matter what I say. I want us to be equals, and he won't let that happen. He thinks I'm fragile, he thinks I'll walk away. What he doesn't understand is that I will never walk away. It's not necessarily a good thing, a healthy thing, but I can't walk away. I drive back home and freeze when I see Charlie sitting in his chair with the Frank O'Hara book Edward gave me in his hands. Okay, relax Bella. He's reading a book. He probably saw it, picked it up. "Hey dad." He looks up, puts the book down. He doesn't offer to help with the bags. "Could you help me with the bags?" "Sure, Bells." I relax a little and head to the kitchen. I start putting things away, keeping what I need for tonight's dinner out on the counter. "Where'd you get that book, Bella?" Bella. It's like when other people call me Isabella. "Book?" "The book of poems that you left in the living room. It's not a library book."

Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Where did you put the other books? Where did you leave them? "It's Angela's, she let me borrow it." "The pastor's daughter has a boyfriend?" "Yes, his name is Ben Cheney. He's in our grade,” I tell him. "Heh, kids your age giving each other books like that. With writing in the front." Kids my age. "Hmmm?" "He wrote something for her in the front cover." "Oh, I didn't notice." He makes a weird snorting sound and goes back to the living room. I'm in a daze the entire time I‟m cooking. Billy and Jake arrive. Billy is in the living room with Charlie and Jake comes to the kitchen where I'm making a salad. It's hot and there is no air conditioning in here. I put my hair up in a bun. Jacob whistles. "That's inappropriate." "What's inappropriate is that hickey you've got." Ugh. "Jacob, please. My dad." "Who's the lucky guy? Have you finally made Seth's dreams come true?" I look at him and he laughs. "Of course not. Spill it," he tells me. "Jake, please. Not right now. Let's get through dinner." "Okay, Bells, you can tell me on our way to the office tomorrow." Calm. Breathe. Calm. Breathe. OH. MY. GOD. If I have to say those words one more time today... "Ummm, I thought we talked about that." "It's really not a big deal. We'll have fun." "I don't want to tell Edward that I don't want him to pick me up anymore," I explain. I don't want to spend a second without his hand on my thigh or my lips on his neck.

I open my eyes wide and pout a little, bite my bottom lip. This works with Edward. "Oh come on, Bells. It'll be cool." "Listen, not tomorrow. But I'll talk to him." He doesn't buy it, I can tell, but he doesn't say anything – just nods and shrugs. "Can you help me take the food into the dining room?" I ask. "Hair, Bells." I smile and untie my hair, letting it hang around my shoulders. Dinner is fine, Charlie is enjoying himself and he doesn‟t mention the book again. Not that he would in front of Billy and Jake, but I'm still worried. I bring the coffee cake I had bought at the store and serve it; everyone's in a good mood. "Bells, what's that on your neck?" my father asks. It's over. Done. "Isabella?" Oh my God. Billy is looking away and Jake is trying to hide a smile. I can't speak, I can't breathe. "Come on Charlie. We know what that is. Don't give her a hard time," Jake says with a laugh. Jacob Black is a dead man. "Jacob, mind your own business. I'm talking to my daughter. Bella?" "Dad, I can't believe you're embarrassing me like this in front of them." "They're family. Bella, what have you been up to?" he demands. I get up and try to make it to the kitchen. "Charlie, you know Bella and Seth have liked each other for a while now. Come on, she's gonna be a senior this year." Thank you Jacob. I think. Thank you. "Jake, I told you to stay out of this." I've never seen Charlie this angry. "I'm sorry dad. I'm really sorry. It just happened," I manage to say.

"Bella, is this true? Seth Clearwater?" Don't lie to him. Don't lie. Not now. We're so close to telling him everything. "Dad I don't want to talk about this now. Please." I burst into tears and run upstairs. Nobody bothers me. I debate texting Edward and letting him know about the book, the dinner fiasco, but I decide to tell him tomorrow. Tomorrow I'll clear things up with Charlie. Now I just need to sleep. *** I wake up and throw on a black dress I had worn to work a few weeks ago. I don't feel like putting on mascara or lip gloss. I don't feel like going downstairs and running into Charlie. But of course, he's waiting for me at the kitchen table and I can't avoid him. "Morning, Bells." He doesn't look mad. "Good morning." A few minutes pass during which he just sits there, staring at his coffee mug, the wall, the fridge. "Bella, I wanted to apologize for losing my temper last night. Didn't mean to embarrass you." I don't say anything. "I realize you're growing up, Bella. It's not easy on me. I'm gonna have a hard time accepting these changes." "I know. I'm sorry." "Don't apologize for being a kid. Just promise that you'll be open and honest with me. Your mother too. You‟re growing up, and at your age - " "Please, dad,” I beg him, “don't give me that lecture. I can't have the talk right now." "You're a smart kid. Do I need to have that talk?" I shake my head „no‟. "Alright, Bells. Cullen's out there waiting for you," he tells me. I get up and decide to give him a hug before I leave. It's awkward, it's weird, but I'm glad I decided to do it. He pats me on the back, looking happy when I say goodbye. I try to take normal steps to Edward's car instead of running and jumping into his lap. "What's wrong?"

"Ugh, that bad?" "You look… upset,” Edward tells me. "I look like shit. I cried all night and freaked out." I want to kiss the sadness out of his eyes. "Why didn't you call? Bella..." "I just wanted to sleep. And talk in person. Also, I didn't want my dad walking in on me on the phone." "Okay, baby,” he says in a soft voice. “Can you tell me what happened now?" He takes my hand, kisses my knuckles over and over again. "So I get home yesterday and he has the O'Hara book in his hands. I freak out but I think I convince him that it's Angela's and that Ben gave it to her. He doesn't bring it up again but I'm still a little scared. Thank God it's the one book you didn't include your name or initials in. Then Billy and Jake come over and Jake notices the hickey and it's like the Spanish Inquisition. Okay, it actually wasn't that bad because he let it go, but then at dinner my dad notices it and he gets all angry and Jake decides to help and says it's Seth's handiwork and I run up to my room and cry." He sits there, silent. I scratch the back of his hand, he looks at me. "We have to tell him," he says. I nod. "Tonight?" Edward asks. "No, he‟s working tonight. Tomorrow." "Did he ask about Seth?" "I didn't say it wasn't Seth, but I didn't say it was either. I just told him I didn't want to talk about it. Oh and, get this, he wanted to have the "talk" with me. Oh God... it was terrible." Edward smiles and squeezes my hand. "It's going to be okay, I promise. We'll tell him. It's not going to be okay immediately, but it will be. As long as we're honest." Temper, Bella. He's being nice and supportive. Don't snap at him. "How is it going to be okay?” I ask. “He's going to say we can't be together." "He can say what he wants. Just because I don't see you every day doesn't mean we're not together." "So we'll be together in theory?"

"Bella. We'll make it work. If I have to I'll write you letters every day. I'll climb into your room. I'll buy you a phone that you can use to contact me if he takes yours away. I don't know what else to tell you." I sit there thinking about what he's saying. I should feel better, I should believe him. I'm just sad. Scared. Whatever. I move as close to him as possible, considering he's driving. We put on some music. We talk about trivial things, laugh. I think about the whole Charlie thing a few times. He notices because he squeezes my hand each time. He stops the car under a tree ten minutes from the office. He reaches over me and opens the glove compartment. There is a box of chocolate and I'm grossed out. I hope he doesn't expect me to eat chocolate that must have been in that glove compartment for weeks. But the box is empty. It's a fancy box with a name I don't recognize. He tells me it's from a chocolate shop in New York that he was obsessed with while he was studying for the bar. Rosalie sent him truffles from there for his birthday. I smile because this is sweet. He unties the ribbon around the box and looks at it. He uses his teeth to cut it into two strips. He takes one of the strips and my hand. He looks at me, but I'm confused because I don't know what he is asking. He smiles. He ties the strip of ribbon around my left wrist and kisses it. Then he kisses my wrist. He takes the second strip, but it won't go around his own wrist. He laughs, I watch. My heart starts to pound in my chest. He takes his half of the ribbon, kisses it, and places it inside his wallet. I know his wallet never leaves his pocket. He doesn't say anything, just kisses me over and over again. I lose myself when his tongue is in my mouth. His fingers are in constant contact with the ribbon on my wrist. I think I feel a few tears in my eyes. He raises my wrist to his lips again and kisses it repeatedly. When we get to the office it's raining so hard that we are scared to get out of the car. We decide to make a run for it. We are both drenched by the time we‟re under the awning. There is no one in sight. He leans in and kisses the top of my head. "You smell so good in the rain." I look at him and smile. I grin, actually. I rarely grin like that. Looking into his eyes, I raise my wrist to my lips and kiss the ribbon. Then I walk inside. Edward A ribbon. That's all I am able to offer her. Pathetic. I want to give her a million assurances. I don't care what Charlie says. I don't care if I can't be with her for a year. If that's what it takes, so be it. Yesterday after I left Bella's truck I thought a lot about what she said. I thought about how she comforts me. I thought about her eyes and her lips and her heartbeat. Her fucking heartbeat. When I first met Bella I thought a lot of my thoughts and feelings were ridiculous, that I needed to grow a pair of balls and stop being a girl. Now everything I feel is normal. I'm no longer surprised. My conversation with my own father got me thinking about telling Bella's father. It occurred to me that my father might be playing a game. That maybe he's being supportive now because he knows what Charlie's reaction will be, and that he himself doesn't have to be the bad guy, because Charlie will put an end to things himself. I don't know if I'm being a crazy conspiracy theorist and it really doesn't matter. What matters is that Charlie can forbid her from seeing me, being with me. He can take away the truck, her phone. He can make her quit the internship program. For a few minutes my biggest concern was that Bella will lose interest if we have to wait until she's in college, or until she turns eighteen. But I have faith in her. She loves me too. Then the idea of being separated physically from Bella hit me and I couldn't deal. I actually took an Ambien to sleep. Yeah, I can be a fucking coward. So a ribbon it is. A brown ribbon off a box of chocolates my sister sent me. Bella looked so confused at first, bewildered. But then she got it. I wanted to tie that ribbon around one of Bella's fingers, but I didn't want to freak her out, and since it also freaked me out a little, I opted for her wrist. It's one of my favorite

Bella-spots. I love how pale and translucent her skin is, her thin veins. Her wrist looks so fragile. Her skin there is so soft. I sigh. I have today and tomorrow with Bella. And after that, who the fuck knows. This is one time I definitely don't want to do the "right" thing. I'm selfish, I want to keep Bella to myself, have her be my secret. I realize a bunch of people know, but for the most part everyone has respected our need for privacy and given us space. For the most part everyone has been chill. For some reason the idea of having my mother here soon helps. Maybe she can baby me, comfort me. Maybe she can talk to Charlie. Jesus, Cullen. You're not a fucking child. I sit at my desk and find a dart that was sitting under a stack of papers. I have a small board on my wall that I put there in case I need to let out some frustration during work. I throw it. I don't look to see where it lands. I don't care. When lunchtime comes I know I should ask Jacob Black how he is finding things and maybe be nice enough to ask him to join me for lunch. I walk out of my office and find him and Bella talking quietly in her cubicle. She looks distraught, he is clearly comforting her. They stop speaking when they see me approaching. "Jacob, how are things going?" I ask. "Great, Edward. So far so good," he tells me. "Anything you need, any questions, please don't hesitate." He smiles. I think I hate him. "Bella, did you meet with Peter this morning?" "Yes. He gave me a bunch of stuff to do." Her voice is soft, her lips are a perfect pink. I want to touch them. I want to smell her hair. "Do you need any help?" I ask. She shakes her head. "Okay, well. I'm going to go grab some lunch. Anyone want anything?" "I umm, I think I need to buy something to eat today, I didn't make anything last night... I forgot to pack a sandwich." "Bells, you can have my sandwich. Let me go get it for you," Jake offers. “Jake, no. Eat your sandwich, I can walk out with Edward.” Jacob stops, looks at us. He sighs. I think this is where he figures things out. I think. “Will you eat with me, Jake?”

Excuse me Bella? He smiles. "Sure, Bells." "‟Kay, I'll be right back, wait for me here." The smile on her face as she says this is huge. I'm silent as we walk out. She reaches out to touch me, I raise an eyebrow. She frowns and crosses her arms across her chest. When we‟re outside she turns to me. "Jealous much?" Yes. You don't get to have lunch with anyone but me. "What are you talking about?" "I saw your face when I told Jake I wanted to eat with him." "Don't flatter yourself, B." "Whatever, Edward. You did see the look on his face, right? Maybe this way I can keep his mouth shut until we tell my dad tomorrow," she snaps. "You're right. I'm fucking jealous. We're telling your dad tomorrow and I can't even have lunch with you today." "Tomorrow is not the end of the world," she says. Her eyes are sad, she doesn't believe her words. "It might as well be." "Edward..." "It's fine, Bella,” I tell her. “You should have lunch with him." I smile and discreetly touch the ribbon on her hand. "I love my ghetto ribbon," Bella tells me. "Ghetto, huh?" "I'm kidding. I really do love it." We get our food. I touch her every chance I get. Every chance she gets she touches me. We go back to the office and she skips her way into Jake's cube. She sits on his desk and I hear her voice as she tells stories and laughs at things he says. I take out the strip of ribbon from my wallet and twirl it around my finger. Alice comes in and shuts the door behind her. "Tomorrow, huh?" I nod. "It's going to be okay."

I roll my eyes at her, putting my head in my hands. "Yeah, Ali." "It's going to be okay. I promise." She comes and sits on my lap and hugs me, like she used to do when we lived in the same building in New York and there was a thunderstorm and Jasper wasn't around. I'd let her sit like that until she felt better. Today I hug her back. She sees the ribbon in my hand. "Bella has that ugly thing wrapped around her wrist." "I know." "It looks familiar," she says. "Remember my chocolate binges?" "Hah, you're kidding." "Nope." "Edward, it is going to be okay." "Ali, stop. Anyway, I want to get her something. I don't know where to look. I know what I want. Some sort of string or something with a charm maybe. Help a brother out?" "Catherine Michiels." "Huh?" "She makes these silk tie bracelets. Well, they can be worn as necklaces too. They come in beautiful colors and you choose your charm,” Alice explains. "Sounds promising." She Googles it for me and gets up to leave. "Thanks, I think this is perfect." I choose a light blue silk tie and a secret rose charm. The website says it's the symbol of love and beauty, but also of secrecy. Sounds good. I get it in yellow gold. Roses also remind me of her blush. I order it, thinking about tying it around her wrist. I realize that I probably won't be able to do this if things go badly tomorrow. Bella texts me. The ache is back and I need you. Spend the evening with me since Charlie is working all night – B I ache every second I spend without you in my arms – E I want all of you tonight – B

I'm yours – E Bella Lunch with Jake is alright. I try hard to laugh and have a good time. I don't want him to think I'd rather be with Edward. He tells me he can't drive me back tonight because he's meeting some friends in Port Angeles. I pretend I'm disappointed, I don't know if he buys it. When I text Edward about hanging out tonight, I don't expect him to write back and tell me he's mine. I know what I want tonight, and although I realize that I may be rushing, and that I will be lying to Charlie if he asks us about sex, I know that this is something I need. Who knows when I will have him next? I guess Edward realizes this too. Our ride back consists of long silences and kisses on Edward's neck. We decide to go to Charlie's since I know he won't be back until morning. He drops me off in front of the house and parks a few minutes away. We decide to sit in the living room and watch some TV. He sits on the couch, leaning on the armrest, I lie down between his legs. We watch Family Guy and laugh and he kisses my hair, my neck. His hands are up and down my arms, sometimes on my stomach. My head rests on his chest, sometimes I turn around and kiss it. I turn around to face him and sit on my knees. His hands go under my dress, up my thighs, between my legs. He brings them to my face and rests his forehead against mine and we hear a noise and I turn around and it's my dad. I can't read the expression on his face.

Chapter 24 - Stupid black dress Bella This is what happens when the person you are with makes you oblivious to your surroundings. When all you see is him, when all you hear are the breaths he takes, his heartbeat. I don't move when I see my dad standing there. I feel the loss of Edward's hands on my face. My hands automatically seek his as I'm staring at Charlie. When Edward softly pulls them away my chest tightens. He shifts, I suppose he's trying to get up. I'm immobilized. "Bella, go upstairs." No. "Bella, did you hear me? Go upstairs.” Fingers brush the back of my hand, I turn and look at Edward. He doesn't speak but I know what he's saying. I get up. "Come on, Bella. We'll talk later." Charlie's voice is almost soothing, comforting. So I nod, but I don't make it upstairs. I sit at the bottom of the stairs, right outside the living room. I don't know if Edward is still sitting on the couch, or if he's standing. I can only see my father's back from here. He doesn't look to check if I'm gone. I can also see the TV. I remember trying to follow a game from this same spot the day I met him. "Charlie - " "Not now, Edward." Somebody please say something. Or not. "No, sit down," my father says. Did Edward get up? Try to leave? "She's sixteen." "Charlie I - " "Edward. Not now. I realize this is entirely my fault. Shoulda seen it coming. Spending hours a day with each other all summer. I was just trying to do my best to be a good father, give her this opportunity, for when she applies to colleges." "Please let me - "

I hear something loud. A slam. It makes me wince. I've never really heard anger in my father's voice. Even now, what I hear is closer to disappointment. Or like he's given up. Defeated. But the slam makes up for it. I think I try to get up, but I'm frozen in this spot. "She's sixteen years old. Now you can talk. Explain this to me." "Charlie. We're just... We were going to tell you tomorrow. We thought you were working tonight. We planned on telling you tomorrow," Edward says. "Tell me what? I'm here, tell me now. What were you going to tell me?'' I hold my breath, I want to hear this. I have no idea what we were going to tell him. "Bella and I are - " Yes? The tightening in my chest from the moment I felt Edward's hands pull away from mine increases. His silence makes me panic. "I ummm – I'm sorry, Charlie. We didn't want to lie to you, we tried not to. We had every intention of telling you." "I'm right here, Edward.” I want to scream, tell him he‟s a coward. Minutes pass, maybe seconds, nothing. I am up on my feet and in the living room before I know what I want to say. "Bella, go back up - " "No. You can't talk about me like I'm not here, like this has nothing to do with me." "Bella, I'm trying to have a talk with Edward - " "Oh, I can see that. You guys are doing a great job. Dad, Edward and I…" Ah. Now I get it. Charlie looks at me like he knows I can't finish this sentence. "You and Edward can't seem to tell me whatever it is you were going to tell me tomorrow. Maybe you can figure it out on the way over to Port Angeles in the morning." His voice is cold, cruel. "Sit down, both of you," he commands. I walk towards the sofa. I sit. I smell him. I take a deep breath. I grab the stupid ribbon on my wrist. He exhales, it's loud.

"I can't allow this to go on. I don't even want to know what you two have been up to. You are one lucky son of a bitch, Edward. I don't intend on pressing charges but - " "You can't do anything,” I tell Charlie. “I'm almost seventeen. I - " "Bella." Edward‟s voice stirs something in my belly. I want to reach out and grab him. I want to curl up in his arms and close my eyes and just disappear. "You're almost seventeen? This man is twenty-six years old. Do you have any idea what kind of trouble he will be in if I... dammit Edward, What were you thinking? Edward I'm talking to you." "Charlie I... " "If you can't speak, then get out of my house," he tells Edward. Right now, I agree with my dad. I want to smack Edward across the face. "I love Bella." I notice that my hands are shaking. "You love Bella. You figured this out in two weeks. Come on son…" "Dad please,” I whisper. "Bella, I told you to be quiet. If you can't be quiet - " "Are you going to tell me to get out too? I'm not going to be quiet. Apparently I'm the most articulate person here. You saw us. You saw. So why are you even asking?" "Bella you are sixteen years old." "And WHAT? Stop overreacting. Just listen." "I'm trying to listen, Bella, but you two don't have anything to say. And if you think I'm overreacting, young lady ... you sat at that table yesterday and lied to me about - " "I did not lie to you. I knew we were going to tell you soon, and I didn't want to lie. I didn't lie." "Seth Clearwater. You must think your old man is some big idiot. Seth Clearwater... Do you think I didn't notice how you two are around each other? Or that you are bright red every time I mention Edward? I just didn't think that you, Edward, would do something like this. You're a smart, dependable, responsible man. How did you think I would react?" "Dad - " "Charlie - " "Did you do that to her, Edward? Speak up, son.”

"Yes. Charlie please let me speak," Edward says. "And did you give her that book?" "Yes. Charlie - " "I want to let you speak, Edward, but I don't think it matters what you say. I trusted you and you – what were you thinking, son? How did you expect me to react?" Charlie is just saying the same thing, over and over again. I realize that I don't know. Of all the things we have talked about, not once did we sit down to decide what to tell Charlie, how to tell him. Not once did we bother to consider just what his reaction would be. Edward clears his throat. "I expected you to be angry, to forbid me from seeing her. I understand why you are reacting this way. She's sixteen. There is truly no excuse for my behavior and I apologize." She's sixteen. I turn around and finally look at him. He looks lost. He looks like Charlie. Defeated. "Dad, I'm sorry we didn't tell you sooner. I was just scared. Please don't - " And I‟m crying. And crying. And the familiar arms less than two feet away from me aren't where they are supposed to be. It's cold. He apologized. Nobody cares. No excuse for his behavior. I use my own arms. I hug myself. "Bella..." I shake my head. Don't say my name. You fucking coward. Don't say my name. "Bella, please." I'm no longer just sobbing. I'm shaking. So cold. Please what? Please don't cry? It's in your hands. Make me not cry. You gave me the ribbon. "Bella, calm down,” my father says. “If you want Edward can leave. I think it's best - " "NO." I look up at my father. He looks so broken. If I cry some more I know he will beg me to stop, I know that I will win. I can't take a cheap victory, though. I need to show him that I'm not a child, that I know what I'm doing. Someone has to do this. "I'm sorry, Bella. This is going nowhere. Neither of you has said a word. You're like the son I never had, Edward, but right now I can't say I have much respect for you. I think it's best you leave. Don't bother stopping by tomorrow. I just gave you a chance to explain yourself and you blew it." "Charlie, I apologized. I'm truly sorry,” Edward pleads. "That's not an explanation. I don't know what I'm going to do about this, but I can't have you two spending any more time together. This was a big mistake, and I'm sorry I put everyone in this situation. It's time for you to leave."

"I can't, sir. I promised her - " For the first time since I saw my dad watching us, I feel like air has entered my lungs. "Dad, please," I beg. "Edward." I hear him get up. I want to say something, call after him. I don't look up, I don't look at where he was sitting. I don't understand why he isn't saying anything, telling my dad everything he told me, or whatever he told his mom. Or whoever. I don't understand how he could just walk away. A strange sound escapes me and I gasp because he has finally realized how ridiculous this is. For him to be with me. A waste of his time, too much work, too much of an effort. I can't breathe and I clutch the armrest and open my eyes. I look around and he's not here. The tears won't stop now, because I realize I had minutes, a lot of minutes, during which I could have been looking at him, feeling him just two feet away from me. I could have reached out to him. I cry for the minutes I wasted not looking at Edward. He was right here, next to me, but I had to have my back to him, I had to turn away. My dad isn't here either. I don't know where he is. I almost don't believe just how abandoned I am right now. I get up and search for my phone. My hair is in my face, sticking to it, to the tears. I pull it back up into a tighter ponytail. The tears don't stop. My hands are shaking so much I can't even hold onto my phone. "Bella, sit down sweetheart. Please stop crying." I don't look up. My fingers try to unlock my phone. It's so fucking frustrating. I can't do anything. My knuckles are white. I put the phone down. He‟s not calling. Or texting. He just left... Oh, I know he left. "Bella, maybe it's best you head up to bed." I don't speak to him. He took away everything. He can drop dead in front of me. I don't care. I walk past him with my lifeline in my hand. He grabs my arm. "Give me the phone, Bella." I look at him. His pathetic face. "It's my phone." He sighs, looks impatient and annoyed. "Bella, give me the phone," he repeats. "My mother pays for it." His face looks even more pathetic now. He says nothing. He looks as broken as I feel. I wonder how Edward looked. I go upstairs and throw myself onto my bed. I'm not crying anymore. My phone is here. I know he won't call, or text. He had already suspected that Charlie would want to take away my phone. I don't contact him, because I'm still not sure how I feel about his reaction. I hadn't expected him to profess his love. All Charlie wanted was an explanation and Edward couldn't give him one. I stare at my phone. I open one of

the books, I see his handwriting and my face is wet again. My chin is quivering. I can't breathe. Where is he? What is he doing? The obvious questions, the timeless ones. My sobs are louder. Is he thinking of me? Does he still want me? I'm such a cliché. I'm exhausted, my pillow is wet and my eyes feel heavy. *** I hate the sun. Of all the fucking days of the year, the sun has to be out today. Bright. In my face. My body tenses up as I remember last night. I want it to be dark, because everything feels dark. The sun is just cruel right now. There are no tears, but I feel yesterday's on my cheeks, in my eyes. Blotchy, swollen, red. I'm still in that stupid black dress. I grab some of the fabric and bring it to my face, trying to see if there is any Edward on it, if I there is any trace of him left. But I have trouble smelling anything. I throw it off and decide to take a shower. I avoid looking straight at my face in the mirror but stare at the traitor on my neck. If Charlie hadn't noticed it during dinner maybe he wouldn't have been sneaking around, coming home early, trying to catch me with Seth or whoever. The traitor is fading, it has changed color. I touch it and my face is wet again because I know that in a few days it will be gone and I won't have his mark on me anymore. Back in my room I look for my phone, it's not on my bed. It's not under it. Not on the floor. Not on my dresser or my desk. My search becomes frantic even though I know where it is. But I won't go to him. "Bella?" He knocks. He didn't bother to fucking knock when he came and took away my phone sometime last night. The door opens. "Can I come in?" He looks at me, sees I'm in my towel. "Bella, put something on and come downstairs. We have to talk." "Where is my phone?" I ask. "I took it." "It's not yours to take." "Bella, I'm your father. Don't speak to me that way. Your phone is with me until I decide that you can use it again. Until then if you want to call Angela, or your other friends from school, use the house phone." I want to punch him. I want him to feel the pain I feel. I want to say cruel things to him, tell him he is a sad, lonely man whose wife left him because he was fucking boring and had absolutely nothing to offer. I want him to break like I'm broken. "Get out, I'm naked." "Bella - " "You told me to put something on." Charlie doesn't look angry. He looks incredibly sad. I see some confusion, like he's not sure what to do, how to act. His shoulders slump and he leaves.

I find some old leggings and a wifebeater. I don't bother with a bra. "Bella, if you're dressed please come downstairs." I open the door and he's standing there, looking miserable. I walk ahead of him until I find myself seated at the kitchen table. He has attempted to make me breakfast, I ignore it. "Eat something. You didn't have any dinner last night." "No thank you." "Don't be difficult, Bells. You need to eat. We need to have a talk." I shrug, pushing away my plate. "Alright, then. You can go hungry if you want." I shrug again. He takes a deep breath. "You're not going to work today," he informs me. That's a surprise. "Now, I know that this internship is important to you, so I'm not saying this decision is final, but for now - " "I can't just not show up. I have to speak with my boss and let him know. He doesn't need an intern who won't show up until her father says it's okay." "I'm sure your boss knows exactly why you're here, Bella. He's the reason why - " "Edward's not my boss. I'm not working for him anymore. I moved to another bureau. I work directly for the judicial clerk now. He doesn't know - " "What do you mean Edward's not your boss?" It's my turn to take a deep breath. "We decided it's better that I don't work for him anymore," I explain. "Could've let your old man know…” "This just happened, we were going to tell you everything today." He snorts and rolls his eyes. I look at him and get up. "Sit down." "Listen, I came down, you told me I can't go to work. You have my phone so I can't call the office, or anyone, to let them know I'm not coming. I'm going back to bed," I say. "You have to treat me with some respect, Bella. How do you expect to be treated like an adult when - "

"I have respected you, I have tried my best not to lie. I was going to tell you about Edward knowing full well that you would react this way, because of the respect both Edward and I have for you. Instead you kick him out and punish me." Good one, Bella. Play the victim, take the role of victim away from Charlie. "Bells, I never punished you.” "No? Taking away my phone? Telling me I can't go to work? It's punishment. I didn't do anything to deserve this." "Bella, you were caught on the couch with my friend, a twenty-six year old man. You kept this from me for weeks. I think I have every right - " "You put me in this situation, don't you dare be a hypocrite. You let me spend hours a day alone with him, you let me go to parties with him and hang out with him. What did you expect? You knew we both liked each other and you didn't do anything.” Shift the blame. Yes. "Because I trusted him Bella and I thought you would have more sense - " "More sense? Dad all I've heard you say about him is how amazing he is, smart, responsible, kind. You put me in close proximity with an attractive, interesting, intelligent guy who I knew you approved of." Remind him of his trust and admiration for Edward. Good. "Oh come on, Bella. You said yourself you knew this is how I would react. You can't sit here and tell me you're surprised that I think this is wrong. You're a child, dammit. He took advantage of the situation." "So now it's his fault." "Of course it's his fault. Nobody's blaming you." "You're punishing me,” I point out. "I'm just making sure you cut off all contact with him. It's not punishment." "Dad, it's the cruelest form of punishment. I love him. You're taking him away from me." You're losing any control you had over this conversation. "Bella, I'm not gonna budge. He's too old. You can't date Edward. I'm not punishing you, I'm just saying, as your parent, that you can't continue seeing him." So there it is. He's being pretty fucking clear. "I have to give up an internship? Dad - " "Bella, I told you the decision wasn't final. I'm going to go down to La Push today after work and talk to Jake. If he agrees to drive you and keep an eye on - "

"That's fucking bullshit,” I yell. "Bella, watch your - " "Jake would take Edward's place in a heartbeat if he had any chance. You trust me with Jake? How is he any different?" "He's got a girlfriend, Bella. You're like a sister to him. And I haven't found you two on my couch - " "I'm pretty sure the asshole told you something. He's so nosey. Why did you come home early? You wanted to catch me.” "Bella I haven't seen or talked to Jake since Sunday. And if I find out he knew anything about this and didn't tell me, we're gonna have a long talk and he won't be driving you anywhere either." "I'm going upstairs. Enjoy La Push," I say. "You're gonna have to stop being difficult if you want to earn my trust again." "Do I look like I care?" Excellent work, Bella. You really showed him just how mature you are. I don't know why I'm being so cruel to Charlie. When I‟m back in my room and hear him leave for work I cry again, but this time it's because I feel disgusting. I knew this is how he would react, so why do I want to rip his head off? It's not his fault, we knew this was coming, but I still want to cause him as much pain as possible. When the phone rings twenty minutes later I decide to let it ring. When it continues to ring and drives me fucking crazy, I decide to deal with whoever‟s calling. "Hello?" "Bella." My knees go weak and my hands are shaking. I feel the stirring of some butterflies, but it‟s quickly gone. The tears come back but I smile. His voice does what his arms failed to do yesterday. "Yeah." "Sam has been on Charlie-watch. He told me he's at the station now, so I knew I could call.” "So your ability to speak has returned." "Huh?" "You couldn't form a proper sentence yesterday and it resulted in you getting kicked out of my house." Stop being cruel, Bella. Why are you being cruel to him? "Bella, I didn't know what to say."

"Ummm. Okay. Well, it doesn't matter. He said I can't see you. He has my phone. He will let me come back to work only if Jake agrees to watch me the entire time." "B, you're mad at me." "I'm not mad. It's just done." "It's not done. I told you this doesn't matter…" "It matters if I can't see you." "You're just giving up." I have nothing to say, I want to cry. No, I don't. I just want him to be here, I want to relive these past two weeks over and over and over again, until I die. I don't need any new experiences, new conversations, new lips to kiss. I just need to be rolling on the grass with him, I need to have him in my mouth, I need to feel his hands as they take hold of my ass and his teeth as they graze my hipbone. More than anything, I want to tell him all of this, and I want to hear him say it back. I need to hear his whispers and live in his eyes. I need to hear him call my name as he explodes, I need feel his hair between my fingers as I comfort him, love him. "I'd never give up." "Bella." I hear some noise on his end and he says something I can't quite make out. "That was your pal Jake. We have a hearing we have to attend in five minutes. Baby, I wanted you to come, see what happens at these things. It's a really interesting case and I thought about you being there, talking about it with you after. I miss you." I smile. He wants me in his life and he wants to teach me, show me new things. I want to learn, I want any new experiences to be with him. Otherwise, like I said, I don't want any. I want him, him, him. "I miss you so much. I ummm... we'll figure shit out. I'll call you when I can." "Me too, B. I love you. I need to kiss you." I remember how close our lips were when Charlie walked in and my forehead burns where it was touching his. The hollowness I feel in my chest is painful. I refuse to think of his tongue, his teeth, the softness, the wetness. "Sshhh, don't do that. I love you." I call Angela after I hang up and she comes over. She sits with me for hours, telling me how everything is going to be okay. I text Alice using her phone and she calls back immediately. "Bella, honey, are you okay? I've been worried sick. Your phone has been off all morning and I don't have your home number and I didn't get a chance to ask Edward before he left for - " "Alice, I'm okay. Did Edward tell you what happened?"

I love how she goes into detail and can hide nothing. "Yes. I'm so sorry, Bella. You know it's going to be okay, right? This isn't going to last forever. We'll talk to your dad. I told Edward, his parents are coming and we'll all deal with this. We'll find a way. You just have to be strong. Okay?" "Yeah, I don't see my dad changing his mind anytime soon. You don't have to do anything, Alice. Please don't get involved. Is he... is he okay now?" "He's better than he was last night - " "Last night?" "Yeah, I think he drove straight over. He was really upset. He kept blaming himself for not doing enough. Bella, I hope you're not mad at him or anything. He was such a mess. It took a phone call from Rosalie to set him straight. You know he loves you, right? He was just in shock and didn't want to upset your father." "Ummm, I thought he could have said something, but maybe I was being unfair. I don't know. It doesn't matter, I just have to deal with my dad now." "Bella, I'm here for you. We all are. I promise this will get better, you'll see." "Okay..." "How are things with your dad?" I laugh. "I know it's easier to be angry and to lash out... but you need your dad on your side now." "He's not going to get on my side." "Just try, Bella. Your relationship with Edward depends on this. You're his little girl, bat some eyelashes, make him some dinner. Don't let the anger take over." "Yeah I'm definitely not cooking for Charlie tonight. But I'll try to be... nicer. Alice, I should go. I don't want to use up all of Angela's minutes." Angela shakes her head, tells me to keep talking. "Okay. I'll talk to you later. I see Jacob coming back to his cube so I can't speak freely anymore anyway. Any messages you'd like me to convey...?" Yes. I fucking love you and hate that this happened. I had imagined us together, on my bed. I had imagined kisses and licks and hugs and words and love. I don't know if I can ever forgive you for pulling your hands away. Every inch of my body is empty when it's not covered by yours. "I don't think so. Make sure he's okay? Take care of him?" "Done and done. Love you Bella!"

"Love you too, Alice. Bye." You'd think it would make me feel better knowing that he was as much of a mess as I was last night. You'd think knowing that he is just as upset as I am about everything would help. But the idea of a sad Edward kills me. I feel so helpless. It's my job to make sure he's happy, and he's not happy. I should be the one comforting him. I feel like I've failed. I should call him, I should do something, but I don't think there is anything I can say right now to make him feel better or to give him hope. Charlie calls three times. I think I get crueler with each call, he sounds more and more distressed. I keep telling myself to be nice, to talk to him, be more mature, but the second I hear his voice evil Bella takes over and I can't control her. When the phone rings again at around six o'clock, I bark my greeting. I was busy staring at my ceiling and touching my brown ribbon bracelet, I had better things to do than answer the fucking phone. "B, it's me.'' "Oh. Hi." "You sound..." "Yeah." "Baby..." "It's okay, I'm fine. What are you up to?" "I had to leave work early, I couldn't sleep last night. I just woke up from a nap and Sam told me Charlie's shift ends at 6:30. I thought I'd call..." Love him. Make him happy. "I'm glad you called. I love you." "Mmhmmm, Bella. So much. Are you not mad at me anymore?" "Shut up. I'm over it." "So..." "So... what are your plans this evening?" I ask. "Funeral Blues is stuck in my head, I'll probably recite it 2000 times." "Did someone die?" "Funny." I think of what used to be my favorite line of the poem. "'Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun...'"

There is a sharp intake of breath. "'My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song...'" My hand goes to my throat, the pain renews itself. I try to stop the tears; a sad, desperate sound escapes. "Shhh, Bella. I wasn't going to continue." "You brought it up..." "I'm sorry. Just don't cry, B." "I can't help it, I'm a girl. Edward... I wanted to see the movie with you," I blurt out, referring to The Half Blood Prince. He laughs. It's a half-laugh. "Baby, if it makes you feel better I heard they made lots of changes and people who loved the book were annoyed with the movie." "It absolutely does not make me feel any better." "I didn't think it would. But I tried." I laugh. He laughs. My butterflies start to flutter. I had missed them. "You know I was thinking, I'm getting some great experience working here. It won't be difficult getting a decent job in New York in a year. I could find an apartment either on the upper west or around NYU. Someone could make me delicious pancakes in the morning..." "Ummm... someone thinks you'll get fat." "Shut up, B. It's not nice to interrupt someone when they're speaking." "Ew." "I love that. I try my best to get an 'ew' out of you at least once a day." "You really don't have to try that hard." He laughs. "Edward, if my dad hadn't... what you texted me back..." "I don't know." "Was that a lie?" "You have all of me, so no." "This is why I wanted us to..."

"Ummm not a good enough reason." "Name a better one." "Bella." "You do want to...?" "You're kidding right?" "I don't know..." "B." "E." "I want to fuck - " "Shit, he's here. I love, love, love you." "I absolutely adore you." He kisses me over the phone, but I don't want to hang up. He is still on the line. I smile and finally whisper goodbye as Charlie walks through the door. I am halfway up the stairs when he tells me to join him in the kitchen. "I'm going to the diner for some food, you're coming with me." "No." "Bella, we live under the same roof. You can't act like a brat forever." I raise an eyebrow before turning around and continuing my walk up the stairs. My brain keeps telling me to be civil. It tells me to just go to the fucking diner and eat something. "Ya gotta eat, Bells. Come on." "I'm not hungry." "You're making this difficult for me and it's not helping your case." I turn around and look straight into his eyes. For a second I almost think I see fear. "My case? I have a case? You told me I can't be with him. You can lock me up forever and I won't care. I have nothing. One more fucking year, and I'm gone." "You're being a drama queen," he tells me. "Just go to La Push. Weren't you supposed to go and recruit Jake?"

"With this attitude you won't be going anywhere soon. No need to make the drive down." "Like I actually believed you'd let me go back and be around him,” I scoff. "Bella, you've gotta stop this. Don't you want your phone back?" "Are you bribing me? I don't want my fucking phone back. I don't care. I just want it to be yesterday again." I slump down on the stairs and the fucking tears are back. Any hope or happiness that came with Edward's call is gone. Charlie doesn't get it. He doesn't understand what he's done. And if he does understand and is continuing to forbid me from seeing Edward... "Bella, everyone goes through this. You'll see someday that I made the right decision. You have a year of high school left, you'll meet plenty of boys. You'll go to college, maybe law school. Come on, you know you have your entire life ahead of you, Bells." "I am going to college. He's coming with me. If you think this is over...” I shake my head back and forth. “You really don't understand." "Bells, you had the chance to make me understand. And so far I've heard nothing. You're acting like a spoiled brat. I can't treat you like an adult when you're acting like this." I know he's right. I need to learn how to control my emotions, my actions. "You broke my heart, dad. You broke me. I can't..." I feel an arm around me, I cringe and try to pull myself away. "Stop crying, Bella. This is for the best, you'll see." "You're just trying to convince yourself, you don't believe it. You only had good things to say about him. He hasn't changed. Maybe just believe that ... that he's a good person, that he wouldn't do anything bad. He loves me," I tell him. "Bella. I'm not gonna argue with you - there's no point. You just have to trust your old man. You're gonna have to learn to accept this, you have another year in this house. And I don't want to hear any nonsense about going back to your mother." What the fuck is he talking about? "My mother? You think I'd leave Forks when he's here? Dad..." He sighs and lets me go. It's like he has aged ten years since last night. I quickly look away because I feel an enormous amount of guilt. I know what this is doing to him. I don't want this, but if this is his decision, I cannot accept it. "Bells, let's go eat." "No. And please don't look at me like that. You did this." "Did what?" he asks.

"Lost your daughter." Yeah, I've gotta lay it on thick. I almost expect anger, rage. He just looks sadder and sadder. So conflicted. I don't know what this means because the words coming from his mouth contradict his demeanor. He seems so set on this, like nothing will change his mind. But there's something on his face. I need to milk this guilt thing. I can break him. Then he laughs. "Bells, you're the typical teenager aren't you? I'll give this a week. You'll be flirtin' with Seth at the Blacks' by next weekend." He chuckles some more and walks out. "I'll get you a burger on my way back from La Push. Be good, Bells. I won't be late." I turn on the television and pretend to watch for an hour, two hours. I don't cry anymore because I'm too tired, and because I tell myself I have to believe that everything will work out. I can't sit around thinking this is over. I jump when the phone rings. I pick up but nobody says anything. "Hello?" "Charlie's not there, right? I didn't see the cruiser." "No, but I don't know when he'll be back." "It's alright. B, I left you a note. On your window. I love you, I'll speak to you tomorrow." I run up the stairs, almost tripping on the last step. I open my window and snatch the piece of paper he has taped on it. I laugh, he probably carried tape with him. What an idiot. Isabella, Fuck texts. I want to write you letters. I want to leave them on your window, send them to your mailbox, and when you come back to work (you will come back to work), discreetly leave them in your cubicle. Have I told you that you taste like sunshine? That was the first thought I had when I kissed you. You are brightness, light, joy. That ache I was telling you about has a permanent spot in my chest now and I would do just about anything to feel your fingers on my hand. I think I fell in love with you when I saw you in your living room with your nipples and messy hair and shy smile. But I knew I was in love with you when you touched my hand on the way back from lunch and then wrapped your finger around mine. B, this is so fucking temporary. I promise you I will scale walls, break shit, commit felonies to be with you. In the absolute worst-case scenario we have a year of letters and forbidden love - how is that a bad thing? Lover, I'm going to take you to New York, or London, or Boston or (insert name of big/cool city here). Anywhere you want to go. You'll be in college and I'll take care of you and then when I'm old and gross one day you'll take care of me. We can even stay here, I don't care. I'll work in that office forever if that's what you want.

You know nothing good has every come out of a Republican administration, but I will quote Reagan once and only once, because I fucking suck at this. He wrote this to Nancy while he was president: "I more than love you, I'm not whole without you. You are life itself to me. When you are gone I'm waiting for you to return so I can start living again." You google "love letters" this is what you get... I know you are not gone. You are actually so close it drives me crazy. But every second I've been alone since that first day has been spent waiting to be with you so I can start living again. I need you to know this. I asked you to be gentle with me once, and I'll ask you again. Be patient, and remember me from time to time. Yours always, Edward Cullen 7/7/2009 (They will get better, B, I promise) I laugh, because Edward writes love letters laced with profanity and steals lines from the enemy. There is a poorly drawn little arrow directing me to turn over the page. In a weird scribble he has written a verse from what I'm almost positive is another Neruda poem. I wonder why it's written this way, messy, with a different pen, diagonally at the bottom of the page. No one else, love, will sleep in my dreams. You will go, we will go together, over the waters of time. No one else will travel through the shadows with me, only you, evergreen, ever sun, ever moon. (sorry, last minute addition) To say that I am deliriously happy would be an understatement. My heart is pounding and I know I'm blushing. He's here, he writes to me, I can still hear his voice. Charlie has failed and I almost feel bad for him. I can try harder, I need to try harder because my prize is Edward. I read his words one more time before I hear Charlie downstairs. I climb into bed and get under my covers, turn off the light. I don't want another confrontation right now. I hold the letter in my left hand, running my fingers over his words. A soft knock almost startles me. Charlie walks in and sits on my bed. "You awake?" "Yeah." I hold the letter tighter, I don't care about the crunching sound the paper makes and Charlie doesn't seem to notice.

"I had a word with Jake. He'll be here at 8:30. He doesn't go in as early as Cullen does. Be ready. Bella, you know the rules." "I don't." "Sweetheart, you have to cooperate with me. I don't want you around him. I'm not saying you should be rude or ignore him, but Jake is there and he'll be keeping tabs on any interaction between the two of you. He's really worried about you, Bells. He had his suspicions, but didn't think you two... Anyway, 8:30. I'm not kidding when I say you will have to quit this job if I hear anything about you and Edward." "Goodnight." "No thank you?" he asks. It takes every bit of strength I have, but I thank him. An awkward hand comes down on my shoulder, pats it twice. "Everything's going to be okay, Bells." He says goodnight and I know I should say something, show him I appreciate his allowing me to return to work. I really want to try harder, but it's like my heart has hardened and I can't love my dad the way I did a little over twenty-four hours ago. Thanking him is enough for tonight. One day I'll probably regret this, when we lose him, or something, but I can't make any more of an effort right now. I guess I'm not kind enough, or mature enough. I wonder what Edward would think. I close my eyes, never letting go of the letter. I feel myself smiling. At the very least tomorrow I will look into his eyes again.

Chapter 25 - Bright, colorful flowers A pair of thin arms are wrapped around me and the tiny body on the couch next to me doesn't move. My left hand covers my face as I lean back and throw my feet on the coffee table. The tiny body shifts, and the hand attached to one of the thin arms comes up to my hair, smoothing it back. "Coffee? Mmhmm bad idea. A beer? Some wine?" "No. Okay, fine, whatever you were having." I'm alone on the couch until a glass of wine is shoved into my hand. "Chilean. It's good. You'll like it." "Yeah, thanks." "So..." I try it. Take a few big gulps. "This is good. I prefer white in the summer, but I like this." "Yes, it's excellent wine." She takes the glass from me and places it on the table. She looks at me and gives me a sad smile. "I think Edward needs a hug." "Yeah a hug is pretty low on the totem pole now." "Come on. You'll feel better,” she insists, climbing onto my lap. She squeals when she uses all her strength to hug me. I laugh and hug her back. "I'm so fucking glad you're here." "Of course I'm here, where would I be?" "Oh I don't know, back in New York." "Ah yes, what would you do without me?" she says. I look at her as she gets up and sits next to me again, her legs crossed. "You're like my most underappreciated friend. You've been around my entire life and I never tell you just how awesome you are,” I say. "I'm pretty fucking awesome." "And you have really strong arms." She flexes her muscles. I have to smile. She's adorable.

"Ok, Edward. We've talked about wine, my awesomeness, my arms. I'm giving up some great Skype - " "TMI, as always." "Come on, you sounded like shit on the phone. You come in here, silent, smoke all my weed. Now I have to go back down to La Push to get some more because they don't deliver all the way here and I don't know anyone in Port Angeles. Talk, or..." "Are you kicking me out?" I ask. "Of course not. But it's time to spill." "Well I told you what happened." "Ummm, you said 'I fucked up' twenty times before you hung up on me. I was thisclose to calling Bella -" "Don't..." I warn her. "That bad? I can't say her name?" "I don't know, Ali. I really fucked up." She takes my hands into hers and squeezes. "Start from the top." "Fine. We were hanging out at her house because her dad works the late shift and wouldn't be home until tomorrow morning. I shouldn't have been there. Things have been fucking crazy these past couple of days and I sorta promised her that we'd... I said I'd have sex with her." "Oh God, you idiot. Is she ok?" "Shut up and listen. We didn't have sex. We were watching Family Guy and I almost thought that she had forgotten about the whole thing. I hadn't. I kept thinking, should I be doing this? How can I say no if she asks? How should I approach it? Do I do it in her father's house?" She nods, I drink the rest of the wine. "Anyway, sex was supposed to be off the table at least until after Charlie found out. In case he asked I wanted to be able to say "I haven't fucked your daughter," but ... I just really wanted to... Shit. Anyway, she gets up and looks at me. I don't know what she's thinking and I touch her and I'm about to kiss her and my brain is telling me to drag her upstairs and... don't fucking look at me like that, Alice... we look up to see Charlie standing there." "Shit." "Yeah, Alice. Shit." "So..." "So. He sends her to her room. I was so out of it. I'm trying to calm the fuck down. Just try to imagine the situation in my pants. And he's standing right there. She reaches out to me and I pull my hands away like

a fucking asshole. Anyway, after she leaves Charlie keeps saying „She's sixteen.‟ And it hits me – she's sixteen." Her eyes are wide and her mouth drops open. "You figure this out now?" "Ali, she looked so scared. Like really young. Like if I saw her on the street looking like that I'd never even consider touching her. And her dad's there. He sent her up to her room, Ali. She's fucking... young." "Edward, I'm going to listen to the rest of this and then I'm going to beat you over the head." Alice looks extremely angry. "What?" I ask. "You're a fucking moron, that's what." "Huh?" "Continue, Edward. We'll chat later." "Anyway, so I tell Charlie that we were going to talk to him tomorrow, tell him about us. He's all like, I'm here, tell me now. I had nothing to say. Like not a word. I apologized, I think. Yeah, I apologized and told him there's no excuse for my behavior. I'm pretty sure I told him that I love her. At some point Bella was back in the room yelling at Charlie. Then she started to cry. Fuck, Alice. I just sat there. I - " "Wait, so what happened?" "Nothing, he told me to leave." "And you left?" I nod. "Yeah, he kicked me out." "Okay. Let's see. You sat there, said nothing while Bella was fighting with her father. She was crying. You think you told Charlie that you love Bella. Then you apologized and said there was no excuse for your behavior. Oh, and at some point you made the discovery that Bella IS TOO YOUNG FOR YOU?" "Maybe not in that particular order?" Alice takes the wine glasses and walks into the kitchen. "You‟re a fucking imbecile," she shouts. I lie down on the couch and cover my face with my hands. "IT TAKES YOU TWO WEEKS TO REALIZE SHE'S SIXTEEN? AFTER SHE FALLS IN LOVE WITH YOU?" "I knew she was sixteen, Alice. Stop being a - "

She's back in the living room, standing over me. I have to admit she looks fucking scary. "Listen, you little shit. Bella's the same girl she was the day you met her. You're judging her for being scared and looking young? You're judging her for being sent to her room after her dad found you two together in HIS HOUSE?" "I'm not judging her – I just ..." "You had some sort of fucking epiphany?" "Alice - " "Get the fuck out of my apartment, Edward. I swear to God. You just sat there in silence while she was crying? Edward, do you have any idea what she was going through? Did you say anything?" she asks. "I don't know... no." "OH MY GOD - " "Just stop yelling for one fucking second, Alice. When I apologized... he was fucking pointing at a hickey on her neck asking me if I did that. I felt like... Ali, I felt like the world's biggest asshole. She looked so helpless and I felt like a...I apologized and... she turned around and looked at me like... like I'd ripped her apart... she was crying, Ali. I tried to say something she kept crying and shaking her head. So when he kicked me out... She was fucking crying, Ali. " Alice, who was about to castrate me two seconds ago has her arms around me. I notice that my face is wet. "Get off me, Alice." "Shut up. It's okay, I won't tell anyone you cried like a girl,” she says soothingly. "I have to talk to her." "No." "Ummm... yeah I do.” "Edward. You do realize that you just told me you think she's too young." "Right." "What does that mean?" she asks. What does it mean? "I don't know." "Edward, if you think she's too young and you can't do this - " "I never said I can't - "

"Let me finish. If you think she's too young and you're going to feel dirty, or guilty, you can't have a relationship with her." I throw my head back onto the couch and laugh. "Don't be absurd. I love her. The guilt is normal, I mean, she‟s sixteen." "The guilt isn't normal and you can't do that to her. Or to yourself,” Alice tells me. “If you love her, if she's it for you, if it's not just about sex, there should be no guilt." "Come on Alice - " "I'm serious. If you think this is wrong, you have to end it." No. "Do you think this is wrong?" I ask her. "My opinion doesn't matter, it's your decision." "I'm asking you." She looks away for a second, takes a deep breath. "I've been rooting for you two since day one – you know this. I'll admit that I was worried at first. When Bella first told me about you two... I wanted to be sure that this wasn't just about sex for you. Because let's be honest, you were following her around with your tongue hanging out - " "Yes, okay. I get it. So you don't think it's wrong now?" "I don't... unless you think it is." "What the fuck does that mean? I don't know. I can't think about her without... It's like I ignore everything and focus on her, on us. I've been ignoring this for way too long." "I don't think you have... I mean, you've done your fair share of thinking about things. Don't beat yourself up too much. I think tonight was a big turning point because for the first time you saw how young she is. You've always known but perhaps seeing it..." "Yeah..." Alice rubs my shoulders and tells me that it will all work out. "You're right. I'll just wait for her. For a year. Or however long - " I feel sick to my stomach at the thought. "You can't make this decision on your own. 'Oh Bella, I'm just going to wait for you to grow up, it's been real, bye.'" I shake my head. "I have to be the one making it and enforcing it – she won't agree to waiting."

"You're saying you think it's okay to force this on her?" "I'm saying that's the way it has to be," I tell her. Alice gets up and starts walking around the living room. "You're a moron. I have nothing more to say to you." "Alice, you know what? Stop fucking judging. One second you tell me to leave her and now this. Which one is it?" "Neither. Just use your brain. You're saying you'll be with her but you'll feel bad about it. You can't do that. You have to get that shit out of your head. Or maybe be honest with yourself and admit it's just sex - " "It‟s not just sex!" I shout. She smiles. "What is it?" she asks me. "I love her." "There you go." "Come on, Alice." "I'm serious,” she says. “Listen, she made a decision. She's with you. You also have to decide – what do you want?" I want endless conversations and smiles and soft lips. I want poems and yellow dresses and brown silk to run my fingers through. "Bella." "Okay, so feeling bad about being with Bella, or leaving her until she grows up are the stupidest fucking ideas I've ever heard." "What's the alternative?" I want to know. "First of all, let's not get ahead of ourselves. You just got kicked out of her house. By her dad. If her dad decides you and Bella can't see each other anymore – hey, look at me. Don't start crying again. UGH I'm calling for backup." She gets up and starts to search for something. I'm guessing her phone. "I'm not crying, Alice. Sit down. Shit. I have no idea what she's thinking. Or what's going on there." "No, you don't,” she agrees. "He probably has her phone. That's what dads do, right?"

"Probably." "How do I...?" "Just relax for now. Think about your options." Her phone rings. She jumps up and runs towards the kitchen. When she's back she looks at me and points to the screen. "It's Rosalie, I'm going to take this." "Sure. I'll be here." I stare at the ceiling thinking about my conversation with Alice. I don't know if she's right. Feeling a little guilty is normal, right? If I don't acknowledge her age I'm just a fucking monster preying on a kid. Bella's not a kid. She was the only one with the balls to say something today. She actually stood up for herself. She's smart. She's so fucking smart and perfect. She's not a kid. She's mature and beautiful. Most of the time she's more mature than I am. Then why did I freak out like that back there? Just because she was sent to her room? She must think I'm a dick. How the fuck did I not just say everything I wanted to say? I tried. I told him that I love her, and what can be more important than that? He mocked me. I tried to say that she's the best thing that has ever happened to me, the highlight of my day, the reason for my existence. But it all sounded so rehearsed, not real, to my ears. It didn't matter how true all of it is. It wasn't what Charlie wanted to hear. Ugh. I was so focused on her in front of me when she sat down on the couch. Her back to me, shaking, her sobs. Why didn't I just pull close? Crossed my arms across her chest and buried my face in her hair? I could have held her like that, whispered to her, told her... Yeah, Charlie would have beaten me up and thrown me out, but I would have felt her, assured her that I wasn't going anywhere, that I love her. What is she feeling? The thought of her alone, sad, is driving me crazy. I want to drive back to Forks and sit there, watch her window, make sure she's okay, but there's no way of knowing if she's okay. Shit. Did he interrogate her? Is she scared? I should have told Charlie we haven't had sex, that I adore her, respect her, that I'm going to take care of her once she leaves his house. Instead I sat there like a fucking douchebag. Bella. God she better not be crying. Her sobs... She had never cried like that before. Not like that. I couldn't form a fucking sentence watching her like that. Yeah that doesn't excuse the fact that you couldn't form a fucking sentence before she came back into the room. Even if Charlie decides that we can be together, that this is a good idea, there's a big chance she won't want me after my display of cowardice. Could Bella not want me one day? This is what my nightmares consist of. Bella not wanting me, Bella changing her mind, Bella finding someone else. She probably thinks I'm the biggest bullshitter, talking about always, about never leaving her. I left her. "Edward, Rose wants to speak to you." I shake my head „no‟, but I hear my sister's voice as Alice presses her phone to my ear. "Hey." I brace myself, waiting for the shrill screams that are pretty much inevitable. "You okay?"

Huh? "Uhh, yeah. You? How's Emmett?" "Emmett and I are fucking wonderful, Edward. What happened with Bella?" " Alice didn't tell you the whole story?" "She did. She may have embellished. It doesn't matter. What are you going to do now?" "I don't know, Rose. Why don't you tell me what you think I should do?" "Listen, Edward. You're my brother. Bella is nothing to me if you're not together. I barely know her. She's a sweet girl, but you are the one person I care about in this situation." "Thanks?" "However, as a woman I just have to say that you‟re a fucking tool!" she yells. "Is Emmett there? Tell him to control his woman, I think I‟m deaf." "Edward, if Alice is right about what happened, Bella must be suffering. She feels abandoned, completely alone. Not to mention she‟s probably grounded for the next twenty years." "Rose, I can't - " "You can't deal with it? Honey, it's what you signed up for. A relationship with a teenager. What the fuck did you expect?" "I don't know, Rose. I don't know. Do you want to yell at me some more?" "No. Edward, listen. Do you want her or not?" "Yes." "You didn't hesitate, that's good. Are you going to take the bad with the good? Because like I told you before, this can get really, really bad." "Rose, she probably doesn't even want me,” I tell her. Alice jumps off the couch and throws up her hands. "Edward. Are you blind? She wants you! She adores you. Are you kidding? There is no way in hell that she'd end things with you even if you were the biggest douchebag in the tri… Pacific Northwest." "Were you about to say tri-state area?" I ask. Alice smiles. "Hey, I'm still here,” Rose reminds me. “Alice is right. Stop worrying about what she wants. Tell me what you want."

"Her." "Go get her, then." Am I stuck in a romantic comedy nightmare? These two bitches don't know what they're talking about and I don't want another minute of this bullshit. "Huh?" "Obviously not now. Jailbait's probably locked up in her room and has no contact with the outside world. But first chance you get." "Yeah, it's really that simple." "No it's not. You have to talk to her dad too." "I tried talking to him - " Alice slaps her forehead. I don‟t know what Jasper sees in her. "Who? Charlie? HAH! Rose can you hear me? Tell him he's a fucking idiot! He tried! What a joke!” "Tell Alice to shut up. You have to talk to him. Grow a pair and do it. Anyway, I'm going inside to tell Emmett and Jasper all about how Chief Swan caught you with his little girl. They are going to love it and they'll probably never let this one go." "Fuck you." "Good talking to you, bro. I‟m going to let you tell mom and dad about this all by yourself, like the big boy you are." I hang up on her and throw the phone at Alice. "You're ungrateful. We're only trying to help." I roll my eyes at her. "I'm going to bed, Edward. It's late and I'm tired. You are well-acquainted with the couch, I see." The world hates me. Alice and I have slept in the same bed 5,000 times. Jasper doesn't care. I don't care. Bella probably won't care. I can't believe she's punishing me by making me sleep on the couch tonight of all nights. "Oh come on," I say. "You're not getting the bed!" "Can't we share?" "Normally I'd say yes, but I don't want to hear you sniffling into the pillow all night." "Cold."

"Get some sleep, everything will be okay tomorrow. Promise." "Yeah, you keep saying that..." She gives me one last hug and a kiss on the top of my head. "Fix this. You owe it to me and Jasper. We missed out on Skype sex because of you," she reminds me for the tenth time tonight. "Don't you get sick of watching him jack off every night? It's gotta get old ..." "Bella. Knees spread. On cam. Every night." My cock springs back to life at that description. Even in my state of despair it really doesn't take much. "Ah, I see. My apologies. You're fucking stupid to be spending time with me when you could be 'spreading your knees' for Jasper. I owe him one.” A pillow hits me in the head. She's gone. I take off my pants and grab the gaudy throw she leaves on the couch. I'm so fucking tired that I'll probably fall asleep in no-time. But sleep doesn't come. The events of this afternoon play over and over in my head and the more I think about it, the more worried I am about Bella and the repercussions this will have on our relationship. I think a lot about her age, and how shocked I was when I realized how young she is. Maybe I'm really some pedophile who is convincing himself that this is okay. But I refuse to believe that my love for her is anything but pure. Yes, I want to fuck the shit out of her the first chance I get. Yes, I fantasize about her mouth at least twenty times a day. But take all that away, and I still want her. That's what I mean about waiting until she's older. I will never pull away from Bella completely. I will never be without her, but if I have to give up the sex, the physical intimacy, so be it. Nobody is saying you have to give it up, unless Charlie forbids you from seeing her. Why are you imposing this punishment upon yourself? Why indeed? You promised her that you'd make decisions together. If she wants you physically, why deny her? Because she doesn't know what she wants. Yes she does, Cullen. She does. She does. I have to get this out of my head – this "Bella doesn't know what she wants" bullshit. I know she wants me. She's not a child. She's... Bella. Bella and I have to be equals. We are equals. I can't go around making decisions about boundaries and sex and pretend that this is a relationship between two equals. So it's decided. Assuming Bella still wants me, I'm going to start treating her as an equal. And a big part of that is going to be sharing my concerns with her. I'm going to talk to her about all of this. She has to know exactly what's going on in my head. I have to be open. Even if it offends her, even if she gets bitchy and defensive and

tries to shut me up. We have to fucking talk about things, discuss them. If we'd spent two minutes actually thinking about Charlie and what to tell him, maybe today wouldn't have been such a disaster. I can't sleep. I really want to call her. I need to hear her voice. Soothing, sexy. So perfect. I take out my phone and dial her number. Don't you think she would have called or texted if she had her phone on her? She probably doesn't want to talk to me right now. Well if that's the case you shouldn't be calling her. I decide not to risk it. I go to my pictures instead and look at the one I have of us from last week. My chest tightens. I stare at it for a while. Her smile. Her eyes. Her throat. I close my eyes and think about her taste, her scent. Her skin under my fingers. I think about the dozens of fantasies that were going through my head all afternoon. For some reason in my fantasies when I finally enter her she is biting her bottom lip, looking up into my eyes. Her breaths are heavy and her nipples are dark and hard. She is so tight. So tight. I snap out of it as my hand makes it down to my cock. I'm on Alice's couch. Charlie just caught Bella with me on his couch. I don't know how she's doing. The couch is fucking uncomfortable. I don't have a change of clothes. Fuck this. I get up and walk to Alice's room. I quietly get into her bed and under the sheets. "No crying, Edward." "Bitch." "Pussy." "Whatever." Alice snores all night. Nothing gross or loud. It's actually relaxing, comforting in a strange way. When I look over at her I feel a little guilty. I would never be okay with Bella sharing a bed with some guy. Alice isn't some girl, she's like family. Jake is like family to Bella and I would still break his fucking legs. I wonder if Jake knows anything about what went down earlier. Probably not, it's not the kind of thing you call and tell your buddy over the phone. "Oh hey, Billy. Guess what? I found Edward and Bella together on the couch. Who knew?!!" Fucking Charlie. He's always been so good to me. I remember volunteering at the station years ago. He would talk about his kid who lived with her mother in Phoenix. I felt bad for Charlie, no family, alone. He treated me like a son. Sam too. He probably feels betrayed. I want to sympathize, but right now there is one person I care about. Brown silk and chocolate eyes and her skin. Her fucking skin. I think about the ribbon in my wallet. It's in the living room now. I want to get up and get it but don't want to wake up Alice. If Bella is gone, is that all I have of her? That and the t-shirt she wore on Saturday morning and the mug she drank from that hasn't been washed yet. I close my eyes picturing the smile that formed on her lips, as she removed them from the mug. Sitting in my kitchen with her knees drawn to her chest, a little scar on her left knee, red toes, and borderline greasy hair. I feel that uncomfortable thing in my throat that is somewhat unfamiliar because crying isn't something I do on a regular basis. I don't cry, but the ache in my chest keeps me up. When I finally feel myself drifting off I see Bella's eyes after my apology. This time I don't ignore them, and I let myself feel the pain she must have felt when I called her a mistake. Because that's exactly what I did. ***

Waking up just three hours later, I see Alice has laid out my clothes from yesterday. She must have ironed them. There's a note apologizing for not having any clothes for me to borrow. Jasper spent two nights here and didn't leave anything behind. I walk into the kitchen and eat some Lucky Charms. Alice must be out on a run, since it's too early for work. On any other morning, I would be on my way to pick up Bella right now. Alice comes in all sweaty and looking pretty unattractive for someone with such a hot body. "Sleep well?" I look at her and she laughs. "Yeah, no. You look like shit,” she observes. “Maybe take the day off?" "I took a sick day last week. I have a hearing and lots of stuff to take care of." "Are you okay?" "I'm fine. I think I want to call her, though." "I don't know, Edward. Risky move. Her dad is probably around, it's early." I sigh and walk into the bathroom. I know Charlie leaves right after we do most mornings, but I shouldn't risk it. Maybe I should call the station and ask if he's there. Then what? Hang up on him when they put me through? I can probably ask Sam, but I'm not sure if I want to tell him about Bella. But if it means I get to talk to Bella safely, it's no big deal. I take a deep breath when he picks up. "Cullen." "Hey Sam. Did I wake you?" "Nope, I'm at the station." "Charlie there?" "Not yet." "Oh, okay. Well, thanks." Just tell him. "Sam, I need to ask you for another favor." "Shoot." "I need you to tell me when Charlie's at work and when he leaves for the day." "Are you stalking the Chief?"

"I need to talk to Bella, and I don't want him around." "What did you get yourself into, Cullen?" "Sam, it's a long story, but I'm not Charlie's favorite person right now. There was an incident involving Bella." "This has got to be good. What happened?" "We were hanging out at his place, he came in, kicked me out." "There's probably something missing in your story, but I won't ask. I don't want to be an accessory to child molestation." "You're a fucking retard. That makes no sense." "I'm not a lawyer, you are. That sounded like some good legal jargon." "Sure, for a cop." "Fuck you, Cullen. So what is it you want me to do?" Sam asks. "Let me know when he comes in and when he leaves. I really need to talk to her." "Are you two...?" "Yeah." "Slim pickins' in Forks, huh? Dating Charlie's underage daughter." "Have you seen Charlie's underage daughter?" I ask. "Good point. But she's a kid, man. You're gonna mess her up if you're just sleeping around with her." Ugh, for the 1,295th time. "I'm not - I'm in love with her." Sam chuckles. "Hey, whatever you say. I'll text or call when Charlie comes in. Good luck, Cullen. You're gonna need it." Waiting to hear from Sam is torture. Alice brings her work with her and sits across from me for a while. I take out the ribbon and play with it, touch it. I sign onto my Facebook account and stalk Bella, whose last update tells me she was very happy last Friday. Alice tagged her in a picture from her party. She looks so radiant. I can see the softness of her skin and feel her next to me. She was so wet that night in Alice's room. I had wanted to touch her. When she was sitting next to me in the car I had thought about pulling down her zipper and finding her clit. Right now I'd give anything just to have her fingers linger on my arm for a few seconds. My phone buzzes and I jump.

He's here and he's in a bad mood. What were you two doing when he caught you? I roll my eyes. Curiosity killed the cat, motherfucker. My heart is about to explode in my chest as I dial the number. I haven't memorized it like I have Bella's. Nobody picks up, I try again. She has to be there. I don't care if she wakes up. "Hello?" "Bella." I can fucking breathe again. After just a few seconds I know she‟s mad at me. The warmth in her voice is gone. She sounds tired. She‟s been crying. "B, you're mad at me." "I'm not mad. It's just done." "It's not done. I told you this doesn't matter - " "It matters if I can't see you." "You're just giving up." "I'd never give up." She sounds almost breathless when she says that. It's all I need to hear. But before I can tell her how I feel, before I can say anything else, Jake is knocking at my door. We have a hearing we have to get to in the next few minutes. She tells me, “I miss you so much,” and I‟m not sure what part of that is so fucking erotic that my cock is hard, and I need more of her voice, the almost-lisp she has when there are too many S‟s in a sentence and she‟s talking fast. The hearing is great, stuff happens, Jacob asks about Bella and I tell him she isn't coming in, I eat, Alice talks and talks and talks about my dad, my mom, Charlie, Chanel eyeliner. I ignore most of it. I'll think about my parents in a couple of days. As for Charlie… "I should go talk to him." "Edward, maybe give him a day to cool off." "Fuck this. I'm tired. I don't want to be here. I'm going home. I'm stopping by the station. If he's there, I'll talk to him." "Edward - " I look at her, she knows that it's time for her to shut up. With a clingy hug from Alice and a wave to Jacob I'm off. I'm not actually going to go see Charlie, am I? Do it, Cullen.

And say what? I swear, Charlie. I never fucked your daughter. Don't you guys keep a lie detector thing here? I'll take it. Yeah, I've taught her how to give awesome head and she got a Brazilian for me and she fucking tastes divine, but no sex. I really, really love her. I treat her with respect. Bella calls the shots. Plus I help her with her confidence issues, make her feel good about her body. And what a glorious body that is. Tightest ass ever. Most fuckable tits I've ever seen. I congratulate and thank you and the ex-Mrs. Swan. Ugh this is going nowhere. What if he asks me about what we've done? I lie. I'm pretty sure the "oral sex isn't sex" argument will get me shot. Come on, Bill. I need some nuggets of wisdom from my favorite president. You know you're fucked when you have conversations with Bill Clinton in your head, asking him for advice. He was impeached. For lying. Charlie, I'm in love with Bella. I will treat her well, I‟ll never hurt her. I'll abide by any rules you set. I will take care of her and love her and adore her and you can trust me. Can he trust me? Because I'm not sure I can trust myself around her. Because if he hadn't walked in when he did I would have been continuing Bella's errr... sexual education and hearing myself scream her name. Or I can take another approach, maybe ask him to let her come back to work, since she's doing a great job and it would be unfair to make her give up the internship. Yes, that could work. If he lets me get that far in the conversation. I pull up to the Forks police station or whatever it's called and park my car up front. Maybe I should call Sam and ask him if Charlie is calm. What am I? Sixteen? Hah, nice one Cullen. I haven't been inside the station in years. I ask to see Charlie and am told to sit down. Edward Cullen is here to see you. Twenty fucking minutes later I am in tiny room where I know they fucking interrogate people. Nice. He walks in and I get up. "Charlie." "Edward. What is it you need from me?" "I'd like to speak with you about Bella,” I tell him. He motions for me to sit. Then he just stares at me. "I just wanted to say - "

"Don't wanna hear it, Edward. Not interested." "Sir - " Have I ever called him "Sir" before? "I understand if you don't want to talk about yesterday,” I continue, “but I think that at some point we need to sit down and discuss what happened. I understand if you're not ready to talk right now, but I really think that it isn't fair for Bella to be staying home from work. She's been doing an excellent job. I don't know if she mentioned this to you but she's no longer working with me. She‟s working for one of the judicial clerks and doesn't need to have any contact with me, if that's what you are concerned about - " "Small building, I'm guessing you'd run into each other." "Yeah, well, that is bound to happen. Her cubicle is close to my office. I want to be completely honest with you. I have no ulterior motives, I just want what is best for Bella. Please consider letting her come back." "I've been considering it, Edward. It's not fair for her to pay for mistakes the two of you made together. I'm not about to ruin her summer or this opportunity. You should know, though, that if I let her go back to work, I'll have Jake make sure you two are kept… apart.” "I understand." "Do you, son?" he asks. "Yes. Like I said, I just want what's best for - " "What's best for Bella is to stay away from men who are ten years older than her. Thank you for coming down to see me. You can go now." Nice, I'm being dismissed. "Charlie, if I may..." He doesn't say anything, so I continue. "I really love her. I more than love her. If you would just give me a chance - " "She's not going anywhere, Edward." And he gets up and leaves the room. What the fuck is that supposed to mean? *** "You dimwit, he means wait for her,” Alice tells me, "The man threw me out of his house and barely spoke to me today. I don't think he was giving me his approval."

"He's not. At least not for now." "Uhhh... you keep contradicting yourself, Ali." "You're just stupid. K, gotta go. I'll call you tonight. Don't do anything stupid!" I just woke up from my nap and saw six missed calls on my phone. All Alice. So I called her back, but Jesus… she talks so fucking much. I need to clear my head and call Bella. Before I do that I have to be sure Charlie's not home yet. A quick text to Sam answers my question. My hands are practically shaking as I dial the number. She sounds angry when she picks up. I tell her about my day, but leave out the part where I visited her father. So much for honesty and openness. We talk for a little while and I even manage to make her laugh. Best. Sound. Ever. She asks me if we would have had sex if Charlie hadn‟t walked in when he did. She asks me if I want to have sex with her. Do I want to? It's all I think about. It's all I dream about. My cock is hard just thinking about how pink you are, how soft you are. Your fucking eyes make me hard. I want to be inside you and never leave. Do I want to...? But before I can tell her exactly what I want to do, she‟s gone, and I'm alone again when she hangs up. I don't like how it feels. I am so used to having her close to me, talking, texting, feeling. I can't help but think how unfair this is. Just because her fucking father can't open his eyes and see... Come on, you can't be serious. I get a bunch of phone calls. Rose, my mom, Jessica. Ignore, ignore, ignore. I take a drive around town. Because I'm a fucking stalker I drive by Bella's and see that the cruiser isn't there. I wonder how long he will be gone. I wonder if she's in her room, if I can go up and see her. But I know better, I shouldn't risk it. Even if she wants me there, I shouldn't do it. I go to the gym but leave just twenty minutes later. I remember conversations with Bella. How I promised that no matter what, I would be there. I promised to write, to get her a phone if need be. So why haven't I been writing all fucking day? I take out a piece of paper and start. I think I suck. Profanity and memories of kisses. Not good enough. I Google love letters. I can't find anything that fits. There's some link to a book of love letters Reagan wrote. I think I've seen something about this on Larry King. I decide to check it out. I like what I see. I'm surprised, a little disgusted. Not only would Bella get a kick out of this, it‟s also exactly what I feel right now. I write some more. I decide to give her this first draft. Straight from... the heart. I decide my next letter will be more dirty. Straight from the cock. Bella will like it. She's dirty like that. I find some Scotch Tape and head out. You're fucking crazy. What the fuck are you doing? I drive to her place, I'm nervous. The cruiser isn't there. I park a few streets away. I think about adding a poem but I don't want to go back home to make sure I've got it right. I double-check on my phone, it takes forever. I always carry a pen around because, well, I'm Edward Cullen and that's what I do. Everybody should have a pen on them at all times. I scribble down the words. It looks bad, but I don‟t care. it doesn't matter. I climb up the tree. I almost die when I try to balance myself on the fucking branch while taping the letter to her window. I call her and tell her about the letter and that I'll talk to her tomorrow. My dreams are crazy. There's Bella. Alice. Judge Stanley. Charlie. Dad. Dumbledore. The crazy chick from that dance

show on Fox. The hot chick from that dance show on Fox. I wake up excited, forgetting for a moment that I won't be picking her up today. The drive to Port Angeles is lonely. I play some old school hip-hop. It's probably the only thing that I won't associate with Bella. But I think about Bella. It's like a fucking nightmare. I need to stop. I don't want to stop. I can't fucking stop. She's fucking embedded in my brain. Nipples and words and pussy and sighs. I throw my keys onto my desk once I'm in my office. Must text Sam and find out when I can call her. Embarrassing, but I‟m over that. For her I‟m willing to face every embarrassment thrown at me. I decide I need coffee before I contact Sam, so I get up to go see if Alice is in yet. I turn the corner and see the most wonderful thing. I stop. Brown silk and molten chocolate, white top and the softest tits, bright, colorful flowers and the scar on her left knee. I'm breathless. For a second I don't notice the tall motherfucker behind her. And as soon as I do, she's gone.

Chapter 26 - Blue cotton Bella Charlie is sitting at the kitchen table staring into a bowl. He has cereal and milk out and smiles at me when I approach. I smile back. I don't want to do anything this morning that will make him change his mind about letting me go back to work. I try to grab an apple and run out, but he says my name in that calm creepy voice he uses sometimes. "Yeah?" "Sit down for a minute." I jump onto the counter and smile. He raises an eyebrow. "You look cheerful." "I'm feeling a little better," I tell him. "Happy to hear that." I continue to smile. I probably look deranged. "Bells, is that what you're wearing to work?" I look down at the floral skirt I'm wearing. My mom sent it to me. It has a high waist and I have a tight white tank tucked into it. Edward is always happy to see me in white tanks. The skirt hits me way above the knee, but it's nothing scandalous. It's called a tulip skirt, I like it. The shape is interesting. "Ummm, I have a cardigan in my bag." "That skirt's a little short,” he points out. "It's longer than some of the thing I've worn to work." "That explains a lot," he mutters. I bite into my apple and read the stuff on the back of the cereal box. "Bella, you remember the rules…" Statement. Not a question. I nod. "I don't want to hear anything about you and - " "The Cullen boy?" I ask. Eeek, the look on his face is scary.

"I'm not kidding, Bells. Jake's - " "Oh I know. Jake will be watching me like a hawk." "Now I don't want you treating Jake poorly. He's doing this because I asked him to." I shrug. "At least you're eating." "I'm hungry.” I smile. He looks like he wants to say something, but he just sits there. I jump off the counter and tell him to have a great day. "You too, sweetheart." Yes, I will have an excellent day as long as I am lucky enough to catch a glimpse of Edward. Jake has a huge smile on his face when I get into his stupid car. "Good morning, beautiful." "Good morning, warden." "Come on, Bella. We're not gonna let that come between us, are we?" "Fuck you, Black." "Hey, you should be thanking me,” he says. "For?" "If I hadn't agreed to keep an eye on you, you wouldn't be going back to work." Great, he thinks I should feel grateful. "So, you wanna talk about it?" he asks me. "No." "Oh come on, Bells. Is it true?" "Is what true?" "You and Cullen." "What did my dad tell you?"

"Well," he starts, "Charlie came over last night and said he came home and found you two watching movies together the other day. He‟s worried you might be getting too close, so he wants me to keep an eye on you." Huh? "Oh." "Were you and Edward just watching movies?" he asks. I look at him. "Didn't think so." Jake is silent for a while and turns on the radio. I want to know what he's thinking. I want to know exactly what my dad told him last night. It doesn't seem like he gave Jake any details. Why not? Should I be completely honest with Jake? Is it possible that he‟s just pretending? But why would he do that? "Bells. Are you two..." Ew! What an asshole! "NO!" "Jesus, Bella. That's not what I meant. I was just asking if you guys are, you know…” "Yes." "Wow. So what exactly did Charlie walk in on?" Jake wants to know. "Nothing. We were just... sitting. I mean we were about to kiss, I think." "Had you guys kissed before?" I start playing with my ghetto bracelet. "I take that as a yes." I look at Jake and he shakes his head, smiling. Then he looks pissed. Then he looks calm again. What's up with guys and mood swings? He's almost as bipolar as Edward. "Wait a minute. Tell me he didn't give you the massive hickey." "Uhh, jealous? How is that any of your business?" "I'm definitely not jealous, Bella. That's just... wrong. What the fuck? Didn't you two just meet? Does your dad know? Fuck, Bella. He's almost thirty." "He's twenty-six,” I correct him. "Big fucking difference." "Why do you care?"

"Come on, Bella. What does he want from someone your age?" "He loves me." "Sure he does." Jake chuckles. "Uh, fuck you." "No thanks, jailbait. Stay far, far away from me." I start laughing and can't stop. I look at him and he starts laughing too. I wipe tears from my eyes and calm down. "Sorry,” I manage to say after I catch my breath. “That was just really funny. Edward and his sister call me that." "Please don't tell me it turns you on." "Eh, maybe a little bit." "Poor Charlie. You're not so innocent, are you?" I grin. Jake shakes his head. "I don't wanna know." "Jake, all kidding aside. We're in love." "Bella, I promised Charlie. I‟m supposed to drive you to and from the office, and I‟m supposed to make sure that you and Edward don‟t sneak off together." "And you plan on enforcing his rules.‟ "Look, I'm not looking forward to it. He's my boss and it‟s going to be awkward. But I agree with your dad, you're too y- " "I'm almost seventeen!" "Bells, come on. Don't fight Charlie on this. Your best bet is to maintain a good relationship with your dad. The calmer you are, and the more mature you act, the more likely it is that he'll calm the fuck down and stop tracking your every move." "So, what? You're not going to let me talk to Edward?" "Jesus, Bells. I can't lie to Charlie. If you see him at work, fucking talk to him. I can't stop you. But... I promised him I'd pick you up, drop you off, and..." He decides to stop talking and stares straight ahead. "Wait, and what?"

"We have to eat lunch together,” he tells me. "Ugh!" "You know what, Bella? I'm offended. And you should be on your knees thanking me for letting you breathe the same air as that fucker. I think I'm being pretty fucking cool about this." "Sure. You're making me have lunch with you. You're the best!" "Curb the sarcasm, Swan." "Whatever." We sit in silence for a few minutes. I'm not sure if I'm mad at him or not. He isn't being a complete dick. "Bells, he hasn't... taken advantage of you?" Oh my God. How much more awkward can this get?! "I told you, we haven't had sex." "Thank fucking God." I roll my eyes and sigh. Jake places a hand on my shoulder. "You can't until you're eighteen. You know that, right?" "Mind your own business. Who are you, Charlie?" "I don't want you hurt, or pregnant." "Don't worry, I've been on the pill for three months now." "Ugh, you're oversharing Swan. Can I ask why you‟ve been on the pill for three months?" "Cysts,” I explain, “On my ovaries. Would you like to speak to Dr. Morrow about this? She can give you some more information." He looks concerned. "Is that serious? Are you okay?" "It's pretty normal to get them, but it's best to take care of it." "Does Cullen know?" "About the cysts?" "About the birth control." Hmm, does he? "No." "Good. Don't tell him." "Uhh... you're crazy."

"You don't want to encourage him." "You're such an idiot. He's not going to mount me the second he finds out I'm on birth control." "You don't know anything, Bella,” Jake tells me. “The man has no problem dating a sixteen-year-old. Your fucking neck looks like it's been attacked by an entire coven of vampires." "Wow. You're certifiable." "The more I think about it, the more I'm convinced that you shouldn't be around the bastard." "Jake, oh my God." "I did promise Charlie." "Are you changing your mind about letting me talk to him?" I ask him. "Like I'd be able to stop you," he mutters. As excited as I am about seeing Edward again, I'm also nervous. It's weird. I know nothing has changed – I mean, he wrote me the letter and I love him and I want him and he's here. Still, I have a hard time getting out of Jake‟s car. "Bells, come on. Time to work! Move it." I end up walking ahead of Jake and I'm almost at my desk when he puts a hand on my shoulder and pulls me into his cubicle. "Be good. I'll be watching you. As long as you give me no reason to talk to Charlie, we're good." I roll my eyes and turn around to see Alice standing in front of me, a huge grin on her face. "Bella! You're here! Omigod, this is so great! I‟ve missed you so much! Oh, hi Jacob..." I laugh because her smile turns into a scowl when she acknowledges Jake. I should let her know later that Jake isn't the enemy, but right now I think he deserves some of her attitude. Alice's phone rings and she runs to get it. I put on my cardigan and walk over to Peter's office to let him know I'm back. I end up staying there for over an hour, listening to his instructions for an assignment he wants me to complete. I take notes and pretend to be excited about doing something monkeys can do. Still, while I won't be doing much, at least I‟ll get to do it all by myself without crazy Alice checking things over my shoulder. I'm pretty sure Peter will tear apart whatever I do, but at least he's giving me a chance. Walking back to my desk, I can't help but think about Edward. I want to go sit across from him as he does his work and I do mine. I want to be able to take mini-breaks and sit on his lap and taste his neck and feel him up against me. I want to smell him and hear his voice. Sighing, I collapse onto my chair. There is a piece of paper tucked under my keyboard. I'm smiling like an idiot. I take a deep breath. This is probably not from him. Stop getting your hopes up. Don't be a loser. Disappointment sucks.

But it's his handwriting. It's almost girly; I giggle. Yesterday's letter was written in a hurry. He has taken his time today. I get up and make sure Jake isn't being stalkerish. Bella. I just spent twenty minutes looking for poems about flowers. You left me breathless this morning when you walked in. Every minute without you since Monday night has been dark and you brought spring. I want my fingers on your hips, your breath on my neck. They can travel down and disappear under the flowers, find your skin. You can kiss me. Gently, or not. I need your mouth. I want my hands on your ass, fingers in your flesh, bringing you closer to me. Wrap your legs around me and let me taste your throat. Your chest. Your nipples. You are so incredibly beautiful. Your touch is wonderful. Let me hear your sighs. Breathe into my mouth. I want to rip off your panties. I want to hear them tear. I want you to use your imagination and figure out what I dream of doing to you. I want your lips swollen, red. I want my teeth on your skin where you taste the sweetest, where you are the warmest. You are everything I desire. My obsession. My love. I think of spending every second with you from when I come home from work until I have to return in the morning. You are the woman I want to fall asleep with. Wake up with. Do you understand how much I love you? You are so close to me right now, with your flowers and flesh and warmth. Every few minutes I get up and walk over to my door to see if I can catch a glimpse of the top of your head. It's quite a view, you know the top of your head. It reminds me of some of the greatest moments of my life. You on your knees, loving me. Me, waiting breathlessly for you to look up into my eyes. But I digress... I just want a glimpse of you. Maybe every few seconds just stand up, and if I'm lucky I will be by my door, waiting for you. You own every beat of my heart, Edward On the bottom is one line. Bella, i like kissing this and that of you. I want to run to him, whisper the rest of the poem in his ear. Make him touch the part of me that Cummings says he likes to slowly stroke. Over and over again. I hug my knees to my chest, I need to hide all evidence of what this letter has done to me. My face is burning, it's slippery between my legs. Goosebumps. I need to catch my breath. I somehow make it to the bathroom on wobbly legs. I read it again. One line in particular makes my head spin. So I imagine what he dreams of doing to me. I close my eyes and I'm in his bed, on my back. He's pushing into me and I bite his shoulder and spread my legs wider and I breathe in his smell and taste his mouth and "Bella, I've been looking all over for you. Where have you been? It's been hours!" Alice cries. "Oh, I went to Peter's office and then I was actually in my cubicle. It hasn't been hours." "Jake just popped by your cube and then stuck his head into Edward's office. Edward was not pleased.” "Ugh Alice, this is such a nightmare. I need Jacob to like, find a distraction. Maybe you can seduce him, perform sexual favors, something."

"Sorry, have you seen Jasper?" she asks. "You're a bad friend." Her eyes move down to my hand. "What's that?" "Nothing." "Oh sure. You're bright pink,” Alice observes, a smirk on her face. "It's a note from Edward." "OMIGOD can I see?" "Certainly not! It's private." Alice winks at me. "I see... are you writing back?" "Ugh, I'd rather just jump him,” I admit. "Romantic." "And classy." I smile. "We need to get Jake out of the way. Don't worry, I'm on this." "Listen, he's being pretty decent about the whole thing. He said as long as I don't give him any reason to go to Charlie, I'm good. I think he means he doesn't want to catch me dry-humping Edward." "Nobody does… Fine, so we're good for now. Anytime you need a distraction, you let me know." "Thanks, Alice." "Bella, he was really so upset. You've forgiven him, right?" I nod. "I think so, yeah." Back in my cube, I‟m anxious. I try to focus on the work Peter gave me but I keep rolling my chair back and looking at Edward's door. It's always open. I get up and look over to see if he is there, but I guess I keep missing him. Maybe I should walk by a few times, but I know he wouldn't be able to see me from his desk. When Jake comes by with a sandwich and a Diet Coke, I tell him I'm going to work through lunch. He lurks around for a few moments as I pretend to read the opinion I have in front of me. I hear him say, "Enjoy your lunch," to someone, and that someone responds "You too." My heart beats so fast. So fast. My fingers fly to the piece of paper he had placed under my keyboard. The butterflies are going crazy and there is a ringing in my ears. Jake thumps his hand on my desk and tells me he'll see me later. I grab a piece of paper and my pen and my left hand is shaking but I steady it and start writing. Edward

I shouldn't be upset about the fact that Bella hasn't acknowledged my letter. I'm pretty sure it wouldn't have offended her. I tried really hard not to say, "I want to fuck the shit out of you over and over again after you beg me for my cock, until you can't take anymore." It sounds like poorly written porn even though it's 100% true. Instead, I tried to tell her just how much I want her without being too explicit. Explicit is for later. Like when she's in my bed. Under me. On top of me. Fuck I'm so hard. What if she never saw it? What if someone else got to it first? What if she‟s still angry with me? She never even acknowledged yesterday's letter. Shit. I take a Facebook quiz about which famous literary character I am, and turns out I'm Holden Caulfield. Really, Facebook? Fuck you. You're angst ridden, begrudging, and unable to appreciate the good things you have in life. What kind of fucking loser sits down and writes these quizzes? I leave my door open just in case. And also because that way she's closer to me. Okay, not closer, but there is one less barrier between us. Ummm, no barriers between us... I let out what can only be described as a whimper. A whimper. My life is officially sad. Anything to take my mind off Bella for five seconds. Why is she so pretty? Oh sure, that's all she is, pretty. Pretty has you panting, scowling, smiling like an idiot, drooling She's a fucking masterpiece. You stare at those from afar. You don't touch them. If everyone who appreciates Modigliani's Female Nude, c. 1916 was allowed to walk up to it and dry hump it, what the fuck would happen? The seated one. Her head resting on her left shoulder. Hair down her back, with a few strands hanging off her right shoulder. Eyes closed. I think maybe sitting on a red chair? So beautiful. Full lips and a blush. So much like Bella. Maybe Bella in a few years, with more rounded hips. Ugh, her hips. I want to slam myself into Bella while holding onto her hips. I want to have conversations with them. Hello hips, you drive me crazy. Sometimes when I'm walking behind your owner I have to close my eyes for a second, because I definitely can't look away, but I need to regain my sanity. Just for a second. Evil. Wanton. So good. All mine. Get a fucking grip, Cullen. You're talking to hips that aren't even in the room. It's time for lunch. I decide to just walk outside and brave whatever is waiting for me out there. A teenager wearing a skirt covered in flowers that I will have to pull up soon. Oh God, just let me pull it up and look at what she's hiding under all the goddamn flowers. Round, tight, bouncy, delicious. Adjust yourself, Cullen. You don't want to freak out the old ladies at the sandwich place. Why are you so horny today? This is the horniest you've been in a long time. Since pre-touching Bella days. Hah, who am I kidding? I am no hornier today than I have been since I first met her. The only difference is that for the last ten days I've been touching her, doing bad, bad things to her. Of course, Jacob Black is standing outside her cubicle. He tells me to enjoy lunch. I want to punch him and then take Bella and run away. Instead, I say something polite or maybe I don't, but just think I do. I buy a sandwich and eat it in my car. I did say my life is officially sad. I smile as I remember how she told me she was wet after we played the most awkward game of truth or dare ever. The fear in her voice when she told me she's still in high school, not college, and how I kept begging my cock to be good, while

looking into the rearview mirror, waiting for Charlie or Eliot Stabler to track me down and take me away for thinking lewd thoughts. I have to go back to Charlie. Explain things. Beg him to allow me to see Bella, even if seeing her means sitting on his couch with him in the room once a week and only being allowed to hold her hand. People think holding hands is so innocent. Not with Bella. There is something incredibly erotic about holding Bella‟s hand. Having her hand in mine excites me. It's like our way of saying that we belong to each other. Palm to palm, fingers intertwined. Caresses and scratches. If that's all I get, I'll take it. Anything Charlie wants, if it means I get to be with her. It's time to head back but my phone rings. "Edward, it's your mother." Definitely not a conversation I want to be having. "Hi mom." "Enthusiasm, Edward. Am I interrupting something?" "No, just finishing up lunch." "That's nice. I just wanted to remind you that your father and I will be arriving late Friday evening." "I thought you were getting in on Saturday." "Well, plans have changed. We didn't want to take the redeye. Did you have plans Friday evening?" she asks. "Nope, no plans. Should I pick you guys up?" "Thanks, Edward, but that won't be necessary." "Well if you change your minds, just let me know." "Of course. Edward, how are things with Bella?" "Things with Bella are great," I lie. "Oh? That's not the impression I got from Rosalie." I sigh. "What did Rosalie say?" "Just that you probably have something you would like to tell me." "We can talk about this when you and dad are home." "Edward, did you speak to Bella's father?" "We definitely had a conversation."

"I take it the conversation didn't go too well?" "If you must know, we didn't get a chance to tell him ourselves. Bella and I were watching television together and he came home and found us." "Edward, you told us you would speak to him." The disappointment in her voice is unmistakable. "We were going to tell him on Tuesday. This happened on Monday." "What did he say?" "He yelled, kicked me out, and didn't let Bella come to work for a day. She's back now, but he made it clear that he doesn't approve." "So that's it, then?" "Mom, let's just talk about this when you guys get in." "Edward, if the man doesn't want you around his daughter, you have to stay away. This is serious." "Don't worry, it‟s not like I really have a choice." "I'm so sorry, Edward. Are you alright?" Her voice breaks. I take a deep breath. A mother‟s ability to put aside everything she thinks or feels, and offer compassion and warmth to her kid will always baffle me and shock me. Only moms can do that. And my mom does it best. At twenty-six, I know that no one will love me like she does, and that if anything happens, there is nowhere else I‟d rather be. "Better now that she's back,” I tell her. “At least I know she's here." "Have you spoken since?" "Yes, we spoke yesterday." "Well, we'll be there soon, Edward. You won‟t be alone for long. Don't worry too much, and don't do anything stupid. I'll speak to your father and we'll see what we can come up with." "Mom, thank you, but that's not necessary. There's nothing you can do. I'll see you Friday." "I love you, sweetheart. I'll see you soon." Back inside, I find that Jacob and Alice are not at their desks. Why would they be? There's no work to do. None whatsoever. Lazy fucks. I walk very slowly as I pass by Bella's cubicle. She's playing Minesweeper, and doesn't hear me walk up. I stand there, watching her. Maybe I can lean in, place a kiss on the side of her neck. Would she be okay with that? She never wrote back, she didn't stop by. Is she just being extra careful with Jake around? I decide to just say hello, but before I can say a word, I hear voices coming down the hall and I duck into my office. I get through a decent amount of work until I look up and notice a piece of paper stuck to my dartboard. It has to be her. It's pathetic how fast I get up and jump across the room to snatch it, tearing off a piece. I close the door and lean back against it.

Edward, Thank you for the letters. Last night after I read the first letter over and over again, I slept with it in my hand. The paper is already a little worn out. I miss you so, so much. You aggravate me, annoy me sometimes. I wanted to hate you when you left on Monday, but it didn't happen. I love you more than ever, I need you more than ever. Just being in the same building with you excites me. I feel it in my chest, my belly, down there. I want you down there. I spent a lot of time after reading your second letter just thinking about what you dream of doing to me. I want it all. I want so much, Edward. Will you give it to me? Oooh, that sounds dirty. :) I want to be your everything. I don't exist outside of you, apart from you. A part of me realizes how unhealthy it is to crave someone this much, to need someone the way I need you, but I choose to ignore that part right now. I want you, you, you. When your fingers aren't on me, in me, the minutes that pass are worthless, empty. When I don't feel your breath, or hear you breathe, I might as well not be breathing myself. When you walked by earlier on your way out my body burst with excitement. I want you to walk by often, I want to see you, touch you. Maybe for just a few seconds, anywhere. Just tell me and I will be there. I'd like to give you a thousand kisses. One on your mouth, one behind your ear, and one... well, you know. Bella While I sit around doubting her, wondering where she is and why she's not responding, Bella is writing the most wonderful letter to me. Her words are beautiful. I read it again, imagining her saying the words in my ear in her voice. It's two o'clock and I have three hours before she leaves. I need to get her somewhere. Even if it's just for a few seconds, I need this. I open the door and call Alice's name. "Coming, boss." She closes the door behind her. "You called?" "I have to see her." "Okay. What's the plan?" Alice looks so excited; I try not to laugh. "How long?" she asks. "Huh?" "How much time do you need?" "I don't care. Preferably, all day. Realistically, whatever is possible. I just want to see her,” I say. "Give me something to do in the library?"

"Library?" I‟m confused. "Uh, the room with books? You guys are so stingy with online research that I've been using the library." "Well, you use the word „library‟ pretty liberally. There are maybe thirty books in there. Wait... why the fuck do you need more work?" I ask. She sits on my desk, smiling. "I'm going to ask Jake to come help me. In the library. I was just telling him during lunch that I need help researching Washington case law." I roll my eyes at her. "They teach you nothing at Fordham?” I ask. “It's basic legal research." "Fuck you. I'm only trying to help your pathetic ass. He brought it and promised to show me." "That makes sense. Thanks, Ali." She shrugs, saying something about loving romance and believing in love. I finally find the memo I was looking for. "Here you go, read that. I need to know what statute of limitations applies." "Wow, this is going to take five seconds," Alice mutters. "This is all I have for now. Ask him to show you the books and stuff. It'll take some time." "Okay. Anyway, I saw you wrote Bella a letter…" "You know too much." "Uh huh. This is so romantic! I told you when you guys first met that you should be writing love letters." "Yep. What do you want me to say? Alice, you're always right." She rolls her eyes at me and walks towards the door. "Okay, I'm off. Make sure we're gone before attacking Bella." "I'm not attacking Bella." Alice giggles. "Oh you're so attacking Bella.” Once I‟ve made sure that Alice and Jake are gone, I walk out of my office. Now or never, Cullen. I walk up to her desk and clear my throat. "Hi." "Hi." My heart skips a beat at the sound of her voice. "Jake's gone to help Alice."

"I heard. Did you orchestrate this?" she asks. "Maybe." "I miss you." I nod. "Me too. Not here, though. And not in my office, he shouldn't see you leaving it. There's that little room with supplies on the other end of the hall." She raises an eyebrow. "You mean the supply closet?" "I'm not taking you into a closet, Bella. It's a room." "Whatever you say... but it's a supply closet. You want to do me in a supply closet." "B, keep your voice down,” I whisper. “I don't have time to 'do you' in the supply closet today. Maybe next time." "Such a romantic." "You know it." She turns to face me and I smile at her. Her smile simultaneously weakens my knees, makes my heart pound, and hardens my cock. "Meet you there." Just as I'm about to turn around, Bella's hand comes up and her knuckles brush against my erection. "Bella." "No one's here." "The clos - the room." "Shhhh." She leans over and presses her lips to it. Fuck. I can't help the hand that goes into her hair, keeping her there for a second. Two. She moves away and looks at me, her eyes flashing. "Go." I find the room/closet/whatever and wait for her there. I pretend to be looking through a drawer full of staples. I'm not even sure I have a stapler. The door closes and I see her standing two feet away from me. "See? It's a room." "Is that all you have to say to me, Cullen?"

Her hands are on my face and I feel her nails. She bites my lip and sucks on it. Her tongue is doing crazy shit in my mouth. She pushes me up against a filing cabinet and her hands are up and down my chest, on my cock. She's never been this aggressive. Scratches and bites and oh God that tongue. "Bella, shit. We have to be quiet." "Then shut me up." I grab her flip us around, pushing her up against the cabinet instead. Her right leg is around my hip, I start licking up and down her throat. I just want to taste her. She's panting, her mouth by my ear. I feel how warm she is between her legs and I get down on my knees. I remember what I wrote in my letter as I pull up her skirt, so I grab her blue panties and tear them off. Her eyes fly open in shock, her head falls back. I grin. I start kissing her. My lips are drenched with Bella, she is all over my nose and chin. I kiss her over and over. She pulls me in closer using my hair, rotating her hips into my face. "Edward." I look up. "Not here. Your office is safer. Please." "Jake." "He won't notice. I'll be careful. Please," she whispers. I get up, we both adjust ourselves. This was really fucking stupid. Risky. She looks at her watch and smiles. "That took all of three minutes." "I thought we were continuing this in my office." "How long will they be gone?" "I don't know,” I admit. I grab staples and some notepads. She grabs some printing paper. "Just three more minutes,” Bella says. "You don't have to ask." I slap her ass and she turns her head, winks, bounces along to her desk. Instead of going straight to my office, I stop by the library. Minor detour. "Hey, how's it going?" Alice and Jake look up from whatever it is they are reading. "Great,” Alice says. “Jacob and I are looking up the statute of limitations now."

"Alice, that was your assignment. You should let Jacob do his own work." "No worries, Edward. I'm just helping Alice out." I can't even pretend to like this asshole. "Edward, we‟re good,” Alice assures me, raising an eyebrow. She‟s warning me to be nice. “Jake‟s helping me, and we‟re saving money this way. Go manual research!” I shrug. "Alright, just checking up on you guys. I'll see you later." I return to find Bella standing in my office, looking nervous. "What's wrong baby?" I ask her. "Where were you?" "Just making sure our three-minute session won‟t be interrupted.” I turn to lock the door and her hands wrap around my waist. She is kissing my back; a hand makes its way into my shirt. "I love your yummy hairs,” she murmurs. "Not too much for you?" "No, it's very sexy. Very manly." "Some girls like the hairless look." "Never." I feel her head shaking back and forth against me. So many things that I want to do, that I want to say, but her cheek on my back and her hands on me feel so good, that I just lean against the door and sigh. "I love all of your hair,” she tells me. “On your head, on your chest, down your stomach. But the best... my favorite... Well, you can guess." Her hand travels lower, passes my belly button. My breathing gets more and more erratic and I stand there, my forehead to the door. She squeezes between me and the door and kisses me. I love her lips. "Earlier I was thinking of how you remind me of my favorite Modigliani nude.” "Mmmhmm, I like dating older guys. No high school kid would ever say that to me." "Hate to break it to you, but most older guys wouldn't either,” I say. "Yes, yes. You're very special, Edward. I know." She's evil. Her smile, the tone of her voice, her eyes. Mocking, smiling.

Grabbing me by my belt buckle, Bella walks me across the office, stands against a wall, and pulls my face down to hers. "Sturdier,” she comments. For? But I don't ask, I let her continue kissing my face, jaw. My hands go to her hips, just like I imagined. I grab them, hard. "Three minutes are over, Mr. Cullen." "No." She chuckles. "Oooh, you live dangerously." I start to kiss her neck and she moans, whimpers. Her hand is back over my cock, rubbing. So fast. Amazing. I start talking into her neck. "You know that day in the supermarket? You did this high kick and I couldn't help but wonder just how flexible you are." "I'm wearing a skirt." Her hand is doing strange things and I notice she's trying to unbuckle my belt. I stop her. "I'm not saying you should demonstrate right now, but it's something we should definitely investigate in the future." "Why did you stop me?" she asks. "Be good, Bella." "I'll try." My hands go to her ass, her legs wrap around me and I lift her up. This is getting out of control. We are in my office. I want to talk to her about Jacob and Charlie. It's not like we can spend hours talking anymore. I set her back down, she lets go of me and pouts. I can't have her pouting. She points to my chair. I nod. What the fuck am I doing? "If anyone knocks, I'll disappear under the desk," she tells me, looking at me like I‟m an idiot. "You're too fucking smart for your own good. Are you sure this isn't your thing? Affairs with the boss?" She gives me the side-eye and straddles me. "Edward, I'm wet." "I believe you."

"Touch me." "Bella..." "You might as well... I'm not wearing any panties anymore and you were licking me in the supply clo- " Sometimes Bella should just not speak. She says things... You don't say those things to a person when you are sitting on his lap, pushing your nipples onto his chest. So I kiss her. A lot. And I'm lost. Why don't I kiss her like this all the time? Everything else is overrated. I must kiss her every chance I get. What's that? I look down and she has managed to undo my belt, my pants. Her hand is in my boxers. "Bella." "You want this." Yes. She‟s always right. "Baby, not here. Where would I come?" I ask. Wow. Presumptuous, are we? She looks at me for a second then whispers into my ear. "Inside me." Whoa. Before I can say anything, she has somehow managed to free my cock. She moves around a little, and then I feel the most wonderful thing I've ever felt. I bury my face into her neck. "You were right, Edward. Feeling you against me is the best thing in the world," Bella whispers against my skin. "We can't - " We must. "We have to..." she insists. "Bella..." "You promised the first time I felt you like this would be when we..." "Bella, we are not - "

But fuck it feels so good. Why not? All it would take is for me to hold her by her hips, sit her on top of me. God, she's so wet. Hot. Soft. This is too much. What is she doing? Up and down. I can't think. I need to do this. "Edward, come inside me?" "Shit. I want to, Bella." "Mmmhmmm, you feel nice. Hard. Please." I grab her chin and make her look at me. "Bella, please. Think about it. Not here." I assume she will fight me, and I'm not too sure I want to stop. So I don't let go of her hips and I keep sliding her up and down my cock. Not like that, obviously. "Okay." Huh? "You're right,” she concedes. I hug her and hold her close to me. She wiggles a little in my lap and I bite down hard on my lip. "Hormones,” she says. "Bella, here I was thinking you‟re just hypnotized by my cock." "Oh well, I've been hypnotized like that since I first saw it. I love...it." Bella professing her love for my cock. I was lying if I said I was harder before. This, this is the best thing ever. I sigh. "I hate to say this, but we have to stop. It's been way over three minutes. I'd rather not know how long it's been." "Nobody knocked on your door. Alice hasn't texted or called." She's right. Smart girl. I kiss the tip of her nose. "I want you to have an orgasm.” She breathes the words against my neck. I laugh. "Do you, now?" "Yes, I think you deserve one." "I'm pretty sure I don't." "Fine, you don't, but who cares? I think you should come,” Bella says.

"So should you.” "Okay, finger me." I laugh, again. So blunt. "Your period..." "Asshole. You just had your face down there!" "Good point, that was so in the moment, I didn't think,” I admit. "Ugh, gross." "It didn't last long." "They tend to be short, since I'm on the pill." Hold up, what? "This is a rather interesting development." She wraps her arms around my neck. "See? You could have come inside me." "Oh Bella. You're so far from the point, as always." "We are wasting precious time." I smile at her. I decide this is Bella-day. All about her. With no warning, I insert a finger inside and she lets out a squeal. "Oh my God, warn me next time!" "This is more fun.” "Mmhmm." I start touching her clit, caressing, rubbing. She grabs onto me, tighter. "Bella, how about we try something new?" "Mmhmmm." I'll take that as a yes. "One more finger,” I suggest. "Yes, please." She's wet enough, this will be fine. I mean, she was just begging me to fuck her. Two fingers, no big deal. Ah, so tight. Shit. My free hand goes to my cock. "Owww."

"You okay, baby?" "Yes. Sorry." In. Out. I twirl them around as much as I can. Her hips join my little rhythm. I smile. We work well together. "I'm, ow… I like that. And your thumb. More. I think I'm close." "Here baby" - I lick her neck - "Do you like my finger on your clit? Come on, let go Bella." Yes, let go Bella. I'm close too. I've been discreetly touching myself this entire time. "You too, mmhmmm. Yes. Oohhh." And she's coming and her hand is clamped over her mouth, her eyes are wide open and then closed and she's riding my fingers and she's tighter, tighter. Fuck. Where did she go? I have the best girlfriend ever. She slides off and takes me into her mouth. Deep. Deeper than ever. I decide now is the time to fuck her mouth, I mean thoroughly fuck it. Bella on her knees, my hands in her hair, I‟m thrusting, and I'm done. "Thank you." "Thank you." She smiles. I look at my phone. "Twenty minutes." "Wow." "We can't be this bad every time,” I tell her. "No, we can't. I know." But she looks so sad. "Hey, cheer up. You just had an orgasm." "And two of your fingers," she says, holding two fingers up. I kiss them. "I love you, B. I just wanted to hold you." "Are you regretting all the naughtiness?" "Blasphemy. Of course not. I just meant that I didn't plan to take you in there and maul you. I really wanted to talk about things." "Please, I take full responsibility for what went down. I love you,” she tells me, “I need to feel you in every way possible."

I hold her to me. "I know, baby, me too. How are things with your dad?" She lets out an impatient sigh. "Fine, better." I can tell she doesn't want to talk, but we have to. "I ummm, went to see him yesterday." "WHAT?" she screams. "Relax, B. I told him he should let you come back. He wasn't friendly, but it went better than I had expected." I expect anger, an argument. "Thank you. Wow. I can't believe you went to talk to him for me." "Well, for me too.” "You just wanted me in the supply closet." "Room." She wants details on the conversation, so I provide them. I hold her for a few more minutes, knowing I have to let her go soon. "I'll write another letter tonight." "I'm sleeping over at Angela's tonight. Charlie actually spoke to her father to confirm." "I'll just give it to you tomorrow.” "‟Kay, I'll write one too,” Bella promises. I kiss her one last time. "Let me go check what's going on out there. If Jake's lurking around we'll figure something out." Bella nods and I walk out, but nobody is around. This office is just pathetic. I hope Alice isn't too obvious in her stalling efforts. "B, the coast is clear." She giggles. "I love sneaking around." After I wash my face and hands I head over to the library. Jacob isn't stupid and I don't want to take advantage of the convenient situation Alice created. Things got a little out of control today, and we can't let that happen again. I need her here, close to me. "Come on,” I say to Alice and Jacob. “You two are just fucking around. I'm glad you're keeping busy, but have I really assigned that much work?"

Jake laughs. “We haven't been here that long." "Hey, keep working. I'm glad. I just wanted to make sure you didn't need any help." "Edward, we're bonding," Alice says. "Oh? I want in on the bonding." "You're the boss, interns don't bond with the boss.” Shaking his head back and forth, Jake stifles a laugh. Alice realizes what she just said and giggles. "Some bosses do,” I hear. "Excuse me, Jacob?" "I'm sorry, Edward. I didn't mean it like that." "What did you mean?" I snap, running a hand through my hair in frustration. "I didn't mean to disrespect you, but I do know about you and Bella." If he fucking threatens me I will fucking fire him. If you fire him, it's goodbye Bella. Does he realize that I'm basically at his mercy? Probably not. He doesn't seem too bright. "I'm aware of that,” I reply. "Guys, can I say something?" We both glare at Alice. "Everyone here loves Bella. A lot. Jake, I know that Edward's not your favorite person right now. Edward, I'm sure you're not too happy about Jake keeping an eye on Bella. Maybe it's best to talk about things." "There's nothing to talk about, Alice,” Jake says. "Well, if that's gonna be your attitude, yeah. Nothing to talk about, Alice." "Edward!" I take a deep breath. "Listen, I'm not trying to be a dick here, but let's be honest. He's supposed to be spying on Bella for her father. That's not going to change. What do you want me to say?" "Nobody's spying on Bella. Charlie just doesn't want you two spending too much time together. Obviously, I've been fucking sitting here pretending to teach this one how to do manual research - and no offense, Alice, but I'm not stupid, you learned this as a first year - because I feel bad about the situation. I know there's nothing much you two can do at the office so I figured I'd let you talk. I'm sorry I'm cramping your style, but I made a promise to her father."

"Edward, listen to him. He's being reasonable. You guys have to get along. Compromise." "Alice, I really want to compromise. But come on, if someone came between you and Jasper…" "Hey, man. I don't know who Jasper is, but let me just say this. You decided to date someone who still lives with her father. She's a kid. I don't care about how mature she is. Hell, I‟ll even agree with you that she's mature, she knows what she's doing. But none of that matters. This comes with the territory. Charlie‟s got his rules. Take it or leave it, but don‟t blame me." "Right. You're right. I'm just…this situation isn't ideal. It sucks. But I can't be comfortable around you if I constantly have to wonder what you decide to report to Charlie,” I explain. Jake considers this, and nods. "Let's set our own rules then. I hate to call them rules, but I'm not breaking my promise to Charlie. He's family." "Fine. What kind of rules were you thinking about?" "If you guys want to go on coffee breaks, do it. Stop by her cubicle, talk to her. Have lunch with us." I guess that's fine. For now. "Alright. Sounds good." "I think that sounds wonderful, Jacob," Alice says. Let me try to push things just a little bit. "I can't have lunch with her alone?" I can‟t believe I have to go to this little shit for permission to hang out with my girlfriend. "Charlie specifically told me to have lunch with her. You're more than welcome to join us." Fucking Charlie. "Yeah, thanks." "Okay, gentlemen. I think this is good. Progress!” Alice exclaims. “I'm heading back to my desk." I start to follow Alice out, but Jake stops me. "Cullen." "Yeah?" "Did you get to talk to her while we were in here?" he asks. "Yes." "Listen. You're a sick motherfucker for dating someone her age. But I'm not gonna lie, I get it. She's a great kid… But if you do anything, if you fuck this up, I will not hesitate to hurt you. I won't be coming alone. And if you think all I'm talking about is physical pain, you're wrong. You will go down. I'm taking her word on this, she says you love her and that you haven't slept with her yet. God help me if she ends up pregnant, or hurt - " I stop him. "You said it. I love her. I understand why you're saying this and where you're coming from. You don't want her hurt. I'm not going to hurt her."

"How is this gonna work? Charlie doesn't want you together and she doesn‟t turn eighteen for another year. What are you gonna do when she goes back to school?” "Man, I don‟t know… I'll wait." His expression softens. "And when she goes to college?" "I'm hoping that I can be where she is, if she wants that. She really wants to go to school in New York. We can go together, I can take care of her,” I tell him. "Somehow I don't think she needs to be taken care of." "You know what I mean." "Yeah. Well, I've said what I wanted to say. Lunch tomorrow?" he asks. "It's on me." Yeah, rules suck, but these rules don't seem too bad. Jake's not a bad guy, and maybe in time he will agree to let us spend more time alone. Even if he doesn't, lunch and coffee breaks give us plenty of time to talk, to be together. That's pretty important right now, so maybe this is a good thing. It also gives us a chance to show Jacob that our relationship isn't about sex. Having one more person on our side can't hurt, especially someone so close to Charlie. And in the meantime, I will talk to Charlie again. Maybe Mom and Alice are right. Maybe my parents can help me get through to him. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work, and I'll wait. One year. Big deal. Letters and calls and maybe even some sneaking around. She seems to like that. I can wait. Anything for Bella. Bella Jacob tells me on the way to Angela's that he and Edward had a talk. Apparently they set some rules. What. The. Fuck. I argue with him about this, but he assures me that they didn't mean to leave me out of the discussion. He tells me the rules and as angry as I am about the whole thing, I decide to let it go. Jake is handling the situation better than I had expected. Lunch with the two of them is going to suck, but I hope Alice will join us to make it less awkward. "You do realize that I'll be touching him," I say. "I draw the line at handjobs." "Ew." "Awww, little Bella, things really are PG between you two, aren't they?" "Please." "Wait, I forgot about the massive hickey. PG-13 then. How cute." He laughs. "Whatever, Jake. I don't want you giving us looks or saying anything if I hold his hand or kiss him." "Bella, don't push it. Please. I'm a terrible liar and your dad's - " "Ugh, yeah I know. You're working for him. What is he giving you in exchange for being his bitch?"

"Watch it, Swan,” Jake warns. “I'd be nicer to me if I were you." "Yeah, yeah." The entire way home he keeps looking at me and laughing. It's so annoying. "Bells, he's a good guy. He likes you." Where did that come from? "I know. I like him too.” "He's in it for the long run." "I know." "Cool. Just lookin' out for you." "Thanks, Jake." I really mean it this time. So I go to Angela's and we have fun. She tells me she's happy to see that I am doing better. I tell her about our office shenanigans. She tells me about new things she is trying out with Ben. In the morning Jake picks me up and we actually have fun driving to Port Angeles. I find a note from Edward on my desk; it's sweet. He mentions my nipples again. I think he's a little obsessed. When I go home tonight I‟m going to take a look at them and try to figure out why he thinks they‟re so awesome. Later in the morning, Edward and I walk out and he buys me coffee, holds my hand. Jake runs into us maybe on purpose but he just smiles. Peter stops by my desk to see if I need anything, he tells me some corny jokes, and makes me laugh a lot. Later, when I return to my desk from the bathroom, I find another note. B, in the words of our favorite poet... Laugh at the night, at the day, at the moon, laugh at the twisted streets of the island, laugh at this clumsy boy who loves you, but when I open my eyes and close them, when my steps go, when my steps return, deny me bread, air,

light, spring, but never your laughter for I would die. (I want to hear you laugh all day) At lunch I ask about the poem and he tells me he heard me laugh while he was working and that it made him happy. We hold hands and Jake winks at me. I remember our conversation in the car yesterday and smile at him. Edward kisses my knuckles, my wrist. Jake disappears on our way back to the office so we kiss. For three seconds. It's the best feeling in the world. I sleep on my way back to Charlie's because Angela and I were up late last night. I make dinner, Charlie and I eat together. He tells me he's glad things are working out and that he told me I'd feel better in no time. I just smile. I don't mention my phone and neither does he. After Charlie leaves for the late shift I call Edward. We talk for hours in whispers although there is no one around. He tells me to be patient with Charlie and Jake, convinces me that the rules are good and everything will work out. He reminds me that if they don't, it doesn't matter, because he will wait until I graduate. I smile. We talk about going away together and how amazing our time on his chair was today. I'm sleepy and he tells me I should go to bed, but the phone is downstairs and I want more of his voice, his words. I fall asleep to them, and am woken up by Charlie, who smoothes my hair away from my face, and helps me up to my room. I hear him say "what am I going to do with you?" and maybe I should be scared, but I'm so tired and sleep was so nice and I open my eyes and he is smiling, so I smile back.

Chapter 27 - James Franco and skinny jeans Bella I wake up from a dream I was having of me walking around New York City. I have never been to New York, but like everyone else, I've seen plenty of movies and episodes of Gossip Girl, so my dream was pretty vivid. There were lots of tall buildings, well dressed people, and hot dog carts. I was scared, alone. Lost, I think. There was a set of keys in my hand, but had no idea where to go. Heavy books. I kept thinking that I should call Edward, but I couldn't find my phone. Charlie had my phone. Why did Charlie still have my phone? I was panicking but kept walking. Then I woke up. Strange, but maybe not so strange. Before I met Edward I'd think about moving to New York and I would get so excited, thinking about being out there, doing things on my own. A little scared, but excited. Now, less than three weeks after having met Edward, I panic at the thought of being there without him. And not just New York or college, but anywhere. I want him with me wherever I go. But what if he wants to stay in Forks? Shit. I don't think I can do that. Staying in Washington is not something I have ever considered. It‟s certainly not home – I haven‟t lived here for more than a few months since I was a kid. Going to U of W... nothing against the school, nothing against the state, but I want to explore, see things. Plus, he'd still be so far away from me, here in Forks. I want to go out there on my own. Would having Edward by my side change that? How much would I be giving up? You wouldn't be giving up anything. You won't be staying in Forks. He said he'd go anywhere with you. He told you this last night, and on many occasions over the last two weeks. And really, what would you be giving up? You would only be gaining someone to explore with, someone who can teach you things, show you things, and learn new things with you. Someone who can make you feel wonderful ten times a day. Ten times a day. I wonder if this is possible. I think back to Wednesday afternoon in Edward's office. So good. So close. But I was denied, as usual. Although if I had asked one more time, if I hadn't hesitated, if I hadn't agreed to stop... mmhmmm. I realize the first time is going to be awkward and painful and everything, but I'm the type of person who looks beyond the present and thinks about possibilities, the future. And I'm pretty sure one night of awkwardness and pain is worth everything he will make me feel the next night, the night after that, maybe some mornings, and even… afternoons. I wonder how it will feel for him. I mean he's probably going to enjoy it. I want him to see that I'm capable and willing to give him everything someone older than me can. He knows this, I think, but he still thinks of me as a kid sometimes. I wonder if he will be extra cautious, treat me differently than any other girl he sleeps with. I should hope so, I mean he tells me he loves me and wants to be with me always. You approach things differently with someone you love, right? At least the first time? But I don't want to be treated differently just because of my age. And we always end up in these moments where everything just feels so incredibly good and... Ugh. Admit it Bella, you're terrified. You like the idea of it being a spur of the moment decision, maybe not even a decision, but something that just happens. So he can get into it (hah) without overthinking, obsessing, changing his mind, wondering how I feel, how to do things right, etc. I want to be his equal and this is one situation in which I can't be his equal. I'm a virgin, he's not. So there.

I remember my mom telling me something years ago about making sure the first boy I decide to be with is special. It was really uncomfortable and weird. She was mumbling something about my virginity being some sort of gift. Thankfully, our conversations are much less awkward now. We don't talk about sex. Boys only come up when she asks me about dances, whether or not I'm dating, but the few times sex has come up she's been cool about it, just telling me to be careful. Will it be like a "gift" to Edward? Edward's a little pervy, and I like it. I mean, he's obsessed with how tight I am down there. I don't know if he realizes just how many times he mentions it when we are in the errrr, throes of passion. It's like reading really bad fan fiction where the author goes on and on and on about how tight the girl is. We get it, she's tight. But after their twenty-third time over the kitchen counter, I'm thinking she's probably not that tight anymore. Right? I wouldn't know. Which reminds me, I haven‟t gone on those sites looking for dirty things to read since I left Arizona. I wonder if Edward would think that I‟m a total freak if he ever found out I‟ve read Harry Potter fan fiction. Whatever. Knowing Edward, he's into stuff like that too. But he better not be into any Harry/Snape shit. That's just wrong. Harry/Cedric, maybe. Harry/Draco, definitely. He's probably more into girl-on-girl, right? That's what guys like, I think. Hmmm, I always love reading those stories where the guy is a little ummm dominant in the bedroom? Like when he spanks the girl, among other things (before telling her she's so fucking amazing, omigod this feels so right with you, yes, yes, let's get married and live this lifestyle but come up with some sort of arrangement because you know, we'll be having tons of babies and they'll have your eyes and my awesome hair and we'll be awesome always, but can I use that flogger next? K, thanks). Anyyyyway, I wonder if he'd be into that sorta stuff. Not whips and floggers and chains, but spanking and I don't know... What is a flogger anyway? It sounds scary. He told me he would like to ugh… you know, from behind? The other hole? I can't wrap my brain around that right now. But maybe… I mean, he wouldn't do anything I wouldn't enjoy, right? And I want him to do everything that makes him feel good. I'm thinking whatever he likes I will like. So far, so good, and it can only get better. Right? So yeah, would he spank me? I guess the question is: would he enjoy spanking me? Would I like it if it hurts? UGH I have to stop thinking about this. Would I be obsessing this much if I was about to lose it to someone my own age? In some ways, yes, but probably not. Why am I so intimidated by his experience? I'm not intimidated by him in any other way. I never really hung out with men in their twenties before Edward. I thought of them as adults. Like when Sam and the other guys from the station came over, I made myself scarce. With Edward it's nothing like that. He‟s my friend, he‟s my lover. I never feel as though I'm not old enough, or good enough, except for... yeah. Sex. Stupid sex. I'm somehow done with my shower and find something to wear. I'm too tired to care. I make myself look presentable, put my hair up, and make it look a little messy because I know he likes that. Mascara. Lip gloss. Undo top button. Okay, one more. Good enough. Jake is probably waiting outside but I hear my dad on the phone. "I'm sorry Renee, but you just have to trust my judgment this time."

Huh? "I understand, but I made my decision... do you think I'd take away her phone if I didn't have a good reason -" Ooooh... must listen carefully. "Of course it's a boy!" Great. I wanted to tell my mom on my own terms. I make some noise as I walk into the kitchen. "Dad, is that mom on the phone?" I ask. He looks like I just caught him watching porn or something. Guilt. Hmmm... He feels bad about all of this. Exxxxcellent. "Errr, Renee, Bella's up... Alright..." I walk over to him and he hands me the phone. He looks annoyed/irritated/flustered. I walk towards the living room. "Hey mom.” "Bella? Bella, what's going on? I've been trying to call you for days, but your phone has been off. What is wrong with your father? Is he being difficult? I pay for that phone, you know -” "Mom, relax. He has it, and I really don't want to argue with him right now. I'll get it back eventually. It's okay." "I don't buy it. I'm your mother! You don't expect me to fall for that, do you? What‟s going on? You're trying to butter him up. And I don't care if you want your phone back or not, I have a right to call my daughter and speak to her whenever I feel like it. Typical Charlie! Who does he think -?” Oh. My. God. Even this is about her. "Mom, don't worry. I'll take care of this." "Bella, I don't like his parenting style. I need to be informed of -” "Okay, I'll tell him you said that." "And you, young lady, no emails? It's been a week!" "I'm sorry, I've been busy. I'll start sending you daily updates again." "Good girl. I miss you so much! Now tell me, who is this boy?" This boy is the most wonderful thing that has happened to me. He's kind, smart, funny, delicious. I have to go now because I want to be as close to him as possible. I love his skin, I love my skin when it's against his.

"Mom, I want to, but Jake's outside waiting for me. We're going to be late for work." "Wait, it's not Billy's son, is it? That man was so meddlesome, he would always come between your father and me. And the kid! Bella, I couldn't stand that kid -” "Jake is just driving me to work. Mom, we'll talk about this later." "Bella wait! We're not done here. I can't believe you're all grown up. No wonder he took away your phone – he's struggling with you growing up so fast, but don't worry, I'll set him straight. Now tell me about your boyfriend." You'd think she would be more curious about WHY my phone was taken away. "Mom..." "Is he a boy from school?" "No." "Oh! Did you meet him at work?" "Yeah… Listen, I really have to go." "Is he cute?" "Uh huh, very." She squeals. "Bella, this so exciting! What's his name?!" Now or never, Swan. "Edward." "So old fashioned. Edward what?" "Cullen." "Cullen...Cullen... is he related to the doctor and his snooty wife?" HAH. "Umm, yeah." "They had a cute little boy. But he has to be what, thirty now? Their daughter was a brat, I had her in my own of my nurs -" "Rosalie is really cool, actually. And he's twenty-six." Silence. "Bella. Tell me you are not dating a twenty-six year old."

"Mom." "No wonder he took away your phone! Stupid Charlie, he should have told me. Bella, you can't be serious about -” Oh hell no. "You're serious about Phil, you married him. He's eight years younger than you and that didn't stop you. I love Edward and -” "Bella, this is different." "No, it's not. I thought that if anyone would understand, it would be you. I really can't talk about this right now because I'm late, but please think about it. He's a great guy, he really loves me -” "Sweetheart, I want nothing more than to understand. I want you to be happy, but... Bella, you're being safe, right?" Of course her mind goes there first. "Mom... we haven't...I really have to go." "Okay, okay. Bella, from now on I want you to talk to me about these things, I'm your -” "I'll send you an e-mail from work. I promise, I'm going now." "This conversation isn‟t over, Bella. I want to talk to your father, how could he let this ha -” I run to the kitchen and hand my dad the phone. He looks miserable. He doesn't exactly love talking to my mother on a good day. This was really not how I wanted the conversation to go. Although, to be honest, I hadn't given my mom much thought. I'll write her an e-mail and try to be as honest as possible. She's always talking about age being nothing but a number, soul mates. She has to understand. I wonder if she'll tell Charlie to keep my phone now. Fuck. So I sit down and compose an e-mail when I get to work. I try to explain what happened with Charlie, how I met Edward, but it's weird writing all of that in an e-mail. To my surprise, she responds almost immediately. It usually takes forever for my mom to get back to me, which is why I don't bother sending her a lot of e-mails. Sweetheart, I told your father to return your phone immediately. He left it at the station so you'll get it back tonight. I'm going to think about you and Edward some more before I can tell you how I really feel about it, I'm just not sure you're ready for this, sweetie. Anyway, Phil and I are going away for a few days. I'll call you when I'm back! Well, ummm. Okay. She doesn't seem to ... care? Good enough for me. I meet with Peter for a few minutes and get some work done. At around ten o‟clock, Edward stops by my desk to say hello.

"Coffee?" I nod. He smiles. We walk outside and he stops when we are halfway to the place where we usually get our coffee. "B, we need to talk,” he tells me. This is not good. "No, don't look at me like that. It's nothing bad. My parents are coming in tonight and I think my mom wants to try talking to your father.” I shake my head. "I don't think that's such a good idea." "Well, if she's made up her mind, I can't change it. She called this morning and wouldn't shut up about how she'd invite your dad and the old chief of police to dinner once a week when she was on that drunk drivers‟ board." I laugh. "The what board?" I ask. "I don't know. Anyway, I just wanted to warn you because she wants to see Charlie." I don't say anything. Is this a good thing? Bad? "Are things better at home?" Edward asks. "They're fine. Actually, I'm getting my phone back, my mom found out and she was not pleased. So..." He looks so happy. He takes my hands and I place them flat on his chest. I can feel his heart beat. It makes mine beat faster. "That's great,” he says. “Finally. Fuck, I miss your texts. I miss having you fall asleep when we're on the phone." "We did that last night," I remind him. My smile is big. So big. The kind of big only Edward can bring about. "You weren't in your bed." "Oh, so you want phone sex,” I tease. "Pffft, of course I want phone sex. Any kind of -” He stops, I grin. "Any kind of sex, huh?"

His smile is crooked. This is his sexy, naughty smile. The ache starts and I would like to grab his hand and bring it between my legs. "As long as it's with you, B,” he says, his fingers on my cheek. “Let's kill Jake and have a repeat of Wednesday?" "Done. Where's your wand? I know the killing curse." "As if I'd let you do it yourself. It's an unforgivable curse, you know. You'd end up in Azk -” Shaking my head, I stop him. "Edward, you should‟ve just laughed at my lame joke and let it go." I think he blushes. We start walking again and I try to touch his hand, arm, whatever I can, every chance I get. Tiny sparks. Little explosions. Butterflies. Warmth. "B, I was thinking about talking to Charlie again. Maybe..." "I really don't think it's a good idea right now. I know you're trying to help, but he sounded pissed on the phone, telling my mom about 'a boy' this morning... I don't want to antagonize him right now." "You're right. I just..." "Want to have all kinds of sex with me?" "Well there's that... also, I'd like to take you to the movies -” Uhhh, okay... "Oh God, you just need someone to see the movie with. Take Alice, she's as much of a Harry Potter geek as you are." "Alice doesn't have hot t-shirts she can wear to the movie,” he points out. "Oh, I'm glad you're with me because of my Harry Potter t-shirt collection." "It's more like I'm with you because of what you have under your Harry Potter t-shirt collection,” Edward jokes. I think… Oh, he better be joking. Whatever, it was corny-funny. I stick my tongue out at him and realize that he is not looking at my face. Jesus, he can't even take his eyes off my chest for a fucking second. His nipple-obsession can be bothersome when he can't place his hands or mouth on them. He should always have his hands or mouth on them. "When you're horny, you make no sense,” I tell Edward. "I'm so horny." I laugh. "Me too. Maybe we can... tonight... Call me?" "Bella Swan is asking me for phone sex."

"Maybe, maybe not." "B, can I ask you a question?" "Shoot." He runs a hand through his hair, clears his throat. "Let's walk out, first." Back on the street, he brushes my hair away from my face and smiles. "Since we met, have you... Do you..." "Do I?" "Remember when I told you about what big girls do -?” Yes, that memory is forever emblazoned in my mind. I think I'm bright red. "Cullen, you're asking me if I masturbate?" He starts giggling like a fourteen-year-old girl. "Why yes, Swan. That's exactly what I'm asking." "No." “Huh. Never?” I shake my head. "Ummm... do you think you'd be comfortable doing that while you‟re on the phone with me?" he asks. "I don't know, we'll have to see." "I'd love to see." I smack him on his arm. "Ouch, baby." I've become an expert at the quick turn-around-make-sure-no-one-is-watching routine. I place a tiny kiss on his arm. He places one in my hair. Jake gives me the side-eye when as I walk back to my desk. I scowl. He shakes his head. Whatever, he told us coffee is fine. "Oh, B, I forgot." I turn around to face Edward. "What?" "Come into my office for a sec?" he asks. "Bad idea."

"Fine." He looks annoyed. I bring two fingers to my lips and kiss them. I touch his hand with those fingers. He grabs them. Squeezes. His eyes close and he looks tortured. I frown. When he finally opens them he takes a deep breath and smiles. "See you at lunch, B." Edward It still hurts to have to walk away from her, even if it's just a few steps to my office. Telling myself that I will be seeing her in an hour or two just doesn't help. This little "break" we are taking – which is really not a break at all since I had her on my lap two days ago and get to spend time with her every day – makes me feel every touch like it's the first time. Every word she breathes is sacred. What bugs me is how her voice gets cold and stern when she tells me we can't do something. I know I'm acting crazy, but it really gets to me. It's like a switch turns off in her. I've seen it reach her eyes, this coldness. I'm not sure if it did today, I was just trying really hard to hide it from her – my irrational behavior. She didn't want to come into my office – of course she didn't. She doesn't want to push it with Jacob. Why can't I just think like a normal person when she reminds me that we have to be careful? Instead I act like a child and she becomes the adult. Pressing fingers to her lips to give me a secret kiss on my hand... I don't know where she comes up with it, but fuck. It changes everything. My skin burns where she touches me, I can breathe again. Small things like that, Bella comforting me... It really doesn't take much for to me calm the fuck down and see straight again. I think she can probably get me through anything. Imagine having had Bella by my side while studying for the bar. Major distraction, definitely, but she would have made it so bearable. She would have touched me, held me, calmed me. Or Bella next to me while getting my results. Refreshing that fucking page over and over and over again. Stupid fucking nybarexam website. I know that it's over and that I'll never have to go through that shit again – the waiting, worrying, the fucking ulcer – but it makes me realize I don't want to go through anything in life without her right there with me. And realizing this makes me angry. Angry because if she were older, I could ask her to live with me, marry me. Marry you? Three weeks into a relationship and you want to ask a girl to marry you? You‟re lost your mind. Yeah, because Bella's some random girl. Maybe you're this comfortable thinking about marrying Bella because you know that it won't be happening for another decade. Decade? No. Not a decade. Five years, maybe. When she graduates. Does she know this? Of course she doesn't, but you'll let her know soon, won't you? I have to stop talking to myself. I don't like half the shit I hear. Obviously I'm not going to decide for us when we will be getting married. But if I could fantasize about it, I'd like it to be sooner rather than later. Cullen, you're officially a girl. You're fantasizing about a wedding? You spent way too much time with Rose and Alice in New York, and you watched way too much Oxygen when you first got laid off.

Not a fucking wedding. I don't give a shit about a wedding. Honestly, if Bella wants a big fancy thing I'd be annoyed. But I don't think she would. She's not the type. I'm talking about making things permanent. So I can live with her. Wait – wouldn't you be living with Bella once you moved to New York? Let's be real, even if she ends up in a dorm, there is no fucking way you're spending a night without her. You don't have to marry her to live with her. Yes, let's live in sin forever. Charlie will love that. Okay, Grandpa Cullen. No point in arguing with you, go marry the girl. Two big gulps of coffee and I snap out of it. What the fuck am I thinking? I'm fighting with myself about marrying Bella. Marrying Bella. I never really thought of marriage. I have nothing against it in theory, although I did take that oath swearing I wouldn't get married until everyone is allowed equal rights. How very Jolie-Pitt of you, dickhead. The point is, though, I can't bring this up. She will freak out. I know she wants to be with me, but she's fucking sixteen years old. I want her to live a normal life, do normal things, like everyone else. I want her to go on spring break with her friends and get trashed in her freshman dorm and enjoy everything there is to enjoy during her senior year and throughout college. After college if she wants to marry me, awesome. If she wants to continue just being together, how can I say no to that? I can't. We can travel, see things. I have to start looking at our age gap as a positive thing. I won't let her struggle, eating ramen and buying used books when she can let me feed her, take care of her just a little bit. I don't even have to let her know I'm taking care of her. Charlie doesn't have a lot of money, and I know her mom plans on covering her tuition, but schools in New York are expensive and she will probably need to take out loans. She won't let me pay for school, and I can't fucking afford that myself – I've got my own loans to pay back – but with the money I have we can go out, we can travel, we can visit her parents or my parents. I feel like I can think about this now and actually plan things because last night on the phone I got the impression that it's settled. If she gets in, we're going. New York, Boston, Phoenix, L.A., wherever. She also has an Oxford fantasy, but unless I'm getting another degree I don't see myself there. She said it's fine, she only wants to go for a semester. I told her she should. She asked if I would visit. Yeah, like she had to ask. She said she was happy that I wouldn't mind her going. Well I mind, because it's fucking England. Too far away. But she can do whatever she wants. Then she admitted she probably wouldn't want to be so far away. I said she should still definitely consider it. I think I lied. I definitely lied. I eye the box on my desk. The bracelet I had ordered on Monday finally arrived. I like it. The blue silk will look nice against her skin. She can finally take off the ghetto bracelet, but she probably won't want to. It's not like I'd ever get rid of my half of the ribbon. I asked her to come inside so I could give it to her, but whatever, I'll give it to her at lunch. Fucking Jacob better not interfere. As much as I appreciate the fact that he's not being an asshole, my life right now would be infinitely better if he didn't exist. Should I just give it to her, or should I wrap it around her wrist? I think I'd like to do it myself. I wish it was something more permanent, something she couldn't take off. Like one of those bracelets with the little keys. One of the partners at the firm gave his fiancée one. Fucking creepy. I wonder if Bella would get a tattoo. Is she the type? Can she get a tattoo without Charlie's permission? Cullen, you are not asking Bella to permanently mark herself just to make yourself feel better. Hey, I just think tattoos are sexy. I'd love to see a few on Bella. Maybe some tattoos only I could see. Small ones, maybe words. Yeah, I like that idea. Bella is totally the type to get literary tattoos and move to Williamsburg. I'd move to Williamsburg with her. Actually, no. I don't do Brooklyn. You live in Forks, motherfucker.

Actually, I'm not sure she'd be into the hipster scene. Good. Those little fuckers were so annoying when they started taking over all the decent places in the city. And then the fuckers who were trying to pretend to be hipsters. But aren't they all pretending? What the fuck is a hipster? I laugh as I remember Emmett's Halloween costume last year. He looked fucking ridiculous in those skinny jeans. Bella looks good in skinny jeans. Wow, excellent transition. Let's think about Bella again. I mean, what else is there to think about? I lean back in my chair and remember how she sank down to her knees immediately after she came and took me in her mouth. Best. Feeling. Ever. I know what tattoo I'd get. Bella Swan sucks my cock. Big letters, for everyone to see. Maybe I should design a t-shirt. Pins. Bumper-sticker. You are one sick motherfucker. So I get some work done and give Jacob a ridiculous amount of work to do while I tell Alice to come keep me company in my office. She has the most annoying conversation with my sister on speakerphone. Rose mentions oral sex and Emmett's lack of expertise in that department when they first met and I try to kick Alice out. Rose tells me to shut up and that she would expect me to sympathize, what with Bella's lack of experience. I mumble something about Bella being a natural and hear a long string of "ewww"s and profanity. How Emmett and Jasper deal with these two and their shrill voices, I don't know. Alice whacks me over the head with a folder. When it's finally lunchtime I grab the bracelet and walk over to join the others. We decide to eat in my office, since it's raining and everyone brought their own lunch. Alice sits behind my desk and Jake takes a seat in one of the chairs. Bella sits in the other chair and I sit at her feet. I ask her about her conversation with her mother and she fills me in on this morning's drama. She plays with my hair and Jake protests, but Bella tells him to shut it. Apparently she found his stash in his car and is threatening to tell Billy and Charlie. I laugh. He's a fucking adult, but I know I would be mortified if my parents found mine. Suddenly I just want to grab Bella and take her home and get high with her and take a nap. I realize I'm censoring myself because there is plenty more I'd like to do. I‟m not sure why I‟m doing that. Alice and Jake are bickering over something stupid, so I take this opportunity to grab Bella's wrist. I hook my finger onto her ribbon and pull. "You can take this off now,” I tell her. She looks confused, offended. "No, never." "It will fall off eventually." She shrugs. I rub my thumb over her wrist. "And I have something nicer." She snatches her hand away. "I like this, a lot." I laugh. "Well you can keep it, B. But you'll wear the new one too." She raises an eyebrow. "I'll wear the new one too, huh?" "Yes."

"Fine, show me." I take the bracelet from my pocket and take her hand. "That's a pretty color,” Bella says. I smile at her. I place the rose charm on the top of her wrist and cross each side of the silk underneath her wrist, then back up, crossing both sides of the tie on the top of her wrist twice and then I tie a double knot. "Perfect." She nods. "I like it. Why a rose?" I kiss the inside of her wrist and bring her hand to my cheek. "There were a bunch of charms, but a rose symbolizes love and beauty. I love you, and you're beautiful." She blushes. "Roses also remind me of your blush,” I whisper. Her cheeks are pinker. She touches the rose with her finger. I tap her finger with mine. "It's also a symbol of secrecy,” I add. "It's not a secret anymore." "Mmhmm, it still is, I think. Anyway, maybe it can be a reminder of the days when it was a secret." Bella rolls her eyes at me. "The entire two weeks?" "Don't mock me, B." "I'm not mocking you. I really love it. Thank you." "Are you keeping the old one?" I ask. "Yes, I don't want to take it off." "You don't have to. I still have mine... I love you so much." I rest my head on her knees, she plays with my hair and I smile. "Alright lovebirds, lunch is over." Fucking Black. I get up and my legs are wobbly for a second, I have to find my balance. Bella hugs me and I kiss the top of her head, watching Jacob for his reaction. He doesn't look angry; he stares at his feet. She skips out of my office. I can't help but laugh. Jake smiles and follows her out.

"He likes you. He feels bad. I can tell,” Alice tells me. "Jake likes me?! Oh goodie, maybe he'll let me take him to homecoming -” "Oh shut up, Cullen. You know what I mean. It's a good thing." "Whatever, Ali. I need to get to work. My parents are coming in tonight, so I'm leaving early to clean the house and take care of some things." "No Lola to come clean while you boys ogle her ass?" Lola... "Lola was in her forties and a mother of four. We did not ogle her ass.” Well, not all the time. She had fantastic tits, too. "You so did,” Alice says. “You were always around when she came to clean." "Fine. She was fucking hot. And it's not like Jasper didn't sit there with his tongue hanging out either. He's got a thing for women over thirty-five." She gives me the death glare. "Eh, better than your thing for sixteen year olds." "I don't discriminate, Ali. Sixteen or forty-three, a fine ass is a fine ass." "You're disgusting." A little bit... "Says the woman who admitted to fantasizing about my father when she was in high school." "You're so annoying,” she hisses. “I'm going back to work." I finish up an assignment at around three and see Bella for a few minutes on my way out. She has tears in her eyes and I don't understand why at first. She tells me she won't see me until Monday. I promise I'll find a way to see her, even if it's for a few minutes. Sitting on her chair, she rests her head on my stomach and I'm not sure if I should be this hard, because she's so sad and I just want to hold her and make her smile, but I'm very hard, and this ends up being a good thing because she notices and laughs and roll her eyes. On my way back home Sam calls and asks me if I'm going to Mariners the game tomorrow. Apparently Charlie isn't going because he has to work in the morning and plans to watch at home. The game had completely slipped my mind. I tell Sam my parents are in town. Maybe I can stop by and see if Charlie will talk to me. My parents get in at around ten, and they look tired. It's really late in New York and who knows what time it is in Africa. Jetlag sucks, and the drive from Seattle probably didn't help. After some hugs, kisses, murmurs from my mom about "Isabella," they go to bed and I'm relieved. A late night conversation with my parents about Bella and Charlie would have sucked, especially since Bella got her phone back earlier and is supposed to be calling soon.

I lie down on my bed and grab a book I've been reading about the founding fathers. They were fucking awesome. I always try to pick one as my favorite, but I can't. When my phone rings I notice my hands are shaking a little. I am way too excited about a phone call from my girlfriend. "Hey beautiful," I manage to say. "Cheesy." "Okay... „ssup yo?" "Just chillin' homes." "Wow, we're lame." "Mmhmm, yeah. It's sad... Edward, I miss you!" "I miss you too, baby. How was your evening?" "It was good. Angela and I went to the diner and then hung out here with Ben." "Cool. You're alone now?' "Uh huh..." "All alone?" Say yes. Say the last thing I'll hear tonight before I fall asleep is you coming and breathing my name. "Well, my dad fell asleep in the living room." Ugh. "Careful, baby,” I tell her. "Of course." "So my parents arrived about half an hour ago and promptly passed out." "Tired, huh?" "Yep. I'm thankful though, I'd rather be here talking to you." "I'm glad you're here talking to me." "Any fun weekend plans?" "Umm... not really..." "You're being evasive." "Just a little."

I laugh. "Actually, Edward, there's a party at Kate's tomorrow night. She invited everyone." "Kate as in Judge Stanley's Kate?" I remember Jessica's parties in high school. Nothing good ever came out of attending them. Well, unless you were me. "Yeah." "Are you going?" "I don't know...I mean Angela and Ben are. Even Seth's going... I don't really feel like it...I'd rather -” She definitely wants to go. "Baby, you should go,” I tell her. "People go to these things to get drunk and hook up. I'm not interested in getting drunk or hooking up with anyone but you." "B, it's a Stanley house party, you should go for the experience. Not everyone is hooking up and getting trashed." Really, Cullen? What the fuck are they doing then? "I've been to house parties before. I used to go with Seth sometimes last year... I don't have to go to this one." "Are you not going because of me?" "Not because of you, but I don't want to go if I can't go with you. So, fuck parties." "No, Bella. You have to enjoy all this shit. House parties, football games, dances, prom, all of it. There will be many, many parties in your life. I mean, just college alone... parties are fun, and you should go.'' Please don't go... well, not to college parties, anyway. "So when I'm in college and there's a party, I should leave you behind and go." "You don't have to leave me behind all the time in college... I can come with you if you want me to. And if you don't, I have books and shit and plenty of things to entertain me. Right?" "I probably wouldn't be interested in parties." Good girl. "Mmhmmm, maybe, maybe not. I want you to have fun, though." "You're fun."

"You can have me." "Now,” she says. "Mmmhmmm sure. Window?" "Ugh, I wish." "That night was awesome." "Yeah... Edward?" "Hmmm?" "We should try and do what Alice and Jasper do." "Oh, B, they do lots and lots of things you don't want to do. I assure you. What exactly are you referring to?" "Skype sex!" I laugh out loud. "What's so funny?” she snaps. “I didn't mean tonight... I meant like, someday." "You‟re adorable. We can try whatever you want." "K. Maybe we should start with phone sex." "Phone sex it is." "Okay, so in movies, someone asks... ahem. Edward, what are you wearing?" "I'm wearing a black t-shirt and boxers,” I reply. "Which ones?" "Dark grey. What are you wearing?" Her voice becomes a low whisper. "A black tank and ummm... boy shorts." "Boy shorts. What kind?" "Black." "Cotton? Maybe lace...?" "Lace." "Mmhmmm, why are you wearing lace to bed alone on a Friday night?"

"Because I knew I would be seducing my boyfriend over the phone..." "You know you don't have to do much, right?" "I'd still like to try..." I want to be very dirty. She'll like that, but I don't want to scare her either, just in case she's not completely comfortable. "Tell me Bella, if I were there, what would you want me to do?" "Oh, ummm... I would like a kiss." "Where?" She giggles. "On my mouth, silly." "B, I'd love to kiss your mouth." Her breathing picks up. I continue. "I love feeling your tongue against mine. I love it when you bite my bottom lip and suck on it. I love kissing all the way down your neck. You make the most delicious sounds and your breath is so warm when it hits me." "Mmmhmm..." "You taste so good, Bella,” I tell her. Fuck I'm so hard. I want to start touching, but I want to make sure she is too. "Edward, what would you want if you were here with me?" "Everything. I'd want you on your back, under me. Let me take off your top." "Yes." "Are you wearing a bra?" I ask. "No..." "Mmhmm, Bella. If I were there I think I would taste your nipples. They're so fucking beautiful." "Yes. I know you like them." I chuckle. "Like them? Understatement of the century... Do you like it when they're in my mouth?" "Yes. So much. I umm... I like it when you lick them... and then bite them... and. I feel like something shoots through my body down... and I get so wet."

"You get wet, Bella?" "Yeah," she breathes. "Are you wet now?" "Uh huh." "Bella, where's your hand?" "Right there." "Where exactly?" "Ummm, in between my legs." "On your pussy.” "Yes,” she confirms. "Tell me what it's doing?" "Okay, but... where is your hand?" "Right now I have one hand holding my phone and the other over my boxers." "Oh. Over?" "Uh huh. Not for long, though." "Okay, ummm. Will you touch yourself while I..." "Yes." "Are you hard?" Bella asks. "Incredibly hard. I was the second I heard your voice." "I miss it." "Tell me what you miss,” I whisper, bringing my hand into my boxers and pulling it out. "Touching you... Feeling you... everything." "Me too, Bella. Pick one thing that you miss the most." I start stroking myself, slowly. "We only did it once, but it felt so nice up against me the other day."

"I know... it's all I think about. Shit, I want you right now." We are both breathing heavily. Her sounds overwhelm all my senses. It hurts not to be next to her right now. "If I were there, would you...?" Tell the truth. "Probably. I can't control myself around you anymore,” I confess. "Neither can I, I just... want everything I can get." "You will, baby. I love you so much." "I want you to feel good. Come inside me?" "Yes." "I ummm... imagine you on top of me. You're heavy, but it's a nice heavy. You move in and out and uhh... you're kissing my neck and I'm holding onto you..." I can't believe she's telling me all this. Her voice is so innocent, soft, her descriptions are so vague, but she's incredibly sexy and her words are enough to drive me insane. I start stroking with a little more conviction, but I want this to last. I could come any second, really, but I can't have this end anytime soon. I want to hear as much of her as I possibly can. "Bella, shit. I imagine you like that all the time. To finally be inside you... Fuck..." "Mmmhmmm this feels so nice." She whimpers, it sounds like she‟s surprised, delighted. "Tell me what you're doing." "I umm, I'm touching myself." I smile."Tell me how you're touching yourself?" "I'm ummm, rubbing around my... clit?" "Does that feel good?" "Uh huh." "Do you think maybe you should put a finger inside of you?" "I only want your fingers inside of me." Oh God. "And your..."

"My?" "I want you inside me." My heartbeats accelerate. Everything is Bella, Bella, Bella. "Yes, Bella." She starts making these sounds. Like I told her before, delicious. I don't care about lasting all night anymore. I can do this over and over again. I just want to come with her. I can feel myself starting to lose control. She whimpers, moans, has my name on repeat. "Shit." "Yeah, Bella. Tell me what you're doing." "No, my dad's here. I have to go - " FUCK. I let go of my cock and stare at the ceiling. Perfect. Of course Charlie would decide to interrupt. His number one priority in life these days is to make my life miserable. My phone rings and I answer immediately. "Is he gone?" "Huh?" "B?" "No caller ID?" "Who is this?" I ask. "I'm offended, you don't recognize my voice?" Oh. Oh yes I do. "Tori." "Edward." "It's pretty late, everything okay?" "Is it? I've called you later than this..." "Yeah well, it‟s been a while." "Does that mean you'd like for me to call more often?" "No, Tori,” I almost snap, only to realize that I‟m being rude. “I mean, call if you'd like at normal hours."

"Awww, that brunette has you on a tight leash?" "Something like that." I smile. Ugh. That brunette is in bed right now, she's supposed to be coming with me. "Anyway, this isn't a booty call. I was just calling to invite you to a party we're throwing at the restaurant in a couple of weeks. I texted Alice about it, she said she's in if you and umm... Bella, is it? She said she's in if you and Bella are." "Thanks for the invite, but I'm not sure it will work out." "We wouldn't card her." "Well isn't that nice of you?" "I knew she was underage. No worries, I won't tell." I laugh. "So, Edward. Were you expecting a call from her right now?" "Sort of. We were on the phone right before you called." "Things going well between the two of you?" "Yes. How‟s James?" "He's good, same old. How old is she really?" Tori asks, changing the subject back Bella again. "Why do you care?" "Curiosity. Looks like you've fallen hard." I don't mind talking to Tori about Bella. Awesome sex aside, we always got along and were friends. She's very easy to talk to. Great listener. "Yep. She's seventeen." "Holy shit." "Thanks, Tor." "Are you fucking her?" she asks. The excitement of finding out the answer is in her voice. She sounds like Alice and Rose breathlessly waiting for a new bit of gossip. "None of your business." "Come on, you can tell me." "No. I'm not."

"Well thank fuck for that. You're not the type to get any on the side, though. Is poor Edward abstinent?" "Don't you remember life before sex? There's plenty to do." "So you're not constantly horny?" "Wow, you're fascinated with my sex life." "I am,” Tori admits. “You are by far the best I've ever had. And I think I recall you saying the same thing about me..." Why am I getting hard again? "Of all the people I‟ve actually had sex with thus far, you have been the best,” I admit. "It's possible that that won't change, you know... even after sleeping with your girlfriend. I know that‟s what you meant," she tells me. "I'm pretty sure it will, but it has nothing to do with you. I'm not denying our chemistry." "You just think it will be extra special when you're in love?" "Something like that. Everything I've done with Bella so far has been better than anything I've ever experienced." I‟m even harder now, because I'm thinking about Bella. I wonder if my cock can handle all of the confusion. "Wow. Better than my visit to your office?” Tori asks, her voice low and deliberately sexy. Fuck. Thanks for bringing that up. "Tori, I don't think we should..." "Come on, it's just a question." "It's very different. You can't compare apples to oranges. I fucked you for an hour over my -" "Oh I remember. I was sore for days. Black and blue." I smile, remembering that night. My hand automatically reaches for my cock. Shit. "Tori, I should get going,” I quickly say. But why should I get going? This is just a conversation with a friend. "Aww, this was just getting fun." "This trip down memory lane has been -"

"Who gives better head?" Huh? "Listen, I can‟t do this." "Come on... tell me?" Her voice is all sorts of sultry. If I just close my eyes and go back to what I was doing when I was talking to Bella on the phone... It's no big deal, no one has to know. "You're a fucking pro,” I tell her, my hand going up and down and back up. "So... I give better head." "If we were to hold a contest, I'd say you have superior technique. But when I'm in her mouth..." What am I saying? I have to hang up. What am I doing? "Go on..." Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. "No. I'm done. Tori, I'm sorry, I should go." She fucking giggles. "You're no fun, I was just getting comfortable here." I bet you were. "Tor, I'll talk to you soon. Goodnight." What is wrong with me? I'm a fucking asshole. Just a little bit of horniness and I'm thisclose to jacking off while I'm on the phone with Victoria two minutes after I was having phone sex with Bella. If this isn't disgusting, I don't know what is. If Bella were to find out... I don't even want to think about what she'd do. Would she end things? Would she cry? I really don't want to see her cry. Forget seeing her cry, I don't want her to cry period. I know one thing she would feel. Disappointment. She would be disappointed. Like when I told her about Jessica that one time. Her reaction hurt. I don't think I could handle disappointing her like that. I‟m not telling her about this. You weren't doing anything, you were having a conversation with a friend. Sure, it was a friendly conversation. I always reach for my dick when I'm talking to my friends. Frustrated, I head downstairs to get something to drink. Some alcohol will help. I make my way to the dining room where my dad keeps his booze and guess who I see? "Dad, what are you doing up?" "Couldn't sleep,” he replies. "Same. I came down for a drink."

"Join me, I was about to take this into the living room,” he says, raising his glass. "Scotch?" "Yep. Let's have a drink together, it's been too long." I pour some for myself and join my dad on the couch. "This couch cost a lot of money and I think this is the first time anyone's ever sat on it,” he comments. Hmmm... "I've had company over." "Don't tell your mother you let them sit on her white couch.” "It was just Bella." "Ah. Bella... I heard things are a little rocky on that front." I shrug. "Yeah well, I'm sure mom has filled you in on the details." "She won't shut up about it. I don't think us interfering is a good idea, Edward." "Neither do I. This is something I should be taking care of myself." "She's made up her mind, though,” he tells me. “She was planning on paying Chief Swan a visit tomorrow." I groan."I'll have to go with her." "You think that's a good idea, Edward?" "I was thinking about going over there myself tomorrow. I have a lot I'd like to say." "Son, I don't know if you're thinking clearly. Don't get angry, just hear me out,” he says. I look at him but don't say anything. "Edward, this could have a detrimental impact on your career. Have you thought about the consequences if people at work were to find out about your relationship? You could possibly lose your job and your reputation would be damaged. I know this isn't where you want to be for the rest of your life, but things like this tend to follow you around. Are you will to take that risk? I understand your feelings for Bella, but I'm not sure you've really thought things through." "I've thought a lot, dad. I'm going to be honest with you – going in, I didn‟t do a lot of thinking. I mean I knew I wanted her, but it all happened so quickly. One second I meet this beautiful girl and the next I'm kissing her and telling her I love her. It‟s been a little crazy. But I've had plenty of time to think and... she's worth everything. Losing my job and having to move back here was the best thing that has ever happened to me. Meeting her... I can't even explain it. She's my life now. I -”

"Alright, Edward. You don't have to explain. So your answer to my question is yes, you are willing to risk your career and reputation." I look straight into his eyes. "Yes." My father sighs and places his glass on the table. "Bella is going to be a junior this year, correct?" "Senior,” I correct him. She's a little young for her class." "Smart girl?" "Very. Actually, everything started with a quoting game we played in the car on our way to Port Angeles. She was quoting Palahniuk and Cummings. She's intelligent, witty. You'll see for yourself... If not during this trip..." He nods. "So, one more year of high school. What about after high school? You'll stay here while she goes off to college? What are her plans?" "She's applying to schools on the east coast, California, all over. We're hoping she gets into a New York school,” I tell him. "That's far from Port Angeles, son." "Yeah, it is. I'd go back." "You want to go back to the city you fled from? I thought you said the whole corporate thing wasn't for you, that you're not the big city type." "I don't have to do the corporate thing. And if she's in the big city, I can be the big city type. Where she goes, I go." He looks up, smirks at me."I see. Edward, she's young, she's bound to change her mind. Is she as serious about this as you are?" "Yes. We‟ve discussed everything." "Let's say you two move to New York together. Do you think her parents would approve? Living together at such a young age... What if they want you to... show how committed you are to Bella?" "I'd be moving all the way across the country for Bella,” I point out. “I would think that sufficiently demonstrates commitment." He raises an eyebrow. "Edward..."

"If you're talking about marriage, I'd marry her the second she decides she wants to marry me. Having said that, I don't think it's something she wants right now. After college, maybe. We're not going to let Charlie force us into something we don't want." "Well do you or don't you want it?" he asks. He's really fucking pissing me off right now. What is he, a shrink? We all know he's not. Why couldn't my mother keep him in bed? She needs to work on her skills. I can't deal with late night Carlisle conversations every day. "I want her. But it has to be her decision." "And if she says 'marry me the second I turn eighteen?'" "I don't know... that's not Bella,” I tell him. "Scared?" Fuck you. "A little,” I admit. "Good, you should be. Edward, as you can see, I'm not going to tell you to stop seeing her. Mostly because her father did that for me. I should thank Charlie, actually. But also because you seem to know what you're doing now... Well, more so than when we had our first conversation about Bella. Now, I'm going to ask you one last time, in case we end up running into Chief Swan this weekend..." "No." I wish. "Smart boy." He stands up."I'm going back to bed now. Have a good night." I leave my glass on the table by my dad's empty one and go back up to my room. There's a text from Bella on my phone. Sorry about that... I really, really wanted to continue, but he came upstairs and isn't asleep yet. I love you. Promise we'll continue. Kisses – B Don't apologize, lover. I love you so much. I'm here whenever you want to talk. Kisses everywhere. Sweet dreams – E Bella's text makes me feel worse about the Tori situation. I don't know what I should tell Bella. I think it‟s best to say nothing. I almost fucked up, but I didn't. My hand just grazed my cock a few times. I had no intention of continuing the conversation. I stopped it before it turned into something really bad. She doesn't need to know. I need sleep. Tomorrow is going to be... interesting. I have to face the firing squad at least once. Sleep would be good. So I close my eyes and think about how I held her wrist and kissed it and how round and soft her eyes were and how she smelled like Bella and sweetness and life. Bella

I don't know what the fuck is wrong with Edward but the first thing I see when I wake up this morning is this text: B, my parents are crazy so we're coming over this afternoon. Make sure Charlie's home. – E And then this one: We're not coming to kidnap you. Wish we were – E Have you lost your motherfucking mind? – B It's my mom and she'll do more harm than good if she shows up alone – E This is not how I wanted to meet them – B I know, but I think an ambush will be good. He can't throw us all out – E I guess at this point there's nothing more he can do, right? Plus he'll be too embarrassed to be an asshole in front of your parents – B Exactly – E Ugh, I'm going to have to meet them in sweats or he'll know something's up – B Not the high-kick sweats! I will have to take you upstairs and have my way with you – E Yes, please – B I love you – E Yeah, yeah. And yet you are ruining my day... – B I told you I'd figure out a way to see you this weekend – E I smile. Then I feel sick. But excited. Then I start going crazy. What the fuck am I going to wear? I can't meet them for the first time wearing sweats and a tank top. But I can't dress up, I'll look stupid. Should I warn my dad? If I do that, he'll know I've been talking to Edward. I wonder if he's naïve enough to think we haven't been speaking this entire time. I don't know what to think. When he handed me back my phone, he made some cryptic comment about carrying me upstairs because I had fallen asleep while talking on the phone the other night. He has to know that I was talking to Edward. Ugh. I feel so sick. I should clean the living room and downstairs bathroom before Charlie gets back from his shift. I do shit around the house, take a shower, and go downstairs to find my dad sitting in front of the television. "Hey Bells, come watch the game, it starts soon." "I'm good. I think I should go grocery shopping. Is anyone coming over to watch the game with you?" I ask. "Not today. Sam gave Billy and Jake our tickets to the game."

Oh right, that game. "Oh." "Cullen at the game today?" he asks me. "How would I know?" He chuckles. Uhh... "Okay, well, I'm going to the store." "I'll drive you myself after the game,” he calls after me. “It's pouring out there, I'm not sure you should be driving in this weather." "We live in Forks. It's always this bad." "Just lookin' out for you." "Right." More like treating me like a prisoner. Come on, be fair. He hasn't been that bad. I go upstairs and try to find something to wear to the store that I can keep on for when Edward and his parents come over. Oh God. I can't do this. I've never felt anxiety like this before. I really want to get this over with. I wonder what will happen? I'm pretty sure Charlie will welcome them and be polite. He would never be rude to guests. I have no idea how he will react to seeing Edward again. He did kick him out the other day. Who knows what his parents are going to say? Will they actually be able to change Charlie's mind? Will it just be a futile attempt and end in awkwardness? I'm not sure how it can make things worse for us, but I'm also not sure it will make things better. I just need for this to be over. I try on a pair of jeans I bought in Seattle. It has holes in the knees, it's cool. Totally inappropriate for meeting your boyfriend's parents. I take them off. I find the pair I wore to Alice's party. These are better. I'm standing topless in front of my mirror. Edward would appreciate me greeting him like this. He can do yummy things and have his hands all over me. Sigh. I should put on a bra. I find a simple beige one. Maybe it's best to not attempt sexy today. I try on shirts, blouses, tank tops. Too formal, too much skin. UGH this is so frustrating. All my t-shirts have something stupid written on them. Harry Potter shit, dirty stuff I bought but never wear, Forks High School. Hah, that would be awesome. Forks Police Department. That would be even better. I find my favorite t-shirt ever.

Franco Says Relax Yes, James Franco. That's exactly what I need to do. I need to relax. Thank you. James Franco is always right. It's a white t-shirt with the letters in black, and James Franco's sort-of face across my chest. Why not? It's not like they're going to judge me based on my t-shirt. If these people don't want to murder me yet, a tshirt isn't going to make them change their minds. Plus, it makes me feel better. James will get me through this. He's so adorable. That smile... It can get me through anything. I grab my bag and am about to head downstairs. I notice I have a text from Edward telling me they are on their way. Really, Edward? No warning? That's fucking great. I don't know why Edward acts like a complete moron sometimes, but he has a beautiful penis. And very soft lips. I must forgive him. Get your mind out of the gutter. You are about to meet his parents and you're thinking about his penis? Next thing you know you'll be thanking his mother for his perfect ass. I'm halfway down the stairs when I hear my dad's voice. "Bells, were you expecting company?" And then the doorbell rings.

Chapter 28 - Fuck buttons Bella Okay. Breathe. "Bells, can you get the door?" "I'm not dressed, dad!" Yes you are, you little liar. You are just too chicken to open the door and face his parents and tell Charlie they are here. I'm not chicken - they came here to see him, not me. It will be less awkward if he opens the door. Ugh, what is wrong with these people? Couldn't they just run into Charlie at the diner one night? Who just comes over in the middle of the afternoon to ... to what? I don't even know what they are here to talk about. What can they possibly have to say to my dad? This has disaster written all over it. What if they think I look too young? What if they don't think I'm good enough for Edward? I'm wearing a tshirt with James Franco's face on it telling everyone to relax. Have they seen Pineapple Express? Oh God. Their son went to college, and law school, and he has a job. I'm... UGH. But they wouldn't be here if they didn't want to help, right? His mom was so sweet on the phone, she wouldn't be here to tell me to leave her son alone or to judge me. Right? I walk to the top of the stairs and crouch. I'm hiding like a five-year-old. Well, there are grown-ups here to see my dad. What else am I supposed to do? Get up Bella. This is not helping your case. "Chief Swan! It's so lovely to see you! We just got back into town yesterday and decided to pay a little visit. I hope we are not interrupting anything." My father‟s voice is tense. "Please, come in Mrs. Cullen. Just watching the Mariners game. Good to see you Doc ... Don't just stand there, Cullen. You can come in too." Then I hear an Edward-like voice. Only… almost yummier. "Chief Swan, we don't want to interrupt your game. Esme just wanted to stop by and..." "Not at all,” my dad says. “Cullen, you know where the living room is. Show your parents in, I'll be right back." Shit. I trip on my way to my room because I'm not good at this spying and fleeing thing. Sydney Bristow I am not. I hear my father's footsteps on the stairs and scramble to my room and jump on the bed. "Isabella. Did you know about this?"

Isabella? Not good. At least he's not calling me "Swan" – maybe he likes me a little more than he likes Edward? I'll take what I can get. "No." "Cullen didn't tell you?" he asks. "I'm not supposed to be talking to him..." "Bella!" I'm not admitting shit. I sit there and stare at him. He stares back. "Alright, I'm going back down there, it's rude to leave company alone for too long. I'll deal with you later. Stay here." Oh hell no. I stand up."No!" "Bella, if they're here to talk about you and Edward, I want it to be an adult conversation." "What else would they be here for? You want to discuss my life without me being present? I don't think so. I'm going to be part of this conversation,” I tell him. Really, Bella? He just told you that you can stay in your room and pretend WWIII isn't about to start downstairs. Smile and say thank you. "Don't be difficult, Bella." He leaves the room and I'm just standing here. Do I follow him? Spy some more? Hide in my closet? My phone buzzes. Are you coming downstairs? Were you really not dressed? – E Wow, he never ceases to amaze me. I'm naked here waiting for you – B Take that. Now enjoy the conversation between your parents and my dad. You just made this 100 times more uncomfortable. Thank God for decorative pillows. Come – E Umm, no. This is an adult conversation. I'm good – B I actually am. Who would willingly subject themselves to the awkwardness that has probably taken over the living room? You're leaving me here alone with my parents and your dad. Very nice – E "BELLA! You and Cullen can continue your conversation down here!"

Wait, does Charlie even know what texting is? I walk down the stairs. Slowly. Like, really slowly. Don't smile like a moron when you see him. Don't embarrass yourself. Try to form coherent sentences. Don't use foul language. No matter how hard he stares or what you remember when you see him, do not start humping his leg or licking his neck. There are people around. Do not salivate. I hear a woman's voice. Too fucking cheerful. "Edward told me you'd be watching a baseball game, so I decided to bring a snack. I used my mother's baba au rhum recipe. I wasn't sure about some of the details but Emeril's recipe is so different and -” Charlie's probably like what the fuck is that? Baba au rhum? Is she serious? The only reason why I know what that shit is is because Phil is obsessed with cooking shows and would force-feed us whatever he came up with. "Err, thank you, Mrs. Cullen – Esme – you didn't have to..." "Oh, it was nothing. Edward loved these as a child. Edward, sit up. Where is your friend Isabella?" Oh God. Oh God. Oh God. I stand in the doorway, waiting for someone to notice me. "I think that's her, honey." A beautiful man with the voice of angels stands up and smiles at me. Edward who? "Hello," I croak. Yeah, I'm smooth like that. "Isabella! Or Bella. Edward tells me you prefer Bella. Aren't you lovely? Oh, all that hair, is all of that yours? It can't be! Rosalie would kill to have hair like that! She spends so much money on extensions... I tell her to be happy with what God gave her, but no -” "Bella,” Edward interrupts his mother, “This is my mother, Esme Cullen. My father, Carlisle." For once, Edward saves the day. Oh my God, who do I stare at? Edward or Carlisle, Carlisle or Edward? "Nice to meet you..." Did I actually speak out loud? Who knows. "Likewise, my dear." It's the beautiful man talking again. Oh sweet Jesus, I wonder if it will feel as nice to run my fingers through that thick blond hair as – "Don't just stand there, Bells, take a seat so that everyone can sit down.” Charlie looks pissed. So pissed. The game is still on and he's discussing baba au rhum recipes with the mother of the man he threw out of this living room just a few days ago.

Where do I sit? Between Edward's parents on the couch? Umm, no thanks. Edward's on the tiny loveseat. I look at the empty spot next to him nervously. Edward notices, gives me a half-smile. There's a twinkle in his eye that makes my insides warm and my nipples – "Bella, that's an interesting t-shirt. Is that supposed to be Franco?" Esme Cullen asks. "Ummm, yes." There is a look of confusion on her face. Carlisle just looks amused. "The dictator?" Huh? Oh. Oh God. "Mom!" "Oh, no. Of course not,” I quickly say. “He's an actor. It's just a stup…” I give up. This woman makes random fancy pastries for my dad who has probably never seen an éclair in his life, and thinks the Franco on my t-shirt is a Spanish dictator. If this whole thing didn't directly concern me, it would be very amusing and I would be thoroughly enjoying it. "It's very nice, dear,” she says. "Thank you..." "Bella darling, you can sit next to Edward, he won't bite." Oh yes he will... "Yeah Bells, sit next to Cullen there." I sit next to him, as far as I possibly can. He is wearing a light blue shirt and the same pair of jeans he was wearing to Alice's party. I remember them because his butt looked so cute. Little tears on the pockets. He let me touch him over these jeans. I turn and smile at him. He looks like he's been hit over the head, his mouth is open and he's staring at me like an idiot. I try not to giggle. I notice his father looking at us. I don't want to be sitting here like a complete moron. Edward is doing a good enough job for the both of us. I think of something I can say. "Mr. and Mrs. Cullen, how was your flight? You must be so tired." The grin on Edward's face is so kissable. "Thank you for asking, Bella,” his mother answers. “The flight was bearable. I slept through most of it; I get so anxious that Carlisle gives me something to calm me down. But we went to bed early and are wellrested. Tell me Bella, how are you enjoying your summer?" "Yes, Bells. How are you enjoying your summer?" Charlie asks. I give my dad the side-eye and notice that Edward is staring at the ceiling, his shoes, a picture of Charlie and Billy and a fish, which has replaced my parents' wedding photo.

"It's been nice so far. The internship has kept me pretty busy." "Back to school soon, Isabella?" Relax, he's only Edward's father. "Not for another month or so." "Have you taken the SATs yet?" he asks me. "Yes, actually." "And?" Is he actually asking me about my score? My father clears his throat. "She scored very high on her SATs. Her school in Phoenix did a great job preparing her for them. Right, Bells?" "Yes." "Have you thought about college?" No, I plan on being a waitress at the diner and popping out your grandchildren when I take breaks from fucking your son's brains out. "Of course." "Seattle?" he asks. Um, you‟re not that pretty anymore. Shut up. "Actually, I'd love to go to school in New York. My mom and I always talked about it. If I get accepted..." "Ah, how are your applications coming along?" "Umm, I think I need some more volunteer work, but other than that..." "Internships? Jobs? Extracurricular activities?" Yes sir, and I learn so much from all of them. Your son has been the perfect mentor. He believes in a hands-on approach. Very educational. Great experience. "Ummm, well there's the internship I'm doing now. I volunteered at the Forks police department last year, and I'm pretty active in a local environmental protection organization during the school year. I am involved in student government and I'm the president of the poetry club at school... I know that sounds lame, but I really like poetry... And I hope to find somewhere to volunteer this year. I'm on the swim team but I'm not very good..." "Yes, Edward mentioned that you enjoy poetry,” Mr./Dr. Cullen says. Charlie lets out a creepy sound. "You're on the swim team?" Edward blurts out. I nod and shrug.

"Oh Carlisle, maybe you can arrange something at the hospital?" He smiles at his wife, then at me. "Would you be interested in that Isabella?" he asks. "Oh, of course. That would be very nice, Dr. Cullen." "I'll see what I can do. You sound like you keep very busy." "Well, I'm on a break from most of the things I mentioned for the summer..." "Oh that's good, you want to be able to enjoy your summer, dear. I hope Edward isn't keeping you too busy with work,” Mrs. Cullen says. Is this woman crazy? Stop bringing up me and Edward and work. "She doesn't work for me anymore, mom." Silence. Awkward silence. At this point my dad has either stopped listening completely, or is a really great actor. "Charlie." Everyone stares at the beautiful man. "I think we should acknowledge the err... elephant in the room." "Carlisle…” Dr. Cullen places his hand on her knee and she sighs. "I'm not going to sugarcoat this,” he tells my father. “When I first found out about... the situation, I wasn't pleased. And I'm not the father of a teenage girl, so I can only imagine how you reacted to the news." Charlie continues to stare straight ahead. "I don't know your daughter,” Dr. Cullen continues, “so I won't make any judgments on her maturity. If we are to consider the average seventeen-year-old, however, I think it's fair to say that she isn't ready to start a relationship with a twenty-six-year old man." Charlie nods. "My concern is my son and the damage this can do to his career and reputation. He assures me that he doesn't care, and makes me wonder about how mature he is -” "Carlisle, I didn't bring you here to make matters worse.” "Sweetheart, there are some things that have to be said. This is a delicate situation. As much as we trust Edward and like Isabella... I don't see how this can end well." "Dad, you're assuming that this is going to end,” Edward says.

"That there tells me you are being very immature and naïve about everything, son. Do you honestly believe this is going to last past this summer?" "Carlisle!" Edward stands up. "We had this discussion last night -” "Esme... Please. Edward, sit down. Have you thought about the repercussions? Isabella seems like an intelligent, responsible young lady, but when this ends, she can make life very diffic -” Umm, what? "EXCUSE ME? What are you accusing me of, Dr. Cullen?" "I'm not accusing you of anything, Isabella. I'm being a realist. If you wake up one day and decide to ruin my son's -” "Dad this ends now,” Edward tells him. “I can't believe I trusted you enough to agree to this." Charlie clears his throat. "Dr. Cullen, I agree with a lot of what you just said, but let‟s stop making Edward the victim here. He managed to ... he's trying to date my sixteen, not seventeen, year old daughter. Now, like I told these two before, I take some responsibility for the situation, but -” "Chief Swan, please,” Edward begs. “I think the two of us should be talking. And Bella. Mom, dad, no offense, but right now I think this should be between the two... three of us." Good boy. "Finally ready to talk, Cullen?" "Yes. I know that what I did was wrong. The second I realized my feelings for Bella I should have come straight to you and asked for your permission to date her. If I could go back and change things, I would. But I fell in love and... I made a mistake -” "We both did, dad,” I whisper. Edward continues. "I apologized on Monday, and I'll apologize again for not seeking your approval from the beginning, but I won't apologize for loving her. I know you're skeptical, I think everyone here is a little skeptical, but she's everything. I will do anything it takes to prove to you that I love Bella and only want what's best for her." "I don't need you to prove your love,” my father tells him. “I'm just disappointed. I trusted you with my little girl. This hurts me because I know what it's doing to you kids, but that's not enough to make me change my mind right now." "Charlie, if I may. You are a reasonable man. Perhaps you can set down some rules, perhaps -” "Esme, rules are meant to be broken when you‟re young. I can't have Bella dating a man who is almost a decade older than her. I don't want to know how far these two have gone in...their relationship, but

Edward's a twenty-six-year old man. I come home and find my daughter sitting on that couch over there with your son, with his hands..." Mrs. Cullen looks horrified. Her husband looks like he's about to kill their son. "I assure you, nothing -” I notice the way my father‟s hand is gripping the arm of his chair. "I'm not blind. I was standing there for a couple of minutes before you noticed and I saw where your hands were, Edward. You had known her for two weeks and -” "Dad, we were watching TV,” I cry. “Yes, Edward touches me, we've kissed, but nothing has happened." "His hands were under your dress, Bella.” Oh. My. God. Where is a natural disaster when you really need one? I must hide my face from the world. "On my legs!" "On your legs,” he repeats. “You met this boy a few weeks ago! I trusted him to take you to parties and dinner. I let you two 'hang out' against my better judgment. I didn't expect him on my couch with you when I came home from my shift." "You weren't supposed to be home from your shift," I whisper. "Bella..." I feel Edward‟s hand on my wrist. His thumb caresses me. I sit back down. When did I even get up? "Chief Swan, I assure you. We haven't... I haven't..." "Good thing too, Cullen. And I'm not sure it's because of your lack of trying. I've seen how you look at Bella. It's indecent. She hadn't been out on a single date before she met you. She's an innocent child. Never in a million years would I have ever thought that you‟d actually touch her." I want to defend Edward, but what do I say? Dad, it was me? I begged him to let me touch his penis and informed him of the state of my arousal a few days after I met him? "Excuse me, dad. If anyone's been 'trying' it's me. Edward wants us to take things slowly. He wants me to experience being a teenager." "Slowly, huh?" He points to Edward, "I remember catching you and the Stanley girl 'taking it slow' back in the day. If I find out that my daughter -” "Oh, you'd rather have me out there experimenting and having sex at random house parties with Seth or other boys from school? Because that's what kids my age do. I've never done anything for you not to trust me, how is it different if the guy is my age or twenty-six? Are you going to keep me locked up forever?" "Charlie, Bella has a point,” Mrs. Cullen says. “Our daughter Rosalie was Bella's age once, and those kids -" "Those kids are just that. Kids. Bells you wanna go out and 'experiment' with Seth or the other kids in your class? I can‟t stop you. Knowing you, you wouldn't even consider it."

Did he just say that? Is he so desperate to keep me away from Edward that he would encourage me to go out and fool around with guys my own age? "Chief Swan, please. If you could just listen for a minute." I hold my breath. "Sure, Edward. The game's not important. What is it you have to say?" Everyone sits back. It's quiet. "Sir, if you tell me to wait until she graduates or turns eighteen, I'll wait. I've considered the worst-case scenario and I've accepted it. When she graduates and goes off to college, I'm going to be there with her. I know you're going to hate this Bella, but I want to take care of you. I want to make sure you're happy, healthy, that you're enjoying school, eating nutritious things... College can be tough. I know you don't need to be taken care of, but I want the best for you. And I'll give you the best, you know that. Chief Swan, I would never let Bella miss out on any high school or college experiences. If you allow me to date her while she's in high school, I want her go to parties with her friends, enjoy prom. I won't take her away from her studies or her activities. She's a responsible person, you know that her grades won't slip and she will remain dedicated to everything she does. I'd never come between her and her dreams. But she's my dream. You have to know that I would never hurt her intentionally, I think about her all day. This past week has been torture... I understand why you are doing this, and I should have probably done more when you first found out, but please consider letting me see Bella. If you need to set rules, I respect that ” Somewhere around the taking care of me part I grabbed his arm, wrapping my arms around it, and buried my face in his shoulder. I ignored Charlie's death glare and Edward's sudden stiffness, which quickly disappeared. When he said that I am his dream, I couldn't help it and pressed my lips to his shirt. At some point he took my hand. "That's enough,” my dad says. “I don't know if I can approve this sort of thing." "Charlie..." "Yes, Doc? You seem to be the only reasonable one here. No offense Mrs... Esme." "I said some harsh things to Edward when I found out about this. I'm not sure that they were all welldeserved. I'm going to ask you to consider what my son just said. I have my reservations, but if he truly means what he is saying, I have to give this relationship my blessing. I'm not sure that means anything since Edward doesn't need my blessing, but I just wanted to make that clear." "I'll take that under consideration." Mrs. Cullen takes her husband's hand and smiles. "Charlie, I came here to let you know that I will be staying in Forks for the next six months or so. Carlisle will be doing a lot of traveling for work, but I will be here. If you do decide to allow the children to date, you should know that I will keep an eye on things and make sure the rules are followed. Edward, don't look at me like that. You decided you wanted to be with someone who is not quite grown up, and there are just some things you will have to accept. I don't know you, Bella but I love you like a daughter already. If your father doesn't give you his approval, we will all wait for you."

Edward's grip on my hand tightens; I feel my eyes tear up. I'm not the affectionate, hugging type, but if I was, I would be hugging Edward‟s mom right now. "Thank you..." "You're very welcome, dear." I notice the look on my dad's face has softened. I know that I have to give that final push. I don't know what I can say or do, but I know that it's my turn to say something. "Dad... ummm. You can make us wait. And I know everyone here keeps saying that's okay. It's not. Whether Edward agrees to wait or not, I will make it my life's mission to sneak off every chance I get. And he seems all responsible right now, but he really can't say no to me -” "Bella -” "No. I'm talking, Edward. Dad, you can make us wait, but first you have to explain how one year is going to make a difference when you know that at the end of that year we will be leaving together. Is it worth losing your daughter over?" I can't look my dad in the face so I glance over at the Cullens. They look surprised. Have I said too much? "What are you saying, Bells?" There is pain in his voice but I have to continue. "I'm saying that I love him. And if you make me, I will choose him over you. You broke my heart this week, and yes, I get it, you're trying to be a good father, but if you continue breaking my heart... I don't see us ever having the relationship we had before this whole thing happened." "You're giving me an ultimatum." "Not at all. I'm giving you something to consider. And dad, if you let us date and set rules, I will try very, very hard to follow them all. I will respect your rules. But please show me that you trust me. This isn't just about me and Edward." "I'm going to have to think about this,” he says. Oh. Dr. Cullen clears his throat. "Esme, Edward, I think we've said what we came here to say and we have taken up a lot of the Chief's time." Edward's mom smiles at Charlie and Charlie smiles back. Sort of. "I'm glad you all came. Edward, maybe while I think this through you can drive Bella to work in the mornings. I'd rather she comes straight home in the afternoon and Jake can take care of that, but if you'd like, you can pick her up a few days a week." My heart starts beating very fast. I lean into Edward and he brings my hand to his mouth. "Char – Chief Swan, thank you. I really appreciate it. I'll be here Monday morning, B."

"Edward, stop calling me Chief Swan." Edward looks ecstatic. "Oh, and if my daughter comes home with anything on her body that makes me suspect you've laid a finger on her… no more car rides and goodbye Bella." Edward looks horrified. "Dad, you're embarrassing me,” I whisper. "Cullen, I noticed you didn't acknowledge the last thing I said." "I ummm... sure, of course." Edward's parents stand up to leave. "It was great seeing you again Charlie." "Good seeing you, Doc, Esme." A few words about the pastries – which Charlie will definitely not be trying – some goodbyes, and they are out of here. My heart sinks as I watch Edward get into his car. He looks up before he slides into the driver's seat and gives me a brilliant smile. I bring a finger to my lips. "Alright, Bella. Inside. You'll see the boy again soon enough." Reluctantly, I turn around. "Are you really going to let him pick me up Monday morning?" I ask. "I said I was." "Thanks, dad." We walk towards the living room together and he takes his seat in front of the television. I stand there for a second, then sit on the couch's armrest. "Bells, I'm disappointed by a lot of what you said in front of the Cullens." "I'm sorry, but I had to be honest with you,” I say. "You'd really pick Edward over your old man, huh?" "I'm not picking him over you. But if you choose to make my life miserable, and take Edward away... How can I look at you the same way?" "Everything I'm doing is for your own good, sweetheart." "You have to trust me. I love him. And you heard what he said..." "You can get hurt pretty badly."

"Any boy can hurt me pretty badly... I'd rather be hurt by him if it means I get to love him in the meantime.” "You remind me of myself when I was young,” my father tells me. "You? Not mom?" "Not your mother, no." "Oh." I can see what he's trying to say. It took him years to finally remove the pictures, to let go of my mom, even though she left him without even saying a proper goodbye. It was his idea to get married young, he worked hard for her, for us. She admitted once that she had never wanted to get married but was afraid she would lose him. She said he believed in true love, and never doubted his feelings for her. Maybe I am a lot like him. Who knows. I spend the afternoon buying groceries, organizing my clothes, and looking for something to wear to Kate's party tonight. Angela convinced me to go, and I decided why not? I told Charlie and he encouraged me to spend time with people my own age. I decide to wear the denim shorts and plaid shirt I bought in Seattle. I change my bra. Maybe I can see Edward for a few minutes, although I have to be home by eleven and the party doesn't start until nine. I know Edward can't come to the party, but if I can leave the party after an hour and meet him somewhere... Ugh, forget it. We‟ll end up getting caught somehow and it's a stupid idea. But I want to see him. Touch him. So in a lacy bra, short-shorts, and a cool shirt I jump into my truck and call Edward. He picks up almost immediately. "Baby." "Hi." "Your voice... I miss you." "I miss you too,” I tell him. "What are you up to?" "I'm about to go pick up Angela. We're going to Kate's party together." "Ah, the party. Is Isabella all dressed up?" "Please. Not at all." "Are you wearing your Franco shirt? Or maybe you have a Mussolini one." "Ha. Ha. Oh my god, Edward, your mom's so funny. That comment was so random." "She's... interesting. Baby, how did things go after we left?" "He's a little hurt because of some things I said, but it's all good." "I can't believe he's letting me pick you up."

"I know." "I can't wait, B. I've missed that so much." "I know. Edward, I want to see you..." "Me too, but you're going to your party." "Maybe we can meet up for a few minutes. I mean if you're busy, that's cool. I just thought..." "I'm not busy, but do you think this is a good idea? We don't want Charlie catching us. I think we made some progress today." "I know, but..." "Let me think for a minute." "‟Kay." "Don't ask me how I know this, but you can go missing at the party for a little bit and meet me. I'm pretty sure most people will be in the backyard. Walk past the trees and into their neighbor's yard -” "Are you crazy?" "It's no big deal. This is how Jess would sneak out." "Oh, great. You're reliving your youth now." "Whatever. Anyway, I thought you wanted to see me." "Ummm I'm really not sure right now. You might lose yourself to old memories and think I'm Jessica, about to give you a blowjob." "So no blowjobs then?" I hear the smile in his words. "Ugh." "I'm kidding, B. I was just making a suggestion. I could wait on the other side of their neighbor's house, no one would notice you're gone for a little while." "Enough time for you to get naughty with your teenage girlfriend." "B, you are the one who suggested meeting up. You're making me sound like an asshole." "I'm sorry, I'm only kidding. Fine, I'll try to find you. Ten o'clock sound okay? I have to be back by eleven." "Perfect." "What will you be telling your parents?" I tease.

"Hmmm. I'm not sure. Mom, dad, there's this girl who tastes like sunshine and light whose skin I miss and whose warmth I crave." "Oook, Romeo." "Shut up. Anyway, as I was saying... I'm going to tell them I'm off to meet this girl and cover every inch of her with kisses. I'm going to make her moan and sigh and smile. She's going to whisper my name and make me feel whole with the touch of her fingers." "I'm jealous of this girl. I thought only my lips get to say your name..." "Only yours. There can never be anyone else, you know that right? You're perfect." "Ummm, sure." "B, I love you. So much." "You're acting a little strange. Is everything okay?" "I'm fine." "K. I'm going to go now. I'm late. Ten?" "Ten." Edward is going through another emo phase. It's cool, I'm getting used to them. And why should I complain? He says sweet things and makes me smile a lot. I'm excited about seeing him tonight. There are so many things I want to ask him. I can't say I was too thrilled about the things his father said today. He was definitely acting like a jerk. A beautiful jerk, but a jerk. And I get where he was coming from, but why did he bother to show up if he didn't approve of us being together? I suppose I should just forget about it because he gave us his "blessing" at the end, but still. I'm not sure he is 100% into the idea of Edward dating me and that makes me feel a little uncomfortable. I like his mom, though. I thought she was a drunk, crazy person until she said the sweetest thing I've ever heard. Plus, I don't think she was drunk at all. She reminds me a little of my mom in that respect, although they are actually nothing alike. Sometimes my mom seems drunk too when she's actually completely sober. I feel like Edward's mom would do anything for his happiness, and I get that. More than anything I want Edward to be happy. I want to see him smile, hear him laugh. So I'm pretty sure we will get along. Plus, she seems to like me. I was worried about meeting her, I was worried that her whole sweet act was fake, but I don't think she's fake at all. She didn't have to be there today, she didn't have to defend our relationship, or be kind to me. Yeah, she can come off as a little – what was it my mother called her? Snooty? But whatever, I like her. Angela jumps into my truck and we make it to Kate's at a little after nine. Kate is wearing a tight red dress with the ugliest peep toe heels I've ever seen. Bright red patent. Oh my. "Bella, cool outfit,” she says. “But it's not a costume party. Is that your sexy lumberjack costume?" "Thanks Kate! I wasn't trying to be sexy but I'm glad you think I am." A pretty cute guy with dark hair and big blue eyes smiles at me. "Who's this, Kate?" "Bella Swan. Chief Swan's daughter. Bella, this is my boyfriend Riley. He's going to PLU in the fall."

I give him my brightest smile and hold out my hand. He shakes it, staring at me intently. I feel slightly uncomfortable for a second because he's ogling me in front of his girlfriend, but Kate doesn't seem to notice. "Nice to meet you,” he tells me. "Likewise." I try to get away and find Angela, who has somehow escaped, but Kate keeps talking to me. "So Bella, how's work? You're working with my dad's loser clerk now?" "I wouldn't call Peter a loser, he's pretty cool." "Whatever. I can't believe you're wasting your summer there. I mean I get that you wanna be around Edward Cullen all day, who doesn't? – no offense baby - but it's a little desperate, don't you think?" "College applications, Kate,” I explain. “I plan on going away for college and I needed a summer job." "Your dad can't afford to send you away to college.” "That's none of your business. Thanks for your concern, though." I smile. She smiles back and walks away, dragging blue-eyes with her. I hang out with Angela and drink some beer Jessica must have purchased. I have to drive so I stop after a few sips. Seth corners me and asks me if I want to dance. I move with him a little, he puts his hands on my hips and I tell him I have to pee. On my way to find a bathroom I run into Kate's boyfriend. He's tall. "Bella, right?" "Yeah. Riley, right?" "That's right.” I smile and try to walk past him. "You're not playing truth or dare with everyone?" he asks. "Are you kidding? Is that what's going on?" "Apparently. I'm not interested. Wanna take a walk with me?" Umm, no. "Actually, I was just looking for the bathroom." So go away. "I'll show you where it is if you'll take a walk with me."

Ew? "I don't think so,” I respond sweetly. “I doubt Kate would like that." "Come on, Bella. Kate and I are a summer thing. She's still in high school -” She's still in high school. "Well, we're in the same grade, so..." He narrows his eyes and tilts his head to the side. I think he's attempting to look sexy or something, but he just looks slightly constipated. I stifle a laugh. "Do you have a boyfriend, is that it?" "As a matter of fact, I do." Riley smiles. "My apologies, then.” "No worries." "High school kid?" "He's definitely not in high school. Listen, no offense, but I have to find a bathroom." Before he can say anything, I run up the stairs and find the bathroom. It's occupied so I wait outside. "Bella, right?" Oh. My. God. Why is everyone talking to me? I turn around and take a deep breath when I recognize the highlights and NJ housewife nails. "Hi. You're Jessica, Kate's sister." "Yeah, we met at the picnic,” she confirms. "I remember." "So, have you seen Alice and Edward lately?" "I see them at work." "Cool. They're old friends of mine." I smile. "Alice is dating some guy in New York, right?" she asks me. Like she wasn‟t at Alice‟s party. So sad. So transparent.

"Yes." "And Edward is dating... what was her name?" I shrug. "I don't remember her name." "He doesn't talk about her?" She looks so happy. Excited. She's probably going to run into her room and call him. "Ummm, not with me." "Yeah, of course. Why would he?" Ugh. Patience, Bella. What the fuck is going on in the bathroom? This conversation must end. Luckily, Jessica is sick of talking to me, because she tells me it was nice talking to me, and walks away. After I finally make it to the bathroom and escape from Seth for the tenth time tonight, I look at my watch and it's 9:54. Deep breath. Remember what Edward told you. The directions were pretty straightforward. I make my way through a bunch of guys with their shirts off doing strange things with a funnel and beer. Idiots. Judge Stanley would be so proud of his daughters. I hope he's having a great time with Mrs. Stanley in Naples. Florida. Naples, Florida. Just as I'm about to step outside, two slimy hands grab me and slide under my shirt. "Let me go!" I yell. "Swan! You're the new kid, right? Come on, we're having a dance contest. Up there on the bar." "Umm, no thanks. Excuse me." "Come on, baby, I can see your ass hanging out your shorts." I shove him and make my way into the backyard. So embarrassing. And disgusting. What is wrong with these people? "Omigod, you will not believe what Kate made her do! She had to go down on him for two minutes in the closet!" "She didn't do it, did she? Skank." "Of course she did. There are rules. And everyone knows what a skank Nessie is." "Still. He's so gross! I had to make out with him at Chris's party last year. His breath stinks." "Oh look, that's Isabella, right? What is she wearing?" "She looks stupid." I blush. Who are these people? Why am I here? Why would you go into a closet and give a random guy head? Why would you use a funnel to drink beer? Is this what happens at all these parties? I've always

just sat around with Seth and avoided the crowds at these things. So stupid. This is so different from Alice's party. That was cool, people were talking, music was playing. Everyone was drinking but it was nothing like this. I wonder what parties are like in college. I don't think I'd ever want to go to a frat party. I've seen what those things are like in movies. Not interested. I probably shouldn't have showed up tonight. This isn't my thing. Dance contest on the bar? Skeevy college freshmen-to-be hitting on me? Ugh. Angela and Ben are dry-humping up against the wall outside the house and I smile as I walk by. That is one activity I definitely approve of. I find the street on the other side of the neighbors' house and there's a silver Volvo parked twenty feet away. I look around and there's no one in sight. When I make it to the passenger's side I notice the window is down. Edward is still in his blue shirt. He's smiling at me. Must attack Edward. There isn't enough time to open the door and get in. If I could jump in through the window, I would. "You're my hero,” I tell him as I slip into the car. "Mmhmm, I like the sound of that. What did I save you from?" "Funnels, skanks dancing on a bar, college freshmen, closet blowjobs. It was terrible." I grab his shirt and bury my face in his chest. He laughs. I like the vibrations I feel and smile as I hold on tighter. "Typical Stanley party,” he tells me. His hands are in my hair, my lips are on his chest. I've missed being close to him. I can feel every cell in my body. So alive. "Ugh, so stupid." "How many closet blowjobs did you give to college freshmen while the skanks danced and the boys got stupid?" "Too many to count. You taste the best,” I tease. I look up and he raises an eyebrow. "You've been a bad girl." "Uh huh." I reach down to his crotch and he hisses. I'm pretty sure no one has ever hissed at me before. "Be good. We're in the middle of the street." "Drive somewhere.” "Bella..."

I start rubbing him over his jeans. "Bad,” he tells me. But then he changes his mind, and the car starts to move and five minutes later we are on a deserted road. I attack his mouth. He shivers when I open my mouth and find his tongue with mine. He sucks on it and my nipples tighten and I push myself against his chest so that he can feel them. Breathless moans and licking and fingernails in flesh. Bites. So many bites. "You're so bad,” he says. “I want to punish you." I try to kiss him again. He stops me. His tongue is on my neck. The pulsating between my legs is ridiculous. I want to rock myself against his thigh, hand, anything. "Mmmhmmm." "Bella, I'm serious," he breathes. "Bella, bend over." Say what? "We're in a car,” I point out. Because, really, that's the only thing wrong with this situation. "Do it." I somehow manage to "bend over" him. It's a little uncomfortable and I bang my head on the steering wheel and the door. His hand is on my ass, softly caressing it. "Why are you wearing this Bella? Showing off your ass... You know what I think about every time you walk away? I think about how I want to bite into it." My legs begin to shake, I can barely breathe. His hand goes under my shorts, his fingers dig into my flesh. "One day baby... all of this is mine. I'm going to do things to you... Fuck." Incoherent Edward is back. I feel his breath on my skin. A finger under my shorts goes up and down between my cheeks. I gasp. Before I can react I feel teeth and wetness and a sharp, sweet pain, and cry out. "Delicious." I let a strange, strangled sound escape. Immediately, his arms are around me I'm sitting upright in my seat. "Bella, are you okay? I'm sorry..." Don't be sorry, do it again. "No, I was just surprised,” I tell him.

"Are you sure? I got a little carried away. I don't want to make you uncomf - " I grab his cock again. I wish he didn't have pants on. I want to feel all of it. He smiles. "You liked it." I nod. He kisses his favorite spot on my neck and down, down until he hits the first button on my shirt. "Fuck buttons.” His forehead is on my chest as I undo the button. Then another one. "I love this bra." Another one. "Bella." Another one. "Shit." He sucks a nipple into his mouth. I shift, trying to make myself more comfortable. I'm basically on my knees in the passenger seat. I feel his tongue through the lace, warmth shoots down my body. He doesn't stop. I don't want him to. I hold onto his shoulders, my face in his hair. Why is this so good? Why can't I have hours, days of this? Why is it 10:17 already? Why are there lights coming at us? Shit. I fall back into my seat and cover my chest with my hands before trying to redo my buttons. "Shit." "I know.” I laugh when I see his face. Shock/horror/sadness. "Hey, it's okay. You can play some more later,” I tell Edward. "This town sucks." "Uh huh." We start to talk. He tells me about the conversation he had with his parents after they left. His mom really likes me, his dad was mostly silent. We discuss his dad's reaction. Edward assures me that it's nothing personal and that he must like me since he is already looking into finding me a volunteer position at the hospital. It's 10:32 and I tell him we should head back. It's a five-minute drive to Kate's, another ten minutes back to Charlie's. He nods, takes my hands into his.

"Shit. There's something I wanted to talk to you about,” he says. "You can call me tonight." "It's important." He looks serious. I shrug. "Okay." Edward I'm a coward. I know she can't be late and instead of waiting until we have more time to talk, I decide to bring this up now. "Bella, sometimes when I'm around you, I can't control myself." "Umm, I'm pretty sure I'm the one with that problem,” she says, smiling. “You're pretty good with control." "Were you not there when I lost control and bit you?" I can't believe I bit her ass. And that it's all I can think about now. She's probably blushing. It's too dark to tell. "That was normal..." "Yes. I guess in a way it is..." "Is that what you wanted to tell me?" she asks. "No. I was just trying to say that no one else makes me feel the way you do. You're it." She leans into me and I wrap my arms around her and breathe her in. I have to tell Bella everything and I need to be completely honest about my conversation with Tori. I don't think I did anything wrong, but it's definitely something she needs to know. Because if I have to be honest with myself, I came too close to fucking up. Talking about Bella like that was disrespectful. I just hope she understands, or at least forgives me. There is no good or easy way to start. Here we go... "I want you to know everything about me,” I start. “I wasn't kidding earlier today when I told our parents how I feel about you." "Is there stuff you think I should know? Like, about other girls?" I take a deep breath. Her body stiffens, she freezes. She turns and looks at me. I close my eyes. Not out of guilt – well maybe a little bit of guilt – but because I don't want to see that look of fear on her face. "Edward..." "Okay. I'm going to be honest."

I try to hold her tighter but she struggles and I let her go. She turns around to face me. She's my judge and jury. I want her to look away. She doesn't. "Last night after you hung up, my phone rang again and I picked up thinking it was you. It was actually Victoria, calling to invite us to a party." "Okay..." "We were talking, and... although nothing happened, it was inappropriate." "Oh." Oh. "How was it inappropriate?" Her voice is shaky. More than anger, I hear and feel fear. "She asked me about you and was trying to get me to compare you to her." "She's seen me... she knows what I look like,” Bella says. Shit. I have to explain. "That's not how she wanted me to compare ... " "Oh." "Yeah." "What did she ask?" "She asked who I thought was better." This is when she looks away. She stares straight ahead, her profile is sad. She‟s frowning. I'm glad I can't see her eyes. "I told her you, B. I told her everything we've done is infinitely better than anything I've ever felt." She laughs. “Please. Edward, I'm not stupid. We haven't had sex. You don't have to lie." "Bella, it's not about sex. It's you. Everything about you - " "Alright, fine. It's me. So what made this conversation so inappropriate, if you told her I'm better?" Just shut up, Cullen. Shut up. Tell her you just thought she should know that Victoria called. No. "We talked a little about some stuff that happened between us. I... for a second I ..." "You wanted to have phone sex with her,” she states.

Yes. No. I don't know. You didn't. You hung up. "I didn't want to have phone sex with her but yeah, for a few seconds I was... Bella, it doesn't matter. I hung up. I couldn't continue talking to her about us, about you." "Whatever,” she says with a shrug. “Can you take me back to Kate's? Or drop me off at my car, please." Icy Bella. "B, please listen." "I'm late. Thank you for your confession. We don't have time to discuss this now. Happy? Good. I need to go home." "I hung up. I couldn't do it." "Edward. Please." Her voice cracks on the "please" and a tear rolls down her left cheek. I reach out to wipe it away but she flinches and turns her head. "Baby, I'm so sorry. I'm telling you this because I need you to know that you are my world. I was having a conversation with a friend and got carried away. I don't want her. I shouldn't have been talking to her late at night but I was caught off guard and fucked up. You are all I want. You have a pull - you pull me to you. You make it impossible for me to consider any other women." She shakes her head. "I can't do this right now. I can't be late." I start the car. "Fine,” I tell her. “Then just listen." "No. I'm not going to listen. This whole thing shows me that I'm not good enough. Two weeks in and you're already tempted to... You say you want me, that you only want me, but you won't have sex with me. But you talk about sex with someone you've slept with right after we're on the phone and I'm... You're not ready for this. Words aren't good enough. Is sex that important? Are you afraid it's going to suck with me? I know I have no experience but I thought what we do... I thought you liked it. I thought you... I thought you liked it, and... you just feel bad because you compared us and either lied to her or you're lying to me. What did she even ask? How could you compare me to anyone? I thought..." Her hands are covering her face and her body is convulsing violently. I try to hold her again but she pushes me away. "Bella - " "Am I that bad? Was the phone sex that bad?" "Bella, you are that good. I didn't want her. The entire time I kept thinking of you. In my dreams, it's you. My fantasies are about you. Every single one of them. You're in my head all day. I can't get you out. You

may have no experience but you're sexier than any woman I've ever known. I just had to tell you because ... " "To make yourself feel better. Less guilty," she says. "That's not - " "Yes." "No, Bella. This is a relationship between equals, right? Then we have to be able to talk about things. I. Fucked. Up. I'm telling you because you have to know everything that happens that concerns us. And more importantly, you have to know that we are equals. Experience, sex, those things don't matter. Baby you are so good. I think about sex with you all day. I want it constantly, I'm obsessed. You can't think that you're not good enough - " "I need to go home." Maybe I should give her some time to think. Maybe I should try talking to her again tomorrow. I can even call her later tonight. Maybe you should stop telling her you are obsessed with her, with the idea of fucking her. "You're right,” I say under my breath. She‟s silent for a while, and then she turns to me. "I understand what you're saying, and thank you for the honesty, but how do I know you won't be tempted again?" "Bella, that's the point. I wanted to try to make you understand..." "Okay." I take a deep breath and think about what I want to say. She looks impatient, sad. "My body reacted automatically to flashbacks of things Victoria and I did together. But when she asked about you, I was being 100% honest when I said that I know that everything with you is better, and everything with you will be better. I have no doubt that sex with you will be phenomenal. None. It's not about your experience. It's the way my body reacts to you, it's like an explosion. I've never felt anything like this before. She may know what she's doing all the time, she may have tons more experience, but all of that pales in comparison to what you have. You have my heart. My soul. And I belong to you. I will never want another woman like I want you. You need to understand that. I wouldn't be telling you any of this if I didn't believe, completely, that you are superior to anyone I have ever met. I had to tell you because I had no other choice. I'm yours." She nods. "I don't want to be mad at you. I love you. I'm just scared... you keep rejecting me." Her eyes are so big. I want to kiss, suck the pain off her face, from her eyes, everywhere. I reach out and touch her, she doesn't stop me. "I'll never reject you. And Bella, I‟ve never rejected you. We just met and now that you say you're ready, things haven't been easy. We barely get to spend any time together. I don't want it to be some five-minute thing."

She nods again. We've been parked here for a while. It's eleven o'clock. She takes her iPhone and dials a number. "Dad, I'm running a little late. This party is crazy and I can't find Angela... Okay, don't worry... No, I haven't... See you soon." She puts away her phone and takes a deep breath. "Edward, thank you for telling me." I relax a little but she's still distant. "Are we... okay?" I ask. "I guess. You're a little stupid. You didn't have to tell me anything." "I did. I would never keep anything from you." She smiles. "Maybe we should start over as equals. Forget all of this. Clean slate." I'm too lucky. "Bella, you don't have to - " "No,” she says, cutting me off. “I'm serious. You were honest, and the things you said to my dad today, I never thanked you. I love you, and although my head keeps telling me to ignore you and show you just how angry I am, I'm not actually angry. But I need to be your equal, so..." "Okay,” I agree. "Okay.” She places her hand on my chest and sighs. I move her hand over my heart and tell her it belongs to her. She smiles. Bella is beautiful and strong and smart. She is passionate and forgiving. She is good. I don't know if I deserve her, but I know that I won't let my doubts stop me from being happy with her. She exists for me and I exist for her and this is a fact. I have no doubts about her, about us. I don't want her to have doubts either. She knows I adore her and that's why she's allowing us to move forward as equals. I just need for her to know that I'm hers completely. She has to know. I take her hand and bring it down to my cock. She looks livid. "Really, Edward?" "Shhh." She looks less angry, more annoyed. "This belongs to you Bella." For a second everything is still. Nothing happens. I am so hard and I want her so much. She looks straight into my eyes and presses her hand down. This is all I need. Bella and her eyes and her hands and the night.

"Yes."

Chapter 29 – Espadrilles Edward What a fucking waste of a day. Apparently visiting Pastor Weber is my mother's idea of a good time on a Sunday afternoon, and since my father is a smart motherfucker, he complained of a headache just as they were getting ready to leave. I had better things to do today. Bella apparently needs eggs and was going grocery shopping again. What kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn't offer to meet her there and then beg her for five minutes of kisses in her truck? A bad one. Unfortunately, we are at the church's community center now and I have to smile at old ladies and young moms who keep trying to flirt with me. Some of them are pretty hot and I feel like they should be told this often. Do their husbands appreciate them? Obviously not. Two of them are practically drooling while they make small talk with me. I'm glad to know I still have my looks, charm, whatever. They remember me from high school and I was probably a little leaner back then, and my hair was more tamed because of my mom's obsession with it. Long fucking time ago. After exchanging some polite words with the mom crowd, I notice a familiar face sitting at a table nearby. "Angela, right?" Cute kid. She's Bella's age, retard. "Yeah, hi,” she says, smiling. “Nice to see you again, Edward." "Good to see you too. You look bored." Angela nods. "I am. Sundays are pretty boring, even though they are busy for us." She's a sweet girl. No wonder Bella is friends with her. "So, are you here with your mom?" she asks. "Yeah, she wanted to see your dad and make sure all is well in Forks." She smiles and nods. "Did you have fun at the party last night?" I ask her. She shakes her head no and rolls her eyes. "It was pretty crazy. They don't usually get that wild. Ben and I left pretty early, I think around the time Bella left." Lace and plaid and buttons go through my head and I better not get an erection in the middle of the community center. There is a special place reserved for me in hell. "Ben... that's your boyfriend, correct? Bella talks about you guys a lot." "Yeah. She talks about you too."

Her comment makes me smile like an idiot and my heart is beating a little faster. How‟s your vagina doing today, Mr. Cullen? "I'm glad she has good friends like you,” I tell Angela. “I hate to monopolize Bella‟s time, she should be around her high school friends..." Shut up, Cullen - there is no need to bring this shit up. Also, you love monopolizing her time, it's all you want to do. "Well, Ben and I love hanging out with her, and there's Seth and some of his friends too. Bella's still pretty new, so I think she'll meet more people this year." I am irrationally angry. Seth and his friends. I know who Seth is, and if his friends are the younger generation of the La Push kids... Let's just say I remember what Sam was like in high school. Wow, you better get a grip, Cullen. If you can't handle Bella being friends with some kids at Forks High School, how are you going to deal with her friendships in college? At work? "I'm sure she will." I smile. "Edward, Bella and I were thinking about having a joint birthday party. She turns seventeen soon and I turn eighteen two weeks later. Crazy, right? Anyway, I know it would be weird for you to come... but... well, would it be okay if we had the party that weekend? It would be the weekend after her birthday. It's just... Ben and I were thinking maybe you would want to do something with her..." I wonder why Bella hasn't mentioned this. And this "kid" is a year older than your girlfriend. "Of course it's okay, you don't have to ask me. If everything goes well with her father I would want to take her out on her birthday, so you guys can go crazy that weekend." I give her a big smile to reassure her. "Oh, awesome. And of course you should come, but she will understand if..." Our conversation is cut short when my mother walks over and gives Angela a warm hug. "Oh my, look at you! Just last year you had your braces and my, how you've grown! How old are you, dear? You're in high school now, aren't you?" "I'm going into my senior year, Mrs. Cullen." "They grow up so fast! A senior! Will you be joining us this week at the conference in Seattle, Angela? I remember how you would tag along with your parents - " "No Mrs. Cullen, I need stay here and take care of my brothers." Hold up. Seattle? "Seattle?" I say.

"Did I forget to mention this? Pastor Weber is joining us at the Médecins Sans Frontières conference in Seattle this week. Your father and I will be driving up tomorrow and we will be back by Thursday." Yes. Yes. Yes. No twenty-six year old should get this excited about the prospect of his parents taking an overnight trip. I notice the smile playing on Angela's lips. I raise an eyebrow and her face takes on a more serious expression. But Esme Cullen isn't blind, and I earn a disapproving look from her. "Edward, it's time to go home. Lovely seeing you, dear. You get more and more beautiful every time I see you," she tells Angela. Angela's smile is bright and my heart swells with emotion. Jesus. I don't know this girl, but I know Bella loves her and that she loves Bella. And anything, everything that Bella cares for, I care for. Alright, Edwina, time to go. On our way back home I check my phone to see half a dozen crazy texts from Bella. A little birdy told me you're hanging out with Ang – can't stay away from HS girls, huh? ;) – B I smile. Ruh-Roh. No text back? I'd be worried, but Ang just called and filled me in on the deets. Seattle, huh? – B My smile gets bigger and bigger at the "ruh-roh," the Seattle reference gets me hard. Mr. Cullen, I think I'm going to have to take a day off from work this week... – B Yes, Ms. Swan. You will definitely be taking a day off from work this week. Pffft. Loser. Play with me... - B Fine, I'll play with myself... your loss ;) – B Oh God. This is not what I need right now. My mom keeps staring at me and smiling. Look straight ahead, please, don't look down at my lap. Why the fuck would your mother do that? Ugh, I'm losing it. Is Bella actually touching herself? I know it's something she hasn't really done yet unless things have changed since Friday. I need to hear her voice. Stupid fucking Sunday afternoon with mom bullshit. So baby, I hate to ask this... but I think it's time we had a talk... are you clean? :) – B Jesus Christ. The end of our conversation from last night plays in my head. After agreeing that my cock, for all intents and purposes, belongs to her, Bella gave me a tiny kiss and told me exactly what she wants to do with it. Before I knew it, she was gone, but she called me an hour later to continue our conversation. We were talking about sex, she was asking adorable questions. She asked me about condoms and I told her I never have sex without protection. She said she is on the pill, effectively intensifying my obsession

with being inside her with nothing between us; but before I could explain that it's not just about the risk of pregnancy, my dad knocked on the door and asked me to join him downstairs for a drink. I drop my mother off after taking her to three different stores, and decide to drive around a little and talk to Bella. My heart still beats faster when I dial her number. She sounds so happy when I say hello. "So, little girl, six texts. Having a boring Sunday?" "Well, I sent the last texts over an hour ago. Things have been exciting since..." "Oh, care to share?" I ask. "Mmmhmm... use your imagination." "Bella, did you..." "Uh huh." I'm disappointed, but I don't want to say anything and ruin her little high. I wanted to see/hear her the first time. "I think you should tell your boyfriend, or ummm, your lover, exactly what you did." "Well, first, I think my lover should answer my question." Oh. "B, of course I'm clean." "When did you last... get tested?" "In March." "And ummm, how many... encounters..." "Bella. That was right before my errr... dry spell." Jessica wasn't back from whatever fake grad school she goes to, not that we would have had sex. Then there was Victoria, but that was at the beginning of June or maybe late May? "I know you had sex a few weeks before you met me." "Yeah, I used protection. But Bella, regardless, I think that if we have sex, we should use a condom. The pill alone isn't a guarantee and - " "If we have sex? No, we are definitely having sex." I smile. Her tiny lisp reappears when she says "sex" the second time. "I have no say in this? I think that's called rape, baby."

"Whatever, Edward. You want a condom, fine. I just ... I don't know the idea of you ... with nothing ... it's silly, I know. I just, I want us to be able to ... without having to worry ... It's just a stupid - " Oh sweet Jesus, she's going to kill me. "Bella, it's not stupid. Believe me, that's what I want. It's all I want. I'm just trying to be extra careful. You could miss a day, or something." She sighs. "I guess you're right." "When the time comes, we will discuss this some more. Right now I just want to talk." So we talk, and laugh. I tell her about law school and some crazy people I met there. She likes to hear details and asks the most random questions. I tell her about the Adderall Incident of 2007 and she is genuinely worried about my mental health, but starts laughing at my stupidity after a while. She tells me about the books she is reading, and how she is teaching herself French and Latin. Apparently Latin is not offered at Forks High School, so I guess some things haven't changed. Bella wants to be familiar with some Latin because "it should be part of everyone's basic education" and I smile, because my mom would agree. I convince her to send me her admissions essays, she says they suck, but I don't believe her. I drive home so we can discuss the essays over the phone while I read them. This goes on for two hours and I'm so impressed by what she has done so far that I decide to show them to my dad for further suggestions and advice. Mostly I want him to read them so that he can see how smart and awesome Bella is. Yeah, I'm proud of her. Maybe one day if she wants to go to grad school we can work on her essays together. I picture us on a couch in an apartment, Bella in my lap. "I'm tired, Edward. And my ears are super hot." "Shit, it's almost eight. Call or text before you go to sleep?" I ask. "I love you." "Me too, B." I make my way downstairs, freshly printed copies of Bella's admissions essays in hand, and find my dad in the kitchen, rummaging through the cupboards. "Dammit, Edward. Don't you have anything to eat here? Your mother is over at the Wakefields' and I haven't had any dinner yet." "There's plenty to eat, but you don't want to eat the nasty health shit mom bought when we went shopping." "What do you eat when you're alone here?" he asks. "I mostly eat out. The diner's good." "Let's go. You drive. I could use a good burger." "Well, you won't find one there. I could go for a burger at Bistro Moderne. You know, one of the Daniel Boulud restaurants? Ground Black Angus top sirloin, filled with boned short ribs braised in red wine, foie gras, preserved black truffle, and a mirepoix of root vegetables. Heaven."

I sigh. I miss New York. "Son, sometimes it's best to keep such thoughts to yourself,” my father tells me. “Who wants foie gras on their burger? You sound like an idiot New Yorker." I shrug as we get into the car. "Don't even pretend to be above it all, Dr. Cullen. You and your lovely wife taught me the meaning of fine dining." "Regardless, that sounded disgusting. Foie gras on a burger. You're your mother's son. I still can't believe the woman took the babas over to Charlie Swan's." I laugh. "Bella said he kept staring at them and sniffing them, before grunting and grabbing some chips instead." My dad chuckles. His expression is soft, you can see the affection he feels for my mother. As crazy as she is, my dad has always been her number one fan. "Bella's a pretty girl, Edward." I smile. "I know." "I can see why you're so whipped. She's shy, blushing, and meek one second, holding onto you for dear life, making you feel like you're in charge, and wiping the floor with everyone in the room the next. Make no mistake son, she was in charge yesterday. You were just doing her bidd - " "What is it that you don't like about Bella?" I interrupt. "Nothing, Edward. I told you I think she's a pretty girl. Strong." "She's stunning,” I correct him. “And I hear the negative undertones in your use of the word 'strong.'" "She's an attractive girl, Edward, but hardly stunning. I have nothing against her. Enjoy your time together, be realistic. Don't do anything stupid. I have nothing else to say on the matter." Then stop fucking talking. "You didn't want me with Bella from the start, and the fact that she stood up for herself yesterday when you were accusing her of shit pissed you off - " "Always so eloquent, Edward. I said I have nothing else to say - " "You brought her up. Next time, don't.” He's my father, so I won't wipe the smug smile off his face. I don't know what his problem is with Bella, but I don't give a shit anymore. There I was, thinking he is approaching this with a more open mind, thinking that I could show him her essays so that he can learn more about the woman I love. Girl I love. Woman... Whatever. We ride in silence to the diner and neither of us says a word until the waitress comes to take our orders. A rowdy bunch of teenagers are in the booth behind me and their loud conversation keeps me entertained. They are discussing Jessica's sister's party and the deplorable acts they supposedly engaged in. Bella wasn't kidding when she said things were crazy.

"Riley's gone in a few weeks and Kate's fair game." "Kate's always been fair game, Riley or no Riley." They all laugh at that comment. "Speaking of fair game, the new girl's ass was falling out of her shorts. She was asking for it." New girl. Shorts. Asking for it? "I tried to get her to dance on the bar, but she was a fucking bitch." No. "What's her name? Isabella? I think she's fucking Seth." "She was fucking somebody, but it wasn't Seth. I saw her bouncing up and down in a silver car before it drove away from behind Kate's house." My dad clears his throat. "No shit! Who do we know that drives a silver car? Crowley?" "Nah, it wasn't Crowley. It was a dad car." Excuse me? This has gone too far. I start to get up but before I can leave the booth and kick some seventeen-year-old ass, my dad's voice stops me. "Sit down, your food is here." I sit. My food is here. "Do I want to know what you were doing parked on a street in plain view a few hours after you promised her father - " "I went to meet her,” I admit. "I heard what they said," he whispers. “What has gotten into you? Were you having sex with her in your CAR? Of all the irresponsible - " "For the last fucking time, dad, we have not had sex. We were kissing. Leave it to some pervy kid to exaggerate and - " "I don't want to hear it, Edward. But if you come to me in a few months and tell me that Isabella is pregnant, or that Charlie Swan shot you after finding you two in a compromising position yet again, don't expect my sympathy." "What do you want me to say, dad? Fuck you too."

"This girl has turned you into a fool. This isn't the first time you have used foul - " "This girl has done nothing to you and all you've done is doubt her, doubt us, disrespect her and try to convince me to leave her. Like she said, yesterday: if you make me choose, I know who I'm choosing." "I don't doubt that, son,” my father says. “Of all the stunts you've pulled over the years, nothing has disappointed me as much as the way you have been acting since you met her. Disrespecting your father, sneaking around with a child - " "You called me a fucking pedophile. And you are doing it again." "I apologized for that comment. Let's just eat now." We eat in silence and I wonder if he will ever change his attitude towards Bella. I catch him staring at me intently as I eat and almost feel bad about the things I said. I shouldn't be disrespecting my father, but I'm losing patience here. Why give us his blessing if he's going to turn around and be an asshole the next day? I wonder if there is something else, but what could it be? Maybe I should ask mom. I pay for our burgers after some protests from him, and we get into my car. "Edward,” he starts, “I want the best for you. I don't doubt your love for her, or her love for you. I gave you my blessing because I was moved by your speech yesterday, but I need some time to truly accept this. I won't lie and tell you I think this is going to end well." "I know you're trying to protect me, but it's unnecessary. I don't appreciate your attitude towards her." He sighs. Later that night Bella calls me to say goodnight and we discuss escaping together tomorrow. Unfortunately, I have meetings all day and Jacob would notice our absence. I call Alice and ask her what I can do about Jacob. She makes some suggestions, and reminds me of a trial that starts tomorrow. I'm not involved in the case, but I know it's one of the rare interesting cases that the interns could learn something from. It should last a few days, so I decide to tell them they are free to attend the trial. In fact, I'll tell them it's mandatory. Poor Ali, but I'll make it up to her. So even if I can't take some time off with Bella tomorrow, we can spend some time together on Tuesday. Maybe I can bring her back here, since mom and dad will be gone. I try not to think about her skin, her scent, her light touches, her more aggressive ones... I have to be good for another two months. Just two months. I close my eyes and see her on her knees in front of me, smiling one of her brilliant smiles. She places one of her sweet kisses on my cock, brushes her lips over the head. I groan and grip my cock with my hand, as I see her looking at me with her big brown eyes, right before she takes me fully into her mouth. Being between Bella's lips is like being in heaven, and I run a hand through her hair. Soft, so soft. My hand speeds up, and I hear, feel her moans around me. Before I know it, I'm spurting all over my stomach, thinking, saying her name over and over again. Two more months. Bella Being with Edward in his car again makes me so happy that I want to scream. Dance. Jump up and down. The second I get in, all I can think about is how I want to touch him, feel him, make him feel good before we get to the office. He tells me there will be plenty of time tomorrow. He wants to leave work at noon and spend the day together. My brain starts coming up with a hundred different ways to seduce him, convince him to be with me.

Ugh, I'm such a loser. What does that even mean? I don't have to "seduce" him, do I? I know he wants me, he's just trying to stick to these stupid "rules." I wonder if the thought of having sex tomorrow has even crossed his mind. I just don't want to wait anymore. I don't see the point. "You're thinking too hard,” he observes. "Yeah, I'm thinking about tomorrow." "Oh?" I nod, taking his hand into mine, kissing his palm. "You want to hang out, right?" he asks. Silly Edward. "Of course," I say, "I'm thinking about the various activities we can engage in." He smiles, but his eyes are immediately clouded with worry. Ugh. "So I was thinking,” he starts, “maybe we can go see the Harry Potter movie finally." Umm, really? "It's not out until Wednesday." I hear the change in my voice. It's colder. Almost harsh. Don't be like this, Bella. Relax. He just wants to see a movie that you have been talking about for weeks. He is not avoiding you, he is not avoiding anything. "Oh, right. I guess we can hang out on Wednesday instead. I'll move my meetings and stuff to tomorrow." He doesn't want you. He doesn't want you. He wants to take you to see a movie about a wizard like you're his little sister. "I don't think we should be skipping work to see a movie, I'm sure my dad will let us go to the movies together." "B, what's wrong?” he asks. “You sound upset." "The whole point of us 'hanging out' during the day was to spend time together while your parents are gone and my dad thinks we're at work." "I was just trying to kill two birds with one stone." Breathe. "Excuse me?" I ask. "Spend time together and see a movie we both want to see."

"Right, well, take Alice." He shakes his head. "Whatever, Bella." I snatch my hand away from his and take out my iPhone. I find my headphones and plug them in. My hands are slightly shaky as I look through my playlists. What do I want to listen to? I have never ignored him like this, but right now I don't want to talk to him. I choose a song and lean back, increase the volume, and close my eyes. One song. Two. I'm not even listening to the words or music. I want to turn to him and touch him, tell him everything I've been thinking. But fuck it, he should apologize. He knows exactly what he is doing. "Ow! Stop that!" The little shit is trying to yank out my earbuds. "Take those out, Bella. It‟s very annoying,” he snaps. "Fuck you. I thought this would make you happy. I'm avoiding things, it's what you do best." "Bella, I'm sorry." "Sorry?" "I want to spend the day with you tomorrow,” he says. "Sure." "B, listen to me. We're spending an afternoon together, I'm just afraid of losing cont - " "Oh my GOD, Edward! Enough with this shit. If we end up in a situation where we want to have sex, we'll deal with it then. We discussed this, we want this. Well, I want this..." "Oh and I don't? I'm getting sick and tired of you complaining about me not wanting you. I think I've made it perfectly clear - " I'm pretty sure I haven't seen Edward this angry before. "You've made it perfectly clear that I turn you on, that you want me. But you clearly don't want to fuck me -" "No, I don't. I want much more than - " "Oh GOD, fine,” I cry, cutting him off. “You want to make love to me. Whatever. Just... UGH. Just do it!" He laughs. He fucking laughs. "Nike slogan? Really?" "I'm serious."

"Bella, what do you want me to say? Would you like for me to make an appointment? How does 2pm work for you? Look, I'll even add it to my calendar on the BlackBerry. Tuesday, July 14, 2009; 2pm: Fuck Bella Swan." Why is he being like this? "You're not taking this seriously,” I tell him. His voice softens. "Baby, it should come naturally." "Exactly, but you keep stopping things." "I've stopped nothing. We weren't ready, and since then we haven't had the opportunity - " "You won't let us have the opportunity!" "Tomorrow would be our opportunity.” "Which is why you want to see A MOVIE instead.” Edward pulls on his hair. He‟s so angry. The butterflies to crazy things in my tummy. "I don't want to see a fucking movie,” he tells me. “I just didn't want you to think that I'm taking you home when my parents aren't there just so we can have sex." Does he think I'm stupid? Is he stupid? "Oh God." "B - " "I'm done talking about this. You want to be a professional cockblocker, go ahead. I'm not begging you for sex." "You're crazy,” he says. "Ew!" "You are. I've been obsessed with your pussy since the day I met you. Is that what you want to hear? It's not like I haven't said this 10,000 times. If it's sex you really want, we can do it right now. Here, climb on top of me – nothing would bring me more pleasure." I know what he's doing, acting like this. I raise an eyebrow before giving him the side-eye. Yeah, like I'm losing it in a Volvo. He smiles, I'm pretty sure he's thinking that he just made his point. Stupid Edward. You think we're waiting until I turn seventeen? Silly, stupid Edward. ***

Finally home. Jacob's incessant blabber was driving me crazy. Leah this, Leah that. Seattle this, Seattle that. Who. The. Fuck. Cares. I've been in a crappy mood all day. Edward was busy and everyone else was gone attending a trial and I was stuck by myself in my cubicle with no work to do. I know I could go and sit with them but I didn't want to. Instead, I opened a Word document and started working on a silly story I'll post soon. Everyone knows that Nate and Dan belong together – there was a serious connection between those two when Nate was staying in Brooklyn with the Humphreys. That whole Jenny thing was ridiculous. I take off my jacket and start thinking about what to make for dinner. Meh. I'm not in the mood. I'll order some pizza. Pizza is always good. After some annoying conversation with Charlie and two slices of pizza, I head to my room to pick out an outfit for tomorrow. I know what I want to wear: a navy skirt I have and a green tank I'm obsessed with. The colors really complement each other. The green reminds me of Edward's eyes. Stupid Edward. I try it on and tuck the tank into the skirt. Perfect. Just enough cleavage without looking skanky. A cardigan will make it suitable for work. The skirt is a little on the short side, but I love the high waist. I guess I have a lot of that shit, huh? I try on several pairs of shoes but none of them are right. No flats. I need some heels. Heels, really? The only pair I own that would go with this outfit is a pair of espadrilles my mom made me buy when we were going to Florida. They are white with a tiny peep-toe. Castañer. She said that if you're buying espadrilles and can't afford Louboutins, Castañers are the only way to go. Whatever that means. Oh, this looks good. My pedicure is no longer perfect, but the little bit of red that peeps through is cute. My calves look good, my legs look long. Done. Edward calls at around nine. I'm still a little annoyed after our conversation this morning, but I get excited. "Hello darling." "Hey B." "You sound tired, what's wrong?" "I just left the office. I had some things to finish up since I'm taking most of tomorrow off." "I'm sorry... I didn't know you're busy this week." "It's okay. I really need to spend some time with my favorite person in Forks." "Just Forks?" "The universe." "Good boy." "I love you, B." "Mmmhmm... me too." "What are you doing?"

"Getting ready for bed." He doesn't have to know I'm obsessively picking out clothes for tomorrow. Speaking of clothes, what do I wear under my navy skirt and green tank? "Already?" "Yeah, I'll probably read in bed." "Do you still have your jacket on?" "Huh?" "The jacket you were wearing today." "No... it's probably in the kitchen." "Oh." "Why?" "I left you something in the left pocket, I think." "Ooooh, what did you leave me?" "Go check. I should focus on the road, baby. I'll pick you up tomorrow? Call me if you can't sleep tonight." "‟Kay, goodnight." He gives me a silly kiss over the phone and I hang up. I kick off my espadrilles and put on some shorts before running down to the kitchen. I wonder what he left me. Of course. A piece of paper. My heart stops for a second when I see which poem he has scribbled down. I never want to make you mad. I want all of you. – Edward ... Lovely one, your waist, my arm shaped it like a river when it flowed a thousand years through your sweet body, lovely one.

Lovely one, there is nothing like your hips, perhaps earth has in some hidden place the curve and the fragrance of your body, perhaps in some place, lovely one. Lovely one, my lovely one, your voice, your skin, your nails, lovely one, my lovely one, your being, your light, your shadow, lovely one, all that is mine, lovely one, all that is mine, my dear, when you walk or rest, when you sing or sleep, when you suffer or dream, always, when you are near or far, always, you are mine, my lovely one, always. My fingers run over the words he has written. Not his words, Neruda's again, but it doesn't matter. He picks the most beautiful words to give to me, share with me. I read it again, and the ache between my legs intensifies. I clutch the piece of paper and sigh. Tomorrow can't come soon enough. I text back a verse he has left out, thinking of his beautiful hair in the sun. The real-fake bronze-copperbrown mess. I fall asleep dreaming of it, dreaming of him.

Tomorrow. Edward Bella's text reminds me of why I absolutely adore her. Lovely one, with a nest of copper entangled on your head, a nest the color of dark honey where my heart burns and rests, lovely one. Now, my hair is definitely not copper, but it does look reddish in the sun sometimes. Natural highlights. I think about tomorrow and keep telling myself I won't let things go too far. I can't let things go too far. She has to be seventeen. It can't be tomorrow. We need more time. More time than an entire afternoon together? For the second night in a row Bella's smile and lips turn me into a fifteen-year-old boy, frantically stroking myself into oblivion. I try to fight off images of Bella under me tomorrow, but those are the images that make up my dreams tonight. *** Come on Bella, we really don't want to be late today. I want you in my car by noon, driving back to Forks. It's a sunny-ish day and I have a light blue blanket we will spread out in our "backyard" so that I can roll around with you, not caring about grass stains on your pretty skirt or dress or whatever it is you choose to wear. I hope it's a skirt or dress, because my fingers want to disappear under it, so that I can hear my favorite sound when I finally touch your – She has got to be kidding me. Someone pinch me. I know my girlfriend is hot, but this is something else. She's wearing a skirt that screams "look at my hips... and ass... and legs" and her tits are bouncing and she's taller. Fuck, so much taller. She's wearing heels, and I'm not too partial to women in heels but Bella has legs. Not just legs, but the kind of legs you want thrown over your shoulders, wrapped around your neck, the kind of legs you worship, live for, die for. Easy there, Cullen. Not the first time you've seen her legs. Her smile makes my cock sing. She makes my cock sing. Your cock can't sing. Oh yes it can. It's singing her name, it's obsessed with her. Bella, Bella, Bella.

Gold-rimmed aviators. A long necklace. Her hair is different too. Even shinier than usual, if possible. So long, so perfect to grab onto while I fuck her from behind. Thrust. Thrust. Thrust. Bring her closer. Need access to her neck. Thrust. Pull her head back. Yes. "Morning sunshine,” she sings. "Baby, you look..." "Eyes up here, Edward. Be a gentleman." Before I can say anything her hands are on my face and she is kissing me so ferociously that I forget where we are and my hands automatically reach for her breasts and I'm kissing, biting, licking down her throat. "Mmmhmmm, my dad's home. Later." I stop. Shit. "You're not going to work like this," I tell her. "I have a jacket." "Oh, and will that jacket be covering up your legs?" "Well, dad, you never had any problem with shorter skirts I've worn to work. Remember when I first started - " "Yeah, now you're my girlfriend, and I don't want Judge Stanley's or Peter's or Jake's or IT boy's eyes on what belongs to me." "Oh please. Enough with the dramatics." "Are you saying that they don't belong to me?" I ask. Bella rolls her eyes. "Drive, Edward." I love playing with her. I grab her left thigh and squeeze. "They're mine. You will be on those knees later today in front of me. You will be spreading those thighs when we go back to my place. Those legs will be wrapped around my neck. Why? Because your body is no longer just yours." Her breathing is heavy. I snatch her Ray Bans off and see her wide, innocent eyes staring back at me. Her lips slowly curl into the most annoyingly sexy little smirk I've ever seen. "Drive." My dad was right. This girl owns me. It's going to be a long fucking five hours until I have her on that blanket. 9:07am

Bella is in her cubicle. Stay away. Only three more hours. Four hours, actually. You have an hour in the car. Maybe I can get her to go down on me in the car. Maybe. She enjoys that. So three, then. 10:19am Okay, I'm done with that memo. Good. Progress. Just some work left on Thursday's deposition. Find the files. Wait, did someone just walk by my door? I think that was Bella, she is wearing green today. Maybe she needs something, I should go check. If Bella needs something, she will let you know. Get to work. Two more hours. 11:01am I think maybe if we're going to have sex she should be on top so that she can take control of the pace. Plus, the view from below will be awesome and my hands will be guiding her hips. Is it just me or have they been getting fuller and yummier as the summer progresses? It's July 14th. You're not supposed to be fucking her before she turns seventeen. Stop fantasizing, you're only setting yourself up for disappointment. What if things naturally progress to the point where the next step would be sex? I promised her I wouldn't stop if it's what we both want. You're not going to be playing gin rummy on that blanket. At least stop pretending you're not about to fuck her and buy some condoms. I should buy some condoms. One more hour until we get to leave. 12:00pm I'm out of here. I told Bella to meet me outside by my car which I parked a block away instead of in the parking lot. We are paranoid motherfuckers. Understandably so, of course. I don't know where this girl shops, but she looks so out of place in Forks and even in Port Angeles. I know her mom sends her clothes and she bought a lot of nice things when we were in Seattle, but she's always looking good enough to eat in outfits you see on women walking around in Manhattan or L.A. She doesn't really realize how well she dresses, either, always joking about how she lives in jeans and a hoodie. There is a deep blush covering her cheeks when she turns around. I wonder what she‟s thinking. I smile at her and her blush deepens. Silly Bella. She's probably thinking about today.

Today. Bella doesn't go down on me in the car. She's flirty and sexy and won't stop kissing my neck and snuggling up to me, and I'm too busy listening to her tell me stories and asking me Jeopardy questions from last night to even think about a blowjob. Delightful. That's what she is. That's what spending time with her is. *** "Where are you running off to?" I ask Bella, who is pulling me up towards the stairs. "Let's go to your room." "You're not hungry?" "Well, a little. Want me to make us something?" "No, Bella. I'll make us sandwiches and we can eat them outside,” I suggest. “Sound good?" She nods. I‟m not making anything complicated. Cheese sandwiches are the best. I also have some grapes, and I cut up some apples into little cubes. Bella looks at me funny and I explain to her how I always have apples cut into little cubes with my sandwiches. She comes behind me and leans against my back. I'm instantly hard thinking about the blue blanket and her hands and her long legs. "We don't have any soda. Wine won't do. Orange juice? Water?" I ask. "'Wine won't do?' ... Oh God forbid you let me have a sip of wine at my age!" "B, your dad would kill me." "He'd kill you anyway if he knew we were here." I sigh. "Would you like some wine, Bella? We only have some prosecco, though." "Will you have some?" she asks. "Just a glass." "‟Kay, just a glass, please." Ugh. I shouldn't be doing this, but I can't deny her alcohol for the next four years. I can't deny her anything, really. Plus, she was at a party where everyone was drinking two nights ago. There is nothing wrong with enjoying a glass of wine. It's wine. It's good for you. You're giving her sparkling Italian wine. It probably has no health benefits. I pour a little bit of the prosecco into two glasses. I definitely won't be getting Bella drunk today. I need her sober. Completely sober.

"B, see that blanket? Can you bring it outside with the sandwiches and fruit?" "Ooooh! A picnic!" I smile. "Sure, a picnic. Come on, let's eat." Bella doesn't eat grapes, apparently. But she lets me try to feed her apple cubes by aiming at her mouth and throwing them from where I'm sitting across the blanket. I get two in, three go down her shirt. She looks so incredibly sexy with her shoes off, leaning back on her elbows, drinking from the wine glass. When we are finished eating I set the plates and glasses aside and bring her to my lap. "I loved your text last night,” I tell her. "Did you?" "Mmmhmm, yes." I kiss her cheek and she looks into my eyes, sighs. "What?" "I'm going to miss you when school starts,” Bella tells me. "Shhhh. We have plenty of time until school starts. And I'm pretty sure your dad will be cool with us hanging out after school and work by then." She nods. Her eyes are still sad. I hold her tighter and she wiggles around in my lap until she is straddling me. She places her forehead against mine, the tips of our noses are touching. "Talk to me," she breathes. "Bella... There are countries, there are rivers, in your eyes, my country is your eyes, I walk through them, they light the world through which I walk, lovely one." She shivers against me and tilts her head, brings her lips to mine. Warm, soft, enchanting. My hands go to her hips and she pushes me down onto my back. "You seduce me with poetry," Bella whispers.

I smile and pull her down to me, cupping her face with my hands. She grinds her hips against my cock, eliciting a loud groan from deep within my chest. "Take off your shirt," she commands. Yes. She stares down at me, her fingers are on my shoulders, my chest, and travel down to my stomach. "Take off my shirt." She sits up and I tug her tank top out of her skirt. She is wearing a white lace bra, I'm pretty sure it's the same one she was wearing the first week I met her. Her long gold necklace hangs between her tits. Her nipples are hard under the lace, dark pink, begging me to get closer, to explore, taste. "My bra." I nod. The fingers of her right hand graze the hair above and below my bellybutton. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I unhook her bra, sliding the straps down her shoulders. I try to move up to kiss her shoulders, her nipples, her beautiful stomach, but she shakes her head and pushes me back down. "My skirt." Shit. She's almost completely naked. I'm taking off her clothes. She's making me do it for her. She's been naked around you before, this doesn't mean you're going to have sex. Relax. Take off her skirt, she's still wearing panties or something, right? I look for buttons or a zipper, but find nothing. She laughs and hooks her fingers into the skirt, pulling it down. I help her along until she gets up and stumbles out of it herself. I laugh. She is not wearing white lace below. It's navy lace, just like the black ones she wore last week when she stayed with me. I grab her necklace and pull her down to me, and start kissing her face. Deep brown eyes. Slightly permanently swollen nose, from a fall she said she had a few years ago. Deep pink cheeks and lips like candy. Soft, soft skin. The softest. I can kiss her face forever and not get bored, it's the part of Bella I saw first, the part of Bella that is the most Bella. It's what holds her smiles, her smirks, her raised eyebrows and crinkled nose. All of her expressions. Everything I cherish about her. It's where her words come from, that wonderful mouth. I kiss it and she pulls away. "I'm taking off your pants." I nod. Moving my hips so she can pull them down, I watch her face. The desire in her eyes makes me wild. She bites her bottom lip and blushes when my pants are gone. She looks up for permission before removing my socks. I want to smile, but she looks so serious. "Now we're equals," she breathes, situating herself beside me. "We are always equals." "Well yeah, but now we're both almost naked,” she explains.

We are. I've waited too long, so I grab her and catch her rosy, perky left nipple between my teeth. Her head rolls back and her eyes close. "Mmmhmmmm..." I lick and suck and love her nipple. "Who ever desired each other as we do? Let us look for the ancient ashes of hearts that burned, and let our kisses touch there, one by one - " I punctuate the words with kisses. I can't stop. I'm insatiable. "Edward, please... you're driving me crazy." I roll her onto her back and start assaulting her neck. Okay, so I lied. I think her neck is my favorite part of Bella. I can't help but bite down, but then I remember the last time I did that. Bad idea. "I think I should be more careful, your dad warned me about... evidence,” I remind her/ There is nothing I want more than to lose myself with her. She can wear turtlenecks. "So mark me somewhere else." Mark her? Did she just say that? I want to spend a day inside her head. Every word out of her mouth fascinates me. "Is that what you want?" I ask. "Yes." Yes. The possibilities... I move down her body and my tongue finds her bellybutton. She giggles as I dip my tongue inside. Her fingers are in my hair and she pushes me down. I look up and smile, she's blushing. Down it is... I spread her legs a little, my hand on her left knee. I start licking a spot inside her right thigh, so close to my favorite favorite part of Bella. "So I'll mark you... here?" She nods. "Edward, I want you to do more than mark me today." I rest my head where Bella feels so incredibly warm, kissing the spot I chose before I look up into her eyes. "I'll do anything you want me to do today."

Chapter 30 – Bare Bella Anything I want. I think I forget to breathe when I hear him say that, watching him slide off the last article of clothing I am wearing. Okay, so now what? Ooohh... Now that. It's always a little embarrassing when he starts licking me there. I mean that's him, licking me there. It's the most intimate thing I have experienced. When he's not doing this I think holding hands is the most intimate thing two people can do. There's something about holding someone's hand... Trust, love, palms together. I love Edward's hands. Ugh, I can't attempt to form a single thought without losing track halfway through. Right now he looks so intense, hard at work. The embarrassment quickly disappears, thoughts disappear. I feel the beginning of the sweetness that takes over when Edward touches me, and I'm almost angry when he stops. I guess my anger is evident on my face, because he starts to laugh. Kisses feel like whispers where I'm wet, his tongue finds the spot he had chosen and I'm squirming as he bites, sucks. I realize that he is speaking, saying things against my skin, like he has forgotten that I'm here, that my legs and everything between them are attached to a person. I love it when he loses himself like this. I wonder if it's a reaction to me, or if it's an Edward thing. Maybe I'm naïve, but I think it's a reaction to me. I believe everything this boy says. When his lips touch my clit, I gasp. He finally looks up into my eyes, and if I didn't know Edward, I would be scared. Dark, almost menacing. Everything is forgotten when he possesses me like this. For a few seconds I am able to sit up, leaning back on my elbows, watching him, but when his finger enters me I fall back. I know I'm going to come like this. So far I have tried to remember every single orgasm Edward has given me. I want to write them down because I don't want to forget. Fingers, mouth, his body against mine. Each one is unique, but the high is the same. Indescribable. When I finally masturbated the other day, it felt great. It's definitely something I can get used to, because I loved the control I had over the pleasure that overtook me; but the intensity of coming with someone else... with him.... Ugh, I just want more and more and more. I flinch when I feel a slight discomfort where Edward's finger is. "Two." I nod. I look down and see the flush that has taken over my body. I see my chest falling up and down as I take deep, heavy breaths. I wiggle my hips and try to get used to the sensation of having so much inside of me. It's a little painful, and I wince a few times when Edward pushes them hard into me. I bite my bottom lip. His free hand comes up and a finger brushes against it. I take the finger into my mouth, between my teeth. I make my tongue dance around it. The tip of his finger is a little salty. I use it as a distraction, hoping the soreness I feel will go away.

And I guess it works, because a few minutes later my hips are moving, totally on their own, trying to feel more, get more. His mouth is back on my clit and sweet Jesus, I don't think I have ever been this excited. Completely out of control. I squeeze and move and whimper and my hands have somehow made it to my breasts, then my fingers are in his hair and I hold onto him as I come. Shaking uncontrollably. Lost. Found. My eyes close and I stretch, feeling the soft breeze everywhere. I can't help but smile, and I hear Edward's light chuckle close to my left ear. "That was ridiculous,” I manage to say. “Now I have to go down on you because that would be the polite thing to do, but I'm too tired. You can just sit on my face, would that work?" I know that I am smiling like an idiot. My brain isn't functioning enough to think about the logistics. I suppose it would work, and I'm more than willing to try, but Edward just keeps laughing. "Wow, Bella, you really know how to make a guy feel wanted." "Don't be an asswipe. I'm offering myself to you. I just don't want to move... ever... so good..." His breath is hot against my neck. "You liked that, huh?" "Mmhmmm..." "You're going to wake up to one hell of a bruise tomorrow,” he tells me. "Good." "Come here." My back to his chest, I close my eyes again and just feel. I realize I'm very naked, outside, on a blanket. Maybe I should care, maybe I should put something on, but I know this isn't over. Edward's hand is on my belly, his lips are in my hair. I push myself back against him, he holds me tighter. "Be good, B." He is not doing this again. "Good? Like you don't want this." I push back again, he is so hard. There is no point in his denying that this is exactly what he wants. He grabs my waist and pulls me impossibly close to him. He rolls over onto his back and takes me along. Grabbing both hips, he starts sliding my ass over his erection, telling me that this is exactly what he wants. Me. As good as it feels, I still want more. I can't let this be it – he can't just distract me again. I stop him, and get up. He grabs my wrist as I turn around and straddle him. I press my lips to his, feel his smile grow. Kissing along his jaw, I feel his hands on my ass. A finger runs between my cheeks again and I shudder. Focus. "Not fair,” I tell him. “I'm naked. Your turn."

"I'm almost naked..." I shake my head and bring my hands to the waistband of his boxers. I lean in and whisper. "You said you would do anything I want today." What is it you want Bella? Are you ready for what you think you want? What if it hurts, and you can't go through with it and he realizes you're a stupid kid who can't even have sex? Of course it's what I want. Of course it's going to hurt. Shut up, shut up, shut up. I run the back of my fingers over him, his head falls back. "Bella..." I turn my hand over and add more pressure with my palm. "I want you to take them off,” I say. He looks at me. I can't tell if he's excited, angry, or confused. His expression is blank. I tilt my head to the side and bring his hand between my legs. "Take them off and touch me?" He nods. I move off of him for a second as he slides down his boxers. My heart starts pounding in my chest. If I suck, I suck. I mean, how terrible can I possibly be if I just spread my legs and let him do me? Practice makes perfect. And we all have to start somewhere. Before he can reach out and touch me again, I move down his body and kiss him. I don't know if guys like this. It's not like I'm sucking him, or licking him. Just one kiss. One day I want him to sit down and allow me to get to know his penis. I just want to touch, taste, play, see how he reacts to different things I do. "I love that,” he says. He reads minds now? I smile and look down. My heart beats faster. How am I going to do this? "Hey, stop staring at my cock. There are a million other things you can do with it." Oh really? I open my mouth wide and take it all in. Well, as much as I can. I haven't really learned to control my gag reflex yet. "Bella's being a good girl today." I nod and continue to move up and down, looking into his eyes. "Baby, you're going to make me come. Your mouth..."

I shake my head and release him. "You're not coming in my mouth today." Before he can speak, I take him into my hand and run his head over my lips, twice. I remember doing this the first time I went down on him. He had enjoyed it. I love how soft he feels against my lips. I taste the little bit of liquid he leaves behind on the corner of my mouth. Divine. Crawling back up, I find myself in his arms, his hands in my hair. "I love you, you know that right?" Placing my forehead against his, I whisper yes, and repeat the words I used just a few weeks ago, as his fingers start their little game again. "Show me." Edward Why are we both naked right now? Why is Bella's pussy inches away from my cock? Why am I not pulling her down onto it and fucking her until it's time to return her to Charlie? Why can't I look away when her eyes get all round and sweet and sexy, as she is asking me to show her shit? She has to stop looking at me like this. I know what she is expecting, but I can't give it to her. She doesn't know that I have made my decision, and my stomach clenches at the thought of the disappointment that will take over her face. "You really want this," I breathe, as my finger slowly enters Bella. She gasps. Her breathing is erratic, her hand comes up and finds my cheek. "So do you." I do, Bella, but aren't we moving a little too fast? We met a few weeks ago and as much as I hate to admit it, you're so fucking young, and I love you, so I should be able to wait a little longer. At least until you turn seventeen. Of course I keep all this to myself because let's be real, I really, really want to do this and to be here with her. Informing Bella of my decision will ruin the mood right now. Oh, so just take her virginity in an attempt to not ruin the mood. Great idea. We kiss as I touch her, and she touches me. We kiss as our bodies brush against each other, making me ache for more. We kiss as I tell her that I love her and she tells me that no one else will ever have her this way. We kiss as my resistance wavers and I can think of nothing but finally having her. When I roll her over, the fear in Bella's eyes is evident. Disappointment and relief wash over me simultaneously, if possible. "You okay?"

"I'm fine," she breathes, "this... I'm happy." "I know, I don't want to think about getting back to real life." "Let's not,” she suggests. “I'm pretty sure this is all I need." I play with her nipple, rolling it between my fingers. "Mmhmm, I'm pretty sure you'll be bored soon enough and you will want to go back to real life. Wear clothes, socialize with other people..." "All of that is overrated. 'I don't want to live. I want to love, and live incidentally...'" I chuckle. "Alright, Zelda. So just love me." "That's the plan." I smile at her words. All the plans... Plans I never consciously had, but kept talking about. And then when I actually made plans... Well, I've been having some trouble sticking to them. Like this whole waiting thing, is it something I'm sticking to? "So are you going to let me love you?" she asks. Just talk to her. "What is it that you're asking, B?" "You know what I want." "If you can't say the words, you're just not ready to do it." Hah! I win. Excellent, Cullen. "If you don't want to do it, just tell me. Stop turning everything around and placing all the blame on me, or my ability to communicate." I knew it wouldn't be that easy. "I want to do it,” I admit. “I just thought we had an agreement to wait until you turn seventeen." "Then why do you say things like 'I'll do whatever you want' and promise me things, when you have no intention of fulfilling any of your promises?" "I mean it when I say these things. I want to give you everything you want, it's just that - " She shakes her head. "No. No more excuses. Tell me now, are we ever having sex?" Is she crazy? "Of course." "Are we having it on our terms or on your terms?" she asks.

"What do you mean?" "I mean, I think this whole waiting thing is stupid. And I don't feel comfortable being in a relationship where you get to decide everything. I'm not going to make you have sex with me if it's something you don't want to do. I have some dignity, some pride. I won't bring this up again. Look at me and tell me you don't want it and I'll shut up. Give me one good reason why you think we should wait and I will let this go." Her arms cover her chest, but she makes no attempt to find her clothes and put them back on. I don't know what she's talking about. Pride? Dignity? I'm just trying to do the right thing. "I'm not going to lie to you, I want it. Again, I've made it abundantly clear - " "Save it. That's not what I'm asking. I know you want to have sex with me, but is it something that you actually intend to do?" Yes. And often. "Yes, but I don't see why we can't - " "Okay,” she cuts me off. “One good reason a stupid date two months away is more important than what I want, and what you say you want." I take a deep breath. "I like the fact that we can tell people we haven't had sex yet. I don't want to have to lie to our parents." "So you're saying that waiting two months will make a huge difference. I'll be seventeen. I'm pretty sure they're not going to give us their blessing to fuck on my birthday." Why are you fighting her on this? She's right. You want this, and two months won't change a thing. Look at her. All this bullshit you've been pulling and she still wants you. What are you trying to prove? That you can wait? You're not proving a thing to anyone. She is yours. She is everything. You have wanted this since the second you met her. "You're right, it won't make a difference. I guess I just mean that we should probably wait until they are okay with this." "So, another year, at least,” she says. "Bella, no - " - I will die. "Edward, yes. That is what you are saying. It's fine. We shouldn't do anything until you're absolutely sure about me." What? "Bella, I'm more than absolutely sure about you. My life is yours. It kills me when you doubt me like that. I want everything to be perfect, I want you to enjoy it, I want it to be so fucking special..." I stop.

Remember what this wise girl once told you. She said that everything is special because it's between you and her. It doesn't matter where, when, or how. It's special. Show her that. Remove all doubt. Don't you get what she's saying? She is taking your hesitation as a sign that you are not sure about her. If there is anything you are sure of, it's her. "B, can we do this?" She looks up at me through the thick lashes that I love to feel against my cheeks. Her shoulders rise and fall and there is a quick nod of her head. "I think... let's move inside?" I suggest. Talk about awkward. "Ummm, to your room? I like it out here... But sure, if ..." "Really? Out here?" She smiles. Her eyes tell me yes. "Alright, ummm. Maybe I should go inside and find a..." Shit. Shit. Shit. "Oh. Right,” she says. “If you want." "I mean we kinda have to, no?" "I guess... ummm. Yeah. I've never done this before so I don't... I'm on the pill?" "I am almost 110% sure that I'm clean, and that we have nothing to worry about, but..." "Whatever you think is best, Edward." What do I think is best? I want to just feel her. I know I'm clean. And I know she is. And she can't get pregnant. Really, Cullen? Well she can, nothing is guaranteed, but shit I just want her right now. I can't believe I was the one saying no a few minutes ago and now I'm ready to just plow into her, no condoms, no protection. "I just want you. Bella I've wanted you since the moment I saw you. I don't know what's wrong with me. I've been trying to do the right thing, but I think the right thing is to just be with you. Let me make you feel good?" "Yeah, make me feel good." I bring her into my arms and hold her tight against me. This is far from ideal: in the back of my parents' house, on a blanket. Yeah, we have no neighbors nearby and nobody is going to interrupt us, but I would have imagined more comfortable circumstances. She kisses my chest and I breathe her in, play with her soft hair, smile at her when she looks up at me. I kiss her forehead and tell her how beautiful she looks and feel her nipples grow hard against me. My heart is beating impossibly fast, I've never been this nervous about anything before. I knew this day was going to come, and I knew that there was a big possibility that it would be today, but now that we're here, I almost can't believe that we are going to be

doing this. Laying her down on her back, I start placing small kisses all over her face, worshiping her. Her innocent, wide eyes tell me she loves me. I have no doubt that no matter what we do today, that innocence won't go away, it's part of who she is. There is nothing I want to change about Bella. She is perfection. The happiness that takes over every cell of my body makes me soar, because I realize that for better or for worse, we are doing something today that will bind us in a way that nothing, nobody can change. I'm going to be her first, and if I don't fuck this up, her only. God, if I can have one wish, it's that I will be her only. My life has been infinitely happier since I met Bella, everything has changed. I've experienced joy that I didn't believe existed. She is an integral part of me. The most important thing in my life. Smiles, touches, words. Her words. She's mine and the sun is on her now, she is glowing, she is light, love, everything perfect and I'm about to have her in a way that will be unique to me forever. Unless you fuck this up. Shut up. "Let me make you come again,” I tell her, my lips on her skin. She shakes her head. "We have our entire lives for you to make me come. I. Just. Want. This." "You're probably not going to come..." "I'm not stupid, I realize that this is going to be unpleasant, at best." "And you still want it." "Break me in, Cullen. Someone has to. Think about the next time, and the time after that, and the - " "Shut the fuck up." I kiss her and kiss her and don't want it to end but I want to tell her things. Everything. I try to come up with words written by other people that will convey my feelings, my thoughts, more eloquently. I can't come up with shit. Instead, I kiss Bella's mouth, and cheeks, and throat, and neck. I kiss her shoulders and her delectable tits, and I almost forget where this is going because I'm obsessed with her nipples and that shit will never change. She makes incredibly delicious sounds, and when she wants me to move along, she tugs on my hair and guides me to a new bit of skin to taste, a new freckle to fall in love with, or just a familiar part of Bella that needs some extra attention. "Edward... I love you." Again, she beats me to it. Her cheeks are glowing, they are a bright pink. Her lips are swollen, a deep red. I have never wanted anything, anyone like this. My cock is painfully hard. Control yourself. Like she said, we have our entire lives... Don't fuck this up. "Me too. So much... Baby, how do you want this?" Because if I have it my way, I will fuck you so hard you'll be screaming my name and people all the way over at the diner will hear you. If I have it my way, you'll be on all fours in a matter of seconds, begging for my cock, and I'll be pulling your hair, fucking you, until your elbows and knees give away.

You're a fucking animal. Don't let your dick do the talking here – listen to your heart and your head. Show her how much you love her. "I don't care... I just want you." Well, then, let us proceed. I smile and hold her face in my hands. I kiss her nose, forehead, her cheeks, and finally her lips. "You ready, B?" "Great, Edward, now '03 Bonnie and Clyde is going to be stuck in my head." "You're ridiculous." I laugh, as I lick her throat. "I'm going to have to sing it to you at socially awkward moments. Family dinners, work functions. All I need in this life of sin, is me and my - " We laugh and I roll on top of her and start nibbling on her earlobe. "Oh my God Edward, can we please do this before I freak?" "Eager beaver." "You said beaver." She giggles. "Bella, don't make me regret fucking a minor." "I'm not - " I cover her mouth with my hand and spread her legs, just hanging out between them, assessing the situation. She laughs when I scratch my head. I'm so fucking hard. I grab my cock and push the hair off her left shoulder. "B," I whisper into her ear, "if it hurts, or if it's uncomfortable, just tell me." "Mmhmmm, „kay." She's nervous, I can tell. The jokes and laughter helped, but it's back. She bites her lip and I stop myself from soothing it with my finger and making her stop. If she needs that distraction, so be it. I love the habit but she's going to seriously hurt herself someday gnawing at her flesh like that. My head is at her entrance and I decide to play with her for a little longer. She's incredibly wet, her pussy is glistening, almost sparkling. I move against her, up, to her clit, hearing her moan softly. Back down, stopping, looking at her. She grins. She grins. I nuzzle and kiss her neck in an attempt to distract her from pain that is in all likelihood inevitable, and she brings her arms around my neck and moves her face so that our lips meet. Spreading her legs just a little wider, I press myself inside Bella, slowly. ... ...

Snap out of it, Cullen. You have to move. Just the head in, and I'm already lost. "Tight" doesn't describe Bella. My cock is singing, dancing, doing back flips, thanking me, thanking God. How am I ever going to resist her again? I envision a life for us where we don't ever have to leave my bed and I get to fuck her in every possible position known or unknown to man. I push in a little further, and feel her squirm under me. Breathe, Edward. "Look at me, B. Focus on me." She nods and smiles. I can tell she's uncomfortable. I stroke her hair and tell her I love her, kiss her the tip of nose again. I really don't want to stop. Amazing. She is warm, so warm. I can never leave her, I want to spend eternities in her pussy. I never want to come up for air when she kisses me as I fuck her endlessly. I start to move my hips and when I find myself deeper inside her, her mouth parts and she brings her hand to it, biting down on her knuckles. She whimpers. I stop. "Shit, I'm sorry - " "Don't stop, it's okay. Move. I want you to feel good," she whispers into my neck. She shifts, and her legs wrap around me. Oh my God. Just a little more, but I can't. I'm terrified of hurting her. "Edward, move." In true Bella fashion, she does something completely unexpected, pushing her feet into my ass until I'm completely inside her. Inside. Her. "Owwww." Too good. This feels too good to stop, but I have to. I try to pull out, but she won't let me. "Will. You. Please. MOVE?" The girl is stubborn. She looks so determined, spreading her legs farther apart, pulling me into her. She is doing this for us, because she loves me, because she wants me. I want to reassure her, I want her to have no doubt that this is the most wonderful experience of my life, and that it will be as wonderful for her when her body gets used to me. "This is going to get better, I promise. It's just this once." I'm not quite sure I believe that last part, but I'm pretty sure the first part is true. I hope. Our eyes lock as I thrust into her with some force. Her eyes are closed, brow furrowed. I slowly move inside, kissing her. Bella's hands are on my shoulders, my back. She whimpers sometimes, moans a little. As tight is she is, I feel her clenching around me a few times, probably just nerves. I just about lose it when this happens, because it's all just too much. I hold on so tight that I'm momentarily concerned about her ability to breathe normally, but she just looks at me with such adoration in her eyes that I melt against her, putty in her hands. I am nothing without Bella, apart from Bella.

"Nothing has ever felt this amazing. You're perfect. I knew it the second I met you. Nothing can ever be better." "Mmmhmmm." I rock back and forth, kiss her. "You're so warm, Bella. I want to stay like this forever." "I want you here inside me forever. Don't leave," she murmurs. "So good. So sweet. Love you." My mind goes blank and I begin to lose any control that I might possess. I start panting as I hold her closer, forehead to forehead. Her hot breath on my face, I move faster, hearing tiny sounds escape her, feeling her nails dig into my skin. Her legs wrap tighter around me and I'm lost. She is too warm, too tight, too delicious for me to last any longer. Too much. Two more thrusts and I collapse as I explode inside her. I feel her placing soft kisses on the top of my head, her hand is stroking my hair. I can't help but smile. My new goal in life: do that every day, at least twice a day, for as long as Bella will have me. "How are you feeling baby?" "I'm...okay." Her face is all scrunched up, like she just tasted something awful. She has never looked as innocent as she does now. I laugh. "Okay is good." I kiss her temple. "You didn't kick me off and run home, so I'm happy." "Wow, high standards you've got there." I cup her cheek in my hand and try to decipher her expression and emotions. There is so much going on in her eyes right now that I can't tell the good from the bad. "Bella, I'm serious, are you okay?" "Yes, it definitely still hurts, but..." She gives me a half-smile, blushing. "I promise it gets better." "I'm sure it does. Did you...? I mean, you kept stopping and... I just wanted you to have fun." Her eyes are huge. I love her more every second we are together. "Ummm, I have plans to steal you and keep you in my room and do that all day long..." "I wouldn't object,” she tells me.

"No? Even though I was just 'okay?'" "I didn't say you were just okay. I'm just a little overwhelmed. It was pretty painful. When I basically pushed you in I felt like my vagina was on fire, and not in a good way. I mean, for a second I wasn't sure if I would ever be able to accommodate your umm... manhood." She grins. I roll onto my back, taking Bella with me. It has gotten chillier out here. I can't help but cover her breasts with my hands, playing with my favorite little Bella-accessories. "You're adorable. I think the accommodations were very much to my liking. And when and if you feel ready to... do that again, I'm here." "Okay, I'll let you know when I don't feel like I've given just birth to the Gosselin clan." I hope she's exaggerating. It couldn't have been that painful. I can't do it again if she's going to be in that kind of agony. But it's all I want to do. "B, is it that bad? I'm sorry... Ugh, I'm not. I'm sorry that you're in pain but fuck that felt good." I see her perk up. She looks at me, raises an eyebrow. "Really?" Is she kidding? "It felt phenomenal." "Oh. I just want to satisfy you..." I laugh. “I'm satisfied just talking to you, touching you. I've never felt this good before." "I know, I know,” she says, “I'm just glad that you don't seem disappointed." "Silly Bella. You do realize that you've created a monster. I just want to go again, and again, and again." Her face lights up. I pull her close to me and smell her, touch her, love her. "Okay." "Okay?” "Maybe after a little break we can try again?" she asks. Her voice is timid, her cheeks are red, but her eyes are on fire. "I meant it when I said that I will do anything you want today." She smiles, because she knows that I'm not fucking going anywhere.

Chapter 31 – Nutella Bella A little break? Are you stupid? That cannot happen again anytime soon. He probably caused major damage down there. Really, Bella, how did you think it would feel going from a finger to that monstrosity? Ugh, it's not that huge, I've seen bigger in porn. I look at his penis. It's not hard like it was earlier. Thank God. He notices where my eyes are and smirks. I narrow my eyes and pretend to be annoyed. I hope I won't have an irrational fear of his penis from now on. Stop it. It wasn't so bad. Like right now, I feel sore, a little raw, but I'm good. And he's back to his thorough examination of my nipples and it feels nice. I can try again. Practice makes perfect. Practice makes perfect. Fuck that. Let's go back to rubbing/dry humping. That didn't hurt and always felt amazing. You idiot, this will feel amazing too. Just give it another try. No. Yes. No. Yes. Fine, yes. Maybe one more try. Yay! Not now. "B, let's take this party inside. It's getting chilly out here." I nod and get up. Our clothes are sitting on the grass and on the blanket, so I start to gather them up. Mine, his, it doesn't matter. I don't want us to put them back on yet, so I'll keep everything hostage. He picks up the blanket and throws it over my shoulders, wrapping me in his arms. "You're silent,” Edward observes. "No." "You are. Talk, I want to know that you're okay."

"I am okay. I'm a little..." "Overwhelmed?" He is teasing me, referring to what I had said earlier. "No, just thinking. Do I think too much for you? Not used to that? It's okay, I'm not used to feeling like I was just impaled by a massive - " "Don't finish that thought. Bella, was it really that bad?" I secure the blanket around me, look up into his eyes, and smile. "It hurt. Big deal. I've just got a million things running through my head. Feed me again and let's go to your room." "You eat too much." "Ew." We eat some cheese and I mess around with some Nutella. He asks if he can eat some off my nipple, I say no. Then he looks sad and mopes around while washing the knives and plates we used, so I put a little bit on my left nipple and tap him on the shoulder. He turns around. I can tell that he is fighting back a smile as he raises an eyebrow. I shrug. "I felt sorry for you." "Good." He grabs me and lifts me up to sit on the counter next to the sink. I become stupid again when he starts feasting on the Nutella and my legs do that automatic spreading thing they do when Edward is around. He pulls me closer and starts talking into my neck. "You're so bad. I can't believe I'm in my parents' kitchen, naked, with you here wrapped in a blanket." I giggle, like the sixteen-year-old I am. He kisses me, I taste the "Original Creamy, Chocolaty Hazelnut Spread" and giggle some more. "What's so funny?" he asks. "This is so ... gross." "Gross? Ummm, no. Nutella and nipples are never gross. Strange combination, maybe, because of its consistency, but never gross." "Yeah, but now there's chocolate spread on my boob." He takes care of the problem. "You've got a lot to learn, Swan."

"And I want to learn it all from you,” I tell him. "So cheesy, I love it." I smack him on the ass and try to slide off the counter, but he stops me. "All kidding aside, B. I want to be the one to teach you everything, if there is anything to teach... This is going to sound very selfish, but I can't imagine anyone else touching you, or doing any of this with you. I want to be the only one. I realize that you're young, and that one day you might want to go out and experience other things, other people... but I want to keep you to myself, be the only..." "Shhh. Stop talking nonsense." I run my fingers through his hair and smile, trying to elicit a smile from him. He doesn't comply. Who's the silent one now? I should have known I'd be dealing with emo Edward right after he takes my virginity. Typical. Cupping his face in my hands, I get him to look at me and start making silly faces. "Look!" He sighs and looks. I stick my tongue out and make it touch the tip of my nose. It's my one talent. His eyes grow wide. "Jealous, huh? I bet you wish you could do that." Edward laughs and rolls his eyes. He picks me up. Wtf? "Come on, little one. We're going upstairs." "Put me down!" I shout. "Fine. You're heavy anyway." "You're old." His smile is real now, and it's big. He takes my hand and all the clothes, and we go upstairs to his room. I wonder if he's thinking about round two. Gulp. I don't want to seem more freaked out and nervous about it the second time around. Maybe if I don't say anything he won't either and I can get drunk the next time we decide to do this. Relax, he won't ever do anything to hurt you. He won't ever do anything you don't want to do. Yes, but I want it, and it's going to hurt. Might as well be drunk. "Can I have more wine?" I ask. "Huh?" "That stuff we had earlier. Can we have more?" "No."

"Why not?" "I have to take you home soon, you can't be drunk. By the way, what did you tell Jacob?" "I texted him and told him I'm leaving early to meet with Angela and that we'll be hanging out all day." He starts to unwrap me from the blanket. "Not bad, B. When does your dad get home?" "No idea, I should call him" "Yeah," Edward agrees. It's four-thirty, which means I technically have another hour and a half here with Edward, and then I have to go. I call my dad's cell, but he doesn't pick up. Odd. I try the house phone. Apparently his shift doesn't start until eight, so he's home watching TV. I tell him I'm in Port Angeles with friends and left work early. He still wants me home before he leaves. Boo. "His shift starts at eight. I have to get home before that." "So he'll be gone all night?" "Yes. When he works that late it means he's covering someone else's shift, usually he doesn't have to work such odd hours. He'll be gone until like seven tomorrow." "He'll leave you by yourself?" Edward asks. "Yeah, it's cool." "I guess you're old enough.” He smirks. I kiss his chest and he plays with my hair. I feel less sore and annoyed about the weirdness between my legs with every minute that passes. "Stay with me tonight?" I ask him. "Bella..." "You'd deny me this? Today?" "That's not fair. If he catches us again..." "He won't. You'll be out by six. Five even. I'll set an alarm. Or we can stay up... I ..." I really don't want to be alone tonight. "Bella, I want nothing more than to stay with you tonight, every night. We can't risk it. He can come home at any - " "But he won't,” I try to assure him. “He has to work. You can park your car far from the house, and I always hear his car pull up in my sleep. We'd know. And - "

"Baby... don't make me say no. I can't imagine being apart from you for five seconds right now, but we really need to be careful." I know he's right, but that doesn't make me feel any better. He presses his lips to my forehead. "You told him you're out with friends, right? So we have extra time now. And we can talk on the phone all night. And if anything happens and you really need me, I'll be over in a second. I just don't want to fuck this up." I nod, curling up into fetal position with my back to him. I stare off into space, wondering why I feel so empty right now. I shouldn't. My boyfriend wants to do the right thing so that we can be together. He loves me. I just had sex with him. He's happy. He said he wants to be the only one. His arm drapes over my waist and his hand caresses my belly. I move my hand up and take his fingers into mine. Edward's lips are on my neck and they are gentle, soft, sweet. "You're my angel, you know that? It doesn't matter where we are, I take you with me wherever I go. I think of you, smell you, taste you. I never thought this was possible. Have some faith, B. Just because I'm not sleeping next to you doesn't mean that we're not together. If you want, I will wait until I hear you fall asleep on the phone. I can be outside your house, if you crave that closeness. My life is yours. In less than a year we can be off, we can be together always. You'll even get sick of me." His words make my heart beat. I swear, without him there's nothing. "Less than a year?" I ask. "You graduate in June. You'll still be seventeen but as long as your dad's cool with it, we can just leave. I think he will be, I really do." He grips my hand tightly, offering me waves of support, comfort, reassurance. "What if he isn't? And what if your dad keeps bugging you about us? Are you going to tell him if he asks again?" "Bella, if we don't fuck up and get caught breaking any rules, I really think Charlie is going to accept us,” Edward tells me. “He's a reasonable man, and he loves you. He knows I would never hurt you. It's only been a week since he found out and we've already made so much progress. As for my father... I'm not going to lie to him. We've done nothing wrong. We love each other, and this is a way of expressing that love. This is right, and no amount of pressure from our family or friends or anyone will change that. I just spent the best moments of my life with you, and I can only hope that looking back, when you're feeling a little less sore and anxious, you will feel the same way. We have nothing to worry about." I bring his hand up to my mouth and kiss it. "You are so incredibly good,” I tell him. "I'm not, B. I'm really not." "You're good to me." "I try, and I'll spend forever trying."

"I will try harder, too." "Baby you're perfect," he murmurs. I'm glad I have my back to him right now. "No I'm not. I'm judgmental, I snap at you." "Be yourself, Bella. I know you can be a little abrasive sometimes, that you say things without thinking them out first... but that's you." "You mean 'it's okay Bella, I know you're a jerk?'" He laughs. His laugh clearly turns me on because I feel a stirring between my legs that I thought was dead forever. "No, silly,” he tells me. “I mean it's always great to work on character flaws that you think you might have – I try all the time – but when you're talking to me, I want to know what you're thinking, uncensored. You are not judgmental. I know you said some things about me that hurt me when you said them, but you were just being honest. That's all I ask. Be honest with me." "I don't think I'd ever lie to you." He smiles, kisses my shoulder. I turn back and look at him. He is so beautiful, always. But I think he's more beautiful when he is looking at me. It's silly, but I notice it sometimes. The tenderness that takes over his features, the little twinkle in his eyes. I'm definitely a narcissist. I'm so fucking wonderful that I see his beauty magnified when he looks at me. Whatever, let me live in my little fantasy world. It can all go poof one day. "So where do we go after graduation?" I ask. "Well, obviously in August we would have to be in whatever city or town you're going to school in. But we would have over a month to just... play." I turn around to face him. "Play?" A wicked little smile takes over his face and he grabs my boob. "I don't like surprises because they suck and always blow up in your face. Therefore, Bella, I'll tell you what I've been thinking about lately." He takes my hand and plays with my fingers, kisses my palm. "I'm going to get you a graduation gift,” he says. Oooh, I love presents. "Okay..." "But I want to be sure it's what you want." Good boy.

"We have like, eleven months to discuss this." Edward pinches my nose. "Humor me. Anyway, I was thinking we could go somewhere together." "A trip." "Exactly. You get to decide where." "Oh." "We have time. Take your time." "Ummm, we can go to New York," I suggest. "No, it must be an international destination. That's the only rule." "Edward, that's not necessary." "Shut up." "I'm serious, you have loans and - " He lifts me a little and brings me closer, hugging me. "Baby, I have loans and they are being paid off. I don't worry too much about them. I like to tell everyone that I left New York because of my loans and it's partly true, but mostly, I didn't want to be there anymore. I felt like I had to come back. So don't worry about money. This is my gift. And it's not just a graduation gift, it will be an anniversary gift as well." "If you hated New York so much, we can't go there. Like... to live,” I tell him. "I didn't hate New York. In many ways I loved it. But I couldn't sit there deferring loans, doing nothing, and not living the lifestyle I was accustomed to – especially when I found out about the opportunity here. I love the city and I'll go back in a heartbeat with you. I don't need a fancy job, just something to get by on. Maybe the first year we can live in a studio. Studios are pretty fucking small, just one big room with a kitchen and bathroom... but if it means being with you... Of course, if you'd rather stay in a dorm - " "I don't want to stay in a dorm." He lets out a deep breath and hugs me tighter. It makes me feel better knowing just how much he needs me. I'm not the only one. I feel less vulnerable, less scared. "Good. Anyway, back to topic at hand. You get to choose where you want to go before college." "Okay. Ummm... how much can we spend?" We. Is that... okay? "No,” he says, shaking his head. “That's not the question. We can spend as much as we want. Where do you want to go?"

I think about it for a minute. "This is tough,” I say, “I have to think about it. Maybe London? Or no, Paris. Or somewhere more exotic? Maybe... I don't know. Safaris are too expensive. Oh! Let's go to the World Cup in South Africa. Ugh, tickets are impossible to get. Greece? Maybe? Or to Italy – you said something about a coast... I don't know, Edward!" He laughs. "Sshhhh, relax. Think about it, we have plenty of time." "This is so surreal. We're talking about vacations post-graduation, living together... We haven't known each other for a month! Are we just being utterly ridiculous?" I ask Edward. "Maybe. Who cares? Can I touch you again?" "Please." Edwards hands all over me make me forget all the pain I have been complaining about. The overwhelming desire to have him, to let him have me, consume me, is back. I can see no life for me without this. The way his tongue just runs over my throat, my neck, my chest, my stomach. Like it's normal to just endlessly lick someone. Like it's normal to have bite marks between your thighs and on your belly and under your breasts. Bruises where he grabbed your hips. My hands reach out to him and I want to love him, touch him, see his face contort when I feel him explode into my mouth, or on my belly, or anywhere he wants to come. When I run my fingers over him he falls back onto the bed and his eyes close. I'm not afraid of him when he's in my mouth, so that's where I take him, and the taste of him and me and us turns me into an animal, and I'm sliding over his thigh, feeling blissful, licking, kissing, sucking him, hearing his grunts and sighs, adding my own to form an intricate, yet so simple harmony. I refuse to let go when he pulls me up to kiss me. I feel like a petulant child, shaking myself free from his hold on me. I was so close, and so was he. Edward chuckles and starts kissing my lips slowly, settling me on top of him, running his hands over my back. When his hands reach my ass and grab it roughly I can't help but move against him, wet and soft against hot and hard; his teeth attack my lips and he whispers things to me that make my head spin. Does he know I would do anything he asks of me right now? I wonder what he's thinking as his fingers brush against parts of me I never imagined anyone would ever touch. I wonder if he's conscious of where his hands go, how long they linger or how short their stay is in certain locales. His palms are on my breasts and I push myself against them, silently asking him to be rougher, to hold on tighter. My nipples almost hurt as they rub against his palms, but it's such a good kind of hurt, such a sweet kind. Sucking on the inside of his smooth bottom lip I take his tongue into my mouth and after a few seconds of confusion and conflict I let him take over, because I will gladly let him take control of every aspect of my life and trust him with it, and it all starts here. In his bed. Attached at our mouths and maybe soon where it really counts. Edward's hands are on my shoulders and he pulls away from my mouth. I'm panting... panting, but there is no need to be embarrassed because so is he. "Bella." "Yes," I struggle to say.

"I – you're ..." I brush my lips against his, putting a stop to his attempts at conversation. "Again, please." "Really? You're feeling better?" I nod. Now. Not tomorrow or Wednesday or next Saturday or five minutes from now. Now. "Bella, I love you. Tell me what you want." "You." "How?" "Surprise me." He looks pensive for a moment before gently laying me down on the bed. My heart starts to beat really fast because really, this is the moment of truth. Moment of truth? Are you really never going to let him have sex with you if it hurts again? Maybe I shouldn't be stupid, maybe I should give this five full tries before giving up and telling him my mouth is all he can ever have. And my hands. I'll even let him go all porno on me with my breasts – that could work! Maybe you should stop overthinking and just enjoy this. "B, honesty, right?" "Yeah." "Are you okay?" he asks. "I'm scared." He looks so concerned. "Scared? Were you scared the first time?" "No, I was more excited the first time... anxious. Now I'm scared it's always going to hurt like that." "Bella, if it was that bad we really shouldn't be doing this. How are you feeling now?" "I'm perfectly fine now. Please, let's try. I'll totally obsess over this until the next chance we get if we don't do this now." "Don't be ridiculous. You need to recoup, to heal. We can try again soon." I shake my head. "I'm serious about this,” I tell him. “If I can't deal I will stop you. I'll throw you off. I'll scream."

He smiles and kisses me. "You are so silly. I hate causing you pain." He starts placing random, wet kisses down my right side. "E, honesty, right?" I ask. "Of course." "You really want to do me right now." A muffled "yes" is barely audible from where his mouth is on my ribcage. "Okay. 1 - 2 - I'm counting to five and it's your last shot. 3 - come on, stop dilly-dallying, Edward. 4 - " Suddenly his lips are on my clit and I squeal in delight. "No. No. No mouth..." Yes. Yes. Yes. More, please. Delirious. That's what I am when he laughs against me. Against the part of me that was so sore just a little while ago. That's what I am when he kisses me there, making it all go away. Dozens of kisses, a few soft whispers, pure adoration. "Edward... come here." He listens. "I love you." "I love you too, Bella." I smile at his words and touch him, shifting to bring him closer to me. My ass comes off the bed and I roll my hips towards him, trying to feel him against me. He halts my movements and presses me firmly to the mattress. "Open your legs, B." Yes, Sir. "I've never wanted anything this much, Bella." He lowers himself on top of me, resting on an elbow. Our noses touch, then our lips. The fire starts burning in my belly, spreads to my breasts, between my legs, shoots down to my toes. His hand covers me, and I start pushing myself against his palm. I want him to lose himself. I want him to stop thinking. More than that, I want to get lost in this, I want to just live, feel him, not care. Words tumble out of my mouth. "i like my body when it is with your body. It is so quite new a thing."

He sighs, kisses my shoulder. I feel him up against me. Closer. And closer. I look straight into his eyes and see desire the likes of which I've never seen before. I push myself against him. "Bella..." My eyes close as I feel him there. Gentle. Slow. Endless kisses on my throat. His breath is hot on my skin. His sounds are what I concentrate on, along with words that I whisper into his hair, as my fingers run up and down his back. "i like to feel the spine of your body and its bones, and the trembling -firm-smooth ness and which i will again and again and again kiss..." He groans and I feel him everywhere. Yes, it hurts, the burn is quite unpleasant, but this time there is something good. Not good like I'm going to have an orgasm soon good, but just good. We can't possibly be closer, and that is exactly what I have wanted all this time. This oneness. He moves inside me and asks me how I feel, if he should slow down, if I'm okay. Good. No. Yes. Although it's not exactly pleasure I feel, I adore the way he fills me up and the way his body moves against mine. Sometimes if I concentrate hard and let go I feel him move against my clit and it feels wonderful and little sounds come out of me that make him smile. He tells me I'm going to come this time and moves a little, and I feel more of that thing I liked, and the more he moves and the more he thrusts, I begin moving along with him. And the more we move together like this, the more I feel like I'm falling. He lets himself go in a way in which he didn't the first time, and his grunts shock me, along with the way his hips move, effortlessly, deliberately, with so much grace, making me need more and more and more until my body is shaking uncontrollably. His mouth is behind my ear when a single thrust just ends it for me, and he cries out when he feels me come, and I'm holding him tighter, praying this never ends. That was... unexpected. "You're smiling." Am I? "It's the best reaction I could have hoped for. You look happy." Jesus, Edward, give a girl a minute to get her shit together before starting a conversation. "I am happy,” I manage to say. Also, I have this ridiculously strong urge to feel as close as possible to you right now. I don't want to think about not being able to have at least an inch of my skin touching yours at any given moment. You are all I crave. I hold on tight and I swear I think I could start purring I'm so content. "I think that went better than the first time, no?" He grins.

"Maybe." He leans into me and whispers, "Liar. I felt just how hard you came. It made me lose my fucking mind. You're impossibly warm. And tight. Your skin is... so soft, and - " I shut him up with a kiss. I don't know if he's trying to be poetic or if post-coital Edward is just a little... strange, and I don't care to find out right now. I want his lips. And hands. And... Is it bad that I can do that again and again and again? You are so dickmatized... After a lot of kissing and some cuddling I put on my top and get up to go to the bathroom. It sort of burns when I pee because who knows what's going on in there. I wash my face and try to appear somewhat normal, and return to find a very happy Edward still naked, on his bed. I plop myself down beside him. He rests his head on my stomach. "Hello Edward. What are you thinking about?" "I think I'm in love." I laugh. "Did you just figure this out?" He brings a hand between my legs and keeps it there. "I'm not talking about you," he says, waving his hand dismissively. "I'm talking about her." "You're in love with my vagina? That's nice. She likes you t - " "Quiet. Give us a moment." He leans in and gives me a sweet kiss right on my clit. It tickles and I push him away. "You can't do that,” Edward tells me. “She's my best friend." "Oh really? Well your best friend needs to go home, she is done playing. Come, on, say 'goodbye Edward!' Goodbye Edward!" "Your vagina just talked to me." "She's not rude, Edward. You've been talking to her for weeks now." "Yes, we have the best conversations,” he says. “She needs a name." "No, she really doesn't..." Or does she? "Actually, ummm what do you refer to it as when you think about me ...errr.. it?" His smile is sex. I am practically panting just staring at him right now. Dickmatized...

"That's easy. When I think about your vagina, Bella, my mind goes blank. I smell, taste, feel it. I don't call it anything. Actually, wait – before I became so well acquainted with it I was obsessed with your pussy. You know, when I had thoughts of doing dirty things to you on the hood of the Volvo." Oh my. We are going to be very busy these coming weeks, months, years. "Mmmhmmm, okay. Well, alright." Stop blushing like a moron. All he did was say pussy, and this isn't the first time he's said it. Try to act normal. Or at least try not to act like you're twelve. Ugh he's laughing. Of course he's laughing, you are a loser. "I miss flustered Bella. Blushing Bella. I'm so in love with you, sweetheart. I don't want to take you home. I get lost when you're not with me. I'm in a daze and nothing is real when we're not together." "I know." So we sit on the bed facing each other and talk until it is time to go home. It physically hurts when we say goodbye in his car, down the block from my house. He hugs me and kisses my face, my hands, a thousand times. Over and over again he tells me he loves me and that the second I feel lonely or sad or anxious I can call him and he will be right outside my window. Just as I am about to leave he whispers the last line of the poem I was stupidly reciting earlier. And possibly I like the thrill of under me you so quite new... Hearing him whisper the first piece of erotic poetry I ever read against my neck makes me want to disappear with him again to that place that only belongs to us. He lets me go with a brilliant smile and a thousand promises, and now I'm sitting on my bed trying to be strong, to pretend that the ridiculous ache in my chest isn't there. I spent this entire day with my addiction, my obsession. Now I just need more. I read texts he sends me, and they make me smile, and his warmth and kindness and sweetness continue to amaze me. We talk for hours on the phone after Charlie leaves for work. His words make my heart soar; he gives me things to dream about, things to look forward to, things that will make me smile a hundred years from now. Finally, he has to go because he gets another call, and he says he will call me right back but I fall asleep. So tired... Edward What. The. Fuck. "B, I have to go. I got another call, I'll call you right back." "'‟Kay." It's 10pm and Charlie Swan is calling me. This can't be good. "Chief Swan." "Edward." "How can I help you, sir?" "There's a couple of things we need to talk about, son." "Sure. Of course..."

"Stop by the station tomorrow after work. I'd like to keep this between us for now." What the fuck am I supposed to say? I don't want to keep anything from Bella. Especially not now – I can tell just how vulnerable she's feeling. I hate treating her like something fragile, breakable, but right now I just want to make sure she is happy and okay. Sure, Cullen, it's the perfect time to speak up and disagree with her father. "I'll be there tomorrow Chief Swan." "See you then." Shit. What if this is the end? What if he tells me I have to wait? I can't stay away from Bella. I don't care what that motherfucker says. Maybe a few days ago I would have considered it for a second. Not anymore. She is a part of me. A year without her... I mean if he takes her away from me and makes me wait, I'll wait, because I would really have no other choice, but the idea of being separated from Bella makes me sick. Nothing matters apart from her. I don't know how I got to this place and maybe it should scare me, but it doesn't. I call her back, but she doesn't pick up after three rings. She had sounded so sleepy towards the end, I guess she passed out. If she's up, she will call me back. I go back and forth between feeling deliriously happy about my day with Bella, and fucking terrified about my conversation with her father. Sweet, stunning Bella. Trusting me, loving me, making me feel like a king, like a god. I honestly didn't think she'd end up having an orgasm today. I tried hard, I was so focused. Once I heard her cry out a few times I knew what it would take and I went for it. The result – utter perfection. Her face, the sounds, the closeness, her body around me. How the fuck did I not completely lose my mind? I probably did. I don't know what Charlie is going to tell me tomorrow. I don't know if tomorrow is going to be a sort of goodbye. Why doesn't he want Bella to know about our meeting? Is he going to threaten me? Is he going to make me end things with her? Panic sets in so I go and pour myself a glass of scotch and look for some sleeping pills in my parents' room. Ah, Lunesta. I suppose you will have to do. By this time tomorrow we'll know exactly what it is we are dealing with. And no matter what, I will make it clear to Bella exactly how much I love her and that she is the most important part of my life. She will have no doubts. Fuck it, Charlie can say what he wants, I'm not letting go of anything. I'm not letting go of brown hair and long legs and big, round eyes. I'm not letting go of my soul. I wake up at around three and my hand immediately reaches out to grab my phone. I have an e-mail from Bella. I'm nervous for a minute, wondering why she would choose to send an email. I don't say this enough, but I love you. If I forget to verbalize my feelings and emotions, just know that I have been telling you this with every little thing I've done since we met. Every touch of my tongue to your skin has been an I love you. Every breath I've let out onto your face has said the same. In your bed today I knew I had just unlocked the deepest secret, having found the most complete way to convey my feelings, thoughts. I plan on doing that until my body just can't take anymore. Bella So I guess my mind goes blank after reading her e-mail. My heart starts thumping in my chest. I'm insanely hard and I'm actually choked up.

Decide: any you going to cry like a little girl or touch yourself like a man? Neither. I'm going to spend the entire night trying to come up with something that will hopefully come close to being half as perfect as what she wrote. Because really, sleep is overrated when I can devote these hours to producing something that will perhaps, for a second, bring a smile to the face of the woman I love.

Chapter 32 - Long fingers, shiny ring Edward It's only 8:41. If I can get her on my lap in the next three minutes we will make it to work by 9:00. I can grab her by the hips and bring her over after I discreetly unzip my pants. Are you going to trick her into fucking you in your car? Classy. Of course not. Right now it doesn't seem like she would be opposed to the idea. She's riding my fingers and biting down on my neck so hard there will probably be blood. And my cock is jealous. There, I said it. It doesn't like being ignored, especially after yesterday. Ignored? I'm pretty sure there's an eager little hand rubbing it right now. See? Long fingers, shiny ring moving up and down and in circles? Yes, I know. And it feels incredible. Incredible, yet incomparable to the tightness, the warmth, the softness. "I want you.” See, you didn't have to trick her after all. I was never planning on tricking her. She climbs over the console and wraps her arms around my neck. I reach out to touch her again and the moan that escapes from her is like a purr. Instead of going straight inside, my fingers find her clit and I just let my head fall back as I listen to the sounds she makes, feeling her nails digging into my scalp. She moves her mouth until it is right above mine, placing the softest kiss on my lips. I breathe her in and hold her tight against me with my free arm around her waist. I really, really want to fuck her. I want to undo my pants and see if she will take me inside. I want her bouncing, screaming. I want all of her every second of every day and I want her to want me in the same way. Her cheek on my top of my head, her chest in my face, she is almost on her knees on my seat and I want to bring her down. I don't stop moving my fingers against her until she collapses and takes my hand, kissing my fingers one by one. You've got yourself a little vixen here. Now just imagine her licking your fingers – "Omigod, Edward. There's someone outside the window." Bella's gone, back in her seat. She manages to stab me in the chest with her knee during her quick getaway. I look outside and yes, there's some kid giggling ten feet away. Yeah this is what happens when you park the car in a seemingly deserted spot. This is Port Angeles, not Forks. People actually live here. "Fuck. Okay, let's get out of here,” I say. "Too bad."

"Huh?" "I wanted to... do more." I turn my head and look at her. Ah, the mischievous grin, the almost-blush. Messed up hair and bright red lips. Excellent. You have created a work of art. Those Modigliani girls have got nothing on Bella. Don't you wish you could draw her? Photograph her constantly? Especially post-orgasm-heavy-breathing Bella a few seconds after she whispers your name? "What?" she asks. "Nothing. Just comparing you to some art." Her finger traces my jaw, touches my bottom lip. "I was just doing the same." "Interesting, what was I being compared to?" "You know, those Greek or Roman statues you see. With the awesome hair and tight bodies." "What are you saying, B? I'm like a Greek God?" "Maybe. And what were you comparing me to?" "The usual,” I tell her. “Naked brunettes lounging around." "Of course. Maybe next time I shouldn't wax, if you‟re into that look." "Variety. Sounds good. I'll let you know what I prefer." She smacks my arm, then holds onto it, resting her head on my shoulder. "I want to see those statues,” Bella tells me. “And the naked brunettes." "Everything. We'll go. The new Greek and Roman galleries at the Met are cool. And then we can wander around a bit, see if there's a Modigliani or two to check out. The MoMA or the Guggenheim are probably safer bets." She sighs. "So much to see." "Well then we're lucky that we will have plenty of time to see it all." She shakes her head. "You assume I'll get into the schools..." "If you don't, you don't. We take trips. My sister lives there. So does my best friend." "So Jasper is like, your best friend?" Bella asks. "Yeah, Emmett too, although I met him later. through Jasper."

"And Alice." "Yep." "Cool. Do you think they'll treat me like ... not treat me like a kid?" "I have no doubt,” I assure her. “You don't act like a kid, you're not a kid. Ali is the one treated like a child, so she's got that covered. Jasper's pretty quiet but he liked you. Emmett's very easy to please. And Rosalie... if anyone can put her in her place it's you. Plus, you both like clothes and art and books. You'll get along." "I don't like clothes." I look at her and she looks pissed. "Uhh, okay Bella. That's why we spent a day shopping in Seattle. That's why you have excellent taste and always look perfect." She rolls her eyes and groans. "It's mostly my mom. I like simple shit. Jeans, top, whatever." "You have an eye for these things. Living around Rose and Alice tells me that you will be dragging me to Saks or Soho or somewhere equally annoying the second we get there." "Whatever." End of discussion. I pull into the parking lot and start looking for a spot close to entrance of the building, since it's raining. "Okay,” Bella says. “So, when I first met you, for a second maybe in like my subconscious I thought you were gay. Or just really into fashion." "What?" I can see that she is trying to hold back laughter. "I don't know! It just came up so many times!" "What? Fashion?" I ask. "Yes." "I like wearing nice things, B. But if you need me to prove to you just how much I like pussy..." I smile and she gets that hypnotized look on her face as my hand slides up her thigh. Just as I'm about to feel her, she stops me. "Just any pussy?" Oh glorious lisp, you're back. I can listen to Bella say puthy all day. "What was that? I couldn't hear you."

One side of her mouth comes up and smirks. "I said... just any pussy?" She used more control this time. Still hot. "No, just one." I brush two fingers against thin cotton and look into her eyes. "The one right here. The one I'm in love with." She sighs, pushing the door open. "I will be playing second fiddle to my vagina forever. I should have known." I grab her wrist and turn her around to face me. Not giving a shit about who is around right now, I lean over and kiss her once, my other hand on her cheek. "You could deny me access forever and I'd still be on my knees, your faithful servant. Fuck sex, you - " She laughs, swings her legs out of the car. "So cheesy. I love it. Time for work, Cullen." She skips away in her white dress with her hair wild around her shoulders and down her back and I wonder what my talk with Charlie this afternoon will bring. A part of me believes that he will not separate us, that he will not ask me to stop seeing Bella, but the rest of me can't help but worry. I suppose I can always see her at work, until she goes back to school. I suppose I can stalk her and check up on her, and if she is willing, talk to her, keep in touch. Maybe even see her sometimes, be together when it is safe. That was quick. Giving up already, are we? What happened to the promises you made when you called her last night after your attempt at writing a coherent letter failed? She sounded so tired. Her voice was low and soft and it got me hard. She sighed and giggled and made sweet noises as I told her what she means to me, how she made me feel, how I'm going to give her the world. Falling asleep while talking to her on the phone made me think about spending nights next to her, in my bed, in her bed. In our bed. I don't want Bella to grow up too fast, I want her to enjoy her senior year, but I can't help but think about our first night together in our own place. Waking up with her next to me. Fucking all day, because obviously we wouldn't move in the day before work or school starts. Bella riding me... Bella's leg pulled back over my hip as I fuck her sideways, from behind... Bella with my cock in her mouth, looking at me with those beautiful round eyes. Back up – that is a sight I'd like to see. Make this happen, stat. Let's place bets on how soon you can get her to ride you. I say twenty-four hours if you find a convenient place to fuck. She's eager to learn, that one. So I basically spend the entire day fantasizing about Bella and getting caught up with work. Jacob decides to have lunch with us and we all sit around my office eating and talking until everyone gets up to leave. "Edward, can I have a few moments of your time?" Alice asks. Uh-oh. "Sure." Bella raises an eyebrow and smiles as she walks out with Jake, gently closing the door behind her.

"You had sex with her. Don't lie to me, Cullen. Rose is going to FREAK. I thought you were going to wait. What the fuck?!" "Rose doesn't have to find out. So shut. The. Fuck. Up. When did she tell you? Did you yell at her too?" Alice walks up to me and pokes a finger into my chest. "No, she didn't tell me. I'm not stupid. You two left together yesterday, and she's been distracted and acting ridiculous all day, walking into things with a gigantic smile on her face. Your body language during lunch just confirmed it. I'm not stupid." "I get it, you're not stupid." "Yeah but you are,” Alice says. “What were you thinking?" I shove her into a chair and walk back behind my desk. "I don't have to explain myself to you. You've known what we have been up to for weeks now and you were perfectly fine with it. What comes next, Ali? Sex. I don't see what the problem is." "Ummm, you just met and she's sixteen?" "Oh, so now she's too young for me." Alice shakes her head and takes a deep breath. “That's not what I meant. She's too young, period. You were her first kiss a few weeks ago... aren't you guys moving too fast?" "We are moving at our own pace. I told her I love her a week after we met. Nothing about this is conventional." "I know,” she says, “but Edward, she's so young and you know she's sensitive - " "Do you doubt my ability to make her feel loved and adored? She doesn't regret this, Ali. I'm not going to listen to you telling me what to do when it comes to her." Her face softens. Sorta. "I know, I'm sorry. I freaked out. I just met her too, Edward, and she's like a sister to me now. Just... don't let Rosalie know about this. She will murder your girlfriend." "How is Bella the guilty party here? I don't like Rosalie's attitude towards her." Or towards anything, really. "Rose is just being protective of her brother, relax. You know how she gets. Once they get to spend some time together it's going to be fine. For now, keep this on the DL." "Thanks for the advice,” I say. “I was originally planning on giving Dad a call and conferencing Rose in. 'Guess what? I fucked Bella!'" Alice shakes her head again and sighs. "You don't take anything seriously." "That's not true. I take Bella seriously. I'm just nervous..."

"Nervous?" she asks. I lean forward and start speaking in a lower voice. I'm not really sure why. "Don't tell Bella this, but Charlie called me and wants me to come down to the station to talk to him." "Why can't you tell Bella?” Alice wants to know. "I don't fucking know. He said to keep it between us and I'm not about to do anything to piss him off." She nods. "Bella will understand." "I just don't know what to think. I mean, he has the power to end this between us." "Bullshit. He can make it very, very difficult, but he can't end anything." I shrug and spin around on my chair a few times. Alice gets up. "Ummm, I'll be right back," she tells me. Two minutes later Alice is back with an enormous bag. "What the fuck is that?" "Makeup." "Go do work, Alice. I'm going to be writing letters of recommendations for your legal work, not your makeup skills." "Seen yourself in a mirror lately? The right side of your neck is a sight to behold. Chief Swan's going to love finding out that his daughter recently molested you. What did she do to you, Edward?" "Bella gets a little excited. It's cute,” I explain. “You want details? See this morning we were in the car and she was wearing that cute white dress she's got on now - " "No!” Alice cries. “Please shut up. Come here, I've got some Laura Mercier concealer we can try to cover that mess up with." "Heavy duty shit, huh? I can see you needing that." She smacks me in the head and starts applying stuff to my neck. "Yeah, that sort of helps. Now, some foundation and - " "Are you kidding? Go away." "Fine. You'll need a touch up. Keep this for now." "Thanks Ali,” I say. "I'm not done."

"What now?" "You need to take something. Let's see..." Out comes a clear bag full of pills. Of course she would bring this to work. Everything is assorted into tiny bags. I recognize the Adderall, of course. She has some Ritalin too - the generic kind. Ambien... hmmm I'd like to get my hands on that. "Here!" She hands me a peach colored oval tablet. I am quite familiar with this drug. "What? No, Alice." "It's just Xanax!" she tells me, looking confused. "I don't need this shit. Save it for when my dad finds out about me and Bella." She sighs and puts it back into the bag. "Rose says he keeps interrogating you." "Like the motherfucking Gestapo," I confirm. "Yeah, that's what she told me... she's worried about things between you and Carlisle." "Whatever, he's being a pain in the ass. I can tell that Bella's terrified of him." "He can be such a jerk." "He's a fucking prick." Alice laughs, pats me on the back and leaves. I have meetings and a deposition all afternoon and don't get to see Bella before she leaves. The current rules dictate that Jake has to drive her home. For once I'm relieved. I don't want to have to answer any questions about the concealer, or where I'm going after I drop her off. I send her a text when I'm in my car telling her I'm driving back to Forks. She texts me back saying she is with Angela, and asks me when we are going to go see the new HP movie. I dial her number. "This is easier than texting." "Hey, I didn't want to call and distract you... You should focus on the road." "It's okay, this will only take a second. Maybe this weekend? But you have to ask your dad." "Ugh, I know. We'll figure it out." "Okay, go have fun with your friends. I'll call you later." "Bye!" She sounds so cute and innocent when she's having fun. She sings her words, doesn't just speak them. I wonder what she is telling Angela. I wonder if this is our (and Alice's) secret, or if it is something she

wants to share with close friends. Would a girl her age tell her mother? I know Rosalie never did. I don't think the word "sex" had ever been uttered in our home until the Carlisle Interrogations began. I try not to think about Charlie and Carlisle and nosy Alice and my cunty (I say it with love) sister. Before I know it I'm inside the station and Sam is there looking thoroughly confused. "What'd you do this time, Eddie boy?” he asks. “Chief Swan's been barking out orders all day. Last time I saw him like this was when... nope, never seen him like this before." "That bad?" I ask. He grins. "Yeah. Wouldn't make him wait if I were you. He's in his office." But he's not, so I just sit here, waiting. He walks into the room looking even more serious than usual. And Charlie's a pretty serious guy. "Relax, Cullen. I didn't bring you here to interrogate you or yell at you." I nod. I look down to see that my fucking hands have somehow made their way under my thighs, just like they used to when I got called on in law school. I'm sitting on my hands and can't look him straight in the eye. Pathetic. Alice was right: I should have just taken the Xanax. "I've been thinking long and hard about this, Edward, and I've come to a decision." I nod again. Say something, you moron. You're an adult, not some scared kid. "I'm gonna be honest with you,” he continues, “I'm not one-hundred percent comfortable with this situation. I think you two should wait until Bella grows up and see if you are still interested in… each other." "I understand - " "You had some good things to say at the house the other day, and I respect you for coming out and being honest with your parents and with me, but I think we need to sit down and talk about this one-on-one." "I agree." "I think I'll be more comfortable knowing how this all started,” Charlie tells me. “The idea of you pursuing my little girl doesn't sit right with me and I can't have any respect for a man who purposefully pursues a child." Can you pursue a child without purpose? "Chief Swan, I did not pursue Bella. We grew close just talking to each other. I'm going to be honest with you, I was attracted to her the moment I met her, sometimes I even forgot her age. I've never felt so close to anyone, no one has made me feel this way. One day, we just..." He looks like he's about to kill me. But honesty is the best policy, right? I take a deep breath and continue.

"We were walking back to the office together and our hands touched... I knew it then. The night of Alice's party... I found out she feels the same way." He looks like his head is about to burst. Damage control, asshole. "I never meant any disrespect, sir,” I tell him. “I'm so protective of your daughter, I would never do anything disrespectful to her, I'd never hurt her. It just happened. I couldn't stay away." He gets up from his chair and takes a few steps, his back to me. "What if I asked you to stay away?" "I don't know if I could," I reply honestly. "You would disobey my orders?" "With all due respect Chief Swan, I am not your son. You have no power or control over me. I won't let her go. You can keep her away from me, but I will be there the second she turns eighteen." He turns around and sits back down, leaning back in his chair. "No point in even trying, huh? If this is the real deal, I'd just be making a mess of things. If it's not, she'll tire of you soon enough and that'll be the end of it. But son, if you have even the smallest doubt in your mind, if you think there's even a possibility that you'll tire of her, you tell me right now." "Sir ,I want to be with her. When I said I'll follow her wherever she wants to go, I meant it. I'm talking a future, marriage, family - " His eyes are about to pop out of their sockets. I quickly try to amend my statement. "I mean, one day. Far into the - " "I'm not concerned about that right now,” he tells me. “You're serious about this, Cullen? You weren't just saying those things the other day?" What the fuck? "Of course not. We talk about it all the time. Well, we don't talk about marriage or anything, but we plan on being together when she goes off to college. I meant it when I said I will take care of her." "She doesn't need you to take care of her." "I know - " "Listen, Edward. We need to set some ground rules." "Chief Swan, don't you think Bella should have a say in this?" I ask. "I really don't. You don't have a say in this either. You are here to listen."

I nod, because what the fuck else am I supposed to do? He can tell me to bend over and start fucking me in the ass with that freaky frozen dildo Bella was giggling about and I'd have to say, "more please." "No going out on school nights under any circumstances. Now, say your parents or sister are in town and you want to have dinner with them, that's fine. Other than that, you want to see Bella, you come over when I'm around and only when I'm around." This is going to be pleasant. "Weekends I want her home by ten,” he continues. “If she's got a party to go to, or a school thing, I'll extend the curfew because she shouldn't be missing out on having fun with her friends just because I have to deal with you. I'll extend the curfew because you sure as hell won't be at any high school parties, and you sure as hell won't be dropping her off at 2am in your car. I'm not stupid." He has definitely thought this through. I shrug. "Sure." "You don't seem too happy." "Did you think I would be?" He chuckles. "Dates. Just in case you want to take Bella out, you should know that all dates will take place in public places only. For now, preferably in Forks." "Sure, dates in Forks,” I say. “You'll find us at the diner all weekend." "Come on now, Edward, I don't appreciate the attitude, you're a grown man after all. Your choice – take it or leave it." "Sounds good, Chief." "I'm going to ask you one question and one question only, because I don't want to know anything about what goes on between the two of you: were you the idiot that climbed up the tree in the middle of the night?" I can lie, he can continue to blame it on that misfit kid. I should probably fucking lie, but I don't. "Yes. Nothing - " He points a finger in my face. "Save it, Cullen. From this moment on don't speak about it, don't attempt to tell me, and definitely DON'T do anything even remotely suggesting that you have that sort of relationship whenever you're anywhere near me. You can hold hands and kiss cheeks if it's absolutely necessary, and that's about as much as I'd be able to stomach." "Fair enough,” I say. "And Cullen, if you screw up, I will kill you. I'm not using hyperbole, there, son. I will seriously kill you." All right, this has gone on long enough. I'm done with the threats.

"Listen, Charlie, I understand why you are concerned and I will respect all of your rules, but I hope that you will soon realize that I'm in love with Bella and that I would never hurt her. I'm really not the enemy. I hope that you and I can have a decent relationship because I'm not going anywhere." "Yeah, I can see that. I'm stuck with you now. Always thought of you as a son, Edward, but this is the last thing I ever expected." The mood is a little less tense than it was a minute ago. "Sir, umm, when are you planning on telling Bella about the rules? I don't want to lie to her about where I was today..." Charlie laughs. "She's got you on a tight leash, I see. I'm going straight home from here when you leave. You can call her and let her know you were here. And Cullen, if you ever try climbing that goddamn tree again I will break your legs myself." The second I am out of there I call Bella. I can hear her laughing as she says a breathless "hello." "Hey gorgeous." "Edward, what's up?" "I wanted to talk to you about something. Are you busy?" "Just hanging out with Angela. Speak." "Tell her I said hello. B, I'm leaving the station, I just had a chat with your father." "Ummm, what?" "He had called me and asked if he could see me..." "When?" "Last night, when we were on the phone," I tell her. "Didn't care to share this information with me sooner?" "He asked me not to, and right now is not the time to ignore his wishes." "Fine, whatever. So what did he want?" "He just wanted to talk to me again. He made a decision." "Oh?" "Yeah. He's going to let us be together, but with a bunch of rules and shit." She groans. "What kind of rules?" "Curfews, no dates unless we're in public places, no climbing up trees…"

"WHAT?" "Yeah, he asked me about that. I said it was me." "What is wrong with you?!" "It's fine. We just have to follow his rules and everything's going to be alright." "What's the curfew?" It's my turn to groan. "Well, no going out on school nights, but I can come hang with you if your dad's around. Weekends it's 10:00pm, I believe, unless you've got a school thing which I cannot attend - " "So we are never having sex again." I hear someone laugh on the other end and can't make out the words between her and Bella. "B, nothing can keep me from you. We've got over a month to fuck on every available surface in Forks and Port Angeles. Maybe if we don't fuck things up he will ease up on all the rules by the time you're back at school." "So no climbing up the tree to see me tonight?" "Bella - " "I'm kidding! Angela's sleeping over. But ummm... give me a minute, Ange, you don't want to hear this... fine but I warned you! Okay, sorry. What was I about to say? Oh, right. Maybe tomorrow we can try again without pesky twelve-year-old voyeurs standing outside your Volvo?" "So you really want to fuck me in my car." "Preferably not, but I wouldn't be opposed to the idea... you know, heat of the moment sort of thing." "Hmmm... we can try that. Or maybe we can put my office chair to some good use again... everyone's going to be in court for the trial tomorrow and unless you are really interested in that sort of nonsense I think some quiet chair sex is something you should consider." "So risky." "You weren't complaining last time baby." "Are you sure you don't want to just climb the tree? I mean you're not getting any younger, and if not now... when? I can lock Angela in the bathroom ... hey! What? You would kick me out for Ben!" "The last thing your father said to me was that he will break my legs if I ever climb the tree again." "Oh you're climbing the tree again." "Am I?" I ask, laughing. "Uh huh. I'm going to start putting horse tranquilizer in my dad's dinner. We can be super loud."

"Bella, I‟m going to go before I end up condoning this type of action. Call me later, I want to know how it goes with your dad." I hear her kiss me through the phone and my heart jumps around in my chest. While things aren't ideal, they are so much better than the worst-case scenario I had envisioned. Bella and I can be together under heavy supervision. It‟s going to be fucking annoying, and I will have to come up with ways to fuck her senseless within the strict confines of Charlie's ridiculous rules. Somehow I'm not heartbroken about all the restrictions. I get to see her. Hell, according to his stupid rules I can stop by every night after work and hang out with her as long as he's in the house. Knowing Charlie, he'd rather not be around for any of it, so he will probably be hanging out in another room. At least we will have some sort of privacy... Sex with Bella is phenomenal. Kissing her for hours and making her come is all I ever want to do. But the simple touches and smiles and words between us were how I fell in love with her; and if that's all I get, it is still more than I could have ever hoped for in life. My fingers brushing against the hand of the most wonderful creature God has ever created. Feeling the warmth of her body as I sit next to her, watching her mouth as she talks, listening to the melody of her voice. All this with the knowledge that I get to kiss that mouth soon, feel her completely naked against my chest, and hear the moans and cries coming from that lovely throat. What the fuck else could I ask for?

Chapter 33 – Chucks Edward "Cullen what did I tell you about hanging out here all day? I'm gonna start charging you rent." I give Charlie my biggest, brightest smile. "I just got here. But if you don't want me around I can just take Bella out." He gives me the side-eye and throws his keys on the kitchen table. Oh, the kitchen table. Bella and I spent some quality time together on it after Charlie got a call to check out a domestic disturbance last night. Sometimes I wish I could say that shit to his face just to see his reaction. "Sit down. What's that in your hand?" he asks. Freedom. "Dinner. She cooks too much. I picked up some Thai food from her favorite place in Port Angeles." "Interesting choice, can't stand that stuff." I know, which is exactly why I chose Thai. So maybe it's time for you to hop back into the cruiser and go to the diner so I can have my way with your daughter again - maybe this time on your kitchen floor. "I'm gonna go grab a burger.” He grunts. “I'll be back in ten." Bullshit. It takes you ten minutes to drive there, old man. And if Sue is around serving that nasty shit she calls pie, you will be there all night. I set the food on the table and head up to Bella's room. I have rarely had the chance to go up there over these past two months. Two months. Two months of endless rules, heavy supervision, and constant cockblock. Two months of me trying to kill Charlie, get rid of Charlie, distract Charlie. Well that's one way of looking at things... Two months of watching too much TV, hanging out with Bella as she makes dinner, helping Bella with dinner, kissing Bella goodnight by my car outside the house. Two months of trying to keep up with the most insatiable teenager I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. And I'm not kidding when I say "keep up" – if we are not having sex, we are scheming to have sex. If we're not scheming, we are talking about one of our last encounters. The rest of the time she has her hands or mouth somewhere on me, or she is probably pushing my face between her legs. Yeah, life is good. I'm exhausted.

I've never been this happy. I open the door and see a very serious looking Bella staring at the screen of her laptop. I watch her for a few seconds, then tap lightly on the door. "Food." "Shhh..." "Thai." "Don't tempt me." "Come on,” I say. “You need to eat." "I need to finish this." "Your dad's gone." She looks up, takes off her glasses. Yeah, Bella is aging. We recently found out that she needs glasses. She wears contacts most of the time, like me, but prefers to wear glasses around the house. It's actually pretty hot. She bought a brown pair – tortoise, she calls it – with some gold on the sides when she was in Seattle with Alice on their last shopping trip before Alice returned to New York. "Okay." She jumps off her bed and grabs my hand, dragging me behind her. We're not stupid. If I get caught in her room, Charlie will kick me out and it will be days until I can see her again. We learned this the hard way. Luckily, all we had been doing was kissing and watching YouTube videos. Once we are in the kitchen, she starts grabbing plates and forks, setting them on the table before settling down on my lap. "I miss you. I hate this." Her glasses are back on, her hands are on my face. "It's only been a week," I remind her. "So you don't hate it?" "Baby, you had to go back to school." She presses her mouth to mine. I sigh. "I hate it, B." "Can I move in and have your babies so I don't have to go back to school and be separated from you?"

"You can do both,” I tell her, “but we would still be separated, because I'd have to work. You would be stuck in the house with my dad and you'd be giving each other the side eye all day. Plus, you would probably get fat, and you're too young for that." "You're a dick." "Yeah." I kiss her. And kiss her. And kiss her again until she is rubbing up against me furiously, making tiny sounds of both pleasure and displeasure. She likes this, but she wants more. Fuck, I want more. It's risky. I end the kiss and she starts touching my lips with the tips of her fingers, and smiles. "We can be quick,” she says. "Not quick enough." "I'll turn around." We both laugh. Bella's a smart girl. She rarely wears panties when I come over and has stopped wearing pants or shorts around the house altogether. Additionally, she has thought of the perfect way to have sex during Charlie's diner runs. See, Charlie doesn't mind too much when she is sitting on my lap. At least he doesn't say anything. So Bella figured out that if she's sitting on my lap facing away from me and we hear Charlie coming, it won't be hard for her to jump off my cock while I zip up my pants, before sitting back down quickly. It's worked twice so far, although the second time I never managed to zip up. Having her on my lap hid the problem, though, and the second he left the room we were good. She's so fucking smart. Or Charlie's really fucking stupid. I mean he walked in a second after I had lifted his daughter off my cock. The truth is, I'm pretty sure she just really loves it like that, facing away from me, jumping, grinding, bouncing, taking my hands and placing them on her tits, her belly, sometimes down to her pussy, making me touch myself, and her, as I move in and out. I love it too. I love how her hand feels on mine as we touch together. I love the access I have to her neck. Mostly, I love the access I have to the back of her neck. There lies a tiny spot so sensitive, that Bella shakes and becomes putty in my hands every time I brush my lips against it. So she turns around. I undo my pants and lift her skirt, grabbing her hips. She leans back, turns, and kisses the corner of my mouth. Just as I'm about do what I've been obsessing about for the last twenty-four hours, the phone rings. "Ignore it." She already sounds breathless. "You know it's your dad." "Whatever, it just means he isn't close." She takes me inside her and it feels so fucking incredible that nothing matters anymore. She throws her head back and her hair is silk over my shoulder.

"I miss you so much. You're all I think about all day in class. During meetings. Lunch. I think about tasting you and fucking you and hearing your voice..." I groan. She kills me. Daily. Every text she sends. Every voicemail she leaves. Every touch. Every time she raises her hips and comes back down onto my cock. Every word. Is it so bad that I don't give a fuck about her education at times like this? I want to take her away and keep her with me all day, all night. There is never enough time. We can either talk, or have sex. Choosing sucks. Choosing means sex wins every single time. She asks me to hold on tighter, to fuck her harder. My hand goes inside her shirt and Bella is practically begging me. Usually, it's just a whispered "harder" or "faster," but right now she is asking for everything, using the words I always want to hear. I comply and grab her soft, soft hips, tasting an earlobe, a little bit of her neck, her name on repeat through my lips the entire time. And when Bella gets tighter and starts crying out I can't help but let go myself. She falls back against my chest and her post-sex mumblings begin. Sometimes all I want is this. Bella in my arms, right after our orgasms, breathing, smiling. To be able to listen to her sweet words without having to gently move her off and remind her that her father can walk in at any moment... I hate ending it, but I do it every time. Today is no different as I start pulling down her skirt and zipping up my pants. I kiss the top of her head and hold her tight in my arms. I tell her how amazing she felt, how I want to be with her every second of the day. She kisses my nose and walks over to the bathroom. We need to eat, so I open the containers only to realize the food is now cold. Bella comes back while I am heating it up in the microwave. She looks happy. I hope Charlie lets me stay late tonight; I just want to sit with her for a while after she's done with her work. We also have two more episodes of season four of Lost that we have to get through. Charlie hates Lost. He doesn't get it. That can't possibly surprise you. "What were you working on?" I ask. "Putting the finishing touches on my admissions essays." "B, they're perfect. I read them, Alice read them, you said your teachers and Angela read them. My dad read them and tore you a new one..." "Yes, thanks. Like I'd forget that." "At least you got some constructive criticism." She shakes her head and laughs. "You'd think Charlie would be our biggest problem." "Well he is..." She shakes her head “no.” "He likes you,” she says. “I think he'll ease up a bit soon enough. Dr. C wants me dead." "That's not true."

That's probably true. "It's fine. I don't have to be around him ever once he leaves." "I told you to just ignore him. It's not you..." It's definitely her. "Sure it's not." "Listen, I'm not defending the bastard, but he's just worried. And mad at me." She looks away, avoiding my eyes. "You should have just... you shouldn't have told him,” Bella says. "We have nothing to hide." "Nothing." Sarcastic Bella makes an appearance. Her voice is a little higher than normal. She takes the food out of the microwave and we sit across from each other. "So, what do you want for your birthday?" I ask her. She blows on the curry. I'm instantly hard again. "Your cock." "That can‟t be your only present. What if our parents ask? One more thing." "Ummm... I don't want anything." "You're distracted. Is this about your mom?" She shakes her head again and pours some curry over her rice. "Bella,” I start, “it's going to be fine. You said she's cool with us. I'll make her like me." She laughs. "Yeah I'm not too worried about that. I'm more worried about my dad and her together again at dinner." "About that – my mom was asking about your birthday dinner, she‟d love to be there." "No." I try to look surprised and a little angry, but I'm neither. "Don't look at me like you weren't expecting me to say no. My parents haven't been in the same room together in over a decade. Plus, I get to introduce my mother to my boyfriend who is a decade older than me. That's enough pressure right there. The last thing I need is your dad - "

"Fine, whatever. Maybe at some point this weekend we can do something with her? And your mom? Just moms?" Bella shrugs. "That would be cool." She's right. Dinner with both sets of parents would be excruciating, especially with my father there. You'd think that Bella would be scared of him, or that she would be willing to pretend that he's not an asshole. But I'm not that lucky. When he's rude, she's rude back. When he expresses concern or decides to lecture us, she decides to give him a piece of her mind. It's pretty fun to watch, but this can't go on forever. When I ask him what his problem is, he says I need to get a life of my own and that I'm wasting my time with someone so young. Things weren't bad the first few weeks after they met. He stopped asking me about her virginity because I think even he realized that it was borderline creepy and none of his fucking business. Then came the call. An old friend of my dad's decided to call and ask him about his recent stint in Africa. The old friend is a lawyer and my dad mentioned the layoffs at my old firm. The old friend runs a foundation and was looking to hire someone with a legal background. It would pay better than my current job (anything would), and I would be in New York. Problem? He wanted someone as soon as possible. I said no. My dad was furious. My mom said nothing. Charlie called me an idiot. Bella begged me to go, but every time I saw her that week she was on the verge of tears. The truth is, I wasn't doing any better with the thought of being so far away from her. Opportunities come, they go. I let this one go. Maybe in a few months when I realize that I can't get another job in New York I will hate myself and regret my decision. Maybe. He blames Bella. I get where he's coming from. If I don't end up finding a job he will never forget this. Maybe if I do he will back the fuck off. The problem is, I don't think Bella will ever forget just how much of an asshole he was to her. And I don't blame Bella. "So when is she flying in?" I ask. "Saturday morning. Super early. She's renting a car, so we don't have to pick her up or anything." "Do I get to meet her before the dinner?" "Well if we're doing the mom thing, yeah. She leaves Sunday night, so the mom thing will have to be Saturday, maybe Sunday morning." "Brunch?" I suggest. She rolls her eyes and pops a piece of potato into her mouth. "Sure, brunch. Let's find a brunch joint in Forks." I roll my eyes at her lame attempt at sarcasm.

"Maybe I can cook and you guys can come over." "Oh, that sounds like fun. Waffles?" she asks. I nod. "Waffles.” Anything to get you to smile like that. "So, any decisions on early admissions stuff?" "Yes... Okay, I know you're going to disagree..." "Barnard?" Bella nods. "Yes. If I don't, I'll regret it forever." "It's your choice,” I tell her. "I know how impossible it is to get in, but with my SAT score and my grades I have a chance. I've done tons of stuff, too. And the recommendations I have... I don't know... I mean I know you think I should try NYU's early decision thing but - " "Baby, you want Barnard. Done." "If I don't get accepted to Barnard, NYU, or whatever and you have a job in New York, we're still going. I'm applying to the city schools too. And Fordham." "If you get into a better school - " "No. Anyway, my applications are nearly done. Just the school stuff that needs to be taken care of and I already spoke to the teachers, the counselors..." 'Don't you want to see the schools you are applying to?" I ask her. "Right, so, you know the leadership conference I mentioned the other day? I'm almost 100% sure that the school is sending me. I asked and they said I don't have to stay at the hotel or wherever it is we'll be staying if I get a signed permission slip from my parent or guardian." "There is no way that Charlie - " "We'll figure it out. There's my mom..." "Baby, he won't let me leave Washington State that week." "We'll figure it out,” Bella tells me. "Don't get your hopes up." "Could you take that week off?" She looks at me from under her dark, thick lashes and my heart flips like it did the first time I saw her.

"Sure, I haven't used my vacation days yet." She drops her fork and walks over to me. I let her sit on my lap. A second after I feel her tongue against mine, we hear Charlie walk in. He throws his keys on the table again and makes some unnecessary noise, but this time he goes straight to the living room. "Progress," Bella whispers into my neck. Her left hand covers my mouth and her right hand starts rubbing me over my pants. "CULLEN, BELLA. Living room." I sigh as she jumps off and goes inside to tell him that we are still eating. Progress my ass. Bella "So are you excited about the party?" I smile at Ben and nod. I have to pretend I'm excited, right? It's for my birthday. Angela's too. So yeah, I have to lie because I can't say, "Actually, I'd rather spend those three or four hours with my boyfriend because I rarely get to be alone with him and I feel empty and my belly aches and I can't stop pouting when he is not there." "It's pretty cool that your dad's letting us have it at your house,” he says. "Yeah, it's no big deal. We'd have more freedom than at Angela's. Too many kids running around there." It's Friday, last period. I was supposed to go shopping with Ang to buy some party supplies and food after school, but she has to watch her brothers. This joint birthday thing sounded like a good idea a few months ago, now I just don't care. My mom is going to be in town, Edward isn't coming because it would be awkward and weird, I don't know when I'll get to see him before Sunday "brunch," and Charlie won't shut up about the amount of time we spend together. The bell rings and I take my phone out of my bag. I have a text from Edward. Fuck Charlie. I'm coming over tonight, even if I can only stay for a couple of minutes. Miss you terribly – E It's been two days. He left Wednesday night after spending just a little over an hour watching TV with me. I had homework to do and needed to take care of some last minute things for my applications, and he didn't want to bother me. I kinda wish he didn't care. I also wish I could just sit in the same room as Edward and be able to concentrate on my reading or writing or whatever. So far it's been impossible. Even if he brings a book along, or reads the newspaper, I simply can't sit and focus on my own shit. I miss your mouth on me – B Angela is outside our classroom waiting for us. Ben gives her a quick kiss on the cheek. I'm ashamed of wave of jealousy that takes over me. "So Ben is taking me to the store later tonight and I'll just bring everything over tomorrow afternoon,” Angela says.

"Sounds good." "Want to walk out together?" she asks. "Sure. Let me just put these books away." Ben says that he will meet us outside, and walks over to his own locker. "You don't need them to do your homework this weekend?" "No, I did everything ahead of time,” I explain. “It's going to be a pretty busy weekend." I'll have my mouth on you very soon. You will scream – E "I like your jeans, very cool." "Thanks, I bought them when I was in Seattle with Alice a couple of months ago." "They make your butt look great!" Angela tells me. I wiggle my hips and laugh. "Thanks, I guess that's the idea." "What are you wearing to the party tomorrow night?" "I don't know, actually. I was thinking about just wearing jeans and a top. You know, pretty casual." "Yeah, me too." We talk about the party for a few more minutes as I put my books into the locker and take out the cardigan I was wearing this morning. It really didn't go with my outfit, so I stuffed it into my locker before first period. I'm wearing jeans and my Hunter wellies because it's been nasty out all week. The only clean shirt I could find this morning was a loose white one I wore a lot this summer over shorts. I guess it works, I mean it looks cool. Edward likes the men's shirt look, he says he can give me some of his old shirts. Umm, no. It's not like I'm going through bins at the Salvation Army looking for men's shirts - this thing cost over $200. "Bella, looking forward to your party tomorrow night. We really didn't get to hang out at mine." Because I was too busy getting hit on by your loser boyfriend. I turn around and smile. "Yeah, see you tomorrow Kate." "Is there gonna be food? Or should we eat before?" she asks. What the fuck kind of question is that? Also, who invited her? "There are going to be snacks. Ask Angela, it's her party too and she's taking care of all that stuff."

Ang shoots me a dirty look. I just told a blatant lie, but I can't stand listening to that imbecile for another second. Kate is my biology partner and the few hours a week I have to spend with her in class are enough to drive me insane. The three of us walk outside and somehow there is a little bit of sun peaking out from behind the clouds. It's harsh after a century of no sunlight, so I dig around in my bag for my aviators. Kate snorts when she sees them. "What?" "You look ridiculous,” she tells me. “Who do you think you are, Brad Pitt?" "No, Zac Efron." Kate opens her mouth to say something and Angela is giggling, until she abruptly stops. "Oh. My. God." I turn to see what she is talking about and my heart bursts out of my chest. In a faded grey t-shirt and dark, dark jeans stands Edward, leaning against his car, with the sexiest grin on his face. He is wearing the wayfarers I adore and my vagina cries when he scratches his stomach for a second, bringing the tshirt up a few inches, exposing the best, best part of Edward: the trail of hair that I love kissing and following down to his wonderful, glorious penis. I called it that a few days ago and he couldn't stop laughing. It was annoying, but whatever... it's the truth. I run. Yeah, I run to him and jump into his arms. He is a little stronger these days, working out more often because I tease him a lot about being an old man. He catches me and I cross my ankles behind his back, kiss every inch of his face. His hands make their way inside my shirt and caress my lower back. "You're getting too big for this, kiddo." I jump off of him and realize we are in the school parking lot. Every single kid at Forks High School is staring at us and Kate's mouth is seriously open wide enough to service the entire football team. Simultaneously. "Wait, why aren't you at work?" I ask. His hands come up to my face and he tucks a piece of hair behind my ear. "Because we're celebrating your birthday." "What? My birthday is on Sunday, what about dinner?" He snorts. "With your parents? We are celebrating alone today." "Oh." "You're beautiful, B." I look down at my lame outfit. "Thanks."

"You look hot in jeans. I would ask you to wear them more often, but that would go against my own interests." "I could dry-hump you in jeans,” I tell him. “You know, mix it up a little." His smile warms up my insides. "Get in, Bella. We have a little over six hours until I have to return you to prison." Edward opens my door for me and leans in, kissing my forehead affectionately. "Happy birthday baby. We're going back to my place. We can pick up your car before I drop you off tonight." "My dad will kill us if he finds out,” I remind him. "Tell him you're with Angela – wasn't that the plan? I thought I was going to have to steal you away from her." On our way to Edward's I text Angela and ask her to cover for me just in case. Then I ask Edward if his parents are around. "Nope. I told my mom last week that it's your birthday and I want to spend some time with you. She booked a two-night stay at some bed and breakfast outside of Vancouver." "So they're not coming back tonight?" I ask. "No." "I wish I could stay over. I miss that..." "I know. We'll figure out a way to have another sleepover soon enough." His smile is so big, he looks so happy. His hand never leaves mine, his eyes are on me every other second and I have to remind him to drive carefully and keep an eye on the road. He still looks at me with a mix of wonder and lust in his eyes and it drives me crazy. I secretly have a little calendar counting down the days until graduation. I don't care what happens, I'm going to be with him after that day. Maybe we'll leave for our trip, or for New York, or just stay in Forks and find a place to live together. I don't know and it doesn't matter. I just know that I'm going to be with him. I brought this up with my father a few weeks ago and at first he laughed, telling me I can't go anywhere until I'm eighteen. I shrugged and told him I will move in with mom and Phil. After a long argument he told me I can do whatever I want if Edward and I are still together in June. That's all I needed to hear. I think about the tiny room we will live in together, what it will look like. I wonder if we will buy nice furniture to sit on and store our things in, or just throw our stuff into a closet and make do with some sheets, a comforter, some pillows, on a bed. Will we buy a sofa? Will there be room for one? Would we even need a sofa if there is a nice, big, warm bed for us? Will I be lying down on it when he comes home from work, making room for him between my legs every night? "Your brain is hard at work, I see." "Not really."

"What are you thinking about?" he asks. "You." "Me, huh?" "Yes. And me." "So, us." I nod. "Yeah." "Good things?" "Potentially." "Hmmm... is it a secret?" Edward wants to know. "No. I‟m thinking about our little room and our bed and you coming home and the comforter and storage " The smirk on his face is infuriating. "What? Are you going to make fun of me?" "Not at all,” he says, shaking his head. “And baby, it doesn't have to be a little room. We can live in Queens if you want space. It's cheaper out there." "Is it nice?" I ask. "There are some cool neighborhoods. Jasper and I lived in Sunnyside one year. It was fine." "What about Brooklyn?" "Fuck Brooklyn." I shrug. "I don't care. I'd live anywhere." He reaches out and messes up my hair. Sometimes Edward can be really annoying. I like it when he's playful, but I never see it coming. I try to blow away the hair that is now in my face and he starts to imitate me. I try to hit him in the arm but he grabs my hand and brings it to his cock. Cock. Cock. Cock. A few weeks after we first had sex Edward and I had a lesson in learning how to say "cock." I had been pointing to it and trying not to refer to it as "your penis", so Edward decided that I needed to be able to say

cock. On our way to work that morning he kept making me use the word in different sentences. I was a silly, giggling mess. He decided to take over, and made me repeat each sentence he came up with. "Okay. Try this one: „Edward, I want your cock.'" "Edward, I want your cock." "Good girl. Okay, now let's see if we can work on some variations of that sentence. How about, 'Edward, I want your cock inside me.'" "Edward, I want your cock inside me." "Excellent job, Swan. Alright. 'Edward, I want your cock in my mouth.'" "Edward, I want your cock in my mouth... please." "So polite. How would I be able to refuse if you were to ask me that?" "You wouldn't." "Smart girl... Let's try another one. 'Edward, I want your cock in my ass." "Don't push your luck." I laugh and he looks at me, raising an eyebrow. "What?" "I was just thinking about something,” I say. “Yay! We're here. Race you to the door?" "Take off your boots before you go in." Ugh, he's such a woman. I expect him to grab me and push me up against the door, or a wall, or just take me to his bedroom. Instead, as soon as I have my boots off, he grabs my hand and leads me towards the kitchen. "It smells like Carlisle in here,” I say. "What's that supposed to mean?" "I don't like it. Let's go to your room." "Seriously, Bella. I'm beginning to think that this animosity between you two is a result of some unresolved sexual tension..." "Yeah, I want to do your dad." "So classy. Come, I'm feeding you,” he says, dragging me along with him. "Oooh! Where's the Nutella?!"

"I ordered pizza, it should be here soon." "You know how to treat a lady, Cullen." "Hey, you love pizza!" "Wining me and dining me..." I tease. "Uh huh. I actually have a bottle of really expensive champagne... if my girlfriend acts like an adult, maybe just maybe, I'll let her have some." "Too bad your girlfriend is not an adult just yet... you'll have to drink it all by yourself." His hands are on my hips and he brings his face closer to mine. His breath is so warm on my face, neck, by my ear. "Maybe she can have just a little..." he whispers into my hair. "Maybe you can drink it off your girlfriend," I whisper back. The pizza is here. Edward's tongue licks a trail up my neck and he bites down hard on my earlobe. "You're dirty," he tells me. "I aim to please." I eat two slices and just as I'm about to pick the cheese off a third, Edward gives me the look. I stare straight into his eyes as I twirl the yummy melted cheese around my finger and stick it into my mouth. "Mmmhmmm..." "That's disgusting. And three slices, B? Don't you think that's a little excessive?" "Say it. Call me fat." He closes the box and carries it over to the counter. "Don't be stupid,” he says. “You're tiny, but it's not healthy." "I'm not some twenty-something whose health you should be worried about. I'm young, my body can handle it." "Fine, but I'm not paying for Jenny Craig or whatever it is in a couple of years. Just, please, wash your hands before we go into the living room – I don't want that finger anywhere near me." These past two months have been interesting. Who knew that Edward is grossed out by everything? I'm no slob, and I think I have excellent personal hygiene, but he is just ridiculous. The man is eating his pizza with a fork and a knife. At home he eats burgers like that too – but not at the diner. Thank God he realizes how stupid it makes him look. Sometimes I want to kill him, but mostly, it's just very cute. The last time we had McDonald's I was enjoying my fries, humming along to the song on the radio, until Edward turned it off.

"Bella, you don't need to use all ten fingers to eat your fries. Two should be enough." Yeah, that happened. I finish eating the cheese off the third slice of pizza and wash my hands in the kitchen sink. Edward is already in the living room, so I grab my phone from my bag and join him. "Oh!" This must be a joke. Or a dream. I'm not sure. "I told you there was champagne,” he says. Jay-Z would approve. "And cake!" And cake. "And cake." "What kind of cake?" "Chocolate. With vanilla frosting." "Delicious." "I hope so. I made it,” Edward tells me. "You're kidding." "Nope. Betty helped." "I love Betty! And I love you. Thank you." I join him on the too-white couch and watch him cut the cake. He places a single slice on a plate and hands it to me. He pours two glasses of champagne (and he's right, it's really expensive stuff), and takes the plate back. "Wait... the candles." "Forget the candles," I say. "Just one." "Fine." He tells me to make a wish as I blow out the single yellow candle on my slice of Betty Crocker cake. I ask for Edward's health, happiness, and to always have him in my life. I don't tell him what I wished for when he asks. We share the slice of cake and he wraps his arms around me. I try to give him a blowjob to say „thank you‟ for the cake and champagne, but he laughs and tells me to wait until after the presents.

Presents? "Ugh, Edward. Now I have to do way more than just give you some head. And before you ask, no. That's not happening." He shakes his head and laughs as he takes out a tiny box. I try to grab it, but he doesn't let me. Jewelry. I'm not disappointed, I'm sure he picked out something nice. But I think I like romantic presents better – like when he bought me all those books. I still wear the bracelet he gave me every day, as well as the ribbon he tied around my hand. I'm a little worried about losing it one day because it's just so old and worn now, but I can't take it off. He opens the box and there is a very delicate looking gold chain inside. I carefully take it out and notice the tiny heart hanging off of it. It's tiny and simple and beautiful. I'm pretty sure it's gold. Of course it is - who buys fake yellow gold? "Thank you, it's very pretty,” I tell him. "Turn around, I'll help you put it on." When he is done uttering profanities and getting the little clasp to work, he turns me back to face him and places a kiss on the heart, which is hanging right beneath the little hollow of my throat. Now that presents are over I decide that it's time for the fellatio, and I try to get Edward to sit back against the pillows. "We're not done, B,” he informs me. “I got you something else." "What the fuck is that?" "It's a box." "A big box." "Yes, a big box, Bella! Look how smart you are. Open it." I tear off the gift wrap, which has probably been in the Cullen home since the 1980s – way before my time. He looks away and sorta blushes when I laugh at how ugly it is. When I see what he bought me, I can't help but feel a little surprised. "Converse." "Your Chucks... they are a little old, don't you think?" he asks. "Old Chucks are cool. Brand new clean ones are uch. Like that girl with the attitude problem at the MTV Movie Awards or whatever it was. Not a good look." "I have no idea what you are talking about, but we can just go outside and run around until they look dirty." I nod. "Sounds good.”

"So, open it." I open the box and realize he didn't just go to the store and buy me a pair of sneakers. In the box I find a pair of black high-top Chucks, with words written in uneven white letters wrapped around each shoe. I take the left one out of the box and read what is says. you bring me honeysuckle My heart soars when I realize where that is from. Of all the poems he could have quoted on my new pair of black Chucks, Edward has chosen to use a line from the poem he whispered to me the night of Alice's party. I try to fight back a tear as I take out the right shoe. my happiness bites the plum of your mouth The tear slides down my cheek, and a warm, long finger brushes it away. I look at the shoes again, and this time I notice the best part of Edward's present. Brown ribbons instead of the regular white shoelaces. For the second time today I throw myself into his arms. He is laughing and holding me tight and his lips are tender on my cheeks, in my hair, on the tip of my nose. "You are... the best boyfriend...this is the best present anyone has ever given me, Edward. I don't know how I'm going to deal with the brown with black thing, but I'll manage, and oh my God, this is perfect..." "Pish. Everyone knows that the brown/black combination is totally acceptable nowadays." I laugh. "You would know." "I would. Do you like them Bella? I just thought..." "I love them. Did you do this yourself?" I ask. "Of course not! I would've fucked it up. There is an artist in La Push who painted the words onto the canvas. And I asked Alice to send some of the same ribbon from the chocolate shop in New York." "Best. Present. Ever. Well, presents. I love the necklace too." "Good. Now, for your final present." "You're insane! No more presents!" He smiles. It's a dirty bad boy smile. "This one you asked for yourself." "I didn't ask for anything." For the second time today he takes my hand and places it on his lap. "Are you sure, B? I'm pretty sure you asked for my cock." I consider this for a moment, and rub my palm over him a few times.

"You can't give me something that I already have." "Oh, so now it's yours, huh?" "Silly boy, it's been mine since the moment I laid eyes on it and asked you if you were hard." He laughs so hard that his eyes disappear and he looks like a little boy. Adorable doesn't even begin to describe Edward right now. One hand is in my hair as he kisses me and the other is undoing his pants. Before I know it, I'm being pushed down and I really like my necklace, and I adore my new Chucks, but I love this third present most of all. Edward "I can't move.” "We have another hour and a half,” she informs me. “I say we make good use of our time." I look down at my cock. It's asleep. Tired. So tired. "Bella, I really can't move. If you must, you can come up here and sit on my face, I'll do my best." "You're so olddddddd." "Age has nothing to do with this. How is it possible that you want more? You're not sore? Don't your limbs hurt?" My thighs are burning. My jaw hurts. Why the fuck are my thighs burning? "Nope, and nope,” she says. “And let me point out that I was the one doing all the work today." "That's a lie. Only the second and third times." "Two out of three." "That was just three times?" I ask. She smacks my arm and looks pissed. My cock springs halfway back to life when a dark nipple peeks out from under Bella's long hair. "Was it that terrible?! You're disgusting." "I swear it was more than just three times. I feel like I came at least fifteen times." "Four, asshole. I blew you for like an hour before we started,” she reminds me. She has gotten so good at it. Four times? No wonder I'm dead. "Right, that. Mmmhmm... Maybe we can try that again." "You know, we can try something different."

She's not serious. She won't let me do that. "Different?" I croak. My cock is waving his imaginary arms, letting me know he heard that. Bella's eyes wander down and notice; a slow, self-satisfied smile forms on her lips. "You know how I've always felt self conscious about..." Oh. "Oh." "Right." "Yeah I never quite got why..." "Well, I was mostly lying,” Bella confesses. “Yes, I've always felt self conscious about it, but that's not the whole truth. I have weak knees and I don't want to be on all fours." I raise an eyebrow to let her know I'm not buying it. "Okay..." "Also, I'm lazy and I can't imagine it being comfortable having to stay like that for so long." "Hmmm..." "And I'm convinced that you would start exploring without my consent." This cannot be the reason why I haven't been able to fuck her from behind these past two months. My first fantasy. Bella bent over, crying out for me. The one fantasy I was beginning to think would never be fulfilled because of the strange aversion Bella had to the idea. "Bella that's ridiculous. I would never do anything without your consent. Oh sorry, it slipped into the wrong hole? You'd never buy it. Plus, how would I lube you up without you figuring out what's going on back there? Wouldn't work." "You've actually thought about it!" she cries. "No, B. I actually haven't." She looks thoughtful for a moment, stares at me while biting a nail. "So, that would require lubrication." I nod. “Well, yeah." "Is it not possible without?" "Do you want to find out?" She moves closer to me and rolls onto her stomach. I grab an ass cheek and squeeze. She hums and smiles, rests her head on her folded hands.

"You wish." I roll over too and position myself next to her, so that our sides are touching. She turns her face towards me and I kiss her a hundred times, until she is in arms again. Before I know it, I am somehow inside her and her moans are loud and her nails are harsh against my skin and I open my eyes to see her swollen lips parted slightly. She is so incredibly beautiful, so perfect, so full of life, lust, everything you need. I pull out of her and she tries to pull me back in, but I turn her so that she is lying on her stomach on the bed. I spread her legs a bit and enter her from behind, noticing how her fingers grip the sheets. I grab her hair and move it aside, sucking on the back of her neck where her hair ends, moving inside her, pushing, hearing her, touching her. "Edward." Her fingers let go of the sheets. We come together – well, close enough – and I collapse onto Bella completely, until I feel her body shaking under mine. I try to lift myself off, to make sure she is okay, but a hand sneaks up and grabs my arm. I move off a little, but cover her again, trying this time not to place all of my weight on her body. We spend our last hour together like this, neither of us saying a word. I hear her breathing slow down and I know she is asleep. It breaks my heart knowing that this is not something I get to witness on a daily basis. So I gently shake her twice and wake her up. She pulls on her jeans and borrows a hoodie from me. We put her present and the rest of the cake in a bag and I drive her back to the school parking lot, wondering if it will ever get easier to watch her walk away from me.

Chapter 34 - Faux leather jacket Bella "You are definitely fucking him." I focus on my homework and ignore her. "Come on, Bella, I saw you guys at the Halloween party. Just admit it – it was so obvious that you had just had sex." "He wasn't even at the party,” I remind her. "He picked you up." "Right, so when did we have sex?" "I don't know, but just admit it." "He's my boyfriend, Kate." "So you're admitting it." "Why do you care so much?" I ask. "It's illegal, Bella. He can get into so much trouble. If my dad finds out, he will so get fired." I can kill her. With my bare hands. "Not that this is any of your business, but it's not illegal. Go look up the laws. Or ask your dad to do it, he's a judge. And we didn't get together until after I stopped working for Edward, so just get over it." Technically not a lie. "Whatever,” Kate says. “It's just so wrong and gross. He's probably into like, little girls. Doesn't that creep you out?" Just breathe. Deep breaths. It's just Kate. Not worth it. Just relax. "I would debate this with you but I'm not wasting my time." "You know he used to date my sister." You'd think she just won an award or something, she sounds so pleased with herself. "Your sister gave him head once in a while. I wouldn't call that 'dating.'" "Oh and you guys are dating?” she asks. “You're just fucking him." "Stop being so crass. We are dating. Actually, we are going to live together once I start college."

The second the words come out of my mouth I regret them. I don't have to defend our relationship or provide explanations to anyone. I'm done with that. After the disaster with my mom in September and my ongoing beef with Carlisle, I've learned to keep my mouth shut and just enjoy my time with Edward. We have our two defenders – my father and Esme – and everyone else can go fuck themselves. Well, my dad is actually more of a silent defender, and his rules are driving us crazy, but the fact that he accepts Edward in his home every day and treats him like a son is more than I could ever ask for. "That's sweet, you've already decided on community college then." I finally turn to look at her and give her my biggest smile. "Yeah Kate, see you there." I'm glad this stupid study period is over. I have a flight to catch tonight and Edward is picking me up at noon to take me to the airport. I don't actually have to get there until eight, but we are going to have lunch and spend some time together before I leave. He is obviously not coming – my dad simply laughed at the suggestion of Edward taking a trip to New York at the same time as the conference. So I'm going by myself, but I have permission to stay with Alice. I really miss her and I'm very excited about the three days I get off from school. Well, three and a half. I am also sort of excited about seeing Rosalie again. And nervous. I know she's daddy's little girl, and I hate daddy. My suitcase is already in Edward's car, so I just pick up some books from my locker and head outside. It's mid-November and it's already really cold. My fingers are freezing because I forgot to wear gloves today, so the second I get into the car I shove them into Edward's sweater. "Cold, baby? Where are your gloves?" he asks. "Ugh, I forgot. I'll just buy some in New York." "You can have mine, it's probably going to be cold when you land." "It's okay, no. Mmhmmmm warm me up." He takes my hands and places them between his thighs and it's super warm there. I try to move them a little higher but he just laughs and tells me to be good. "Let's get out of here first. How was your morning? I printed out your boarding pass. I wrote down the directions again from the airport. Remember, get on the cab line, give the driver Alice's address. It's there on the piece of paper. I don't want you taking the subway even though the E takes you straight to West 4th. I'm giving you money for the cab - don't fucking look at me like that, B - I should be going with you. Anyway, everything is in the front of your bag. Bella are you still cold? Your nose is so red." He rubs it a few times until he's satisfied with its warmth. "Edward, relax. Wait, why did you write down directions? I'm taking a cab." "Just in case there are no cabs and it's cold and you decide to take the AirTrain to the subway, I want you to know where you're going. We should have just booked a shuttle, but it's such a pain in the ass. Bella, you have to call me the second you get there." "Oh. My. God. I'm going to be fine."

I squeeze his hand and lean over to kiss him on the cheek. He shakes his head and sighs. "Sorry,” he says, “I know you are capable of taking care of yourself. It's just... You're going to be so far away." "Five days. Just five. You'll be working, and you'll get to spend some time with your parents without having to worry about me killing your dad. I'll be back and then we have that entire night to ourselves while my dad is on his fishing trip with Billy." "They are so getting married up there." I giggle "In Canada? Is it even legal?" "I don't know, but you know they are going on a lovers' retreat." "Ugh, you are going slip up one day and crack a Billy joke in front of him and he will kill you." "You can't deny true love, B." I laugh and hold his fingers, fascinated by how long and beautiful they are. I kiss them, one by one, every inch. I bite down on his thumb and then rest my cheek against his palm. I smile, thinking about how silly Edward can be sometimes. He has been obsessed with my dad's friendship with Billy for months now. It's become a running joke between him and Sam, who we spend a lot of time with on Sundays. Sam has a family, kids, and although it's a little strange to hang out with his wife and help her make lunch and watch the children, it's sorta fun. She's pretty cool and has become a good friend over the past couple of months. It makes me wonder whether that's what Edward expects of me - cooking and doing mom and wife stuff all day while he hangs out with his friends. I don't think so, because he is always complaining about the time I spend with Emily in the kitchen. I just like food and hate sports. "So have you been considering my little suggestion?" I ask him. His smile grows wider and he moves a finger into my mouth. "Why Bella, yes I have. I haven't changed my mind, though. We're not spending the afternoon at a seedy motel." "Don't be difficult, Edward. You don't want to give me a proper sendoff?" "I think I did that yesterday, Bella." Should I really be thinking about yesterday again? Because I've been thinking about it constantly – from the moment he pulled out of me, until just a few minutes before he picked me up. Edward and I hadn't had a chance to be together in over a week. I had volunteer work, and after-school activities, and he had to work late. I was dying, no amount of phone sex or quick!-Charlie-went-to-the-bathroom fingering or hand jobs was enough to get us through the week of no sex. Obviously we have had to deal with my period before, but that's different. Dry-humping and taking Edward into my mouth at every possibly opportunity are wonderful alternatives to intercourse. When we finally got a chance to be alone yesterday, we went a little crazy. It started off with him throwing me onto my desk and pulling my hips towards him over and over again until three of my books slid off the table. It was loud, they were big hardcover textbooks. Right after I came he flipped me over and continued until the force of one of his thrusts led me to bang my head against the wall. He made sure I was okay (barely, since he was inside me the entire time) and fell back onto my bed with me on top of him. Next thing I knew I was on my side with him behind me, my top leg raised over his hip, coming and coming until Edward's hand had to cover my

mouth because all of Forks could hear me screaming his name along with some profanities, cries, and declarations of endless love. Yeah, it was definitely a proper sendoff. But I'm still here. And what girl doesn't want to have at least one experience at a seedy motel? "So you don't want me," I say. "I'm not stupid enough to fall for that, B. No motel. You're free to go, I can drop you off at one, but Edward Cullen doesn't do seedy motels. Fuck, you can't even get me to walk into a Best Western." "Oh, la-di-da, Edward. Fuck you. You can't even get permission from a total stranger – my father – to leave the state for a couple of days. So no hotel stays for you..." "Someone is feeling a little bitchy today, isn't she? Assume the position, Bella. I think you deserve a spanking." "You'll have to stop the car first,” I point out. "Excuse me?" "How am I supposed to assume the position in here? If you were to stop the car, however, I could bend over your hood and - " "Have a repeat of Columbus Day weekend? I suppose we can, my parents aren't around to catch us this time." "They didn't catch us, you're just crazy,” I tell him. "If you think we convinced them with 'Bella has stains on her ass because we were sitting on the ground and I had to help her brush shit off,' you're fucking crazy." "Whatever, you go ahead and think what you'd like." "Stop questioning my mom's intelligence,” Edward says. “I was swatting your ass and making you count – there is no way in hell that they didn't hear that." "Ugh, let me tell you the reason why they didn't realize what was going on. It's because your lame attempts at giving me a spanking looked like you were brushing dirt off my jeans. If that's all the strength you have, then buddy, somebody has to spend more time at the gym while his girlfriend is away." Edward grips my thigh tightly until I wince, expecting some pain. Then he lets go. "Strength huh? I won't hurt you, Bella. If I gave it my all you'd get bruises all over your bottom and I'm not doing that." I hug his arm tightly and kiss his shoulder. "You're a sweet, sweet man. I love you for not wanting to hurt me." He places a kiss on the top of my head, takes a deep breath, and moves his arm from my grip, placing it around my shoulders.

"Baby are you excited about this?” Edward asks. “Big city, college... Finding the perfect neighborhood for us to move into." "Any neighborhood is perfect if we live there together. Can we live in Bed-Stuy?" "As much as I understand and appreciate your love for everything Jay-Z, I don't think you'd want to live in Bed-Stuy. Plus, you know how I feel about Brooklyn." I roll my eyes and poke him in the ribs. "You deny me my dreams." "Sorry, kid, gotta draw the line somewhere. I think you'll like Rose and Emmett's neighborhood. It's also pretty close to Barnard, if you end up going there." "Hmmm... what about Alice and Jasper's neighborhood?" I ask. "Nice apartments down there are very expensive, B. And if you're at Barnard it's going to be a long commute. As far as neighborhoods go, however, it's one of my favorites." "Maybe I'll check out Queens too?" "You're not going apartment hunting. Don't waste your time visiting the boroughs. You'll be busy with the conference until Saturday and I think you should spend all day Saturday seeing the city. Your flight back is too early for you to get anything done on Sunday." "But I get to do you when I get back,” I remind him. "No. I get to do you." We spend a sweet afternoon together walking around, holding hands, kissing. We talk about school and all the harassment I've been subjected to from various people who can't seem mind their own business. We talk about college and he tells me stories from his college and law school days, mostly crazy things he did with Jasper. I fall asleep for a little while in his arms and he rocks me and kisses me and tells me he is going to miss me over and over again. I'm going to miss him too. *** "Where are you meeting Rosalie for dinner?" Alice asks me the minute I walk into her apartment. I zip up my new faux leather jacket I found at Urban Outfitters and think of the name of the restaurant Rosalie had mentioned over the phone. "The Little Owl? Does that sound familiar?" I ask. "Oh of course – it's just a five-minute walk from here." "I was looking at the menu earlier, it's pretty expensive." "I'm sure she will pay for dinner, Bella," Alice tells me.

"No, I don't want her to. Ugh, Alice, I don't know... she was so cold to me over the phone. I wish you were coming with us." "Rose is my best friend and she didn't suggest it. That means she wants to have dinner with you alone. Why are you worried? I heard you stand up to Dr. Cullen all the time, you can't be afraid of Rosalie.” "Not afraid of Rosalie... I'm more afraid of how I will react if she says anything that pisses me off,” I explain. “Edward gets really upset when I fight with his dad, and he can't even stand his dad. I need to maintain a decent relationship with his family." Alice nods. "Hmm... I guess you just have to grin and bear it? I don't think it's going to be necessary, Bella. She's not going to attack you. Why would she?" I shrug and watch Alice as she pours some more wine into her glass. I'm done with my conference for the day and I get to have dinner with Rosalie. For some reason, dinner with everyone turned into a tête-à-tête between me and Rose. Tomorrow is the last day of the conference and then I get to spend Saturday with Alice, visiting a few museums and shopping for new boots. I want flat ones that look like riding boots but go over the knee. But tonight I get to spend an awkward couple of hours with my boyfriend's sister. New York has been interesting. Yesterday, during a break between two panels, I headed up to Barnard to meet with someone at admissions and see the campus, which I loved. I certainly don't want to live up there without Edward, even though most students stay in the dorms, but the school itself is wonderful. The meeting went well, and everything was great, but I felt slightly uncomfortable being there. And not only there – I don't know if I love New York. I've just felt so alone here. It's not that Alice and Jasper haven't been awesome, taking me out last night and letting me stay with them on their cute pullout couch. Things are just different here. Walking down the street I get excited watching all the people around me, seeing the buildings and feeling the energy of this crazy place. But then this heaviness takes over and I realize that I'm nothing here, it's so loud and everyone is in a rush and I feel like I'm constantly running from one place to another. I sent Edward a text about it but he found it amusing, telling me that it's a typical reaction for someone who has never been to Manhattan before. Maybe he's right. It's just... I don't know if this place is for me. I follow Alice's directions and get lost a few times before I finally find the restaurant using my trusty Google Maps. Rosalie is already here, wearing black tights and ankle boots, a tight sweater dress and gorgeous leather jacket. She smiles when she sees me, and when I'm close enough her she grabs me and gives me a tight hug. "Hey lil' sis, looking good,” she says. "Thank you. You look amazing, as always." "Runs in the family. How's my dear brother?" "He's good,” I reply. “I was just talking to him earlier, he says hello." "He should call me more often." We walk in and the place is tiny. It's still pretty early so our table is ready. Apparently this is rarely the case, since the place is very popular. Rosalie asks me about her parents and there is a sly little smile on her face when she asks me about how her dad is doing. "He's fine, I don't see him too often."

"I hear the two of you don't get along?" "I wouldn't say that. I just don't think he likes me very much." "Do you like him?" she asks. I don't say anything, I don't have to – the waitress is here asking us if we'd like tap or bottled water. Or sparkling. Ew. "Tap is fine," she says dismissively. Rose picks up her menu and looks at it for a few seconds before setting it back down on the table. "Do you still plan on moving here with Edward after you graduate?" "If I get into any New York schools, yes,” I answer. "And what is Edward going to do while you're in school?" Is she dense? "Work." "Right. I didn't realize he has a job lined up." Breathe, Bella. "You know he doesn't, but he will.” She shrugs, smiling as she types something on her BlackBerry. "I would definitely choose to stay in the dorms,” she tells me, “although Alice said you don't want to. If he's stupid enough to follow you here with no job prospects, he's probably going to be living on our couch. You don't want to end up homeless." I try to pretend that she doesn't look exactly like her asshole father. I try to pretend that she's not the cuntiest little bitch I have ever seen. I try to remember how she had seemed almost kind to me when we first met last summer. I try, because she is Edward's sister, and there is absolutely nothing I wouldn't do to keep him happy. We talk about some stores Alice mentioned and she asks me about my birthday and what we did for Halloween. I tell her nothing, because obviously Edward didn't come to Kate's Halloween party. She orders wine and makes it a point to tell the waitress that I won't be having any anytime soon. I laugh along with her but the entire time I can't take my eye off her super pouty bottom lip that I know she had injected because she's always had a complex about having no lips. It must have been tough comparing herself to her brother who has lips that angels sing songs about… Rosalie is UGH so fucking annoying! All her comments about Edward's job search and how expensive New York is and how staying in Washington for now is probably a better idea given our situation… And like that's not enough, she has to pretend to be nice, offering to pay for dinner and telling me she wants to hang out on Saturday. "Do you get to see him often?" she asks.

"Who? Edward?" She smiles. "Who else?" "Practically every day, unless our schedules are packed." "You hang out in town?" "He comes over,” I tell her. "Your dad is okay with that?" "Well, only if he's around..." "Edward gets supervised visitation?" "Something like that." Rosalie is laughing so hard I think she's going to fall off her chair. "Does my father know this? That's hilarious! Poor guy! I have to tell Emmett, that's so funny." She starts texting and I pick at my asparagus, look out the window at the people walking down the street. Edward was right, Alice's neighborhood is nice. It's not loud or crowded. It's pretty clean. I suddenly feel very lonely again and I bite my lip, hoping I don't get all emotional in front of Rosalie. "Hey Bella, did Edward wait until you turned seventeen to..." I really don't think I should be answering her question. Why does everyone assume that they have the right to know? Just answer the question, do you really want to piss her off now? This dinner has been painful enough. "No." "Idiot." "Don't talk about him that way,” I tell her. "He's my brother." "And he's my boyfriend." "Someone has to look out for him, Bella. He did a very stupid thing if he didn't wait." "I disagree." She sighs. "Well I guess what's done is done. Just be careful. Clearly my brother isn't thinking with his head," she says, tapping her own blonde head. Stupid blonde head with stupid extensions.

"Of course not. He's only thinking with his dick. I mean, God forbid Edward makes a decision that any of you respect, or does something you don't completely disapprove of or mock. All I have done is love your brother. I want what's best for him, and he's happy with me - " "Just because he's happy with you doesn't mean you are what's best for him. He could‟ve moved back and had a job! Instead he's stuck in Forks living with my parents. Why? Because you - " "I told him to take the job. He didn't want that job in the first place. Unlike you, or your father, I have faith in him. He's going to find something amazing – he went to one of the top law schools in the country, he's extremely intelligent, he has great experience. And it's not like he's unemployed! I would never hold him back." "Sweetie, you're seventeen,” she says in a soft, sweet voice. “You are definitely holding him back." Well fuck this. The food is salty and mediocre at best, so I gulp down the remainder of my water, take sixty dollars out of my wallet (I'm so broke now) and place it on the table. "Thank you for having dinner with me. Have a good night." "You're leaving?" "Just because I'm younger than you, just because I'm in high school, doesn't mean you can be rude to me and expect me to remain silent. You don't know me, Rosalie, and you certainly don't know your own brother." My hands are shaking and I barely make it out of the crowded restaurant, bumping into someone's chair and walking into the waitress. I walk a few blocks and sit on some stairs outside a building. It's only 8:30 here, so Edward is probably still at work, or on his way home. I dial his number and the second I hear his voice I'm bawling like a little baby. I didn't cry this much when Juliet fell into the Swan site hole. "Bella, what's wrong? Where are you?" "Somewhere close to Alice's apartment... By the restaurant..." "What restaurant? Bella are you okay?" "Little...Owl? I'm fine. Edward, this isn't for me. I hate it here. I – I... I don't like the people here... and ummm I'm so lonely... I miss you and your sister is a stupid cunt and I thought I'd be escaping from your dad but she's worse... everything is expensive and you don't have a job... it's my fault. I want to come home and hang with you on the couch..." "Bella, baby relax. You're just a little overwhelmed., that's all. If you relax you will realize that that's all it is. Stop crying, sweetheart." "It's not just that. This isn't going to work like this. Your dad hates me. Your sister hates me. And the thing is, I don't feel bad about anything... not at all... I want you with me, not thousands of miles away just because you found a job. I'm so selfish but I just want you." "Ssshhh... what did Rose say? Baby, you know how I feel about my sister. I think she can be difficult and harsh on a good day. Ignore her. Where's Alice?

"At her apartment? I don't know. Edward I don't know if I can do this..." "Do what? Bella, you're just scared and over - " "Overwhelmed. Yes, I am. So overwhelmed. I can't." "You can't what?" "I don't know. I'm so tired, Edward," I say. Oh my God, I‟m so whiny. "I know, it's okay. Go back to Alice's apartment. Do you know how to get there?" "I think so, I'm pretty close. I'll find it." "Where are you exactly?" "Umm... Bedford... and umm... right by Christopher? Like right by the restaurant... I just saw your sister leave and walk down the street." "She didn't see you?" "No." "Bella, wait there. I'm going to call Alice." "I can call Alice. I can walk back there. It's fine, I'm gonna go now, I'm still hungry." "I'm going to call you right back, okay?" "Sure, whatever." I really don't know what's wrong with me. I don't know why I'm acting like a baby. I'd like to think that it's because I really miss Edward. If that's all it is, everything will be fine, right? I'm not going to be here alone, and even if that was the case – who isn't alone when they move to a new city? Edward or no Edward, I would be starting college in a year and it would suck at first, I'd have to get used to new people, new surroundings. I'm not sure what it is exactly that is freaking me out this much. It's just been tough these past couple of months. I'm constantly stressed about college applications and getting in somewhere where Edward can follow me and be with me. There is a huge possibility that I won't get into any schools in New York – then what? Can I make him stay with me in Forks? Seattle? Where? It's scary because I can – I just want him with me. How selfish is that? It's like there is nothing else for us, and that can't be right. That can't be healthy. But... who cares? I'm not about to let him go because he can find a better job or live in a nicer town. If that's what he wants and chooses to leave me, I won't stop him, but I won't be the one pushing him away from me towards something else. It's really fucking cold now. I don't want to go back to Alice's yet and Edward hasn't called me back. I'm still crying and it just won't stop. I rest my head on my knees and try to calm down, but every time I see someone passing by or hear a car I start to weep again. "Bella?" I look up and see Jasper, wearing a huge red jacket, standing in front of me. I try to smile, but I'm pretty sure I look like an idiot because I can just imagine what my face looks like right now.

"Did Edward send you?" I ask him. "He's worried about you." I shake my head and wipe my tears away, trying to dry my face. It's so damp and the wind is harsh against it. "He shouldn't be. I'm just... being stupid." "Can I join you on your stoop?” he asks. “You chose a nice one." "Yeah it's pretty clean, no?" We sit together for a few minutes and I am a little calmer, until the whole Rosalie thing comes back to me and I'm crying again. A big puffy arm settles over my shoulders and Jasper draws me closer to him. "I don't know you very well, Bella, but you're family now. Edward is like a brother to me and since you're his bitch now..." This makes me laugh and I look at him – he's smiling. He did that on purpose. "Listen, seeing that you're Edward's bitch – see, you're smiling, it worked – I‟m going to have to make you feel better. You just had to sit through dinner with Rosalie, so I've got my work cut out for me. Was it that bad?" I shrug. "It's not just Rosalie,” I tell him. “She said some things that upset me, but it's not like I haven't heard it all from Carlisle before. It's weird, I thought this mini vacation would be fun and I'd fall in love with the city… Instead I'm just sad and lonely and feeling sorry for myself." "Not feeling like the independent woman you thought you were?" he asks. "Not really," I admit. "It's tough. I was in Tokyo on business a couple of months ago. Ask Edward, one of my dreams in life was to visit Japan, get to live there for a couple of months. It was only a two-week trip and after the first two days I was miserable. I just wanted to be home with Alice. I think you just want to be in Washington with Edward. It's probably not that complicated." "That's what I was thinking. But like, is that... normal? I'm in this amazing city but I can't seem to enjoy myself because he's not here. I feel sorta pathetic." "You miss him, it's that simple. And you've got the added stress of college applications, your entire future is sort of being decided while you just sit back and wait... it's a tough time. On top of that you have to deal with people stressing you out. Don't let Rose get to you, we've all learned to ignore her when she starts acting difficult." Is "difficult" the new word for bitch? "I'm actually more angry at myself for reacting the way I did,” I admit to Jasper. “I don't want Edward to have to choose between me and his sister, or me and his dad. I'm not saying I want Carlisle to be my BFF, but it would be nice not to have drama all the time. I feel like he's always choosing. Bella or my sibling? Bella or my father? Bella or a job? It shouldn't be like that."

Jasper nods. "Relationships aren't easy. Let me let you in on a little secret. My parents hate Rosalie. I mean they really hate Rosalie. From the moment Emmett introduced her to them, it's been ugly. And there's really no reason – I'm not saying that Dr. Cullen and Rose have a reason to not like you, but at least they can cite Edward's reputation or job as a reason for acting like assholes. My parents simply don't like Rose because they think her personality sucks. Rose isn't a bad person, but they don't care. Lucky for her they love Edward and Mrs. C, so at least when they're around, my parents remain civil. It used to stress Emmett out a lot, Rosalie has shed a lot of tears over it, but if you ask them now, they'll just laugh. I'm not saying that it doesn't hurt, but they are learning to deal with it. I'm not sure that it's the ideal situation, but it is what it is. With you and Edward, I think time will take care of things. I know my best friend, and I know he's going to find a job and have no problems moving back here. Once everything settles down, Dr. Cullen will have no reason to be a dick to you. And Rosalie will be Rosalie until she gets to know you better. She can't help it. Alice and Em are the best judges of character and they both love you. You had Em at hello." "You mean Edward,” I correct him. "No, I mean Emmett. It's true, he thinks you're cool." I blush, but he probably can‟t tell because my face must be very red already from the cold. "Thanks,” I tell him. I always thought of Jasper as Edward's friend who more or less avoided me, but he seems like a pretty nice guy. "You must be cold, let's head back." "Where's Alice?" I ask. "She was talking to Edward and it seemed like it was going to be a long conversation." "He's probably freaking out." Jasper smiles. "Yeah…" "I feel bad, I'll call him once we're inside." "Don't feel bad. Bella, how does he treat you?" "I ummm... I can't explain. It's like we're one person. I can't describe the things he does for me and the way he makes me feel without feeling like a complete idiot. Saying it out loud makes me think that it's a dream. He's incredibly sweet. Yeah..." "He's crazy about you,” Jasper says. "Yeah." "Hmmm..." "What?"

"I don't know,” he says. “Usually girls want validation... really? He loves me? What did he say?" "Mmhmmm... I guess? I don't need the validation coming from anyone but Edward. Everything he does... Wow it's weird talking about it out loud. We've been in our own little world for months, you know? When I'm not at school we sit together until my dad kicks him out. I don't discuss him with anyone, the only other people we hang out with are my dad, Esme, his friend Sam and his wife... It's just weird talking about this with you." "When you guys move here we'll be around all the time and it won't be just Bella and Edward." "Umm, no. The first few months I get to have him all to myself." He laughs. "Oh really?" "Yes. He keeps talking about how tiny studios are. I want a studio because that means we will be super close,” I confess. "I'll give you month, you will drive each other crazy." "Maybe... probably... but it's like, right now, that's all I want." I sigh and look up at the sky. There are no stars, although it seems like a pretty clear night. For a second I get all emo again, thinking about Edward. "Hey, if I tell you a secret, promise you won't tell?" Jasper asks. "Umm... sure." "I don't like seeing you sad like that. Your boy is taking the first flight he can get out of Seattle." "What? That's crazy, I'm going to tell him to stay there." "Secret, remember?" "My dad will kill him,” I say. Oh God. He will so kill him. "I don't think Edward cares. Alice was trying to help find him a place to stay, as well as a flight while he drives to the airport." "Oh." "It's gonna be okay, kid." "Yeah." I fall asleep soon after we make it back to Alice's apartment. I hear my phone ringing in my sleep and Alice answers it. I have another day at the conference tomorrow and I have no idea if and when Edward is getting in, but the thought of him here makes me dream of soft touches and green eyes smiling at me and a pair of strong arms holding me all night. Edward

By the time I land it's already noon in New York. I haven't been back in almost a year but absolutely nothing has changed. I take the cab to Fordham's campus on the Upper West Side where Bella's conference is taking place and decide to hang out there since I don't have the keys to Alice's apartment and both Alice and Jasper are at work. It's past one by the time I make it to the campus, and I text Bella. She had left me a voicemail telling me Jasper snitched and that she's very excited about seeing me so soon. I could tell from her voice that she had been crying at some point and of course it broke my heart. Hey beautiful, I'm here – E I can't leave until 3. Are you really here? – B Yes. I have a surprise for you – E No you don't. Tell me now - B I booked us a room at a hotel bc we can't both crash on Ali's couch – E Best Western??! – B I laugh. No, it's actually a very nice place. Not the best location, but close to lots of sights – E I'd sleep on the street with you – B I'd keep you warm all night – E A little less than two hours later two denim-clad legs are around my waist and my face is covered in long brown hair and my mouth is being attacked by a set of delectable lips and everything is beautiful and good again. "New jacket?" I ask. "Yes. I know it's not real leather but do you approve?" "It's very cool,” I tell her. Her smile is huge. “How'd you manage to find a leather jacket with a hood?" "They are all over the place. We should get you one too." "I'm down. Let's go to Barneys." She rolls her eyes at me and mumbles something that sounds like "spoiled brat" under her breath. We decide to walk through the park and explore it. It's cold, but she doesn't seem to care. We do every annoying touristy thing I can think of, even ice-skating. Bella really sucks and I can't even let go of the edges, but it's great because her face is bright red and her smile is big and the flags are blowing in the wind around us and Bella knows what countries they each belong to. She refuses to go to the Top of the Rock because it's not the sunniest day, so we eat under the flags at Rockefeller Center while Bella recites an entire episode of 30 Rock to me, changing her voice only when she's Kenneth the page. "Metrocards are a real thing, Jack."

"You're hotter than Salma Hayek," I tell her. "Please, no one has her chi-chis." "I like yours. They're not bad." "Yeah, yeah. They're all you get, of course you have nice things to say." "Pish. If they were just okay I wouldn't be spending hours just loving them tonight." "Hours, huh?" Bella says. Her natural blush intensifies. "Yep." "Baby, you wouldn't last hours if your life depended on it." "What does that mean?" She giggles. "Let me clarify – you'd get distracted and move on to ... better things." "Well that's because you provide me with so many distractions,” I tell her. "Such as?" "We're in public..." "So?" She does that little innocent girl thing with her eyes wide open, except she is anything but at the moment. "Such as... well, there's only one thing better than your tits." Her eyes narrow, she's not a fan of the word. "My tits, huh?" "Yes, your tits,” I repeat. “Only one thing better." "And that is..." My mouth is behind her ear and if we weren't in public surrounded by children and families and flags and a huge church across from us, I know that she would be dry-humping me into oblivion right now. I take advantage of the state that she's in and whisper in her ear. "Let's go back to the hotel and I'll show you." "Baby that's the cheesiest line I've ever heard.” "Hey, it's me speaking, I'm the King of Cheese." Bella nods. "Yeah you are."

One hand sneaks into her jacket and I grab her, my thumb pressing down on her nipple. My teeth graze her earlobe and she is almost panting. This Bella is going to show me a good time, I know this Bella. "Come back to the hotel with me?” I ask. “I'm going to fuck your brains out." Our walk over to the hotel on 41st and Madison is silent and neither of us brings up the fact that all her things are at Alice's. All I have is a pair of jeans and an extra sweater in my bag. I didn't even bring my laptop – I took two days off from work this week and at this point they‟re probably just going to fire me, no way am I working while I'm here. We move fast. The check-in doesn't take too long and the second we are inside our room I grab her hips and push her face down onto the bed. Her ass in the air and I roughly pull down her jeans. I just want to get inside, but the sight of her like that makes me appreciate all the wonderful things I can do to her body. I push her jacket and her shirt up and begin licking up and down her spine. When I reach her ass I can't help but kiss it and nibble on it, grabbing it hard and listening to her little pleas, smiling against her flesh. She whispers and I'm almost positive she's asking for my cock and I'm running it up and down between her cheeks, just like she likes it, asking her to remove the rest of her clothes, kissing her back, shoulders, playing with the ends of her hair. I'm on knees when I final get to fuck her. She is on her back, her ass in the air, in my hands, I pull her towards me and continue my movements for what seems like hours. I've never been this deep. She has never looked so lost, so beautiful, so free. Her tits move with each thrust and when I can't take anymore I lay her back softly and cover her with my body, her hands over her head, my fingers find hers, and her lips are on fire against mine and I'm home again. She doesn't let me move for the longest time and we fall asleep with her legs wrapped around me and my head on her shoulder. A month later when we find out about her acceptance to Barnard we find ourselves like this again. Celebrating each other, celebrating her, celebrating the life we are going to have together in New York. We never got around to talking about much during our trip in November, but whatever it is that I did seemed to have worked, and I boarded the plane with a very excited Bella who couldn't wait to be back. Charlie is so proud, my mom is beaming, even my dad can't hold back his smile when we take Bella out to dinner. I can't remove my arm from her waist the entire time and nobody says anything, nobody makes any comments. I'm so proud of her, I'm so in love with her. I catch my dad staring at us a few times as I kiss her cheek, her hair, her temple. He gives me another half smile each time. Nobody says a word when I tell Charlie that I'll drop her off in an hour, and we celebrate one more time in my car and I tell her that one day I'm going to marry her and she tells me that we are already a family. Charlie doesn't say anything when I carry a sleeping Bella up to her room and tuck her in that night. *** "Did they call back?" she asks me. "Not yet." "Let's go inside, it's so cold out here." The February chill is too much for her and she is hopping around, trying to stay warm as I put out my cigarette. Yes, these past few weeks I've gone back to my first love. "You go inside,” I tell her. “I'll be right in." Of course they called, it's already 10pm in New York and she knows that. She probably thinks that they aren't going to call and doesn't want to say anything. But they called, and they offered me the position. I knew they would after I met with them last week. Some of the partners from my old firm are starting up their own smaller firm and I was one of the first people they called back. I went to New York for a day to

meet with them at my father's insistence. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't interested. A real job in the city my girlfriend and I are moving to in a few months – what more could I ask for? I walk back into the house and find Bella sitting on the couch, staring off into space. Charlie sees me come in and tells us he is going to bed. I lie down on the couch and she automatically moves on top of me, lying there in fetal position with tears in her eyes. "They want me to start in March,” I say. "Okay." "So, three weeks." She nods, hides her face from me. "I don't have to go. I want to stay with you." She shakes her head. I run my fingers through her hair, brushing it away from her face, which she still keeps hidden from me. Her sobs become louder and no amount of hushing or sweet words seems to be enough to calm her down. She takes deep, strangled breaths between sobs and I hold her tight against my chest. I feel my shirt get wet. Then my cheeks.

Chapter 35 - Stained sweatshirt, tight t-shirt, a dress Edward to Bella

show details March 4, 2010

Good morning, beautiful. On my way to the office and wanted to wish you good luck on your test. It's just after 6 in WA and you're probably still asleep. Text me when you're done, I have to tell you how much I miss you. Sent via Blackberry by AT&T *** Test went well. I miss you too. I can't wait to see you tonight... – B 6pm your time? I'll probably be on earlier. – E Yes. I need to finish the hist paper but I will be done by then. – B Can I watch you write it? – E Yes – B *** March 8, 2010 "Charlie?" "Edward, didn't expect to hear from you so soon. Everything ok?" "I've been trying to reach Bella but she hasn't been picking up." "She's in her room. I'll go check. She's errr... probably sleeping." "It's six thirty." "She's been sleeping a lot. Napping." "Is she okay?" "Son, she's having a hard time with all of this but she doesn't want to worry you. I'll let her know you called." "I didn't realize... she seems fine when I talk to her..." "Don't worry about it, Edward, it's just a phase. She'll get over it." "Charlie, I need you to tell me if she's not okay."

"She's been a bit of a mess since you left." "Huh. That makes two of us." "Your father's been helpful." "I'm sure." "Give the man a break, Edward. He's been very kind." "What do you mean?" "Talk to Bella. I'm sure she'll be calling you the minute she's awake." "Thanks Charlie. I'll talk to you soon. Take care of her." "Will do. Goodnight, son." *** Bella to Edward

show details March 10, 2010

I was thinking about our conversation earlier. I can't seem to fall asleep and I know you'll be getting up soon to go to work. I didn't want to wake you up. I hope you're not mad at me, it's just that I didn't want to worry you or freak you out. Your dad says it's not a big deal. And I know it's not a big deal. I'm just being melodramatic and silly. He told me that when he went off to finish up his last year of med school your mom had a similar reaction. She was really embarrassed about it and maybe I am too. It's kinda pathetic that I'd break down like that after you left. I know it's just temporary, but... yeah. Anyway, it's easier to write about this than talk about it over the phone. You get so upset and won't let me talk. This is basically what happened: I cried a lot that first day. Like, a lot. My dad freaked the fuck out and called Angela, who came over. I don't even remember any of this. I didn't want to eat and I wouldn't listen to reason. We spoke the next morning and I was better because I heard your voice but right after we hung I don't know... I couldn't stop crying. Then that night my dad woke me up because he heard me talking and crying in my sleep. It was time for an intervention and Big Daddy C came over and he's been talking to me and stuff. He gave me a few pills (NOT a prescription- I tried telling you this but you wouldn't listen) and they really helped. I swear, Edward, I'm okay. I mean, maybe I'm not okay, but I'm trying really hard. When we talk, text, email, chat, see each other on cam I am perfectly fine. I'm better than fine. I'm happy and soaring and feel so incredibly wonderful because it's like you're right here with me. But when we are not... I don't know. I feel like we didn't talk about it because we wanted those last few weeks to be happy, and they were some of the best weeks of my life, but now... the past week and a half have been so confusing. You seem so calm, collected. I'm a fucking mess. And I don't want you to be like me, I want you to be calm, happy. You need to go to work and function. You need to keep it together for us. And last night you accused me of lying to you, pretending. But you were so wrong. When we talk, when you see me, I am really that happy. It's just the other times. Anyway, I'm not taking anything anymore and please don't go off on your dad. You know things have been marginally better between us and he's really been great lately. And not just because he's kept me heavily medicated ;) I won't lie - it's been hard. But I know this is just temporary. Don't worry too much about me! I've got my dad, Esme, Carlisle, Angela, Ben. Even Jake is coming over this weekend to hang out since he's on

some sort of break from school. He says hi and he thinks you made the right decision. And you did. We did. I love you. Have a great, wonderful, beautiful, productive, happy day. Bella *** Edward to Bella

show details March 10, 2010

Bella - I don't know what to say. You're right. We avoided a ton of shit and now I find out you're making yourself sick. I honestly thought you were fine, so I acted fine. Baby, I've been a fucking mess. Alice spends all night on the couch with me because I can't sleep. I miss you so much that it physically hurts. Every minute I spend away from you, not speaking to you, not looking at you, is like a waste. Nothing happens, time doesn't pass, but then when I look back it's like a massive black hole because I have no fucking idea what was going on. But Bella, sweetheart, we need this in a way. We need to be able to make it on our own, and when I come and bring you back here with me, things will be infinitely better than they were, if that's even possible. There is an end date to this bullshit, and we have to think of that. I am so glad that you decided to tell me what happened. I apologize for the things I said last night. My temper and concern for you got the best of me. I just flipped out when I heard that my dad had to take care of you. I knew this would be difficult for us, but I guess I always thought of you as the stronger one, the more sensible and grounded one. Please don't hesitate to call me the second you feel lonely, the minute you feel like you want to cry. I'm here to take care of you, to love you. I have no other mission in life. I cannot wait until I see those brown eyes tonight. Have you being using Visine? Love, Edward *** March 20, 2010 I think I found the perfect place. Taking pictures now. No need to respond, will call later – E omg tell me! where?! – B 91st b/w b'way and Amsterdam, perfect location for work/school – E close to Rose/Em? – B V close. And on west side so easy access to Alice/Jas – E yay! how much? – B

I can afford it. Small apt but brand new bldg. Gym too. – E gym. ew. so excited. pictures, pls – B Maybe if you stop texting I can take some :) – E *** Edward to Bella

show details April 4, 2010

So you liked the pictures? I like the place. Quiet, clean, brand new, great neighborhood. Also, there's a Carmine's downstairs so you can eat all the pasta you want. I ordered all the furniture we agreed on. I still think the red couch would be more fun, but if you insist on brown, that's fine. You're right, it's a better color for a couch - and by 'couch' I mean tiny loveseat. We will barely fit on it together which is why I love it. Bella, butter, I can't wait anymore. We have a home now! I know that you're not physically here yet, but you are everywhere. In the little things we chose for the apartment (the rug looks awesome, great taste as always baby - I can't believe you got mom to part with her favorite Persian rug - Rose is livid), in the dozens of pictures of you, when I turn the sound on my laptop really high and your voice takes over the entire room. Bella we have a home. You and me. Two months and you will be here watching tv with me on our tiny couch. By the way, the tv goes on the wall across from the couch which means we can't watch tv in bed, but I don't care. There will be no tv watching in bed. Let me remind you, though, that the couch and tv will practically be touching and the kitchen table is right next to the couch, so we can technically watch tv from any point in the apartment. Shit, meeting. I'll write more later. I miss you so fucking much. Edward to Bella

show details April 4, 2010

Forgot to ask - did you just leave that vm? You came so hard. I needed to lock my door once I realized what it was. You are incredible. Sent via Blackberry by AT&T *** April 10, 2010 Bellaaa wake up – E omg Edward it's 8am on a Saturday! – B It's 11 here and I'm naked – E you're always naked – B What happened to Naked Saturdays? Today was supposed to be our first one – E you're on crack. I need my beauty sleep – B

You promised an entire day on skype. At least turn on the cam before you go back to sleep – E you are so fucking creepy sometimes. fine. – B I love watching you sleep – E mmhmm... so watch. Turning it on. And taking my top off. You get a show. Muah – B *** April 13, 2010 "Bella?" "Hi! I'm at work, can I call you back later?" "Tell my dad I said hi. I wanted to let you know - " "Shit! Edward I really need to go now. Text me!" "Fine, whatever." I was calling to let you know the bed arrived and Em and I set it up. I won't be using it until you are here. I love you – E You really are the sweetest man. I adore you. Don't be silly. Will call when daddy C lets me leave – B Not silly. Bed belongs to you and me. Aerobed is good for now. Kisses – E *** Bella to Edward

show details April 26, 2010

Baaaaby!!! I miss you so so so so so so much! I'm so sad that you are so far away from me. Why why why did they send you to London? Silly stupid lawyer conferences. I just received the present!!!!!!!!! Edward I love it. And I love that you wore it for me. And I love that it smells like you. You're so silly. Of course I haven't forgotten that I'm coming and that I'm starting school. I was just being emo. You're not the only one who gets to be like that all the time. So when I opened the package and took out the sweatshirt I immediately put it on and smelled you I was dancing around and I was euphoric. Charlie was like "that boy sends you used clothing?" I mean, Edward, there was a teeny tiny stain on it but it SMELLS like you and I love you so much. Did you go up to the campus and buy it there? Was it not super tight on you? What were you eating? Wait a minute - what kind of stain is that?

I loved your Bella at Barnard haiku too. I want to know what you've been smoking. How's the couch? Will we be smoking together? Were you serious about letting me do coke under your supervision so I never touch the stuff again? I was just curious, I didn't say I wanted to try. Oh, and in answer to your question in the letter - no I will not send you underwear. That's disgusting and I'm pretty sure you were joking (Creepy Cullen :)) But I'm sending you my Forks HS t-shirt, a new one (I'm wearing it now). It says SENIORS or something stupid on the front and SWAN in the back. I asked for a men's medium so that you can wear it. (I know you like things to fit a little tight) Love love love love you so much, Bella *** April 26, 2010 I'm nowhere near the Tower of London, but I saw this postcard and thought of you. I know how badly you want to be here and take the tour and I promise we'll come soon. I feel so close to you. Even though we are physically so far from each other right now, our thoughts, conversations, feelings keep us close. Your email made my day, Bella. I could practically see and feel your smile and hear your laughter. My heart is ever at your service, Edward Edward to Bella

show details April 26, 2010

Yes, I went up there and bought it. It was a little tight but I wore it for 2 days straight. Stain? What stain? I've been smoking some great stuff with Jasper. You'll love it. The couch is awesome, I miss it. See above. Yes. You mentioned coke, I said we can do it together if you'd really like to try. I just want you to be safe, so I'd like you to experiment when I'm around. Baby, you are free to try, free to do whatever you want. I just want to be along for the ride. I can't wait for the t-shirt. I adore you. Sent via Blackberry by AT&T

*** April 29, 2010 Your dad just introduced me to Tanya at the diner... as a "family friend" :) Dude, she's old as fuck. You hit that? – B Why are you with my dad on a Sunday morning? – E Because he reminds me of you and I'll take what I can get – B I feel sorry for you – E Tanya looks like a mom – B She is a mom. She's got like 3 kids – E You really hit that? – B She was your age then Bella, maybe a little older – E Whatevs, she's got a belly – B Be nice – E *** Bella to Edward

show details May 5, 2010

Oh I forgot to mention last night - I'm hanging out with Jake and Leah next Friday. We're going to dinner in Port Angeles. He was asking about a letter of recommendation from you. Lemme know what to tell him. xo Sent from my iPhone Edward to Bella

show details May 5, 2010

Friday? Friday night? As in you're not going to prom? Sent via Blackberry by AT&T Bella to Edward

show details May 5, 2010

No, why would I? Those things are lame. I miss Jake and Leah. Sam and Emily are coming too if they find a sitter. Sent from my iPhone Edward to Bella

show details May 5, 2010

I think you should go to prom. Don't miss it just because I'm not there to take you. Sent via Blackberry by AT&T Bella to Edward

show details May 5, 2010

I disagree. It's not like I would be going if you were here. Sent from my iPhone Edward to Bella

show details May 5, 2010

What do you mean? Of course you would be. Think about it at least? Love you. Sent via Blackberry by AT&T *** May 8, 2010 Dear Edward, I can't believe so many months have passed and we haven't really written each other any letters. Notes with presents don't count. I've been thinking about what you said the other day. If you were here would we really be going to prom? I don't know why I care, I mean I never go to school functions. I think it's because I miss you so much and I imagine you here, with me, wearing a suit or a tux and smiling at me. You would hold my hand and walk me to the car and we would actually dance, maybe. I don't know, it's silly. I don't even want to go, but I just really want you. When we decided that you should take the job I thought I would go crazy not being able to touch you, hold you, kiss you. I thought I would die without having you with me every day after school, without feeling you constantly. But like you said in the postcard, I feel so, so close to you still. And watching you, seeing you do things, letting you watch me, has been so amazing. I feel closer to you than ever. I feel like we share a brain sometimes, I feel like we are one soul. I know all of your thoughts. You know mine. I don't think these past few months were a waste of time because I wasn't with you, if anything I know that I cannot live my life without you, because I love you so, so much. But this week, these past few days, I just can't take it anymore. I know we are almost there, less than a month now, but Edward I ache for you. I'm losing my mind. Everywhere I go I see you, smell you, feel you. Remember the time we went back to that place you took me to when we first met? Where we took the picture for your mom? You were so sweet to me that second time, so incredibly affectionate and wonderful. I'm here right now, writing this and I swear my body needs you. I need your touch. It hurts. I hold myself tightly, trying to imagine your arms, your breath on me, your cheek against mine. I've never needed you this much before. I'm handwriting this instead of sending it as an email because I don't want an immediate reaction from you. Perhaps by the time you receive this I will be back to normal. What is normal?

Normal is us, on the tiny couch, on the big one at Charlie's, on the white one at your parents'. Anywhere but here. Anywhere but alone without you. Bella *** May 14, 2010 I don't understand what kind of meeting lasts over five hours. You could have called me once. You've been such a dick lately – B And I don't want to hear that you couldn't look at your phone ONCE in the last 5 hours. Whatever, I'm over it. Don't bother calling back tonight – B Bella just fucking answer please – E I called you seven times since I read your texts – E Oh so now you're available to talk to me? I'm busy – B Are you serious? Did you just call JAKE to find out where I am? – B *** May 16, 2008 6:21pm Hi baby, I hope your flight back is comfy and you get some rest. I just wanted to tell you that I love you so much and that was the best surprise of my life. Ummm your voicemail always cuts me off so I'll keep this short. I want to see the pictures. You looked so handsome. Thank you. Just three more weeks. And we're getting the cat. *** Edward to Bella

show details May 17, 2010

Here you go, beautiful. Look at how stunning you are. I can't take my eyes off of these pictures for five seconds. That shade of green was made for you. I'm kinda jealous of the one you took with my father. I don't approve of this friendship you two have formed. It's highly suspect. Just three more weeks and you will never see him again. Muhahahaha. You're silly. You had no idea I was coming, and you couldn't change things if you did. Just holding you and kissing you was enough. I could survive on your kisses and smiles. Have a great day at school. Oh, I'm working late tonight to make up for Friday. I'll see if I can get home in time to chat. Edward Bella to Edward

show details May 17, 2010

These pictures are amazing. I can't stop looking at youuu. And I look pretty awesome in them too. I can't believe you bought a dress. Who are you? What are you? Did Alice buy it? I just googled it and please tell me you didn't pay that much. I enjoyed every second I spent with you. I'm glad we didn't have period sex, I really don't think we are close enough for that yet. I don't think we ever will be. Plus, your fear of blood is just ridiculous. You are adorable. Don't worry about not being able to come online tonight, work! Kisses, B Edward to Bella

show details May 17, 2010

Actually, Rosalie found the dress. I hadn't even thought about it to be honest. I mean I assumed you would have something in your closet that you could wear. I'll probably be home by 10, so we can talk for a little bit then. I miss your mouth already. *** May 28, 2010 What are you talking about? Your ticket has been purchased. Tell Charlie to relax. – E Are we on the same flight? – B Of course. I forgot to ask, wanna spend the third weekend in June in Nantucket? I have annoying friends who have a place up there. It should be fun – E Umm sure? Nantucket, really? – B Yes. You'll get a kick out of what these people wear. Expect grown men in pink pants – E And critters! – B And critters :) – E *** Edward to Bella

show details June 4, 2010

Still at the airport, flight is slightly delayed. I'm so proud of you, are you excited? I'm coming straight to Charlie's, so leave the key somewhere accessible. Don't be sad, Bella. He's going to be okay. We'll have him visit us soon, I promise. We're boarding. Love you. It's finally over. Just a few more hours. Sent via Blackberry by AT&T

Chapter 36 - Ugly cap and gown Edward I notice the smirk on my father's face when I take a deep breath before opening the door and stepping out of the car. "Lights are off, are you sure you don't want to spend the night at home?" he asks. "I'm pretty sure." "Then I'll see you tomorrow. Six thirty?" "Yeah. I didn't realize you were coming." "We wouldn't miss it. Bella was a great intern.” He smiles. "That she was.” He laughs and shakes his head. "Let's pretend I didn't hear that. Don't get caught doing anything stupid tonight. Come on, get out, I need some rest after all the driving I did today." "Thanks for picking me up, dad. See you tomorrow." I find the keys she left out for me by the door and quietly walk inside, placing my bag on the floor before walking into the living room. Sleeping on the couch in a tank top and shorts is the most beautiful girl in the world. I try to stay quiet as I take off my sneakers and place my jacket on a chair. Bella stirs in her sleep and her faces scrunches up, she doesn't look pleased. I kneel on the ground next to her, trying to take in as much as I can. In just a couple of days she will be sleeping next to me, and it will be a regular thing, every night, always. I don't want to disturb her and I'm not especially tired, so I just sit there, resting my head on the couch. I feel her shift again and her hand comes in contact with my hair. "Edward?" "Shhh, sleep. I'm here." I turn my head to face her, she is blinking and trying to sit up. I have to touch her now that she is awake. My hands reach up and touch her face, her eyes close and her smile makes my heart soar. "You're sitting there like a dog or something,” she says. “Come up here." "I didn't want to wake you. Move." We lie down together on the narrow couch, staring at each other like it's the first time. I hold her tight and she presses her lips to my chest. "Mmhmmm, you smell so good." I'm instantly hard at the sound of her voice.

"I've been on a plane all day, Bella. I probably smell like ass." "Nooo... and you feel so good too,” she says. She presses herself against me and rests a hand on my stomach under my shirt. "Yeah?" "Mmhmmm. Yeah. I missed you so much." Her hand moves lower and she opens her eyes, looking at me. I can't help but smile. "I missed you too," I tell her. When I kiss Bella and feel her kiss me back, all the months of loneliness and longing are suddenly a distant memory. None of that shit ever happened. Her lips fumble against mine at first. She is so eager, so excited. We move so that I'm on my back and she is lying on top of me. Our kisses aren't deep, our tongues barely touch. After a while we are simply placing kiss after kiss on each other's faces, smiling until our smiles turn to laughs and she buries her face in my neck. "I'm sleepy." She yawns. "Sleep." "Will you sleep?" "Yeah, soon." "We should be having sex,” she points out. "So smart." I pinch her nose, she catches my finger between her teeth. "But my dad's upstairs." Yes he is, but her hand still finds my cock. "Hmmm, true." "It's been ninety-six days,” she reminds me. "Ninety-seven if you count today." Her other hand takes mine and brings it between her legs. "Saturday?" Bella asks. "Yeah." I feel her on my hand. My mind goes blank. "But we can't count today because we're having sex today,” she informs me.

"Oh, are we?" "Yes." "What happened to waiting until Monday when we are in our apartment?" "That was silly." "So silly,” I agree. "Why wait?" "Hmm, why indeed, Bella." She feels so good on top of me. She is so warm. I haven't touched her like this in months. It feels right. It feels wrong. I want nothing more than to touch her and touch her until she comes. But I also just want to hold her, talk to her, tell her how much I missed her. She is so warm. Bella moves against my hand while touching me. I kiss her over and over again until she pulls away, sits up. "He's working tomorrow. He has to be at the station by seven." She slides over me, I grab her hips and slide her back. "Then I'll be inside you at 6:46,” I tell her. Her movements are slow, the ends of her long hair brush my face. "You remember his schedule." "How could I forget?" She moves faster, I reach out for her throat, pull her to me. "Why are you so hard?" Bella asks me. "Because I'm obsessed with your pussy and I've been thinking about it for ninety-six days and it's right here." Kisses and thrusts and sighs. Bella everywhere. Control is gone. "If you don't stop Edward, I'm going to come." "Then you're going to come." "You too," she breathes. "Maybe." "Say yes."

"Yes." "Ohhh my God." "How does it feel baby?" I ask. "Oh God." "Harder Bella." "Yes. Oh." "I can smell you. You're so close. Your ass feels so good in my hands." I push her down hard against me until she's done. She is shaking, trying to catch her breath. I pull her into my arms and place kisses along her hairline. "I'd give you head, but... yeah goodnight." I laugh at my selfish girlfriend who passes out in my arms. Another minute and I would have been coming too, but it's not a big deal. We are together again. She is happy. She had an orgasm. She is lying on top of me, sleeping with a hint of a smile on her peaceful face. And in a little less than six hours she is going to be bent over the couch, and probably the table. I am more than happy to let her rest. *** Bella is still sleeping when I walk to the kitchen looking for something to eat. I'm a little surprised to see Charlie sitting at the table reading the paper. "You're up." "Hey Charlie. Good to see you." "Bella still asleep?" he asks. "Yeah, she seemed tired last night." "I'd like to have a talk with you." I nod. "Sure. I thought you were working this morning" "I took the day off, thought I'd take you two out for some breakfast." Perfect. God forbid I spend my first day back with Bella with just Bella. "Sounds good." I find a chewy s'mores flavored granola bar and take a seat across from Charlie. "Edward, do you know what you're doing?"

I can pretend I don't know what he is talking about, or I can have this conversation. "Isn't it a little late to be asking that?" I ask. "I never thought it would come to this." "We've been planning it for months," I remind him. "I thought she'd change her mind and want to stay on campus." "This makes more sense financially, and - " "Are you telling me that my daughter is moving in with you because it's the logical thing to do?" Oh boy… "Of course not, I thought you'd like to hear that..." "Not at all, Edward. I want what's right for her, for the both of you. She's very young. I think it's best that she stay here for the summer and move out to New York right before school starts." "Charlie, we have made a decision. She's coming back with me." "What is she going to do there while you're at work all day?" he asks me. "Whatever it is that she would be doing here. I'm working from home this week and Bella's visiting her mother for two weeks..." "Son, I'm worried the two of you won't last until the end of summer." "Why would you say that?" "It's difficult, moving in together. I speak from personal experience. Things seem to have been going well these past few months, another month or two - " "No. Bella is coming with me." "She's seventeen, Edward,” Charlie says. “I'm letting my seventeen year old move in with a - " "You've let us be together for almost a year now, I don't understand what - " "She hasn't been living with you. Are you gonna be able to keep your hands off her until she turns eighteen?" "Excuse me - what?" "You heard me.” He can't possibly be this blind. "I didn't quite get what you asked,” I tell him.

He coughs once. "How do you plan on keeping things the way they've been until September?" September? Try noon. "Ridiculously amazing self control?" "This is a serious conversation, son." "Charlie, today is Bella's day,” I remind him. “We are leaving on Monday. Please don't ask questions you don't want to hear the answers to." I look at him and I think he is considering what I said. I'm not budging this time. Unless Bella actually tells me, "No, I want to stay in Forks with my father and come out in September to be with you," she is getting on that motherfucking plane with me on Monday. Charlie has to learn to accept this – does he actually think that this past year has been a joke? Not only is it unreasonable for him to think we haven't had sex, but I'm a little angry that he still thinks we shouldn't be doing something that he wouldn't have been able to stop if she were dating someone her own age. But it's not the time for confessions, confrontations, or even a reminder that everything between us has been legal. It's Bella's day, and I love her too much to start an argument with her father right before she leaves his home to start a life with me. Thankfully, he understands this and loves her just as much as I do, because he agrees to end the conversation with a curt nod of his head. Bella "He's never going to leave." "He was supposed to work today," I respond, frowning. He was supposed to work today. I don't know what's going on, but he's been acting very strange these past couple of days. "We had a rather interesting conversation while you were asleep,” Edward says. “I doubt we'll get a chance to be alone before you leave. Just take me home, baby. I don't want you to be late. We'll just hang out tonight." "Ugh, this is so annoying. Tomorrow is going to be SO annoying. You can't be serious about dinner with both sets of parents. And I thought you didn't want to hang out tonight..." His face falls. "That's right – you have the bonfire. I can meet you after." After. "Right." "What's wrong?" he asks. "Nothing. We can meet after." "You don't look too thrilled." "I don't see why you can't come." I know why he can't come. I want him to come anyway.

"I'll come, if that's what you want." "I won't force you to spend time with my friends.” "Bella..." "It's fine,” I tell him. "You don't look fine." "Sorry, I'm just a little emotional." Not really, I just want you to say you'll come. "It's a big day, I understand, but don't take it out on me,” Edward says. “I want to come if you want me there. I always assumed you didn't want me around your friends." "Then you are stupid." "Thanks." He looks annoyed so I touch his face, trying to get him to look at me. "Just be honest with me,” I whisper. “You don't have to do anything for me." He sighs, putting away his phone and bringing me closer to him on the couch. "Okay. Honest. I'd rather have you to myself, alone, without a large group of teenagers getting drunk around a bonfire. But you are hanging out with them tonight, so I have to suck it up and let you go. You want honest, right? I'd rather be there with you than not be around you at all." I look at him closely and remind myself that he is actually here. Like right now. Like, we are actually going to be living together in a few days. My insides twist and my heart swells. "I want you there. I know prom was awkward, but this is different. People will just be hanging out." "Can I fuck you on the beach?" he asks. I've missed that grin. "Yeah." "That's why you want me there." "Exactly. It's why I keep you around." He laughs and kisses me before I get up and grab my bag. It's time to head to school since the graduating class itself has to be there an hour before everyone else. He gets up too, smacking my ass right in time for my dad to walk in and see. He grunts and walks back towards the kitchen. Edward and I can't help but laugh.

"Come on, let's go. I need to dress up and look awesome for your graduation." I roll my eyes at him. "Wear those pants again,” I tell him. “The girls died last time. I like seeing them jealous and panting over you." "You're strange. I would kill any motherfucker who pants over you." "Well, sadly that doesn't happen." "Didn't you notice the way the boys were staring at prom?" he asks. "Cleary it didn't anger you." "Yeah, they were boys. It was just amusing to watch." "Those boys have cocks, like you." His smirk is delicious. "None that you'll ever see." It's true. I have no desire to see, feel, taste anyone or anything but Edward. This entire day has been terrible – I want him and feel like I'm going to beat up my father if I don't get to touch him soon. I have a vague memory of dry-humping Edward last night, but I was sleepy and so out of it. I woke up to find him in the kitchen with my dad and we haven't had a moment to ourselves all day. Maybe that's a good thing – I‟m a little nervous around him for some reason. I mean, he walked in on me changing and I freaked out for a second. But then he laughed and stared at me until I forgot about everything but how he used to stare like that right before pushing himself into me. I started walking over to him until we heard my dad's voice. Ugh. Cockblocker. He needs to get some sort of award for all the cockblocking he has achieved this year. Graduation is great. It is. I get an academic achievement award. Two, actually. My mom and Phil are here; Edward's parents are here and look even more excited than my mom. Esme comes bearing gifts, Carlisle does that creepy yet super hot flirting thing that ends with the breathtaking smile. The Carlisle smile. My dad looks sad and keeps staring at Edward. My mom avoids Edward. Phil looks lost. When it's over and we are all walking around and taking pictures, Kate and Jessica won't stop staring at us. I make it a point to take a dozen pictures with Esme and Carlisle, who don't recognize Jessica when she walks over to them. I think all the picture-taking annoys Edward (everyone notices this) and he growls at his dad when Carlisle laughs. My mom starts flipping out about the move, as if she didn't know exactly what's going on. I tell her we will have plenty of time to scream and act crazy tomorrow. Charlie is still staring at Edward. I decide to make out with Edward when I notice him sulking, it leads to a lot of stares from the faculty. I discover that Edward is hard so I decide to walk in front of him until we leave. I stop abruptly a lot so that he runs into me. It's a fun game. It's pretty chilly once we get to the beach for the bonfire. We hang out with Angela, Ben, Seth, and his new girlfriend – a junior who is pretty cool. Edward mostly sits back and drinks his beer, I sit between his legs and smile every time he leans in and tells me he wants me. I want him too, and I think of ways I can make that happen here on the beach. I wonder if it will be too cold if we wander off on our own for a bit. Although there's a huge fire going, and I am wearing a jacket, it's pretty fucking freezing. Edward tries to warm me up by putting his arms around me but he feels really cold so I push him off. Then I notice that his teeth are chattering and he is shivering, so I put my arms around him. I don't want him to be cold. "So are you guys coming to Kate's?" Seth asks us.

Seth and his girlfriend are saying their goodbyes, getting ready to join the rest of the class at a graduation party Kate Stanley is throwing. Who else? "No, I think I want to go home after this." "We can go to the party if you'd like, Bella." I give Edward "the look" and he shuts up. "Are you guys staying?" I ask Angela. "Maybe for another hour or so, I know most people won't be leaving for Kate's until later," she replies. "Cool. We'll hang out here with you guys. Edward, wanna take a walk with me?" I hold my boyfriend's hand and notice how cold it is. I bring it inside my jacket to warm it up and together we walk away from the crowd. It's very dark and the sand is wet – I'm glad I'm wearing my wellies, as stupid as they look with my dress. It's so quiet, I hear every breath we take, every tiny sound, like our clothes brushing against each other, the squeaky noise my boots make. I stop and stand on my tiptoes in front of him, he holds my hands and we just stay like that for a few minutes, my mouth against his neck, his breath on my forehead. "Bella, are you happy?" "Yes." "This is what you want." Statement. Not a question. "Yes." "You don't want to spend your summer in Forks. You want to come with me,” Edward says. "Yes." "Okay." "Why?" I ask him. "When your parents decide to bring it up tomorrow and try to convince you to stay or spend the summer in Phoenix, I will know exactly where you stand." "Did you really think that I would want to stay or go to Phoenix?" "Not for a second,” he tells me. "Good. Starting Monday, I go where you go." "Where you lead, I will follow."

I smile, but I probably should be weeping over the fact that my boyfriend just said that. "I'm going to pretend those words didn‟t come out of your mouth," I tell him. "Come on, Rory, let's head back. You passed out before showing me how much you love me last night. I let that one slide, but I want you in the car now." "I can do it here.” "Your knees and dress will get wet and sandy. Come on, let's go say goodbye to your friends. Then I will count to twenty, and you better be sitting in the car like a good little girl with my cock in your mouth." He looks annoyed when I start laughing, but cracks after a second and joins me. I don't know what we will be subjected to tomorrow at dinner, or what to expect once we get to New York, but I am pretty sure that within the next ten minutes I will be engaging in one of my favorite activities. And right now, the future seems bright to me. Edward "Mrs. Dw - " "Renee." "Renee, it's great to see you again. We didn't get to talk last night,” I say. "No, we didn't. You took her away before I got a chance to congratulate my daughter for graduating from high school." No, you didn't get a chance to congratulate her because you were too busy yelling at her the entire time. "We just went back to the house, it was pretty crowded and Bella wanted to leave. You should have joined us." Before she can say anything, or point out the fact that she didn't know where we were headed, my mother comes and leads her to the table. Bella and my father are chatting by her car and I love how excited she looks. He seems to be genuinely fond of her, and I am slowly learning to just let go of the past, since Bella obviously has. "I think Edward prefers Grimaldi's, but I'd rather just have a regular slice at Joe's. Perfect cheese to sauce ratio." Is that what they talk about? Food options in New York? "Apples and oranges, dad,” I say, joining their conversation. “You can't compare thw two, we're talking about completely different styles of pizza." "Don't listen to him Bella, you can't beat a slice from Joe's,” my father says. "Joe's it is, then." She smiles. "I'll take you, B. It's pretty close to Alice's apartment." "Wait – is it that place we went to? With all the Italians?"

"No, but it's down the street from that place." "That was delicious,” Bella remembers. “Carlisle, when you come visit we can go together, it was really, really good." "Sounds good. We should head inside. Not a good idea to keep your mothers waiting." Charlie walks in ten minutes after we are all seated. He is pretty quiet throughout the meal, nodding when his ex-wife says something about Bella spending the summer in Phoenix. Bella just ignores these remarks and eats her bread, salad, pasta. Every time Renee addresses me, Bella's hand crawls up my leg and her smile is huge. My dad knows what's up and he shakes his head, laughing quietly to himself. After a while I ignore Renee's constant blabber and just stare at Bella's mouth, fingers, lashes. " - well, if it comes down to me not supporting you anymore, I guess that's just what I am going to have to do." Silence. "Supporting me?" Bella asks. "Let's be honest, Bella,” Renee continues, “I'm the one paying for half your tuition. You didn't get the full scholarship you had hoped for and I had to step in. And who is going to pay for your living expenses? Who puts money into your bank account?" "So you're saying that if I move to New York and go to the school of my dreams, you won't pay for it. Really supportive, mom." "I didn't say that. Your choice, Bella – spend the summer here with your father, or in Phoenix with me. I will even pay for an apartment by school if it's too late to apply for hous - " "No." Who said that? I look up and it's not my father. It's not Charlie. "Phil, please stay out of this,” Renee says in a low voice. "Renee, this is your daughter. And it's my money." "Excuse me?" Bella‟s mom looks like she is ready to cut a bitch. "If I want to pay for her tuition, I will." "She's my daughter, Phil. Don't be ridiculous." Bella hasn't said a word. I take her hand in mine and give it a gentle squeeze. Phil doesn't say anything but I notice him looking at Bella, giving her a reassuring smile. Bella smiles back. I notice tears forming in her eyes. "Bella. Edward."

Oh great. Now we have to deal with Charlie. "I've been thinking about this for a while now, and I will be honest with you, I'm worried about the two of you. I don't doubt the love you have for one another, in fact I am amazed at the strength and commitment you've shown over the past few months. If you want to go to New York, I can't stop you, Bella. If it's tomorrow or three months from now, it makes no real difference. I will help you out as much as I can and wish I could do mo - " "Dad, thank you. Don't..." Bella's tears are flowing now. I put an arm around her to comfort her, but she shakes her head. She gets up and walks over to her father, surprising him with a hug and a kiss on his cheek. He smiles as she whispers something in his ear, both of them looking at me. "This is ridiculous,” Renee cries out. “You are all making a mistake taking their side. Go ahead, Charlie, encourage them. This man has been taking advantage of my little girl from the - " "I'm sorry, Renee, but don't speak about my son that way," my mother says. "Your son has been having sex with a minor for - " "MOM!" My first reaction is to turn to Charlie. I haven't seen that look on his face since the day he found Bella and me on the couch. My parents look horrified, maybe a little embarrassed. "Bella, I said I wouldn't say anything to your father, and I thought this nonsense would be over by now but I can't do it anymore. This has got to end. You are going to look back at your life and realize that you wasted years on... on..." Thankfully, Phil cuts her off. "Renee, that's enough. If you can't control yourself we are leaving. I told you I didn't want any scenes and - " "You're right, we should leave. Bella, sweetheart, I don't want to hurt you. I'm your mother and I want what's best for you. This situation is wrong. Please consider what I said. It breaks my heart that you are so willing to go against your own mother for some man. I know what I'm talking about, babygirl and I hope I'm wrong, but you need to see this for what it is." "I'm sorry you feel that way,” Bella says calmly. “Thanks for coming to dinner." Charlie doesn't say a word about the big revelation, and after dinner is paid for my parents give us both a hug, some kisses too, and say goodbye. Bella and I walk to her car in silence, but the second we are inside she breaks down in my arms. Once we are at the house I hold her to me until we are in the living room, setting her down on the couch before I find Charlie. "Charlie, where is Bella's mother staying?" I ask. "The bed and breakfast Mrs. Cope's sister runs." "Thanks. I'm going to leave Bella here for a little while, tell her I will be right back." "She's not the most reasonable woman, Edward. I wouldn't bother if I were you," Charlie says.

"I can see that, but it doesn't feel right letting them leave things like this between them." He shrugs. “Do what you think is best.” Charlie looks like he has aged ten years since yesterday, at least fifteen since last summer. I want to say something, tell him he has nothing to worry about, that I will take care of Bella, love her. That nothing we ever did was meant to disrespect him, that I love him like a father and want his blessing more than ever. I want to say a lot of things, but I'm not sure he would be comfortable with a conversation like that right now, and I don't want to make this day more difficult than it has already been. I hope that as the months and years pass he will realize that I cherish his daughter. I think he knows this, but forgets sometimes. Forty-five minutes later I am in Bella's truck driving Renee to Charlie's. We had a talk and it went better than I had hoped. Not great, no hugs or smiles, but she was reasonable, and I think Phil had a lot to do with the way she received me. We walk into the house and I'm a little surprised to find the kitchen and living room empty. We go up to Bella's room and my heart breaks a little when I see Charlie sitting by his daughter, stroking her hair. Bella's face is puffy and red. I see a mother's love for her daughter when Renee falls to floor beside the bed, talking and crying, holding Bella only the way a mother can. Charlie and I quietly leave the room, and when I go to check up on them a few hours later I find mother and daughter side by side on the narrow bed, fast asleep. I make my way down to the very familiar couch in the living room. I'm fucking tired. Who knew that I'd ever look forward to spending over five hours on an airplane? I hate planes, they freak me the fuck out and I need to be heavily medicated before I even board one, but anything is better than another day of drama. I'm ready to sleep now. Of course. Charlie is sitting in the chair next to the couch. "How is she doing?" "She's asleep,” I reply. “I think things went well." "I'm proud of you Edward. I've been doubting you for months, but you're the man I thought you were before this whole thing started." "Thank you, sir." He shakes his head. "I thought I was doing a good job keeping an eye on the two of you, but I guess I was wrong." I can't help but smile. "Well,” he continues, “she was going to grow up sometime... can't imagine a better man for Bella." "Charlie, thank you. You have no idea how much that means to me." "Just be patient. When you get angry, when she starts to get on your nerves and you're fighting, think back to the good times. Don't forget why you're with her, and remember that she's not perfect. Don't let her walk all over you either. Hmm, I don't know why I'm giving you any advice, what do I know?" "It's great advice,” I assure him. “Just think back to the good times. I don't have to think too far back. She lights up every second of my life when she's around."

Charlie laughs and shakes his head. "You'd think an entire year would change you kids. Still in your honeymoon period..." "We've changed, grown up in some ways." "One thing hasn't changed,” Charlie says, “you two still smile like idiots when you're in the same room." "I hope that doesn't change." "Keep her happy, Edward. That's all I ask." "It truly is my mission in life, she knows that." "Alright son, get some rest. You did good tonight." "Goodnight Charlie. And thank you." He half-smiles and heads towards the kitchen. I lie down on the couch and think about everything that happened which led to my conversation with Charlie. I remember his face when Renee blurted out the "he's having sex with your daughter" thing and yeah, I must have done something good tonight. Confronting Bella's mother wasn't fun, it wasn't pleasant – but if it gained me the respect of her father and made her happy, I would do it all over again. Charlie drives us to the airport in the morning. Bella doesn't have a lot of luggage since Charlie is going send over the rest of her clothes and books. I don't say anything when they talk about the books, but I basically bought most of her favorites, and they‟re already sitting on our Crate and Barrel leaning desk/bookcase. She needs a desk, right? She will be studying a lot. Will she prefer to study at the library? Maybe I should have just bought the bookcase. Too late now, it's been there for over a month. The goodbyes aren't emotional at all. I think last night's drama was enough for the Swans. Bella gives Charlie a hug and they smile and promise to visit. Renee and Phil are spending the day in Seattle so those goodbyes were said at the house. When Bella asks, I have to admit the queasiness I feel in my stomach as we make our way to the gate. She keeps joking and talking, telling me stories, but her eyes give away her anxiety. "You're nervous," I tell her once we are settled into our seats. "Well, yeah." She leans against the window and throws her legs over my lap. "Don't be,” I say. "You just admitted to feeling sick." "Mostly because of the flight." She smiles. "Mostly?" "Mostly. Are you okay?" "I'm fine. Just... excited. A little scared. Exhausted."

"You had a long day yesterday." She nods before pulling a sweatshirt over her thin t-shirt. "I never thanked you for dragging my mom over,” Bella says. "There was no dragging. When I went over there she was already feeling remorseful. She wanted to come." "But she wouldn't have if you hadn't gone over there." "True. Yeah, you should definitely be thanking me." I make fun of the fact that she hasn't shaved recently and she kicks me in the chest and tells me to stop rolling up her leggings. She teases me about my nervous foot tapping and I try to tickle her, but the drugs must be kicking in because I feel myself dozing off even before we take off. Bella "Oh my God – I am so hungry. I want food NOW. Tell me there will be food at the apartment. If you don't feed me the second we get there this is over." Edward looks annoyed. He starts banging on the little TV screen in the cab, turning off the volume. "Would you relax? I have tons of cereal and milk." "Is the milk fresh? You've been gone for a couple of days." "Yeah, don't worry. We can also order anything you'd like. In the meantime, just eat the cereal and cookies." "Cookies?" I ask. He finally smiles at me and rests his head on my shoulder. "Yeah, Chips Ahoy!" "What are you, eight?" "They are delicious,” he tells me. I love that he loves chocolate chip cookies and keeps them in the apartment. "Chewy or the blue kind?" I ask. "Pish, the brown kind. With the chunks." "I'm eating them all night." "Buy your own cookies. If that's what you plan on doing all night, you're not getting your hands on mine."

Twenty minutes later we pull up to a building that pretty much looks like all the other buildings. I think. I mean it looks very new, but old at the same time. Probably recently renovated. We take our bags and walk inside, and there's a woman sitting behind a desk smiling at us. Edward waves and talks to her for a few seconds before we make our way to the elevator. He fumbles with his keys before opening the door to the apartment and I'm so excited that I'm about to tackle him and steal the keys from him. I step in and he's right. It's tiny, but so pretty. Browns and reds with the gorgeous carpet and so many books and the small couch right by a tiny desk and bookcase. I don't know what to look at first. The "kitchen" is brand new and shiny and has clearly never been used and I think we have a convection oven, which I walk over to check. I drop my bags and walk into the bathroom and I love that everything is very clean and the towels are the perfect butter yellow I like. I turn around and bump into Edward who looks a little freaked out. "The closet is like a walk in closet. Let me show you – walk in by Manhattan standards, but look, I was able to fit this chest in there so we don't have to keep it in the living area. It's more than half empty and there's plenty of room to hang all your stuff." "Yeah, it‟s pretty big,” I agree. “I guess closet space is very important, but wouldn't some people rather have more space? Like as part of the kitchen?" "Believe me, you will thank me for making this choice. The other unit they showed me had a smaller closet, but I knew we needed as much storage space as possible." "Yeah, you're right. I like it, it's nice." We talk about the apartment and I jump onto the bed with the crisp fluffy perfect white comforter and awesome pillows. He laughs and stands far away where I can't reach out and touch him or pull him down onto the bed. "Come,” I tell him. "No, I'm feeding you first." "It's too late to order anything, let's just eat cookies later." "I thought you were hungry," he says. Ugh, I am. "Fine, we can eat." I take off my sweatshirt because it's pretty hot and we sit at the table eating cereal and cookies, as well as the lone banana that was sitting on the counter. When we are done I clean up and Edward goes in to take a shower. A shower sounds so nice right now. I find what I want to wear to bed, my razor and shampoo. I think there is a towel for me in the bathroom. I remember Edward asking me if I wanted a bathrobe or a towel while he was out shopping a few months ago. I said towel for the summer, robe for the winter because I like to be toasty warm. "That felt good,” he says as he steps out of the bathroom. “I left your towel out for you." Oh my, Edward straight out of the shower. I'm rethinking taking one now because oh my God, I think I had forgotten just how beautiful he is and I would like to touch him. But I probably stink and my hair is greasy and I don't want to mess with perfection. Is that a droplet of water on his bottom lip? Can I suck it off? Can I just yank off the towel and drag him to bed? Stupid leggings, by the time I take you off I will probably fall and hurt myself because I will be nervous and excited because oh God I just want him and it's been too long and he smells so nice.

Shower first, Bella. Smell as good as he does. Shave your legs. Wash your hair. Straight into the bathroom. Don't even think about undressing out here. Bathroom. Now. I step out after fifteen minutes and Edward is lying down on the bed reading a magazine. He puts it away when he sees me walking over. Sadly, the towel is gone and has been replaced with boxer briefs. Without saying anything I simply climb onto the bed and on top of him. He stares at me and water drips from my hair onto his face and chest. He feels so good under me, so warm and hard. His arms pull me down until I'm lying on top of him. His kisses are so tender. I forget to breathe for a few seconds because it's been too long and it feels so wonderful and he is so beautiful, so kind. He loves me and I am going to burst with joy because we are at home, together, and he is kissing me and it's slow and sweet, but who needs fast and crazy when this is our life now? We don't talk. We've talked enough. Words are silly when we have this. Him and I and his mouth and our sighs and kisses, so many kisses. My towel comes off and his hands are so strong on me. I want them everywhere and they go everywhere. His hands caress me and his lips follow them and I can't keep mine off Edward because he tastes that good. I take off his boxer briefs and he is inside me and I'm not sure who is on top, or what we are doing, but we are made for this. I can't hold on tighter and if he tries I will break into two. I'm so silent, but then I'm screaming because it has never felt like this before, and he's fucking me wildly, and I don't want anything more than this, anything else but this. After we are done and I'm lying with my head on his stomach, I look around the apartment again and notice how he has filled it with pictures of me, pictures of us. Even my father makes an appearance. All of my favorite books are on the bookcase and I guess while I was in the shower he set my laptop on the desk, next to a picture of us from Alice's first party, almost a year ago now. He is playing with my hair and his hand is on the nape of neck, so gentle but strong. I love him so much. I smile because he is hard again and he is here and not thousands of miles away. I kiss him and he gasps, and I kiss him over and over until I take him into my mouth. Because I can. Because there is nothing else I'd rather do.

Chapter 37 – Bikini Bella "Bella, you should spend the long weekend here with us." I turn and look at Emmett who is lying beside Rosalie on a bright blue beach blanket. "Umm I don't know. Doesn't Edward have that work picnic on the fourth?" "Exactly,” Emmett says. “Don't let that ruin your whole weekend – just come hang with us." "I'll think about it." I'm not sure I want to spend an entire weekend with Emmett and Rosalie at the beach house they have rented with Jasper and Alice for the summer. Don't get me wrong, it's nice to have access to a beach house, especially the one we are staying at now. It's actually Jasper's boss's summer place, but he decided to send his family away to Europe this year. So it worked out well, because Alice has a quiet place to study for the bar exam all week, and everyone joins her on Friday night. I like this tiny little town with its few shops and restaurants and pretty "streets" lined with cottages, houses, all with funny names, but I'm not sure I want to stay here all weekend if Edward isn't even going to be here. His firm is having this big Fourth of July picnic and although he mentioned it once or twice in passing, we never talked about going. I'm pretty sure he needs to make an appearance and he won't be able to do that if we are here all weekend. I grab my book and walk start walking towards the house. The sun is very strong but the water is too cold to swim in and I just want to be in the shade for a little bit. No one even thought of bringing umbrellas. It's not a big deal since we are going back first thing tomorrow morning. Edward has to put in a couple of hours a work on a Sunday afternoon, and I'm a little disappointed because I wanted to work on my tan. I achieved a nice glow visiting my mother in Phoenix for a week, but now I just want to get a little darker. It looks great and I know this is so wrong, but I love the freckles that pop out all over my chest. So does Edward. He counts them and kisses them. Everything has been so great since graduation. The first week I spent with Edward in New York was one of the best weeks of my life. It probably only rivals those few weeks last summer when Edward and I first met. He held me for hours as we talked, in the apartment or at the park, or on a bench at one of the many museums we visited. Every second not spent having sex or eating really delicious food was spent reading, with me on his lap, his lips constantly on me. It was bliss. So I was a little annoyed about having to spend a week in Phoenix, but it was easy to go, knowing that I would be returning to Edward, to our apartment. I just got back last Sunday and although Edward has been working long hours, it hasn't been so bad. In fact, I love exploring the city on my own and I have been running a lot, reading, hanging out at the apartment and watching TV. Also, it is supposed to be sunny all next week and I will tan at the park. The walk to the park isn't bad at all. As long as I don't get lost and exit the park on the east side, it's all good. But I somehow always manage to end up on the east side, twenty blocks south of our apartment. The back door is open and I walk in, surprised to hear what seems to be a mini-fight going on between Alice and Edward. They stop talking the second they realize I'm in the room, and Alice smiles at me before walking back to the living room, where she has been studying for weeks now. "What's wrong?" I ask Edward. "Alice is annoying."

"But you knew that. You look upset." I smile as he takes off his t-shirt. The scratch marks on his shoulders are fading. I must do something about that. "I'm not,” he tells me. “What are you doing here? I was about to come join you guys outside." He rests two cool hands on my shoulders, brushing his lips over my nose. I snap out of my Edwardinduced haze, which I still have problems controlling, to tell him that the sun is giving me a headache. "We can sit in the back for a little bit, there's some shade." "Okay. Oh, so, Emmett invited me to stay here with them next weekend." "That's cool, you can work on your tan," Edward says. "Hmmm, I'll be working on it all week at the park. And I thought you had the work thing on the fourth." "I can go back for that, or just join you guys Sunday night." "Oh." "Or I can just leave for a couple of hours and then come back. Stupid family picnic shit. No one really wants to go." Family picnic. Right. It would be weird for him to take me. "You don't have to do that,” I say. “It's such a pain to get here from the city. Are the other younger associates going?" "Well it's just me, Jane, and Charlotte. They‟re probably going." "Oh they're your age?” I ask. “I always imagined them as being older." Edward nods. "They're my year. Charlotte went to NYU, we were in the same section first year. Jane went to Fordham." Somehow it didn't bug me knowing he shares an office with someone a little older, not pretty, not an old acquaintance from school. All of a sudden Charlotte is Victoria in my head, and Jane is her equally pretty, if not so smart, twin sister. "Cool." This is where Edward usually notices that I'm confused, or upset, or want to hear him say something reassuring. Instead, he changes the topic of conversation. "I want to go back tonight. I miss having you to myself." He does an excellent job, because the hushed tone he uses makes me forget what we were talking about and I am stupid again.

"It's only been twenty-four hours," I whisper. But yes, let's go, please. Edward leads me outside where he sits on one of the deck chairs and pulls me onto his lap. "Sharing you is no fun.” One finger makes its way down to my belly button, his lips are on my collarbone. “This is a very pretty outfit you've got on." "It's a bikini." He lightly smacks my ass and smiles. "It's not really much of anything." I giggle when he starts to touch me. I‟m moving against his hand, my mouth by his ear so he can hear how much I like this, how much I like him. My breath on his ear and against his neck drives him crazy, he groans when my lips make contact with his skin for a second, before whispering simple words to him. He likes these words and pulls me closer, bringing his mouth to my chest, his teeth and lips and tongue on me. Anyone walking by can see us. Sometimes I want to be watching from afar. Edward's cheek against my chest, his eyes closed, his fingers inside me. I'd like to see what it looks like. I'd like to experience it in every way possible. My body melts against him and I smile, resting my head on his shoulder, still rocking myself against his fingers because it still feels so good. "Let's leave tonight. Your ass is delicious and I want you." His hands squeeze me and I'd leave right now if we could get away with it. Instead, we return to the beach and even Alice comes out to play for a little while. Rosalie is super friendly and asks me to help her with the food next weekend, since I'm the only one who can make anything edible. We agree on a menu and before I know it, Rosalie and I have plans to go grocery shopping Friday afternoon. "Bella, you know you don't have to do this if you don't want to,” Alice says. Her voice is calm and steady, but I can tell that there is something off. In fact, she hasn't said a word all afternoon. Neither has Jasper. Emmett throws some grapes at Alice. "Come on Ali, it'll be fun. Rose and Bella will spend some quality time together. What's Bella gonna do when Edward's at the picnic?" Note to self: discuss picnic with Edward when you are alone. "What indeed?" Alice storms off, visibly upset. I feel like I should make sure she is okay, but whatever it is can't be that big of a deal since Jasper doesn't bother going in to see what's wrong. "Why is she so upset?" I ask. "Ignore her," says Rosalie. Edward and I end up leaving that night instead of in the morning, and the short ferry ride is quiet. He refuses to tell me why Alice is so upset, which pisses me off, so even though it is pretty cold on the ferry and I'd love to have his arms wrapped around me, I take my bag and go inside where I'm sort of protected from the wind. I text Alice once we are on the train, but she says everything is fine and that she will see

me next weekend. Whatever it is probably has nothing to do with me, and as kind and friendly as these people have been, they are not really my friends. It's probably none of my business so, I decide to stay out of it. For the first time since I left Forks I feel incredibly lonely. I let out a loud sigh and Edward's head snaps up, his expression one of worry and concern. He hugs me and I can't make out half of what he is saying, but I'm pretty sure he says "I'm sorry" at least twice. I'm not sure what he is apologizing for, but I feel somewhat better in his arms. Edward I'm a dick. I'm more than a dick. I don't deserve any of this. Not Bella, not my friends, not my job. I don't think I'm lying to her. Lying would entail saying words, out loud, right? Lying would be me telling her that I can't bring my girlfriend to the family picnic because she is not family. Also, it would be a lie if I said that Alice is PMS-ing and not furious with me for asking my sister's fiancé to invite her to stay for the weekend. Not that Alice doesn't want Bella around – she just thinks I should be talking to her myself. Yeah, I'm a dick. It should be easy to just say, "Bella, I want nothing more than to take you and introduce you to everyone but it's going to be very awkward when they ask you about school or work, so perhaps it is best to wait a few months." But it's not easy. It will break her heart. It will make her doubt everything, all the promises that I have made. Bella. I have no doubt in my mind that I love her, that she belongs here with me. Coming home to the now very messy apartment with Bella running up to me and covering me in kisses, shoving something she made into my mouth, is surreal. Waking up with her by my side, her leg always thrown over me, immediately puts a smile on my face. She sits up, watches me dress once I'm out of the shower, hopping around to find something for me to eat. She is always sleepy and I have to tuck her in before I walk out the door, never wanting to leave her side. Mornings with Bella are wonderful. Lunches with Bella are exciting. Evenings with Bella are bliss. What the fuck was I thinking? How did I not consider picnics, firm dinners, holiday parties? How do I explain to complete strangers that my girlfriend is seventeen, that I fell in love with her a year ago and that she is now living with me before she starts college? They are not going to understand. Prime example: Charlotte's reaction to finding out Bella's age. She didn't take it well. Charlotte, one of the most open-minded people I know, did not hesitate to pass judgment as soon as the word "seventeen" left my mouth. Apparently I don't know this, but I am in fact manipulating a child, and legal or not my actions are despicable. I told her to go fuck herself, and our relationship has been frosty ever since. Charlotte's reaction made me wary of telling anyone else. Obviously everyone knows that I had a girlfriend in Washington who just moved in with me. They know her name is Bella and that we have been together for a year. They don't need to know more. It's really nobody's business. So when I brought this up with Rose and Emmett, their advice made sense. Why fuck this up now? Things are good. Don't subject your relationship to any more scrutiny, especially from people who don't matter. Rose suggested that Bella spend the weekend with them and I agreed. I'm not sure it was the best idea. In fact, I think it was a pretty bad one. There are other ways to deal with this. Honesty would be one. Or, I could ask her to lie, say she is twenty. Bella could pass as older. But I can't ask her to do that. The last thing I want to do is to lie about our relationship. None of this is worth losing her over. So why the fuck can't I just be honest? She is smarter, prettier, and more interesting than any of the fiancées, wives, girlfriends I've met. She can definitely hold a conversation better than ninety-percent of the idiots present at these functions. I'm definitely going to take

her and tell everyone that my gorgeous girlfriend is starting college at Barnard this fall. Let everyone know how amazing she is... and I won't have to do much because she's Bella. Back at the apartment, we decide to shower together since we are both sleepy. It's been a long weekend and between the cabs and train ride and ferry, we are exhausted. Bella was angry on the ferry, a little sad on the train, but by the time we made it back to the apartment she looked like she was doing better. Our shower is quiet but fun. Her hands are on me and then I'm all over her belly, her chest, and she makes me wash it off and squeals when I touch her. Falling back onto the bed the only thought in my head is that tomorrow I will tell her what's been bothering me and why Alice was so upset all weekend. I'm not losing this because I'm too much of a pussy to be honest with Bella. She kisses me until we fall asleep, wet and naked and tangled up. *** Bella doesn't budge when I wake up and touch her this morning. It's only eight and I decide to put in a couple of hours at work before spending the afternoon with her. I forgo a shower and quietly slip out of the apartment after leaving her a note. I'm surprised to find Jane walking down the hallway at the office. "You haven't been in on a Sunday in weeks. Welcome back,” she tells me. "Hey Jane, I thought I'd be the only one here." "Nope. I'm going away next week and needed to finish up a couple of things." "You won't be at the picnic?" I ask. She laughs. "No, definitely not. Are you going?" "I thought it was sort of an obligatory thing." "It is, but they knew I was going to be away." "Lucky." "Bringing the girlfriend?" Charlotte asks. "Yes." "Wait, I know this is really nosey of me, but I have to ask. Is she really seventeen?" That cunt. "Yeah." "Wow." "Charlotte told you?" I ask. "Charlotte told everyone at JG Mellon's last week." "You guys went out for burgers?"

"Yes. Remember? I asked if you wanted to come but you had plans." "Who else was there?" I want to know. "Just me, Ron and Phil. Charlotte, of course." "That's great. I'm sure it just came up in conversation." "Not really." "Then how did it come up?" "You really want to know?" I nod. "We were talking about Rosemary's Baby, since it was on AMC the night before, and Woody Allen and Polanski came up. Ron started to tell us about a statutory rape case he worked on while he was at the D.A.'s office... Edward, don't look at me like that. I'm just telling you how it came up. Listen, Ron and Phil both told her it's none of her business. And I'm really not one to judge. Just be open about it and don't give people the opportunity to make things up and speculate." "That's the plan. I was just going to bring her next week. To be perfectly honest, though, Charlotte's reaction a couple of weeks ago surprised me and made me reconsider telling everyone about it." "Well is it serious?" she asks. "What? Our relationship? We live together, it's very serious." "Then you need to be honest. Hiding it makes no sense – you can't hide her forever." "I don't want to hide her." "Take her to the picnic,” Jane advises me. “What's the worse that can happen? The women will be jealous because she's young and has you, the men will be jealous because you get to hit that. I've seen your screensaver, she's pretty cute." "Always the voice of reason, Jane." Jane shrugs. "I just don't give a fuck about what people do in their personal lives." Bella and I meet up for brunch after I wrap things up at work. She is fresh out of the shower, her hair wet in a bun on the top of her head, cheeks rosy from a day spent at the beach. The new freckles on her nose make me bend down to kiss it. We take a seat at the bar after we are told that there is a fifteen-minute wait for a table. "I'm so hungry,” she says. “We didn't really have any dinner last night." "I had a bagel this morning but I'm starving. Pancakes, B? They have decent ones here." "I think I want eggs benedict. Mmhmmm I'm so obsessed with eggs benedict now."

"You have good taste – it 's my favorite brunch food." "Okay, I want mine with bacon." "As opposed to..." "I hate that smoked salmon shit." I laugh. "Okay, no smoked salmon shit. We can get a pancake on the side if you'd like." "I'm not that obsessed with pancakes. But let's get the fries, please?" "Anything you want. I'm going to order a drink." "Ooooh, could you order some orange juice for me?" Bella asks. "You can drink that shit if you'd like. It's Sunday, I'm getting drunk." "Boo. You chug an entire carton of orange juice every morning. Not good enough for you today?" "I don't have to drink if that makes you uncomfortable," I tell her. "I'm kidding, Edward. Just get me some OJ." But I know she likes Bellinis so I order one for myself and let her drink most of it. Rose introduced her to them last Sunday and Bella came home from brunch giggling and tipsy and incredibly horny. The horniness was probably due to the fact that she had been in Phoenix for a week, but the giggling and tipsy part was adorable. "So, I'm actually excited about spending next - " I don't hear the rest. One of the founding partners of the firm is walking towards us with his wife. Just my luck. Bella I stop talking when I realize that Edward isn't listening to a word I'm saying. "What's wrong?" He looks nervous. "Someone I work with is here." "Okay, so what?" He shrugs. "Are you alright?" I ask. "I'm fine." He's not fine.

"Are you going to pretend you didn't see him?" "Too late,” he says. “He saw us already." You know that feeling of dread that starts deep down in your stomach? Something is off here. The man says something to his wife, who smiles at Edward. "Bella, you're over eighteen," he blurts out. "Excuse me?" He grabs my hand and shakes his head frantically. "Nothing, forget it." All of a sudden every little comment and every little thing that happened yesterday comes back to me. Oh, silly Bella, did you really think that Emmett and Rosalie wanted to spend an entire weekend with you? Did you really think that a family picnic excludes girlfriends, boyfriends, partners? Did you really miss Alice's little remarks? She knew what Edward and the rest were up to and she didn't like it. He's embarrassed. He doesn't want to have to introduce you to anyone. I'm over this shit. Pulling my hand out of his grip, I get up and walk towards the bathroom. He doesn't try to stop me. I stand in front of the mirror and stare at myself. I've cried enough these past few months and right now I'm just angry. I cried when Edward left, I cried almost every day that he was gone. I cried the weekend of graduation and when I was in Phoenix listening to my mother's numerous warnings concerning Edward. But if there ever was a time to cry, this would be it. I am living with a man who is embarrassed to be seen with me. Who wants me to what, lie about my age? He has to get his friends and family to baby-sit me while he is at work functions because he can't introduce me as his equal, as his partner. I live with this man. I have made important life decisions thinking about him, about us. I've put up with enough shit, I've risked losing my parents. And he can't even be honest and talk to me. He almost had phone sex with someone else just a few weeks after we met. I forgave him because he was honest with me, he came to me and talked to me. I forgave him because we all fuck up. He completely let me down when my father caught us. I forgave him because I was blinded by love, my adoration for him. I knew I had made the right decision when he proved how much our relationship meant to him by speaking to my father, telling him that he would wait for me. He left and he forgot to call sometimes, or worked really late and didn't make it in time to talk or Skype on numerous occasions. I forgave him because he had to work, because he apologized, because he loves me and I never once doubted that. Not once. No doubts. I guess today is the first time. When I walk out of the restroom I see him sitting at the bar, staring at my orange juice, his hands in his hair. For the first time since we met he is not where I want to be. I want to be far, far away from him. The park is probably a good idea, but it's hot and I don't want to be outside. I can go eat something somewhere, but my appetite is gone. Who do I call? Alice? And say what? There is no one in New York I can speak to. Angela? "Oh hi, Edward wants to lock me up in the apartment so that I don't run into anyone he knows. I'm moving back to Forks." So I decide to do nothing and walk around for a while, ignoring the texts and calls from Edward. Fuck him. Does he feel bad now? Does he have an explanation or an apology? Do I even want to hear any of it? I

really don't think so. Before I speak to him I need to calm down. I want to say that I understand, that I get it, it's not going to be easy telling people about us, but Jesus Edward, if you can't talk to me and be honest with me, what are we doing? I suppose I'm afraid of his answer. I know he loves me. It's like one of the universal truths. I'm just not sure what that means. If it means this, then I'm not sure I want any part of it. I'm not stupid, I realize that people have fights, that relationships are not easy, but this is...big. It's so fucking hot out here. I'm not wearing much but it's unbearable. I'm pretty sure it is unseasonably hot for June. There is a Mr. Softee on the corner and I buy a milkshake but it just makes me feel gross. Maybe I should just go home. I mean why not? It's not his apartment, it's our apartment, and since I can't go home to Forks, I will go to the only other home I know. He can go to his sister's, or Jasper's, or wherever he is welcome. I'm really not welcome anywhere, so I'll go home and claim the bed. Edward is not at the apartment. It doesn't look like he has been here and I have to say that I am a little surprised. My phone buzzes again so I finally check it. Five voicemails. Three texts. I decide to take a look at the texts. Where are you? – E Bella I tried calling you. Pick up. Where did you go? – E B, I'm sorry. Please call me. I'm worried. I love you. – E "I love you." This time I'm not sure that that‟s enough. He's worried. So what? I'm worried. I'm worried that after our next conversation there will be nothing for us. That we will realize this is stupid, impossible. Maybe my dad was right and this relationship is unsustainable. But three weeks? I listen to the voicemails next. 1:21pm Bella where did you go? I turned around and you were gone. Call me back. 1:26pm B, it's me. Where are you? Are you mad at me for what I said? I just pani - freaked out for a second. I'm leaving the restaurant now, call me as soon as you get this. 1:37pm I realize you left because you are mad at me. I'm a jerk, I realize this. I'll explain everything, just tell me where you are. I'm at home, dickhead. If you gave a shit you would come and find me. 1:52pm Ok Bella, I'm going back to the apartment. Meet me there, please. You can't run away every time something doesn't go your way. Just call me back. 2:06pm Sweetheart, I'm sorry. Delete that from your phone. Your brain, even. I love you. I'm on my way home, please be there. I kick off my shoes and blast the air conditioning, lie diagonally across the bed. His one sweet message infuriates me. You fool. I know you love me. But loving me and being embarrassed to introduce me to people don't go together. If you don't realize this then ... that's that. I don't care what the reasonable thing is here, I don't care that it is fucking weird that someone your age is dating me. You can't have it both ways.

Everything here has Edward stamped on it. Even my fucking books. He bought them, he placed them on the bookshelves. He wrote shit on the front covers that I don't want to see right now. I walk around the room – because that's all it is, a stupid fucking room – and put away all my clothes, my shoes. I wash the dishes and collect all the things I've left on and around the bathroom sink. The last thing I need is another fight about how messy the apartment is. Well, genius, what did you expect? We have a single closet for all our stuff and nowhere to put anything new we decide to buy. Apparently I have to learn to clean up after myself and put everything away. Away? Really? Where? And if he actually thinks that any of my clothes are going in a fucking storage unit in HARLEM he's crazy. That's all. Crazy. Ten minutes and a very clean apartment – ummm room – later, I hear footsteps and keys and why oh why is he so beautiful? Why do I need him like I do? I turn around and face the window, trying to ignore him. Do I say something? Will he? Do I even want to talk to him? Of course you do. But I don't know if I want to hear what he has to say. He would never say anything bad, listen to him. It's Edward. Exactly, and he has been lying to me. Maybe he can explain, and you should listen. Give him the benefit of the doubt, if anyone deserves it, it's him. I don't know if that is true anymore. I know he is standing right behind me. Because I feel Edward. When he is somewhere I know it. Yes, I'm crazy. Whatever. I have to turn around. He can still see me even if I have my back to him. This is silly. Edward She's pissed. No, she's beyond pissed. I can feel the anger emanating from her and I'll be completely honest – I'm almost glad that I can't see her face right now. My hand reaches out to touch her, it wants to rest on her hip, but I'm not sure how she will react. Just as I'm about to risk it she turns around and looks me straight in the eye. "I'm sorry," I tell her. Bella's eyes are dead. She hasn't cried. "You're mad at me, I know." She rolls onto her back and stares at the ceiling. "B, I didn't mean that. I panicked. There, I said it. I'm sorry." Her stomach rumbles and I realize that she is hungry. My hand instinctively reaches for her belly but she roughly shoves it away. I'm mildly annoyed, but the ache in my chest is stronger than my annoyance. I can't believe I fucked up like this. "It's okay if you don't want to talk right now, but you need to eat - " "Edward please shut the fuck up. That's the last thing I need to hear from you." "You're hungr - " "Just shut up,” she says. “I don't want to talk to you right now. I don't want to eat. Just leave me alone." "You're being unreasonable, just listen to me." "I'm not stupid. I may have been blind for the last couple of days but I'm not stupid."

"Bella you're not stupid, I know." "Good,” she says. “Now leave." "I'm not leaving my own apartment." "Fine, stay. Just pretend I'm not here." "Bella..." She turns her back to me again. "Very mature." "What did you expect? I'm a child." "We've had this conversation before." "Have we?” Bella asks. “I was not aware." "I'm pretty sure we have. Don't act like a child and expect to be treated as an adult." "Don't be a prick and expect me to respect you,” she snaps. "Whatever, Bella. You won't even listen to me." "Why would I? I didn't realize you had anything to say. You're too busy having conversations with Emmett, Alice, Rosalie..." "What are you talking about?" I ask. "Just admit it." "Admit what?" "That you're ashamed of me." "Bella - " "Embarrassed, then." "I'm not,” I tell her. “I made a mistake." "Oh did you now? Which mistake are you talking about? Involving your sister and her fiancé? Alice? Telling me to pretend I'm eighteen? Not talking to me about any of this?" "I made a few mistakes,” I admit. “Bella, I swear, before this whole thing happened I had decided to talk to you." "Sure."

"Don't do this. Listen to me. I realized last night that I want you to come to the picnic, that this isn't something I want to hide - " "Last night?” she says, repeating the two words a few times under her breath. “You realized last night that you wanted to treat me like your girlfriend? Maybe talk to me? Tell me, Edward. What was your plan prior to this epiphany you had. To keep me hidden here? Maybe introduce me to everyone at the family picnic as your little sister. Or make me wear Rose's clothes and tell them I'm twenty-two? No Edward, I don't want to listen to you right now. You have managed to... I saw you sitting there and... I didn't want to be around you. I've never not wanted to be around you." My chest tightens. These words shouldn‟t be coming from her mouth. Not about me. Not about us. "Bella, you're right. I fucked up. What do you want me to say? Not talking to you about it was inexcusable. What happened at brunch today was worse. I can't even defend myself." "Well, there you go. Absolved of all guilt. Feel better?" she asks, her voice cold and tone cruel. "No. Bella... let's talk." "You were ashamed of me." "No I - " "Then explain." "Alright. I wasn't sure how to bring it up." "Bring what up?" she asks. "The picnic." "What do you mean?" "I wasn't sure how to tell you that I felt... uncomfortable..." "I asked you this a year ago, I'm asking you again. Are you comfortable with my age?" "Bella of course - " "Think before you answer me,” Bella says, shaking her head at my answer. “You just said that you were uncomfortable - " "Not with your age. Just peoples' reactions to your age." "Same thing." "Not the same thing,” I correct her. “People are closed-minded. I told Charlotte about us and her reaction... it wasn't good. When this picnic thing came up I wasn't sure how I wanted to approach it. When people ask you about what you do, or whatever... Anyway, I was talking to Rose and Emmett last week and they suggested that I avoid the whole thing altogether. It was stupid but I went along. I'll be honest with you, Bella – I didn't want to have this talk. I didn't want to bring up my conversation with Charlotte or any of this. Things have been going so well... I wanted it to just be us. I'm sorry."

"Why did you discuss this with them instead of coming to me?" Bella wants to know. "You were in Phoenix and it was the day they were doing a head count for the picnic." "Did you tell them you were bringing a guest?" she asks. "Yes." "But you didn't want to." "Of course I wanted to. Bella I'm not ashamed of you. Please believe me when I say this." "I can't think right now. I thought I was mad at you for not talking to me, or for lying to me but that's not even it. You're not sure yet. Edward I asked you a year ago if you were sure." "And I am,” I try to reassure her. “I fucked up." "That's not enough this time. "I fucked up" won't do it. I wanted to die in that restaurant today. You were asking me to lie about my age." "I'm sorry. I was wrong. Bella, sweetheart I knew last night that I was wrong - " "And yet you did it again,” she points out. “I can see where you're coming from, Edward. I hate to admit it, but I do. But if you still have doubts, if you are not okay with my age. This is over." "Bella, what are you saying?" "I'm saying think about it. I'm not sad. This has nothing to do with how much you love me. I don't doubt that." "That's all that matters - " Bella looks at me like I‟m stupid. "No. It's not. I trusted you when we met. You told me that my age doesn't matter. To pull this kind of shit now is just disgusting." "It was a mistake." "Jesus Edward it wasn't just ONE mistake. It was keeping this from me, talking to other people about it and still not telling me, it was scheming with your sister and Emmett to keep me away next weekend, it was arguing with Alice about it because I'm assuming that's why she was so upset, it was today." "What do you want me to say?” I shout. “I apologized ten times. I told you I was wrong." "I'm sorry but I don't believe you." "Excuse me? You don't believe me? When have I ever fucking lied to you Bella?" "It's not me.” Bella is the one shouting now. “You're fucking lying to yourself, and if these past few days have been an indication of anything, it's that... I'm pretty sure you've been lying to yourself since last June."

"I don't know what you are talking about. Bella, I'm sorry. I love you more than anything." "I don't doubt that." Bella is on her knees in front of me. Her tears fall and I can't help it, my hands are on her face. She collapses onto me, her face in my chest. Her sobs kill me. She hasn't cried like this before. Not when Charlie found out, not when we found out I was leaving, not when I left. These are angry tears. Angry sobs. I hold her and she accepts me, allows me to keep my arms around her – but when I try to speak, and when I try to kiss her, she shakes her head and pushes me away. I watch her curl up into a ball and I do exactly what she asked me to do. I think.

Chapter 38 - Navy blue sailor dress, revisited Edward "Bella." "Yeah." "I want us to talk now," I tell her. "Okay." "Do you want to eat first?" She shrugs. "Sure." "I ordered some sushi, it should be here soon." "Fine." "I ordered your favorites. The dumplings too." "Thank you." I reach out to touch her and she doesn't flinch or push me away like she has been doing for the last couple of hours. After our talk she cried for a while as I held her, before shaking herself out of my grip and moving to the other end of the bed. I didn't try to stop her. While I was holding Bella, I thought about her, about us for a couple of minutes. I didn't have to do much soul searching. What was I supposed to be thinking about anyway? Whether or not I want her in my life? Whether or not I can accept her age? There is no one else for me, nothing else for me. I had decided already that her age does not matter. Hopefully she will realize that this was a fuck-up, and nothing more. Nobody needs to know her age. She's starting college this fall, and who the fuck is going to pry anyway? People have more tact than that. They can judge me, and that's fine. I work hard, I do my job, and I have never given anybody a reason to question my character. And if they do, they do. I'm not losing her over this. The lying. I apologized, and if she needs to hear more apologies, I will continue to apologize until she forgives me. There is no excuse for lying to her. Bella knows that I regret it, like she knows how I feel about everything, all the time. Lying here next to her, I realize that I have never felt this much remorse, and if I could take all her pain away, I would. I'd live with it myself. She walks to the bathroom and emerges looking slightly better. You can still tell that she has been crying. I want the puffiness to melt away under my lips. She is so precious to me. The anxiety I am feeling is going to make me sick, and I can't wait any longer to have this talk with her. I have to make her understand, or at least forgive me. If she doesn't... Forget it, don't even think about that. We sit across from each other at the table and she plays with her hair, looking for split ends to conquer. Before I can say anything the food arrives and she brings over some plates and glasses. I don't really taste anything, she barely manages to dip her spicy tuna in the soy sauce or the spicy mayo stuff she loves.

"Bella,” I start, “I spent some time thinking about us. About you and everything that just happened." Her eyes well up with tears and she pushes her plate away. "What's wrong?" I ask. She shakes her head and picks at a dumpling that is sitting on her plate. My mind goes to the day I taught her how to use chopsticks. We were in Charlie's kitchen and she kept messing up and being silly. Everything was so new between us, everything she did caused my head to spin. I remember being in awe of her laugh that day. I would do anything to see it again. "Nothing," she says, "just tell me." "I didn't have to think much. You are all I want. Your age... your age means nothing to me. I don't know what I have to do to regain your trust, but I promise you... I will never make it an issue again. I made a mistake. A few mistakes. Believe me when I say that I regret them more than anything." She looks up and for a second our eyes meet before she looks away again. "You say it doesn't matter, but it does. What if people judge you? Treat you differently?" "That's silly. It's nobody's business. I should have realized that." "You're a professional... won't this... affect how people view you? I mean, that you're hanging out with some kid? Maybe they will all think that it's wrong... I don't know." "It shouldn't. You're practically an adult, just a few months shy. Nothing between us is illegal. It‟s none of their business. I am committed to you. I don't know what I was thinking but none of that matters." "You were right,” she says. “I mean, I hate to admit it but you were right. My age is a big deal." I shake my head “no” while she keeps nodding. "I went about it the wrong way." "You did,” she agrees. “You could have just talked to me." "I was scared." "If you had talked to me and explained, I would have lied for you." "Bella..." "No, I'm serious,” she says. “If you had explained that my age could be an issue for you professionally, I would have lied or at least been purposefully vague. If you had approached me..." "I'm sorry I didn't come to you first." "Me too." "So what now?" I ask. "I don't know."

She doesn't know. Make her know. "What do you mean you don't know?" "I mean... it made me think a lot. How easy it was to lie to me, to try to trick me into staying with them. When will my age not matter to you or anyone else?" "Forget everyone else,” I tell her. “It doesn't matter to me. Does it matter to you?" "Of course not. But..." Stop saying things like "but" or that you don't know, Bella. Please just look at me for a second. "But what?" I ask. "I idolize you,” she says. “You are everything I want to be. Strong, intelligent, funny, kind. I want to be like you because you are such a good person. I always admired you so much. There was no one else I wanted to be with. Thinking about being with you forever, I had no doubts that you were it. That I don't need to experience anyone, anything but you." I notice that my hands are shaking. "Has that changed?" "No. Well, I don't know. If you're not that person, if you lie and manipulate and keep things from me... How can I not think that maybe, maybe there is... I don't know." No Bella, you didn't just... "Maybe there's something better for you out there?" I ask, hoping that‟s not what she was trying to say. "I didn't say that," she replies, with absolutely no conviction. "Whatever, Bella. You did." "You're angry." "I am." "I love you. It's just... you lied to me." th

"I did. I apologize," I say for the 100 time today. "You didn't feel comfortable coming to me, talking to me." "I'm sorry," I say again. "What if I always doubt you? What if I can't trust you?" Bella asks. "You're overreacting." How I manage to say this without blowing up, I‟m not sure. "No I'm not. You talk about forever and you give me this? Lies and, and – I don't know. I'm freaking out."

"You are freaking out. You're overreacting. It was one lie." "It was more than that,” she insists. Her tone is so bitter. It reminds me of the day Charlie found us together. She still won't look at me. "Bella, I have done nothing to betray your trust, to make you doubt my commitment to you for a year now. I fucked up once and this – this is what happens?" "No, I'm just talking. You wanted to talk." "I'm asking you to forgive me, and you are putting our relationship and my commitment to you into question." "I want to forgive you,” she says. “I think I can." "That's great." "What? I'm telling you that I think I can forgive you." That‟s it. "Fuck that, Bella. I won't count everything I've done for you, I won't throw it all in your face now. But are you seriously telling me that it will be difficult to forgive me? What else can I do? I would forgive anything you did, just one apology and I'd give you the world. You could fucking lie to me twenty times a day and I would forgive you and beg for more. You want to talk? Let's talk. I'm the one who is willing to do anything for us, while you - " "Don't turn things around,” Bella says, raising her voice until she‟s practically shouting. “This is all your fault." "I've taken responsibility for everything. I have apologized. What am I supposed to do? You aren't telling me that you will forgive me, that you'll listen. You're questioning if you want to be with me." "Don't be stupid – of course I want to be with you,” she tells me. "I have never, not once, thought for a second that maybe I can do better, or find someone better. The mere thought of someone else makes me sick. You can entertain that idea and throw it in my face? I don't know what to tell you now." "I'm so confused. I don't know... you were ashamed of me, and lied to me. You know how cold Rosalie is towards me and you talked to her about me, like she needs a reason to be a bitch and interfere in our lives. You were embarrassed. I – I don't know..." Frustration takes over and I slam my hand on the table. She jumps. Her face is covered in tears, her hair sticking to her right cheek. "Don't cry right now,” I tell her. “I can't be the one to comfort you right now." "No, of course not, it's all about you. Just admit it and we'll be even." "Admit what?" I ask.

"That you are uncomfortable with my age." "Jesus. Again?” I‟ve never felt so frustrated with her. "Admit it,” she repeats. “Say you were embarrassed." "Bella, I made a mistake." We are not talking anymore. We are screaming. I don't think I had ever yelled at her before today. Never raised my voice like this. "You would be happier if I was older," she continues. "You know what? Yes. I fucking hate that you're seventeen. That we have to live in this limbo for God knows how long. Waiting for you to grow up. For what? You are grown up. Waiting for you to be the right age to really start our lives. I hate your age. If you were older, this summer I would be asking you to marry me. I would be able to ask without you wanting to throw up, without our parents raising hell. Instead I have to wait for what? Another four years? Watch you 'grow up' when we both know you are just about as 'grown up' as I am? I'm scared – that one day you'll walk out telling me you're 'growing up' and that leaving me is part of that. Is this what you wanted to hear? All I want is a life with you." "You have one. Why isn't it good enough?" Bella asks. "It's good enough. It's more than that. I have been waiting to start this life with you since the day you touched my hand." I reach out to touch the beloved hand resting on the table, rubbing my thumb against the wrist. "I'm just... scared," she whispers. "Of what?" "Of you lying again." My hand leaves hers and tugs at my hair. "Bella I'm going to leave before I say shit that I'll regret." "You should be comforting me - " "Bella..." "Don't leave," she says. "I don't want us to say - " "That's so stupid. We've said everything we can say. What else could you possibly say? You could leave me, tell me to move out." What is she even saying? "Bella, I don't know how to survive without you." "I know."

"You have to tell me, can you get over this?" I ask. "I mean... okay... right before we started talking my thoughts were... I was thinking that this is so silly. You won't lie again, you apologized and I should just stop eating the sushi and kiss you instead. Then... I don't know, a second later all my old thoughts came back. I go back and forth. It's only been a few hours. I'm so tired. But I want you... like, I love you so much. It hurts me when you say you don't want to wait because I don't want to cause you pain. I want to give you everything, I wish I could. It makes me feel... I don't know, helpless. Useless. I know that in a year or two you will want to get married and we can't... because that would be stupid because I'm so young, but maybe... it doesn't matter because it's us? I don't know. But then why should it matter to you whether or not we are married? I just want you. Sometimes I think stupid things like is there anything better than this, because I don't know. But I only think those things when I'm mad at you, or when... I don't know. When I'm mad at you. Then it doesn't matter at all because there can't possibly be anything better. I know you're it for me, but once in a while thoughts creep up and they go away pretty quickly but I do have these thoughts and I'm sorry, but the truth is relationships don't last sometimes and I've never had one before. You have so much more experience and I just... I'm confused." "Bella... this isn't easy. No relationship is easy. I don't know what to say. You're right, you are new to this, you haven't experienced anything else. But baby, it's new to me too. I've never been in a relationship. Not like this. If it's sex that you're worried about, I don't know what to tell you. I would die if you... baby I don't know." "Sex?” she repeats. “I don't care about that. You... it can't possibly be better. I don‟t want anyone else. I just worry. Like, maybe one day you'll tire of me in twenty years and I've known nothing but you." "We can't think like that. I want you now, and I will want you just as much twenty years from now. But I can't just accept having part of you. I made mistakes, I want to know that I stand a chance." "Of course you do," she says. "Bella, I need to know." "Of course you do." I walk over to her and get down on my knees. I put my arms around her waist and hold her, wanting nothing more than to make her smile, to hear her laugh or maybe just hear the anxiety and sadness disappear from her voice. As necessary as this conversation was, I don't want a repeat. We both said things that were difficult to say, probably more difficult to hear. "Did you mean it?" she asks me. "Did I mean what, B?" "That my age upsets you?" "Sometimes, yes. But not in the way you think. Not in a way that would make me not want to be with you. I don't find it embarrassing, I don't consider it an annoyance. I just want as much of you as I can get. But like you said, this is plenty. Having you... it's enough. Marriage, engagements really mean nothing if you think about it. You own my soul." "You own mine. I'm sorry. I mean, maybe I'm not sorry. You say I overreacted but like, I'm not sure I did. I just have to be honest with you and wanted you to know... I was so hurt. I can't be a burden on you." "Burden? You're the reason I breathe."

I feel her lips on my hair and I am able to take a real breath again. "Don't... you say these things, Edward, they are so romantic. I'm talking about real life, practical things." "Fuck that. Real life is this, us. We just have to make sure this doesn't happen again." "You have to make sure..." Bella says. "Yes, I do, but so do you. Your reaction... I won't judge it, it was your reaction and you get to express yourself and react whichever way you want, or need. But this can be a lesson for the both of us to just communicate better." "I always talk to you, I hide nothing." I nod in agreement, and feel her head drop to my shoulder. Her breath on my neck is familiar. Soothing. "Do you want to come with me on Sunday?" I ask. "I don't know... maybe." "Can you tell me why it's just a maybe?" "Ugh, of course I want to come,” she says. “I just don't want you to - " "B, I won't lie. I'll be a little nervous, but you're my woman and I need you there." She pushes me away. "Ew." "What?" "I'm your 'woman?'" "Hmm, yes. Or girl. You pick." "I'm just yours," she tells me. "Yes." "I'm tired." "Let's lie down, sweetheart." She grabs my hand and we make our way towards the bed. I have some baby wipes on the kitchen counter that I bring and wipe her hands and mouth with. She rolls her eyes and gives me a half smile. "Freak. Who does that? Did you just use baby wipes?" "In our case, the wipes are mislabeled. This should read "almost legal adult wipes."" She grabs the wipe from my hand and throws it in my face. We lie down on the bed in silence for a few minutes before she speaks again.

"I'm still mad at you." "Me too." "You're mad at yourself?" she asks. "No, I'm mad at you." She squints, appears thoughtful for a minute. I reach out and smooth back the hair that is in her face. "You went to your sister," she reminds me. "I did, she's my sister." "No more. At least not about us. And I'm not just talking about Rose, I'm talking about going to random people instead of coming to me when it concerns our relationship." "I agree. As for Rose, you learned to love my dad, things with her will get better." "It was mostly him, she won't give me a chance." "That's not true. She likes you, but she's not one to show it. Alice is her best friend and you wouldn't call their relationship warm. I really don't think she was trying to come between us. " "I know, but right now I hate her. And Emmett is a loser." "Yeah, he is," I agree. "He's so whipped." "Like I'm not." She leans over and press her lips to my cheek. "Whatever, I'm dickmatized, I've said this before." "Are you really mad at me right now?" I ask. "Yes, but it will be okay." She says this solemnly, her voice is very quiet. I nod. "Yeah." "You?" she asks me. "A little. But it doesn't matter." I squeeze her hand and she takes it, resting it over her heart. "You've been annoyed with me for a while now,” Bella says. “I should be more careful about my stuff." "It's a tiny fucking apartment, it's going to get messy sometimes. Just don't leave shit on the floor." "I wish I had an internship, job. Or maybe a volunteer thing for the summer."

"I'll look into it, beautiful. Hmm... let me think. Maybe Jazz can find something at his company, although it's a little late... Are you that bored?" "No. I don't know. I want to have a life, you know? Like earlier today I realized I have no friends of my own here. I can't just wait for you to come home and pounce on you. You don't want needy Bella hanging around all the time." "But I always want you to pounce on me," I say. She laughs, and starts playing with my fingers, nibbling on them and biting them. "Speaking of pouncing, I saw an ad on TV about how Yaz is bad for you..." "Then... stop taking it." "Right, but condoms?" she asks. No, no, no, no, no. No condoms. "There's other stuff out there, and the patch... lots of options." She shakes her head. "I don't want to get pregnant." "You won't get pregnant." "I know, I'm just saying that if I stop we will need to use condoms or something. That's no fun." No, it's not. God can't punish me like this. "Bella, we can ask Alice and Rose about doctors you can see or whatever to go on something else. And there will be no babies." "Ugh. You'd force me to bear your child if I ever got pregnant," she says, a hint of horror on her face. "Believe me, if you get pregnant now we are not having the child. I'd never force you to do anything." "Really?" she asks. "Really,” I assure her. “You're young." "Yeah. But like, you'd be okay with that? You know..." "I hope we never have to make that decision, but if that's what you want, yes. I'm okay with it." "We'll just be careful so that we're never in that situation," Bella says. "Of course. But we'll get you on something more healthy. Soon." "Okay."

Bella is quiet for a few minutes and I think about our conversation. We have discussed this in terms of social issues and politics, and I know her stance on it. Pro-choice, like me. Hopefully this never comes up and we don't have to deal with it ourselves, but I'm glad we're on the same page. I want a family with Bella one day. Definitely not tomorrow. Definitely not next year, or the year after that. She's young. I'm young. There can't be any kids running around this apartment. When she is older, when I'm ready, when we can afford a bigger place. One day. "But one day... you want kids, right?" "Yeah, one day." She nods. "Okay." "You?" Bella asks me, her eyes staring deeply into mine. How can she even ask? "Of course." "Is that something you would have wanted soon? Like you know... what you were saying earlier?" "Not necessarily,” I say, considering her question. “I mean, hopefully not when I'm forty. I'd like to be a young dad... but whenever you want." "I want to be a young mom," Bella tells me. Thirty-five for a dad isn't old, right? I'd still be a young dad. I always think of starting a family with Bella when she is twenty-five. We have never discussed this because it seems ridiculously premature and silly, but it's what I have always assumed would happen. "Whatever you want, B." "Like maybe when I'm twenty-three? Twenty-four? It's still so young, but like, so far away." My smile is big. "It is very young, but yeah, far away," I agree. "Hmm..." "No rush, Bella. I'll wait however long it takes for you to be ready." "I know." "Anything else we need to discuss?" I ask. I‟m not completely serious, but I‟m enjoying our talk now. "I hate weddings." She wrinkles her nose in disgust, shaking her head. I nod. "Me too." "I mean it." "You don't even have to marry me if you don't want to, Bella. I mean it when I say I just want you."

"Pish, like I'd let you off the hook like that." I laugh. "You think I'm going to be your baby momma?” Bella continues. “Fat, walking around with five brats while you live the single life?" I laugh some more, grabbing her and settling her on top of me. "I'd marry you tomorrow, B. And we're not having five kids." "Four?" she says, holding up four fingers. "Two." "Three?" "Maybe,” I tell her. “If we're rich." "I'm kidding. Two sounds perfect." "You're perfect." "This conversation was really random. And silly." "Pretty much, but it was fun. You're smiling again." "All of my smiles are yours, Edward." My lips find hers and I'm instantly hard. I wonder why, for a second. We have been talking about marriage, schmshmortions, kids, my sister – not necessarily the hottest subjects. It's probably not the best time to be humping her leg. But I really want to. Maybe I should be considerate and make sure she is okay first. "Feeling better?" I ask. "I think so. But... please." "I know, never again." I push her down onto the bed and kiss her neck. Her legs spread under me but I can tell she's not completely into it. I stop and stare at her and she shrugs, looking guilty. She kisses me again, placing her hand on my stomach in a way that doesn't allow me to lower myself onto her. I give up and ask if she wants to eat the rest of the sushi. Rejected by Bella. A first. "I'm not hungry anymore," she says. "Is everything okay?" "Yes, why?"

"I don't know, you sort of pushed me away," I point out. "Oh, I guess I'm tired. I'm still feeling a little meh." "A little meh? Okay. Tell me if anything else is bothering you sweetheart." "I will." She smiles. "Wanna see a movie?" "No, let's stay in." Yes, let's. And let's also touch because even though you are tired I miss you and I'm not sure I approve of that hand on my stomach move you just pulled. Since we decided to work on communication, I feel as though I should tell you this, but maybe in twenty minutes I will try to show you instead. "Alright." She turns on the TV and finds an episode of Lost that I have saved on our DVR. She changes into a long tank she wears to bed and I notice her taking everything off first. I think about caressing her ass, her belly, having my hands on her tits again. She doesn't seem to notice me staring, her tired eyes are on the screen the entire time. We watch the last two episodes of the series for the third time and fall asleep halfway through 60 minutes. I wake up when I feel the most pleasant sensation on my stomach. I open an eye and watch as Bella brings her hand lower, her fingers playing with the hair below my bellybutton. She keeps her hand there while I grab her hair, trying to bring her closer to me. The television is still on, although she must have lowered the volume, and it provides flashes of brightness in the room, especially on Bella's ass, which I want now more than ever. Her mouth replaces her fingers and the kisses she places there are simple, but wanton. She is doing it to drive me crazy, because of her obsession with that part of my body, which makes her unconsciously lick her upper lip every time I expose it. She licks up that trail of hair before pulling off my pants and I'm inside her mouth before I can stop her. I shouldn't want to stop her because her mouth is magic, but I need to fuck her like never before. Because if she needs a reminder that I'm the only one for her, I'm willing to give it to her. She kisses me over and over, up and down, until I tell her to suck it. Her mouth has learned things in this past year that continue to amaze me, and I fuck it until she pulls herself off, whispering in my ear as I enter her. She tells me she loves me, that I feel good. She gives me instructions that make me smile, but I comply, and soon the sounds she makes are louder than the sounds coming from the TV. She is more than just warm around me, she is riding me harder than she ever has before. My grip on her must be painful, just like her nails are on my chest and my shoulder. She is glorious when she is coming and doesn't stop moving with the same intensity until I am done, grabbing her ass so tightly that she screams, kissing her until she needs air and pushes me away. We have a very later dinner since we are still hungry after the sushi disaster, and fall asleep. She smiles when I tuck her in, and I kiss the smile, praying that it never goes away. Bella I need new clothes. Like, soon. There is nothing in this tiny fucking closet that I can wear today. Everything I own makes me look twelve. I really don't want to look twelve. Edward is doing this nervous pacing thing because I've been giving him attitude all day and it's driving me crazy. I snapped twice and told him to sit down but immediately felt bad and walked over to give him a kiss. A minute later, he's back on his feet, pacing.

"Just find me something to wear, I'm in no mood for this. I'm so tired." "It was your idea to spend the day at the beach," he reminds me. He walks over to the closet, smacking my ass when I pass by him on my way to the bed. I fling myself onto it, trying to come up with something to wear in my mind, since I know Edward isn't going to find anything. "Whatever. It was a bad idea. It's so far away, no wonder Alice is studying there. She is in seclusion." "Yeah, no distractions at all. Other than the beach." "She can't spend too much time in the sun, she's allergic or something.” "Whatever, who the fuck is allergic to the sun? That's ridiculous," Edward says. I tell him I agree and watch as he goes through all my clothes. He looks really good, although his popped collar is ridiculous. I think I'm going to make him wear his white t-shirt instead. I make him wear it all the time, so he had to go buy another one. It has a pocket in front and is just loose enough, and almost tight, but not at all and he looks so good, so, so good when he wears it. I also approve of shorts because come on, his legs are gorgeous, and the dark blond hair covering them is so sexy. Oh God, I am way too horny to be out in public today. "Here." I look at the dress he is holding. "No... I don't know, it's really short and I haven't worn it in a long time." "It's my favorite, B. Please?" "Really? This dress?" I ask. "It's the first dress I ever saw you in. Please?" "Stop saying 'please.' I'll wear it, maybe with the sandals I bought on Wednesday." He smiles. I put on the navy dress with its fun pleated skirt, and Edward laughs when it takes me a second to pull it over my hips. I've gained a few pounds, but not in a bad way. My hips and ass are rounder, and Edward swears my boobs are bigger but he is insane. They haven't grown in years. "Ready?" he asks. "I should put on some makeup, maybe?" "Not necessary." "Some mascara?"

I always wear mascara. Like all the time. I have long lashes, but I like to make them look thicker. He probably has no idea that I'm always wearing that stuff. "If you think you need it, sure." Some mascara and heavy groping later, we are out the door. An hour later we are at some country club sort of place and I hesitate before getting out of the car Edward rented for the weekend. "Hey sweet girl in the tiny dress, what's wrong?" he asks me. I smile. "Nothing. I'm being stupid, you know I hate meeting people and making small-talk." "Don't worry, we won't stay long if it's annoying." "Please point out Harlot and Jane." He laughs and tells me Charlotte will be the blondest one there. Jane isn't coming. I'm a little disappointed because I want to know what they look like, but I decide to look Jane up on Facebook later. I put a reminder on my phone because otherwise I will probably forget, and we start walking towards the area the firm has rented out. It's not really a picnic, more like an outdoor party at this fancy place. There are people playing tennis, some kids in the pool. Not too many people hanging around. An older man walks up to us and slaps Edward on the back. Edward introduces him as one of the partners and we shake hands. "Strong handshake you've got there." I smile, and blush a little when Edward places an arm around my waist. "What is it that you do, Isabella?" the partner dude asks. "Bella just moved here from Washington for school," Edward explains. "That's great. What are you studying?" "Comparative literature." And history, as a minor – I hope. "Are you going to school in the city?" Deep breath, Bella. "Yes. Barnard." "Great school, congratulations. My daughter graduated from Barnard in '04." Edward's hand is on my lower back and I lean into him while they discuss a deal. The partner's wife comes over and she is pretty nice, in a fake way. After a few minutes we find a table and sit, joining a younger couple with a kid. They smile but keep to themselves, and Edward later explains that the woman is a new paralegal he hasn't had the chance to meet yet. I remember the picnic we went to last year and how excited I was to be around Edward. We had just spent the night together and everything was so new and sweet and a little scary. I take his hand in mine, and bring my mouth to his ear. "I'm still just as excited to be around you."

"Hmmm?" "I was thinking about this time last year, and how I loved spending every second with you. Spending the night with you. It's just as exciting now," I tell him. "I know, beautiful, I - " "Edward!" She is tiny and very, very blonde. A huge Miss America smile, but without the Miss America looks. Her voice hurts my ears and she sounds like a complete idiot when she speaks. Her accent... I can't place it but I want to know because I will never, ever go to wherever the hell this girl is from. "Bella, this is Charlotte. She's my officemate," Edward says. We exchange pleasantries before she drags her fiancé away towards the food. I am relieved that I don't have to talk to her or deal with her and that she seemed pretty polite, but while Edward is chatting with some annoying kid who won't leave him alone, I notice Charlotte talking to a few women who are hovering around the food, and they are all looking over at us. She immediately looks away, and the group follows. I'm not surprised that she would be talking about us like this. Edward told me about their conversation and I know she thinks that our relationship is improper, or whatever. I also know that she told a bunch of their coworkers about us. I met those guys and they seemed pretty cool. One of them sort of flirted with me while Edward was getting me a hotdog. So far nobody has made me feel uncomfortable. A few seconds later I look up and see the women staring at us again and quickly turn my gaze to the ground. "Let's go get some dessert,” Edward says. “The watermelon looks good." "Okay, but I want the brownies too." "Brownies sound good, B." Of course the women are surrounding the brownies and it's impossible to get to them without fake smiles and annoying "pardon me"s. Edward greets them and I can tell he doesn't really know them, so they are probably wives or girlfriends of people he works with. On our way back to the table he leans over and presses his lips to my forehead, and holds my free hand. "Charlotte was telling them about us. I saw them staring," I tell him. "There will always be Charlottes, Bella. There will always be people willing to listen to what people like Charlotte have to say. Some of them might agree, and some probably just like gossip. Maybe some of them are silent, but sympathize, thinking about how they were in a similar situation once." "I know, I don't really care. It's just weird.” "They were only staring because of what Charlotte said,” Edward explains. “Otherwise, there is nothing to stare at. We look like any normal couple. Maybe more in love than most. Probably better looking. You are definitely more breathtaking than any female here today. The girl who sat in my car a year ago wearing this dress surprised me with her maturity, her intelligence, her wit. I would have never been able to tell how old she was if I hadn't known already that she was in high school. Your age is something to be proud of, B. And your skin is wrinkle-free. They are probably just jealous."

My heart skips a beat and I love him a little more. Just a little, because I think I've reached the limit of how much you can possibly love one person. "I do have excellent skin. I think I take after Charlie." "He does have a nice complexion." Later that night we watch the fireworks on TV and I sit on Edward's face while his hands go under my dress and his tongue makes me giggle and sigh and come. My happiness knows no bounds tonight, neither does my love. I try to show him this, tell him this, and I know he knows, and I know that he feels the same way, as I fall asleep in his arms.

Chapter 39 - Lacy white thing, again Bella The food is actually pretty good but I have no desire to eat any of it. Esme keeps staring at my plate and smiling, encouraging me to eat something. I smile back and nod, then pick at the disgustingly huge burger on my plate. She's right, I need to eat something. So does Edward. And Rose. And Emmett. Our little goodbye get-together last night ended up getting a little crazier than anyone had expected. I have been hung over before, but nothing like this. Champagne really doesn't agree with me. It doesn't agree with Edward either, apparently. He's grouchy, won't let anyone talk to him or touch him, and is having another argument with his father. I can't hear what they are talking about, and I don't care. Rosalie is going on and on about visiting me in a month and shopping at a bunch of random stores in London. I don't think she understands that I will not be in London, and so she's really not visiting me, but whatever. I'm glad she's coming, it is something to look forward to in case Oxford sucks. And it could suck. Maybe I won't like the weather, the people, the classes. Maybe I should stay in New York or follow Edward around like a lost puppy. That sounds like the best alternative but I know I can't. This was a decision made long before Edward found out he has two spend two months in Dubai. Yes, Dubai. Working on some deal. Because Edward is a big deal at this firm, which is growing now that the economy is doing better. If you think about it, this isn't so bad. Dubai and Oxford are closer than Dubai and New York, or New York and Oxford. No crazy time difference, it‟s a short flight if we decide that we have to see each other. I hope we decide to see each other before his two months are over, but I doubt it. Weekends there fall on Thursday and Friday and I have class those days. He will be extremely busy and I don't want to get in the way or anything. There would probably be visa issues too. I should Google that. "Bella, who's taking you guys to the airport tomorrow?" I look up at Rose and shrug. "The lucky man in the first cab we see." "You probably have a lot of luggage, Emmett and I can drive you,” she says. "That's not necessary, it's annoying for you guys to come down here anyway." Rosalie and Emmett got married last summer and moved to Rye. They wanted a big house to raise a big family in but they really, really regret it now and are trying to sell it so that they can move back to the city. Apparently kids can wait, or grow up in Manhattan. Babies are everywhere in New York, so I don't see what the problem is. All the strollers and annoying moms and pissed-off nannies. Everywhere. I'm glad Rose and Emmett finally came to their senses, because it's cool having them around. Also, we will never have to visit their annoying house again. "We can totally do it. Don't worry." "It's fine, Rose. Why inconvenience anyone when there are a million cabs?" Rosalie doesn't like to be inconvenienced. She's nice and offers to do things, but will be a total bitch once you actually say yes to anything she has offered. I don't need bitchy Rosalie tomorrow morning. I love her, but no. Now that we are getting along I try hard to keep it that way. So does she. Rosalie was horrible for over a year, and then three months before the wedding she said something about me looking bad in red, the color of her bridesmaid dresses. Edward choked on his oyster that day and I just stared at her. Bitch actually thought that I was going to be a bridesmaid? I flat out said no and there were a lot of phone calls from Esme, and even Carlisle got involved. Why would I be a part of her wedding when she treated me like shit? We ended up having a family sit-down, which basically involved Carlisle and Edward drinking gross, strong shit, Esme sneaking gross, strong shit, and Rosalie giving me the death glare.

Apparently she never noticed how chilly our relationship was. She thought we were cool because, and I quote, "We go to museums together all the time." Why yes, we did, but only because Alice is the most uncultured person I know and Edward was always busy. That conversation became really awkward, really fast. There I was thinking my boyfriend's sister is a total cunt who sits around coming up with ways to make my life miserable, and it turned out that she didn't realize how shitty her behavior was. Of course, Edward and Emmett looked at me and actually said, "I told you so." Carlisle just mouthed it, before giving me a swoonworthy wink. Rosalie and I talked, and I agreed to be a bridesmaid and she agreed on changing the color of the dresses to this stunning champagne color. I looked great. So did Alice, even though she was knocked up by then. Like, totally huge. Yeah, Jasper knocked her up and they decided to keep the baby. Now their lives are hell. She works long hours at her firm, he tries to work from home sometimes, and there is an evil nanny and a bratty kid. We never visit. Okay, that's not true. We visit a lot (now that they don't live in fucking Brooklyn anymore). And the kid is pretty cute... when it's sleeping. They named her Lily, and Emmett and Edward fight over her. Edward wins because the kid cries when Uncle Emmett holds her. Em thinks it's unfair, since he's actually related to the thing. I ignore the "I want to have babies" face that Edward gets because he knows that is not happening anytime soon. My vagina is too valuable for that shit, and truthfully, he doesn't like kids. He likes Lily for about twenty minutes a week. Not the same thing. When he sees strollers approaching us on the street a string of profanities escape his lips because they are in his way. Great potential daddy material. Hopefully it will get better with age. I mean, he just turned twenty-nine. By the time I'm like twenty-four hopefully he will be ready. Here's what I'm thinking. Before he gets tired of my annoying ass we better get married. Twenty-four sounds perfect. Eight years into our relationship. I'll be out of college, working, hopefully. Or maybe in grad school if Edward isn't lying about paying for it. So if I'm married and we pop out a kid around then, it will be good. He says he wants to be a young dad. That's not happening, but this is a good compromise. An excellent one. Rosalie agrees with this timeframe, which we have discussed at length. Edward doesn't know about it because he's still terrified of the idea of marrying me. I'm right there with him, but only because hey, I'm twenty. I should be terrified. "Wife." Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. We have had our ups and down over the last two and a half years. Fights, plates breaking, Bella acting like a child and running off into the night every time things got bad. And sometimes they got really bad. Like the time I let my friend Garrett come over to watch TV at our place and he ended up sleeping on the sofa. Garrett is gay, we worked together at Barney's and we enjoy the same bad reality TV. Edward didn't know this and he was pissed. He acted like a total jerk, embarrassing me in front of Garrett before storming out of the apartment. He then proceeded to go back to the office and hang out with – get this – an intern. Not jailbait, no, this girl was way older than me and really ugly, but I was livid. By hanging out, I mean they ordered food at the office and ate together, but no. No. He didn't get to touch me for weeks. The only reason the fight lasted so long was because he had the audacity to be mad at me. My friend came over to watch TV and he was mad at me. That whole jealousy thing is annoying and does not turn me on. "Are you okay?" Speak of the devil. "Fine," I reply. "You look pissed." "I was just thinking about the Stephanie incident." "Umm, the freshman year Stephanie incident?" he asks.

"Were there others?" He sighs and steals a fry. "Shut up, Bella. Why were you thinking about that?" "I don't know, on the eve of our journeys I decided to take a trip down memory lane and think about all the important things that have happened since I moved to New York. You know, like in movies when some time has passed between scenes. You don't want to miss any of that shit." "Language, dear." "Sorry, Esme." "It's alright, Bella,” Esme says. “Now, I would like to propose a toast," oh God, "to Edward and Bella. Bella, we wish you the best of luck on this journey and hope you come back with many new experiences," cue Edward's cough, "and wonderful stories to tell. Edward, dear are you okay?" "I'm fine, mom." He's just insecure, Esme. I reach under the table and take his hand in mine. He squeezes it and my head falls onto his shoulder. I'm going to miss him. A lot. "Edward, we are so proud of you,” she continues. “The best of luck on your project and don't forget to bring us back some delicious Middle Eastern delicacies when you return." "I'm not sure Dubai's the place for that." Edward is an expert now. He's read every book there is on the region and watched a dozen documentaries. He was really excited about Dubai but now he's disappointed because apparently, the Gulf sucks. I don't know since I've never been there but the few friends I have from the region agree. The heart of the Middle East is not the Gulf. Edward now wants to go and like live in Ramallah or something. Who knows? He goes on an on about visiting Jordan, Lebanon, and oh, Jerusalem. If I have to hear about visa restrictions and travel plans and where Jesus hung out one more time, I will puke. Or leave him. I will probably just leave him. It's getting ridiculous. I consider asking Edward where one would get Middle Eastern delicacies. What these delicacies actually are, and whether you need to postpone a trip to Israel until after you're done with purchasing said delicacies because otherwise the surrounding countries won't let you back in. An evil grin is forming on my face already, and Carlisle shakes his head, knowing that I want to do something devious. I frown at him. Carlisle smiles. Fine, I won't tease. None of us need to hear Edward going on and on about baklava or whatever his newest obsession is. But it would be funny watching Rosalie and Carlisle shut him up. Once we are done with our meal there are many hugs and kisses. It's way too late for brunch but too early for dinner, so I'm not sure what that meal was called. We say goodbye to everyone and walk towards our apartment, hand in hand. Edward and I are packed, because really, it's Edward we are talking about and we have been ready to go since last Wednesday. We just wanted to spend the night alone, no goodbyes or anything with friends. We are done with all of that, since I had a going away party with school and work friends a few days ago and we even popped in to see Lily earlier today. Alice and Jasper were out, but we got to say goodbye to Edward's best friend Lily. Sometimes I get these little butterflies in my stomach and something in my throat when he tickles her and kisses her and talks to her.

He doesn't do baby talk. He treats the kid like an adult, having one-sided conversations in a low, sweet voice. So yeah, sometimes I get all giggly and stupid watching them but then Lily does something really disgusting or shrieks and I see Edward slowly walk away. Yep, he wants no part in that fuckery. "I'm ready to just pass out," I say. "You can't still be hung over. It's five o'clock, B." "I feel like ass." "Want to take a walk in the park?" he asks. "Umm, no I don't. Let's go home." His face looks so sad. He shrugs and does that half-turn away from me that he does every time he's disappointed. We have regressed to childhood with Edward, and I have to bribe him with silly things to make him smile again. I don't mind. At all. "Why are you sad?" I ask. "I'm fine." "No, you are sulking." "I'm just thinking about how much I'm going to miss you," he tells me. One heartbeat skipped. "Not nearly as much as I'll miss you," I whisper. "You'll be having fun, partying, getting wasted and meeting new people." "Yes, I will be doing all of that." He shakes his head and gives me a sad smile. "Why does that upset you?" I ask him. "It doesn't." "Stop being a baby, Edward. I know work sucks and you won't be having that much fun, but you planned those awesome weekend trips everywhere. You're going to love it." "We'll see,” he says. “It's not about work, Bella." "So... it's not work. Will you tell me what it is?" We are outside our building now and he brings his hand to my face, caressing my cheek before brushing his lips over my nose.

"I told you. I'm going to miss you. A lot." I kiss Edward and hold him for a few seconds, my heart breaking because I never want to be away from him. I know how hard this is for Edward, probably harder than it is for me, but that doesn't mean that I'm not feeling a million things right now. Pain at the thought of a two-month separation, anxiety, fear. Some excitement. Just some. Maybe more than some. I don't know. I ask him in the elevator if he is nervous and he has a minor freak-out, wanting to know why I'd ask him that. I tell him I asked because he hates to fly, and he will be taking two flights since he insisted on traveling to Heathrow with me first. He shakes his head and tells me he is fine, smacking my ass on our way out and trying to appear happy, calm. He's not. Inside the apartment, I take off my heavy sweater and walk around making sure everything is in order. Since Edward will be back in two months we decided to keep the apartment and not sublet it. He isn't paying rent in Dubai so we don't really have to worry about the money. I look around the apartment and can't help but smile when I notice the things that are being left behind. Everything, really. This is home and this is where everything stays. Still, it's a little sad seeing the refrigerator empty and everything neatly put away. The suitcases by the door make me frown, and Edward notices, because his arms are immediately around me. I walk to the bathroom to see if I remembered packing random things people always forget and Edward tosses me a bottle that I throw back to him. I definitely won't need that bottle when I'm alone in a little room in Oxford. I don't really need that bottle here, it's very rarely used. Fine. Caught in a lie yet again. The contents of the bottle are used every other month or so. Edward has always been fond of the bottle, and the context in which it is used, and with time I can honestly say that I've grown fond of it too. The first time... Uch. Bad, bad memories. Pain, discomfort, a very angry Bella and a sad Edward with big round sad puppy eyes. My fault, I brought it up (I was a little drunk) when we were in Paris celebrating his twenty-eight birthday and the end of my first year at Barnard. For some reason it seemed really right at the time. I don't know what it is about Paris that screamed anal sex but everyone's mind works in different ways. Anyway, bad idea. It taught us a lot of things about the right purchases to make before taking on such an endeavor, about ourselves, especially my temper and Edward's propensity to sulk for days after things don't go his way. Apparently he wasn't just sulking, but coming up with a master plan. This plan consisted of Edward prepping me for round two, which would take place a few months later. Round two wasn't especially fun, but it taught me something else: if he's going to love something that lasts all of thirty seconds, suck it up Bella. So I did, but Edward got better with the whole control thing and I got better with the discomfort it initially caused and now we both like it. Well, he always liked it. I like it better when I'm a little tipsy and feeling extremely dirty. Whatever, making Edward happy is a small step from making me happy. Edward smiles a lot after. It's totally worth it. It's a little chilly in just my bra but I don't want to take anything out of the suitcase or get something that's staying behind dirty. I feel Edward behind me and smile when his hand rests on my belly. His mouth is on my shoulder and I relax against him, knowing I won't get to feel this, feel him, for at least two months after tonight. His tongue is soft and warm, his teeth are sharp and playful, and he grabs the white lace of my bra and drags me over to the kitchen counter, which has thus far been off-limits for obvious hygiene reasons. He's rougher than usual tonight, almost hurting me as he pulls off my underwear. I feel his mouth first, then fingers, then mouth again, and by the time he's inside me I am dead against the counter, but asking for more, because I've learned that with Edward nothing is ever enough, and I know it's the same for him because I have spent many nights wondering if I can possibly take any more. And I can. I can take anything he is willing to give me. And not just sexually. I'm his and I will take the good, the bad, the really bad, whatever he needs. I love him so much and he feels so good and I push back against him, wanting him deeper, harder, sweeter, rougher. In every which way I can have him. Later when we are on the bed and he pushes down my bra, conversing in a hushed tone with my nipples and stomach and belly button, I ask myself again if this can possibly be real. The sweetest man I know is desperately in love with me and my feelings mirror his. We spend hours talking and touching and loving until Edward tells me to get some sleep before we have to get up and leave for the airport.

A minute later Edward is lying on his back, clearly in deep thought. I'm not sleepy at all so I just watch him, wishing I could make everything better. Yes, I'm really going to miss him but we won't be that far from each other. It's only two months and then he will be visiting me, and we'll be staying in London together during my break between terms. Almost three weeks together before he has to return to New York, and I'll have another two months before I join him again. It's not so bad. The other students have already been there for a term but I decided to do just two instead of three. I have wanted to study abroad my entire life and four months at St. Peter's is going to be a good thing. I tell myself that I don't need Edward to survive, that I can do everything on my own, but how do I know this is true if I haven't actually been on my own? Apart from the awesomeness factor of being in England and experiencing life at one of the oldest and most prestigious universities in the world, I get to sort of take care of myself. This is important, even though it's not something I stress when Edward and I talk about it. My need to spend some time on my own has nothing to do with him or our relationship. It's really all about me, but I doubt he will see it that way. "Pssst, Edward." "Yeah?" "Are you tired?" I ask. "No." "But too tired for more sex." Truth be told, I'm too tired for more sex, but let's get him talking. "You're such a nympho." "That I am. And I'm going to be cut off for a long time!" He laughs. "Are you?" "Well unless Dubai really means the room I'll be staying in... yeah." He smiles and takes my hand, playing with my fingers, silent once more. I give up. A few minutes pass and Edward sits up, making me get up with him. He grabs his pants off the floor and I stop paying attention to what he's doing, since he is probably just being psycho and cleaning up. He sits back down and turns to me, I notice that the jeans are still there, on the floor, next to mine. "What's up?" I ask him. "I love you." My face hurts because my smile is so big. "I love you too." He takes my hand and kisses the palm. The wrist. A ridiculously expensive bracelet sits there which only Edward can take off (not true, if I try really, really hard I can probably slide it off, but that's not the point). It was a present he gave me after he received his bonus last year. I wonder if he wants to take it off and panic for a second. You're being crazy, Bella.

Oh yeah? What's that in his hand? Is it that creepy screwdriver thing? It was his stupid idea getting the bracelet, why would he take it off? I don't know, but he's up to something. Instead of anything coming off I realize that he's putting something on my finger. "No." "Bella, listen." "No." "Sweetheart, this is a shitty way to do this, I know, but I love you so much and I want to ask you to wear this - " "Why?" "Because, we have been together for so long and talk about our future a lot, there's no reason why... because I love you." I feel the anger flaring up inside me. "Because you want me to wear yet another symbol of... of I don't know. How I belong to you? Enough already. Let me just get a tattoo on my forehead that says 'Property of EC' or something. This is... no." "Bella, it has nothing to do with that," he tells me. "Then why now?" His places his hands on my knees, bringing himself closer to me. "You keep saying we'll be apart for two months but let's be real, it's closer to five. It's almost four years since we met and I want to marry you, someday, and you want this too. I think it's the perfect time - " "But it's not. You are so freaked out about me going off to Oxford and it's ridiculous. Why are you so worried? Have I ever given you cause to worry? I'm twenty, I'm not marrying you for God knows how many years so what is the point of wearing a ring to... I don't even know why you want me to wear this other than yet another - " He cuts me off. He‟s so angry. "What the fuck is your problem anyway? Other women would be ecstatic that their boyfriend wants to give them things to symbolize commitment. You freak the fuck out. Your materialistic brain won't allow you to ask me to take that bracelet off because we all know where it's from and how your brain functions but if it was some shitty bracelet from a shitty store you wouldn't even - " "Don't you dare, Edward. Enough. I like nice things but that's just not true. I wore a fucking ribbon on my wrist for over a year because that's the first thing you ever gave me and I love that thing more than I'll love any gold bracelet, or any ring for that matter because it was just you showing me that you love me. That's all." "How is this any different?" he asks me.

"This is... this is you being paranoid that I'll go off and find some guy because we're not engaged. Edward, my commitment to you is so beyond that and you don't get this. I don't need formalities, and since when do you? Are you that insecure? Have I done anything to..." "No. It's just a ring, Bella." "It's not a ring,” I tell him. “It's an engagement that I don't want." I want to take that back immediately. "Of course you don't," he says. "I don't." Stop saying that. Look at his face. You're doing that. "You haven't even looked at it," he says. So I look at it and for a tiny second maybe almost change my mind. "Dude, it's nicer than Rosalie's." He nods. "Yeah, it is." I know how much her ring cost. "Is it... nicer than Rosalie's?" He sighs. "Much nicer, Bella." "You can't even compare it to Alice's." "Nope." "I still don't want it," I tell him. "I know." "I'm sorry," I whisper. "It's okay. I get it." "It's really pretty." "Yeah, I picked out the simplest one,” he tells me. Simple. Hah. It's simple, just one round stone that I really, really want to see on my finger, but that would be unfair. "When did you...?"

"Last week. I've been meaning to ask..." He looks so hurt that I ache to comfort him, my heart tells me to say yes, yes, yes because why not? Because he is the love of my life and accepting it would make him so happy and I want him to be happy more than anything else in this world. That, along with his health, are the only things I have ever prayed for. "Does anyone know?" I ask him. "Yeah. Your dad told me it's a bad idea." "You told my dad?" "Of course." My heart keeps urging me to make this beautiful man happy. "Your parents?" "Yeah, my mom didn't say anything but my dad agreed with yours." "But don't you see, Edward? They are right." "No, Bella,” he snaps. “Neither of them thinks we shouldn't get engaged. They both just knew what your reaction was going to be. But I told myself that you would prove them all wrong because contrary to how you act and the things you say about marriage and commitment, you want those things and have promised me those things dozens of times over the last few years. I thought you would say yes because what difference does it make? In my mind you're not just my girlfriend. You're my friend, lover, fiancée, wife, soul mate. Whatever you choose to fucking call it. I don't understand why - " "I am,” I assure him. “And you are everything to me. Which is why this bothers me. You could have asked, without a huge flashy ring, without spending any money and making me wear yet another piece of jewelry. But an engagement ring from you is not a symbol of love, it's about your claim on me. Not for me to remember that you love me while we are apart – because that fact is a part of me and I will never need a reminder – but for everyone else to see that I'm off-limits. That's stupid." "It's about a commitment," he insists. "Stop saying that. What commitment? Why do you need this constant validation?" "Whatever, Bella. Continue saying the same shit over and over again. I want to marry you. I thought this would make you happy." "Well then Carlisle and Charlie know me better than you do." "Probably." He takes the ring and tosses it onto the couch. "Don't do that, you'll lose it,” I tell him. He smiles. It's not a real smile and it makes my heart hurt.

"I don't want to fight. Please. We're leaving tomorrow and I can't go if we are fighting." After a minute or two of silence, he speaks. "I'm not mad at you," he says. "Don't lie." "I'm not mad at you. I'm just feeling sorry for myself for thinking that this was a good idea." "Stop that. You should've known better, but whatever. I love you. And it's a beautiful ring. I will wear it one day..." "It's okay, Bella, sshhh. Let's sleep. I'm not mad at you." "Yeah, let's sleep. We have a big day tomorrow." "We do, beautiful. Are you excited?" "I am." I whisper this because I almost don't want him to hear it. I don't want him to think that I'm happy about leaving him. "It's going to be great, B. You'll see. So much fun. I'm glad you decided to go." "Me too. I'm glad I get to be on my own, and somewhere new." "Yes. I know how important that is to you. Hopefully you'll get it out of your system,” he says. "What do you mean?" "I mean I hope you don't feel the need to go off on your own again in a few years." "It's not about that. You knew I always wanted to study abroad. And this is perfect because I get to be sure that I can make it on my own, sort of. I mean I know it's just another semester of college, but it's a big deal to me. I realize you don't see it the same way, and that's fine..." "No, I get it. And you're right. This is good. We're good. Sleep now because I'm going to wake you up very early." "Yes please." I'm still awake when he gets up and walks over to the couch, feeling around for something and then placing it in his laptop bag. So he's taking it with him to Dubai. Strange. I swear I feel my finger twitching and I look down, almost wishing – almost – that I had accepted it. Silly Bella. You don't want it yet. He returns to bed and pulls me to his chest, and we fall asleep eventually. Edward I can't sleep. I'm disappointed. I shouldn't be because everyone told me this would happen.

Rosalie. Jasper. Alice. Dad. Charlie. Even mom looked sad when I mentioned it. My dad told me to wait until London. Two months apart, a romantic reunion, time to think and make sure this is a good idea. Rosalie agreed, saying that I should probably wait until she graduates next year but London would be a good idea too. She said that doing it right before we leave is selfish and stupid. Jasper and Alice told me to expect this but to do what I think is best. They agreed that a last-minute proposal would not be ideal, and would be very unfair to Bella. Charlie told me to wait until Bella is ready to get married because there is no rush. Easy for him to say. He thinks Bella will be ready soon and that I have nothing to worry about. He laughed when I expressed my concerns. He also told me that I don't need call to ask him for permission for anything, especially when I know he's off fishing with Billy. They were all right. I was wrong. I guess I just had this tiny bit of hope that she would say yes. Maybe if I had done the conventional proposal thing down on one knee with romantic words she would have said yes. But I know Bella, and I would be lying to myself if I believed that to be the case. She would not have appreciated it. Gestures like that don't mean much to her, or to me. Maybe if I had picked a ring with another stone, not a diamond, things would have gone differently. But that would be a lie too. I want an engagement, and she'd just be wearing a random ring. Do you really want an engagement or is she right? Do you think that a ring is going to stop her from cheating on you? She would never cheat on me. You don't want to give men the opportunity to pursue her. That's all. Yeah, like a ring is going to make a difference. I really don't know why I did that, I just wanted to. People don't always need reasons to do shit. We have been together for years. Why does everyone ask for a reason? My reason: I love her and need this. It's always about Bella and what she needs, what she is ready for, what she can or can't accept, or do, or whatever. This time it was mostly about me. I'm taking the ring to Dubai. I'm not sure I'll ever want to use it again, and I can probably sell it somewhere down the line. But I'm not leaving it here and I'm definitely not asking Rose or Emmett to deal with it while I'm gone. Maybe I can try again in two months but I'm not sure I want to try again with the same ring. I should think about it some more before I make any decisions. The hours pass and Bella wakes up looking well-rested and happy. Her cheeks are flushed and she wrinkles her nose. Her smile is big. I'm not mad. Yes, my initial reaction was anger, disbelief, but that quickly turned to disappointment. I have nothing to be angry about. She doesn't want me any less, she just wants things at her own pace. And my first and most important promise to Bella was that I'd let things progress at her own pace. This doesn't apply to all of our decisions, but to the major ones that concern her age. And this is a major one. She is twenty years old. Lots of people are married by the time they are twenty, or at least engaged. Bella doesn't want to be like those people, and this is something we had agreed on a long time ago. I probably shouldn't have assumed that a few sweet words from me and a shiny ring would make her change her mind.

The hour we spend in bed is sweet. Sweet in our own way. Years of yoga and pilates have made Bella ridiculously flexible and I take advantage of this. My cock and I will be sad to be without her for so long, but I've taken enough photographs of her sleeping naked in various positions to keep us content when the going gets tough. She has seen some and thinks I'm disgusting, but I can't help it. She never told me to delete them, and Bella does end up falling asleep in the most delicious ways after sex. I'm no better than some pervy stalker. Insomnia sucks. Unless you have Bella lying next to you and an awesome camera. Showers are taken and last-minute checks are done. We hail a cab and make out way to the airport in record time. She buys too much candy and starts talking really fast for hours and I listen to every word she says instead of reading because this is the last time I'll hear Bella's voice without having to endure a bad connection or slow internet until I get to see her again. Her stories never bore me. Our debates always excite me. And even when she gets annoying about something I choose to ignore it today, because I want to keep hearing her voice and feeling the grip she has on my arm when she is trying to convince me that she's right. We don't sleep on the plane. I am getting used to long flights and having her here makes the flight a lot more bearable. We annoy the people across from us with kisses and squeals from Bella. They look pretty fucking miserable. Bella and I have been miserable before but never like that. It's never been about us, or our relationship. I have never looked at her in disgust. She has never stared at me with contempt. Ring or no ring, things are good. More than good. Nothing is going to happen. Nothing bad. We will be back in New York together in no time. "Have you ever fucked on a plane?" Bella asks me. "No." I laugh, removing her obnoxiously huge red travel bag from the overhead bin. "Good." "It's pretty disgusting if you think about it." "Yes." She nods. "I would never." "Jesus this is heavy. Do you have your bus ticket?" "Yeah. I printed it out and it's in my nifty little travel thing you gave me." "Good girl. I'll hold this until we get to the bus station." "Is the station in the airport?" she asks. I smile at the people by the door who wish you a great trip and thank you for choosing whatever airlines before answering. "Yeah," I reply. "You don't have to come. You have a flight to catch." The tone of her voice tells me, "Please come, I want you there." "I have plenty of time, B. Don't worry."

We walk out and end up in front of a yellow sign telling us where to go. Completely different directions, obviously. "You're going to go through passport control, wait for me to get my suitcase, and then deal with security? That makes no sense." "I have hours,” I assure her. “It's fine." I don't have hours and it's going to be tight, but I can always catch another flight. "No. I can go by myself." Her chin is quivering and shit, I don't want tears, not about this, not now. "Please just go," she pleads, "to your gate, if they have assigned one? I can find my way out and to the bus terminal or whatever it is. I don't want you to take me. I'll be fine." "Bella - " She shakes her head and brushes away the tear that is halfway down her right cheek. "I'll take the bag now and I can deal with the suitcase. Here, I have stuff for you in here. An everything bagel with cream cheese that I probably can't leave the airport with. It should be good, maybe a little soggy. I made it for you… Ticket and passport are in your laptop bag and here's something I made for you. I, umm, I'm fine, just go. You still need to get through security for your next flight - " I take the bag she shoves in my face as well as the notebook she hands me. I manage to make room for them in my bag and grab her hands. I want to go with her and wait for her suitcase, pick it off the carousel and roll it for her to the bus station. I want to watch her get on the bus and wave until the bus disappears and I know she is fine. I want to text her and make sure she is comfortable, that the bus made it safely to Oxford. "You're right. You'll be fine." I smile. She will be fine. There are two braids in her hair that wrap around her head. The rest of her hair is loose around her shoulders, long, wavy, soft. There are more tears in her eyes but she is brave. She grins and laughs, attacking me with a strong hug. "Of course," she says. "You'll be fine too. I love you so much." I kiss her and touch her hair, her neck, her throat, her back, for one last time before finding her fingers. Her hands are in my hair, on my face, and this is the sweetest of goodbyes. She makes me promise that I won't stand there watching her walk away. We kiss again and she picks up her bag. We kiss again and she tells me she's mine. We kiss one last time and she smiles, grabs my shirt and pulls me down, kisses my forehead and walks away. I stand there and watch her until she turns around and catches me. Bella shakes her head and laughs, but speeds up and is gone in a flash.

Reaching into my bag I find the notebook she had handed to me and open it. Bella's own poems are everywhere, everything she said she would never share with me because she was embarrassed by the quality of her work. Her indecipherable handwriting on dozens of pages, with pictures here and there that she has printed out from my laptop and cut up. An elbow, a stomach, a nipple. Lilly, my sister, my parents. On the last page she has glued a piece of paper torn from a book. I laugh, remembering the day I tore out the page and threw it on her half sleeping form before heading off to work. oh god it's wonderful to get out of bed and drink too much coffee and smoke too many cigarettes and love you so much Two months.

Chapter 40 - Same white tunic Edward Six o'clock. I can leave. There's nothing much to do here, and less than a week to go until my stint at the Dubai office is complete. Exhausted doesn't even begin to describe how I'm feeling right now. Two weeks with Bella in London will be nice. Expensive, but nice. The apartment we are renting for the duration of our stay looks cool, pretty small but great location. Much cheaper than staying at a hotel for two weeks. Thank God for Craigslist. I'm not sure what Bella is up to right now. Sunday afternoon in Oxford. I'm pretty sure she told me she was doing something touristy. Maybe visiting some castle or a trip to Bath. I've been tired. Busy. I try to keep on top of things, but Bella changes her mind so often, goes back and forth, makes last minute decisions. For all I know she's in her room studying right now, or writing. She has been doing a lot of that, but is back to not sharing her work with me. I don't insist, because I know that when she's ready I will be the first one to read it. I'm her biggest fan. She knows this. She giggles when I bring up one of her poems or letters from the notebook she gave me the last time I saw her. She refuses to talk about it, so I talk instead. I tell her about my flight from London to Dubai and how I opened the notebook to read her words. Bella is an artist. She needs to be told this. I was ashamed at first when I realized there was a side to her that she had kept from me. Perhaps she was shy, too scared to show me, perhaps I was the one who should have noticed in the first place. Bella's writing is something I have always been familiar with, especially in the form of letters she would write after fights or disagreements. But I never knew her talent, and this upset me more than anything else. Not that I didn't know she wrote. She took a few creative writing classes and seminars and spent hours on her laptop. I just didn't know that she wrote. Those hours on the plane revealed a new person to me. I watched as the pictures and poems and words came together to form Bella. Going from shy and nervous and sweet, to strong and confident and womanly. I watched tastes change and mature, I watched pictures being drawn in a stronger, more confident hand. As I turned the pages, I saw her words flow faster, easier. Always better. There was hurt, happiness, and mistakes. Sometimes she got it wrong, but more often she got it right. I noticed frustration in her handwriting, I was able to tell when she was more at ease. As I read I saw Bella grow up, and change. But one thing never went away. Every line and every borrowed piece of art told me she loved me. I tried to tell Bella all of this, but she wouldn't let me. At first she simply refused to discuss the notebook and its contents. She used that throaty voice to ask if I liked the picture she had included on page fortyone or whatever, in an attempt to distract me. When I told her it wasn't working she laughed and told me it freaked her out to discuss her writing. I wanted to know if it was more than that, if she still had problems with sharing her feelings with me. This pissed her off, and over the last few weeks we had some arguments and spent days not calling each other, not signing on to our Skype accounts. It took a while for me to get my head out of my ass and realize that Bella has never had a problem with sharing her feelings. In fact, her honesty often leads to our biggest arguments because she ends up hurting my feelings. I finally realized that not everything is about me. She is just insecure about her writing, and thinks she lacks talent. A few nights ago I was lying in bed talking to her, and she admitted that she had been aching to show me the poems she wrote for me, but was too scared of my reaction. She said she knew that I would love them because they were written for me, but that she'd know from my face if I truly liked them, objectively. Giving them to me right before a two-month separation seemed ideal, and she started filling the notebook with random things a few weeks before we left New York. Bella does not lack talent. I'm being as objective as a boyfriend can be.

Boyfriend. Let's not even go there. I hear a soft knock on the door and look up. "Everyone's gone already to grab some drinks at 360° - wanna share a taxi?" "Sure. Let me just make sure I haven't forgotten anything." "I'll wait out here." I meet Samar outside my office after sending Bella a quick email to let her know I'm going out tonight. Samar has a huge smile on her face and starts telling me a story about an annoying attorney we have to work with from earlier today. She's really a very sweet girl. Woman, rather. We spend a lot of time together both at work and outside. She‟s a good listener and has the greatest sense of humor. We enjoy trying out new spots around the city and hitting our favorite rooftop bars after work. Samar is extremely intelligent, a very hard worker. It's been a pleasure working alongside her these past few weeks. Did I mention that she has huge brown eyes and long brown hair just like Bella? They dress alike, and roll their eyes the same way when I get annoying. Even their laughs sound the same. Most importantly, Samar knows all of this. So does my good friend Rami, her husband. They think all the similarities are funny and Rami always tells me it's God's way of playing a cruel joke on me – a Bella lookalike working two doors away. He's probably right. It reminds me of what I miss the most living here, so far away from my friends and family. Bella. And crueler than having to hang out with just Samar is having to hang out with them as a couple. Bella isn't here to hold, whisper to, talk with. She's not in my arms, not dancing with me. It sucks. Samar and I make our way to the Jumeirah Beach Hotel where everyone is hanging out at the rooftop bar. This place is incredible. The panoramic views of the coastline, the awesome drinks. Watching the sunset from here is mind-blowing. Bella would love it here. When Rose visited last month, she became obsessed. We came every night and had a pretty good time. It got a little uncomfortable when Rose started giving Samar the cold shoulder and acting like a total bitch. Apparently she thought Samar was interested in me and wanted to scare her away. Just protecting Bella. As angry and embarrassed as I was at the time, I was also happy. Rosalie loves Bella like a sister, and it's pretty much all I've wanted from the beginning. The months, even years of ugliness between those two were not fun to witness. Emmett and I are glad to see the close friendship that has formed between them. "I'll go get us some drinks, you wait here for Rami," Samar insists. I try to give her some money for my drink but she shakes her head, laughing as she walks away. I find a beanbag and get comfortable, waiting for Rami to arrive. You really can't miss him. Very flashy. Very Dubai. If I'd seen Rami in New York dressed like he does with his hair and man jewelry, I'd probably refer to him as a douchebag, and Bella would say something like "he's so B&T." But the guy definitely looks like he belongs here. Flashy. That's Dubai. Also a little artificial. Not Rami, of course – just the city itself. The women are stunning, but apart from the involuntary boner now and then I can't find myself attracted

to anyone. I never thought this would happen, but I'm pretty sure no one but Bella can make me feel that way. I check my phone to see if she has responded to my email. She has. A short text. Back from trip to Bath w Alec. It was fun. Miss you – B Alec. Fucking Alec. I think about all the texts I've received from Bella these past few months. Spending the day in London with Alec. Staying at Alec's tonight, since it's going to be impossible to get a cab back and it's super cold. Lunch with Alec. Studying with Alec. Punting with Alec. Who the fuck punts, anyway? Alec was an awesome punter, he's pretty strong. He said he'll take us again when you're here. No thanks. Going to Kate's parents' place. They live about an hour from here. Alec is coming. Spent the day at Stratford-Upon-Avon with Alec. Thought of you. Oh, and there was that weekend when she went up to Edinburgh with Alec. An entire weekend. I trust Bella. I know she's just friends with this Alec character, but it kills me every time I hear about them hanging out, traveling together, even studying together. I've seen pictures. Fucking hipster looking motherfucker, that look was cool three years ago. Dirty, always with a cigarette in his mouth, fucking smirk in every picture. Arm around Bella at random pubs. She claims he's protective and I should be glad someone is looking out for her. Yeah, right. I'm pretty sure it was the last picture she sent that did it. I stormed into Samar's office to blow off some steam. She was able to calm me down by pointing out that if Bella had anything to hide she wouldn't be sending pictures and telling me about all the time she spends with Alec. But that picture... Bella looked so beautiful. She had just gotten a haircut in London. Thick, long bangs and long layers framing her face. Dark makeup around her eyes, bare but very plump, delicious lips. Her head cocked to the side, almost on his shoulder, bright smile on her face. His motherfucking hand on her waist. Comfortable. Too friendly. I was pretty close to booking the next flight to London and looking for them at every dirty bar in Camden. Except they were no longer there, since she sent the picture the morning after, along with another one of her in bed, makeup smudged, nipple showing and a finger in her

mouth. It wasn't her bed. Another night at a random hostel or friend's place in a strange city with some strange guy who clearly wants her. But I trust Bella, and I adore her naïveté. She assumes this boy is just her friend, that he doesn't want to fuck her. She assumes friendships like that are feasible, with a young, single guy who follows you around like a puppy wherever you go. She says he's not into dating or hooking up now, and just wants to be friends. She also points out that Alec knows about me and listens to her talk about me all the time, since they're good friends. Right. Friends. I'm sure that's all he wants from her. Friendship. Samar, Rami, and I have a few drinks before going back to our apartments. We all live in the same complex. JBR. Jumeirah Beach Residence. We have our own Saks here, and too many restaurants to count. There's even a Le Pain Quotidien, where we have breakfast sometimes. They make fun of me for acting emo while I eat my shrimp and avocado sandwich. It's what Bella and I share at the Le Pain down the street from our apartment in New York. They want to go to a fish and chips place located in the complex but I decide to head back to my apartment. Samar teases me, telling me to live a little, enjoy myself, because this is not a death sentence. While she is correct, it can feel like one sometimes. They understand and let me go. The second I'm in I decide to call Bella. "Hey." "Hey beautiful, did you have fun today?" I ask. "Alec was a little annoying, but yeah, it was fun." "What'd he do?" "Nothing. He's a little clingy, that's all." "Then ditch him." "You'd like that, wouldn't you? He's my only friend here. All my friends were his friends first. I can't." "Sure you can, but do whatever you want, B."' "Yeah. We'll see. He's just... I don't know." "He wants you,” I tell her. “That's all there is to it." "I know that." Hold up, what? When did she figure this out? "You know that, Bella? I thought he just wanted to be friends." "Well, that's what he says but I'm not stupid. I realize now that he's into me."

Finally. "Does that bother you?" "It didn't. It doesn't. I'm not sure." "I can't believe I'm going to say this now, but just make sure you're not leading him on. I know he's your friend and you don't want to be alone there, but it's selfish of you to hang on to him like that if he's interested in you." "Whatever, Edward, you just want me to stop hanging out with him." "True," I admit. "Anyway, I thought you were going out tonight, I didn't expect a call." "I just got back." "Have fun with your girlfriend?" she teases. "Yeah, we had another one of those hot threesomes." "Did you, now? Mmhmmm... too bad she's married. She's pretty hot in this pictures you sent." And we're up. I want my pants off and Bella on cam now. "She's 'hot?‟" "Yeah." "And her marital status upsets you, why?" "It doesn't upset me... Just... I wonder sometimes." "Wonder what, B?" "I mean... Girls can be really sexy." "Yeah." Great, I can't form a sentence. "Yeah, so I wonder..." "Are you telling me that you're curious?" "Mhmm... I think so. I mean, just a little bit." "Hmm... what are you so curious about?" I ask. A threesome. Maybe two, or three? I can even just sit back and watch, just say “yes, please.” "I don't know... how they feel? Forget it, nothing."

"No, no. Tell me," I insist. "It's just curiosity. That's all." I can tell by her tone that she's done discussing this, but I also know that she sounded very into the conversation a few seconds ago. "You can tell me anything, Bella." "Oh, I know." "So talk to me." "I told you, it's just something I think about sometimes." "Are you going to leave me for a girl, Bella?" "No, but I would share you with a girl." Dead. Died. Gone. "Are you serious?" I don't recognize my own voice. I'm thirteen. "Cullen, are you touching yourself?" "Not yet, but I want to." "Can I watch?" "Of course." We hang up and set up our laptops, Bella on her bed, me on my chair. She takes off her shirt and bra, and sits on her knees in front of her laptop, bringing a hand inside her jeans. I unzip my pants and watch her smile grow as she watches me sliding them down. "Ohmygod, Edward, I miss him." I laugh and tell her to take off her pants. She brings them down and a few seconds later is back on her knees in front of me, completely naked, after making sure her door is locked. She hasn't waxed or shaved in a while, and there is something incredibly sexy about the dark patch of hair between her legs. I reach out and touch the screen, stroking her, feeling the texture of the hair, imagining my fingers in between... the soft, pink flesh of Bella. She laughs because she can see what I'm doing. "I want to reach in and touch you too. You look so pretty." I don't mind it when she calls my cock pretty. She can think it's pretty. I remember when Bella started becoming more vocal, telling me how it's the perfect color, how pretty the head is, how nice the shape is. She would kiss it and whisper, as I fell more deeply in love with her with every passing minute. I watch as she lies back, spreading her legs. The pink. The glorious pink. Her fingers. Dark red nails, pale white skin. So pink. She's excited. She wants me.

"Wider, Bella." She listens. I die. That pussy. Her ass. Fingers moving. A few minutes later, a cry. I swear she's purring. I'm done. Her eyes are closed. I close mine. "Go clean up," she tells me. "I'd rather watch you." "I'm not going anywhere." We talk all night. She lies on her stomach on the bed, her hands under her chin, blowing her bangs away because she finds them annoying. I make her promise to read me one of her poems in London. She tells me she has more. I ask her if she writes about anything else but me, her answer is that she writes about her life. She doesn't elaborate but looks away. I think I get it. I doubt I'd have anything else to write about if I tried. Just Bella. Bella "Bel, I'm hungry." I look over at Alec, who is sitting at my desk, downloading music. "So go eat something," I tell him. "I want some street meat. The truck should be there by now." "Oh. Can you get me some too?" "Come with me," he says. "I should call Edward, I've been so busy that we haven't talked since Sunday night." My insides hurt because it's been too long. He knows I'm busy and that's why he's trying to give me space, but fuck space. "Are you sure he survived not hearing from you for two entire days?" Alec asks. I'm not mad because I always knew Alec was an asshole. "He's heard from me. We've sent like five hundred emails back and forth." "Then what's the big deal? Let's go get some food." "I miss him. Get me the chicken. With the white sauce. And the red sauce. Over fries. I like the lettuce stuff too. Everything, basically. Oh, and a diet Pepsi." "I'm not getting you anything if you don't come with,” Alice says. "Fine.” I shrug. "Just don't bother coming back."

He shakes his head and leaves. He'll be back with my food. He tries to do this all the time. Alec thinks Edward is needy? Please, he is the neediest person I know. He won't go anywhere unless I go with him. Sometimes it's annoying, but most of the time he's really cool. We have a lot in common and he's a pretty funny guy. His friends are fun to hang with too. Since he is actually a student here, he knows a lot of people. When we met I assumed he was studying abroad, like me, since he sounded American, but it turned out that he's been here for a while. He showed me around, introduced me to a bunch of people, and we became pretty close. That doesn't mean he's not super clingy, though. Uch. My friends from school always tell me that Edward is clingy, but they don't get it. It's only clingy when you don't want someone around all the time. I like having Edward around all the time, it's not clinginess at all. He just enjoys my company and wants to be around me a lot. I want the same. See, the problem is that I use Edward as an excuse to get out of things all the time, so it gives people the wrong impression. Whatever. If I like you enough I won't be blowing you off to spend time with a guy I have been living with for years. So now I truly get what clingy means. And I also know what a crush is. This guy has a serious thing for me, but I'm a little too selfish to let him go. Also, he's an adult. He knows I'm unavailable and that nothing is going to happen between us. I've never led him on. Sure, I flirt sometimes when he flirts first, because I get the almost-butterflies in my tummy hearing a guy's voice telling me certain things – but that's not leading him on. That's normal. It's expected. There's always a little bit of flirtation going on when you are friends with someone of the opposite sex. Or the same sex, even. It's strange because when Alec flirts with me it's like it is happening in a movie. It's not real, I don't really feel it. Sometimes I think that the only thing real for me is Edward. I need to clear my brain. I'm so tired. I had one last paper to hand in today and the term is finally over. Edward arrives on Thursday, just two days! I'm excited. Alec is being a little bitch about not seeing me for a couple of weeks, even though I told him he can hang in London with us if he wants. At least have dinner or go out for drinks a few times. Whatever, he doesn't have to come if he doesn't want to. We're going out later tonight, so that should be fun. Alec loves Raoul's, it's not really my scene but I've always had fun there. My only problem with it is that we're not supposed to get there until 11:30, and I'm tired. And I have to pack some stuff, maybe give myself a facial, make myself look decent for Edward. But there is time for all of that tomorrow, I suppose. Right now all I have to worry about is not getting too drunk tonight. Drinking is not nearly as much fun when you don't have Edward dragging you into bed, undressing you, making sure you're okay, giving you Tylenol the next morning and feeding you bacon, egg, and cheese on an everything bagel. I miss Edward. Like, a lot. I knew I'd miss him but this is beyond just missing him. I try not to tell him constantly because he has to work and not be worried about me. My first few weeks here were amazing. I had a lot of fun. When I first arrived, I was still so distraught about the whole proposal thing, regretting the way I rejected him, but knowing I had no other choice. I threw myself into this new life and pretended nothing big had happened right before we left New York. At first it was fine, Edward was never available. He was really, really busy and we just texted back and forth. Then I realized all the partying, traveling, flirting was blah. Just meh. Just, whatever. It was fun – a lot of fun, but I missed him. No one laughs at everything I say the way he does. No one makes me feel better about myself after a disappointment the way he does. No one needs me the way he does. No one makes me giggle and laugh and feel giddy the way he does. I hung out and danced with a lot of boys, but I didn't feel a single spark after accidental touches, nothing like that. The flirting is fun and the compliments I received from random boys were awesome, but a single word from Edward does things to me that nothing anyone else does will ever compare to. Then when I met up with Rosalie in London I had another epiphany. I'm kind of a bitch. Rose was very clear about this when she gave me her thoughts on the failed proposal business. She had just been to Dubai to visit Edward and he had told her about everything that happened that night. She didn't say I should have reacted differently, but her advice to me was to be kinder, gentler with Edward. I argued with

her at first, telling her that I am kind, gentle, loving, affectionate. She raised an eyebrow and made me think about the way I act. I'm never mean, I'm never cruel. I spend the entire day thinking about him, every time I write it's about him. Sure, he's the more affectionate one, but that doesn't make me unaffectionate. Rosalie just said one thing: "Think about how he treats you, and how you would feel if he were to stop treating you that way." That's when I realized, walking down Bond Street with Rosalie, looking at things neither of us can afford, that I would be broken if Edward didn't remind me, one hundred times a day, just how much he loves me. If he didn't share his feelings, treat me with the amount of affection that he does, I would be lost. I mean, I know giving him my writing was a big deal, but was that enough? Shouldn't I be showing him every chance I get that he's my world? Because he is, and apparently Rosalie knows this better than I do. She looked at me that day and squeezed my arm, telling me it's not too late, because Edward doesn't care, he loves me no matter what I do or say. But that's not right, and I knew it then. And from that moment on I have been trying to show him exactly what he means to me. I need to put in some effort because it truly isn't in my nature to constantly show affection or warmth. And to be honest, he had never complained. But it wasn't just about him, it was about me too. I wanted to show him, make him happy, happier, happiest. And the tiny bit of effort not to say something bitchy, cut him off, crack a joke has paid off. I rarely hear disappointment in his voice, or see sadness in his eyes when we Skype. And so that tiny bit of effort brings me immense joy. It's like the very beginning again, when I was constantly floating, and I'm floating again, and there is nothing more I can ask for. I am seeing him in two days. Just two days. I'm excited, but there's something else. It's like I know this time this is it. I don't know how to tell him, because I don't know what it is that I want to tell him. He knows I love him, want him, need him so much. Maybe I can show him. But how do you show forever? Will he believe me this time? He needs to know that I'm never holding back again. Something stirs in my stomach and I'm nervous. I'm not sure why. Alec will be back soon and I want to talk to Edward without annoying comments and puppy dog eyes staring at me the entire time. So I call him, and we talk for a little bit. He has to go, since he‟s on his way to dinner with work people, a sort of goodbye thing. He's a little distant over the phone and it bothers me, but I don't want to start an argument so I let it go. He should have fun tonight, not be thinking about a stupid fight I started just because he wasn't reciting poetry and singing ballads to me over the phone. Not that he does that... he's just... sweeter, most of the time. He's probably nervous about his flight, or maybe there's something going on at work. Packing, stuff like that. I don't have time to dwell on it because Alec is back with our food. He has a goofy grin on his face and hands me a bunch of napkins and a very, very cold can of diet Pepsi. It doesn't take much to make me happy. But before I do anything else, I send a quick text to Edward asking him if he is okay. "I got you what you wanted, and then on my way back I got you some ice cream," Alec tells me. "Omigod, lemme see!" He throws a Magnum bar at me and I catch it, salivating at the thought of sinking my teeth into the delicious milk chocolate coating and the best vanilla ice cream I have ever tasted. I attack the ice cream, forgetting about my chicken and fries. Alec looks so pleased with himself. Then a piece of chocolate falls onto my white top, and I freak out. He runs to grab the Tide pen I ask for and helps me clean it up. "It's just a shirt, why are you so upset?" he asks.

"It's not just a shirt," I snap. "Is it really expensive?" "Not at all, but I love this top." "Alright, forget I said anything. Don't worry, it's just chocolate. It'll come off." His voice is softer. "I know this, whatever. It's fine." "I'm sorry, Bel." "For what?" I ask. "Buying you the ice cream in the first place." "Don't be stupid, it was nice of you." Great, I feel bad now. "You should eat and change before we go out," he says. "It's only ten. Relax, I'm going like this." I look down at my jeans and flats. I can just change my top. "Your shirt's dirty," Alec points out. "Well I was going to change that anyway. This is just an old top I wear to class and stuff." "And yet you were on the verge of tears when you got it dirty." "Well, it has sentimental value," I explain. "Oh?" "Yeah, I wore it to my first day of work with Edward." He sighs. "Were you guys dating then?" "No, but that's the day I realized I had a crush on him. It's stupid, whatever. Just a shirt. I don't know why I've kept it all this time." "That's what I like about you, Bel. You'd keep something like this because of what it means to you. That's pretty cool." I blush. I used to blush so often, but less so lately. It surprises me so much that I bring my hand to my face to feel the warmth. "Thanks." I smile. "You seem out of it, if you wanna stay in, that's cool."

"No, I'm just tired and Edward pissed me off on the phone." "What'd he do?" Even Alec looks surprised by this. "Nothing,” I answer. “He was being weird." "Perfect, attentive boyfriend not so perfect after all?" "Like I'd let a single phone call make me doubt his love and devotion." I laugh. "Of course not." I change the subject because he looks like Edward at his emo-est and that's not good. My first instinct is to make him feel better and that's not my job, right? I suppose it is my job as a friend so I start playing clips from The Chappelle Show that I love. I never watched the show when it was on, but Edward is so obsessed that he has been watching the same skits over and over again for years now. We do this for the next hour or so, and Alec thinks it's hilarious. While he's watching I decide to change into something more fun, and grab a black dress I like to wear out. I keep staring at my phone but Edward hasn't texted back. It's silly to get upset over this, but I'm tired and cranky and want to stomp my feet and act like a child right now. Instead, I think about different shoes to go with the dress, and throw my phone into my bag. I've changed with Alec around a few times, always making sure he is busy doing something and has his back to me. Once I'm sure that he's not going to turn around I quickly take off my jeans and as I'm removing my top he turns and says something about Tupac. I immediately hold the dress up, attempting to cover my underwear and belly. My bra is see-through and I'm pretty sure my nipples are saying "Hello, Alec," because his eyes are about to fall out of their sockets. "I'm sorry." "It's okay," I whisper. I'm not sure he hears me. He turns around. I take a few breaths. Not a big deal. It's not like I'm naked. It's not like he hasn't seen tits before. I yank off the shirt and slip on the dress. "Hey, I'm not naked anymore." Lame, Bella. "Oh, cool. Let's get going,” he says, “we can have a drink somewhere before we meet up with everyone." Yes, let's get out of this room. I make sure my hair looks decent and apply some mascara before grabbing a jacket and pulling on my boots. "You look nice." "Thank you." I smile. "Want a picture to send to Edward?" he asks.

Poor kid, I always make him do this. "No, it's fine. I'll be seeing him in a couple of days." We walk around and it's pretty cold, so he gives me his gloves. I hesitate before taking them but quickly realize that there is nothing weird here. We're friends. After walking around for a few minutes we find a pub and order some drinks. I hate beer. Ale. Whatever. Uch. He loves it. After two drinks I'm feeling a bit more relaxed around Alec and almost forget the stupid shit that went on in my bedroom. When my phone buzzes and I see that it's a text from Edward I am relieved, but also somewhat annoyed. Sorry about the phone call earlier, I was out of it. Have fun tonight, text me when you're back at the dorms, and don't drink too much – E "What's wrong?" Alec wants to know. "He's so annoying sometimes," I whine, "telling me not to drink too much. I rarely get drunk." "Bel, you party hard. He knows this. He's just being a little overprotective." I'm a little tipsy, and no one argues with me when I'm tipsy. "No. He's annoying. Don't defend him." "I'm not defending him. Fuck him. We're having fun tonight, put away your phone." I nod and put away my phone. I finish my drink and notice that he's standing a tiny bit closer to me than he was earlier. I give him an awkward smile. "You look beautiful, Bel. It kills me that I can't touch you right now." Hot. Hot in here. Like an idiot, I take off my jacket. "Seeing you earlier... you're hotter than I could have ever imagined," he tells me. His breath is on my face and I'm thinking wrong, wrong, wrong. "Alec, let's just go to Raoul's. We'll wait for everyone to get there." He looks deflated. He shrugs and agrees, helping me put my jacket back on. His arms stay on me just a second longer than they should, and it doesn't feel like nothing. I think I feel something. It doesn't feel terrible, either. It feels almost nice. Of course it does, he's my best friend here and he's always so good to me. But it also feels foreign. Not good. I turn and he grabs me and his eyes are so dark. I've seen men look at me like they want me before, but this is a look only Edward has given me, right before he kisses me, enters me, touches me. My knees shake and I take a step back. Old habits die hard, and my bottom lip is between my teeth. He stares at my mouth. Move, Bella. Walk away and crack a joke. But I'm frozen. He moves closer to me, his hands run up and down my arms and I look at them, and then look at him, and I tell myself to move again, but I can't. I open my mouth to say something and close it, and then he is kissing me.

Chapter 41 - Another wifebeater, tank Bella Uch. No. No, no, no, no, no. What is he doing? Why is there a mouth attacking my face? Just... no. I turn my head and gently push him away. Where is my bag? Shit, I should never leave bags on the floor. Germs. Gross. I grab it and look at him one more time. He is shaking his head, running a hand through his hair. He is apologizing. Um, no. I need to get back to my room. He grabs me again as I turn and start walking away. "Let go,” I tell him. “I don't even want to look at you right now." His hand drops to his side. "Bella, I'm so sorry. Relax. Let's just go meet - " "I'm not going anywhere with you. That was... ugh who does that?" "I apologized, Bel. Call me crazy but I thought I'd take a chance." "Oh, and you did. You... Alec, what the fuck? You know I have a boyfriend. You have listened to me talk about him for months. Why would you do this now? Did you think I was interested in you?" He shrugs and can't quite look me in the eye. "I don't know, I thought maybe... whatever, I shouldn't have tried," he admits. He looks sad. I feel sorta bad, but it's not my fault he decided to do the stupidest thing imaginable. What did he expect? "Um, yeah. You just ruined everything. You do realize I can't even be friends with you now. You completely disrespected me and my relationship with Edward. You don't just go around kissing people. You ruined everything." "I ruined nothing," he says, "you're being overly dramatic. That 'kiss' lasted all of three seconds, Bella. You didn't even fucking kiss me back. No reason to tell the boyfriend about it. No harm, no foul. Let's go have some fun now." "I'm leaving. Do not follow me. No harm? I've never kissed anyone but Edward, I've never felt anyone but him, and that's how I wanted it to stay. I had no desire for this - " I motion between us with my hands and he laughs. Why can't I remember what I was about to say? Starting that third drink was a bad idea. "You didn't, huh? You fucking spent every minute of the day with me. You - "

"Alec, I spent every minute of the day with you discussing Edward, and watching you hit on random girls and go home with them all the time. We were friends. That's all. Whatever. I'm leaving. I don't want to talk to you right now." My voice is so loud. This isn't me. "Wait - when will I see you again?" he asks me. I shake my head. "Um, I can't... you crossed that line, you know? I love you, Alec, you're awesome, but that... I'm really disappointed in you." And myself. I need to get the fuck out of here. Thank God we are not too far from the dorms. I call Edward once, twice and he doesn't pick up. I want to throw the phone at someone's head, preferably Alec's, or maybe even Edward's at this point. Once I am in my room I throw myself onto the bed and start kicking my legs around. What the fuck just happened? I'm not sure if I'm simply mad that he thought I was interested, or mad because I was just subjected to that. Where is Edward? Why won't he pick up? He's such a grandpa sometimes, going to bed so early. Is it possible that he's out? Maybe Dubai Bella finally tried to hit on him. Lovely. Now I get to be paranoid all night. I take off my boots and my dress, lying on my bed in nothing but my bra and underwear. I just want to talk to Edward, or somebody. But who? It's not like I have a dozen different people I could call up right now. I don't even want to discuss this with anyone. Just my best friend. My love. My everything. My annoying fucking boyfriend who won't even answer his phone right now. I'm not even sure he wants to hear this. Well, he has no choice. He has to hear it. Not only is this not something I would ever keep from him, but if I don't talk to him, who do I talk to? I send a text. Two. Three. Nothing. I convince myself that he's cheating on me. But he's not. That's not us. I don't think I've been sexually attracted to anyone since we met. I mean yeah, his dad is pretty hot and there are beautiful guys out there, but I've never wanted to do them. I can't even imagine being intimate with anyone else. No... it's just ugh. And I know that he feels the same way. I know I can trust him like he trusts me. At first I doubted his ability to trust me, since he was so paranoid about us being apart and me leaving him for someone else. So I wanted to show him. I sent pictures of Alec, let him know every single thing we did together. I didn't want him to worry, or wonder, or make things up in his head like he tends to do. Maybe that was a mistake. Why was I throwing that in his face constantly? Will Edward blame me now for getting too close to some guy? Is he going to say 'I told you so?‟ And Alec. What a fucking imbecile. He did me one favor, at least. I will never have to wonder whether kissing is all about the act itself or the person you are kissing. The act itself can be pretty bleh. This is something I have been thinking about for years. People go around kissing random strangers at bars and parties, and I always wanted to know if it's pleasant because of the sensations you feel, or if it is the person who makes the kiss. I guess I still don't know because I didn't kiss Alec back, but now I'm pretty sure that I don't want to know. When Edward kisses me I fly. And it's all about Edward. I want him here now. He's annoying ninety-nine percent of the time, he has all these rules and living with him can be a pain in the ass, but I adore him. I want him back and then I don't

want to let him go again. Another two months apart – the thought alone kills me. I love it here in Oxford, and I have so much I still want to see and do, but a part of me wants to go back to New York with Edward. I can't tell him this. What kind of loser decides not to return to school for her final term just because she wants to follow her boyfriend around like a sad puppy? Well, it's not exactly my final term, just my final term here. I can always make up for it by taking classes over the summer. Still, I can't do it. I have to suck it up. I can't be the little girl begging to go back home in the middle of summer camp. Edward thinks this time apart is good. I never saw it as time apart, just a different experience. Maybe he's right, I should grow up a little and then go back to him. Or maybe I should just do what I want and go home with Edward in two weeks. I don't know how much time passes and how many calls from Alec I ignore, but my phone finally rings and it's Edward, because he has a special ringtone. Nothing sappy or romantic, just different. I take a deep breath before answering. "B, are you okay?" "Edward, he kissed me." I sound outraged. I AM outraged. I hear him take a deep breath. "Alec kissed you? When?" "Like a few hours ago? We were at a bar and he kissed me." More deep breaths. "What do you want me to say, Bella?" "Nothing, just fucking listen to me. I'm so angry right now. I mean, how dare he? I can't believe he'd pull something like that. I mean - " "Bella, I expected him to try sooner or later. You said it yourself, he's interested in you. Why wouldn't he give it a shot?" "You're not even angry." This only makes me angrier. "Well did you kiss him back?" "No. Of course not." "Then why would I be angry?" "I don't know... I am. I mean, he is such a fucking asshole. He knew, he knows I'm with you. I might as well have had that branded on me somewhere. I. Belong. To. Edward. Cullen. Because I do, and I never, ever wanted to feel anyone else's lips. Mouth. Whatever. I had this fantasy where we get married and I die never having kissed anyone else. Just you. Only belonging to you. He fucking ruined that. And you're not pissed." It breaks my heart. Maybe he doesn't care anymore. But his voice is softer when he responds. "Bella, he didn't ruin anything. You didn't kiss him back."

"But I'm just so pissed. Not only did he take that away from me, but now I can't be his friend anymore. He basically ruined everything. Whatever. This is all my fault." "Baby, relax. None of this is your fault." "It is. I mean, he's right. I spent so much time with him... I felt so comfortable around him. He could have been Alice, or Rose, or Angela. But Edward, it's ridiculous. All I wanted was his friendship, and he knew this. He knew that I'm completely, totally unavailable. I couldn't have made that any clearer. I mean I made him take pictures of me to send to you. I talked about you all the time. I cried in front of him when I missed you. I don't know..." "Sweetheart, sometimes people choose to ignore everything that's in front of them in order to see what they want to see. He saw a beautiful girl who was willing to spend a lot of time with him. It was probably pretty easy for him to delude himself into believing that you were into him. I'm not saying he's not to blame, or that I don't want to break that motherfucker's legs, but he clearly liked you - " "And I took advantage of that." "That's not what I was trying to get at Bella. I was going to say that he clearly liked you and decided to ignore the fact that you are in a relationship. But is that what you believe? That you took advantage of his feelings for you?" "Umm, I don't know. I'm really confused right now and keep thinking about the whole thing. It's just... I've never been alone. I had mom, Charlie, you. It was so lonely when I first got here and I met Alec. I can't explain it... it's like he was always just a friend. I couldn't even fathom anything else, anything romantic if it wasn't with you. So I never saw it as more. Then when I realized, talking to you, or my friends from school, that he is into me, I still couldn't let go. And yeah, maybe I was a little selfish, but it was so comfortable having someone around. A good friend. He's a really cool guy, Edward. I just didn't want to lose the companionship, and I truly believed that he'd never pull a stunt like this. But maybe I did take advantage of him? It makes me seem so needy and sad, but whatever. I guess I'm just lame like that." "Shhh. Baby girl, you live, you learn. It's okay. You trusted him, he betrayed that trust. You're still a little naïve when it comes to certain things." "But was it just naïveté? Was I leading him on? I feel bad for him almost." "Don't feel bad for him. He's not a child. He's the one who fucked up here." "He did fuck up. Fucking asshole." Edward‟s quiet laugh puts me at ease. "That's my girl. I hate seeing you sad. Angry Bella sounds better. More fun. Let it all out." "Shut up, asshole. I am sad. And angry. Now I have no friends." "You're not talking to him anymore?" "Of course not." "B, as happy as that makes me, maybe you want to talk to Alec. Is this worth losing a friend over?"

He can't be serious. "Umm, yeah. I'm done,” I tell him. “I can't be around someone who tried to kiss me knowing I have a boyfriend. Oh God, sometimes that word sounds so silly." He laughs. I get that twitchy finger thing I've been feeling these past two months, where I wonder how it would feel to wear his ring, accept him in every way. Instead, I clutch my wrist, the bracelet, and feel tears coming on. "I love you so much, Edward. You don't doubt that, right? I've tried to show you in every way possible. Everything I do is for you. Everything I write is for you. I love your heart and your kindness, I love how the ends of your eyelashes get super light in the summer, like they're almost blonde. I love the passion that you evoke inside of me, the dizziness I feel when you come home and hold me. I just want you here, want you home." "Soon, B. Soon we'll go back home," he almost whispers. "Yeah, just one more day." "We're not exactly going home." "Yes we are. You're my home, and I want to be yours." "You've always been, Bella." "Good." "Don't cry, are you sniffling?" he asks. "I miss you so much. Please tell me you don't doubt the love I have for you." "Never. I've been living with you for years now. Watching you, feeling you. You may try to hide things, be strong, but you're not that good at it. When I hold you in your sleep you smile. It's immediate. When I come home, no matter how hard you try to hide it because you're annoyed with me, I can see the excitement in your eyes, the blood rushing to your face. Baby, if I doubted your love for me I'd be the most miserable person on the planet, because you have been taking my breath away every day since I met you. If I wasn't certain that you love me, I don't know how I'd function." "You're too good for me." "No, I'm just right." My insides warm up and I smile. The fingers of my free hand go to my phone, caress it, like he can feel my touch all the way in Dubai. "My head really hurts, Edward. Especially right between my eyes. My forehead." "You're tired. Be good, sleep. One more day and I'm there with you." "No, I don't want to hang up." "Then sleep, I'll be here."

"Okay," I whisper. "Okay." "Goodnight." "Goodnight, beautiful." I am fairly certain that I will dream of him tonight, so I close my eyes and will myself to fall asleep to the sound of his breaths, and the occasional sweet words that he whispers. Edward So I took an earlier flight. Not to surprise her. She hates surprises. But she doesn't hate me, so this should make her happy. Bella is in London already, I called her right before we took off. She loves the apartment and bought new sheets for the bed. Her voice was happier than it was last night, and I did my best to show her that I am not upset. I'm a little upset, but not at her. Never at her. I was able to tell when Bella finally fell asleep last night. I've been there enough nights to know the exact second she's gone. I hung up, walked towards the kitchen for a glass of water, and the second I was done, I threw the glass against the wall. Because I was pissed. Because I wanted to be there with her, soothing away her anger, taking the sadness away. I wanted to kiss her over and over again until she forgot about everything else. So it happened. I always knew it would at some point. I never doubted that she would put a stop to it. She proved me right. I'd like to say that knowing she didn't kiss him back made it all okay, but I would be lying. Hearing that some asshole's lips touched hers shattered a dream that I had held onto for years. The dream of being the only one. A dream she also shared. I had always wondered about this, and her voice when she told me about her fantasy of never kissing anyone but me, of marrying me one day, took my breath away and broke my heart. Simultaneously. I could have obsessed over it. Were they standing? Sitting? She said they were at a bar. How long did it last? Did she want it to continue? Did she like it but stop because she knew it was wrong? What was going on in her head? Was she angry because she liked it? Because she had to stop? I could have obsessed over it, but I didn't. Instead, I opened the overpriced bottle of whiskey they gave me after my goodbye dinner, and started to drink. A lot. Because what the fuck else did I have to do? Read a book? Watch TV? No thanks. It was bound to happen. Young, beautiful, sexy Bella. Smart, funny, charming Bella. Flirtatious Bella. Because the girl can flirt. She does it all day with my father, with Jasper and Emmett. They all love it. They adore her, and shower her with attention – much like this Alec character. I had noticed how well he treated her. Bella had probably never been treated poorly by a man. Not by Charlie. Not by her friends from school. Not by Emmett, Jasper, or my father. Certainly not by me. So she met another guy who was attentive and kind. She treated him no differently than she treated the men she had met thus far. Mild flirtation, openness, a little snark with ridiculous amounts of sweetness. She was comfortable with him. He did nothing to make her doubt him. Then bam. Yeah. I had expected this. A few months ago, I had truly feared it. Something happened, though, that made me realize how silly I was. Bella would never cheat on me. She would never betray me. She would never leave me. Maybe it was the ease with which she rejected the ring. No. Simple. Not now. No

hesitation. As bad as that was at the time, I realized that it was followed with absolutely no guilt on her part. Nothing changed between us. And it was this lack of guilt that made me realize that her rejection truly was her way of saying I'm yours. Give me the ring later on. You have nothing to worry about. Go away, this is just a short separation. Stop being an idiot. Story of my life. I have to stop being an idiot. First step towards my goal: leaving Dubai a day early. When I called Bella first thing in the morning today, she sounded scared and sad. She was worried that I was mad at her, that I was just being nice last night. I don't know why she'd be worried. As angry as I was, it had more to do with jealousy and wanting to rip that smelly fucker's head off than anything Bella did. Even though my forgiveness is not even an issue here, as there is nothing to forgive, my mind goes to all the times Bella has forgiven me over the years. Bella forgives everything. How could I not do the same? I can't count the number of dinner reservations she had to cancel because of my job. The number of meals she had to endure with two, sometimes three other couples without her boyfriend sitting at her side. The number of trips we had to postpone. The number of flights she had to take to Washington alone because I couldn't join her. The number of times I snapped at her because I was in a bad mood, right after she had cooked me dinner or cleaned the entire apartment, or done all of our laundry. The number of times she rescheduled nights out with friends because I suddenly became available. She would tell me not to worry most of the time. She would smile. Her smile didn't always reach her eyes but she tried her best. Sometimes Bella would get angry, she would yell. I would apologize, yell back. We would go to bed in silence, and every single time she would forgive me. I'm not sure I deserved her patience, her kindness. Things got better as time progressed, I was able to juggle work and my personal life and find a decent balance between the two, but for about a year Bella just placed her arm around me, her hand against my chest, kissing my cheeks and forehead, and told me it was ok. I doubt there is anything she could do that I wouldn't forgive. What if she cheats on you? There is absolutely no way that Bella would cheat, and if it were to come to that I would be too devastated to think. I have honestly never given any thought to what I would do in that situation. It doesn't matter, because Bella didn't kiss him back. She would never kiss him back. Not him, not anyone. This is a fact whether or not she's got my ring on her finger, but soon enough, even that question will be answered. Because I'm going to do it again today, and this time she's going to say 'yes'. I know it, in my gut. I'll do all the shit I didn't do last time. I'll do it right. There will be tears. There will be outrageously dirty sex. The cab stops in front of the building where Bella and I are staying, and I take a deep breath. I have her presents. I have my suitcase. I have my laptop bag. I run my hand through my hair and make sure I look decent by checking myself out in a store window. I call her and tell her to buzz me in; she can't form a coherent sentence and just squeals and curses at me. I run up the two flights of stairs and stop outside the door to catch my breath. Note to self: don't run up the stairs with a suitcase and two bags. I see Bella, and the sight of her almost brings me to my knees.

Her cheeks are flushed, she is smiling and her eyes are full of tears. She looks a little ridiculous, in purple socks that reach her thighs, warm and fuzzy looking. A white wifebeater and the nipples. Yes the nipples. Stars of my dreams night after night. I drop my shit the second I'm in the door and she's in my arms. Warm, sweet, a little sweaty. Soft. Softest thing I have ever felt. I want to drop down to my knees and beg her to marry me like this. I don't want to wait another second. She hugs me and holds me and I can feel her tears soak my shirt. I let her cry, breathing her in, running my hand up and down her back. She calms down a bit, and I take her face into my hands, stare into her eyes. She smiles, laughs. I kiss her. Once. Twice. Three, four times. Small kisses, waiting for her to kiss me back. And she does. It's not tentative, it's not timid. She brings the kind of passion to the kiss that only Bella has. Her kiss is reading me hundreds of poems, it is telling me forever, always, only you. Her lips are familiar, mine, all I have ever known. All I ever want to know. Her sounds bring me back to life, because apart from her I have been dead. And she whispers these words to me between kisses, letting me know that it has been the same for her. I taste her neck, her throat. She places dozens of kisses all over my hands, then my heart. Her hand brushes against my cock and her smile is big. Bella is on her knees and I'm in her mouth as soon as I'm out of my pants. She doesn't look away for a second, our eyes locked, my hands rough in her hair. Her hands explore and her fingers are magic. Her smile after she swallows reminds me that she is the same sweet girl who did this for the first time many years ago. Nothing has changed. Everything has changed. For starters, the girl can give professionals a run for their money. "Come here, my little pornstar, let me take a good look at you," I tease. Bella stands up and does a little spin, laughing, before wrapping her arms around my neck. Her head rests on my chest and she is so content. My sweet girl is content and that‟s all that matters to me right now. "You look very pretty. I love the hair, B." "Mmhmm, shut up. I made the bed and it's right over there and guess...what...I...want." Give me a minute, little girl. I want that too, but I just deposited a frightening amount of cum into your pretty mouth. I half pick her up and swing her onto the bed. She starts taking off the socks, but I stop her. She takes off her top instead, and I let this happen because nothing is as beautiful as topless Bella, in the flesh, waiting for you on a bed. There go her panties, and I throw myself between her legs to stare. "Open up, let me see..." "Say 'please.‟" "If you don't do it, I'll do it for you." "Pffft, you can try..." I grab her knees and pull them apart. She's never getting away from me again. Keeping this away from me should be illegal. As beautiful and wet and perfect as the day I met her. I swear her clitoris smiles at me, tiny, round. Delicious. Shit it's so delicious. After the first kiss I place on it I go back for more and refuse to stop, and Bella's knees begin to tremble and she comes so fast that I want to give myself an award. I think I wish I had timed that. "Why is your mouth so good to me? Sometimes I want to shoo your penis and fingers away, and just beg for your mouth again. I want more, please." She grins.

I kiss her there a few more times and she squeaks, pushes my head away. "No, not yet. Too soon." I take my mouth to other parts of her instead. I blow on, kiss, lick, suck her left nipple and her breathing gets hard again and she roughly puts my hand between her legs. "You like my mouth," I whisper against her skin. "Yeah." "And my tongue." "Everywhere," she breathes. "Oh yeah?" "Umm, please." I snap my fingers and she giggles, turning and sticking her ass in the air. My brain stops functioning for a second before her giggles turn into a loud laugh and she playfully smacks me in the face. "Not now,” she says. “Surprise me one day. Preferably when I'm wasted." Must get Bella really, really drunk tonight. She lies down on the bed and motions for me to join her. I cover her body with mine and she attacks me with kisses. Her legs wrap around my waist and we hold each other for a long time until she breaks the silence. "Thank you for coming a day early. You are incredible." "I just couldn't spend another day apart," I confess. She nods, places a hand against my cheek. Her eyes are very round and almost sad. "I'm sorry for everything. I am. I have wanted to talk for months but not over the phone. I wanted to talk face-to-face." "What are you sorry for?" I ask her. "Everything that has made you sad, or worried. I want to be someone you never doubt, someone who you know adores you more than anything else. And I do, Edward. If I do a shitty job of showing it - " "B, I'm not sure what's gotten into you lately, but I know you love me. If I led you to believe that I was unhappy or that I doubted your love, I want to apologize. I've always believed in you." "But... everyone tells me that - " "Everyone is not me. I have never complained."

Her legs wrap tighter around my waist, she holds on to me like she's scared to let go. "You would never complain, though. And you don't have to. I notice when you are sad, when you are being obsessive about something, when you are worried. I see all of that, and I just don't want that. I want to be the one making you smile, taking all the bad stuff away, not adding to it. I can be such a brat sometimes." "Things aren't always perfect, Bella. And you don't see things too clearly if you truly believe that you are the cause of any distress I may be in. Bella, you're the source of all happiness in my life. I've always been moody. I let things get to me, but it's never you." "So you're saying that you didn't get upset last night? Or that I'm not brat?" she asks. "I was upset at first, but last night was nothing. And you've been a brat since the day I met you but I knew that, and I love it, and don't change, Bella. Even when you are at your bitchiest, that's you, and I love you." She shrugs and looks away. "Thanks." I run my fingers up and down her side, trying to tickle her, bring her out of her funk. "Don't be mad. I'm trying to explain that I love everything about you. You've grown into an exceptional woman, Bella. Please believe this." Her face scrunches up and she looks like she is about to cry. I touch her cheek and she flinches, turning away from me completely. I want to say something, crack a joke, or ask her to talk to me, but she is the one who speaks first. "Sometimes I get so angry. Everyone tells me I act like a child when I get angry, they tell me I'm irrational, but how am I supposed to act like an adult when you are always coddling me? Taking care of me? And I love that, and please don't stop, because you, the way you are, the things you do, make me so happy. But I'm afraid that you'll get sick of taking care of me, waiting for me to grow up. I'm nothing without you." She is suddenly so small and vulnerable in my arms. I want to go back to the kisses and touches, but realize that she needs much more than that right now. "Is that what you're worried about?” I ask. “Bella, I'm here to take care of you. It's what I do, and it's what I want to do for the rest of my life. And what about how you take care of me? Bella, I can't function without you." "I don't want to function without you anymore, Edward." My heart is beating so fast. I want to tell her everything. Ask her, hear her promise me things and fuck her until we don't know where we are, what day of the week it is. But I want to make sure that she is okay first. "Bella, are you sure you're alright?" "I'm just... disappointed with myself. I was supposed to make it on my own and I messed everything up." My lips don't leave her skin. Her cheeks are damp, very soft.

"How so, baby?" I ask. She plays with a strand of her hair and spreads her legs a little wider under me. Her scent and the softness of her skin are distracting, but they are not going anywhere. Right now I want to make sure that her concerns and her heartache disappear. "I can't even choose the right friends," she starts, "I'm incapable of figuring out what kind of person I should be hanging with." "That's something some people never figure out. You guys were pretty close, had a lot in common. If he hadn't fucked up, you would have made a really good friend. Haven't you been enjoying yourself these last couple of months?" "Yeah... I guess. You make a good point. But it's all my fault. And I'm still not sure how it affects us." "It doesn't,” I promise her. “He kissed you. Big fucking deal. I thought about this last night, B, and that shit doesn't matter. Our relationship is as strong as it was before you met him. As for messing things up, why not think of it this way? You were able to cultivate a friendship with a total stranger and became very close with him. He wasn't from Forks, wasn't from our circle of friends. This was huge for you. I'm glad you had this experience. The reason why you let him get too close was because you open yourself up to people. You are kind, trusting, you give all of yourself to a person - " "Do you really believe that?" "Bella, I swear I have never lied to you." She runs a hand through my hair and kisses the tip of my nose. "I've said this before, but you're such a good man. I am incredibly lucky." Her smile is real and she kisses me. We play around for a while, just touching each other. I bite her neck, her shoulder. She moves down my body and her lips are insanely hot against my belly, and lower, on my cock. She kisses me a hundred times before coming back up and asking me to take her out because she is hungry. I can't lie, I'm a little disappointed because I really want to fuck Bella right now. Instead of sulking, I think about how I can ask her to marry me again. After that conversation I'm not sure this is something that should be done tonight. Maybe I should wait until right before I have to leave for New York. Great idea, Cullen. Just like last time. That's going to go down well. She stands in front of her suitcase, going through her clothes to find something to wear out. I walk up behind her and hold her to me before taking one of her hands and bringing it to my lips. She turns around. "Edward, do you still have the ring?" she asks me. She whispers those last two words, and her face is bright red. "Yeah, I couldn't return it since..."

"Oh." Her face falls and she blushes some more. "What's wrong?" "Nothing." She smiles. "Just curious." I nod, letting go of her hand. "Did you take it to Dubai with you? Or is it back at the apartment?" "I couldn't leave it back at the apartment, B." "Right." She kisses my cheek and turns her attention back to the suitcase and her pile of clothes. I find the bathroom and when I walk back out I notice that she is wearing her tank again, but isn't actually dressed to go out. I sit beside her on the bed and notice how fidgety she is. "I thought you were hungry." Shrugging, she moves until she is kneeling beside me on the bed. "Edward, if I told you that I really, really want to wear the ring and that it would mean the world to me, would you let me have it?" Before I get too excited, I need to hear her say it again. "Bella, what?" "Next summer, after I graduate, it will be five years since we met. And you know how much I love the garden your mom planted behind their house, and how nice your backyard is, because it's not really a backyard? If I can wear the ring now and if you want me to, we can have a wedding there. Or something. Maybe not a wedding. If you'd like it could just be an engagement party, and then I'll wear this ring? Or if you want, we can just have someone marry us or we can just go to City Hall in New York but I like that backyard and it holds so many memories and maybe we can do it there in June, or July. Because it will be five years since we found each other, and you told me you loved me in the car, and I really love you so much." ... When I finally get full function of my brain back, I speak. "So we're getting married next summer behind my parents' house in Forks?" She won't stop playing with the ends of her hair and looking up at me every few seconds. She nods quickly and opens her eyes wide. "Can I have the ring now? Is it here?" "Yes, it's here,” I tell her. “I've been obsessing over how to ask you again."

She laughs, I can tell she is about to cry again, so I decide to attack her before this happens. Off comes the tank, and I am about to fuck my now sort of fiancée before I realize I forgot something important. "What the fuck? Come back!" My laptop bag is by the door and it takes forever to find the stupid box. My fucking hands are actually shaking by the time I'm back on the bed next to her. "Lemme see,” Bella says. “Give it to me!" I laugh and hide it behind my back. She climbs onto my lap and struggles to grab my hand. She is so beautiful like this. Happy, carefree. She gives up after a few seconds and sits back. I bring her closer to me until her head is against my chest. "Bella, I love you. You have made me so happy today. I thought I'd propose tonight or at some point this week by doing something romantic and I prayed that you would say yes this time. You asking me instead is... crazy. Good crazy. I never thought... You've left me speechless." "You sound like a girl," she teases. "You turn me into this, B." A romantic mess. A horny teenager. A smiling fool. "Cullen, either give me the ring or fuck me." Before I can do either she takes matters into her own hands, and as I find her hand and the finger I am looking for, I realize that if there was ever any doubt in my mind before, I know now that she is mine forever. Bella This boy is so slow. I want the ring, or the penis. Preferably both. More the ring than the penis right now, but I can't control when he gives me the damn thing, so I'll take what I can get. And he's so good. It feels so nice. It's been too long. He's my fiancé. And I want to ride him hard and fast and long but he decides to put the thing on my finger now, and my brain turns to mush. I want to cry and make sweet love to him, kiss him for hours and stare at my hand every chance I get. So I kiss him, thanking Edward for this, for everything. We are moving slowly, holding each other and whispering. I am so incredibly happy. For once just saying everything, letting it all out worked out. He wants me and the garden is going to be beautiful in June, and even if it rains I'll have him, and our family, and God he feels so good right now. Our chests are touching and my hands are on his shoulders. I bring my hand with the ring between us and look at it. It's beautiful. He was right, it's simple but it is so much nicer than Rosalie's. My heart beats really fast and I must be staring at it like the greedy little child I am because he is laughing as he takes my hand and kisses my finger, before he grabs my hips and fucks me like I've never been fucked before. I tell him how he makes me feel and beg him for more. When I am blissful and limp he throws me onto the bed and feels so heavy all over my body. Very deep. Very hot. I tell him to come inside me, that I need him, and he makes sounds that breathe new life into me. He is still inside me when my eye catches the box lying open on the bed, and I squint to read the words on a piece of paper that must have fallen out of it.

Like this I want you, love, love, Like this I love you, as you dress and how your hair lifts up and how your mouth smiles I don't bother with the rest, but reach for it, taking it in my hand and reveling in the feeling of being here, with Edward. My sweet, beautiful Edward. I kiss his shoulder and allow myself to fantasize about a warm June day, sweet words and warm, perfect touches, and a boy with strange-colored hair.

Age of Consent Outtakes, Future Shots, Stuff Chapter 1 - No appropriate title

“She‟s hot.” I look at the picture Bella is pointing to on her laptop. It‟s her new background. “Yeah,” I agree, “Are you into the waif look now?” “I‟ve always thought she‟s stunning.” I think about this for a second, staring at the image on the screen. “Stunning? I‟m not so sure, but she has the best nipples.” I look down to my lap where Bella‟s head is resting. She nods as I play with her hair. “Hmmm... so would you do her?” I roll my eyes and laugh. “Kate Moss? In an alternate Bellaless universe, sure.” “So would I. Well, in an alternate Edwardless universe.” She looks at me and her smile is huge. Bella shrugs before continuing, “Or… I‟d share.” “You‟d share Kate with me?” “Of course! I wouldn‟t do anything without you there.” “Good girl, I‟ve taught you well. Sharing is caring.” She turns towards me and I feel her breath on my stomach. Her lips place a kiss right below my bellybutton. “I won‟t, however, share you with anyone.” “What‟s the difference?” “I‟m not sure, but I think we‟ll know when the time comes.” “Is Kate Moss paying us a visit anytime soon?” Her kisses continue as her fingers hook into my boxers, trying to pull them down.

“Maybe,” she whispers, “close your eyes and think about that.” I close my eyes but I don‟t need images of British supermodels to turn me on while I am inside Bella‟s mouth. She is enough. She has always been enough. But if she wants to have some fun, who am I to deny her? *** Bella loves summer in New York. Personally, I think it gets too hot and humid, and taking public transportation can be very unpleasant. Nothing is quite as disgusting as waiting for the subway on a hot day in July or August. Bella doesn‟t mind, though. She puts on a dress and goes around town doing God knows what all day. This summer Bella is taking classes to make up for the term she missed at Oxford when she decided to return to New York with me. I‟m glad she decided to do this, because she was driving everyone crazy complaining about having nothing to do all day for two months. Fortunately, classes end early and we are able to go out most nights. Tonight is no exception, and we are meeting for dinner at one of her favorite restaurants in the Village. I get there before her, having taken a cab from the office, and watch as she walks up the block towards me with a big grin, a toss of her hair, and a wink. Her dress is short and white, her hair is long, and she‟s blowing up the bangs that she now finds extremely annoying in the summer heat. Bella is beautiful. She grabs my fingers and kisses me, raising our arms over our heads. Very playful today. I approve. She is on her tiptoes, stretching her body and arching her back before I take her in my arms and give her a warm hug. “Edward and Bella. It‟s been too long.” Victoria? Before I can say anything, Bella‟s arms are open and my favorite brunette and favorite redhead are hugging each other like they are the best of friends. This isn‟t completely random – Victoria moved back to New York a couple of years ago after breaking up with her boyfriend in Seattle. She and Alice were always on somewhat friendly terms and we see Tori from time to time. Last time must have been Alice‟s wedding. Tori was sitting a table over from us and we all ended up having a pretty good time. “Bella, is that… oh my god, congratulations!” Tori grabs Bella's hand and pulls it closer, to get a better look at the ring. “Thank you!” “It‟s beautiful! Edward, had I known you had such great taste in jewelry…” “Jealous, huh?” Bella jokes.

They talk about continuing education classes Victoria is taking, our engagement, plans for a wedding. Bella asks Victoria to join us for dinner and although I‟m a little annoyed, I decide it might be fun. We tell the host that we are three instead of two, and twenty minutes later we are drinking to friendship, love, and „crazy good sex‟, among other things. The „crazy good sex‟ is Bella‟s contribution, after Tori teases us about acting like an old married couple. Two hours and way too many drinks later, Bella is whispering in my ear even though Tori is in the bathroom and no one can hear what we say. Her whispers are louder than her actual voice would be, but this is typical tipsy Bella behavior. “I love Tori. She‟s so much fun. I can‟t believe she used to scare me. I feel so bad, that James guy really hurt her. It‟s been like what, three years? She still isn‟t over him.” “Yeah, it sucks,” I agree, trying to drag Bella‟s chair closer to me. She smells so good - like Bella, her signature perfume, and Chardonnay, and I want to get the fuck out of here because we didn‟t have sex last night and I wanted to be inside her an hour ago. “You know, she was just saying how she was dating a girl. I wonder if she was hot. I wonder if Tori‟s a good kisser. Is she?” My mouth works faster than my brain. “You can always find out.” Her eyes open wide and she blushes. Raising an eyebrow, she asks if I am being serious. I tell her sure, why not? Twenty-five minutes later we are in a cab on the way to our apartment. Bella is in my arms, talking to Victoria, who can‟t stop smiling and flirting with my fiancée. I can‟t decide whether I want to tell them I have a headache and that we should continue whatever the fuck this is some other night, or whether I want to run upstairs before them, set up the camcorder, lie down on the couch and tell them to hop onto the bed. My cock tells me to shut up and go along with this. Many years ago it also told me to follow Bella, and I did. Look at us now. Less than a year away from getting married. Happy, together, best friends and lovers. I‟ve learned that I must listen to my cock always. He‟s never led me down the wrong path. He is definitely not interested in anyone but Bella. He is in love with her, crazy about her. He knows what is good for him, and for me. So ten minutes later we are having another drink on our small couch. Bella is sitting on my lap, facing Tori. Don‟t ask me what happens next, but all I know is that Tori‟s mouth is less than an inch away from Bella‟s, and my fiancée is squeezing my hand, presumably asking permission, or guidance. I squeeze it back, nudging her forward and fuck, they‟re kissing. Bella on her knees on the couch, Tori‟s hands moving up her arms, into her hair. How inappropriate would it be if I were to take off my pants right now? If I can‟t jerk off watching this, there is something

fundamentally unfair in this world. Of course it is appropriate, and my right, as Bella‟s boyfriend. I‟m pretty sure a kitten dies somewhere when they stop. That‟s how sad I am. Tori places a hand on Bella's shoulder. “Are you sure about this?” Bella shrugs, nods. Then she looks back at me and I nod back, placing a small kiss on her cheek. She looks a little frightened, her cheeks very pink from the excitement and all the alcohol. She‟s just shy. I want to tell her not to do anything if she is unsure, but I know she can handle this and stop when she wants to stop. “You don‟t get to touch Edward.” Tori laughs and holds up her hands. “Edward can sit back and watch, for all I care. You call the shots.” Less than a minute later they are kissing again. This time, they are on the bed. I never thought this day would come. For months we joked about it, but I truly didn‟t believe this would ever happen. And with Tori of all people. Unreal. Tori and Bella. Bella‟s tongue is in another woman‟s mouth. Her hands are on Tori‟s sides. They both lie down on the bed and continue kissing, I can tell their moans apart. I‟m so hard it hurts. I bite down on my knuckles, watching them. Bella‟s eyes open a few times, looking at me, and she smiles when Tori starts kissing her neck. She then motions me to join them on the bed. Tori‟s mouth is on Bella‟s throat, chest, down her arm, and Bella kisses me, her hand finding my hard on, rubbing it slowly. She always feels so incredibly good. For a second I want Victoria to disappear because I want Bella all to myself, but curiosity and the knowledge that this is what Bella wants stop me from being selfish. She is back to kissing Tori while she takes my cock out of my pants, and I‟m then left there, more or less forgotten, as the girls kiss and touch each other. I can‟t complain, because I have my hand and the best visual any man can ask for. Off comes a shirt, and a dress. One bra. Seems like Tori was never wearing one. They are talking throughout, Tori asking Bella if she is ok, if she wants this, or that. And Bella wants it all, and the way her back arches off the bed when Tori takes her nipples into her mouth drives me crazy. I want to slide under her and fuck her as she continues to kiss Tori, but I decide to wait, watching as Tori plays with her right nipple. I take Bella‟s other nipple, squeezing, rubbing, licking. Her sounds are beautiful, her hands in our hair. I am still sucking on her tits, rubbing myself against the bed when I see where Tori is, and I stop. Because this is something I must watch. Carefully. Long, wild red hair between Bella‟s legs. Tori and I each take a leg and spread her wider, and Bella cries out when Tori‟s tongue touches her, completely letting go, begging for more,

grinding herself against Tori‟s face, kissing me over and over again, and finally grabbing my cock, stroking me until I have to stop her before I come all over her chest and stomach. She‟d probably like that. Victoria is thorough. Fingers, lips, tongue. All I can hear from Bella is „yesyesyesyesyesyes‟, and just when I‟m completely convinced that things can‟t get hotter, Bella‟s fingers are in Tori‟s hair, pushing Tori down onto her, and she looks at me and whispers, “her tongue is inside me.” Tori‟s tongue is inside Bella. Bella is coming. My brain shuts down. I start running my hand up and down my cock, imagining Bella covered in me. Imagining Tori licking it off Bella. I tell myself to come now, Bella just did, but Bella has other ideas, and I‟m inside her mouth, fucking it like she sometimes begs me too, and Tori is watching us, one hand between her legs, and the other on her right tit. Bella‟s mouth is so warm, she moans when I grab her hair roughly and I‟m close, so close. But she stops, sits back, and takes a deep breath. I consider forcing her back down until I come, because she likes that, and she‟s so good, and if I come now it‟s going to hit her in the face. I‟m just trying to be considerate. “Tori, wanna help?” What? Please Jesus, tell me I‟m not losing my mind. Tell me I‟m not hearing things. Tell me my fiancée is the most wonderful, giving, selfless person in the world. “Sure,” Tori smiles. My heart is about to explode in my chest. Do I say no? Would anyone say no? Bella tells me to lie down, but I tell them to get on their knees. They comply. I stand up, and the last fantasy that has been plaguing me since I watched that porno at age 16 is finally fulfilled. Two sets of lips kissing my cock. Two warm, soft tongues licking me. One hand gripping soft, straight hair, the other in a mess of curls. Familiar lips around my head. Less familiar lips around my head. More licks and kisses, then I am down someone‟s throat. I know who it is, I can‟t believe this is happening. I open my eyes to make sure, and Bella smiles and bites my inner thigh. I almost can‟t believe she is ok with this.

“Mmmhmmm, you‟ve always been a mouthful. Am I right, Bella?” “Always,” Bella breathes. I swear my cock points at her and begs for the owner of that sweet, melodious voice to take him into her mouth again. She does, it‟s heaven, and when Tori‟s tongue is on my balls I die, and explode down Bella‟s throat, my fingers rough in their hair, digging into their scalps. I collapse onto the bed and Bella lies on top of me. For a second I‟m worried that she is upset or angry, but she just smiles as she brings her mouth close to my ear. “It wouldn‟t be fair to have you just watch. Did you like that?” “Take a guess, B.” “You liked it,” she whispers. “So much, baby.” “Now you get to tell me what to do…” “What do you mean?” “You know, to Tori.” I can think of plenty of things for you to do. For instance, your obsession with Kate‟s nipples makes me believe that you would really enjoy tasting Victoria‟s. Also, if it‟s not too weird, maybe kiss her once, or lick her? Tell me if you enjoy going down on a girl, let me see you between a girl‟s legs, just for a second. It‟s really not too much to ask. And maybe while you are kissing her just lie on your side and let me fuck you from behind because that would be really, really hot. I look over at Tori, who is still in her jeans, topless, lying on the other end of the bed. “So how‟s this going to work?” I ask. Bella looks at me and raises an eyebrow. “You‟re asking this now?” The girls laugh and I notice Bella is trying to cover herself with her arm. I stop her. “Don‟t… Shit, this is awkward. I‟m not going to tell you guys what to do. Just go with it…” “Edward,” Victoria starts, “it could be fun. Tell Bella what you wanna see. I‟m down for just about anything.” I think for a second.

“Maybe we should set some rules? Boundaries?” Bella shakes her head and sits up. “There is just one rule, I stated it at the beginning.” “Fair enough,” Tori agrees. I take a deep breath before speaking. “Tori, take off your jeans.” I notice that I‟m still hanging out of my own grey pants and consider taking them off completely but decide to keep them on for now. Focus on Bella and Tori. Last time you did good things happened, remember? It was just five minutes ago. Bella rolls off of me but before she can get too far I pull her close and whisper in her ear. “B, you didn‟t have to set any rules, you know that, right? I‟d never touch her, this is all about you. Don‟t worry.” “Maybe I shouldn‟t be touching her either, then. Double standards and all…” “Do you want to touch her?” She hesitates for a second, but says yes. “So touch her. Now. Play with her nipples. Look, they‟re different than yours. Darker, bigger. I want you to touch them.” Bella does what she is told and I‟m instantly hard. This is something I‟ve fantasized about. A lot. Especially these past couple of months, ever since she first mentioned being curious about other women. Her eyes are wide open and she looks so eager. Eager to please? Eager for more? She is also hesitant at first, until Tori guides her with her own hands, and I move closer, kneeling behind Bella and kissing her neck before telling her to taste them. And she does. I watch over her shoulder, then move to her side and I‟m fixated at the sight of Bella‟s tongue against Tori‟s nipple. Whatever she‟s doing is good, because Victoria seems to like it, and I‟m fascinated as I watch Bella‟s hands go up and down Victoria‟s body. “Kiss her.” And they kiss, rubbing up against each other. I can‟t help but get up to find my camera, taking a picture of their tits touching, and then another one of Bella‟s fingers on Tori‟s belly. I‟m so hard. I want Bella now. I want Tori to watch. I want to see Tori come as she watches. A plan forms in my head and I immediately grab Bella‟s hand and place it between Tori‟s legs. “Touch her, B. Tell me how it feels.”

“Can I touch you too?” “Focus on Tori for now. And stay wet for me because this isn‟t over until I fuck you.” Her eyes are on fire, my fingers find her clit and fuck she‟s wet. Warm. Perfect. Mine. I bring my hand to my mouth and taste her, and wonder, like I do all the fucking time, if I will ever get enough. No. Four years and I want her just like I did that first day in her father‟s house. She is perfect, she is special, she is my entire world, and she is touching another woman‟s clitoris right now and I think I‟m going to come. Bella has her bottom lip between her teeth, old habit that still makes an appearance from time to time. She is staring down between Tori‟s legs so intently, her brain clearly on overdrive. Tori‟s hand joins hers, and they rub together, low moans coming from Tori that clearly excite Bella. I know this because I notice that her touch is less tentative, and her fingers explore, up and down. She gasps when she inserts a finger inside Tori. In and out and Jesus, I have never seen anything so fucking hot. “Another one,” I whisper into Bella‟s ear. She nods and Tori starts to move her hips against her fingers. I am about to tell Bella to go down on her, but as always, I‟m one step behind, and there she is, and fuck where is my camera? “Bella, you‟re a natural. That feels really good.” Tori looks insanely hot like that, I watch her hands on her tits, down her stomach until she is touching herself. I can tell she is close, and my eyes move to Bella‟s face, her back, her round, phenomenal ass, and I don‟t even bother taking off my pants before moving behind her and entering her. She squeals and I grab her hips, watching Tori‟s reactions to whatever it is Bella is doing. I hold her hair and move a little to get a better view, and see her fingers inside Tori, her mouth on Tori, and I‟m so excited that I fuck her hard, watching Tori come and Bella lose herself. Her upper body goes limp, Tori plays with her hair as I continue moving inside her, gripping her hips and ass so tight that she is whimpering. Bella feels incredible like this, and I‟m so close. I touch her a little to drive her crazy, and use those same fingers to press against her ass because I know she loves this, and Bella‟s gone. It feels fantastic, she feels fantastic as she comes. Tori‟s face is a mixture of excitement and lust, and I thrust harder than before, reminding myself to thank her for this later. Pulling Bella up by her hair I bring her close to me, and finally it‟s the sound she makes once I start kissing her neck that makes me come. And come. And I die. Again. I should have considered drafting a will the minute Bella said “girls are hot.”

Three minutes later I have Bella in my arms, watching Tori as she looks for her top and jeans. “Well, that was… unexpected. Quite a show you put on there, Edward. I see you haven‟t aged much.” “Why thank you. I think the show you put on was way more exciting, but that‟s just my opinion.” Bella chuckles and I kiss the top of her head, holding her tighter against me. Tori finds her clothes and is shaking her head as she puts them on. “I knew you were a feisty one when I met you in Seattle, but wow, Bella. You surprised me.” “I think I surprised myself,” Bella laughs. “That was fun.” “It was. Nice fingers you‟ve got there. Have you been using them on Edward? He likes that. Anyway, it‟s been swell guys, but I have to run. I‟ll see you around. Tell Alice I said hello. Oh… no don‟t get up.” She quietly shuts the door behind her and Bella and I erupt into laughter, before she starts describing everything to me. “So ok, that was interesting. But I prefer the penis. Definitely. It‟s no fun without, like I‟d get bored with just another girl. And I‟m not sure I like how she tasted. I taste so different, I mean, you‟ve made me taste myself a ton of times and sometimes it‟s a little different, but Tori was SO different. Meh, not sure how I felt about that. But ok, I really liked how she felt. Like when I licked her, it was so soft. I liked that. And wow, putting my fingers inside her… it was like crazy warm in there. It felt sorta gooey at first but it was also kinda hot, especially when she came. Wow. I can‟t believe I did that, do you? And oh my god, her nipples. Now I get it. Girl nipples are amazing. I‟d like more of that. And breasts. I like them too. Mine aren‟t big enough. Do you ever wish they were? I mean mine are definitely perkier but hers are bigger. They felt nice.” She stops and takes a deep breath. I love her so much. “I don‟t wish they were bigger. We have discussed this a million times. And you know you‟re hot, so stop fishing for compliments. Girl nipples are amazing, aren‟t they? I‟m so fond of yours. And you told me a lot about how Tori felt but didn‟t tell me how you felt when she was doing those things to you.” “Good.” “Just good?” She turns and takes a strand of my hair, twirling it once around her finger and tugging at it for a second.

“Well yeah, nothing ever compares to you.” I kiss her forehead and finally take off my pants. We lie in bed and I listen to her talk about her day, Tori, how much she used to hate Tori, nipples, Kate Moss, and our upcoming trip to Forks. We haven‟t been back since we got engaged and I wonder if Charlie will let us stay in the same room this time. My mind wanders to the day when I climbed the fucking tree which Charlie subsequently tried to cut down. Back then if you had told me this would be my life now, I would have laughed, never believing that dreams can truly come true like this. But they do. With Bella, they always do.

Chapter 2 – White

“Let‟s go home, I wanna go home.” Bella‟s hands are on my chest, then go down, down, until she is touching the one part of me that seems to be making all my important life decisions lately. I contemplate taking her home now but I‟m having too much fun with her here. The music is loud, she is pretty drunk, up against a wall, and I think she thinks she‟s dancing but it‟s more like a slow dry-hump now and I‟m pretty sure I can never get enough of this. I‟m not that sober myself, but Bella is trashed. We started the evening off at the apartment with my sister and Emmett drinking champagne to celebrate the news of Rose‟s pregnancy, and dealing with the scowl Rose‟s face, brought on by the fact that she couldn‟t join our celebration. Bella and champagne don‟t mix well, so by the time we got here for her friend‟s birthday she was adorably tipsy. Two vodka tonics and a shot of tequila later, my lightweight fiancée is incredibly horny, slurring her words, rubbing up against me and being her usual obnoxious self. I love it. I love her. I love that she is finally twenty-one and wants to go out every other night and drags me with her every single time. How could I ever say no? Just one more activity to add to the many things we enjoy doing together. Who knew she‟d be into clubs and partying? I didn‟t, and I don‟t think she did either. I love discovering new things about Bella as she grows up, and I want to be there for every new experience. Her hand is on my cock, over my jeans, and I laugh when I try to remove it but she swats my hand away. Narrowing her eyes, she gives me a warning and attacks my mouth. I am still laughing as we begin to kiss, my hands flat against the wall on either side of her head. She tries to play with my zipper and I finally put a stop to things, turning to make sure no one is watching. Some asshole sitting a few feet away from us winks at me and laughs, giving me a thumbs-up. Fucker. I go back and forth between letting Bella do what she wants, and taking her home, away from voyeurs and random strangers at the club. I decide home is best until she whispers a few words into my ear. “Guess what Garrett brought over? I wanna try tonight.” I have to get her drunker than I had planned. Drunk enough to make her forget about the white stuff I found in her underwear drawer earlier, but didn‟t want to comment on while Rose and Emmett were over. Then I can flush that shit down the toilet. Fuck Garrett, fuck the money she spent on it. “I think we should stay here and dance, baby,” I whisper into her neck. “Nooo…” she whines, “home. You can put it anywhere tonight.” Oh sweetheart, I can put it anywhere any night. All it takes is some kisses and some touching, a few words. The only thing going anywhere tonight is you, to bed, under the covers, in my arms. I‟ll have your greasy breakfast sandwich ready first thing in the morning when you wake up. Let‟s just go home now, before I let you give me a hand job in the middle of a club. Because I want you to. Your hand belongs on my cock.

Her tongue is on my neck, moving up to my ear. Her teeth are sharp, but her lips are like velvet. Her breath is warm and she makes me dizzy. I push her against the wall and kiss her, thinking about getting her into a cab and then getting my fingers inside Bella, possibly making her come before the cab stops in front of our building. She‟s so good. I‟ll tell her to be quiet, and she will sink her teeth into my shoulder and bite down as my fingers fuck her. Tiny whimpers and gasps for my ears only. I‟ll touch her twice, three times where she likes it the most and her body will go crazy, and she‟ll say my name at least once, maybe twice, and that angelic smile will take over her face and I‟ll fall a little more in love with her than I already am. All of this happens, minus the silence part, and I leave a big tip to the guy who had to listen to all of that – not that he looks annoyed at all. We walk up to the apartment and Bella is all giggles and touches, throwing her coat onto the counter and taking off her top the second we are inside. She throws herself backwards onto the bed and I stare at her for a while as I take off my pants. A minute later my mouth is on her stomach, belly, my hands are on her breasts, and I look up to see Bella, passed out, with her mouth slightly open. I remove her jeans and bra for her and move her under the covers. Looking for something to do, I eye the half empty bottle of champagne and decide to pour myself a glass. A few sips later I realize this isn‟t what I am in the mood for tonight, and check to see if there is anything left for me to smoke in Bella‟s little drawer of fun. I am very lucky. I take out Summer the bong and what‟s left of the weed we had delivered a few weeks ago, looking for a lighter to use amongst all the things Bella keeps in here. I pray no one ever opens this drawer. I also pray we can use whatever the fuck these things are because they look like they go on nipples and anything that allows me to spend more time with her nipples must be amazing and therefore must be used immediately. Before I close the drawer I notice the butterfly thing she loves. We don‟t use that often enough. Great. Now I‟m horny, she‟s asleep, and I can‟t find a fucking lighter. No sex. No weed. How did such a promising night turn into this? I take Summer out anyway, setting her on the coffee table while I continue my search for a lighter. I finally find one, and five minutes later I take my first hit, having made sure that the window is cracked open just a little. I turn on the TV but can‟t hear a thing because I don‟t want to wake up Bella. It‟s pretty boring so I find last week‟s New Yorker and start reading an article about a former dictator who was fucking crazy, and I‟m pretty sure they wrote about this same guy a few years ago. It‟s interesting, so whatever. As I reach out for Summer again I hear some noise coming from the bed. I look up to see Bella, who has escaped from under the covers and is staring at me with an angry look on her face. “Are you using Summer without me?!”

I look down at the yellow bong in my hand and shrug. “B, you were asleep.” “Summer is mine. You bought her for me. I want some too,” she snaps. A second later she is on the couch with me, grabbing Summer and pointing to the lighter. I know what she wants. Bella is afraid of lighters. And fire. I have to do this every time. She climbs onto my lap and grabs Summer. I watch her inhale and love the smile on her face as she passes it back to me. I don‟t know what I‟m doing because I am watching her, watching the way her mouth moves as she speaks, the way the cool air makes her nipples extra hard. I hand it back to her and she takes one more hit –knowing Bella, her last one - before pushing the bong away. “What did you do, Edward? Did you get the weed wet?” “What? No! I didn‟t.” “I have some more in the drawer, I‟ll go get it.” I hold onto her before she can get up. “That‟s what we‟re smoking now. Relax. Would you like something to drink instead?” She shakes her head and her eyes open really wide. “You were looking through my stuff?! Nooo, baby I had a surprise for you in there.” I laugh and kiss her cheek. “I loved the surprise. We‟ll use it soon.” Before she can respond I throw her back onto the couch and tell her to touch herself. I just want to watch now, and Bella can put on quite the show. My face is inches away from her pussy and fingers, and I‟m mesmerized watching them go up and down and in and out. I dip my own fingers into the champagne and slide them over her clit, pulling Bella‟s hand away so that I can taste her, and she tastes fantastic – Bella, alcohol, some of me from earlier this evening. I want to bathe her in the overpriced shit we bought from the store across the street, lick it off her nipples, drink it from her bellybutton. I know we are probably going to ruin the couch so I move us to the bed and make these fantasies come true. Sheets can be washed – tonight it looks like my fiancée is up for just about anything. “Do you want my ass tonight?” See? I‟m too busy playing with her tits to answer.

“Tell me what you want. I want to make you come a lot. All over me.” “Oh yeah?” I ask, finally inside her. “All over you where? On your tits? Your ass? Where do you want it Bella?” “Everywhere. My mouth too,” she pants. I‟m moving inside her slowly, she is impatient and moves under me, spreading her legs wider, holding me closer. Her hands are on my ass, her nails digging, scratching. A finger moves and presses up against me and I want to come immediately. I have to stop for a second as it barely enters me, and when I start fucking her again, it‟s harder, a little quicker. “Mouth too? So after I fuck you now and make you come are you gonna let me pull out and come in your mouth?” “Yes.” “Say please, Bella.” “Please. Yes. Yes.” She becomes incoherent, her body is shaking under mine. She tries to protest when I pull out because I know she likes to feel me inside her for a while after she comes, but I told her what I want, and her mouth is warm and perfect, her eyes are so big. Bella climbs on top of me a few minutes later. I am about to fall asleep when she starts talking. “I love you, Edward.” “What‟s up, princess?” She rolls her eyes at that and smiles. “You know you promised me something…” “And you want to do it tonight,” I sigh. “Yeah… You keep putting it off.” “Bella, it‟s two in the morning. We‟ve had a long night, if we do that we‟ll be up all night.” “Exactly, it‟s two in the morning, and tomorrow‟s Sunday. Just this once?” “Why do you want to try this so badly?” “I‟m curious. Haven‟t you ever been curious? I know you‟ve tried it before, and I know you‟ve done it more than once. I promise it‟s just this once.”

Her eyes are huge and her lips are warm on my chest. When she first brought this up I shrugged and told her we can do whatever she wants, and warned her against contacting anyone or buying anything on her own. I didn‟t think she would actually go ahead and ask her friend to hook her up. I have no idea where this fascination with drugs comes from, although I do understand her curiosity. We have all experimented with different things, it is part of growing up, and I appreciate the fact that she will only do it with me around. I‟m still a little uncomfortable having it in our apartment and hope this isn‟t a regular occurrence. I can‟t tell her what to do, but I can tell her that I won‟t live with or date someone who does this sorta thing on a regular basis. Knowing Bella, this is a one-time thing and I have nothing to worry about. “Fine… sure. Errrm… we need a flat surface. And shit, do we have straws?” “No, I don‟t think we do. In the movies they use money. Like a dollar bill?” I laugh and place a kiss on the top of her head. “Ok, I‟ve got some in my pocket, go find a suitable one. And maybe a mirror or something?” “Will a book do?” “I suppose… hardcover.” My dream girl slides off the bed and finds my pants on the floor, going through the pockets in search of money. The view I have of her ass is incredible. “Obvi. Edward, are we really using a dollar bill? I think we‟d score major pimp points if we use a rolled up hundred. Uch, you only have a fifty. I suppose it will have to do.” “Bella, put that away. I want to spend that money at some point.” She does the flirty thing where she looks at me through her lashes but it doesn‟t work. Bella puts the fifty dollar bill back in my pocket, pouting. “Baby don‟t pout. I‟m sorry you‟re engaged to me and not a rapper or rockstar.” “Ugh, I know. I ask myself why every day. This doesn‟t help!” She exclaims, waving the dollar bill around and shaking her head. When everything is ready Bella is sitting between my legs on the bed with a gigantic Leonardo da Vinci coffee table book on her knees. She wants to do everything on her own so she has a webpage open on the laptop lying next to us on the bed, and I have my hands on her waist as she bends forward a little, pushes her hair back behind her ears, and carefully following the instructions, snorts her first line. My heart is beating erratically in my chest. I‟m worried, I‟m a little turned on. She turns to face me and wiggles her nose. I ask her if she got it all, she nods. “So what‟s supposed to happen?”

“Well, it‟ll kick in soon enough,” I explain. I kiss her shoulder and she relaxes against me. Her ass meets my cock and I‟m getting hard again. She pushes back and smiles. It‟s the same smile that has been making me melt for years now. The smile I have memorized, fantasized about when far away from her. The smile I fell in love with. I kiss it and hold her to me, very carefully removing the book from her lap and placing it beside us on the bed. “Your turn.” “I‟m not sure I want to,” I shrug. “Your. Turn.” Her hand is on my cock and her mouth is on my neck. What‟s a little bit going to do? It will be fun. Just one line. I tell myself to stop thinking and before I know it Bella is lying on her back, and I‟m actually snorting a line from between my fiancée‟s breasts. Have I mentioned how hot she is? Have I mentioned how perfect her tits are? How obsessed I am with her adventurous, crazy side? How much I adore her brain? Do I talk enough about how she makes my heart beat like crazy when she is telling an interesting story just because of the way she looks and the way her hands move and the way her smile takes over her face? And I want to feel like a dick right now for what I‟m doing, and I want to get rid of the drugs and just hold her and go to sleep, take care of her when she is hung over tomorrow, but the insatiable, animalistic side of me wants more of this, whatever it is. I want to lose myself with her and then fuck her until she can‟t walk tomorrow. Sometimes that‟s ok, and I tell myself that when twenty minutes later I have her pinned to the bed, sloppily doing another line off her thigh, and rubbing a tiny bit of coke over her clit. She talks fast and is very excited. I‟m already insanely hard and her mouth drops open when she comments on how stiff I am. She had a moment where she was completely grossed out by the residue she tasted at the back of her throat and she also had a minor freak-out because her heart was beating so hard and fast, but overall she says she likes it, and she wants me, and I just want us to go crazy. I‟ve never wanted to pound her this hard, control her body like I do now. She laughs when she hears me grind my teeth, which is something I have noticed before. She pushes me back and does her second and final line of the night off my stomach. “I don‟t know if I like this. I like how I feel, but it‟s kinda nasty. Why did you rub it on me? It tingles. I almost feel numb. It feels funny but sorta good. Fuck me now?” “Sit on me, B. I want to watch you.” Bella is stunning as she rides me. The way her tits bounce, her face when I press a finger to her clit and rub. Not something I usually do, but sometimes I want her to come fast and hard and she does. I thrust up and try not to freak out about the way my heart is pounding and how I‟m convinced that I‟m about to have a heart attack. Because I kind of like this, and she feels amazing, and I can do this forever. No one makes Bella feel like this. Just me. I get to flip her over and do it all over again, I get to smack her ass as she comes for a second time. I get to tell

her what to do and fuck her as she complies. Because she‟ll do just about anything for me, and right now Bella is like the Energizer Bunny, and she is begging me to fuck her harder and faster. Her sighs and gasps turn into cries and screams. She has never ridden me this forcefully. When she is on her knees holding onto the headboard she throws her head back and keeps telling me I‟m not fucking her hard enough, deep enough. I love the sounds of our flesh slapping together. I want her to scream louder. I grab her hips and show her just how hard and fast I can go, and when I can‟t take any more I collapse on top of her and then turn her around, staring into her eyes, loving the way we are breathing into each others‟ mouths, the way both our hearts are banging in our chests. “What the fuck was that?” For a second I feel like the world has come to an end. She‟s pissed. I hurt her. I treated her like shit. She won‟t forgive me. “Bella I‟m sor – “ “I‟m mean omg, that was pretty crazy. You were… wow. What was that? I think my vagina hurts. Ugh but it still loves your penis. Is he ok? Is he like, exhausted? I, wow. I need to catch my breath. It was… awesome. Like everything was heightened. It felt so good. I wanted you to be rougher but oh my god, at the end I don‟t think I could take anymore. I think you bruised me, we‟ll see soon enough. Can we take pictures if you managed to leave marks on my hips? Baby, your cock. I‟m so tingly now. I feel everything everywhere and I – shit. My heart won‟t stop… I felt yours too. It was so hot. See? Look. Put your hand here. Yeah, oh my god, so fast, right? It‟s beating like it did when I first met you and I was nervous being around you, but like non-stop and I love it. Edward, you drive me crazy. I think I came like three times. More? I don‟t even know. I love it when you spank me. I usually love it when you do that while you‟re in my ass, but that was so awesome. Can we go again? I want more. Ugh my head…” Bella goes on and on. She is adorable, crazy, hilarious. When we both start coming down I have to stop her from calling my father because she is convinced that she is dying. Always the drama queen. I feel like shit too, but I try to keep it together because I want her to be ok. Her head hurts, I make her drink lots of water, I give her some Tylenol and Vitamin C. I take some too, because I don‟t feel that great myself. She becomes very quiet, asks me to give her some Ambien so that she can sleep. I ignore her. When she starts getting upset I tell her it‟s ok and do my best to make her feel decent. I feel it everywhere myself. Depressed. Feeling like crap. It‟s early morning by the time she falls asleep and I clean up the mess we made, tuck her in, and hope she is ok when she finally wakes up. *** “WHAT. THE. FUCK.” My head. My eyes. My everything.

Someone please come and put me out of my misery. I crack open an eye and am horrified at the sight before me. Bella is a mess. Her hair, the smudged makeup, and the bruises covering her body. She looks pissed. Beyond pissed. She points at the bruises and keeps screaming at me until I decide to tune her out and bury my head under a pillow. But she is so fucking loud. Next thing I know, she is on top of me, pulling the pillow off and grabbing my hair. “Look at me when I talk to you, Cullen. What is this? Are you CRAZY?” “You weren‟t complaining last night. You wanted to take pictures of it.” “Yes. Yes I‟m going to take pictures. And if you ever fuck up again, or decide to leave me I‟m taking it down to the station and reporting your ass. What the fuck?!” “You wanted rough sex, B. You got it. You wanted to try hard drugs, you did that too.” I say these words, but I don‟t mean them. She didn‟t ask for this. She didn‟t ask to be treated like an animal, tossed around and hurt. I want to kiss every single bruise and mark that covers her skin. I want to apologize for as long as it takes until she truly forgives me. I sit up and take her into my arms as she starts crying quietly. “I‟m sorry, Bella.” “No, no. You‟re right. I loved it last night. I was just…shocked. I expected to find it erotic but it is so scary. Look at me.” “Baby I got carried away, I apologize – “ “It wasn‟t just you. I asked for it. This… this isn‟t us. It was awesome but not again. Please? I know you loved it, but…” “B, if it involves you, I love it. I can‟t not love it. But we don‟t ever have to do this again. Just this once, right? No more. It‟s not worth seeing you like this, or like how you were last night. It felt like shit. We don‟t need this.” She nods, the cheeks wet from the tears. “We don‟t. Just you… I‟m sorry I made you do anything.” I kiss her nose and she smiles. I find a hair tie on the bedside table and smooth her hair back, gathering it up in a ponytail. I walk Bella to the bathroom and wrap my arms around her, kissing her shoulders as she removes the rest of her makeup and washes her face. I give her a bath, bring her water to drink and order some food. Some more Tylenol because she is still complaining of a headache; and a little neck massage because I love her.

The Bella who walks out of the bathroom forty minutes later looks very different. She still looks tired, but much better than she did earlier. She snuggles up against me in her robe and lets me feed her, and in turn takes care of me when I let it slip that I am tired and feeling out of it as well. My head is in her lap and she plays with my hair, talks to me in hushed tones and loves me until I fall asleep. When I wake up the apartment smells great and I see that she has been cooking. Bella drags me to the shower and when I beg her to join me she does. We kiss and touch and promise each other that from now on Summer is the only thing we‟ll use. I‟m in her mouth and can‟t believe my penis isn‟t falling off from exhaustion. My girl is eager, playful, sexy, kind. She also makes delicious meatballs and although she opposes it, she uses some veal for me. We eat together and she thanks me for last night. I don‟t want her to, but I know what she means. She knows that I‟d never let her do anything like that alone, and that if she has anything negative or painful to deal with I will be there, no questions asked. I don‟t care if she got herself into the situation, that doesn‟t matter. I just can‟t stand to see her unhappy, scared, uncomfortable, or in pain. I want to thank her for allowing me to be there and take care of her. Years ago, it was all I asked – that if she wanted to try certain things she should let me be there and make sure it goes well. I am willing to do just about anything with Bella, for Bella. I‟m just very thankful for the fact that she didn‟t go ahead and do this while she was away, or with friends from school. She came to me, she shared it with me. It‟s all I could ever ask for. “Oh, so your mom called while you were asleep and wanted to know if we‟re going be in Forks for Christmas.” “I thought we were spending Christmas here alone,” I answer. “She wants us to go there and check out some stuff…” She avoids looking straight at me and blushes. I don‟t know why this conversation continues to freak her out. I don‟t like that it makes her uncomfortable. I‟m constantly terrified that she will change her mind. But I refuse to show this and try to appear calm. “Stuff? Like what?” “Like… food options and I don‟t know… I said we can just eat whatever, you know? We barely have thirty guests.” She plays with her spaghetti, moving it around on her plate. “Well, I agree but it would make it easier on everyone to just have it catered.” She nods and smiles. “You‟re right, Edward. I just don‟t want to make a big deal out of it.” I reach out and grab her hand. “No big deal. It‟s too early to think about the details anyway.” You don‟t have to do a thing. Just be there that day and look beautiful and be mine.

“Yeah but, it‟s November and… it‟s only seven months away,” she says. “Seven months is plenty. Don‟t freak out. We‟ll visit eventually. If I can‟t go, you‟ll go on your own. If you‟re too busy with school, I can go. We‟ll figure out the food and all the other stuff. You can find a dress and – “ “I have a dress.” I look up into her eyes and notice that I dropped my fork. “You what?” “It‟s at Rosalie‟s. We found it a few weeks ago. It‟s… vintage and very simple, but pretty. I don‟t know if you‟ll like it and I‟m a little nervous and – “ She keeps talking about the fucking dress until I‟m off my chair and by her side, picking her up to kiss her. Why a simple dress excites me so much I‟m not sure, but after all the craziness of last night and this morning it‟s like a reminder of our relationship apart from all of this. Clubs, drugs, wild sex aside, we are in love and we‟re getting married in a few months. And the girl who was terrified of marriage went and bought her dress on her own, no nagging or persuasion necessary. I have no doubt that even if we spend the next seven months doing equally stupid things like we did last night we will be fine, and she‟ll wear the dress, and she‟ll look beautiful, and everything will be alright.

Chapter 3 - Different kind of white

"Edward, wake up." No, I want to go back to sleep. I think I'll keep my eyes closed until you give up. "Ugh, do you really think I don't know when you're faking it?" She whines. No, I know you know. I just want you to be nice enough to go away until I'm ready to get up. "Your mother made you waffles and they're yummy and warm. Come on, let's go downstairs," she whispers into my ear. It feels nice. Her lips are on my skin and I instinctively move my head towards her. "Waffles, huh?" I ask, cracking open an eye. "Delicious waffles," she smiles, placing her hand on my chest. I open my other eye and stretch my arms over my head. Her hand moves lower, but not low enough, so I take it and place it where it needs to stay at all times. She touches me, soft fingertips and warm palm, and I turn my face to find her lips, her cheeks, anything I can have. "We should get going, Edward. It's going to take us a while to get to Port Angeles and back. We‟ve got a lot to do this afternoon. Let's take a quick shower and leave," she says. But her hand is still on me, and I want her to cover me and whisper familiar words and feel good with me, so I kiss her to shut her up. "No, this first. Then waffles. Then I'll take a shower," I try to negotiate. Her hand moves faster and her smile is big; she laughs and shakes her head. "There are no waffles, and there is no 'this' right now. Move it. Shower, baby. Now." No waffles? This is bullshit. She's going to pay for that one, I‟m not letting her get away. I cover her hand with mine and stop her from unwrapping the fingers that are holding onto me so tightly. She frowns and protests, but gives in quickly. Then I make the mistake of trusting her and remove my hand, bringing it to her face. Immediately, she's gone. Evil. "I mean it. Be good, Edward. Rosalie is in the next room, my mother and Alice are downstairs with your parents. They've been here for hours to help us out, and we're still in bed. It's rude! Come on, shower. I'll even join you, it'll make things quicker." "Bella... five more minutes. You lied about waffles, I get five more minutes," I insist. "Fine. Five minutes," she agrees, holding up five fingers and giving me a smile.

I close my eyes, reaching out to feel Bella, but she‟s gone. I frown, wondering where she went, and I really don't like what I hear a minute later. She's started her shower without me. This entire week of hell has turned her into a mean version of the petulant, bratty sixteen-year-old I met five years ago. I don't really blame her since she's been under a lot of stress. She was dealing with a number of last-minute things that needed to get done, packing, and my sister and mother calling her every ten minutes with more questions and suggestions... I'm surprised she even boarded the plane to Washington with me two days ago. But as annoying as she‟s been lately, not once has she said the words I'm always half-expecting to hear: "I'm doing this for you" or "I don't want this anyway." I'm not sure why I have this irrational fear of Bella snapping at me and telling me this is a stupid idea, because even when she complains all day, when she climbs on top of me at night her voice is happy and she tells me about everything she did and how "awesome" it's all going to be. How can I be mad at her? I finally get out of my old bed and walk to the bathroom, discarding my boxers on the floor before I enter the shower. I wonder if I can get her to play a little before she decides it's time to get going. We'll just have to see. Normally, I can tell within five seconds just how easy or difficult it's going to be to convince her. Bella's obsession with being on time and not making anyone wait can be a big problem in the morning. It's the only time I'll ever get a "no" from her. It's also my favorite time of the day to fool around. I open the shower door and smile to myself. Ah, Bella. Always up to no good. Nine out of ten times, she'll be in the shower and her hand just makes its way between her legs and she rubs a little, smiles, continues if she has enough time, or stops and comes to me after she's done. Right now she's grinding herself against her hand, her eyes closed, looking so serious and determined. "Bella, don't pout. Come here," I tell her. Her eyes open and she smiles. Her cheeks are pink, and I take a step towards her and place my hands on either side of her head. I bring my mouth down to hers, and she bites my bottom lip, but when I try to replace her hand with my own, she doesn't let me. "Just watch." Her eyes are big and they're staring into mine. I place my forehead against hers and feel her breath hit my face. Her sounds are beautiful and her nipples are hard. I watch her face, the drops of water that fall from the ends of her hair and make their way down her body, her hand moving so fast, her hips. I do nothing but watch Bella until she cries out and shakes, then I hold her to me until her breathing slows down. Her lips on my chest thank me for something, I'm not sure what. I kiss her back, loving the feeling of her wet hair against my mouth. She looks up and my knees go weak, because she is stunning, because she loves me so much. Bella rests her head on my chest, putting her arms around me and closing her eyes. I close mine too until I feel her mouth again on my shoulders, wet, sweet, Bella. "I love being here with you," she tells me. "Yeah?" I ask, rubbing her back.

"Yeah, so many memories. Remember when you told me how you loved every part of me? I was so shy, I didn't want to take my clothes off in front of you." I think back to our first summer together. Bella on her knees. One careless second. The expression on her face. "B, that's one day I'll never forget," I laugh. She laughs too, dropping her arms from around my waist. She reaches for the shampoo but I stop her by grabbing her hand. "What? We have to hurry," she tells me. "Then hurry," I say, pointing to my cock. I expect her to roll her eyes and reach for the shampoo with her free hand, but she doesn't. Instead, she's on her knees, kissing me, up and down, her lips worshiping me like I deserve it, and in moments like this one I know I do, because that's exactly what her mouth tells me. I reach down and take her face in my hands, feeling the softness of her skin as she looks into my eyes. Her lashes are wet and long, her tongue is pink and it licks me, and if she doesn't take me into her mouth I'm going to have to make her. Bella's tongue disappears and I feel myself against her cheek, she's teasing me and being dirty, her fingers touching me where I love to be touched. Before I can force myself into her mouth her tongue is back, one small lick, and she giggles. "Yum,” she says, “fuck waffles.” And I'm in, and it's not gentle, and she's not quiet. Every time I open my eyes she's looking up at me, and my hands are in her hair, petting her and pulling the wet strands, and I'm telling her she's a good girl, and she knows me so well, because she pulls me out at the perfect moment, and this time it's no accident. *** "Uch. Fucking traffic. We're not making it back in time to – " "Bella, who cares?” I interrupt her rant, “let them deal with everything. I'd rather not go back today.” "Oh, you think I want to go back? I have everything I want. My dress is sick, you're going to look amazing, I have picked out everything, down to the brand of olive oil I prefer for the bruschetta, the weather's supposed to be fine, and if not, we have a gigantic room your mother had built just in case, and no matter what I fucking do, Alice's kid is going to look dirty because her parents can't control her. I don't care anymore, I just don't. What the fuck are they doing anyway? You hired those decorators, do I have to be there? I left very detailed diagrams and drawings of what I want, and if they fuck it up, I'll fuck them up. Your dad won't let them fuck it

up. I left specific instructions for everything just in case I decide to run away with you tonight and show up twenty minutes before everything starts tomorrow. Let's run away, please?" Bella rests her head on my shoulder, hugging my arm tightly. "We can run away if you‟d like. You canceled the dinner thing, so why not? We'll get back just in time to watch everyone freak out because the guests are there but we're not," I laugh. "I'm so glad your mom agreed to cancel dinner. I'd die if I had to do that tonight. Fucking up the marriage license turned out great. Perfect excuse." I nod. "Yeah, except no rehearsal dinner. We don't get to rehearse.” "Rehearse what? Who cares? It's all so silly. We'll just go with the flow tomorrow. As long as the lady you spoke with at the Auditor's Office managed to take care of the license and Pastor Weber shows up, we're good. No one will notice small imperfections. I'm going to look hot, and you're going to look so fuckable that we'll blind them with our combined beauty and awesomeness." Bella stops to take a deep breath before she starts laughing and bites down on my shoulder. "God, I love you, Edward," she tells me. "I know, sweetheart," I whisper. She doesn't let go of my arm until we pull up to a familiar building. She squeezes it, squealing in delight. We walk past this building every time we're in Port Angeles. She reveals new details of what she thought and felt as we drove to this building every morning the summer we met. I listen and love her more, always telling her I remember the exact moment I fell in love with her. She brushes her fingers against mine like she did that day, years ago, and I wonder how long this can last. Tomorrow, we'll promise that it will last forever. Maybe it will, and maybe it won't, but no matter how it turns out, neither of us will ever be able to deny that we had this. The love, the friendship, the desire, the trust. Her smiles and laughter and her hand in mine. "Hey, snap out of it. You have that stupid smile on your face. We're here. It's Friday and they close super early so let's do this. Make me yours, Cullen. I've been waiting long enough," she laughs. "You've been waiting? I've been trying to tie you to me for five years. Once I got a taste of you, I wasn't planning on letting you go," I tell her, pinching her nose before getting out of the car. "Tie me to you? Edward, let's be real. I wasn't going anywhere. God, I gave it up what, a week after I met you? Scandalous. I couldn't even pretend that I wasn't obsessed with your cock.” "More like three weeks, which means it took practically forever for to you to seduce me, Swan," I tease. "I know! You were so needy and in touch with your feelings, wanting to deflower me under the perfect conditions, with angels serenading us and fireworks going off the second you broke my hymen. Silly boy... Making me wait three whole weeks," she sighs.

I look at Bella, comparing the woman in front of me to the girl I met at Charlie's and kissed in my car less than a week later. She's wearing a white dress, which she put on earlier, joking that it was the perfect thing to pick up a marriage license in. Her ass is a little rounder and her hips are a little wider, but in the best way. She has braided her hair and thank God she didn't have two long braids like this when she was sixteen, because I probably would have never touched her. While we are waiting to see the woman I spoke to on the phone, I yank one braid, and she sticks her tongue out at me. One of the people working in the office smiles at us, and Bella blushes, turning her face into my chest after giving a small smile back. She's shy and bold, immature and incredibly wise, sweet but mostly not so sweet. Once we take care of the license and apologize for screwing up something so simple, Bella suggests paying a visit to Peter, my old colleague and her old boss for the summer. "Why is it so quiet? It's so early," she points out. "Yeah, strange," I say, looking around. There's no one here. "Let's stop by his office just in case," Bella suggests. We walk towards Peter's office, at least where his office used to be, and Bella jumps and claps when she sees her old cubicle, amazed that it's still there. "What do you expect, B? It's the government. They don't have the money to buy new cubicles every other year," I tell her. She shrugs, walking ahead of me until she notices someone sitting in an office. I follow her and listen to her conversation with a young guy, probably an intern or fresh out of law school. He tells us that the Fourth of July picnic was pushed back this year, and that's where all the employees are. Bella, who is normally nosy enough to ask a stranger why he's not at the picnic with everyone else, simply thanks him and says goodbye. We stop by my old office but don‟t go in, because it feels wrong to just walk into a stranger‟s office. I point out the new fax machine and printer, and Bella suddenly becomes very excited. “The supply room!” She almost shouts. “What about it?” I ask. “I just want to see it,” she says, dragging me behind her. We walk in, and she quickly locks the door behind us. “B, wha – “ “Mr. Cullen, I wanted to ask you something. You‟re always acting so strange in the car. It‟s like one minute you‟re talking to me, then you ignore me and look away. You know, your mood swings are kinda giving me whiplash. Don‟t you like me?”

My mouth drops open and it takes me a second to figure out what she‟s doing. Bella starts to play with the end of a braid, biting on her lip and looking down at the floor. When I don‟t respond, she looks up, her eyes rounder than ever, and speaks. “Mr. Cullen?” “I told you to call me Edward, Bella,” I tell her in a stern voice. “Alright, Edward… Could you please answer my question?” “Well, Bella. I think I‟m finding it difficult to have you around all the time,” I explain. “Did I do something wrong?” Bella asks, her chin quivering and her eyes downcast. “Well, you wear these short skirts and mention poems you probably don‟t even understand. You make me feel guilty for wanting someone so young. How old are you Bella? Eighteen? You‟re far too young for me,” I smile. “Mr. Cu- Edward, I‟m…I‟m sixteen. Didn‟t Charlie tell you?” I take a step closer to her, making her back up against the wall. “Sixteen, Bella? What am I supposed to do with a little girl like you?” I ask. She stifles a giggle, and I try not to laugh myself. She looks up and grins, but quickly goes back to playing young Bella, or some cracked-out version of her. “You‟re supposed to let me touch you, Edward,” she whispers. “I don‟t think that‟s such a good idea,” I say, inching closer to her until I feel her nipples through her dress against my chest. “Why not? You smell so nice, and your voice makes me dizzy, and your fingers…” She takes my hand and looks at my fingers. “What about my fingers, Bella?” I ask, bringing them to her lips. She‟s breathing hard. She looks so small right now against the wall; I‟m towering over her. “Your fingers make me think really, really dirty things. And I…” I brush my finger against her lips, back and forth, watching her eyes follow it. It‟s driving her crazy. “And you what, Bella?” “I get really wet, Edward,” she manages to say.

I can‟t help the way I press my body against hers. Bella is excited. Very excited. I pull on a braid and she makes a strange sound, much like a whimper. I continue to touch her lips with my finger and push up against her again. She immediately takes my finger into her mouth and sucks on it, her hands pulling me closer. “Do you feel that Bella? Do you know what that is?” I ask, trying again to keep a straight face. I‟m insanely hard and I know she‟s trying to feel more of me. “Yes, I think I know,” she whispers. “Have you touched one before, Bella?” I ask. This time she can‟t help the smile that takes over her face. “Never, Edward,” she replies, and I can hear the laughter in her voice. “What do you want from me, little girl?” “Teach me, please?” She smiles sweetly. It melts my heart. I‟m transported back in time, and memories of first kisses and touches come rushing back. I run my hands up her arms and place them around her throat. I kiss her like it‟s the very first time, and she slips and tells me she loves me. I bring my mouth to her ear and tell her I love her too, but she covers my mouth with her hand. “Edward, will you show me?” “Show you what, Bella?” She points to my crotch. “That. I want to see that.” I smile against her neck and bite down on it until she pushes me away, mouthing „What the fuck?‟, and I remember what tomorrow is, annoyed that I can‟t suck and bite on the skin I adore. She‟ll kill me. “You want to see my cock, Bella?” She nods. “You can take a look,” I tell her, bringing her hands to the buttons of my jeans. She‟s biting that lip again, and I laugh. She frowns, and I stop. Her fingers are intentionally clumsy; she concentrates on what she‟s doing and gasps when she finally has me in her hands. “Is… is it supposed to be this hard?” I nod.

“Is…is it s-supposed to be this big?” Bella is giggling again. I roll my eyes at her and she smiles. “I think it‟s big,” she insists. “What do you know? You‟ve never seen one before.” “It‟s so… warm,” she says, running her hands up and down. “It feels nice.” She takes some wetness from the tip and plays with the head. She doesn‟t take her eyes off of it. “You have such a pretty little mouth, Bella. Would you like to taste it?” “May I?” She asks. “Of course, just be gentle, sweetheart.” Bella nods. She licks me and strokes and forgets the game we‟re playing because she‟s so good. Her tongue is magic and I can‟t stay quiet, and I want to reach for my phone and take a picture right now because Bella at sixteen was wonderful, but Bella at twenty-one is perfection. She looks up and stops. “Am I doing a good job, Edward?” Pushing her head back down and wrapping her braids around my hands I nod. “You‟re such a sweet girl, Bella. You‟re doing an excellent job. You‟re a good girl, aren‟t you? You won‟t tell anyone about this.” She shakes her head “no” and takes me deeper. “Shit. Yeah, you‟re way too young to have my cock in your mouth. But you like it, don‟t you, Bella?” She nods and laughs, almost choking, and I lose it too. Bella kisses me once, and stands up, still touching, getting me closer, driving me crazy. “Edward?” Her voice is soft again, timid. “Yes?” “Kiss me?” I lift her up and set her down on a cabinet, bringing her face down to mine, kissing her like we used to kiss when we first met, wondering why we don‟t do this as much anymore. Her lips, her mouth, her delicious tongue. Teeth and skin and her hands in my hair. Her face against mine, her blush, her eyes so close up. I want to spend days just kissing her, rendering her breathless, feeling her lips on my forehead and jaw, rubbing my nose against hers. Silly things, things you‟d never think you‟d miss. She pulls me closer by my t-shirt and whispers. “I‟ve missed you, I know you‟re here and you never left, and you‟re just as wonderful, but…”

“Shhh, I know, B.” “I… want more time with you… we used to spend every second together… I know it was only the first few months until you left, but just kiss me. My heart beats so fast when you kiss me like this, like it‟s going to explode. Fall in love with me again. I‟m so in love with you. You have no idea, if I don‟t show it…” “You do, Bella. And I‟ve never stopped falling in love with you. I live for you. Nothing else excites me, nothing else exists. I‟m so happy.” She kisses me again. This time it‟s more aggressive. God, her mouth. Her hands. I pull her dress down and her nipples make my mouth water. I touch them and push her tits together, she moans and pulls her mouth away from mine. “We can kiss later…” I smile, then I run my tongue between her breasts, grab them a little too roughly, suck, lick, bite, and her hands guide my head, back and forth, until she pushes me away, leaving me panting and hard and desperate. “Edward,” she voice is sweet and innocent, “can you touch me like I touched you? No one… no one has touched me there before…” And I guess we‟re playing again… “What do you want, Bella? My hands or my mouth?” “Both… I want everything. What if I never see you again once the summer is over?” She smiles. “You‟re right, better make this good,” I smirk. I push her dress up and pull down her thong, surprised she‟s wearing a thong because she never wears them. She shrugs and takes it from me, spreading her legs and moving a little closer. “Bella, quick lesson. This is your clitoris,” I say, rubbing my finger over it. Pink, perfect, silk. Wet. I‟m addicted. She makes short, desperate sounds and moves against my finger. “It‟s absolutely the most delicious part of you. I‟m going to lick it now, is that ok?” I ask her, and the series of yes‟s she whispers makes me harder. Love doing this to Bella. Love the way she reacts. Love how she loses control and takes, takes, takes. At home she‟ll just settle herself over my face when she wants it, rocking over me, no words spoken. She knows I‟ll never deny her. I know nothing else is better. Right now I look up and watch her face, touch her chin, and wait for her to open her eyes. She looks at me and smiles, smoothes my hair away from my face. I bring my mouth away after kissing her clit one more time, and touch her with my finger again.

“Bella, I‟m going to put my finger inside you. This is where I‟m – ". Before I can finish, Bella starts laughing uncontrollably. “What?” She shakes her head, steadying herself by placing her hand on my shoulder. “It‟s so not like the first time you did that!” She tells me. “Oh my God, Edward… I‟m sorry, it‟s just…” It‟s infectious. I‟m laughing right along with her. She wipes the tears from her eyes and I help her down. Her tits are still hanging out her dress and this makes me laugh harder, and Bella smacks me in the chest, before taking my hands and covering her breasts with them. “Let‟s save the Lolita roleplay for when I‟m actually old,” she tells me. “Game over, because I‟m not pretending to be a virgin. That was no fun for me. Cullen, I want you to fuck me. You get to choose how. Bend me over that thing there, or fuck me up against the wall. Maybe you want me to ride you, I don‟t care. Fuck me, because you‟re all I‟ve ever had and all I‟m ever gonna have and I want to scream, because that poor kid is so bored all alone in the office that we can give him something to tell his friends when he goes out tonight. I can keep talking forever if you don‟t shut me up. I want – “ I push her against the wall, then turn her around, so that she‟s facing it. “You want me to fuck you hard like I did against my car that summer? The first time I actually let go and fucked your brains out? You were screaming so loud, shaking in my arms. Is that what you want right now?” I ask, kissing and licking the back of her neck. So sweet. “Bella, the second I saw you I knew just how I‟d fuck you. I was obsessed with you. I wanted your tits and pussy and ass.” She turns her head and her eyes are desperate. I‟m desperate. I grab her hips and pull them back, make her spread her legs wider. I hold my cock in my hand and rub it up and down between her cheeks. She says my name and I‟m inside her. There is no description for how she feels. If I‟ve described it before, I lied. My mind goes blank, and I just move inside Bella. She wants more, so I grab her tighter. She begs, and I hold her hands above her head and make her beg some more. Fast, hard, harder and harder until she is barely standing up, and when she comes I simply hold her against me and follow her. My kisses cover her shoulders. I can‟t stop, I don‟t want to. She leans far back and kisses my cheek. I‟m so lost in her. My chest aches. “Edward?” “Hmmm?” “You don‟t mind that I‟m staying at Charlie‟s tonight, right?” She asks. I‟m confused by her question. “Why would you do that?”

“Everyone says we shouldn‟t spend the night together, you know, before the wedding?” She turns to face me, wrapping her arms around my neck. “Oh.” “Yeah, it‟s like, I don‟t even know… But your mom and Rose suggested it.” I kiss her mouth and pull up the top of her dress. She pulls down the skirt, and helps me with my pants. “That‟s fine, B. Let‟s just get out of here now, before we get caught.” I‟m not too thrilled about spending the night apart. I‟m used to her, and it makes me cranky when I wake up in the middle of the night and she isn‟t there. But if this is what she wants, that‟s fine. She can hang out with her dad, sleep in her old bed, and tomorrow she‟ll be back. Am I nervous? I think so, but I also know that there is no reason for me to be nervous. We have been living together for four years now; she has been my entire life for five. I watch her sleep on our way back to Forks, and then I watch her run around with our mothers and Alice and Rose back at the house. I watch her try to discipline Lily and I watch her play with my tiny nephew when his mother is busy bossing everyone around. I‟m watching her when I feel my father‟s hand on my shoulder, knowing he‟s watching her too. She is yelling at my sister and manages to shut her up, which makes my father laugh before he squeezes my shoulder and walks away. I watch her get out of my car and walk into her father‟s home, turning around to blow me a kiss before she disappears. Charlie waves, and his smile is a little sad, but his eyes are happy. I wave back and drive home, where my mother is waiting for me with advice and questions and lots of tears. My father pours her a drink and takes her upstairs. At around midnight, my phone vibrates and I read three words that never fail to make me smile. Come to me. And for the last time in my life, I climb that fucking tree.

Chapter 4 - Red tights, blue Mary Janes

Bella “Bella Cullen,” I bark into my phone for the third time. It‟s late, and I‟m not sure who is calling me from Wisconsin, but I‟m fairly certain that they aren‟t looking for me. I hang up. Why can‟t people just say “sorry, wrong number” anymore? Is it wrong of me to get so upset? I was just on the train, dragging my tired butt from campus all the way down to Christopher Street, and the last thing I need is my phone ringing the second I get out of the station. I‟m just tired. Really tired. Why did I agree to move down here? Or rather, why did I force Edward to get a place down here? It‟s too far, but I love the parks, and the quiet streets are perfect. Right? Ugh. I pass by the CVS and notice that it‟s already closed, but I think I have everything I need. My laptop is in my bag, so are the last couple of papers I have to look at. I‟ve got the books from the library and the travel toothbrushes Edward asked for. Why we can‟t take our own, I‟ll never understand. So yeah, the travel toothbrushes, they were the only reason why I had to stop at CVS, which means we‟re good. It‟s already pretty late and I still have to pack a few things and make sure we don‟t forget anything. I know I‟ll forget something – this is inevitable. I just have to remember to pack at least one dress and one pair of heels. Edward is taking care of everything else. Thank God for Edward sometimes. Hopefully he‟s home already and I don‟t have to deal with anything else tonight. The apartment is silent and dark when I finally get in. There are no dishes in the sink, no huge mess in the living room. Of course, there are some cups lying around but that‟s not a big deal. I pick them up and bring them to the kitchen, deciding to deal with them tomorrow, or when we get back. Just…not tonight. I‟ve had a long day. Grading papers isn‟t fun, especially when you want to give everyone smiley faces and encouragement. But these are adults, in college, and if they fucked up it‟s their fault. And boy did some of them fuck up. How hard can it be to read a book? And to get it? Am I doing that bad of a job? I suppose there will always be a few students who don‟t want to learn, and who don‟t care – even if their parents are spending exorbitant amounts of money on their tuitions. And Columbia is expensive. I know this! Thank God I don‟t have to pay a dime for grad school. And in another year, I won‟t have to worry about school at all. Just one more year working on this stupid thesis, teaching these freshman morons, and then I can do whatever I want. Right? Well, not really. How the fuck am I going to get a teaching position in New York City? It‟s not like we can just pack up and move. Our entire life is here. We have been living here for over ten years now. Edward is doing really well for himself and to be perfectly honest, with his new position I don‟t ever really have to work again. But I want to work, I love teaching… I think. Being a college professor is a pretty cool gig. I told myself it‟s what I wanted to do when I

decided not to go to law school. I get to read and talk about things I love all day. And there are just enough awesome students who make it all worthwhile. But it‟s not easy. Lots of people are walking around with from very prestigious schools. I‟m just one more asshole working on her thesis and pretending to know a lot of things about stuff that really doesn‟t matter in the real world. But it matters to me. Edward and I both know it‟s going to be hard for me to find something here. I have a nagging suspicion that he wouldn‟t mind if I sat around the apartment and wrote all day. I go back and forth between loving the idea and wanting to murder my husband for wanting to take care of me and keep me locked up like that. Not that he‟d need to lock me up anywhere… everything I cherish is in this apartment. I walk towards our bedroom, itching to take off my jeans and t-shirt. It‟s too warm for jeans, but I didn‟t feel like wearing a skirt this morning. It‟s only ten o‟clock, so I‟m surprised to see that Edward is in bed already. I wanted to talk to him about a few things concerning the trip but if he‟s tired and sleepy, it can wait. There‟s something else I need to do first, anyway. Just as I‟m about to walk back out into the hallway, I hear his voice. “Come to bed, but be quiet,” he whispers. My heart does a little dance when I look more carefully at our bed. Before I can take off my clothes I climb onto my side of the bed and bury my face in the soft, soft hair resting on my pillow. “Careful, you don‟t want to wake her up.” I nod, and smile when his hand finds mine. We play with a small braid for a second, before he takes my fingers and brings them to his lips. “I couldn‟t say no. She begged me,” he explains. “It‟s ok. I miss her. I‟m glad she‟s here.” “Can you spell c-o-c-k-b-l-“ “Shut it! You never stood a chance… I would have spent the night kissing her little arms and legs anyway.” “Ah, another night on Ilsa‟s floor. We should just put an aerobed there for us.” “Whatever, Edward. You know you love it. She‟s your favorite girl.” He squeezes my fingers before returning his hand to our daughter‟s head. “She‟s cute, but you‟re my favorite girl. Wanna take her back to her room?”

“Do you?” “No, I‟ve missed her too.” She doesn‟t wake up even though we attack her with hundreds of kisses. Sometimes I miss her so much it hurts, so when I finally get a chance to hold her I can‟t let go. I have to fight my husband off to get enough time with her, because he is equally smitten. In fact, I think he is crazier about her than I am, if that‟s possible. Ilsa is his world. I‟ve given Edward everything I could possibly give him, but I think this has been the greatest gift of all. Not just for him, but me too. The almost-three year old in our bed makes everything worth it. Everything is infinitely better. Things haven‟t been easy. We lived in our tiny bubble for so long that the second Ilsa came into our lives everything exploded. The first three months were bliss. I thought a baby would be weird, I was terrified that I wouldn‟t love her like you‟re supposed to love your kid. I was so wrong. You couldn‟t snatch her away from me for a second. I had to set special hours for the grandparents, the aunts and uncles to visit because I wanted every second of the day to be just us. I wanted to be with her all day, every second. Edward was right there by my side. I made him happy, never letting him forget that I was the same girl he met years ago and married, spending every second Ilsa was asleep reminding him of us. I was tired, I was pretty emotional and a little crazy, but I was also terrified that he wouldn‟t find me attractive, with leaky nipples and huge hips and a belly. I worked out like crazy, I put my mouth to great use waiting to be told that I was allowed to sleep with him again, I obsessed over everything Ilsa did and made sure everything was perfect. I wrote because I refused to stop writing. Then, at the end of those three months, Edward had some news for me. He had to leave. Again. Who was I to say no? To tell him to stay? His job is what kept us living in an awesome three bedroom in the far West Village. His job bought us our clothes, food, vacations, all the fun things I kept buying for Ilsa – including three different strollers, a ridiculous amount of toys and swings and bouncers and outfits. So I smiled and told him it would be a great opportunity. A new position! No more stupid law firm! Plus it was just three weeks. What‟s three weeks? I told him to go, I told him not to worry. I was busy anyway, and he needed a break from the craziness going on at home. Carlisle moved in to help, since Esme was staying with Rose and helping her with their THREE kids, the youngest just a month older than Ilsa. Terrible idea. The minute he was gone something snapped in my head. Did my husband just leave me with a three-month old to work out of the London office for three weeks? THREE WEEKS? Do you have any idea what taking care of an infant is like without the other half of the team? Because Edward can be annoying, needy, stubborn, and difficult but he was the other half of my team. He never let me do anything on my own. In fact, he would always ask for more to do because he knew I was terrified that I couldn‟t handle it. And then poof. Gone.

Carlisle was awesome, but I couldn‟t get him to wake up in the middle of the night. He was there to play with and feed Ilsa from time to time. He would give me time to nap and run errands, but that‟s all, and could I really ask for more? Probably, but that wouldn‟t have been nice of me. The minute I realized Edward was gone I was in full bitch mode. After the first four days I couldn‟t even look at my baby anymore. I stopped calling Edward, Skype sessions were a thing of the past. He was probably upset but I didn‟t know because I refused to pick up the phone. Promises of sending dozens of pictures a day and letting him watch his daughter on cam were broken. He didn‟t get a single picture, at least not from me. But it‟s not like he said anything, so I let it go on for two weeks. He stopped calling back and I‟d hear Carlisle talk to him every night, fighting back my tears. Since the day I met Edward almost ten years earlier, I had never gone more than a day or two without hearing his voice, or reading his words to me. Finally, Carlisle took Ilsa from my arms, threw some clothes at me and told me to go find my husband in London. I ached for her the entire way to London. I was a mess. When Edward opened the door to his room he had to practically carry me to the bed because I couldn‟t walk anymore. He let me cry, and cry. He wasn‟t happy with me, but he was kind. After an entire evening like that, however, the silence killed me. He went to work and came back with food, but barely acknowledged my presence. For the first time in our relationship he ignored me, and I felt unloved. I imagined a life without him and thought I was going to die. What was I doing there, away from my kid, with a man who wouldn‟t even look at me? I thought maybe everything was a mistake, and that the decision I had made to go off the pill a year before was the stupidest thing ever. The next day was a Sunday. He had nowhere to go. I tried talking to him and he was polite, but cold. I forced myself onto his lap while he read his book, grabbing his arm and placing it around my waist. He didn‟t push me away, but after about twenty minutes I gave up and walked to the bathroom to cry some more. My phone rang as I was walking back out and I almost didn‟t want to answer it because it was Carlisle. Suddenly I remembered where he was and who he was with and my heart was about to explode, I was so worried. There was nothing to worry about, however, and Carlisle just told me to turn on the computer. I sat on the bed and logged into my Skype account, waiting for Carlisle to come online. A few seconds later there she was, her big brown eyes smiling at me, all the little fingers and chubby thighs. I reached out, wanting to touch her, and almost didn‟t feel the warm body beside me. But he was there, and he was laughing with me, holding me, watching his father hold our daughter in his arms. “We made her B,” he said. And we spent the afternoon looking at pictures and talking about her, his eyes shining every time I mentioned something new, or said her name. Five days later we were back home together and slowly went back to being Edward and Bella, but better. Edward‟s hand on my hip snaps me out of my little trip down memory lane. “What?” I ask.

“Nothing, you should sleep. Early flight, baby.” I like how his hand feels on me. I‟m so tired, and I miss him so much. “Let‟s just watch her in a super creepy way,” I whisper. “It‟s not creepy, she‟s our kid.” “Well, I haven‟t seen our kid in over twelve hours. Did you pay Lauren extra like I told you to?” “Of course, she‟s a nice girl, but she needs to stop eating all our brownies. She could lose thirty pounds.” “Stop being a dick. Lauren is lovely. And she treats Ilsa so well.” Edward laughs. “You‟d know. How many cams do we have installed in this apartment?” “Shut up. It‟s necessary,” I snap. “Hey, I agree. But the one in Ilsa‟s bear is a little ridiculous.” “Edward, she drags that thing everywhere. How do I know what‟s going on at the park? Or wherever?” “Umm, trust Lauren maybe?” “I do now! Because the cameras told me to.” This shuts him up and I get up to take off my clothes. Since Ilsa is here I have to find something decent to put on. Edward‟s boxers should do, as well as an old tank, and minutes later I‟m holding my baby again, nervous about our flight to Forks tomorrow, but excited to be celebrating two birthdays. Edward and Ilsa are turning thirty-nine and three, respectively this week. He‟s so old. She‟s old too. I don‟t want her to grow anymore. I like my little doll. My brain keeps calculating ages and years, trying to figure out what happened when, trying to forget that I‟m going to turn thirty in a few months. At some point it just gives up and I fall asleep holding her tight against me, making sure that I am touching Edward in some way the entire time. *** “Bella, move it. We‟re ready to go and you‟re still in bed.” Ugh. I‟m not in bed, asshole. I‟m in the bathroom getting ready. You are off playing God knows what with your kid instead of hanging out in bed with me.

I look at myself in the mirror and I like what I see. My hair is really long now. I had it cut a few years back and I swear Edward looked like I had just declared an end to blow jobs forever. He was heartbroken, and did a bad job of hiding it. He just doesn‟t like bobs, no matter how hot his wife looks with one. So now we‟re back to super long hair, and I‟m putting it up for the flight. I make two small braids and wrap them around my head, and it looks really cute. No makeup other than some mascara, a short hoodie dress in white that Ilsa better not mess up. I look good. I feel good. I have to go see what he‟s done to our kid this morning. I walk into our bedroom and see him sitting on the edge of the bed, pulling on his socks. Ugh he looks good. I‟m not sure where Ilsa is right now but I think it‟s a good time to give Edward a kiss. One of the long ones that make Ilsa cover her mouth with her hand and close her eyes. “You look nice, beautiful. It‟s a little too warm here for that, but it‟s perfect for Forks.” “Kiss me before the kid comes back and ruins the moment.” He laughs and gives me the yummiest early morning kiss. We get a little carried away and I hear myself cry out when his tongue is on my throat and his hands are on my ass. One small push and he‟s lying on the bed and I‟m on top of him. But now is not the time. “Later. On the plane when she‟s asleep,” I manage to say. His breath on me feels so nice. “On the plane? You‟ll be the first one to pass out.” “Whatever. Where is she?” “In the kitchen. She‟s all ready to go.” I run my fingers through his hair, brushing my thumb over the grey that has settled along his temples, and bite down on his jaw before turning to walk out of the room. “Oh Bella?” “Yeah?” “Charlie and my dad are taking Ilsa fishing tomorrow. I want to spend the day with you.” “That‟s nice of them… What are we doing?” “Fucking.” “Sounds fun.” I hope he picks up on the sarcasm. But am I even being sarcastic? It does sound fun.

“So yeah, just you and me after breakfast with the families.” “I can‟t wait, baby. I can‟t.” I hope he knows that I mean it. I really can‟t wait. “Bella, you really do look amazing.” “Why thank you. Stop with the flattery, you know you‟ve got me, anytime, anywhere.” “So easy. Now go make sure the kid‟s not covered in shit.” The kid is adorable. Her pretty brown hair in two small braids and with her bangs covering her forehead. Red tights and the navy blue dress that Edward loves. She gives me a huge smile when she sees me and I wink at her. She winks back, but ends up closing and opening both her eyes. Ilsa is terribly shy, even with us sometimes. We hope she‟ll grow out of it, and Charlie assures us that she will, since he remembers me being incredibly shy at that age as well. She may have my coloring, but looks exactly like Edward. Lips, nose, jaw line, and poor kid – eyebrows. The thick brows are hot on daddy, but in a few years I‟ll be dealing with a pre-teen begging to get her eyebrows waxed. “Ready to get on a plane?” I ask. “Yeth.” “Excited for Forks?” “Yeth.” “Who do you want to see the most? Grandpa Charlie, Grandpa Carlisle, or Grandma Esme?” “All three.” “Come on, kid. Let‟s try this again. Who do you want to see the most?” She shrugs and looks away. I decide to stop annoying my own child who looks like she‟s had enough of my nonsense this morning. “Mommy?” I‟m always a little surprised when she initiates any conversations. I turn around and give her a big smile. “Yeah?” “Can I thleep with you and Daddy again tonight?” “You have no choice in the matter, Ilsa. We‟re all sharing one giant bed tonight.”

Edward‟s huge smile is on her face and it makes me so happy that she‟s this happy. “Come on, go put on your shoes. Not those, the red ones,” I say pointing to the red chucks by the door. But the kid has other ideas, and puts on the navy Mary Janes her father makes her wear all the time. “Ah, want to make daddy happy, I see?” She nods and giggles, disappearing down the hallway to her room, or ours to find her dad. I walk over to the table and clear it, finally washing the glasses that were out last night, as well as everything Edward and Ilsa used this morning. It‟s not much, and I have time to check my email and reply to some questions a student asked before going back to the room to find a dress to pack. Edward is lying on the bed, talking to Ilsa in hushed tones. Her eyes are so big and round as she is staring at him, listening to every word he says. “…and then I saw mommy standing there. She was very pretty. And she has brown eyes just like you.” “You have green eyes, daddy.” “You‟re so smart. I do have green eyes, but your eyes are prettier. Every time I look at you I see your mommy.” Ilsa looks like she‟s thinking hard about this and nods, looking back at me and giving me a shy smile. “Alright you two, enough with the bonding and the little love affair you‟ve got going on. I need to find a dress to pack. I‟m thinking black. What do you think, kiddo? No? Yeah, I know you hate black. How about green? This one‟s cool, no? Ugh, you‟re killing me Ilsa! I need to go shopping with you, stat.” “Bella, I like that blue one you wore last week,” Edward smiles. I know why he‟s smiling. He liked the blue one last week after he basically tore it off me. “Well I‟d love to take the blue dress but someone ruined the strap.” “Oh sh- I‟m sorry. Did I tear it?” His fake apology is just that. Fake. The gleam in his eye tells me he knows what he did and loved it. “Yes, it‟s ruined.” “Why did you do that, daddy?” Oh Ilsa. She looks so upset. She loves her clothes, and mine. The kid knows how to rock a pair of designer jeans and Burberry trench.

“I didn‟t mean to do it. It was a mistake,” Edward explains. Ilsa looks at him, then at me, then at him again and does this thing with her nose like “yeah, I‟m not buying this but I don‟t know what the fuck is going on.” Edward gets up and picks out a too-small-for-the-occasion white dress and carefully folds it before placing it on top of the rest of our clothes in the suitcase. Ilsa nods at the choice and smoothes away a wrinkle with her hand. “I guess I need shoes to go with that… Edward, really? Platforms? It‟s dinner with the family. Put them back. The dress is short enough! Flats. The silver ones. Thank you baby girl, you found them. What do we do with shoes before we pack?” She runs off and is back a few seconds later with a bag in her hand. My kid is awesome. Well… not always. She throws temper tantrums sometimes that leave me screaming at the top of my lungs until she realizes I‟m being louder than her and stops. I know it‟s not model parenting, screaming louder than your own kid to shut her up, but it works. Usually she ends up laughing at me. She‟s so weird. Also, Ilsa won‟t eat chicken or cold cuts or pasta. Who doesn‟t like pasta? And oh my God, and she lies. Through her teeth. She‟s so fucking good at it too, it takes me a second to catch her at it. Edward is blissfully ignorant of this fact and just smiles that dopey smile and plays with her hair all the time. My favorite, though, is how she sits there with a book in her hand pretending to read. She can sit like that for hours, and sometimes she mimics her father and the way he goes on and on about certain subjects. It‟s pretty funny. Carlisle was here a few weeks ago and recorded some of this. I haven‟t had time to show Edward but I think he will love it. Many hours later we are finally driving up to Charlie‟s house. It would be much more comfortable staying with Carlisle and Esme, but we don‟t get to see my father as often and I want him to be able to spend some time with his granddaughter. My old bed has been replaced with a gigantic one that is basically the size of my entire bedroom. This happened right before our wedding, and Edward and I were heartbroken. We loved my tiny bed and all the memories it held. I was screaming at my father when I saw this, but also adored him for giving us a place to come back to in his home. That was huge. The old bed Edward spent a night in years and years ago was gone, but Charlie‟s acceptance of us and everything that has happened since that warm summer night made this less sad. Charlie ignores us for the first hour and hangs out with Ilsa instead. This isn‟t so bad, because it gives us time to argue about stuff that happened on the plane. Namely, how I pretended to be asleep during one of her tantrums, leaving Edward alone to deal with shit. It happens. And she actually listens to him and likes him. Sometimes I‟m a third wheel in the Edward-Ilsa love fest. It‟s kinda gross to watch. Kinda. Because mostly it just makes me all sorts of warm and fuzzy inside.

So we argue for a while until it‟s time to take a shower and get ready for dinner. This means we must make up, because he instituted this stupid rule that we can‟t keep fighting if we are going out, or doing stuff separately, or for longer than a few hours. This doesn‟t mean I don‟t hate him after most of our fights, but at least we talk and that‟s a good thing. And if it‟s at night before going to bed we make up and I let him do dirty things to me because let‟s be real: I like it when he gets that way and he still makes me pant and act like a fool just like he did thirteen years ago when we met. Thirteen years. Let‟s not even think about that… By the time we are both ready all is well again. I return from drying my hair in the bathroom to find Edward looking out the window he once climbed in through with a sad look on his face. When I ask him what‟s up he smiles immediately, and tells me it‟s time to leave. We grab our kid and my dad and make our way to a new restaurant Carlisle sort of likes. He says it doesn‟t suck, so I guess it will have to do since we‟re in Forks. I watch my father and daughter together in the backseat and can‟t fight the tremendous feeling of love that takes over me. Charlie catches me staring in the rearview mirror and winks, and I can‟t help but seek out my husband‟s hand to touch, to squeeze. Edward Jesus, Bella. It‟s time to shut up so that we can carry the kid to the car and make our way back to Charlie‟s. I‟m tired, she fell asleep an hour ago in my arms. I haven‟t been able to enjoy my dessert, or drink anything since I‟m driving. Emmett and my dad aren‟t going anywhere, they‟ll be here tomorrow since you clearly forgot that we had plans and decided to invite everyone over for dinner. That‟s just the icing on the cake after the longest day we‟ve had in months. My mother senses something and places a small hand on my arm. Poor mom, she looks tired too. My parents are not that young anymore, and late nights aren‟t their thing. But put Carlisle and Bella in a room together and they can go at it all night. “Bella, so tell me – that poem you had published last month, was that about Edward here?” My father grins and winks at her. She blushes and plays with her hair. This only encourages him. “That blush tells me you‟ve got something to hide. I knew it, Bella. Writing about me, weren‟t you?” No, it was about us. She wrote it last year after we decided to try for another kid. It certainly wasn‟t romantic or sweet, but you would think that if you didn‟t get her writing, dad. Whatever emotions that were consuming Bella back then helped her produce her best work, and I‟m pretty sure she doesn‟t want to discuss it right now. The subject makes her tense, and she hates discussing her writing, especially the stuff that ends up getting published. I open my mouth to change the subject but she‟s got it covered.

“There has only ever been one Cullen for me, Carlisle. He‟s sitting right there with my reason for breathing in his arms. You had your chance to run away with me the minute you saw me thirteen years ago… too bad, so sad. Speaking of the two loves of my life, they look tired and cranky, I think it‟s time to head out.” “Bella, dear,” my mother starts, “you should have seen your face when you saw Carlisle for the first time. You looked so conflicted.” We‟ve heard this story so many times over the years, and it still causes my wife to blush and look away. I love to tease her about it, because it always ends with her telling me how desperate she was to have me when we first met, how she felt the first time we touched, kissed. Hearing those words from Bella gives me the reassurance I need to get through the everyday problems we face in our relationship. She is not an easy person to live with, she never has been. After the first few years of our marriage I realized how willing I used to be to overlook all her imperfections, her flaws. She is incredibly stubborn, and can be very selfish. She would pull stunts that would drive me to the brink of madness, like the time she decided to disappear for two weeks when I was working in London after Ilsa‟s birth. By that point in time I thought I was over it, over all the bullshit I had to deal with. I never showed her this, but she must have known, because the effort she put into our marriage and our family blew my mind. Starting from the moment we were back in New York something snapped inside her and she grew the fuck up. I had previously believed that this had happened when she told me she was ready to get pregnant, but evidently that was not the case. Whatever caused this change in her must have affected me as well, because I vowed then to never leave my family for any amount of time. Our family. Because we are a family now, Bella, Ilsa and I. And as difficult as those times were, I wasn‟t going anywhere. I will never go anywhere. The main reason for my unhappiness was the fact that I was convinced I wasn‟t enough for her. Bella always wanted more, she always wanted different things. Silly things, mostly, but it made me feel inadequate nonetheless. And she was never easy to please, always coming up with reasons why we shouldn‟t buy an apartment, have a child, share a last name. About four years into our marriage I was convinced she married me because it was just something to do, and because she was afraid to lose me, or something. We were both very busy at that point in our lives, and barely got to see each other. I pushed all my doubts away because come on, it was Bella that we were talking about. She could do anything and I‟d be at her feet, willing to do anything for her. And when she told me she wanted a baby, I was back to being as in love with her as I was the day she first touched my hand, wore my ring, wore the simple white dress. Those few months of doubt and depression were like a distant memory, gone. We threw ourselves into the whole parenting thing and it was wonderful, until I left. During those few weeks with no contact with Bella, I thought it was over. I honestly wanted nothing to do with her. When she appeared at my door in London I was shocked, surprised, a little annoyed. Who the fuck ignores their spouse for two weeks and then just waltzes in like nothing happened? I wanted to send her back, tell her to deal with her shit and then come back to see if we had anything to say to each other. But then we slept in the same bed that night, and nothing had ever felt so right. She cried in her sleep for hours and talked to me, in her dreams. I listened to her all night. When she finally ended up in my lap two days later I was about to break down and tell her

I live for her, breathe for her, when she got up and walked away. I‟d like to thank my father for that phone call, Ilsa for being so perfect, and my own resolve over those two days for making everything work out. At the end of the day, however, there was no doubt in my mind that I would find my way back to Bella. Just Bella. I couldn‟t live a day without her, no matter how difficult and ugly it got. Charlie asks us to drop him off at Billy Black‟s on our way back and Bella and I sit in the car in silence, until she speaks. “Your mother asked if we‟re trying again.” “Tell her it‟s none of her business,” I say, immediately feeling irritated that she‟d bring this up. “I said we weren‟t.” “I guess you told her the truth, then.” “Well, yeah.” Her voice cracks. “Bella, we‟ve been through this. Why are you getting upset over something you decided you didn‟t want?” “I do…” “B, you went back on the pill two months after – ” “We tried, it didn‟t happen. I‟m not – ” “People try for years, Bella. Two months over a year ago doesn‟t count.” In fact, some would think it‟s a lame attempt at appeasing your husband, if not a horribly cruel joke. “Well now is just not the time anyway. I need to find a job, this is serious. I need to get started on my career. Getting pregnant is not – ” “It‟s not your priority, I get it. That‟s fine. Then don‟t fucking talk about it. We‟ll discuss it again in a few years, but please don‟t bring it up and get all emotional over something you are not willing to do anything about.” “You are just… you‟re mean. Do you hear how your voice sounds? What did I do today? You were staring at me the entire time like I was your enemy, like you wanted me dead. You looked happy when you told your dad I didn‟t get the job at the magazine. I don‟t get it. What did I do?” “I‟m just in a bad mood.”

I also might have done something very stupid. We‟ll know tomorrow, judging by your reaction once you find out what I did. “No, Edward. Tell me.” Her persistence and the fact that she brought up an issue that I don‟t like to discuss annoy me enough to make me let it all out. “Bella, let it go. You decided to ignore your child all the way to Forks, you then proceeded to designate me as the babysitter for the evening and ignore me throughout the meal. Then I hear you telling my parents that you have an interview for your fucking dream job and you haven‟t bothered to tell me. You – ” “Oh you know why,” she hisses, “you did the same thing when you were up for the promotion last year. I didn‟t want you stressed out or disappointed in case it didn‟t work out. You have enough on your plate. Don‟t pretend that that upset you, please. And I‟m not a fucking idiot, Edward, I know something is up. This impromptu trip to Forks wasn‟t random and I‟d like to know what‟s going on. I‟m so sick and tired of walking on eggshells with you about everything.” “Why don‟t you tell me what it is that you want, Bella? Maybe if we are both honest about what we want out of this marriage – ” “Excuse me? Are you questioning our marriage? Unbelievable. I can‟t…” “I‟m not questioning it, but I‟m tired of this bullshit. Don‟t come to me crying about kids when you‟re not willing to get off the pill and try to have one. Don‟t complain to my mother about not having time to be around me and your daughter when you choose to do research at the library that could be performed on your computer at home. Don‟t tell my sister that you‟re worried our relationship is based on sex when you‟re the one constantly making it all about sex.” “Oh so now you have a problem with too much sex. Don‟t. Ever. Touch. Me. Again.” “See? Always acting like a child.” “Well I‟m sorry I‟m acting like a child, Edward. But get used to it already. And you‟re the child now. We had a perfectly nice evening with our family and I tell you how upset I am about something and you do this. How fucking selfish are you?” “I learned from the best, baby. This is how I feel. Do you want to talk about it and wake her up now or should we talk about it tomorrow?” I pull into the driveway and almost hold my breath waiting for her to answer my question. She doesn‟t, and slams the door behind her before running towards the back of the house. Ilsa wakes up and I have to make sure she‟s ok and not frightened. She clings to me and I give her the Eskimo kisses she usually gets from her mother before she sleeps. Twenty minutes later she is breathing deeply and dead to the world, but Bella still hasn‟t come inside the house.

I go downstairs and turn on the television, waiting for her to come back but I hear nothing. I wonder where she is, and the fact that she only had a light jacket, with a short dress and no tights on makes me worry about how cold she must be if she is outside. Charlie always keeps a big plaid throw on the couch and I grab it before heading into the backyard to find Bella. I take the monitor with me, hoping Ilsa doesn‟t wake up anytime soon. I‟m tired and would like to sleep, but I can‟t go to bed before attempting to talk to Bella. What a ridiculous fight to get into. Sometimes I just don‟t think, and with Bella, that can mean playing with fire. Bella isn‟t in the backyard, and I hesitate before walking into the woods behind her father‟s house to make sure she‟s not out there by herself. I don‟t have to go far because she‟s sitting there, under a tree, with her head on her knees. I sit beside her and cover her legs with the throw. “So I bought four acres of nothing but trees back here. Technically, this tree belongs to us.” She looks up at me with a “fuck you” look on her face. “I thought we could build a small place for the summer, or just to have when we come visit our families. Charlie told me this land was for sale, I couldn‟t pass up a chance like that. These woods… lots of memories…” She still won‟t look at me. “You left me here once, remember?” I remember. “For twenty minutes, B.” “Twenty minutes, maybe. It felt like an eternity.” “I was mad at you, you lied to me.” “I was seventeen and really wanted to spend time with you, it was a tiny lie.” “I overreacted: it was just frustrating, back then. And then knowing you risked everything for an extra half hour…” “But you left me in the motherfucking woods, Cullen.” “I know, but I realized my mistake and came back twenty minutes later, Cullen.” She almost smiles, then sighs. “Why were you so upset tonight?”

I think before I respond. “Well, for starters I was a little nervous about telling you about my little purchase. Then your attitude all day didn‟t help. Finally, inviting them to dinner? You knew we were supposed to spend the day together.” “Nervous? I mean I could be annoyed that you made that decision without me, but I can‟t because you are my sweet boy and did something for our family. Dinner? Baby, Em and Rose are having problems and I wanted them over just to, you know, talk to Rose and have you talk to Em, and just let them have a night out, kids sleeping upstairs, no worries. Your parents weren‟t even gonna show up. My attitude can‟t be helped. I‟m so scared and worried, Edward. I think about my job all day. All fucking day. What if things don‟t work out? I‟m so scared…” Relief washes over me knowing that she is not mad about the purchase and the plans for a house here in Forks. I want to acknowledge what she said about my sister‟s marriage but that‟s something we can discuss later. “Scared of what? You‟ll find something. Baby, you are so young and you‟re already getting your stuff published, you have an MFA in creative writing that I spent a lot of money on. You‟re getting your Ph.D now at a great fucking school. People think you‟re the shit, and you are. I have no doubt that you‟ll get your dream job. You‟re not even thirty yet, relax. You are a decent cook, a pretty cool wife, an amazing mother, and you‟re fantastic in bed. I digress… my point is, it‟ll all work out. Have a little faith in yourself, and if you‟re worried about other things, tell me. I‟m here, I‟ve always been here.” Her body shifts and she is leaning on me. I place an arm around her waist and bring her even closer. “Ok. What if… what if I don‟t get the job, and they stop publishing my shit and I can‟t write anymore? Then I don‟t know, I‟m not teaching, or editing, or writing and I end up sitting at home doing nothing all day and all of this was a waste…” “A waste? B, you‟ll never stop writing. This is a fact. As for sitting at home – is that a bad thing? You know you can sit there, hire a nanny, write all day and I would be ok with that. How bad is it to just be…” “A mom?” She looks frightened, but also somewhat hopeful. “Well, not where I was going with that, but yeah, that too.” “Is that what you want for me?” “I want the world for you,” I tell her. “Right, and what if I fall into the whole stay-at-home-mom thing?” “You don‟t fall into things, B. You make choices, decisions. You try hard to find a job. If you are that unbelievably unlucky – which you most definitely are not – then you get to sit in your nice

apartment and watch TV, write, eat, or play with your awesome kid all day. Unfortunately, you won‟t be so lucky. So stop worrying.” “I know what you love about me, and if I let go of all of that, what is left? You‟ll be tired of – ” “You? Because you don‟t work? Don‟t write? Shit, Bella. You didn‟t work or write or do anything when I met you. You hadn‟t given birth to my child. You didn‟t even know how to give head. You were you. That‟s all I‟ve ever wanted. Bella.” “Right,” she says. She‟s not convinced. “Thirteen years ago you quoted some shit to me and touched my hand and I handed my life over to you. What makes you think that I‟d ever tire of you? Or that I‟d give up on you? Bella you‟re going to have more of my kids, I haven‟t given up on that. You‟re going to be the best at what you do, I will push you until you achieve it. If you choose to be an editor and run The New Yorker, I‟ll push you until you‟re there. If you choose to be the most famous poet of the 21st century, I‟ll make you do it. Baby I‟ll push you until you‟re dean of God knows what at Columbia, I‟ll hold your hand, I‟ll do anything. If you choose to devote your life exclusively to our kids, I‟ll provide every comfort you have ever desired. You are not alone. I‟m here.” Bella is on her knees, resting her head on my thigh, crying softly as I run my fingers through her soft hair. “But what if I can‟t do all of that? You were so angry with me earlier… You basically told me I have to choose. You don‟t understand just how much I want. I want everything. This is my downfall. I want everything.” I take a deep breath and turn her face until she is look straight into my eyes. “Stop being dramatic. I‟m your husband. You get to have everything.” She nods. She gets it. “How?” Bella sounds like the sweet young girl who used to ask me questions that had no answers. The sweet young girl I decided to devote my life to. Why is it so easy to forget that Bella is that same Bella sometimes? “Because it‟s my job to give you everything.” “And it‟s my job to do the same for you. Edward, what do you want, right now?” I think for a second. Just a second. But the answer has never changed. It has always been the same. “You.”

“Me. You have me.” “Regardless… you‟re all I want.” “And what else? Do you want more kids?” “Of course.” My answer comes immediately and for the first time in a while, it‟s completely honest. “Me too. I mean, I‟m a little scared because I don‟t know how that will change things, but I don‟t want Ilsa to be an only child, like me. I was so lonely before I met you… I always wanted siblings. She needs a brother or sister. I want more. I can do it now. I want to do it now. I have a year until I‟m done with school completely and this is perfect. Or maybe it‟s not. In all honesty, it‟s not, but whatever. I think I want this badly. Last time I convinced myself I wasn‟t going to get pregnant, seeing Alice deal with it I freaked out, but I was just being an idiot. I‟ll try again, and if it doesn‟t happen we‟ll deal. I‟m young, and we can spend tons of money on it, or get someone to carry our spawn or better yet, adopt, maybe. Anyway, I want you to knock me up again, except this time for God‟s sake don‟t leave right after I pop the kid out because that‟s not cool. And do you think my scar‟s going to get worse? I hate that thing so much, it‟s uch, not attractive and – ” I laugh and cover her mouth with my hand. Sometimes I hate her. Sometimes I think about staying at the office all night when she is in one of her nasty moods. Sometimes I want to shake her until she is sane again. But mostly, I love her. And even during those moments when I don‟t, the simple truth is that I‟m hers. My love for her defines me, and I would be nothing without her love. Her touch is my undoing, her body is my heaven. Her smile is all I need when I wake up, before I fall asleep. More importantly, she says she wants to get pregnant again and I can‟t wait. It sounds wrong, but I love it because she tries harder to make me lose my mind. As if she needs to do anything. She‟s crazier, hotter, and her tits are fantastic. The extra weight is perfect for just a certain amount of time and then she‟s my hot wife again, toned and beautiful and oh so fuckable. Always fuckable. And I check to make sure the monitor is still working before removing my hand from her mouth and bringing it down her body and under her dress to the scar she hates so much. “Hey, at least you didn‟t „ruin your vagina‟.” She laughs and looks away. “Oh God, I used to be so obsessed with that.” “Yeah, silly girl. I love you.” “I think you do,” she agrees.

Her kisses make me dizzy. Her breath on my skin brings promises of more warmth, more Bella, more everything. “So Cullen,” she whispers, “these woods… lots of memories.” “Ah, yes. Jailbait up against a tree while her dad watched games in the living room. How could I forget?” “Do me before he gets back from Billy‟s?” Who am I to say no to that? And when we get caught ten minutes later, we know it‟s because we‟re not as fast as we used to be. Or maybe we just don‟t care so much about getting caught anymore. So we‟re standing there, with me still inside Bella, her legs wrapped around me, laughing so hard it hurts. Creating one more memory, ready for the next thirteen, twenty-six, thirty-nine years together. One small fuck-up at a time.